Gentleman In Equestria

"Ugh... merde"

With an amount of groggy-nous that rivaled the demoman's average drunken state, the BLU spy sat up. Taking a moment to look around, he noticed that he appeared to be in a field or meadow of some sort with some apple trees about forty or fifty feet away. He also noticed that the sun was quickly setting, and he estimated that it may currently be seven or eight o'clock.

growl

Whipping out his revolver, the Spy worriedly looked in all directions for an impending enemy before he was able to conclude where the growling noise came from: His stomach.

Hmm... Unless there is any food in the RED briefcase, it would seem that those apple trees are my only option currently.

Never being one to rush in to a situation, the Spy began his leisurely stroll towards the apple trees. On his arrival he surveyed the area, and came to the conclusion that it was safe. Plucking a bright red apple from the nearest tree, he began to feast. He quickly devoured the apple. Reaching up once again he grabbed another, and another, and another! Finally, after eating six apples, the spy's insatiable hunger was defeated. The Spy sat down against the trunk of the apple tree he had robbed, and quickly noticed another thing about his surroundings. Or rather, something that was missing from his surroundings.

Where am I? There is absolutely no trace of a BLU base, or even a RED one for that matter! You would think the teleporter would have at least sent me to some location that was under BLU or RED control. But the only sign of life around here is these apple trees, which were clearly planted into large and organized rows. But wait, the teleporter was destroyed. Where did it send me? I should have died!

He takes his revolver out and in a fit of rage sends six bullets at the apple tree across from the one he had taken fruit from. He then takes a moment to catch his breath.

No. I need to remain calm. I can't let my emotions control my actions like that immature American child. I need to think, how did I get here and how can I get home.

"Do you think the noise came from over here Big Mac?"

"Eeyup."

The sudden voices coming from nearby quickly brought the Spy out of his thoughts and into a defensive state.

The gunshots! This must have all been a trap, and based on those Southern accents, I just led them right to me! But wait, a woman is one of them? And a young one at that. This may not be too challenging after all.

Hearing footsteps coming from nearby, the Spy reloaded his revolver and smoothed the wrinkles out of his suit. Certain that he was now ready, he stepped out from behind the cover of the trees, raised his revolver at the enemies.

"Ahem. Gentle...men?"

To the Spy's great surprise, instead of RED engineers, there was a RED and...orange horse?

"And just what in Celestia's name are you supposed to be varmint?