Luna is a Coffee Addict.

by I Vicious I

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Horror, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna
Length: 2198

After returning from the moon, Luna discovers the wonderful new invention of coffee. Naturally, she takes it way too far and loses her mind. Or maybe she finally sees things as they really are.

After returning from the moon, Luna discovers the wonderful new invention of coffee. Naturally, she takes it way too far and loses her mind. Or maybe she finally sees things as they really are.

Published 2024-02-04 06:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-02-04 06:40:01 UTC

The Beast

A number of wondrous marvels hath sprung forth since mine initial banishment unto the moon. Whilst to others these novelties may appear mundane, their revelation upon my return struck me with profound awe.

Foremost among these innovations stands the 'locomotive', a contrivance harnessing the power of 'hot water' to propel multitudes of Ponies with unmatched swiftness.

Equally remarkable is the advent of indoor plumbing, a feat of sanitation that stirred Tia's ire at my initial hesitance to embrace its comforts. Following numerous complaints and foul looks from the gardening staff, I acquiesced, and now find myself enamored with its conveniences.

Yet, amidst the great number of ingenious inventions, none captivates mine imagination as fervently as coffee. Oh, what a sublime creation! To conceive that ground brown beans, when steeped in hot water, might serve as a remedy for weariness! The interminable nights now bear less weight upon mine shoulders, and the wearisome daylight assemblies to which my sister inexorably drags me no longer threaten to engulf me in slumber. Though, I must confess, my attempts at feigning interest during such gatherings have not been met with unqualified success. Tia advises that mine thespian skills require refinement, for my exuberance appears less than genuine to those assembled in council.

Haza! On this day, I hath achieved slumber for a mere four hours, yet find myself in fine fettle. Five cups of coffee wrought this miracle! At breakfast, Tia cast a sidelong glance as I partook of more than my customary share of fruit rinds. When questioned, I professed the need for added vigor, citing the lengthier hours of toil. With a dirty look towards Tia, I gulped down my third banana peel. I was uncertain whether her expression displayed concern or befuddlement.

This morning, before my fair sister stirred from her slumber, I found myself waking earlier than her. A curious twist of fate, for I, unexpectedly, fell asleep before my shift ended. It was as I placed lavender along the hallways of the castle that I succumbed, collapsing in the midst of my duty. Fortune smiled upon me, for Tia was not present to witness my folly; elsewise, I would scarcely have heard the end of it. Drinking more coffee to stay awake, I persevered through the night, a decision proven wise as Tia's rise was tardy again. Perhaps in the future, I might take on her duties, granting her more time for rest.

Another momentous discovery graces our day! Today, we unveil the invention known as espresso—a diminutive delight akin to our regular coffee! With expressos, I can now fill my cup and relish the sensation of drinking ten coffees at once! This newfound elixir promises to fuel my endeavors; perchance, I shall find myself aiding Tia more readily during daylight hours. With less need for slumber, I shall be ever more vigilant and industrious.

Today, Tia voiced her concerns for my well-being, emphasizing the importance of sleep and the unhealthy nature of my one-hour slumber each night.

I paid her words no heed, for I am immortal, after all. Instead, my gaze lingered upon her flowing, ethereal mane— a sight I had not truly observed before. Remarkable how it swayed as Tia addressed me. Eventually, she either sensed my inattentiveness or deemed her message conveyed; I failed to discern which. Sipping more of my coffee, I observed her graceful departure to bed. A perfect opportunity, as it allowed me to indulge further in my beloved brew.

Tia once more greeted the dawn with tardiness, a habit seemingly woven through the centuries. As she stirred, my gaze fixed upon her, awaiting her emergence from slumber. A startle marked her awakening, evident in the startled jump she executed upon finding me observing her. She delivered a lecture on boundaries, a discourse that vexed me considerably, for her late mornings and delayed sun raising impeded my pursuit of replenishing my coffee cup. Feigning attentiveness, I endured until she departed to usher in the sun.

I have ceased sleeping altogether. I've deduced that by consuming at least one cup of coffee per hour, I shall never succumb to the urge to slumber again! With the surplus of time thus gained, I shall embark upon daytime dream visits. Alas, the night shift workers have been deprived of my dream walking for too long. Today, I vow to grace each and every one of them with my ethereal presence as they rest.

Tia brimmed with anger today, and for what reason? She had once again lingered in slumber, delaying my replenishment of coffee until her duties were fulfilled. I took it upon myself to raise the sun in her stead, expecting gratitude for allowing her a leisurely morning. Instead, she accused me of oddity, blaming the copious coffee consumption. In retort, I remarked upon the consequence of her excessive rest. With a huff, she departed in displeasure.

Today, I received word that a multitude of night workers are now working day shift, allegedly due to the disconcerting spectacle of my excessively caffeinated appearance. According to their accounts, my speech, accelerated to an otherworldly pace, made me seem possessed, coupled with my abrupt, rapid gestures. Apparently they found this terrifying. No matter, I say. Their leave is of little consequence, especially since I seldom grace daytime dreams with my visitation. Now, with their departure, I find myself bestowed with additional hours to indulge in the consumption of coffee. A prospect that elevates my daily intake to a staggering fifty cups.

Tia found cause for displeasure once more today. Not only did I summon forth the sun before her awakening, but I also chose to leave the moon aloft. In my estimation, this arrangement offers the optimal balance, granting us the blessings of both celestial spheres without the hassle of daily raising and lowering. Despite my eloquent explanation, Tia persisted in her lecturing, a tedious tirade that prompted my departure, much to her chagrin. After all, a replenishment of coffee beckoned, a necessity far more pressing than her tired words.

Today, I found myself compelled to seal Tia in the Sun. Regrettably, she left me no alternative, for she dared to threaten to take away my coffee. She fails to comprehend its vital significance—it sustains my sanity and wards off the wasteful indulgence of sleep. The task proved rather facile, her magic faltering in the face of my swift and erratic movements, undoubtedly fueled by today's seventy-fifth cup. Though she may require a period of rest to regain composure, I am confident she will ultimately agree that I made the correct decision.

Today, Twilight Sparkle and her compatriots arrived wielding the Elements of Harmony, they were extremely upset at my decision to seal Tia within the sun. Despite my attempts to explain the dire threat posed to my coffee, they obstinately dismissed reason and launched an assault. The encounter proved almost farcically straightforward; they seemed incapable of perceiving my movements, rendering their attempts to strike me with friendship magic ineffectual. In an act of retribution, I relieved them of their whimsical gems and cutie marks. I gave them a warning for them not to return until they saw things from my perspective before teleporting them back to Ponyville.

It's only the the start of my day, and it's already ruined. The early morning heralded an unwelcome intrusion as Discord materialized within my throne room. Undoubtedly angered by what I did to little his yellow mare friend, he extended an offer of tea, a notion that repulsed me given my unwavering commitment to an all-coffee regimen. I told him I'm on an all coffee diet now. His reaction to my saying that may have been the first time I genuinely saw him surprised. I thought it was cute, so I decided to turn him back into stone with that expression in tact. One less obstacle to keep me from drinking my coffee.

The sun and moon now stand united in the heavens, casting disquiet into the minds of the citizens. However, I have assuaged their concerns, assuring them that our realm shall henceforth operate with greater efficiency. Thanks to my unwavering commitment to coffee, I can seamlessly transition between day and night shifts, sparing the need for the arduous task of raising and lowering celestial bodies. Henceforth, they shall maintain their positions in the sky without falter, ensuring perpetual constancy in our realm.

That night when I arrived back at the castle, I couldn't help but feel that a violation had occurred. Something in my home had changed. Upon multiple sweeps of the castle I found nothing out of place and nothing missing. The unease I felt said otherwise, there had been a transgression; something had lurked within the castle that did not belong there. I engaged the staff in conversation, noting their disquiet as I probed for answers. Their unease surpassed that provoked by any anomaly within the castle that day. My certainty solidified: an unwelcome presence lurked amongst us. I remain steadfast, unwavering in my vigilance.

Do you ever feel like you're not alone in your own home? Like there's something just outside the peripherals of your vision, choosing not to attack?

Today found me secluded within my bedroom for hours, where I stumbled upon a small hole in the wall, from which a faint whispering emanated. Perched upon my bed, I fixated upon it, unyielding, as though any lapse in vigilance would invite an imminent onslaught. Hours elapsed in this manner until a peculiar pattern unveiled itself. With each sip of my coffee, a spectral aura seemed to intensify, validating my initial suspicions. Determined, I resolved to consume a copious amount of espresso.

The amplification of the murmurs with each sip of coffee was unmistakable. Yet, despite the heightened intensity of the whispers, their significance remained elusive. Regardless of the quantity consumed, the voices may have become louder, but I could not understand what was being said.

I have erred gravely. The voices no longer emanate solely from the breach in the wall; they pervade the very air around me, an omnipresent chorus of murmurs. Today, I consumed over 200 cups of coffee, driven by a primal fear of succumbing to slumber. I dare not lower my guard, for I sense an unseen malevolence lurking just beyond the edge of perception—a specter watching, observing us all.

Though the words remain indecipherable, their intent echoes through the chamber. They speak of Equestria, of my beloved ponies, of me. What inscrutable desire fuels this relentless onslaught? How can I thwart its advances and safeguard my realm from its grasp? These questions weigh heavily upon me as I grapple with the enigmatic forces that encroach upon our world.

Today, I addressed the ponies of Equestria at a grand assembly outside the castle walls. Alas, their response was not as I anticipated. Instead of comprehending the gravity of the situation, they recoiled in fear, their trepidation directed not towards the impending threat, but towards me.

Seeking clarity, I engaged the guards in conversation afterward. Their insights unveiled a disquieting truth: my erratic and rapid speech and frenetic movements had instilled fear in the hearts of our subjects. Undoubtedly, this tumultuous behavior stems from my incessant consumption of coffee, the elixir that grants me the ability to perceive the voices lurking within our walls.

Despite the apprehension of the populace, I cannot relent in my pursuit of truth. For the voices whisper of a darkness that threatens our realm, and only through unwavering resolve can we hope to vanquish it.

The encroaching darkness looms ever closer with each passing day, its ominous presence palpable in the whispers that now pervade my senses. They speak of an impending end, a culmination drawing near. The weight of their words bears down upon me, suffocating, suffusing me with a profound sense of dread.

The Beast looms over us, its presence spanning the breadth of existence with a billion eyes and a billion minds. Its watchful gaze pierces through the veil of reality, observing my ponies and I with an unfathomable awareness. I can feel its scrutiny, an ever-present specter that peers into our very thoughts, casting its gaze upon every corner of Equestria.

Despite my earnest attempts to warn my ponies, my words echo in the void, unanswered. I find myself ensconced upon my throne, grappling with the weight of uncertainty. Hours slip away as I ponder the feasibility of devising a plan to counter this incomprehensible force. Yet, even as I contemplate, I am keenly aware that its watchful eyes remain fixed upon us, unrelenting in their vigil.

Should I conceive a plan, would I possess the requisite power and ability to enact it? The question lingers, a shadow cast upon the path forward, shrouded in doubt and uncertainty. Yet, in the face of such formidable odds, I must steel myself and seek a way to safeguard Equestria from the malevolent gaze of this indomitable entity. On the other hoof I think it will be easier to forget all this, apologize to Tia and give up Coffee.