I awoke but didn’t realize I was awake.
I felt the passing urge to lift the heavy blanket over me with my magic, but I resigned to pushing it off with my hooves. I opened my groggy eyes, revealing the image of her room, my room. It was shrouded in darkness, only broken by the soft glow of a flickering candle, barely revealing the beautiful flowing red carpets and handcrafted wooden furniture. It looked better in the dark; only seeing parts of it let the imagination run free to craft the perfect form itself.
My eyes felt heavy. I didn’t know what time it was or even if there was time anymore. Her room didn’t have windows, so time didn’t really exist. Everything blended together into a constant sludgy sameness. Maybe I had only slept an hour, or a long fourteen. I’d have heavy bags under my eyes either way.
Half tempted to fall back into my pillow, I grabbed the brush at my bedside and started brushing my tangled mane and feathers. I used to not care about my appearance, but now that the Princess could come in at any time to see her favorite pony, I had to be prepared.
I think I enjoyed brushing my mane. It could be calming in a way. The subtle feeling of brushing away hair was one of those small things I could completely fall into. I sometimes played with it by making small changes to see if she noticed. I always got a little thrill when she did. She was so nice about it every time.
Except for that one time. Careful to avoid covering the magical inhibitor on my horn, I pushed a little bit more hair to the left this time. It was a bit risky, I knew, but I was confident she’d like it.
I put the brush down, got out of bed, and walked over to the golden-framed mirror on my reading desk with the candle on it. I took a moment to appreciate the good work I had done for her. She surely would appreciate how I styled my mane. Right? What if she doesn’t? That thought stung at the back of my mind. I noticed a curly strand on the side out of place. My heart beated faster, panic gripped my neck and squeezed.
I grabbed the brush again and aggressively worked it through my mane. I kept going until my panic subsided and everything was straight. My scalp slightly burned from the pressure I put on it. I had my mane parted evenly on both sides of the horn, with the rest flowing down and around my neck, just as she liked it, just as she found me. I almost smiled; it was half-hearted and weak, something you’d give to a friend to signal you were fine and needed help. It felt like a real smile. I hadn’t forgotten what that felt like?
My eyes darted from her little pony to the book and sandwich suddenly on my reading desk. I hadn’t noticed the golden flash of the items being teleported inside the room. I miss that a lot. It was a purple hardcover with the words ‘Daring Do and the Lost Temple’ printed in golden arial on its cover.
My stomach grumbled. I pushed the sandwich into the trashcan by the desk and picked up the book. Daring Do's didn’t come often. I didn’t know how many years or months it'd been, but I knew I’d had thirteen new Daring Do books since the start, fourteen as of this one. I traced my hoof over the hardcover, savoring the sensation of rubbing against it. I opened the book drawer in the desk and paused to stare at the last book I had gotten, ‘Daring Do and the Great Key,’ emanating with a specially made magical seal that this one lacked. I decided to get to reading now, closing the drawer and setting the book on the table. I placed my hoof on its edge to open it, and-
My ears popped up. I heard the echoes of footsteps in the stone hallway. I froze. They weren’t the firm commanding footsteps of a guard switching with another; no, it was her loud gentle marching hooves calmly coming upon me. My heart skipped a beat. In a blur, I rushed to the bed, leaving the Daring Do book unopened, and quickly pulled the covers back over me, careful not to go too fast to mess with my mane. Like a child pretending to be asleep for their parents, I tightly shut my eyes.
The door slowly creaked open. The entire room was washed in her warmth as she lingered by the open doorway. I felt her stare pierce my back. I subconsciously tightened my grip on the blanket and curled into it.
“Twilight.” I didn’t move. I felt her walk toward my bed. The bed sagged downwards when she sat it on; her fur was pressed to my back. She gently ran a hoof through my mane. “Good morning, Twilight. Did you sleep well?”
‘I don’t know’ “Yes.” I opened my eyes but didn't look up. Her warm light shined on the stone wall I was facing.
“Good.” She started caressing her hoof through my mane, parting the brushed hairs between it. “Have you been feeling okay?”
I nodded without thinking.
She slowly moved her hoof down my mane and through my face before stopping at my chin. She grabbed it and pulled my head up to look at her. “Twilight.” Celestia’s gaze dug into me with those familiar warm motherly eyes. Her flaming mane waved gently as if it were in a light breeze, and her lips curled into that small caring smile only she could make. I had almost forgotten how beautiful she’d become. “Did you change your mane?”
I nodded.
“I like it.” My heart dropped in relief. She pushed my head to the left and right to inspect each side of my face. “Your cheeks are sunken in Twilight.” Her horn goes alight with brilliant golden magic, engulfing the warm covers around me and yanking them away. A wave of colder air suddenly assaulted me, causing me to shiver.
Celestia took notice, “There there Twilight. I’ll warm you up.” Instead of using a warming spell, she used her hooves to forcefully pull me right next to her on the bed, wrapping a loving hoof around my neck.
I yelped quietly but didn’t put up any resistance, instead just saying, “Sorry.”
“It's okay, Twilight.” She pressed a hoof into my stomach, easily pushing it down to my ribcage. Her smile disappeared into a frown. “Twilight… Have you not been eating?”
My eyes were firmly placed on the ground, unable to look at her, and only flinching slightly at her question. I didn’t make a sound when she forced my head up to look at her again. I felt shame wash over my system, and I could see she saw the same through my eyes.
Her eyes softened. “How about I get you something?" She tapped her hoof onto the floor, and I heard a guard just outside the room quickly scurry away. “Is it the quality of the food? I can get rid of the cook.”
I immediately shook my head, “No. Please. He's fine-”
“Then why?” Celestia asked.
“I…” I trailed off, unable to say anything. In truth, I didn’t know why, I just didn’t want to. I felt hungry, but I didn’t feel like eating.
She paused, watching my confused eyes, and then looked away from me. She softened her grip, allowing me to relax a little bit, while she levitated a brush from the desk to her with magic, grabbing it with her hoof. Slowly, she started to brush the hair on the back of my neck, working her way up. “You’re so beautiful, Twilight.”
I nodded. I felt heaviness in my throat.
“Don’t ruin it.” As if on cue, I heard the galloping of hooves walking down the hallway. The door opened up, and a gray stallion, who was not the guard, holding a silver plate with a sandwich entered the room. His eyes widened upon seeing Celestia on the bed next to me, and he completely seized up in fear.
“I- I’m, I didn’t mean to not knock! I wasn't told that you were here-”
Celestia gave him that look. His pupils were reduced to pinpricks in fear as he took a step back. “Empress Day-”
“Ehem!” Her expression darkened as her horn glowed, and a golden magic engulfed his neck. The guard glanced at me and realized his mistake.
“-P-... Princess Celestia, please please forgive me, I didn’t mean to interrupt your time with Princess Twilight!” I watched as he put the plate on the floor, fell onto his knees, and begged with his eyes tearing up. She hadn’t stopped brushing my mane.
“I like him,” I said quietly. “He's always been a good servant to me… I want to keep him.” I had never seen him before.
She let out a sigh. “If you ever interrupt this time again, I will see you removed. Permanently.” She seized the plate with her magic and levitated it to me.
“I’m sorry, Princess!” He kept his head bowed down as tears streamed to the floor, the golden magic was still gripping his neck.
Celestia’s entire expression softened, and she suddenly seemed like her old self again. “Thank you kindly for bringing this to Twilight.” The magic slowly disappeared from his neck. “You may leave.” He spun around and scurried away, shutting the door behind him.
She raised a hoof to her mouth and let out a small innocent laugh. “Oh, he’s such a cute little pony. Don’t you agree, Twilight?”
I nodded.
She levitated the sandwich in front of me. “Eat Twilight.” I didn't move. I simply stared at the food with my hooves firmly at my sides. I didn’t have the urge to lift them up and grab it. She didn’t wait long; she levitated the sandwich to the bridge of my mouth and forced it open with magic, sticking a small piece inside. She then forced me to take a bite and allowed my instinct to chew to do the rest. As uncomfortable as it was, I didn’t make a sound or try to spit it out, there wouldn’t be a point.
“Isn’t that tasty, Twilight?” I didn’t notice its taste. I swallowed, and she levitated the piece into my mouth again. This time, I bit down and chewed for her. Celestia watched intently as I finished the entire sandwich, all while still brushing my mane.
When the sandwich was finished, the plate disappeared with a golden pop. I felt the alarm wards in the room tremor from the use of teleportation magic. “Did you like it?”
I nodded but didn't look up. My eyes were planted firmly on the floor, not in thought, just in silence.
Celestia smiled. “I had A.K Yearling make another Daring Do book for you. I know you really like them.”
I nodded.
She stared at my eyes, almost as if searching them. “Is there anything you want? I can get you anything you’d like to add to this room.”
I shook my head.
“... Do you want to discuss anything? I can have some tea brought up!” Her tone almost sounded desperate.
I shook my head.
She went quiet. We both sat silently in the dark room. The only noise was the sound of her brush going across my mane. I enjoyed it, we used to have silent moments like these during brighter days, when I was her faithful student and when she was a wonderful teacher. It reminded me of her and what she really was like.
Then, finally, she broke the silence. “You hate me, don’t you.” She said calmly.
My head shot up to look at her. "No Celestia! I’d never-” I paused, my mouth slightly agape. I saw it again, a tear. I used to never see her cry. Before it all happened, she always seemed above that somehow.
“You hate me. Just admit it.” She stopped brushing my mane, letting the brush drop to the floor. She had that sad look on her face, like a pony looking at the gravestone of a long-dead relative, not sobbing, but with light tears still dripping down their face.
My heart skipped a beat. I immediately jumped to try and retort her claim and prove to her she was wrong somehow. “I love you Celestia! Please don’t cry. I’m sorry! I-”
“You think I went too far to protect my ponies.” She kept her eyes forward at the wall. She looked as if she was talking to herself more than to me.
“No, Nightmare Moon is an evil pony! She was completely wrong! I’m so sorry Celestia, I didn’t mea-” She looked away from the wall and stared down directly at me. I felt my heart freeze as all the fur on my body stood up straight. Her eyes weren’t angry, no, they were the sad eyes of a widow looking upon the last thing she had left.
“Do you love me?”
Her deep yellow iris connected with my purple ones. She looked into my soul, reading it line by line. I felt a spotlight shine on me. It was just her, but it felt like the whole world was watching. I had just told her I loved her. Why was she even asking that? Why was I hesitating? Only a small part of my mind registered that I couldn't move my body.
My mentor, my teacher, my mother, the whole world to me, and the one I would give the world for. I was hers.
“I love you.” The words came out before the thought did.
She looked away from me and back to the wall, observing it as if it were a painting. There was another silence. I stared up at her with anticipation while she calmly looked at that beautiful wall. Her fiery mane flowed with gentle serenity, her vast white wings tucked between each side waiting to present their full length, and her calm, gentle expression felt serene. It felt like looking upon an angel.
Demons are fallen angels.
“Everyone is gone… it’s just me and you.” Then I felt her hoof strike my chest. It all happened in a blur. I collapsed backward onto the bed. Her wings spread to full length. Her body moved with mine fall like a flash of lightning. She was on top of me. She was over me. Two hooves were on each side of my vision. Her lips were mere inches from mine. Her hot breath was gently teasing the fur on my cheeks. My heart thumped as if I had run a marathon.
She breathed deep and heavy breaths, blowing parts of my mane away from my forehead. Her eyes trailed over my body like a predator sizing up its meal. She pushed onto my pelvis with hers, and her wings were pressed down on my front hooves, locking me in place. I had to be hers. I was all she had left. I felt naked. I felt like puking. I had no thoughts. I was part of her being. I looked into her eyes, and I didn’t see Celestia anymore. Her yellow pupils pierced into me like a demon sucking my soul.
“Please.” Tears were rolling down my face before I realized it. I was shaking uncontrollably. Everything was uncontrollable.
Then her eyes softened into those pitiful eyes Celestia gave when seeing an injured animal. She pushed herself off of me, our furs came apart, and she calmly walked out of the room without a word.
I didn’t know how long I laid there. It might’ve been minutes, it might’ve been days. I was crying into my pillow. I didn’t know anything. She was still there. She still loved me. She wasn’t thinking- no she wouldn’t.
The whole world felt like it was coming apart. Everything was so wrong, like a perpetual nightmare. I thought Luna was supposed to take care of those. I forgot how it came to this. My whole life felt like decades ago. Maybe it was. I hadn’t thought about Spike or the girls in ages. All I could think about was her. She was everything. She was still there.
My mind flashed the eyes of a monster before me. I tried to shake it away.
I stared at my desk; the golden Daring Do book I was about to read was still sitting peacefully upon it. Then my eyes wandered to that book drawer in which I kept all the books I was allowed. I fought the thoughts. I couldn’t, I had no right to, it was unthinkable.
I opened the drawer. I felt the magic pulsating from the book I had hidden in plain sight next to every other collection. ‘Daring Do and the Great Key,’ A green hardcover with golden plain text. I lingered over the book. Even with a limiter on, I still felt the subtle pulsating magic emanating from it. It was a simple disguise spell, I had known that the second I got it. I wished I had just told Celestia and had her burn it, but that evil voice in my head told me to keep it. I looked inside once and then hid it away, and never thought about it again.
I opened the box. The book it was emulating faded away like mist, revealing its plain form made of a basic roseberry wood that dampened simple magical detection wards. There was a faded note inside, signed with the cutie mark of a rainbow lightning bolt striking out of a cloud. Next to the note was a basic law enforcement device used in the days before. A magical limiter remover for non-unicorn sheriffs, a simple small metal rod with just enough magical energy stored inside it to release a built-in removal spell.
I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. I was all she had left. I would've been abandoning her. She’d hate herself forever. I was a terrible pony for even thinking of it. I closed my eyes and thought of Celestia. Her warm elegance, her caring smile, and the genuine affection she always had for her little ponies. When I was a filly, I used to catch her staring up at the moon for long hours with eyes of sorrow and regret. When she caught me watching her, she would always soften and smile at me despite it, just happy to see me.
I thought of those yellow eyes, the ones that looked through me, not at me. All I saw was the anger and rage of a monster holding onto the last thing it had left to guard. I thought of her hot breath blowing on my fur and the soft caressing of my back. I thought of her standing over me in bed, pinning me down with her wings, pushing her lips upon mine. It was only a matter of time.
The remover let out a small zap of magic. I felt the room’s alarm ward aggressively tremor through the air around me. The metal limiter dinged on the ground. It had been so long since I felt the warm glow of magic on my horn; it felt foreign yet familiar, like re-taking up an old hobby. I allowed my magic to work on its own. The reading desk was consumed in a purple glow and thrusted against the door, just as I heard a guard try to push it open.
I could barely see through the waterfall of tears coming out of my eyes. I could barely breathe. The tears soaked my fur and dripped to the floor like water coming out of a wet towel. There was a loud thump as a guard smashed his body onto the door, the desk budged, and the door cracked slightly open. I heard frantic shouts in the hallway, followed by the metal steps of dozens of guards.
I quietly asked how it had come to this. All the memories were such a blur, like looking back on a dream. All of my friends felt more like distant characters than real breathing ponies. Even Spike was just a distant memory. Where would I even go? The whole empire would be hunting me, an empire I don’t even know. I thought that maybe I should just give up. I was safe under Celestia. She was kind. I was her most precious student. I should just stop this madness now.
The wards trembled. I felt her magic before I saw her. The entire room glowed a deep orange from the fire in her mane. For a split second, she looked down upon me, her yellow eyes piercing into mine. The fur around them was stained with tears. She was frowning as if she were about to cry. But her eyes were not sad, they were filled with the rage of the deepest infernos of Tartarus, an all-consuming fire that left nothing but ash in its wake. Betrayed, she looked so betrayed.
I searched deeply into those fiery pupils, but no matter how deep I looked, I didn’t see Celestia.
I saw Daybreak.
It was only a split second, but in that moment, I felt clarity for the first time in years.
I allowed the magic to flow freely through my horn, engulfing my body with a deep purple glow. It whisked me off to a location unknown, with a blinding flash of light.
Author's Note
Preread by:
ItsVelvet
and
PseudoBob
Thanks for reading!
I'm not the best writer in the world, but i'm trying to get better! So if you have the time/want to let me know your honest opinion of this little story I wrote, feel free to go for it. Knowing what works, and what doesn't, really would help.
Anyhow, hope you have a wonderful day. (Despite this depressing story) 
