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by Sessalisk

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Slice of Life, Human, Sad, Romance, Adventure
Length: 602

Leprosy is the best disease.

﻿Ｐｉｎｋｉｅ Ｐｉｅ ｌｅａｒｎｓ ｔｈａｔ ｌｅｐｒｏｓｙ ｃａｎ ａｆｆｅｃｔ ｈｅｒ ｔｏｏ， ｎｏ ｍａｔｔｅｒ ｈｏｗ ｈｅｔｅｒｏｓｅｘｕａｌ ｓｈｅ ｉｓ．

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-23 09:03:26 UTC

Chapter 1

From Pinkie's tears spun the whirling bolas of vestal assfury, viscera bespackling their nubile strings. Cleaved from the caliginous mastery of the heavens, consecrated by the death-knells of all the world's concussant children, woven from Celestia's divine pubic hairs, it besang arias of the apocalypse as it gyrated through the skies, crushing all of France, which is the only country that exists.

An inundation of vagnoplasm surged through the lands, setting divine pubic hairs aflame, vestal assfury raging to not fall gently into the stillness of the night. From the galvanic seas of Io, the midnight goddess channelled that which she bespoke through her fiery lips, lips which were made of lions, dancing the dance of life eternal, in unending struggle between Mexico and its drug lords.

"Pinkie, closeth up thine waistcoat, for I'eth can see thine cuntflaps."

To this Pinkie raged to the heavens, assfury pouring from her nostrils like steam out of a hot bag of Green Giant Valley Fresh steamers, rupturing that which held the walls of this reality together. The duct tape fell apart like anything made by Rarity's asinine sister.

Pinkie voiced her song to the void.

"I'm here to break some balls and bake some fookies. And I'm all out of fookies. Which is why I have to bake them."

"You know I hate fookies."

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Pinkie awoke in a room full of talking horses. Their jaws moved up and down, and sound burst forth from their tender throats, but she only heard the succulent words of one.

His green hooves had once pranced on shamrocks, and his short stature had allowed him to perform cunnilingus on a mare without needing to bend over even slightly, not that he'd ever gotten the opportunity. Most mares were put off by his peg leg. That was, most mares were put off by the perpetual eructation of lasers flowing from the once-proud stump of his third leg. But if he wanted to, he totally could.

An adumbration clouded Pinkie's thoughts. She only heard the words of Larry:

"There once was a lepercorn named Larry,

"Whose friend Pinkie Pie was so merry,

"So he gave her some hugs,

"Motorboated her jugs,

"And then everyone contracted leprosy."

The lepercorn's leprous limerick set aflame their peripheral nerves and the mucosa of their upper respiratory tract, as was his special talent. Celestia had blessed him as a wee foal, tasked him to bring the divine gift of leprosy to every man, woman and child.

He was a lepercorn of the lord.

Chapter 1

"Too much," said Pinkie. "This is too much leprosy."

Twilight inspected her lesions with a care that bordered on the pederastic. "But leprosy can only be contracted by armadillos and the fabled homo s—"

"I resent your implications."

Pinkie contemplated opening her vast maw and interring both Twilight and all her false accusations. But, she mused, if Twilight contained a yoni inside her, would eating her validate her claim?

Does lesbian-eating a mare make one a horsebian?

A crime it should be, she thought, puppeteering the hand of the heavens themselves to condemn the sacred rite of of lesbeating. Thus she gave Twilight what the French call a "les beating".

If Twilight found the whole process to be more, or les prurient, then she was out of les luck.

Pinkie's left ear tumbled down the side of her face, as her leprosy made itself known. She thought about why minorities should be prevented from holding positions of power. Mostly, she concluded, because they were different from her.

Chapter 1

﻿ＳＯｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏｏ  ｍｕｃｈ  ｌｅｐｒｏｓｙ．