LET. ME. SLEEEEEEEP!

by AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Thorax, Profanity, Random, Violence, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 2051

Just lemme sleep for fuck's sake!

I was transported to Equestria a few months ago by form of cultists trying to invade Equestria who gave me the power to summon any kind of military weapon, equipment, and vehicle. I proceeded to shoot em all up and now I live here, In a moderate house in Canterlot. It was nice, instead for the lack of any form of modern technology around and THE CONSTANT SINGING OF THE LOCAL POPULIS! I can barely get a good nights sleep without the singing of some guy who hooked up with his fiancé, or getting his dream job or some shit like that. And It just gets worse with everyone else on the street joining in! So I vowed to go on a killing spree if I hear any more noise outside my bedroom window. Now, what's all this about a changeling invasion?

Additional tags:

Princess Cadence

Pharynx

Published 2024-01-31 00:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-23 21:33:05 UTC

I HATE NOISE

I was peacefully sleeping in my bed in my modest house Celestia gave me, as well as a small sum of money to survive, when that peaceful peace was interrupted by the most peace shattering noise ever. The sounds of someone singing right out on the street! At the top of their lungs! With everyone else also joining in! I just couldn't take it any more. I leap out of bed the best that my not well rested self could, and threw open the window for all to hear:

"SHUT UP! IM TRYING TO SLEEP FOR GOD'S SAKE! IF I HEAR ANY MORE SINGING OUTSIDE THIS WINDOW I SWEAR IM GOING TO GO ON A GENOCIDAL RAMPAGE!" I slam my window shut to sounds of the ponies saying stuff like

"We never should've gone near his house." or "We should just avoid this area all together." It seems the other ponies agreed with them as they all go walking away to continue the assault on peoples eardrums. I just can't imagine anyone living in such hellish conditions for there whole life.

"Oh! Right! I'm the only person in this Damm country it seems to not like spontaneous singing in the middle of the night." I burst out, going downstairs to make myself breakfast. Because its useless to try to sleep after yelling. "Damm." I say, "Wish that they had some Frosted Mini Wheats here instead of... now what was it again?" I look through my pantry to find it. "Ah! Yes! Little... Pieces... of Wheat... that... are... frosted. Now what kind of stupid fucking name is that? They don't even taste the same!" After forcing down that horrible excuse for cereal, I head out to go shopping. After a quick stop at the local grocery store, the ponies aren't even staring as hard as a few months ago, I buy a news paper and bring it and my stuff back home. "Now," I say while sitting down on the couch, "what's the news today?....... Royal Wedding? There's a royal wedding going on? I never knew that. But it does explain the giant pink fishbowl they put over our head." I look out the window at the shield shining armor set up. "*snort* Probably can't even hold to a 9mm." After my insult to the magical capabilities of Shining Armor, someone knocked on the door. "Now who can that be? Oh, right its the mailman, or mare. Its Tuesday. We get our mail on Tuesday." I get up and open the front door.

"Hello! Is this 32 Hoofer Street?"

"Yes." I say, pointing at the big 32 above my door, "Isn't it obvious?"

"Ok, I have your mail here!"

"Thanks." I say, taking the letters and handing her some bits. She flies away, going to deliver more mail, while I look through it. "Alright, what do we have here?" I close the door behind me, "Bill, bill, bill, invitation, bill, bi- wait. Invitation?" I take a look at it again. It seems to be a wedding invitation. "Strange. I don't remember being that close to anyone. Oh! This is for the wedding isn't it?" I say, "Well fuck you... Cadence! I'm not going to any wedding thank you very much! You can enjoy all the cake you want while I'm not there!" I throw the invitation into the trash, plop down on the couch, and start reading a book for the rest of the day while listening to music on my airpods. I had some stuff in my pockets, which was, but not limited to, My phone, my airpods, my wallet, and some random stuff I pick up and steal from people at times. My phone and airpods started charging even though they are not connected to any charging cord. Weird. But I downloaded every song from my playlist so I could listen to music whenever I want. I went to sleep that night in my bed watching YouTube shorts. Which still worked for some unfathomable reason.

*Clang* My eyes shot open by the sound of two pieces of metal clashing together, way to early in the morning for me. "Alright. That's it." I mutter, summoning a M16A2 In my hand and the ammo for in in the other. After loading and cocking it, I ran downstairs, throwing my door open. I see ponies and weird bug things roaming the streets, fighting each other. I spray a hail of bullets at both of them, shredding their carapaces and weak, gold, armor to pieces. A column of bug things round the corner, and charge at me. I put a stop to that, materializing an MG42 with the ammo for said MG42. After loading and cocking it, I sent a storm of 7.62 caliber sharp pieces of steel at them, sounding somewhat like this:

Even more came around the corner after that, drawn by the noise. "Man, fuck this shit." I throw a grenade at them and sprint around the corner, blasting through everything the bug things and ponies throw at me after realizing I was a threat with 2 hip held MP-5's. Then it seems they team up to fight me because fighting themselves and me will only result in them dieing. Well to bad for them. There was also a tank in there somewhere. Piloted by me of course, not them.

5 ~~hours~~ minuets later

I stand in the middle of the burning ruins of Canterlot, admiring all the destruction I have caused, when what sounds like another platoon of soldiers comes running around the corner of the main square. I turn around to face them only to see the element bearers and, surprisingly, Princess Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and a bigger bug thing that looks like its the commander.

"SURRENDER!" Celestia shouts, "WE HAVE YOU OUTNUMBERD AND OUT MAGICED 10-1. YOU HAVE NO HOPE OF WINNING!"

"NO!" I shout back. "I HAVE BEEN TORTURED BY RANDOM MUSICAL NUMBERS FOR WAY TO LONG! I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP SINCE I GOT HERE!"

"WELL. I GUESS WE WILL HAVE TO RESORT TO FORCE! ELEMENTS!" At that word the 6 ponies in front of the Princesses and bug queen start floating. Of course, it is way to slow. The power up takes to long so I decide to stop it. With a single missile from a rocket launcher, I blow the middle one up and the shockwave and heat blasts the rest back onto the courtyard, dead. Celestia stares in shock at her dead comrades and then slowly looks back up at me. "Oh. You. Will. PAY!"

"Ah ah ahhhh! Not so fast Celestia." I say as a very recognizable song comes out of nowhere:

"You see, I have been subjected to nothing but constant musical numbers since I got here, and I finally got tired of it. There is nothing you can to to stop me." And right as the beat drops, the Minigun I created a few seconds prior started blasting through their weak flesh, ripping holes in places holes shouldn't go. The sight was so evil, so terrifying, and so gory that I started laughing at all the pain I caused them since I gave up on trying to resist. And while I was busy turning the supposedly immortal alicorns into nothing but a fine, red, mist, I had a singular thought. 'This could have drastic affects on the future of this world and I'm responsible. HAH! FUCK YEAH! I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE APOCOLYPSE!' While all that was happening, a single, mint green unicorn in Ponyville was watching Canterlot burn to the ground.

"Huh." She said, "So this is how we die. Not of old age or by disease, but by brimstone and fire. Cool."

The turret on my Minigun wound down after 8 minuets of complete and utter badassery, to the tune of BFG Division. *sigh* "Now that that's done with," I say while looking at the red mist the princesses used to be, "I can finally get a good nights sleep!" I walk past dead and mangled bodies, breathed in the sweet smell of death and smoke and got to my house, which was completely unscathed. I went inside and rushed to my bed, ready for the best sleep I ever had in my life.

*3 hours later* "a- A- ACHOO!" That poor unsuspecting pony who accidentally sneezed in front of my house has no idea what's coming for him.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT

END

Author's Note

And that's my take on what happens when a guy who can summon any military weapon gets angry. Nice right?

Der Panzerkampfwagen VI Tiger I Ausf. E Mit 8,8 cm Kampfwagenkanone 36

The Changeling Thorax was not having a good time in Canterlot. First of all, he disliked the invasion in the first place, and second, he was a pacifist. He was currently hovering above Canterlot, looking around at all the destruction, when something caught his eye. It was a sand colored... thing, on tracks. Like a bulldozer or something. It was boxlike, with a long thing sticking out of a large bump on the top. It was moving very slowly through the streets, slower than a walking pony, when it suddenly stopped and aimed at something. Thorax looked at what it was pointing at and saw a changeling squad. He quickly put 2 and 2 together and realized that it was going to kill them. He tried to signal that, but they couldn't see him. Then, the machines long barrel exploded at the tip, with such force that the entire most likely multiple ton contraption tilted a bit, and the squad ceased to exist. Less than a second later he heard 2 loud "BOOOOOOM!"'s, but he barely registered them because he just saw his brother die.

Approximately 1 minute before

The Changeling Pharynx was having a great time in Canterlot. First of all, he loved the idea of the invasion, and second, he loved killing things. He had just finished off a poor pony trapped in an alley when he and his squad heard a strange clanking coming from around the bend about 100 hooves in front of them. They all turned curiously towards it, and saw the huge, lumbering form of... something sand colored, box shaped, and had a protrusion in front of it turn the corner. The thing then stopped in the middle of the street and the protrusion on top slowly turned to point directly at him. At first, he was confused, then he heard a series of "clank"'s and "bang"'s coming from inside it, and realized that he should probably get out of the way. But before he and his squad could do or say anything, The tip exploded and he saw the front of a strange metal thing right in front of his face, then, darkness.

The next thing he knew, he was in the 7th circle.

Braiden Forrest was having an absolutely wonderful time in Canterlot. First of all, he gets to deliver holy retribution on the annoying pricks who like to sing in the middle of the night, and second, he is an utter psychopath and arsonist. He had just spent the last 2 minutes blasting through everything in his way, be it either a guard detachment, bug squad, or house, he blew them all up with an 8.8 cm cannon mercilessly. But, he eventually decided he was bored and oriented the tank towards the cliff that Canterlot rests on. While going there, he climbed half out of the commanders hatch with a flamethrower and burnt everything he saw to a crisp. All while laughing his ass off. When the tank got to the cliff, he jumped off right before it fell down into the forest below, to be eventually discovered by an archeologist in around 1000 years and led him to believe that the Changelings could time travel. After jumping off the tank, Braiden went off somewhere to go burn more things, and eventually kill 3 gods, a bug queen, and 6 chosen ones.

Author's Note

There, I just wanted closure on what happened with the tank. The story is officially finished now, and you can like it or dislike it. I do not care.