Might I Confess Something

She liked that the snows were always falling here. It made the whole world seem a bit calmer. Rarity agreed, although she preferred winter because pony fashion seemed so much more elaborate during this season. Fashion was something of a pet-peeve for Rarity and something Trixie never cared much about. Still, hearing Rarity talk about it was nice since she was so enthusiastic about the entire thing. The way she threw words around neither of them really understood was great, too. Big words made them feel like big ponies, which was something that needed to be treasured.

Rarity's parents weren't that big on orphans. They never had been and they never would, she knew. Instead they made them feel bad about it, weak and small and such things.

She had hated the constant stress but Rarity had helped so much. She wasn't friends with most orphans. For some reason they all hated her, even though she wasn't anything like her parents. That was really wonderful but nopony but Trixie seemed to notice. And despite Trixie getting a lot of anger from them, too, they thought she was their favorite. Rarity laughed at that, saying that she didn't know them liking anything.

That's how it had been. The night sky was filled with grey clouds and snow was falling softly once more as Trixie sat where she always sat, this time she was alone with her thoughts. The other orphans were all sleeping and Rarity, too. Trixie imagined her friend dreaming of dresses and galas to visit. She herself looked at the box she kept her things in.

She had often imagined living life as a wandering magician, putting on shows for the ponies to enjoy, moving from one town to another, showing them flashy tricks and bringing smiles to their faces. That was how she wanted her life to go. Instead, she was stuck here in an orphanage, with nopony ever asking where she had come from and who her parents had been.

Nopony except Rarity, who had been so delighted to hear that they had been magicians. That had been a relief.

Trixie looked at the falling snows outside and a sudden urge overtook her. She was young still, four or five years old and they still hadn't beaten the intrigue of the world out of her, not that they ever would, not truly. On silent hooves she sneaked through the room and opened the old door, closing it behind her. Through the corridor she walked and past all the rooms of the orphanage to the front door. She didn't even put on her boots, instead just going through the door and into the white.

She walked out slowly and stood beneath the sky, letting the snows fall on her head. Nopony else was here, nopony else was coming, Trixie noted. She was all alone in this house. There hadn't been any orphans in their beds, Rarity had left and her parents, too. She remained.

"Might I confess something," she asked the sky. Her voice was so hollow she barely recognized it herself.

A mass of grey cut her off from the starry night sky; the sky that Raindrops had admired like nothing else. The whole world seemed grey like that, now that she was the only one that remained. So she walked to the front gate of the orphanage, noting the sign with its huge letters.

'DON'T GO, TRIXIE'

She didn't care, instead just moved on, down into Canterlot, that ugly city she called her home. And the snows were falling.

The road to Canterlot had been the most beautiful road in the world, back in the days of the old princesses. Trees stood by its side and birds chirped and behind them were vast fields and forests, some towns where ponies lived their lives happily and without knowing of the misery to come. Now, all roads to Canterlot were ugly. The acid rain had long since killed every plant on the ground and what remained of the trees was hollow wood with twisted branches that fell off if one touched them, even if just lightly. Still, amidst the snows even this dead land looked somewhat beautiful and as Trixie felt the pavement starting beneath her feet she felt a certain sadness.

The road to Canterlot had been the most beautiful in the world and she really would have liked it to be true once more.

She walked the streets of the town, right through the industrial district. She didn't know how many chimneys there were, but for once none of them were smoking. She stopped before one of the many, many places and looked through an open gate. She saw the furnaces and remembered how little, miserable fillies and colts had always worked there. She remembered one looking at her. A stallion of some strength, older than her, nodding as a court greeting. Then she had seen his sister behind him, a brown filly with a blonde mane, who had seemed underfed and too weak to carry the coals she did, but her brother urged her own, nuzzling her and whispering things to her with a soft smile. She had later met them outside.

They were heading back to Ponyville, their apple farm was in bad shape and they needed the extra money. The little one, called AJ had told her that, and the big one had nodded in stoic agreement. If she would ever find herself in Ponyville, she should buy some apples, AJ told her and Trixie had answered that one day, she would.

She hadn't seen those two again but she had heard how young and old ponies were dying during the work in this district. She hoped it wasn't true for them and instead moved on.

The old marketplace was next. Here the orphans had walked one summer day and she had seen a very interesting booth. 'Pie's Rockfarm Products' it had been called, they had sold rocks and gems of all sizes and colors and every member of the family had an expression just like the rocks they sold, and with that she meant hard, not beautiful. The rocks were really beautiful.

However, she spotted one pony with a fine straight mane at the side and she looked like the saddest thing, so Trixie went to her.

"It's sad," the pony told her, "how everypony doesn't know how to smile. I'd rather have laughter than money, but laughter can't buy you food."

Trixie asked her why she couldn't have both. Sell those rocks with a smile or something. The pony giggled. "It's dull, that's why and the puns you could make are all very rocky."

It went from there and Trixie remembered how they were telling each other bad puns and were laughing. Pinkie's parents had frowned at her and told her off and that  she shouldn't fill other fillies' heads with her nonsense. She had turned around Pinkie had still grinned. That pony had understood laughter, though not puns. The snows were falling and as Trixie was turning around she smiled a sad smile.

The unicorn walked up the steps of the old palace, her eyes fixed on the ground beneath and as she reached the top she turned around and looked at the dead city. Its colors were ugly greys and browns and even the snow could not fix its ugliness. This had once been a hub of art and craftsmanship, but Trixie saw none of it remaining. If there had ever been something of worth in this place, it had been long gone. Only ruins remained of the old days, and one day, they, too, would fade.

The remnants of the castle spread out before her and they seemed to be without end. Snow was covering most of them up, but the destruction was still apparent. Trixie turned her head, looking at every part that could be seen from her position and found it an ugly mess. She turned around once more and moved into the old castle.

She only stopped where once the throne room had been and sat down, looking at where once Celestia's throne had stood.

"I don't think I want to go on anymore."

There was no roof here and the snows covered this place as much as any other. There was nothing alive in this place but Trixie and she truly wished that this would end. "I didn't even see them die and I couldn't do anything. I thought I had protected them, that I had helped them. Yet they're dead and I'm alive."

And then a light broke through the clouds and a gust of wind rushed over her. Warmth filled the place as the snow suddenly melted away and the light grew brighter and brighter. She spread her wings, Trixie saw, the most majestic wings she had ever seen. The mare stood before her, her coat the purest white and her mane many colored and ethereal.

"You're-" was all she managed to say as Princess Celestia smiled down upon her.

But a remnant of a memory, Trixie Lulamoon. I died a long, long time ago and only the thoughts of my sister kept part of me in this world.

"Why are you here? I said I don't want to go on, I lost.I- I..."

Celestia looked at her and Trixie couldn't help but feel the warmth of the sun on her coat. Oh little Lulamoon, we all lost so much to Magia and the things it did were horrible. The city outside, the ponies you met. They are all products of its influence. It coming to this world pathed out the destiny of this nation. Our demise, the rise of foul technology and the fall of my little ponies. Still, there is a chance to fix the world. She spoke softly and the friendly, trusting smile on her face was all Trixie needed to focus her attention on the princess.

"I don't wanna lose anypony else, I want to go home. I don't care about magic anymore. I just want it all done and gone."

Then why didn't you move away from Canterlot just now? Why did you come here?

Trixie looked at Celestia and then turned around. Why? She could have left all this time, she knew, she could have just gone somewhere else, but she hadn't. Why did she come here, why had gone to this place?

Loyalty, Trixie, like every other piece of harmony is gone from the world. Ponies started caring more about themselves than others after our demise and even Cadance couldn't fix it. Oh, she tried hard, but in the end even her love didn't reach them. Loyalty, Trixie, is what made you come here. You can say that you don't want to go on anymore, but that's wrong isn't it? There are still ponies who need you, aren't there?

Two ponies sat before the throne the princess had long ago sat on. "Will there really be more sacrifices?"

In the end, Trixie, there will be laughter, kindness, loyalty, honesty, generosity and above all else, there will be magic and harmony.

She nodded, after all, this wasn't over and she couldn't just mope around. She had met many ponies whose lives had been worse than hers, many ponies whose lives she could fix if she did this. There was hope and why not dare to dream of a better tomorrow?

"Princess?" she asked, her voice growing in strength.

Yes, Trixie Lulamoon?

She bowed before the alicorn named Princess Celestia, the princess of daylight. "Thank you."