Party Cannon Roulette

by Reviewfilly

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 6560

Twilight finds herself in a game of life or confetti, trying to win a prize beyond her wildest dreams.

Twilight awakens in a mysterious underground nightclub to a throbbing headache, with absolutely no memories of how she got there. After investigating her surroundings for a while, she accidentally stumbles into a game of great risk and an even greater reward against a merciless (and bouncy) dealer.

A light-hearted crossover with Mike Klubnika's Buckshot Roulette. No ponies were harmed in the writing of this fic.

Edited by Equimorto.

Published 2024-01-23 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-01-23 20:20:01 UTC

Wake Up. The Night Is Still Young.

Twilight woke to almost complete darkness, her body lying against a cold smooth surface in a tiny cubicle. She blinked blearily a few times until her vision returned enough for her to be able to groggily look down, noticing that her chin was in fact resting against a toilet, whose surprisingly clean lid was mercifully down.

As she slowly raised her head, she tasted something awful in her mouth, causing her to gag. It was both sweet and bitter at the same time and the mere taste of it made her head spin.

Her mind was foggy from a throbbing headache, though it wasn’t the only source of throbbing reverberating through her body. A rhythmic pulsating noise was filtering in from the outside, slightly shaking the room with its bass.

It took her considerable effort to raise herself, her sore limbs simply refusing to cooperate. However, after a few repeated attempts at standing up, slumping down again, and meeting her faithful friend, the toilet lid, she finally regained control over her body and managed to find herself on four hooves again.

Having finally stood up and more or less at her senses, Twilight ignored her screaming head and quickly inspected herself for any sign of injury or even just a hint as to how and why she got here. But, as much as she twisted and turned, she remained just as clueless as before. Beyond the migraine and the awful taste in her mouth, she seemed to have been left completely untouched, if perhaps a little unkempt from passing out in a stall. Yet, to counter the relief the realisation brought her, she also couldn’t get her head straight to remember why she was here in the first place.

Figuring there was no point in remaining in the stall, she carefully pushed open the door and stepped out into the aisle of a public bathroom.

In the encroaching dimness she saw a few rectangular objects strewn around on the floor and on the sinks. She approached one, and using her magic she gingerly plucked it from the ground, only to immediately drop it back with disgust written all over her face.

It was a salt lick. Twilight grimaced. She couldn't believe she somehow ended up in a place where ponies debased themselves with such things. She glanced around, but beyond some suspicious puddles and vague shapes painted on the walls and mirrors, she couldn’t really see anything out of the ordinary.

Using a nearby sink, she finally washed out the taste from her mouth. The relief of not having to gag whenever she took a breath somewhat eased her headache, even if it didn’t completely subside.

With nothing else of interest in sight, she turned towards the door leading outside and approached it. With each step, the throbbing she felt grew stronger and louder, with vague hints of pulsing music filtering through.

As she opened the door, the music hit her face first and shook her to the core. It was similar to the tunes Vinyl played, only far more relentless and violent. Stepping through, she found herself on a catwalk overlooking what appeared to be a gigantic underground dance floor. An uncountable number of ponies were dancing below, their rhythmically bobbing bodies forming a grey ebbing and flowing mass in the half-light. As the music continued to pulse, crystal lamps on the ceiling turned on and off in sync, illuminating the crowd in various colours.

The only other figure Twilight could see was another pony on the catwalk. She looked very out of place, her modest smock and complete lack of enthusiasm was unlike what Twilight would have expected from a partygoer. The mare was blankly staring down at the revelry below, occasionally sipping from a bottle of cider she held in her hoof. She seemed completely unaware or uninterested in Twilight’s presence.

Twilight made a valiant attempt at asking her what was going on, but the music was simply too loud to communicate even by yelling and—considering she was the one who woke up in a toilet without memories of how she got here—she didn’t really find it a good idea to act too pushy. Right next to the mare, the catwalk connected the bathroom to another door. With no other place to go, Twilight carefully passed the pony and entered the room.

On the other side, Twilight found herself in a room that could have otherwise been called spacious, had it not been filled to the brim with various junk. From kitchenware, to various costumes, instruments, and gadgets which not even Twilight had any idea what they were for, the room actually felt quite claustrophobic. Especially because of the large desk that dominated the centre, leaving nary but a few steps of space between the door and itself.

Only a single crystal lamp above the desk illuminated the otherwise windowless interior, its weak light unable to illuminate the other end, making it seem like the room simply tapered off and ended in the void.

It would’ve been a mistake to call the room ‘silent’ as the music from outside continued to filter in relentlessly, only slightly muffled by the walls and the door, both of which were also padded for what Twilight assumed to be soundproofing. However, other than the noise from outside, Twilight couldn’t really hear anything coming from the inside.

Suddenly, the relative peace was interrupted by a scraping sound from the other end of the room. The noise of furniture being moved left and right could be heard, as something began to make its way towards the desk. Twilight lit her horn and slightly lowered her head, ready for anything.

Suddenly a face emerged from the gloom. Twilight stepped back in shock.

It was nopony else but…

“Pinkie Pie?!” Twilight almost shouted the question.

“Yup! Hi, Twi!” Pinkie beamed back at her. “Are ya’ ready to play?”

Twilight shook her head in disbelief, her headache dissipating as it decided this was too much even for it.

“What do you mean ‘play’? What’s going on?”

Pinkie snorted. “Pfft. Come on, Twi! You know full well, we’ll be playing for thiiiis.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide. At that moment she heard neither the music, nor saw anything, except for Pinkie’s hooves. In them she held the newest Daring Do book, Daring Do and the Principles of Logicality. Apparently it was the perfect blend of action and introspection, with long paragraphs detailing each individual choice Daring made. In other words, it was a work of art.

“B-but how, Pinkie?” Twilight stumbled over her own words at the sight. ”The book won’t be out for weeks!”

“Well, let’s just say I know a mare, who knows a mare, who knows a mare. Don’t worry about it, Twilight. The question is, do you want it or not?”

Twilight almost drooled a little at the thought of finally holding it between her hooves. She could not wait to see the utter envy on Rainbow’s face when she casually mentioned already owning it before anypony else, especially her.

“Sweet Celestia.” Her entire body shuddered in anticipation. “What are we playing, Pinkie?”

“Ah, just a simple roulette,” Pinkie answered, bouncing a little in place. “You test your luck, I test mine, and the last pony standing out of three rounds wins this beauty,” she added, tapping affectionately on the book.

Twilight smiled like a predator. “Let’s do this.”

She felt the book in the bag. Pinkie was famously good at games, sure, but her? She practically studied for this, when one time she accidentally picked up Bit Biter’s Practical Probability and Perfect Plays. When to cut your losses, when to press the advantage, angling your shots, it was all foal’s play.

Her desire-filled daydreaming was interrupted by Pinkie slapping a piece of parchment and a pen on the desk. “Alright, Twi. Sign this waiver, please, and then we’re on.”

Twilight furrowed her brows. “A waiver? What for?”

“Eh, it’s really just a Pinkie Promise that you won’t cheat, won’t call on the Princesses for help, won’t unleash evil on Equestria while the game is on, etcetera, etcetera.” Pinkie shrugged with a bright smile. ”Basic stuff, y’know? I just really like the drama of having to sign a paper.”

Twilight raised her eyes towards the ceiling with an amused smile of her own. As the music continued to wub outside, she quickly scribbled her cutie mark on the page, without even bothering to read it.

Pinkie reached in and snatched the paper. “Okie-dokie-lokie, we’re almost ready to begin, but first, I’ll be taking that.” The moment the words left her lips, Twilight’s horn suddenly blinked out, the pen she held until now clattering onto the desk.

“Wha-” Twilight asked, half dazed, half shocked from the unexpected sight. “What happened?”

“I borrowed your magic, you silly filly. It was on the waiver, didn’t’cha read it?” Pinkie’s smile was just as wide as before. She pulled a pair of oversized, wide-brimmed glasses from her mane and put them on her face, as she began to read. “‘Both parties agree to not use tools, tricks, or magic that could give either party an unfair advantage or disadvantage,’ see?”

“I, uh, didn’t,” Twilight muttered.

“Didn’t the Princess teach you to read everything before you sign?” Pinkie chided her disapprovingly, while she put the glasses back into her mane. “Don’t worry, Twi, I’ll give it back once we’re through. Unless you wanna chicken out and give up?” The tone of her voice curled upwards expectantly.

“No!” Twilight shouted a little louder than she intended. The loss of the book was a sacrifice she was not ready to make. After all, what was a little loss of magic? She had weathered worse before… or, at the very least, that’s what she told herself while taking a few calming breaths. “No,” she continued quieter, “we’re still on.”

“Yay!” Pinkie clapped, before ducking under the desk. She reemerged a second later, holding a smaller, yet still formidable version of her trademark party cannon in her hooves. She placed the light blue contraption on the desk, then ducked again, this time bringing up a big burlap sack with her.

“Here’s the deal, Twi,” she began, while she rifled through the bag. A second later she fished out two small balls, one red, one blue. She raised the latter first. “Nopony likes blue balls. They’re duds, no fun.”

To demonstrate, she loaded the cannon with the ball, aiming it at the wall. Upon yanking the cord, the cannon puffed up like it was about to blow. Twilight ducked behind the desk in a panic, anticipating the blast, but the only thing that came out of the cannon was a pitiful plink sound, a tiny bit of smoke, and the spent ball.

“Red ones,” Pinkie continued undeterred, “are a lot more fun though. Dunno about you, but I love them.” She loaded the cannon again and fired at the wall. This time the blast momentarily silenced the music outside, as a colourful burst of streamers and confetti exploded out from the barrel, clearing off a few shelves. A second later the now-empty red ball left the chamber with a dull thud. “See? Fun!”

Twilight cleared her throat carefully. “That is all well and good, Pinkie, but weren’t we supposed to play roulette?”

“But we are, Twi!”

“With a cannon?” Twilight stared at her incredulously.

“Yup! This is no boring ordinary roulette,” Pinkie slapped the cannon. “We’re playing Party Cannon Roulette!”

“We’re playing what?” Twilight’s previously-assuaged worries reignited with twice the fervour.

“Party Cannon Roulette,” Pinkie repeated, like it was the most natural thing in the world. “The rules are pretty simple. I pick a random number of balls from the bag, we can both see what colours. Then I load them into the cannon in a random order, but neither of us can see the exact sequence.”

“No way, Pinkie. If you’re the one loading, you’ll be able to see the order. That’s unfair,” Twilight interrupted her.

For the first time, Pinkie’s face darkened, causing the room itself to seemingly become even more gloomy than it was.

“Twilight,” she said quietly. “I told you what the waiver said. ‘Both parties agree not to use any unfair advantages,’ remember? I never break my Pinkie Promises.”

“Okay, okay.” Twilight forced some calmness on herself. She also felt a little embarrassed of accusing Pinkie when cheating wasn’t something she was ever known for. “Please continue.”

“Glad we could clear that up, Twi.” As if nothing had happened, Pinkie was grinning again. “We take turns with the cannon, until one of us falls. I know from experience a pony can take about three shots from this purdy little thing before the party becomes a bit too much. That will be our win condition.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You can’t be saying we’ll be shooting at each other until we… what, pass out?” Twilight stared at the cannon, whose baby blue finish suddenly looked far more menacing than before. ”Isn’t that dangerous?”

Pinkie laughed sweetly. If Twilight wasn’t in the situation she was, she would have immediately calmed down from such a laugh. Right then, however, she merely felt even more unnerved.

”Dangerous? Oh, Twilight! I would never hurt my friends. At best you’ll be out for a minute and that’s that. Don’t you want the book?”

Once more the sight of Daring Do charmed Twilight. She desperately wanted to fold, but against her better judgement she finally nodded. “Alright, I’m still in.”

“Yay!” Pinkie dove into the bag and picked out three blue balls and one red. “Three duds, one live round. One in a four,“ she said like a mantra. She covered the balls in a sheet, smushed them around, then picked up the whole bundle and loaded it into the cannon without either of them seeing the exact order. “There, all set.”

She was about to place the cannon back onto the middle of the desk, when she suddenly stopped. “One more rule.” Pinkie pointed a hoof at Twilight. ”You can choose to shoot yourself if you wish, and if it’s a dud I will skip my next turn.” She then pointed at herself. ”And the same goes for me too. Now, since you’re the challenger, I’ll let you go first.”

Twilight stared at the cannon, seeing her own distorted reflection in the shining blue paint. The maths were simple, very simple in fact. She picked up the device and turned its barrel towards herself. The thick rim of the cannon enclosed an endless abyss in the middle.

In an attempt to calm her shaking hooves, Twilight glanced up at Pinkie. She was staring back with an expectant grin. The music continued to throb outside, the rave uncaring and unaware of what was going on in a side-room above. Twilight’s eyes slowly drifted towards Daring Do on the corner of the desk.

I would never hurt my friends, Pinkie’s words echoed in her mind.

“I’m so sorry!” Twilight yelled, spinning the barrel around and pulling the cord.

Plink.

“Aw, better luck next Twi-me,” Pinkie commented, chuckling into her hoof.

Twilight couldn’t believe how nonchalant Pinkie was, as she grabbed the cannon from her hooves. Without hesitation, she turned the barrel towards herself and fired.

Plink.

“Yay, that means I go again.”

This time Pinkie turned the cannon towards Twilight, who took a step back.

“W-wait, Pinkie, can’t we talk about thi—”

“Nope!”

Plink.

As the smoke cleared, Pinkie didn’t seem too bothered over her plan (quite literally) misfiring.

“Aww, tough luck, me!” She placed the cannon back in front of Twilight. “Well, we both know what this means.”

Twilight picked it up again. This time, there was no choice. She aimed the weapon again, its barrel quivering between her hooves. She pulled on the cord a few times lightly, unable to bring herself to shoot.

The tension was quickly mounting in the room. Previously she was deep down counting on the odds that the shot would be a blank, but now? There was only one round left in the barrel. Could she trust Pinkie’s word that the contraption was safe? She couldn’t imagine any malice from her and she didn’t seem the slightest bit concerned about being shot at, but still, she was Pinkie. The music outside continued to blare, each pulse naggingly reverberating in Twilight’s skull.

“Come on, come on!” Pinkie egged her on.

Like a string too tightly wound, Twilight finally snapped.

“Fine!”

And with that, she yanked the cord. Confetti and streamers burst from the cannon, taking Pinkie off her hooves. Twilight caught a single glimpse of her before she disappeared into the darkness of the room, eyes wide and her smile morphed into a great O as the air was knocked out of her lungs. A moment later a surprisingly gentle thud signalled that she finally crashed into something.

“Pinkie! I’m sorry! I didn’t know! Are you alright?” Twilight threw the cannon back onto the desk and began to climb herself, so that she could look for her friend. However, just as abruptly as she disappeared, Pinkie sprang back next to the desk, stopping Twilight dead in her tracks.

Beyond being covered in confetti, she was looking no worse for wear. What’s more, she was wearing an even wider smile than before and her eyes glinted dangerously.

“Woo-hoo! That’s what I’m talking about, Twilight! You’re a born player!” she bellowed, silencing one fear Twilight had and igniting another. “Well, that’s one tally for me. Let’s continue.” She reached into the bag, picking out two balls, one red, one blue. “Fifty-fifty. Simple. As before, you go first.”

With that, she passed the cannon back to Twilight, who quickly ran the maths in her head. There was little choice to make. Perhaps, it is time to tempt fate, she thought.

She looked into the barrel and, with painful slowness, pulled the cord.

Plink.

Twilight exhaled a breath she didn’t realise she was holding in. She ejected the empty ball and turned the cannon against Pinkie, who did not seem any more concerned than before.

“My, my, my, Twi! You’re luckier than I expected!” She bounced. “Well, you know the rules, it’s still your turn. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Twilight fired. Once again, Pinkie crashed into the darkness beyond, emerging with the same spring in her step as before.

“Time to reload!” She picked out three reds and one blue. “Ooh, this one’s gonna be a toughie for me!” She loaded the cannon then passed it over just as before.

Twilight, for the first time since they began, allowed herself a small smile. She was slowly getting into the game. Pinkie didn’t seem to be hurt the slightest bit and, let’s face it, with luck like this, Daring Do would be hers any second now. She aimed far more confidently this time.

She grabbed the cord, bracing herself for the kickback, and yanked…

Plink.

“Oh, horse apples,” Twilight whispered, as the smoke of her hope dissipated from the barrel of the cannon and Pinkie yanked the gun from her hooves.

“Say cheese!” she yelled jubilantly, then fired.

Twilight could have sworn she saw the confetti exit the barrel of the cannon in slow motion, as the shockwave began to make its way towards her. She instinctively tried casting a shield around herself, forgetting that her magic was forfeit for the duel.

The impact was both far softer and far harder than she expected. She felt the air escaping from her lungs and her hooves rising from the floor as she began to fly backwards, finally smashing into the padding of the door. With a gentle thud, she bounced back, somehow landing back on her hooves.

The experience was disorienting and unpleasant, yet, perhaps most surprisingly, somehow not particularly painful.

As she stumbled back to the desk, Pinkie was already waiting for her.

“Sooo, how was your first flight? Ready to chicken out?”

“Hah, you wish.” Twilight snorted brazenly, as she shook the confetti out of her mane and took over the cannon. “That book is as good as mine!”

With two live rounds still in the cannon and Pinkie having met the wall twice, Twilight was confident in her victory. With a firm grasp on the gun, she shot Pinkie, who pirouetted across the sky and once again hit the padding beyond.

This time it took her a few extra seconds to crawl back to the desk.

“Owie! That stung,” she said, rubbing her flank a little. “Alright, Twi, you win this round. Let’s take five before we continue, alright?”

In lieu of an answer, Twilight exhaled sharply and sat down, while Pinkie disappeared below the desk again. The sounds of rummaging filled the room, somehow able to compete with the party outside.

A few minutes later she reemerged with two small wooden boxes, one of which she passed to Twilight. ”You’ve had it easy until now, buckaroo, but it’s time to make things a little more interesting. Here’s some stuff to give each of us an edge.”

Twilight reached inside and first picked out an oversized set of tweezers, then a finely decorated muffin. She reached inside once more, but the box was empty.

“Uhh, Pinkie, how are these supposed to help?”

“Twilight, Twilight, always so impatient. I was just about to explain. The tweezers let you discard a ball without firing,” Pinkie explained, before her eyes got caught on the muffin. “Aw, lucky you! I was kinda hoping I’d be the one getting the muffin. This stuff can really get you back to your senses. Not to mention, it’s delish.”

A moment later she was back at the box, reaching inside and pulling out a small pouch of powder. “The powder allows you to pack quite a bit more punch in your next shot, provided it’s not a dud.” She carefully pushed the cannon to the side, before leaning closer to Twilight’s ear and whispering into it. “It’s actually just baking soda, but please don’t let the cannon know. That’d ruin the placebo.”

She plunged into the box again, this time returning with a feather. “Huh! I didn’t even remember I still had this. I found it while I was slinking around in the Everfree a while ago. It’s a cockatrice feather.”

Twilight was about to loudly object, her experience with the bird still burning brightly in her memories, but Pinkie shut her off with a hoof.

”Don’t worry, Twi. It’s not strong enough to turn you or anypony to stone. However, if you do point it at somepony, they’ll freeze for just a few seconds. I’m not quite sure if it’s just a pony instinct or whether the feather is actually magical, but either way the result is the same: the other player skips their round.”

“Alright… I think I understand,” Twilight said slowly after a few seconds of silence, as she tried her hardest to process all this rapid-fire information. For a supposedly simple game, Pinkie was clearly not above stacking rule atop rule.

“Okay, Twilight, here we go.” She reached into the ammunition bag, pulling five balls. “Two duds, three confetti.” She quickly loaded the cannon. ”Your turn.”

Twilight hedged her options. She had a more than 50% chance of actually firing, so shooting herself was clearly out of the question. But the chances of actually hitting Pinkie were also not really to her liking. She glanced at the two items on her desk.

“Alright, Pinkie, I’ll… um… use my tweezers then,” she exclaimed awkwardly. “Do I need to say it or?”

Pinkie snickered. “This isn’t a foals’ card game, Twi. Go ahead.”

Twilight turned the cannon towards herself and—with utter care not to accidentally set it off—reached inside, pulling out a ball. Upon closer inspection, it was red.

“Ugh,” Twilight groaned. That was not what she was hoping for. With no better option and a fifty-fifty chance, she aimed the cannon towards Pinkie and pulled the cord.

Plink.

“Sorry, Twilight, it seems your luck has run out.” Pinkie's voice was no different than before, but Twilight felt a kind of hunger in her eyes. She picked up the cannon and fired, sending Twilight into the wall again. This time she felt like her head was spinning a little and she wasn’t sure she could weather another shot without some serious nausea.

But she still had a chance, she was still one turn ahead of Pinkie. She simply had to eat her muffin and then—

Pinkie wasn’t quite done.

“Oh, Twilight.” She laughed. ”I like you a lot like all of my friends and I know you’re a bit new to this game, but you can’t seriously think I’ll go that easy on ya.” With that she picked up the cockatrice feather and pointed it towards Twilight.

Twilight felt like her body froze completely. She couldn’t do anything but stare forwards as Pinkie threw her packet of powder into the cannon.

This was it.

Pinkie aimed at her and fired. Twilight felt her body fly backwards and then the music cut out.

Twilight awoke once more to something both sweet and bitter flowing into her mouth. She gagged and spat, then slowly opened her eyes. As they acclimated to the darkness, she found herself back in the bathroom aisle, laying on the floor. The music slowly filtered back in, as if the partygoers were waiting for her to finally get back up. Though more likely she was simply too dazed to notice it until now. The mysterious mare from the catwalk was standing above her, still holding onto her bottle of cider which she offered towards Twilight.

Twilight pushed it back, her mouth still full of bitter alcohol. “No, thanks. That was more than enough for one night.”

“Okay,” the stranger replied, stepping back. ”Get up now. The night is still young. Pinkie was disappointed to see you out so early. She said the book is still up for grabs.” She blinked, the only show of emotion on her face so far. ”Whatever that means.” With that she stepped outside, not even bothering to wait for an answer.

Twilight watched from the ground as the mare left the bathroom, before slowly clambering onto her hooves. She felt déjà vu from the situation, but at least this time she had an idea what was going on and what she had to do.

And she was not ready to lose yet.

As much as her grogginess allowed her, she quickly washed her mouth out, before galloping out from the bathroom. Without bothering to check on the rave, she burst back into Pinkie’s room.

Pinkie herself was sitting on the edge of the table, her back facing towards the door. She kicked her hind legs idly, whistling an inane tune. She didn’t seem the slightest bit surprised when Twilight exploded into the room, hopping down with ease and placing the cannon back onto the desk.

“So, one round for you, one round for me. Isn’t it exciting?” Pinkie reached under the desk, picking up a new set of two boxes, passing one over to Twilight. “To make the finale a bit more exciting, I’ve tinkered a little with the cannon. It’s not gonna punch quite as hard this round. We’ll each be able to take about five shots.”

Twilight nodded and reached inside her box. This time she found a faded piece of paper. It was a waiver, just like the one she signed, only far-far older, and the mark she found on it wasn’t hers. It was a small Sun.

“Oopsie! I have no idea how that got there, haha!” Pinkie yanked the paper from Twilight’s hooves, crumpling it up and throwing it into the darkness behind her. Twilight blinked blankly a few times, before reaching into the box again.

Inside she found one tweezer, a muffin, a packet, and finally a feather. Twilight yelped and almost dropped the horrid reminder of her misadventure, only to catch it again mid-air. Pinkie meanwhile got herself two muffins and two bags of powder.

“Shall we?” Pinkie offered with a grin as she reached into the bag. “Three reds, five blanks. You know the drill.”

“Alright.” Twilight’s voice rang resolutely, as she turned the cannon toward herself and shot.

Plink.

Good, she thought to herself. That’s three to four, so it’s a little more than a one in three chance to shoot. I should press my luck further.

Once more she turned the cannon towards herself and fired.

This time confetti erupted, sending Twilight back against the wall.

“Owie, you gotta be more careful, Twilight.” For a moment Pinkie looked genuinely concerned, but upon seeing that Twilight was fine, she just as quickly grabbed the gun and fired towards herself in rapid succession.

Plink. Plink. Plink.

Pinkie was positively elated.

“See! Just like that. Three in a row! That's gotta be my personal record and I wasn’t even trying.”

She picked up one of her powder-packets and chucked it into the cannon.

“Say hello to my little friend!” she yelled with a grin, sending Twilight against the wall.

The world spun with Twilight a little as she clambered to her hooves. She was still mostly fine, but Pinkie wasn’t kidding. The powder really was packing quite a punch.

She stumbled back to the desk, clumsily picking up her muffin and stuffing it into her face. Immediately her mind cleared a little. She was still a little woozy, but the sugar rush made her stand far more firmly on her legs.

“Okay, I’m okay,” she reassured herself. Her hooves began to shake again. There were one more blue and one more red ball inside the cannon. This was her chance. She took a deep breath and reviewed her items. The tweezers would not have helped her much. Even if she could use one to end the round, there was no guarantee Pinkie wouldn’t pick some even worse combination next time. As for the feather and powder? Sure, they would guarantee her one strong hit, but then next round Pinkie would just eat her own muffins and she would have nothing to defend herself with.

The situation was clear. She had to rely on her luck. Twilight aimed and pulled the cord.

Plink.

“No!” she almost yelled as she smashed her hoof against the desk. At the same moment, the spent blue round slid out from the barrel and rolled off the desk, landing somewhere in the mess below.

Pinkie sucked in through her teeth. “You were so close, Twi,” she said with a smirk, as she loaded her other packet of soda into the cannon. A moment later Twilight found herself flying again, then smacking hard against the padded wall.

“Oof,” she grunted as she slid down into quite an unusual arrangement of limbs on the floor, hardly able to stand back on four legs. It didn’t take her much thought to realise she would not stand up from another blast like that.

By the time she staggered back to the desk, Pinkie had already prepared the next round. Four red balls, one blue, and two more boxes.

“So, Twilight, how’dya feel now that we’re in the endgame?” she asked just as nonchalantly as before, as she shuffled the balls. Like it happened on cue, the music outside switched to a far slower and sombre melody. “Are you ready to lose the book yet?”

Twilight merely grumbled a “no” in return, as she reached into her box and pulled out another feather.

For once, instead of a cocky smile, surprise was written on Pinkie’s face. “Huh, I had no idea I had two of them. Funny how that works!”

“Can we continue?” Twilight growled.

“Sure thing, Twi. That’s the spirit!” Pinkie hoofbumped into the air, before placing the cannon back in front of her. “All eyes on you.”

Twilight weighed her options. She took a glance at her items. They were strong, yes, but she could not wholly prevent her demise. Still… there was a chance. A chance she was not ready to give up.

Without a word, she picked up the cannon and blasted Pinkie into the wall. It was a desperate gamble, but her plan was finally set in motion.

“Oh, wow, so many items and you rush head first into me?” Pinkie looked genuinely impressed, as she emerged from the darkness. ”So that’s how we’re playing then. Alright, here I come!”

Pinkie didn’t waste any time with muffins or anything, she aimed the gun at Twilight and yanked the cord.

Plink.

“Huh,” she simply said. She remained silent for a second as she stared down at the desk. “I guess I got too much into the game.”

Twilight couldn’t believe her eyes. Her plan had really worked. Without wasting time, she picked up the cannon and shot Pinkie, who shot back at such speed it was like she simply just disappeared.

“Good try, Twi, but I’m still on my hooves and you’re about to go down,” Pinkie said with a smirk as she returned. Twilight, however, could see right through her. With some unease she picked up the feather and pointed it at Pinkie, who froze into a smiling statue. Somehow even her mane managed to remain motionless, as she was forced to wait for Twilight’s next move.

Twilight fired again. This time it took Pinkie a second longer to come back. Under her confetti-covered mane, she was panting. Whether from excitement or exhaustion, Twilight didn’t know.

“Good try, Twi, really. For a beginner, you’re pretty good. But you made one fatal mistake. I am still standing and it’s my turn now.”

Twilight, however, just smiled and shook her head. She was not done yet.

“I’m not done yet, Pinkie. I’ll use my second cockatrice feather, which will make you skip yet another turn!”

With the feather pointed at her triumphantly, Pinkie froze in place once more. As Twilight prepared her last shot, she heard Pinkie mumble something. “This isn’t a foals’ card game.”

Twilight, however, was not persuaded by her moving words. She picked up the cannon, chucked in her bag of powder, and gave it her all. Like never before, streamers and confetti erupted, coating Pinkie in glitter even before she disappeared. This time Twilight heard a much louder thud and an audible “ouch.”

Seconds passed in relative silence, broken only by the music from outside and Twilight's ragged breathing.

“Oof. Ouch. I yield. I yield,” Twilight finally heard from the darkness. She set the cannon down, panting from the stress and excitement of the round.

When Pinkie finally returned back into the light with an uncertain step, her mane and face were entirely covered in streamers, confetti, and somehow even a balloon or two. She was slightly wobbling left and right. Before she said anything else, she first shook herself like a dog, somehow getting rid of most of the mess on her.

”Haha, wowie, Twi. That was quite the spectacle. I haven’t had this much fun with this game since… Well, I really don’t think it’d be fair to the others to say, but you’d be surprised what you learn about your friends when they aim a cannon at you.”

This finally got Twilight’s attention.

“Just how long have you been playing this game, Pinkie?”

“Dunno, I never quite counted the days. But, as you can see, I won quite a bit of stuff over the years.” Pinkie smiled proudly, as her hoof swept over the mess of the room.

“Uh-huh.” Twilight shook her head and stepped closer to the desk. ”Where are we even? How did I get here?”

Pinkie looked at her funny. “Huh, don’t tell me you don’t remember. We’re below Sugarcube Corner. You had one too many ciders and told us you needed to use the bathroom. But when you didn’t come back for an hour, I figured you didn’t like my place and went home, so I told the others to enjoy themselves, while I set up shop in case someone wanted to play.”

Twilight ignored the revelation about her drinking habits.

“Pinkie, why is there a nightclub below Sugarcube Corner?”

“Come on, Twi. Now you’re just pulling my leg. We had this conversation before.”

“Just humour me, please.”

”Fine. Baking is my passion, but even ponies like me need hobbies.”

Twilight felt like the world was spinning with her and not because of the ten or so shots she received by the cannon this night.

“So… You built this whole place as just a hobby?”

“Yuppers!” Pinkie nodded eagerly. ”It got pretty popular too, if I do say so myself! Never expected Ponyville to be so into parties. Really warms my heart, y’know?”

Twilight stared back at her as if she saw a ghost. She opened her mouth once or twice, but no words came to her lips.

Pinkie knew just the thing to rouse Twilight from her stupor. She picked up the book and slid it over to her friend, who was silently mouthing words like a fish. “There ya go. I would’ve given it to you anyway for your birthday next week, but I hope this way it will bring you sweet memories whenever you think about how ya earned it,” she added with her nicest smile.

“I… What… Thank you?” Twilight stammered, as she picked up the book from the desk.

“You’re very welcome!” Pinkie beamed back. “Oh, and by the way, here’s your magic back.”

She clapped and Twilight felt a surge pass through her horn, which suddenly ignited in a faint purple light. Suddenly she felt whole again, like a part of her that should have been inseparable returned.

“Well, thanks for the game again.” Pinkie rubbed her hooves together. “I’ll need to get ready for the next player, so I hope ya don’t mind if I ask you to leave. The exit is through the bathroom’s other end. You can’t really miss it.”

Twilight nodded silently and turned to make her way towards the door. As she was about to step through, Pinkie called after her one final time. ”I hope I’ll see you here again soon, Twi! Enjoy the book!”

With the book in her magic’s grasp, Twilight walked across the now-empty catwalk, taking just a single glimpse at the somewhat tired, but still vibrant crowd below. Most ponies were lazily rocking left and right, except for one grey mare, who was dominating the dance floor, bottle somehow still in hoof.

She reentered the bathroom. She walked straight through the aisle, finding another door hidden in the gloom, and stepped through it, finding herself at the bottom of a long, circular staircase. The pulse of the music slowly faded as she climbed, until suddenly she found herself in something she hadn’t experienced for many hours now. Silence.

A minute or two later Twilight emerged from a completely inconspicuous trapdoor, finding herself right next to Sugarcube Corner, in the middle of the night.

She turned towards her library and saw that a light was still on. I shouldn’t keep Spike waiting, she thought, as she began to make her way home. On the way, Twilight took one more look at her book in the faint moonlight, laughing to herself quietly.

Tomorrow she would make Rainbow Dash so, so jealous.