A Hearts and Hooves Day Mystery

by ThePinkedWonder

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Mystery, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life
Length: 3110

Spike and Big Mac set out to learn where the Mane 6 disappeared to on Hearts and Hooves Day.

While hanging out on Hearts and Hooves Day, Spike and Big Mac discussed how the Mane 6 had run off to parts unknown during the more recent Hearts and Hooves Days, including this one. Big Mac asked Granny Smith if she knew anything, but the elder pony claimed to be sworn to secrecy and told him to drop the matter.

Naturally, being denied just made Spike and Big Mac yearn to learn the Mane 6's secret more. Overcome by curiosity, the pony and dragon defied Granny Smith's order and set out to learn what their friends and sisters were up to.

Spoiler alert: you didn't really think a hint to the Mane 6's secret would be here, did you? Har har, har-ly har har!

Published 2024-03-17 17:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-03-17 17:30:00 UTC

When you are thirsty, make the best of it

“Last chance, Spike: ya want to back out of our bet?” Big Mac asked. His lips curled into a smirk oozing utter assurance.

“No way!” Spike answered. He pointed a claw to an apple lying in the center of a table in the Apple Family’s living room. “Not even you could cut apples in half just by pounding a hoof near it!”

The big red stallion chuckled. “Suit yerself.” He leaned his head to the waiting apple and surveyed it from above, then from the side through various angles. Once he seemingly spotted the secret he was hunting for, he slammed his hoof on the table while just avoiding squishing his apple. The table rattled, but the apple in question split into two equal halves.

Spike’s mouth widened while mentally kissing some of his bits goodbye. “So, this is how Twilight feels when she’s instantly proven wrong.”

Big Mac raised his head in victory. “Eeyep! Never doubt an Apple!”

“Well, guess I owe you 10 bits.”

“Heh heh, Ah’m not gonna make ya pay me any bits over bets; yer ain’t Applejack. Just the look on yer face is good enough for me.”

“No, let me pay you at least one bit.” A picture of the Apple family hanging high on a wall caught Spike’s eyes. How he hadn’t yet seen Applejack around today screamed to be noticed. “But since you brought her up, where is Applejack? She’s not on a Hearts and Hooves Day date, is she?”

Big Mac shrugged his hooves. “Beats me on where she is. She had already skedaddled by the time Ah woke up, but Ah’m pretty sure she ain’t on any dates.”

“She took off that early too? Twilight was gone before my alarm went off, but a note she left me said she’ll be back tomorrow.” Spike rubbed his cheek. His “something’s amiss” sense threw a temper tantrum and demanded to be at least humored. “Wait, she was away all day on last Hearts and Hooves day too. She even refused to say where she went once she came back home.”

“So did Applejack last year. She wouldn’t tell me where she was off to either.”

“In fact…save for Starlight, I didn’t see any of the gang today. They don’t have any ‘very special someponies’, so what could they be doing?”

“Maybe Granny Smith knows somethin’.” Big Mac looked toward a bedroom and yelled, “Hey, Granny Smith, ya know where Applejack ran off to?”

“Sorry, Sugarcube,” Granny Smith answered from her room, “but Applejack sworn me to secrecy. Yer be wise to just drop the matter.”

“Fine,” Big Mac pouted.

“Good boy. Knew Ah raised ya to have some restraint.” The elder pony stumbled out of her room. “Anyway, Ah’m gonna go check some of the apple trees. Remember mah words.” She walked through the front door and wandered toward the closest Apple trees.

With the pair alone again, Spike blew a sharp, longing sigh. “Great. Now I really wanna know what they’re doing.”

“Don’t tell Granny Smith, but me too.”

“Let’s try asking Starlight about it. She’s probably in her room right now.”

“Wait, Starlight as in Starlight Glimmer?” A bulge rolled down Big Mac’s throat. The mere memory of his and Starlight’s first/only meeting zapped the pony's pupils into constricting. “Uh, on second thou–”

“Don’t worry. From how I heard Applejack acted after she made you ‘talk’, Starlight won’tget another spell-casting idea if she sees you.”

“Ah still can’t get over how big this castle is on the inside,” Big Mac said as he followed Spike down the Castle of Friendship’s hallways. He was a simple stallion averse to pointless glamour or superficial flair. Yet, the castle’s majestic walls, borne from sparkly, awe-stealing crystal, pulled an upset to shatter Big Mac’s wall of indifference.

“Heh, Starlight still says that too sometimes. It even took her two weeks to finally stop getting lost in here.” Spike pointed a claw to an approaching closed door. “Speaking of Starlight, that’s her room. She usually leaves her door open when she’s gone, so she should still be in there.”

“Ah just hope she lays off her wacky magic this time.”

Spike knocked on Starlight’s door. “Starlight, are you in there?”

“I am. You need something?”

“Yeah!” Spike opened the door and peeked his head through Starlight’s doorway. The lilac unicorn sat on her bed while levitating and staring at a blue kite with a long tail trailing off her bed and to the floor. “Big Mac and I are looking for Twilight, Applejack, and the others. Do you have any ideas on where they are?”

“M-me?” Starlight gasped and dropped her kite onto her bed. “Uh, n-no, not me. Nope, no ideas here.” She pointed to her kite. “W-what do you think of my new kite?”

“So you do have an idea,” Spike deadpanned as he crossed his arms.

“W-why would you say that? I-I’ve only been here working on this k-kite,” she answered. A nerve-filled giggle pushed through her lips.

Big Mac stepped to stand just behind Spike, snickering under his breath. “And Ah thought Applejack was lousy at lyin’.”

“Huh, so you say more than ‘eeyep’ and ‘nope’ on your own after all. Uh, what else do you like to–”

“–Talk about where Applejack and her friends are hidin’ right now? Eeyep!”

“But I…ugh, fine!” Starlight pawed her bed as acquiescence conquered her. “Twilight told me where they went, but she made me promise to keep it to myself.”

“But why?” Spike asked. “Don’t she trust me?”

“Let’s just say there’s a reason. I can tell you they are together, but that’s all I can say.” She hung her head and added, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Spike reassuringly said. “We won’t push you into talking if you promised Twi you wouldn’t.”

“Thanks. Maybe somepony in Ponyville could tell you if they aren’t sworn to secrecy too.”

“We’ll take it. Big Mac and I are gonna go to Sugarcube Corner and ask the Cakes if they can tell us.”

Spike and Big Mac walked off down the hallways. However, Big Mac reversed course and peeked his head into Starlight’s room.

“By the way, that kite’s cross spar is a mite too long. Shorten it a bit and it’ll be perfect,” he said, then left again.

Spike said, “You never told me you were a kite expert.”

“Ah dabble a little. Applejack used to love flyin’ kites when she was a filly.”

Inside Sugarcube Corner…

With Big Mac beside him, Spike asked from the bakery’s counter, “Mrs. Cake, do you know where Pinkie, Twilight, or any of our friends are? Big Mac and I are trying to find them.”

“I’m sorry, dearies, but my hooves are tied.” Mrs. Cake answered, stirring a batch of cake batter in a bowl. “Princess Twilight, Pinkie, and Applejack asked me to keep quiet if one of you stopped by and asked.”

The secret-hunting stallion and dragon groaned dejectedly.

“However, I can at least assure you that they aren’t in any kind of trouble.” Mrs. Cake slowed her mixing of cake batter to a stop. She grasped her bowl’s edge with her teeth and set the bowl on her back. “If you two will excuse me, I need to whip up more cake batter for my next order. Sorry again I can’t help you.” Mrs. Cake trotted through a door and dipped out of view.

“Well, now wh–” Spike started.

“Psst, over here,” a male voice called out.

Spike and Big Mac turned to the bakery’s front door. A hoof waved to come closer. Naturally, they obeyed the hoof, and once outside, they stood face-to-face with Mr. Cake.

“Mr. Cake? Do you know where our friends are?” Spike asked.

Mr. Cake peeked through the bakery’s front door; Mrs. Cake was nowhere in view. “I’m unsure of the details, but I hate family members keeping secrets from each other, so I’ll tell you what I know.” In a whisper, he said, “A few hours ago, I saw Applejack pulling a wagon carrying what looked to be bottles of cider. When I called out to her, she ran off with her wagon without a word.”

“And she was alone?” Spike asked.

“Yeah.” Mr. Cake rolled his eyes upward and leapt into deep thought. “Well…I think Princess Twilight or Starlight Glimmer was far off in the direction Applejack went, but I couldn’t tell which one it was. You know how they kinda look alike.”

“What about Pinkie? She wouldn’t tell you where she was going?”

“She told me it’s a ‘mare’s secret’ when I asked what her plans were for today. Although I think she muttered something about ‘cheese’ before she left. As for your other friends, I’m fully in the dark about them.”

“Okay,” Spike said. “Thanks for telling us what you did. At least we have something to work with.”

“Glad I could help. Anyway, I better check for any new orders to help my wife with. See you two later.” Mr. Cake went into the bakery.

Spike thoughtfully stroked his chin. “So, Mrs. Cake knows, but it sounds like Applejack and Pinkie didn’t want Mr. Cake or us to know. It also sounds like it has something to do with cheese."

“Those mares can’t just be holed up together drinkin’ cider or eatin’ cheese. Applejack knows Ah’d never judge her for that.”

“Let's try splitting up and keep asking around. Hopefully, somepony can tell us where they are.”

Thirty minutes of “asking around” later, in Ponyville’s Town Square…

“Darn, no luck again,” Spike grumbled as he stomped ahead. Never before had he been denied so often and thoroughly. “At least the sun is trying to pat me on the back to cheer me up. Thanks, sun.”

Of course, the sun was just performing its job in the sky by sharing its light and warmth. Still, even a non-sentient entity can appreciate gratitude. Kind of. Okay, not really.

“Hey, Spike!” Big Mac called out. As he ran to Spike, he asked, “Ya have any luck?”

“Nope. Nopony would tell me a thing. I asked Sweetie Belle, but she said Rarity kept it from her too. I take it you didn't have any luck?”

“Nope.”

“So they really want to keep us in the dark, but why?” Spike clenched his fists. “I thought Twilight trusted me more than this!”

“Same here with Applejack!” Big Mac’s eyes darkened into a scowl. “How she trusts half of Ponyville more than her own brother is tickin’ me off! Maybe Discord kn–”

A lime unicorn stallion asked while lying on a bench, “Hey, did you two mean all of that?”

“Eeyep! You think ya know yer little sister!”

“Oh.” The unicorn rolled off his bench and trotted to Spike and Big Mac. “I agreed to not repeat what I heard when Applejack and her friends asked me to, but I understand the pain of a sister not trusting you. So I’ll tell you what I know.”

Spike and Big Mac grinned. Raw joy ran victory laps inside them.

“You will?!” Spike exclaimed. “Thanks a lot!”

“Ah owe ya one!”

“No problem, and we guys gotta stick together anyways.” He scanned his surroundings; nopony was in earshot. “Now, around three or four hours ago, I overheard them talking about some hideout near the edge of Ponyville. Princess Twilight was even pushing them to hurry up so they wouldn't be late.”

“Heh, not wanting to be late sure sounds like Twilight,” Spike quipped. “Did you hear anything else?”

“Before they noticed me, Rarity muttered something about stallions.” He pointed toward a dirt road that led to a much more sparsely housed spot of Ponyville. “If I remember right, they went that way.”

“Got it. Let’s go and find them, Big Mac.”

After the duo gave more thanks to the ~~stool pigeon~~ well-meaning unicorn, Spike and Big Mac hurried off, poised to finally learn the answer to their Hearts and Hooves Day mystery.

What a view for weary eyes. A win for persistence.

A small, somewhat quaint, unassuming white house – with an empty wagon resting near a closed window – signaled the great mystery's end was nigh.

“Yes!” Spike cheered as he raised a triumphant fist toward the sky. “If that’s the wagon Mr. Cake told us about, that place must be their ‘hideout’.”

“Eeyup. Let’s find out what the hay those mares are doin’ once and for all.”

Spike and Big Mac walked/trotted toward the mysterious house holding the secret their thirst longed to have quenched. However, once they reached the hideout’s door, they turned to each other. Their consciences heated to “code guilty.”

“Hold it. Spike, Does this feel…wrong?”

“So it’s not just me. Are you also thinking they might have a good reason for leaving us out of their secret?”

“Eeyep. We oughta obey Granny Smith’s orders and leave ‘em alone.”

They both gazed toward the door. Spike’s and Big Mac’s curiosity ordered an irrevocable “code nosy” until further notice.

“Nah!” Both answered to themselves.

With his and Spike’s pride as brothers shamefully bowing to their curiosity’s orders, Big Mac slammed the door open. “All right, what’s go…uh…oh…”

The sight before the duo shut down Big Mac’s underused mouth’s operations. Only an emergency call for it to widen was passed. A similar emergency call was ordered for Spike’s mouth, which it obeyed.

Inside the house's living room, Princess Twilight’s and Rarity’s forehooves and mouths were intertwined with the other’s forehooves/mouths. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy “posed” in the same, uh, position as Twilight and Rarity. A third pairing consisting of Rainbow Dash and Applejack, also embracing each other in their forehooves and mouths, completed the scene. All six mares’ manes were messily ragged with random hair strands sticking out. Six cups of half-filled cups of cider and seven bottles of cider – four of them empty – stood erect on a table in the center of the room.

Big Mac’s and Spike’s brains ordered a reboot to avert sudden death by shock. It could take a while.

Rainbow (finally) freed her mouth from Applejack’s to break their liplock. Her eyes bloodshot from cider influence, she gazed toward the brain-rebooting dragon and stallion. As her head teetered, she drooled, “Heeeey! Booky who’s…*hiccup*...mere, girls! It’s…*hiccup*...Big Spike and Little Mac.”

The other four mares broke their own liplocks and faced their unexpected “guests.”

At last, the brain reboot order for Spike and not-so-little Mac passed, allowing their cognitive abilities to resume function.

“Uh…” Big Mac said as his (and Spike’s) mouth slowly responded to an order to function again, “Ah’m gonna pretend Ah wasn’t just called ’Little Mac’. Any name but that.”

Spike asked, “But what in Celestia’s name is going on? I didn’t know any of you…swung that way.”

“Welp, I yuess you caught us!” Pinkie freed a long, high-pitched giggle. “None of us…*hiccup*...have borfriends, so we lecided…*hiccup*...to be our own bates for Hearts and Hooves Days. Tha year we…*hiccup*...brought cider!”

“Ye are lonely yut…*hiccup*...thirsty mars, barlings, so thiz is ehe…be…” Rarity’s pupils started to wander about and spin. A drawn-out chuckle departed her lips. Her forelegs unwrapped themselves from Twilight’s waist and she collapsed onto her back. Somehow, an image of an ice cube materialized in the white unicorn’s now-vacant pupils.

“Lightweight,” Fluttershy mumbled. “Out cold already.”

“But while y’all are mere, Ah must say, Little Big Mac, you…*hiccup*...is lookin’ mighty fine bright now!” Applejack said to Mac and blew a drunken werewolf whistle.

“Same to…*hiccup*...you, Big Spike, bou cutie!” Twilight winked at the dragon, then eeked a flirty giggle. “Rarity will-y be…*hiccup*...downny bor a while, so…?”

Big Mac and Spike blinked twice. They slammed the door and shot away from the six mares’ hideout, all while repeatedly yelling “Running, running, running!”

Later, in Sweet Apple Acres…

*Bang, bang, bang…*

In his living room, Big Mac repeatedly banged his head against a wall, sparking shakes from the house with each headbutt. It was almost as if the house were asking “What did I do?!”

With her apple tree inspection finished, but alarmed by the unexpected single-house-effecting Equusquake, Granny Smith hurried through the front door as quickly as her feeble legs would permit. “What in tarnation is goi…huh?”

“Ah’m tryin’...*bang*...to get amnesia…*bang*...that’s what goin’ on!” he answered in-between headbutts. “Come on memory…*bang*...leave me…*bang*…alone!”

Granny Smith’s eyes lowered and sharpened into a scowl. “See? Didn’t Ah tell ya to leave Applejack and her fri–”

“Come on, don’t rub it in! Hearing…*bang*...mah little sister flirt with me…*bang*...is punishment enough! Just let me…*bang*...find amnesia for a while in peace!”

The Apple family matriarch huffed. Being over eighty years old (or possibly hundreds of years old if her being alive when Ponyville was founded really wasn’t an oversight from the show’s writers), she could typically spot a losing argument when she saw one. “Fine. But if ya ask me, it won’t work. Yer too hardheaded to get amnesia by wracking yer foal head.”

Meanwhile, in Spike’s bedroom…

“This can’t be happening….Twilight…my big sister…didn’t just hit on me…she’s the one who hatched my egg…”

In contrast to Big Mac's struggles to induce amnesia, Spike lay curled in a corner, his arms tightly wrapped around himself. Even if his previously mentioned adoptive big sister’s mind was temporarily ruined by cider, simply hearing her of all ponies flirt with him…NO.

Without knocking, as she never did to closed doors, Starlight Glimmer pushed open Spike’s door. “Hey, Spike, do you…uh…Spike?”

“Make the thoughts stop…make them stop…”

Starlight clawed her brain for a possible reason why Spike had stopped working. A sole reason raised its hand–it was so obvious, given what he was asking her earlier.

“I get it.” Starlight’s horn glowed with turquoise magic, and she levitated the broken dragon to his bed. Her inner big sister side activated, she covered Spike up with his blanket and tenderly stroked his back. “It’s okay, Spike. Give it a day or two, and you’ll be over it. I’ll go fix you a nice glass of chocolate milk and track down some of your favorite gems.”

Her reassurance given, Starlight left Spike’s room and headed toward the castle’s kitchen. This was a time she really couldn’t get lost in the labyrinth that is the Castle of Friendship’s maze of hallways.

“I knew I should have tried to make Spike not look for Twilight. But maybe next Hearts and Hooves Day Twilight and the girls will be comfortable enough to let me join them.”

Author's Note

Curiosity didn't kill the pony and dragon like it did the cat, but it sure broke them!