The NNN Logs

by LordKioshi

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1900

The logs of one foolish enough to attempt the trials

November.

The hardest of months for those who dare pursue the challenge. Many try and many fail, and those who make it through are forever changed, never to be the same again.

This is merely the logs of one among millions to put themselves to the test.

Published 2024-01-28 01:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-01-28 01:40:00 UTC

"A Light Dive Into Insanity"

Day #0

Ok, before I actually start I think introductions are in order.

My name's Wind Breaker and I'm a twenty-two-year-old Pegasus.

I've heard a lot recently from some friends from work over at the Weather Factory about a challenge guys go through every year that almost all fail except for a select few. They called it the "No Nut November" challenge or something to that effect where a guy will go the entire month without cranin' one out.

Gonna be honest, it sounds like a load of bull to me. A month? This'll be piss easy. But everyone I've talked to about it tells me it's not as easy as I think it'll be.

It's currently midnight, the challenge officially starts in an hour so I thought I'd get a quick little recording in before I go headfirst into this thing.

Oh yeah, why am I recording this you might wonder. Well if it's as bad as everyone says it is, I have something funny to look back on. And if it's not? Then I have something to prove everyone wrong with.

I'll be updating at the end of every day. Let's do this thing!

Day #1

Alright, day one is done!

Now I'm feeling pretty strong but it is day one so I'll give it the benefit of the doubt for now.

Didn't have any urges whatsoever and my mind was crystal clear as ever. So as the kids say nowadays, "We ball".

Day #2

Alrighty, day two in the bag! Today was surprisingly a little tougher than yesterday but not so much it wasn't like every other day of life. Nothing I couldn't handle.

My belt is tight around my waist and I've taken the liberty to wear the toughest material of pants I had on hand to prevent anything like tearing and to make sure edging is as uncomfortable as physically possible.

Day #3

Day three. Same as yesterday. Tiny urges but nothing I can't push down easily.

I'm starting to think this challenge is overhyped.

Day #4

Alright, today was rough... uhhh... I saw a round box of strawberries and almost lost my shit.

Gonna be honest, I've never went this long without crankin' it before, but I am willing to suffer to go where apparently most won't go.

And that's the TOP baby!

Tartarus, I'll even wear a chastity belt if I have to!

Ohhhh this gonna be rough, isn't it?

Day #16

Day sixteen. I have somehow learned how to post my logs in the past. No idea what I can use this for, but Tartarus am I gonna waste a chance like this.

...your Mom likes men

HAHAHAHAAA!! (cough) (cough)....

Day #5

Ok, I think things have calmed down now. Not sure what happened to me yesterday but my head's screwed on tight now.

I'm alright!

Day #6

Oh my fucking Celestia!! I have to scratch my nuts, so Celestia damn bad but I'm afraid if I so much as touch my nuts in any capacity, I'm gonna be up to my to TITS in jizz!

So...shit...

Day #7

BOYS! In my abstinence, I have achieved something truly great! I have gained and mastered the ability...to talk to my walls.

Eh? Yeah, I know.

Unfortunately for me, however, everything in here is drywall. So they're not exactly great....conversationalists.

Unless of course, when you bring up THEIR COMPLETE LACK OF PRIVACY!!

I-! You bring up size one more Celestia damn time I'm putting another hole in you and believe you me, I will not be gentle this time!

...ok.

Anyways I- ALIGHT! THAT'S IT!! COME HERE!!!

(Sounds of repeated banging and wall violence.)

Day #8

(Rising static)

Day #9

Gentleman and Celestia forbid any Ladies that listen to this, I must apologise.

Because I haven't been keeping up with my logs!! FUCK!! I'm sorry.

I guess I should explain myself. Uhh...I was kidnapped and held hostage by the Horny Horrors after the...wall incident. I only managed to claw my way out of their cesspit this afternoon.

I think I have a picture somewhere. Eh, I'll post it later if I can find it.

But yeah, I haven't lost yet. We're going strong. Somehow.

Day #10

Ok, so I should preface this by saying that before I started this challenge, a friend very graciously gifted upon me a "Free Nut Pass".

Well...

I won't lie...I've been looking at it and want to be able to save it for as long as I physically can, preferably not using it at all.

But- Uhhhhhhh....

The balls are winning, I'm using it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

Day #11

Hey. Ok, so I didn't use the pass, somehow but I NEED some way to stop myself and so a good friend told me yesterday about a video that might help. I think she called it "Two Girls and One...." something or other. They said it'll help get through a good chunk of the month way easier. Not sure how or why, but I'm gonna take a look and see what it's all about cuz....I'm really starting to lose my grip on reality here.

I'll get back to you with details.

Day #12

(Sound of crying, dry heaving and wet splats)

WHAT THE FUCK RAINBOW!!! WHAT WAS THE FUCK WAS THAT!!!

Why are jars...like hampsters? In that nothing normal FUCKING HAPPENS TO THEM!!

Oh, Celestia kill me!!!!

(Crying intensifies)

Day #13

(Sounds of heavy breathing)

Alright.

After a...very sleepless night and a lot of garbage bags and a lot more water... I think- hrrrp... I think I've got my bearings a little.

Safe to say I probably won't be able to get further than half-mast...for at least a week...fuck...

...when this is over Rainbow...I'm coming for your ass.

Day #14

Ok...I'm not sure about anyone else, but I started hearing this weird tapping sound outside my window last night.

Um- now, you could probably say that- like- oh it was just a tree or some shit like that.

I would be inclined to agree with you but the problem is...I'm on the thirteenth floor of an abandoned building in the middle of an industrial estate. So I don't know if-

(Tap tap tap)

U...um- (Cough cough) I think uhhh...I think I'm sleeping with a weapon beside me tonight.

Day #15

If glowsticks glow when they crack...I wonder if...

Ow ow ow ow ow!

(Crack)

(Gasp of gained knowledge)

WOAH!

Day #17

(Low throaty gasp followed by loud screech-like roar)

Day #18

So...I uh- got a visitor last night. Now I didn't have a video camera on hand but I think I managed to snag a picture- lemme just throw it up real quick.

Alright...I don't know what THAT is but uhhh- I think I uhhhh...

I think I might be in danger. We'll have to wait and see.

Day #19

(Sound of carnage and loud screeching)

Come here motherfucker! COME 'ERE!

(Bedlam gets louder)

OH NO NO NO! YOU DON'T GET TO GET AWAY!!!

(Mayhem get further away before rapidly approaching)

FUCK!!!

Day #20

Ok, so I know this'll be coming out at the end of the week, but remember that little incident yesterday? Day...nineteen, I think? Eighteen? Nineteen? Whatever.

Yeah, so, that- that- that demon I had the other day? We decided to fiddle in a little bit of fisticuffs and roughhousing but after some of that, we resolved our issues like grown adults.

And now we're meeting up to play pool and darts this Wednesday. So I think I made a friend!

A fine distraction from the fact my balls feel like they're gonna fucking explode...

Day #21

(Intesne groan)

Alright, I had to do it. I had to go to the extreme of putting a chastity belt on myself.

Now the metal I have is unbreakable, at least with the tool I have in my little camp here and it'll ONLY unlock when the clock strikes midnight at the end of the thirtieth day.

We're balls- balled- cock- DICK - BALLING!! We're balling...we're ball- we ball...yeah.

...fuck...

Day #22

Nine...more...fucking...days.

Only nine...days.

It feels...like forever

It feels...like torture

It feels...like I'm going FUCKING INSA-

Day #23

Champs...champetts....I- I'm fucking losing it here, I really am.

I'm seeing curves literally everywhere I go.

I even went to the extreme of storing EVERYTHING within arm's reach away. From my titty mousepad even all the way down to my fucking desk lamp...my fucking DESK LAMP.

Do you know how down bad you have to be for THAT!?

I- I'm lucky to even have this cassette recorder here in front of me alright?

I'm losing my mind.

Day #24

Jeez, why in the seven layers of Tartarus did I do this to myself? Why did I think putting myself through would be a good idea? Why did I think this would be EASY!?

At the start I- I put this challenge into hard mode and still looked at...pronography or whatever people call it these days, to practice "Self-restraint" but at this point, I feel like I'm gaining sentience down there!

It's terrifying!

Day #25

Ummm....I think my balls just growled at me....

(Low growl)

Day #26

NO WAIT PLEASE!!!

(Sounds of crashing and snarling)

Day #27

(Sounds of faint crying)

I- I had no choice. I had to...

FUCK!! Why do Mantis Shrimp have to punch THAT hard!? What pissed the Higher Gods off so bad to create such a creature?!

Day #28

For fuck's sake, why am I doing this? Why am I doing this to myself? Why do YOU do this to yourself huh!?

What? Is it supposed to be funny? Is this month some kind of joke? HUH!? Is it funny!? DOES IT LOOK OR SOUND LIKE I'M LAUGHING!?

(Indistinct gargling noise)

Day #29

(Loud repeated clanging)

GET OFF ME YOU GLORIFIED SAW TRAP!!

HOLY SHIT, IT BROKE THE FUCKING CROWBAR!!

...come on...COME ON!!!

Day #30

(Loud repeated clanging)

LAST DAY! LAST DAY! LAST DAY!

Boys! We have about two hours and...thirty-one minutes before we can end this clown fest.

Now. I have tried just about Celestia damn EVERYTHING...to break this stupid lock. But apparently, that hodgepodge of animals knew what he was doing.

Now I'm going to take this moment and salute those who have somehow made it this far and lament those who have fallen to the temptation. STAY STRONG my chums!! We are so close, we are almost there!

Can't this thing count down ANY FASTER!!

~~

(Soft ticking)

Three....two...one....HERE WE GO!!!! WHOOOOO-

(Loud explosion followed by static)

Author's Note

By far the weirdest thing I've ever written but I could not for the life of me get the idea out of my head but disallow me to experiment with different font sizes and other stuff
This basically came from my and a friend's inane ramblings at Christmas and I tried to transcribe it as best I could from what I could remember and this is what came from it

Hope you guys enjoyed my first foray into comedy stuff, It was strangely fun to write :twilightsmile:

Please point out any mistakes I may have made
Constructive criticism is always appreciated
Until next time, TTFN!