Tex’s Total Texan Takeover
Tex looked out across the plains of his ever-growing empire. After conquering the United States, he had built quite the empire. Texas, now the third largest country in the world, stood amongst giants like Russia and China. However, Tex had other plans for his home state.
He turned to his trusty truck, a 1972 Chevrolet C-10, and hatched an idea. He used his ever-expanding wealth to purchase special technology, technology that would allow him to breach the multiverse.
The state of Texas was going to grow. And it would grow far beyond Earth. It would grow beyond just the universe, and stretch into the multiverse. Tex took over the different earths with ease, until he got to one.
His truck exited interdimensional travel in a field of grass. The moon lay high in the sky, and Tex got out to scan his surroundings. His trusty six-gun lay at his hip, ready to be used at any point in time, should it be required.
He walked a short distance, his spurred boots clanking ever so slightly. Pulling a few apples from his pockets, he looked for grazing animals. Tex was a ruthless conqueror, but he had an appreciation for nature and wildlife, as it reminded him of home.
Across the plain stood a black horse, alone, and with no others in sight. This black horse appeared to be sleeping, as its eyes were closed and it did not move. Tex quietly approached the horse, and identified it as a mare.
Tex stood up to his full height — a remarkable 6 foot 5 inches — and began to coax the mare over. “C’mere girl!” he said softly as he whistled to the horse, and he extended a hand with an apple in it.
The mare’s eyes suddenly snapped open. She whipped its head towards Tex, which is when he got a good look at her. Crucially, Tex had not noticed the large wings, or the long horn of the mare.
A small scowl appeared on the face of the mare. “Who dares to disturb my slumber?” she called out at Tex, as she turned fully towards him.
Tex steeled himself, but attempted a friendly greeting. “Howdy, my name’s Tex, what’s yours?”
“I need not give you my name! Why are you here?” The mare asked, annoyed.
Tex’s friendly grin morphed into an evil smile, and he chuckled. “Your world will fall. It’s gonna be conquered by me, and I will reign supreme over all beings, across the multiverse!”
The dark mare scowled down at Tex. “Hah, you? You think you can defeat me? You are a puny little creature, no stronger than a foal. What makes you think you can barge into MY land and take it over?”
“The world will become Texas, and I ain’t stopping at nothin’ to make that happen!” Tex cackled, throwing his ten gallon hat into the air. “Now, what is your name?” he asked.
The mare chuckled. “How insolent of you to even ask such a question. I am the ruler of the night! I am the force of nightmares! I am Nightmare Moon!” As soon as those words left her mouth, the sky erupted with thunder, and her mane turned into a large tornado.
“You DARE attempt to conquer my world? Let me see you try, you pathetic little foal!” Nightmare Moon snarled, reared up on her hind legs and slammed them into the ground. Tex was thrown off his feet, and the battle had begun.
Tex pulled out a lasso and flung it in the air, landing around Nightmare Moon’s neck. With his strong muscles, Tex pulled the alicorn towards him, and shot her with his six gun.
All six bullets left the gun, but nothing happened. The ammunition had simply bounced off Nightmare Moon’s magical force field, and ricocheted away, one crashing into Tex’s truck.
“What?” Tex cried, as Nightmare Moon began to cackle.
“You foal! Your pathetic little weapon does nothing to a being like I!” she snarled. “Prepare to meet your swift end, Tex!”
Nightmare Moon blasted Tex with a powerful shot of magic, sending him flying backwards and into the ground. Tex pulled out a small remote from his pocket, and suddenly his hat came whizzing back to him, landing softly on his head.
Nightmare Moon had launched herself into the air, and rocketed towards the fallen Tex, but Tex pointed his hat towards the alicorn, and fired a laser of his own. The two villains’ beams of energy met, and they stood still, their magic pressing hard against the other’s.
“Texas…will…prevail!” Tex strained, pushing his magic on. From his pocket, he grabbed a box, and he pulled out some Texas-sized barbecued ribs, popping a few into his equally Texas-sized mouth.
Nightmare Moon found herself pushed back, the barbecue powering up Tex’s laser. “NO!” she cried, as she was forced into the ground.
As the dust settled, Tex walked up and placed a spurred boot on Nightmare Moon’s chest, pinning her to the ground.
“So, if you’re gonna make a Texas-sized threat, prepare for a Texas-sized battle, ma’am,” Tex said confidently.
Nightmare Moon scowled and bared her teeth. “You…underestimate…me…” she stuttered, as the sky brightened. Activating her horn, she shot a beam of energy towards the moon, and laid back on the ground.
“Do ya surrender, Miss?” Tex asked professionally.
Nightmare Moon simply chuckled, creating a force field around herself. “I would never.”
Tex laughed and pointed his hat at her again. “Then prepare to see Jesus. Any last words before I send ya up?”
“You are a fool for underestimating the might of the night…” Nightmare Moon said coldly, as she began to cackle.
“Huh?” Tex asked quizzically, as the sound of magical energy was heard. Tex looked down at the spot where his boot was, and found Nightmare Moon was gone. “What?” he yelled.
The sky brightened more, and the same beam of magic Nightmare Moon had fired at the moon was now hurtling back, fifty times bigger than what she originally fired.
“NO!” Tex screamed, trying to run away, but it was too late. The magic hit the ground, and a large explosion rocked Equestria.
Nightmare Moon walked slowly to the crater, a smug smile on her face as she placed Tex’s ten gallon hat upon her head. Looking down at Tex’s body, she chuckled to herself as he opened his eyes.
“So…the Texan has fallen. How does it feel to be rejected from conquering worlds, and raising your pathetic flag?” Nightmare Moon chided.
Tex could only whisper after his terrible defeat. “I…I’d like to go home now,” he said weakly.
“I looked through your…vehicle, and found many things I will be keeping,” Nightmare Moon said, holding up the many hundreds of Texas flags, a hunting rifle, and his front license plate. “I must say, your species is most interesting.”
“I-I need that…license plate…the cops will…pull me over if…I don’t have it…” Tex whispered.
Nightmare Moon cackled. “That is what you get for attempting to conquer Equestria, my friend.”
A wave of magic enveloped Tex, and he felt himself become strong again, his pain floating away. “Why did ya heal me?”
“I have mutual respect for you. You are a conqueror of worlds, like myself,” Nightmare Moon stated, a wry smile crossing her face as Tex stood up shakily. “So, let us come to terms of peace.”
Tex climbed out of the hole and stood up straight, facing Nightmare Moon with a steely gaze. “What’re your terms?” he asked.
“You may continue your conquest of the multiverse, but if you even as much as look upon this universe, you will find yourself…dealt with swiftly,” Nightmare Moon said. “And if I find you have managed to step foot on Equestria…” she leans in close to Tex’s ear. “You will find your doom presented before you on a silver platter.”
Nightmare Moon bared her fangs as she pulled away. “Do I make myself clear?” she snarled.
Tex nodded slowly, and gulped. “Yes ma’am.”
Nightmare Moon chuckled. “Good. Now leave before I change my mind.”
Tex turned around quickly, and started away, before stopping. He sighed and turned back around. “I realize I ain't been a good person to ya, it ain’t the Texan way,” Tex said, reaching instinctively to his head, attempting to take off his hat, which he now realized was on Nightmare Moon’s head. “How about I give ya some Texan barbecue, and we part ways on good terms?”
Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes. “Fine, but you must leave immediately after. I will not tolerate a being as dangerous as you in my lands,” she stated.
Tex nodded, walking to his truck. He returned with barbecued ribs and another ten gallon hat on his head. “It’s the least I could do. Us Texans are known to be hospitable, and I figured it’d be appropriate to apologize in this way,” he said sheepishly, offering Nightmare Moon the tray of ribs.
The alicorn examined the food closely, and picked one up with her magic, placing one in her mouth. Nightmare Moon chewed for a bit, and smiled. “These are quite delicious. You would not mind if I took them, no?” she asked.
“They’re yours,” Tex stated, handing Nightmare Moon the tray, which she accepted in her magic.
“Well Tex, I say it is time to say farewell. Good luck on your conquest, and heed my warning,” Nightmare Moon said, emphasizing the last part.
“I’d say ‘see you around, partner’, but considerin’ your warning, I ain’t gonna see ya again,” Tex replied meekly. “To quote a movie I remember watchin’, I tip my hat to you, one legend to another,” he said confidently, tipping his hat.
Nightmare Moon smirked, and reciprocated the gesture, tipping her hat with her hoof.
Tex turned around and walked back to his truck. Nightmare Moon watched from afar as the door opened and slammed shut. Moments later, the truck started, and zoomed off into the horizon. A flash of light, and he was gone.
Nightmare Moon chuckled to herself, and took off the hat she had stolen from Tex. She sighed and looked at it closely. “I think I shall keep this, as a memory of our battle,” Nightmare Moon said to no one, as she smiled softly and looked down the field, where Tex’s tire tracks ended.
She took one of the many Texas flags she had taken from Tex, and stuck it in the ground where the truck had vanished.
“You may not have conquered Equestria, but your flag flies free,” Nightmare Moon said solemnly, before turning away and taking to the skies, Tex’s ten gallon hat atop her head.
