The Family Cygnet

Shining stood awkwardly to the side as his parents, Twilight Velvet and Night Light, stared at the burnt out wreck of a dining room. Night was unflappable, more bemused than anything. Velvet, at least, was furious.

“One night… I leave you two alone for one night, and you almost burn down the house! You’re not teenagers, Shining. What the absolute hell were you doing?”

Night just kept staring at the charcoal covered table.

Shining mumbled, “We were drinking, and had a little too much, and things got out of hoof. Twilight and I will pay to get everything fixed.”

She glared at him, furious. “If you were younger, I’d sure as heck fix you. And where is Twilight? I’m assuming she’s the one that lit the fire?”

Shining awkwardly shuffled, not wanting to recount the morning conversation he’d had with his sister while they were both hungover. Aside from the awkwardness of his impending date, they’d decided that it was his job to soften up their parents, specifically Velvet, before they confronted Twilight Sparkle. Twilight and Velvet sometimes built off each other’s anger into a whirlwind of frustrated screaming where nopony understood each other. His sister understood the cycle, even if she was part of it. His mother did not.

“Probably? I don’t really remember.” That much was true.

Velvet loudly groaned, practically screaming in frustration. “Of course she did! And now she’s not even here to take the blame.”

Night coughed, then gave a nod toward Shining. “It’s just stuff, honey. We can replace it. Shining and Twilight will pay for it.”

Shining piped in, glad for the save his father was throwing out, “Dad’s right. Nopony was hurt, and we’ll replace everything.”

Velvet leaned on Night. “But it was my stuff! And I liked that stuff.”

Shining sighed. “I’m really sorry, Mom. She just was dumped by Rarity, and Cadance and I are having a tiff, and we just let things go too far and neither one of us was the responsible party to stop the other.”

Velvet quipped, “There was some kind of party.”

Night frowned, nudging Velvet to get her attention. “Did you say Twilight was dumped by Rarity?”

Velvet perked up, suddenly focused intently on Shining. “What? They were perfect for each other! It was like watching two beautiful swans every time they were together. So much gorgeous chemistry…” Her voice trailed off.

Shining grimaced, last night’s memory being more clear than he’d like. “I think Twilight’s a duck.”

Night’s voice was stern. “Don’t speak ill of your sister. She’s awkward, and a little irresponsible apparently, but she’s a good mare.”

Shining tried, “No, I mean… she’s, uh… not a good match for Rarity is all.”

Velvet groaned, now more panicked about Twilight than the still smoldering room. “It took years for her to ask out Rarity! What are we going to do? She deserves to be happy. She needs someone who loves her. Someone who brings her presents, who says nice things about her, who dotes on her and makes her feel like she’s on top of the world. Is it too much to ask for my children to be happy?”

“I don’t think she cares about most of that. She seemed to, uh, go through the motions of romance with Rarity for Rarity’s sake, not hers. I mean, she obviously liked Rarity, but, uh, Twilight already has family and friends that love her. I think she’s more interested in the other benefits that come with a romantic relationship.”

Velvet stomped her hoof, undeterred. “Actually, maybe this is a good thing. This time we can get her with a stallion. Then we can have grandfoals!”

Shining frowned. “Mom, her love life is none of your business. And you already have a grandfoal, remember? Flurry Heart? My daughter?”

Night chimed in. “We love Flurry, but she’s in that awkward teenage phase. We want little ones. You and Cadance should have another. It’s about time.”

Velvet added, “Yes! Where are the foals, Shining? It’s been over a decade since Flurry was cute and little. Why doesn’t she have a little sister or brother? Your penis works, right? Because there’s treatments for that sort of thing.”

Shining covered his face. “Mom! Drop it. I don’t need treatment. Cadance and I are waiting, that’s all.”

Night quietly added, “You better not wait too long, Son.”

Velvet loudly announced, “I can’t have any more foals.”

“I’m not having this conversation right now! We burned down your kitchen, let’s focus on that!”

Night and Velvet looked at each other, and Velvet grumped, “No, let’s be honest. Twilight burned down our kitchen. You’re just an accessory. We’ll talk with her later.”

Night nodded. “We’ll send you both the bill, but we know she’s the fire starter. You’re usually the fire extinguisher.”

Shining frowned. “Look, just don’t be too rough with her. She’s going through a lot right now, and I’m sure she feels terrible about the kitchen.” That was a lie. Shining was confident that Twilight really didn’t care about the kitchen in the grand scheme of things.

Night and Shining both glared at Velvet, who wilted slightly. “Oh, fine. I’ll try very hard to keep it civil. But I am going to ask her about her love life. She needs to be happy. Not burning down kitchens while she’s Trixie drunk. That’s no way for a mare to live—especially my daughter!”

Shining nodded. “Thanks. And yeah, no one needs to be Trixie drunk.”

Night corrected him, “Except Trixie.”

“Obviously,” Shining mumbled.

“That goes without saying,” Velvet added.