ShadowStriker LightningFlameShadow was born with a full growth of healthy chest hair.
I have no idea how to continue from that sentence.
Suddenly the mane six defeated Discord again only this time, a pegasus foal ShadowStriker found himself in the Canterlot Gardens next to the Discord statue. Since Canterlot Gardens was over and Andrew W.K. wasn't there anymore, the foal decided to sneak into the heavily-guarded Canterlot Castle. It was a towering fortress of power, guarded by only the best and most powerful stallions in the world.
ShadowStriker walked in through the front door.
He knew the lower levels of the castle were for the lowly subjects of the princesses. He knew he was destined to be at the top. So ShadowStriker climbed the stairs until he reached a room that read "Princess Luna's Chambers". In order to invade the princess's personal space, he would need to violently murder her guards. Even though he was a pegasususus, ShadowStriker could still use magic even without a unicorn horn. But he didn't feel like using magic so he used his raw awesomeness to summon an electric guitar from the bowels of Hell and played Free Bird, blowing the guards' minds across the walls.
After washing the blood off his face with more blood, ShadowStriker snuck into Princess Luna's chambers like Solid Snake. She was showering, and he burned the image of her plot into his mind for future reference thinking his wife should surely have an ass as magnificent as this. After all, dem birthing hips.
When Princess Luna emerged from her shower several hours later, she found baby Shadowstriker sitting on her bedroom floor.
"This child's chest hair is far too powerful for the eyes of mortal ponies!" she declared. "I shall dress him in clothes befitting only the douchiest of ponies, so as to protect the world from his well-toned pecs and abs! And I shall raise him to be Captain of Night Royal Guard and one-up my sister."
The next day, ShadowStriker LightningFlameShadow was a full-grown pegasus pony and Captain of the Super-Duper Royal Pony Night Guard Rangers because he was the fastest, strongest and smartest pony in Equestria and everypony liked him. He was so awesome, Princess Celestia grew jealous of her sister's Pony Royal Night Guard Captain and sent him on a special mission to Ponyville to retrieve her crown polish.
When ShadowStriker got there however, he found that Princess Celestia's crown polish wasn't in stock, and a new shipment wouldn't arrive for several hours. Devastated, ShadowStriker considered killing himself because he couldn't face the princess empty-hoofed. So he pulled his sword out and stabbed himself. But ShadowStriker did not die, so he pulled the sword out of his body and stabbed himself a second time. Then he died.
But he still didn't die. Heart-broken, he sought help from the princess's student, Twilight Sparkle.
"If you really want to end your life, you should stab yourself through the heart." she said.
"But Twilight," he said, "my raging chest hair is impenetrable! No weapon can cut it!"
"I know what can cut it," said Twilight. "Love."
Suddenly, Twilight rammed her tongue inside ShadowStriker's mouth, forcing him to make dirty pony love to her.
When they had finished, ShadowStriker did not smoke a cigarette because cigarettes are bad for your health. Twilight could not feel the lower half of her body and decided she should just sleep while ShadowStriker went and fetched the princess's crown polish. On his way, he saw a beautiful butter-yellow pegasus with a long, flowing pink mane. He decided she was the perfect match for his awesome red-and-black color scheme.
"Hey I just met you," he said "and this is crazy. But here's my number, so call me maybe?"
ShadowStriker's amazing pick-up line rallied the entire town into a sing-along that lasted 40 days and nights, and its infectious tune reached all the way back to Canterlot. From the depths of his statue, Discord stirred.
"Ooh, this is my jam." he said. And he broke out again.
As chaos reigned across Equestria, the bearers of the Elements of Harmony faced Discord. Again.
"From whence you came, you shall remain!" chanted Twilight as they all rose into the air, "until we sing 'Call Me Maybe' again!" And they blasted him with a rainbow.
"Trollololol" chortled Discord, "I am much too strong for the Elements of Harmony!"
Suddenly, ShadowStriker arrived to back up the ponies.
"Don't worry Twilight, my angst will give you strength!" he said as he played 'Crawlin'' by Linkin Park on his iPod.
"ShadowStriker, I need to tell you something..." said Princess Celestia, wearing a very shiny crown. "You were not born from a pony mother and father, you were born from the Elements of Harmony!"
"Whaaaaa?!" derped ShadowStriker.
"You are the Seventh Element, and we need you to help defeat Discord!"
"Not if I kill everypony first!" sneered Discord as he threw a banana at Fluttershy.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" YELLED -whoops- yelled ShadowStriker as he dived in front of Fluttershy, but even his mighty chest hair couldn't block Discord's unrealistically-sharp banana.
ShadowStriker died and everypony was grief-stricken with sadness. Twilight stood up and spoke sternly to Discord.
"Discord," she said, "we've beaten you before and we'll do it again, because aside from being honest, kind, loyal, generous, and laughing with your friends, it's only when all of that magically mixes together that you can actually stand to be seen with them, and that's what we're going to use to defeat you! The seventh element: Awesomeness."
Suddenly, all the ponies and ShadowStriker's dead body rose up into the air and released a super-awesome red-and-black bolt of lightning that hit Discord right in the dick, sealing him away.
But the ponies were still sad that ShadowStriker was dead, so they decided to use the Elements of Harmony to bring him back to life. When he came back to life, he was a super tall, muscular alicorn with a pitch-black coat and flaming red mane and tail. He also had wicked-cool red markings on his body that made him look even awesomer. He had also respawned with stunner shades and killer bling that read "SWAG" and "YOLO".
"ShadowStriker!" said Princess Celestia, "now that you're alive again, there's something else I need to tell you!"
"What is it?" said ShadowStriker in his totally badass new alicorn voice.
"You were actually a human from the future of another universe who was sent here and turned into a changeling! Then you transformed into a pegasus pony and gave yourself amnesia!"
"What a twist!" said M. Night Shyamalan.
ShadowStriker decided that with his newfound powers, he should stop world hunger and end all wars on every planet. But first, he reached into his home dimension and pulled the best entertainers from his world to Equestria to have a super-duper awesome dance party. Nicki Minaj, One Direction, Rebecca Black, Justin Bieber, and Gilbert Gottfried emerged from a magical portal and rocked everypony's world for the rest of time.
"But ShadowStriker, we all love you!" said Fluttershy. "Which one of us are you going to marry and smex each day to give birth to your powerful, hairy seed?"
ShadowStriker thought hard for a moment before announcing his decision.
"I hereby decree that polygamy be legalized, so everyone can bare my young!"
"Yay!" and everypony celebrated with a never-ending orgy. And legends say that if you listen closely, you can hear the author of this fic facehoofing and shaking his head in regret.
The End.
(All names are copyright and property of their respective owners, ShadowStriker is copyright of Fireseeker.)
