So today is the day Discord is ‘officially’ released from his stoney prison. Except apparently he’s been pretending because he could befriend Fluttershy all over again; it’s a memory he is very fond of from across the multiverse as it seems. I decided to head down to Ponyville with the statue, as I actually wanted to try and make sense of chaos magic and actually try to learn it. Because, despite their name, the Elements of Harmony are pretty chaotic in what they actually do to people. Mostly because of what they have done to people they’ve been used on.

Luna got put on the moon when they were used on her the first time.

They weakened Tirek and threw him into Tartarus.

They had, allegedly, straight up killed Groger.

Discord got turned into stone by them.

And then Luna, after her return, got turned back into Luna and had her Nightmare form be put into check; she has some control over it now but no access to the powerboost Nightmare Moon has.

Because of this, even though chaos magic is unpredictable in nature and hard for any single pony to pick up, save Pinkie if she chose to learn it, Harmony Magic is just as chaotic as chaos magic. Both do have something in common with how something must activate both forms of magic in order to trigger in the first place. For instance, Discord snaps his fingers and something happens; he then somehow manipulates chaos magic into doing what he wants it to. Harmony magic needs the Elements of Harmony or the emotions or traits of Harmony to function and then shoot their, gay as fuck, rainbow death beam.

I was sitting with Twilight and her friends, each had their aforementioned element necklaces, or crown in Twilight’s case. Everypony had looks of apprehension on their face since Celly had informed them what the task at hand was. I wasn’t too concerned, because Discord might like me. Also according to Discord, somehow, some way, Fluttershy cracked his stoney heart. Probably by being adorable.

“C’mon, guys, it’ll be fine,” I said as I relaxed in my chair.

“How do you know for sure, Source?” Apple Jack asked.

“Yeah, you weren’t even there for Discord’s first rampage. Instead you got stuck in a portal and did buck all, when we could’ve used your help to begin with,” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof dismissively. “It’s almost like you planned that to get out of having to deal with Discord yourself-”

“Don’t you dare fucking finish that line of thought, Dash. You’re my friend, a proper lad that I wouldn’t mind sharing a drink with, but god damn, use your fuckin’ brain. Do ya think I’d want to get stuck in a portal during Discord’s rampage? That I’d enjoy not being there for my family when Discord could have his way with them? Do you fucking understand what I went through while y’all were dealing with Discord?

“Did y’all know that Discord almost kept me from seeing my family again? I think not. It gave me some brilliant insight into just how fragile my mental health has been since arriving in Equestria, Rainbow Dash. I will not have some asshole fucking insult what I’ve been through because you had a shitty time when Discord was around. We all had a shitty time during that. I’ve barely been able to reconnect with my students since that portal incident, Dash.” I snarled. “So do, do continue with that line of thought, I fucking dare you.

“Because if you continue to have that line of thought… I will break your jaw, Dash. Don’t test me.”

“Rainbow, you better bucking apologize,” Apple Jack reprimanded her marefriend. “Because Ah’ll be honest as Ah’ve always been; that was uncalled for. Source agreed to come along to try and help us keep Discord from flipping the world upside down again. Yer lucky Source is twice the stallion he thinks he is; I woulda kicked you in the teeth if I were him.”

I shook my head. “Dash doesn’t need to apologize; she can apologize by learning to watch what she says. She’s lucky that I try to avoid violence when I can.” I let out a lung’s worth of air through my nostrils. “Now, Discord… I’ve dealt with him a lot in other timelines. I’ll be honest, he’s not dangerous or will outright kill anyone. He’ll fuck with you for the fun of it, but he won’t kill you; if he kills you he can’t have fun anymore. So if we even reform him, expect him to still be wanting to fuck with you.” I explained to Twilight, who had that ‘studying face’ on. You can tell that it is, her tongue sticks out from her bottom lip while she’s trying to study or figure something out.

She will have larger eyes, bordering on watery eyes if she needs information from you specifically.

“Okay, got it,” Twilight nodded. “Is there anything else we need to know?”

“Celly controlled him through pain; she apparently shoved the Element of Honesty down his throat and into his lung when he mentioned capturing me in another world for his own sick games. It was funny as hell, in hindsight, now that I’m not bordering on killing myself.” I chuckled. “And I got Celly to buy some purple, thigh high boots!” I chuckled before taking in everyone’s inquisitive, though horrified expressions. “Okay, so a timeline I’ve come across… had another evil Celestia. She was beautiful, though fucking terrifying because how dangerous she was.

“She wore purple boots and they looked good, so I asked if Celly could get a set. She agreed and now she has boots.” I chuckled. “Feck, I wanna check in on how Celestia's doing. Last I checked, she had the evil yanked right out of her.”

The train came to a stop. “Okay,” I got to my hooves. “We move the statue to an indiscreet field, and then we release him. Sounds like a plan?” I asked.

“Yeah!” The girls chorused.

We set up Discord’s statue in an unused field on Sweet Apple Acres, as it was private property and thus less ponies to poke their noses into what we were doing. The girls got in formation while I simply steeled myself. The last time I saw this bastard, or at a minimum, a different Discord, he stuck me through portals willy-nilly and made me think I wasn’t going to be able to go home. I put on a visage of confidence, when in reality I was kinda scared out of my fucking mind. I wasn’t leaving the girls alone with Discord for even a second.

The gay death laser struck the statue that was Discord. First his… So I don’t have to get confused, his feet started cracking, the cracks started running up the statue’s stoney body until it completely broke and… Discord was fake screaming in pain and agony. I tilted my head and watched with interest… until he realized he wasn’t stone anymore.

“Oh thank goodness! Being stone was rather uncomfortable. And let me guess, you all think that you can reform me? That Fluttershy would be able to do such a thing to me?” As he stretched, he snapped his lion paw, turning a squirrel into a muscle freak that looked ready to off the head of whatever poor creature happened to come close to it. With a snap of his talon, a bunny became an evil little monster. He grabbed Fluttershy and started noogeying her.

Twilight snarled. “And just how did you hear about that?” She asked, taking the lead of the operation.

“Well, I heard you talking with the Princess’s precious little stallion… Now just where is he? I’ve not properly met him when I should’ve, and instead met him in circumstances not ideal.” Discord’s eyes fell on me. In a heartbeat, he dropped Fluttershy like she was a bag of rice that just got brought home by an asian family. “Aw, look, a poor, poor little stallion. Oh, and an alicorn at that!” The Lord of Chaos rubbed his hands together, and before I could blink he was patting me on the head.

“Oh fuck no,” I growled, ducking under the paw. “Don’t you dare touch me.”

“Watch the language, Source Code. And c’mon, we both know you enjoy my touch…”

“The last time I let you touch me, I went missing for hours. The last time I did a favor for you. I’m only here because I can mentally take your chaotic bullshit.” I grumbled. “And as much as I hate you, you’re the only creature that I know of that has control of chaos magic, or can even use it. While I’m not as much of an egghead as Twilight,” I am going to get my shoulder checked by Twilight later, “I’d like to figure out how chaos magic works so I can either use it, or just have an idea of how to work it out into something that makes sense…”

“So you can handle me, mentally, but how about emotionally, hmm?” Discord took the form of Button. “Help, Dad-” I punched him in the face. I put a good amount of magic into amping the punch too. It probably- Oh, he’s got a bloody nose now. Discord held his nose in shock. “What the heck?” Discord asked in awe. “A pony that actually hurt me?” He’s trying to play us like a fool; I know he’s lying and faking the injury… to a point. I think. I can barely get a read on this guy. Discord shook his head. “Seriously, you’ve got balls, I’ll give you that.”

“By the way, Discord,” I smiled warmly. “Behave. Celly is on fucking speed dial, and I know you weren’t exactly a statue in this timeline.” I grinned maniacally when Discord checked behind him. “Want the Element of Magic shoved up your ass, Discord?” I grinned. “Or would you rather stay in Fluttershy’s cottage and behave for her, hmm? This is her task after all.” Also Discord probably will want to get under Fluttershy’s tail, judging from how these two exist outside of any timeline, apparently, while being married.

“I’ll… behave.” Discord conceded. “Come on Fluttershy, I am beginning to regret my decision of-”

“Turn the animals back, and don’t think about literally doing some shit behind your back. My diagnostic spell will pick it up, and Celly will make you sit in a room, alone, with her and Luna… as foals. Trust me, you do not want to be in a room with that level of adorabetes; the big, tough Lord of Chaos wouldn’t be able to handle such a thing.” I kept grinning.

“If you don’t let her do that, I’ll owe you a solid.” Discord agreed, before he and Fluttershy and the rest of the girls were off. Except Twilight.

“What do you mean by… Discord wasn’t a statue in this timeline, Source?” She asked.

“Oh yeah, Discord was apparently never turned to stone again in this timeline, he just made it look like he was… because he has memories from Discords across the multiverse, I believe. Today, while a bit not on schedule, apparently, is the day he and Fluttershy became… friends. It’s a day he holds dear and probably rejoices whenever an opportunity to relive it comes. Let Fluttershy do her thing, let whatever Discord does happen. It’ll all work out in the end…

“Discord thinks Fluttershy is adorable, just a fun little fact; he’d do anything for that mare. Hell, Fluttershy will live past the heat death of the universe because of Discord.” I shrugged. “This specific Discord also is why I went missing for an afternoon; he kept tossing me in through portals when I went through one to deal with the ‘dangerous thing that threatened Equestria’ and Celly beat the shit out of him.”

“...Oh.” Twilight then rammed her shoulder into mine, pretty hard. “That’s for calling me an egghead.”

“Am I wrong?” I asked.

“Buck you!” She hit my shoulder again.

“Man, what the fuck? This is what I get for letting you use me as a pillow on the train ride here?” I asked, sounding hurt.

“...I swear to your wife, if you start sounding more deranged than Discord or Pinkie, I will smack you.”

“You already did. Also, I’m not deranged enough to out Pinkie the Pink One. I could give Discord a run for his money if you got me drunk enough though…” I hummed. “Now, since you’re in on the plan, I can’t have you go anywhere and blurt out what’s gonna happen. Mostly because Discord will turn our insides out, and Celly will burn his outsides and insides to a crisp. So…” I grabbed Twilight. “It’s been a minute since we’ve chilled out.” I flopped into the grass. “Wanna just relax?” I asked.

“But Discord…”

“Is… What?”

“He’s going to get situated…” Twilight sighed. “So we just do nothing?”

“I’unno. Sunset said she’d be coming down to Ponyville today, without realizing what the heck is going on. I bet you two could geek out over magic. Sunset’s a bit of a scholar too, though not as much as you are, you egghead. Heck, I’m sure you two would get along.” I hummed some more. I flopped into the grass. “If Discord misbehaves, wake me up, I guess."

So instead of Discord… misbehaving… He’s hosting a dinner party. I guess I got invited, because I don’t remember actually waking up and getting an invite. I just woke up inside Fluttershy's home with the rest of the girls. Fluttershy was sitting closest to Discord and I was seated next to Rainbow, right in between her and Apple Jack. Discord was dressed up in a suit and a mustache that I’d typically see on an Italian villain or dictator. The suit was more… of just a suit jacket on top of a red, button up vest that went over a white, long sleeved undershirt that was likely also a button up.

Knowing Discord, he probably spray painted that onto himself.

I was seated on a purple cushion, and sprayed in the face with a fucking hose before I could even begin to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

“Dude… I was going to cosplay as the Seventh Element of Harmony, and be a voice that voices their unneeded thoughts!” I sighed. Nopony was gonna get that. “So why am I here, Discord?”

“Well, seeing as you’re the consort of my old pal, Princess Celestia, I thought it would be best to also make you a pal of mine. What do you say to join me and my dear friend, Fluttershy, for dinner along with the rest of our friends, hmm?” Discord asked.

“Hey guys, how’d I end up here?” I asked, looking at everypony else. “I literally woke up five seconds ago, I am drenching wet and now I get why my dog fucking hated baths. Wet, cold fur fucking sucks.” I really hate Discord. I summoned a shield on myself, before lighting the shield on fire. Everypony around me yelped, but I was perfectly fine. At a minimum, I’ll die. Oh no. “Calm your teets. I don’t have access to a blow dryer, so a burning Shield Spell will have to do, and it’s just as effective!” The fires died, and the shield dispersed. I was perfectly dry now. “So, how’d I end up here?”

“We walked in,” Twilight shrugged. “And you were sleeping on the cushion, with your face buried in the table like you were studying for too long. You’re quite… keen on taking naps when you can; that’s not a good thing, Source.”

“Oh, small talk about our physical health, how wondrous!” Discord clapped his hands. “Do tell me, I for one, am curious as to what you get up to at night.”

“I think a lot. Honestly, I’ve been sleeping just fine recently, I just don’t get a lot of it. Sunset Shimmer’s joined me and Celly and Button in our sleeping pile, and she’s kinda cool. I just spend a lot of time thinking about my purpose on Earth, but then I come up short and spiral for a good half hour, before going back to sleep. Then I have a nightmare, and since Luna is terrified of what I’d call a nightmare, doesn’t help me since I am running from a Xenomorph, an imaginary monster humans came up with traumatized Luna, but I didn’t even call it a nightmare.

“Then I wake up with a nice, crisp four hours of sleep and do a good enough job to seem like I got a proper amount of sleep, so Celly doesn’t worry about me. Nobody notices, and that’s pretty cool. Except I told all of you; if what I say is used against me in the future, I will kill myself.” I blinked. “So I take a lot of naps to compensate for my horrible, horrible nightly routine.” I noted that… “WHY THE FUCK IS THAT GRAVY BOAT ACTING LIKE A GOD DAMN PUPPY!?” I jumped and backed away. “Actually, that’s probably the most tame thing I’ve seen in Equestria yet.”

“What?” Rainbow asked. “Are you serious?”

“Bitch, imagine how I felt when I watched Celly actually raise the sun for the first time. Sure, it’s a glorious sight, but when you come from a universe where the solar system works on its own, it borks your brain, aye? Feck, the idea of Magic Theory itself… while I am… Above average with magic, I suck at Magic Theory. Why? Because to my human brian, it makes no fucking sense to give something whimsical, that’s only true in fairytales on Earth, a logical, straight reason for why magic does what it does.” I waved a dismisstory hoof, even as the gravy boat dumped gravy on me; Celly’s hotter than the gravy is. “Discord’s bullshit’s pretty tame after coming to Equestria, after being on Earth where magic doesn’t exist, it’s whatever.”

Discord started looking offended at that. “Me? Normal!?” He almost snarled. “I’ll show you chaos in a good way. Look! Dancing Candles!”

Those are indeed dancing candles. Wow. Rainbow Dash blew them out and killed them.

“How is that normal?” Rainbow asked.

“You can use magic to give ‘life’ to inanimate objects,” I waved another hoof. “Seriously, humans can come up with way fuckier shit. Y’all have sewer drains, right?” Everypony nodded. “Okay, imagine if a clown lived in those sewers and ate children because that clown’s secretly a demonic entity.” I let everypony imagine that and they all cringed, Discord included. “Hell, there’s even more heinously fucked shit. Let me ask you laddies a question…” I grinned at the stupid shit that could happen from this. “Are you ready, kids?” I asked.

“Aye, aye captain!” Pinkie cheered.

“I can’t hear you!”

“Aye, aye captain!”

“OHHHHHH!”

I horribly sang the most iconic theme song in the world. “By the way, that little shit of a sponge makes Discord’s chaotic bullshit look like chumpy shit.” I teleported a kitchen sponge and a fake starfish, gave them faces and summoned a piece of paper labeled ‘map’. “Look Spongebob, the map!” Their eyes stretched and started rubbing on it. “Spongebob?” The starfish started… Everypony, even Discord was looking at the scene. Discord slowly looked up at me and mouthed the following.

“What the fuck is wrong with humanity?”

“By the way,” I said as I whisked away the now sentient kitchen sponge and plastic starfish. “That was made for entertaining children across the globe… Great times.”

“I will not be out of chaos today, my good stallion, watch-”

“Source,” Twilight started eying me weirdly. “Are you secretly a Discord meat puppet, or actually Source?”

“Man, Dan said he showed y’all the Spongebob Movie on the train ride back from the Empire after the convention… Wait, nevermind, y’all didn’t get to see the show… Meh.” URk! The fucking fish shaped tea thing shot me in the eye with tea. So I clapped my hooves and a bigger fish shaped tea pot ate the smaller one. What!?

“Oh my, he’s using chaos magic!” Discord wiped a tear away from his eye. “I doubt he remembers how he did it, but… he did it!”

What the fuck.

“Hey Discord, wanna hear something mildly morbid?” I asked.

“...What?” Discord asked.

“Wanna hear something morbid? It’ll make you forget all about being a chaotic asshole. Because I know you’re just manipulating the shit out of Fluttershy right now.” Before Discord opened his mouth I began. “So, imagine being born into the world, expecting a nice, fun life ahead of you. You are told you can be whatever you want to be, that if you worked just hard enough, you could achieve your dreams. As you grow older, you begin to learn about the world around you and how it works… Then you learn how to read, to write, to do basic math. Then… you’re suddenly able to go out on your own in the world. Still with me?”

“...Yes. You’re telling me to think of what it’s like to be a mortal, why do you ask?” Discord asked.

“Oh, I’m just getting started. So you begin working, right? You find a job in something simple to get your life started, say… a cashier at your not so local supermarket, a human market where everything is sold, from weapons down to cheese that isn’t actually cheese. You work, you work hard and earn money… er, bits. The government then takes some of those bits because why not, whatever… then you can barely afford the apartment you got. You rinse and repeat this routine… wake up, brush your teeth, barely eat breakfast, work. Get home, barely eat anything, go to sleep. You repeat this, saying you’ll find a way out of this endless cycle… Then one day your friend dies from something, heart disease, heart failure, anything really, possibly even suicide.

“Suddenly your highschool crush is married and you haven’t seen her since God knows when. Don’t matter, your daily cycle continues, to make some rich guy richer than he is so he can hire more people to make him richer than he already is. Then it all… suddenly stops. It dissolves into nothingness. You might have kids, you might not. Doesn’t really matter, everything just stops one day…” I looked up at Discord, I met his gaze. “Well, what do you think?”

“That… sounds depressing.” Discord literally deflated. “What kind of life did this poor soul have to live through-”

“Oh, that’s just the majority of humanity. Most people kinda… just live like that.” I rolled my eyes. “It sucks, but eh, what can you do when there’s money to be made.”

Discord just stopped. “Okay, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you humans. That takes the fun out of me trying to get under your skin, Source. You’ve out chao’ds me with that map… thing. Then you go and tell me that?”

“Hey man, humanity’s not all bad. Sometimes you can die one day and nobody would notice for weeks!” I laughed. “Fuck, thank god I don’t live on Earth anymore. So how’re you feeling, about being a chaotic, godly asshole?” I asked.

“I’ll be there if you don’t ever put that mental image in my head…” Discord shivered. “That… sounds so dull, so boring. How can anyone live life like that?”

Twilight, and all of her friends for that matter hugged me. “Waht?” I asked as they started hugging me tighter.

“Don’t worry, you’ll live a much, much happier life here in Equestria-”

Discord smirked. “You played yourself. Ponies are sentimental fools, and they’ll think you are traumatized by your life on Earth.” He clapped his hands, before he himself drooped. “You humans sound boring.”

“Shit. Hey, did you know that some people will go take moving pictures of dead bodies for money?” I asked.

Discord and everyone else flinched. “what?”

As I hopped on the train, I was feeling pretty good. Discord was behaving and we were all heading up to at some point Canterlot because… Twilight was still trying to grasp how to Princess and wanted some advice from Celly… and I may try to properly introduce her to Sunset Shimmer; those two nerds are practically meant to be together. Also… Holy fuck it’s been a year since the Summer Sun Celebration. Wait, shit. It’s been a year since Luna came back from the moon.

Oh yeah… Nevermind on introducing Sunset to Twilight. All the princesses are getting together for this Summer Sun Celebration, so they’re all gonna be really busy with that. I was just heading home first on the train, because I really just wanted to get away from Discord. I won’t be able to really escape him, but I fucking hate that guy. I’ve got my reasons, and I’m sure when he chills out, he won’t be that bad, but I’m holding my grudge, dude.

That fucker sicked me on four alicorns, and practically held me hostage for hours in various timelines. Hell, I’m lucky that I haven’t been thrown into a portal in the last… twelve and a half hours that I’ve been in Ponyville, basically doing fuck all when it came to reforming Discord. I rested my head on the back of my seat, despite having the option, I didn’t take the royal coach tonight. I was just in the good ol’ ‘commoner’ train car tonight.

What.

No, what!?

The Moon started rising, but the Sun… just drifted off to the side, and now both celestial bodies were hanging at their apex in the sky. It’s about… nine at night, the moon should not be where it should be at midnight, and the sun should've settled by now. Celly and Luna can get into hissy fits with each other and have shouting matches while raising their celestial bodies… but they usually don’t try to fuck with how this shit works.

Other ponies on the train car started staring at the once in a lifetime oddity.

“What’s going on?”

“Are the princesses okay?”

I looked back at Ponyville… it’s beginning to get overrun by the Everfree Forest. I could see Rainbow Dash trying her best to combat the Everfree’s clouds, which was proving to be difficult with the number of them.

A letter popped up in front of me… It’s from Button.

Dear… Okay, fuck it. Dad, you know who’s writing this, you probably picked up on the magical signature.

A root just snatched Mom when she left the bathroom, and Tale said the same happened to Luna. Neither of us know what the heck is going on, but everything is going horribly wrong. Grandma and your siblings have no clue as to what’s going on, the guards are in disarray and the throne room is being overrun by reporters and nobles. Grandma would be trying to take lead on this project, but Sunset’s been hyperventilating the whole time. I know you wanted to help try and reform Discord, but we need you to come home as soon as you get this.

You already know who sent this.

The train jerked and came to a stop and started flying off the rails.

In the brief moment I was in the air, I saw why. A black root sprouted and grew exponentially quicker than what is biologically possible for a natural plant, and the train had slammed into it. I snarled, and grabbed the entire train, and couldn’t. It was too heavy for me and there was too much for me to grab. I flared up the diagnostic spell and grabbed everypony’s magical signatures, before teleporting them out of the train… nobody was in the locomotive. Their magical signatures were… Oh fuck. I’m still on the train.

I teleported outside to the train.

I couldn’t save everypony; I acted a moment too late.

“Okay, everypony,” luckily we still were not too far from Ponyville. “Are y’all alright?”

“Prince Source?” A mare asked. That’s fucking Lyra. “you… just saved our lives.”

“You can thank me, by getting back to Ponyville. I cannot guarantee that it’s safer there, but the Elements of Harmony are stationed there for a reason. Right now, it’s the safest spot in Equestria to be… Assuming everywhere else is like this.” I watched the sky as Twilight, while using DragonFire flew to the castle at a speed that would make even Rainbow Dash gawk. “Get somewhere safe.” I ordered. “Once this is over… we’ll look over the train for any casualties. I’ve got a kingdom to get in line and a fellow alicorn to boss around.” Lyra saluted me before turning around and started barking orders.

I teleported into the throneroom right as my Ma opened her mouth. “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I growled. “Everypony, calm the hell down.” I snarled. Everypony listened pretty quickly, even Ma flinched at how loud I was… Luna would be proud if she heard that attempt of the Royal Canterlot Voice. Button was sitting, tucked close to her side, his eyes showed a gratitude that I’ve not seen in them since I adopted him. “For all you reporters, no, I don’t know what the fuck is going on. For all you nobles, fuck off. You want your property repaired, sure, you’ll be reimbursed twenty bits even though Canterlot hasn’t been touched by whatever the hell is fucking with Ponyville. And Snowdrop… I don’t know actually, but she’s not here right now.

“Now, everypony, leave.”

“And what makes you think you can boss us around?” Prince Blueblood asked. Oh, he got out of prison.

“Cadance is off in the Empire and doesn’t know what’s going on, and I outrank Twilight by seniority of who has a crown. I do not have the time to be trifled by your antics, Blueblood. You’re lucky that Celly ain’t here to toss you back in jail for trying to interrupt important matters.” I took a long, deep breath. “Everypony that isn’t the captain of the Day Guard and the Captain of the NIght Guard, get the hell out. Everypony not of the Royal Family, get out. If you don’t, I am pissed, I am worried for my wife and my sister in law’s safety. I have no time, and I will teleport you all out of here without a care as to where you end up.” Everypony was quick to file out of the throne room.

Save for three ponies that weren’t in the family. I know that two of them were here because of who I specifically said I wanted to stay in the throne room. The third was enveloped in green fire and Chrysalis stepped forward. “Source, I will let you know that my changelings have tunnels underground that lead to everywhere. If you need to transport guards to Ponyville, I can assist with that.”

“Damn, you're… actually helping, Chrysalis. Thank you, but I’m not sure if that is necessary right now.” I nodded to the Queen. “I’ll thank ya later. Midnight Blossom, and… forgive me, my good stallion, I do not believe we have met. You’re Shining Armor’s replacement?”

“Yessir, my name is Chainmail. What do you want us to do?”

“The question is what have you got your troops doin’, soldier.” I said.

“Scanning Canterlot as we speak,” Midnight answered. “We… have not found anything yet, your highness.”

“That…” I took a deep breath. “I’m assuming y’all aren’t able to send at least a squad each down into Ponyville?” I asked. I then looked at Chrysalis. “Is anywhere else in Equestria being infected by what’s going on in Ponyville?”

“Ponyville is being heavily affected, and the growth of… these Plunderseeds seems to be much faster in Ponyville.” Chrysalis answered.

“Okay, Chainmail, please tell me you’ve got a squad heading for Ponyville, same with you, Midnight.”

“We can get a few squads looking in Ponyville, your highness. We can only send out a squad each; the rest of our squads are busy keeping Canterlot under control.” Midnight answered.

“Okay… y’all do your thing. All I request is that you have at least one of your squads, day or night, don’t matter, staying stationed in Ponyville to try and help the civilians out.” Twilight came bursting through the doors. “And there’s the mare I’m hoping to see. Twilight,” I greeted my friend. “I would say it’s nice to see you, but we were chatting not even a full day ago. So…”

“Do you know what’s going on?” Twilight asked.

“No clue. You’re the better problem solver out of the two of us, Twilight. Celly and Lulu are missing, and I’m planning on searching, myself…”

Tale broke through the doors. “Snowdrop’s missing too!” He growled. “I can’t find her anywhere!”

“Great…” I growled. “I’m-”

“Your highness, with all due respect for your wishes, we cannot let you leave the castle.” Captain Chainmail sighed. “I… You’re the only pony here that has any authority. And if… we cannot find the princesses, you’re next in line for ruling the kingdom.”

I sighed. “Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll listen to you. Twilight, please solve this. I’m pretty sure you’re the only one that can do anything; I’ve no ties to any magical artifacts; I’m just some dude.”

“Okay… Source. And I promise you, I’ll find the princesses and Snowdrop. Promise.”

“Pinky Promise?” I asked. “Because I’m not sure if that’s a promise you wanna make.” I sighed. “Just go, please. Please be safe; I don’t wanna lose you either.” I sat on the throne as Twilight ran back the way she came.

“Okay… Just be in charge, Source.”

Hey good news, the Plunderseeds are being eradicated from existence. I stared out the window as a pulse of pure Harmony Magic pulsed across the country. “Thank god,” I sighed. “I fucking hated doing this,” I gestured to the throne room. The guard captains gave me odd looks. “Fuckin’ hate sitting back not being able to do anything. I’d much rather go help Twilight save the world again, but only one of us could go do so; one of us needed to stay behind and keep Canterlot under control. Twilight’s better at problem solving than I am.”

Ma patted my back. “On the bright side… it’s over now.” She smiled. “And you can keep going on adventures with your marefriend-”

“Ma, Twilight’s my niece in law.” I grumbled. “Why’re you also trying to get me to form a herd?” I asked as I watched two tiny specs, a pure white one and a dark blue one, flew out of the Everfree Forest. “Don’t tell me that Celly put the notion in your head.”

“Actually, no,” Ma punched my shoulder. “I just heard about herds from other mares; Celly is well aware of how faithful you are to her, believe it or not. As such, she’s the same way…” Huh. I kinda guessed that, but hearing it come from Ma, who usually gossips with Celly and Katie, it’s kinda nice to hear. I guess now all we do is wait for my wife and Luna to get out of Ponyville and return for the Summer Sun Celebration.

Snowdrop crashed through the window I was staring at, and slammed into me. “Watch out!” We rolled across the floor and I was the only one of us to have our head bump into anything. “Sorry, uncle. Me and Sunset Shimmer were busy trying to find out what happened to Celestia and Luna…” Sunset teleported into the room shortly after and started snickering.

“How bold, Snowdrop-”

“If you finish that thought, I will stab you in the eye.” Snowdrop threatened, before she helped me up. Sunset backed off.

“Sunset, what did Snowdrop do to you?” Snowdrop giggled as I questioned her adopted cousin… My family as a lot of adopted ponies in it, jesus fucking christ. “Speak louder, Sunset.”

“She put on a Unicorn Amulet and kicked my flanks while we were sparring. Are you happy? I lost a magic duel to a pegasus. SHE CAN’T EVEN FUCKING SEE!”

“Well, I can’t see how that’d piss you off.”

“It doesn’t, I’m just a little more willing to listen to her now.” I rolled my eyes. “So what are you doing?”

“I can feel my Celly again; our wedding rings are linked and we can feel each other’s magic. So… when she went missing-”

Celly and Lulu and Twilight strolled through the doors, the tell-tale signs of DragonFire dripped off of them. Celly got tackled out the door by me, as did Luna, but Tale tackled her out the door.

“I see our stallions were holding down the fort while we were gone?” Luna asked.

“Actually, Source was,” Tale admitted. “To be honest, neither of us did anything. Source wanted to, but acknowledged that everypony that was qualified were already doing their jobs, so we should just make sure we don’t die. In case you both come back… or not and we need to take over for you ladies.” Tale’s ears flattened against his skull. “I missed you.”

Meanwhile, I was just silently hugging Celly. I’m happy now.

Author's Note

okay, i will admit, i had this chapter done 2 days ago and forgot to post it. whoops