Gentleman In Equestria

by Gak

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Human, Comedy
Length: 1880

BLU Spy travels to Equestria.

While battling the RED team at 2Fort, the BLU Spy is teleported to a magical land. Will he be able to return home?

(This is my first fic, and a TF2 crossover)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-12 22:44:38 UTC

Prologue

"Mission begin in five! Four! Three! Two! One!"

The BLU Spy made his way out of the subtle, small spawn area, and began to make his way to the Battlements area. Jumping down from the Battlements, he swiftly procures the slick silver case that is his Spytron 3000 device from his suit’s pocket. His gloved finger moves over many brightly colored red buttons, as if contemplating which one to pick was a life or death choice (which in fact was not too far from the truth), before coming to a stop over a specific one. With a smile, the BLU French man pushes the button to activate a thick blue smoke which began to envelope him as his disguise activated. Continuing his walk towards the RED base, he discarded away his signature cigarette, for it would surely give away that his current RED, Texan engineer persona was not his true identity.

        Stepping up to entrance area of the RED fort, the BLU incognito spy looked up to the RED Battlements area. It was currently well out of his reach from the ground level. Wanting to keep up the current guise, he waved hello to a RED Sniper, who was peering at this disguised spy curiously, clearly showing doubt that the engineer below him was his true RED teammate.

        The BLU spy continued up the small wooden ramp into the RED base. The RED sniper’s suspicion of his true nature was of no concern to him. The Australian man’s nature would cause him to silently observe (something the spy had in common with the bushman and the only source of mutual respect between the two assassins), and he would likely not draw his fellow teams attention to the possible presence of a spy. The sniper alone was not considered a threat by the BLU spy. The sniper was a coward, anyone who killed from afar and did not subject themselves to the danger of battle was considered a coward in the Spy’s mind; however, the sniper likely thought the same of the spy, who used deception and deceit to kill.

Regardless, the spy continued into the courtyard area, up the wooden ramps. Many newer recruits would then take a left towards the spawning area of the RED team, eager to kill and be killed for the pointless thrill of it, and not to create an advantage for the BLU team. The spy, however, was an aged professional. He made a smarter choice and briskly walked to the right, fast enough to soon be out of sight from the RED team members preparing for oncoming invaders, but not fast enough to draw attention to himself.

Continuing down the metal staircase, he saw a RED team resupply room stocked with extra ammo and medical supplies. The room was useless to the spy however, as he had no access to RED supply rooms, even if he happened to look like a RED member. No. What was important to him was not supplies anyway, but instead, what lies beyond that. The enemy intelligence room. The camouflaged man smiled. Having completed this route many times before, he knew he was very close to his goal, yet he stayed collected and alert, for he knew this area would be protected. With a smirk the BLU spy thought, "Let the fun begin."

Peeking around the corner, the spy stole a quick glance down both hallways that led to the same room. There was nothing to be seen in the hallway, but the unmistakable sound of a sentry reverberated down it. Still disguised, the spy walked down the right of the two hallways, so that he could easily be seen entering the room. While many would believe this to be a bad strategy, the engineer working on his sentry in the room would surely feel less threatened if he saw another fellow RED engineer easily approaching him, compared to suddenly coming around the corner of the other hallway. The spy cleared his throat. "Ahem. Howdy pardner!"

"Howdy yourself!" replied the engineer, "Always good to see another Texan 'round 'ere." The spy didn't reply. Noticing the awkward situation forming between the two the RED engineer changed the subject. "Well shoot, I'm all outta metal, think you can help me finish this 'ere thing while a gear up?", said the engineering gesturing to his level two sentry.

"I reckon I can", claimed the disguised spy. Taking the chance to go resupply and leave who he believed to be an awkward fellow Texan, the engineer exited the room and headed in the direction of the RED resupply room that the spy had passed earlier. Waiting to hear the engineer's footsteps leave the area the spy eyed the red intelligence briefcase. Fairly certain that he was alone now he walked over to the sentry. "Yes, I have just the thing for this abomination." The spy reached into his suit again, this time his gloved hand return not with the Spytron 3000, but the Sapper. The Sapper was most likely one of the most important tools the spy carried, able to disable equipment and slowly damage it in the process until it exploded. Quickly applying the sapping device to the sentry he saw that it was indeed no longer functioning, and no longer a threat to him. A puff of blue smoke began to linger on the spy, and just as quickly as it appeared it vanished, leaving the BLU spy where there was just recently a RED engineer.

Walking over to the briefcase, he picked it up while reclaiming, "This is too easy." As he turned and exited the small office room, he took a right and began to round up the staircase there when he heard something that could pose a problem to his escape plan.

"Spy sappin' mah sentry!"

The spy was not worried about the RED engineer who was now aware of his true presence. No, he was more worried about the entire RED team being alerted to his presence. His current escape plan would not work now, as the stairs he were at led directly to the RED spawn area, and his revolver and knife would be no match for the rockets and shotguns that would surely be waiting for him.

Quickly looking around for any other option, the spy noticed something he had disregarded earlier: a RED teleporter. He had chosen not to sap it earlier as it would have done nothing but alert the enemy to his presence. Taking out his cigarette case, he transformed into a RED spy. The reason he had undisguised earlier was because no RED member would be fooled by any disguises once he was holding their intelligence, but a teleporter was a very simplistic machine, and could be easily fooled that he was a legitimate RED member.

As he stepped onto the teleporter, he could see the machine preparing to send him to the other teleporter; wherever that was. As the machine finished warming up, a bright RED light appeared, and increased greatly. The spy suddenly saw the RED engineer, who had just come out of the intel room (most likely checking his sentry and determining if the intel was gone) came into the hallway. The spy was not worried in the slightest though, he was already about to be long gone from his current location. The last thing he saw before he teleported is what worried him. The engineer took out his demolish tool, and as a last ditch attempt pressed the button; hoping to destroy his teleporter before the enemy BLU spy could use it to his advantage.

The BLU spy had teleported a millisecond after the engineer pushed the button, and to his knowledge appeared to be suspended in a black abyss. Looking over himself quickly, he was suprised to see that he was not injured, despite knowing the teleporter must have exploded while he was using it. He was also pleasantly suprised to see the RED intel was still with him. That bright, red briefcase was the last thing that the spy saw however, as he slowly felt himself slipping into his subconscious.

Ahem, Gentle...men?

"Ugh... merde"

With an amount of groggy-nous that rivaled the demoman's average drunken state, the BLU spy sat up. Taking a moment to look around, he noticed that he appeared to be in a field or meadow of some sort with some apple trees about forty or fifty feet away. He also noticed that the sun was quickly setting, and he estimated that it may currently be seven or eight o'clock.

growl

Whipping out his revolver, the Spy worriedly looked in all directions for an impending enemy before he was able to conclude where the growling noise came from: His stomach.

Hmm... Unless there is any food in the RED briefcase, it would seem that those apple trees are my only option currently.

Never being one to rush in to a situation, the Spy began his leisurely stroll towards the apple trees. On his arrival he surveyed the area, and came to the conclusion that it was safe. Plucking a bright red apple from the nearest tree, he began to feast. He quickly devoured the apple. Reaching up once again he grabbed another, and another, and another! Finally, after eating six apples, the spy's insatiable hunger was defeated. The Spy sat down against the trunk of the apple tree he had robbed, and quickly noticed another thing about his surroundings. Or rather, something that was missing from his surroundings.

Where am I? There is absolutely no trace of a BLU base, or even a RED one for that matter! You would think the teleporter would have at least sent me to some location that was under BLU or RED control. But the only sign of life around here is these apple trees, which were clearly planted into large and organized rows. But wait, the teleporter was destroyed. Where did it send me? I should have died!

He takes his revolver out and in a fit of rage sends six bullets at the apple tree across from the one he had taken fruit from. He then takes a moment to catch his breath.

No. I need to remain calm. I can't let my emotions control my actions like that immature American child. I need to think, how did I get here and how can I get home.

"Do you think the noise came from over here Big Mac?"

"Eeyup."

The sudden voices coming from nearby quickly brought the Spy out of his thoughts and into a defensive state.

The gunshots! This must have all been a trap, and based on those Southern accents, I just led them right to me! But wait, a woman is one of them? And a young one at that. This may not be too challenging after all.

Hearing footsteps coming from nearby, the Spy reloaded his revolver and smoothed the wrinkles out of his suit. Certain that he was now ready, he stepped out from behind the cover of the trees, raised his revolver at the enemies.

"Ahem. Gentle...men?"

To the Spy's great surprise, instead of RED engineers, there was a RED and...orange horse?

"And just what in Celestia's name are you supposed to be varmint?