Gassy Scales

Spike the dragon happily popped another gem into his mouth and chomped on it as he lounged on a fancy couch. The drake was currently visiting The Crystal Empire and, as is usually the case, the citizens were spoiling their greatest hero. Spike’s every need as being tended to without him having to lift a claw. It’s one of the reasons he loved coming to The Crystal Empire so much, but it was also why Twilight declined to go with him this time. She described it as an act of trust, since she believed the dragon was now responsible enough to make the journey on his own. She only asked that Spike not go overboard with his celebrity attention, and for the moment, he thought he was doing a good job keeping that promise. It wasn’t his fault the citizens were giving him as many gems as he could eat, or that they were complimenting his every move. It brought them joy after all, and what kind of dragon would he be if he deprived them of such joy?

“How are you enjoying your visit, Spike?” Princess Cadence asked as she walked it. Taking a break from being a ruler and mother to check in her sister-in-law’s favorite assistant.

“It’s the BEST!” Spikes helped in excitement before shoving another handful of gems into his mouth. “Twilight never lets me snack on gems this much!”

“I see. Maybe you should slow down? You’re looking a little…” Cadence's eyes moved to the dragon’s tummy, which looked three times the size it was when he arrived at the castle an hour ago.

“Are you kidding?” Spike asked as swallowed another mouthful. “I could do this all-”

*GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLEEE*

Spike’s tummy suddenly vibrated, as if in protest over how much the dragon was eating. The dragon and pony each took notice of this, with the former placing a claw on his building belly and rubbing it to ease the comotion. “On second thought, a break sounds nice.” Spikes then stretched his limbs and yawns. “I could use a nap. Got any place I could sleep this off?”

“Right this way.” Cadence said with a giggle before leading the drake to the nearest guest room. Spikes followed as best he could, but it was difficult with how much extra weight he was carrying. He only got to the center of the main hall when something unexpected happened.

*SLAM*

Spikes and Cadence turned as soon as the castle doors burst open and saw, standing at the entrance, was none other than the evil King Sombra! “Here me, Crystal Empire! Your rightful ruler has returned!”

“Sombre?” Princess Cadence immediately got in a defensive stance, stepping in front of Spike, and spreading a wing to shield the small dragon. “How did you break the barrier to get into our kingdom?”

“Simple. I used a spell that blocks out all magic in this kingdom except my own.” Sombre explained with a grin that then turned sinister. “All of you ponies will bow to me, or else!”

“Ha! Like we’d ever bow to the likes of you!” A Crystal Pony yelled from the crowd that had gathered.

“Yeah! We still have the great and noble Spike on our side!” Another Crystal Pony called out. This surprised Cadence, Sombre, and Spike before the crowd started chanting.

“SPIKE!”

“SPIKE!”

“SPIKE!”

“SPIKE!”

“That’s Right!” Spike announced, having been inspired by the crowd’s belief in him. He stepped in front of Cadence as he kept talking, trying to look as heroic as possible while cradling a full tummy. “Your magic is no match against my dragon fire!”

“Spike. Are you sure this is a good idea?” Cadence whispered worriedly.

“No, but it's the best we’ve got.” Spike whispered back. Truthfully he was scared, but he couldn’t back down now that he was the only home to save The Crystal Empire.

“HAHAHA! You think a tiny dragon like you can stand against me?”Sombre asked mockingly. When Spike stood firm, the dark king decided to humor him. “Then, give me your best shot.”

Spike braced himself as he inhaled. He wasn’t in any state to fight, but he had to defend the ponies that were so gracious to him. Spike got ready to breathe out his strongest gust of fire at Sombre. However, just as he was about to open his mouth, the dragon’s tummy gurgled again.

“GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLEEEEEE*

“Oooh! Wait! Time Out!” Spike said as he clutched his tummy, which was now in more pain than it had been before.

“What's wrong, little dragon? Having second thoughts?” Sombre taunted. “It’s not too late for a pathetic creature such as yourself to bow to me as well.”

Spike struggled to push past the pain and get back to defending the kingdom. However, his tummy continued to churn, so he turned around to face Cadence in the hope that she’d know how to soothe his aching stomach. In this new stance Spike unknowingly bent over with his butt aimed right at Sombre and his tail raised.

“Huh? If you're trying to bow, you’re facing the wrong way!” Sombre said, offended at the disrespect he was receiving.

“Spike, are you okay?” Cadence knelt down and asked the drake.

“Not sure!” Spike said in a shaky tone. His eyes were closed and his teeth clenched. His tummy was getting louder and lowered as the pressure grew to an unbearable degree. Spike thought he was about to explode. “It feels like I'm gonna-!”

*BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

Everypony in the room was shocked when they saw a massive green fireball shoot out of Spike’s butt with the force of a thousand suns. The Crystal Ponies were lucky to not be Sombre, as his face took the full brunt of the blaze. He tried to withstand it but was soon sent flying as the sheer force of the fiery flatulence sent him flying until he landed in the snow several miles from the kingdom. As soon as Sombre was a safe distance away, Spike’s fart started to die down. Within seconds, there was nothing but a few smoldering green embers and scorch marks where Sombre once stood. Spike’s eyes widened when he looked over his shoulder to see the damage his butt had caused. The faint smell of burnt brimstone hung in the air. He then turned back to the Crystal Ponies and saw all of their shocked faces.

“Um…excuse me.” Spike offered sheepishly. The crowd remained silent, which only made Spike more embarrassed as the seconds ticked on. This was the most humiliating thing he’d done in front of The Crystal Ponies but at least his tummy felt better.

“YAY!!!!!” The crowd suddenly burst with excitement at how awesome Spike’s defeat of Sombre was. They were going crazy and when they started chanting his name again, Spike felt a wave of relief.

“SPIKE!”

“SPIKE!”

“SPIKE!”

“SPIKE!”

Spike was soon hoisted into the air as the crowd cheered him in celebration. He was so happy to have saved The Crystal Empire once again. The only problem was trying to come up with a way for this story to sound believable to Twilight and the rest of his friends when he returned home.