APR 11 Wednesday.

There is a long moment of silence before I move away from her wing, noticing a small amount of the blood remaining on my armor is staining her feathers.

I quickly cast an overpowered cleaning spell on her as I don't want her coming back to the castle with blood on her. She smiles a bit at my action, "I do wonder some days why you do things like that, small gestures that are rarely acknowledged. I find that many Ponies do it for vastly different reasons." She asks softly.

I can tell she's just trying to make me feel better with some small talk and normalcy, something I appreciate. "It costs me nothing but a small bit of my time, and it can mean the world to somepony when they have so very little good in their life," I remember several times in my past life when the random acts of kindness I received meant a lot to me.

She looks thoughtful as a question comes to my mind. "Why do you do it? You often visit things like the library, or sometimes random towns, why spend your time there?" It's something Celestia does seemingly at random, just showing up rarely at some celebration or event.

It's not truly random as such things need to be planned out, but I've read about her visiting places for some small celebrations. I think a small town celebrated being a hundred years old a few years back, and she was there. I follow her eyes as she glances at the moon for a moment.

She smiles back down at me. "You are right, even a tiny act of kindness means much to those who desperately need it." I realize I may have accidentally struck a nerve with that one. She sees my expression and gives me a reassuring look. "I do it for much the same reason, kindness costs so very little, and means so very much."

I nod silently as she turns to the wolf. "You have an interesting view on death, where did it come from?" I raise a brow at that. "Books? Other Ponies? Your own mind? Last time we talked about it we were more, philosophical, I wonder about your thoughts on the reality of it." She uses a gentle but genuinely curious tone.

I still have a fair amount of complicated feelings about my actions, so I try to sort through them and express how I feel about it all. It takes me a minute or two to even find the right words. "All of the above. The dead are dead, that doesn't mean they don't deserve respect from the living." I am a little philosophical.

I turn to the wolf again. "This wolf had its reasons. I don't know how smart it was, if it was after something or just, hungry. However, I know that nature doesn't really care." I am more morbid and shake my head. "No, vague words won't help me right now. I'm wondering what I should do with this wolf's body and how to respect its death. That is most important, respect." I say bluntly.

Celestia looks a bit put off by the blunt word but nods in understanding. "I suppose it is only natural, every hunt is dangerous, and not all hunts go to plan." Celestia may be a Pony, but she understands nature and its wild laws better than most. "Do you need help?" She offers after a beat of silence.

I smile at my friend offering to help with such a bloody job, and an idea occurs to me. "No, I don't think I do. Maybe we don't need to do anything at all." She once again raises a brow. "This wolf lived here, it might have even been born in this forest, so let it return to the forest." I take the tooth I have and stick it to my armor. "As for this? Like I said, it's to remind me."

I could harvest the wolf, but I have no need for its body, and even more still if I tried taking anything it might go to waste as I have no skill in harvesting pieces of an animal. She looks at the wolf solemnly, "Some parts of it may be of use, but I think you are right, this seems like a good place for it to, rest." She mimics my words from earlier.

I can already see a great many insects and a few small animals that have come to feast on this fallen giant. "I think the dead should be respected with a burial, no matter what form it takes. We do actual burials, Griffons often do Cremation, even Dragons have a burial." I comment and stand up fully again.

She looks curious and I smile a bit. "Haven't gotten to that part of the book then? They can't cremate them, burying them is hard in the Dragon Lands, so they are left to the sea. To sink away beneath the waves and never be seen again, same with eggs that fail to hatch." I start to walk a little further away from the wolf's corpse and she follows, walking side by side with me. "You can go back, I think I'm going to go for a late-night stroll, I need the air." I decided after a moment.

She looks around for a moment and smirks. "There is not much I need to do for tonight, and Captain Ash has it well in hoof. So it seems you won't get rid of me that easily." She jokes a small bit as we simply start walking into the forest. "Why a tooth? Not the fur or a claw? And a reminder of what?" She asks with a little bit of morbid curiosity.

I think about that for a few moments. Why a tooth? I suppose the original intent is that they are easy to take out and last a long time, but for me? "It tried to take my life, and I took its life. I think a tooth fits best, a reminder that the wild will always be there, and that it should be respected for all it is." I say while we step in between some trees and out of the clearing.

Nature may be weakened, but trying to tame or kill all life is a futile thing. She looks at the forest as we walk through it. "I don't remember the last time I have simply walked through a forest, with no destination or need to hurry. Are you ok? I mean that in both senses of the word." She adds quickly and I can tell she's being gentle with me.

I smile and nod. "Physically I did only get a few bruises, I'll add some life magic to them and cast some healing spells when I'm home. Mentally?" I go silent for a moment. "I feel sad, not massively so, but sad." I sigh slowly. "I picked this path and I knew it was only a matter of time, maybe I'm lucky it was a beast first?" I ask, more to myself.

She is silent for a bit. "My first kill was, well, partly an accident. I was attacked and, it went too far." She holds some clear regret in her tone but seems at peace with it. "That was long ago, and I know accidents happen. As for all this? Why put yourself in such danger? You could have ended it in a moment." Her tone is simply concerned and a little exasperated.

I nod in agreement as she's right. "You know me, I always hold back unless needed. For this, I had several things to fall back on and I didn't feel it was worth showing Chrysalis my abilities, especially if we become enemies in some way down the road." I share my reasoning openly.

She looks at me for a moment. "That is what makes you so frustrating sometimes." She chuckles a bit and I look at her confused. She gives me a knowing look, "You do the most crazy and foolish things, and you do them for reasonable, logical, reasons. At least most of the time." I chuckle a little as she's not wrong about that.

As we walk I keep my senses sharp, but anything close and large seems to want nothing to do with Celestia and move away quickly as we walk. We're now slowly walking down a slight decline in the forest, following no real path. I notice that her hooves and legs are getting dirty, but she doesn't seem to mind.

There are a few minutes of silence as we walk undisturbed through the woods, enjoying the cool air. "Do you regret it? Protecting yourself and them?" She asks abruptly and I once again have to think about it. I know I would have done the same thing again if needed, but do I regret it?

I slowly shake my head. "Not entirely, I regret it had to happen, and that the wolf didn't just run away, I did try to let it. But no, while the wolf deserved to live, so did I and the Changelings." I say with some conviction. In a situation like this, it is hard to tell right from wrong, or maybe it was gray from the beginning?

She nods in slight approval. "It is unpleasant, but that is the truth. Both deserve to live, and yet reason fails and one dies. If only the world were so kind as to make such a thing unnecessary." She agrees, with some reluctance that even a human would share. "You said you were sad? Why? What makes this sad to you?"

I know she's just trying to get me to think about everything, and it is working as her questions are a good mix of distracting, comforting, and making me confront my feelings. "That it had to end here. Out of all the ways that beautiful and powerful wolf could have died, old age, a peaceful death in its sleep, any quiet death truly. Yet it was blood and pain. I am sad it suffered in the end." I say after a few seconds of thought.

We stop as we reach the middle point of a small valley in the forest. A little brook slowly flows over and down rocks as it cuts a line that separates the two slopes of the valley. "You once said that death may be a kind being, something that waits patiently for you. What makes you think that?" She again somewhat changes the subject.

I shrug and remember my last day on Earth. "why would it need to hurry? Eventually, everything dies, so why chase after us to kill us faster? It can just slowly walk behind us, and when it is time it will catch up with us all as we slow and age." I elaborate on my perspective more, feeling oddly philosophical about everything.

She nods and I just stop by the small brook of flowing water, watching moonlight reflect from in between the tree leaves above us. "A grim and hopeful thought, you are rather skilled at mixing those two opposites together. I saw some of your fight, not how it began though." She takes a more serious tone.

I nod having expected this for a bit now, happy she let me settle down before mentioning it. "When I was floating down it started to run at them, an ambush, and considering its speed I had no time to land. So I fell on its back, stabbed right in, and got bucked off. What did you see?" I ask curiously as I wasn't paying attention to her at the time.

She shakes her head a little. "I can't say you aren't brave. You may wish to invest in some better, or knowing you, custom spells if you're going to make a habit out of that. Levitation and Lightening aren't infallible, they are simple to cast and simple to disrupt." She gives a little criticism and I do agree I probably should do that.

I don't remember if I told her the spells I used the first time I did that, but it wouldn't be hard to guess I used those spells or see the flash when I casted them from above me as she was looking down from the carriage. "I will, it is effective though, you'd think most would keep an eye on the sky. I do." I add with a little humor as many can forget to do so.

She thinks for a moment and continues. "I saw mostly the end, you running up and, finishing things." She puts it simply. "I do wonder what makes you so willing to take on traits from other races, the Griffons, Dragons, I could say the same about the Changelings actually." She adds with some humor.

I shrug as I don't have a great explanation myself beyond being human once, and I can't say that. "I think Ponies are a little too limited in their worldview. It helps in some ways, Ponies are very peaceful and war is a distant thing, but it also makes us a little slow to change and accept new things." She shows a look of recognition but not agreement.

I let that hang for a moment and return to my fight. "After getting bucked off it charged me, I got out of the way and nearly cut its leg off, but it just kept coming. After that, it blew me away with some wind and I stopped trying to scare it off, I just went for the throat." I finish a little softly and look up at the stars shining through the leaves.

She nods and also looks up, but looks down a moment later, like the sight itself hurts her. "What was the agreement you made with Chrysalis about? I'll admit she made a good move with the rescued Ponies, she seemed pretty happy with what she got in the end." I ask curiously to move us away from the sight of the night sky.

Celestia smirks. "She did, and I am happy to say that this has helped my little Ponies." She seems happy, but there is an undercurrent of anger about her Ponies even being in such a situation. "It was a part of our plans to save the taken Ponies, but it happening this soon was an unexpected boon." She tried to look on the upside of it all.

"I gave them the right to send a limited number of Changelings into select Pony cities, to collect and gather emotions at scheduled and predetermined times we would agree on." My eyes widen a little and I let that sink in. Even if it's a slight risk it is a good step, and it is a way to give them food less directly.

Cascadia probably won't even realize we're helping them gather food, or at least it would be hard for them to piece it together if it's done right. "Put more guards around the area when they are around, but don't let the guards guide them, if we do it right no outsider Changelings will even know we're doing anything," I advise and she nods in agreement after a few moments.

I take notice that it is very late and Celestia still has things she probably needs to do, and some sleep if she can manage that. I put my helmet back on. "We should go, it's late as it is and you need to get some sleep before sunrise, day court is already looking daunting I'd guess." I tease her a little in an unnaturally deep tone.

She glares at me a little but keeps her smile. "Yes, just remember to make a report and send me regular letters to say how you are doing." I tilt my head in confusion and she smiles wider. "What? This was an official mission from the crown and as a guard that dealt with a dangerous incident, I expect to receive a full report on it. And if you miss a letter I will have no choice but to invite you to the palace." I glare for a moment under my helmet but nod nonetheless as she takes her revenge.

"Would you like me to teleport you home?" I think for a moment and shake my head. "Very well, I wish you a good night Shade. Oh, and, you are grounded from work for two weeks, get some rest. And yes that's an order from your princess." She giggles and a moment later vanishes in a flash of light.

I sit there stunned for a few moments before letting out a long sigh and committing that fact to memory. As I sit in the dark for a few moments I find my voice, "Entropy, you can come out now Girl." I say and a moment later she practically flies out of my shadow and lands on my back. "Home pl-"

I don't get to finish my words as Void envelops us both and I am now standing in my apartment. I sit there and look down as a small bit of blood drips from my armor. The cleaning spell I used wasn't that strong as I didn't want to use that much magic and just removed most of the blood.

I reach out with my field and bring over a towel from my bathroom, laying it down before dropping piece after piece of still bloody armor onto the towel. Entropy watches with a nervous energy as I take my armor off and I smile at her after removing my helmet again. "I'm fine, Girl." I use a reassuring tone.

She doesn't look fully convinced about that and coos a little. "Bad danger, bad wolf. Worry." She effectively shows how much she cares by pecking at me as I remove the last piece of my armor. I raise a brow as she grabs a beak full of my bloody coat and starts trying to pull me.

I chuckle a little and follow along with her as she drags me into my bathroom before letting go. "Clean, always feel better." She demands and I start laughing after a second, a full belly laugh that's mixed with so many emotions. Above all, I feel loved that Entropy cares so much, and that my family cares about me no matter what just happened.

"Ok, but only if you get in as well." She looks reluctant as she dislikes showers a good amount, but that only lasts for a moment and she gets in the shower and caws at me to do the same. I get in and turn on the warm water, letting it and my emotions flow out over me.

I feel several things. Some pride and accomplishment in the fact I helped others in danger and may have even saved a life or two. Also, a little guilty, that I didn't think of a better solution, that I didn't find some way to spare the wolf's life and simply let it go after everything.

At the time that thought never even occurred to me, or at least not enough to make a plan and implement it. That's not entirely my fault, it's not like the wolf was cooperating with me. I guess that idea ignores the reality of the situation. This entire day has been a mess, from seeing new and old friends, to dealing with enemies that I never expected, all the way to killing for the first time.

Maybe I should stop thinking about this for tonight? I can't ignore it, at least not forever, but maybe for just the rest of tonight, I can pretend there is nothing bothering me. I slowly clean myself, taking my time and using an overpowered cleaning spell to remove all the dried blood on my armor, along with cleaning an overprotective Entropy.

Once we were clean and dry I walked back out into my main room, only to scrunch up my muzzle as the overwhelming scent of blood pours off of my armor. "Right, shit," I mumble to myself and think for a few moments before heading into my work room to grab several rags along with filling a bowl with water.

I sit down next to the pile of armor and my weapons and simply pick up the first piece, using water, rags, and a spell to loosen any dried blood off. I could cast a cleaning spell to just remove the blood instantly, but I need something to do, and this is a good simple task.

As I slowly and methodically clean my armor I grow a large amount of Juniper berries for me and Entropy to eat as I go about my work. I was planning to just cast a cleaning spell to remove all the blood on myself as well, but Entropy was right, that shower did make me feel a bit better.

Maybe better is not the right word, more normal I suppose. As I clean I use some life magic to aid the healing of my wounds, deciding against the healing spell as I could use the practice and my injuries are light all things considered. The large bruise on the side of my midsection being the worst, that wind really caught me off guard.

Maybe I should look into something like a modified sticking spell for my armor? Something to make sure I can't be easily knocked off of my hooves in the future seems like a good idea. I am also going to be looking into a better spell for falling like I did, or another enchantment for my armor that does the same thing?

Then again, an enchantment is far less adaptable, and falling is never a very uniform process. I slowly lose myself to ideas and plans yet to come as I slowly clean my armor with a small smile, happy to simply be home again.

POV shift Celestia.

I reappear inside my bedroom with a flash of light and a long tired exhale. Tonight has been trying in a few different ways.

The meeting with Chrysalis was surprisingly productive. I will have to be careful about the Changelings she will send, but it is a useful way to delay giving them love directly and it won't cause Cascadia to have much suspicion if any at all. But as Shade pointed out, it must be done very carefully.

That stallion, he never ceases to amaze and concern me in equal measure. I have seen a great many Ponies deal with ending a life, and the many ways it can affect them. I'll need to send letters often and check in on him, maybe give Twilight a little time off so they can meet up again as well?

He needs time with his friends, both distant and close, and time to simply be normal. Though he is taking the entire event better than I thought he would, or maybe not. Looking back I can see that he's known this was a possibility for a while, he's made and learned several spells that can kill, and I know he's understood that from the beginning.

Still, such things bring out the unpredictable side in Ponies. Maybe his views on death are a part of that? I will admit his method of showing respect is interesting, if disturbing. Touching the dead, a job many grave diggers have that causes them much distress, there is a reason that profession has always been paid very well.

He shows great respect for the fallen though, even to the point of caring about the last rites of a beast that may not have even had a mind of its own. And if nothing else it means that the wolf can not hurt others that could have accidently or otherwise wandered into that forest.

I'll need to remind my guards to scout the next meeting spot more thoroughly, that may make it hard to remain undetected though. I stare down and notice my legs are covered in dirt and some slightly red mud, but I smirk anyway. It was really nice to simply be in a forest, for no reason other than for a walk and a conversation.

It would be nice to do something similar again in the future. I walk over to my bathroom and start to remove my regalia, deactivating the sticking spells that have kept them in place without my usual effort. Shade is many things, but I still fail to see it.

I fail to see what he fears so much, that everything he has done, all that effort. The spells, the training, the never-ending drive to improve and build higher. All that from fear, is it really a victory for anypony if he makes all this out of fear?

Is all the good he has done worth the fear he seems absolutely determined to endure alone?

I don't know, maybe I never will. However, I know I will be there for my friend, and that will have to be enough... No, I will make it be enough.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading. :}
Current year is 996

I've written and edited this in only one day because I have some holiday stuff in the morning. It might take me a while to fix any mistakes and there might be more than normal, sorry in advance.

PS, thanks for eleven hundred, and I will see you all Monday.