Everyday I Wake Up In A World Without Magic

As her eyes opened only pieces of the dream remained. She remembered herself standing by the side of five ponies. All were trembling, shaking, and all stared at the thing before them. For but a few moments she managed to hold her gaze, yet she felt how its presence alone tore into her very sanity, and madness had already begun to consume all of five of them. Her own heart had yet to stop beating wildly.

Even now she was shivering and covered herself as much as she could with the blanket. In the dream she and the other ponies all had stood before the same being, if it could even be called that. She remembered everything and nothing. It hadn’t looked like anything from this world, that much she could say. It had not even been something her own mind could come up with, even though it apparently had.

Twilight Sparkle wasn’t scared of nightmares though. She was a big filly and she knew that they weren’t real. Still, she shook beneath her blanket, and her eyes remained fixated on the small light that passed beneath the door. If there was light then no monsters would come. It was safe. . .

It was safe.

What seemed like an eternity came to pass before she finally managed to calm down and come out from beneath her fluffy shield. She laid down properly, resting her head on the pillow and stared at the white void above her. Twilight remained there. Her eyes were open, her breath slowly calmed down. Yet her heart was still beating violently against her chest.

The doctors had said that she should keep away from things that excited her. They had told her that the pain would return if she got excited. Twilight didn’t know how to stop it though – how to not react to the dreams. She didn’t know how not to fear the things she saw, even if she knew they were not real. She was shaking.

First she felt a sting in her chest, then a pain in her tummy. Knowing what it meant, she couldn't stop the tears from falling. She didn’t want to hurt again, she hated it. Twilight rolled herself to a ball, hoping it would somehow ease the pain. It didn’t. A wail escaped her as the pain grew. Then, she felt cold and hot at the same time; her stomach acted up. The small filly felt her dinner returning, something the doctors had described as physically impossible for anypony except those with the same condition as hers. She coughed once. Then the room went from dark to black, and the pain grew only to fade into nothingness.

This time, Twilight dreamt of both her parents. They stood in some kind of hall with green walls, large enough to fill up with hundreds of ponies. She found herself standing on a floor checkered black and white. It was more elegant than anything the filly had ever seen. Not only was it large, no, there were also rows and rows of seats, all turned towards where she stood, or rather the chalkboard behind Twilight.

The filly herself stood before some kind of cart with straw in it. She looked at it, curiosity peaked, and tried to stand up on her hind legs to look inside it. Her eyes were fixated on what laid on the straw: A dotted egg of purple. A dragon’s egg. Twilight, feeling herself tremble, looked to her parents. They looked different than usual though. Her mother’s mane had the most impossible color, purple with white streaks and her father was blue all over. Yet, somehow that wasn’t important to her. What was important to the small filly – who could stand on her own and was so smart and admired by everypony – was her parents, smiling and nodding in encouragement. She turned around to the egg, and then she started to focus.

A purple glow emitted from her horn as she thought of a chicken keeping her own nice and warm. Despite the concentration she had to bring up there was also a fuzziness within her. She felt something surge through her as the egg cracked, saw five ponies walking through the darkness and heard a voice calling her:

Take a dive.

She awoke the next morning to a nurse hovering over her.

“Hello, little Sparkle,” she called her. A pale blonde mane and a deep brown coat that allowed Twilight to recognize her immediately. Instantely she came up with the best smile she could. Yet the filly was tired and only managed less than she wanted to. That, even though the sun shone through the windows and outside the roar of the factories could be heard in the distance. Not only that, she felt incredibly weak.

“Hello, Miss Red-,” Twilight spoke up, but before she could finish the nurse's name the filly broke out in heavy coughs.

Twilight felt a hoof begin to scan her forehead, and then heard Redheart mutter under her breath: “It’s getting worse.”

Twilight had been here long enough to notice the small things: The disapproving glances, the comments made behind ponies’ backs and all the like. She had learned that from reading Sherclop Pones. Details always were the most important thing, so it stood in the the books. Nurse Redheart was not approved of by quite a few doctors and certain nurses. She got too emotionally involved, they said.

Twilight didn’t understand why that was bad. She liked Redheart the most.

“Miss Redheart,” she asked, “is Papa coming to visit me?”

An uncomfortable smile formed on the older mare's face, “I don’t know, last I heard he was busy. Your brother, too.”

“What about Mama?” Twilight immediately followed. Yet all she got for an answer was a look of pity. It was that look that made her remember, even through her grogginess: Her mother was only there in the dreams.

She always stood there with a queer coat, and encouraging her daughter with nothing more but a look and a smile. Outside the dreams Twilight only knew how she looked from the pictures, because her mama had died long ago. Yet that made her feel even colder, because there was nopony else here but her and the doctors, and they were always busy.

“I’m scared to be alone again.”

She did not want to sit there, shaking and hurting. Not on her own, not without somepony to hold her hoof. The doctors and the nurses only appeared when the pain was too much, when her cries were too loud, when her heart was about to burst and her coughs stained the blanket red.

Nurse Redheart looked at the small pony for a moment, concern and pity reflecting in her eyes. “You know what, Twily,” Twilight liked that nickname the most, it always came with good news, “there’s another filly in this ward, your age, all alone in a big room and in need  of a roommate. Would you like her here?”

Twilight brightened up as much as she could manage. She felt tired and hungry and the shaking had started again, yet still this was wonderful news.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!” Despite the cold and the fear that the hurting might start again, she took to shout out her excitement as well as she could.

“Alright. I’ll see to it, then.” Redheart said, her smile never reaching her eyes. She was murmuring something about the head doctor before she turned to Twilight again. “First things first, though. We’ll need to get you some breakfast, ” The nurse informed her and took her leave. Some days, it felt like the mare was the only pony who really cared about Twilight.

Some doctors and nurses didn’t like miss Redheart but Twilight figured that that was only because none of them had ever been patients in the hospital before. She couldn’t really figure out any bad traits to the pony. Miss Redheart cared about her work and the ponies she was working with. Not once had Twilight seen her without a smile, and when she promised something, she kept her word.

Twilight Sparkle loved her like a mother, mainly because Nurse Redheart was the closest she ever had to one. The filly had spent most of her life in the Canterlot hospital. The doctors had urged her father to move to Ponyville or Appleloosa, somewhere with fresh air. Everypony knew Twilight’s condition wasn’t going to heal. Still they insisted, Nurse Redheart even more than the others. Papa’s marefriends were here in Canterlot though, so they couldn’t move.

Then she was on her own in the room, left alone with her thoughts and the dream coming back to her. She looked at the blanket and then at her legs and hooves. Twilight had a black mane and green eyes, like her mother’s had been in the pictures, not the dreams though. Her coat was a light brown, her extremities only skin and bones. They were so weak that Twilight was barely able to hold herself on them.

Yet in her dreams, both standing and walking came easy to her and both her parents were alive. Her coat was the finest lavender in the dreams too. Everything was so wonderful there, Twilight thought. And she could cast magic. Shining had shown her how to teleport cookies out of the jar right into their hooves and she had watched her parents pushing winter away with a spell. All these things happened in her dreams, in that wonderful world.

None of them were true. Her coat was brown, not lavender. Shining had never stolen any cookies with her and winter wasn’t something a pony could just wish away. Twilight lifted her hoof up.

“Everyday I wake up in a world without magic,” she muttered, touching the decorative bone on her forehead, the thing that had given her species the name ‘unicorn’. It looked fair, yes, but otherwise it served no purpose at all. She had tried to read a book about it, but it had been way more complicated than the other ones she normally read: The ones with the pictures or the ones with the stories, the adventures and the fantastic places.

Sometimes she thought, if magic would exist everything would be better, happier.

The filly turned her eyes towards the window. The sun crept slowly across the sky and the clouds that moved towards Canterlot were grey and black. Surely they were storm clouds and soon their thunder would drown out the beat of the machines, all while Rain would stain iron and wash the filth off of the streets. She liked rain well enough, somehow it managed to make a city like Canterlot look beautiful.

The city had been a marvel a long time ago, when the legendary princesses had still been alive. It had housed every form of art and had been known as the greatest town ever built. Nowadays, all Twilight saw when she looked at the city was the smoke from the furnaces, the dirt on the streets, and the angry looks on everypony’s faces.

Her meal was scarce, even though it was more plentiful than usual. Nurse Redheart had put a few flowers and sauce along the straw, and the water was clean too. The nurse even sat down beside Twilight and watched over her for the whole meal. A sad look remained on Redheart's face throughout the whole ordeal, but Twilight ate with a bright grin on her face. It made her felt better to have something in her stomach.

She gulped down her medicine afterwards, silently praying to Luna that she might gobble up her sickness in the night. It was a futile hope she knew, but she wanted to be strong. The nurse took the tablet off her and asked her if she wanted to read one of her books. Twilight nodded.

She had many books and the nurse always brought her new ones. Twilight was smart – everypony said so – but few ponies admired her for it. She had learned to read as quickly as she could and her first book had been the story of a certain Daring Do. It had been long, yes, but also great. Until midday she would read a book of short stories. Twilight had to admit that she didn’t really care about the writers. She could remember certain names but that was the extend of it. There were so many other things that interested her, mostly the stories themselves and she was easily absorbed by them.

A weak, small thing like her loved to dream about adventures and dragons, magic and princesses. These were all things she herself would never see. Things she would never be able to touch or do. She was completely engrossed with those worlds of fantasy. So much in fact, that it took her three stories until she laid her head back and looked at the white hospital wall, her own cage from the world.

“What are you in for?” Twilight was startled out of her daydream and turned to the source of the voice. Another bed, a small piebald unicorn in it. Brown and white was her coat and she had a mane that was half black and half the color of straw.  It made her look weird.

“Wha-?” was all Twilight managed at that moment, clutching her book and wondering when the other pony had arrived here. She cursed herself for getting too involved with the story.

The other filly sat in her bed, her forelegs and head covered in bandages. One of her eyes was black and she was clutching some kind of box in her hooves.

“I asked why you’re here,” the strange filly said, her voice impatient and the look on her face seemed to scream her annoyance out.

“I-I’m,” Twilight stuttered, the other pony scared her. Where was nurse Redheart? She felt her heartbeat growing stronger again.

The filly gazed over Twilight before her eyes and mouth widened, a silent eureka moment happening within the confines of her tiny head. “You’re one of the regulars, aren’t you? I’ve seen you a few times over the year.”

Twilight only nodded. She had no idea how to respond, but it was the truth.

Then the other filly then started to smile. “I’m Trixie,” she said, “Trixie Lulamoon.”

“Twilight Sparkle,” she answered meekly. She felt weak, she felt her heart crashing against her chest, again and again. The pain was coming back. She was nervous, she didn’t want to feel the sting anymore. The shaking started up again.

Trixie didn’t seem to notice, “That’s an awesome name!” There was a lisp in her voice. “What have you got there?”

Twilight looked at her, the filly seemed genuinely interested and with her eyes shone with a light that made Twilight overthink her opinion on the other filly. At first Twilight had thought her to be menacing, evil, just from the first glance. She had thought that the other filly might have had it out for her. But now? The honest smile across Trixie’s face told Twilight Sparkle everything she wanted to know about her new roommate. She answered: “A book.”

“Woah . . . You can read?”

Twilight nodded, but broke off, "What?"

"I don't know many ponies who can read. That's so cool."

Twilight watched her flip out on her bed. This filly seemed genuinely happy to have somepony to talk to and was strangely happy about somepony understanding the written words. Honestly, Twilight didn't get why Trixie grinned the way she did, but she never had talked to somepony her age before. A smile formed across her face.

"Thanks."

Trixie laughed out and Twilight noticed a few of her teeth were missing. That’s where the lisp is coming from. Still, she suspected that some of those teeth shouldn’t be missing.

“Wow,” the piebald said, “I totally can’t do that.”

Twilight didn't know what to answer, but the hurting was gone and she was free to look somewhere else. So she looked at the box in Trixie's arms. Could there be books in there? That might've been, but Trixie had just said she couldn't read, right? Maybe she could ask?

Struggling, Twilight felt her eyes pacing across the room, but she had to make up her mind. Somepony to talk to, she thought and resolved herself.

"What're you holding, then?" she finally inquired and pointed at the strange box.

Trixie's smile grew more wry, as she tapped the box with her left hoof. "Do you want to know?"

A quick nod escaped Twilight. She was truly excited about seeing something new in this tiny world of hers.

However, Trixie betrayed her expectations entirely and took the blanket off herself. Twilight couldn't even react when the other filly jumped to the ground, yelping out and lifting one hoof up. Clearly, she was hurt.

“I can show you,” Trixie said despite the pain, “but only when we’re outside.”

Twilight was shocked, “Why would you want to leave? Nurse Redheart is here. There’s warm pillows and our families might come and here is the medicine that can make any pain go away.”

This filly was clearly hurt, so Twilight couldn't even begin to guess why she would want to leave. Not only that, but what if their parents would come? She thought that, but a part of her couldn't help but smile at the promise. It was the one part of her that knew where she was.

They looked at each other. Twilight not grasping what the other unicorn meant and Trixie moving towards the window. The filly opened it up, letting the reeking air of the city in. Balancing the package on her back, she turned back to Twilight.

“I’ve seen you a few times 's the truth,” she said, “and you’re always looking somewhere far away. I doubt you have seen anything of Canterlot. So I could take you somewhere wonderful and maybe show you a thing or two. I’ll bring you back whenever you want to, too.”

Twilight looked at the other filly in wonder. Trixie was her age but unlike Twilight, she was strong and her face showed a warm smile beneath all those bruises and cuts she had. The box remained on the back of Trixie, and Twilight's curiosity had reached its peak. She had dreamt of something like this, that somepony would take her away and show her the world. Thing was, she just hadn’t expected it to happen so quickly.

Her papa and brother hadn’t come over the last months. They had probably given up on her, just like the doctors. Only nurse Redheart remained but eventually even she would leave and if she didn’t, Twilight knew she herself would. Her heart was pounding as she took the blanket off her tiny body. She stepped unto the ground for the first time since she had collapsed back home.

She felt her heart going against her chest, she felt the pain starting up again as she walked a few steps, clumsily. Then, too weak, she fell.

Trixie caught her mid fall and looked at her, even though her face was widened in shock. “Whoa, are you alright?”

“I want to see Canterlot, more than anything else,” Twilight whispered as she used Trixie as a crutch. After few seconds during which Trixie was working her mind on what she should say, she finally nodded.

“Don’t worry, you’ll see it."

Even though Twilight knew she would leave this world soon, that sentence alone gave her some hope. By this point it was midday and the rain clouds were above Canterlot. It was at this point where the two fillies who had just met climbed through the window and towards freedom. Nothing stood between them and Canterlot. Yet, despite all that, a dark was already upon the world and dusk was coming.