How to pick an Apple

by Earth95_Queenie

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Applejack (EqG), Equestria Girls
Length: 1362

Applejack is oblivious to the high school harem that is quietly and quickly building around her.

Step 1: Locate the perfect apple, usually found in orchard or farms specializing in apples.

Step 2: Proceed with a one-sided rivalry against -everyone?!?!! in a quest to obtain said Apple.

Step 3: make out with the Apple?

[Story written for my own entertainment. Mainly focused on Rarijack and Appledash, plus Trenderhoof being a general fanboy.]

Published 2024-02-06 17:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-02-19 10:20:37 UTC

Chapter 1

Early November | Present Day

She was driving the delivery truck to school again, on account of Mac- her bigger, older brother -taking their pa's red Miura to uni. Applejack and Applebloom ain't likely to see that car again in at least a month, knowing Macintosh Apple. "Did Ah ever tell y'all about the story of how Pa got Granny to buy that fancy ol' Miura?"

"Weren't he doin' it to impress Momma?" Applebloom asks, looking up from her phone.

"Yessiree, he dun' told Granny the Miura was a Lamborghini Tractor. It sure helped that he called up some second-cousins of ours in Italy to confirm- they're the biggest Apple-exporters y'know... Anyways, when the car was delivered, Granny just about blew her top! She was ready to kick Pa to the curb, the way she tells it. A'course, fer all her airs and graces about it, Granny's sure is lovin' that car now," Applejack exclaims. She doesn't mention how she and Granny used a part of Bright Mac's life insurance to complete the car payment.

"Ya think Mac might be usin' Daddy's car to impress sum girl in college?"

"Ah hell! He probably is, ain't he?" Applejack keeps her eyes on the stoplight, it was still red. She turns to address her little sister, "Oh well. Cain't be helped, so long as he ain't hurtin' the car, s'all good."

"Are you gonna use the car to impress somebody too?" Applebloom asks with wide-eyed innocence.

"Why? Will you?" When her little sister doesn't respond, Applejack looks away, saved by the green light. She speaks uneasily, "Ah wouldn't worry about mah nonexistent love-life, AB. Ah'm more worried about the exams I have in two weeks the same day as Black Friday."

"Target's doin a three-day sale. If you miss Macy's and Walmart's, maybe you can go there?"

"It's not me Ah'm worried about, it's Granny. Ah cain't, in good conscience, let 'er and Goldie go shoppin' without a chaperone. They could get hurt or sumthin. Mac usually does it, but he's got exams too," Applejack clarifies.

"Maybe Ah can help?" Applebloom suggests.

"It's alright, sugarcube. Maybe when you're older."

"Ah am older, Ah'm fifteen," Applebloom retorts.

"Okay, look. If yer hankerin' to go shoppin with us, ya gotta do yer research. Look up sum Black Friday sales videos, them news reels oughta give ya an idea. The gist of it is... people are crazy for discounts and sales. It's a dang battlefield, and Ah'm not jokin," Applejack states.

Applebloom nods stubbornly, practically escaping from her seat as soon as they've reached the premises of the school parking lot. It takes a minute or five for Applejack to find a space, parking successfully. It turns out to be just next to Rarity's 2002 porsche, with the diva herself still seated inside. Applejack turns the ignition off, taking the key out to put it into the keychain on her belt; the blonde catches sight of her reflection in the mirror, and the little niggling bit of self-consciousness creeps in.

She turns to her right again, where Rarity is doing her makeup in the comfort of her car. Applejack mentally shrugs, takes out a pack of wet wipes from the storage compartment, and uses one to wipe her face. She had an early start today because Granny had her and AB use the delivery truck for its delivering purpose, and her face was a mix of oil and sweat, and freckles. She ain't sayin she likes nor dislikes her freckles, it's the fact that she's painfully aware of 'em that bothers her. Why'd the freckles gotta be so brown and bad-lookin anyways? Applebloom's freckles were pink and kinda red, but they were cute on 'er.

Applejack's train of thought is well interrupted by the sound of weight hitting glass. She half-jumps, startled by Rainbow Dash's face and hand landing smack-dab on the driver's window. The athlete's other hand is holding an orange basketball, currently being spun around. The freckled farmer remembers what day it is- game day, Basketball season starts today. She's just glad she's only in Basketball and Soccer with Rainbow Dash, if Applejack joined any more teams, she surely would have been fed up with her slave-driver friend.

First Day of November

"It was like an eye-opener, Twi. Like, did you even see those rippling muscles? She's even got freckles on her abs, HER ABS! How unreal, it's not fucking fair! How am I supposed to face her again, tonight? How can anyone expect me to be fucking chill? I'm coming to work half-brain-dead because of her, the Mayor's gonna be so disappointed. And every time I look at her from now on, I'll be seeing her without the dirty flannel collection. Does she always wear a black tanktop under there? Her boobs are huge so she's gotta be wearing more than two layers, right? Right? Twi, right? Help me! Hello? Are you still there? ...TWILIGHT!!!"

Rainbow hears a yelp, then the sound of a phone dropping prior to being responded to. "Sorry, sorry. I was just looking at... something..."

The athlete clocks the scientist's nervous giggle, rolling her eyes. "You're stalking Rarity's clipflip page, aren't you?"

"No!" Comes Twilight's defensive, high-pitched and squeaky response.

"Don't lie. You're ugly when you lie," Dash scolds her.

"I'm not looking at Rarity's page. I'm stalking A.K. Yearling's page," the bespectacled girl corrects.

"Yeah right, I would've been notified if there was a new post. Don't lie to my face. Tell me again, what are you looking at?"

"It's her shorts, okay?!? And don't get mad, you asked! Besides, I don't even like Applejack that way, given the chance, I'd like to study her fitness routine. With her age, weight and height, she's got to be the exact, if not, then the closest to peak physical fitness. And her derriere looks to be in very top form too, it's enviable," Twilight exclaims.

"And in english?"

"Her ... tushie ... looks perfectly plump, do you think it's firm? Or do you think it bounces like normal body-fat?"

Rainbow just about drops the call. Honestly, why did Rarity even have to livestream the whole Apple-picking event? And why does the Mayor hire the Apple Family to host the Halloween fair every year? Rainbow Dash does not want to go to work tonight.

Present Day

"Good game, everyone!"

"Nice aim!"

"Awesome job!"

"Great practice, team! Break time! Griffons bus will arrive in two hours, ETA. Hydrate and rest up, on the court in three. Let's go, go, go!!!" Rainbow Dash instructs.

Applejack raises a brow at the two seniors sharing a look with each other as they left, Hoops and Score; those two were not-so-secretly laughing at, and making fun of Rainbow Dash. If the coach didn't appeal for the co-ed team merger, the boy's basketball team wouldn't even have enough players this year (but neither would the girl's team), they should really get with the times...

The sound of skin slapping skin, and the obvious stinging of her butt's left cheek had her snapping her head towards the guilty culprit so fast that Applejack could've sworn she strained a neck muscle- only to find Rainbow Dash, red painting her cheeks. The millisecond it takes to process what just happened probably saved the colorful girl from a slap to the face, or worse. "I am so sorry," the girl claims sheepishly, now standing several feet away from Applejack, whose right hand is outstretched and balled into a fist.

"What in tarnation was that?!?"

"It's Twilight's fault, I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me!"

"Twilight?!? It stings like a dang bee, ya poop-head!"

The colorful athlete starts laughing, "poop-head? That's a new one!"

"Why d'ya do that fer? That hurt!"

Rainbow Dash is full on laughing now, tears in her eyes as she replays the last two minutes. Twilight was right, Applejack's ass did bounce like normal body-fat; the farmer's priceless reaction was just a bonus. Running is what she's good for, and since Applejack is above retaliating in front of witnesses, Rainbow dashes away- off to the cafeteria.

Applejack ends up alone in the gym, mildly annoyed.