Source Code

by Nugget27

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Original Character, Suicide / Self Harm, Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Death, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna
Length: 370897

Source Code, once an indie game developer is transported to Equestria by unknown means.

Source Code, the pony from another planet... Planet Earth. He was once a game developer for a small indie game company that he and his friends made together. Now, a blue coated unicorn with a yellow mane, somehow finds his way into being tutored by Princess Celestia herself. He soon finds out about magic, and subsequently learns about how performing spells is grouped into three different groups. Rune Based Magic, as he soon discovers, is very close to his old hobby...

Coding.

Will Source Code make a name for himself? Will he live life out like he had on Earth in a dead end job? How is he coping about being forcefully ripped from his comfortable, though boring, life on Earth?

Disclaimer: 'coding' is being used very loosely.

Published 2024-02-09 10:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-20 11:26:09 UTC

Hello, World.

So, there are some experiences I wish I could tell people without looking like a crazy person. I am only writing this now, because… It’s been about four weeks since I could write in a journal or diary of some sort. The problem that I am currently experiencing is… I’m a horse. I’m a horse, or rather, a pony. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but I am a horse-pony thing. I sorta… woke up in a crater one day, injured and aching all over, and woke up again in a hospital room. From there, I was met with another horse… wearing a nurse hat.

I’ll do my best to write out how that interaction went.

“What the fuck!” I yelled.

“He’s awake!” The nurse pony gasped.

“You can fucking talk!?” I yelled again, before rolling out of my bed and scampering away from the thing in front of me.

“Of course I can talk-”

I didn’t care, I managed to work out how to move my legs. There were four of those now, I just noticed, and broke off into a gallop towards the door. You see, in my state of panic, I forgot that I had no arms, or hands, to open the door with. So I ran face first into the door and got knocked out again.

So that was my first interaction with one of the many ‘people’ in this world. You see, unlike Earth, I am on a planet called Equus which has the same geography of Earth, just everything is named differently and the sea levels are different, so places like Florida are just gone. There’s also less ice in the world, so Greenland was melted into three different islands. It was kinda neat, seeing the world in this way.

The poles were still frozen, so there was still ice, and Antarctica was still the frozen hell hole that it is on Earth.

So, I’m living on an alien planet, which is really just Earth in another universe apparently. Humans don’t exist, so ponies, logically, took over the world instead, becoming sentient, sapient, and built civilization. The country they built up was named Equestria, and was roughly where the U.S.A was on Equus, but only took up the eastern and midwest part of the country. The western were labeled the Badlands, and it was basically uninhabitable. It was just a giant desert. Up north of Equestria was Griffonia, because Griffins are a thing on Equus.

Cuba was the land of the Minotaurs, dunno the name for it, as they don’t really have one.

Speaking of Equestria, after I managed to thoroughly scare the shit out of my nurse, and knock myself out, I later learnt that I was being kept inside of a castle’s infirmary, because a pony showing up in a crater, in the middle of town where a strong residue of magic was a thing, would concern the rulers of Equestria. Where was I found? Ponyville. Apparently a magical mishap happened, and I became a unicorn.

Anyways, I learnt that Equestria was ruled by a single pony, her name was Celestia. She stopped by to check in on me after I woke up again after I knocked myself out.

Here’s how that went.

“Uh…” This pony was tall. Like really tall. She wore a golden crown on her head, had a sun tattoo’d into her butt, and was incredibly tall. At first I thought the door frame was a little too tall given how none of the ponies here were even half the size of said door frame, that was until I saw the door crack open and see a very tall, winged unicorn walk into the room. Even I could tell that by pony standards, she was beautiful. She kept her wings folded, likely in an attempt to seem less intimidating, and she walked to the front of my door, and sat like a cat.

“Hello, my little pony,” she greeted

“Hi…”

“I can tell that… you have a special case.”

“Yeah, I was just told by my poor nurse, tell her I’m sorry for scaring her by the way, that I’m in a hospital that’s built into your castle. I’m assuming I’m in this hospital for a reason.”

“Well, you were injured, and the crater that I had found you in is rather… interesting. If you have a name, do speak up… just know that we may have to change your name should you want to fit into pony society a bit better.” I raised an eyebrow. “I know you are not of this world. The crater you were in… had no magic in it whatsoever. The soil, that is usually full of magic, was gone. The burns in the crater, every single millimeter of the crater had no magic in it. You yourself do not radiate magic like most do, and you’re a unicorn!”

“Huh… Say, what’s with the tattoo on your butt?”

“...That’s my cutie mark. Everypony has one.”

“What’s that?”

“...We are going to have much to discuss.”

“Okay. Do you have a name?”

“I’m Princess Celestia.”

“...Can I call you Sun Butt? That’s easier to remember.”

Celestia surprisingly giggled at that. “If you call me that, I suppose it would be better than the usual ‘your highness’ or ‘your majesty’ or the quivering ‘Princess!’. Though I would prefer that you call me by name once you get more acclimated with it in the future.”

“Will do, Sun Butt. you’re… surprisingly chill for somepony that’s supposedly the leader of a, apparently, powerful country.”

“And you are surprisingly ‘chill’ for somepony that just hopped dimensions.”

“Oh, I’m getting over the shock of the fact that I’m no longer a human being. I’ve worked out the initial fear after I ran face first into a door.” I rolled onto my stomach and sat up. I looked at my own butt to look at my cutie mark. It was a bunch of ones and zeros… given that I was trying to code a game before I ended up in Equestria, I can’t complain. That was the one thing I was good at back on Earth. “Huh…”

That is an idea for a name at least; it’s what I went by on the forums for the fan game I was co-coding, so I would respond to it just fine.

“You can call me Source Code,” I sat up. “I feel like I should try to bow, but I think I’ll fall on my face if I try it. I’m barely able to sit up,” I gestured to myself.

“Think nothing of it… However, there are some things I would like to discuss with you. Would you like to join me for a walk? It would help you a bit with a change of scenery, and you can get to practicing in your new body.”

“Sure thing, Sunbutt.”

“Splendid! Come, I have a personal drawing room that we can go to.” I nodded and hopped off the bed… only to nearly fall on my face. When the ground never came up and gave my huge nose a kiss, I realized I was floating. I was set up on my hooves as Sunbutt. Her horn was lit, and I was surrounded with a golden… aura that felt pleasantly warm. Just like a fire in the fireplace; pleasantly warm but not smoldering hot. “Perhaps you shouldn’t be jumping off of beds; it won’t do you much good.”

“Yeah, I suppose it wouldn’t. I prefer not breaking my face; I’m sure you wouldn’t want to break your face either. Nobody wants to break their face.”

“That does sound rather unpleasant,” she said with a chuckle. I quickly fell in line at her heels, my head came right up to her rear. I was wobbly, I was barely able to walk, but I was walking. And it felt like we had been walking for hours while we made our way through the castle, up several stairs, and around dozens of corners. During that time, it was full of lighthearted conversation. I had to explain to Celestia what my hobby, and my job was.

“So what do you like to do in your free time, Source?”

“I work in a crummy fast food place. It kinda sucked, but it paid bills.”

“I see. Was that your special talent?” I tilted my head. “Your special talent, it’s in relation to your cutie mark.”

“Oh heck no! I hated that job. My boss was a dick, my coworkers were lazy sacks of shit, and the customers were awful. In my free time, I, and a few buddies of mine would… try to code a game. Think of making lines of ones and zeros, commands and whatnot all to make things on a screen happen… Like say ‘make model X run cycle underscore one until X meets destination A’. It’s something I liked to think I was quite good at, and even took schooling for it.”

“I see, that sounds like magic. Typically one would use their horn to ‘write’ out, or ‘perform’, the right ‘runes’, and then something happens. You had something similar?”

“...No. I never heard of magic until now.” Or believed in it. “Oh. What’s magic like, if I may ask.”

Celestia summoned a book… from somewhere with a golden flash of magic.

“Look at this,” she turned to a page, and revealed… what looked like an alphabet of some sort. Each symbol didn’t look like a symbol from any language I’ve seen before. However, under each symbol was a letter from the English language. Twenty six characters, twenty six runes. “You make each rune with your horn, which you will learn how to do in time, and what you write out is what happens. For instance, I will spell out ‘light’.” Celestia did just that, and her horn turned into a flashlight of sorts. “For more complex spells, you make sentences for what you want to happen. For instance, if I wanted to make a fireball, I would write out fireball. The more complex spells take more time to perform due to this… And good horn dexterity so you don’t hurt yourself.

“There are ways around this, as I’ve seen, but this is the most widespread system for unicorns. Technically every unicorn is capable of three different systems of magic, but the ‘rune system’ is the easiest to learn, even if it is more taxing and slower than the other system. Levitation,” she floated the book away from me. It was in a golden aura that was also surrounding her horn.

“That looks like telekinesis.”

“That's because it basically is.” Celestia agreed. “Back on topic, levitation uses the second system of magic where you impose your will onto an object. This school is mostly illegal, as it is a gateway to mind control spells, but simple stuff like levitation is perfectly legal; most unicorns cannot live without it, after all.” She kept the book rune levitating after that explanation.

I read over the alphabet six or seven times… I want to learn this. This just sounds like coding.

“Another branch of is very similar to the first, as it uses runes, but are quite unknown as to which rune means what. It’s still somewhat manageable to learn, but I only know a few hundred ponies that could use this system effectively, and exceed in it. I have been alive for thousands of years, Source. There is a fourth ‘system’ of magic, called… Dark Magic, which is completely off limits, though not illegal. It is very addictive and corrupts the user’s mind and soul. It’s more of a ‘use at your own risk’ system. And if anypony gets… too advanced and is too corrupted by this system, I end up putting them down.”

“Damn… I might try my hand in each of these systems. Mostly the first and third one. Those seem like something that I could be decent at…” I looked up and down Celestia… she looked jittery.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked. She looked a bit less composed than usual… I think. I did just meet her, after all.

“My apologies, Source. I have… found great enjoyment in teaching. It’s one of the few things I find great satisfaction in, even after all my time being alive.”

“And you’ve been around since… forever, basically.”

“I have.”

“...Jesus christ, I cannot imagine how much shit you’ve seen. I… I feel sorry for ya. If I’ve seen half the stuff you’ve been through, I think I would probably go insane. So seeing you being… nice. I gotta give ya props for your resilience, Sunbutt.” Celestia gave me a warm smile as we approached her drawing room.

We made ourselves comfy on the couch. For some bizarre reason, Celestia insisted that I lay against the side of her stomach. “So, Source, I must ask, since you brought it up. What are humans?”

“Oh, that’s what I was before I came to Equestria. I was… an almost completely hairless, ape. I walked on two feet and covered most of my body with clothes. I’ll be honest, humans eat just about anything. Meat included. We weren’t… exactly dangerous for the most part. If you gave us the time to think, humans could, and would find a way to eventually blow up an entire country though.”

“So you’re dangerous?”

“I’m… not. You could probably break my neck right now; I can feel how much muscle you’ve got under that coat of yours; you’re a fucking brick. A very nice, plush brick, but a brick. Clob me over the head with a hoof, and my head’s coming off,” I hummed. “Anyone can be dangerous anyways. To what capacity is what you should be worried about. And their willingness to be dangerous. For instance, a guy with a sword is dangerous, but a sword can really only be used to stab somebody. That’s assuming the guy with a sword wants to hurt anyone.”

“That is a good point. Are you willing to hurt anyone?”

“No. I don’t like the idea of hurting people. I can barely even tolerate the thought of it; I like to think that I’m a relatively peaceful guy. I would much, much rather spend a night coding with my buddies, having a beer, or just relaxing on the couch to some good music than hurt somebody.”

“Then I see no problem in you living amongst my ponies, Source Code. I figured you wouldn’t want to, hurt anypony that is, given your… demeanor.”

“Hey, you’re being relatively friendly to the weird alien that you found in a hole in the ground. I might as well return it.”

“I see,” Celestia hummed. “I have two offers for you, however.”

“Hmm?”

“I would like to teach you how to use magic.”

“Why?”

“I love teaching, and it would help you out. I saw how you hungrily stared at those runes…” I flinched. “I have a sharp eye, my little pony. Worry not, you’re just curious and have a hunger for knowledge.”

“Well, if I’m gonna learn from anyone, I might as well learn from the immortal princess that’s been around long enough to learn how to be good with magic. Though there’s a second reason.” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “I can pick up on details too, Sunny. It comes with game testing.” Celestia giggled. “That’s kinda cute, you gotta stop before I get heartburn.

“You… think my giggling is cute?” Celestia asked.

“Yeah. Why?”

“It’s just been forever since anypony considered any one thing about me ‘cute’...” Celestia giggled again, she is getting very close to giving me heartburn. “Well, it would also help my personal student out as well. With somepony to work alongside with, I am willing to bet that she can… come out of her shell a bit more. She’s not the most friendly or outgoing of ponies.”

“Mmm… Alrighty. Teach me how to use these runes after you can get me to get this,” I tapped my horn. “To work, then I will try my damn best to catch up.”

“Wonderful! I will be giving you a weekly stipend, but I do expect you to find work so it will not be much, just enough for rent and food. Worry not, however, since you are my student, that will be covered. Your classes will be early in the morning, and they will be pretty frequent for the time being; I cannot teach you magic if you never figure out how to use it, can you?”

“Good point. I look forward to the lessons with you, Princess Sun Butt.”

As the days went on, I showed up to Celestia’s personal study every single day. On the first day, I was very silent, just listening to Celestia explain to me the basic history of Equestria. “So Equestria started on the day of Hearth’s Warming on Neighvember Seventeenth…” As she taught, I went and learned. Throughout the first week she was mixing in magic lessons, as in she was trying to get me to use magic to begin with. The First Spark as she called it, or the first time I could even light my horn came pretty quickly.

“You know, if you learnt how to use magic, you wouldn’t have to write with a quill or a pencil jammed into your mouth,” Celestia encouraged. The sheer idea of not having to put a literal fucking feather, or the eraser end of a pencil in my mouth made me excited enough to actually light my horn… involuntarily. “Good job!” Celestia clapped her hooves. “You’re now on your way to learning how to use magic, my dear student.” That was by the first week.

By Sunday, Celestia nudged me and asked. “So, what do you do in your free time, Source?” She tilted her head, giving me an interested and somewhat concerned look. Her eyes were softer than usual.

“Well, Sun Butt, I’ve not done much of… anything. Haven’t made friends, haven’t left my house unless it’s to get groceries or to come here for my lessons. To be frank… I’ve been a bit of a shut-in. I don’t really do much; I always spent my days on a computer, a fun little box that gave me a lot of fun and entertainment. So far reading has been pretty fun, and a good replacement for that. But… Uh, the librarian told me to try out reading this one series, Daring Do as it’s apparently the best in fiction that Equestria has to offer. It’s kinda boring, kinda predictable. Not my cup of tea. It’s like Indiana Jones for me, a human story, but less fun. Almost no feel for the stakes at hand if Daring Do fucked up, you know?”

“I see… Perhaps I can point you towards books more up your alley? Daring Do is an award winning book series, and one I do indulge in every now and then, but I will admit that it’s not the best in fiction.”

“Eh, sure, why not? I’m down… What do you have in mind?”

Celestia hummed, walked over to one of the few bookshelves in her study and pulled out an old looking book. “It is getting late, and I know you chose to live in a part of Canterlot that isn’t ideal to be walking around at night. Perhaps you would like to stay the night and read one of my favorite legends of all time?”

“What’s the legend?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh… Just the Fall of the City of Trot,” Celestia hummed. “I was there when it happened, so it wasn’t exactly a legend, but the author of this particular rendition did the battle and everything leading up to the fall of Trot rather enjoyable.”

“Let me guess, the pony leading the fall was some guy named Achilles?” I asked.

“...Yes, why do you ask?” Celestia asked.

“Eh, that just sounded like a legend on Earth. Never read into it much, but… that does sound more interesting than Daring Do right now. You want me to stay the night and read that with you?”

“Of course! I’m certain you could use the company, and I’m certain I could as well. What do you say?”

“...Okay. I’ll bite. This better be good,” I sat back down on my cushion when Celestia stood up. “What…? I thought we were reading here-”

“Oh no, we are reading this in my personal chambers. I feel it would be more comfortable and I’ve a feeling you might fall asleep. I would rather have you laying on a proper bed, than on just that cushion you know.” She says that this cushion doesn’t cost more than my whole skeleton would go for if I were to sell it.

“...Alright,” I got to my hooves and said. “Lead the way, Sun Butt.”

So that was nearly four months ago. At first, mine and Celestia’s other pupil were kept separate. This was because of how far ahead her other student was. Meanwhile, Celestia had to help me catch up on geography, history. She was more than thrilled that I was proficient in reading and English, or Equish as ponies call the King’s Language. It took me about three weeks to get caught up, learn how to produce runes, and use Levitation, and then start learning on the third system, which was actually a mixture of runes and the second magical system, that levitation used, that Celly had described to me.

Oh yeah, I’ve been keeping a rather casual relationship with my teacher, since she expressed how nice it was to have somebody that talked to her like a normal pony, so I almost entirely refrain from calling her ‘Princess’ and usually refer to her by name, or by nickname. I still don’t fully know why Celestia wanted me to be her student, despite her reasons given, beyond just being a friend for her other student. Or because she just really wanted to teach an alien how to utilize magic. I have my guesses, but I won’t say anything. Besides, after our usual lessons, we sit down, have tea, and talk about how I’m adjusting to living as a horse in another land.

For instance, Sunny told me that the term ‘horse’ is a bit racist. Mustang is rather rude to say to stallions. Tarpan was a big, big no no. Like you shouldn’t say that ever. I never even knew that Tarpan was a word until that moment, but I at least know when I’m saying something bad. She also told me the basics of mares trying to flirt, no, none have tried. I’ve been told that I’m pretty average looking by Sunshine. Meanwhile, she told me none of the ‘signs’ that a stallion is flirting, so I have no clue if I’m flirting with anyone.

So then I just don’t talk to anyone out of fear.

When she told me these things, I could see the shit eating grin tugging at the corners of her mouth… She is lucky that she’s somewhat adorable when she laughs, or thinks something is funny, or I would be a lot more mad about that. It was great that her laugh was contagious, because I did love joking around a lot, and Celestia seemed all too happy to have a distraction from everyday life.

No matter how terrible my jokes are, or how we both know that my jokes suck.

And since teaching me and checking in on Twilight, the other student took so long, she took a whole day out of her schedule for teaching us separately, and teaching her normal students.

Since that couldn’t work forever, and so she could spend more time with her regular students, mine and Twilight’s tutorage hours were being combined into one.

Twilight probably would’ve needed less help than I would anyways.

Oh yeah, I’ve been working out how to make a new system of magic to try and make casting easier and more efficient(basically a modified Rune System). However, I still barely have a grasp of most rune-based spells, a horrible grasp on the second system, or the ‘physical spells’, or the ‘hybrid’ system.

Those were the names for each system that I gave them. Celestia loved them so much that she tried to make them official.

Rune-Based, due to it being the most popular and relying heavily on runes. Want fire? Spell it out with the Runes provided.

‘Physical’ since most spells are actively channeled into an object or place by the user, in my mind at least. change the temperature of a room? Gotta channel magic into the particles.

And Hybrid since it was a mixture of the two. Want to teleport? Well, you gotta wanna be somewhere, and then you gotta be able to have the capacity to get to that place, and then you gotta write out ‘teleport’ with the Runes from the first system of magic.

There was a miscellaneous category for spells tied to cutie marks. For instance, Sun Butt can raise the sun, but nopony else can. Not without catching fire at least. Some can find gems, specifically because of their talent, so that would fall under that category as well.

My own, would be trying to simplify and minimize how many runes you need. Then say, I wanna teleport? Well, I won’t need to focus too much on the runes, I just have to worry about the power needed to teleport… In theory. I can’t test it yet, since I still don’t have a lot of juice, or all the components(such as a better Rune System to work with). This is clearly an unofficial, incomplete system that I’m still trying to make the fundamentals of in my free time.

Twilight was proficient in all three of these categories and had the magic capacity to boot.

I walked up to Celestia’s private magic study, which was basically a small gym with magic proof walls. There was a little lounge off to the side where we did a majority of the ‘paper’ stuff such as reading. The rest of the room was meant for testing spells until I got the hang of it. Then doing it again until I got quicker and quicker at magic. I took a deep breath and smiled.

Celestia was a good teacher, and generally fun to hangout with, so I was happy to see my new, and currently, only friend on Equus.

I knocked on the door, before letting myself in. Celestia and a lavender unicorn, with a violet mane, that had a pink streak going through it, were loafing on cushions in the lounge section of the section of the ‘magic gym’ as I called the room. There was another, official, name for it, but magic gym made more sense to me. Celestia looked up from her book and smiled. “Good evening, Source, it is good to see you.”

“Howdy Sun Butt,” that was her favorite nickname. “How’s the assoholic nobleponies this week?”

“WHAT!?” The unicorn, who I’m assuming is Twilight, yelled.

“Huh?” I tilted my head.

“First, you’re late! Then you call the Princess that?! And you’re using profanities while doing so!” She yells at me.

“...Celestia’s been super lax with me, she knows that it takes me a bit to get here, since I live in an apartment closer to the outskirts of Canterlot. Also… Sunny never gets mad at me when I call her that.”

“I do quite like the all nicknames you give me, Source; it feels nice to be treated like a normal mare every once in a while. Even if some of the nicknames I’ve received are a bit rude. Such as ‘Sun Butt’.” Celestia said from behind a tea cup she raised to her mouth.

“You said that was your favorite nickname!”

“It is,” Celestia giggled. “I’m just happy that you still call me that.”

“Well, it’s a good nickname!”

“That it is… Twilight, this is Source Code, my newest pupil. Source Code, this is my prized pupil, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Ah, I’m not number one? We’ve only known each other for a few weeks… and I’m only second best?” We both giggled before I trotted up, did my usual greeting routine of nuzzling her, rubbing up against her, and laying down beside her. I leaned back into the side of her stomach and let a small, contented smile form on my face as Celestia nuzzled the spot between my ears, and

“Well… unfortunately, yes. You are second best.”

“Ah damn. And here I was hoping to show you my notes! I just simplified the Light spell!” I reached into a saddlebag and pulled out my notebook.

“Oh?” Twilight and Celestia said at the same time, eyebrows raised. I flipped open the notebook and showed off runes. I performed them, and boom, my horn’s lit up. You see, a lot of words, such as bright, light, right all had that IGHT. Or a better example: lightING, lightnING, or attackING all had ING. Since Rune Based magic’s runes translated perfectly into the English alphabet, I figured there must be an easier way of producing the three/four letter groupings of runes easier.

And there was.

Celestia looked over my notes, before performing the runes, and then getting light as well. “Huh…”

“I made new runes. Well, a new rune,” I explained. “Runes essentially work via a muscle our horns are attached to, yeah? Simple, tiny little movements. I figured, ‘hey a lot of these spells end in certain spellings’, so I spent the last week coming up with a quicker way of reproducing ALL, IRE, IGHT, and ING. Turns out, there’s a tiny little ‘noise’ made when working the horn muscle. So, I got all horny,” Celestia giggled at that horrible pun. “And made the rune for ‘ight’. It was mostly a matter of combining the movements, or sounds, into one simple movement of the horn muscle. So then I just had to do ‘L’ and then the special rune. I’m still working out the other runes.

“Then, while using synonyms, I can make a spell easier to cast with runes.” I did ‘A’ and ‘L’ and ‘IGHT’. My horn lit on fire, before it quickly died out before I could catch on fire. “Boom, fire spell in three runes. Ohoho! This is just like coding and I fucking love it!” I clapped my hooves with glee as Twilight started looking over my notes before quickly doing what I just did. She hummed and her eyes widened.

“That… is actually rather brilliant,” Celestia planted a kiss between my ears. “That is absolutely brilliant!”

“I only got ‘IGHT’ right now though. Also, because I suck at existing, me doing that ‘IGHT’ rune too much actually gives me a headache. Then again, I get those from just writing with a pen for too long, so that’s not surprising. It probably wasn’t a challenge for you, and it won’t be if you do it too many times.”

“Source, this is still revolutionary.”

“Oh yeah!” I got up and ran towards the ‘gym’ part of the room. I did ‘L’ ‘IGHT’, ‘W’, ‘E’ and ‘IGHT’ and jumped way higher than usual, before touching the ground, landing on my face. “Ow…” I still don’t know how to stick landings with all four of my hooves. Also, I am horribly unathletic. Twilight and Celestia just sat there. They both looked impressed, and a second away from laughing from my faceplant. Luckily, my version of the ‘weightless’ spell made me actually lighter so the landing didn’t hurt as much. It still wasn’t fun, landing on my nose and all. I got up and started rubbing my head, not because my nose hurt, but because I did my custom rune too many times in a row.

Yes, it only took two times in a row to give me a hornache.

Headache inside the head, and a headache on the horn… I want to get kicked in the balls. At least that’ll hurt less after a few minutes. This headache and hornache could last an hour at a minimum. Getting kicked in the balls would also at least be a good distraction for having the Big Bertha of headaches.

We spent the next few hours studying and I learnt something pretty important. Rune Based magic is the easiest type of magic to learn, but probably the weakest. You can use it to make fire, but you can’t use it to suddenly travel back in time, since that was a spell apparently. As you would have to force your will, with ‘Physical’ magic, which would then combine into the Hybrid form of magic… You need really strong magic to do that. Shield spells were surprisingly easy, but making stronger shields took more effort and broke onto the Hybrid system.

I hummed and smiled. “Hey,” I pointed at the shield spell. “There’s an issue with how most shield spells are casted,” I pointed out. “No matter how strong, there’s a way to break them. Celery, can you cast a shield for me, please?” Celestia did as I asked. Probably because I said ‘please’ something she, jokingly, harped on me never saying please when I asked her to do something… God damn ponies.

“So I can just…” I used runes to spell out ‘ shield breaker’ and tapped it with my hoof. It broke.

“You do know that in order to break a stronger shield, you would need more force, right?” Celestia asked.

“But… cast a larger one.” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Fine… please?” Twilight almost seemed shocked at how I was requesting the Princess to do stuff for me. Celestia nodded, before casting a larger spell. “A concentrated pierce,” I did just that, and shuttered at the hornache that it caused. “Suddenly the shield is easy to shatter,” I then dragged my hoof down the shield and it broke. “That doesn’t hurt too much, does it?” I asked.

“Just a little. Worry not, if it takes a lot for me to develop a hornache,” Celestia said.

“I feel bad now, Sunny.” I nuzzled her.

“Stay focused, Source. What is the flaw with shields?”

“No matter how strong the spell, once you puncture a shield, it is very easy to shatter.”

“I’m aware.”

“But what if you used that offensively. Say somebody gets their hoof through a shield, but then you recast it, and then shut it on their hoof?”

“That… would probably cut somepony’s hoof off.” Celestia hummed. “I never thought to try it, since breaking anypony’s shield can either hurt, or incapacitate a weaker unicorn.”

“Cool! Let’s try it-“

“NO!” Both Twilight and Celestia shouted.

“You are not mutilating yourself for the sake of testing a spell!” Celestia ordered.

I casted a Rune Based pain numbing spell, before jabbing it with a pen. Since I’m not particularly strong, the feather goes through. I then re-cast the shield spell and sliced the feather in half. “Huh. That would work as a really nice apple slicing spell.” I look at the other two. “What? I never intended to cut my hoof off. Mostly.”

Celestia snorted “I saw you considering it, colt.”

“I could find a way to heal it back together!”

“Not if you die from bucking losing all your blood after cutting your hoof off!” She yelled. Twilight gasped. “Stallions… I swear.” She nuzzled me. “You are lucky that you’re a good friend, or I would lock you in a dungeon just to keep you from hurting yourself. First, you decided to do the rune alphabet until you got a horn ache, and then you kept going until you passed out! You bucking idiot! That could’ve killed you!”

“Maybe I want to die.”

“…What?”

“Nothing.”

“…Did?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Do you want to die?!” Celestia yelled.

Twilight just sat, slack jawed at what was transpiring before her. Never before had she heard her teacher, Princess Celestia swear before! Like it was… Almost horrifying. Princess Celestia never raised her voice, or yelled. Yet here she was, yelling at a stallion that just admitted to being somewhat suicidal. About how she'd miss him, or how others might as well.

Source Code just sat there, ears pinned against his head, looking guilty as she gave him many, many reasons to keep him from killing himself.

Source, this stallion’s strange. With how Celestia keeps doting him, it was almost like she was trying to court him. Source, being a typical stallion, is completely oblivious to the fact-Twilight’s eye twitched. Princess Celestia… trying to court somepony? That was completely unheard of! The stallion was happily sitting down, and eating lunch, something that he had packed while reading a book. Twilight decided that, in the coming weeks, she would watch her mentor and her peer a lot closer.

She did study up on the subject once; somepony had to help her brother score a date with… somepony. No, Twilight never learnt who her brother was trying to date.

“Why did you bring your own lunch? Princess Celestia is more than willing to provide one for you.”

“I dunno. I didn’t wanna bother anyone over lunch.” Source said, a mouthful of food made Twilight cringe slightly. “Besides, the castle’s kitchen is really good. I’d rather not spoil myself and ruin a good meal at any random restaurant I go to in the future.”

“Oh…” Twilight nods.

“Source, don’t speak with your mouth open. You could choke.”

“Yes Mom,” the stallion rolled his eyes, before putting his book down. He had long since dropped his magic book for a Daring Do book during the break. “Ma-Darn. This book is a bit underwhelming.”

The lavender unicorn raised her eyebrow at the blue stallion. That was odd… most ponies absolutely loved Daring Do, herself included, and it was widely considered to be a timeless classic. Princess Celestia looked at her new student’s shoulder, and read what page he was on. The stallion closed the book and shrugged. “I’ll be returning this book next week anyways,” he set the light novel down before picking up his ‘basic rune’ book. That got Twilight to raise other eyebrow.

“Why do you not like Daring Do? Even I consider it to be a pleasant read.”

“It’s… kinda flat. I’m a wee bit of a nerd,” the Princess snorted at that. “There were… some authors where I’m from, where they’d make pretty mediocre stuff. I believe you know, since I told ya about it. Illumination…” Celestia nodded, as if she knew what her student was talking about. “Anyways, this reminds me of something that that writer would make. It’s… alright, but it’s not Star Wars.”

“I remember you gushing over that book a week ago.”

“...Yeah… It, and its two sequels, were so good. It’s a timeless classic where I’m from. I can never read it again, but I can still vividly remember every bit.” Source laid his head on his hooves, looking noticeably sadder than he had moments ago. Celestia quickly levitated the stallion over to her, and draped a wing over him. “La Vie Continue,” he leaned into the Princess’s nuzzle. “Thanks, Celly. You’re probably why I’m still sane,” he whispered. Source’s horn lit and he brought his rune book back over to him.

“Do you wish to speak later in private?”

“...I do, but I also don’t. I’ll just drown myself in this,” the blue stallion gestured to the rune book. “It’s… something I can focus on rather than focusing on what I lost.”

“We will discuss this when you are ready; I do not wish to force you into talking if you do not want to.”

“I’ll take you up on that someday, Tia.”

Several hours had passed. Source Code had gone home, leaving Twilight and Princess Celestia alone in a sitting room. As tradition, the two were snuggled up on a cushion. The unicorn had decided to ask Celestia about her newest, private pupil. “So, Princess,” Twilight started. “While I’m not one to question your better judgment, why did you take Source Code in as a student?” She asked. “I mean… He did make a new rune, which in itself is impressive, but in terms of application… he’s not very good. I mean… Doing his own rune twice and he develops a horn ache! Even a foal has better endurance than he does!”

“I brought him in as my student for two reasons, Twilight. For starters, he is not from Equestria, which gives him… another point of view on spell casting. I only took him as a student for four, almost five weeks ago. He barely knew runes, but thanks to his background, figured them out pretty quickly, I’m assuming. Then he figures out how to make casting some ‘Rune Based’, a name he had come up with, spells a little bit easier and a little bit quicker. That alone is worth nurturing; the new Rune alone is revolutionary as you’ve said.

“Another reason is… I can tell that he has potential. Truly, I do. By no means is he a magical powerhouse, nor will he ever with raw strength, but he is very creative as you’ve noticed. I, for one, wouldn’t have thought to use a weight shifting spell to jump higher, or use synonyms to perform the same Rune Spell. Nopony would want to do ‘alight’ over fire, but thanks to the Rune he made, he did, and made a Fire Rune Spell one Rune shorter. For my guards, a single Rune can make all the difference.”

“He is focusing on Rune Based magic… you do understand that…”

“It’s a really easy system of magic, I know. Though I believe Source Code sees it in a different way than we do. I bet that he is trying to come up with a new Rune as we speak to make it even easier.”

I sat down on my couch, staring at my newest foe. I was trying to use Rune Based magic to do something nobody could back on Earth without spending two hundred dollars on a piece of equipment… I wanted to make the perfect toast using a fire spell. I glared down at the slice of bread before me, I glared at it with intent to kill it with fire. I lit my horn and a fireball slowly came to be. It floated in the air, and I grabbed the slice of bread and floated it up to the fireball.

After one side was perfectly golden, I did the other… and then the slice of bread caught fire and became a pile of ashes on my table. I stared at my failure for a few minutes before I brought both my forehooves to the sides of my head. I slowly lowered them towards the bread, and raised them again in a slow, controlled motion. I sat there, continuing to stare at the bread for what felt like another five hours.

My face hit the table as I started groaning… I just wasted half a fucking loaf of bread, and haven’t gotten a perfect slice of toast yet! There’s no toasters in Equestria, so this is important to me! There’s no way there’s an appliance store that has toasters… I tried again before my head hit the table again as a result of my failure. To make matters worse, I did go to an appliance store and found a toaster for ten bits. You can imagine how my night went. I went home with my newly acquired toaster, and simply stared at it…

Before I decided once again to try and make the perfect piece of toast without using a toaster. I just want to experience perfect toast, and I will do it with magic!

...

God, I am going to need a job… Here’s hoping I don’t work in fast food again, if it even exists in Equestria.

Author's Note

So, here's my latest story. It may suck, it might be good. All I know is that I felt great while writing this, and once I got started, it was hard to find an end point of the first chapter.

in spirit, this is a rewrite of 'Not So Funny Story', but I wanted to have Source Code to... have an impact on the world rather than simply being some random dude who happened to get friendly with a changeling queen. i tried not making a gary sue. i want Source to be good with magic, but not some god with it like Twilight, or as I've seen some other OCs that happen to be unicorns.

In fact, I want ponies to comment how notably average Source is when it comes to raw power.

and a fun little fact about the design of Source Code, I decided on his coat and mane colors based on BronyDanceParty.

How to Dye Your Prince Blueblood Blue(and Purple)

So, I very briefly mentioned Prince Blueblood, Celestia’s very, very, very far distant nephew. It was honestly a shocker that Celly had a nephew, but then I learnt how far removed he was. So that made three relatives of Celly that I now know of. This includes, in order of actually being related to my marefriend, Luna, Blueblood, and Cadance. Cadance was actually adopted shortly after she became an alicorn, which she happily took in full. Essentially everypony related to Cadance soon became Celestia’s cousins and whatever the hecks.

Blueblood’s whole bloodline was actually related to Celestia’s half cousin from before she became an alicorn. Meaning they weren’t related to Luna in any way, beyond the first Bluebloods possibly sharing a great grand-dam with her. So they were very far removed as far as relatives were concerned, but the whole Blueblood family still clung, like a crazy, stalker ex-girlfriend, clung onto the fact that they were related to Princess Celestia! So they were still wealthy, mainly from various businesses that each pony in the family runs, and have some miniscule amount of political power, even if it became nearly nonexistent after Luna came back down.

I get along well with Luna, she’s very nice, and a little nerdy once you break down her walls. She treats me like I am genuinely her little brother, and I’m perfectly okay with being the younger sibling, even if our relationship is a bit odd since I am technically Celly’s consort, not somepony to be treated like a little brother, but Luna still treats me as such. In other words, Luna’s a sweetheart and I can tell that she wants to improve herself and make do on the horrible things she’s done… She still sometimes shows up to mine and Celly’s door with breakfast, and it’s starting to get almost edible.

Princess Cadance isn’t somepony I got to interact with very often, but today I am going to be able to actually hangout with. From what I’ve seen, so far, is that she’s actually really protective of her auntie, and is actually super nice once she figured out that I do genuinely love Celly. I’m putting my day with Cadance in the same journal entry, even though it’s happened weeks ago now, simply so you can get some context to how nice Celly’s relatives usually are. Mostly so you can then understand how the heck I ended up getting into a little hissy fit with Blueblood.

I set my journal down, as I had actually been awake for far longer than Celly had, she was still asleep, and snoring like a kitten. I nuzzled her, before getting up to take care of my business. Since Celly was essentially one with the Sun, or something like that, she had a really good internal clock, and she should be waking up soon to raise the sun. This meant I had at least six minutes to take a piss, and a dump. Mostly a dump since Celly ended up making tacos, that almost tasted like actual mexican tacos, and it was pretty cool. However, like any taco, no matter if it’s Mexican, or Taco Bell, it will make your ass ready to kill itself the next day.

…Man I would kill for a shitty beef burrito out of a Taco Bell. Well, I can’t really get that ever again, so I guess Celly’s cooking will have to do. However, it’s my turn next time we decide to sit down and have a not so fancy dinner that either of us end up cooking for dinner. So that means I will figure out how to make burritos, since Equestria doesn’t have those for some reason, and make some American burritos for Celly, so then it will be her turn to have her butt reek hell upon the inside of a toilet bowl…

Just like mine was right now. When I left the bathroom I noticed that Celestia was actually getting up, using a wing to stroke where I would usually be if I were still asleep, before noticing I wasn’t there. That was a semi-common occurrence, with me having work once a week, along with my occasional ‘brainfart’ moments where I wake up in the middle of the night and immediately go into the magical training room to keep working on WME or Python depending on the day. I was going to hold off on Python, but I was hoping to somehow take the elements of both WME and Python and eventually work them into something better… Or just so I can get either spell system done before the end of the year. Python was damn close to being good enough to release, but I wanted it to be perfect.

WME was going to be a rush job of a spell system that me and Luna both mutually agreed was horrible. Luna could barely manage casting Levitate consistently, so that should tell you how hard WME is… until Luna pointed something out. As it turns out, my stupid, stupid spell system… Well, I’ll describe it later, since I have a marefriend to surprise.

My marefriend didn’t even blink twice at me being missing… but looked a little disappointed. I felt my heart twist slightly at that. So that’s what I do to Celly whenever I wake up early… I am going to work on my sleep schedule. It is quite nice to wake up to being snuggled into Celestia’s side just as she’s waking up, or to watch her raise the Sun. Sunny got to her hooves soon after, ignoring her regalia, as it really wasn’t that important for raising the sun, and I soon tiptoed after her onto the balcony. Luna was standing on her balcony, and her ears perked slightly when she noticed the stupid, blue unicorn approaching her sister from behind. However, beyond that, or Celestia’s ears perking. Neither seemed to pay attention to my presence.

I started using Levitate on my Hooves, and through Python, I essentially had my own hover shoes, which was really cool. I wanted to call it Hover, but apparently this was just a more advanced application of Levitate. I simply stood behind Celestia while she raised the sun, in the air, with a cheeky little grin on my face. Luna flashed me a quick, toothy grin, which finally made Celestia crack.

“Sister! Why are you smirking?!” Celly shouted.

“You seemed a little down this morning, Tia. I believe somepony is trying to make you happier.”

“I woke up to Source having already started his day… of course I’m a little…” Celly stopped and I could hear her actually sniff at the air like a bloodhound. Before she turned around and came nose to nose with me. Celly looked shocked for just a moment, before I leaned forward and kissed her directly on the nose. The Sun went up and down three times while I was kissing the Sun Goddess that I was fortunate enough to call my marefriend. I also figured that Celly was going to get a few concerned letters later about the Sun being taken down and put back into place rapidly, really quickly.

“Good morning, dear,” I whispered as I leaned in and nuzzled her cheek. “Did you sleep well?”

“SOURCE!” Celly yelled. “WHERE THE BUCK WERE YOU HIDING?” Ow, she did the loud, boomy thing that Luna likes to do sometimes.

“I was in the bathroom… ow.” I whimpered as I set myself on the ground and started rubbing my ears. “Man I miss my human ears, I like having more sensitive ears but…” I shuttered. “My eardrums hurt more when you yell that loud, Celly.”

“Oh… I’m so, so sorry Source. You just surprised me so much! It was a pleasant surprise, but I thought you had gotten up to go start out on your day before I could give you a proper send off.” Celestia immediately started doing right on her wrong by licking the inside of one of my ears, which did do wonders to help me feel a lot better about being shouted at in the Canterlot Royal Voice. We both lowered ourselves onto the balcony and cuddled until eventually Celestia had to go rule her kingdom. She wished me luck with Cadance, and we both parted ways with my marefriend heading into the bathroom to get ready for the day, and me heading down to Cadance’s part of the castle, which was really just a small hallway that led up to a very heavily converted guest room.

So, I said I would explain the whole WME thing before I ended up getting distracted by the opportunity to kiss Celly on the nose. So while I walk to Cadance’s room, I’ll explain why WME is randomly really good. So just Levitate can easily be used to test how good you are at being precise with your Rune Casting. So that alone can be used as a part of testing in order to get into Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, or a test to see how good you are with precision.

On top of that, more powerful unicorns can use it to work on controlling their Rune Casting and get better control over said power. Because of this, somepony like Twilight can’t just brute force her way through WME’s take on Levitation. However, since Twilight’s used to brute forcing most spells(she's quick enough with Runes and the Hybrid system to get away with it), on top of her being already pretty precise, WME forces her to be precise to the literal letter, and can actually help a regular pony work on their magical endurance. Essentially, if you can get a Levitate out in WME, you’re insanely precise in spell casting, even if you may not be the most powerful.

For instance, Rarity, one of Twilight’s friends, is very precise with Rune casting even if she lacks power. So she can, according to Twilight in a letter, more consistently do all the Runes for Levitate in WME even if she doesn’t have the magical knowhow to get through any of the equations for it. So it takes power to actually cast with WME, but is just really good for testing ponies on their Rune Casting. Luna and Celestia can do all the equations, because they’ve got the power to do so, but they can’t be precise enough to work all of Levitate’s bootleg Chinese Runes consistently.

In other words, if Luna and Celestia keep at it, they can be so precise that they could probably cast a normal spell in milliseconds. Rarity could become so precise that she could possibly sew fabric together by the atom if she actually cared enough to give herself a hornache over god damn Windows Meth Edition.

Yeah, I changed the name to Meth edition, because you’d have to be a meth head to actually use this stupid system over any pre-existing system.

Windows Meth Edition is essentially the hottest gummy bear of magic. You do it once to see if you can do it at all, and then you never do it again. Or if you want a less spice heavy example, run Doom Eternal on a Nintendo DSI… that’s basically Windows Meth Edition while being used by a Twilight Level unicorn.

I knocked on Cadance’s door a couple of times. I know she and Shining Armor were going to have a ‘cuddling session’, since they were practically married at this point. My man’s actually proposed to Cadance, which is odd since usually, according to Celly, the mare proposes to the stallion, but I guess Shining does have some balls after all. Cadance opened the door slowly, she looked like she just got out of the bath. There was a bath towel wrapped around her head, and her tail looked like it was still dripping a bit of water on her carpet. Shining Armor could be seen slightly behind her, also slightly wet. I silently waved at Shining, knowing why the two of them just showered; I can still smell the… juices of their cuddling last night.

“Howdy, Cadance, sup Shining?” I reached out and brohoofed Shining Armor.

“Hey Source! We heard about what you and Auntie Celestia did! She was gushing about it at lunch while you were at work yesterday!” Cadance hugged me.

“Wuh?”

“You proposed to Celestia of course! To think that I thought you didn’t love her at first!”

“But I do. I damn near tried to kick Nightmare Moon’s teeth in for her… Then I realized how confident I was in actually being able to do that.”

“Don’t you have this ‘top tier’, custom tailored magical system that lets you fight Princess Celestia for a bit?” Shining asked.

“That doesn’t matter against Nightmare Moon, as much as I adore Luna, her alter-ego is horrifying and is a lot less hesitant when it comes to murdering me. Celestia holds her punches a lot whenever we spar, Nightmare Moon would kill me the moment I showed any signs of aggression. No matter how good Python is for helping me bridge any gaps I have in strength with other unicorns, I ain’t holding a candle to anypony that can raise and lower the moon, or the sun. Twilight could probably turn me into a puddle of blood in a heartbeat. You’d be shocked at how mediocre I am at any school of magic that isn’t what I’ve directly developed, such as Python.”

“I wouldn’t say you’re bad at magic,” Cadance hummed. “It takes a special kind of pony to be able to make their own system of magic… Even if it is sort of useless for most ponies.”

“Hey, if need be, I can hold out long enough against Twilight, if she were to wanna kill me, with Python. And because of Python, I have so many ways out of a situation, that I can get out most of the time because of how simplistic and quick you can cast spells with it. My system ain’t meant to immediately make it so you can win against some random alicorn that wants you dead. It’s meant as a means to keep you alive long enough for help to come to you, or to get yourself the heck out of a situation. If I were to fight Shining Armor, for whatever reason, I ain’t sticking around for him to crush me with a shield, or to just outright beat me on a purely physical level. Nah, I’m getting the fuck out of the area until I can either find a way to win, or keep running until I’m certain that I’m not in danger…” I hummed before my ears perked up.

“Y’all wanna go just walk around the park for a few hours and maybe hit a bar up? I would not be opposed to getting ahold of some cheap, shitty rum right now.”

“I wouldn’t mind either, though we’ll have to buy a bottle and come back here after hitting that bar. As much as I would love to cut loose and drink a whole bottle, it wouldn’t be wise for me to do it in public; I’m a Princess for starters, and you and Shiny would probably have to keep a lot of stallions, and mares, off of me if I were to get drunk.”

“Fair enough. C’mon, let’s go.”

We strolled through the castle on the way back from the bar. We ended up getting a nice, strawberry flavored rum because it just seemed good at the time. I think Cadance might have ADHD, since she saw it, the strawberry rum, stared at it, and immediately purchased it on impulse rather than getting her favorite, raspberry rum, alcohol. Hell, she even bought raspberry wine on a whim because it’s alcohol, so how could it be so different from rum? Well, very different because she ended up downing the whole thing and only got a little tipsy. She was leaning on me, while Shining and I simply sat and talked.

“So Twilight… Actually built forts out of books when she was a little filly.”

“Yeah, I even helped her sometimes.”

“That sounds fucking adorable.”

“I have a photo or seventeen,” Cadance said merrily. “I used to be her foalsitter; she was an adorable, sweet little filly… once you got past her shell.”

“She really didn’t like me during my first few weeks in Equestria… then she started being nice to me after she started staying in Ponyville. I think her having those five friends is doing her wonders. She actually looked excited to see me and talk to me instead of just snatching my Python textbook out of my hooves and sneaking off to the library to consume it and suddenly be a Python using goddess that forgot I existed after promptly doing so.”

“...Maybe she started warming up to you before she had to stay in Ponyville?” Shining asked. “If I know Twily, I know she doesn’t make friends very easily.”

“Could be that, I dunno. She almost hugged me last time we met, or she did, I can’t remember because I immediately partook in a magical duel.”

“Did you win?” Cadance ask. “It sounds like you won if you don’t mind having to get into a duel.”

“I made the poor mare cry, and because I am a sucker, I felt bad and went after her. She slept on my back on the way back to Ponyville while I pulled her wagon.”

“Hehehe…” Cadance lifted her empty cup and took a sip from it. “Sounds like you’re going to start a herd.” Cadance, you’re drunk, go to sleep.

Yeah, so Cadance likes to use me as a pillow when she gets a little tipsy, apparently. She only used my shoulder because Shiny’s shoulders are too hard from all that being the captain of the Royal Guard and stuff. I’m still a little soft and squishy, despite me joining in on guard training, and the occasional sparring match with Celery Sticks, yes that’s a new nickname for Celestia because she really hates celery. By the time I was done hanging out with Cadance, it was around time for Day Court. Luna was supposed to be joining in and helping her sister today; a chance to learn how to perform court in a more modern era.

When I walked into the courtroom, which was a carbon copy of the throne room, save for the throne. Same mosaic windows, same red carpet leading up to the head of the room, which instead of a throne, was a judge stand, a two tiered judge stand, the middle, tallest tier, was meant for Celestia, or Luna, both of whom were sitting together on the same chair. Admittedly, it was kinda funny, and kinda adorable, because the chair was only meant to fit one alicorn at a time. So Luna had to sit there, with a somewhat unamused expression, while being thoroughly embarrassed in public.

Occasionally, while the current petitioner spoke(I cut the line and immediately sat in the jury section where only a hoof-full of ponies were sitting), Celly would nuzzle Luna’s cheek, or the inside of her ear, and kept a wing draped over her younger sister. It was adorable, and Luna… was none-too happy to be in the position she was. On one hoof, I knew Luna loved snuggling up with Celly whenever she got the chance, on the other, Celestia had a little smirk, almost unnoticed, and I knew why. Despite being two, damn near immortal, alicorns, they were still sisters, and Celestia at heart, was an older sibling.

If I know anything from experience as the eldest of my siblings, I knew I loved embarrassing them in public. Celestia could do that, help her sister adjust to a more modern way of ruling, while snuggling up with her, and she knew that Luna was secretly enjoying the moment.

Luna, despite being publicly, and thoroughly, embarrassed, read over a document that I’m assuming the petitioner had provided… Until… “Thou are saying though would like to purchase a plot of land, ‘i Canterlot, that consists of a residential area? Not to become a landlord to rent out some of the homes to other families, but to build a dock for thy airships? Thou art not aware that each of these homes are owned by far less fortunate ponies than thee?” Luna asked, actually keeping her Canterlot Royal Voice in check despite the edge in her voice.

“Yes, your highness. You see, I have far, far too many airships and-”

“Yet thou would try to buy out a neighborhood, not reimburse any of the issues that has been living ‘i quoth neighborhood for generations, for airships thou won’t even use for commercial purposes, yet to market a collection? Thou weren't going to pay any of the families for their homes.”

“Uh… yeah. I need somewhere to store my personal collection.”

“Yo,” I said, walking behind the judge's stand, and popping up beside the sisters. “Aren’t airships really expensive? Like a hundred thousand bits each at the lowest?”

“And just who are you?” The stallion, a rich looking, tan, unicorn douche bag. He wore a fancy suit.

“Thou are speaking to mine sister’s consort.”

“...What?” The tan unicorn looked at me for a brief moment with wide eyes. “There is no bucking way…”

“So, Celly, what’s the lowest price of an airship? I can’t make any calls here, but I just wanna ask.”

“I believe the cheapest of airships can easily go for two hundred and thirty thousand bits.”

“Aight cool. Lulu, your call.” I said for Celly.

“Denied,” Luna said, using the deny stamp and stamped her own seal onto it. “Next in the court!” The Princess said before handing the documentation to the dickbag, before sending him on his way.

“Why did you step in, Source?” Celestia asked. “Or make the call for Luna to make the call?” Celestia asked.

“Well, I wanted to know how much of a dickbag that dude is. If he’s got a whole collection of airships, and has enough to buy… a buckball field’s worth of space? Yeah, he’s a rich asshat. Back home… There are plenty of those, with way more influence due to how my country’s government was set up. It was kinda… awful, honestly. And when I told Luna to make the call, I know you would’ve told her that, and then you lick the inside of Lulu’s ears the moment she made a really good call, which is saying ‘no’ to that asshole.” I shrugged.

“I suppose that is fair… You do realize that was one of Prince Blueblood’s closest friends, correct?” Celestia asked. She took me off to the side, letting Luna take lead for this petitioner

“Meh, that asshole never liked me anyways. If that dickhead goes after Luna for that…”

“I’ll-” we both said at the same time.

“Go first,” I said.

“I’ll have a few choice words.”

“Huh, that is way better than what I woulda done. I was gonna beat the shit out of Blueblood if he started yelling at Luna. She damn near cried when he yelled at her the first time… seriously, what kinda dickhead calls his auntie a she-demon?”

“He said far worse.”

“I know. Now that I know Luna a lot better, I woulda kicked his arse right there and then...” We both spun around when we heard Luna cheering. She was currently hugging a mare and a colt, both of them looked nothing alike. In Luna’s magic were… adoption forms, while the mare and colt shared her enthusiasm. The mare was cheering about being the adoptive mother of the colt, as it sounded like they had gone through a lot of hoops just to adopt the colt beside her. The two jumped while they hugged while the colt was having his own celebration. “Yeah, Blueblood woulda got kicked in the balls a couple of times.”

“I believe we will have to keep Blueblood from talking to Luna for the next few weeks.”

So instead of Blueblood yelling at Luna for doing her job, the good Prince decided to come onto the guard training grounds, while I was doing the usual exercises. Celestia had a free day today, a very rare thing, so she decided to take it upon herself to watch me start working out. Not gonna lie, I was still a bit scrawny, but I was actually gaining some muscle mass. Now if I were to flex, you would actually see some muscle rather than just me being an idiot. Celly was watching from a special little balcony, since the Princess coming to watch her guard train is a big deal, and I could tell she was watching the other ponies present.

However, her eyes were, in fact, on my butt most of the time. Or rather, she was watching me a little extra closely.

Today is a day where you can’t use magic; it’s mandatory that every guard at least knows how to use a spear. Every guard, and me, was given a nice, long wooden pole, about two meters in length, and was actually pretty strong. I suggested bamboo, as bamboo was really tough, so that was being tested somewhere. I was actually not too horrible with one of these things, even if I was only good with magic because of how useful Python was for helping me push power into spells. However, this one was mainly hand eye coordination.

Sorry, hoof eye coordination, not hand eye coordination.

God I hate Equish. Not English, it’s different enough, now that I’ve gotten more used to it, that I can say they’re similar, but not the same.

I blocked Solar Strike’s left swing, or more like I parried it. The problem I have is that I’m still a lot weaker than my ‘peers’. So I couldn’t just outright win anything involving no magic. I can get nicks and smacks here and there, but I’m not gonna outright win. I swung left, like I was gonna hit Solar in the neck, which to his credit, he moved to block it, only for me to go for the leg. Since he had to hold the pole with one hoof, when I swung for the leg at the last second, I struck it, and I actually hit it hard enough to knock Solar off balance. I then went for his underbelly, running under it, before using all four of my legs, after throwing my staff aside, to bring him down…

“WOO!” I cheered before going to help my buddy up. That was the first time I actually knocked Solar down!

My guard friend was luckily a really good sport, he took my hoof and I pulled him up. “Ey, you’re actually getting better at physical stuff!” Solar patted me on the back. “Good job, dude!”

“I just-”

“Juked me. You juked me, Source. That’s a part of any fight, any grand battle. I still firmly believe you’re way better with magic than you are with a staff, but you can use one competently enough that if you somehow can’t use magic, you’ll be fully capable of defending yourself. I’ve been in the guard for way longer than you have been training, even longer than you’ve been a pony according to you. So seeing you become so decent so quickly, over the month and a half that I’ve known you, that’s impressive. Wanna have another go?”

“Well, I might as well letcha kick my ass; can’t get better if I don’t get my shit rocked every now and then, can I?”

“A blunt, and vulgar, way of saying it, but you’re not wrong, c’mon.”

After that, I ended up actually doing fairly well, Solar Strike beat me a majority of the rounds, either really quickly, or after tiring me out of a fight. I was pretty happy about that, even if I was covered in bruises by the time we were done. It was around five rounds that trouble came rumbling through in the form of Prince Blueblood.

“Source Code!” I flinched and promptly took a staff to the shoulder from Solar.

“Son of a bitch,” I muttered,” I was mostly annoyed about the staff hitting my shoulder, because dealing with Celestia’s nephew’s more of a pain in the shoulder than the staff hitting me.

“Oh…” Solar whispered. We both sighed. “Good luck with the Prince, Source.”

“I’m gonna need it.”

“Why did you talk to my friend the way that you did?” Prince Blueblood approached us and almost got in my face. My ears reflexively folded against my skull as me and Solar shared a look.

“Your friend tried buying a plot of land that contained Solar’s family’s house. I saw the map for the area he wanted to buy; your friend’s a dickbag.”

“So!?” Blueblood shouted at me. Prince Blueblood was a blonde, maned, white unicorn stallion that was admittedly pretty nice looking. There were only two stallions that I knew of, Shining Armor, and Solar Strike, that I’d probably date if I wasn’t straight. Blueblood was almost as handsome as either of them, but he’s a dick so he went from a fuck out of ten, to a tumor in the ass. “My friend, Rising Stock, was going to legally purchase some land.”

“No he wouldn’t have, Luna wasn’t gonna say yes to that, Celestia wasn’t going to say yes, and your friend being a rich asshat, or being ‘friends’ with you won’t change a thing.”

“And you don’t have the authority to-”

“I never made any calls, I just asked a question, and let Luna make the call. I just asked the question because I wanted to know how much of a douche Mr. Stock was.” I think I saw Solar trying to get in between me and Blueblood. I saw that Celestia was watching on, her eyes flicking between those… dragon eyes and her normal eyes. I rubbed the back of my head before nuzzling Solar, which made him jolt a little. “C’mon bud, let’s get back to training. I wanna see if I can pull a quick one on you for once-”

Blueblood just slapped me in the face. “I challenge you to a duel, right here, right now.” I started rubbing my cheek as I got over the initial shock, while everyone around us sat and stared. Solar Strike immediately pushed Blueblood back and stood in between us. I sat on my rump while slowly processing my options.

“That’s enough, Prince Blueblood. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Princess Celestia just watched you hit her consort in the face”

“So? That commoner should learn his place! He has no right to be even in the presence of Auntie Celestia-”

“Prince Blueblood,” I said slowly. I was over my shock now. “Get your stupid, entitled arse in the ring. I’m gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, that you’ll be tasting my fucking toenails.” I said very, very slowly. “Solar, stand aside, I’ve got a child’s ass that needs to be shoved down a toilet.” I don’t think Solar ever heard me be pissed off before, because his head snapped to me, and he actually backed away from me for a moment, before nodding and getting out of the way. Every single guard, captain, and creature present watched as me and Blueblood watched from afar while we started circling each other.

The slap didn’t even hurt me all that much, Blueblood hits like a pussy, but I was kinda tired of this fucker coming over and telling me that I’m a piece of shit. He’s right, but he’s one to talk.

“Come at me, bitch boy,” I said tauntingly. I may be pissed, but I’m human, if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s channel my anger properly. And thanks to my experience as a fast food employee that got yelled at every single day, I know how to come off as a lot calmer than I actually am. I also need to take a slower approach, because I know that Blueblood’s apparently a professional duelist or something else entirely stupid. Thankfully, since Blueblood is an idiot, he took that bait really easily and launched… a basic concussive spell.

I grinded that into the ground with my own magic pretty quickly. The spell wasn’t weak, but it was a simple Rune based spell with nothing unique about it. “Really my guy?” I asked tauntingly. “How the fuck did you win all those dueling trophies you brag so much about? Did you beat up some children in the juniors’ duelist competition and call yourself a pro for being able to beat kids? Maybe that’s what yo daddy did; he was too busy beating other people’s kids to beat your stupid ass.”

“Don’t you dare say that, commoner. You’ve seen nothing yet-” I launched a concussive spell with Pierce. It wasn’t a large beam at all, but it’s something I’ve been developing. Since it’s a smaller beam, it’s less surface area that power’s wasted upon contact. Meaning with Python helping me out a lot, Pierce can just ‘pierce’ through most ponies’ shields and then slap the shit out of whoever’s behind the shield. Blueblood, like the cocky bastard he is, thought nothing of the spell given how small it was, so he just brought up a tiny shield. I grabbed my staff as soon as Pierce made contact with his shield. It made a sickening shatter as it broke through the shield and hit Blueblood.

With his shield being broken, that was probably giving him a horn ache, and he got hit right in the nose with a Pierce, so now he was also holding his nose while he stumbled about… poor fella. He should’ve thought twice before striking me like that. I can handle being hit, I wouldn’t be training with the guard if I was. I just had a feeling that as soon as he was done here, he was gonna interrupt Luna while she was trying to get some sleep, and start yelling at her too.

Luna doesn’t deserve that, since usually Blueblood just calls her Nightmare Moon, instead of by her actual name.

My levitation swept Blueblood off his hooves before I dragged him across the ground while peppering him with concussive blasts. I feel like every guard watching was flinching; I wasn’t holding back and Python was doing wonders in making the good prince wince and yelp. Once he was near me, I started smacking his flanks constantly with the staff. I was actually spanking a pony that was biologically older than I was by three years. This went on for a good minute before a hoof tapped my shoulder. A hoof wearing a golden horse shoe.

“As amusing as it is to see somepony teach my nephew a lesson, I believe I must stop this. You can see bruises through Bluebood’s coat, Source. I believe it would be wise to stop now before you accidentally break something?” I looked up at Celestia’s warm smile, one that immediately calmed me down. By the look in her eyes, she wanted to probably join in, but it definitely looks better if she stopped the fight instead of joining in on the fight. Even if some of the guards were begging, with their eyes, to watch Celly slap the shit out of her nephew. I looked back at Blueblood and almost snorted.

His once blonde, perfectly styled mane was ruined and messy, it was starting to brown because of the dirt in it. I know I accidentally mixed some heat spells into some of the blasts because his left cheek was burnt slightly. As Celly said, his entire body was bruised and battered, so much so that you could see it through the fur… there were a few bald spots that showcased his newly blue and purple skin, which was honestly a nice look. It if weren’t for the fact that Blueblood was crying and whimpering on the floor, I woulda told Blueblood that it was a good look and he should dye his mane and coat. I stared at the prince for a few moments.

“Uh… I’m in trouble for this, aren’t I?”

“You are not, the laws surrounding duels are archaic and almost outdated, but you both agreed to dueling. So long as nopony is killed during a magical duel, nopony is to be punished over being injured… and I could tell you were beyond angry. You reverted to… some of your older mannerisms. A ‘foot up the ass’ as you say.”

“...Huh. If you heard that…”

“Fear not, everypony here should be aware of what you are. Come along, we have to drop my nephew in the castle infirmary and you have boo-boos that I need to kiss better.” I wasn’t even hurt. I gave her a blank look before she got right in my ear. “Watching you beat Tartarus into somepony like that… was rather hot if I must say. I want to do more than just kiss your boo-boos away.”

“Oho, your eyes are shining like the Sun… Wait until after dinner, dear; I still have to cook you what I would call a gourmet hayburger.”

“That would be delightful… Perhaps you can show me some of your… more carnivorous eating habits?” That meant she wanted something else for dessert. No, I am not saying what.

So that’s how I feel about Celly’s existing family members.

Luna’s a dork and completely loveable. While she does try to act like my older sister, there are some bits of me being an older sibling that simply won’t die. Such as being incredibly protective of her, which is something that got me a few brownie points from Celesetia.

Cadance and Shining Armor, while not legally married yet, they basically were. Shining’s always a bro, fun to be around. Cadance, once I got to know her, total sweetheart, nothing but nice.

Blueblood just looks at me with fear now, and actively avoids speaking to me. Once he almost cursed at Luna when she decided it was her turn to ‘hog the stallion’ for the day. He immediately backtracked, apologized to Luna and went to a local bar for the day just to get the hell away from me. I had to chuckle at that; Blueblood really is a Blue Bitch. His flanks were still kinda purple from when I was spanking them as hard as I could.

I dunno how, dunno why, but all of Celly’s relatives are super nice, excluding Blueblood, so I dunno what happened with that dickbag, but I don’t think anypony’s going to be worrying about him any time soon. Surprisingly, I faced zero repercussions, as Celly’s consort, I am apparently above the law… Not really. Everypony present fully agreed that Blueblood had started the fight, and paid the repercussions for starting a fight with me by getting his ass beat so fucking hard. Nopony wanted to punish me anyways; Blueblood had it coming, and I was one of the few ponies that could serve Blueblood an ass whoopin’ without getting in trouble.

So my punishment was a day with Celly, where I was constantly snuggled up to her side, under her wing, while she did either paperwork, or Day Court… She just wanted to hog me for the week after Luna hogged me for one day. She even insisted on coming to work with me during this punishment and actually helped out during a lunch rush at Hayburger Al’Round. That, that is a story for another time though. It was pretty funny…

Author's Note

Blueblood's a bitch. that's all.

The Best Night EVER(it wasn't)

Promptly after Hearth’s Warming Eve, Hearth’s Warming, and subsequent shitshow of weather (tons and tons of snow), December rolled around. Unlike the calendar popularized by the Romans, which is twelve months long, Equestria has ten months. Apparently somepony tried making it twelve months with two months being named after Celestia and Luna, though the guy who proposed the idea was killed by mysterious reasons, or just murder, he was stabbed forty seven times in the chest by a teenage dragon mercenary or something. Anyways, ponies apparently know what Latin is, since all the months have the same names as the ones on earth, even if some of them are actually a bunch of shitty pony puns instead of the original ones. For instance, January is called Prancuary for no reason.

I pointed this out to Celly and she called me bald.

Anywho, the Grand Galloping Gala, something that’s supposed to celebrate the day that Canterlot was finished being constructed, which was the twenty first of December, which didn’t have a pony-version name for it, so it was just December. It’s basically a big, fancy smancy ball that Celly has to host, so we can’t spend the whole thing together… Except Luna agreed to take over the role of greeting guests so that the two of us could dance… Well, she’s trying to convince Sun Butt, because Sun Butt is being stupid, to let her.

“Just let me, sister, did you not buy a nice, fancy dress so that you could smite Source with how beautiful you’d look in it? You stressed over that, and then you choose to stand by the door where you cannot sweep your coltfriend off his hooves and dance. Tonight is the night that you two announce your engagement and wedding day, and you wanted it to be special. So allow me to greet those snobs at the front door.”

“Lulu, you do not understand, I personally invited everypony and-”

“You have a coltfriend that probably would love to dance with you; I’ve made him take dance lessons in order to not embarrass himself.” That was a lie, she was going to sneak away from greeting ponies to take a photo of when I trip on my tail while dancing. "So explain to me, Tia, why you would waste such an opportunity on greeting ponies you don’t like all that much, when you’ve the love of your life right there. One that might be able to stick around longer than your last mates?”

I raised my hoof. “What does that mean?” I asked.

“SHUT UP!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, DEAR!”

Celly and Lulu stopped and blushed when they realized what they just did, and went back to yelling at each other. I slowly lowered my hoof to the ground and kept sitting like a stupid little puppy watching its owners, who are dating but aren’t married, argue over something stupid. Except it was two siblings calling each other age appropriate things like ‘doodoo head’ and ‘shit for brains’ or ‘horse’ which is a slur by the way. I just need to point that out, because it was happening in the middle of the Gala Ballroom, the ballroom specifically only ever used for the Gala, in the middle of preparations. So a bunch of the work crew and palace staff responsible for setting up the Gala were just sitting there, watching their princesses call each other slurs because Celly won’t just agree to letting Luna do one of her duties.

I ended up zoning out for a good five minutes until. “WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR COLTFRIEND IF HE WANTS TO DANCE WITH YOU!?” Luna shouted, bringing me out of my trance of looking around the room and snickering at all the ponies’ jaws on the floor, that remained there because this whole thing had been going on for thirty minutes.

“FINE!” Celestia stomped over to me, nuzzled me, and whispered. “Sorry about telling you to ‘shut the fuck up’, but Lulu and I are having a disagreement, as siblings usually do. Would you like to dance with me at the Gala?” Celly forgot that most siblings don’t both drop into the Canterlot Royal Voice while arguing with each other. The whole city could hear them argue.

“Yeah. It’s going to be one of the first balls I actually get to attend with you, and I’ll get to show you the wedding bracelets I bought for us, with some financial help from your sister. Then when the night is said and done, we help each other out of our respective suit and dress, and get… a little funky. If you know what I mean,” I bobbed my eyebrows.

“I do…” Celestia giggled. “Though I heard from my sources that you like a mare who can dress in a nice suit, so I believe the two of us will be helping each other out of our suits when the Gala is over. Again, sorry for yelling at you, Source. Allow me to go call my sister just one more slur, and we’ll go grab Button and drop him off at Apple Jack’s place so he can at least have a sleepover with his friends during the Gala. Then you can see me in my suit, does that sound fair?”

“...If I get to see you in a suit, hell yeah it does. Gala’s tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. It’s why Luna chose to argue with me now instead of tomorrow, since…" She looked around the room. “We’ve both said unladylike things. So I believe that these little ponies will be mentally broken, as you would say, for a little while." Celly went over, whispered something probably racist into her sister’s ear, and Luna did a cute little hoof pump; she wanted more royal duties and it would be for her sister’s benefit this time. So… Yeah, I guess I owe Luna some whisky later for making it happen.

“I owe you whisky,” Luna said, before teleporting away. Nevermind on giving her whisky then.

Shortly after that, Celestia came back with Button on her back, who was wearing the cute little saddlebags, and the fedora from his Nightmare Night costume. He waved at me before hopping off Celly’s back, much to her dismay; she loved carrying Button around, but Button also liked riding around on my head. My son climbed up onto my neck and rested his cheek on the back of my skull, and let out a cute little, long sigh.

“Heya kiddo, ready to go spend the next couple of days, and several nights with your friends in Ponyville?”

“Yeah Dad. Why can’t I go to the Grand Galloping Gala?”

“I’ll let you go when you’re older; if they knew you were my kid, and I was marrying Celly sometime next year, then a bunch of old farts would be introducing their daughters, most of which are probably rabid, to you. I know you’ve got your sights set on Sweetie Belle, so when you two are older, you can invite her along to the Gala as your plus one, eh? Bet she’d love that.”

“How much older is ‘when you’re older’ for this, Dad? You said that when I asked to try whisky.”

“Around when you’re twelve, so give it three years, Button. I bet you’d love to see Sweetie Belle in a dress, eh?”

“...Dad, I can smack you in the back of the head from here. Don’t make me do it; you’re broken.”

“Can’t an old man tease his son about his fillyfriend?”

Thwack.

“Hey now, I just think it’s cute.” I argued. I barely felt the smack, but it was just hard enough for me to notice.

“Dad.”

“Alright, I’ll tease you and Sweetie Belle when we drop you off. Sounds good?”

“...I hate you,” Button said. Him nuzzling into my mane says he means the opposite, so I let that slide. I love my kid too much, and my kid apparently adores me if that Nightmare Night costume is anything to go by… Sweetie Belle apparently said she liked it when Button wore a fedora, and I called him adorable in it… Oh my fucking god, he’s trying to appease is ‘fillyfriend’. They’re too young to actually be dating, but they basically are ‘dating’ in my eyes. It’s more like a middle school dating thing than a full blown dating thing.

Though from what I hear, most of the married couples I meet were either childhood sweethearts, or met shortly after becoming adults.

We hopped off the chariot about twenty minutes later, just outside of Sweet Apple Acres. We were just in time to see… Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, being escorted by Rainbow Dash and Rarity. In their saddlebags were… oh hey, they actually kept my gifts from Hearth’s Warming! As in the copies of where the Red Fern Grows. I happily trotted up and greeted them, Button was still firmly on my back until the fillies caught sight of him. The three foals happily greeted each other, and started running ahead, past Celly who was walking off to say ‘hello’ to Granny Smith. I fell in line with Rainbow and Rarity as we started trotting along. Despite Rainbow looking like she wanted to go faster…

“Hey Rainbow, you wanted to dart off after those kids, didn’t ya?” I asked.

“I did… but you kind of… accidentally taught me something important. You… you seem to take your time with things for some reason, save for adopting Button or falling in love with Princess Celestia. I figured… sometimes taking things slow isn’t too bad most of the time. You were singing to yourself during the Running of the Leaves, something about stopping and smelling the roses. It was… nice, honestly. And taking the time to watch Squirt,” Rainbow jerked her head forward to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle pinning Button down and tickling the crap out of him. “Be a foal, like the little sister I wish I had, it’s nice.”

“That… is the most ‘sappy’ thing I’ve ever heard from Rainbow Dash,” Rarity mused. “Almost…” Rarity smirked when Rainbow inevitably yelled ‘shut up Rarity’.

“Wait, shit. You heard me sing,” I said, looking a little panicked. “Well, I guess I’ll have to kill you, Dashie. That’s a shame, you are pretty cool bro material, not gonna lie. But then you had to hear me sing… shit, AJ heard me too, guess I’m gonna have to kill her as well. I’m sure the foals would understand.”

“Wait a second, deary,” Rarity said, stepping in my tracks. “You… can sing?” Rarity asked. “Sweet Celestia, Source. I know you had a hoof in some of the snacks during Hearth’s Warming that were simply marvelous, you are beyond talented with magic, and you can sing? You must show me and the rest of the girls at the Gala tomorrow night.”

“No… I do like singing, but… I only do it on special occasions. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo’s heard me sing; they’ll tell you that I was perfectly okay at it.”

“I don’t know much about singing, or music in general,” Rainbow Dash chimed in. “But I would say you were more than okay at it.”

“Eh, I’m more of a magician than a singer or a cook. I just picked up those two things from me Dad and my Mum; Dad was a cook ‘til he passed away, and Ma’ forced me into… a choir group until my pa passed away. I can do both, but… They don’t really scream at me the way magic does. I just… try my best in those other two things, and hope the results aren’t terrible.” I yawned. “Fuck, waking up to Celly being gone, only to hear her yell, no scream at Luna about greeting ponies at six in the morning sure does wonders to ya, lemme tell you…”

We reached the door, and Granny Smith demanded a hug, which I was more than happy with giving, before she resumed her conversation with Celly. A quick few goodbyes to my son, along with AJ being dragged off to read to them before they end up going to sleep, and me and Celly were heading back to Canterlot within thirty minutes of us initially landing in Ponyville.

The next day, I was testing something out, namely trying to perform magic without my horn. You see, I got done early, getting ready for The Grand Galloping Gala that is. I wanted to make sure I had an out in case I couldn’t use my horn for one reason or another. Since griffins seem dead set on trying to kidnap me, I figured it would be best to have a backup plan or two. For starters, I’ve been learning how to use a dagger without the use of my horn recently in the guard training exercises I usually partake in. However, a dagger ain't gonna do much when my foes have natural knives on their forelegs.

Having my magic, even if it’s weaker, is important to me no matter the situation…

I’m becoming too reliant on magic, man.

Anyways, I’ve learnt that I can technically do magic with a bit, it’s just not a very good idea. Most of the spells casted with a bit seem to be a lot weaker and you can only do basic stuff like levitation. So if I had to fight my way out, whoopie! I’m fucked! Luckily, magic prohibiting rings are a unicorn invention and are usually only kept by ponies; those were never particularly widespread and require a series of spells that stops magic from escaping the horn… and needs a unicorn to be able to recharge those spells and inscriptions… In other words, griffins shouldn’t have those on standby.

If they do, you can still use magic to remove the prohibiting ring. Since the rings usually, and only check if the pony wearing the ring is trying to remove it with their own hooves, not if they’re using their magic to remove it, and understandably so. Eitherway, it’s a design flaw that I am going to tell Celly about… after I make use of it. Because if I get kidnapped, I don’t want somepony patching that out of magic prohibiting rings and fucking me over in the long run. Most unicorns can’t even cast spells without their horns, and bits… are horrible staffs.

Yes, actual staffs for spell casting exist, and are almost as good as a unicorn horn and can be used by earth ponies and pegasi, they just fell out of practice after the tribes united. Technically gold or silver are really good for unicorn horn alternatives, and if a unicorn’s horn is snapped off, assuming they don’t die from that happening, gold and steel can be used as a prosthetic horn of sorts. A bit is made out of gold, but not a lot of it, so it’s just a really shitty staff if anypony knows what they are doing with it.

I barely know what I’m doing with it, but hey, Python works with it.

Anyways, I was told by a guard, who was relaying a message from Celly, that I was to go fuck off to the castle’s front door. As it turned out, it was taking my marefriend a little too long to get changed into her gala suit, since I don’t think she’s worn a proper suit before. Anyways, I DragonFired to the front entrance of the castle, where nobles were… Why the heck is everyone singing? I paused as Twilight and her friends started rolling up while singing, a highly, highly orchestral piece played. Fluttershy really wanted to meet all the assholes in the gardens, also known as the castle’s ‘pets’. Wowzers. Apple Jack’s gonna try to sell a bunch of apple treats. While I do respect the hustle, most of the food at the Gala is not only going to be a lot cheaper than the Apples’ typical pricing, at an equal or an arguably higher quality, but also most of the food’s proceeds go to charity. I get that Granny Smith needs a new hip, and the Apple Family could upgrade their barn, but I don’t think AJ’s gonna be super successful tonight.

Sadly. I would go warn her, but like, it feels like something is trying to make me sing too.

Rarity’s gonna try and sleep with a noble… you poor woman, you do not want to sleep with any of the nobles. I guess she can look just as regal as an alicorn when she’s trying, but the problem with that is… nobles are going to tear into that poor mare. Mmm, I really wish whatever the fuck is making this music play wasn’t keeping me from speaking, instead, it forced me into a choir that was going on about how wonderful the Gala was. Holy hell, Rainbow Dash’s part is cool, but just as delusional.

Needless to say, Twilight and her friends were probably going to be rudely awaken to how shite this party is gonna be-

“At the Gala!” WHY AM I SINGING!?

“With the princess!” I DO NOT WANT TO SING THIS.

“The two of us will dance!” I teleported a bottle of whisky to myself and downed it to keep me from singing.

Then I ended up singing the Rocky Road to Dublin again and ruined the song. I took several, long deep breaths after emptying the bottle. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?” I shouted.

“What was what, dear?” Rarity asked, walking up to me. Great, nobody’s acknowledging the highschool musical- I take that back, what just played was a lot better than anything highschool musical has in its soundtrack, but my point stands. Nobody’s acknowledging what just happened. Besides the glares that some of the ponies were giving me for ruining the song with my Irish, drunk arse.

“...Forget it. I’m just going to go inside; I’ve got a fast pass because Celly decided that she wanted to do a big reveal with her dress, since tonight’s going to be pretty important to us both.”

“Oh, well, do not let me stop you, darling. Go right ahead! The rest of the girls also have ‘fast passes’ so we can skip the line too. I’ll try to meet you again tonight, hopefully in the hooves of my brand new coltfriend!” I waved at her before walking past the line, up to where Luna had… decided to wear a dress that looked like something Celly would wear. On the front of her chest was a golden medallion in the shape of the Sun that held the dress together. The collar of the dress was short, white, and only went up to cover the base of her neck. From there, it was mostly just a light blue dress that hugged her barrel, but had slits in it so it wouldn’t be pressing her wings against her sides in an uncomfortable manner. It spreaded out into a light green skirt that covered up her rear end, and draped down over her tail in a lighter shade of blue than the ‘tube’ of the dress.

Luna was pretty.

“Good evening, Lulu,” I bowed.

"Good evening, Cody,” Luna nodded. “Yes, Pinkie gave me that nickname so I can tease you in public.”

“Good luck with that, I like that nickname. Super close to… what my name once was, y’know?” I chuckled. “Lookin’ good Lulu. Trying to ensnare a poor stallion, or mare, tonight?”

“Hopefully; I do wish to find another mate at some point. I must say, you look rather dashing in your suit.” It was the one that Rarity had made for me many a while ago. It’s, in my opinion, just a simple, black suit. It obviously had a few details, like the cuffs having buttons in them that had ones and zeroes to match my cutie mark, the necktie was a pleasant yellow, and the breast pocket actually had a Sun patch sewed into it to let everypony know who owns this stupid stallion.

“I try my best on important nights. Any clue what Celly’s suit’s gonna look like? All she told me was that she was going to wear a suit, and that was it.”

“I do; we both picked it out, and I have seen her in it. I will say, you will probably love what you see, whether she was in her birthday suit, her regalia, a dress, or a suit like she will be wearing tonight. All I can say is I thought she was beautiful, and you will probably find her drop dead gorgeous. So go, enjoy your night and don’t spend too long around the nobles…” She leaned in. “I saw you drink whisky to interrupt the Harmony Magic; go annoy a noble while you’re drunk and I will give you a very, very loving hug later.”

SHE ACKNOWLEDGED WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MUSCIAL NUMBER WAS! THANK THE LORD!

…

I needed more whisky, but I ran out after that last bottle.

“I only had one bottle; that ain’t enough to get this guy drunk, Luna.”

“Oh, phewy, I forgot about how unreasonably tolerant you are of alcohol. Go enjoy your night, Celestia will be down at the Gala once she is ready in… the next hour and a half. Unfortunately for Twilight’s goals at the Gala tonight. Go hide somewhere, give Twilight an hour with her teacher, and then you can make a toast later and announce that you and Tia are engaged.” Luna nuzzled me. “Go unleash your accent on a noble, actually. That will break their brain.” Good point, Luna. Will do since I can’t get drunk anymore… Damn stupid song, making me waste the whisky. You’re lucky that I liked the song, harmony magic, until I started having to sing my own verse.

So it turned out that… I was popular. Lo and behold, the nobles spread rumours, and because I occasionally come into daycourt to help Celly out, as miniscule my help is, while under her wing, or me being seen in public with Princess Luna, or the dozens of news headlines talking about how close I was with the Royal Pony Sisters’ from me calling Luna nicknames in public, to mine and Celly’s first ‘date’ where she kissed me in front of a bunch of patrons in a cafe. Add on that I was the princess(es) rumoured plaything, dunno how since I’ve only ever been seen kissing one of the princesses in public.

Anyways, I was surrounded by nobles on all sides of a little, circular table I had taken refuge at. “So, Code, can I call you Code?” one of the nobles sat around it, wrapped a foreleg around me and pulled me close to him. He’s a unicorn, a rather boring coloration. Brown fur, darker brown mane and tail. He has a monocle, a top hat, and a stupidly tacky looking, black suit. “You’ve been rather quiet, surely a stallion of your… stature, has some interesting tales!” I was the shortest pony here, I am literally a midget.

“I don’t like talking about myself much. What is there to tell?” I almost started saying I take care of my son, but I don’t want this sick fuck sicking his daughters, if they exist, on Button while he’s out and about on the streets when he gets older.

“Well, there are rumours that you are getting awful… cosy with the princesses,” the noble, who I am going to call Billy until I can remember his name, said with a smile. “I’m sure you have a tale or two with such a track record. Two alicorns?”

“I’m only dating Princess Celestia. Not both. Luna’s more like an older, or younger, sibling depending on how we’re both feeling at any particular moment while we hang out.” I sighed. I wanted to go get an apple pie from Apple Jack. Fuck it, fuck these guys. I got up.

“Where are you going, Code?”

“Stop calling me Code, please.” I said. “I’m getting something to snack on; I’ve not eaten anything since breakfast and it’s nearing eleven thirty.”

“Oh, of course! Mind if we walk with you?” This new noble was a mare that was trying to get under my pants. God damn gold diggers; I don’t even have money! Celly does and sometimes lets me use her personal funds on whisky… Okay, that’s a lie, I have free reign of her personal funds, but I don’t like using them. Everypony here is just trying to gain favours. I quickly found Apple Jack, and sighed in relief, and she looked excited when she saw me, despite the clear lack of business she was having.

The group of nobles were still tailing me.

“Howdy dere, Source. How’re you enjoying the Gala?”

I think the alcohol I had, you know the whole fucking liter, was starting to make me a little tipsy, just a little. My accent was nice and loose as I spoke. “Eh, it’s been better. I’m glad to finally speak to a pony with their head out of their ass. How much for an apple log?” That was the apple pie thing I suggested AJ and her family makes. Just think of a Maccers apple pie but with crack in it.

“You don’t gotta pay, Source. Again, we Apples don’t charge family friends.”

“And you haven’t seen a lot of business. Here,” I pulled a bag of bits out, something Celly gives me once a month, it’s like five hundred bits or something, and gave it to her. It’s enough to buy half the amount of land that Sweet Apple Acres was sitting on. More like a quarter, or something, I just knew it was a lot. “Take that, and give me an apple log whenever I stop by; I’ll be stopping by a lot, maybe with Celly since she’s been craving one of those things ever since I recreated a shitty version of your recipe for her. She wants genuine Apple Family Quality food, not my meager attempts at cooking.” Apple Jack was just looking in the bag with her jaws slacked.

“Uh… alright, Source. How many are you taking this time around?”

“Gimme two logs, please. Half the food here is ass,” I had a weird cucumber thing and it tasted like somebody filled it with shite and called it food. I know the proceeds go to charity, but those five hundred bits I get from Celly every month ends up being used on a bottle of whisky, or four, and then given to charity. I’m a simple man, give me booze, a loving lass to snuggle with every night, and the cutest little colt that makes for the best son that I could ever ask for… and what more could I want?

I can engage in my hobbies, namely spell (system) development, as I please and have a simple job in teaching foals what I make. Apple Jack’s family could genuinely use the bits; it’s the cold season and they don’t make as many bits during this season, and often ride off the high of the initial bulk sales of apples after harvest to carry them throughout the winter. Apple’s family was stupidly rich, but most of their money was being used to keep the farm running before they could harvest their crops and sell’em in various forms.

“Well, here you go, Source,” Apple Jack handed me two logs that I happily took in my magic. One bite made my eyes widen.

“I swear, this has to be crack in your food, AJ. There is no reason why y’all are so damn good at cooking.” My mouth was still full. Remember what I said about Gala food being almost as good, or better than AJ’s cooking? Yeah, no, that’s not true in my brain anymore. My stupid rich ‘friends’ saw what I was doing, and immediately stormed AJ, paid her bits and got some sort of apple treat. After each one took a bite, their eyes widened, before doing their best to scarf down the treats while not looking like anything less than a regal pony.

Apple Jack’s face was now smiling brightly as her jar for bits was being filled up so quickly that she needed another jar.

“Say AJ, you got any cider? Like that good, good shit. Not the non-alcoholic stuff you sell on cider day-” I was given a whole bottle of extra strong, alcoholic cider. I open my mouth to argue about paying for it. I was given the stink eye because Jack knew what I was about to say and she wasn’t having any of it. I shrugged and walked deeper back into the ballroom where I found a stallion that was generous, seeing as he was barely as old as I was. He just looked awkward and out of place; I could tell he was probably some rich dude’s kid that got forced into coming to the Gala.

Bright orange coat, black suit, red and yellow mane and tail. He looked fucking cool.

Given that I am biologically nineteen or twenty, this guy was young.

“Howdy,” I said, walking up to him. I still had my second apple log. “Hating the Gala?”

“Yeah… Mother dragged me here, since she knew I didn’t have a marefriend yet, and figured she could get me hooked up with one of her friends’ fillies. I hate parties; I would much rather be at home!” The stallion looked around, before looking back at me. “Why’d you come to me?”

“We’re ‘round the same age-”

“I’m straight.”

“So am I,” I gestured to where Celly just walked in before my jaw hit the damn floor. She’s wearing a suit. She’s wearing a sleek, black suit, an Irish Cap that she had to have made for the outfit. She had a white undershirt under the suit and a very, very nice little bowtie with the sun emblemized in the button. I am going to fuck her so damn hard after the Gala, I swear to god. I stared before chuckling. I guess my new friend was staring slack jawed. Twilight was with her happily soaking in being able to hangout with her teacher and second mother. Twilight glanced in my direction, waved, and kept on going. I even saw Celly glance my way. I just gestured for her to just give Twilight the time; she was looking forward to it.

In the corner of my eye, I could see Shining and Cadance going at it. No, not sex, they were just enjoying a slow dance.

“Oh fuck, I am the luckiest stallion in the world…” I whispered. My new friend heard me, unfortunately.

“YOU’RE THE STALLION THOSE RUMOURS ARE ABOUT?!” He whispered-shouted.

“Eeyup.”

“Dear Celestia… How’d you score her?”

“Fuck if I know, my man. If I knew, I’d tell you.”

“Dude… You lucky son of an ass.” He chuckled. “I’m Fabled Tale, by the way. I can safely assume that you’re Source Code?”

“Damn, the rumours even mention my name.” I nodded. “You aren’t jumping to get favours?”

“I don’t care about that stuff, dude. I just wanna stay home and work on my creative writing. Besides, you’re not making a huge deal out of you dating the princess, so I won’t make a big deal. You clearly don’t want to draw more attention to yourself than necessary.” I like this guy.

“Mmm, you say you write?” He nodded. “Bring any of what you wrote?”

“...No. Why?” I hummed and tilted my head.

“Can I use a diagnostic spell on you? I could probably pick up where your house is with your magical signature, and then find your room, and by extension what you wrote. In other words, I can teleport your work to you.”

“Uh… It won’t hurt, will it?”

“It’s experimental stuff that I’ve never been able to test, but it shouldn’t hurt.”

“Go for it,” Tale nodded. I ran the diagnostic spell and quickly found his magical signature, which was really easy to do because he’s a unicorn; I doubt it would work as easily on a pegasus or an earth pony. My brain started quickly running through where that specific signature was… Then I found a big mansion, then I found a room, and then I found the desk Tale sits at. It took me a minute, but I did it. The scroll teleported to me… I handed it to him.

“Holy buck… that is terrifying that you can do that.” Tales mirked. “And really cool.”

“I asked for permission for a reason, my man. You're cool with letting me read what’s on that scroll?” He nodded and handed it to me. Huh, it’s… almost like a very basic version of Star Wars, where pegasi and earth ponies can use magic without horns or staffs and fight with magical swords. I hummed, it was only the first chapter, and clearly a first draft, but… It sounded so damn cool. Something about unicorns being extinct, but thanks to interbreeding a long time ago, a select few pegasi and earth ponies could use magic with their hooves.

“Hey, make the bad guy the main character’s dad if you ever get around to finishing writing this. Do it in a triology format.”

“...That does sound like a fun idea… I was toying with the idea, honestly. Does it sound cool?”

“Yeah, it is a really good idea. Go with it.”

“Alright then,” Tale and I ended up sitting at a table together and chatting for a while. Luna found me.

“Source, I believe that hour you gave to Twilight is up, and slow dancing is about to start… Who is this?”

“This is Fabled Tale, we’ve just been sitting here and I was shooting ideas for stories for him to write; I gave him some parchment and he’s got the third chapter’s draft done. It’s awesome.” I was obviously just helping him rewrite actual Star Wars, but actually ponified, while letting him use his own ideas. The magic system he had sounded a lot cooler than the Force, along with seemingly really good research on standard magic that most ponies used, and chaos magic that he might or might not have painted as a black and white of good and evil. While my own knowledge of magic said there was no good or evil in magic, it was clearly a creative endeavour that I was all for supporting. The stallion beside me was engrossed in the third chapter, he was adding notes and stuff that would be used for making the ‘finalised version’.

Then he looked up and saw Luna. “Holy smokes you’re beautiful…” he whispered. Luna’s ears shot up, and Tale realised who he had said that to.

“I-I’m Sorry your high-highness for-”

“Think nothing of it, young stallion. We appreciate thy compliments. May we see what thou are writing?”

“Uh…” He looked back at me. I nodded, and I nodded to Lulu before finding Celly. I turned my back and I immediately just saw Luna gushing over Tale’s work like the little geek she was. I think her own inputs with her knowledge in dark magic would be good. I turned around and looked back again… Luna was draping a wing over the stallion while he wrote while seemingly giving her own two cents that Tale was taking in stride and adding notes as he was probably working on a fourth chapter now. I smiled and headed to find Celly.

I saw Blueblood, he saw me. He excused himself from his date to probably go use the restroom… He was never seen in the Gala after that. At least he just started trying to stay away from where I was throughout the Gala.

I found Celestia at a snack table, eating a piece of cake. It is, or was, a chocolate cake with what looked like bits of cookies and cream topping it. She quickly saw me, unhinged her jaw and ate the rest of the slice while nopony was looking and happily pranced up to me in the most adorable way possible, whether she meant to or not. She nuzzled me, because I saw her again and remembered that she was wearing a very nice, kinda fancy suit that was actually really fancy. And also hugging her body in just the right way to show off her curves, muscles, and you could probably somehow see a six pack if you managed to get underneath Celly and look at her abs…

Ponies have abs, right? I dunno, I failed biology class and that was for humans, so I don’t think I know pony biology beyond that they have fur and four legs.

“Good evening, my little pony, are you enjoying the Gala?” She asked teasingly.

“I…” I cleared my throat. “I think I am. Especially if I get to see quite the view from one of the many balconies that we mere ponies have been given access to,” I said looking up and down Celly. I motioned her down, and she lowered that long, glorious neck of hers. I planted a kiss on her nose, before she grabbed my collar with her own magic and we started kissing each other. Celly and I held each other before we whispered to each other.

“Are you ready to announce our engagement?” Celestia asked. “If you say yes, there is no going back; you cannot truly live a normal life, nobles will bother you constantly. I still will not enforce royal duties upon you. I’ve never done such a thing to any of my lovers unless they wanted it. While your input certainly is… unique, it is helpful whenever you do give your input. It’s just that I know that politics, smiling and waving, and all that sort of stuff isn’t on the forefront of your mind.”

“Mmm… You could give me some duties from time to time. I’m sure I could run day court reasonably well if I get nothing but small issues, and pass the bigger, more important stuff to you. If you need a day off, put everything off, lemme run day court, and anything that I couldn’t resolve during it, I’ll let you know about it. With that said… yeah, let’s get it over with.” We both jumped when we heard Pinkie Pie started… singing. It was a stupid song, a really, really stupid song. It was very akinned to something you’d sing to a child.

“Did… you arrange that?” I asked, looking at Celly.

“There is a… reason I invited Twilight and her friends. The Gala is usually rather boring,” Celestia hummed. “I was hoping that her friends could… liven it up just a smidge.”

“Fair enough. Though none of the nobles are really… enjoying Pinkie’s efforts to make it more fun. I love Pinkie, a fun mare, but like…” We both turned to see Blueblood near the front entrance. Rarity, who was nearby and talking to a stallion around her age… Ah, she was genuinely enjoying herself… Pinkie just launched a cake at Blueblood on accident. Blueblood, being the shining example of a gentlecolt, snagged Rarity and used her as a literal meat shield for a cake. Something about getting groomed again.

Rarity’s apparent date started yelling at him while Rarity herself shook herself off while growling, flinging cake all over the fucker. A statue promptly started falling… Shit, that’s gonna fall on Luna and Tale were sitting. Tale quickly noticed, Luna did as well.

“WATCH OUT, PRINCESS!” Luna eeped when she was picked up by Tale’’s magic, and tossed away. Luna reacted quickly, snagging him with her own magic to move him out the way… She looks like she wants to drag that stallion to bed, by the look of things. After Luna had Tale secured, she spun around to try and stop the statue from falling, only for a rainbow coloured blur to slam into the statue and catch it on her back. The fact that she caught it was pretty cool.

“...Celly, that’s a little more than livening up the Gala,” I mentioned. Rainbow started stumbling with the statue into… a nearby pillar.

“...In all fairness, I did not expect my nephew to use poor Rarity as a meat shield.” Our eyes slowly drifted to Blueblood, who was being held down by Rarity’s date, while Rarity started beating the ever living shit out of him with her hooves. Thank god Rarity doesn’t carry around a sewing kit, or Blueblood would definitely have his head cut off and sewed onto his ass. We watched as the pillar that Rainbow accidentally slammed a statue into broke and, like a giant set of dominoes, started knocking over the rest of the pillars.

“LOOK OUT, TIA!” I used DragonFire on Celly and sent her over to where Luna and Tale were, as it looked far, far away from the incoming collapse of the ceiling. I quickly teleported to them right after, where Celly was laying on her stomach, somewhat dazed. The doors into the gardens broke open.

“YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME!” Oh, that’s an angry fluttershy. I think… I think I’m not going to bother with calming her down, she’s fucking scarier than Celly is when she’s pissed. The four of us just sat there, staring at the incoming chaos…

HAH! A bird shat on Blueblood’s face… oh, Rarity does carry a sewing needle, apparently; one’s sticking out of his arse. She… ended up sewing a… wow, I did not think Rarity would sew a crude, fabric made, dick onto his ass, but she did.

“We’re going to have to send out so many apologies,” Luna shook her head. Celly slowly turned to her little sister. “What? Source gave me a programmable illusion crystal, so I recorded myself saying ‘hello’ and left it after I welcomed him into the Gala. I wanted to watch the carnage that was Twilight’s friends being let loose in a ballroom full of nobles.” Celestia shrugged, probably agreeing to enjoying the incoming chaos.

“...So much for us announcing that we’re a couple?”

Cadance and Shining started walking towards us. “I told the guards to escort everpony out of here,” Shining reported.

“Good,” Celestia nodded. “Well, I suppose that sounds like we should all call it a night, and issue the apologies for the gala being ‘ruined’ in the morning?”

“Sister, it is my rule during the night, and I fully agree with your sentiment. On with it.” Luna turned her gaze onto Tale, who was currently probing her with his nose to see if she was alright. Cadance simply nodded, and… Tale doesn’t even know what he just did. Luna’s a capable mare, but a princess loves a knight in shining armor, or just some nerd that tried to save her. Heck, he doesn’t even seem to realize that he is constantly nosing and nuzzling Luna’s body. Oh my god, that's actually really cute. Lulu just watched fondly as the little nerd finished up his check over of her, before he eventually removed his nose from Luna's shoulder.

“You aren’t too hurt, princess?” He asked.

“I am fine. Are you injured? I know I grabbed you a little quickly,” Luna started nosing him.

“I’m fine; I saved my rough drafts for Chaos Wars, at least, even if I am a little bruised.” He slowly realised what he just did. “Sorry for touching you so much, your highness.

“Just call me Luna,” she winked at me, before mouthing ‘thank you’.

The next day, Blueblood was in the hospital for eighteen broken ribs, basically all of them were broken, a broken leg, a cracked skull, a broken nose, and the… nice symbol that Rarity used to replace his cutie mark, with the original being found sewed to a hedge somewhere in the Everfree Forest fourteen miles away... Unfortunately, Celly went out to get a friendship lesson out of Twilight and her friends last night and was probably still with them, an apology was sent out to everypony that was at the Gala. didn’t get to announce anything… but it seemed like Apple Jack satisfied.

Her booth was fucking loaded with customers after everypony said I went there for a snack. Shit, I only had two apple logs!

Oh yeah, Luna got a coltfriend, a very socially awkward, nerdy coltfriend. So she won at least.

Me? Everypony heard and saw me save Celly from getting crushed. With Luna having a coltfriend, since most mares only choose one stallion(and most herds only revolve around one stallion), it was quickly ruled that I couldn’t possibly be dating both Celly and Lulu. Instead, headlines started ‘confirming’ that I, Source Code, was Celly’s date during the Gala and that we are a couple. In a sense, we did basically announce that we’re dating, so that’s cool.

The problem? I tried to walk through town towards the train station so I could pick Button up from his sleepover. That didn’t end well…

Post 'Your Adoptive Niece Got her Wedding Bombed by a Fuck Load of Changelings'

So, the wedding was without a problem. Well, almost. As it turned out, Shining Armor was married to a changeling, which was luckily annulled rather quickly. What was kinda funny was when Shining Armor showed his adopted son, courtesy of Cadance. True to her word, she had forms filled out, and Thorax, our warden, was quickly adopted by her. Thorax… admittedly was why I didn’t immediately kill any of the changelings; they can clearly be reasoned with. It turns out that every changeling in the city stopped trying to invade when they saw their queen getting her shit kicked in by yours truly.

They all left the city and headed into the cavern that me and Cadance were held in right after I threatened them.

“So…” Shining Armor said, now a single stallion again thanks to his fiance being a princess that can veto weddings on command. “Why do you want to adopt one of the same creatures that mind controlled me and foalnapped you and Source?” Thorax had shrunk himself down and was riding on Cadance’s back, chirping like a cricket while he got his snuggles in with the pink alicorn. And love from literally just being near the Cadance, which also helped aid in Thorax’s newfound love for cuddling. I believe Thorax probably would’ve loved cuddling even without Cadance being a literal ‘well of love’ according to the changeling.

“Well, Thorax is rather lovely. He noticed, while I was in those caverns, that I was looking worse for wear, and started grooming me as best as he could. He kept bringing me and Source and food, despite how sick of burgers and fries we were by the fourth day. Then he told me that he’s only a teenager! Thorax is such a little sweetheart, Shiny. Look at him.” Thorax took a moment, with some funky changeling magic, to make his eyes wider and bigger. In other words, a changeling’s version of ‘pony eyes’, or puppy eyes, whichever you wanna call it. I dunno how, but I think Thorax’s take on puppy eyes is somehow cuter than the average pony…

No, Celestia is not the average pony; she is very good at getting her way because of this.

“If it makes you feel any better, Mr. Armor, you don’t have to like me. I don’t even know what adoption is.”

“...What?”

While Cadance told the changeling what being adopted implied, Shining looked about ready to keel over. The way Thorax was watching Cadance was fucking adorable, and he likely thought that as well. The little head tilts, to the slight sparkle in his eyes, to how his tail started wagging. It didn’t take long after that for him to hug Thorax, and start nuzzling him. While that was happening, I was sitting across from Twilight, who was rubbing her temples. I was contemplating jumping out the window, and seeing if I can’t glide towards the hills to never be seen again. Twilight looked so done with some of the shit I’m now able to pull off.

“Source.”

“Twilight.”

“You used a bit to channel magic through it, and took off a magic prohibiting ring, with a bit?” She asked.

“Yeah.”

“When did you figure out how to use wands?” Twilight asked. “Why did you? Most unicorns don’t ever even need to know how!”

“I was testing using a bit at some point, a few months ago. I wanted to look for alternatives of using magic should my horn get snapped, or I can’t use my horn. It turns out that gold, a main component of wands, are really all you need to use magic without a horn. Bits work as a wand, a shitty want that can just about let you levitate stuff with, but they work. Since I always have bits, I should always have something to use magic with; bits are made of solid gold after all. Silver works too, just not as well according to the books I’ve read on the subject.”

“...and removing the ring with one?”

“Watch.” I took a ring, the same one I was wearing in the caves, and stuck it on my ring. “All it detects is if you are trying to remove the ring yourself with your hooves, not if you’re doing so with magic. Since you can’t remove it with magic, for obvious reasons, and the ring can tell if you are removing it because of your ambient magic… Again, it only checks for if you’re removing the bit with your hooves, which technically have magic flowing through them.” I started channeling magic through the bit. “Since magic channeled through a wand technically isn’t a living being actually using magic, just a wand; a fancy stick, magic prohibiting rings can be removed through using a bit.” I removed the ring from my horn and tucked it in my butt pocket.

“...That is…” Twilight shook her head. “That is smart.” She grinned. “You are seriously the most creative pony I’ve met. Nopony I’ve seen would’ve thought that.”

“Twi,” I chuckled. “What was I, before becoming a pony? Don’t say ‘human’. What was my profession?”

“A patty flipper.”

“What was my hobby?”

“You made ‘video games’.”

“Twi, as a video game developer, I had to know a few things. One was making the game, then finding every flaw with it and fixing it. Even if most big companies kinda skip that other step and release a half-baked product that they ‘fix’ after four months after releasing the half baked product.” I tapped the ring after I took it back out of my butt pocket. “You have to be good at probing stuff, to do that. To find flaws, to find how to exploit those flaws, and then patch them out.” I tapped the ring again. “It’s why I’ve been finding out how to do so much shit. It was kinda my job to find exploits, and instead of fixing those exploits, I abuse the hell out of them. DragonFire is literally the result of me abusing the ever living shit out of the fact that you can burn yourself, stay alive, and control where you go from there.

“Light Shield is literally a spell that finds flaws in attacks, and finds a way to effectively make said attacks null and void. Chrysalis gave up the moment she saw Light Shield in action. She was gonna keep fighting had I not had that.” Then again, it also helped that I beat the shit out of her beforehoof. “So, how’d you find out Cadance was ‘wrong’ or whatever?”

“She was just being mean and was lying. Cadance usually doesn’t outright lie to anypony. At first, I thought she was nervous, but because of how I’ve been able to speak with her more recently… she wouldn’t have been as snappy. Or recognized our friendship chant. Or that she would’ve liked Pinkie’s wedding reception plans; nopony in existence outright hates parties from Pinkie. You may not be fanatic about her parties, but you still enjoy them, after all.”

“Mmm.” I chuckled. “I find it funny that nopony really thought I went missing-”

“No. Everypony knew the moment one of your doppelgangers got drunk after a shot of whisky. Apparently you had four different impersonators, all of whom died because of something you liked. Alcohol, potatoes, or too much of either. There was a fifth and sixth impersonator that didn't die. Chrysalis, your fifth impersonator, swapped places with him before the wedding… some changeling named Pharynx, your sixth. He didn’t die because he made some other changeling take your place… after he was married, in Princess Celestia’s office, to my brother.”

Thorax perked up at that. “...My brother was the one that ‘married’ Shining Armor for about twenty hours? Nobuggy told me?”

“What?” We all asked. The doors all slammed open and an angry looking changeling started stocking in. Unlike most of the changelings, including Thorax, he was clearly bigger than the average drone. He’s got purple eyes, a red fin on his neck. He started grumbling before his eyes landed on the only other changeling in the room. His face actually softened a little upon seeing Thorax. It was barely noticeable, but after learning how to read Celly’s face in public, it was easy to tell that this dude genuinely did care for and was worried about Thorax.

“Good. You didn’t get injured. Apparently somepony with a cello was giving a majority of the swarm a hard time; she cracked a changeling’s carapace with just her hooves. Given the two ponies you were guarding, I’m surprised that you aren’t hurt at all.” He glared at me specifically. “So you’re that pony that beat the Queen up?” He looked me over. “An alicorn, though a thin, scrawny looking one. You don’t seem that tough,” he nodded. “However, I was the one changeling that did any sort of research on you. I know just how dangerous you can be when you want to be… Which makes me wonder why the Queen thought foalnapping you and suckerpunching your marefriend was a good idea.”

“She didn’t just sucker punch Celly-”

“I know; broken wing, broken legs… Her majesty really bucked up when she did that; it compromised the mission after all.” The changeling shook his head. “I am Pharynx, Thorax’s… older brother by a few minutes.”

“Howdy,” I waved casually. “Nobody in your Hive thought to look into me?”

“They all thought you’d be easy to beat in a fight because you appeared out of nowhere… You were an alicorn, and Princess Celestia’s student; I knew you had to be somewhat dangerous.”

“Damn. Well, that sucks. Didn’t stop your Queen from getting rolled.” I cracked my neck. “Hopefully you changelings don’t get too fucked over by the incoming treaty; I’m apparently responsible for discussing and drafting it since Celly’s going to have to take a few weeks off of ruling because of her injuries…” I shrugged. “I’ll probably have Luna help me with that; I’ll need the help.”

Pharynx nodded. “So why is Thorax here instead of with the rest of the Hive, in the caverns?”

“He got me and Cadance food while we were in those caverns, and Cadance found him adorable after the first day. Turns out that she’s damn near incapable of outright hating anyone, especially after Thorax groomed her while I was sleeping. By technicality, since you’re his brother, Cadance is now both yours and Thorax’s mother through adoption.”

Pharynx looked mad for a second, but then he took a moment to think it over. He mumbled something about ‘the Princess of Food’. Cadance heard him and had a little laugh over that.

“...Hey, good going Thorax; you tamed the pony that makes love! Now neither of us will starve-” he was pulled into a hug by Cadance who was squealing at the prospect of having yet another child. “Hey now! I’m not a cuddlebug like Thorax apparently is.” Thorax didn’t seem to care, and neither did Cadance for that matter. They were laying on the couch together, snuggled up with Shining Armor. The purple-eyed changeling then gestured to the cushion across the table from them. His face was like Luna’s when I called her Lulu in public for the first time. “Take a seat; I want to discuss a few things.”

I did as asked. “What do you wanna talk about?”

“You are by far the most interesting pony that I’ve looked into. You appear out of nowhere, and quickly rise through the ranks of Equestrian society, finding yourself as a prince consort. Tell me, can you teach me how to do Light Shield, perhaps even DragonFire? They may take up a lot of magic, or for changelings, love, but they seem invaluable to have in my arsenal. And what set of buffing spells you use; the Queen’s carapace is dented in the places where you hit her. They were healed, of course, but you still dented a changeling’s carapace. Not even an earth pony can do that normally.”

“Mmm… I could. Seeing as changelings may become allies soon; I know how useful y’all can be. Assuming I can twist your Queen’s arms into accepting any terms I give her of course.”

“I will look forward to being your student then-”

“Wat?”

“...Python, the spell system you made, seems ideal for my personal use. It uses as little magic as it can, while doubling the strength, in most cases, of any spells casted with Python. Love is magic for changelings as well as our food source. If I can expend as little magic, or energy, on a spell and get the same results, I will. Just ignoring spells you’ve only made for Python like Light Shield. Python can revolutionize how we changelings defend the Hive.”

“...Why not just buy a textbook?”

“We tried. Noling can actually use Python, unfortunately. I was hoping the creator would have a solution.”

“...I can use you and Thorax to work out a version of Python… Viper will be the… wait, try and cast a spell with Python for me.”

Pharynx runed out Levitate perfectly. Nothing happened. “Did you do any of the calculations?”

“...No. Noling could get a hold of more than the first section of the book which just had the Runes for each spell… Stealing the whole textbook was rather difficult as they’d always burn when we take them. Or burn when we try to copy them.”

“Ah, the anti-theft and anti-piracy measures… Yeah, I can hook you up with a full copy of Python once this whole thing’s over.” I stood up and stretched. “Well, I’ve got to go to a meeting with Chrysalis, Luna, and a few other ponies. You three can have fun doing whatever; Twi, if you wanna join me for this meeting you can.” As it turned out, Celly had taught Twilight the basics of ruling a kingdom in the past. Something about… future plans.

“I’ll come with you yeah. I can learn how Princess Luna rules the kingdom when Princess Celestia can’t.”

As I left, Pharynx hissed. “Come the buck on! Why’d you two have to hug me in front of Thorax! Now he won’t let go of me!” That was the last thing we both heard as the door shut behind us…

“These rooms are supposed to be soundproof…” Twilight shook her head. We could still hear Pharynx start to protest about being cuddled.

I soon found myself in a room with a round table. As tempting as it was to make a roundtable joke, I doubt nopony would get it, and I immediately wasn’t happy when I stepped into the room. Luna was on one side of the table, Chrysalis was on the other. On Luna’s left side was Snowdrop, looking about ready to beat the shit out of the changeling across from Luna. Chrysalis had nopony or noling on her side. Despite the odds, she was standing, head held high, doing her damn best to not look scared or submissive even when her eyes darted towards me. I will admit, Chrysalis looked nice even if the thing inside of her head made her not nice.

Twilight stuck to my side until she sat closer to Luna than I had. I chose to remain neutral and remain in the center of the round table, nopony across from me, only a pony and a changeling to either side of me.

“So.” I sat down like a human and folded my forelegs in front of me. “I’m sure some lovely words were being exchanged before I walked in?” I said pointedly to Snowdrop.

“Hey, I was just trying to glare angrily… It’s kind of hard when your eyes don’t work.” Her head inclined. “We all actually just got here, believe it or not. We’ve not had the opportunity to say some things to each other.”

“Alright then,” I leaned back. “So, first thing’s first I guess, since I’m supposed to spearhead this meeting or whatever.” I pointed a hoof at Chrysalis. “I really do not like you, but your changelings, all of the two that I’ve experienced so far are pretty cool. I don’t wanna condemn your Hive to hell or whatever, but I will condemn you for doing the shit you did to begin with.”

“Oh please,” Chrysalis waved her hoof. “I am sure… that I can serve you better than your Princess can. And if you like the Princess, surely you would like her to look alike, hmm?” Chrysalis soon adopted Celly’s form. I blinked a few times and suddenly had a fake Celestia in my face. “I can easily appear as any mare you’d like, stallions even if you are into that. On top of that, I will not get hurt in dumb ways such as turning my back on an enemy.”

“You don’t smell like Celly. Two, you know how she is in bed; she told me about your shared history with her. Lastly, fuck you, you are the reason why Celly is lying in bed with a cast on her legs and a split on her wing. Oh, get out of that form before I throw you out the window and give you a second serving of these hooves.”

“...You used the term ‘these hands’ earlier, not ‘these hooves’. You do not even have hands.”

“So I fall into old speaking habits when I’m mad or scared. Also, you still have Celestia’s form. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. It.” I said firmly. I lifted Chrysalis up and shoved her back into the chair. The moment she tried getting up, she growled; I used a spell to essentially hot glue her chair to the ground and then her ass to the chair. I made sure to sit her down in a not very comfortable decision. “Now, let us talk. Frankly, I feel like you changelings are quite useful. Being able to replace our spies in other nations and across our own nation with beings that can shapeshift seem like a good idea.

“All we’d have to do is find a stable way to feed you guys, and Thorax has told me a few times that y’all can get by on ambient emotions in the air. Meaning all y’all have to do is exist somewhere to collect food. You just wouldn’t get to ‘beating Princess of the Sun’ levels of power or whatever.”

“I can snap you in two, you insolent pony.”

“If you do that and Celly finds out, she’ll burn you alive… Well, I would say if you could, but I think Light Shield falls under the same weaknesses as Shield, so you probably could. Bypassing a shield with Telekinesis isn’t that hard to do, after all.”

“And you just revealed-”

“I did so because I’ve got a Lulu and I've got a Twilight. The moment you did anything, both of them would be on your ass. Twilight’s stronger than I am, magic-wise and Luna’s a better fighter than Celly. Oh yeah, Twi, do you have Snowdrop’s talisman? Just stick that on her head if you do.” Twilight nodded and soon, Snowdrop had a crystal horn protruding from her head. “Okay, four magically able ponies, three of whom are very dangerous with their magic are in the room. Wanna try something?”

“You said three, not four.”

“Yeah. I don’t think I can outright kill anypony with my magic; I’ve never had the power to do so and I don’t think I would. Just ignoring my newfound desires to try and resolve everything without violence when I can see a way without becoming violent. I beat you through purely physical means and forced you into surrendering. None of the ponies I’ve beaten have been beaten through sheer magical might alone. I’d be dead meat if I didn’t develop my own spell system before fighting you.” I cleared my throat. “Enough banter. Let’s talk business. And while I could twist your arm into accepting bullshit terms, I know a willing ally that only needs food, is better than an unwilling ally that will plot and brood against me.”

“I don’t want to fight you, I desire to steal you from the Princess.” I could hear Chrysalis mutter under her breath. “Fine, I shall try and come up with some terms.”

Luckily for me, Luna was way better at reading body language, and Snowdrop and Twilight were the smartest ponies I knew. With them all combined, they helped me out throughout the negotiations. Namely whenever Chrysalis was trying to swindle me by using big words that I didn't understand, or using something more retarded than lawyer talk, which is politician talk. Needless to say, we had a rough draft worked out by the end of the meeting, even if Chrysalis wasn’t happy that she couldn’t use my inexperience as a ruler against me.

Or the fact that when we all got up to leave, since Chrysalis had a ring on her horn, couldn’t get up; her butt was still stuck to the chair that was stuck to the ground.

“So let this be my first act of at least showing that I can be nice if you’re on my side,” my horn lit. “Go find a guest room. You still can’t use magic, but I won’t stick you inside a cold cell at the end of every day. Feel free to roam the castle, since I’ll be having a few guards, earth pony guards ‘guarding’ you if you do.”

“Earth ponies? Threatening me with the best ponies in bed?”

“I believe you and I both know which pony is the best in bed, Chrysalis. But I doubt you’d be overpowering fully trained earth ponies any time soon.”

“...You bucking asshole. Why must you actually think! Oh, imagine if we mated! My power and your brains! We could make the strongest nymphs-”

“Sadly, that ain’t happening. Hopefully after mine and Celly’s honeymoon, once she is recovered enough to actually stand straight and we get married, she’ll be carrying a foal. Who knows? Celly still likes you for some fucked reason and she might be able to convince me to form a herd with the two of you. Dunno, don’t care though; we both have to agree to the herd idea for it to happen, and I won’t agree. I’m gonna go put my maid suit on and go serve my marefriend. Go… do whatever the buck, just don’t try starting another invasion of Canterlot or we’ll have problems.”

Chrysalis soon found herself being able to remove her butt from the chair; that’s all I noted before I left the room and started heading for mine and Celly’s bedchambers.

“You glued Chrysalis’ flanks to her seat during an important meeting?”

“She was misbehaving, so I stuck her butt to the seat.”

“Misbehaving?”

“She took your form, and started saying she’s better in bed than you are.”

“...Well, she was nice five hundred years ago. Perhaps she improved?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. Don’t wanna form a herd with her either. Again, as soon as you are able, you and I are marrying, and if my mind changes on the topic of herds, I won’t mind forming one. Just not with Chrysalis for the time being. That bitch is just as calculating as you and Luna are when you two are being scary politicians instead of Celly and Lulu. Except Chrysalis is, admittedly, a bit scarier.”

“Why is that?” Celestia asked. “Isn’t Light Shield something that is apparently broken?”

“Light Shield is good for keeping me from getting jumped, but if somepony hits it enough, I think Light Shield would just give up. There’s a reason why I still want some magic and combat training despite using Light Shield so damn much against four alicorns. Plus, it doesn't matter how good Light Shield is as a spell, somepony could just throw a blunt object at me, crack my skull, and beat me in a fight. Light Shield only really stops spells; it doesn't stop physical objects. It’s a minor setback, but if somepony knew that, then it’d fuck me over.

“Which is why I still waste some magic on making sure that my skull and bones and hide are tough and resistant to most physical attacks. Didn’t stop me from getting captured… but there’s only so much those can do. It’s just a measure… Along with that one charm that I set, so if I get knocked out, I instantly teleport here. Doesn’t exactly work when those enchants keep me from getting knocked out in most cases, but it’s a thing that exists.” I kissed Celly. “Want me to preen your good wing? Need tea? Anything?”

“I am fine, dear. Just some cuddling and some time alone with you is all I ask.” We watched as Button, after probably spending some time with the Crusaders, walked in and closed the door. He slowly trotted up to us. “Hello dear, did you have fun with your friends?” Celly asked as she nuzzled our kid. I could hear the silent ‘I would also enjoy having my son here as well’ while she heard what Button was talking about. A little tale of what they were doing. Apparently, a guard had their hooves glued to the floor because of a prank…

A prank that Snowdrop and Luna suggested that the Crusaders do. The poor guard was Solar, by the way. He was apparently still stuck there for… some reason. Meh, I still wanna introduce him to Snowdrop so this may be my chance….

A day later, I was walking down the street; down towards a place called Donut Joes. Spike, Twilight and the rest of her friends were heading back to Ponyville seeing as Celestia literally can’t get married right now because she’s only got a broken leg and wing, and can’t stand. Luckily, Luna agreed to watch over Celly for today, since Snowdrop was apparently capable of running either day or night court. So I was gonna see them on their way out, seeing as they wanted to all meet me at Donut Joes.

As I walked down the streets, I was getting a bunch of looks I wasn’t used to getting. For instance, everypony at this point knew that I was an alicorn. Ponies were bowing to me. I found the donut place rather quickly, since it was hard to miss the building with the giant ‘Donut Joe’s’ sign on it. I stepped inside and quickly made my way over to the girls. They were sitting in a booth, the big-boy booth with a round table. In the center, a plate piled high with donuts, each mare had coffee, or tea, or if you were Spike, some milk. There were also a few other things, since just selling donuts at a bakery is a solid way to not get a lot of customers. Pinkie had donuts, there were a few muffins too.

Rainbow and Apple Jack were snuggled up together, with AJ being under Rainbow’s wing. Fluttershy was subsequently using Rainbow as a pillow. Pinkie was shoving as many cupcakes and donuts into her mouth as she could, it looked like a small… Metric fuck ton of them. Rarity was just sipping on tea and eating a bagel. Twilight was… Where’d she get the combat update for Python? That’s the one everyone was supposed to hate! She seemed to be enjoying it at least, even though that’s completely wrong. The last time somebody tried making a combat update, it fucked their game’s community in half.

It sounded like everypony present was saying sorry to Twilight.

“So Twilight Twilighted while me and Cadance were trapped in a cave, I’m assuming.” I said, since the mares hadn’t noticed me walking up to their table, let alone me walking into the store. Even though Spike explicitly invited me along since it’s been a while since the two of us have last chatted.

“Yes…” The girls, excluding Twilight, chorused. Spike had his mug of milk to his mouth, but gave me a quick wave.

“Because she figured out that Cadance wasn’t Cadance and I wasn’t me?”

“Yeah…” The girls chorused.

“And she was justified for Twilighting and y’all gaslit her because she was Twilighting?”

Another chorus of ‘yeahs’ is what I got.

“Sounds about right. So, how is everypony doing?”

“Wait a second, how do we know if you’re the real Source or not?” Rainbow asked.

Twilight facehoofed. “He doesn’t sound like he has a griffin accent; it is fully unique to him,” that is basically a Scottish Accent, I believe. “Also, he just teleported a bottle of whisky to himself and is draining it as I’m speaking.” I drained half of the bottle and took a muffin. “The last changeling, who was pretending to be Source, died from alcohol poisoning. If there is one thing Source is good at, aside from magic, it’s handling his alcohol. Also, his version of Python has a distinct feeling to it. In other words, that is Source.”

“Wish this place had potatoes,” I shrugged. “I like blueberry muffins just fine, though.” I took a bite. Spike was sitting right next to me, so I slowly scooted him closer to my side, and slid him under my wing. “How’s it going, little man?” yes, I was ignoring how everypony was looking at me with weird looks. Well, everypony but Twilight.

“Everything’s going great!” I translated that because Spike had two donuts in his mouth.

“That’s cool.” I downed the rest of my whisky. “So what was that, about my doppelgangers all dying? Because Pharynx was one of them, and so was Chrysalis. Neither of them are dead.”

“...Well, after some ponies did some research, we found four dead changelings. All of them were apparently trying to be you as they were all stuffed inside your suit closet besides one of them. Two died from alcohol poisoning, one died because it ate potatoes and it was deathly allergic, and the third one died from alcohol poisoning during the ‘wedding’. They sorta… Died in their chair after having a drinking contest with Princess Luna the night before. It turns out that changelings are really bad at holding their alcohol, which is why I found out you got foalnapped.”

“Ah.” I nodded.

“Hey,” Pinkie pointed at me. “Why are you just eating a muffin?”

“I don’t like sugar that much. Well, I like sugar, it’s literally impossible to hate sugar because of biology. I just don’t like having a donut for breakfast, aye? Personally, I’d rather have some baked beans and some eggs, maybe potatoes if Mah made any. A simple blueberry muffin,” I lifted the aforementioned pastry with my hoof. “Is also delightful when I’m in the mood… Feck.” I hunched over in my seat. “It’s been a year since I’ve come to Equestria. That’s depressing.”

“...But you like it in Equestria. It’s way better than your old world, right?” Rainbow asked. “I mean, where would you be in life if you never met me?”

“Eating breakfast with my family, probably still working a dead-end job,” I shrugged. “I’m just counting the years until I’ve been here longer than I’ve been on Earth, which is gonna hurt to think about.” I pointed to my wings. “I’m gonna live for a while, assuming alicorns besides Celly and Lulu live forever.” I laughed. “Ah, if you’da told me a year and one day ago that I’d wake up as a horse, and ended up in a land full of talking horses… I’da told you a year and a day ago ‘interesting now leave me alone’.” I chuckled even more, knowing nopony here would understand what I said past the surface level. “Ignoring my family, my life is better here than back home. I’m marrying Princess Celestia at some point in this year. I’m a motherfucking sorcerer and I’m pretty okay at it. I’ve got friends, where back home I was kind of a shut in. I’ve got a kid.

“Granted… I coulda gone without doing things that might, or might not give me nightmares, but life… has been good. It’s hopefully gonna stay good.” I raised my empty glass, before teleporting another bottle of whisky to me. “I can raise my cup to remain in Equestria. Hopefully, once I start learning portal magic, I can bring my family here. Mom would be ecstatic about meeting Celly after she gets over being a pony. My siblings… I’d love to just make breakfast again and have it with them.” I drained my cup. “Long live the king, baby!”

“...What?” Twilight asked. “Why that last line?”

“I dunno. It’s the only thing that came to mind. C’mon, y’all are going back to Ponyville in a few hours. Let’s enjoy ourselves and ignore my mental health problems; that’s what therapy is for.”

It's Bean a While Since I Visited Cannon

When we stepped out of the portal again, we were in Ponyville. Ponyville… kinda weird, not going to lie. This specific instance of Ponyville was odd because of the giant, fucking tree-castle on the outskirts of town, standing high and out of the way of everything. It was made of crystals, and besides that was a weird looking school thing. Sunset and I stared at the sight for a while and said. “So if I’m reading this right, that castle…” I looked around and said. “Didn’t Fruit say we’d end up in Golden Oaks Library so that we can be in immediate contact with Prime Twilight Sparkle?” I asked as Sunset looked around.

“Source, we’re standing in the library. It’s just been blown up.” Sunset looked around and stepped out of the door of the burnt up library…

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” I yelped when I came nose to nose with fucking Pinkie Pie. “What the-”

“Oh, hey, you’re that alicorn that helped out when we were in the Mirror world, dealing with evil Celestia and Luna. Oh my gosh, it’s Sunset Shimmer too! Are you his marefriend? That would be really super weird because he’s married to Princess Celestia and you're, like, supposed to be in another dimension learning about friendship right now! Are you the same Sunset Shimmer? By the way, I haven’t been able to give you two a welcome to Ponyville party, or a welcome to this side of the universe party where everything is correct! So can I throw that party for you two?” Pinkie asked while bouncing up and down.

Sunset, who wasn’t used to Pinkie’s shit slowly said. “Did you even breathe?” As she tried to process the energetic fluffball that is Pinkie.

I just sighed and said. “Sure, we’ll attend that party. When is it-”

“Oh, it started five minutes ago. Everypony’s there and I heard you were going to end up in Equestria because of a twitchy left leg and a tail swish and an eye twitch along with an eyelid twitch! Come on, everypony is expecting you!”

I… what the hell? I shared a look with Sunset who looked about as baffled as I felt, before sighing. “So, Sugar Cube Corner?” I asked.

Pinkie shook her head. “No, we’re celebrating outside the School of Friendship. It’s right next to that big, super cool castle that you two were staring at from inside the remains of the Golden Oaks Library!” She then made a mad dash in the direction of the giant castle she was talking about.

My head hurts.

As we started heading towards the castle, I watched the differences in this Ponyville in comparison to my timeline’s Ponyville. Ignoring the giant castle, there was a giant building next to it that looked like a school sitting next to a lake with beautiful waterfalls cascading around the entrance. There were extra houses, Ponyville was just a bit bigger in this timeline than the Ponyville I know back home… Lyra and Bon Bon are wearing wedding bands. Big Mac has a marefriend that isn’t my Mum, and everypony just looked a little older. I had hid my wings, or I would have if that spell wasn’t malfunctioning either. I groaned in displeasure at not being able to keep my wings hidden for everypony walking up to the castle, or the few ponies that didn’t head to a Pinkie Party, to gawk at.

“Son of a bitch,” I groaned. “I’m just a unicorn with a brand new pair of wings.”

“Watch the Language, Dad,” Sunset teased. ‘I mean, it’s not everyday that there is an alicorn, a male at that, walking around town, is it?”

“Sunset, I dunno if you noticed, but I loathe being the center of attention. You know that, right? I’m just some guy at the end of the day that happens to have wings and a horn.”

“...You humble son of a bitch.”

“That’s rude, you just insulted my Ma,” I punched her shoulder lightly. “Treat her with some respect and just call me a bitch.”

“...Fine, you’re adopted-”

“That’s just plain rude.” I nudged Sunset Shimmer and said. “So, big castle,” as we got to the steps. “Looking forward to a Pinkie Party? Or Princess Twilight Sparkle?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Sunset said as we walked up the steps. We knocked on the door and was greeted by Spike… who’s got wings. “Uh… Hey little-”

“Sunset Shimmer?” Spike asked. “What the heck are you doing here? How did you get out of the castle without anypony knowing? The Crystal Mirror’s right next to the throne room and…”

“You’re thinking of somepony else,” Sunset nudged me. “I’m not from this ‘universe’ if you will. I’m here with this idiot.”

“Oh… What the heck? An alicorn!? Sunset, I know you’re pulling a fast one on me, being from another universe… but who the heck is that?” Spike pointed a claw at me and I rolled my eyes.

“Spike… weren’t you there a noticeably depressed alicorn showed up after your adventures in that other mirror with the evil princesses? Yeah, that’s me, the depressed alicorn.” I sighed and said. “This is Sunset Shimmer, neither of us are local to this timeline in any way, shape, or form. We’re mostly here because my stupid ass wanted to visit Prime Equestria and then Composite Equestria with the help of a friend of mine.”

“Oh.” Spike nodded. “Well, come on in, the party’s been started and Pinkie said there were two special guests… she didn’t say who though.” He then narrowed his eyes and Sunset and said. “I’m watching you, in case this is some elaborate prank.” Before turning around to walk into the castle. Sunset rolled her eyes and I followed her in soon afterwards. Hopefully the party is going to at least be somewhat fun.

“Quit following behind me to watch my flanks sway, Dad,” Sunset whispered.

“Sunset, that’s perverted and fucking weird. What the hell?” I watched as Sunset’s smirk turned into one of mild concern when she noticed I didn’t like her joke. “You’re technically my daughter, and I don’t see you that way. You’re beautiful, but you ain’t my wife, and to be frank…” I shook my head. “Don’t make jokes like that, alright? They’re really not in good taste in my opinion.”

“Sorry about that,” Sunset chuckled. “I… Forgot that your mind isn’t exactly accustomed to how ponies view romance. A joke like that would’ve been normal with adopted family members if you were a normal pony.”

“Yeah, I appreciate the attempt of you lightening the mood, but I ain’t checking out my fucking daughter, Sunny.” I said.

“I know.” She nudged me with her elbow and asks. “So you've been here before? What’s it like?” Sunset asked.

“Eh, not sure. I was busy trying not to kill myself and I was only here for a whole day and the better part of a morning.”

“...Source, that’s not a good thing to… You really need therapy, Source. As much as I hate you for literally sleeping with my Mom, I don’t actually hate you.” Sunset nuzzled my cheek and said. “And I'm not sure if I should be concerned that you said that so nonchalantly, or that you had those thoughts at all, and kept them buried.”

“Eh, what doesn’t kill you makes you ugly,” I shrugged. Pinkie broke out of a side door and made us both jump.

“C’mon you silly fillies! The party's in this room!”

When we stepped into the ballroom, or the room where the party was being held… Holy shit this place is huge. It wasn’t really much of a ballroom, and more like a proper throne room for Twilight. It was a giant, cavernous room with purple walls, painted in a way that seemed reminiscent of a more natural landscape. With various shades of purple marking out a tree, the hills around us. Towards the back of the room was a throne that remained unoccupied, probably because it was Twilight’s throne, and if my Twilight is anything to go by, this Twilight would probably hate sitting on a throne all day.

The room was full of ponies, snacks and drinks were set off to the side. Foals weaved through legs and under ponies as they played, there was a dedicated dance floor with a disco ball. A banner that stretched across the whole room, from one pillar to another, had words telling us just what the party was for. It was for… ‘Welcome to Ponyville, Prince Source Code!’ That’s what the party was for. It… was neat. I could see twilight and her friends littered across the sea of ponies, happily chatting with guests, or each other in the case of Rainbow Dash and AppleJack.

Princess Cadance and Shining Armor were chatting with Bon Bon and Lyra, with their kid, I think the kid’s name was Flurry, could be wrong, but I could also be right. Princess Celestia was here, talking to a yellow stallion who looked a little scruffy, but the two of them seemed to get along. Princess Luna was sitting with Rarity, talking about something probably random and probably a whole lot of nothing as well.

The room fell silent as me and Sunset walked in, everypony was staring at us. I took a long, deep breath, and sighed. Princess Celestia was the first to step forward and asked. “Sunset Shimmer… Is that you?”

“I am Sunset Shimmer, Celestia, but probably not the one you are familiar with.” Sunset waved a hoof. “I belong to this moron’s timeline, universe, I suppose.”

“...I see,” Celestia nodded to me. “...Who are you, exactly? My apologies, I don’t believe we met.”

“Huh,” I hummed. We’re not in Prime Equestria? Because last time I was, with my Celly, Celestia remembered who I was. This Celestia tilted her head and leaned her head to the side and gasped. “So, I’m Source, Source Code, Prince Source, whatever you wanna call me. Just call me Source, as that’s way simpler than calling me by title or anything like that.”

“A male alicorn?” Celestia asked, looking me up and down as the stallion she had been talking to, around his neck was… a little necklace with a crystal shaped into the shape of the sun. it was colored to look like a sun as well. It hung gently just above his chest. The pony in question was… just an earth pony. I could make a pretty solid guess that this guy had a bit more of a connection with Celestia than I would’ve initially thought. His eyes slowly went and traced down his frame until I watched as his gaze landed on my wings.

“Oh, what in the name of my wife?” The stallion said.

“And… son of a bitch.” I shook my head and said. I leaned over to Sunset and asked. “Think we should just teleport out of here and go home? Fruit done fucked up and sent us to the wrong timeline because he beats that machine harder than… well, harder than he beats himself.”

“I think you wouldn’t even be able to teleport very far, Source,” Sunset sighed.

“So,” The yellow stallion approached, his brown mane and tail complimented his yellow coat pretty nicely. His green eyes stared into mine as he got closer. ‘You’re an alicorn? And… you're who Pinkie kept referring to as Prince Source Code, right?” I studied his eyes for a moment longer, studied his ears, and there wasn’t a hint of suspicion that I could see immediately. In fact, he looked rather friendly. “I’m Baked Bean, or just Bean if you want to keep things simple, nice to meet ya!” He stuck his hoof out. I couldn’t help but shake his hoof. “So, where are you from? Pinkie said you weren’t from Equestria.”

“Just call me Source, please. I’m technically from Equestria, but not really. Not this Equestria at least. Where I’m from, I’m…” I stopped and started thinking about how to phrase this. “I’m somewhat close to my Equestria’s Princess Celestia. I can see you’re rather close with this Equestria’s Princess, judging by that necklace of yours.”

“Oh yeah! I’m married to Celly, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.” Bean smiled, a fond little smile that showed he meant every damn word.

I glanced at Celestia then said. “I can imagine. She’s quite the delightful mare, if I do say so myself.” I stretched and pulled out my wedding ring. “You know, I’m speaking from experience, you know?” I asked.

“...Oh, I see,” Bean chuckled and said. “You and I are probably the luckiest stallions across the… various Equestrias that apparently exist then.” He then glanced at my wings again and asked. “So, she married you because… of those?”

“Oh, no. I got these because… uh, I experienced a timeline where Celestia wasn’t such a lovely mare and I had to fight her, and every other princess that Equestria has to offer.” I shivered slightly. “Uh, yeah, hate my wings, hate myself a little. Not a fan of… you know, why or how I became an alicorn. Yeah no, I started off as one of my Celly’s personal students, made a few advancements in magic, somehow was found attractive by my Celly, and then before I knew it, we’re dating, and somehow I’m standing at the altar, getting married. Life’s quit the wild ride, if I do say so myself.”

Bean chuckled and said. “Tell me… about it. Wait, what do you mean by… fighting another Celestia?”

“Uh…” I shuttered. “Let’s just not go in that direction tonight. I’ve… uh, done some things that shouldn’t be delved into during a party like this. Let’s just say I found… creative ways to survive the encounter, aye?” I asked.

“...Okay then,” Bean patted my back and said. “You know, if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you, I can probably handle whatever’s weighing on your mind. From one Stallion of the Morn to another, you shouldn’t have to bear that alone,” he then gently nudged me forward and said. “C’mon, let me introduce you to my wife,” I nodded and followed along. Sunset was quickly swooped up by Twilight Sparkle who started talking to her like she was an old friend.

“So,” I said as I followed him over to his wife. “You accepted the fact that me and Sunset Shimmer aren’t from this… universe pretty quickly.”

“Eh, you learn to accept a lot of things when you’ve nearly had your brain melted by a changeling queen, you learn to just accept things. Plus, you smell like Celly, just not the exact same Celly.”

As Bean had walked me over to his wife, said wife looked down at me with some curiosity, and some genuine… diplomatic-stuff. “Hello, Mr. Code,” Princess Celestia greeted me with her fake, princessy smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Sup,” I waved. “Gotta say, it’s not everyday I hear your voice greet me like how my wife greets ponies she’s trying to be cordial with.” I tilted my head and asked her. “So, how’d you two meet?” I asked. “Because… I’ve a feeling you and Bean have met each other in a very different way from how I met my Celestia.”

“Your Celestia?” Princess Celestia tilted her head and said. “Oh, I see, Sunset Shimmer said she wasn’t from ‘this’ Equestria and you were accompanying her… so I suppose that would make sense.” She and Bean looked at each other fondly before she asked her husband if he wanted to start with his side of the story.

“Well…” Bean got ready for a long, winded explanation and I did too… “So anyways, I laid in a sunflower patch and booped noses with Celly. We were married, oh… I’d say a week or two later. It turned out my wife, in her early days as a ruler, had a law stating that the first stallion to boop Celestia or Luna on the nose is to marry either princess depending on who they booped. I booped Celestia, and I was the first stallion to do so, so we were married.” I stared blankly at Bean before looking up at his wife and back at bean.

“That has to be the most fucking random law I’ve ever heard. I don’t want to even understand why such a law exists, but I’m going to assume that somepony was being creepy to Celestia and Luna at some point.” I shrugged. “I’unno. It seems you two are happily getting along so I’m gonna-”

“Those aren’t words, Mr. Code,” Celestia said with a serious glint in her eyes. “‘I’unno and ‘gonna’ aren’t words. I believe you meant ‘I don’t know’ and ‘going to.’” I blinked a few times. “And before I continue, must you use such vulgar language? You must be an intelligent stallion, surely you could use more proper words than the word ‘fucking,’ don’t you agree?” I opened my mouth and slowly closed it. What the actual fuck did this Celestia just fucking do?

“Oh,” Bean started snickering. “Watch out, my wife is in teacher mode. Nothing but proper Equish must be used around her, Source.”

“I can tell,” I chuckled. “I, uh, forgot about that. My wife’s a lot more lenient with my language,” I chuckled a bit. “So I’m just… gonna go in the opposite direction-”

“Going,” Celestia corrected.

“Okay, nazi,” I said.

“...What’s that?” She asked.

“You’re a horse.”

“That’s rather rude,” Celestia pointed out.

“Damn, no racial slur in return?” I tilted my head with a cheeky grin. “Meh, at least I know that you’re definitely not my Celly then. You have a respectable stallion and not some idiotic husband that fell in a freak, magical accident.” I waved a hoof around and said. “Good luck with your future continued marriage.” I waved and found myself caught in some magic. “...Wha?”

“Usually ponies walk to me rather than away from me.” Celestia gave me a stern look. “You don’t just say something like that and expect to walk away… You speak rather poorly of yourself, though you claim to be married to another version of myself. Surely you have some redeeming qualities.”

“Yeah dude,” Bean nudged me. “Surely you’re not too bad.”

“Eh, I’m probably not. I’d rather be hard on myself and wanna change for the better, than to be complacent and wither away because of it.” I shrugged. “I know my way of thinking and my motivation isn’t healthy, but at the end of the day, it’s the end of the day. And by the end of the day, I know I love my wife, I love my family, and I’ll be damned if anything gets in the way of that, even myself.” I lit my horn and said. “By the way, you’re talking to a magical dummy. I’m right behind you." With that, my magical dummy poofed into a sparkly cloud of magic… as Celestia turned around with a raised eyebrow. Bean was just… impressed.

“Fucking hell,” I grumbled while rubbing my horn. “Doing that shit hurts; can’t wait to make another magic system because my stupid body decided to become more magical.”

“...What is ‘hell?’” Celestia asked. “And did you say another magic system? You’ve made one before?”

“Nah, you’re hearing things.”

“I don’t think my wife is hearing things. She can pay pretty good attention to what ponies are saying while focusing on other things. So I think it’s safe to assume that she heard you right the first time. You’re no chump when it comes to your unicorn abilities are you?”

“I’m… above average. I can only really get far based on the fact that I’ve made a magic system for me, which is going haywire due to how magic interacts with a pony’s age, as in I’m slightly stronger with magic and thus my magic system has no clue what the buck it’s doing when I use it.” I waved a hoof as I explained. “If I took any other alicorn head on, I think I’d lose pretty quickly. Compared to Celestia, Luna, or Twilight, I’m not naturally gifted.”

Celestia chuckled and said. “I believe you are being rather hard on yourself. Developing your own way of using magic is rather difficult.”

“...Would it hurt to say I’ve made three magic systems?” I asked.

That made Celestia pause. “...What?” She looked me in the eyes and said. “And you say you’re not talented?”

“Gifted,” I corrected. “Had to do a lot just to be able to contend with everypony else. I’m talented, not because I’m gifted, but because I worked my ass off in order to get to where I’m at.”

“I see…” Celestia nodded. Bean just looked impressed. Both of them shared a look and started looking behind me.

…

I could feel my diagnostic spell pick something up from behind me. “Twilight Sparkle is behind me, isn’t she?”

They both nodded. I am fucked.

After about forty minutes of nonstop questions that I answered, Twilight eventually decided to let off of me, and start hanging out with Celestia. Bean had went and gone somewhere else, so that left me and Sunset Shimmer sitting together off to the side, we were watching the dance floor, where ponies who actually had hoofwork dance. I actually saw Bean off, dancing with Celestia while Chrysalis and one of their guards were watching. For some reason,

“So,” Sunset started. “How was talking with Princess Celestia and Prince Baked Bean?” She asked.

“This world’s Celestia’s a grammar nazi,” I hummed. “Kinda like how Celly is, but Celly’s a lot more lenient with me because she knows that I can barely speak english.”

“That can’t be the only thing you picked up-”

“Oh, no, I picked up that I have horrible chemistry with Celestia’s husband. It’s nothing against him, Bean’s a good pony, but… you know, he is literally married to Celestia. I’m married to Celly. It turns out two stallions married to the same mare probably aren’t meant to get along,” I waved a hoof in a circle. “Uh… mostly because I realize how much better Bean is as a husband is to Celestia. I’m… still not even sure how I managed to marry Celestia or keep her attention for so damn long-”

“Source, you really need to work on your self-esteem. Mom loves you, you treat her well. Ain’t that enough sometimes?” Sunset asked.

“It should be, but I want to be better for Celly-”

“Source,” Sunset nuzzled me. “Sometimes all you can be is what you are right now. You’re an alicorn; you have plenty of time to grow into the pony you want to be. Right now, just be happy with being the Stallion of the Sun, but at home!” Sunset said with a grin.

“If you bring that title up again, I am going to… not do anything because I can’t really do anything to you right now.” I glared at her. “And ‘at home’? Didya have to phrase it like that?”

“Yes,” Sunset smirked. “I can’t be overly sappy with you, or you’ll start thinking that I love you.”

“God dammit, Sunset; I’m your adoptive Dad, can’t you-”

“Nope!”

Well, fuck you too, Sunset.

We both decided to watch the party go on for a while until it was time for us to head home for dinner.

That was until Bean walked over and sat beside me. His wife was smiling over at us with a hopeful smile. “You know, you and Sunset haven’t really done much today, why not join me and Celly on the dance floor?”

“...Nah.” me and Sunset shook our heads, looked at each other and blinked. I motioned for Sunset to speak for the two of us.

“Source sucks at dancing, and I’ve not been a pony again for long enough to know how to dance as a pony either.” Sunny smacked me in the back of the head. “Plus, we got to go home for dinner… in about thirty minutes. Neither of us wanna deal with our Celestia if we miss dinner,” she said with a shake of her head. “And I don’t want to deal with Source’s Mom if we miss out on dinner and I bring home her son in several pieces.”

Way to go Sunset, Bean bought that. No he didn’t, but he nodded, and went back into the crowd and quickly rejoined his Celestia while me and Sunset walked out of the party to head home.

Author's Note

so got permission to use bean in some capacity. i probably wrote him horribly, but i did it. anyways, i also had permission to write a sidestory where Bean and Source share Celestia. if anyone beats me to it, you have my full permission to use Source and the idea; i just think it would be funny to see somebody competent at writing turn bean and source into celestia's bro-harem or whatever.

Tirek Got his Face Smashed In.

As soon as we got to Canterlot, the first thing I noticed was… how the train station was. It was eerily quiet. There was nobody. Nopony walking in, nopony but us getting off the train. Shining Armor, who grew up in Canterlot, looked around on high alert. I glanced around… the silence was deafening. There wasn’t a soul in sight; even at night there would be at least somepony here. Now it’s the middle of noon; the lunch rush should be happening.

I lit my horn up and let my diagnostic spell take lead; it’ll pick up on anything weird, such as a centaur carrying an unusual amount of magic. “What the fuck…” I snarled. “Tirek I swear to god…” Every alicorn lit their horns as Shiny got a shield spell ready. Twilight’s friends, technically being the most vulnerable of the group, stayed in between us, even if AppleJack and Rainbow Dash didn’t like being ‘coddled’.

As we walked through the streets, I felt something crawling down my neck. “What the fuck…” It feels like Canterlot has already been run through by Tirek. As we walked towards the castle, I started picking up my pace. I felt a weight lift off my chest as I saw that guards were still standing outside. What I didn't like was Chrysalis standing firm at the entrance, facing towards us. We came to a stop before her.

“Tirek is loose, I presume.” Chrysalis didn’t ask. “My changelings are watching over the city from the shadows; everypony here except for everypony in the castle has had their magic drained. Tirek only hasn’t come this way because I took the initiative and decided to defend your castle while I was gone; we changelings are loyal. You best be lucky that I am as loyal as I am to my allies.” I walked past Chrysalis as she talked to the others. “And where do you think you’re going, Source?” Chrysalis asked.

“Tirek got to my sister. I want to check on her. I just need to know if she’s okay.” I answered. “Celestia and the smart ponies can go over security details; my family needs me.”

“Then go,” Chrysalis nodded.

I quickly transitioned into DragonFire and blasted through the castle. I quickly made it to the wing my family was staying in. I opened the door, trotted in and my heart stopped. Laying on the couch was Katie, her boots were on the floor, and she wasn’t wasn’t wearing a dress like usual. Dan and Dave were huddled up together on the other side of the couch and Ma was resting her head next to Katies, which was resting on the armrest. I quickly ran up to the couch and skidded on my knees as I came to a stop.

“Katie!” I wrapped my forelegs around her head. “Are you okay, sis?” I rested my head in her mane.

“I’ve been better, Kodi. How did the meeting with the foreign guys go?”

“It went fine. Katie, Tirek didn’t do anything to you other than take your magic, right?” I asked.

“No… he didn’t. I feel like a sack of potatoes right now, but I’m alive. That’s what matters, right?” Katie asked.

“...Katie, you’re-”

“Kodi,” Ma got up. “Keep watch over yer siblings. I’m finding Tirek and I’m kicking his ass.”

“...Ma…”

“Ma, nothing.”

“Ma, you could get hurt.”

“And? That bastard came after my children. I’m an angry mama, and this mama knows how to throw hands.”

“Mum, stop.” I said, grabbing her tail. “Celly and Luna struggled with dealing with Tirek in the past, and they’re better with magic than either of us. Tirek will eviscerate you, Ma. Just stay with me and the rest of us… Button’s doing okay, right? He’s safe?”

Button poked his head out from behind Katie. “Hey Dad…” Button nuzzled my sister. “Auntie Katie’s missing her cutie mark…” I slowly looked at my sister’s flank for a second and looked back at Button. I took a long, deep breath.

“I’m going to feed Tirek his own heart.” I said firmly. “How’re you all doing despite what happened? Is everypony else doing okay?” I asked.

“We’re fine, Kodi,” Dan said. “A bit… shaken,” he got up and hugged our sister. “And worried about Katie, but we’ll live. Now that you’re here, we’ll be safe-”

“I’m afraid I’m not going to be of much use this time,” I tapped my horn. “My magic is still fucked, and Bedrock is an unstable piece of shit that’s barely ready for field testing… but I suppose I shall have to use it if Tirek comes.” I took a long, deep breath. “We’ve got Discord on the fucking move, because Celly thinks Discord will beat the shit out of Tirek and I think so too. Twilight’s having an existential crisis because she thought she and I were going to be sent out instead of Discord, but here we are.” I sat down next to Dave, pulled him close to my chest and laid my head on top of him. “We’re going to relax and let Discord take care of Tirek this time around, okay?”

…

I stared at Celly as she relayed the news.

“...Discord did what, now?” I asked.

“He… joined forces with Tirek,” Celly sighed. “And… cities are falling by the day to Tirek and Discord.” She sighed. “...It won’t be too long before Tirek is able to consume alicorn magic.” She took a long, deep breath, and nuzzled me… Something’s wrong. I glanced at Celly and noticed she looked noticeably weaker than usual. As in she looked fragile. I glanced around her side and noticed her cutie mark was gone. “Source…”

“Celly, did you, Luna and Cadance give your magic to Twilight like you were planning?”

“...Yes we did, Source. I hope you understand that… this is important. And we need you to hide-”

“...Celly. You could’ve told me when you were going to do that. I wanted to contribute too…” I shook my head. “My magic wouldn’t have made much of a difference, but… It would’ve helped! What if Tirek gets a hold of me and gets my magic? I may technically be the weakest one here, but… It’s still alicorn magic!” I looked my wife in the eyes, and took a long, deep breath. “You could’ve told me.”

“Source,” Celly brought a hoof to my cheek. “I didn’t tell you because of one reason; it was either you or Twilight that would’ve gotten all of our magic. You would’ve straight up refused, despite the fact that if you were given three alicorns worth of magic, you’d be able to defeat Tirek through sheer attrition, and I know I should’ve told you first. That was… my mistake.” Celestia nuzzled me. “Cadance and Luna are in the throne room, Luna’s fiance has been evacuated and we’ll be evacuating your family as well. I want you at my side when Tirek arrives, as well as your mother. You two are the most skilled magic users besides Twilight, myself, or Luna…. As your wife, may I ask you something?”

I stopped for a moment, processing what Celestia had said, and how accurate she was in how I’d refuse to take her magic, even if it meant I could maybe beat Tirek if I somehow caught him off guard. God dammit Celly… you know me too well. And… My wife needs me right now. She needs something from me and I’m more than willing to do anything for her. I stepped forward and nuzzled my wife. Celestia smiled and told me:

“You get to be my personal bodyguard for the time being… I know you said you’ve been hoping to defend me for a while, but given who I am, I’ve barely needed your protection no matter how much I appreciate it. Can you and your mother stand with me, your sister in law, and niece when Tirek arrives?” Celestia gave me the warmest smile I’ve ever seen on her. I stared into her eyes for a long, long time before. I processed what she had just asked me. I knew my answer, I just have something to say about that first.

“Let Ma leave with my siblings. They’ll need somepony who can keep them safe. Especially with Discord out and about, helping Tirek hurt people. I’ll stand by you with my life, Celly.”

“That is all I ask, my dear. That is all I ask. Who knows? Maybe you can give Tirek a run for his money with your new spell system? You said it was nearly ready for field testing, did you not?”

“It is, and… I’m hoping Tirek fucks my magic up enough to lower my magic reserves to the point that I can use Python Plus; I’m working on a spell called a Magic Bank; a separate magic reserve that reserves any ambient magic I let out; right now it has as much magic in it, as a test run, to comfortably let me use Python Plus. If Bedrock fails me, Python Plus will let me contend and distract him for long enough for Twilight to come up with something. And… At the end of the day, I think that’s all I’m going to be able to buy, but that at least means I’m contributing to this crisis.”

“...Source, you brilliant little thing. When this is all over, and hopefully Twilight will have won, you are going to walk me through how you managed to make ‘Magic Bank’ while we share an overpriced milkshake, with some coffee in it, from Hoofbucks, okay?” Celestia gently hip checked me. “You devious little stallion; coming up with magic spells seemingly all the time for somepony who wasn’t a pony a year ago. DragonFire, Light Shield, Phoenix Fire, and now Magic Bank? It seems like my husband is a talented little pony.”

“...Only because I have you motivating me… I wouldn’t be as ‘skilled’ at magic as I’d be otherwise.” I chuckled as we started making our way to the throne room.

With Source’s family. Namely Maeve.

Maeve sat on the train, staring ahead. Katie, Dan, and Dave were all piled up in the royal coach, preparing to leave Canterlot to flee. The mare sat, forelegs crossed as she awaited for everypony else to board the train. Canterlot was under evacuation right now and that meant the train, along with many others, would be making several trips to and from Canterlot to get everypony to safety. The problem Maeve was having was this: Her eldest son chose to stay behind and confront Tirek in an effort to stay by his wife’s side and protect her.

Maeve stared at the pony pile that her children, her babies laid. All the family she had left. Celestia, Luna, and Cadance were family too. The eldest of the Code family, save for Celestia, sighed as she. She wanted Kodi and Celestia to join them and flee for their own well-being. She wanted to grab Luna and Cadance, Shining Armor and Big Mac, and get as far from Tirek as she could. She stared at her children for one more minute, before getting up.

“Dave,” Maeve said, staring ahead as she started walking towards the exit of the train car.

“Yeah, Ma?” Dan asked, lifting his head slightly to meet his mother’s gaze.

“You’re in charge until I get back. I know you’re no magician, or a powerhouse when it comes to magic, but you’re your sister’s and your little brother’s current last stand until I return. I’m grabbing Source and the Princesses; we’re fleeing the fucking country with them and I don’t care; I don’t care if the literal god of chaos tries to stop me. I’m saving my family. I’m not losing anypony else.”

Dan gave his mother a resolute nod. “Okay… Ma. Please come back with Kodi. he’s going to get killed.” Maeve smiled at her son. “And please come back in one piece, Ma.”

“I’ll try my best, Dan. I always try for you four.”

With that, Maeve hopped off the train and began squeezing through the crowd. It was rather difficult as the mare, though remarkably similar to Source in appearance save for a lack of wings, was slightly larger than the average, unicorn mare. Bodies heading the direction she came slowed her movement down, and Maeve grunted and squirmed when she met a wall of ponies that blocked her way and almost entirely made it so she couldn’t get around them. With a snarl, she teleported into the air before teleporting further into Canterlot’s main disk, and further onto the shopping disk of Canterlot.

The shopping disk was borderline empty, there were a few ponies heading towards the lifts in order to get on the trains out of Canterlot. Maeve glanced around a few times, before a surge of magic made her jolt. This wasn’t like any other magic she had felt before. It felt… chaotic. Before the mare could blink, Discord appeared before her.

“Ah, Mrs. Code, or rather, Ms. Code; you don’t have a husband anymore, do you-”

“Leave my dead husband out of this, snake.” Maeve growled. “I will fucking break you in like you’re a new horse, Discord, don’t try me.”

Discord blinked a few times. “Sweet Celestia, you’re scary.”

“What are you doing, Discord?” A new voice said. The new voice belonged to a rather muscular centaur that was radiating with magic. “Scared of a mere mare?”

“Y-you see…” Discord started.

“...” Maeve stared at the Centaur. “Yer Tirek, ain't ya?” The mare asked as her blood began to boil.

“Lord Tirek to you, lady.” The centaur looked her up and down. “Well aren’t you quite the sight to behold-”

“You fuckin’ drained my daughter of her magic and hurt her.”

Tirek smirked. “So what? It was just one more pony, like you’ll be one more pony for me to drain of their magic-”

Maeve shot Tirek in the face with a Stun spell and Tirek barely flinched. The centaur smirked. “It’s adorable that you think you can hurt me with such puny-”

Tirek got thrown clean off of Canterlot by Maeve as she took off after him, using the Skywalker spell to chase after him. As soon as the unicorn caught up, she poured magic into her muscles as she started pounding Tirek’s face in. Every hit, every single hit was driven with as much hatred and anger as the mare could for Tirek. Every single hit sent shockwaves through the air as the two landed in a field. Discord, watching the whole thing, decided to back away and stay out of the fight. By the time Maeve was done, Tirek was still standing, even if his face was bloodied and bruised.

“You…” Tirek smirked. “Are quite the mare, I will admit…” He spat out some blood and started laughing. “A pony with some backbone! Who would’ve thought!” He rubbed the blood from his nose and grinned. “I’m impressed; you put up a better fight than most ponies, how would you like to join my side-”

“You can eat my nonexistent cock, Tirek!” Maeve shot a telekinetic blast at Tirek’s face, which was quickly caught in the centaur’s hand. The centaur sneered as her attack was balled up, and promptly tossed in his mouth. He chewed on it. “What the fuck?” The unicorn asked as she watched a spell that sent other ponies flying was casually dispelled by a singular hand. Before Maeve could blink, a hand grabbed her by the neck and picked her up. She started gasping as Tirek picked her up by the neck.

“Put me down you fuckin’ freak!” Maeve snarled.

“And why do that-”

Before Tirek could utter another word, Maeve bit his thumb off. The centaur started screaming as blood started squirting out of the appendage. Maeve landed on her hooves with enough grace to put Celestia to shame. The unicorn chuckled as Tirek started raging and tried grabbing her again, only for her to teleport behind him. The centaur snarled in an almost animalistic way and Maeve started trotting away.

“Keep yer hands off the rest of my kids, or I’ll beat your face in.” Before Tirek could respond, Maeve teleported away.

Source.

I sat and stared ahead as I heard commotion running through the castle, we had all just received word that Tirek had gotten into the castle and was running a rampage. We all sat up as something started pounding on the door. Celly, Lulu and Cadance all put on strong faces while my horn lit. Before I could even blink, Tirek bashed through the doors. He was missing a thumb and his face was bloody and looked like somebody smashed something into it. I sat there staring at Tirek as he approached Celestia first, and picked her up with her magic. He opened his mouth and tried draining her of the magic she didn’t have anymore.

“What the?” Tirek sneered before tossing Celestia to the side. I teleported and caught her while he tried to drain Luna and Cadance before throwing them, and luckily I caught them with my magic. I gently set them behind me and Celly, while Tirek snarled. “WHERE IS YOUR MAGIC!?” Tirek snarled as he got in Celestia’s face again.

“Howdy,” I chuckled. “Nice to meet you.” I tilted my head. “Why are you missing a thumb? Are our little ponies giving you more trouble than you expected?”

Tirek grabbed me by my neck and immediately started choking. “And who in Tartarus are you!?” Tirek growled. I teleported away from him and lit my horn and spread my wings. “Another alicorn?!” Tirek growled. “...A free meal, aren’t you?” Tirek growled.

I shot a basic stun spell at him, trying to probe how he is with magic. I watched as he full on stopped it with the most basic Shield spell I’ve ever seen. I raised an eyebrow. “Really, dude? A thousand years and you use basic spells? Is all you wanna rely on is power?” I tilted my head and chuckled. “God you will be very easy to fight even without me being able to overpower you.” I glanced at Celestia, Luna and Cadance. I sighed in relief as they knowingly got up and quickly limped away to the furthest side of the throne room that they could get to, away from me and Tirek.

“There is no need for finesse when you have power,” Tirek snarled. “And I have plenty of power to spare.” He launched Telekinetic Blast at me and I shifted into using Bedrock. Bedrock Shield works, cool. It actually works incredibly well; strengthening where it’s hit-a more adaptive shield spell than I had anticipated.

I smirked when I casted a Cloak, a spell designed to hide my magical signature as Tirek tried to use Levitation to grab me… huh. You can only grab things with a magical signature if you use Levitation. Good to know. The next thing I knew, Tirek grabbed me with his hands and threw me at a wall. Before I could react, my body hit the wall and pain shot through my entire being. I hit the ground, gasping for air to replace the air that was just knocked out of me. I laid flat on my side, I can’t feel my back… my head hurts.

“What a pathetic showing,” Tirek said as he picked me back up. There were two Tireks in my vision, both speaking as they continued to berate me. “You’re an alicorn? You thought you could fight me-”

“Take your hands…” I heard a… who’s talking? “Off of my son.” I blinked a few times and glanced over at Ma, Twilight stood beside her, ready to fight with everything she had. “Before I fucking make you wish you were dead.” Ma shot a spell at Tirek again, before running in, taking a leap through the air as she spun around and bucked Tirek in the nose. I was dropped to the ground, and Celly was standing over me in a heartbeat.

Tirek held his nose, looking mad and surprised. “...Of course you’re back, being a pain in my side. You could’ve been my queen-”

“After you laid your hands on my daughter and my son? Hell no!” Ma growled. “Keep your fuckin’ hands off of my family before I take your hands and make you eat them!”

With that, Ma and Twilight started fighting Tirek in neigh (pun intended) perfect harmony. They almost fought like how Celestia and Luna do when they’re training, one goes in and throws a few hits in, retreats, and the other covers their retreat. For every spell or hit that Ma threw at Tirek, Twilight covered Ma as she got out of his reach. Tirek snarled as he kept taking hit after spell after hit, being beaten down and withered. With Twilight being the heavy hitter, with four alicorns worth of magic flowing through her body, they were hitting Tirek long enough for Ma to punch him in the face or blast him with a spell.

I slowly sat up and crawled out from under Celestia. “Source… you’re not fighting; you’re hurt,” Celly grabbed me with a hoof, and pulled me closer. “I know you want to help, but at the end of the day-”

“Celly I’m deep sixing that asshole, or I’m going to help deep six that fucker.” I said as my horn lit. “I still have magic. And I know how to use it, dammit.”

Celly grabbed my tail “Source-”

I put a Mirror spell on Tirek’s head the moment he tried to cast a spell, with all his might, at Twilight and Ma. Before he could even react, the spell left his horns, before hitting the Mirror Spell at full force, nearly cracking the fucking thing because of how powerful it was, before shooting back into Tirek’s face. The spell blew up in his face, Tirek’s body hit the wall and he fell to the ground. Before long, he groaned, and rolled onto his stomach, only for Ma to run in and punch him right in the face. Tirek grunted and fell to the ground, unconscious, but not dead… And the fucker exploded in Ma’s face.

I yelped and teleported everypony behind me asTirek blew up… I couldn’t grab Ma.

When the debris died down, Tirek laid, looking a lot weaker and fragile than he had before. Ma was laying beside him as she slowly came to. She blinked a few times, and looked herself over… Holy shit.

Maeve.

I slowly came to after Tirek blew up in my face. Surprisingly I wasn’t hurt. In fact, I felt great. The first thing I noticed was Tirek wasn’t fucking dead. That is a problem, but I suppose Celly and Luna know what to do with him. I slowly got to my hooves and shook myself off a bit. I stared at everypony in the room, Celly, Luna and Cadance looked bone dead tired, like they didn’t have any magic inside of them. Twilight was standing and staring at me like I grew a second head. Kodi… looked like he was about to pass out. My big, dumb baby… He almost fuckin’ died because he tried playing hero. I trotted over to my son, and pulled him into a hug. I held onto him for a solid minute before letting go of him.

“WHY THE BUCK DID YOU TRY FIGHTING TIREK WHEN YOUR MAGIC IS BARELY USABLE RIGHT NOW, KODI!?” I shouted. “DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS ABOUT YOU!?” I pulled my son’s head back against my neck. “Don’t you dare do that again, young man, do you hear me?!” I held Kodi's head against my neck for a minute. “Kodi? The heck are you staring at? You look like you’re staring at my ghost.”

“Ma,” Kodi spoke up.

“What, Kodi? Spit it out, lad! I can handle it.” I smiled. “After all, I am quite capable of taking care of myself as you know…” I let go of my son and took a few steps back. “Seriously, what’s up with you? Did Tirek blowing up hurt you and everybody and knock a few screws loose?”

“Ma, you have fucking wings.” I stared at Kodi.

“...What?” I asked.

“Ma, you’re an alicorn…” Kodi whispered. “You just ascended by being in close proximity to a magical explosion…” He said breathlessly. “Ma, you’re-”

“WHAT THE HELL!?”

Author's Note

So we're saving Starlight's role for a bit, and i'm rewriting how that goes. Next few chapters will be focused on the Irish doing things and stuff, and then we'll have Starlight be told off about how stupid her reasoning for being evil is.

How to Lunch with Sunbutt 101.

You know, when I got my apartment, I was expecting a bit less given this place was incredibly cheap. It wasn’t much, it wasn’t anything grandiose or anything, but it was a place I lived. It wasn’t home; I don’t want to think of this place as home yet. My bed was… plain, it had white sheets and a blue blanket along with a couple of white pillows on it. Beside the bed, on both sides were simple, brown nightstands with a red lamp that ran off magic, on the left side of the bed. Each one was made of wood, and had one drawer near the top that was only big enough to only fit whatever book you were reading before bed. Below that was another spot that was kinda like a bookcase.

The carpet… was rough. I couldn’t really feel it with my hooves, but it kinda resembled carpet that you’d see in a school building. Boring mixture of dark, blueish colors, rough, not pleasant to walk on or anything. It wasn’t soft, it wasn’t smooth. Luckily, on top of that there was a floor mat that was way fluffier and more pleasant to lay on. In the center of the room, next to the bed, was a studying desk... Kinda. It was more like a small, black coffe table that was made out of… what I think is just colored oak wood. It was cheap, it was shitty, but it was my workspace.

Sitting on it was a candle sitting in a candle holder that had a spot for a thumb to slot in to make holding it easier for some reason. The wax was partially melted from long, long nights of studying. Beside the candle was a pack of candles I had bought… because Candles don’t last long. Beside that was a stack of notes, a copy of the Introduction to Runes, a copy of Will, and the copy of Advanced Magic. They were basically magic books for the three systems of magic. On top of those was my notebook with my own findings when it came to developing my own system of magic.

My saddlebags, dark, brown and actually kinda high quality because Celestia gave them to me. My cutie mark was etched into it with black black leather, that was already beginning to fade. Those were sitting right next to the hallway that led into the front door. My bed was actually really close to the window, and took up a majority of my room. If you came in from the hallway, my bed would be the first thing you see, then my coffe table to the left as you step into it.

I was sitting down on a brown cushion that was next to my coffe table, that kinda sucked, looking through various job application forms that I had just filled out. I wanted to find a job, so I could do something other than sit around and wait for the next lesson I have with Celestia. Since lessons are always on a Saturday, even Princesses get weekends after all, I would get six days to do whatever the heck I want. The problem with that is that I barely had enough money for a loaf of bread, some other foods, and tea. Dreadful, awful tea. Rent and food were technically covered by Princess Celestia, but I ended up using the stipend I got every week on food anyways, since there isn’t much else I can do with it.

There’s no golf, there’s no amusement parks(that I can afford to go to), there’s no sports. I have no friends, so I can’t even go to the bar and have a drink with them. In fact, I don’t have friends, so I don’t have anyone to do anything with. Sure, I could go hangout with Celestia at any time, she would make the time for me, but I didn’t want to interrupt her doing Princessy things, since the day she takes out of the week to tutor me or Twilight sets her back a fair amount when it comes to paperwork and court petitioners.

I could spend some time with Twilight Sparkle, but I don’t think she likes me all that much. I say it’s fair, given that Celestia said that Twilight isn’t the most outgoing of ponies and is the literal embodiment of ‘nerd’. She seems weary of me at least. And also doesn’t like how ‘casual’ mine and Celestia’s relationship is. Celestia… admittedly is the only friend that I have right now, and I treat her as such. Say shit to her face, but then praise her in private or secretly really enjoy her company.

Celestia was more than accepting of this style of approach. I call her an idiot, she then makes me look like an idiot, and then we snuggle up together after a studying session while reading one of her favorite books. Usually it’s a Daring Do book, or one that’s nearly five hundred years old. Usually the five hundred year old books are really, really good. Celestia makes for a really good pillow and has a really soothing reading voice, hence why it’s a tradition that we end nearly every Saturday in her bed chambers next to the fireplace to read a book together.

Sun Butt is a really cool pony, all things considered.

Oh yeah, job applications. I have several, one for a place called ‘Hayburger’s Al’Round’, another for a museum as a receptionist. I have one for just about any job I could think of. Retail, food service, everything shy of being a prostitute was on my table. I had filled each out with my current existing info that Celestia made for me, and was getting ready to go on my rounds to submit every single one into the right places.

And a note from Celestia giving her word that I wouldn’t suck at whatever job I ended up taking. It was copied several dozen times the very moment she heard that I was trying to find a job. She seemed surprised and even teased me about finally ‘not freeloading’ off her money…

Celestia, you are a bitch, and I love you for it.

Well, since I couldn’t really use the post office to send everything everywhere, mostly because I don’t know where it is. I never really went outside of my apartment. I only knew where the marketplace was, since that’s where I got my food, the route to the castle(that isn’t saying much. Every road in this city will eventually take you to the castle), and the route back from the castle to my apartment. With that said, I finally remembered something pretty important.

I’m in a brand new world, a whole new city. I literally am living in a magical world… and I wasn’t trying to enjoy it.

There really wasn’t any way to enjoy it, though. Again, see me not having friends as a reason why. Now, I could go make friends… But there’s a problem with that. We’ll see why while I go out and deliver all these applications. Despite me living in the capital of Equestria… the part of town I decided to find an apartment in… was kinda rough. The rest of the city looked uniform in design, and was usually pretty nice looking. Where I chose to live… reminded me of a generic tiny little motel building. It was the cheapest place I could rent out, and for how cheap it was… it wasn’t awful?

There wasn’t a stove, there wasn’t a microwave since those don’t exist. I got left with a fridge, a basic food pantry, and I had to buy myself a portable, magic stove and oven. Not even a nice one; it was some tiny little thing that I think might catch on fire one day. Hence why I tried making toast with magic. You don’t need cooking appliances if you can magically cook whatever meal you want… I’m out of bread because of that experiment. That bread was supposed to last me a week!

So anyways, I kinda need to get a job so I can have more bread, and maybe an actual apartment.

Genuinely, I think I might get stabbed every time I walk out of my apartment. The other day, I watched some ponies sell drugs to each other and the group gave me some weird looks.

Luckily, four weeks of stipend checks, and only running on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, because of how cheap they are, and… I have about thirty bits that I can spare every week. Yeah, ‘rent and food are included’. More like it’s taken out of my actual stipend check, which is about a hundred bits, and then I’m given the leftovers of the check to pay for food. Rent is forty bits, and I think my groceries are about thirty bits. A little more, a little less depending on the day.

That leaves me with ten bits to use every week. Twenty bits went into my amazing saving system… a cleaned out jar that was used for peanut butter.

My apartment was pretty deep into the ‘rough’ parts of Canterlot. Trash littered the streets, there were cracks in the streets and the sidewalks, why sidewalks exist, I don’t know. Occasionally there was a cracked window, or a shattered roof tile on the ground here or there, or a feral cat running from shadow to shadow to try and avoid ponies. Sometimes I do end up rushing through this part of town, because I genuinely don’t like walking down it at night. It’s why if I end up going to school at Celestia’s place, and I stay late, I’m not above accepting the invitation to stay the night with her. At least she drags me into her bed chambers for snuggles at night.

With me being horribly unathletic, by pony standards, I probably look like something easy to rob. One thing I’ve noticed is that my hearing and sense of smell are way better, which was disorienting at first. However, right now, it feels like a godsend. Because I think some ponies are following me. I took a left turn and… bumped into a huge pony without a horn or a pair of wings… and Earth Pony. He was bright yellow, was kinda rough looking, and was… well, big. His mane was brown, and kinda… messy. He was missing a tooth

“Oh shoot… sorry about running into ya,” I backed away and quickly glanced behind me. There was a pair of pegasi, both had a matching cyan mane and red mane and tail. They were significantly smaller than the earth pony stallion before me. In fact, they were very rough looking mares. I really do not like the sheathed knives strapped to their necks.

“Alright, unicorn,” the earth pony’s voice was… gruff. Like he spent every day of his life smoking a pack of cigs. “What is going to happen here is that you’re going to drop your saddlebags, and you’re going to give us that bit pouch that’s hanging around your neck. And we might consider letting you live.”

“Sir,” I said, trying to put some distance between me and the earth pony. “All I have on me are job applications and whatever I need to get food. I’ve got like… five bits on me, man.”

“What’s a man?” the stallion shook his head. “Look, give me those bits… and my pretty little ladies won’t hurt you. You damn unicorns have it easy in this city; you’re going to pay us whether you like it or not.”

“Mmm…” I really don’t like this. I could use my magic to conjure up a fireball and pound this guy in the face, or I try to outrun two ponies with wings. I took a step back before deciding to do something stupid. My horn lit up as I took my bit pouch off… I slowly started moving it over to the Earth pony.” Then, as quickly as I could, I Runed out ‘SMOKE’ and threw my magic at the ground…. Huh, that actually works as a really good smokescreen. I ran past the stallion before running out a shield spell in case the pegasi decided to try and stab me. As weak as my shields are, it was better to have some form of defense.

“Get back here!” One of the mares immediately tackled me, shattering my shield… only for me to put up another one as soon as we were pinned to the ground. “My stallion said-EEK!” Huh. No matter the species, hit them between the legs, or the hindlegs in this case, and it hurts like a bitch. I dropped my shield spell and quickly grabbed the pegasus lying on the ground and groaning in pain. I pulled her knife out of its sheath before holding up to the mare’s neck.

“Let me go,” I said firmly. I was shaking as adrenaline rushed through my head. “Please just let me go. I don’t wanna hurt her, but I will drag this woman to the Guard, or even to my teacher and let her deal with it.”

“Please, what could a school teacher… Holy Celestia.” I took a whiff of the air… and turned my head back. There she was, in all her glory.

“Oh Sunny! What are you doing out here?” I dropped the mare and the knife.

“I was hoping to come by and pick you up for lunch. What is going on here?” Celestia asked. Her horn lit up… that’s a lie detection spell. “Why were you holding a knife to that mare’s throat…” She looked over the other three ponies, and I immediately could tell that she could already guess what was happening.

“We were teaching him some self defense lessons, your highness!” The other mare quickly said.

“With knives?”

“Yes, yes! This part of town, as you might know, is a rather dangerous part of Canterlot. And your student expressed-”

“They were trying to jump and mug me,” I said plainly. “I was going to use the mare I was threatening as an out.” I shivered. “Fuck…” I quickly scampered underneath Celestia, and she gave me a quick, warm smile, before casting a cold glare upon my three assailants.

“I do believe that we all can move on? You three are lucky that attempted robbery only results in a few days in the dungeons. And you three are even luckier that my student isn’t fully innocent either. Now, go. Leave my student alone, because after this, if you try to mug Source, he is fully authorized to defend himself in any way he deems fit.” The earth pony nodded, before quickly grabbing the mare I had held a knife to, and started running. His other… The other mare ran off after them.

I stepped out from under Celestia and fell on my butt. “Oh god, that was terrifying,” I shivered.

“We have much to discuss. First though, I did want to come grab you for lunch.”

“Why?”

“We barely spend time together outside of our lessons. I have… learnt to not spend all my time on just bureaucracy. I’ve been alive long enough to know that I should set aside time for my friends, and you very easily fit that category. Hence why I was walking out here to find you… To see you threatening a mare with a knife?”

“That wasn’t the right move?”

“It was the only move you could do… you didn’t want to accidentally hurt anypony during that, did you?”

“I could’ve used magic in an offensive capacity, but I knew that a fireball could be lethal. I tried using a smokescreen to try and run, but the pegasus, the one that I was holding a knife to, tackled me… I may have used an underhoof tactic to get into that position. I still don’t feel great about doing that. One slip up and I coulda killed somebody.”

“Well… It really was the only thing you could do, given your inability to teleport and your unwillingness to rely on magic, with good reason, to get yourself out of that situation. Threatening a pony with a knife isn’t legal though… But given the circumstances, and how you didn’t actually harm anypony, I will let you off the hook.” She leaned down and nuzzled me. “When I heard the commotion, on the way here, I may have broken into a gallop. I thought you were going to get hurt.”

“Sorry about making you worry…” I returned the nuzzle.

Celestia actually took all my job applications and said she would be distributing them to all of my potential employers. “So, any progress on your Runes?” Celestia asked as we sat down at some random cafe. I had ordered a weird pastry thing, since Celly was ordering it, and a sugary coffee. Because my friend is a psychopath, she got a black coffee for herself.

The cafe we actually went to was on the edge of the city’s ‘disks’. Canterlot was made of ‘disks’, the higher up on the disks, the more wealthy you probably were. Each one was connected via stairs and lifts… This little coffee shop was on the second highest disk, which was unofficially called the ‘shopping disk’ of Canterlot. We got a seat just by the window, which was actually a booth. It had nice, plush, red couches. It was probably the best spot in the house, since the building was built in such a way so that the windows on the back side of it, gave you a view of the rest of Equestria and everything down below Mount Canterlot.

The view was simply… stunning. In the distance, you can see a small, tiny little town with… hay roof tops next to a forest that was notorious for being the deadliest place on the planet. The contrast was insane. Bright, yellow, hay rooftops and luscious green fields, next to a dark green sea of death. I couldn’t get much else on the view, but seeing the land just fade past the horizon was… very relaxing.

“I realized that…” I did all the Runes that were vowels. “The vowels are actually all really similar to each other in terms of horn movements and the tiny noises our horns produces, when doing vowels, are very similar. It makes combining them easier… Also,” I lit my horn and did ‘F’ and a new Rune, as I finally figured out ‘IRE’ after several hornaches and a lot of trial and painful error. “Fire, two runes,” it was a weak fire spell, since I didn’t want to accidentally burn the cafe that we were eating at, to the ground. I even summoned a shield around it to snuff it out quicker.

“...Oh my.” Celestia squealed, making everyone turn to the big, immortal princess. “My apologies, everypony. I have picked up a new student as of recently, and he just did something incredible!”

“What is it, Princess?” A Random patron asked.

“My student has… Source Code has been learning how to make Rune Casting much, much easier. Just now, he shortened a Fire Spell’s casting time significantly and has invented two new Runes in the last week.” Everyone here was a unicorn by the way; they knew what Rune Casting was. “He shortened the Fire Spell down to two runes!” Now everyone was staring at me. I chuckled nervously and waved, before slowly focusing on my lunch. Instead of relying on magic to eat, I usually just use my hooves.

There was just something that felt off about holding a sandwich, or a stuffed bagel-calzone! looking thing, in this case, with magic.

My eyes widened when a camera flash went off and I buried my face in my pastry. It was like a mix between a calzone and burrito. It had marinara sauce, nice, stringy cheese, and had… bits of lettuce and tomatoes inside of it. It was pretty tasty. Celestia giggled and planted a kiss on my forehead as another camera flashed in the corner of my eye. “Oh god…” I muttered. I do not like this attention at all. I just want to sit around, discover new runes, and possibly work. I was up all night while trying to figure out that IRE rune over the last week. I slowly lifted my face out of my bagel thing, which was actually pretty good, and wiped my face off with a nearby napkin. “Celly, why did you have to say that?” I whispered.

“Because what you just achieved is incredible. Would it be better if your achievements just existed without your name on them?”

“...Maybe. I’m loving how runes work, and that it’s… like an old hobby of mine, but I’m not trying to be a celebrity. It’s why I asked my friends… to bury my name in the project we were working on, in the credits, instead of referencing me in a dedicated portion of the game.”

“You do look rather cute while you’re flustered,” Celestia hummed.

“Don’t you fucking dare…”

“Everypony, a toast to my student’s achievement!” I think my cheeks were becoming purple, and were becoming hot purple because of all of this at this rate. As everyone raised their cups of coffee to my… Whatever the heck I’m doing, I felt myself die a little on the inside. I glared at Celestia for a few moments, before just groaning and rolling along with what was happening. I don’t know why what I was doing was such a huge achievement, in all seriousness. I was just making new ways to improve casting spells.

Though I guess I’m not really a unicorn at heart; I don’t know how much harder it is for the average pony to cast a spell, or how much better my advancements were. I was just doing what I loved, and apparently doing a Fire Spell in two Runes was a really big deal… Or Celestia is just playing it up to encourage me to keep working, or just to fuck with me. Either or; she’s more than willing to go both ways just to embarrass me out in public.

We walked out of the cafe, only to be bombarded by a bunch of journalists. For some reason, if Celestia brought guards, they weren’t visible, or doing anything. Because a reporter suddenly got in my face. “What is your name, sir?”

“...Source Code,” I said.

“How is it being Princess Celestia’s personal student?”

“It’s fun, I guess.” Before I could answer in full, another person asked if I was sleeping with Celestia. Somebody asked what size my... equipment was, or how powerful I was with magic. It was question after question. I sat on my butt, breathing heavily as I looked left and right, up and down, before my eyes landed on the one thing that could bring me some form of comfort in this world. I just needed an out, and I needed it now! I tried to inch closer, while working against my tense muscles, to Celestia so she could hide me away from the crowd. I couldn't think straight; my heart was pounding in my head, and all I could think of was the potential safety that she could provide me. When I found her, she was happily answering questions in regards to me, what happened to Twilight Sparkle... I think.

“Twilight is still my personal student, she simply has gotten to a point where my personal input on her learning is… not as necessary as it once was. So I took another student, who shows an exceptional knowledge of Runes, and has come up-oh!” Celestia shot upright when I nipped her.

My friend glanced around to see who would dare nip her in public until she looked down and... immediately laid her eyes on me.

Celestia looked around the crowd once more, since I don't think she immediately saw what I was going through, I could see something playful in her eyes… until they fell upon me again. I was still breathing rather heavily and was trying to... hide under her. In an instant, the playful sparkle in her eyes turned to one of concern.

“Excuse us, everypony. I believe that my student and I are late to our scheduled tutoring hour. We will happily answer questions at a later date; I currently don’t have any dates planned, but it will be considered in the future.” With that, the crowd started parting like the Red Sea as we started making our way through the crowd. I sighed and relaxed a lot more once we took a turn, and another turn into a dark alley. I plopped my rear on the ground only to be pulled closer to Celestia.

I felt her wing move up and down my back as the world outside the alleyway began to fade away. Celestia didn't make any sudden movements, or even spoke. She just laid down, and slowly coaxed me into doing so as well, and continued rubbing my back. Slowly, I could begin to hear the world around me that wasn't just my heart pounding away on the inside. Soon, the feeling of somebody grooming my mane... made me relax. I let out a long, withering sigh as I finally began to relax... then I heard somebody, no, Celly crying.

Celly was crying. I didn't like that.

“I am so, so sorry, Source,” Celestia whispered. “I merely held a toast in your honor, because of what you have managed to achieve over this last week, and because I genuinely believed you deserved some form of appreciation for your work I should’ve foreseen that group of reports coming out to question us the very moment they saw me sitting, alone, with a stallion. Now… I don’t think you can have a normal, quiet life like I know you were hoping to at least achieve once we’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t go back home very easily, if at all.”

Now I couldn't really stay mad at her, even if she did let things get way out of pocket. I'd rather forgive her than chase off my only friend. I... The way she held her eyes shut while she cried her eyes out... I couldn't stand to see that. “It… it’s fine, Celly. I genuinely did like sharing lunch with ya, even if I didn’t enjoy the toast part… Just please don’t just stand there when you see a whole herd of news reporters trying to question us.” I shuttered. “I don’t think my heart could handle that…” I shook my head. “I am awful at talking to people, because meeting new faces is terrifying. Then I’m in a crowd full of new faces that want nothing more to know more about that weird, socially awkward, skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health.”

“And yet it is still my fault. I am aware of your mental well-being, and your self esteem, and still decided to stand idly while you got hounded by those reporters and outed you in public for something when you want nothing to do with having your name attached to achievements, or to be a household name. I would like to say I’m sorry-Ooof!” I grabbed her cheeks, before nuzzling her on the nose and licking it just to get her to stop. Her panicking over my own well-being isn’t something I want to see, even if it is very endearing.

“It’s fine, Celly. Just promise me you won’t do that ever again.”

“I-I won’t.” I could see a blush forming under my friend's cheeks, which had... black streaks going down them. I know I've seen that look before... but... Meh, she looks cute while blushing. Who woulda figured that the Sun Raising, Demi-God of a Princess can:

Have a cute giggle.

Sneeze like a kitten.

Be cute while blushing.

“I won’t, for as long as I wear this crown, ever make you leave your comfort zone again, Source. I really wanted to spend the day with you, you know.”

“We can go to the castle and read as usual…”

“Or we can play minigolf,” Celestia suggested.

“Want to grab Twilight. It would serve as some bonding time, and hopefully help her relax around you a bit more.”

“Perhaps… If we can pull Twilight away from her studies, we shall invite her along to mini golf.” Celestia teleported a mirror to her. Then looked herself over. I could see some wet mascara go rolling down her cheeks. It had long since dried up, and caked into her face. "Perhaps after we get cleaned up first. You're a bit dirty, and I'm... a mess. Come, I shall carry you to my personal chambers where we can get cleaned up very quickly; we'll need to stop at the castle to pick up Twilight anyways. I nodded along dumbly before I realized...

Why was Celestia wearing makeup? She's told me a few times that she almost never uses the stuff. This was a casual lunch between two bros, even if Celestia wasn't a guy, she was still proper bro material.

I only had a moment to ponder upon Celestia wearing makeup until the alicorn in question slipped her forelegs under my chest, after making me stand up, before taking towards the sky... I screamed like a little... Man! I screamed like a man on the whole flight back to Celestia's home.

Love is Inbound in Five, Four, Three, Two, One.

So, inside Princess Celestia’s bedchambers. This is probably somewhere many have been in, and definitely somewhere thousands would love to dream to be in. You know, seeing their beloved Sunshine sprawled out on the bed, ready for… Oh who the fuck am I kidding? I can’t even begin to think of my friend getting ready for that stuff of all things. Like yeah, I’m sure she’s bedded a few hundred stallions, or mares; swinging both ways isn’t uncommon amongst ponykind and is widely accepted. Anyways, Celestia was still getting ready, since cleaning makeup is still a pain in the ass, no matter the universe or whatever it’s applied onto. I had previously gotten out of the bath and was subsequently dried off by Celestia before she decided to hog the bathroom. The spot I was laying exactly where I usually lay down when I have to stay in the castle overnight.

The bed… Well, pony beds were usually very similar to human beds, though bigger to accommodate… Well, ponies do tend to sleep on their sides more, so they take a larger footprint when sleeping. Something I’ve learnt is that ponies sleep on their sides, like dogs, if they’re actually sleeping. Ponies share more sleeping positions with dogs and cats than they do with horses… or ponies from earth. If a pony is sleeping on their stomach, they’re usually just napping and are one loud noise from jumping into action. Ponies, mostly foals, sploot, yes, it’s adorable. Celestia usually sleeps like a hen, on her stomach, because it’s the most comfortable for her. Though when I snuggle up with her, she lays on her side and lets me partially use her as a pillow.

Considering my best friend was a literal Princess, her bedroom was pretty minimalistic. It had a purple bed, since purple dye is more expensive than other dyes due to how it’s made. The bed itself was a blanket less, giant, fluffy matt on the ground that looked very unlike a regular bed. For one, it was closer to the ground which made getting on and off the bed really easy. Why the bed was so low to the ground, when the pony that typically lays down in it is super tall, is beyond me. There’s no canopy, like in any of the castle’s guest room beds, probably because if there was, Celestia could easily stab it with her horn on accident. It had a giant, golden pillow that was more like a giant, golden body pillow that was actually sewed into the bed.

It was a really nice bed.

Right in front of the bed was a large, fancy fireplace. Sitting on it was a log holder that was… well, holding logs that were blackened, likely from frequent nights of being used. There was an open chimney thing that spouted smoke towards one of the windows. Behind the bed was a banner of the night sky, the design was simple. Five stars were rising up to a sixth, larger star that clearly had some prominence of sorts. The banner probably had some symbolism, but I’m too stupid to figure out what.

There was a large, open balcony, likely to make raising and lowering the Sun and Moon easier for the Princess. Next to the door was a fake bush.

I set down my book as I heard the door open, since the bathroom was in a different part of Celestia’s chambers, and in came Celestia. She had a plain, white bath towel on her head, and a nicely cleaned face… and more makeup. It was barely noticeable, but I could tell now that a newer, fresher layer had been applied to her face. I, personally, thought she looked fine without makeup, but then again, I think every pony looks fine.

“I’m sorry for taking so long. Makeup is surprisingly hard to wash out of your fur after it gets caked into it,” she used her magic to ruffle the towel on her mane, before pulling it off. Her mane… slowly started working its way back into its usual state. “However, I am now ready to take you and Twilight out for minigolf. Would you like to go retrieve her? I will meet you out by the castle gates if you do. If not, we shall meet you by the castle gates.”

“Eh, I might as well go say ‘hi’ to Twilight Sparkle.” I got up and stretched. “East Tower, right? Top floor?”

“Correct, I will see you two soon!” I walked up, collected a nuzzle from Celestia, and walked out the bed chambers, out Celestia’s regular chambers, and out into the halls of Canterlot Castle.

Every single hallway in this stupid castle looks the same. Red carpet, light blue and lighter light blue in a stripe pattern. Pillars to match that had a blue gladiant that went up the pillars… It was boring. Every door was so… bland, save Celestia’s double doors with her cutie marks painted onto each door. If it weren’t for the guard that’s leading me throughout the castle, I would’ve gotten lost as soon as I rounded the corner. The guards were actually pretty nice to me, since I was good friends with Celestia.

“So,” my escort said, hoping to break the silence. Even if it was unprofessional, guards were very lax with me. “You visit the Princess’s private chambers quite often.”

“Yeah. We snuggle up together sometimes and read by the fireplace. Is that weird?”

“Well, there has been a rumor flying around the castle, I just wanted to know if it was true or not; it’s a bet that’s going down with every guard.” My guard, like any of the Royal Guards, was dressed in golden armor. Blue mane that poked out the helmet that left way too much of the neck exposed, a breastplate that went over the back, and left the underbelly fully exposed. It was something I pointed out, and apparently that armor was more ornamental than anything.

“What’s the rumor?” I asked.

“Everypony in the castle thinks you’re more than just a student in the Princess’s eyes.” I could guess where he was going with that, but I just titled my head like the idiot that I am. “We all think you’re her new consort.”

“I was told that every guard in this castle was debriefed on who the hell, what the hell, and why the fuck I am here. You know that, right?”

“I do, sir. But some ponies are saying the Princess’s standards for mates are quite high, so she uses your ‘backstory’ to cover up the fact that she probably conjured you up with a magical spell.” I snorted at that. “I take it that some of the rumors are wrong?”

“What happened was I woke up in a crater, beaten and battered. I was moved here for some reason. I don’t know why, won’t question why. As for Celestia, if she does consider me attractive, I would be beyond flattered. Especially since she, and many other mares around here, say I’m pretty average looking for a unicorn. Hell, Twilight said I am slightly below average. Talk about hurting my ego, huh?” I chuckled. “But no, Celestia’s a good friend to me, and my only friend in all of Equus. With that said, I am very attached to her.

“It might be because she’s the only thing anchoring me to sanity, it could be because she’s the one constant I’ll have in life. It could genuinely just be the fact that I enjoy hanging out with her. But my brain isn’t a pony’s, my man. If it were, I would probably be head over heels for her,” the guard raised an eyebrow. “That means I would be stoked to possibly be dating Sunbutt,” I explained. That’s a saying that doesn’t pass with ponies since they don’t really have heels. The guard’s eyes widened at that. “Oh please, I could call Celestia a bitch and she wouldn’t give a shit. We call each other names all the time, sometimes it’s super vulgar. I get called ‘bitch boy’ because of how scrawny I am.

“But.. I can probably love Celestia, and definitely do, love her for her personality. I can’t find her physically attractive, I haven’t been nurtured into revering her as a god. I simply love her as a friend. If I find out she wants to date, hey, I’m down; me sleeping with a pony is the least weird thing humans have slept with. I know a dude who… tried sleeping with a vending machine.” The guard chuckled at that. “Yeah, humans are fucked up pieces of shit. Long story short though, no, I’m not making Celestia make sexy sounds… yet.”

“Dude! You can’t talk about the Princess like that!”

“What? You wanted an answer, and I gave you one. Celestia just wants a cuddle buddy; having one of those is actually pretty vital to a happy pony, according to some of the psychology books I’ve read. And I don’t mind being the cuddle buddy if it means I get to use a fluffy horse as a pillow.”

“Dude, you just called Celestia a slur.”

“I call her that all the time. She then calls me a random human slur that I’ve told her. No clue what any of the said slurs means, but Celly will throw a random one at me every time I accidentally call her a horse.”

“...You’re corrupting her.”

“Mmm… probably. However, I don’t think she’s complaining about having somebody to relax around. She has to keep up this ‘I am perfect, I am pretty, I am the princess’ act so much that I’m surprised she hasn’t broken down and lost it in public. Gotta commend her for her self control.”

“...Dammit.”

“You lost the bet?”

“Yeah… half of the entire guard ended up putting some bits into the pot. We all thought you two were dating.” Sucks to suck, my dude. Sucks to suck.

Stairs, I hate you. Why was Twilight’s humble abode at the top of a tower? Well, I don’t know, but I would like a word with whoever thought that was a good idea. The room was rather big, of course it was, it was meant to hold Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s protege. Honestly, she deserves this special treatment; she is, by my understanding, the most advanced unicorn in every single system of magic. Whereas I am only decent with Runes and making new Runes, Twilight could very easily wipe my mind, if she knew how, perform rituals that usually take several dozen unicorns to perform, on her own. The third, harder system of magic is something she excels at, and is only second to her own teacher.

I could be happy with Twilight being leagues better than me, especially since she was actually born as a unicorn, and was genuinely talented. The problem I have with Twilight is that I know she doesn’t like me all that much, and she is a bit of a dick even if she did like me.

The room of the tower was pretty open, being lined with bookshelves of all sorts. The downstairs section of the tower was clearly the living space, with her bed just off to the side of the door and in its own slot. There was relatively an opening in the wall that led to a balcony with a very fancy, albeit, outdated looking telescope. Beside that was a smaller bed, likely for her number one assistant, and adoptive draconic sibling, Spike. There was a very open upstairs that was practically a small library, even if it was bigger than some libraries I’ve seen on Earth. The stairs leading up to the library/upstairs portion of the room was a long, spiraling staircase at the back wall of the room that slowly went up and round until it eventually reached the room above. Above that was another floor that was basically just an extension of the second floor’s library.

Despite Twilight’s room being… the room of a young adult mare, it was pretty bare of anything beyond the books, or the studying desk just right of the staircase when you make it upstairs and into the library portion of the room. Obviously everything was very nice, there were a few fake potted plants, and some of the windows had painted glass that was covered in stars. It was… boring and lacked personality. It was incredibly neat, but that was it. I know I was one to talk, given that my room was just as lacking in personal touch, but I had an excuse.

I was basically broke.

Twilight was sitting on a purple, very plush couch in the center of the room, reading a book, apparently it was lounge time for her, in her own made up schedule. Spike was sitting on the couch beside her reading a comic book. He looked up from it when he heard the door close. “Oh, what’s up dude!” The dragon hopped down from his spot after setting his comic book, one called Power Ponies, and walked up to me to greet me.

“Hey little man,” I stuck my hoof out and we brofisted. I walked over to the couch and took a gander at what Spike was reading. “Ah, Power Ponies. I always see those at the library, but never grab them. Are they any good?”

“Oh heck yeah it is! This is the one where Fili-second races against time to save Maretropils from blowing up!”

“Mmm,” I hummed, looking it over. “Man, what would I do to read a comic from my home again. I was a pretty huge nerd, believe it or not.”

“How? You’re so cool-”

“Spike, I… I’m cool?”

“Yeah dude. Despite how you suddenly appeared out of nowhere, you are really good with magic, and you’re so… nonchalant about it. It’s cool to see somepony to never flaunt how good they are at their special talent.”

“Pfft, me? Good at magic? I can just about able to do Runes without hurting myself.”

“Dude, do you know who I am the number one assistant of?” I nodded. “You’ve made your own Rune dude. That alone is really hard. And then you’re good with Runes, and passable in the other magical systems that exist.” That is a little generous, with ‘passable’ in the other categories, but cool. “And you seem to have an affinity for fire spells, for some reason, with you trying to shorten them and all-”

“Ahem,” Twilight coughed. “Source, not that I am not glad to see you, but why are you here?”

“I uh… Celestia and I just got back from having lunch at a little cafe somewhere in town. After some… complications-”

“She expelled you from her teachings?” You don’t have to sound or look so eager, Twilight.

“No, she bathed me, she cleaned makeup off her face, and we both decided to go play some mini-golf. I was gonna invite you and Spike, since I figured you two would like a break from constantly studying, but if you wanna be a dick muncher,” Spike had to withdraw a laugh. “I can just take Spike with me and Celly; she really would like you to come along, Twilight. Just come along and pretend to like me for your mentor’s sake? We both hate each other, let’s be completely clear with that, but we both do cherish Celestia, right?”

“Of course I do! The Princess is like a second mother to me.”

“And Celly’s my best friend. I want her to have a good time, not sit awkwardly and watch the two of us bicker all day. So c’mon, we have some holes to fill,” I said with a bit of edge in my voice. I knew exactly what I was doing with that innuendo. “Celestia would love having some holes filled too, so perhaps the three of us-”

“Source Code!”

“Okay, yeah, that was too far. I don’t think I could imagine having sex with Celestia. She’s too… Well, amazing, honestly. I don’t think I stand a fat lick in hell’s chance at dating her.”

“...What?”

“What?”

“But with how you two are acting around each other…”

Spike waved a dismisstory claw. “C'mon, Twilight, he’s a bro; we’re all dense and a bit stupid when it comes to mares; we don't know what you crazy ladies are thinking half the time.”

Twilight clearly didn't register what the dragon had said. “Spike, send a letter to Princess Celestia.”

The four of us were sitting in Twilight’s tower’s living room. Celestia came up after Spike sent a letter to him, and apparently Celestia chose to take her sweet time coming up. So while we were waiting, I spent the next six minutes begging Spike to show me how to do that, before grumbling about how much cooler dragons were. Of course, I had Spike shoot some more fire beforehand while running a diagnostic spell, the one spell in the Hybrid system that I could perform reliably, before nodding.

I see how it’s doing what it does… Now I just gotta figure out how to recreate that.

Back to us, Celestia was laying on the couch, with me snuggled up under one of her wings, while Twilight and Spike sat on the other side from us on a couch that wasn’t there before. “So, you two aren’t dating?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at us.

“I don’t think we are,” I hummed. “I feel like I would’ve noticed by now, but I’ve never really talked to women before, so…”

“Women?” Twilight asked. Fuck.

“Mares, I’m sorry for using synonyms.”

“They aren’t!”

“Twilight, why would it be such a big deal if the two of us were dating?” Celestia asked.

“Because for all we know, he could be a spy from another country! His personal records only go back to five weeks ago! He clearly shows no respect for you, if he’s calling you ‘Sunbutt’.”

“I respect Celestia a lot, madam. Heavily so, but I still respect her desires to be treated like she was any other person you’d meet on the streets. It just happens that that random person I bumped into on the streets is pretty cool, and pretty nice. Despite how much I call her stupid… Or how much she makes me feel even dumber after playing a simple trick on my stupid ass.” I leaned back and nuzzled Celestia with my cheek. “She’s great, honestly. I doubt that she’d be interested in dating me.”

“But she keeps nuzzling and nipping you! She’s wearing bucking makeup! She has her wing draped over you right now! Heck, she grooms you whenever I turn my back for just a few seconds!”

“So?”

“That’s what mares usually do to court stallions. She’s only done a mixture of earth ponies and pegasi courting gestures-”

“Why do you know this?” I asked.

“I had to tell my old foalsitter about my brother once, and then she started doing the same things Princess Celestia’s doing to you right now.”

I slowly turned my head and looked up at Celestia. “You didn’t tell me this?”

“I thought you would’ve figured it out on your own, after all those body language books I sent home with you as your first homework assignment.”

“Darn,” I chuckled. “I thought you told me everything. I thought you were just being affectionate; ponies in Equestria are a lot more affectionate than I am used to anyways, so I figured best friends just nuzzled, wing hugged and cuddled together… I didn’t accidentally say ‘I love you did I’?”

“You falling asleep on me several times is a form of flirting; it means you’re comfortable around me.”

“...How do you not know this stuff, Source Code?”

“I’m not a pony,” I answered plainly. “I’m a being from another world, that ended up as a pony. Pony body language isn’t something I know off the top of my head, Twilight.”

“...Huh?”

“I’ll tell you later, Twiggies, the adults are speaking.” Spike snorted at that. Twilight’s biologically older than I am by a year.

“So Celly, you’ve been trying to court me the whole time?”

“I have… It’s why I put makeup on in the first place. I wanted our first date to be a special occasion; I don’t dabble with makeup often, unless it’s for special occasions to me personally.”

“Huh…” I nuzzled her. “Well, I would be seen as a bit of a weirdo, dating a pony and all.” I hummed. “Why were you trying to court me anyways?”

“Well, you’re very average looking,” she hums. “But I do enjoy how average you look, and your coat’s shade of blue is rather pleasant to look at. Your mane compliments nicely, and despite what you say, I would say you’re an intelligent, young stallion…” I know my looks aren’t the main thing, but I could see Celestia, and even Twilight look me up and down as she said this. Celestia was looking at me with a bit of possessiveness in her eyes. “But most importantly…” She licked my cheek. Now that I know what that seemingly innocent, friendly gesture was, I felt my cheeks start heating up a little. “Oh, you look so cute when you’re blushing!” Celly squealed.

“But I love how you don’t treat me like my ponies do. You’re willing to call me out when I’m being stupid, in your eyes. You have no fear of me, despite knowing what I am fully capable of. You… admittedly, are one of the few escapes I have in Equestria from me being a Princess. I do genuinely love my position, but sometimes having somepony around to make me feel normal is rather nice. The way you joke around me, the fact that you aren’t inherently rude, but is in fact ‘rude’ is quite nice after having several hundred ponies praise you or treat you like a deity everyday.” She nuzzled me. “Your flanks do look rather nice when you walk, by the way.”

“...Holy shit, how does this happen?”

“What?” Celestia asked.

“I get zapped by something, wind up in another universe… and end up accidentally making a Princess like me.”

“Indeed you have; all by being your dumb, braver than intelligent, self.”

I slowly raised my hooves to my head, took a deep breath, and lowered them. I did this about thirty or forty times.

“Are you going to have another panic attack?” Celestia asks. “Or do you not like me in such a manner?”

“No,” I took another deep breath. “Purely based on your personality, Celly, you are my type of girl, I guess. Funny, smart, always at least chuckles at my jokes… I never dated anyone back home, but I know I would simply love having somebody listen to my stupid jokes, or just to hangout with. You certainly fit that bill… And you’re admittedly adorable. You sneeze like a kitten! How could I not find that precious!” Hah! Now it was Celly’s turn to be blushing. “Sun Butt, I would honestly be honored if you want to date me. I’m sure in time I’ll be the one complimenting your flanks…” I took a deep breath before making up my mind up. Fuck it; she ain’t human, but I’m not human anymore either. . “Fuck it, Celly. We both like each other, and we’re apparently each other’s ‘types’. You only live once, and I only live for so long… Let’s actually plan out a proper date at some point.”

“YES!” Celestia pulled me into a hug and started showering me with kisses. “Though that is for later, admittedly. After you suggested taking my student and her assistant along, I do wish to just spend some time with the three of you while we leisurely play mini-golf.”

“Fair enough. Flowers are what are usually brought to dates, right?” I asked.

Celestia simply giggled. “I’ll walk you through a date when we get to it; flowers are a part of it though.”

“Aight…” I nuzzled her. “Love ya, Celestia.”

“That… is the first time you just called me Celestia and not some dumb nickname, or Princess to ‘take the piss’ out of me.”

“Hey, if I’m saying I love you, I want it to be genuine. It doesn’t sound very genuine if I’m saying ‘Love ya, Sunbutt, does it?”

Celestia was struggling, yes, struggling, to keep her excitement bottled up. Currently, it was neck and neck for mini golf, Spike and Source Code were tied with each other, and often only pulled ahead of the other by a point or two. Celestia found herself in second place, leaving Twilight in deadlast. A rule for mini-golf was ‘hooves only’. Twilight, bless her heart, was very reliant on magic, so she wasn’t exactly suited for mini-golf. She probably would’ve been sitting on the bench, next to Celestia, while fuming, if it wasn’t for one question she clearly had in mind.

Right now, she was watching her stallion’s hips sway as stood on his hindlegs, as he lined up a shot. The hole they were currently on was a complex one. Spike had just messed up and hit his ball into a water hazard that was just behind the generic windmill hazard. The way his tail wagged, the way that Source put his all into his strong, though gentle, strokes. It was the last hole… Oh how she loved her stupid, too dense for his own good(though not entirely his fault). The fact that, despite definitely all the reasons that probably went up in his head… He considered her age, or rather, her permanently stagnant age. He knew that they didn’t have all the time in the world to figure out if the two would truly make a good couple…

She’s going to have to make sure he knows that he won’t need a job now; he’ll officially be her consort, even though they aren’t married yet. So he’ll be living in the castle, likely in her quarters, where all his needs will be taken care of. After all, Source Code was seemingly stressing over getting a job if his huge pile of job applications were saying anything about his view on having a job or not. Perhaps she can give him a job in the castle if he still desires to work, even if working is entirely pointless for him.

There were a few things she needed to work out with Source though. Namely his attitude towards living life in Equestria; he’s half-admitted to being possibly suicidal on numurous occasions.

“Princess, do know that you have to worry about Source eventually… and purposefully hurting himself?” Twilight asked. The two of them were sharing ice cream while Spike was kicking her coltfriend’s flanks for beating him at mini-golf by one point. They had been discussing the implications of the two dating. “And… while I may not exactly like Source Code all that much, I can admit that was partially why I didn’t like him; I was rude and he was being rude back. And as much as I don’t like him, I don’t want to see him kill himself.”

“I am aware. However, I believe Source and I are fairly similar in the fact that we like to drown ourselves in our work. Perhaps… Source does it for different, and unhealthy, reasons, but we do enjoy making the day pass on after a long day of working.”

“What do you mean, Princess?”

“Source Code drowns himself in work to drown out his… less than stellar mental health.”

“Oh…”

“Twilight, control your dragon!” Both mares turned to Source, who was laying on the ground with Spike ‘attacking’ the back of his head. The stallion had clearly given up, more than likely so he wouldn’t hurt the baby drake on his back, and was just taking the beating.

“But I thought you two were ‘bros’,” Twilight said, making air quotes with her hooves.

“NOT WHEN THEY BEAT YOU IN ANYTHING BY LITERALLY ONE POINT!” Spike shouts.

“It’s not my fault your ball fell in the water hazard!”

Both Mentor and Student shared a look, before chuckling.

“Stallions.”
“Colts.”

“Hey, Celly! Save your poor boyfriend, please!” Source pleaded, giving his newly acquired girlfriend some surprisingly pitiful puppy eyes. Celestia stared at them for a good five seconds before shaking her head with a smile on her face. She Levitated Spike off of her coltfriend before setting the raging drake on the bench. The stallion quickly dashed up to the bench, despite it holding his archnemesis, the angry, baby dragon, and hiding on the other side of her. At least her stallion plays the part; mares are usually the dominant sex in most heterosexual relationships after all.

“Thank you,” Source whispered, before licking her right wing… She flinched away.

“Source! Not in public! You don’t want to make me drool and fall asleep on a bench in the middle of a mini-golf course?”

“Can I do it for you before bed?”

“Of course you may. You better not head home tonight after you knock me out; I demand my snuggly stallion now that the two of us are officially dating.”

“You got it, Boss!” Source said, leaning into his girlfriend’s shoulder while the two of them started smiling at the future that is likely to come.

Author's Note

i was gonna slow burn Celestia and Source Code becoming a couple, but figured this would be better for a few reasons. For starters, Celestia ain't gonna mess around when it comes to lovers; aside from this one instance, I'd like to believe she's loud and clear with what she wants. Two, I have Source and Celly's relationship build and bloom as every chapter rather than go 'haha MC no sex drive, so he no find cute girl attractive'.

That's the main reason actually. I don't like seeing stories beat around the bush when two characters like each other, but then spend like six hundred chapters before they figure out that they do, in fact, love each other and start dating. So I wanted to do something different from that. It may seem a little quick, but I wanted to also used this to build onto Source's character.

Python

I felt my pillow moving up and down in a slow, rhythmic motion. It felt… nice. It feels strangely warm as well. You know, if I had a pillow like this, pleasantly warm, but not too hot, not too soft, not too firm, I would probably have slept better all the time. I started trying to grab said pillow when it started slipping out from under me. “No…” I groaned as the pillow fully escaped my feeble attempts at trying to keep it under my head. This resulted in a ‘floomp’ as my head hit the mattress below. My eyes shot open to… I’m in Celestia’s room. All I remember from last night is going mini-golf…

Did I fall asleep on Celly while we were just chilling on a bench? Probably.

Celestia herself was standing on the balcony, wings fully spread, looking like she didn’t just get up. Her horn was glowing a beautiful, gold as the Moon went down and the Sun came up shortly afterwards… I think My brain is becoming more of a pony’s brain than I realized. The way her body started glittering as sunlight started reflecting off her perfect, flawless white coat… Her wings, thanks to how reflective feathers already are, on top of the color of them… Celestia was literally glowing in her own sunlight. It was… breathtaking to say the least. Her mane and tail flowed ever more radiantly and started sparkling even just a little bit as sunlight shined through them.

How the fuck did I manage to make her fall in love with me again?

My marefriend slowly turned around, catching my probably ‘borked brain’ look. She giggled as she walked… I hate my new body; my brain may not know what makes a pony attractive, but apparently my body did. Because Celestia, like the god damn troll she is, started walking with a lot more sway in her hips. What do my eyes do, on their own? Follow them like a cat does while it’s playing with string, or a mouse. I hate my body’s hormones. They’re almost controlling my brain… Oh god, do ponies have stronger primal instincts than humans? Because I swear, I did not find Celestia that pretty until just now.

“I take it that you enjoyed the view?” Sun Butt asked as she laid down next to me… when did she get there? She draped a wing over me and pulled me closer. “Don’t worry if you did; you weren’t the first to wake up, after successfully ‘scoring’ me, and being mesmerized by watching me raise the Sun. However, you are the first pony with the mind of something that isn’t a pony to do so. I thought you said your human brain wouldn’t find me physically attractive.”

“I… I don’t know,” I felt my ears droop. “It could be hormones; those can severely affect how something on Earth acts. Some animals kill each other just because they saw a pretty female of their species and they wanted to mate,” I laid my head down. “Humans weren’t like that at all though… for the most part. I mean, we still got possessive if we saw somebody we thought was pretty and was actually dating them. I don’t know of anyone that let their hormones get so bad that they killed somebody over them, but I could be wrong…” I looked Celestia in the eyes. “Is it normal for a stallion to… lose themselves while staring at a pretty lady?”

“It is, yes.”

“Okay, I guess that’s not too different from human teens, I guess. A teenage male could probably stare at a pretty girl and lose themselves for hours… I think. That’s what all those horrible school-life movies did at least, so I could be wrong… If those are accurate somehow, then I guess I am permanently as horny as a human teenage male.”

“That is a possibility, or perhaps you’re becoming more accustomed to pony life?”

“I might… Though I’m struggling to keep moving forward sometimes. Whenever I’m with you, I can sometimes forget that I’ve left my home behind, against my will, and ended up here. I’mma be real, sometimes I do wonder if I should just die,” I lifted my head slightly and nipped Celestia. “However… Now that I have somebody to live for, I might have a new reason to keep marching forward.”

“You’ll…”

“I’ll try to force down any thoughts I have about ending myself… for now. I ain’t gonna leave you alone-”

“Okay, that was almost perfect,” Celestia glared at me. “Ain’t isn’t a word, you little idiot.”

“Hey now, slang and the English Language are two sides of the same coin!”

“And slang isn’t a language, now is it?”

“...No ma’am.”

“So what were you going to say?”

“I’m not gonna leave you alone, Celly.” I say almost sadly.

“Perfect!” Celestia started grooming me, which made me entirely forget that Celestia actually just stopped me, broke into teacher mode, and tried to give me a lesson on Equish, and why slang is a sin. God I love this woman.

“A little to the left?” I asked. I cooed when Celestia did get a little to the left and get that itch that’s been killing me since five minutes ago.

About a week had passed and I was sitting in the magical tutorage room, since I don’t think I’ll be hearing back from any employers any time soon, staring down at something. After I had managed to run a diagnostic spell on Spike’s dragon fire. I had already gone and borrowed Spike for the day from Twilight, who was actually treating me nicer by the way, and I think I had written out how his dragonfire works. Right now, I was staring down at my notebook and trying to work out how to write it down into Runes.

I’ve been trying to figure this all day for the last few days.

“I don’t know why you’re so focused on trying to figure this out, dude,” Spike said, hopping up on the cushion beside me. He actually cuddled up next to me to read what I was trying to write. I was able to work out the first set of Runes in DragonFire.

“Spike, because of this,” I gestured towards the spell I was trying to work out. “Ponies that have access to a unicorn will be able to send messages to run another in seconds while the pony they’re sending to is on the other side of the country. Imagine being able to talk to Twilight while she’s all the way in Manehattan while you’re sitting here in Canterlot. And Twilight can respond. On top of that, I could use this,” I pointed at a gem on the table. “And make it so as long as it’s charged, you can send messages… or say a magical box of matches that does the same thing. The only two creatures in Equestria that can send messages instantly are you, and Celestia. Twilight can only do the same because she’s basically your older sister.”

“That’s true, but won’t I be pointless if you figure this out?”

“No Spike, you’re basically Celestia’s kid, and you’re literally Twilight’s adopted little brother. If nothing else, your ability to find the right book is very important to Twilight, and she’ll keep you around to send messages even if she could probably do the same if I figured this spell out…” I chuckled. “I may use this as a way to make bits, honestly. Sell a match box, that when you strike a match on it, it makes DragonFire. Keep the spell secret, make some bits, boom.”

“That… does sound like it would make a lot of bits.”

“It would, and I’d probably give you some royalties given that you’re helping me with this simply by doing it over, and over, and over so I can run a diagnostic on it.”

“Hey, it’s no problem dude-”

“You’re technically working with me on cracking the code here, my little dude, I’m going to at least compensate you. Even if you don’t want bits from this, say the word, and I’ll buy you every single copy of Power Ponies that I can. Or if you find a limited edition of any comic you want, just ask and I’ll slide you the bits if this idea takes off.”

“Honestly bro,” Spike chuckled. “Uh… I would feel weird taking even that from you. Look, you’re the one doing all the hard work in decoding what’s in DragonFire, but I’m just sitting here and occasionally shooting fire whenever you need it.”

I got the first sentence of Runes! “Oh fuck yeah, hold on…” I ran the spell and green fire ticked… though it only shot out green fire. I raised an eyebrow. “Damn,” I thought of Celestia and ran it by again, but this time used it on a note that basically said ‘see you at ten tonight…’. Yeah, Celestia may be wearing the pants in our relationship, but I’ll be damned if I don’t treat her to something I cook up myself… After I raid the royal kitchens first. It disappeared. Soon, Spike burped up her reply. I immediately ran a diagnostic spell and then quickly wrote down everything I got from it in English.

“Huh…” I paused. “That is way simpler to do than I thought it would’ve been…” I paused as I read over the notes. I sent another letter and told Celestia what to do. Soon, I burped, my horn lit up on its own, and then a scroll fell from above my head. I opened it up… “Dude,” I stared at the note Celestia had just sent me; I haven’t even opened it yet. “I just cracked it.”

“You did,” Spike and I slowly looked at each other before brofisting. “You did it dude! That’s pretty awesome!’

“It is! Holy shit! I didn’t expect to do that so soon!” I laughed and clapped my hooves. “Oh my god! I have to figure out how to make it so a match box can do this! And maybe remove the belching part… or leave it. Ponies don’t really care about the belching part anyways, so I’m assuming that part won’t be a deal breaker compared to being able to talk to their Mom from halfway across the country.” I got up and started shaking before I accidentally slammed my hooves on the table, which while I’m not very strong, I am still a horse. Horses are still strong even if they’re not ‘super’ strong. I don’t wanna break the table and all.

I started hopping up and down as I started laughing. “Oh, I am so gonna convert that to my own Rune system so that I can make casting it easier! Hoho, that is going to take all month, but it is so, so it's gonna be worth it!” I laughed as I hugged my lovely, borrowed, dragon assistant. “Thanks man! Oh my fucking god this is so cool!” I read the letters that Celestia sent. One was the ‘why am I doing this’ from my second letter. The other was Celestia saying all of the funky stuff she would do to me, if I wanted her to do that funky stuff to me, and other fun stuff that made me blush. Oh yeah, I am going to make a vegetarian lasagna for Celestia after reading that.

“C’mon man, let’s go raid a market stall for some snacks and just relax somewhere; I say we both deserve it after all the work we put in over the last few days.”

“You bet… Will I need to bring my own bits? I know-”

I burped up another letter.

Source Code, what the buck did you do? Why did Spike send me a letter that you wrote twice?”

I sent another letter telling her what I just did, and I burped up another one, resulting in a hornache… Okay yeah, I can’t do that very often. This spell apparently is not for constant writing back ponies, like texting was on Earth, but it’s still more practical than just waiting a week for a letter. Or hours if you have a pegasus rush across the country with an urgent letter.

I just found out how to use DragonFire without the dragon. Me and Spike are going to go grab a drink, well, I am gonna get a beer. Spike’s probably gonna get apple juice. See you at dinner.

Moments later, a bit pouch, full of bits, and a letter from Celestia saying she is jittering and on the verge of dancing in the middle of an important meeting over my accomplishment soon followed. Get yourself and Spike something nice to drink. Give Spike some nice apple juice, do not give him any alcohol, or you’ll sleep on the couch tonight, and then I’ll tell Twilight why her little brother is having a hangover the next morning. Like I was gonna give a kid some booze, c’mon Celestia!

“We got the okay, and I got some bits. Let’s go man.”

We went and ended up going to a Hayburgers Al’Round, which was basically McDondalds with less suicidal employees. The burgers were made out of hay, and still tasted pretty good. The fries… were made of hay. The drinks… were made of drinks. I was actually surprised to see soft drinks; this is the first time I’ve stepped into a Hayburger, and honestly it was quite nice. We ended up buying a lot of food, and just having a gander at everything since Spike never had Hayburger himself beyond the AlNugget, or the hay version of a McNugget. We sat down at our table and took a nice, long, deep breath.

“Thank god nobody remembered who the hell I am,” I said with a sigh of relief.

“Why’s that dude? Wouldn’t being famous be fun?”

“No. Notta. I am awful at being in large groups of ponies. I am just terrible at handling social situations that involve more than one other person. I’m a simple stallion, Spike, I like my time alone. Sometimes I prefer it. I was with T a week ago, sitting in a cafe somewhere. Celestia was planting kisses, nuzzling me, and overall just being ‘friendly’ in my mind. I didn’t know she was trying to court me and stuff… Uh, there were so many reporters and ponies staring at me that I couldn’t think. I could only think of trying to get out of that situation… I immediately went to Celestia for protection and she immediately took me into a dark, quiet alley to try and calm me down. I don’t think I could handle actually being famous and getting anywhere near as much attention as Celestia does.”

“And then you go and start dating her anyways?”

“...Yeah. I can handle dating Celestia, I just hope she either doesn’t make our relationship public, or does a really good job at keeping me away from the crowds. With how I’ll eventually either be helping her with paperwork and court, or just standing by her during events, I know I’ll have to face the crowds eventually. However… I don't think I would be able to right here and now. I just wanna live my life out and try to enjoy the second chance I was given in life.”

“That’s fair dude,” he looked over the table covered in food. “Why did we order all of this food again? We can’t possibly eat all of it in one sitting.”

“We can eat what we can now and eat the rest of it throughout the week. It’s fast food; it’s meant to be tasty after all. It’ll be hard to find something here that neither of us will like.”

“Good point. I can use some of this to feed Twilight; she sometimes forgets to go get herself some food while she’s studying.”

“I can see that happening,” I grabbed a random Hayburger, the Hay Mac, as it’s called. “For now, let’s just go out in this blaze of glory, eh dude?”

So, you may be wondering how I managed to figure out DragonFire’s message sending capabilities. You see, it was pretty simple; it was just Fire, a teleport spell, and then a rebuilding spell all rolled into some green fire. So, I used my custom IRE Rune to make Fire easier to cast, and proceeded to spend the next few days figuring out the teleport spell, and then the rebuild spell. After some painful hornaches, and hours of labor, I had DragonFire figured out. What I didn’t tell Spike was, due to how I had to use my own Runes, my hotspotched, shortened equations(I’ll get into magical equations later), it was actually the first spell of the magical system I’m developing.

It’s based entirely on the fact that I have horrible raw magical strength. I think I’ll tell Celestia about my magical system at our dinner.

A couple of hours later, I gave Spike the remainder of our hundred bit order, since I only had one sandwich and a thing of hay fries. It was alright, honestly. It wasn’t great, but my idea of how a burger should feel in the mouth, and my own personal preference towards chicken before I became a pony might have affected how much I enjoyed Hayburger. On top of that, hay fries are a sin, and I do not care, I am making vegetarian lasagna and fries the proper way; the human way some may call. Some humans may use sweet potatoes in their fries, which is also a sin, but people with souls and morals usually use potatoes when making fries.

Spike actually really liked a lot of the things on the menu, especially Twilight’s apparent go to, the quarter pounder with extra cheese.

Since I had a few hours to spare before I had to start getting dinner prepared for Celestia, I walked into the royal kitchens where I came face to face with the head chef of the royal kitchen staff, Chef Beet. “You want to interrupt my cooking so that you can make a meal for Princess Celestia?” She asked. She was a light brown, unicorn mare. She adorned a typical, white, mushroom shaped chef hat, and wore a white, button up chef jacket. Since ponies absolutely hate pants, the typical black pants were completely missing from her outfit.

“Well, I just started dating her. I figured it would do well if I were to take the lead in our relationship and choose our first date. I wanted to make her dinner; a lasagna if you will. It’s a family recipe that my Dad used to make all the time. If you give me my own space, and don’t mind me using some of your own ingredients, then I’ll stay out of your way when it comes to making everypony else their meals; I get that you got a whole bunch of snobs to cook for, after all.”

“Oh, so you’re that stallion that everypony is saying is sleeping with the Princess. I take it that those rumors are true?”

“...We haven’t had sex yet, no. But we are dating now, and Celestia insisted that all my stuff from my old hotel gets moved into her private chambers… So about me making me and Celestia our first ‘proper’ dinner together? I haven’t been able to have one with her since my sleep schedule is so different from hers.”

“I’ll letcha do it; you’re basically our boss now if you’re dating the Princess; you’re basically a consort now, after all. I do have a request for you, though.”

‘What is it?”

“Let me watch you prepare the lasagna. It’s something I’ve never heard of, and frankly, I want to see how it’s made.”

“Sure thing. Got any leftover noodle batter you don’t need, chef? It uses a type of noodle, but I don’t know if you have it if you asked to watch me make lasagna.”

“Of course! Anything else you’ll need, and we’ll provide it!”

Upon being given my requested ingredients, I set my eyes on the prize, and was even given my requested pot of oil and a few potatoes. My smile grew when the unused noodle batter was given to me; I didn’t even need to actually make the noodles… Score! Chef Beet watched me over the next hour and a half, watching me make tomato sauce, the mixture of veggies I was making, and even noting how I started working on the fries. I barely knew what I was doing with those, but after a few moments of half-guessing, my lasagna was in the oven and almost done cooking, and I was frying my potatoes a second time like some fast food places back home do.

By no means was this meal healthy, as it was literally some deep fried potatoes that could possibly pass as fries, and a lasagna that had a good amount of cheese on it. Chef took notes every step of the way and I swear the mare was glowing at the idea of easily improving my ‘fry’ recipe and my potatoes. I slowly lifted a potato to my mouth, after getting all the oil off, and sticking it in my mouth… Oh it’s so much better than I would’ve expected. And I have about ten minutes to get to the private dining hall myself and Celly are sharing for our date! I told Chef Beef how important this was, and he sent some servants to go get the dining room set up for me…

If I wasn’t dating Celly, I would marry Chef Beet. “Oh…” I had just filled Chef Beet on who I was, and where I’m from. “So I’m…” She stared at the recipes I had written down for her. “Holding recipes from another world?” She asked.

“Eeyup. Pretty cool, eh?”

“Cool? This is amazing, Source! If you were not already accounted for, I would marry you just to see if you had any more human recipes on you!”

“Uh… nope. I only know these two recipes because of my Dad, and I could barely make the fries properly even if they’re still pretty good. I wasn’t a chef at home, I was more of a ‘stick something frozen in a metal box that heats stuff up for you’ guy. As in I didn’t cook, I bought pre-made, frozen meals that can be heated up in an oven, or in the metal box I described. I spent so much time working, or working on a personal project, that I never really had the time to properly learn how to cook anything other than the one thing my Dad knew how to cook… And I might’ve botched it due to me having to sub in a different ingredient from the main ingredient… It still smells good at least. That’s a good sign when cooking, right?”

“It is, and the presentation isn’t too bad either. It’s not perfect, but it looks like a classic, home-made meal if I ever saw one.” Beet nodded in approval. “Perhaps we can spend some time going over foods from your world, and I’ll see if I can recreate them?”

“That could be fun. No weird ideas though; Celestia jokes about putting a collar on me to let other mares know I’m hers.” Chef Beet started snickering…

I really should’ve thought about how I am basically a Princess’s property because I decided to be her boyfriend.

Celestia entered the dining room a few minutes after I had everything set up. I had a dish dome over my lasagna, which Beet had ever so gently(she hit me over the head with a soup ladle) was called a plate dome. There were two white, decorative porcelain plates that had Celestia’s cutie marks on them, with a cup holding fries that I had hit with a warming spell, something I had learnt specifically for this occasion. Two wine glasses, that looked like they were made for human hands for some reason, sat beside the plates on the right-hoof side of the plates, away from the edges of the corner of course.

Suspended in her magic was… some blueberry rum, the same kind you could find in any old winery for about thirty bits. I was expecting a more expensive wine to be used, but then again, I wasn’t expecting wine, or rum, at all. I had already poured water from the pitcher next to the covered lasagna. “I… Did you have somepony from the kitchens specifically to make these dishes?” Celestia asked, walking over and examining a fry in her magic. “It appears whoever you asked decided to get a bit experimental with some potatoes…”

“I made the food myself, Celly.” I lifted the cover for the lasagna and set it off to the side. On the food cart Beet was nice enough to let me borrow. “I made some things that I’d typically like to have on my first date, ever. I hate hay fries though, so I made potato fries, and made a dish from home, lasagna, or rather a vegetarian version to meet the fact that you probably don’t want to eat a sentient cow.”

“That… would not be something on my bucket list, if I could kick the bucket to begin with. It smells rather nice, if I must say so.”

“Try one of the fries; you’ll be addicted to them,” I suggested as I grabbed a knife with my magic and portioned out a fourth of the lasagna for her, and another fourth for myself. Celestia did as I suggested, before her eyes widened.

“Oh my Sun…” she whispered.

“What?” I smirked.

“That is addictive!” Celestia popped another one in her mouth. “It’s got a snap to it, and the inside is so creamy.” That’s what she said. Literally. She watched as I dipped a fry in the lasagna’s sauce and popped it in my mouth… Oh yeah, I definitely didn’t fuck up the sauce… That’s great! I would’ve made enough to give us four portions per pony, but Beet wanted half the lasagna after having a taste of it. Mostly for her staff to have a try as well. Celestia hummed, before doing just as I had, mimicking my fry in the lasagna move, and her eyes widened even more.

“So, how is it?”

“I didn’t know you could cook!”

“I know a whole two dishes!” I said, lifting my fork to the air before stabbing my lasagna with it. Celestia watched as I cut out a piece, and followed in my example. I think she was just trying to figure out how to eat this stuff, since she probably hasn’t seen lasagna before if her royal chef hasn’t. “Seriously though, I’m not much of a cook. I can make this, and my half-assed version of french fries, but that’s about it. I could probably make a mean mac and cheese with a few pointers, but that’s not saying much. It’s hard to make horrible mac and cheese, but it is hard to make a good mac and cheese.”

“Well, this is genuinely quite lovely,” Celestia teleported two more wine glasses, they had the same, simple design of the two already on the table. She poured some of the rum into each before setting one on my side of the table. Oh, that smells just like candy. “Considering you don’t consider yourself a chef, of course. I’m sure as we speak, Chef Beet has found a way to improve upon this.”

“And that’s basically her job; find the best way to make a certain dish, in her opinion, and then make it for you and the rest of the politicians living in the castle. My job is to study up on magic and work out new Runes. Why did you bring rum to our date, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Well, you made a giant leap in discovering secrets in magic earlier, did you not?”

“The DragonFire thing?”

“Indeed. Nopony could decipher how to get it to work, likely due to us not being able to safely run a diagnostic spell on dragonfire until the day that Spike hatched, and even then, nopony really tried to figure out how dragonfire could be used to send letters. Even I would struggle with trying to decipher whatever magic is in dragonfire, and you worked it into a Rune based spell?”

“Yeah. I had to slave away at it for days, having Spike on standby so I could refresh my memory of what’s in it. I’d say it’s probably the first spell in my magical system.”

“Oh?” Celestia asked as she sipped from her cup. “Making new systems of magic, are we?”

“It’s like a weird hybridized version of the Hybrid Spell system, and Rune system. With how you not only need Runes specific to this system, and magical equations, and then the magical skill to force the available materials around you to do what you want it to, the Hybrid system’s really hard to do. My own system aims to simplify the Rune part, and once I learn how to simplify the magical equations of the Hybrid system, simpler equations, I’ll be able to make my own system of magic. One where you can do two thirds of casting a spell pretty quickly, and take up less magic in doing so, leaving more magic to pour into the spell.

“Aside from the Dragonfire spell, I took the shield spell and started working it into this version of my Hybrid Magic, which I’m going to call the Python System for reasons I’ll explain later. I’m trying to see if I can’t shorten Shield into a singular Rune, and see how much further I can get into the strength of a shield if I can shorten Shield into one Rune. But anyways,” I performed dragonfire on a napkin, which ended up gently floating down onto Celestia’s face. “I want to popularize Python once it’s done. It’ll take a lifetime, but I wanna lay down the framework for it first.”

“That… is amazing!” Celestia clapped her hooves. “To think that five weeks ago, you couldn’t even use your horn! Now you’re trying to make an entirely new branch of magic?”

“Think of it as an offshoot of the Hybrid System; it’s just an easier version to use after all. By the way, before, how DragonFire uses Python as the base, if I use it in an offensive way…” I hummed. “Even with my fairly average power, I could probably melt somebody’s skin,” I grabbed a fry, encased it in a shield, before summoning DragonFire without any of its message sending aspects. In seconds, the fry burnt away. “I probably should probably mention that the oil used to cook that was roughly one seventy six degrees.”

“...That is incredible. You’re making a new magical system because you want magically less capable ponies to be able to learn and execute this system?”

“...Yeah. It’s in order to make up for my own inability to get any stronger with magic. I’ve noticed that, due to the nature of this, spells are easier to cast, but will obviously lack in stability and strength compared to the more established systems of magic. However, Python is meant to help bridge that gap of strength a little more so that say… a Shield can actually block off a Concussive Strike from you or Twilight a little better than a Rune based, or just a Hybrid based version of Shield. With less strain at least.”

“Python… why that name, if you do not mind me asking?”

“It’s the name of a coding language back home. It’s what I was most proficient in, even if I normally coded in Javascript.”

“I see… So DragonFire is the first spell in this new system?”

“Yeah. What’s great about my new system is that I can take parts out immediately, such as the message sending bit, by simply removing the Rebuild equations from casting it.” I pulled out a new notebook, and opened it to the first page where I had the original twenty six Runes, plus three Runes that I made. I even wrote down the equations for Python’s versions Teleport and Rebuild, since they were a part of DragonFire. I gave it over to Celestia to read it over, and before long, quickly casted her own version of DragonFire on my notebook, which landed on my head.

“That… was very easy to cast. Incredibly so… I believe I can help make Teleport and Rebuild simpler to cast as well to make DragonFire even less taxing. Since Teleport and Rebuild are already rather complex spells, and then you’re also technically casting a Fire Spell to go along with it… Aside from trying to figure out Python in the first few minutes, your notes are flawless by the way; very easy to read and understand… Python really does help make spell casting quicker for stronger mages, and easier to cast for weaker mages.”

“That’s the goal of it.”

“You’re doing a good job-” I suddenly flashed up beside her. “You can teleport now…”

“Indeed I can. Python makes that so much easier, even if I still get a headache from it… Ow.” I groaned. “When will I get better magic endurance?”

“By practicing. I would recommend doing the alphabet constantly for a few hours a day.”

“I think I’ll do that then.” We both soon focused on our meals. Celestia was in the middle of telling me a really funny story involving a petitioner in her day court, who was actually just a little colt who really wanted help with his math homework. It went from funny to sounding borderline adorable; the colt actually cuddled up with Celestia while she walked him through his multiplication equations and helped proofread an essay he had for school.

I got to tell her some human exploits, such as us dying to vending machines more often than we die to bears, and we had a good time, honestly. I got to tell plenty of jokes, so I could hear that wonderful, almost addictive laugh plenty of times that night. Before long, our meals were finished, and our plates and silverware was picked up by some maids, and we ended up heading to bed together for the first time, on time, as a couple. We didn’t do any of the things Celestia said she would do(she understands that I’m not quite ready for that, on top of me wanting to wait for us to get married before we ‘sleep’).

It was a fun night.

The next day during a magical, Celestia Magic Tutoring Tuesday on a Saturday, I was experimenting with Runes again; I wanted to get Shield into one Rune. It wasn’t easy, especially since after Celestia went to sleep, I woke up in a cold sweat, and proceeded to come here and immediately started working on trying to shorten Shield. Luckily I and E were very similar to each other due to them being vowels. SH was pretty easy to turn into one Rune, and I managed to tack L onto IE. So now I had a three Rune shield spell. I casted it and put way more strength into it just as Twilight and Celestia walked into the room, right on schedule. I felt like shit. Doing all this experimentation to make new Runes was hard.

My magical butt tattoo might make it a lot quicker for me to do this, and decode spells, but that doesn’t mean I’m good at making new Runes any easier.

“Hey guys!” I yawned and dropped the shield.

“Why are you here so early? You must have gotten here long before I raised the Sun. I figured you would’ve loved to watch that. Again.”

“I would’ve. But remember what I said at dinner last night?”

“You’re trying to shorten Shield?” Twilight asked, now looking genuinely curious at what I’m doing.

“Yeah, so far I’ve got it down to three Runes, which is as far as I could get over the last six hours of me working on this.”

“...How much sleep did you get, dear?” Celestia asked, gently strolling over to me and started grooming my mane. Oh, that feels really good.

“I think I got about two hours of sleep or something. When I got here it was one in the morning.”

“...You’ve been here for ten hours, my love,” Celestia sighed. “You are an idiot, you know that?”

“On the brightside, my theory of Python works… with less magic going into summoning a shield and running a calculation… I think I have a stronger shield spell than I once had. Twilight, wanna test it? Just blast the shield at full power?”

“You do know if I even crack it, it’ll probably knock you out with how little sleep you’ve had?”

“Mmm… yeah. I could use the extra sleep anyways. If I’m still standing, I can probably just sleep against Celestia while she tutors you, Twilight.”

“Okay…” I walked into the gym part of our studying room and I summoned a shield that fully surrounded me and widened my stance. “Hit me!” My voice reverberated off the inside of a shield… Oh. I have an idea that could be lethal with this discovery. Twilight shared a glance with my girlfriend before launching a standard, concussive blast. Usually, Twilight could probably blast right through with one of those at half of her full strength(I’ve done some testing with her in this same room under the careful eye of Celly). My shield withstood the hit. I ran a diagnostic spell and noted that it wasn’t even at half of the full power Twilight could throw into it. I lowered my shield and glared at the lavender unicorn.

“Hey now, throw half of your strength into it. I want to test if a Python Shield works the way it should!” I brought my light blue shield up and let Twilight do just that. I grunted under the pressure… but the shield was actually holding. It cracked only slightly towards where Twilight’s spell had actually struck my shield. I was still conscious though! I chuckled and stumbled as my shield fell. Ow, even a slight crack, even a crack in a unicorn’s shield is enough to induce another hornache… Ow. Mmm, I desire to be groomed by my girlfriend to help quail my aching horn. “That… Actually worked,” I said as I made my way over to Celestia’s cushion and flopped onto it. I was then promptly pulled up so I could rest my head on Celly’s shoulder.

“That was reckless, Source. You could’ve been put into a coma for days if your shield actually broke…”

“But Python actually works!” I drunkenly slurred. “Twilight woulda plowed through a regular Rune spell and the ass of whoever was on the other side of that Rune spell.”

“That spell was almost as good as one of my brother’s weaker shields,” Twilight noted. “For how little strength you actually have… that’s impressive, Source. You keep calling it ‘Python Shield’ though. Why is that?”

“I’m developing Python, a custom-made magical system for me. If the kingdom gets in trouble, or Celestia needs help to defend it, I wanna be able to contribute in the protection of her specifically. I can’t do that with Runes, or my mediocre prowess in the Physical and Hybrid systems. Python is based on the basics of Rune based magic, but then uses simplified equations to try and get similar results to a Hybrid spell. It won’t be perfect, but it makes up for it by being way easier to cast; easier casting means you can pour more power into it. Meaning if I have to help Celestia kick some asshole’s ass, I can at least dump enough power into a concussive strike and give her the edge she needs.”

“I doubt there will ever come a time when you will need to step in, Source. Equestria has been in a time of peace for the last thousand years. On top of that, I am quite powerful with magic, if you somehow haven’t noticed. If it comes down to it, I will be standing over you and protecting you. I think you’d have a panic attack the moment you realize something horrible is happening.”

“And if I realize what’s happening is going to endanger you, I’m going to try and protect you no matter how much stronger you are than I am with magic. I’m not the strongest guy in the world, I’ll admit that, but I’ll be damned if I let my girl face any big bad guys on her own…” I groaned. “Fuck this hornache dude.” I groaned again before laying my head back down on her shoulder. “But Celestia, I just want to be able to at least help keep you safe. You think it would suck if I got hurt, now imagine how much it would suck for me to see you get hurt?”

“I know…” Celestia paused.

Twilight watched as Princess Celestia and her coltfriend talked about defending each other. It was rare to find a stallion with such a desire to protect his marefriend. Despite usually being bigger, there were simply fewer stallions, so it was usually the mare defending their stallion, or mares depending on if they’re a part of a herd. There was a certain edge in Source’s voice that was giving him an edge in his little argument with Celestia. “All I want to do is protect you, Celly. I love you, and you’re all that I have. Just let me fight beside you if it comes down to it, alright? If things head south, I don’t give two damn, I’m grabbing both of us and we’re retreating.”

“But my ponies…”

“Retreating, not fleeing. You retreat if you want to regain your footing, you flee if you’ve completely given up on fighting, Celestia…” The stallion let out a jaw splitting yawn. “Just because I suck at dealing with crowds doesn't mean I'll sit down and let you get hurt…”

Now Princess Celestia was blushing. Usually she was the dominant pony in her relationships, especially with how old and powerful she was compared to her many, many partners. Now, she was possibly the weakest of her unicorn partners, ordering her around. Granted, what he lacked in strength, he apparently made up for in ingenuity; the fact that he was able to rewrite Shield into his own system magic, which would allow him much more leeway in a fight, on top of dragonfire being apparently as deadly as it was, Source could very easily find a way to stand as her equal through forcefully optimizing magic to match his own strength. And then he started talking to her with a resolve she has never seen on the stallion…

“I must admit,” Celestia giggled as her stallion finally gave into his sleep deprivation and had finally fallen asleep. “Seeing my coltfriend so dead set on defending me on the off chance that something horrible happens to Equestria… Was rather attractive.”

“Princess, your coltfriend’s kind of scary when he gets angry,” Twilight admitted. “I feel as if he were angrier when I hit his Python Shield… It would withstand a full powered concussive spell from me.”

The Princess nodded. “I did feel his ambient magic spiking as he got progressively angrier over the thought of me getting hurt… it was exhilarating to feel it.” As she said that, she shifted slightly, and Source immediately rolled over and started pawing her until he found her shoulder again, before he rolled over and snuggled into it again. “I am going to scold him for being up so early, however. He cannot properly defend his princess if he doesn’t get the rest he needs; his endurance with spell casting won’t improve either if he keeps waking up at one in the morning at the latest.”

“Ma,” Source whispered in his sleep. “Errr.”

“I'm going to ask him to teach me this… Would it count as a system of magic, Princess?”

“Source is more inclined to believe it’s an offshoot of the Hybrid or Rune system, Twilight. However, by definition, it is a new system; new Runes, new equations, entirely different processes of casting a spell? However this… Python seems to not require a strong application of Physical Magic in order to work with the Hybrid Spell. Source teleported, a rather short distance that resulted in hornache, but he teleported with almost exclusively Runes and a couple of equations.”

“...Does this have to do with his background in any way?”

“Him breaking down DragonFire and turning it into a tangible spell does. I’ve a feeling that he could probably figure out how to raise and set the Sun if he ran a diagnostic spell on me, and had the strength to do so. However, if he were to try, it would probably still fry his brain as it would require a lot of magic, more than he could muster without permanently hurting himself.”

“Huh… Think I could still get him to teach me Python once he’s done with it?”

“Perhaps you should work better on getting on his good side; I know that you two don’t get along. Perhaps you two can become friends?”

“I’ll try, Princess.” Twilight opened up Source’s journal and began reading it, only to grunt in frustration; the first page is literally just regular, everyday Runes! They weren’t even similar to ones used in Hybrid Magic! She immediately closed the book. “I’ll have to just ask him to walk me through this later. Maybe it’ll be a good chance for us to become friends… So how is planning for this year’s Summer Sun Celebration going, Princess?” Twilight asked.

“Well, I was hoping to take Source to Ponyville, since that is where I’ll be holding the celebration this year.”

Moon Butt is Gonna Die pt. 1

The Summer Sun Celebration was apparently the celebration of the longest day in the year, or the Summer Solstice. Celestia was sending both myself and Twilight ahead of time in order to make sure everything was ready. However, Celestia hadn’t told Twilight yet, but because I have special somepony privileges, I get to know ahead of time. As in a solid week ahead of time. Over the last few weeks, or the last time that I wrote in this… I guess I can’t call it a journal when my journal is where I’m keeping the groundwork for Python, so I guess it’s a diary now. Anyways it’s been about two weeks since mine and Celestia’s first date.

After that, things kept on as normal, Python got worked on(I even managed to convert Levitation to Python and made three new Runes!), and I actually picked up guard training. Now, I’m doing guard training for two reasons… One, I want to actually gain some muscle mass so Celestia has something nice to look at other than my butt, and I wanna know how to fight. So far, I was going through what was basically ‘basics’ but I was a consort so nobody really yelled at me. Nobody in the castle officially knew that I was the consort… Everyone knew though. I got to join in guard training everyday and work out and learn how to use magic in a combative manner. That’s what I was doing right now, since tomorrow, me and Twilight will be shipped off to Ponyville to make sure everything’s in order for the Summer Sun Celebration which happens the day after tomorrow.

I parried another unicorn's attack. Solar Strike, which was his name, shot another Concussive, or a concussive blast, with my Python Shield. After the first lesson I had in here, I ran diagnostic spells on every single spell used by the guard for combative purposes and reworked them into Python. As it turns out, that was the way to go, since now I had more magic to pour into shields and offensive spells without the hassle of casting the spells quickly or having to worry about executing the spell properly.

Because of Python, I would’ve been in the top half of the guard in terms of magical prowess.

I shot a homing, Concussive, which was something I made through Python, and ran in as soon as Solar Strike put up a shield… And I got plowed into the ground by the simple fact that Solar Strike was physically stronger than I was by a long shot. I groaned and rolled onto my stomach while rubbing my head. For once, I just had a headache; my magic pool, or endurance, has actually gotten a lot better because of the development of Python; I have to cast spells and Runes constantly, which really helped build my endurance. It won’t stop a guard from immediately putting his hoof on my shoulder after he kicks my ass, but I can at least cast a lot of Python based spells without hurting myself.

“You know,” Solar said as he helped me up. “I shoulda figured that somepony, that is Celestia’s second star pupil, would put up a good fight from a magical standpoint. You’re kinda bad at going in physically though; you’re kinda scrawny after all.”

“Hey, I at least managed to sprint to you this time,” I groaned. “Fuck me, mate, my head feels like a brick made love to the back of it… You hit hard.”

“Oh please; your marefriend’s probably going to kiss your boo boos away anyways.”

“That’s the best part of this. After I do this enough, hopefully I won’t be a scrawny little cunt, and instead be a cunt with some muscle mass. I want to at least be eye candy for Celestia, you know?”

“What a stellar reason to be in the guard-”

“I’m also trying to learn how to fight so I can fight beside her my man, you should know that by now!”

“I know. I just find it odd that out of all the ponies, she ends up picking you. You’re so… boring looking. Your coat and mane don’t pop, your cutie mark’s literally some numbers, and your mane and tail are kinda messy…” Solar shuttered. “The strength that you put into your magic sure is scary though; if that homing spell hit me, I would've gotten knocked out.”

“That’s the goal…” I chuckled. “You know, I have a little secret for why I can put so much power into my spells. You’ve had to have felt how weak my Rune based spells, or just my usual spell casting, is.”

“They are! But then you get into combat and it’s like a demon’s taken over your body. I don’t even think Captain Armor could’ve broken your shield.”

“He could if he hit it hard enough; he’s a lot stronger than I am when it comes to magic, and probably more knowledgeable. A concussive spell, mixed in with anti-shield spells, wouldn’t work though because my Shields don’t rely on any of the pre-existing systems of magic.”

“What…?”

“There’s three systems of magic,” my guard friend gives me a ‘no shit’ look. “So what I went and did is made my own branch, which takes Runes and the Hybrid systems of spell casting, or the first and third and aimed to make it so with those same basic runes from the first system, along with some extra Runes that I’ve made and some equations that I’ve made, makes spell casting easier, quicker, and less magically restraining. From there, you have greater leverage with your magic. I could barely go toe to toe with Twilight, when she’s holding back, if I gave it my all. With Python, my built up system, I can contend with her, while she’s holding back of course, and even hold my own against my girlfriend for a time before she just straight up overwhelms me with greater magical prowess, her knowing Python in and out because of me, and her experience in combat.”

“...Huh.”

“The problem with Python is mainly the fact that it’s meant to optimize how much magic is needed for casting, to make the strength of any spell casted with it greater. This is a problem because a magically weak unicorn will still get destroyed by somebody a lot stronger than them, but it gives me, a weaker unicorn, a fighting chance to hold out for help, or to flee if I just can’t make any leeway. Luckily, Python has Teleport spells… and…” I breathed DragonFire and walked into it, before appearing behind Solar Strike. “My Fire spell is my Teleport.”

“What the buck!?” Solar jumped and spun around. “I saw you burn to ashes!”

“No… with enough magic, which I can easily provide DragonFire, I can burn myself and reappear behind you. The problem is that I haven’t been able to teleport myself to Celestia or Twilight Sparkle though doing that. But it is a much, much more viable Teleport for longer distances, whereas Teleport mainly has combative purposes.”

“Dude… Have you told anyone?”

“Nope. I don’t plan on telling anyone other than Celestia, since she gives me puppy eyes and wins any argument we have, and Twilight since she’s my colleague and has seniority over me and can tell me what to do because of that. I want to make sure I have the full system of Python worked out before I publish it and let ponies run wild with it.”

“What is this about Python?” Solar jumped and proceeded to solute the pony behind me. I already knew who it was… Somepony that’s great bro material.

“Ah, Shining Armor. How’s it going, lad?”

“Quite alright, mind joining me for a drink? My shift ends in thirty minutes.”

“Sure thing, my man. See ya at six?” Shining and I brofisted and we went our separate ways for the next thirty minutes.

Shining Armor, a captain in the Royal Guard; it was one of the highest positions you could find yourself in as the guard, save for literally being Princess Celestia… Yeah, this dude is a bit of a prodigy like his younger sister, Twilight Sparkle. This dude has some of the strongest defensive magic in the entire world, and is apparently tied, by measurements, with only one other unicorn when it comes to the strength in his shields and barriers. Like Shining Armor is the only unicorn alive right now that could match Starswirl the Bearded, a famous mage, with shield spells alone. Granted, because he’s Twilight’s brother, he’s not too shabby in other types of magic; a good defense is only good if you’ve got a good offense to back it up after all. Unlike Twilight, Shining’s main expertise in spell casting lies entirely on what is in the Guard.

As in he is top level in every spell used by the Royal Guard, but you couldn’t ask him to turn his parents into potted plants… Because Twilight did that when she was fucking six years old apparently… On accident, hatched an egg that is magically resistant(which led to Spike being born), and enlarged the newly hatched Spike until he broke the ceiling… Yeah, she fucking did at least three very high level spells on accident while six years old. And somehow I’m being taught by the same alicorn that’s teaching her how to control and use her magic. Shining Armor on the other hand… can make really strong shields(Twilight can get close, but her brother edges her out on shields), and has a strong offense even if his greatest strength is his defense.

“I see you got your flanks handed to you by Solar again,” Shining said as we walked down the hall to get ourselves that drink that was older than we were.

“Hey now, I held my own with magic… I’m just a weak little bitch.”

“Hey, we all have to start somewhere,” Shining flexed his foreleg… It was as sharp as a diamond. “Would you believe I was once that nerd that played Ogres and Oubliettes?” That was Dungeons and Dragons for you non-ponies. It was just as nerdy as its human equivalent. “Just as weak as you are right now. Though I gotta say, Solar’s one of our more gifted guards when it comes to magic, and you’re going toe to toe with him when you score a lot lower than he did on all of those magical tests you took before ‘joining’ the guard.”

“I just use my magic in a special way,” I half-lied.

“Uh-huh. What’s Python?”

“A type of snake?” I played dumb. “Though Celestia said that too and it ended up with my snout in her rear end. It was a little strange, but she had fun,” I tilted my head. Shining Armor stopped completely dead in his tracks, staring into nothing as what I said slowly worked through his mind. Out of all the ponies in the castle, I don’t think Shining was in the know how. That, or he was, and hearing somebody talk about licking the Princess’s ass broke him. Probably both, if I’m being real. Apparently I’m not the only one dating an alicorn, since he’s dating somebody named Princess Cadance, and she was apparently Celestia’s niece. So I don’t know why he found it so shocking when somebody else said they were eating Princess Celestia out.

“...So you are dating Celestia?” Shining asked.

“Yeah, of course I am.”

“I lost twenty bits because you said no… Wait, you two are having-”

“No, we haven’t had sex yet. Waiting until we get married at some point; it may take us a while, but given how we’re apparently a perfect match for each other, I say it isn’t too long yet. I do love what I know about Celestia right now even if I know she’s got a few skeletons in her closet that she hasn’t told me about yet.”

“I was the guard that asked if you were sleeping with Celestia!”

“And technically, I was sleeping with her. Not sleeping with her, in the sense that I we’re… trying to have foals? No.”

“Damn. So you and Celestia did get hitched… Cady was right.”

“Cady?” I asked. I had successfully got Shining Armor off my case about Python yet again.

“Yeah, the main reason why I grabbed you today is to have lunch with you and Celestia; Cadance invited me along. Since Princess Celestia is technically Cadance’s only living guardian, you’re legally Cady’s uncle.”

“Oh. Damn. I have a niece… What the hell?” I think Cadance and Shining Armor are older than I am. Because Twilight is biologically older than I am, even if I was mentally two years older than her when I got zapped by whatever the hell sent me to Equestria.

I plopped my rear down on the couch next to Celestia, we had taken residence in the private dining room we had our first date in. The room had been rearranged so there were two, plush, purple couches, or giant cushions, made to be able to hold at least three Princess Celestias on two sides of a really fancy coffe cable. It just smelled really fancy, like a freshly cut slab of oak wood. Sitting on the cushion on the opposite side from us was… another alicorn. She was pink. Very, very pink.

Actually, she was pleasantly pink, and I could tell that she probably had a lot of ponies gushing over her in school, since she was about as old as Shining Armor was, according to the stallion now snuggled up into her. Like, by pony standards, this woman was probably drop dead gorgeous… However, Celestia is better, Celestia best Princess. No, I am not biased by the fact that my girlfriend is Celestia, not at all. Seriously, watching Celestia raise the Sun from our bed everyday I wake up is truly a sight to behold, and one of the few reasons why I actually wake up early just to pretend that I’m still asleep when Celly’s done doing that.

Cadance, I’m assuming this is Cadance, had a purple, pink, and blond mane where on one side, went down to her neck and curled up, and the other went down to her forleg’s knees, and like the other side, curled up as it reached the end. Adorning her head was a golden crown that was much like Celestia’s, though smaller and had heart shaped gems in it instead. Her tail went down to her hindleg’s ankles, and was the same colors as her mane, which was curled up and up to her belly as she leaned into her coltfriend’s side. Around her neck was a necklace that had no gems in it, but connected at the base of her neck… to make a heart shape. Adorning her butt was a shining heart made out of crystals.

I do not like the way she’s looking at me. It was like she was analyzing me.

The first thing I did after I settled into Celestia’s side, was get up immediately and plant a kiss on her cheek. “Curse you for being so tall. I can’t kiss your cheek properly if you’re three times taller than I am,” I grumble.

“Perhaps you should’ve grown more?” Celestia bobbed her eyebrows. We both chuckled, before she returned the kiss, and I resettled down into her side.

“I didn’t think I would ever see you with your own special somepony, Auntie,” Princess Cadance hummed. “I can tell that you two… are getting along.”

“I hear you don’t believe what you just said,'' I hummed. Cadance raised an eyebrow. “I’m not an idiot, Cadance, and ponies are horrible liars.”

“You are a pony,” Cadance pointed out.

“Cadance, do you have anything against Source?” Celestia asked.

“The first thing he does when he comes in, isn’t greet you, he flops down beside you and then greets you. And I wouldn’t even call that a greeting.”

“That’s our usual ritual,” I wave a dismissive hoof. “I can’t spend all day with Celestia because of her work, so the first thing I do when I see her, I just wanna cuddle up with her. Then I kiss her, make a quip about her making me feel like the midget I am, and we continue cuddling while we eat dinner and talk about our days. I kinda can’t specifically do that right now, since you and Shining Armor are here, and it’s only lunch, but…” I motioned Celestia to lower her head down to me.

“How’re you feeling, Celly? Want me to barge in on any meetings and cry wolf to get you out?”

“No, dear. I have everything handled. I can see that you’re building a little bit of muscle,” Celestia looked over me hungrily. “You’ve been working out, I’ve heard. And giving some of my guards a run for their money…” she giggled. “Mr. Top Percent.”

“Hey! I still get my butt handed to me on a silver platter whenever I go to melee any guard,” I huffed, I said that allowed and crossed my forelegs and pouted. “I hate working out, but I wanna do it for you. I can’t be anything less than nice looking around you, can I?”

Celestia blinked, blushed, and giggled again. “I think you look handsome as is, without working out… Perhaps we can move your training into my schedule? I’m sure I can teach you better one on one than a guard instructor could when he has dozens of other stallions and mares to keep track of.” Good point. “Or if I can’t train you, I want to watch you.” I nodded along before I kissed her on the nose, which made her ears shoot up.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God, Celestia! You can’t look like that! It’s gonna melt my heart because of how adorable you look!” We both laughed before we nuzzled each other and faced Cadance and Shining.

“...Huh,” Cadance hummed. “I… You two play off of each other so well… But when you walked in, you felt empty.”

“Because I ain’t a pony on the inside. I can turn an emotion, such as love, on or off on a dime. Celestia’s the one pony in this world that’s keeping me from just jumping off the mountain this city’s sitting on; she means the world to me. She is my world... I’m exaggerating, but Celly is helping me stay mentally stable by simply being here for me. I love her to death.”

Cadance actually began smiling. “And you’re working out just to…”

“Be eye candy for her.”

“Which he already is,” Celsetia pointed out. “Your plainess is rather nice; you don’t need to have rock-solid muscle mass to appease me.” I felt my cheeks warm up at that. After Cadance worked out her dislike for me, since she can apparently sense emotions, she was way friendlier after that. I suppose she just wanted to make sure the weirdo dating her aunt was actually a good pony or something.

“Fucking christ, Source,” Celestia giggled. She picked up on occasionally using human curses from me. You can’t tell me otherwise; hearing her use human curses is adorable, sue me. “You seriously did that… to try and hide Python from Captain Armor?”

“Yeah, Shining’s been asking about Python since I started joining his soldiers in their daily training…”

“So you joked about eating me out?”

Cadance and Shining Armor were just sitting there, like two little kids, while they heard their aunt and Princess casually talk about her boyfriend joking about having sex with each other.

“Hey now, say the word and I’ll actually do a ‘Python’ on ya…”

“Really now?” Celestia hummed. “Perhaps after the Summer Sun Celebration, we shall see if you are a stallion of your word.” Oh. Oh. Oh shit.

I’m gonna get laid.

The next morning, I woke up bright and early so that I could get on the chariot. After a quick breakfast with Sun Butt, a kiss, and a letter from Twilight telling Celestia about somebody named Nightmare Moon, and I was in the chariot. Celly had just sent Twilight her instructions, so I was just waiting on her. Shining Armor gave me a brohoof as he came up to inspect the chariot and its guards. Usually, nobody would, but since it was carrying his sister, and two of Princess Celestia’s Personal Students, I couldn’t fault him. Namely because it was carrying his sister.

Twilight and Spike, with Spike riding on her back, who was reading the message I had ‘helped’ Celestia write. As in I wrote to improve my precision with levitation, and I wrote what she told me to. I would’ve tried to put my own personal touches, but Celestia threatened to make me sleep on the couch as soon as she saw the grin on my face as she told me to write what she was saying. Now, I would’ve done it anyways, but Celestia Snuggle Time is the best, and I don’t want to be denied that for a whole week.

Yes, I have gone without before we started dating, but after you get used to it, you don’t want to lose it.

“How are you so calm?” Twilight shouts at me. “Nightmare Moon will want to try and kill Princess Celestia-”

“And if she tries it, let alone succeeds, I am going to torture Nightmare Moon. I will pluck her feather by feather, break her bones, pull her teeth out. That’s assuming she’s real, of course.” I have a bit of reason to doubt that Nightmare Moon does exist. For one, Celestia would’ve told me, two, Celestia didn’t seem to take the letter that seriously. Secondly, how the heck does somebody get stuck in the Moon?” Sure, magic is a thing, but from what I’ve gathered, not even Celly is capable of doing such a thing, since such a spell doesn’t exist.

“She is real though!”

“Mmm, how about we worry about making sure my girlfriend’s holiday goes smoothly, and then worry about Nightmare Moon, eh?”

“He’s right, Twilight, Princess Celestia even told you to just try and make some friends!” Spike pointed out in the letter.

“He is right; I would know since Celestia got me to write that letter for her.” Twilight groaned, before laying her head on the chariot.

“Making friends can’t be that bad,” Spike comments as the chariot touches the ground. Ooh, my legs are wobbly. “C’mon! Just go say hello to one of the locals!”

“Uh…” Twilight proceeds to say ‘hi’ only for the pink pony to gasp and run away.

“Damn, you’re worse at making friends than I am.”

“Shut up, Source.” Twilight grumbles. “Let’s just go check on the Apples’ Farm; their family is catering for the Summer Sun Celebration after all.”

I think I like the Apples. The Apples are apparently a family of chefs, farmers, and country folk that… are genuinely just really nice. Usually, I… abstain from being the center of attention, but these people were so friendly that I couldn’t help but have some cider and joke around with some of them. Particularly, Apple Jack. who was an orange earth pony mare with a blond mane and tail that were tied back. Upon her head rested a stetson which looked really cool. Her cutie mark was three apples.. She was the first to greet us, and had shook our hooves with so much enthusiasm, that our hooves kept on shaking after she was done. Twilight wanted to deny brunch, but Apple Bloom, an adorable, little filly with a yellow coat, red hair, and had a bow in her mane. She doesn’t have one, yet.

“And so my Dad said ‘let there be light!’ before he blew up our oven while trying to make popcorn!” I laughed as I set my cider down. Did I mention how much I love the Apples? They have FRENCH TOAST WITH APPLE JELLY!

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT APPLE JELLY WAS A THING!

“Ah’ll have to meet your Dad at some point, Source,” Apple Jack laughed. “He sounds like an idiot.”

“Oh, he’s a great cook, taught me how to make a dish or two, but god. Do not let that dude near an oven after he’s a little… influenced by what he’s drinking. It’s just a miracle that he didn’t catch on fire when our oven blew up.” I hummed and almost grabbed a towel to wipe off my face, before just straight up using my left fetlock to get the jam and bits of french toast, or prench toast, off my face. Celestia wasn’t one for table manners, but I did get dragged into a ‘private’ dinner with some ambassadors… I got yelled at for using the wrong fork. Not by Celestia, mind you, but I still got yelled at.

“And here Ah was thinking you were some prissy unicorn from Canterlot; you’ve got some grit, Source!” AJ patted my back. Her older brother, Big Mac, was a giant hulk of a stallion. Red, fucking huge, and had a thing, I think it’s a scarf, wrapped around his neck. He was a stallion of few words, but the way he had a foreleg wrapped around my neck while we both had some cider… Yeah, I found another bro. I sighed before setting my cup down, noting how Spike and Twilight were leaving already.

“Sorry guys, but I gotta follow her. Princess Celestia wants to make sure everything’s going well, and I gotta make sure Twilight doesn’t murder anybody; she ain’t much of a ponies pony, y’know?” I almost snickered when I noted that Twilight’s gut was round and she was almost limping away from the farm; she really loved Granny Smith’s pie… I am a horrible person.

“No worries, Source. Next time yer in town, you best stop by’n say ‘hi’!” Apple Jack hummed. “Though why did the Princess send both of you? That Twilight over there seems to have everything covered.”

“Well, I am Celly’s protege as well…”

“Celly?”

“Yeah, I’m… good friends with Celly,” AJ raised an eyebrow. Fucking nothing gets past this lady, not even half truths, and it’s scary. She quickly picked up on when I didn’t like apple soup earlier in a heartbeat, but was a good sport about it when she realized I just never had apple soup and found it weird… It was like applesauce, but more liquidy… It got better as I got more used to it. “Aight, so Celly’s a nickname for the Princess; I’m her… boy-coltfriend. Yeah! Anyways, she sent me here since I’m usually cooped up in the castle, and to get me exploring town a bit. I don’t have to follow Twilight, but I’m staying in the same library that Twilight will be until Celly stops by; she’s the only one of us with a map.”

“Ah… Wait, what?!” That last bit was something everypony in earshot could hear… I just said everypony. Fuck, I am getting used to this new vocabulary too quickly.

“YOU’RE DATING THE PRINCESS?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Hey!” Big Mac shouted. “Leave the poor fella alone. Ah Can tell he already stepped out of his comfort zone, having brunch with us with the whole family being here. We don’t need to hound him with questions such as that… But to be clear, you are datin’ Princess Celestia, ain’tcha?” I nodded. “Congrats, dude. C’mon, me and my sisters know Ponyville inside and out. If you wanna hang out with the family until the Summer Sun Celebration, or even stay the night, you’re more than welcome; we’ll accommodate you as best as we can.” That’s the most he’s ever said to me.

If I weren’t straight, I would happily sleep with Big Mac.

“You don’t gotta, but if you show me where… Golden Oaks Library is before sundown, I’m game to just hang out. I can even show y’all my Dad’s secret recipe for apple pie; it won’t be as good as this,” I pointed at the crumbs that remained of my pie. “‘Sides, Twilight’s a wee bit of a prick. I just gotta watch myself; I’m a wee bit prone to cursing.”

“Source,” Apple Jack said plainly. “We’re a bunch of country folk. Even Apple Bloom knows how to swear.”

“Fuck yeah Ah do!” Apple Bloom said. Huh… No disapproving looks either.

“Ah shit, I coulda cut loose the moment I stepped on the farm? I didn’t want to swear in front of a kid!”

Apple Jack chuckled. “Ah, if you weren’t dating the Princess already…” What? “Though, you are a bit scrawny and plain lookin… yer just really fun to hangout with.”

“Uh…” I slowly turned to Big Mac and mouthed ‘save me’. He ended up taking me away and teaching me what Buck Ball was, and it was basically rugby, which was basically American Football but without any of the protective gear… And it was fucking fun once I got the timing for bucking the thing right. I had to use ‘Buff’, spell used to ‘buff’ up your physical capabilities, to keep up with Big Mac and the rest of the guys in the Apple Family, but I think they were just happy to see a unicorn, prince consort enjoying something that was actually really popular amongst earth ponies apparently.

When it was inevitably time for me to go to Golden Oaks Library for the night, Apple Jack, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom led me to it… It was a library in a tree. Like it wasn’t a tree house, where the house was on the top, no, it was built into the base of the tree and it went all the way up the trunk. The oak tree it was built into was god damn huge. Like the trunk was easily as wide as some of the houses around here… you know what? Ponies are kinda nonsensical, but sometimes that nonsense can be really cool.

I walked in in time to see Twilight pour herself a cup of hot sauce and drink it… And run away while crying from the pain, and to probably get some milk in her mouth. You know, that was a pretty mean prank, but then again, Twi didn’t really look over the bottle before pouring it. Given that it was bright red, instead of the subdued red that fruit punch usually has, I’m surprised she didn’t give the bottle a lookover at least once. I trotted on over before looking the bottle over, before shrugging. A prank is a prank, so I might as well roll with it.

“Oh my gosh, you’re the other unicorn that came into Ponyville! I was going to hold a party for you too, so you could make some friends, but then you went and made friends with the entire Apple Family, so you clearly already have friends. So while I was trying to spy on you, to ensure proper party engagement, I noticed how you started cowering away the very moment you became the center of attention, so… I decided against making the party just for you, since if you had a panic attack during your party, that wouldn’t be so fun. So I made it for you and Twilight, but I put your name on the banner with really small letters, so nopony would know that the party is for you!”

“Wah?” I could comprehend everything that she said, and apparently she’s a lot more thoughtful even if she seems like an airhead… Did she say she was spying on me? What the fuck? I swear, this lady’s bright fucking pink! She would’ve stood out on a field, a bush, anything! Mmm… Maybe I shouldn’t question it. I started sipping on the hot sauce… wow, that is mild. It’s not pleasant; straight up drinking hot sauce on its own usually isn’t fun. However, I could probably drink the whole thing and be fine after a sip of anything else.

“Why aren’t you crying in joy?”

“Oh, I’m gonna enjoy a party; parties can’t be that bad. It’ll be my first one in Equestria at least. I just don’t find this hotsauce to be spicy. Y’all have anything with ghost peppers in it?”

“Like dead peppers? I didn’t know peppers had souls…”

“Nevermind. Ignore what I said. Ghost peppers, which is just a name, are a staple where I came from. One of the hottest peppers… in the country, I guess. They were kinda tasty, and would make this seem like child’s play. I’ve won money because of bets that involved me drinking hotsauce like this from the bottle.”

“Wow… Tell me more about your home country! I’ve never met a pony that wasn’t from Equestria, but I’ve never left town before, and I don’t think I’ve met anypony from outside of town until very recently.”

“Sure…”

After a lot of coffee and waking up early, I headed off to the Town Hall, where the Summer Sun Celebration would be held. I wanted to greet Celestia before she had to get on stage… and I got here just in time to see her land in a chariot of her own. I broke into a gallop, and before the chariot came to a proper stop, I leaped up into it and nuzzled her. “Celly!” I laughed and nuzzled her some more. It was still dark, but it was hard to miss a giant, white alicorn with a flowing, rainbow mane and tail.

The town was still dark, since the whole holiday was about it being the longest day of the year, so the sun hadn't risen yet, but ponies were already heading over the Town Hall like I was.

“Hello, Source. How is everything going in town? Have the preparations been met?”

“Eeyup. Twilight checked on everything while I played Buck Ball with the Apples… I made new friends, are you proud, Mom?”

Celestia giggled. “It is nice to see you stepping out of your comfort zone. Would you like to spend the rest of the morning with me until the Summer Sun Celebration begins?”

“Is that a question?”

“...Well, perhaps you would like to spend some time with the Apples; their mares are usually really nice looking.”

“Nuh-uh. I want my Celly, Mine. Apple Jack does look nice, but you are the only mare for my eyes… a sight for sore eyes, you are, my dear…” I nuzzled Celestia. “I love you…”

“I-I… what?” Celestia sputtered. “Oh my lord, Source, you sure do know how to make a mare feel special, don’t you?”

“No I don't. I barely know what I’m doing, but I do know that I love ya to bits.” I nuzzled her. “You gotta put on makeup, right?”

“I already did, for you…” Celestia fluttered her eyelashes. “Do I look good?” I looked her up and down, before kissing her directly on the nose. I did my best to ignore everyone that was staring at us and muttering something. I kissed her again before giving her my verdict.

“No. You’re breathtaking.” I think Celestia went through a software crash because of that, so I ended up pushing her into the town hall and into the private area she was supposed to be in before she had to raise the Sun.

Where. The. Fuck. Is. Celestia?

Where the fuck did Celestia go? Like a white pony with a purple, curly mane and tail pulled the curtain back to reveal… Nothing. Then it turns out that Celestia’s entirely gone. That was entirely unlike Celestia; she was always on schedule! I went back out into the crowds, and she’s apparently gone missing! Who would dared try hurting my Celly? While everyone was looking around, I slowly started building magic. Maybe Celestia got stuck in a makeup room? Perhaps she’s putting a dress on and needs some extra time to-

Why is there dark, purple smoke? What the actual… It all came together and revealed a black… tall alicorn. She was wearing a purple helmet that highly resembled the same one the Royal Guard wore, except it was designed for a mare and for a much larger pony. Instead of the necklace, like Celestia did, she wore a breastplate that hung around her neck. Her horseshoes went upwards and protected her shins, unlike Celestia’s which were just shoes. Upon her flanks was a moon… in dark purple, which heavily contrasted against the Nightly black that she had.

While everyone was cowering in fear, I ran a diagnostic spell on her. Because… That’s Nightmare Moon and she is god damn real! I needed a diagnostic spell to read her magical signature. I used Python to stick a tracking spell on her while she monologues. She knows where Celstia is. The guards go to try and take her down… only to get struck by lightning. Because the wise thing to do while wearing ornamental armor with no enchantments on it was to charge at an alicorn, that possibly defeated Princess Fucking Celestia!

Nightmare Moon then evaporated into the cloud of purple dust she rode in on… and flew out the door and towards the Everfree Forest, or the deadliest place on the planet… My tracking spell kept on her the whole time. I would use DragonFire to immediately tail after her… But I needed to conserve my magic until I could get to her and… Beat the ever living shit out of Nightmare Moon. I am going to fucking invent an air fryer and stick this bitch’s corpse into it.

“Aight, y’all are fucking useless!” I growled. “I’m going to fucking murder that bitch if it’s the last thing I do!” I shouted before breaking into a sprint and charging after her.

Everypony as one of the two unicorns, that were supposedly Princess Celestia’s pupils, the stallion, ran out of the town hall while shouting various profanities, and other words that they never heard of before.

“I’M GONNA FUCKING NEUTER YOUR DUMB, FUCKING, MOON ASS IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO, NIGHTMARE MOON!” echoed through the town hall as the the unicorn disappeared into the distance.

Author's Note

Next chapter will br Source Code blasting through the Everfree Forest while pissed the fuck off. then he’ll learn what Nightmare Moon is.

Moon Butt is Gonna Die? Plus I yell at Celestia.

My tracking spell told me where Nightmare Moon was heading. She was heading into a dark, scary forest, which after doing some research with the locals, namely Apple Jack’s family, was the Everfree Forest. As in it was the deadliest place on the planet. Apparently it was full of animals that took care of themselves, and had weather that acted on its own. That just sounded like a Tuesday to me, and I was being dragged into Golden Oaks Library by Twilight while I swore like a sailor.

She had a good point: Nightmare Moon could probably kill me really easily. However, I wasn’t focusing on that. I wanted to get to that bitch and beat the shit out of her until she told me what happened to Celestia.

“Why are we trying to find a book about the Elements? I know how to beat Nightmare Moon and it’s these hands!” I shouted.

“Because the Elements of Harmony are the only thing that can beat Nightmare Moon!” Twilight shouted back.

“And just what are the Elements of Harmony?” a cyan pegasus got in Twilight’s face. She had a rainbow mane and tail, had magenta, almost gray, eyes and had clouds with a rainbow-colored lightning bolt shooting out of it on her butt. She ended up asking if Twilight was a spy, before getting in my face. “And are you helping her-”

“I am helping her because she’s making me. I’m only here because she dragged me here; I would rather chase down Nightmare Moon and kick her god damn ass. She probably kidnapped my marefriend, and I want my marefriend back.”

“What?”

Apple Jack came in, along with three other ponies followed us. I immediately recognized Pinkie Pie.

The first to follow Pinkie was a unicorn mare, a white one with a curly mane and tail… she was supposed to unveil Celestia before all this bullshit happened. On her flanks were three diamonds.

The next to follow her was a yellow pegasus mare, with soft, pink hair that was fairly unstyled even if it was kinda long. The way she was hiding behind the unicorn told me that those two were somewhat close.

Apple Jack actually had a voice of reason. “Twilight knows what’s going on, and Source here’s dating the Princess, so he’s helping her.” Pinkie Pie found the guide book to the Elements of Harmony by simply following the Dooy Decibel System. It turns out that… Oh, Nightmare Moon is nearby. I glanced out a nearby window, just to see a purple cloud run off into the night sky.

“Hey ladies, I think we’re gonna run into some fuckery while in-” they weren’t listening to me… They were all talking about the-

“The Everfree Forest!?” They all shouted as a group. The forest had tall, dark oak trees that loomed over us. The canopy blocked out any natural light, making it much, much darker than it would’ve been otherwise.

“Quit bitching and get moving. I’ve got an alicorn’s ass that I’ve gotta kick!” I charged in head first. Twilight wanted to do this alone, but she ain’t the only unicorn here that’s somewhat proficient with magic. Well, she is, but I don’t have the brain of a pony. I won’t freeze up when I see something dangerous. The rest of the girls eventually caught up to me.

“How the hay do you know where you’re going?” Apple Jack asked. “Twilight’s the only one here with a map.”

“I ran a diagnostic spell on Nightmare Moon, so I could literally just DragonFire my way to her location if I wanted to. I also ran a tracking spell on her. Since she’s a thousand years out of date, when it comes to magic, I don’t think she knows what spells I ended up putting on her. Unlike most unicorns,” I breathed DragonFire and walked into it, before rematerializing next to my new friend. “I don’t use a known system of magic, typically, so she doesn’t know what spells I used on her…”

I stopped. “Something ain’t right.” I looked around, noting that our path was now on the side of a very, very steep hill, and could almost register as a cliff.

“Of course nothing’s right! This is the Everfree Forest where… Nopony that one that comes here ever returns!” Rainbow Dash, the cyan mare from earlier, said, trying to scare us. She approached us with every word, slowly, as if it would add to how scared we all would be. “Though, why aren’t you scared?”

“Oh, I am,” I admitted. “I was always scared of the woods growing up. However, I have a goal in mind, and goals don’t get met if I cower in a corner like a little bitch-OH SHIT!” The ground gave out from underneath us. Everyone was scrambling to regain their footing. The pegasi of our group immediately took to the air. One by one, starting with Pinkie, they started saving everyone. Coincidentally, they were only saving the locals of Ponyville… Yay me. Apple Jack actually managed to stop herself by grabbing onto a root with her teeth.

I immediately lit my horn up and applied Friction, using Python of course, to stick myself to the hill and keep myself from falling. Now with enough time, I casted a DragonFire spell… well, I would’ve if Twilight wasn’t getting dangerously close to the cliff- Oh shit! She’s gonna fall! I tried to grab her with my Levitation… She’s out of reach. Apple Jack was quick to notice Twilight’s approaching doom as Twilight was now hanging over the cliff face. AJ ended up grabbing her, and dropping her after a few moments… I heard Twilight scream before she started screaming profuse ‘thank yous’ to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.

They forgot about me. I rolled my eyes before casting DragonFire again to catch up to them.

I think I scared them. No, I definitely did because I made it down the cliff and rematerialized just as soon as Twilight was gently settled on the ground. My fire scared them because they all screamed and I was promptly tackled to the ground. “Ow,” I groaned. “Rainbow Dash, get off of me.”

“Uh… whoops.”

“Everyone good?” I asked.

“Wait a second… Source, are you secretly Nightmare Moon?” Rainbow asked. “You just did the same thing she did!”

“...No. The spell Nightmare Moon uses to turn into clouds… Is really complex, and admittedly, a really archaic way to do what she’s doing. Did you not see me do what I just did earlier?”

“No…” She shook her head.

“Ah thought you were still falling,” Apple Jack said as she hopped down from ledge to ledge. If she were a unicorn she woulda broke her legs by doing that. Before she made her last jump, I casted a Teleport on her, and teleported her to us. “Whoa!” She quickly caught her bearings. “Ah had it covered, Source!”

“And I wanted to be a gentlecolt and save you the hassle. Nobody, that I know of, can jump down from ledge to ledge like that, without getting hurt in some capacity. I was just looking out for ya.”

“Ah know, which is why Ah won’t give you a hard time about it.”

“So…” Rarity, the white unicorn, brushed up beside me. “You’re dating Princess Celestia…”

“I am. Why are you giving me that look?” She was giving me the same look Celestia does when she’s trying to seduce me into giving her my sandwich. It never worked, a man’s love for a good sandwich is second to none, after all.

“Well… you clearly seem like a gentlecolt, if you helping Apple Jack down the cliff is anything to go by. Perhaps… You would be interested in another mare or two? Herds are still quite-”

“Hold up, madam. WHAT?!”

“...Twilight did mention to me that you are a foreigner. Do ponies overseas not do herds?”

“Of course not! Secondly, this is the first time you’ve gone out of your way to talk to me. Thirdly, Apple Jack’s prettier than you are. Lastly, Celestia is the only mare for me. And if she were fine with a herd, I would tell her before I even think about telling another mare, to their face, I find them attractive.”

“...Wait, you think that Apple Jack attractive?”

“She’s pretty nice, but she’s more like a bro than somebody I’d date. Fun as fuck to hangout with, same with the rest of her family honestly… I would happily sit down with her, have a cider, and eventually probably find her really attractive. Celestia… It sounds generic, of a stallion to say this, but Celestia literally glows, and also quite literally lights up my world. It’s why I’m dead set on fighting another damned alicorn just to rescue her, even if I know I’ll probably- IS THAT A FUCKING MANTICORE!?

I brought up a Python Shield just in time to stop a lion paw from taking mine or Rarity’s head off.

“HOLY FUCK!” I teleported Rarity over to the rest of the group before immediately halfing my body weight so I could jump over the manticore as it charged me. Every time I could get a good look at it, it immediately tried charging and taking my head off. “A LITTLE HELP?!” I shouted as I slowly started growing angrier and angrier. Why the fuck am I still with this group when I could go kick Nightmare Moon’s ass right now? I shouted before engulfing myself in fire. “COME GET SOME, PUSSY!”

“Wait!” Fluttershy ran forward before… stopping the manticore in its tracks while glaring at it. Soon after, we found out why it was trying to kill me. It had a god damn thorn in its paw, so its first response was to slaughter the first ponies it saw. I unignited myself and sat there while the manticore licked Fluttershy out of appreciation. Okay, that’s kinda cute. If it weren’t a god damn manticore, I would try and keep it as a pet. However… “Who’s a good kitty?” Fluttershy asked.

“Why? The. Fuck. Do. Y’all. Just. Stand. And. Watch. Me. Get. My. Ass. Kicked?” I asked very slowly as the rest of the group got closer to us.

“Uh…” Twilight paused as she tried to think of a reason. “I think you can take care of yourself?”

“...Y’all literally just stood around and nearly let a manticore murder me. Fluttershy woulda stayed out of the way if it were a god damn, overgrown sunflower trying to kill me, wouldn’t ya?”

“Look, we were just shocked that a manticore even tried to hurt ya?”

“I was shocked because you teleported me!” Rarity pointed out.

“Okay, that’s fair, and I did teleport you specifically to get you away from the thing that’s trying to kill us. Twilight, you could literally pick me up, with your magic, rip my insides out, and rearrange my bones in five seconds…” I took another deep breath. “Aight, screw it. Fuck the Elements, fuck you guys. AJ, you’re still cool; I saw you get a lasso ready at least. I’m going to…” I casted DragonFire before shooting off into the distance. “Bye nerds!”

I rematerialized in front of a castle. A castle that looked incredibly run down. Half the roof looked caved in, half the left, front wall had a giant hole in it, and the door looked like it got zapped here and there by a few lightning spells. The door was made out of wood, obviously, it’s an old castle. The once colorful stones used in the castle were now old, gray, and cracked. So of course, I decided to walk right in because this is where my tracking spell is telling me to go. I push a hoof against the door before walking inside.

What immediately stood behind the doors was a throne room. The red carpet was tattered and graying. I’m surprised at how well preserved that bit in particular is; dyes tend to fade pretty quickly and this place had to be really old with how torn down this place was. There were two tattered banners above where two thrones should’ve been standing. One depicted…. Two times of day, one was of the night, that was on my left, and on the right was the day…

Three hallways were on both sides, which probably led into the rest of the castle, but you know, most of it was destroyed. I could only imagine how beautiful this place would’ve looked in its prime.

The cloud of purple smoke funneled into the room… that’s what the tracking spell was tracking. Yeah, I know it’s Nightmare Moon. The mare herself rematerialized, and now I could get a much better look at her now that she was basically sitting in front of me. Her coat was as dark as the night itself. She… didn’t look all that different up close. She was actually as tall as Celestia is… Her mouth is full of fucking canines… what the fuck? I know ponies still have canines, even if they’re not as sharp as actual predators’ canines, ponies do have them. Nightmare Moon’s dental work was literally just fangs, canines, and all of them were razor sharp. I took a step back, realizing that I probably made a mistake, before remembering what I was going to do to this bitch if it was the last thing I did.

“Seriously?” Nightmare Moon asked. “I was expecting seven ponies, and instead it’s one measly little stallion that I can crush in an instance?”

“Where’s Celestia?”

“Of course you would be here for her. Worry not, she is being kept safe and warm in her Sun. just as she had done to me for the last thousand years, your beloved Princess will be trapped on the Sun for a thousand years…”

“...What?”

“You heard me correctly, you foal.”

I took a deep breath. Okay, Source, your girl’s stuck in the mother fucking Sun! All you have to do to get her back is fight the goddess of the Night and somehow get her to take your girlfriend off the Sun before you kill the fuck out of the goddess of the Night. Not goddess, more like the second coming of Horse Satan! I took yet another deep breath before sitting down. “Alright then…” I hung my head. “Please give her back.”

“Why should I? So she can raise her Sun when you could be basking in my… Night. You reek of my sister,” Nightmare Moon’s nose scrunched up. Admittedly, it was kinda cute. “You have other reasons for wanting Celestia back, don’t you?”

“Well, she is my best friend… and also my marefriend. All I want is to see her again.”

“...Why settle for the boring, blue sky when you could have the beautiful night sky instead?”

“This ain’t about if I prefer the day, or night. Personally, it’s just whatever my fucked up sleep schedule demands. I should sleep at night, but sometimes I stay up until sunrise working on learning magic. Sometimes I crash through the night, or for days at a time. It really just depends on the mood. What I want is my marefriend… because she’s my marefriend and I love her. And I’ll be blunt, I want to kick your ass, but I know I’ll probably die a horrible, painful death if I try anything.”

“You are braver than you are intelligent.”

"Yeah, no. I’m just an idiot… you are weirdly civil for a crazy bi-sane person that wants to take over the world and make it so it’s permanently night time.”

“I merely wish for ponies to bask in my Night, not harm anypony.”

“But you put my marefriend inside the Sun…”

“You care for her deeply, I can see.”

“Please give her back?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.”

Yes, I know this is pointless. In all honesty, I just wanted to get out of the forest full of shit that was trying to kill me. Because with how amazing my travel buddies’ reaction time was, I will probably die to a pack of wolves or something. I know Twilight has an actually good solution, now that I have a clearer(scared) mind. So what I was doing was buying her some time. I laid down completely, head in my forelegs, and looked up at Nightmare Moon.

“Why do you even care for her so much?” Nightmare Moon asked. “Not one pony cared for me. Not one pony wanted to believe my Night was beautiful. Nopony took the time to get to know me. They just see what hides in the dark and I am to blame!”

“I have very few friends, Nightmare Moon,” I sigh. “I can’t ever see my friends or family again. Admittedly, I know it’s not good for me to only spend time with Celestia, but she’s really all I’ve got. I know it’s not good for her, knowing that her stupid, idiotic coltfriend is damn near suicidal. I probably need a therapist, but I don’t think I’ve seen one yet. I love Celly regardless and simply wish her the best. I just want to see her again. That’s all I want.” I need more friends or maybe a hobby.

“I see.” Nightmare Moon nodded. “Tell me, why can you not see your family again? You are only twenty years of age, if your physique and lack of wrinkles are anything to go by.”

I know, everyone was expecting me to fight Nightmare Moon, but you see, I am a pussy. This alicorn could crush me like a grape with her thighs alone. Honestly, I don’t want to try and fight her because I am a man and I am confident in my skills as a mage… I’m also pretty confident that I were to fight this crazy bitch that I’d be a splatter of blood in a matter of seconds. She was willing to have a civil conversation, so a civil conversation we had. I may want to die, but I’m not desperate to get murdered; Celestia would bring me back to life and kill me to death if I died on her from anything that wasn’t old age.. As it turns out, Nightmare Moon was actually a pretty reasonable pony, and almost wanted to give me my Celestia back.

“You came out here wanting to neuter me?” Nightmare Moon asked. She giggled. “I believe the right term would be ‘spay’, don’t you agree?”

“...Yeah. I wasn’t thinking about the proper terms or anything. I was just mad. Then I figured you did something to Celestia, I got even angrier, so I started swearing a lot more and saying as many threats as I could think of while trying to get here... Are you certain that I can’t just see Celestia one more time?”

Nightmare moon paused. We had long since teleported cushions to us, and had laid down in a side room of the old, rundown throne room. “I would… If she wouldn’t try to immediately put a stop to my plans. I… am truly sorry that you had to say goodbye to your lover in such a horrible way. I swear, by my own crown, that I will at least give you pleasant dreams of her everyday for the rest of your life.” Her eyes sparkled slightly.

“I… No. That would be worse than just mourning Celestia. Then it’d be like dangling her right in front of me, but I wouldn’t be able to even hear her voice again… Just… When she does get out of the Sun, can you tell her I missed her?” I asked, tiling my head.

“I shall. I am a horrible pony, but I am not without morals; not being able to say goodbye to a mate before their final moments… is heartbreaking, Source Code.” We both sat in silence as I laid my head down. There really wasn’t much I could do.

“My apologies, Source Code. I am sure that you meant the world to my sister, and she means the world to you… However… How long have we been sitting here?” Her ears flicked. “Blasted… Source, I recommend you hide behind a pillar or some other obtruction; six little ponies are coming to confront me, and I doubt these ones are as willing to have a pleasant conversation with.” I didn’t even move. I… Am going to have to get used to not seeing Celestia, or hearing that laugh of hers. I laid my head on my cushion as I watched Twilight and her new friends… She made friends. She actually managed to make friends.

You know, running on rage, angrily running through a forest with six mares, four of which you barely knew, and swearing too much, really takes a lot out of you. The coffee in me was running out, and after casting several spells with Python, I am tired. I was going to power through the day since after Celestia did the Summer Sun Celebration’s main event, you know, the sun being raised, was done, Celestia was actually going to partake in the festival with me. So I was going to power through the day, I had a lot of coffee, and a few rejuvenation spells I wanted to try out so I could figure out how to convert them into Python when I got home…

Now that there was no festival to be had, or Celestia to spend the festival with, I simply laid my head down and went to sleep. It was the only thing I could do when I was fresh out of magic; I couldn’t help Twilight if I tried right now.

Something was nudging me. What is nudging me? Actually… I smelled something with my nose. A smelly smell… I slowly opened my eyes to Celestia nuzzling me with her nose. Wait. Celestia! Did a big battle happen and kill me? Because there is no way Celestia could live being inside the Sun. I slowly open my mouth before kissing her nose. “Are we dead?” I asked before letting out a jaw splitting yawn. “I feel like I died at least.”

“No,” Celestia giggled. “I would like you to meet somepony though.”

“...How are you not dead?” I asked. “You were in the Sun!”

“Do you remember who I am?”

“In my own words ‘Sun Goddess’?” I asked. Oh. Oh. That makes sense now. Yeah, don’t question your sun lifting, cake loving, very loving girlfriend. “Who am I meeting?”

“My little sister… You may know her as Nightmare Moon.”

Wait what? I know Nightmare Moon mentioned… A much smaller, like about my size, light blue alicorn poked her head out from behind Celestia’s rear. Resting upon her head was a small, obsidian crown. Around her neck was a necklace made out of the same material as her crown, but it had a Moon shaped diamond in it along with a few smaller diamonds that made it almost look like the night sky captured in a necklace. Her mane, unlike Celestia's, wasn't flowing, and neither was her tail. Both were light blue in color and her mane only went down to her neck. Like most ponies, her tail went down to her hindlegs’ ankles. She was kinda adorable looking.

“Hi,” she said. “We Are Princess Luna. Thou are Source Code?”

“...Celestia, why didn’t you tell me Nightmare Moon was your sister?” I asked slowly. I nodded to Luna. “I know you two probably worked out whatever the heck made her wanna murder you anyways, but I’m just curious… WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON?! YOU CLEARLY KNEW WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON?”

“I…”

“Celestia, I thought we were going to be as clear as glass when we first started dating. I genuinely did. You could’ve at least told me Nightmare Moon was real. I was thinking you were possibly fucking dead, while you were apparently alive, INSIDE THE DAMN SUN! You planned this out, didn’t you?”

“...I might have-”

“Celestia. I could’ve helped in some capacity, I could’ve done something if you didn’t leave me in the dark. When we get home, you are going to tell me what the fuck happened, why the fuck it happened, and if you planned any of it this out. Because… Frankly, I am a little mad. I’m mostly happy to have you back, but we’re going to talk. From now on, no bullshit. Nothing between us. We’re going to tell each other everything even if it’ll hurt. Because… I still love ya, Celly. I really do, but I need to know when shit like this might pop up so I can at least do something!” I took a deep breath. Luna was now cowering behind her sister.

“Luna, nice to meetcha. Hope we’ll get along. Don’t worry; your sister done fucked up, and made me worried sick about her. I’m not usually this shouty or mad…”

“I-I… O-okay.”

“Celestia, you, me, our private chambers as soon as we’re done here in Ponyville. Like I said, we are going to talk, and don’t think you’re getting out of this. I’m gonna be running a lie detector the whole damn time we’re talking.”

After the Summer Sun celebration, Celestia took the day to get her sister situated in Canterlot. Meanwhile, I was fuming. I was mostly worried, admittedly, but I was also really mad at Celestia. She has yet to tell me everything that’s happened; it’s only been a day after all. However, it still doesn’t sit right with me that I had asked her if Nightmare Moon, and by extension, Luna, was real. Celestia lied to me and said Nightmare Moon wasn’t real. No, she didn’t just word it weirdly like how she did it with Twilight, no.

She flat out told me that Nightmare Moon wasn’t real.

I mean, congrats to Celly for getting your sister back, woohoo! You coulda at least gave me a heads up, so when you fucking go missing randomly, and Nightmare Moon happens to be real, I wouldn’t panic so hard! Most of my day was spent simply fuming, and working hard during the guard training exercises so I wouldn’t be blisteringly mad at my girlfriend when we finally had that talk. With that said… The day was coming to a close, and Celestia spent most of it with Luna, catching up with her, and overall just being happy to have her sister back.

Twilight was apparently really attached to the five other mares that accompanied us on our journey throughout the Everfree Forest, so she was assigned to stay in Ponyville to… learn about friendship for some reason. How one would study friendship is beyond me, but I wasn’t one to question what the heck needs studying and what doesn’t need studying. No matter how seemingly stupid it may be to me.

When Celestia sat on the couch in our personal chambers, the genuine smile on her face turned into a genuine frown.

“So,” I said, tapping my hoof on my shoulder. I was sitting upright like a human. “Nightmare Moon wasn’t real?”

“I… Couldn’t tell you, Source. I hope you understand.”

“Why? So I would-”

“Wouldn’t get in the way! If you knew Nightmare Moon was real, and was planning to extract her revenge on me, what would you have done? Try to keep me safe, and for that, I am grateful, but me being captured was crucial for my plans! I’ve spent decades, centuries even, just planning this one moment so that I may have my sister back under my wing.”

“...Celestia, if you told me everything, including this plan that involved you being captured, so that you could rescue your sister from the grasps of dark magic, I would’ve played along. No matter how much it would’ve hurt me to see you get hurt, I know it’s what you would’ve wanted…” I walked around the couch and nuzzled her. “I’m really mad and disappointed, Celestia. I’ve hidden nothing. You know my actual, human name. That is something that I planned on taking to the grave for as long as I walked Equus.

“And I do want this relationship to work, and I want to continue it despite this being a huge, red flag for me… I don’t know if I can though.” Celestia’s ears drooped as I said that. “However, if we are going to keep dating, because I know I still love ya to bits, I need you to promise me two things, aight?”

“Anything, Source,” Celestia nuzzled me back. “I don’t want to lose your trust…”

“That’s the first promise. No more secrets. Is there something that is a huge threat? Tell me. Small stuff is whatever; we’ve all got secrets after all. However, if something important is happening, and you have a plan for everything then you need to tell me. At least keep me in the loop on what’s happening. Because while I may not be able to contribute to any of your long-term plans, I can at least stay on the sidelines and let what you have planned happen. Sounds good as the first promise?”

“It does… I’m sure you’ve noticed a stone statue in the royal gardens? The one that looks like an amalgamation of animals?” I nodded. “That is the Spirit of Chaos; Discord. In six months, he will be freed, and I will have Twilight and her friends try to stop him as a test. That is the only thing in the ‘long term’ that I have planned. Before that though, at the end of winter, there will be Hearth’s Warming, and the Great Galloping Gala. I would like to take you as my plus one this year…”

“I’m down… And hey! This is a start! I ate the last bit of garlic bread in the pantry. I’m sorry.”

“...That was my midnight snack for tonight!”

“I know… I’ll get you another loaf of garlic bread when I inevitably go out and about…”

“What? Why not retrieve another loaf from the Kitchens?”

“That is part two of what I want out of this. I’ve… realized how reliant I am on you. From living with you, which is a given since we’re dating, my food comes from your staff. I am even emotionally dependent on you. I want to try and not be so… attached. I want to love you, and be ‘attached’ to you, but I want to try and… finally work on my mental health. I want to be able to keep moving on, should our relationship not work out. I know how unhealthy it is for you to be the only reason why I haven’t offed myself yet.

“I am going to try and get a job, just a part time job to get me out of the castle. I am going to try and spend some time outside the castle and find a hobby outside of working on Python; I’ve made good progress, and I’ve got plenty of time to keep working on it in the future. I also want to do this so that you aren’t my emotional crutch; I’ve seen enough movies to know that won’t end well for us. From there, I wanna start seeing a therapist of some kind, so I can finally get all these… thoughts out of my head. Or at least, start working towards a better mindset.”

“...You… Want a therapist? I thought-”

“I’m currently mentally unstable, Celestia. I’m torn between just killing myself or keep living for my new friends, and my new family. I’m torn between believing this is all just a coma dream, or if this is real. Am I dead on Earth? Am I truly going to amount to anything now that I’ve been given a second chance of life? I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I simply miss life on Earth, but I’ve grown to love some things on Equus that makes me want to stay… I need help sorting these thoughts out. No, you aren’t gonna be my therapist either, Celly, that ain’t healthy.”

“I can arrange one for you soon, if you would be okay with that.”

“That would be perfect…” I kissed Celsetia’s cheek, now that she was laying down. “I love you. Don’t you fucking dare put yourself in harm’s way again for the sake of a plan. Or at least, tell me next time, alright?”

“I-I won’t… I am not used to being bossed around by my special somepony… It is nice to have one with some backbone for once.”

“Well, I ain’t a pony, am I?”

“I suppose not… However, there is something I was hoping to cash in on. One of your promises from before you were sent to Ponyville?” Celestia tilted her head like a confused puppy. “I believe you were willing to… service me after the Summer Sun Festival is over. And now that the festival is over…”

“Oh… You may have to help me a little; I’ve never had sex as a pony before, if you can imagine that.”

“Don’t worry, I am sure you will be a natural at it.” She leaned into me. “Come, let us go to our bedchambers for the night. You can show me how to…” she whispered something into my ears that made my ears shoot up, my face started burning red, and… Oh my, she is nipping me and everything! I felt a shiver down my spine as she carried me out of our living room, and into our bedroom before something… truly magical happened. It was weird to finally have sex, especially since I was doing it as a horse, but hey, I’m no longer a virgin! A huge smile grew on my face when our bedroom’s doors were closed shut for the night.

We both casted a soundproofing spell and… Celestia took her regalia off… Scandalous.

Author's Note

Source is a wee-bit forgiving with Celsetia this time around. what will happen next time Celestia doesn't keep him in the loop on her latest schemes? we'll just have to wait and see!

Princesses and Showmares

I got a job. It's only for about eight hours a week, or one work day. Two if I stretch those eight hours across two four hour shifts. The job… is actually, and exactly, what I had back on Earth. That’s right! Your stallion’s got a job as a fast food line cook! Wow, I worked my ass off in college just to work in a fast food job for three years to pay back my debt. I work my ass off while developing Python here just to end up doing the same thing.

Wow… That’s life. Woohoo.

I decided to reapply to a Hayburger Al’Round without Celestia’s note of approval or any form of recommendation. This was a part of me trying to not be so reliant on Celly. I didn’t need anybody, and especially not Celestia, to say I’ll be good at my job. I worked as a manager at my last job before… I ended up going to magical pony land. If Celestia recommended me, I would've gotten the job, and then my new boss would feel like keeping me even if I sucked.

I didn’t want that, so I was sitting on my haunches, in a line kitchen, putting sandwiches together with covered hooves. I could use magic, but handling food with magic always felt wrong to me. I refused to eat food with magic, and I refuse to prepare any food with it either. As it turns out, I didn’t need to cover my hooves with gloves(yes, gloves, they’re hoof shaped instead of hand shaped), but it just felt right.

Pony stomachs can stomach a lot of the germs ponies pick up while walking around. So all that you needed to do was clean your hooves, and then make sure you aren’t sick. From there, just don’t touch your nose, mouth, eyes or the insides of your ears with your bare hooves. If you did, no big deal, just wash your hooves again. Or wear a pair of hoof gloves and change them out for a new set each time you instinctively touch your nose.

The line kitchen was actually very similar to what I’d expect to see in any fast food restaurant. Save for the lack of a drive thru. The sandwich table worked off magic, and was a lot lower to the ground so ponies could sit on their haunches, but it was still made of stainless steel. Due to ponies not eating meat, there were no warmers for chicken. There were 3 rows of pans(Those rows can hold 7 pans each), filled with various veggies, namely lettuce, onions, tomatoes and pickles. There were also cucumbers, mayo, ketchup, jelly for some reason, and mustard in pans with spoons in them so that you can evenly spread the desired condiment on the buns. Above the pans was a shelf. On this shelf you had sandwich wraps.

On top of that shelf was another shelf where buns were stored, along with a toaster for the buns. It was an industrial toaster, so you split a bun in half, stick the two halves into the toaster, it’ll slide the separated halves on through and dispense at the bottom. Surprisingly, most ponies didn’t want their buns toasted, so it was rarely used. Since there were no chicken holders, like in a usual fast food restaurant that might carry chicken, there was more room for more bags of buns, which I took full advantage of.

I slid another order out before taking a deep breath. I only worked about eight hours, but that puts me through three rushes. The first is the lunch rush, since this place actually doesn’t carry breakfast. Lunch rush can last about two hours. The second was a rush where all of the foals were getting out of school. Then there was dinner rush, when most of the working class in Canterlot would be returning home. Since my specific Hayburger Al’Round was next to one of the mass-lift systems to transport ponies between the plates of Canterlot, and that we were in shopping plate, dinner rush was the longest and was usually the hardest one since most ponies, like humans, loved ordering for their whole family instead of just themselves.

I suppose some things will never change when you hop dimensions.

“Good work, Source!” My boss, Flip said, while patting my back. “When I first saw a unicorn come in, and they proceed to not use their magic, I immediately assume they’re going to fall flat of my expectations. Are you a halfbred unicorn that can’t use their horn?” He asked.

I lit my horn before repositioning my hat with my magic. “No, I can use my magic. It’s just… My M-Dam's an earth pony, so I’m used to working with my hooves. Never, ever, messed with food with my horn. It just felt wrong to do it, so I used my hooves just like my dam does.” Another thing, I had to do a lot of studying in pony culture before actually getting a job so that I could pass off as a a normal pony. ‘Mom’ refers to your sire’s, or your dad’s other wives that aren't your dam. Your dam is your biological mother. So that’s why Rarity was shocked when I said I only want to date one mare, ever.

Ponies practice polygamy.

With that said, I was still getting used to saying ‘dam’ instead of ‘mom’, or ‘somepony’ instead of 'somebody’. I also have been told, by Twilight through a letter, that I swear a lot when I get mad, so I had to start curbing that to fit in better. Since ponies usually don’t swear anyways, I should probably work on that.

My boss, Pattie Flipper, or ‘Flip’ for short, was a bright yellow unicorn. His mane was light green and spiky, his tail was a similar style and the same color as his mane. Flip had some light stubble on his lower jaw that was a lot sharper than some of the royal guards I’ve seen. His flanks adorned a spatula, flipping a pattie.

“Why wouldn’t you use your magic? You said you’re attending Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns; you’re sure to be really good with magic.”

“I can, I probably, and easily could make four sandwiches at once by doing it, but food is about the feel. And if I feel weird about making food with magic, I’m gonna feel weird about serving it, even if there’s nothing wrong with the food itself.”

“Well, I suppose I can’t complain; you’re a damn good worker even without your magic.” He patted me on the back. “Well, I’ll see you next week. Just stock up your station before you go and I’ll close it down for ya.”

“See ya ‘round, Flip.”

I hope to have an easier position next week. Usually, like fast food back at home, you’re taught a basic level of everything in the store, and then you are given a position almost at random, or based upon where your boss wants you. Building sandwiches is easy… if you only have to worry about one per order.

I usually have to worry about six per order. Pony families are huge.

So, Princess Luna, or Celestia’s little sister. Well, little isn’t exactly right, since she’s actually growing back to her full power. The Elements of Harmony, whatever those were, had apparently left her in a weakened state, so she was growing slowly every week. It’s been about three weeks since she’s returned, and forgiven for all she’s done in a heartbeat. Right now, Luna is about as tall as Cadance, who is already taller than I am. I was going to be spending the day with her, since Luna was given the foreseeable future off from her duties while she adjusts to everyday life.

I was a bit hesitant at trusting Luna at first, but after seeing her at breakfast for the first time… She's a goddamn dork. She is a whole dork, and she is very cute when she is dorking out over things. I can tell she is being a bit reserved; I can see the hurt in her eyes everytime she looks at her sister. That look in her eyes alone made me actually wanna spend time with her, I can tell Luna genuinely feels bad about what she’s done, and is trying to atone for it. The first thing she did was present us… a burnt breakfast that she made herself. Like she burned water, the glass the water was in, and even burnt the plate… Yes, she cooked and seared the plate.

I waltzed up to Luna’s wing of the castle, which was on the opposite side of mine(likely because Luna slept near mine and Celestia’s chambers on her first night back on the planet). She definitely got traumatized or had the very unpleasant experience of hearing her sister… make some noise while we sleep together. It was the only time it happened, but I think Luna had enough of that as soon as she had the opportunity to get away from sleeping on the couch in our chambers.

I nodded to the guards, to day guards since Luna has her own guard force, but we haven’t had any recruits yet. I knocked on the door before being let inside the room by a dark blue magic. I walked inside to see… Luna’s personal chambers. They were more like an actual apartment. Celestia’s chambers consisted of her bedroom, bathroom, and the living room. Luna’s had an actual kitchen, that was in the same room as her living room, giving me an odd feeling… This place reminded me of an apartment back on Earth, even if everything in the room was way nicer, and had a darker theme to match the night that Luna preferred.

There was a balcony, though with curtains that almost entirely blocked out the sunlight trying to get in from the outside. The curtains looked like Luna’s coat, as she described it, before she got banished to the Moon. It was a nice, dark blue, that was split into two pieces. The moon was the center of it, that splits each time you pull apart the two piece curtain. I know for a fact, that once you step out onto that balcony, you could almost perfectly stare into the eyes of whoever was standing on Celly’s balcony.

From there, the living room had a… unsurprisingly, a coffe table in the center of the room, which was surrounded by two, dark blue couches that were a apparently the same color as Luna’s fur before she turned into Nightmare Moon and was sent to the moon and was struck by a rainbow beam of pure, natural friendship. The couches were a nice, soft velvety look that looked like I would pass out if I were to lay down upon them. The couches, and the coffe table were all sitting upon a very, very nice, white rug that contrasted from the rest of the dark colors of the room. It was soft, fuzzy, and was probably just as nice to lay on as the couches that Luna was laying on.

“Hello, Source,” she greeted.

“Howdy, Luna.”

“Such an untraditional way to greet your Princess, Source.”

“I’m not a pony of tradition, or a pony in the head.”

“I wot. Mine sister quoth ‘jesus christ’ at random once. What the heck is a ‘jesus christ’?” She asked.

“It’s a saying that Celestia picked up from me. She has no clue what it means, and I jokingly keep the meaning away from her just to fuck with her. It’s a person from… y’all have religion in Equestria right?”

“There were cults that celebrated mine sister’s name… and declared me a demon of some sort.”

“Oh… What-”

“Source, keep on topic. Mine sister hath told me of thy habit of getting off topic.”

“Okay, so Jesus Christ is a figure from a religion called Christianity. I was never christian, never knew the jist of it, but Jesus, I think, is the son of ‘God’, another figure that is the all mighty power up above in Christianity. I won’t get into the details, since it doesn’t really matter right now. Anyways, the saying ‘jesus christ’ is what you use when you’re surprised, shocked, scared, or anything. It’s like ‘I dunno what to say at the moment, because I am trying to process what is going on’. Celly picked it, doesn’t know what it means, and just uses it at random. Lemme guess, she said it at the start of a sentence when she very clearly knew what to say?”

“She did. She quoth ‘oh, jesus christ’ when she found a whole mushrump during breakfast. Mine sister hates mushrooms a lot.”

“Oh my god… she learnt how to use that phrase! She probably still hates that I won’t tell her what Jesus actually is; she knows it’s somebody’s name.”

We both sat in silence as we both now tried to figure out something to talk about. I could just about understand her archaic ways of speaking and she could just about understand more modern ways of speaking. While we can get along, we usually sit in silence for a few reasons. She probably thinks I still see her as the monster that took my special somepony, or my girlfriend, away. While I know she was definitely not herself, I do know that I did crack the ‘Nightmare Moon’ side of her enough to get her to talk to me civilly during the whole Nightmare Moon incident. She also knows me as the stallion that wanted to spay her, for hurting my marefriend.

“Aight, enough of this.” I got off my couch, trotted around Luna, laid down beside her, before literally dragging her so she would end up snuggling up to me with my magic. “Luna, I want to be clear with ya; I’m not mad at what you did. You certainly feel bad about what you’ve done, and you’re trying to improve. While I think it’s questionable, Celly’s judgment of character is better than mine ever will be, so I’m trusting her. So far, you just seem scared and unsure of everything ‘round ya, and you think I’m still mad at you, which certainly isn’t helping your mood, is it?”

“It is not…” Luna admitted. “Thou art not mad upon me?”

“Nah. The way you start geeking out over the night, or just talking about anything you’re passionate about, you’re adorable. Celly said you liked playing the flute, right?”

“I doth, I desire to regard I am quite at playing the flute; ‘twere the one thing I could do while being alone ‘i mine chambers at night.”

“Do you have your flute?” I asked. Luna teleported a flute in. It was a beautiful, silver flute that was… actually pretty normal looking. It shined a little bit. “Is that… bits of moonrock on the keys?”

“Marry; mine parents had this forged for me one night when I wanted to pick up an instrument. ‘Tis one of the few things I have yet another from mine youth. I didst not hast much time to be a normal filly; I became an alicorn at the age of nine. Mine sister was only fourteen when she ascended. Instead of playing with dolls, or thinking of boys, learning to play my newly acquired flute, I was thinking of trying to unite the different tribes of Equestria.”

“...Sheesh. If you wanna, or know how since I know you and Celestia can turn yourselves into fillies for a day, y’all can just become fillies for a day. Then I can foalsit y’all while you have a day of just being fillies for a while. Not having a childhood sucks; I would know since I barely had one myself. Dad died early, so I had to help my Mom raise my siblings.”

“Haply I shall take thou on that offer; I desire to truly worry about colts, or just mine mane for the day instead of worrying about ruling a kingdom…” Luna nuzzled me. “And I suppose, since you may end up becoming my brother in law, I shall treat you like a brother; I always wanted a little brother, but our mother passed away a few years after I grew wings.”

“Oh…”

“Worry not; I’ve had mine time to grieve. Now, I shall celebrate having a new sibling, even if it is through marriage. You will be snuggling up with me tonight; I always wanted to snuggle up with a younger brother for a change.” I’m not going to get any say in this matter, and I don’t think I will complain. This is the most progress we’ve made in trying to get along better than we’ve had in the last three weeks. Luna brought the flute up to her mouth, before grabbing it with her hooves. I raised an eyebrow. “Playing an instrument with magic feels wrong.”

“Fair enough. I just didn’t expect a princess to consider using their magic for certain aspects in life to be rather… A weird feeling. I feel odd with just handling anything edible or any cups. I’m sure Celestia told you about where I come from?”

“She hath, thou are from a place bid Earth, and thou are not originally a pony at all, correct?”

“Pretty much,” I nodded. “So, you were gonna play something?” Luna nodded, before playing… What sounded like something I’ve heard from a movie. It was hauntingly beautiful, even if it was sort of sad sounding. Towards the end… It got a lot happier sounding. I was simply nodding along; it was a good performance. Before I could even blink, Moon Butt had set her flute down. “Holy… mother of shi-crap. You’re amazing!”

Luna simply blushed, before getting up to give an encore. As soon as she got halfway through, to the best part, she put the flute down, and licked my nose… What in the actual ballsack? That felt… weird. Like it just felt odd. I sat there like an idiot with what is probably the dumbest expression known to man or pony. “I see why my sister likes making thou confused. ‘Tis something adorable, seeing thy brain freeze like that.” She chuckled. “Unfortunately, you are a taken stallion, and you’ve made your desires to only date one mare very clear; you are more like a younger sibling to me anyways.”

“Why’d you lick my nose?”

“Because I thought it would be funny. Why else?” Fair enough, it must’ve been really fucking funny. We both sat there for a moment, before we both fell on our rears and started laughing.

A couple of days later, I was sitting in a train station wanting to die. I woke up before the crack of dawn to catch the train that left Canterlot at the crack of dawn. I would rather have been snuggled up in my bed, watching Celly raise the sun before I had thoughts of closing my eyes again, before remembering that I either had a job, or wanted to have breakfast with Celly and Luny. Instead, I had to hop on a train for Ponyville to give Twilight a journal full of my unscrambled notes of Python, and then walk her through it. I was to do this, according to Twilight, once a month or whenever I made leaps and bounds with Python. Since it’s my own system of Magic, which isn’t complete, Twilight figured she should get started early on picking up my system. Why couldn’t I just DragonFire the copy of my journal to Spike? Because I have to walk Twilight through it.

It was fair, Python was completely new, but Celestia figured it out, including any new Python stuff(or spells converted to Python) after a quick glance at my notes. Granted, we learnt another downside to the system. Python, with the sole focus being for weaker unicorns like myself, was horrible for running out of a much more powerful magic user. For one, what it optimizes is casting speed and magic consumption in exchange for a stronger result. A magically gifted unicorn, or Celestia in this case, can already perform a spell that Python has, at the same speed as Python… without using the Python variant of the spell.

On top of that, Python gives stronger results for weaker magic users… but can actually make it so a powerful user can put too much power into magic and give them a really mean hornache if too much power is used. Celly had to take a day off because of it, and I got to play maid for her and care for her, which was fun by the way. The problem with Python was that it was very good, but only if you sucked at magic like I did. I may make another version of Python, name it Java, and try to work out those issues of overloading spells… Or make another version that took even more power to cast spells, as a joke(it will be completely useless as a system of magic), and name it Windows Vista or something.

Then give that to Twilight on April Fools, because it isn’t celebrated in Equestria, but I’m gonna make it a thing. And I’m going to do it by developing a whole new magical system… Oh darn, April ain’t til next year! I got eleven months to develop Windows Vista, I will come up with a horse pun for it later, don’t worry, and give it to Twilight. I’m gonna rush it, and make it as taxing and sluggish as possible. Oh, that will be revenge for making me get up so early so you can learn a system of magic you won’t even need.

Sitting beside me was an equally tired Luna, who was coming along just to get out of the castle for the day, since, like me, Luna is usually cooped up in the castle with nothing to do. She looked to be having a good time, since I forcefully bought her a cup of coffee that she wanted anyways but insisted on paying for both our orders, and she was… actually enjoying it. I got a simple coffee with some sugar in it, while Luna got a nice, fancy espresso thing. It had whipped cream, caramel, and there was a damn cherry on top. It was really fancy, and looked like something Starbucks would sell if they didn’t cram their drinks full of ice to cut costs. She mainly got it, because she’s never had coffee, and it was in a shiny advertisement on the cafe’s windows. Needless to say… she was enjoying it.

Even if alicorns apparently didn’t need coffee to get the day started, or much of anything other than brushing their teeth and using the toilet. They have so much magic that they just don’t need to worry about needing to stay awake. On top of that, Luna can apparently, and easily, control when she sleeps as it’s part of her realm of magic, which fits her type of magic into the miscellaneous systems of magic. Basically, she didn’t need the coffee, but boy did she want it. I even got a side-eye when I made her let me pay for her drink.

“Thou doth wot that I am a princess, correct? I hast access to the treasury. From what Tia is telling me, thou compose minimum wage, and work one day a week. Thou also adamantly refuse to compose use of the treasury yourself e’en though mine sister hath granted thou access to it. I could’ve paid for both our possets. It would not have been… a ‘big deal’ as modern ponies would say.”

“And I would feel bad if I made you pay for my drink. I’m exempted from taxes, something my boss was surprised about. I’ve got no rent, food, or even just simple bills since Celestia made me move into the castle the very second we started dating. All my food comes from the castle, I sleep in the castle, and I live and do whatever the heck in the castle. Even though you just came back from the Moon, you still have partial ownership of said castle and everything in it. Y’all essentially gave me everything I could ever need and want, so that I could focus on making new magical spells, or just happily live my life by doing nothing. Let me at least try and make it up every now and then, such as letting me buy you your coffee.”

Luna nuzzled me. “I am glad to see that thou are at least a pony that tries to earn his keep. I’ve seen what the Blueblood bloodline hath become, and I am less than impressed.” She eyed my notebook in my saddlebags, before pulling it out and reading it over. “Mine, mine. Thou has actually made a new system of magic. Belike I shall get the chance to wot it while we are visiting Twilight Sparkle?”

“I can teach ya, but I don’t think you’d get much out of it.”

“Why is that?”

“Celly put too much power in, while using that system of magic, spent all day with a hornache. It was awful, because she wasn’t actually having fun. She actually resorted to an ancient swear word or three when it occasionally kicked up. It at least made me feel… a little good? I was just happy to finally be able to dote on my girlfriend and care for her until she gets better. Got to give her tofu soup, some nuzzles and snuggles, all the likes to help with a headache… except it’s a hornache instead.”

“She does know how to counter thee better because of her knowledge in thy craft.” Luna proceeded to read my notes over again. “But your understanding of magic must be vast if thou are making new systems… “Python?”

“It’s a human thing that I named the system after. And… I’m mostly brute forcing it into being. So far, I’ve got fifty-six spells converted into Python, which is enough to keep me happy for now. I won’t stop until I’ve made a hundred spells and made a proper textbook on Python.” We boarded the train once we were allowed to actually get on. Luna, surprisingly, didn’t opt for a royal carriage, stating ‘she’d like to experience a normal, modern train ride’ first. “Once I have everything in Python worked out, along with any disclaimers, I’ll officially release it as the newest form of magic… However…” I grinned. “Twilight told me I have to show her Python in person. So I’m gonna put a halt on making Python an official school of magic for now. I’m gonna make the worst magical system in the world, and then promptly name it after the worst computer operating system on Earth… I may name it Coral, after one of the worst builds of Linux in history…”

“Why would thou try to make spell casting worse?” Oh good, she didn’t ask what the heck Linux was.

“It sounds like a fun idea for April First.” Luna raised an eyebrow. “It’s a day in the year, on Earth, where you can pull pranks better. It’s not an official thing, but it was widely accepted. I want to give Twilight a complete version of Vista, or Coral… Coronet. Oh, that sounds like a fun pony pun,” I chuckled before clapping my hooves. “Twilight’ll get to experience a whole new system of magic, she will!”

“...Can I help make this system of magic? If thou are pulling a prank, I would love to help. I was quite the prankster back ‘i mine day.”

“Back in my day, my arse. You don’t look a day over twenty.” Luna blushed at that, before nuzzling my neck. “Yeah, you can help. I wanna get it done by next year, and yes, we are going to rush the ever living shit out of it. It’ll be rushed, and hopefully, awful to use as a school of magic. Since Twilight’s a bit crazy, she’d probably wanna learn Coronet anyways…” I hummed before working on how to use levitation… in the least efficient way possible.

Python Time!

So since I’m teaching Twilight how to use the current version of Python, Alpha 1.0.6.6.6, we can explore how Python actually works! Since this is coming straight out of my journal, it’ll just be a quick little journal entry. This is what Twilight and Luna will be reading together. The first page at least. I can’t reveal all the secrets in my diary, can I?

A brief summary of Python:

Python is a system of magic developed and tested by Source Code, Twilight(because she wants to be included as one of the only unicorns to use it in its early stages), and Princess Celestia. This system of magic is meant to make spell casting easier for us weaker unicorns, but also allows us to compete with our stronger friends. With this school of magic, I am able to at least stand at twenty percent of Celestia’s full power, or about fifty percent of Twilight Sparkle’s, Celestia’s protege, full power.

Optimize casting for power. That is the motto of Python.

So far the main drawbacks of Python is that most magically powerful ponies can’t use it without possibly hurting or killing themselves from a power overload. So no, Twilight, you can’t just suddenly raise the Sun by using Python. Firstly, you will catch on fire from trying to raise the Sun by yourself, and then Python will burn your insides, your flesh, and leave only your teeth after the Magical Backfire(MB), or a Python Power Overload(PPO), fucks you up.

Thanks to Python using the basic Runes that most ponies reading this already know, along with some new Runes developed by Source Code, it is very easy for any average joe to pick up.

These new Runes aim to make spell casting with said Runes to take less time, so you can focus either on the equations provided on the next page, an aspect it shares with the Hybrid School of Magic, or the one that’s revered as the hardest school of magic. Then once you get the equations down, you can put so little effort into casting, that you can worry about how much drive you put into this. Instead of being able to only light a candle with Runes alone, you could potentially light your fireplace with it… Or burn down a forest if you’re an asshole.

These Runes aim to also eliminate the need for lining certain Runes together. Here are some popular examples:

ER
TO
OR
ING
IGHT
IRE
YRE

Python, despite making it easier for spell casting, has another drawback. Whereas Runes Based spells are more relaxed with how you cast, Python has a bit of a problem with it. It needs to be exact with what Runes you used. You need to use Python’s custom Runes and equations in order to perform the spells in it. You can’t just Rune out DragonFire and suddenly DragonFire without Python. Meaning DragonFire is literally not possible in any other system of magic. Speaking of DragonFire, and other spells in Python, you can find the list of existing Python based spells on the third page, along with the equations and Runes needed to cast them. If you would like a more in depth explanation of how each spell works on their own pages.

DragonFire gets an explanation as to how it works since it’s Python exclusive:

DragonFire is the type of fire used so dragons can send messages, or scrolls, to each other or certain ponies. DragonFire uses a Fire Spell, a Teleport Spell, and a Rematerialise spell all rolled into one. Using Equations to avoid having to use all three at once. With this said, DragonFire can be used the same way as a dragon’s fire can be used. However, if you remove the Teleport and Rematerialise equations, you just get a really strong fire spell. This spell can be used on a user to enable quicker means of travel, up to forty kilometers a minute depending on the user. Source Code can get to about thirty five kilometers a minute. Thanks to the nature of DragonFire, learning this spell is crucial, as it’ll teach you how to Teleport and Rematerialise, and cast Fire just from learning how to do DragonFire.

Note: while using DragonFire it is crucial that you are familiar with the magical signature of whoever you’re sending a message to. Make sure you complete the spell while casting it, or you may just burn your message. Luckily, there are fail safes in place to keep you from killing yourself if you use DragonFire on yourself.

When we got off the train, everypony was gathered up around the town hall, gathered around a stage wagon, that seemed like it was something that was usually lived out of. It was a simple, purple wagon, with a full roof over it. The roof was flat, pink, and had a slight overhang with five stars marked into it; the center star, on each face of the wagon, was golden. There was… surprisingly, a glass window with two shudders with a moon and star design painted onto them. There was a very, very small, metal chimney with a witch-hat shaped cap on the top. The front opened up into the stage portion of the wagon.

On the stage was a light blue unicorn mare, who was wearing an over the top mage hat and a cape with stars etched into it. The cape had a collar that went halfway up the unicorn’s neck before it folded out. The cape had a diamond as the buckle, keeping it snuggling around her neck. The hat and cape shared the same light, though darker than the mare’s fur, color and starry color scheme. As the cape fluttered in a wind, that the mare was clearly making with her own magic, I could see a star and crescent moon adorning her flanks. Luna and I raised an eyebrow at that before deciding to head on over to see what the heck was going on.

Two foals, two really stupid looking foals ran past us, yelling about how the mare before us was the most magical unicorn in Equestria. They somehow failed to notice Luna, since she decided to wear a traditional cloak over herself. I rolled my eyes at that. Until I see another unicorn do what Twilight did, and rearrange the whole solar system, I doubt I’ll find anyone better than her at magic. As we walked up, we caught Twilight and the rest of her friends.

“There’s nothing wrong with being talented, is there?” Twilight asked Apple Jack, who was complaining about ‘Trixie’, the unicorn on stage, was boasting her talents.

“Howdy, ladies.”

“Oh! Source! I didn’t think you’d show up today!” Twilight actually… hugged me. “How’s it going?”

“Where is the real Twilight and what did you do to her? Twilight woulda glared at me and just demand I give her my notes for Python already.”

“Well… I figured I should try being nice to you. Your case… is special, and the last thing you need is somepony getting angry at you the moment you show up. Besides… after seeing your resolve to save Princess Celestia, despite how unlikely it was for you to do so, was admirable.” Twilight looked over at Luna. “What are you doing here, Princess Luna?”

“We were accompanying Source Code; we wanted to learn how Python worked, and desired to get out of the castle for the day due to our current lack of duties while we adjust to modern Equestria.” Luna hummed while simply watching the magic show. “It appears that our boasting friend is… not too bad at magic. It’s flashy, and not the best magic we’ve witnessed, but she is not horrible.”

“She casted a teleport spell on those flowers… Those were literally just behind the curtain, inside the wagon,” I diagnosed pretty quickly. “It makes sense, but that’s far and away the most meh sign of Teleport I’ve seen. It’s cool that she’s even capable, but I doubt that she is even capable of teleporting herself.” I hummed, before slowly turning to Twilight who was a little slack jawed. “I ran a diagnostic spell on those flowers from here. Turns out that you can pick up where something’s been teleported from mere minutes after it’s been teleported to a new location. Try it,” I teleported the copy of the journal I was gonna give to Twilight into my hooves. “Run a spell?” Twilight did just that.

“It was in your saddlebags… I even sense that residual magic from where it was moved from. How did you figure that out?”

“Everything has magic, and when a thing is moved, it leaves a bit of its magic behind. From the diagnostic spell, you can run a spell on an object, and see if it’s been teleported, and then you can feel where some of its leftover ambient magic is. Trixie got her flowers… again, from behind the curtain. It’s impressive, but again, not the greatest feat I’ve seen from a unicorn. I’ve seen Shining Armor summon six or seven shields at once. Now that is hard… For me. I’m not very good with magic.”

“And yet you’ve got the nerve to say that Trixie is bad at magic?” Trixie shouted from her stage. Oh, she talks in the third person… Weirdo.

“Never said you were. You’re just not unique enough to make me go ‘wow’. Though then again, I wake up to Celestia raising the Sun every morning, so I guess my perception of good magic is warped?”

“Well, perhaps a magical duel would shut your foalish mouth!” Trixie gave me a smug little look. “Unless you’re too scared to try fighting the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“Thou should put the ‘Great’ and ‘Powerful’ Trixie in her place, Source…”

“Oh, do you want to go against the Great and Powerful Trixie instead you…”

“Trixie,” I said casually. “You’re trying to challenge a motherfucking alicorn. Luna could blast you into a puddle of blood if she wasn’t a good pony. In a millisecond. Think before you open your mouth.” Luna actually pulled her hood back up, likely to try and hide the fact that she was blushing. That’s right, Luny, I see those cheeks of yours turning dark purple. I know you’re embarrassed whenever somepony talks highly of your morality… Mostly because you think you’re an awful mare.

“W-what?!” Trixie started blushing at that. “Don’t make the Great and Powerful Trixie look like a fool and just duel her already! Step up if you dare!”

“Bet. Hey everyone, step back a bit. Trixie, get off your stage and let’s have this magical slap fest or whatever.”

“Are you sure you can take her, Source?” Apple Jack asked. “I’m no unicorn, but even Ah have to admit she’s not bad at magic.”

“Meh, I’ll be testing myself anyways. I wanna match her spell for spell, but I’m gonna quickly convert her Hybrid Runes into Python; I wanna see if I can convert spells on the spot.” I stepped forward as the crowd began to back away a lot. Luna was smart and summoned a decently large fishbowl-like shield over me and Trixie as we started staring each other down. “So, ladies first,” I theatrically bowed before standing back up straight.

“Trixie will make you seem like a foal by comparison!” Her horn lit up under her hat, and I immediately knew what was coming. A Concussive launched from Trixie’s forehead and it barreled straight at me. I hummed, before using my own magic to drive it into the ground. With Runes, that would’ve been hard, but Python let me do it without any problem. “W-what the? The G-great and Powerful Trixie can feel your magic from here! You aren’t even strong!”

“That’s cool. Hey, guess what? It’s my turn-”

Trixie fired another Concussive, and I didn’t have enough time to summon a shield or grind her spell into the dirt. So I casted a DragonFire on myself before rematerializing behind Trixie. I wasn’t going to hurt her at all, that wasn’t how I was gonna roll today. She’s an overly boastful mare, not a murderer after all. “Peekaboo!” Trixie squawked before falling on her face. “Did I surprise you?” I asked with a cheeky little smile on my face. The crowd, save for Twilight, her friends, and Luna, had never seen a DragonFire. They were shocked. The two stupid looking colts that were hyping Trixie up had their jaws on the ground.

“W-what the b-buck!? How did you do that?!”

“Self made spell, from a self made Spell System. It’s pretty cool.” I teleported outside the shield and next to Luna, before rubbing my head. “Fuck, that still hurts my horn whenever I do it… I can do DragonFire constantly, but one god damn teleport is too much?” I grumble… I would rather get castrated than deal with hornaches, but hornaches meant I worked my horn out enough for the day, and it’ll be a little stronger tomorrow. Trixie was laying on her belly sputtering and squawking as she tried to figure out how to one up me now. Even if, by technicality, I just forfeited our duel. Trixie was starting to cry… goddammit.

“That was mean, Source,” Twilight pointed out.

“She was trying to kick my butt for saying her magic wasn’t amazing. I even said it’s pretty cool that she’s able to perform Teleports. It’s even cooler that she’s trying to entertain ponies even if she’s not that good of a showmare. She’s over confident in my opinion. If she just went around claiming to be a good magician and is trying to entertain people, while silently making a living off of doing so, that’s cool. Saying you’re the best, at magic, in Equestria, is setting yourself up for failure. Because what would happen if you claimed that and found somepony better at magic than you?”

“...I would get embarrassed,” Twilight noted as Trixie got her wagon closed up, before hitching it onto herself, and running out of town.

“And I’m not even magically gifted; I just have Python to help me contend. Trixie’s magic, in terms of raw power, is a lot better than mine… Fuck, I never tried to convert-”

“That was totally wicked!” Rainbow Dash tackled and hugged me. “I forgot you could burn yourself and reappear out of nowhere! It is so cool!” She squealed. “And then you put Trixie in her place-”

“It still wasn’t very nice,” I admitted. “But I got to scare a mare… I’ll go after her and cheer her up. I could see Trixie crying, and that doesn’t make me feel good.” I DragonFired myself before using it to quickly catch up to the mare I just made cry.

Author's Note

To be clear, if Source didn't have Python, Trixie would've kicked his ass. Python helps a lot when it comes to helping Source contend with stronger unicorns.

A Day in Ponyville

I found Trixie sitting next to a pond, her wagon was left off to the side as she was staring down into her reflection. It was a serene little place, most of the surrounding area was just bushes and trees, save for the small opening I just came through. The water… was crystal clear, way nicer than any ol’ pond I’ve seen on Earth. There was a small stream flowing into it, and a slightly larger stream flowing out of it, which probably helped to keep the lake crystal clear… Hey! You can see Canterlot Castle from here! I… just realized I left Luna alone in a town that’s probably terrified of her. Shit.

Trixie had actually taken her hat and cape off, and was probably set inside her wagon. She was wiping her face with her hooves, like she was still crying. Me, being a sucker for crying mares, figured it was best to make myself known to her instead of sitting and laughing at her for crying like a kid.

“Howdy,” I said as I rematerialized right next to the sad looking mare. She jumped a little, before glaring back at the pond.

“Are you here to taunt Trixie over your victory?”

“No, I followed you because you were crying and I felt bad.”

“Trixie doesn’t cry…”

“You are right now,” I wrapped my left leg around Trixie and pulled her close. “Sorry about embarrassing ya in front of all of Ponyville… If it makes you feel any better, you’re definitely stronger with magic, and it is really pretty magic. I was more than happy to just sit and watch you perform if you weren’t boasting so darn much… Or challenging me to a duel for some reason.”

“It’s an act,” Trixie grumbled. “Trixie does it to hype herself up and put on a show for other ponies. Usually when prompted with a challenge, most of Trixie’s adversaries back down, and then you didn’t. Trixie doesn’t have much, her own family abandoned her for following her dreams of being a show mare. Trixie does take great pleasure in entertaining other ponies… and sometimes the payoff financially is nice; everypony has to eat and all. Can you… teach Trixie how to do that fire thing? It would be useful in her shows.”

“I could, or I could give you a copy of the magical system I’m developing, that lets me do the fire thing. From there, you can learn how to do DragonFire and it’ll help you out in your shows… I had a couple copies made.” I teleported one from mine and Celly’s room to me.

“Here ya go.” Trixie immediately opened the notebook before reading it over.

“This… just looks like Runes.” She commented.

“It basically is, check the equations and look at the second page. It’ll teach ya how to do the fire thing.”

“This… looks really simple,” Trixie pointed out. “This is what you did?”

“With my horn, yeah." I did the same equations and Runes before DragonFiring up a bottle of whisky and a cup. I poured some whisky and handed it to Trixie. “This’ll make ya feel a little better.”

“Trixie doesn’t drink; it could end poorly.”

“One cup won’t hurt. It’s only a shot.”

“Trixie admits that a shot of whisky sounds nice right now.” She took the shot and smiled slightly.

“So,” I patted her back. “Wanna come back to Ponyville? Or you wanna keep on moving. Because if you wanna keep performing, you can in Ponyville pretty easily. If you keep performing, I recommend checking out the earth pony heavy towns; it’ll be really easy to wow them. Some small town folks probably don’t have a lot to entertain them, so seeing a magic show might make their day.”

Trixie sat and hummed, before a drunken smile began to slowly form on her face. “You make a good point. Can you pull Trixie’s wagon? She doesn’t trust herself with even just a little alcohol in her system.”

“I can go ahead and do that for you, I suppose. Back to Ponyville?” Trixie nodded, then we both got up. Trixie hitched the wagon to me, which was surprisingly easy to pull around… Then Trixie hopped on my back and rested her head right between my ears. Well, isn’t that just great? So far, Trixie is using me as a pillow, Rainbow might, or might not have a thing for me. Twilight might be warming up to me, and Apple Jack likes me. I have four pretty mares and Rarity that might like me. Or find me attractive for some reason, yet I have next to no sex drive and have a main bitch(Celly, I love you, don’t kill me if you read this diary. Though if you read my diary, I will have to kill you). I might be an anime isekai protagonist. New world, pretty ladies, no sex drive.

That sounds like a nightmare… wait no, I’ve actually had sex, unlike most isekai protagonists! That surely means I’m better than all those protagonists.

“Trixie likes your mane; it makes for a good pillow.” She started dozing off… She must be a real lightweight if one shot of whisky did that to her… I shrugged, whisked away my whisky, after putting the cap back on(can’t have alcohol fires) in some DragonFire, back to my private stash, before marching right back to Ponyville. The wagon, the Trixie on my back, and the fact that I’m not athletic led to me using a few spells to keep up, namely that rejuvenation spell and a strength buff. That made the journey back way better. You know, the area that isn’t in the Everfree Forest is rather serene and peaceful.

It was just a simple dirt road with bushes on the sides of the path, and the very light canopy of trees overhead provided a nice shade from the sunlight, but didn’t make it horrendously dark like the Everfree. The sound of birds singing their stupid little bird songs was actually pretty nice, and added to the nice, serene feel of just walking down a dirt road to Ponyville with a unicorn mare riding on my back. Personally, I would rather have Celly, magically shrunk down, riding on my back while happily snoozing away, but she's too busy with her royal duties for us to have a simple road trip across the country while doing just that. I wanna carry my marefriend across teh country, dammit!

The walk to Ponyville took a while, but I would say it’s worth it just for the feel. My Irishness takes great joy in just being able to walk through the countryside. As Ponyville grew bigger and bigger, I could see Luna sitting in front of the sign, staring right at us. I could tell there was a small smirk on her face as I grew closer and closer to meeting up with her. Before long, I was walking beside Luna back into town. She nuzzled me, before giving me a cheeky grin.

“You are an only one mare stallion indeed.”

“Shush, Trixie had some whisky, since I thought it would make her feel better, and it did. Then she decided to take a nap on my back.”

“I saw how Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were looking you over after your duel with Trixie; I think they liked what they were seeing. And Trixie is clearly comfortable with you.”

“Twilight did seem a lot nicer than when I last saw her. Also I refuse to date Rainbow Dash, or the rest of Twilight’s friends, save for Apple Jack if me and Celly don’t work out. They did kinda let me almost get murdered by a manticore once, and I don’t like that. Rarity apparently thinks I’m attractive, or is a gold digger, and… I don’t know why Trixie wanted to use the back of my head as a pillow. However… Son of a bitch; I can’t just leave her in a motel room, can I?”

“No, you cannot.”

“I guess I’ll babysit her until she wakes up.” I rolled my eyes as we kept walking into town, where we were quickly met by Twilight and her friends.

“Source,” Apple Jack started. “Ah don’t know how, or why, but you do realize that Trixie’s sleeping on your back, right?” She asked.

“Yeah… I had a chat with her, and made her feel better. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s seeing a mare cry. It’s why I went out after her to begin with. Hugged her, gave her a copy of the basics of Python’s Alpha, and then gave her some booze. Then this happened.” I grumbled. “I would leave her in her wagon, but then I’m sure somebody would take advantage of her while she’s like this. I will admit, she’s pretty, now imagine what would happen if somebody morally bankrupt found her in her wagon, passed out?”

“Ah can imagine it wouldn’t be pretty. Why’d you give her some booze, anyways?”

"Well, sometimes,” I let my accent start to thicken. “Sometimes it’s best to stick to the cratur, the best thing in nature for sinkin’ your sorrows and raisin’ your joys! Oh, what botheration! No dose in the nation can give consolation like poitin, me boys!” I whisked my whisky back to me. “As a lad, I had a few sips of this stuff, and made my mom and dad worry sick for me… then remembered our heritage and figured I just wanted more whisky…” I chuckled before going back to a normal accent. “Whisky can sometimes help out a lot when it comes to making somepony feel better. So I gave some to Trixie and-” somepony slipped off my back.

“Trixie’s awake!” The mare slid off my back before promptly taking her wagon’s harness off of me. She was now wearing a happy little smile. “And feeling a lot better. Thank you for carrying Trixie on your back…” the poor lass started looking a little down. “Perhaps Trixie should say she’s magically talented rather than the most magical unicorn from now-”

“Nah, the ‘most magical unicorn’ is catchier. Just don’t boast too much. Or tell tales like you fighting an Ursa Major… and don’t challenge any Lunas wearing cloaks.” Luna herself snorted at that, while most of her face was covered by her cloak. Trixie looked a little surprised at my urging to keep on using that marketing scheme, but couldn’t really argue. Being the most magical is a way better selling point after all.

“Trixie has to ask, why are you with an alicorn?” Trixie pointed at Lulu, before asking. “Are you her plaything or something?”

“No, I’m her sister’s plaything, Princess Celestia. Luna just likes the idea of having a brother in law, that she can treat like an actual brother despite the fact that I’m just going to be her brother in law.”

“...You’re married to Princess Celestia now?” Twilight asked.

I shook my head. “No, but I plan on proposing to her sometime next year. Or this year. Apparently a lot of horrible shit’s gonna happen, and you only live once, y’know? Celly will only get me for so long anyways. Might as well get hitched and see if me and Celly can’t just take a nice tour around Equestria as a honeymoon.”

“I shall be able to watch over Canterlot Castle if thou two hie honeymoon. It hath been a thousand years since mine sister took moe than just her Saturday off.” Luna gave me a grin. “Thou two are already sleeping with each other. Thou may as well propose to her as anon as thou get back home, yes? I’m sure Tia will be delighted by thee’s proposal.”

“I’ll have to take your advice… Give it a week or four, and we’ll see how I’m feeling. I may propose to her at the Gala this year.”

“Wait, what the ACTUAL BUCK!?” Trixie shouted. “I ALMOST ASSAULTED PRINCESS CELESTIA’S CONSORT!?”

“Yeah. I won’t arrest you or anything though; it was a duel that we both agreed upon.” That… didn’t do anything to quell Trixie, since something else dawned on her too.

“I JUST SLEPT ON YOUR BACK, LIKE YOU WERE MY COLTFRIEND, AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE THE PRINCESS’S BUCKING CONSORT!”

“Celestia wouldn’t have cared that much. She knows that I know I’m basically her property; I sometimes let her put a collar on me if she asks me nicely enough.” Luna and I just watched with shit eating grins as everyone around us started sputtering at that comment. “Really, being held on a leash doesn’t do wonders given my background, but hey, Celly wants to walk me like a dog, she can do it all she wants… while plowing my field that is. Usually it’s the other way around, with who plows who’s fields, but whenever Celestia plows mine, it’s a nice treat.”

Luna whacked me upside the head with a wing. “Source, thou are breaking everypony’s brains.” We both fell on our rumps before laughing.

I sat right down in the library, Twilight, Luna, and the rest of the girls were sitting at a table. After Trixie’s bravado, and after cheering her up, she decided to retreat into her wagon for a day to try and comprehend what she almost just did. Even if I told her it was chill. She just couldn’t get over the fact that she nearly attacked ‘Princess Celestia’s plaything’. Everyone recovered after I made that joke about Celly plowing my field, if you know what I mean, and we all decided to head inside Twilight’s place for the day since that’s where Twilight and her friends like hanging out, apparently. I looked up from my notebook, a new one I got in order to write down WME(Windows Millenium Edition), the new name for my new, horrible Magic System. I just made a Levitation spell that took approximately seventy seven Runes, and forty eight different calculations that were overly complicated. By the way, if you messed up a Rune or an Equation, it would straight up break and not do anything. By the way, it’s in Chinese, so most ponies won’t even know how to read the Runes, and they have to be exact with the tone of the Rune, or it will also fuck up.

That’s fucking right, Twilight, this Rune system going to make you wanna kill somebody… or you’ll be happy about the new challenge I’ve given you.

“So,” Twilight waved to me and Luna. “You two seem to have gotten along pretty well.”

“Well, neither of us have anything to do,” I shrugged. “Sometimes I try to help Luna out with speaking modern Eng-Equish, and we hang out every now and then. Are you implying I’m dating Luna too?”

“No…”

“Yes, thou art. We can tell… However, we must make it clear, Ms. Sparkle, Source and I are not romantically into each other. We treat him how We would treat my sister, or a younger sibling if We were to ever have one. Meanwhile…”

“I get to feel what it’s like to be the youngest sibling for once… it’s a tad bit weird since I’m dating Celly, but hey, I don’t mind getting to act like a kid every now and then. My brothers used to drive me nuts while I was watching them for ma-”

“YOU HAVE BROTHERS!?” Rarity almost shouted. “You must introduce me to them!”

“...I don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon,” me and Twilight said at the same time. “Huh?” Twilight gestured to let me go first… Okay, that is weird, seeing this woman treat me nicely.

“Darling, you said you were from another country! How hard would it be to write them and ask them to come visit?”

“My second oldest, or oldest, brother, depending on how you look at them, is around sixteen. Not even an adult yet… Never even got to be there for his eighteenth birthday… damn.” I sighed. “Look, me being able to speak with my family is… a rough topic for me, alright? I’m not introducing them to you anytime soon, if at all. I wish I could, but I can’t even talk to them via DragonFire, or even just send them a message.”

“Why not? Surely sending a message overseas isn’t too-”

“Ms. Rarity, drop the topic presently. Source is choosing to not introduce thou to his siblings for many reasons. We wot the reason, and trust Us, We see the hurt ‘i his eyes whenever he endues up his issue, especially his brothers. Drop the topic and never bring it up, Rarity, or I will make you drop it this instant.” Luna just said her first, full sentence, in modern English. My… I guess my future sister in law nuzzled my ear before whispering into it. “Thou are alright, yes?”

“I’m fine, Luna. Thanks for stepping in.”

“‘Tis not a problem! If thou wishes to vent to us, or our sister, do not hesitate. Perhaps a therapist? I have been seeing one recently… for what I’ve done. I’m sure they can help you,” Luna whispered.

“That… would be nice. If you can get me set up, that would be really, really helpful, Luna.” Luna nuzzled me again, before draping a wing over my back and pulling me closer to her… Some alicorn snuggles never cease to make me feel a little better.

“Hey!” Twilight just snatched my journal on WME!

“What… the… buck… is this spell?” Twilight asked.

“Levitation written out in Runes from… a province in my country. Except I made it so annoyingly hard to do, that even Celestia would struggle with it. By the way, I came up with that one, and Luna wanted to help out with it. Though I had plenty of time on the train, and Lulu used me as a pillow on the train despite having a tall cup of coffee this morning.”

“Why are there exactly seventy seven runes?”

“It’s Python, it’s meant to be longer, but give you better control of your levitation.” Each Rune had an instruction on how to reproduce said Rune, so that’s what Twilight did. Six or seven times before giving up.

“The runes aren’t even hard! It’s the equations! You made these!?”

“Yeah. I was bored.”

“...This is impressive, Source, but what the heck is wrong with you?”

“I was bored.” And I want to prank you and I’m doing my best not to blabber about WME. “I just wanted to see if I had the skills to rework an existing spell to make it more precise in exchange for less power. If you want an actual copy of my journal on Python,” I pulled a copy out of my saddlebags and handed it to her. “Here ya go. You take care of it, and I’ll give you an updated version when I make a leap or advance in developing that.”

“Can you walk me through it? You can stay the night if you’d rather explore Ponyville before you walk me through it.”

“...Yeah, I would actually like a tour of Ponyville. I spent all day, last time I was here, playing buckball and trying to kick apples out of a tree. Fun stuff, but I never got to see much of town before the Summer Sun Celebration.” I looked around. “I’m sure you all can show me around if you would like.”

“Oh! Pick me as a guide!” Pinkie raised her hoof.

“Actually Pinkie,” Twilight started. “I was hoping to be the one to give Source the tour; I had everything planned out for when he did eventually stop by to visit, it was just a matter of when he would come and visit. I just didn’t expect him to come visit today instead of later this week.”

“I couldn’t come later this week. I have a job now, and I was hoping to ask Celestia out for another date; a nice little picnic in Canterlot Park. On top of that, I planned on making use of this week to work on Python more and more, since I still need to get more… mass friendly version of it set up. I am down to stay a night here in Ponyville to help you pick Python up, but I want you to read the disclaimer on the first page before you end up actually picking it up.”

“You got it I’ll read it later; right now me and the girls have a tour to give you and Princess Luna.”

“Bet.” Twilight stood up, before taking the lead. Luna and I fell in line behind her pretty quickly, with Luna preferring to put her cloak back on so ponies wouldn’t start running away at the sight of her. Pinkie Pie was bouncing behind us, and frankly, I did want to talk to her, but trying to keep up with everything that a party pony can say in one breath is really hard to do. On top of that, what do I talk to her about? Pinkie likely has plenty to talk about, given her apparently being friends with everyone in Ponyville. Luckily, Pinkie decided to walk up to me and spark up a conversation instead.

“Hey, Source Code! Can I call you Cody?” That… is oddly close to my old name. I wouldn’t mind going as ‘Cody’ again.

“Sure thing, Pinkie. What did you wanna talk about?”

“Well, you said you were hoping to get married to Princess Celestia didn’t you?”

“I did. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you need somepony to plan the wedding reception, and I’m the best party planner in all of Equestria!”

“I will admit, that party that you had when Twilight first came to Ponyville was pretty fun. If me and Celly get married, or rather, when, I’ll let ya know, and you can help plan the reception… You wanna host the ‘New Prince’ party with that reception, don’t you?” Pinkie nodded. “Fair enough. Just… Well, I can’t tell you to keep me from being the center of attention at my own wedding, but I guess… I dunno. We’ll see what happens, Pinkie. I’m hoping me and Celly get married.”

“Okie Dokie Lokie! I bet you two will be happily married by next June!”

“Ok… So, how’s life going with you? It’s been about three weeks since we’ve talked.”

“Well…” And here comes Pinkie’s ADHD fueled ramblings about her daily life. It was impressive to hear just how well she was able to compress three weeks of time into about three breaths. What’s weirder is that I was beginning to understand her. “Hey! You skipped over the last three weeks of my life!” What? “Oh well, I’m sure everypony knows what happened during these last three weeks from watching the show. Oh look! It’s Sugarcube Corner!”

What the ever living fuck did Pinkie just say?! What show!?

At some point, I was being dragged into Rarity’s boutique, the Carousel Boutique or something. Anyways, she caught wind of me attending the Gala this year, where I’ll likely be proposing to Celestia, and wanted to give me a suit. No, no matter how much I insisted, I couldn’t get Rarity to let me pay her back in some capacity. I felt like a dick; I was getting something for free and I really didn’t like that. Perhaps I should warn her, since I have had run-ins with the stallion she wants to sleep with, Prince Blueblood, or Celestia’s god damn nephew.

I only haven’t mentioned him yet because I am compiling all of our interactions so I can make one big journal entry on why I wanna kill Blueblood, but legally can’t.

“Hey Rarity,” I said, while she was measuring me.

“Yes dear?” Rarity asked.

“You wanted to try and hook up with Prince Blueblood at the Great Galloping Gala, right?”

“Of course! He is a prince after all, and you are going to be a prince consort…”

“Yeah, Prince Blueblood ain’t actually a Prince. His whole bloodline was once related to… I think Celestia’s cousin, a long, long, long time ago. They found out that they were related, and to Celly and Luna about… a thousand years ago, and for the most part were good people judging purely on what Celestia had told me. The Blueblood bloodline remained close to the crown, and Celestia treated every single pony in that bloodline like they were family… until present day where the current Prince Blueblood’s some spoiled dickhead. He tried tossing me out of the castle once after he caught me sleeping under Celestia’s wing one night back when I was still just a student of hers.

“Then he tried tossing me out after he learnt that Celestia and I were dating. How she could ‘do better than that commoner scum’. I agree; Celly could do a lot better than me, but something in her head said ‘yeah, this random guy will do’. I’m grateful, and I’m more than happy to have her. I still don’t like hearing those words come out of somebody else’s mouth with such disgust and venom in their voice. If they were shocked that I’m dating The Mare of the Morn, then that’s cool, I’m still kinda shocked myself… Uh, I got distracted. Anyways, Prince Blueblood’s a prick, avoid him if you can.”

“Oh… Thank you for the heads’ up, Source. I…”

“He called Luna a bitch upon seeing her for the first time… Oh… I swear I saw Celly’s mane and tail catch fire for a second; she had dragon eyes for but a mere moment too. That’s only happened thrice, and they all involve Prince Blueblood overstepping or making a rude comment about somepony Tia loves.”

“...The Princess can have dragon eyes?”

“I think it’s a form not too dissimilar to Nightmare Moon, an alter ego that takes over when an alicorn gets pissed off beyond belief. Luna was demonized beyond belief, hence why she became Nightmare Moon. Celestia… She cares so damn much about me and Luna, that she almost goes… I think I would call her alter ego Solar Flare, Celly told me about it, but didn’t give her alter ego a name, since usually the alter ego would pick its own name upon being fully unleashed for the first time. I’m still shocked at how I scored her, like seriously… Celestia is so damn sweet to me, so darn caring about me…. And it’s really nice.”

“And done!’ Rarity’s horn lit up, as she was done sewing my suit together. It was a black suit, since that would probably be the color that would go best with my coat, without it being bright yellow like my mane. It was just a suit jacket, but it was built for ponies instead of a human male. It had blue accents that matched my coat, to split it up and keep it from just being a black jacket. There was a breast pocket for some reason that had Celestia’s cutie mark sewed into it. The cufflinks were bright yellow to match my mane, and a one on the left sleeve, and a zero on my right, as buttons. How she made the suit so quickly is beyond me.

“Go on Source, try on your suit; I bet you would look handsome in it!”

…Celestia singsonged behind me.

“Where the heck did you come from?”

“Luna asked Spike to send a message to me. It mentioned you getting a suit from Ms. Rarity here,” Sun Butt smiles. “Are you going to put the suit on yet? I canceled my meeting with Mr. Pennywise to avoid hearing about taxes; I hate hearing about those just as much as everypony hates doing taxes. Mainly because Pennywise’s voice is scratchy, monotone, and rough on the ears…”

“Man, I feel bad for you, skipping out on a meeting with that ol’ sleeze bag that’s constantly proposing taxes on grass.” I lifted myself in the air with my magic before slipping the suit on… This is the most comfortable suit in my life. As it turned out, there was a white, button up shirt that I quickly buttoned up, and proceeded to look at myself in the mirror… Holy mother of christ… I actually look kinda cool. The suit… is simply stunning. I turned to the side, and almost smiled. “Oh… if I had a short top hat, that would make my suit look complete.” Rarity’s horn lit up and soon a very short top hat floated on over and landed on my head.

The top hat was a simple, black tophat with a dark, red band going around the base of it.

“You sure do look… Snazzy,” Celestia hummed. “If you dressed like that everyday, I would have to reward you every night because… I am quite enjoying how you look, Source. Very handsome.” Luna just poked her head in the door, a small, cheeky smile was on her face as my own face started heating up as Celestia walked circles around me, got up to my ear, and started whispering about all her ‘rewards’ for me if I wore the suit during the Great Galloping Gala or any other social gathering we have to attend in the future.

Celestia, unfortunately, had to go back home so she could resume her duties. She nuzzled Luna goodbye, we shared a kiss, and she was off. Luna had decided to go pick up a book in the Golden Oaks Library while I waddled around town, before deciding upon a destination. I’m gonna pay the Apples a visit, since that was supposed to be a stop during the tour, but Rarity ended up kidnapping me and tailoring a suit, which went home with Celly. That was the place I was hoping to go to the most; I wanted to hang out with my bro, Big Mac. Riding on my back was Spike, who also just wanted to hangout…

Damn, if Shining Armor were here, we’d have a whole bro army that would make a certain Swedish man very happy.

“So that’s why Celly came home looking pissed off,” I hummed. “Wait a second, that’s a heinous crime back at home. How the hell isn’t Twilight in jail? Actually, why did she do it to begin with?”

“Twilight casted a ‘Want It Need It Spell’ because she didn’t have anything to report on friendship one week, even though I don’t think Princess Celelstia told her that Twilight needed something to report every week… She made it pretty clear after stopping that whole fiasco. I think Twilight being more than remorseful, and terrified of Princess Celestia, was enough to keep her out of the dungeons. Do you think you could try making something like that in Python?”

“I might be able to, but I’m not going to. Mind control is a fucked up thing and only monsters resort to that sorta shit. Or Twilight when she’s having an episode.”

“So, what have you been up to after you went back to Canterlot?”

“I yelled at Celestia for possibly getting herself killed during the Summer Sun Celebration… I got Luna addicted to coffee before we stopped in Ponyville. I still can’t make the perfect piece of toast using magic, which I’m still kinda sad about. I’ve made so much progress with Python that I might be able to actually release it by the end of the year, and I might do it during the Gala, or during Hearth’s Warming. It’s pretty cool.”

“...What was that about the perfect piece of toast?”

“There was a machine… from back home that was a lot like a toaster. It was hella expensive, but it made the perfect piece of toast every time. I want to make a spell that makes the perfect piece of toast, not because it’s useful, but because I think it’s a fun endeavor. So far, I’ve gotten close, but I can’t get it perfect. I’d say I’ll figure it out by next January.”

“You…”

“Are mentally ill, yes, I know. I’m almost as hyper fixated on making a Perfect Toast spell as I am when it comes to making Python, or WME. Don’t ask what WME is, it’s a surprise for Twilight.”

“Alright… It won’t hurt her or make her mad, will it?”

“Nah, WME is just meant to be something that’ll… challenge her. Remember when she asked about that one spell that was a few dozen Runes long?”

“Oh… You are going to drive her nuts with that, if you make a full on magic system based on it.”

“I know… and I’m gonna feel bad, but it’ll be funny. Twilight’s been pretty pleasant since I’ve gotten here, which is way better than the first few weeks being her peer.”

Once we got to the farm, it turned out that Big Mac was out running the apple stall today, so we weren’t actually able to hangout with him. Instead, I got roped into helping Apple Jack buck some apple trees… No, we weren’t having sex with trees. Because ‘buck’ has more meanings than it should. It can be a kick, a saying, or a ‘censored’ version of fuck… and have the same meaning as fuck. Anyways, apple bucking is what Apple Jack called kicking trees to harvest them. Spike got to hangout with Apple Bloom and the cutie mark crusaders, Apple Bloom’s little friend group/club, which he was all too happy to do, since that meant he got out of having to help me harvest apples.

“Fucker…” I grumbled as I stepped away from the first five trees. How the hell do you manage to do this all day, almost everyday, after the break of dawn to sundown?” I grunted as I started stretching my newly aching legs. Apple Jack sat on her rear beside me.

“Hey, don’t sweat not bein’ able to keep up. Most of the unicorns that help out end up not being able to do more than a few trees at a time. Twilight can get through a full day, but only with the use of her fancy endurance and strength spells. If you’ve gotta use those, that’s fine; just make sure yer actually using your hooves to harvest apples. We Apples pride ourselves on being able to do this all day, so don’t feel too bad if you can’t keep up, even with the use of some magic.”

“I can transport filled baskets onto a wagon and possibly pull it; I can at least do that.”

“Mmm that could work. Let’s try it!”

Meanwhile…

Apple Jack walked into the barn, where there were a bunch of mares. “Aight everypony, y’all paid your bits for the show?” She asked.

“Yeah!” The group of mares chorused. “Alright, Twilight, go ahead and start the spell.”

Somebody's watching me. I don’t know who, I don’t know why, but somebody’s using an Eye Spy spell on me while I kicked trees and moved the filled baskets onto the wagon I was provided with. I used magic to keep my bones from breaking after kicking enough trees, but that was it. I wasn’t using any magic to help me buck some apple trees. While my horn was lit up, from Levitation, I quickly did a diagnosis spell. While I was tugging along, I swore I coulda see Big Mac in the distance, kicking trees just as I was. After my diagnostic spell was complete, I ran my own Eye Spy on the magical signature I had picked up to… see a room full of mares. Some of which had popcorn… Wait, why were there a bunch of mares in the barn? Two more walked in and hoofed over some bits to Apple Jack… There were other Eye Spy spells, all of which had Twilight’s signature all over them…

Apple Jack found a way to make… porn I guess. And I suppose she and Twilight split the bits they made? Noticeably, Rainbow, Rarity and… Celestia was staring at the Eye Spy window that showed me. Even Apple Jack sometimes glanced over at it! Nobody else was watching me, since they were either all watching Big Mac, or some of the more attractive stallions as they worked, but the point still stands. I was basically live porn, so I figured ‘fuck it’ and purposely dropped an apple or two. I bent over for the ‘camera’ and picked the apple up, eyed it, and split it open…

Oh, that had worms in it anyways. I started running diagnostic spells on each apple after I kicked them into the buckets, and removed the fucked up ones, which surprisingly, there weren’t that many of. After an hour or two, I casted an Eye Spy spell again.

“I think Source Code is onto us,” Twilight whispered. "I saw him run a diagnostic spell, and if he can pick up on where a Teleported item came from, I think he’ll figure out what’s going on pretty quickly…”

“Do you really care though?” Apple Jack whispered back.

Twilight shrugged. “I mean, his magical signature is a pleasant color, his mane and coat are really nice, even if his mane and tail are kinda messy. Seeing him go at it is nice… However, he and Celestia’s consort and-”

“Yo!” I shouted. “I sure am glad Celly ain’t around to watch me shake me arse when I’m bending over to inspect these apples!” I picked one up, took a bite out of it, and looked the Eye Spy in the eye, before slowly licking it. I could see Celestia blushing up a storm, and every mare in the room once they figured out that I knew what was going on. I slowly went back to work, slightly annoyed that I was basically being used as a very primitive version of porn hub, but then again…

That gave me an idea. I could use crystals with Eye Spy to bring television to Equestria. That could be really fun. You know, this probably wasn’t a horrible thing to happen after all! Now I know how to possibly make money in the world, and it’s all because I am being used to sell my… I guess my butt? Yeah, I’m forcefully selling a moving image of my butt to a bunch of mares, who were now all staring at my screen long after the escapade. I was a good sport, and tried to put on a good sport, namely for Celly, but that was it.

Luna was watching Big Mac, very intently, before grabbing Apple Jack to try and figure out more about the poor bastard. Big Mac’s gonna have a stroke if he finds out that an alicorn finds him attractive, and wants him as a consort.

I stumbled into the bathtub in Canterlot Castle. I ended up kicking trees and moving baskets with my magic at the same time. Everything hurts. My horn was aching, I had a headache, my hindlegs hurt, my forelegs hurt. I got covered in dirt, and worst of all? Apparently that was fucking planned! Twilight had set up a soundproof, one-way bubble for her and several other mares to watch! Like several stallions, who wanted an extra bunch of bits, and Big Mac since he was supposed to be working, were actually all brought onto the farm to help out!

Luna, Twilight, each of her friends(Apple Jack left to go run the apple stand for the day apparently), and even Celly was there! Celly obviously kept her eyes on me, while Luna apparently really liked how Big Mac looked. Celestia’s maids had gone and gotten the bath ready, which was more like a really fancy, indoor swimming pool. The floor was made out of colored granite, white granite to match the rest of the castle. There was a statue of a male alicorn ‘spitting’ water into it, and there was even a full on filter system, as archaic as it may look. I slowly sunk down into the water when Celestia finally followed me in.

Yes, she stopped to watch my hips sway slightly as I walked.

“Oh… man I needed this… Curse you for actually…”

“Wanting to watch you work your hind quarters? Or your apparent multitasking? Watching you pull that wagon everytime you filled it with apple baskets was very nice,” Celestia hummed as she removed her regalia and stepped in. “If you weren’t aching all over, I would take you to bed the moment you are dry so that we can have some fun.”

“...You could just lick the inside of my ears and help me relax. My ass feels like it’s broken.”

“Perhaps you would like a day of seeing me buck apples… or perhaps… Luna?”

“Uh…”

My marefriend giggled. “Perish the thought! I know you and Luna are just really good friends, even if I will say that more stallions nowadays would probably find her attractive. If you chose to start a herd and you invited Luna, I would not be opposed to the idea; there is a law that says we can share consorts, after all. It wouldn’t be the first time that by law, myself and Luna were wives, either.”

“...Pony relationships are weird.”

“They’re actually quite straight forward,” Celestia’s wings spread out on their own and started floating in the water. “Well, it is for me, but only because I was born as a pony, and have been alive for so long. Essentially, as long as all parties consent, you may sleep with or marry anypony you’d like. For instance, if I, Luna, and you approved, we all would be in a herd. Though we wouldn’t sleep together because sleeping with your sister is strange. Or a better example, you, me and Big Mac, or you, me and Apple Jack were all fine with it, we could all marry right this instance and form a herd.”

“That is still so weird to me. I’ll just stick to dating you and only you. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to love multiple wives equally, and I would feel like an asshat for not being able to. Speaking of…” I doggy paddled over to Celestia so that I had easier access to her wings. “Whaddya say we get married at some point? Maybe sometime this year? Perhaps I can publicly propose to you at the Gala?” I asked before attempting to preen her wings. I may not know how to preen wings, but I did do some research, and I kind of get the why as for why you’d preen another pony’s wings.

For one thing, it’s a form of affection, and it feels really good to the winged pony you preen. On top of that, if you don’t have wings and know how to preen them anyways, it’s super impressive.

“Mmm… That feels rather nice,” Celestia hummed some more. “Wait…” My marefriend moved her wings out of the way. “You want to get married?”

“Yeah.”

“To me?”

“Of course, who else?”

“And you want to properly propose to me at the Gala?”

“Yeah.”

“...Oh my bucking Sun…” Celestia immediately scooped me up in her forelegs. “YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!” I think if we weren’t in the bathtub, she would start prancing in place.

“Celly… I can’t breathe!”

“Sorry!” Celestia put me down and started nuzzling me. “We will have to plan the wedding out some time after my niece’s wedding. I wouldn’t want her special day to be overshadowed by mine, do we?”

“No, that wouldn’t be fair to Cadance… I’m gonna have to spend more time with her. We’ve only hung out once, and Cadance did seem like a nice pony after she realized that I do, in fact, love you.”

“I will schedule a day for you two to spend the day together… However, we are making sure you have a really nice suit, and that I have a very pretty dress for when you propose to me at the Gala… Perhaps Luna would like to pick up one duty, mostly as a favor, and greet the nobles as they come up to the Gala, so that the two of us may share a dance? Perhaps make an announcement… You will be able to handle being the center of attention, correct?”

“If I go in, knowing that I’ll be the center of attention, I’ll be embarrassed, and a little scared, but I won’t have a fun panic attack like when we got dropped right into a shitload of reporters. At least with this, I can mentally prepare for it.”

Celestia nodded before taking us both out of the bath, after she dried us both off with a spell. “Now, off to bed, I owe you some ear grooming, and you are going to preen my wings, you little surprise-filled ball of fluff.” I nodded along like an idiot before being dragged off to bed with the most wonderful mare in the world.

Author's Note

and thus plans for marrying sunbutt is in motion.

That One Time Where Celly worked at Hayburgers for a Week

So, as I was saying, Celestia’s idea of punishing me is forcing me to spend the day, everyday for a week, with her. Frankly, I don’t know if she knows what a good punishment is or not. I am getting ‘punished’ because I beat the shit out of Blueblood, and made him terrified of me. Logically, I got to happily enjoy being embarrassed in public. Since I got a heads up, I was perfectly fine with being the center of attention whenever somepony figured out that I was dating their favorite, immortal, Sun controlling alicorn. What was really fun was being able to tell her cabinet of ‘advisors’ to shut the fuck up and get to the point of whatever they were trying to trick Celly into signing.

Now what’s also fun was when I had to go to work, because as it turned out, at the start of the week, my boss told me that he actually wanted me to work full time for just a week; there was a huge event happening in Canterlot, a simple celebration of the arrival of Fall, so Canterlot was going to be even busier than usual. When I told Celestia… She figured out why this week would be actually pretty fun for her. That meant everyday, for about eight hours, for the next five days, would be spent outside the castle.

When we woke up, she decided to watch me the entire time after she raised the Sun. “Is that your uniform?” Celestia asked, looking me up and down.

“Yeah,” my uniform consisted of a pink and yellow snapback hat, to match Hayburger Al’Round’s color scheme. To match, I was wearing a pink shirt with yellow shoulders, the… I guess the sleeves for a lack of a better word were short, and ended just an inch or two down from the shoulder. On the front was my name tag, which proudly bore my name… in comic sans. I suppose even in another universe, I can’t escape this stupid font. It was pretty close to literally any uniform I’d see to say… a McDonalds uniform. There was even a logo over the left side of my chest. My uniform was topped with a pair of saddlebags that weren’t actually a part of the uniform, but came as a bonus for me working for Hayburger, and I liked the look and they were of pretty good quality.

“I must say, I would much rather see you in a suit…”

“You can wait until the Gala, I hated wearing suits back in the day.”

“I suppose that is fair… However, I did not mention how your uniform is tight enough to make some of your muscles much more noticeable. They’re getting sharper, Source. That is rather impressive, if I must say so myself. And then your hat? The way your mane is neatly tucked under it?” Celestia gave me a look that wasn’t too discernable from a lion looking over a nicely seasoned sirloin steak. “I have to refrain from keeping you from your work… SO!” Celestia magicked on a snapback hat… It looked adorable. It was a simple, black snapback. “I pretended to be a fast food employee a few times; I always ended up leaving because somepony found out who I was. Today, however, I will be working, undisguised. I won’t be accepting payment; I won’t need it anyways.”

“What did you look like?”

“Think of me as a white pegasus, with a build not too dissimilar to a less physically fit Rainbow Dash. Then give me my current mane, without it flowing constantly, but a light blue. Would you like to see it at some point?”

“If we go on a date to a restaurant in the city, yes, yes I would like to see it. I betcha look adorable.”

“...It’s what I would’ve been had I not ascended, with the exception of the wings. I was a unicorn before ascending.”

“I still bet you’d look adorable… well, more adorable. You’re pretty cute as is, Celly. Especially with your ears pokin’ out the hat. My human brain is wanting to pinch and rub the inside of them…” I lifted my hooves after sitting on my rump for a brief moment. “I don’t have hands, though, so I can’t do that. It’s making me kinda mad; everypony here has ears that scream ‘rub the inside of me’, and I don’t have the means to do so! I wish I still ended up in Equestria as a human still. That would be fun.”

Then I would essentially be Anon, but then again I did somehow find myself dating Celestia while being some random chump she found at the bottom of a crater that was the result of a magical anomaly…

Meh, at least I’m a horse instead of a human without a face. That isn’t an overdone thing.

As we walked through the streets, ponies were stopping and gawking at the wild Princess Celestia that was walking around without any regalia. She left her shoes, crown, and necklace at home. Not gonna lie, I found it better to see her like this, than with her regalia. It was usually what she did when she was trying to relax around me; no regalia meant it was just Celly in charge, not the head of a country in charge. Of course, my lovely marefriend was just happily waving and greeting everypony along the way, and they would say hello back.

After bowing and looking away like a twink would after seeing a girl’s nips.

I suppose a naked Princess, even if she was mostly naked anyways, was a taboo to look at? I dunno. I just know that my Celly is perfect the way she is; she even shrunk herself to my height and it was kinda weird. What was even weirder was that Celly wasn’t naked. No, since it was starting to get a little chilly, she decided to take out a green sweater with a turtleneck out of the closet. She had then shrunk it down, put it on, and that’s how Celestia was since we left the castle for work.

About the size of the average stallion, or below average since I wasn’t much taller than the average mare, happily skipping along in a dark green turtleneck sweater, wearing a black snapback hat. What’s even more fun is that I swear Celly did something to her ears with some magic; they were a lot floppier and even more precious. Celestia was just walking down the street, beside me, acting like nothing was wrong. She even draped a wing over me and provided me with ear licks on occasion, usually after passing by a bunch of ponies that were gawking at her.

Surprisingly, no guards were present. Though I think they were hidden around, keeping an eye on us. Celly and I were both very capable when it came to magic, mostly Celly. We were beyond capable of defending ourselves; the guard didn’t need to be reminded of that after they watched the absolute smackdown that Blueblood received for slapping me in the face and challenging me to a duel. And Celly… Well, it was Celly. She could blow up the mountain Canterlot was on without blinking.

If she weren’t holding back, because I can sense how little magic she actually uses with diagnostic spells, she could probably burn the entire country to the ground in a heartbeat. I know she’s capable, she’s told me so. She just holds back, because if she doesn’t… well, that would be a lot of ponies that would’ve died as a result of her fighting back. Luna was very similar, but in a sense that she would probably freeze the globe over instead of just burn it, or blow a whole through it with the Sun.

The route to work was actually pretty straight forward. Since the disks of Canterlot were laid out in a very specific way, we ended up walking down Royal Avenue, which was essentially an entire street dedicated to taking you to Canterlot Castle, down to the lift system for ponies. So I’ve mentioned the lift systems here and there, but never really said what they were like. So basically, think of them like a big, big ferris wheel, but it was less of a wheel, and more like a conveyor belt. There were large, ferris wheel cabins(fully closed off to prevent ponies from falling out of them on accident). You just step in, and wait, and once the ride’s over, you step off and you’re on a lower disk. It was pretty neat.

“You know,” Celly said, staring out the window of our cabin. “I’ve never actually been inside of one of these things. Usually whenever I leave the castle, I end up flying to the disk I need to be on, and then walk from there.” She hummed. “I wish I partook in this more often; it’s quite relaxing… though with how many of my guards like to come with me whenever I leave the castle, I don’t think that would be a very wise decision. I don’t want to back up everypony’s day just so I can have some level of security when leaving the castle. Luckily, I do believe that the guards were notified ahead of time, and should be greeting us at your workplace.”

“Eh, if I had wings, I’d probably use them to avoid this. Sometimes I have to account for what time it is, and sometimes wait for my turn on the lift. It’s relaxing, but when it’s raining or cold, I can’t imagine I’d enjoy waiting for a lift while I get snowed on, rained on, or knocked over by a gust of wind.”

“Surely my coltfriend would be stronger than a gust of wind?”

“Back home, I’d be lucky to still be standing on any particularly windy day, Celly. I’m a bit of a little bitch, if you haven’t noticed yet.”

“Do not talk about yourself in such a manner, Source. Not everypony is the epitome of bravery; you are fine just the way you are. And from what ponies were telling me on The Summer Sun Celebration, you were brave, or in your words, stupid enough to go after Nightmare Moon in order to get an answer about my whereabouts. Sometimes it takes bravery to be able to stand up to a pony that can beat and batter you around. Buck, you’re the stallion in this relationship; I should be bossing you around, but you have some bark, and you more than enough to back it up if seeing you beat Tartarus into Prince Blueblood is anything to go by.”

“That Nightmare Moon bit was because I was concerned about your well being. And with Blueblood… I have a very, very thick line as to how I’m treated If we’re sparring and you club me over the head too hard, I expect ya to stop and make sure I’m good to keep going, and vice versa. If somepony were to hit me unprovoked, then I would fight back. I ain’t gonna let myself get murdered when I know I could fight back and defend myself, or the people I care about… Ponies, I mean.”

“Worry not, you are still adjusting. Though… Why are you making the effort now? I thought-”

“I don’t wanna move on from Earth, Celly, but I know I have no choice in the matter. I was happy with my life on Earth. It wasn’t extravagant, nor was it amazing. I worked full time at a fast food place and still lived with my parents at the age of twenty three, but I was happy. My parents were chill with keeping their babies at home, as in me and all my siblings as long as we all helped out with the house in some way shape or form. I got to hangout with my buddies, work on my passion projects, and be happy. Then I wake up here, in a body that I fucking hate, but…” Source, the pony of me, smiled. “I do have friends here, and I do have a wonderful girlfriend. “I can learn to be happy again, and if it means accepting that I will never be human again, or see my home again, I’ll adjust to life in Equestria.” I then kissed Celly.

“I think you played a large part in why I’m still alive, not because you’re my marefriend, but because I figured you would be the one constant I’d have in my life, somepony to call a friend. I know I probably woulda offed myself if I didn’t have at least one friendly face that I could chat and laugh with every now and then. I may have been way, way off the cuff when it comes to mental health, but I also know what would happen if I killed myself. It isn’t very often that you let down your walls and be yourself around your ponies, ain’t it?”

“It is rather rare… You used ‘ain’t’ again. Quit that.”

“But…”

“Source,” Celly said pointedly before giggling and before nuzzling me. “But I would’ve been rather upset if I found out that a pony went missing, and your face was on the latest posters. Though I can’t be the only reason you didn’t… hurt yourself.”

“It was a second chance, I suppose. I was happy with my life, but I wanted to be more than just some random patty flipper in a fast food place. Sure, I do that here, but I’m not defined by it. I have the loveliest lady to come home to everyday, I can come up with ways to revolutionize spell casting. I could make a name for myself. You played a large part in that, since you literally taught me how Runes worked, but a large part of my still living… I just saw a chance to make something of my life beyond being some nobody… to somebody.”

“I see… Do you have any progress on Python, or perhaps that horrible, absolutely terrible mess that you call a spell system?”

“You love Windows ME and you know it.”

“No, I do not. It is so… pointless! I bet you won’t even make more than one spell.”

“I already have the whole back work for it, I just gotta put it in a textbook and ship it off to Twilight during Hearth’s Warming. It’ll be funny. Besides, it has its uses, such as seeing how precise a unicorn is with their Rune Casting, or their proficiency with their spell equations.”

“...It does, you are correct, but Luna and I can barely even cast levitation, something that is normally the easiest thing a pony can cast. Then you went and made it neigh impossible!”

“That’s the point!” I chuckled as the door opened. After we moved onto a much more lighthearted topic than my horrible mental health, we started making our way down the Shopping District Plate towards my workplace.

“Howdy boss,” I walked through the front door and waved to Flipper as I walked past the front counter. The store wasn’t open for business yet, but the front doors were unlocked for employees to show up. “Gonna be a nice and busy week starting, eh?” I asked as I hoof bumped the stallion.

“Sure is… I appreciate you agreeing to at least work forty hours in a week this one time.I guarantee that you’ll get the weekend off; most of our minors will be off, so we won’t be as heavily slammed if you take the weekend off this week.”

“Hey, more money for me, eh?” We both chuckled at that. At least my boss was upfront about it, since he knew most of the ponies that work for him were just hoping to make some spare cash. He was a lot like my managers back home, they appreciate the work you put in, even if they are aware of the actual reason as to why their employees are working at a fast food joint. “But seriously, if you’re down a pony or two any shift, hit me up. I’ve got nothing to do in my free time, since my marefriend usually makes enough to keep us both afloat.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. It’s just kinda hard to get letters out to ya… With you apparently living in the castle to take up your studies. I’d also feel bad about taking you away from them, with you being the Princess’s personal student and-”

The door clicked open.

“Oh sorry, but we aren’t open just yet, m’am. Give us a moment…” My boss stopped when he saw Celly, in all her glory, walk in without any regalia. Instead, she was wearing a black snapback hat and she was a lot shorter than usual, because she would be too tall to stand in the line kitchen if she wasn’t using a spell to keep herself shrunk down. She could stand up straight, at full height, in the lobby just fine though. “Oh! Princess Celestia! What are you doing here? Looking for a quick bite to eat before the Fall Festival begins in full swing? I bet you were hoping to partake in the festivities this year…”

“I was actually hoping to assist my coltfriend, and by extension, your business, by lending aid. I’ve been in a line kitchen a few times while under disguise. I’m sure I can lend a hoof, if you wouldn’t mind?”

“...If… Wait, who's your coltfriend?” Flip asked.

Celly picked me up in her magic, before bringing me back out of the kitchen, away from the cooling table, or the sandwich station, I was trying to set up. “Hey… I was trying to get ready for my shift,” I grumbled. I actually did like the process of setting up the sandwich station, it was a simple pleasure and kinda reminded me of home; it was nice. Celestia nuzzled my ear, planted a kiss on my cheek, before sending me back to continue setting up my station. I had to admit, watching Flip, who’s usually super collected and chill, start sputtering. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a playful glint in Celly’s eyes. She was enjoying this way too much.

“W-what!?” Flip shouted. He turned to me, and I just happily waved, before going back to the task at hand. “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY YOU WERE THE PRINCESS’S COLTFRIEND?”

“I didn’t wanna draw too much attention to that. I’m the same ol’ pony that you’ve always known, boss.” I called, not diverting my attention away from my station. “Is there a problem?”

“No… I suppose not,” Flip sighed. “You could’ve at least given me a heads up before Princess Celestia walked through my door and announced that one of my best employees is her coltfriend,” he walked around the front counter and into the line kitchen before walking around and nudging me. “And maybe tell me that she wanted to work with us for a day.”

“It might be for a week, boss,” I said, nodding to my newly set up station. “I did an oopsy, as in kick the shite out of Blueblood, yeah? Well, now Celly demanded spending the week with me as a punishment, which really isn’t a punishment to me… I’ve been hoping to spend more time with her, so it works out.” I looked Flip dead in the eye while Celestia walked into the line kitchen to quickly get herself familiarized by everything before she had to get to work. “Lemme guess, it’ll feel weird to be bossing around the Princess of the entire country that this franchise of restaurants stands on?”

“It would…”

“She’ll listen. She’ll follow orders. I think she’ll like being the pony carrying out orders for once…” I almost made a joke about Celly being submissive, but I don’t think I should give my poor old boss a heart attack.

“I believe I know how to work this grill,” Celestia. “I just press a button and it cooks the hay patties?” She asked.

“Uh… yes, Princess.”

“Oh please, none of that, Mr. Flip. Just call me Celestia while I am working with you and Source. I’ve taken this week off as the Princess, and my little sister graciously agreed to take over for the week. For this week alone, I am just Celly, Mr. Flip.”

“Uh… okay, Celestia. Sorry if I call you Princess out of habit-”

“It’s chill, boss. Celly kinda gets why it’s so hard for y’all to see her as anything other than Princess Celestia.” I felt Celly kiss my cheek, and I immediately knew why she wanted to work the grill for today. It was right next to the sandwich making table, and it was a relatively easy job; she could pick up on how to make sandwiches, work beside me, and be able to kiss and nuzzle me whenever she gets a free moment. Celly casted a spell to make her mane and tail more resemble what they would look like if she wasn’t using them to channel excess magic. It was still in the same style, but the color made me squeal whenever I saw it.

I know her normal mane made Celly look more regal and beautiful, but her pink mane and tail made her look more like a normal pony. It was adorable, especially since it was usually what she had her mane in whenever she just wanted to cuddle. While it was merely an illusion that had physical aspects of a regular mane(it was weird ass magic, don’t ask me how an illusion still feels real), it was just a lot fluffier, which made her an even better cuddle buddy than when she had her normal mane. That being said, to see her in public, with old hair… I kissed her while Celestia opened up a sleeve of hayburger patties, and she froze for a moment, before she returned it, and set the sleeve in the coolbox for easier access.

After about an hour, Celestia got bored of the grill, so she shoved me off the sandwich station(she noted that I could go faster if I used magic, and figured she could do a better job). So here I am, putting meat on the grill, while Celestia clears out entire orders, while barely knowing the menu, with her magic. There was a handy-dandy chart used for teaching new employees to make sandwiches, and she watched it like a hawk while using her stupidly good multitasking to look at an order, blink, and have six or seven sandwiches done in a heartbeat. What’s even better is that I got to sit and watch the fryer guy, who was sitting and watching Celly work, because she also moved him aside and used her magic to work those too.

“Oh hello!” Celestia waved to a family that was watching, jaw slacked, as they watched a miniature version of their Princess of the Day, Bringer of the Morn, Princess Celestia make sandwiches in a kinda shitty fast food place. “I hope you enjoy your stay at Hayburgers Al’Round!” Celly quickly got their order together, put it on a dinner tray, and the family just kept staring, as did the whole lobby full of guests. Orders were backed up, not because Celly was going slow, no she’s literally going so fucking fast that I couldn’t keep up.

Ponies were watching Celly, fished eye, none of them were regulars. In fact, most of them were probably from out of town because they were visiting for the Fall Festival. Before they got over their shock, after a good ten minutes, and went to finish the food they just ordered. We were busy as hell, and it was apparently the most profitable day Flip’s had in years, since ponies after they left, probably spreaded word around, so more ponies came in.

We were busy well past sundown.

“Princess Celstia, have my foals!” Some weirdo yelled.

“Oi!” I almost went on a tirade before Celestia stopped everything she was doing, before picking me up with her magic and holding me up to her. We ended up nuzzling cheeks, and I was immediately happier for no reason at all. No, it’s not because Celly Nuzzles are the best. It just is because they are the best, and I got some.

“My apologies, my little pony, but I am currently already ‘taken’ as you younger ponies would say.” Celestia then put me back down and we both got back to work. Aside from that, and a few other things that popped up, the day went on as normal. I think this week is going to go by nicely if I get to just spend it all with Celly, and then we can have the weekend to enjoy some of the festivities of the Fall Festival. The two of us, after everything was over and the restaurant was closed for the day, sat on our rumps outside the building and sighed.

“Oh man,” I chuckled. “The way some of those ponies reacted to you and I kissed in the middle of a dinner rush…” I nuzzled her. “That was a great one, by the way.”

“It was rather humorous, I will agree. Personally, I find working in these environments… to be rather fun.”

“You shoved me and my coworker out the way…”

“I wanted to try and multitask. The sandwiches were like a million little puzzles, and working the fryers were not too difficult. It’s… quite fun, to be honest. I have to sit in boring, dreadful meetings most of the time, where I barely pay attention and just read the documents my advisors were trying to get me to sign long after the meeting has passed. Meanwhile… I felt a little stressed out, in a good way. I was never too sure if the rush would end, or if I was going fast enough. On top of that, the million little puzzles were engaging enough for me to have fun. If you let me build sandwiches all day, while you just work on your grill, that would be lovely!” Celestia giggled. “It felt so good to get three sandwiches out in three seconds flat.”

“Yeah, fast food sucks, but sometimes it is fun to get an order out super quickly. Back home, orders were timed, and while I never did care for it for all the right reasons, it was just satisfying to have a nice, crisp one twenty seconds whenever me and my crew managed that…” I sighed. “I kinda miss that, but… meh, life goes on, and we’ve got a nice, fun week ahead of us, along with a really cool weekend planned as well.”

“That we do, come, I wish to carry you home tonight. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind riding my back?”

“Of course I would! So long as you don’t carry me by the scruff of my neck again; that was embarrassing! And that was only around the castle. I couldn’t imagine being carried through town like that!” I saw the look in her eyes… wouldn’t dare, would she? She’s going to carry me around town throughout the whole Fall Festival by the scruff of my neck. I can already see it happening… I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.

So the next three days go off without a hitch. Celly and I show up, work, and Celly either refuses to get paid, or gives me her bits, or tries to put them into a charity of some sort. She makes plenty of bits, and knows how little I like using the Royal Treasury to fund my own ventures, so she’s fine with me taking a paycheck. Flip insisted on paying Celestia, he even raised the prices of everything on the menu to discourage ponies from showing up just to see Celestia working in a job one would typically only associate with a job that a teenager would typically have, or just a normal pony still trying to get their footing in life.

However, on the third day, I noticed that Celly wasn’t stopping for a break, even when told to, or stopping to eat something. So, about halfway through the dinner rush, I walked right up to Celly, and nuzzled her. “Where are you at, dear?”

“What?” Celestia asked.

“Which order are you on? I’m taking over the station for you for just a moment; go make a sandwich or three and eat something. I know it’s been a day or two since you’ve stopped and eaten anything at all.” Anything actually filling, at least. I know Celly's had pancakes once this week... even if they're kinda empty-nutrition wise.

“I’ve had dinner the last couple of nights,” Celestia insisted. She had a bananna each of those nights.

“Sun Butt…” I said sternly and almost loudly. “Stop being an idiot, make yourself a hayburger, and go in the back and eat it real quick. It ain’t healthy for you to be skipping over lunch and breakfast constantly.” Everypony in the room stopped in their tracks and started staring at me.

“But… I can keep going, Source! I can get us through the day-”

“You can do that after you eat something, Sun Butt. you are going to eat food, or you will be sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Celestia huffed. “Fine, I suppose I am a little hungry,” she pointed at the order she was on, before promptly making four sandwiches for herself, and walking off the line. I could tell she was going to give me an attitude later, probably for telling her to take care of herself, but it was worth it; she needs to eat something, and judging from how she grabbed four sandwiches… she definitely didn’t stop and eat much of anything today either.

“Dude,” one of the minors said flatly. “You’re going to get tossed in a dungeon, or banished. Or thrown in a dungeon in the place you’re banished to.”

“Nah,” I said with a casual, dismissive hoof. “She’ll nip me and tickle the hell out of me.”

“You just called the princess an idiot.”

“Yeah, I do it all the time. Usually it results in Celly tickling the utter shit out of me, it’s chill man. She’ll just plow my fields later.” I snickered slightly, realizing that I definitely just broke my coworker, before I proceeded to work the grill with my magic and still get burgers out with my hooves, almost(not even close) as fast as Celly does for the next ten minutes before Celestia came back, with a bit of ketchup smeared into cheeks, while giving me an annoyed look. She then nuzzled me and licked the inside of my ears. The smell of hayburger patties was as strong as the day when she opened her mouth.

“Thank you for making me do that. I guess I did not realize how hungry I was.”

“And then you wonder why your students, mostly Twilight, have damn near unhealthy studying habits, you ol’ horse,” I whispered.

“I suppose a break or two would be fine. If Luna is willing, perhaps we could have one day after the Fall Festival to simply snuggle together and play Line Four?” That, for you non-ponies, is basically pony Connect Four.

“That would be nice…” We both swapped places, she went back to the sandwich station, and I went back to grill, and the rest of the day went on without a hitch beyond when I made her get off again to eat dinner… Then she lifted me with her magic after returning.

“You, colt, are also going to go get something for yourself to eat. I know you skipped over breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the last three days. You are going to make yourself a sandwich, and you will go take a moment to eat them.”

“Fuck you,” I grumbled, before nodding along and doing as she asked, or I would be the one sleeping on the couch tonight.

After the week of working at Hayburgers with Celly, her vacation time was over, and we both had to go back through our separate daily routines. Surprisingly, or rather, unsurprisingly, Luna did a damn good job with daycourt, and even did a stellar job at making sure certain, very important bills were signed and passed through without any of the horrible, stupid shit that came along with said important bills. Meanwhile, I kept working my usual hours, or one eight hour shift at Hayburgers Al’Round per week.

Celly and I still got our daily dose of snuggles before and after bed though. In fact, we were just having breakfast, perfectly fried eggs and pancakes that Celly made. She even put a silly smiley face on them the day before. Celestia was reading over the mail, before humming and her eyes widened a little. “Oh dear…” Celestia whispered.

“What’s up? Did Luna execute somepony?” I joked, knowing Luna wouldn’t willingly even hurt a pony, unless Nightmare Moon took over and decided that some stupid noble, or me, needed to not be alive anymore.

“No… I just forgot about the annual ‘meeting’ for various magic universities. It’s where a teacher, along with a student or two, meet up in either Canterlot, or some other designated town. My school is included with this, and students that learn directly from me, such as yourself and Twilight, are registered as two separate entities. As I do run my own school, and I do try to teach every now and then, but there is a clear difference between learning directly from me, and occasionally seeing me in your classroom with a dozen other unicorns.”

“So, why is it a big deal?”

“With you being my personal student, along with Twilight, everypony was hoping to meet you. As you’ve noticed, whenever I take a personal student, it doesn’t usually affect your everyday life. But when I take another student, it usually spreads around magical universities rather quickly… there is also a slight issue with these little meetings.”

“You never show up?”

“No. I try to show up, and always bring Twilight along if she is able. Luckily, this year, it seems as though the meeting is taking place in Ponyville. So Twilight should be able to make it… Back to the topic at hoof. You see, there is a small competition consisting of magical duels. The Royal Guard does have its own university for magic, and usually excels in this competition. Twilight usually does well in these magical duels, but usually falls short due to her lack of creativity.”

“And now you have the option of yeeting me at one of Shiny’s guys so that I can kick their ass?”

“That is the point… but you are aware that you will be bringing a lot of attention your way, correct?”

“Meh, again, if I expect the attention, I don’t mind it.”

“Okay… you do wish to come, right?”

“Yeah, and if I deem this convention to be stupid, I can go to Apple Jack’s place again and chill with her and Big Mac for the day.”

“I suppose I could allow that…”

“Hey, cool news,” I hummed. “I made a textbook for Python. It’s a very, very early stage of Python, but it’s practically done. The means to make news spells with it are there, and all the Runes I could possibly make are done. Mayhaps…”

“Source…”

“Yeah?”

“You are going to have a sea of scholars asking how the buck you made a new system, and then they’ll probably yell at you for beating them all with your system of magic…”

“Hey now, the version of Python I put in this is made for the general public. What I’m using is Python Script, or a version made specifically for me to get as much as I can out of each spell cast, in terms of strength and magic reserve preservation.”

“...Okay, you essentially made three different magical systems, one exclusively made for you, and you expect to walk into a magical convention and be left alone? These are magical scholars; they will notice that you are putting way more power into spells than your natural talents should allow.”

“Meh, they can buy a Python Textbook from me, and I can make some extra bits, and they can almost achieve the level of optimization I’ve gotten with Python.”

“Twilight will hound you for a copy, even if she knows she won’t get any use out of Python.”

“I mailed a copy of it to her. Guess what, I've been saving all the bits from my job and used them all to get four or five copies printed.”

“...Huh. That is a lot more foresight than what I would expect from you.”

“Hey, I wanna be able to make bits in a way that doesn’t involve me sitting in a line in the kitchen for the rest of my life. I can announce Python’s release, make some bits, print more copies, and sell those to make even more bits. One book’s thirty bits.”

“...That’s half the price of most magical textbooks, Source. Charge at least eighty for the time it took you to test Python out.”

“...Fine, Mom. I’ll make damn near a hundred bits off of one stupid textbook.”

“Good. You deserve it after putting in so much work into this system.”

We both sat in silence before the question came to mind. “When is it happening?”

“In about a week from now. Why do you ask?”

“Okay, a week to mentally prepare myself. It lasts… how long?”

“Three days. One day will be dedicated to three different events, with the third being for the magical duel tournament.”

Unicorn College Convention pt. 1

So, I had the whole week to prepare myself for the magic school meet up or whatever. Apparently there were plenty of unicorn universities. One was all the way in Prance, which was kinda cool. There were schools for every major city in Equestria, so that meant… Canterlot had Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, along with Canterlot’s Community College for Unicorns, Manehattan, Philadelphia, Stalliongrad, Trottingham, Minneapolis, Bales, Hoofington, Vanhoover. Fuck even some of the smaller towns, that have a decent amount of unicorns living in them, have their own universities. There were at least two unicorn universities(not the actual names for them, but alliteration seems fun), whereas Canterlot had at least three according to Celly.

For instance, Celly registers as a separate educator from her own school, since she tends to take personal students from time to time, even though Twilight did take regular classes in her school for gifted unicorns. Meanwhile, she still received a majority of her magic teaching from Celestia herself than any of the professors in her school. Basically, since Twilight exclusively learnt magic from Celestia, it meant she technically wasn’t a ‘magic student’ of Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.

The Royal Guard has its own unicorn university that is primarily focused on combat magic.

Since I was also Celestia’s personal student(not star pupil, that still belonged to Twilight), that meant I was supposed to come along. So I spent most of the week coming up with a design for my own booth, since there were three parts for the event. One part per day. The first was the introduction of everypony going, students, professors, what they learn or teach, what they do to try and advance magic. There was going to be a whole section during the first day where I was to go on stage and get introduced to the magical community at large. Then I got to go to my own booth, greet ponies at it, and hear old farts suck their own magical dicks.

While it was meant for unicorns, it was a public event, so it being held in Ponyville was a chance for the ponies to do… something, I suppose. I dunno what a town that’s predominantly earth ponies would get out of a ‘fancy’ unicorn meet up, but whatever. They could sell food. Pinkie makes a mean chocolate cake and the Apples just make good food.

The second event involved a magical show, which was more like a competition. There were two brackets, students and teachers, so two separate winners(Celestia was not allowed to compete since she wasn’t a unicorn). Twilight did exceptionally well, in fact, whenever she did partake in the meetup, she won this. The problem that Twilight mainly had wasn’t power or application… for the most part. Twilight goes so by the books that it’s ridiculous. She could easily perform any spell you ask her to perform, but then she probably won’t do anything special with the spell, just use it like you’re supposed to. This could lead to her not being incredibly predictable, and since she had to pull her punches, ended up losing in the third event quite often. Trixie Lulamoon often won this competition(she’s from the Neigh Orleans Unicorn University) often won the second competition, but coincidentally never partook in any competitions that Twilight happened to take part in.

Since Trixie was still in Ponyville, apparently, she probably will compete this year with Twilight.

The third and final competition was combat, Twilight did well purely based on how fucking much of a cheat code Twilight is. She’s strong, quick at casting, and has damn near every spell in existence nailed down, including combat spells. The only reason why she loses, is again, her textbook application of those spells and her sheer lack of combat experience. Shining Armor took part sometimes, and often ended up flooring most of the competition(he usually wins too). I doubt I would win any of the competitions, but I think I could do well purely based on Python’s spells, and Python Plus(it’s a better name than Python Script in my humble opinion which is law). From what I can understand, nopony’s made a new magical system since Star Swirl the Bearded, so that may just win me the second competition on its own.

This whole thing will make me scared and concerned about a lot of things. Especially ponies. I’m terrible at dealing with ponies.

I sat down in the carriage next to Celestia while I checked over my saddlebags. “This is gonna suck.”

“It won’t be all too bad. I’m certain that you’ll enjoy yourself,” Celestia nudged me with a wing. “Again, if you hate what you see, you are free to go spend the next three days anywhere else, so long as it’s in Ponyville. However, all I ask is that you stick around long enough for your introduction to the convention. Can you do that for me?” Celly asked, nuzzling my cheek. The look she’s giving me is simple, it was a big eyed, adorable little head tilt. It was the look that Celestia gave me whenever she wanted me to do something for, because I would end up doing it for her if she gave me the look. It was kinda sad, but not very sad, and a little pitiful looking.

Given how big Celly is, it’s a shock that she can make that face and get away with it.

“I’ll try to make it through the whole event, Celly. Jesus christ, why did you have to figure out that that look is my weakness?”

“Well, you decided to say it was adorable one time,” Celestia giggled, while giving me an even cuter look. She even tilted her head just a little, like a German Shepherd would. “Well? Am I adorable?”

“Fuck you,” I grumbled, before I grabbed both her cheeks with my hooves, before kissing her. Celestia ‘oh’d and ‘eep’d. I swear, I could hear the sweat rolling off of our guards. They had to do their best to not acknowledge that their Princess was being kissed right on the lips behind them while they began to pull her chariot out of the carriage bay. Celestia, while I was kissing her, sat there, wide eyed, before she leaned into the kiss and closed her eyes. By the time we were done, we were well in the air and halfway to Ponyville. “As I said, fuck you,” I whispered, before kissing her cheek and letting her go.

“You best make do on that when we get back home from this event. I doubt the motel that we will be staying at will appreciate the noise that would ensue if you were to fulfill that offer in Ponyville.” Celestia bobbed her eyebrows. “I have been a little stressed recently, and I assume that you can assist with relieving me of that stress?”

“Oh, I will.” I whispered, before I pulled back to look at the view. This was the first time I’ve actually rode in a sky chariot, and it… was actually pretty cool. Sure, it was scary since the only thing keeping me in the chariot was an enchantment, and a seatbelt-less cushion that was also only held in the chariot by the same enchantment. It really wasn’t too discernible from when me and Celestia had our first date at a tiny little cafe on the edge of the shopping plate of Canterlot… Mmm, I wanna take her out on another date soon. Maybe for a honeymoon we both enjoy a nice, long week in a log cabin together.

Painted hills, colored skies, Canterlot becoming more and more distant, while Ponyville becomes closer and closer with each passing minute. Celly and I shared one more, very short kiss to get it all out of our systems, so that the majority of Ponyville, and the Scholars, wouldn’t think we’re dating… yet. I plan on kissing Celestia on stage after I’m introduced.

The flight to Ponyville didn’t take that long, as just a train ride to Ponyville, from Canterlot, was about an hour, two if there was a delay or something blocking the caves that the tracks go up through. A chariot often only took about ten to twenty minutes at the longest. Since me and Celly spent about half of that kissing, we landed in Ponyville pretty quickly in front of town hall. The majority of the convention would be held out in a random field outside of Ponyville(I could even see tents from the chariot before it landed). However, it was a usual courtesy for Celestia to stop and visit the local government’s leader.

It was also where Twilight and her friends were supposed to be meeting us at.

Lo and behold, Twilight was walking up to the town hall, with her friends, explaining the magical convention. Rainbow rubbed it off as egghead stuff, Rarity actually seemed a little interested, Apple Jack didn’t seem to particularly care, but wanted to support Twilight, Fluttershy was… trying to hide behind Rainbow Dash, away from all the unfamiliar unicorns that were flooding in from the train station. Promptly after we landed, Luna popped out of fucking nowhere, because I guess it would make sense for the Crown, besides Celly, to make an appearance.

“You know,” Celestia mused as she looked at me, before her eyes started wandering down to what I was wearing. “I don’t know why you insisted on buying a trench coat. What is wrong with going without it?”

“Trench coats look cool, and I always wanted one, but never knew where to get one. I found this bad boy at some boutique, and I think I look cool.”

“Well, you do look handsome in it, and I suppose you do look rather ‘cool’ while wearing a trench coat. Perhaps I shall buy myself a matching pair? It is a known thing for couples to have matching outfits where you come from, is it not?”

“It is a thing that some couples love to do. Seeing you in a trench coat would be a sight to see. I bet you’d look adorable with a fedora.” The look on her face told me she was now considering buying a fedora.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight and her friends stopped to bow.

“What’s with the trench coat?” Apple Jack asked me shortly after bowing to Luna and Celestia. Luna said a few words to Celestia, licked my cheek once, before flying off to likely go book herself a motel room on the opposite side from where me and Celly were going to book one; just in case Celly and I start having fun.

“...I’m not gonna explain it every time, so let’s just say the… colt that’s inside of me thought trench coats were cool, so I bought one on impulse.”

“That thing is… atrocious,” Rarity shuttered. My trench coat was a nice, sleek black coat that rested on my back, and draped down my hindlegs, covering my tail, and came to a stop just above my hind-hooves. “It…”

“It’s perfectly fine, Rarity. I like it, and that is really all that matters when it comes to clothes, ain’t it? Aside from comfort, of course. Style is subjective after all.”

“I suppose, but I’m saying that the quality of that thing is horrible. How much was it?”

“Thirty bits.”

“...I could’ve made you a higher quality trench coat for half that, dear. You look fine,” Rarity drew that last bit out while looking me over. “If that one ever tears, or wears out, you are more than welcome to stop by the Carousel Boutique; I will happily make you a new one, perhaps even provide you with a fedora?”

“That… would be pretty cool. I’ll have to take you up on that offer whenever I end up wearing out this coat. For now, it’s fine.” Rarity seemed to be perfectly happy with that, so we dropped the topic.

“So,” I said to Twilight, I sat on my rump and chuckled. “Ready to… well, you likely won’t get your arse handed to you, you’re way too strong for that. Uh, ready to watch me eat shit on the third day?”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, Source. It’s all for fun anyways, even if the university that wins the third event gets some extra promotion from having the best trained unicorns for combat.”

“Ah, street cred for kicking butt. Well, I hope to win the second day’s event purely using Python; it’s basically done at this point, so I bought a few copies to sell. I even sent you a copy a week ago. You got it, right?”

“Yup! Spike burped it up. I must say, having your notes formatted into a textbook is way better than using your journal. Even… if I can’t get much use out of it, the fact that you made a new system of magic, and you’re developing another, that is incredible!”

“Good thing that the second system totally isn’t the third one I’ve developed.” Twilight caught that really quickly and gave me a ‘explain it now, bitch’ look. “I initially tailored Python just for me, before I realized how much it could benefit weaker unicorns if I were to teach them how to use Python. Python Plus is a variant of Python exclusively for me, more complicated equations, entire spells fitted into one Rune, which is why the equations are more complicated, and spell casting with Python Plus is so optimized that it stuck me in the top half of the Guard’s unicorns… Or rather, I would've been if I were actually in the guard, but the point. Python Plus is something I can’t really format it into a textbook because only I know how to do the equations, and the Runes.”

“...Dang, that is very impressive. Though DragonFire alone may be enough for you to win the second day. After all, nopony before has even tried to figure out how dragon fire actually works, and then you find a way to consistently make dragon fire with a spell. And it’s flashy.”

"And totally wicked!” Rainbow chimed in.

“Eh, first we gotta get settled in, and the first event’s gonna start which, to me, sounds like a bunch of old farts getting ready to ride their own hot-haydogs into outer space with how much they’ll probably be bragging about their accomplishments.” Twilight and Celestia snorted, whereas the rest of the girls looked mildly confused by that.

We both stepped into our motel room, which was apparently the fanciest one the owners could offer, which wasn’t much since it was a motel room, but I suppose it was kinda nice. It was nicer than the motel room I managed to get with the stipend check I was supposed to get, until I got a job and moved into Celestia’s chambers after we started dating… I may need to change that, but Celestia doesn’t seem to mind that I’m still sleeping in her bed, and probably prefers it. I suppose it is normal for people, and ponies, to move into their significant other’s home. The motel room… was actually just a carbon copy of my motel room back home.

Except the carpet was a mixture of random shades of blue, which then meshed into an unpleasant shade of blue.

“Well,” I said. “This isn’t too shabby, given that the owner insisted on giving us this room for free.”

“It is rather nice for a motel room. Though I personally would rather have been able to pay for it-”

“Again, if the owner didn’t damn near force you to take the room for free.” We both sighed, before I unhooked my saddlebags and set them aside. “The first event is essentially just a meet and greet, right?” Celestia nodded. “Darn. Well,” I took my trench coat off and laid it on the bed that I knew that neither of us would be using; we were going to definitely get overdosed on snuggles later. “Might as well get this shit over with, eh?”

“Oh please, it cannot be that bad. I’m sure you’ll even meet a few ponies that you’ll become close friends with.

We ended up splitting upon getting to the first event. It literally was just a meet and greet until everypony finally showed up. So I ended up wandering around the ‘convention’ for a lack of a better word, as well, held out in the middle of a field since there wasn’t anywhere else to have it. Ponies all around were setting up tents for their school, probably to promote it. Some of the locals were actually setting up concession stands, or had already had a few set up. I had ended up putting my trench coat back on, in order to keep a low profile while I walked around the sea of tents. While I was apparently a big deal to all these scholars, nopony knew what I looked like due to a lack of photographic proof of what I looked like. I felt bored. Honestly, I would rather try to make a copy of Doom Eternal run on a Raspberry Pi, at least I could make some bootleg of Doom that might vaguely look like the real thing.

Somepony tapped my shoulder… and lo and behold, it was Trixie.

“Trixie knew she would find you here!”

“Ah Trixie, how’s life going?” I said with a grin. Trixie nuzzled up into my side.

“Trixie has been seeing some more success when it comes to her show business, thanks to DragonFire! Even some ponies from Ponyville were impressed! Trixie hopes to win this year's second event, but she is doubtful with you and Twilight Sparkle being here… Though Trixie does have a trick up her sleeve,” she slowly levitated up an Amulet. I quickly ran a diagnostic spell over it before my eyes widened. “What, is something wrong?”

“That thing is about ready to burst from dark magic, Trixie. Why the hell do you have that?”

“Trixie thought it would help her contend with some of the more… magically gifted unicorns in Equestria. You have your system of magic to help you, but Trixie has nothing.”

“You have a copy of a journal that has everything you need to know about Python; you don’t need that amulet. Feck, I did a lot of research, I kinda have to given my position, that amulet can make you do some fucked up shit, Trixie. Sure, it’ll help you ‘compete’ but it’s not wise to use that in front of Celestia, who’s also here, or various other unicorns who will know what’s going on. Absolute power corrupts absolutely; standing over everyone else that you beat into submission ain’t how you should go about. It’s all for fun anyways, so why worry about being the absolute best?”

“I… Trixie believes you are right, but it-” I grabbed the amulet, spun it around enough times by the chain, and promptly launched it into space after spinning it enough time and using a momentum spell to make it actually fly into space. It whistled on the way up, and everypony looked at us. “I suppose that solves the problem. How are you certain that it won’t land in the hooves of somepony else?”

“I put a tracking spell on it. It’s on its way to another planet, a planet where nothing should be alive, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something was alive. If anything does find it, the amulet simply won’t even work anyways. I also put another spell on it to have it detonate,” Trixie gave me an odd look. “It’s gonna blow up in about five minutes, and if it doesn’t breach the atmosphere, then it’ll be blown up before it even touches the ground. In other words, it’s probably fine if the amulet gets found; it’ll be blown to shit anyways.”

“That doesn’t sound good. Magic just… doesn’t disappear,” Trixie whispered.

“Well, in outer space, where there shouldn’t be anything with a pulse, let alone complex thoughts, that doesn’t matter. And the amulet will probably fly into the Sun; I made sure that it would at least… I think it would, I’m not smart enough to just do stuff like that… I should’ve just asked Celly about it; she would’ve known what to do with it.

“Well Trixie, hope ya enjoy the rest of the convention, don’t eat too much of those haydogs, it’ll go right to your stomach. Gotta keep looking nice and lovely so you can keep getting a shit load of fanmail, eh?” I asked, giving Trixie a sly smile while her face slowly became thoroughly red. Ah, Trixie would be pretty cute too, and she is right now, if she didn’t initially act like a bit of a cunt, but it was all apparently an act, since Trixie was at least acting like a decent pony right now.

“Trixie will take your advice; even if Trixie could kill for a haydog right about now.”

“Hey, just don’t eat too many of those things. I heard of a dude that did, and his stomach exploded and killed him. Anything can kill you if you get too much of it.”

“You are right… enjoy the meetup, Source. Trixie believes she will be seeing you on stage for both the magic show, and the magical duels?”

“Probably.” We both bumped hooves, and Trixie started on her way towards the nearest concession stand to go munch down on some haydogs. She bought sixteen of them, before wandering off to a nearby picnic table to eat them. I simply sat for a moment, before realizing that Trixie just pounded down sixteen haydogs and was going for more… so much for watching how many of those things she ate. Oh well, I’m not one to judge Trixie’s eating habits. I barely ate anything anyways, so maybe I should grab something to eat… Apple Jack’s family should be selling some of their goods… I would love an apple pie right about now.

I quickly found the Apple Family’s concession stand because of the smell of cinnamon, apples, and just good food. And because Twilight and her friends were there, Twilight was being chastised by a stallion, probably from another school in Canterlot, while looking mildly uncomfortable.

“Howdy,” I greeted Big Mac who was actually running the stand with Apple Bloom, who adorably, was wearing a big, stereotypical chef hat, even though all she was supposed to do was stand and hold a sign. While I could tell that she wanted to go hangout with her friends, who were glued to Rarity for the evening, she was an Apple at heart, and the Apples love selling their goods first and foremost.

Big Mac seemed to mainly be handling the cooking and the selling part of the concession stand.

“Howdy,” the big stallion reached over and we bumped hooves. “What can Ah get for ye, Source?”

“I see you guys took my idea on the apple pies,” I nodded to the apple pies that almost looked like any apple pie from a fast food place. Instead of it being full pies, it was more like apple pie logs. In other words, it was more like a hot pocket, and was definitely better for ponies just looking to buy a snack rather than buy a whole ass pie.

“We did, it’s been selling a lot! Fuck, they sell more than the whole pies do!” Apple Bloom jumped up and down. “They’re really addictive, so I can get why. Did you want an apple pie?”

“Eh, yeah, that’s why I seeked this place out first and foremost. You Apples sure do know how to cook with your namesakes, eh?”

“That we do,” Big Mac nodded. “Here’s a couple on the house; we don’t charge friends of the family.”

“And I insist on supporting my friends’ business, lemme pay for you-”

“Your bits ain’t good here, Source! How many bucking times do we gotta tell you about this?” Apple Bloom asked. She gave me big ol’ puppy eyes. “Please just let us give you these for free!”

“Why are you apples so insistent on-”

“You literally worked for our farm, for free without pay, once,” Big Mac pointed out. “Yer a good friend anyways, and you gave us the idea for these ‘apple logs’ as we’ve been callin’ them.”

“...God dammit guys,” I chuckled, before jerking my head. “C’mere, Big Mac, I gotta give you a hug. Same with you, Apple Bloom.” I gave them both a nice, big hug, and Big Mac handed over the apple pie sliders. “Next time I’m in town, you are letting me buy you a drink, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom, you’re going to let me take you to a candy shop before me, your brother, and your sister get drunk. I don’t think I should be escorting a sweet, little filly anywhere while hungover.” Apple Bloom was fine with that, even if I'm sure she's probably has had alcohol before.

“We’re lookin’ forward to yer next visit to Ponyville, partner,” Big Mac said with a grin, before nodding towards Twilight and her friends. “Go spend the ‘meetup’ with them, alright?”

“I was probably going to. Nice talkin’ to ya, Bloom, keep being adorable; a colt likes a cute filly after all-”

“Ah ain’t lookin’ for colts,” Apple Bloom said with a blush. “Though… there is this one colt in Ms. Cheerilee’s class…”

“D’aw, you’ll have to tell me all about him. I’ll probably stick in town for a day or three after the event, so I’m sure you can.”

“Ah, will. See you, Uncle Source!” I raised an eyebrow at that. “Yer an honorary uncle to me.” You know what? I could be happy with being unlawfully adopted by the Apples. I picked the filly up, nuzzled her, before going off to join Twilight’s group of friends.

I walked up to the lavender unicorn that was starting to look more and more uncomfortable with talking to the stallion that she was chatting with. As I got closer, I could guess why.

“-And you smell nice.”

“Hey man, you don’t know how to flirt. Leave my… marefriend alone before I slap the shit out of you.” Twilight and the rest of her friends flinched, until I looked Twi in the eye. “Roll with it,” I whispered.

“...M-marefriend? Princess Celestia’s star pupil has a coltfriend?”

“Eeyup! We’ve been happily dating for weeks!” Twilight said she was obviously lying, but unless you were Apple Jack, or Celestia or Luna, most ponies kinda sucked at telling if somepony was lying to them. To really seal it though, I nuzzled Twilight’s cheek, and immediately went to grooming her ears. I know that was basically the ultimate sign of affection for ponies, so I knew it would probably get this nerd to back off. “See? We’re happily dating.” The poor fella actually looked a little down by that, before walking off. As soon as I knew the guy was out of earshot, I backed off of Twilight and took a deep breath.

“Okay, I know for a fact,” I pointed at Celestia, who was off in the distance, and watching us. “Celestia took a photo of that to tease us with. Judging from the shit eating grin that’s nicely concealed behind those magenta eyes of hers. But at least you aren’t being flirted on by a really nerdy stallion?”

“He… was obviously trying to get me to sleep with him. It’s weird… aren’t you supposed to get to know ponies before that stuff?”

“Mmm, probably. It’s how you have more fun while doing that sorta thing at least. I can kinda get why, you’re a pretty mare that’s got a lot of street cred, and you’re fucking Twilight motherfucking Sparkle; your existence must’ve sent ripples throughout these eggheads when you were first taken as Celestia’s prodigy. And admittedly, if I were half the stallions here, who are around your age, I would love to just have the chance to flirt with you. You’re one of them, but happen to be attractive.” Twilight blushed at that. “And you’re god damn smart; I’m sure a stallion would also love that in a mare.”

“Are you trying to hit on me now?” Twilight asked, dropping the shocked look, and was trying to be a bit more of a teasing one.

“Meh, Celly’s the only mare for me, Twi, you know this. I’m just taking it from that guy’s perspective, but he really shoulda noticed that you weren’t very comfortable with that at all and backed off.”

“Well… I also didn’t just tell him I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to be rude…”

“Wow, if I tried the same thing when we first met, you would’ve brushed me off and walked away.”

“...I’ve learnt a thing or two about friendship, and being friendly, Source.” Twilight looked around her group of friends. “Is everypony done eating?”

“Yeah!” the girls chorused.

“Okay, the ‘introduction’ bit should be starting soon,” I pointed out, before scarfing down the last of my apple log. “C’mon Twi, we gotta get in position with Celly so that we can all be called on stage at the same time.” I waved to the girls. “See y’all after we’re introduced.”

“Ladies and gentlecolts,” Celestia had begun her speech which basically consisted of… “Thanks for coming out here, and thank you for inviting me this year once more.” It was a nice, kinda long speech. After she was done, she immediately stepped off the stage to go reunite with me and Twilight while the first few university professors and their subsequent students started going up on stage. The first was from Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, which had somepony named Minuette, who was mostly here because she actually lived in Ponyville. So I’m assuming they asked her to come along to save the trouble of having to get somepony else out of Canterlot.

Minuette, was a light blue unicorn with a darker blue mane and tail, with streaks of a shade of blue more akinned to her coat, going through it. Adorning her flanks was an hourglass. From the way she was standing, I could tell she was a bit of an airhead, but was probably pretty smart, and probably good with magic if she graduated from Celly’s school with pretty solid grades, and her magic repertoire is apparently pretty decent... The professor that was present was some old, gray, friendly looking unicorn that was named Atomic Slice. The two waved at the crowd, introduced themselves, and headed off stage for the next school.

The next school was named ‘The Royal Guard’s Combat School For Gifted Unicorns’. It was a school exclusive to the guard and aimed to teach its stronger unicorns how to actually defend themselves, and because it’s a guard oriented school, how to defend other ponies from small scale to large scale threats, something a stronger unicorn can handle. Shining Armor was there, as apparently a former graduate, which made sense since he was fucking hard to fight, since his sheilds, I swear to god, barely have any weak points in them. Like I could go at it all day, and unless I used a specific spell in Python(that I luckily shortened down to a few Runes and made a very basic spell equation for), I couldn’t get through a shield that Shining set up. With that very specific spell, however, I made it specifically to blend well with other offensive spells such as a Stun or a Knockout spell. So fighting him got easier, until you get into the more physical side of things. Since Shining Armor was a captain, he also registered as a teacher due to the nature of how the Guard’s school is set up. However, an actual teacher did show up, and he was only a rank or two above Shiny.

I could see Rarity in the crowd; she wanted to try and flirt with Shiny judging by the look she’s giving him. Given how I saw Cadance’s shoed hooves poking out from under the curtain, that wasn’t going to be a thing that happened. Not without it getting weird, or if Cadance and Shiny actually like Rarity, can get really frisky in their motel room right after… or Twilight’s Library, because I’m assuming that they would take any chance, with them being Twilight’s old foalsitter and BBBFF(big brother best friend forever) respectively, to stay with Twilight over the course of the next three days.

Hell, I’m surprised that she didn’t immediately introduce them to her friends. Maybe she just didn’t get the chance to? They did only just meet up around the time that the event was supposed to begin, so I guess Twi didn’t instantly know that her brother and Cadance were coming by. As soon as Twilight figured out Cadance was around the back of the stage, immediately went around the back and did a cute little greeting dance with her.

Most of the professors and students were a complete blur for me, since Luna actually took over for Celestia when introducing the subsequent unicorns. “Now, ladies and gentle colts.” I could tell that Luna was struggling to not revert to her more archaic way of speaking. “Last, but not least, is my sister, Princess Celestia and her star pupil, Twilight Sparkle!” To be flashy, both Twilight and Celestia teleported on stage, Celestia had her beautiful wings that I totally didn’t stare at the whole time, held high as the two walked to the front of the stage and introduced themselves.

“Now, some of you may have heard of the recent news, of me taking a second star pupil, and while he may not be as magically gifted as my faithful little student, Twilight Sparkle, he has made leaps and bounds recently in magical discovery. His understanding of magic theory, and his impressive spell repertoire stood out to me. Introducing my latest student, Source Code!” Princess Celestia stepped back, and I suddenly combusted. You see, I was just sitting in the crowd like an idiot, so when I suddenly combusted, everypony was shocked at first. In fact everypony started screaming and were seconds away from panicking.

Then I appeared right next to Princess Celestia, and nuzzled into her side. Celly promptly sat down and draped a wing over me. “Howdy, everypony,” I waved. “As you all saw, I just burnt to a crisp a few seconds ago. With the help of Twilight’s assistant, Spike, I figured out how to use DragonFire, and found out how to use it as a means of transporting myself. It’s something that’s a part of something that I have been developing for the last year that I’ve been Tia’s student; it’s something called…” I paused. “Python. I've spent most of this year developing Python; it’s its own magical system that's built off the very, very basic Rune based spells that already exist. However it consists of my own Runes that I’ve brute forced into existence, and a ton of equations. Unfortunately, you have to be exact; you can’t make a single mistake when it comes to the casting of Python, or stumble over Runes while casting, but the results from using Python is Huge.

“I am probably the weakest unicorn here, or at least the weakest unicorn that’s going to any university. However, Python lets me contend in the Royal Guard, against their tougher unicorns, and even beat a fair amount of them. Twilight Sparkle is beyond powerful, and I can actually hold out against her for a good amount of time too because of Python. Granted, if you’re already pretty damn strong with magic, Python isn’t really something you should default to. If you already have a good grasp of magic, Python may be a waste of time, and it’s only really useful if you aren’t that strong with magic.

“However, I suppose I’ll have to wait to show you all just how effective Python is for what I’ve built it for. Casting Optimization for Strength; every single spell in Python is absurdly easy, and thus means you can pour more power into any given spell casted. Twilight can’t make use of it, mostly because it will backfire, and it will probably knock her out…”

“Why’d you make it if stronger unicorns can’t use Python?” One of the professors asked. He was from Baltimare, and he had a scowl that seemed to be permanently etched into his face. “If none of us can use it, then what’s the point?”

“I said I was weak. I made it for us ‘weak’ unicorns. If one of y’all suddenly went wild and wanted to murder me, Python is meant to purely help me hold out for help, or get away from the problem, while also just having its own variants of everyday spells like Levitate, to make precision greater, or to literally travel faster with DragonFire. Even Twilight can use DragonFire without it backfiring because I developed certain spells, that don’t exist anywhere else, to be easy to cast and have little drawbacks. Twi, can you be a dear and showcase your application of DragonFire?”

Twilight did as asked, lighting herself on fire, and promptly flying around the sky with DragonFire before promptly landing next to me.

“See? Python has a reason to exist, but it’s not the end all, be all of the spell systems.” Another pony raised their hoof. I motioned for them to continue.

“Why are you leaning into Princess Celestia like that? She’s your teacher and Princess, not your mother!”

I snickered, before slowly kissing Celestia on the cheek. Celestia giggled, blushed, before promptly kissing me on the mouth. “I didn’t expect you to be so… forward with saying we were dating,” Celestia whispered in my ear. “To say that I am pleasantly surprised, is an understatement!”

“So, anymore questions?” I asked.

Everypony in the crowd was broken.

Unicorn College Convention pt. 2

I took a seat at my booth next to Celestia. Seeing as the two of us basically publicly announced our relationship, she decided to hangout around me most of the first day. Right now, I was just sitting around, waiting for somepony to walk up, and then try to sell them a textbook of Python. I made sure to make sure you couldn’t just make a copy of it using any spells, by putting as many anti-copying enchants on each copy as possible, for when I end up selling even more copies later in the year. So far… uh, only a small amount of ponies showed up at my booth. Yeah, a really tiny amount.

“I’d like another copy of Python!” Twilight said, at the front of the line of several dozen ponies who were probably just trying to meet me.

“But you already have a copy that I mailed to you…” I said, looking a bit defeated. She was arguing this point for a good five minutes as to why she wanted a second copy. Until she ended up coming up with a very good point.

“That is my personal copy, something that I will probably cherish forever! The copy I want to buy will be for the library’s catalog. For the public to use! I’ll pay extra if I have to!”

“...How about a discount?”

“No, you put in way too much work into developing this! And I’ve read through the textbook. The way you explain everything and how it works is so good! It’s so simple, yet not condescending! Anypony, even a non-unicorn can pick it up and learn Python really easily with this! You clearly spent a lot of time on just the textbook alone, excluding all of the time spent coming up with Runes and spells! Let me pay you money!” Twilight handed me over a hundred bits, when my textbooks were only eighty per book. I stared at the bag for a moment, before Twilight gave me a bright smile that made me want to say yes. It was that face that every, single, fucking mare is capable of. And I’m not even a pony at heart, yet it still thoroughly worked on me.

Any stallion that laid eyes upon usually became emotional puddy and let the mare that used this weapon on them to do whatever they want… within reason. Usually if the mare is a piece of shit, this doesn’t work. However, Twilight is actually somewhat adorable, so when she did this, I nodded and let her take a book. Never before did I think I would be so against selling a product I made, but I didn’t want to damn near a hundred and fifty bits for a fucking book! Twilight put some more bits on the table, took her newly acquired textbook, presumably to her library.

She teleported away, and teleported back to sit beside me while Celestia sat on the other side of me. I chuckled nervously as I realized that I was currently the center of attention of a couple dozen unicorns, and that was the only ones I could see.

“Howdy,” I said, trying to keep my nerves under control. It didn’t work very well, but it did well. The next unicorn in line was… actually one of the professors, the one from Filydephia, who was actually pretty damn young for a professor. I think the average age for a professor was around fifty to seventy years old, yet this lady looked around thirty or so at the oldest, or about ten years older than Twilight, and Twilight was about a year or two older than my shitty body was. The mare sat down in front of me with a look not too dissimilar to the look Twilight got when she got excited about something. Starbright was a bright, yellow mare with a nicely orange mane and tail that looked very pleasant on the eyes. She wasn’t Celestia, so she didn’t get to be ‘prettiest mare I’ve ever seen’ prize, because she wasn’t my marefriend, and my marefriend is, and will always be the prettiest mare I’ve ever seen. Adorning her flanks… was a carrot.

“Hello! I’m Starbright, it’s nice to meet you!” the mare reached over the table, and I felt my hoof, that I had folded on the table like a human, it looked weird to Twilight, since she hasn’t gotten to spend much time with me after she moved to Ponyville, but Celestia told her it was a normal occurrence for me to sit like I was still human, even if my posture was awful because of this. I shook and found my anxiety quickly killed itself upon seeing how happy somepony was to just meet me.

“Hello Starbright, you’re from Fillydelphia, right?” I asked.

“Of course!” She sounds like somebody from Philadelphia, but whatever. “I’m so happy to finally get the chance to speak with you. Celestia didn’t say much, but when we heard that she was taking on another student, I knew I had to meet you. And a stallion no less…” Her smile was so damn bright that I think she was trying to hit on me, but she seemed pretty eccentric, so I chalked that up to her just being excited. “I heard you came up with another magical system, and I was hoping to buy a textbook to teach it to some of my… less gifted students. It would help them out so much!”

“Eighty bits per textbook.” Her smile was actually starting to get creepy. Nopony smiles for that long except Celestia, and it’s usually a fake, serene one that Celly usually wears while out in public. This smile was huge, toothy, and started looking faker by the minute.

“Perhaps… you give it to me for free? You did it for Twilight Sparkle just now… My student said you two were dating after all. Perhaps if I treated you to a nice dinner, you could-”

Oh. She is trying to swindle me.

“Aha! So you're teaching that stallion that was creeping on Twilight, staring at her flanks and lady bits!” Twilight started blushing at how blunt I was. The mare’s smile cracked just a little bit. “But uh, yeah no, Twilight and I aren’t dating. I’m not exactly from Equestria, and where I’m from, it’s very uncommon for a stallion to be dating more than one mare. And… my marefriend,” I nuzzled Celestia. “Is sitting right beside me. That is a lot more of a spine than what I’d expect from any pony though; many would immediately try to stop hitting on me as soon as they found out that I’m dating the Princess.

“So seeing you try and flirt with me right in front of Celly is a pleasant surprise. However, I can feel Celestia getting warmer, a lot warmer. I don’t think she’s excited about seeing somepony trying to openly flirt with me, especially for their own personal gain. There’s many things my marefriend is, and she’s usually not jealous. Nah, she’s just pissed at you.” I think only then did Starbright realize what she was doing, before ignoring any sense of self preservation that she may have had.

“Just give me a textbook, you stupid mustang! It’s probably bogus anyways and-”

“Whoa lady, I would hold it if I were you. You already said a slur. Just pay the bits, apparently eighty bits is still on the cheaper side for magical textbooks. That’s ignoring enchantment costs, that I made myself using the very magical system that’s contained within these textbooks, so that it is literally impossible to copy or duplicate through normal spells. And even then, they’re smartly enchanted; if it senses somepony trying to pirate its contents, it will set itself on fire and come straight back to me. Celestia told me that a textbook like that with all the enchants is damn near two hundred bits; this is still a bargain.” I felt Celestia go from ‘warmer’ to almost ‘uncomfortably hot’.

I don’t think Celestia was happy about this hoe calling me a slur.

“Here’s a discount just to get your stupid arse outta here. Thirty bits; what I was originally going to sell all these for.”

“Fine!” She threw the bits at my face, which kinda hurt since they were literal golden coins, before catching them with my magic before they had the chance to scatter everywhere.

“Now what else can I do for you? A hoof massage, a carrot? Perhaps a carrot will help you calm down and quit being a bitch!” I singsonged. I honestly wasn’t even mad, I didn’t even care. I was a tired, stupid college student that just found a way to make bits in a way that didn’t involve starring in a porn because you’re an unpaid intern.

I side eyed Celestia and then Twilight, both of whom looked about ready to snap this bitch’s neck. “What did you just say?” Her eyes were twitching.

“Mrs. Starbright,” Celestia said very slowly and calmly, despite how hot she was. Everypony that was in line was staring wide eyed at Starbright, and had been after she had called me a mustang. “While I appreciate you attempting to support my student’s endeavors, I believe you should leave. As a teacher, I am beyond angered that somepony called my student’s work a load of horse dung. As a Princess, I am angry and could have you arrested for assaulting one of my little ponies right in front of me. As Source’s marefriend, I want to burn down everything and everyone you ever knew or loved for hitting my coltfriend. So, please take your heavily discounted textbook before I lose my patience. I can tell that my star pupil is less than thrilled to see one of her peers being assaulted either, and she has far less self control than I do.”

Only then did Starbright give the mares on both my sides an actual look. Rainbow Dash was sitting off to the side to try and talk with Twilight whenever she could, who was even more ready to jump the bitch, but was being held down by the aforementioned unicorn. Celestia genuinely looked ready to use Solar Beam on the mare, and Twilight was about ready to let go of Rainbow’s tail and join in on beating the ever living crap out of Starbright. The mare slowly shrunk back, grabbed her newly acquired copy of Python: Everything You Need to Know, and started running while feeling the glares of everypony in the crowd.

“Well, holy shit,” I said, leaning into Celestia’s still burning side. “Seeing you get mad like that was sexy, just lettin’ you know, Celly.”

Celestia became comfortably warm, and was now just blushing, instead of angrily glaring at the bitch that ran off.

After that whole Starbright debacle, a lot more of the ponies in the crowd were way nicer to me. Either it was because they felt bad about me literally being hit in the face, or because they were just scared of Celestia. Or Twilight, Twilight could probably kick the asses of most of these ponies through sheer power alone. Most of them were just genuinely happy to meet me, some were excited to get their hooves on a copy of Python, and soon, all ten copies that I had were gone. The main comments were the same as Twilight’s, easy to understand, helpful, and pretty well made.

“So you’re Celestia’s coltfriend?” One of the younger students, from Baltimare, asked. In fact, they were a foal, probably around fifteen years old, and a filly. Yes, she was adorable, yes, my human brain wanted to poke her nose, but I refrained. It took a lot out of me, but I managed to not poke a filly on the nose with my hoof and go ‘boop!’

“Yes I am.”

“How did you… manage to land her? No offense, mister, but you’re not very attractive.” Ow. My pride.

Me and Celestia locked eyes for a second, before I decided to open my mouth. “Fuck if I know,” I shrugged. “I was part of a magical accident, and some guards came and collected me. In fact, I had a magical accident here in Ponyville, and the Guard found me and took me to Canterlot Castle’s Infirmary. Celestia came by to check in on me and the two of us started talking. I didn’t exactly… treat her like the princess that she is, and she actually liked that for some reason. I called her Sunbutt because I couldn’t say her name properly without fucking it up, and… then she took me out to a cafe, and then we started dating some time after that.”

“Source Code, like many stallions, is a bit dense. Don’t tell anypony this, but I wore makeup for our first date at a tiny little cafe in Canterlot. For some reason, he didn’t notice, and then proceeded to wonder why I had makeup on to begin with!”

“...I kinda never noticed the makeup, Celly. You straight up don’t need it. Yeah, I’m an idiot, but I’m your idiot, aren’t I?”

“That you are!”

“That is the first time I think I’ve seen you break character in public, Celestia,” the old, angry looking dude, that was the angry looking professor from the same school the filly was from. “If that stallion managed to make you drop the Princess act, then perhaps he is at least something.”

“Yeah, I call her Sun Butt and stare at her butt when she isn’t looking. Then get embarrassed when she teases me about it, and then bumps me with said lovely butt.”

“Source! We agreed to not talk about the time I knocked you off your hooves with my flanks!” Everypony stopped and stared at Celestia after she had accidentally shouted that. “Uh…”

“Hey everypony, quit staring at my marefriend, or I will get the wrong idea!” I shouted. That got everypony to go back to their usual business, while the angry looking old dude started chuckling.

“Oh, dear, Princess, I think Source Code may be a bad influence on you!”

“...This is the first time I’ve seen anypony act like Celly’s grandpa, are you secretly a trillion years old?” I asked.

“No, but at one point, my grandson did date Princess Celestia, with a mare as old as her, she has had many, many coltfriends in the time that she's been alive…” Both Celly and the old dude sighed. “She requested that I treat her like she was my granddaughter… unfortunately, my grandson passed away during a particularly bad winter from a really bad disease, but myself and Celestia still remain somewhat close. I like to check in with her at these little conventions once a year, and sometimes write to her and she usually responds."

“...Huh.” I nodded. “Well, nice meeting you, my man. And… uh, sorry about hearing about that-”

“Oh think nothing of it… It hurts, but it wasn’t like you were the reason my grandson passed away. You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.” We both shook hooves and kept on chatting after that. Surprisingly, despite him looking constantly angry and being a little judgy, he was genuinely just making sure that I was a good fit for Celestia, and quickly decided that I was a good fit for Celestia after I made her shout about bumping me with her booty a little too hard. The dude’s name was actually Scripted, and had some serious proficiency in enchanting.

“You know,” he said. We had long since moved from my booth since I just gave up on that after I sold out of copies of my Python textbook. I quickly whipped one up, which showed that I could just create them, but I didn’t wanna sell more than ten, for Scripted. “I was critical at first, but after testing the enchants on here… these enchants are like nothing else; its Runes are so similar to the basic Rune based spells that most ponies use, if they learn spells at all, yet so different.” Tale said, looking through the book. “You really…”

“Wanted to make sure nopony could copy my work and sell it as their own shit. Try copying it with a spell.” Scripted did as told, and the textbook lit itself on fire and burnt into ashes, before I pulled the exact copy out from under the table and handed it back over to the old stallion. “Pretty cool, huh?”

“...That…”

“The textbook even says how to do that… though it doesn’t say how to bypass the enchants, because either you have to be Twilight and bruteforce it with magic, or you’re fucked. And even then, if it senses that somepony was trying to bypass the enchants on it in any way, it will literally burn in their hooves and turn to ash, or end up back in my hooves.” Scripted nodded, before taking the copy and putting in his saddlebag. The filly that was with him was busy sharing gossip with Celestia, who was happily sharing her own gossip about who Luna was possibly seeing.

We both blinked a couple times.

“Mares.”
“Women.”

We both blinked. “What’s ‘women?’”

“A name for a female creature: doesn't really specify what. It’s a thing from my homeland; there were… a lot of different creatures where I’m from.” Scripted accepted that before we just sat, contented to watch Celestia and his student gossip like grade school students.

The next day, I woke up and began rubbing my temples as soon as I realized what would be happening today. It was going to be a magical competition, luckily, it wasn’t the part that involved combat, that was for tomorrow, but it was also a bad thing that it wasn’t the thing that involved combat. Trixie was competing this year, and she was a showmare at heart, so she was going to do well. The Royal Guard’s School for Gifted Unicorns were going to not do well at all; their whole thing is literally combat, but Shining Armor isn’t a slouch when it comes to regular magic; he is Twilight’s brother after all.

Speaking of Twilight, she’s competing, and she’s insanely talented at magic, so my work was cut out for me already. The winner would get a nice, big trophy, and a ribbon, but besides that, it was mainly for fun. Occasionally there was a small prize in bits, or just a Celestia plushie, because those exist, I guess. Lucky me, everypony here is definitely going to be better at magic than I am on a scale of pure power, which is actually a competition(it was more like a fun carnival game that happened yesterday) and everypony basically knew how much weaker I was than even some of the foals at the convention.

I sat up with a groan and slipped on my trench coat while Celestia put her regalia on after she had brushed her mane. “Oh come now, Source, I’m sure you’ll do fine. Nopony is going to judge you when it comes to the competition.”

“I dunno, Celly, some ponies might. Given… my background and education that focused more on the results than the work put in, I don’t feel too good about how this is gonna go. I know it’s all for fun, but I know I’m probably only going to do well during the combat competition tomorrow, and even then, Shining Armor will break my ass and show me inside of a trashcan once he’s done with me; he does it when we’re sparring.”

“But that is while you’re sparring. During the competition tomorrow, you can go all out if you wish; the enchantments that will be placed on everypony will gauge if a hit is fatal or not, and will remove anypony from the arena, and there are two events for it. One is a bunch of magical duels, and another is like a free for all…”

“Oh. I might be able to win the free for all. I’ve got a strategy for winning that.”

“Why are you putting your trench coat on?”

“If I’m gonna lose in the next few magical competitions, I might as well do it with style.” I lifted my hoof and lit my horn. Soon, it was replaced with a griffin talon. “I figured out how to change the shape of my body recently, and made a spell with Python Plus. I think it might give me a fighting chance against some of the ponies here.”

“It… probably will. If you grow wings with that spell, it may be a funny way to throw the competition.”

“Oh yeah, make everypony think that Celestia’s new coltfriend is also an alicorn prince. That won’t make everypony here shit themselves.”

“But it would be funny.”

“No, bad Trollestia, come back when we prank Luna on her birthday.”

“Fine,” Trollestia said before sighing. “I suppose I will behave myself until then. Perhaps we can turn Luna into a foal using a spell and baby her the whole time?”

“Luna may like that; I know she adores you. She is still trying to bring you an edible breakfast to your bedside every morning.”

“And I try to eat it, even if I know it wouldn't be edible.”

“And it’s adorable…” I point out. “Seriously, how did Luna become Nightmare Moon again? She’s a huge dork.”

“...Try being demonized everyday, and your only source of protection doesn’t do anything to stop it.” Celestia drooped slightly. “That’s how.”

“I know… Luna told me. Did she tell you it happened?” Celestia shook her head. “How would you know if she was being demonized then?”

“I… Don’t know.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. Both you and Luna fucked up, but you’re both sisters at the end of the day, Luna adores you, and I know you’d probably kill for a week of just waking up with Luna snuggled up under your wings instead of me. It may not be able to happen often, but my point still stands; you two love each other despite what happened.”

“You’re right. Thank you, Source. I still blame myself-”

“No blaming yourself, everypony had a hand in Nightmare Moon, not you alone.” We kissed, and I nuzzled her right after. “C’mon, you and Luna are going to be judges for the competition. Y’all’ll get to watch me make a fool of myself and pass out on stage.”

“That… Is a good point. Perhaps you’ll dive under my wing for protection?”

“That’s if I lose to a filly. If I lose to a filly, I will hide like the little shit that I am.” Celestia giggled.

“I doubt you’ll lose that badly.”

I was up after Trixie, who was the second to last performance of the competition. I watched all the flashy colors and all the fancy little spells that I was surprised to find out that the showmare knew. Like the showoff she was, she was wearing her showmare outfit, as in the cape and hat, not a showgirl outfit. As her horn lit up, flowers slowly started falling like breaths, it was almost like Twilight’s performance, though flashier and with less objects. Soon, wisps of magic raised up and formed into Triixie’s cutie mark, before the flowers landed on the ground. There was a moment of silence before the crowd, which was mostly made up of ponies from Ponyville, started cheering. I was a good sport about losing, so I started cheering too; it was a good performance.

In fact, everypony here, even Shining Armor did extremely well, except me because I haven’t gone yet.

Trixie started trotting off stage with a solid twenty eight points, the second highest in the whole damn thing. Twilight was in first, because she decided to show off and perform six spells at once, while building a house of cards and played chess(and won) against one of the judges that wasn’t Luna or Celestia. While making hundreds of flowers gently shower the crowd.

“Holy shit, I am going to fucking lose so damn badly.”

“You’ll do fine, Source,” Twilight nuzzled me. “I know you apparently have something planned; you always seem to come up with new spells by the week.”

“...No, I just find spells that already exist, convert them into Python somehow, and call it a day. I don’t think I’ve made an original spell besides DragonFire ever.”

I sighed, realizing I can’t stay off stage forever. “Well, I’m gonna break a leg, Twi. See ya when I come back with a score of ten, because Celestia ended up paying more attention to my butt then the magic I was performing!” I skidded on stage and started wishing I had just walked off away from the convention and into the Everfree Forest, because there was a sea of ponies just staring up at me expectantly. Sitting in the judge stand at the very forefront of the crowd were four judges, Celestia, Luna, some dude from Stalliongrad, and the mayor of Ponyville. I took a deep breath before I began my performance. First, I teleported two trees into existence before promptly lighting them a blaze.

From there I just started juggling them while I started writing something down in my journal. Once the trees were damn near ashes, I set my journal on the ground, before bursting into flames myself, and flying through the air with my fancy smancy fire spell, flying through the air, cutting right through both the flaming trees and disintegrating ash before it could make the crowd, and by extension, the judges, not very happy about being covered in ash. Celestia watched on in wonder, since she seemed to love anything that I did, while Luna actually looked kinda impressed.

I landed on the ground as the flames disappeared, but I had used a transmutation spell to turn myself into an owl, the feathers were the same color and my fur, just with the colors of my mane and tail mixed in for good measure, with the head of a unicorn(so that I could still turn myself back into a pony),

“Hooo, hoo go there?” I asked hauntingly. “DAMN FOALS EGGED ME HOUSE AGAIN!” I yelled. The whole crowd was mostly in shock, even Twilight, because I was now an owl. I transmuted myself back into a pony before glancing at my sides. “Whoops! I forgot the wings, hold on. Wait, that means I can fly!” I started flying with the use of levitation to keep myself afloat(since I didn’t have any clue how to actually fly) before landing back on the ground with a bow, and getting rid of the wings. Of course, I didn’t exactly stick the landing(because I totally meant to) and fell face first into the stage, my ass high in the air as I tried to get off my face and back on my hooves.

That elicited a chuckle out of the crowd, even if most of them were broken for some bizarre reason.

“You’re… an alicorn?” The dude from stalliongrad asked.

“No. I figured out how to mimic being one though; transmute into a thing with wings, don’t put the wings away when I turn back into a pony. It’s pretty cool.”’

“Are thou a changeling?’” Luna asked, by the glint in her eyes, I knew she knew I wasn’t, she just wanted to ask. I never heard of whatever a changeling is, so I just shrugged.

“Uh… the fuck is that?”

“Don’t worry about it then.”

I actually got twenty six points and scored a nice, crisp third place for the whole competition, purely based on the face that I told the judges that I did everything with Python Plus, or the magical system I developed strictly for me and me alone, and because I did all of that with as little magic as I had, and did more than some of the ponies with four times my magic pool, to do the same thing.

And teleporting trees, entire fucking trees from the Everfree Forest, was hard to do. I got a bronze medal for my troubles, Trixie got a small, silver trophy and medal, which she was more than happy about, and Twilight easily secured first place, a large, gold trophy, a blue ribbon and gold medal, and even a certificate saying she was the most magical pony of the year. Despite Trixie wanting to boo, to act like her stage persona, she was actually a surprisingly good sport about Twilight beating her.

“Trixie will simply have to incorporate Python into her sequences next year; if it won Source third place, imagine what Trixie could do with it!”

The three of us went and got ice cream, since the rest of the day was spent on resting and relaxing for those of us who partook in the magic show contest while the teachers had their turns.

“I only won third because I literally grew wings and flew around for a little while,” I said, waving a dismissive hand. “Which all required my own system of magic to do, not just Python. In fact, Python is actually kinda limited because I had to make it for the masses. When developing it for specifically my use? I know how to optimize a spell specifically for me, and do well because of it. Meanwhile, Python is made for the masses; it’s meant to be a one size fits all, even if it may not fit the best to some ponies. You could literally kick my ass if I used regular Python, Trixie. And while that sounds like a stallion’s dream come true, if I used my own offshoot of Python, I could actually fight back.

“Luckily, in the textbooks I was selling, I included a handy-dandy guide to tailoring Python specifically to anypony. They just have to spend a few weeks figuring out how much magic they’ve got and how much they need to optimize each spell… I even included a guide for making equations to help optimize it for whoever may use Python in the future.”

“Wait a second,” Twilight pointed an accusatory hoof at me, which would’ve been scary if her cheeks weren’t covered in ice cream. “You made your own version of of your own fucking magic system and didn’t tell me?”

“Yeah.”

“YOU MADE THREE BUCKING MAGICAL SYSTEMS IN A YEAR AND ONE OF THEM WAS MEANT TO BE A PRANK!” She shouted.

“Yeah.”

“How the ever living buck… Source, you’re good with magic in your own way, but I must ask why you decided to do that?”

“The prank system was going to be given to you on Hearth’s Warming, and the other two were genuinely meant to be good; unfortunately, the prank one’s good for working on precision.”

“I am going to bucking slap you in the face.”

“If I turn my hooves into very dull talons and scratch your ears, would you reconsider hitting me in the face?”

“...Why would that-”

“Because ear scratches would probably feel good. I was going to experiment with it on Celly after we get back to our motel room for the day, but I could test it on you first if you want.”

“Hmmm, I will try it-”

Soon, Trixie asked for ear scratches after seeing how much Twilight was enjoying them. Soon, I was stuck where I was with two sleepy mares using my shoulders as pillows. I will admit, scratching other ponies’ ears satiated my desire to want to do it for so damn long, and I’m glad I got to do it. But now I literally can’t move. I can’t leave the pony pile I had accidentally put myself in. Celestia and Luna found me shortly after the teacher’s competition and Luna was simply sitting there with a smirk on her face.

“Source, why are you cuddling with two mares? And why are your hooves in the shape of bird claws?”

“Twilight was going to slap me in the face, and so I asked if she wanted to experiment with something. The experiment involved seeing if ear scratches were just as good, or better than having the inside of your ears licked. It was meant to only last about ten seconds, but Twilight literally used my shoulder as a pillow and told me to keep going. Trixie followed suit after seeing how happy Twilight was at the prospect of ear scratches… I found a way to scratch pony ears as a pony, and I am suffering from my success, Celly. Please help me; I’ve been stuck like this for three hours. And I don’t wanna move because Trixie snores like a kitten and Twilight looks so peaceful when she’s sleeping. However, my coat is covered in drool, I am covered in drool, and I want to go shower and possibly test how effective ear scratches are on you.”

“I suppose you’ve learnt your lesson?” Celestia asked.

“Don’t serve any mares that aren’t you because most of you ladies are crazy?” I said most for a reason. I don’t wanna sleep on the couch when we get back home.

“Well, yes, but I am the only mare you are to pamper, Source. I am your marefriend, after all.”

“Very good point, can you help me out please?” I gave her my best pitiful look, and I immediately saw the will for Celestia to let me sit and suffering from the snuggles of Twilight and Trixie melt away in milliseconds. Celestia carefully extracted me, before laying Trixie’s head on top of Twilight’s withers, and laid me across her own withers. “Thank you,” I whispered. “Am I relegated to riding on your back until tomorrow?”

“Yes, yes you are. This way you can’t accidentally service other mares by scratching the insides of their ears. I have a few friends I would like to meet before the day turns out; then we shall head to our motel and you shall scratch the inside of my ears.”

“Can I borrow your stallion as well, Tia? It has been a while since I’ve been groomed by one.”

“Perhaps… meet us at mine and my coltfriend’s motel room and-”

I wasn’t getting any say in this at all. I’m not complaining, but like… I would also like to have a word about this whole situation. Tia and Luna were literally discussing custody rights over me while they walked and talked about basically nothing.

I feel like a child. I feel like a little kid watching his parents yell about divorce with how both of these alicorns were talking about custody over me.

Unicorn College Convention pt. 3

So, the next day is the day of the magical competition. Luckily, I got out of the urge of wanting to scratch Celestia’s ears, and was forced to give Luna an ear scratch as well. So I at least had that going for me. What I wasn’t feeling great about was the tournament bracket. Since Twilight and I were both here, and participating in the competitions today, it was actually going to be a bit odd. During the free for all, it was actually a duos style, where each school would have their own team consisting of two ponies per team. However, during the magical duels, it was a tournament bracket style, with Twilight on one side of the board, and me on the opposite. My problem wasn’t that, it was the apparent pressure I had for being Celestia’s student.

“Oh sweet mother of god, I am going to get a foot up me arse in the third round,” I whispered. No matter how the cookie crumbled, I knew this was all for fun, but I wanted results. I wanted to actually get a gold trophy so that Twilight wouldn’t win everything at this convention… The problem here wasn’t Twilight though. The problem Twilight had was her lack of combat experience and her very, very predictable use of any combat spells she did know. Her combat skills could be summed up with ‘raw power, teleport away if attacked’. It was great since she was super strong, but even Shining Armor, somepony less powerful, could beat her with ease due to this.

Oh yeah, that was my problem! Shining Armor’s on the same side of the brackets as I am, so at some point, I will have to fight him.

“I assure you Source, nopony will care if you win or not; everypony knows you’re already fighting an uphill battle due to how outclassed you are by everypony here in terms of strength.” Celestia was doing her best to assure me that it wasn’t the end of the world if I won or lost this tournament. After all, I had a really good chance at winning the free for all that would take place right after this, with me being on Twilight’s team and all.

“I still don’t feel great about this,” I sighed. “I just wanna show that I can on my own two feet.”

“You mean four hooves?” Celestia asked. She had took me off to the side to give me a prep talk, since lucky me, I had to go fucking first against the professor from Filydephia, the same one that called me a slur. Rather, her student. Her personal student.

“You know how I am, I’m just a little nervous.”

“You’re nervous? I couldn’t tell you jumping at every little thing. Or you default to your old speech patterns like you do when you get mad or nervous.”

“Yeah… Fuck it, I have an idea for how I’m gonna play this tournament. It’s what I did to win a few video game tournaments in my town.”

Celestia cocked an eyebrow. “And that is?”

“I’m going to play super passively, and play with a heavy defense in mind. It’s easier to strike at somepony when they’re striking first; you ponies leave way too many openings for me to exploit when you do.”

“...I suppose that is- wait, what do you mean by ‘you ponies’?”

“Even if you do it, Celly. I know you’re a bit rusty, from not having to really fight ever, and if you do, you’ve got more than enough power to win most fights regardless of that. But whenever you decide to use a concussive blast, you don’t have a shield or anything like that on the ready incase I slip past the first hit and hit you back… Then I give up the moment I realize I hit you and try to make sure you’re alright… only for you to then smack me in the face with a sunbeam.”

“Hmpf. Well, if you can find openings in my offense, then I suppose your strategy will play out. My question is, how do you manage to see such openings?” What Celestia also didn’t say is that she did that purposely to teach me how to exploit openings in my opponent’s offense.

“I’m a game developer at heart. It was my job to develop shit and then find ways to exploit any code in my code. Fighting’s very similar in that regard, even if it’s a lot harder to find those openings in the heat of the moment, just ignoring all the other aspects needed to actually fight well. Who knows, maybe somepony hits me, the enchant that’s casted on everypony doesn’t work, and I get pissed off and beat the ever living shit out of everyone here. Blueblood’s partaking in this right?”

“He is. If you win your first fight, he is your next.”

“Sick, that’s an easy round won if I get past the first round then. I still need to shove my hoof up his ass for yelling at Luna last week.”

“...He. Did. What?”

“Yelled at Luna.”

“Source, I don’t care if you lose and make me look bad, I just want you to beat the ever living shit out of Blueblood.”

“Already planning on it. When he is done getting his ass kicked, I will have covered him in his own shit. Just the idea of getting to punch him in the face… oh, that sounds like fun.” I nodded a few times to myself, now that I was thoroughly pumped up for the incoming battles. There were six rounds on each side of the bracket, since not every school was participating. For instance, Trixie didn’t bother trying since she wasn’t a duelist at heart, and some of the foals that were here, weren’t partaking in the event because they legally weren’t allowed to. Six rounds per side of the bracket, twelve different ponies to take on.

Before the first matches started, which started during the afternoon, there was actually another meet and greet. So I just sat in my own little corner of the field, going over strategies until three fillies… oh, it’s Apple Bloom and her two friends. I waved at them as they skidded to a stop in front of me. “Howdy there, Bloom. I thought you were going to be helping Big Mac with selling food today.”

“I was, but Big Mac told me that we were going to stop early since we sold out of everything yesterday. Plus he and Apple Jack wanted to watch the magic competition today, since they wanna cheer you and Twilight on. Our teacher was hoping to speak with you, so we were leading her here.” I looked up from the three fillies sitting before me, and finally noticed a dark pink mare walking up to us.

Her mane’s a light, almost pale gray with a lighter gray streak going through it, and she had brown eyes. Her butt tattoo was three flowers. She came to a stop just behind the three little fillies.

“Howdy,” I greeted.

“Hello, Source Code, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I was hoping to ask something of you, it may be a bit much since you’ll have to transmute from Canterlot…” I simply raised an eyebrow and crossed my forelegs. “I was hoping you could come by and help some of my unicorn students with their magic. Sweetie Belle’s struggling to even use magic, and Dinky can barely use hers. Snips and Snails… I don’t think they even know how to use magic or have any interests, and some of my other unicorn students are struggling a fair amount with anything involving magic.”

“Why not ask Twilight? She would probably be better at teaching magic than I ever could.”

“She… doesn’t like foals all that much, and Apple Bloom keeps going on about how great you are at dealing with her and her friends.”

“Well, I do like foals… most of the time. Though-”

“You said you made a magical system that should be great for weaker unicorns. Who better to teach it to than foals who don’t have a lot of magic starting out?”

“...You are a fucking genius!” I chuckled. “Ah shit, I didn’t think that-”

“Language! There’s foals-”

“Apple Bloom knows how to curse like a sailor, and Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle almost exclusively hangout with her. I would be shocked if they didn’t know what a swear was.”

“Yeah!” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo chorused.

“She won’t tell me what ‘fuck’ means though,” Sweetie Belle said while rubbing her chin.

“It’s something that big ponies say I shouldn’t tell to other foals,” Apple Bloom said. “But why is Cheerilee a genius, she’s smart but-”

“Thanks to how Python works, it’s a good groundwork for learning magic. It teaches you how equations work, and teaches you how Runes work in tangent with those equations. It’s perfect for teaching foals!” I laughed like an idiot. “Ah shoot, I wish I thought about that…” I rubbed the back of my head. “But yeah, I can make a few copies of Python, and stop by in Ponyville every now and then. Once a week? Thrice a week?”

“As often as you could; I’ll pay you for teaching my unicorn foals as well.”

“Mmm, you sure do know how to instantly make business deals,” I offered my hoof. “I’ll try and stop by twice a week, once on Monday, and then again on friday.”

“That would work.” We shook hooves. “Good luck in the magic duels; I heard competition is rather stiff this year now that two of Princess Celestia’s personal students are competing this year.” Oh great, so much for me being pumped up for the incoming tournament, Cheerilee!

“...I am going to get put in a wheelchair.”

“...what’s a wheelchair?”

As it turned out, I wasn’t fighting the bitch from earlier, it was her apparent ‘star pupil’ Star something something. Ah, Shooting Star! Anyways, it was the dude that was flirting with Twilight. Right before our fight, he had gotten right up in my face, and was almost touching my nose with his own. “Listen,” the stallion said. “I am going to beat you and show Twilight Sparkle that I am a far, far better choice for a husband than you are!” I blinked a couple of times, but didn’t say anything. “Well? Are you going to say anything?” You know, I have learnt something very important for pissing people, and ponies, off from years of scambaiting whenever I get bored.

“Damn, okay.”

“What?”

“Okay.”

“You’re fine with me beating you?”

“Uh huh.”

“...Are you even listening?”

“Uh huh, keep going.” My voice was monotone the whole time by the way, and I had a blank expression the whole time while our exchange continued on like this for a good five minutes, and the more and more Shooting Star wasn’t getting much of a reaction out of me made him more pissed by the minute.

“...I am going to kill you.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s cool.”

“And then I’m going to make Twilight Sparkle marry me!” What. “Whether she likes it or not!”

…I don’t think this guy should be allowed on the streets.

Shooting Star then let out a huff before he sauntered off to the opposite side of the field we were using. Shining Armor had volunteered with Twilight to set up a shield to keep everypony safe from stray spells. Both the Sparkle Siblings made their barriers as see through as possible; Twilight was technically better at applying shield spells, even if Shining Armor’s were simply more powerful, so Twilight was actually casting, and Shiny was supplying her with the power to do so. It was pretty neat to watch, but that wasn’t why I was here. I’m on a mission to shove Blueblood’s head up his ass, and Shooting Star is in the way of that.

“Begin!” Luna shouted. Oh. No countdown. Darn. I immediately shot off a stun spell before my opponent could register what the buck was going on, and it damn near hit him had he not brought up a shield last second. I then sat on my butt and watched as Shooting Star started slowly approaching me. I soon teleported to the middle of the arena and looked around like I was lost, even if I knew that Shooting was still approaching me. Jesus christ this guy’s a slow walker.

My opponent started circling me while baring his teeth.

“C’mon, strike me again!” Shooting Star yelled. “Or are you too much of a mare to strike at me.”

“Man, you really shouldn’t be speaking like that. Twilight Sparkle would deck you, and Celestia and Luna could stick your butt on the sun and moon respectively. Maybe think a little before you speak. It’ll make you seem less like a dumbass.” That seemingly made Shooting more mad, since he immediately tried to lash at me with a Stun. I rolled out the way, and noted an opening around his left shoulder. I shielded kept on rolling, and teleported to the left of him. “Hey dude!” I announced my presence as I rolled under him.

Now this was a magical competition, but you were allowed to go into a melee if you deem it fit the situation. So what I was about to do was allowed, especially since he immediately tried stomping on my head. I summoned a pair of horseshoes onto my hindlegs, just a plain, silver set, and then kicked Shooting Star right between his hindlegs. Shooting eeped, keeled over, and got teleported out of the arena as the enchants probably thought what I did was overkill. The crowd had three reactions.

All the foals were laughing. The mares were just shocked, and the stallions were all trying to cover their balls with their legs.

“Did I win?”

“You did,” Luna said from her little ‘throne’. “I must admit, that was rather… not even gruesome, just plain wrong, but-”

“Hey now, he wanted to murder me. I say kicking him in the balls is a lot less bad than murdering somepony.”

“You are correct, and technically you did not breach any rules, but do refrain from kicking every competing stallion’s groins; there’s only so many and we do not want to lower the amount of breedable stallions that Equestria has, Source.” That is a good point. I’ll go for the shins instead, that’s always a sure fire way of winning. I walked out of the arena and over to where Shooting Star was teleported. He was currently rolled up in a ball on the ground, whimpering and crying. His tail was covering up his rear, and he had his forelegs tucked in.

“So, I kick like a mare?”

Another whimper escaped the stallion.

“Darn. Hope you get well soon. I’ll make sure to send you a box of chocolate and a ‘get well soon’ card. Hope to see you around with foals of your own…” I got up close. “Next time, don’t threaten to murder me, and may be not possibly imply that you’re going to rape one of my friends. I will drown you if you say something like that while referring to anyone like that again. Leave Twilight alone, and we’ll be chill, cool?” Another whimper escaped the stallion as he tried to get away from me. “Okay cool! Glad we came to an understanding. Remember, if you try touching Twilight, don’t be shocked when I mail you, piece by piece, back to your parents! Bye!”

I sat down next to Twilight and her friends as the first round on the other side of the bracket began. “Howdy'ya do?” I asked.

“What did you say to that stallion after you beat him? It looks like you made him scared of you.”

“He threatened basically implied some unsavory things.”

“Like…”

“Forcing you to marry him and then sleep with him.”

“...What?”

“Yeah, I know. Dude’s a fuckin’ nutjob. Anyways, I just let him know what would happen if he tried such a thing. It may, or may not involve something overly gruesome, but I think he deserves it.”

“Source, what did you say?”

“Something horrible and horrific, yet deliciously vague. Seriously, what I said to him was messed up and I won’t be repeating it, Twilight. Not around you or the rest of the girls. I’m not a good pony, and I’ll just leave it at that. Seriously, if I had to make do with some of the threats I’ve made to ponies in the past, or could make do on those threats, I would probably be in the dungeons… Or executed. It depends on how willing Celestia is to bail me out after I murder somepony that threatened her, you, or anyone I hold dear.”

“Ah wouldn’t say yer a bad pony, Source. You don’t tell the full truth, but you’re nice enough," AJ commented.

“That’s because you’re my friend. If somebody were to hurt you, they would see a very different side of me.”

“Like how you had a panic attack the first time you and Celsetia were seen in public together?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Yeah, Twilight told us about that. How do you go from that to kicking butt?”

“It’s been months since that happened, Dash, and I’ll be real, I suck at dealing with anything social. The fact that I opened up to y’all so quickly is a miracle and a half. But let it be known, if anyone threatens you, I don’t care who did it, I will make sure they can’t even get near you. Again, if that stallion is an idiot and tries doing what he said to Twilight that he had said, I will do some horrible things to him. I stick my neck out for my friends and I’m more than willing to take a punch for y’all. Just please don’t make me give a presentation out of the blue; I will probably forget how to think and seek some form of shelter from all those gazes.”

“You did fine during the first round,” Rainbow pointed out. “And you were awesome! You should be happy about-”

“I ignored the rest of the crowd, Rainbow. If I did, I woulda freeze up and get plowed into the ground. Fortunately, I also have a goal in mind, since Prince Blueblood’s participating this year…”

“Why is that important?” Rarity asked. “I get that he’s not a good stallion, but-”

“He made Luna cry last week. I think he hit her at some point too, since Luna occasionally rubbed her cheek shortly after he made her cry, and I know it wasn’t to wipe away any tears.”

“...Oh.”

“Yeah, he’s my next fight. He is going to regret doing what he did to my favorite Princess of the Moon. Luna’s great; give her a chance to open up and she is bloody adorable! In fact, y’all get the chance to get her to open up some time during Nightmare Night next year. Treat her well, eh? That mare’s gone through some shit, and she deserves way better than what happened to her… Uh, I got distracted, where was I? Oh yeah, Blueblood. Blueblood's gonna get spanked again, in public.”

Everpony blinked at that.

So Blueblood went fucking missing. After he realized who he was going up against, he just up and hopped on a train for Canterlot as soon as he realized what was probably going to happen to him if he fought me. So I just got a key into the third round, which was surprisingly pretty easy. Basically, one bunch of fighting later and I get to fight Shining Mother Fucking Armor as my last opponent before I faced whoever was on the otherside of the bracket. This year it looked like Twilight was able to just brute force her way through the competition and steamroll everybody through sheer means of might.

Shining Armor is about two thirds as powerful as his sister was. What’s even worse? Oh yeah, he has actual combat experience. What’s even better? I am very hesitant in actually giving my all against this dude. For one, he’s a bro, I love him, two, I don’t think I could win if I gave my all anyways. On the bright side, I do get to test my anti shield spells in full. So Shining Armor’s shield, which had held up over the arena the whole time with Twilight(while they were fighting their rounds too) was actually really damn strong. Shining was a big guy, so he wasn’t very maneuverable.

Okay, he was still pretty agile for a pony of his size, but he wasn’t going to constantly be dodging spells left right, front and center. This meant that he had to use a shield in most scenarios, and he often relied on shields even if he could probably roll out of the way of any attacks. His shields are fucking strong. So I’ve developed a piercing spell that leaves a magical ‘residue’ behind so I know where it hits. From there, I think if I just spam the piercing spell enough, I can win against Shining… assuming he doesn’t deck me and knock me out before I can even get that far.

I was just staring blankly ahead as Luna began to actually use a countdown, after I used the lack of one to instantly knock somepony out. First it was ten, and all of a sudden the fight’s started after I zoned out on how to fight this dude. Okay, I have a pretty good strategy in mind, so that means I’m going to play on it and steam roll this guy. Tickle Twilight into submission in the finals, or beat the snot out of whoever managed to beat her, and win the crown, save the town and Mr. Krabs!

So I just sat there while Shining Armor waited for me to make a move.

I teleported halfway to the center again and stared Shining in the eyes. “Come at me, my guy. I already failed my mission, so I don’t care if I lose.” I lied, I was going to be a little sad, and maybe cry a little so that Celestia would kiss me to make me feel better(even if she knows I am bullshitting her).

“You strike first,” Shining raised a hoof and did the signature ‘come at me bro’ gesture, despite not having hands to do that.

“Nah, you-” he launched a spell and I immediately tried to shield. Good news, he hits like a truck. Oh wait, that’s the bad news. I literally can’t block his attacks head on, or I am going to get destroyed. Luckily, I teleported out from behind my now shattered shield to avoid getting lasered, but now my horn is starting to hurt. Why did I think I could possibly win this again? You beat everypony else here, Source, and you get confident. Why did you have to get confident, you stupid, stupid pony.

“JESUS!” I gasped before another spell came my way. I used DragonFire and zipped around the arena before coming to a halt before I ran right into another spell. Ah hell. I am going to get obliterated if I end up fighting Twilight, since I don’t think she’ll be holding back… Wait. I ran the same shield I used to block Shining’s initial attack, and rolled out the way when it inevitably got destroyed too. I wasn’t using Python. How did I not use Python initially? I took a deep breath, before standing up and finally launching my own attack.

“Looks like Cody-” Pinkie, why are you being an commentator?- “finally had enough of running away from Shining Armor’s attacks. He launches a strong beam, it’s really shiny, but Shining Armor blocked it with a shield, or darn! Why is that bit of the shield glowing?”

I started peppering that shield of Shining’s while running in and screaming the only thing that seemed appropriate at the time.

“LEROY JENKINS!” I shouted, which really only got a confused look from Shining, who just kept the shield up. Enough piercing spells, and a very long, drawn out Leroy Jenkins later, and I launched a spell with all of my magic reserves at the spot that in Shiny’s shield, he didn’t think much of it and probably just thought I was an idiot. It blasted right through the shield. I stood panting. I did it. I beat Shining-

Something hit me in the back of the head. All I saw were colors before I fell on the ground, and the enchants removed me from the arena.

“Urgh…” I groaned from my new spot on what felt like a stretcher. “What happened?” I asked while sitting up.

“Oh good, you didn’t die. Here I was thinking I hit you too hard.”

“...Hey Shiny.” My horn hurts more than my head does, which already makes me want to bash it into a tree until I stop feeling it.

“So I lost?” I asked.

“Yeah, don’t feel too bad. You came in third place. Not too shabby given that you are weaker than just about everypony competing. That fancy spell system you have sure does work, doesn’t it?” Shining asked, I could hear the smile in his voice.

“I launched everything I had at you…”

“Yeah, and I’ll admit, it hurt. I’m just better at dealing with the pain than you are; it was only my job for the longest time.”

“...But I lost…”

“And then Twilight handed my flanks to me on a platter, despite her holding back.”

I sat up and turned to face Shining Armor. We both were supposed to be hit with healing spells and rejuvenation spells so that we can compete in the incoming free for all events.

“Man, I thought I had more punch in my spells than I did. Then again, I usually mix in Stuns into my usual strikes.”

“...That might explain why you had an easier time than you should’ve, on top of the guard training and having the Princess as a personal trainer…” We both sighed. “So you lost to me, and then my little sister embarasses me. At least you had the excuse that you fought somepony with more combat experience. Twilight literally hoof handled me and knocked me out in twenty seconds.”

“...Twilight is the biggest load of shite I’ve ever heard of. If I fought her I would’ve been smeared across the ground.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it. At least you and her are going to be a team during the free for all?”

“There is that. Can’t wait for us to yell at each other.”

“Why is that?” Shining asked.

“Twilight’s used to being the leader. I’m used to not having a boss. We will get far, but I think we’ll butt heads a bunch.” I sat up and stretched and my hornache was gone. “Well, fair play to you kicking my flanks, if I see you during the free for all, I am sicking Twilight on you.”

“...Oh dear Celestia, not again.” Shining Armor looked genuinely terrified at the prospect of fighting Twilight again. For good reason, she is scary to fight just because of how darn strong she was.

“Okay Twilight, what’s the game plan?” I asked. It turns out that the arena being used is the Everfree Forest… Yeah, that’s going to be fun. Same enchants though, so if we ‘die’ we get teleported out and put into a nearby med-tent to make sure we didn’t actually get injured. Everypony was put into opposite sides of the forest and we were supposed to go into it and fight each other upon seeing each other. Thanks to some Eye Spy Spells, the audience can watch. Twilight and I were paired and we both immediately casted tracking spells on the other just in case, an idea that Twilight admitted was a good idea.

“We need to stick together. I’ll be the first pony to admit that you have more combat experience than I do, and I clearly am the stronger of the two of us. You also know how to deal with environments from the Everfree forest, if what you say about… your country is true. So I say we take turns taking the lead. If I say we flee, we flee. If we get into a fight, I’ll follow your orders. Since your brain clearly works differently from the average pony, if I freeze up, I want you to yell at me to do something.” We weren’t being watched yet. “I need your predator brain to come up with a lot of calls.”

“...I have an idea then,” I said with a smug little grin. “We… Well, some ponies from back home know a thing or two about war. I have a pretty sick strategy, since it’s bound to work.”

“And that idea is?”

“Find the center of the forest, and sit in a tree or hide in a bush. I can camouflage us using a few spells, and together, not many would be able to tank a full powered stun spell from either of us. Or either of us attacking them with any number of spells. This strat… Well, it would help me with not having to exhaust my meager magic pool, and it would keep us from having to fight super often, which would also help us stay energized for the final fight.”

“...That sounds boring, yet practical.”

“Hey, hiding in trees is what a smaller country of… ponies did against my the country i lived in, once upon a time. That smaller country floored us, despite the numerous war crimes committed.”

“...War crimes?”

“I’ll tell you more in the future. C’mon, the free for all gonna start, and we either sit in a tree, or hunt down your brother and kick his butt so that he isn’t a threat. I know Prince Blueblood ran back to Canterlot as soon as he realized he’d have to fight me again, so that’s one less pony we gotta deal with.”

“So your other strategy… involved sicking me on my brother?” Twilight asked.

Instead of walking into the center of the forest, we decided to walk for an hour into the forest and then climb up into a tree.

“Yeah. I fought Shiny and you saw how badly I lost. Apparently you mopped the field with your brother while pounding him with various spells.”

“...Oh. I didn’t want to do it though. You think I liked doing that to my BBBFF?” I raised an eyebrow. “Big Brother Best Friend Forever, duh.” That isn’t very obvious, Twilight, but whatever. “I know I had to, but I didn’t feel good about doing it.”

“I know. I know if I had to hit my brother, I wouldn’t feel great about it.”

“You’ve… never talked about your siblings. Why is that?”

“I just never had much of a desire to. It’s… not a great topic for me, if you can get that.” I know we were being watched, but I didn’t particularly care. “Uh… imagine never being able to see Shining Armor again, and make it six or seven times worse because I’m the oldest of my siblings. I had two brothers and a sister, my sister was the youngest. I couldn’t ever imagine raising a hoof to them. I…” I paused and cleared my throat. I think I felt a tear stain my cheek. “Let’s just say I miss them, hence why I never brought them up. I physically can’t go home, Twilight. It’s how life for me crumbled… But I have reasons to keep getting up in the morning, so I still keep going so despite my desire to not do so sometimes.”

“Such as…”

“Watching Celestia raise the sun while pretending to still be asleep is a reason. Reminds me that it’s a new day and life might get better. Usually, I’m proven right.”

“...That… You-”

“Yeah, I watch Celly raise the Sun every morning. How could I not? I’m the luckiest stallion in the world who gets to lay my eyes on such a view every morning. I still can’t get tired of it. Sometimes I do get the rare opportunity to watch Lulu-” I could feel Luna groan at me using that nickname for the entirety of Ponyville to hear- “and it’s super cute, since I can only ever do it after waking up early and sneaking up on her. She says it should be a great honor to watch her do as such, which it is, but she always makes the cutest little noise when I blow in her ear after she finishes raising the moon. Even with Luna insisting that I’m essentially her younger brother due to my relationship with Celestia… She forgets that once an older brother, always an older brother…” I looked dead at where I knew an Eye Spy Spell was watching. “You’re welcome Luna for the embarrassment. Yes, you will get to hit me in the back of the head for this when we get home. All I can say is worth it!”

I immediately dropped down from the tree, elbow first, right onto Shining Armor, knocking him out immediately. He disappeared in a flash of magic, and his buddy almost got me right after… if Twilight didn’t immediately knock him out too, sending him away.

“So…”

We got teleported out.

“What!?” I asked. “The Everfree is huge, and we didn’t get hurt. What happened?”

“Nearly everypony wanted out as soon as they stepped into the forest,” Celestia explained, walking up to us. “So you two won the whole event in the most boring, and embarrassing way for my sister, possible. So, congratulations you two, you’ve won the free for all!”

“...That was underwhelming,” I said.

“But we won,” Twilight pointed out.

“In the dumbest way possible. Everpony chickened out.” We both sighed. I think the both of us were hoping for something more in terms of difficulty in the free for all. We were both given medals and matching trophies, and sent off. Of course, somepony demanded a photo of the two of us snuggled together, wearing our medals from our respective won contests, with me having two bronze medals and Twilight having mostly golden medals, along with the two of us having gold trophies for winning, with Twilight having several. There was a whole paparazzi.

“The adorable couple that are learning from under Celestia’s wing” was the title of the article that came out a week later. A photo of me and Twilight, with our sides touching. Since Twilight was taller than I was, she was resting her head on top of mine, and Celly had laid her wings over the two of us. Why they didn't use the juicer ‘Princess has a new consort’ tagline is beyond me, but I suppose it would get some ‘aw’ points from everypony that saw it. What with the whole Twilight, the nearly untouchable student of the Princess, suddenly has a short little stallion to date.

Though the next page goes on to explain that we weren’t dating, and then the page after that, explained that I was Celestia’s brand new coltfriend and consort. Even in other universes, journalists still use slimy ways to get their articles written.

Overall, the whole event wasn’t all too bad, even if I was stressing out over trying to win events I really had no chance at coming in first place in. And it scored me a new job that I was getting ready for. Here’s hoping it’s fun.

I Have a New Job or Two.

So, I got a new job. In case you were wondering, because of this new job, I had to leave Hayburger in order to pursue my new job as a magical tutor. Now, I am no magical teacher, but from what I’ve had to learn can basically be applied to every unicorn foal ever. Get them to figure out how to use their horn, usually from some form of mental or emotional stimulation, and then snowball from there. It was a pretty straightforward thing. Cheerilee hired me as her tutor, but asked me for my first few days to come during school hours to see if I could also act as an assistant teacher during mondays and fridays every week. If I could, then hey, I have two jobs and get paid a little extra for being a tutor and an assistant teacher, or sometimes a sub-in for Cheerilee if I’m good enough at teaching.

Granted, that’s assuming I’m even good at being a tutor, or able to teach magic. Luckily, I’ve made a video game tutorial a few times, and it’s pretty easy to make a guidebook to anything in a game. I like to bolster being able to make guide videos to my small audience of two people back when I was human. So it wasn’t hard to actually just guide ponies through the process. For the first lesson, I would actually be meeting Cheerilee at the schoolhouse where she was going to monitor how I was doing things, with Twilight there only to make sure I was teaching legitimate stuff at first. No, Twilight wouldn’t be teaching any foals, she’s not the biggest fan of those.

“How do I look?” I asked Celestia. She and Luna decided to take the opportunity to watch me get ready for the day. I was wearing my trench coat, leaving it unbuttoned because I thought it looked cooler. Under that I wore a white t-shirt, because ponies need t-shirts for some reason, and a black necktie. As it turned out, ponies don’t wear pants ever, and often prefer to leave their hind legs free, or under a dress or cape(for various reasons including being able to use the bathroom better). So that was as far as I went in terms of clothing because of that. It wasn’t necessary, but it felt more professional to show up clothed rather than in my birthday suit, even though nopony would mind.

“You look handsome as usual,” Celestia looked me up and down. “I will wait until tomorrow night to get you out of your outfit. I hope you understand the implementation of wearing clothes, Source.”

“What?”

“My sister refrained from telling you this, as per usual,” Luna shook her head. “Wearing clothes for ponies is usually more provocative than wearing nothing at all. Some ponies dream of what Tia, or me, look like without any regalia. More are dreaming of me making kitten noises after you embarrassed me in public-” she whacked me over the back of the head with a wing. “I’ve still not hit you over the head enough to show my displeasure of you doing that, by the way.”

“Oh, c’mon. I know you loved it because I basically publicly admitted to adoring you. That gotcha a few less fearful gazes and a few more friendlier faces.”

“...That it did. I can’t say it worked incredibly well, but thou didst help a little by doing that.”

“Ponies need to remember that you and Celly are ponies too, y’all can be adorable when you need to be. Not just two regal figures of perfection. I can tell Celly’s getting sick of it.”

“It… has its low points, and its high points,” Celestia admitted. “However, yes, wearing clothes is rather… attractive. It makes me ponder on what is underneath them, even if I have seen what is under them before. Ponies will think you are possibly more handsome. Given that you’ve gotten much more muscular recently, covering them makes me beyond excited to get those clothes off of you and admire your new figure.” Huh. We both chuckled. “I assume if you were a normal pony, seeing me without my regalia would be less interesting than seeing me with it.”

“You look better without the necklace or horseshoes. You’re stunning as is, Celly.”

“What about me, hmm Source?” Luna asked with a sly smile.

“Lulu, I know legally we can share consorts-”

“But you are quite frankly adorable, and because of how you’ve been treating me…” I paused. “Yeah, you’re pretty Luna. I can’t deny that. You’re beautiful too, but you’re like a sister to me. You are adorable, very adorable.”

“Well, it would be weird to hear my surrogate brother say I am attractive,” Luna nuzzled me. “You are handsome, though. Our relationship is rather odd, with us switching the role of ‘older sibling’ so often. But as your older sister as of speaking, I am proud of how well you clean up, Source. I wish I could’ve been the mare that found you first at times, but I am perfectly happy with being your adopted sister.” She whacked me over the head with her wing. “I’m still mad at you for embarrassing me in public in front of hundreds of ponies.”

“How could I not? Once the oldest sibling, always the oldest sibling. You sneeze like a kitten by the way. At least I didn’t say that in public?”

“We are Princesses, Source. We do not sneeze like kittens,” Luna said sternly. The glint in her eyes told me to not take her seriously.

“If I had an audio recording device, I would record you both sneezing and replay it right now. You both sneeze like kittens and it’s so fucking cute.”

Both sisters gave me puppy eyes and head tilts. “Are we cute?” They asked simultaneously. It was very cute, and my heart was starting to burn. “Pwease come back tomorrow in the afternoon so we can get our share of stallion snuggies?” They said every word together at the same time. It was cute, and oddly horrifying. One, it was weird as to how they were doing that, two, it was cute, three, it was horrifying because I couldn’t argue against it. When Luna and Celestia were giving the in-sync head tilts, puppy eyes, and pouty lips… Yeah, you aren’t going to be able to fight against it, you will do what they say… their eyes are getting bigger and more watery.

“Fuck you both for being adorable. How the hell are you two even doing that? I know siblings share brain cells sometimes, but that is scarily in sync.”

My only answer was two head tilts before I eventually had to go to Ponyville.

I used DragonFire the moment I stepped out of the castle. Something I’ve noticed is that as long as I am conscious and have magic reserved, I can use DragonFire for as long as I want as long as I moderate my speed, and as long as I’ve got magic. Luckily, because it’s Python based, I don’t worry about my magic reserves too much when it comes to using DragonFire. It’s still weird, because a teleport with Python will still give me a hornache if I teleport more than thirty meters with it. However, DragonFire used teleport as a part of it, along with two more somewhat complex spells(despite them being Python based, some spells can only be simplified so much).

Basically, this all boils down to… If I have the magic, I can easily, easily travel to Manehattan. I don’t think I do, but I managed to make it to Ponyville pretty quickly(like ten to fifteen minutes. It’s a two hour train ride at the longest). I know my magic tutoring was only for afterschool, but Cheerilee wanted to introduce me to the class. I’m going to assume that I’ll be meeting her at the schoolhouse? I know it was somewhere on the way to Sweet Apple Acres, so I flew around that area until I saw a large, red house with a little playground outside of it.

I came crashing down at the entrance, making sure I stayed far away enough from the last of the foals walking into the building. I could see a bunch of little snouts pressed against the window, some with wide eyes, others pointing and jumping like excitable children seeing something cool. Cheerilee wasn’t standing outside of the building like I thought she would, or by the entrance. In fact, when I walked in, after getting the last of the foals inside the building, she wasn’t there at all. I shrugged and walked over to the desk.

“Alright,” I said, straightening my tie and looking over the papers… How old were these kids? This looks like stuff I’d see in the third grade. Basic multiplication and division, some usual, third grade level literature along with a book the class was all reading, along with a worksheet that seemed all too familiar; a worksheet to go along with the book. ‘Tis a shame, usually the books read in class were always pretty good, but most of the kids in said class really only focused on the book to get a good grade. I hummed and skipped over the history section; ain’t no shot in balls I could ever teach that right now. Not with my abhorrent lack of knowledge in that department. I stepped away from the desk and walked to the front, sitting on my haunches and taking a deep breath.

“So, can anypony tell me where Ms. Cheer-”

“Are you the special guest that Ms. Cheerilee is bringing in today?” One of the foals asked. He was a yellow little colt with a brown mane.

“I think I am? I know your teacher wanted me to come in today, but I was expecting to meet her here. Any clue where she is?”

“Ms. Cheerilee was going to stop by the library to get you, since you apparently know the librarian living there. Is the purple pony living in the library weird? You’re apparently dating her.”

“...I came from Canterlot about ten minutes ago. Flew in on DragonFire.”

“How’d you do that?” Sweetie belle squeaked.

“Yeah! We all saw you do it during the competition thingy that a bunch of unicorns were hosting. “It looked almost as cool as Rainbow Dash flying-”

“Oh shut up you blank flanks. He has better things to do than to answer silly questions from you losers,” a little brat said with a crown sitting upon her head. She’s a magenta, little filly with a pale, violet looking mane with a… I think that’s a white streak going through it. I would call it gray, but getting the wrong colors of a mare’s mane is a sin, according to Rarity. Upon her head, again, was a little crown that didn’t look like it was actually real. It looked a little fake and a little cheapo. “So, Mr. Source Code,” she turned to me with big, bright eyes that did not match the tone of voice that she had just had with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

“Yes?” I raised an eyebrow. I guess this turned into a little question and answer post, but I don’t particularly mind that.

“My Dad was reading the news article made about you. He says you’re dating the Princess,” Tiara’s eyes got even bigger. “Is that true?”

“Yeah, I am dating the Princess and sometimes cook us both a nice meal. We kissed in public and every now and then. The way she sparkles when raising the Sun…” I chuckled. “I’m the luckiest guy in the world… Why do you ask?”

“Could you… introduce us to her?” Tiara asked.

“...I think Celly’s having breakfast right now. It’s one of the few times in the day she gets to relax. I care about her deeply, and while I would love to snuggle up into her side while answering a bunch of questions, her work is only a little more important than mine. Y’know, I come up with ways to make spell casting easier, and she has a whole kingdom to run. Only a little bit more important.” Most of the foals, except Apple Bloom and her friends who were used to my sarcasm, looked shocked. “I’m joking. Celestia’s job is so damn hard, and sometimes I try to help out, and can’t even comprehend whatever legal stuff she has to deal with.

“But my point still stands. I know Celestia can easily bend her schedule for me, but I don’t want her to. I don’t want to get her buried in paperwork because I wanted to snatch her away from her work to show off to a bunch of foals. It stresses her out a fair amount, which is fun because I get to massage and groom her, but also sucks because I can see how much it’s eating at her.”

“You just don’t wanna show that you’re actually dating the Princess-”

A phoenix managed to open a window, and I immediately knew who it was after it landed on the ground and hopped on over to me with a scroll in one of its talons. “Ah, Philomena! Celly asked you to deliver a letter for some reason?” The bird nodded, and hopped around after handing the scroll to read along, even if I don’t think she can read. I never really mentioned Philomena, but that’s because I don’t know how to describe her. She’s a beautiful phoenix. While we were reading it, I had wrapped a hoof around her, and started rubbing under her wing.

Philomena was more than appreciative of me trying to pet her, and cooed a little. Most of the class was frozen; I think they all heard about the time that Fluttershy kidnapped the Princess’s pet that she thought was sick. They were probably even more shocked to see the random dude that is me, petting her. “Wanna hangout with me for the day?” I asked, rereading the message to make sure I wasn’t wrong. Philomena chirped and nuzzled me with her beak. She then hopped on my back and I chuckled. “So uh, I was supposed to meet your teacher at the train station. Twilight too.” I laughed. “Ah fuck, I shoulda told Twilight that I would be showing up with DragonFire because I thought it’d look cool!”

Philomena proceeded to let out a very human-sounding laugh while I sat on my butt, holding my hoof to my forehead. “Ah, I am so darn stupid,” I chuckled before reaching up and scratching Philomena’s beak, how was I doing it without fingers? I dunno, but apparently it’s what I was doing when I raised my hoof to the phoenix’s beak. “Hey girl,” I said. “Can you go get Twilight and Ms. Cheerilee at the train station? Somebody's gotta make sure these foals behave, and I think they’ll listen to me a bit more-'' I paused. “Nevermind, you technically have a higher place of authority than I do because you look cuter.” Philomena raised her head at the praise, before taking off out the window she came in from.

Moments later, I’m sitting at Cheerilee’s desk, watching her teach while Philomena rested her head on my shoulder while the two of us were sitting mildly bored through a lecture. Occasionally I chimed in on an easier way to do a problem, which made Cheerilee give me a nod of approval. Luckily, the bird resting on my shoulder kept me mildly occupied, and helped me not look bored. The only foals actually answering anything were Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, since the rest of the foals were still staring wide eyed at me.

I teleported a packet of sunflower seeds to me, and started sharing the bag between me and Phili, my personal nickname for Philomena… then she swiped the bag, took five seeds and gave me a cute little, smug grin. She knew just how sweet and adorable she looked and that I couldn’t get mad at her for doing what she just did. She was mostly just teasing; she only took five seeds after all, so I couldn’t get mad at her anyways. I planted a kiss on the bird’s forehead, and she recoiled while looking shocked.

“What?” I whispered. “Didn’t expect me to be affectionate every now and then? You’re just as much my pet as you are Celly’s, even if she’s known you for a few thousand years longer than I have.” Philomena chirped quietly, and I swear I noticed a small blush, probably because I just embarrassed her by doing what I just did in public, before she buried her face into my neck and started chirping what Celestia called ‘Philomena swear words’.

“Is there something you and Philomena would like to share with the class, Mr. Source?” Cheerilee asked.

“Oh, shoot. I didn’t mean to whisper that loud, Ms. Cheerilee. It’s not everyday that I get to hangout with this lovely little lady, when I do, it’s usually a treat-”

“Think nothing of it, I do ask that you two keep down a little more. I do appreciate your occasional tips and tricks for reading comprehension and mathematics, so your presence still isn’t unwelcome, and you still have your after class tutoring with my unicorn students. Just… keep the chirping and spoiling of Princess Celestia’s pet to a minimum?”

“Can do, Cheerilee. I can’t guarantee you won’t hear a chirp every now and then. Phili’s a little chatty because I just embarrassed her.” Cheerilee giggled at that.

“That will be alright, it’s not too loud. Just keep it to a minimum, please." Me and Philomena were noticeably quieter after that.

I soon found Philomena perched on top of my head, watching the rest of the classroom after I started actually paying attention during history, and even took my own notes in a notebook I borrowed from Twilight, who showed up shortly after stepping outside to take a few deep breaths. It turned out that Philomena and Twilight have little history beyond the one time she helped kidnap the phoenix, but the bird was quick to forgive, since Philomena took a lot after her mama bird, AKA Celestia.

Philomena once pretended to bucking die for a prank. Yeah, Twilight and Fluttershy were both a little traumatized by that at first. Luckily, nopony was actually hurt, and Philomena was reprimanded for giving poor ol’ Flutters and Twily a heart attack, and the two actually got along pretty quickly after that. Their shared love for Celly made for some quick bonding, even if the phoenix liked me more and chose to remain closer to me. Mostly because I knew where to scratch her, and because she liked sitting in my messy mane more. Only because she was taught the importance of a mare’s mane, so she didn’t want to ruin Twilight’s mane.

“And that is the Equinian-Griffonian War!”

So after school was let out, only a handful of foals, a whole five of them stuck around after class. All of them were unicorns. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom really only stuck around because they were going to hang out with Sweetie Belle after her tutoring. There was a foal named Dinky, who was apparently the daughter of a pegasus named Muffins ‘Derpy’ Doo, or the main mailmare of Ponyville. There were Snips and Snails, who looked ready to walk out immediately. There was nothing behind their eyes, but I could be wrong. Then there was another unicorn named Button, who happened to be who Sweetie Belle was probably crushing on.

Cheerilee and Twilight sat in the back of the room and watched me getting ready to teach.

“Aight kiddos, step away from the desks, I’m gonna rearrange them so we can all sit while facing each other. It works best if we all learn how to use magic if we’re closer together.” Everypony did as such, and I immediately got to work. Twilight raised an eyebrow at my use of Levitation, probably because she didn’t expect me to be able to move so many objects so easily, while working through a magical textbook I was making for beginners. It was what I made during my own experiences of learning how to use magic.

After the desks were arranged, I even coaxed Apple Bloom and Scootaloo over so they wouldn’t be bored. “Just don’t distract Sweetie Belle too much, alright? Today will mostly be an introduction and what I’ll expect every time I show up.” Both of them nodded, and started watching intently.

“Okay, who here is able to actually use their horns? Don’t feel bad if you don’t raise your hoof-” Everypony but Sweetie Belle and Dinky did. “Alright, I’ll be working with you two personally after I get over this whole curriculum thing. Or whatever it’s called; I’m not a trained professional. Anyways, every week, I will teach ya’ll a spell or the basics of a magical system, throughout the week, I want you guys to practice what I teach you on monday on your own. On Friday I’ll check where everypony is and help anypony falling behind. I will do my best to make sure nopony falls behind.

“However, if I notice anypony not picking up on anything I teach them, not because they’re stupid or don’t know how, but because they actively ignore anything I teach them, I won’t help ya. It’ll pain me to do it since I don’t like giving up on anypony, but I can’t help anypony who can’t help themselves. Sweetie Belle, I believe I can get your First Spark the easiest, so come with me. Dinky Doo,” the little light gray, almost violet, unicorn looked up at me. “If I can’t get to you this week, I will be in town tomorrow. I’ll want you to get your mother to take me to Twilight’s library, and we’ll go from there, aight?” She nodded, looking hopeful. “Everypony else…” My eyes instantly landed on Button. “Why do you look sad?”

“...I can’t use magic either,” he almost whispered. “It’s embarrassing! There are foals half-”

“Being a late bloomer isn’t anything to be embarrassed by. I only learnt how to use magic very recently, because back where I came from, unicorns were hardly a thing. My parents couldn’t teach me because they were earth ponies and I had no way of learning. Celestia took me under her wing after learning of the new perspective I could put in on magic, and here I am. I’m damn near twenty years old, Button, and I didn’t know how to use magic until about half a year ago.”

“...What?! But you-”

“I worked hard. You don’t get anywhere in life by being sad and doing nothing to improve your situation. I know this is going to suck, hearing it from an adult, but if you want something, it ain’t gonna be given to you. You gotta work hard and hope you get lucky; I got super, super lucky that I got to be in the position that I’m in, Button. Just don’t give up, hold your head high, and keep going. I’ll try and stick around on wednesday and help you out if I can’t get to you either. Does that sound good?” I walked around the table, laid down and actually laid Button on the side of my stomach. “Well?”

“That… would be nice. Can you help me become as good as I can be at magic?”

“I will do my damned best. If none of you can’t teleport by the end of the year, then I will say I failed as a teacher. Luckily Python is designed to be easy and helpful for those with less magic, so… You should be able to even do DragonFire…” Button's excited look made me smile. he looked a little confused too, but I could guess why. “Remember how I flew in?”

“I COULD DO THAT!?” Button exclaimed.

“HELL YEA YOU CAN!” I said, just as excited. “And you will be able to.”

“I CAN’T WAIT-”

“Hold it, Button,” I pointed at his horn. “Your horn’s lit,” I said with a larger smile growing on my face. “You got your first spark.”

“I… What?” He looked up and saw his horn was lit. “OH!” it went out, and he quickly figured out how to consistently light it.

“That, Button, is the hardest step. Maybe your cutie mark is going to involve magic?”

“I hope it does…” Button immediately hopped up on his hindlegs and hugged me. “Thank you, Mr. Code.”

“Hey, don’t go thanking me, you just proved one of my theories for getting that first spark,” I chuckled, and couldn’t not hug him. He is so god damn excitable and adorable, and I was struggling… Why did I have him snuggled up into my side like he was my kid? I just met him. Maybe this is the joy that comes from teaching? Probably. Maybe it’s this stupid new body of mine making my fatherly instincts shine through.

“Ha, he just now got his magic in such a dorky way-”

“Snails, shut the fuck up. If you shit on somepony else’s achievement and that’s all you know how to do, I want you to get the fuck out-”

“It’s not even impressive-”

Now Button just looked angry. I was too.

“Snips,” I said sternly. “Quit being a dipshit.”

“But-”

“Snips, Snails, get the fuck out. I ain’t helping you two dipshits. We’re here to lift each other up. Cheerilee, excuse my language, but I don’t tolerate shit like-” I glared and Snips and Snails, who had the brains to back away. “The sorta shit that leaves these two’s mouths. Now you two, do you want to actually learn-”

“Why are we even learning from you if you didn’t win any of those competitions-”

“Why are you two still even here? I said get out. I ain’t teaching you two. When you two quit being gobshites, I’ll consider taking you back. Alright?”

“Fine! This is a waste of time anyway.” Snips and Snails said at the same time before leaving. “Trixie is better at magic than you are anyways!” WIth that, the two colts left. Good, fuck those kids.

“Alright, I guess our little tutorage session dropped to three unicorns. Sweetie Belle, can you come with me so I can help you get that first ignition?”

After convincing Sweetie Belle how much being able to use magic would help with getting her cutie mark, she got pretty damn excited, and actually was actually able to use levitate by the end of the hour. Cheerilee didn’t initially approve of how I told Snips and Snails to fuck off, but understood why and was fine with it after saying I would take them back if their behavior improved. The problem was Dinky, since I couldn’t immediately figure out what she was passionate about… Until I learnt something important.

“I want Mommy to be proud of me…” She whispered, staring at her horn that simply won’t light.

“Do you want to perform magic tricks to help Mrs. Doo unwind after work?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to be able to do it by being able to turn your hooves into talons?”

“Yeah…”

“I bet she would be really happy if you showed her some magic tricks.” Dinky Do started looking more excited. “Whatever spells you want me to teach you, I will. You’ll have a whole arsenal of spells to make your mother happy…”

“Can you teach me how to do that levitation thingy as good as you?”

“If that’s what you want, I will teach you how.”

A small smile formed on her face and her horn lit. She gasped. “OH SWEET CELESTIA YOU DID IT!” She started jumping up and down and tackled my face. I laughed and allowed Dinky to work her excitement out. This was how it was across all three foals; they were all super happy to be able to finally use magic. Granted, they can’t do anything yet, but they’ll learn overtime, As soon as I realized we were progressing a lot sooner than I had expected, I started teaching them the Runes of Python and gave them some handy dandy little flash cards I had made that had all the Runes of Python and how to do them.

“No, you did it, Dinky. I just helped ya get there. Ain’t no shame in needing a bit of help every now and then, eh?” Dinky shook her head, before quickly figuring out how to light her horn constantly on her own.

Then small handbooks on how to work their way through an equation. “I want you kiddos to read through them and try to do every Rune. On Friday I want to see if you all can do every Rune. If not, I’ll teach y’all a trick to make Runes a lot easier, and if you can? I’ll still teach you the tricks. This is all for Python, so the Runes require as little muscle control as possible. Anypony able to cast a basic light spell will be treated, by me, to some ice cream as a treat. After that, we’ll begin on Rune casting speed.”

Aside from Snips and Snails being little gobshites, I would say that most of the tutoring went well, Cheerilee paid me for my work, and thanked me for coming. Philomena had perched herself on my back as we started walking back through town. “Hey, Mr. Code,” Button said, trotting up behind me. “Can… you walk me home? It’s a little dark and-”

“Ey, no skin off my nose. C’mon, lead the way. I'll be close by. Between me and Phili here, you’ll get home safely.” Button trotted up beside me, just a little bit ahead of me so we could follow him. A few minutes in, Philomena was hopping along, chirping away a storm while Button was seemingly having an argument with her from atop of my back. The conversation was clearly one sided, Phili was just having fun with Button, and Button clearly got along with the phoenix. We eventually walked up on… a large building. It was kinda fancy looking, so I assumed that Button may be pretty well off.

“You can drop me off here, this is my home,” Button whispered.

“Alright. If you need me to walk you home after our tutoring sessions and your parents aren’t… available, lemme know. I’m not about to let my students walk home alone in the dark.”

“You let Sweetie Belle and her friends walk home alone.”

“AJ actually met them at the gate after we left. They usually just have free reign in the town because of how weird some of their adventures to get a cutie mark is.” I hummed. Before laying on my stomach so that Button could slide off. “Well kiddo, I’ll see you and the rest of our little circle Friday morning? I’m still supposed to shadow Cheerilee and figure out how I can help out with teaching in some capacity for the second job she’s giving me. Keep working on those Runes, read a bit of that Light spell,” I reached under my trench coat and pulled out a textbook for Python. “And, if you feel like it, hand a gander at this. It’ll help you out a lot; I made a spell system, obviously, and I made the textbook so just about anypony with a horn can pick it up.”

“...But-”

“Don’t say you won’t be able to do it-”

“I wasn’t. Why are you helping me out so much?”

“It’s my job,” I said. “And because I can see how damn passionate you are about learning how to do magic. If I can keep that passion going and teach you how to do magic, then hey! I made an impact in somepony’s life. At least I can make a difference somewhere, when I couldn’t do it back home.” Button paused, staring at the book. He looked it over before nodding to, presumably, himself, before stashing away in his saddlebags and started walking again.

“Want me to walk you to the door?” I asked, noticing the big sign. I couldn't read it from here.

“No! I can handle it. It’s only a few meters.”

“Alright,” I stood up. “Hey kiddo,” Button turned back to me. “Have a good night.”

After Button walked in the door, I started walking too. I was going to be staying at Twilight's for a reason. I was told to come back tomorrow, which was basically Celly’s ‘me and Lulu are going to have some sisterly bonding time and snuggle up together overnight’ thing. I wish I could be there to see the adorable scene of Luna snuggled up under Celestia’s chin, while being pressed into her older sister’s side with a wing, but if they only want the two of them to be there for their snuggle time, so be it. I think Twilight might use me as a pillow tonight, I dunno.

I think that she was. I trotted into the library a few hours after I had dropped Button off(I just wanted to take a walk), and came faced with a problem. Six mares, Twilight and her friends, who else? Anyways they were all wearing pajamas, though Rainbow seemed a little peeved about having to wear something that made her look ‘too cute and cuddly’. I just sat in the entrance and slowly turned to Spike.

“Am I going to get drugged, murdered and dumped out back? And if yes, can they reschedule my murder for a year or two?”

“No, they wanted to have a sleepover with you. It was Pinkie’s idea," Spike said as he walked up. We bro-fisted/clawed. Darn, so much for me dying.

I reached in my trench coat again and pulled out a comic book and handed it over to Spike. “Here you go, my dude.”

“...Dude, that’s a limited edition copy of Power Ponies… This is ten years old!”

“Hit with every enchant possible to keep it in pristine condition,” I whispered. “It’s sort of… a thank you. Thanks to you helping me with DragonFire gave me the groundwork for Python and gave me proof that it does do what it should. In a way, you helped turn my life around. This is the least I can do. Thanks to Celly, I found where one of these bad boys was to thank you with.”

“I…” Spike hopped up and hugged me, and I couldn’t help but laugh like an idiot. We both did, before inevitably the mares in the room snagged me, while Spike went to go put a cover on the limited edition, first ever copy of Power Ponies that was apparently only released in one city. Or something. I don’t keep up with comics, and especially not Power Ponies, but Celestia told me it was apparently a very, very rare copy that I had purchased.

“So…” I said, now knowing I was at the mercy of the Bearers. “Why’d y’all want a sleepover?"

Rarity started. “We…We wanted to spend some time with you. The last time we all spent some time together, it was during the Summer Sun Celebration, where…”

“Y’all almost let me get killed a few times?”

“We… also wanted to apologize for that,” Twilight laughed a little nervously. “Why do you treat us nicely after that?”

“I just do. I’ve been trying not to hold grudges. If I did, I wouldn’t get along with Luna and I wouldn’t have made a friend outta Trixie. I’ve… held a grudge with my sister once, never, ever got it sorted out. I uh…” I chuckled. “Man, that actually sucks.” I paused before taking a deep breath. “Anywho, I learnt to not hold grudges to the proverbial grave. Y’all genuinely aren’t bad ponies, so I’m going to make an effort to be your friend, and we’ll pretend like what happened in the Everfree never happened; I was never there.”

“You weren’t there?!” Pinkie asked. I chuckled at that. “But then who was the stallion we were traveling with? I was hoping to get his number!”

“Uh, he fell in a hole. Then he became really ugly. So ugly that everyone around him died. Then he died because he fell on his face and never went to the hospital.” I wasn’t going to ask her how she knew about the ‘get his number’ bit. It’s Pinkie, don’t acknowledge half the things she says, because she doesn’t either.

“Oh. When’s the funeral?” Pinkie asked.

“Sometime in the near future. Relatively soon.” We both giggled at that. A few hours later, I got dragged into a pile of mares, until Philomena managed to drag me out of it and literally use me as a bird bed. It was a pretty fun way to spend the night in Ponyville. I woke up covered in feathers, because Philomena is a feather-dispensing little lady, and demands all the snuggles… I couldn’t move until twelve in the afternoon; Philomena literally wouldn’t let me get up. No, she didn’t make me stay still until twelve, no, she looked cute while she was sleeping and I would’ve felt bad if I woke her up before she wanted to wake up.

I got to hug Phili for a few hours, so that’s always a plus at least. I think I may end up spending the week with Phili if she wants that… Though I think Luna may want to spend the week with me too. It has been a solid minute since the two of us were doing our weird ‘I’m the older sibling now, nerd’ relationship. So… Yeah, I’m gonna find Luna… after being used as a snuggle toy by her and Celly because they wanted their stallion snuggies.

Wait, why did all of Twilight’s friends want stallion snuggies? I can’t remember. I just know that Rarity looked a little disappointed when I was pulled out of the pony pile they had formed around me before going to sleep. She was resting her head on my flank, after all.

I’m gonna try and get her to come with me to the next tutoring session on Friday. I know that she would love to spend some time with a bunch of cute foals and possibly help teach them.

Going Back to Ponyville for the Week.

I sat down after Celestia and Luna had their snuggles, as Celly wanted to talk with me about how my teaching gig had gone on the first day, and Luna wanted to go to sleep since it was way too late in the day for her to be awake. Celestia made us dinner, since we’ve been getting our food from the Royal Kitchens a lot less, as in one of us would attempt to cook something up. At first Chef Beet was concerned about letting me or Celly cook, mostly Celly(she burnt water once too, apparently). However, after I actually taught Celestia how to cook a little, she does cook when time permits. Usually I cook, or if we’re both feeling lazy, we do end up ordering something quick like a simple salad.

“So,” Celestia said, sitting across from me in our private dining room. “I received a letter from Twilight. Did you seriously swear at two foals?”

“I didn’t yell at them, at least,” I chuckled. “Uh, those two brats were trying to put down my other students for not being able to use magic until I literally helped them. I don’t tolerate that kinda stuff; it seems innocent and harmless but bullying can lead to a lot of things. Back home at least, the best-case scenario is whoever’s getting bullied doesn’t care. Worse case… Uh, usually a news article is written and there’s one less person on the planet and a grieving family. I’ve lost a friend, one I knew since I was five, because she got bullied so damn hard and she never asked for help because she felt like she couldn’t.” I sighed. “I ain’t gonna have that sorta shit happen if I’m teaching and can catch it.”

“I see…” Celestia sighed. “I suppose you did have a reason to cast them out, though you should’ve done it a little more professionally. As in swear a little less when dealing with foals?”

“The foals I was dealing with were Dinky Doo, Button, and Sweetie Belle after that. I know for a fact that Apple Bloom’s taught Sweetie a thing or two about swearing. I swear though, I kept my swearing to a minimum after I made the bullies leave my little tutoring session. I probably let it slip here or there, but I’m a bit Irish, we tend to swear just a little bit.” Or a lot if we had some whisky.

“Now that you say that, your accent is a bit unlike anything I’ve heard before. It’s faint, but it’s there.”

“It’d get stronger if I were drunk, or talking to a fellow Irishman. Usually I try to keep it tame so people can understand me. Ma was an Aussie, Pa was Irish. Combine the two accents from those, and you get mine. Though I certainly swear a lot more than the average Aussie… I don’t think Snips or Snails will be coming to my next session; they said they were a waste of time. ‘Tis a shame, but… if they don’t wanna learn, or want my help, I can’t do much, can I?”

“I suppose not.” Celestia nodded, sipping on some tea. “Though there is something I would like to point out.”

“Go on.”

“You got three foals to have their First Spark; you got them using magic in your first session?”

“Yeah. is that… a big deal?”

“You’ve no training as a teacher, and you’ve done that, Source. Some professors struggle with getting foals to use magic for the first time.”

“Well, it was pretty easy. Figure out what gets them excited, play off of it, and then somehow spin the desire to learn how to perform spells into that excitement. Brew it together and all of sudden… Magic. Sweetie Belle thought she could get a cutie mark in magic and her friends thought they could get magic in helping her practice. Button… Ah Button, kid’s a sweetheart, I think he wants to learn magic first and foremost; being with me is like a dream come true. He can actually learn from me. Dinky’s reason for wanting to learn is fucking adorable; she just wants to make her Mom proud.” Seriously, Dinky is a little cinnamon roll. In fact, all three of my students are cinnamon rolls.

I love my students and it hasn’t even been a full day since I’ve started tutoring them.

“I see… Twilight talked with Cheerilee. Button… He did ask you to walk him home, yes?”

“Yeah, seemed super hesitant about letting me see the front door, though. We weren’t even around the corner of the building when we got to his place…”

“Was it a large, nice looking building?”

“Yeah.”

“That was Ponyville’s orphanage, Source.”

“...What did you just say?”

“Button is an orphan, Source.”

“...So that’s probably why I let him snuggle up on the side of my belly, and why he smelled… so plain, like he had no smell on him beyond his own. Wait, what the fuck?!” I asked. “Oh god…” I took a deep breath. Okay yeah, this body has some really strong primal instincts; it wanted to keep Button close after realizing that a foal with no parents was nearby… wait, that ain’t how horses operate in the wild, what the heck? Mmm, pony biology.

“Twilight mentioned how Button used the side of your belly as a pillow while trying to perform Runes after you taught everypony there how. Of course, Dinky and Sweetie Belle, according to Twilight, were using your back as a pillow. Letting a foal use the side of your stomach as a pillow is something you usually only reserve for your foal. Button likes you a lot, Source.”

“...Would you get mad if I adopted him? I won’t do it immediately, I wanna get to know the kid before I do it on a whim. But if I end up liking him enough to take him as my own, would you care?”

“Care? Source, I would love being able to care for a colt! Sure, it may not be a colt I would be giving birth to, but Button would make for a lovely son for you… I think. I would also have to meet him.”

“I know what I’m doing tomorrow at least,” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “I’m gonna go to Ponyville, and everyday throughout the week and actually hold more tutoring sessions with those foals. Not gonna lie, they probably will need some guidance anyways while they learn their first spell, and it’ll give me a chance to get to know Button a lot more. If I like him enough by the end of the week, I am going to adopt him. He’s a good kid and doesn’t deserve to be stuck in an orphanage for most of his childhood. That could fuck him up mentally, it probably does…”

“You could go tomorrow, and I will accompany you on Friday; I would love to meet your students anyways, and perhaps I can see how you teach? If you’ve managed to get them to get that first little spark… you are clearly doing something right.”

“Alright then. However, I wanna go take a nap. I used DragonFire several times in the last two days for somewhat long distances. I moderated how fast I went, but a trip to and from Ponyville, along with using magic a fair amount in between just makes me a little drowsy. Especially after Rainbow asked me to go at my top speed with DragonFire and race her. I was faster, but then I faceplanted and fell asleep as soon as the race was over; too much speed with that spell can fuck you up, lemme tell you. Best sleep I’ve had in a while, though.”

“No hornaches?”

“No, surprisingly not. I have been testing something with Python Script. Now, instead of it just making my horn ache, it just makes me sleep if I use my horn too much. Since I’ve made it so instead of just using my horn muscles, it uses other other muscles in the body. So it takes more energy, but I have more magic reserves and literal muscle to put into every spell. Granted, I shouldn’t do it if I’m fighting anypony since it can make my nerves seize up, it’s an alpha-level concept after all. Anyways, I am tired… Can we just snuggle? Like actually snuggling for the night, not having sex. I’m a bit too tired for that.”

“I can make do with being a pillow for my little Cody.”

“God, you found out what Pinkie uses as a nickname for me?”

“She sent me a letter! I was struggling with a nickname for you, and now I have one! Ohoho! You’ve had so many nicknames for me that it made me a little upset that you chose a name that you can’t easily make nicknames off of.”

“You could call me Steve. It’s a fun thing from something made with Java. I’d probably end up responding to it, or not. I dunno; you’d have to whack me in the head if I don’t.”

“Why ‘Steve’ though? What fun thing?”

“Eh, don’t worry about it. Just know it was hella fun back when I was twelve.”

“...Curse you for not telling me more about human stuff when I ask!”

“I’ll tell you when I feel like it. And I feel like cuddling with you instead. That’s way more fun.”

“Fine. I suppose I will have to…” Celly gave a fake sob. “Put up with cuddles for now.”

“...You love cuddling anyways.”

“Dammit. That used to work-”

“Then you did too much. Don’t you dare use the look on me right now.”

“I was only considering it!” She then did it, and I ended up telling her about that fun thing where Steve originated from….

“Source, that sounds like the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

I woke up the next day and started making my way towards the train station. While I wanted to just use DragonFire to just fly to Ponyville, I knew I shouldn’t. For starters, I was still recovering from magic physically draining me. I also just wanted to take today nice and slow. At first, I had every reason to be early, but I didn’t technically have to be in Ponyville today. I just wanted to go and check in on my students, and that was after class. Plus I can go ahead and tell Twi and her friends to stop trying to get in my pants.

Well, mostly Rarity. The others were perfectly okay with keeping things platonic; pony piles are natural occurrences and usually just signs of affection, not love. I know Twilight might have a thing for me, but it could just be her trying to be a lot nicer after being a bit of a bitch.

“Howdy!” I waved to a random passerby in the street as I walked. I was in an unusually good mood. That probably meant something bad was going to happen today, but that’s fine.

I hopped and skipped onto the train after getting my ticket and pulled out a book from a saddlebag. Did I read a lot? No, but I have been reading a fair amount more now that I don’t have anything to distract me. I relaxed a little bit as soon as I heard the train whistle. I knew I was going to spend some time with Luna, but she’s a bit nocturnal, as she’s been picking up her old sleep schedule again after learning about how to rule a little more modernly from Celestia. I almost didn’t notice something hitting me in the back of the head.

“Wuh?” I slowly turned around to see an angry looking griffin. “Can I help you?”

“What the? That was supposed to knock you out!”

“Why are you trying to knock me out?” Now is a good time to mention I have been putting defense enchants on myself whenever I leave the castle on hoof. Stuff like durability, and stuff to teleport me back to my bed if anything were to actually knock me out. They only last a day, but they cost so little to cast that I don’t really mind using the enchants to keep me from getting hurt. Anything to get home to Celly at the end of the day.

“I-I… Uh…” The griffin growled. “Screw it!” Everypony in the train car started running when he pulled out a crossbow. It looked really fancy, though worn out. “Somebody in Griffonia wants you, and you’re coming with me, or else.” I shrugged and turned back to my book. “Are you even listening? Are you deaf? I’m trying to kidnap you and I am threatening you!” My horn lit and his crossbow was cleanly dismantled. I then grabbed the bolt before it fell and pointed it at the griffin’s head.

“Man, you chose the wrong guy to kidnap. I’ve got guards watching my ass like hawks, and I can kick your ass or leave you as a skidmark. I didn’t do anything wrong other than live and love somepony. Now kindly piss off before my guards come in and body check you. Better yet, leave before I break your wings and chuck you under the fucking train. You’ve got children right?”

“...Of course I do-”

“And you apparently know who the heck I am. So go home, be a family man. Or go home to your kids in pieces. Your choice. Because… I ain’t a pony, mentally at least, and if you cross me again and don’t get outta my face, I am going to ensure that you will not see the end of the day. I’m in a good mood though, and scored a job as a teacher of sorts, which is really fun. If I weren’t in a good mood, I would've killed you for clubbing me over the back of the head with the butt of your crossbow.”

The griffin pulled out a knife, seeing as he probably didn’t learn his lesson. Solar Strike and three other guards piled on him trampled him, and had him binded up and knocked out the moment the knife was out. “Are you alright, Sir?” My guard asked.

“Man, drop the ‘sir’ shit with me, Solar. You and I know I don’t demand any respect from you guards.”

“It’s just protocol, sir. You’re Celestia’s consort even if you aren’t taking many of the duties of being a high prince, you are a high prince.”

“And as your high prince,” the griffin got dragged into the last train car, or where my guards were supposed to be bunking. “I say my guards take a chill pill and relax. Feel free to joke around with me, sit down, but still be vigilant if you think somebody else is gonna kidnap me. Solar you’re one of my bros, sit down and take a load off. Once the griffin’s in a cage, of course. The rest of your guys can come and sit with me and hangout too if they wanna.”

“...Captain Armor is going to yell at me-”

“And he isn’t your current commanding officer by technicality, is he?”

“Right now, you are, sir.”

“Then you aren’t gonna get in trouble. If Shiny’s got an issue with how I run my squad, he can take it up with me. Go do your job, then get that stick outta your arse, mate.”

“Yes sir!”

“You’re trying to take the piss outta me,” I said, lightly glaring at Solar. “I like it. Keep doing what you do, bro.”

‘Yes bro sir!” That… Oh my god. I think I’m gonna kick Solar in the balls for that.

Fortunately for Solar Strike, he did not get kicked in the balls for calling me a ‘bro sir’. Fortunately for me, we all made it to Ponyville without any more issues. I notified Celestia about the bird that tried to kidnap me and she sent me a letter describing how proud she was of me for handling the situation so well, and that she was going to beat the ever living crap out of whoever sent the grif, since he was clearly doing a paid job, after me. So Celly’s going to be really sexy(angry) for a while.

Listen, Celly is very pretty, but there is something almost breathtaking about seeing her get angry… When it’s not directed at me. It very rarely is directed at me though. Usually she just gets disappointed in me and that makes me want to go sit in the corner for being a bad boy.

We got off the train, the guards went to check to get hotel rooms for them all, a few others went to shove the griffin in a jail cell… Then Celestia popped in out of nowhere, kissed me, and took the griffin to Canterlot to prosecute him for attempting to kidnap a public official. Meanwhile, I started making my way over to Cheerilee’s school house… I actually didn’t walk, I used Levitate on my hooves and started running in the sky. Ponies all glanced up at me, before doing a double take. Some foals who weren’t in school pointed up at me while telling their mothers or fathers(or both) about the pony running through the sky.

I quickly landed at the schoolhouse, getting looks from every single foal since it was recess. I could see Button off in his own little corner actually doing a Light Spell. I know who’s getting ice cream on friday. Hey, actually, Sweetie Belle and Dinky were with him and they were also doing light spells. The rest of the crusaders were hanging out with them, mostly with Sweetie, but it looked like they were trying to indoctrinate little Button into their group at Sweetie’s request.

Hmm… I bet Sweetie has a crush on Button still. That would be adorable to tease them about.

“Hey Mr. Source Code!” Two familiar little brats ran up to me. It was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Usually Diamond does the talking, Silver just nods along like an idiot and goes with what her friend does.

“Hello,” I greeted. “Can I uh… talk to you both later? I’ve got students to catch up with. They’re making really, really good progress-”

“But they’re a bunch of blank flanks. They won’t amount to anything!” Silver actually said something on her own accord. “Especially at this rate if they still don’t have their cutie marks!”

“Actually,” I said. “I say blank flanks are pretty cool. Sure, not having their cutie mark at this point in their life may seem like they’re useless, but I say it’s an opportunity. They can find out what they wanna be when they’re more mature and have the knowledge to play off of their talents for either a good career, or even just a fun hobby. You don’t need something to say you’re good at something to prove your worth, after all.”

“That is…” Diamond hummed. She and her little friend were a bit lost for words. “I- uh… why not just hang out with us?”

“You just wanna see Celly so you can look at her flanks. Granted, they are flanks straight from the heavens, literally from the heavens, and that’s far as your interests in me go. You don’t want any life advice or whatever.” I stepped around the now thoroughly broken fillies that heard me call Celestia’s ass nice, because it is, and sauntered on over to my students. “Howdy kiddos!” I laid down and was immediately hounded by five happy foals.

“We thought you were coming back on Friday?”

“I figured being able to tutor you guys everyday on your first week of learning magic would be more helpful… Though look,” I pretended to look hurt. “I’m a bit useless, aren’t I?” I asked.

“What!?” They chorused.

“When I walked up, all three of you were casting Light spells! And they looked good too!”

“We were just using that textbook you gave to Button,” Dinky said. “Did we do something wrong?”

“Like hell you did. I wanted to be the one who taught you that, not the book that I explicitly gave one of you, or the equations and Runes for!’ I chuckled and waved my hoof. “I’m just pulling your legs. I’m proud, Dinky. It took me longer to figure out how to cast Light. How many Runes did you take, guys?”

“Two,” they all said.

“It’s surprisingly easy!” Sweetie Belle squeaked. My god, I love those little squeaks.

“Good, you’re using Python’s Runes. That’s why those Lights look so damn good. How’re you guys liking Python?”

“Rarity said my Light looked like hers when she was twice my age,” Sweetie said. “And I was using less magic!”

“Hmm. So y’all are loving it?” They all nodded. “Do note that when you’re older, you may not be able to fully use Python if you’re genuinely really strong with magic. So I will give you guys crash courses in the other systems so you have an idea of how to do them when you all eventually outgrow my teachings.” I ruffled Sweetie’s mane. “Damn good job on spell casting, kids. As promised, on Friday, we’re all gonna go get ice cream. And y’all will get to meet Celly. I might ask her to bring down one of the instruments-”

“She can play an instrument?” Button asked.

“No, an instrument has many different meanings. A magical instrument is what’s used to gauge how strong a unicorn is. I’m gonna test how strong each of you guys are each week and determine when to shift your focus off of Python; you may end up being better with a hybrid of Python and regular Runes, or even just a completely different spell system.”

“Oh… I hope I score high,” he mused. “Though if not, Python does seem to work really well…”

“If you do, you could travel from here all the way to bucking Prance with DragonFire. I can travel pretty far and I’ve got some weak magic reserves.”

“That would be so awesome!” Button squealed. “Oh, I can’t wait!”

“So after school, you guys want to learn some, or I can watch y’all practice?”

“Can you help us get our cutie marks?” Scootaloo asked. “We just invited Button and Dinky, since they don’t get their marks yet and you’re our favorite teacher?”

“Pfft.” I chuckled. “C’mon, I’m not cooler than Cheerilee is, am I?”

“You are pretty cool,” Scootaloo hummed. “But Cheerilee is super nice…”

“I’m your favorite tutor and Cheerilee is your favorite teacher.”

“But you taught us how to use magic.”

“No, I gave you the means to learn how to use magic on your own. I’m just helping y’all along the way if you misstep somewhere.”

“...Oh. You’re still a teacher to me,” Scootaloo nodded. “And you’re cool because you don’t give me homework.”

“Mmm, I might. You aren’t even my student and I might. What if in between me helping these guys learn magic, I help you and Apple Bloom with stuff. I could teach y’all something cool, some cool new trick, or just help y’all with your homework? Does that sound good?”

“That would help. Multiplication still gives me troubles,” Bloom nodded. “And Ah get to work with my adopted uncle!”

“Surrogate? Adopted means I’m legally related to you, Bloom. Surrogate means it’s unofficial.”

“Ah guess you’re my surreal gate uncle.” I chuckled at that and nuzzled her. Fucking christ, these kids are so cute. It’s almost downright heartwarming how quickly they all started liking me after I helped them with magic, save the crusaders since they already knew me. Though Sweetie is nuzzling me a lot more than usual and actually sharing the side of my stomach with Button. Oh god, don’t tell me I have to adopt her too. I mean, I will, how could I not, but I don’t wanna do that to her actual parents!

I was teaching my students how to throw things by playing with a frisbee. “Aight,” I said, gesturing to Apple Bloom. “I want you guys to match her throws.” Apple Bloom threw the disc and it went zooming. “She’s an earth pony so she is physically stronger than we are, but we’ve got magic. If you can match her strength with your magic, then that’s good. If not, it’s not a big deal. Just do your best for today; and most importantly have fun.” We were supposed to throw it in a way that it came back to us. Apple Bloom was a natural at it. It came back and she caught it with her teeth…

If a human tried that, they would lose all their teeth.

Twilight had tagged along after realizing I was in town again, to mostly hangout, and to see how I would teach a foal to throw something with their levitation.

“How do we throw stuff anyways?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Twilight opened her mouth. “Y’all obviously know how to Levitate stuff now,” so I grabbed the disc. “See hold my aura is only grabbing a bit of the disk?” They all nodded. “Hold just enough of it with your magic to the point where you can still move the object,” Twilight’s mouth stayed open. I did as such. “Then with a flick of the magic,” I tossed the thing further than Apple Bloom did, it zoomed off into the distance. “Any-” it came back full force and hit me in the forehead. “FUCK!” I started holding my nose while everypony started looking me over.

“Oh thank god for enchantments or my nose would be broken right now,” I groaned. My voice was very nasally right now.

“Are you alright, Mr. Code?” Button was the first to ask. “That looked like it hurt.”

“It did, but not as much as it would’ve if I didn’t have a few ‘buffs’ running. Some griffin tried foalnapping me earlier. Tried clubbing me over the head with his crossbow and everything… Ah, learn enchantments kiddo, they come in handy. Stopped me from getting kidnapped and kept me from having to go to the hospital.” I picked the disk up and held it for him. “Wanna have a go and toss the frisbee?” Button was still checking if my nose was fine… Hah. “I'm fine, kiddo. Just go have fun with your friends.” He nodded before going off. I ended up sitting and watching while Twilight loafed down next to me.

“That… I was gonna tell them how to throw something. I was just gonna say give it a flick and then let go of the frisbee. Your method for throwing objects…”

“It’s different, but something I’ve been working on. I did some testing and it turns out that doing it the way everypony else does is a waste of magic.” Button actually almost matched my throw on the first try. “Good job, Button!” I chuckled as it came back around and he actually caught it with his magic. He winced slightly. “Ah, don’t catch fast moving objects with your magic kid, it’ll hurt like a bitch!”

“I can tell!” Button groaned. “Hornaches are the worst!” I chuckled at that.

“But anyways, you don’t lose any control when doing my method, and in fact, it’s probably better. It was easier for me to direct where to throw an object with my method. It was… like throwing something with a hand, which was why I did it the way I did at first. Then it turned out to genuinely be really good and better since it used just a little less magic. Optimize every little bit of magic, Twi, that’s my goal.” Sweetie Belle and Dinky gave good throws. Both were nowhere near as good as Button’s, but that was whatever. They seemed to mostly care about having fun once they figured it out the first time. Scootaloo, surprisingly, patiently waited for all the unicorns to go so that they could figure out throwing objects. She had the best throw yet, actually reaching mine.

“I’m just surprised. You’re not a bad teacher even if you don’t actually have any teaching experience. From Light spells, to teaching them to throw… you’re teaching them runes.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna have them try to Rune out the nightmare that is WME’s version of Levitation to see how accurate they are with Runes.”

“...Why? Are you a sadist?”

“I just wanna know. It’s a good test. If they’re precise, they can keep learning Python no problem, since that’s the one thing both systems share; an exact level of precision. I won’t grade them on it, I ain’t grading shit, but it’s something to test them with every now and then.”

“Why wouldn’t you grade them on performance? It may not mean much but-”

“Grading systems are shit, Twilight. Inherently shit. Especially the letter system. What? Do I give Sweetie Belle an F because she could only get three Runes into WME’s spell system? No, that’s stupid. Grades end up being something a student will shoot for, most of the time, instead of actually learning anything new. I just focus on making the lessons fun and insightful, and very, very easy to understand. So far, it’s working out. Taught the kids how to throw shit in the most fun way possible. Next, I’m gonna take’em camping and get them to use Fire, since that’s Button’s main goal; learning DragonFire. Learning Fire is a crucial step in the right direction.”

“Source… That-”

“I’m teaching them the practical uses for magic. My main complaint about my education was the lack of anything practical. If it seems like it would be useful in day-to-day life, it’s more likely to actually stick. So practical uses, and then some extra shit if they wanna learn it. Once I have more textbooks printed, they’ll have everything they’ll need to learn any spell they want in Python… Assuming it exists.”

“Huh… I never thought of that.”

“Education was a huge deal, and people were talking of ways of improving it even if the people actually in charge didn’t have a reason to. I picked up a thing or two about teaching since… my old hobby involved teaching people how to ‘play’ the things I coded.”

Twilight smiled. “Is this like your old hobby?”

“Teaching? No. It’s fun. I’m glad I’m able to start making my mark on the world, even if it’s my magical system making the mark instead of just me. It feels good. And I get to spend some time with cute foals; who am I to complain about that?”

Button trotted up to me, clearly worn out; the foals started playing tag after they got bored of the frisbee before laying right between my forelegs. Flopped right on his side, resting his head on my foreleg. Internally I was screaming. My god, that is the cutest thing ever, and my entire emotional state now lies in Button clearly holding some form of affection for me. “Oh my fucking god,” I whispered. This here, this is the greatest moment of my life. I am so, so… down to just lay here and take a nap actually. A nap never hurts.

Twilight looked at me and Button snuggling together and I swore her heart actually melted. “Okay, that is kinda cute.”

“We’re stallions,” Button mumbled, he was definitely half asleep. “We look cool, not cute.” and… out like a light. I nuzzled him and laid my head.

“I can take being cute. Celly says I am,” I chuckled. “Finna take a nap. If the kids need help heading home, wake me up, ‘kay Twi?”

Twilight nodded before sitting back and watching the rest of the foals, one by one, got done playing and coming over to join Source and Button to nap. The stallion was clearly the main attraction, with Sweetie Belle snuggling up to Button too, and resting her head on the same leg that Button had. Apple Bloom was laying across the side of Source’s belly, Scootaloo was using his back as a pillow while sprawled out on her back, and Dinky managed to get on top of his head without waking the stallion up, before resting her own head right between his ears. Source’s tail soon curled up, on its own, and laid across Apple Bloom.

“Hmph.” Twilight sighed. “Dangit, now I want to take a nap…” She sighed. “Maybe just an hour; no way Source would wake up before an hour passes.” She laid down in front of Source so she would know that they would be facing, should either of them wake up, each other. While she wanted to join in on the adorable scene of Source being used as a bed by five foals, there was no room for her to join in, unless she used his butt as a pillow. And that would be a little weird.

Twilight ended up sleeping longer than Source or any of the foals… Save Button. Button was all too comfy with just sleeping in an empty field with him.

I lifted my head drowsily, Twilight and the rest of the kids were long gone. I woke up earlier to see the crusaders heading home for the day, and Dinky being carried off by her mother. I looked down to hear some teeth clacking together; Button just let out a jaw splitting yawn. He rolled over onto his belly and blinked a few times. The sun was setting in the distance and it looked like Button was ready to head home for the day too.

“Need me to walk you home, kid?” I asked.

“I…” Button sighed. “I kind of don’t want to go home.”

I decided to pretend to be naive to this kid’s situation. “Rough home life?”

“No… I just… home doesn’t really feel like home, y’know?”

I paused. I really don’t know how to go about this. “Uh… Do you mind sleeping in a library?” I asked. “Because Twilight is forcing me to stay at her place again for the week. So wanna just stay with me? We’ll ask your parents first, though.”

“...Okay.”

The two of us ended up walking to the orphanage and I was immediately greeted by an old mare. “What are you doing with Button?”

“I’m his teacher, I was teaching Button how to use his magic, and we lost track of time… We ended up taking a nap in the field I was teaching him. So here he is. Button here was hoping to spend the night at my place so that I can help him with his homework.”

“Button, is this true?” The mare asked.

“Yes, Mrs. Care. I asked Mr. Code if I could stay where he’s staying tonight.”

“...Okay. You best know how to care for him,” Mrs. Care said in a semi harsh tone.

“I will.”

Not too long after that, we were sitting outside of a Hayburger, since I skipped lunch and it was nearing Button’s dinner time. “I’ve never had this before,” Button said, poking at his burger.

“It’s pretty tasty,” I said. “Do you not like hayburgers?” I asked, looking up from my food.

“It’s just… weird. Mrs. Care usually cooks for everypony…” Button paused.

"Is Mrs. Care your mother?” I asked.

“She isn’t. She’s… I live in an orphanage, Mr. Code. I think you’ve noticed that already.”

“...Okay, yeah, I did. I do have some news for ya, though.” Button gave me an inquisitive look after sticking a hay fry in his mouth. It hung out of his mouth while he gave me a cute little head tilt. “If Celly says yes, and if you’re up for it, I might end up adopting you. Of course, we’re taking it slow right now. I gotta make sure you’re a good fit for me, and that I would be a good parent for you. Of course, I will only do so if you’re up for it. Take your time with getting to know me, and I’ll take my time getting to know you, alright?”

“I hope you end up adopting me,” Button said. “You’re kinda nice.”

“I do my best to be a decent person. You’re a good kid, Button.”

“Why do you keep saying ‘kid’? I’m not a goat.”

“God dammit, Button…” I chuckled. “Ah, I’ll tell you why if I end up adopting you. Since if I do adopt you, you’re going to learn what the heck you’re dealing with. I will tell you just what I am before that though. I don’t want you to think you’re getting somepony that’s a pony in the head. Because I’m certainly not a pony in the head.”

“But… you look like a pony.”

“I am physically a pony. Mentally, I am something else.”

“I’ll be fine with it if the ‘something’ else is nice to me. Way nicer than my parents were to me.” He took a bite of his burger and his eyes widened.

“I take it that you like that?” He quickly nodded. I chuckled. “C’mon, let’s eat up. We gotta get to Twilight’s place before she ends up hunting me down. We wouldn’t want that; she’s a bit scary when she’s a bit angry.” Despite that, we took our time eating our dinner and happily chatting away with each other on the bench we had taken over so that we could eat our food. No, Twilight was not excited about how late we were when it came to returning to the library.

She was surprised to see Button there, or to find us the next morning, snuggled together while Button tried his best to make me let him have five more minutes of sleep. It didn’t work, but his attempts were commendable.

The Cutest Little Colt Becomes the Cutest Little Prince

Button and I had woken up pretty early in the morning, or rather, I did. Unlike in most countries on Earth, foals had to be at school at around ten in the morning. That was a far more reasonable time than seven in the morning. It was early enough for the foals to still not enjoy going to school, but they could get a normal amount of sleep if they stayed up late. Button was still sleeping, and I was still a little drowsy, so I… what the fuck is my body doing? My tongue, on its own accord, was licking Button. My body was grooming a foal on its own. And… I was fine with this.

The taste of Button’s fur was a lot like his scent, so he didn’t really taste like anything in particular. Surprisingly, the feeling of fur inside my mouth wasn’t that weird. Button pretty quickly started waking up at my constant grooming, before he rolled over, and I started grooming his belly. Soon, I was grooming Button’s mane and holding him with my hooves.

“Mmm.” He stretched his legs. “Mr. Code?”

“Just call me Source, or Code, whichever you prefer, kiddo,” I said, before resuming my grooming of him.

“Why are you… grooming me?”

“I dunno. I woke up, then started doing it without thinking. I’m a little surprised about it. Want me to stop? If so, I can make us breakfast pretty quickly.”

“This…” Button nuzzled me. “This feels really nice. Though isn’t that something mares do to their foals?”

“Heck if I know, I’m not a mare and I’ve never had foals. This is kinda fun though,” I rested my head over Button’s tiny little body. This is fun. “I don’t think Spike or Twilight are awake yet, since Twilight’s a bit of a night owl and Spike is a heavy, late riser. Wanna help me make breakfast for them? It’ll be a chance to work on your multitasking.”

“Okay… Can we just sleep for five more minutes though?”

“Sometimes I wish I could, kid, I wish I could. Sometimes it’s best to get up and embrace the day and then promptly tell it to fuck off after an hour.”

“Oh… So no five more minutes?”

“Would you rather have your five more minutes on the couch while I make us breakfast?”

“That would be nice…”

“Alright, c’mon,” I laid Button on my back, which he was the perfect size for, and started gently walking down the stairs. He fell asleep, with his lower jaw laying right in between my ears. I ended up sitting in the center of the kitchen and cooking everything exclusively with my magic so that I wouldn’t accidentally wake him up. I felt a bit like a sinner, moving food around with my magic instead of my hooves. Soon, Spike and Twilight came downstairs, and Spike stopped in shock. “Howdy guys,” I whispered. “Keep it a little quiet, Buttons’ still sleeping.”

“Source,” Twilight whispered. “That,” she pointed at the sleeping colt on my back. “That is adorable. Are you certain he isn’t already your foal?”

“Not yet, but I’m liking Button so far. He’s a sweet little thing, and so far…” I chuckled. “I dunno. It feels nice to be taking care of him. It… I hope this works out. It…” I chuckled. “You and Spike know my case, right?”

“Yeah… from another world?” Spike and Twilight said at the same time.

“Yeah… and while Apple Jack’s family basically thinks of me as family, and that I’m going to be marrying Celly sometime next year… If I get to adopt Button, then I would be so darn happy. I can have somepony, neigh, somebody to that would genuinely be family in this world. It… would be something I also never thought I’d get to have; my own son.” I rubbed the back of my head after quickly setting the table and plating all of our meals. It wasn’t much, it was just tofu bacon, eggs, and pancakes. “Uh… I shoulda asked before making breakfast, shouldn’t I?”

“No, it’s cool,” Spike waved a dismissive hand. “I was about to come down and make breakfast anyways and you made breakfast for me and Twilight…. And I think Twilight would’ve said that while you’re living under this roof, what’s hers is yours as well.”

“That… Hah. There once was a girl in a simpler time with night-like hair and skin so white. Wherever she went, everyone she’d tell ‘what appears as mine is ‘thine as well.” I chuckled. “Ah… Shit. Twilight, you don’t have to do that. I was hoping to pay you back for letting me stay by making you breakfast. Hope you don’t mind me making breaky for Button?” Twilight took the time to notice that I only made three meals.

“Source, why didn’t you make yourself anything?”

“I don’t eat breakfast often. Sometimes, I eat it if Celly makes pancakes, but that’s it. I just wanted to make sure Button had something to eat, Twi. I can wait for lunch.”

“...Alright, but don’t feel bad about taking my food, Source. Everypony’s gotta eat, after all.” Button soon woke up and I deposited him in his chair. Twilight cut a bit of pancake before popping it in her mouth.

“Oh, this is good!” Spike said with his mouth full. “I didn’t know you could cook, Source!” He stuffed another bit of pancake in his mouth.

“I have some experience. I mixed a bit of syrup into the batter. It’s… what restaurants back home did for some breakfast…” I chuckled. “Ah fuck, I could kill for a cheap, greasy breakfast sandwich from a fast food place.” Button looked at me a bit inquisitively. “Button, I’m gonna be dead honest, I ain’t a pony in the head. I was once a human, which is a type of creature that straight up doesn’t exist in this world. I…” I hummed. “You heard of the pony found in a crater after a magical accident?”

“Yeah. He was hurt real bad apparently,” Button didn’t take long to put two and two together. “You’re that pony?”

“Eeyup. Dunno why I’m here, dunno how. I went to sleep one night, woke up in a hospital bed to a horse in a nurse outfit. Ran right into a wall and then called the first pony I actually got to talk to… ‘Sun Butt’. Anyways! That’s how I came into Equestria and met your possibly adopted mother.” I chuckled. Nopony got my reference. Nopony ever gets my references.

Button hummed. “...I believe you, I guess. You do act a bit weird. Weren’t you that pony running after Nightmare Moon and threatening to ‘neuter her?” I nodded. “What does that mean?” Even Spike looked a little curious, while Twilight was just looking at me and shaking her head. I wasn't going to answer that even with her opinion on the matter.

“...Something horrible. I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“Fine… But I’m going to hold you to that, Source.” Button then took a bite of his pancake and his eyes widened. I smiled with a bit of pride at my somehow not butchered pancakes. There was a similar reaction to the bacon and eggs that made me smile. Apparently ponies were only used to sunny side up eggs, not scrambled, not over easy, none of that. So an omelet with onions and tomatoes mixed in grabbed their attention pretty quickly.

“Source, you’re replacing Spike on breakfast duty whenever you’re in town.” I chuckled, now realizing the mistake I’ll make when I bring potatoes to turn into french fries later. I won’t be allowed to leave once Twilight and Spike get addicted to my cooking. Button was definitely addicted since he got done in a heartbeat after he sampled everything and was licking the plate… I slowly got up, but got forced to sit down again when Twilight planted a kiss on my cheek.

It was just a thank you gesture, luckily. Hopefully. I really hope so.

Button and I trotted on into the school building. Cheerilee was a bit surprised to find that I was in Ponyville again, but didn’t question it. Most of the students were happy to see me as well, for some reason, even though I didn’t do anything the last time I was here. I played with a phoenix in the front of class and chimed in here and there, and didn’t really speak. Today, however, I want to be a bit more proactive. Whenever Cheerilee was giving a lesson, I’d remain quiet, but then came the paperwork and all of that fun stuff, I would go around the room and help foals out as best as I could without giving them the answer.

Snips and Snails brushed off any attempt I had with helping them, but they seemed to worry more about looking cool than intelligent. When I got around to Diamond Tiara, she hogged me at her desk for a solid ten minutes, asking how to solve each problem. “What is two times ten?” She asked. This was the tenth time she did this. I know she's doing it for attention, or whatever, since most foals just asked a question like which order to do double didgits, and let me go on my way to the next foal. I was starting to get a little annoyed, since I saw a foal raise his hoof up for some help, but here I was, helping Diamond Tiara, who's acting like she's an idiot.

I've seen her do math on her own, she's not even stupid.

“Add ten twice,” I said. “That’s your answer.”

“Just tell me the answer! C’mon!” She pounded her hoof on the desk. "How are you useful as a teacher if you don't just give me the answer? Instead, you tell me to do more stupid math!"

“I wouldn’t be helping to teach you anything if I just did everything for ya. Multiplication is just taking the first number and adding it to itself a certain number of times. Usually that number of times is determined by the first. My method takes longer, but it's easier. Your question's ten times two, so add ten to ten twice. There's your answer.” Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes at least seventeen times throughout that. What a brat.

“Oh! Mr. Code, can you tell me what nine times three is?” SIlver Spoon asked.

I didn't even look away from Diamond Tiara's worksheet. “Add nine three times,” I said while internally shaking my head. These two fillies… I think they just like having the attention of Celestia’s stupid plaything. “And your next problem, just add six four times.” SIlver and Diamond looked shocked at that. “Everypony here has the same worksheet, I know which one that is. It’s the fourth one from the start; you’re going to be on the second row with the question I just told you how to do.” I walked over to the colt that needed some help, told him how to do a problem. Several foals later, I made my way to Scootaloo’s desk. She was actually the furthest behind, but I could tell that she was trying to do everything the right way. Even... if she was seemingly doing all the math in her head. She wasn't showing her work.

“Hey, you got everything right, kid. You’ll do Rainbow proud. I would show how I'm getting those answers, if I were you, but still got everything right."

Scootaloo nodded, before going back to write how she got her answers... Only to look up at me and give me a head tilt that had no right being as cute as it was. “But… That means I’m an egghead. Especially if I show how I got the answers I'm getting!”

“So? Rainbow would be proud of ya for doing well in school. Plus, if you’re smart, you can go far in life. Or just be able to come up with more ideas on how to get your cutie mark.”

“...Can I get a cutie mark for being super smart?” Scootaloo asked, looking hopeful.

“Maybe. Though, I think scootering around might be more your thing. You’re pretty good with the scooter.” Scootaloo hummed. “Good work, kid.” I patted her on the back. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were similar cases, though there were further ahead on their worksheets than Scootaloo was, they got most, if not all of their questions right after I helped them out with their multiplication and division or telling them my full proof plan for solving both. I walked up to Button’s desk after helping the next six foals, and nuzzled him. ‘Howdy kid,” I looked over his work and nodded. “Lookin’ good, Button!”

“I got them all?” He looked up, dropping his pen after losing focus on his levitation... Hey, something to help him out with later!

“Yea, and you’re showin’ how you got your answers. I know Cheerilee will appreciate that. It’ll help show her your thought process and how to help you through more math in the future.” I hummed. “Writing with your horn?”

“Yeah. It helps me get better at controlling my Levitation. It said so in your textbook, even Dinky and Sweetie Belle are doing it.”

I looked at both of the aforementioned fillies. “Huh. How did I not notice that?”

“You don’t have eyes?” Button asked. I immediately casted an illusion that made it seem like my eyes didn’t have pupils.

“Yeah, I guess I’m blind now. That’s a shame,” I uncasted the illusion and re-casted it so I just had Nightmare Moon eyes. “I suppose I’ll… have to torture you for taking my eyes.” Button blinked at that, before I ruffled his mane. “Nah, I ain’t gonna hurt ya. I’ll just tickle the hell out of you.” His ears shot up while he looked at me with fear in his eyes. I am going to blow raspberries into his stomach for hours. That had me chuckling as I walked back up to Cheerilee’s desk and sat down next to her while she graded the work from yesterday.

“Mr. Code!” Diamond Tiara sings. “I need help with this division problem!” I teleported over and told her how to do it, before teleporting around the back to where Button was sitting. Soon, I had a colt, who was bored because he got all his work done, laying on the side of my belly. I started using Eye Spy spells to start seeing how foals were doing, until…

“Mr. Code, why are you cuddling with that orphan? Cuddling Isn't a very stallion thing to do. Plus it's an orphan you're cuddling with.” Diamond Tiara pointed out. Now everypony was staring at us. Button looked a little downtrodden by that comment. “And wouldn’t Button’s parents be doing that if he had any parents that actually loved him? Then you wouldn't have to snuggle with that stupid foal.” My mouth was open to respond until she said that. I blinked a couple more times, and noted that… Button had tried hiding himself under my foreleg. That made me smile a little before I looked up.

“Diamond Tiara, that is just screwed up. You can make fun of me for being a cuddlebug, I can take being bullied, but doing what you just did? That’s screwed up. Don't poke fun at kids in shitty situations.” I nuzzled Button. “How do you know if he has nopony to love him, hmm? Who’s to say I’m not planning on adopting him the moment Princess Celestia says yes?”

Button unburied his head for moment. “I thought…”

“Hey, you’re a good kid. Say the word, and I’ll sign those papers faster than you can say ‘I’.”

“Why are you even adopting that blank flank?” Silver Spoon asked. “He’s a loser and an orphan!” Cheerilee seemed a little distracted by her work, but I could tell that she was listening. Button seemed content with hiding his face from the world again. I could see the Crusaders and Dinky getting pissed in the corners of my eyes; they were probably going to yell at Diamond Tiara for that if I weren't already talking.

“Man, fuck if I care if he has cutie mark, or not, of if he were a griffin chick or a manticore calf.” I looked under my leg pit to find Button’s little nose sticking out from under it. “You good, kid? Wanna go take a breath of fresh air?”

“I’m good, sir.”

“No you aren’t, Button. I can feel you crying into my leg.”

“Sorry!”

“Sorry, nothin’. Hey Ms. Cheerilee, me and Button are gonna go step outside for a moment. He’s got all of his work done anyways. We’ll come back inside in a moment.”

Ms. Cheerilee nodded before glaring at Diamond Tiara and SIlver Spoon. They had the grace to look guilty at least. “Go ahead, Source. I am going to have a few words with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon while you do that.”

“You alright, kid?” I asked, sitting Button on a swing in the playground. He found the ground more interesting than my face. He was glaring at it with the most sad look I’ve seen on Button since I’ve met him. That’s a look that shouldn’t belong on a kid's face, or a foal’s, or anyone as young as him.

“Diamond Tiara’s right,” Button muttered. “My parents didn’t love me enough to keep me after I was born. What makes me think you’ll love me?” He almost growled.

“Kid,” I said sternly. “If I didn’t like ya, I wouldn’t be trying to see if I can adopt you or not. Want me to call Celestia down here and see if we can’t expedite the adoption? Celestia was hoping to be able to have a little colt she can dote on. It is a thing she loves doing, after all. Luna would be more than excited to have a nephew.”

“But…”

“Button,” that got him to finally look at me. “I love you, kid. Whether I wanna deny it or not, you are the closest thing to a son that I’ve had so far. And while, again, I wanna wait until you make your choice, I’ll root for ya kid. Whether you wanna get adopted by me, or somepony else, I will root for you. I will still be here.” I pat him on the shoulder. “Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are dumbasses if they think making fun of somepony with potential is a good idea. I can see why they are, too.” I kept staring the kid in the eyes. “They’re scared, kid. They’re scared that you’ll have a cooler talent and destiny than they do. Hell, I’m jealous. You could have a cutie mark in magic, mine’s a bunch of ones and zeroes, something that’s honestly kinda boring. You could be anything you want, you can do whatever you want. I just hope I can call you my son by the end of the week, Button.”

“Would you adopt me if I said I want you to?” Button asked, giving me a small little head tilt. I simply nodded. “Like… right now?” I nodded again. “And…”

“I would be happy to adopt ya. Whenever you feel ready. And, if you end up hating me, hey, you can disown me, knock me out, and throw me off of Canterlot. Then make a cute face to Celestia and she’ll let you off the hook.” Button snickered at that.

“No way that would work on the Princess!”

“Nah, it would. I call her Sun Butt, she can’t be too happy about that.”

“But…”

“Yeah, I’m her coltfriend. I get on her nerves a lot, so if you killed me, she’d be fine with it.”

“But I don’t wanna kill you.”

“But the option is there.”

“You’re a messed up pony, Source.”

“I know.” We both chuckled. “Wanna go back to class now?”

“Not really… Can we go to the orphanage? I want you to sign something for me.”

“Alright,” I said, before patting my back. “Hop on, I’ll tell Cheerilee that you got sick and are going to die from cancer. She’ll let you go.”

“WAHT!?” Button asked.

“I’m kidding! But we gotta let her know what’s going on. Hold on,” I teleported a notebook to me, before writing something in one of its pages. I tore it out before sending it off to Celly. I had a feeling that I knew what was going to get signed. “Aight, let’s go tell Cheerilee, eh?” I trotted back inside of the schoolhouse. “Yo Cheerilee,” I said after poking my head in the door.

“Yes, Source?”

“It’s cool if I just take Button? He ain’t feeling like being in class right now. He’ll be back tomorrow, wearing a cute little crown.” Cheerilee’s eyes widened, before she nodded. Button whispered something into my ear. “Nevermnd, he’ll be back after recess; he wants to finish the school day.” Cheerilee folded up a paper airplane and threw it at my face. It bounced off my nose before it fell to the floor in the saddest way possible.

“Just go, Source!” I nodded along before walking out and down the street. It was weird, making my way to the orphanage in broad daylight. I also mostly didn’t remember the way, so Button had to re-correct some turns. He happily laid his head in between my ears, before happily humming a little tune. “So to be clear,” I said. Getting Button’s attention as I turned a corner. “I’m signing adoption papers, right?”

“...If you want to adopt me, because I want you to.”

“Then I’ll sign some adoption papers. Hope you don’t mind having one more pony also signing those?” I stopped. “This next left, right?”

“Right. Also, who’s the second pony signing them?” He asked. Ah, he doesn’t know! Darn.

“Eh, you’ll see.” We took one more left, and there the orphanage was. There, I could see Celestia walking up to the orphanage as well. She was making it look like she got a chariot ready, but I know how much of a pain in the ass it is to get one ready on such a short notice. Judging from the slight, almost unnoticeable burns around the base of her horn… she DragonFire’d here. I almost smiled with pride, knowing that that was a new transportation method that was going to be a bit more widespread amongst us unicorns… And because it gave Celestia something else to sneak out of the castle with.

“Howdy, Celly.”

“Hello, Source. I see that your plans for the week were sped up a little?”

“Oh yeah. I told Button my plans yesterday, and then the very next day he said he was ready. I guess I’m ready too.”

“You do know that taking care of a foal is no small task, correct?”

“So? It’s just feeding him, taking care of him, and making sure he turns out to be a good pony. I can do that. He may pick up a bit of a potty mouth from me, though. With my heritage, he is bound to learn what the C word is within a week of living with us.”

“...Us?” Button asked before he went silent. I could feel his breathing stop.

“Kid?”

“I’m going to be adopted by you and PRINCESS CELESTIA?” Button asked.

“Yeah. I said you would be wearing a cute little crown when you come back to school tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? Wouldn’t-”

“You are taking school in Canterlot? Yes, yes you could. But… I don’t think you wanna say goodbye to Sweetie Belle or her friends right? You think Sweetie’s pretty, dontcha?”

“I-I don’t! Her laugh is nice, though. And… she does have a nice mane.” I chuckled at his backtracking. We walked inside and greeted the mare at the front counter.

“Oh, hello there- OH DEAR CELESTIA!”

“Yes, that would be me,” Celestia said with a giggle. “I was hoping to adopt a foal, me and my coltfriend have been talking about it recently, and figured we should adopt one from a small town.” The mare, to her credit, quickly shook her head and nodded.

“Which foal would you like to adopt, Princess?”

“The one resting on my coltfriend’s neck, if you would.”

“...Button’s getting adopted?” She asked.

“Yes, Mrs. Heart. Source Code said he would adopt me, and then… I forgot he was dating the Princess. He hardly brought her up in the time he’s been around me.”

“Okay… I’ll go get all the adoption papers for them both to sign. Are you sure you want to do this, Button?”

“I am.” He said firmly. “I want to finally get out of here. As nice as you’ve been to me, Mrs. Heart, I just want to be able to call somepony Mom and somepony Dad… It’ll be weird calling the Princess ‘Mom’ though.”

“And I would be delighted if you started calling me Mom,” Celestia said.

We found ourselves sitting in the sitting room. Well, actually Celestia was playing with Button while I started signing everything. I had Button sign every now and then, and Celestia would sign whenever and wherever I asked. It was actually a lot more straightforward than I thought it would be. It was only three pages of signing, but I was taking my time with reading, since it looked like Celly and Button were really enjoying themselves. I looked up from my papers to see…

Button hanging from Celestia’s muzzle while growling at her.

“I win!” Button exclaimed happily, before sliding off of his soon-to-be mother’s face.

“That you did, Button.”

“Wait… I won’t get arrested for assault, will I?”

“Why would I arrest my own son?” Celestia asked. “If I were to do that, then I would have to send myself to the Sun.”

“I don’t know… I almost forgot you were the Princess when you got me to start playing with you.”

“I won’t just be ‘the Princess’ to you, Button. Soon, I will be your mother. And, I will still be sending you to school, with Source Code as an escort, to Ms. Cheerilee’s schoolhouse. I wouldn’t want you saying goodbye to your friends, and eventually, you and Source will be able to make the journey in ten minutes top, or be here in thirty via a chariot. Once we walk you back to class, I will have to depart to make sure everything is ready for you, and to return to daycourt.”

“Oh. I’m sorry if-”

“Don’t you dare,” Celestia said sternly. “I am more than willing to put everything down for you. You are to be my foal soon, and as my foal, you may get my attention whenever you like if you deem it necessary. I am only a little old, I can easily tutor you on math or history here and there.”

“I’m done signing the papers,” I announced. Cream Heart, or Mrs. Heart, walked over. She was a really young mare, and was kinda pretty. A tan mare, an earth pony, with a baby bottle as a cutie mark. However, as pretty as Cream Heart is… I have a Celly. When you have a Celly, you don’t need much else. Cream Heart looked over the documents before nodding. “Well, it’s official, you, Source Code are officially the father of Button, and Princess Celestia, you are officially the mother of Button. Congrats!” Cream Heart walked over to Button, whispered a few things and nuzzled him, before turning to walk away.

“Goodbye Mrs. Heart!” Button waved, looking a little sad, before looking at me and Celestia with a smile. “I guess… this is a new chapter in life?”

“It is for me,” I said. “I have a son now.” Oh god. I am a dad now. Might as well wing it, like I’ve always had, and hope my son turns out well. I will actually be involved with raising him, none of that nanny shit.

“Well?” Celestia asked. “I’m certain you would like to ride on my back, Button?”

“I… Can?”

“You are my foal. You can ride on my back on the way to class.”

“...Oh dear Celestia,” he muttered. “I’m Princess Celestia’s foal,” I saw his mouth try to mutter the words. “Holy shit…” Celestia gave me a very disappointed look; she only knew of one pony who used that phrase, and it was yours truly! I smiled sheepishly, while rubbing the back of my head. “If you wouldn’t mind… Princess- Mom, Mom Princess.” Celly and I chuckled at that. Celestia lowered herself onto her belly, Button hopped on, and we started walking back to Cheerilee’s school. “Does this mean I’m a Prince now?” Button asked.

“A High Prince, I think, it’s mostly ornamental at this point, since you’re pretty young. But if you ever felt like it, we could teach you how and then it won’t be as ornamental,” I answered. “I wouldn’t recommend it; nobles are pricks and I’ve had to duel one of them because I was mean to their friend.”

“You put Prince Blueblood in the hospital.”

“He deserved it!”

“I’m not denying that, dear,” Celestia chuckled.

“Wait… You beat up Celestia’s nephew?” Button asked.

“Yeah. Kicked his shi-crap in.”

“But isn’t he a top duelist?”

“He has won several tournaments…” Celestia mused. “And he got dragged around the arena he dueled Source in, pelted with spells, and was put in the hospital right after. This happened after he challenged your new father, it was rather fun to watch Source get angry for once.”

Button slowly turned to me. “Why did I get to have the coolest dad in the world?”

“Because I’m the coolest pony in the world.” I ducked and looked left and right. “Oh good, Rainbow Dash didn’t try to kill me for that.” I hummed as we came to a stop in front of the gates for Cheerilee’s school house. Everypony was out, as it was recess. “Wanna go play with your friends before class starts back up?”

“But… I wanna get to know my new Mom…”

“There will be plenty of that later. If you want, I can make Source sleep on the couch and we can snuggle up together all night. I can even introduce you to your new auntie.”

“That… would be nice. But why make Dad sleep on the couch?”

“Your mother’s a sadist, that’s why. I adopted a kid and I can’t even snuggle with him on his first night in my home.”

“Oh.” We walked past the gates and everpony that was playing stopped, looked at us, and then noticed Celestia. They all started running towards us, skidding to a stop on their butts. “Princess!”

“Hello, children. It is good to see foals your age running and happily playing…” Celestia giggled. “I hope your education is going well… Well, Button, I believe you wanted to play with your little friends, correct?” I got up close to Button as Celestia lowered herself onto her belly.

“Say the thing; it’ll be funny,” I whispered.

“Okay, Dad,” he whispered back. “Okay Mom! I’ll see you after school!” Celestia flinched at that, before smiling widely, and more genuinely than she had just a moment. I think she would’ve squealed if we were in a more private setting. She might just also be proud because she knows it’ll take the piss out of everypony here, so she’s probably really proud of it.

“Of course, my son. I hope you enjoy pancakes; it’s what I’ll be making tomorrow morning for you!” Button’s ears shot up after he had hopped off her back. “I’ll take that as a yes!” She turned to me. “Take the train home tonight if you don’t stay the night in Ponyville; I will arrive at Twilight’s library if you do stay the night. I don’t want to put Button in the back of a chariot just yet; he is just a foal after all.”

“I expect to see you at Twilight’s tonight then.”

“I suppose I will, too, then. Farewell, Source.” We kissed before Celestia took to the air, shot fire out, and started zooming to Canterlot.

“HEY! THAT’S MY SPELL MA!” I shouted with a chuckle. I looked back to see Button happily nuzzle up to my leg, before he ran up to the Crusaders and shook them out of their stupor. Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were just sitting there, jaws hanging. Tiara’s tiara fell off her head somehow, and Silver’s glasses also fell on the ground. I started chuckling at the now shocked fillies.

Yeah, Button’s a Prince now, and he’s the cutest little prince to ever exist, kid. Eat them apples! Mmm… I’m going to buy my new son some apple pie after school. That sounds good right now. I saw a pink tuft of mane dive back into a nearby bush… Okay, Pinkie Pie knows about Button being adopted… so much for the quiet night at Twilight’s place.

Author's Note

Source is going to end up holding Button over his head, with magic, while running through town while making airplane noises. That's going to just be a short, mini-chapter that's not even going to be more than a few paragraphs... At some point.

A Canterlot Dinner... With Three Hungry Alicorns.

Once the weekend hit, I figured it would be safe for me to finally bring Button home. Despite my earlier reservations about taking the train, since I almost got kidnapped, me and Button were actually lent Celly’s private train car for the ride. Personally, I would rather use Levitate on my hooves and carry Button up to Canterlot while walking on air, but there were a lot of problems such as my stamina and the possibility of dropping Button. Since I really didn’t want to do that, I conceded with getting on the train.

“You know,” Button said. “Fall Break is supposed to start next week,” he said after sitting next to me. We both had paper bags from Hayburger, since I didn’t feel like cooking anything for lunch, and Button apparently really liked the stuff, plus, it was the weekend. Button, like all foals, should deserve some junk food on the weekends. Raising Button won’t be too bad, I did help raise my siblings after all, but this will be a bit different. One, he’s my son and just not just a younger sibling, two, I’m practically on my own in raising him. So while Mom had the experience to help me raise my siblings, Celestia would be too busy being a princess to help raise our child.

I was fine with that; I’ll just have to be careful.

“Huh. Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Because it starts in October; it lasts about two weeks and it ends a couple days after Nightmare Night… I was hoping that you could help me make a costume for Nightmare Night? I’ve never got to have a costume.”’

I ruffled my kid’s mane. “Kiddo, say what you wanna be for Nightmare Night and I could maybe turn you into it… Though Celestia will yell at me if you come home looking like a Yak. However, we are both willing to either make or buy you a costume… Would you like to be a royal guard? That would be really easy for me to make.”

“I… Can you get me a trench coat, like the outfit you’re wearing?” I was in my typical ‘business pony’ outfit. My trenchcoat, unbuttoned, a white t-shirt, and a black neck tie. I went without a hat since I would sooner be dead than wear a fedora. “I wanna be a cool mage-pony like you are.” I blinked. “I did a bit of reading in the orphanage, you would register as a war-mage, Dad. And you look cool.” I opened my mouth but I couldn’t form any words… My kid, my son, wants to be me for Nightmare Night? I stared at him for a moment before quickly turning around and bringing a hoof to my mouth. “Dad? Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing’s wrong, Button. Holy shit. I never thought I’d hear my kid wanting to be me…” I chuckled. “Button, since we’ll be going on a camping trip anyways, with the rest of your classmates, we’ll stop by Rarity’s boutique and ask her to commission an outfit just like mine for Nightmare Night, and god be damned, you will be wearing… I guess a miniature version of my business suit… Oh my god… Would you like a fedora?”

“Will you get a matching one?” Button asked… Anything for this foal, anything. I suppose I’ll wear a fedora if my cute little colt wants me to.

“I will. I will.” We both started digging into our meals as soon as the train started moving.

“Sir,” Solar walked in before stopping. “Sir, why do you have a colt?”

“He was my student, and I ended up adopting him. So before you ask, yeah, Celestia agreed, yes, he is Equestria’s newest little prince.”

“...Sir, as your friend, I never would’ve thought you wanted to take care of a foal.”

“Well, I did, and I am. I’m not just taking care of him, Solar. I’m his dad now, and I’m gonna raise him as best I can.” And I may or may not teach him some Irish Folk songs… Or even a few Sea Shanties. My singing voice may be a ‘love it or hate it’ type of thing, but god dammit, I am going to sing some of those songs around the campfire. And also I am going to teach him so many curse words, sayings, and every way to cook a potato that I know of. Mostly mash potatoes and potato fries.

“Well sir, congrats on the foal, I suppose. Did you-”

“Solar, if you make a joke about me giving birth to him, in a crast way, I will kick you in the balls.”

“But…”

“Solar.” I glared at him.

“What does crast mean?” Button asked.

“It means to be rude, something not appropriate. And while I may be a bit crast at times, I’m going to try and curve it with you until you’re older, Button. And I’m gonna try to expose you to as little of that shit as I can until then.”

“You get on me for almost making a joke, and then you curse in front of your son, Source.”

“Cursing Isn't a terrible thing. It’s just that there’s a time and a place for it. In a casual setting like this, it’s fine. Button, don’t go swearing like a sailor in Ms. Cheerilee’s class, aight? Say ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’ outside of it, away from most of the other foals’ parents as possible, it’s cool.”

“Okay Dad.”

“...I’m just going to go back to my station, sir.” Solar sighed before trotting out-not without falling back into a march-out of the train car. Soon, after we had our food, we just spent most of the ride cuddled together, reading until we both somehow managed to fall asleep while reading it.

We got off the train, and I started making airplane noises the very moment Button was placed on his spot; on my head, resting in my mane, right between my ears. I started galloping, and while Button didn’t know what the heck airplane noises were, he was still having a blast. He was giggling like an idiot, before I got on my hindlegs, neighed like an actual horse and started galloping full speed while making robot noises. “I AM A MECHANICAL PONY!” I shouted as I ran through the crowds.

Everypony was looking at me like I was an idiot until they saw the tiny, little colt resting on my head and they simply rolled their eyes. Their weird looks quickly gave way to small smiles. Nothin' wrong with a Dad playing with his kid, after all. A lot of the mares were just standing there, covering their mouths, while their eyes watered at the scene. I skidded to a stop outside of a donut shop, went in, and walked back out. Button was sitting on my head, between my ears, now eating a donut, with a happy little tail wag as I went on a slower trot around town. I was taking my sweet time with getting back to the castle, since Celestia may be wanting us to come home ASAP, but I have a colt on my head.

And I was proudly presenting him to all of Canterlot.

I instinctively brought up a shield just in time to stop a crossbow bolt from hitting me or Button in the face. I had put a shitload of enchants and buffs on us both before getting off the train, so the bolt would’ve bounced off anyways… My eyes soon landed on another griffin that was just now coming out of the alleyway. He pulled a knife out and pointed right at me.

“Oh, c’mon man,” I said, I teleported Button under me. “I’m just a simple stallion, enjoying a walk back home with my son. What’s with you griffins wanting to kidnap or kill me?”

“It’s simple, the King wants to use you as a bargaining chip, Source Code. It’s nothing personal, you just chose to date the wrong mare.”

“...You almost shot my son.”

“I was aiming for your head.”

“That had my son on it. You have thirty seconds before I beat your ass, and smear your it on the ground.” I started glaring at the fucker. I threw a scroll in the air, one I always had on standby, before shooting it off to Celestia with DragonFire. Off to the distance it goes! I made sure to keep Button behind me as I raised a shield. Luckily, it didn’t seem like this bird knew what it was.

“Dad, what's going on?” Button asked.

“Hell if I know, dunno why I’d be a useful bargaining chip, but that isn’t my problem.” I glared at the bird. “Just stand back, Celestia’s gonna be a wee bit mad when she gets here, but don’t worry; she won’t be mad at you.” Button nodded, and on queue, DragonFire touched down in between us and the griffin, and the griffin was promptly knocked out. Soon, my guards piled on the dickhead before dragging him off, presumably, to the dungeons. “Howdy, Celly.” The flames died down within a few moments as DragonFire dispersed from her body. It was… The sight of fire just blasting away to reveal the prettiest mare I’ve ever seen… It’s intoxicating, man. I’m the luckiest guy in the world.

“Source, if I had a bit for every time the griffins have sent somebody to foal nap you, I would have two bits. It’s weird that it’s happened twice.” Celly sounds like an evil doctor I used to know.

“Meh. I just had you come and deal with the birdcat because… he almost hit Button with that bolt. I was going to do something far more regrettable than knock him out. Hence… that’s why you’re here now.”

“Good. I believe I have somepony to question. See you at dinner?” Celestia asked.

“You bet,” we nuzzled and kissed while Button just watched us with eyes as big as dinner plates. Celly went off after her guards before my son opened his mouth.

“Dad, how did you end up scoring her?”

“I’ll tell you what I’ve been telling everypony, Kiddo. I don’t know, and I don’t know why. I’m lucky as balls though.”

“Princess Celestia is scary when she’s angry.”

“That she is. Just thank the stars that she loves me, and will be your adoptive mother, so that shit is almost never directed at us.” Button was quick to agree with that, and I decided to just take to the air, using Levitate on my hooves, and we started heading on over. Surprisingly, I was able to carry Button the whole way up to Celly’s private chambers. We both took a deep breath and I nuzzled my kid.

“How are you holding up, Kid? You almost got shot.”

“I’m doing fine, Dad. You kept me safe, after all.” I started sniffing him over, and probing him, before I was happy with that answer. Thankfully he was fine, so I went to make us lunch.

Celestia decided to wait a little later than usual to start dinner, as in she told me to wait a damn minute, since Luna wanted to stop by for dinner today to just spend the day with me and Celly… And because she knows she has a brand new nephew to spoil the ever living crap out of. I set up the table and Button followed me into the castle’s kitchen to watch me cook. After most of the kitchen staff gushed over how cute my son is, he sat on his haunches, until… He started using Levitate on his hooves to float like I did. He raised himself to my head level and started watching me work.

“Be careful, Button. Your magic isn’t fully developed and your Levitation will be unstable at best. Do you want me to hold you while I cook? I can easily do it.”

“I got it, Dad-” he nearly dropped himself until I caught him with my own magic. “Nevermind.”

“Here,” I set him on my head, and he immediately nuzzled into my mane. “That was a good attempt, kiddo. The fact that you can even do it at all at your age is impressive. You’re gonna be a magical monster when you grow up.”

“But… I don’t wanna be a monster…” My son whispered. Sadly, his head was resting in between my ears so I could easily hear him.

“Button, it’s a form of expression. It means you’re gonna be damned good with magic when you grow up. Celly thinks you’ve got more potential than I do, so who knows? Maybe you’ll beat your old man up if we ever spar when you’re older.”

“But what if I don’t want to hurt you?”

“Hmm. That is a dilemma, because I don’t wanna even think about trying to hurt you.” I was cooking up mozzarella sticks, another thing that Chef Beet was also watching me on… along with various other things, since Luna would be eating with us, I was making a lot of food. Celly ate a lot of food, and Luna was the same, so I was making a lot of sides for them to sample along with the entre; a good mac and cheese. Not that instant shit you’d find in a grocery store, no, I actually made a cheese blend that I melted in the oven, and was slowly cooking over some noodles. Macaroni was a thing in Equestria, so I never got why nopony ever tried to make mac and cheese.

I ended up making mozzarella sticks(and borrowed some marinara sauce that I asked Chef Beet to make; I didn’t know how to make marinara myself). I was kinda half going at it as I went, using a recipe for fried chicken batter on sticks of mozzarella that nopony was using. I made cookies, a mac and cheese with a perfectly crusted top and a side of mashed potatoes. Oh, and some spaghetti, Chef Beet provided me with lasagna, a recipe she made after modifying the one I gave her, and a loaf of bread or two to be shared between the four of us. I held up a mozz-stick after it cooled off a little and held it up to Button.

“What… is this thing?”

“It's basically a breaded cheese stick.” Chef Beet was taking the time to sample what I made, and I luckily already gave her the recipes for everything… A scroll popped up in my face while Button took a bite of the cheese stick. Cadance and Shining were joining too, apparently. Fuck me, Celly! God dammit! Chef Beet started giggling as my eye twitched; she knew that was going to happen. I have to cook for three alicorns now!?

“Don’t worry, Source,” Chef Beef showed me three carts of food. “I prepared some food too for your dinner tonight. I figured I would do you a solid with all those fancy, smancy ‘other worldly’ recipes you’ve given me to try and recreate or to change if you already knew the recipe.

“Yeah… Thanks for helping me with the marinara sauce, Beet. You’re a cool mare-” I was interrupted by Button who made a happy little hum. We both looked down to see him with wide eyes, pulling away the cheese stick, which was held in his magic. There was some nice pulley-cheese action, and snap once he pulled it away enough. He quickly tossed the remains of the cheese stick in his mouth. We both chuckled when Button started hungrily eying the rest of the sticks; I think I found his new favorite food. He’s got better self control than my brothers at least; they would’ve eaten all of that shit in a heartbeat.

“Don’t eat too much, Button. It’s fried food, so it’s not exactly good for you, and we’ve still gotta bring this food back to Celly’s room.”

“I know Dad. I can wait… but that is good though. It’s so much better than what I got in the orphanage…” Button’s eyes started tearing up a little, and I was quick to hug him. God, I love this colt.

Chef Beet and two other cooks helped me push everything to the private dining room we were going to be using for the night. Lo and behold, Luna and Celestia were sitting off to the side on the couch, snuggled up together and idly chatting. Cadance and Shining Armor were in a similar state, but on another couch on the other side from Celly and Lulu. There were four couches, but I think the fourth one was going to go unused. The table was relatively low down to the ground, since you were supposed to be able to eat while laying down; most of the chairs in the castle only had back rests for all the bipedal creatures wandering around it. And usually tables were specifically designed for said creatures, whereas this dining room was designed for comfort for ponies at the forefront. I magicked everything onto the table, before sitting on my own couch.

Button hopped up, to try and snuggle with me, before being whisked away in Luna’s magic.

“Oh. My. Stars!” Luna squeals. “Source, thy child is adorable!” She started nuzzling the very slightly concerned colt with her cheek. “Oh, I am going to steal him every now and then, I hope you don’t mind!”

“I do mind! That’s my son!” I grumbled as I crossed my forelegs. “If you wanna borrow him, cool, but lemme know.”

“Dad,” Button said, his words were slightly muffled by the fact that half of his face was smushed into Luna’s cheek. “Help.”

“Kiddo… Luna loves foals, you are a foal.”

“Oh…” Button nuzzled into Lulu’s cheek. “This is nice, but I wanted to snuggle with you while we ate… No offense, Princess Luna. You seem very nice, but it feels weird to know that I am now technically your nephew.”

“Perish the thought, young Button! I fully get it. You need some time to get acclimated with being royalty now.” Luna planted one more kiss on my kid’s forehead before she gave him back to me. However, Cadance soon had her turn, but had a better time with getting him to open up a bit more. I think she had been a foalsitter, and still foals sits in her free time.

“Hello, Button. I’m Cadance, but you can call me Cady. I suppose I am your cousin now?”

“You’re… like three times as old as I am.” Button pointed out.

“I probably am, but I am still your cousin. If you wish to get away from your crazy father, you can come to me and Shiny. Or just me; I wouldn’t mind looking after you every now and then.” Cadance looked me in the eyes, telling me that letting her foalsit my foal was not optional; if I was not available, she was getting dibs on that position. She nuzzled Button, before somehow getting him to play what is essentially patty cake with her for a little bit. Celestia was happy to just sit and watch; she knew way ahead of time to give Button some space while he adjusts to his new life.

“So,” I hummed. “Didn’t you invite Blueblood? I heard Chef Beet talk about that.”

“I did,” Celestia nodded. The door cracked open as Blueblood started walking in.

“Auntie, why did you adopt a common foal?” He shouted before his eyes slowly landed on me.

“What did you just call my son, oh, dear nephew?” I asked. “And if you make him cry, I will castrate you, so choose your words carefully-” Blueblood backed out of the door and closed it. “Yeah, fuck off you dickhead.”

“What’s a dickhead?” Button asked, he was laying on Cadance’s head, between her ears…. HEY! That’s supposed to be our thing, kid! God dammit Cadance, curse you for being a natural with foals. Everypony started staring at me after I realized something important.

“Uh… it’s a saying from where I come from. It’s a way of calling somepony a prick; somepony that acts a bit rude to everypony.” I pointed at the door. “Don’t turn out like Blueblood; I gave him an arse whoopin’ for hitting me unprovoked.”

“...Awe, is Blueblood a ‘dickhead’?” Button asked. Oh my lord, he sounds so cute! And his head tilted! I think everypony was giving me disapproving looks for teaching him how to curse. I nodded. “I was hoping to get his autograph; he’s a really popular duelist. I even heard of him, and I lived in an orphanage and in an earth pony town.”

“Never meet your heroes, Button. They usually turn out to fall flat of your expectations, and also tend to not be the best ponies ever. The exception is Luna and Celly; they’re great. Their nephew’s a little shit, though.”

“I wanna see you fight Blueblood now.” I hummed, before pulling out an Illusion Crystal. This is something I wanted to try. I closed my eyes and thought of the time I fought Blueblood. I could hear silverware move as everypony finally started eating their meals. I focused harder before opening my eyes.

“Holy shit that worked!” It was right when Blueblood and I fought. Hmm. “Hey Celly, can you use your magic and think of this moment? You’d probably have a better view of it than I did.” Celly did as asked, and it… actually worked. With a flick of my horn, it swapped between my point of view and Celestia’s.

“Hot damn!” I laughed. “Oh my lord, I didn’t think I could use Illusions like that, or use crystals to do this!”

“It is a pretty niche thing due to how expensive Crystals usually are,” Luna hummed. “I’m surprised you thought of that.”

“It was something I've been thinking about.” I lit my horn again and tried to ‘engrave’ the memory into the Crystal as the scene played out.

“You know,” Shiny chuckled. “The fact that you dragged him by the tail across a field, repeatedly slammed him into the ground, and peppered him with spells is brutal. Pulling on a tail can really screw up a pony’s ability to cast.”

“I know. It’s why I did that. I wouldn’t do that in a spar, or if I wanted to play fairly like I did in the tournament. With Blueblood, I was just pissed.”

“...Dad, what the buck?” Button asked. “How’d you do that?”

“Shields don’t stop Levitate, so I could grab Shiny’s tail, pull on it while he’s using a shield, and he’s left wide open.”

“...Huh.”

“Yeah, it’s a trick the guard keeps secret for a reason. I just found out while fighting Blueblood-”

“This is for making Lulu cry! This is for being a bitch! Cry! Cry louder you little shit-” The illusion version of me shouted while Blueblood whimpered and cried while I slapped him. Button just started laughing his ass off, as did everypony who didn’t see this in person. Luna was trying to hide her inner-laughter; she was glaring at me for using that nickname in public without her present. I’m gonna get whacked over the head later! After the illusion stopped, I tried projecting another memory with it, only for it to not work.

“Damn. That’s a business venture.” I chuckled. “I found out how to essentially make DVD’s with crystals, this is awesome?”

“What’s a DVD?” Shining Armor asked.

Celly answered before I could. “It’s a disc with media in it. It’s a form of entertainment and data storage in Source’s world. Though, how did you recreate it, Source?”

“Casted an Illusion with my memory, and ‘engraved’ it into the crystal. It should only play that memory. Now imagine selling a memory engraved in a crystal to a few ponies, and as long as it’s charged, it can play any replay plays from anywhere.” I slowly spun the crystal in my magic. “Spells can already be engraved into gems, and Illusion is technically a spell with endless variations; it’s limited by the memory it’s playing, or the illusion it’s casting. So I engraved the exact Runes into it and got this bad boy. Now if I copied it, I could sell it, and ponies would know that I spanked the shit out of Blueblood in front of a bunch of guards. Or I go to a play, and with the permission of the cast, ‘record’ it onto a bunch of crystals and sell it. Pay royalties to the cast, and boom, mo-big-cash-munny!”

“...What does that mean?” Celestia asked. Okay, even Celly doesn’t know that, that’s a good sign nopony else does.

“I can get rich by making these.”

“Oh.”

“And it would be a good deal since any unicorn can charge a crystal, but it takes me to be able to create the specific ‘variation’ of Illusion and engrave it onto said Crystal. Thanks to how I use the diagnostic spell, I can do it pretty easily too. I might even be able to at the wedding and record it for Cady and Shining Armor; free of charge, of course.”

“That would be wonderful if you could do that!” Cadance chuckled, her mouth was full of food. She had a cheese stick, a spoonful of mac and cheese, some mashed potatoes, and some green beans… How the fuck was she fitting all of that in her mouth? Celestia and Luna shoveled a whole chunk of lasagna into their mouths while Button, me, and Shining all looked a little bit shocked at what an alicorn can pack away. Button quickly moved over to me, where the cheese sticks were, and started munching away at them before Luna tried to eat them all; she had one and looked like she just tried crack for the first time.

“Source, thou are our personal chef from now on. You shall present me a plate of these everyday, and in exchange, I shall forgive thou for publicly embarrassing us!”

“...No,” I said. I think I just made a mistake; Luna’s left eye is twitching.

I ended up being pinned under Luna, while Button evacuated my couch for Celly’s. I couldn’t do much since Luna was stronger than I was, and an alicorn so I couldn’t really use magic. She started thwacking me with her wings and not so gently nipping my mane. I just laid there and took the punishment. Luckily, Button got to eat all the cheese sticks his little stomach could handle, since Luna was now thoroughly distracted with beating the crap out of me for denying her of her new favorite snack.

“Save me,” I said, looking Celly in the eyes. Celestia slowly lifted Button, who had a cheese stick sticking out of his mouth, up so they were both facing me.

“No, we don’t like you…” She said ominously… In other words, that translated to ‘I have the colt, you’re on your own.’ My eyes widened as I realized that nothing could save me from this onslaught.

After everypony had gone to sleep, I slunk away from the bed, as much as it pained me to slip away from Button. He and Celly needed some one on one time anyways, and I wanted to do some research. I wanted to sneak into the royal archives and see if I can’t get a look at dark magic. Sure, it might corrupt the mind or whatever, but I think I could somehow make use of the properties of dark magic without any of the downsides. Luckily, nopony really questioned me walking into the archives since I’m Celly’s student and consort, so none of the guards asked a single thing about that.

I found a book on dark magic pretty quickly, a spell book. It was for the basics of dark magic, and went onto explain why you straight up shouldn’t use it.

For instance, dark magic really took advantage of your emotions, namely hatred, jealousy, or any other ‘negative’ emotion. I hummed at that; that doesn’t sound too bad. Granted, dark magic is also addictive, can literally transform you, or change you as a pony. It gave Luna power because of her mixture of depression, jealousy and anger, but in turn made her almost kill her sister twice. Somepony named King Sombra, a very, very popular practitioner of dark magic, turned a charming king that even Celestia was crushing over, to somepony that literally enslaved his own subjects…

So what if I did something called a Mace Windu?

No, not get your hand cut off because you’re a dumbass and let it happen. No, Mace did something pretty cool. You see, I am a nerd, so I’ll make it simple. Basically, there are two sides to the Force; good and bad. Bad was addictive and could turn you into a monster… sound familiar? Yeah, that’s like dark magic, and both helped you get stronger, or more advanced in magic, or the force quicker. Mace did a fun thing and made a system to take the bad shit, and in turn, use it against the big bad guy. It was really cool, too bad Mace got murdered so he could never pass it onto anyone, because everyone he passed it onto also got murdered.

Anyways, ponies seem to really, really heavily shy away from most negative emotions for some reason. Sure, they get mad, they can get jealous, but they don’t embrace it. Rather, they try to be ‘harmonious’ and try to actually cast out those emotions. Instead, ponies choose joy, happiness, and generally just ‘good’ emotions. Then somehow the bad emotions… taint them? Yeah, I guess that’s how I would put it. A pony that fully embraces their darker side becomes… tainted, I guess. I find that to be bullshit. As a human, or once a human, I am more accustomed to certain… feelings.

Animosity, anger, hatred, those are all things humans feel on a daily basis, and usually go to sleep no better or no worse than when they wake up. Usually. Not sure about how Two Toed Johnny, your friendly, psychotic, possibly murderous hill-billy can stop himself from killing a guy and ending up in jail because of it.

This all comes down to a few things; one, emotions do affect magic in spell casting and spell output. For instance, dark magic has a cutting spell, and with enough hatred, can cut through steel pretty easily. A regular cutting spell you nonchalantly use to cut a slice of bread… can really only cut that bread. Essentially, if you want to hurt somepony, that’ll affect how strong your spells are. Obviously, there are ways around this, Twilight didn’t wanna hurt Shining Armor but kicked his ass in the tournament, and Celly holds back but hits like a truck.

I suppose it’s about intention? I’m not sure.

By the end of me reading through the introduction and looking over a few spells, I noticed… some Runes, odd Runes. I managed to recreate them, rework them into Python, and reworked DragonFire into it for fun… Uh… some testing later and I used DragonFire to tackle a dummy, incinerate it, and leave a trail of burnt rock. That is something I can’t do while traveling with DragonFire. I didn’t feel any different either. I got that much strength out of a ‘dark magic’ version of DragonFire and all it took was me thinking of a customer at KFC calling me a slur and ruining my day by insulting me.

So if I were truly pissed off… Oh lord, that could be deadly. I may only use it for defensive magic, like somehow working a shield into a ‘dark shield’ and it can rival Shiny’s shields or something, I don’t know. So far I have a good system going, I think. Once you use some dark magic, it’ll only last as long as you’re casting a spell with it, and will immediately dissipate from your body. That way it should have no chance to corrupt the mind, soul, or whatever it corrupts.

I’ve been up all night and I didn’t sleep.

“Dad, why do you look awful?” Button asked, plopping his rump in a chair while Celestia made pancakes and an extra strong cup of coffee for me specifically.

I lifted my head off the table and yawned. “I was up all night, doing some studying. I made a small breakthrough in my studying. I won’t say what until I’ve figured it out… But if I get it right, I can rework what is considered a bad thing, into a really good thing.”

“And that is?” Sun Butt walked over, setting a large mug full of coffee in front of me alongside the plate of pancakes.

Luna walked in, and she was glaring up a storm at me. I initially ignored her, since she usually looks grouchy when she’s tired.

“It’s nothing too big-”

“Source, why did I sense dark magic in the guard training ground at twelve in the morning?” Luna asked. Celestia slowly looked at me and Button froze in place.

“I was experimenting with it. I spent… way too long with working it into my own spell system and even made another system to-”

“Source,” Celestia said sternly. “I want you to tell me why you’re studying dark magic, and incorporating it into magic you use on a daily basis.”

“I found a way to use it, without getting corrupted or whatever, if it could corrupt a human’s brain to begin with. I know of a spell that completely disrupts magic. So I’ve tacked it onto Dark DragonFire, a creative name I know, and used it last night. No dark magic remained, but I got the benefits of using my anger in spell casting. You can even scan me if you think I’m lying.” Celestia looked me up and down, before Luna added her two cents.

“Source, take it from me, dark magic is a slippery slope.”

“I know. I saw a spell or two that was entirely fucked up, using surrounding living beings to extend your lifespan. I’m not stupid enough to fuck with that. I’m trying to see if I can’t use aspects of dark magic to bolster my own spell casting. Such as reliance on darker emotions, or any emotions at all. Imagine if I find a way to use dark magic to cast a spell using my love for Celly, or you, or any of my friends to power it, Luna. I haven’t yet, but I bet I could find a way.” I glared at both of them. “I’ll cut you both a deal, if I start acting ‘corrupted’ or any different from the bumbling dumbass you see everyday, I’ll drop dark magic entirely, and if I don’t, you can kick my shit in.”

Celestia got close to me, her horn was lit, while Luna pulled Button away to me, and she glared at me. Her lovely eyes widened when she… “You… No corruption at all? No desire to keep doing dark magic?”

“Not really. As I said, I had a failsafe in mind. Cast the bad magic, a spell that grinds my magic into the dirt stops the formation of bad magic residue. I doubt it would do something to me, humans are horrible, but my point still stands; I’m being careful.”

“...Swear to me, that if you feel any sort of corruption, you will drop this?”

“Every fiber of my being, Celly. I swear of my father’s name, that I’ll drop it if you sense something’s wrong with me.” I kissed her. “I swear. I’ll only use it in dire situations too, when I’ll actually need the extra power to say… save my lovely princess?”

“...Dad, that was cheesy,” Button interjected. Luna walked over and hugged me.

“I know, but look at Celly.” Celly was currently blushing up a storm. I glanced up at Luna, who was resting her head on mine.

“Lulu-”

“I suppose I shall apologize, for I was about to say you were up to no good. Though clearly you have no ill intent, Source.”

“It’s cool. I’ve read what dark magic can do, and have seen what it can do to ponies. Again, only using the aspects of dark magic, and incorporating them into Python. I’m only experimenting, Luna.”

“I know…” she sighed. “Let us drop this topic for now. I believe we have a camping trip to discuss; I know you’ve been planning one over Button’s fall break. I would like to go.”

After that, breakfast, or Luna’s dinner, commenced with a much more lighthearted conversation about Celly and Luna’s foal hood of going camping, and ended up getting invited along by a somewhat timid Button, and neither mare could really say no those hope filled eyes when he asked. I chuckled at that…

Then my face found itself hitting my pancakes and I passed out from the sheer lack of sleep that I’ve had. On top of my slightly aching horn from all the Rune experimentation, studying, writing with my magic… Then the testing of Dark DragonFire, a more combat suited version of DragonFire. I think I could hear somepony mumbling about ‘he’s bucking worse than your star student is’, but I could be wrong, since I was knocked out.

I also don’t care; pancakes make for a nice pillow.

Why I Shouldn't Be Allowed to Drink in the Woods.

I decided to put the studying of dark magic and its properties on hold for now. I made pretty solid progress the night I got home anyways, and I wanted to spend the time with my students too. Celestia and Luna were tagging along, since Button is a really good negotiator, as in he has good puppy eyes. We all ended up piling into Luna’s personal train car, something that was just finished, and the engineers and interior designers wanted to show it off to us, so Celly’s was set aside. Luna’s personal car was pretty nice, there was an espresso machine, something Luna requested since she really likes coffee now.

It was mostly dark and looked a lot like a smaller, more condensed down version of Luna’s living room, save for the fold up beds in the corner for us. It was mostly for form over comfort, unlike Luna’s living room. There were two couches that were alicorn sized, but one was the size of Celly, and the other was the size of Luna. So I got to snuggle up with Button and Celly on her couch, while Luna sat across from us with a deck of cards. I already sent a letter to Rarity to ask for a commission for Button’s Nightmare Night costume and for my new business suit, which would be a copy of my current suit, but just made with materials.

“I win!” Button exclaimed with a happy little giggle. Luna busted out a deck of cards to help us pass the time, and so far, everypony but me has won at least one round of war.

We’ve had forty seven rounds by the way. Here are the scores:

Button had twenty five points.
Celestia had ten points.
Luna had twelve points.
I had none. Woohoo.

“Feck me, mate.” I sighed as I placed a prince, the second strongest card in the deck besides the princess. I might actually win this round! Button placed down a ten, and Celestia played a five or something. Luna, with a giant, shit eating grin, played Princess and won the round. “Feck,” I sighed. “God dangit,” I chuckled. “It’s like back home, where the only time I start winning anything is by getting drunk.” I whipped out some whisky from my secret stache, before putting it away. I wasn’t going to get drunk in front of my son yet. Just because he will learn what it means to be an Irishman, doesn’t mean he can stomach alcohol like an Irish kid can.

“Where do you even keep that?” Celestia asked.

“I stuck an ice box in your old castle, nice and hidden. I keep my whisky there since it’s one of the few things that reminds me of home, eh?”

“Can you… tell us about your home?” Button asked. Luna set the cards aside and now she and Celestia were watching me intently. There really wasn’t any way for me to get out of this, is there? “You say you don’t originate from Equestria, or even this world, so I’d like to hear about it if you don’t mind telling us.” Button tilted his head too. Darn, so much for me getting ready to say 'no'.

“Yeah, you haven’t really told me much about your world besides the basic history of the last century,” Celestia pointed out.

“We would like to hear it as well.”

“Ah, I never told y’all about my home?” I chuckled. “Feck, sometimes it just slips my mind.” I sighed. “I was born on a small island. Well, relatively small compared to everything else on Earth, but pretty big for an island. The island of Eire, or if you want to call it by my country’s name, Ireland. It was… great. Dublin’s a small place, and I was more of a country boy back home. I lived on a small farm, and went to church, a place where we worshiped god… I was never really sold on the idea of religion, but I took part in the choir in my early days before my father passed, eh?”

I chuckled, good times. “I was practically on my way to actually having a solid job in that, until my father passed away. Had to stop being in the choir so that I could help take care of my younger brothers and sister. Luckily for me, and the rest of us actually, Ma had a pretty good job in Dublin, the capital, so we got by just fine. I just had to watch my siblings, balance school, and balance the new hobby I was picking up now that I couldn’t partake in my church’s choir, coding.” I chuckled. “Ah, we ended up leaving Ireland for a country called America, since a company offered ma a really good job, the same job, but with a higher pay. Actually, we were just about to move before… I ended up in Equestria.

“Ireland… I’ll be real, was kind of a piece of shit. It was raining all the time, it wasn’t very well developed, but it was home and when it wasn’t raining, the countryside was really nice. The folks were fun to hang around at a pub too, lemme tell ya.” I chuckled humorlessly. “Sometimes I do miss a good ol’ Irish storm, eh? It rains in Equestria, sure, but rarely does it ever just match my home. I’ve had an itching for mash potatoes ever since I’ve gotten here, but y’all barely have any potatoes for me to make it with. My pa was a chef before he died, and had a pretty good recipe for them that I still remember.

“I still never really gave up choir, or rather, singing. I loved folk songs, even if I could only really sing them in english, and when I got the chance, I did try to practice. I was gonna use this trip to teach my students how to use Fire, sing some songs from home, and mostly just take a break from developing any spells, spell systems, and generally anything at all. Sometimes, sometimes I would just like to sit back and actually get back into a choir, but I know that isn’t the life I’m going to be leading in Equestria. Magic is more enjoyable to work with, and my passion for singing just was never the same after I dropped choir.”

“Can… we hear you sing?” Luna asked. “You’ve heard me place the flute, it is only fair that I hear you sing.”

“You will when we’re sitting around the campfire, Lulu. You will when we sit around the campfire." Luna puffed her cheeks and started pouting. Celly did too; I guess I’ve never actually or properly sung around them, somehow. Button just looked excited to hear me sing, or was excited to see the Crusaders and Dinky Doo again, even if it hasn’t been more than a week.

The chosen meeting place that everypony chose to meetup at was the Carousel Boutique; Rarity’s clothing shop and home. It was since the Crusaders were actually sleeping the night before; Dinky was with them too because I guess her and Sweetie Belle learning magic from me made them pretty good friends. It was also so Rarity could get both mine and Buttion’s measurements for my outfit and Button’s costume. With that said, we got off the train, our traincar was unhitched from the train and left on a side track specifically for it; every town had a separate, off to the side track for royal carriages.

I took a long, deep breath as I hopped off the train. On my back were my saddlebags, Celestia and Luna left their regalia at home, since getting those lost, stolen, or dirty would be really easy in the middle of Whitetail Woods. By the time our camping trip is over, the Running of the Leaves will begin, which we’ll also be partaking in, and Nightmare Night will be right around the corner. Out of the two sisters, Celestia was carrying both hers and Luna’s stuff, since she was just massive, a lot stronger than everypony here that wasn’t Luna, and Luna agreed to carry all of the foals’ camping gear on her back.

It mostly had to do with how she liked foals, and probably did a lot for foals whenever she could, including helping the foals with their nightmares. That’s something she can do; she hasn’t done it with me yet because I said I don’t want her to see what the hell I’m dreaming about. Luna doesn't wanna see my dreams either. She found out what a Xenomorph was and sat shivering, under Celestia’s wing for a solid two hours after that… She hasn’t entered my dreams since. Even if that was just a one-time nightmare, my nightmares are apparently a lot more traumatizing than the average pony’s.

I walked up to the front door of the boutique before knocking on it. I knocked three times, and the door cracked open. “Ah, Source! It’s good to see you, come on in!” Rarity greeted me. Rarity did a quick bow to Celly and Luna before greeting Button too.

“And you must be Button, I know Sweetie Belle keeps going on and on about how she is excited to see you again.”

We walked on into the showroom part of the boutique, where Rarity took our measurements, well, mostly Button’s. She already had mine, but wanted to double check if mine, from when she made me a suit, were still accurate due to my apparently bulkier build. I didn’t feel or think I looked any different, but Rarity noticed, Celly definitely noticed, and Luna just teased Celly for staring at my flanks while I walked. After I got double checked, Rarity took longer to measure Button, which was just enough time for the rest of my students to walk down into the showroom.

“Hey kids!” I waved a hoof.

“Mr. Source!” I immediately got swarmed by four wiggly, excited fillies. I laughed while I got tackled to the ground. Before long, Button also joined in on keeping me pinned to the floor.

“Children!” Rarity shouted. “That is no way to treat your tutor!”

“It’s fine, Rarity,” I said, somehow Sweetie Belle ended up on top of my head, while the others were on my back. “I’m fine, nopony’s getting hurt; the foals are just happy to see me. Can’t be too mad about that, can I?”

“...No, I suppose not, but they still shouldn’t jump on you like that. Especially when they’re older; you could get hurt.”

“Meh, I’ll live if I get hurt. Probably.”

The foals all waved at Celestia and Luna, as they couldn’t really bow while riding on my back. Luna took the time to grab their bags and put them on her back. We all started towards the door, after a quick chat with Rarity. She told us that when we got back, she should be done with our commission, and I offered to pay her money for her work… She said it was for free. I insisted on it, before literally trying to hand her a bag of bits.

“No.” Ok, I am not going to make Rarity take money from me ever again. Rarity is fucking scary when she wants to give you something and wants you to take it.

We stepped outside and started heading towards Whitetail Woods. “Alright, kids, y’all got your permission slips?” Four forms, plus a fifth that Button asked me to sign, for whatever reason. I took them all, looked them over, and nodded. “Aight, y’all all get to go!” Button soon hopped off my back, since he had at some point got up there, I don’t remember when, and started animatedly chatting with Sweetie Belle. The two started brushing up against each other, Sweetie nuzzled under Button’s chin at one point when an autumn breeze made her shiver a little. I chuckled at that; I am going to be a grandpa one day…

Holy shit, I am going to be a grandpa one day. That is horrifying.

We ended up choosing a tiny little spot next to a lake, it was big enough to have its own beach, but small enough for nopony to actually get hurt by swimming in it if they wanted to. Granted, it was the middle of fall, so nopony should want to go swimming unless they got sick. I had the foals set their own tents up using their magic, to help them practice levitation, and I immediately went to go get firewood while Celly set mine and her tent up. Well, we actually had to separate tents, but sometimes I may just go snuggle with her if I feel like it. Though I’ve got a feeling that most of the tents will go unused.

Apple Bloom had a tent that was big enough to hold her and Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Though I think Button and Sweetie Belle are gonna get cuddly; it only made sense.

“And that is how you set up a tent,” Luna said. She, despite me asking her to, went and helped Dinky get her tent set up. The poor little filly was kinda struggling, though not because her Levitation was bad, no, it turned out her tent was broken the whole damn time, so Luna fixed it and showed her how to properly set it up. Before long, Dinky was snuggled up into Luna’s side, cuddled up under a wing, and happily drawing something while Lulu watched. I chuckled at that. Apple Bloom ended up wandering over to Celestia and started chatting with her like Celestia was a regular pony, probably after seeing me do it so many times, I think the farmgirl figured ‘why don’t I do the same’. Sweetie and Button literally have not left each other’s side and were sitting together and reading a book that Sweetie had brought with her.

So I trotted over to Scootaloo after getting the firewood together, and laid down beside her. She looked bored, probably because she really didn’t have anyone to talk to. “Heya kiddo,” I greeted.

“Hey, Mr. Code.” She started looking around the woods, she started looking just a little scared. Despite the fact that there were two alicorns, a semi-competent unicorn, and a whole bunch of unicorn foals, I think Scootaloo might just be a little nervous about being out in the woods. Especially as the Sun started going down, courtesy of Celestia and Luna. All the foals started laying on their backs while Luna adorably tried getting them to name constellations and almost squealed each time a foal not only pointed one out, but got the name right without her help.

“Ya holdin’ up? You look a little… bored. Wanna…” I hummed. “I can give you ideas for how you could get your cutie mark.”

“That… would be cool,” so I told her about trying to do tricks on her scooter. Stuff like front flips, barrel rolls(using her wings to help her do that, even if she can’t actually fly yet). Anyways, it was a fun little time, and made me realize just how little me and Scootaloo actually have in common. She’s still a good kid, and she clearly enjoys my company if her joining me and knocking me on my ass with my other students was any sign of that. Maybe it’s because I’ve got nothing to talk about besides Celly, magic, and basic everyday stuff. Scootaloo wants to learn how to fly, how to get her cutie mark, and adores Rainbow Dash.

We ended up reading a book, despite Scootaloo saying it was some egghead stuff. It was actually something I rewrote, an attempt at bringing a book from home, since it was one I read all the damn time as a kid. I remembered every little bit of it with my soul, and never planned on publishing it; it was meant solely for me. It was Where the Red Fern Grows. I remember every bit in my heart, soul and mind. It was about some kid in America, back before humanity fully conquered it. I rewrote it and based it on griffins, since they actually have a very similar relationship to dogs as humans. Ponies obviously had dogs, but most didn’t due to how different their diets were.

I suppose on Equus, predators stick together? There were Diamond Dogs, but those were different from regular dogs. There were specific breeds on Equus, a majority of which don’t exist, such as the husky… I dunno how to feel about that one. I met one once, and it was a joy to be around… Louder than I am when I get drunk, lemme tell you, my ears were bleeding.

Anywho, Scootaloo was immediately hooked despite the griffin being… a griffin and not a pony, or the hunting bits. In fact, she loved them a lot. We damn near read through the whole thing, before Celestia called everyone to the campfire to start roasting marshmallows… I just realized how enthralled I can get while reading this fun little book. I forgot that I wasn’t human for just a moment. I saw Button use a Fire spell damn near perfectly, and light the fire pit.

“Nice one, son!” I cheered. Button raised his head with pride. He’s getting damn good with magic and it’s only been a week since I found him. Christ, he will be able to kick my ass by the age of fifteen, I swear.

“You’ve got to read that to Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom from the start sometime,” Scootaloo hopped beside me as I trotted. “I love how close griffins are with dogs. You seem to know quite a bit them-”

“Heh, I always wanted a dog, growing up. Never could, getting meat in a country full of ponies was kinda expensive, and dogs eat meat.” Scootaloo grimaced slightly at that. “Doesn’t stop me from wanting to get a dog now, though. Seriously, dogs are great. Depending on the dog, it can make your day, or simply just put a smile on your face. I know you’ve played with AJ’s dog, that never fails to make you happy, does it?”

“I do always leave a little happier after just petting Winona.”

“That’s dogs for ya… mostly. If you see a wild dog, don’t approach it, those things can be dangerous. Any ol’ pet dog? Sweet little fellows.” I chuckled as I set my book back in one of my saddlebags. I haven’t even shown that to Celly yet, I wanted to read that to her and Button during Hearth’s Warming.

“You’ve gotta tell me how that book ends,” Scootaloo said, she actually fluttered beside me in excitement. I had a thought, but put that aside. “It has to have a happy ending, right?”

“Oooh…” I chuckled. Yeah no, the ending is not for the faint of heart. “Eh… that would ruin the story. It wouldn’t be fun if I spoiled the whole thing for ya, eh?”

“I suppose not…”

“I can make you a copy, and maybe you can read it to Bloom and Belle, eh? Maybe get a cutie mark in being a narrator, then you can read cool books like this one all the time. Even Rainbow reads every now and then, even if her choice in literature is… foalish. Though I can’t say much, where I’m from, this book is made for ten year olds.” I’m lucky that I didn’t grow up reading Watership Down, if I did, I would’ve traumatized Scootaloo by the third chapter.

We settled down, and ended up roasting marshmallows with everypony else… It was relaxing.

“Source,” I looked up from something I was showing the foals; somehow ponies have graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows and somehow never came up with s’mores. I swear, these ponies, they have all the ingredients for such cool shit and they can’t come up with s’mores? I couldn’t not show the foals how to make s’mores. Hell, they loved them because it was literally just a shitload of sugar, and that is completely understandable.

I’m not above just packing away what is essentially sugar into my mouth. It tastes good even if it’s not good for me.

Luna was watching me, Celly too. “I believe we had a deal on the train ride here.” She said, tapping her shoulder with a hoof. It was almost so close to a human gesture that I had to blink a few times and remind myself that ponies are weird as balls.

“Uh… what would that deal be?” I was playing dumb.

“You heard me play the flute once, so let me hear you sing.”

“I won’t sound good.”

“You were in a choir,” Celestia pointed out. “Clearly you were proficient in it.”

“That was when I was a wee lad, my voice has gotten a lot deeper since I’ve sung in a choir,” granted, I knew how to sing with a deeper voice. I just wanted to play stupid.

“Wait, you can sing?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Uh… that is debatable.”

“Source,” Luna gave me the stink eye. “Do I have to pounce on you in front of all your students?”

“...No. Please don’t. You tickled me for six minutes straight after you had a fork full of mac and cheese and I wouldn't tell you how I made it. I think I had a noodle stuck in my nose for an hour; that wasn't fun, having salt and pepper in my nose.” Or garlic powder, that wasn’t fun either.

“Then sing. You said you would when we lit the campfire.”

“Well, alright.” I took a deep breath, before levitating some spare firewood over. I smacked it with my hoof, and nodded. It’ll have to replace my need for a drum, since I can’t really stomp my hooves on grass to do that. “This is a song from my home of Ireland, lads. I have to sing this one.” I took a deep breath. “In the merry month of June from me home I started.” I started to let go of any attempt at controlling my accent. Fuck, I teleported myself a pint of whisky, chugged it all and started singing with an accent so strong that I’m not even sure if I was understandable. Soon, everypony was clapping their hooves to the beat while I sang my silly little song. Honestly, it was fun to be singing again. Luna started clapping her hooves a lot and tried keeping pace with me when I got to the last chorus while trying to match my accent. It didn’t work, since she ended up stumbling.

“Buck.” Luna grumbled, she was out of breath, which was odd since she was a flute player. I suppose trying to match an accent that apparently nopony’s heard before, while singing Ireland’s spiritual national anthem probably wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. I was now drunk, if you couldn’t tell, and I was having a great ol’ time. I kept singing various shanties and folk songs, I even magicked up more whisky from my stache and decided to sing about the wonders of it.

“For sinking your sorrows and raisin’ your joys!” I finished.

“Neigh, sing that again, Source, we shall sing with thee!” Luna raised a hoof. I was really drunk at this point, so I probably had a gallon of whisky at this point. Either way, I did an encore and Luna joined.

“Then stick to the cratur’ the meetest thing i’ nature-”

Yeah, Luna ended up having so much fun that she forgot to speak more modernly. In fact, she also got a hold of my whisky somehow, and I don’t know why. In my drunken haze, I could tell Celestia was smiling and shaking her head at the time same. Same time. Yeah, I think I might feel this in the morning, or not. It depends on how good my healing spells are. I think in a more private setting, Luna being drunk would be fine, but she was in front of a bunch of foals, singing silly little Irish songs with me deep into the night.

Sweetie Belle even joined in our third rendition of the Humours of Whisky. She has a nice voice-

I fell asleep while using a sleeping Luna as a pillow. We had a drinking game, I think, and I won forty shots ago…

I’ve had too much whisky; my head hurt more than my horn did when I was first using magic. I woke up covered in foals too, so I couldn’t go throw up… Actually, I didn’t need to. I just had a really bad headache. One healing spell later and I no longer had to face the consequences of my actions! Except Luna hitting me in the head for somehow beating her in a drinking game, when alicorns have a higher alcohol tolerance than normal ponies do.

Luna, I am Irish, you will never out-drink me, I can’t even call you a bitch, I love you too much to do that. You… Feck, I can’t come up with anything. Oh!

“Luna, you are a dork.”

Thwack. Ow.

I Just Wanted a Normal Nightmare Night. I Almost Got That

So it was Nightmare Night time, I guess. I suppose I should explain what that is, since it’s kinda like Halloween but not Halloween. You still wear costumes, even if the adults partake in costume wearing just as much as the kids do. There was a key difference though, and Nightmare Night was celebrated for different reasons than Halloween. I think the way Halloween was celebrated was because people wearing costumes hid them from ghosts. On Nightmare Night it apparently just protected you from Nightmare Moon or whatever.

I found that to be complete bullshit; Nightmare Moon would probably murder anypony no matter if they were on her side or not… Nah, Nightmare Moon was actually a reasonable mare, since she was just a really, really unhinged version of Luna that became Nightmare Moon because she was demonised for a long time.

Celestia, understandably, never partook in Nightmare Night, since it literally celebrated her defeat. In other words, it celebrated when Luna was sent to the moon for a thousand years. It was a huge thing by the time Celestia got out of the funk that she had been for about a hundred years after sending her little sister to the moon, hence why Nightmare Night is still a thing. She did do some work to make it less about burning dolls made in Luna’s image, and more about the harvest, candy, and costume side of Nightmare Night that it’s known for today.

I couldn’t really care less for Nightmare Night, but thanks to me publicly embarrassing Luna, and her much quicker than expected acceptance by ponies in Canterlot, she was moving her scheduled ‘first public appearance’ to this year’s Nightmare Night instead of next year. Because Luna wanted Celly to be there, and because Button asked her to, Celly was coming while dressed as a giraffe at my suggestion; she was tall, almost the size of a giraffe calf according to her. I didn’t know that giraffes were sentient on Equus, but I’m not shocked by that either.

Apparently actual horses were a thing, but got phased out by ponies being able to use magic; they couldn’t compete with that shit and ended up getting over hunted by griffins since they weren’t sapient.

For tonight, Button was going dressed how I usually do, since he was a cinnamon roll that idolised me despite it only being a few weeks after I adopted him. I made my own costume for tonight, since I decided to ‘screw it’. I, after a lot of experimentation with transmutation(and a lot of practice of walking like a bird), turned myself into a raptor. Specifically from Jurassic Park since those things were scary. Celly wanted to get a nice, big reveal of my costume since she doesn’t know what a raptor was.

I came charging into Luna’s living room, since her chambers were bigger than Celly’s, and tried to give my best raptor impression. Unfortunately, I am not a tiny little biomancer of a colt that can easily manipulate any part of his body, so I couldn’t actually make the noise. In fact, I ended up giving up on the raptor idea as a whole, since turning fur into scales was too much for me. So I literally just made my neck longer, had turned my fur into scales, and changed the tail since that took way less magic.

So I just walked into the living room looking like…

“I am a stegosaurus!” I said with what I hoped was the dumbest expression I could do with the face of a stegosaurus. I still had a horn, so it wasn’t a complete costume, but I decided to wear a hat to cover it up. Celly was dressed in her giraffe costume while Luna opted to just go out in her birthday suit… after using a spell to hide her wings. At my suggestion, she turned her fur white with the same spell, and removed the sparkles from her mane and tail, again, with the same spell. So she just looked like a shiny Rapidash.

Button tilted his head, his hat sliding down just enough to cover one of his eyes; his fedora was just a tad too big. When I pointed it out to Rarity, she told me she did it on purpose, and I’m glad she did; it was cute. “What’s a stegosaurus?”

“A creature from my home. Long dead, like none exist or can exist in the current climate of my world, but they were kinda cool. I was gonna go with something… more predatory, but the guards would suplex me on sight, and Rainbow Dash would definitely try to square up with me; she would then promptly kick my shit in. So… Something strictly herbivore looking, plus I can now finally say ‘I’m a stegosaurus’!” I made the same stupid look I gave when I first walked in. It was really cool.

“You look stupid,” Celestia said. “Your neck is so long like this.”

“My tail was changed to help keep me balanced. It feels weird, but it’s easier to do than walk like what I was going to end up as. Raptors are awesome; too bad my two leg balance is kinda shite while I’m hunched over.”

“I swear, you have to be a changeling,” Luna said. “If it weren’t for the lack of a green flash when you clearly used magic to transform, I would’ve knocked you out and captured you already.”

“Still dunno what that is, but I think it’s a good thing my magic isn’t naturally green when I use it. Hold on,” I grabbed Luna’s crown, made it bigger with a spell, and placed it back on her head. Now, it was just a little too big for her, just like how Button’s hat was just a little too big for him to wear. She glared at me after realising what I was playing at, before rolling her eyes. She couldn’t even be mad; the silent argument just made sense, after all.

It was hard to be scared of somepony being cute, which definitely, the case right now. Luna’s horn lit, and suddenly both hers and Celly’s ears more resembled Button’s. You see, Button and most foals’ ears are a lot floppier and droop just a little bit. It was because the calcium in their bodies was doing what calcium did in a puppy’s body, which was focus on both growth rather than ear growth. In other words, they had floppy ears now and it made Luna just that little bit cuter, because that won’t give anypony a heart attack. To be clear, once we tested it, Luna can, in fact, make criminals stop being bad guys by asking for a belly rub while acting all innocent.

Then said criminal we tested it on got tossed in jail because he promptly tried to rob me. No, he wasn’t smart, he tried to rob me in front of a princess.

“Well, I guess we’re all ready, aren’t we?” I asked, lowering myself so Button could jump on my back.

“I suppose we are,” Celestia sighed. “This will be my first Nightmare Night…”

“Same here,” Button said. “The orphanage never let me go out on Nightmare Night.” Bro, that’s just mean. Let the kid trick or treat!

“I’ve never been to a Nightmare Night; I was on the moon when they were invented,” Luna said with a tiny little chuckle. “I heard it was invented because of me? That’s a good thing…” She sighed. “Not really, but it can’t be that bad.”

“Coolio. I sent a letter to Twilight so she should be expecting us; she decided to try her costume out this year or something. I know she’s going as that one unicorn that she basically worships this year, I dunno why she was saving it for this year.” At least it wasn’t something that made her look like a slut, because apparently ponies did that shit here too. Make slutty versions of costumes for everything.

“Source, is this going to be your first Nightmare Night?” Celestia asked.

“Mmm, that depends. If you go specifically by name, yes. If you consider my world's version, Halloween, then no. I’ve trick or treated and or walked around for candy, real fun. I got this homemade cookie and ended up being sick for a few days… last time I did that, or let my siblings get freshly baked goods from anyone on Halloween. I know that probably won’t happen here, but if somepony offers a brownie that they just made, or something similar, don’t take it. Especially you, Button; Celly and Auntie Lulu are apparently poison resistant.” Celestia and Luna seemed shocked that somebody would happily hand out poison to random kids on a holiday… Man, they would probably die if I told them about America.

Mostly about America’s education system, not because it sucks, but because of… reasons. That was an easy, horrible joke, I’m sorry.

“Okay Dad. What if it’s from Pinkie?”

“I’m scared that she somehow knew what cocaine was and put it in a brownie, Button… nah, if Pinkie or Sugarcube Corner does give out baked goods, go for it, I guess. If only because Pinkie works for Sugarcube Corner and Sugarcube Corner is a respectable business; they probably wouldn’t put pills in cookies, or be in business if they did.” I hummed. “Actually, just don’t take any baked goods from random ponies unless they are somehow working for Sugarcube Corner, cool?”

“Yeah. What if I ran a diagnostic spell before I took a cookie and it came back negative?”

“Mmm… Good point. Do that before you take it then.” With that, we started making our way to the chariot bay so we could go celebrate Nightmare Night.

I nearly fell on my face when I got off the chariot. I just about got used to being a regular pony, but my currently longer neck is screwing with my balance. Luckily, I didn’t fall on my face, but I almost did. That was currently irrelevant, since Luna decided to jump out of our chariot before it landed. Don’t mind how her guards looked a lot more threatening than the average pony… granted, she looked like a badass while jumping out of the chariot, but she was being stupid. Anyways, because I am a smart pony, I reverted myself to my usual, not stegosaurus ‘costume.

Then I jumped out and landed next to Luna after casting a Lightweight so I wouldn’t break anything.

So that’s how I nearly fell on my face.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw what looked like a Wonderbolt flying around with a stormcloud, using it to scare the ever living shite out of everypony around. How the thunder was in sync with the lightning was beyond me, but that wasn’t the main point. I saw a rainbow mane for a moment before lightning flashed behind us after we landed. Meanwhile, I could feel Celestia facehoofing at how I almost broke my nose because I decided to jump out of a chariot after Luna… without giving myself wings before doing so.

This caused a group of foals, led by Pinkie Pie wearing a shark costume, to run in fear. “Watch out! It’s Nightmare Moon and her minion!” She yelled something about… eating children. What the actual hell do ponies teach their foals on Nightmare Night?

The chariot soared through the air towards the center of town.

“What the actual crap just happened?” I asked.

“I… I thought Ponyville would be far more receptive to me; they were fine with me hosting the magic convention here, some stallions even tried to ‘hit on me’ as the younger ponies would say.” She then smacked the back of my head for jumping out of a chariot after I had promptly teleported my business suit onto my body since I don’t think I could turn myself back into a stegosaurus if I wanted to. I used way too much magic and even just teleporting my clothes to me gave me a slight hornache. We started walking towards the center of town where we found Twilight happily greeting Celly, while Spike was… dressed up as a dragon. It had stretch marks on it and everything, so it was probably what he wore every year.

“Oh! Princess Luna, Source! There you are!” Twilight waved. “Princess Celestia said you two were arriving in a different chariot, which was odd since I figured Source and Button would be sticking to each other quite a bit… Source, you look awful.”

“I casted a few Transmutation spells, a Lightweight, a Teleport and also jumped out of the chariot because somepony wanted to make a flashy entrance.” I glared at Luna.

“Tis tradition, and you said the traditional way was cool!” Luna argued. Everypony around us slowly started backing away, looking like they thought that the actual Nightmare Moon would come to be. Even Twilight started looking a bit apprehensive, whereas Celly and Button just watched on with indifference. Celly knows how me and Luna are, and Button probably knows we’re both a couple of idiots.

“You could’ve been the dork you are, and just landed with the chariot, Luna-” she thwacked me over the head for that!

“Why did you jump out of the chariot anyways, you magicked away your wings for your costume… actually, how the hell did Pinky immediately think you were Nightmare Moon?”

“Because everypony knows that a fiery mane means the pony is evil! I mean, that’s what Princess Celestia’s alter ego would probably look like if she were evil! So maybe Luna has a similar looking one!” Pinkie said, before she realised she was hugging Luna. She squawked, made some quip about Luna trying to cook her into sushi, dunno how she knew what that was, and ran away while clucking like a chicken. I turned my hoof into a hand for a brief moment, flipped off the general direction Pinkie ran off in, and reverted the hand back into a hoof.

“What did that mean, Source?” Celestia asked.

“Don’t worry about it, it was just something vulgar my… ponies from my home did if they could use magic. It usually meant ‘fuck you’.” I sighed. “I did that because I’ve a feeling Pinkie’s gonna keep doing that until she upsets Luna.”

“Pinkie wouldn’t do that, she’s just trying to have fun.”

“She pinned a fake tail to me arse while playing pin the pony. She then proceeded to try and flirt with me after doing so while my arse was hurting from the pin in it.” Pinkie meant well, but she is a damn sicko. When she pulled the pin out my butt, the pain went away, too. I don’t know how she even did that, why she did that, or the reason she can do the things she does. Either way, that mare is tone deaf, and I think Celly and tell that Luna doesn't appreciate being called a cannibal.

Luna’s gaze actually fell to the ground after Pinkie ran off, so I wrapped a foreleg around her neck and nuzzled her. “C’mon, Luna. I’m sure the Crusaders would love to see you. I know you aren’t going to say no to foalsitting a few fillies while they go trick or treating with Button… Am I right?”

“...I would like to spend the night with my nephew and his friends. If you wish for me to come along, I do not mind.”

So that’s what we ended up doing for the next few hours, we picked up the Crusaders and Dinky. I keep forgetting that she doesn’t have a cutie mark and hangs out alone with Sweetie Belle a lot… Button and Sweetie Belle spent a few minutes complimenting each other’s outfits. since Sweetie Belle dressed up in a generic princess costume, had fake regalia made, was wearing a dress that was admittedly really pretty, and had lipstick on. Button thought Sweetie Belle looked pretty and Sweetie thought that him dressing up, in what I’d call a suit, handsome.

Sweetie Belle’s costume actually, and heavily, resembled something I’d see on Princess Peach from Mario, it was… very pink. Almost too pink for my liking, but just barely too pink. It was actually kinda pleasant looking, even if I, personally, couldn’t shake the resemblance. The only reason why Sweetie Belle didn’t look exactly like Princess Peach, besides her having her mane in a ponytail, was the fact that she left her mane and tail pretty much untouched. Above all else, she looked adorable, which is all you really need to do as a filly wearing a crown. Be cute, secure the bag full of candy, and sweep my son off his hooves.

Seriously, Button was enamoured by how Sweetie Belle looked.

“Why are you and your dad wearing the same outfit, Button?” Scootaloo asked. Like most of the pegasi foals I’ve seen running around, she was wearing a wonderbolt outfit, apparently each wonderbolt had a different costume and she was going as Spitfire tonight.

“Dad’s the coolest pony around,” Button said matter-of-factly. I had to hide my smile behind my hoof while Celestia and Luna didn’t hide their smiles; they definitely thought that was cute. “Since he is the coolest pony around, I wanted to look like him… He didn’t let me dye my fur or mane to look like him, though.”

“Because you shouldn’t be aiming to be exactly like me, kiddo.” I said. “Trust me, you wouldn’t want to exactly be like me, as it’s simply better to be yourself. I appreciate you looking up to me like that, but distinguish yourself and be the coolest pony you can be, Button.”

“Okay Dad, but you’re still the coolest pony I know until I become the coolest pony I can be.”

“Mr. Code is not the coolest pony around, that would be Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo declared.

“Mmm… That is debatable,” I shrugged. “Flying does seem pretty cool,” I started walking in the air with magic. “Though I’ve got that covered currently.”

“...I didn’t know you could do that. That’s pretty cool, even if Rainbow Dash is just twenty percent cooler than you are.” I still can’t argue with that, Rainbow Dash is admittedly, a really cool flier. A bit of an asshat, but loyal as can be. You don’t find ponies like that very often.

So, there was a spooky story competition and a costume competition. Nopony in our group particularly cared about the costume competition other than Sweetie Belle, because apparently she had a hoof in helping Rarity out with the costume, as in she stated that Rarity made the whole thing after Sweetie put her input on how she wanted her dress to look. Nopony else cared, but entered anyway to see how that would go. There were three separate categories, cute, scary, and pretty. Sweetie Belle won the ‘cute’ category without any struggle, because how could you argue about how cute she is? This is the same foal that could probably convince Rarity to go out in the woods with her for fun. Unfortunately for me, the scary story contest was a thing everypony in our group was partaking in, our group because Twilight and her friends eventually found us, grouped up with us, and decided to take part in the competition… I say this is unfortunate because ponies cannot come up with anything scary. Celestia was currently a judge, so was Luna, and even they looked somewhat shocked at what some of the ponies were coming up with. Like genuinely, they were shocked.

The scariest one was Apple Jack’s story because she decided to tell a story about an ax murderer that ended up not actually being a murder at all and actually just some stallion looking to buy some apples. Rainbow Dash told a ‘scary story’ about the were-gryphon or something. Twilight’s story was plainly boring, just something stupid involving the Pinkie Sense. Pinkie Pie forgot it was a spooky scary contest, but when she did, somehow entirely recounted(while acting out) the entirety of Predator. Rarity’s story was about bad hair days and Fluttershy hid under a table after Rarity’s turn.

By the way, there were forty ponies and I had to sit through forty really shitty scary stories.

I did not have fun. The foals were supposed to have their own competition, so at least I wouldn’t be hearing anything too childish to be too scary. I wonder if I could get away with telling something completely screwed up. I could literally just recount any of the many, many, many stupid alien stories from back home… I could talk about Nessy, Nessy would be pretty spooky. Nah. Once it came to my turn, I decided to be a little silly with it tonight.

“Hello fillies and gentlecolts, tonight… Let me tell you about a story me mum told me. Of a ghostly galleon filled with gold. A crewless pirate ship that many, many sailors have tried to tame… This is the Tale of the Shadow!” Luckily, a part of my order was a cap, a cap that I used to wear a lot as a young lad, it was an Irish flat cap. Before I started singing, I teleported a stool to me and started using it as a drum. Everypony was surprised that I was telling my tale through song, but nopony was really complaining.

Luna was happy to hear me sing again, and Celestia was more than excited. Twilight seemed to immediately guess it was a song from my homeland, as if it wasn’t a part of this world… I need to learn how to play an accordion for shit like this, dude. I probably won’t ever do that, but I want to learn how to play an accordion. I was honestly having a blast. Foals looked intrigued, yet terrified, the adults looked fearful as my voice grew darker and darker as I started approaching the end of the song. I did some minor redubbing, such as ‘all hands’ to ‘all hooves’, but nopony seemed to notice.

As soon as I got to the bridge, I used magic to make my pupils disappear as I slowly looked up. My cap was hiding my eyes the whole time for a reason. “None can tame the one the sailors call the shadow!” I laughed like a maniac before slumping out of the chair I was sitting in and playing dead. Everpony started screaming and poking me to make sure I was alright… Oh. Oh ho, ho.

“SOURCE STOP SCARING EVERYPONY! YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE THEM NIGHTMARES!” Luna thwacked me over the head. Dammit, Luna, I was having fun!

Anyways, I won the competition, I got a nice, blue medal, an angry, blue alicorn, and Celestia was simply shaking her head while obviously holding back a laugh. Even if she and Luna did genuinely look disturbed not only by my performance, but the story.

While I wasn’t paying attention, I caught Snips and Snails… Snips was dressed as a scissor blade while Snails had a big, very obviously fake snail shell on his back. Celly decided to take over watching the foals, Luna more or less just went where the foals were, so I was left alone. Snips and Snails were sitting at a picnic table picking through what they got while trick or treating. I trotted over and sat down. Admittedly, when I first kicked them out and subsequently banned them from my tutoring sessions, I was being a bit rough.

I’m used to dealing with stupid, annoying teenagers. Snips and Snails were just annoying asshats, but I wanted to amend things and offer them some form of help with their magic.

“Howdy,” I said, sitting down in front of them. “How’s your Nightmare Night going?” I asked.

“It’s going great! We just stole half of this candy from a bunch of foals!” Snips said, Snails nodded along like an idiot. Luckily, I knew for a fact that they didn’t steal from my foal, since I doubt Celly would let that fly, and Luna definitely wouldn’t let that happen.

“...Alright. I’m not going to ask why, since I can probably guess that you wanted their candy and you thought it was funny,” I sighed. “Aight, I’m here to say sorry for yelling at you lads, that wasn’t very professional of me as a tutor, nor was it very ‘grown up’ or whatever.” Snips and Snails looked at each other, before turning back to me. “I was stopping by, since I was kinda told by Celly to piss off,” as in she figured out that I skipped Lunch and Dinner and told me to go find something to eat. “So I stopped by and was wondering if you want me to tutor you guys on magic. Interested at all?”

“Nope!” Snails immediately said. “Why would we wanna learn magic from you when you didn’t even come second in every magical competition at that weird unicorn convention? You came-”

“Third place in everything but the free for all,” Twilight said… where she came from is beyond me. “I wouldn’t skip over this opportunity for you two, Source genuinely is a good teacher, and I know you two have stopped by my library occasionally while looking at spell books.”

“Well, Trixie is better with magic than both of you, so it would be better to learn from her.”

“...What?” I asked. Okay, that is genuinely fair, Trixie is better at magic than I am if I had never made Python, but c’mon! Twilight is definitively the most gifted unicorn in Equestria.

“Yeah! She can take on an Ursa Major, I bet neither of you can!”

“...Don’t bring one of those in town to prove a point. That’ll get somepony killed.”

“Oh, we should! I heard the Princess is in town, so when we’re proven right, she can save the day!” I blinked a few times, before plopping my arse on the ground and started rubbing my temples. What the actual fuck? How the heck does Celly and Lulu being in town make doing that any better? I think you have to be… I’m not even going to be there. I know I’m going to need some whisky to forget that idea.

“Don’t do that," I said.

“...Fine…” They grabbed their candy and ran off.

“So,” I said, turning to Twilight who was bow wearing a fake book on her head. She almost resembled a librarian from Minecraft because of that. “Why did you seek me out?”

“Spike got picked up by Celestia. Did you know that the rest of the foals you were supposed to watch out ended up riding on her back because they all fell asleep?” Oh my god dammit! “So did Spike shortly after joining them. He is a baby after all. Why are you alone?”

“Celly made me go find food, without thinking that nowhere that sells food would be open at this hour. She found out that I was screwing around with trying to make use of dark magic instead of feeding myself, and got mad. Not about the dark magic part; she’s fine with that. God does she care when I don’t take care of my basic needs such as food, though.”

“...She’s letting you study dark magic? Wouldn’t that corrupt you?”

“I’ve developed a system to prevent that, and even use another dark magic user’s power against them.”

Twilight reeled. "But you have to fully give into negative emotions to make full use of dark magic! Why would you even be interested in that?”

“Because I wanted to. It hasn’t affected me poorly, and as long as I don’t use anything that requires sacrificing sapient creatures, it’s technically not illegal. With that said, I think ponies need to stop shunning their negative sides. Flaws and emotions make a pony, experiences build character. Many, many story tellers from my home make stories that seem amazing, and then fall flat because their characters don’t feel like people. People, and ponies, are inherently flawed and get angry, they get jealous, they feel depressed. If they don't, then they aren’t alive.” I smiled and sighed. “Nopony does though, which is a shame. Yeah, you get slightly antsy over Spike not picking a book up, but when’s the last time you’ve felt truly angry and anything, Twilight?”

“...Never.”

“I have. I’ve been angry at myself, I’ve been depressed when my dad died. The important part about feeling those shitty emotions such as anger, is not letting them control you. However, that’s not why I’m studying dark magic. I wanna make use of it, sure, but I wanna see if I can empower a spell using my love for Celly, or my family, or any positive emotion. I wanna, and I’ve made some progress, but I’m still trying to truly see what emotions affect magic.” After that, we started off to try and find Celly and Luna.

I was admittedly tired, and I think Twilight wanted to retrieve Spike and go to sleep too.

I couldn’t find my Celly, or my Button. Twilight and I split up at some point, she said she’d check the library because Celly and Luna were welcomed to stay at the tree-brary for one reason or another. I think most of the adults had put their foals to sleep and started celebrating the adult part of the holiday, which was drink until you drop, and then feel like shite in the morning. I didn’t bother taking part in that, and Celly and Lulu wouldn’t do that in public, even though we definitely were going to do that when we got home later. Most of the adults were hanging around Sugar Cube Corner, where the adult side of the night, hosted by Pinkie, was underway.

I stopped mid step when I heard a roar. It wasn’t a quiet one, it was a roar, obviously. I heard screaming, namely it sounded like Snips and Snails screaming. I growled at myself; right when everypony was probably a-fucking-sleep! Seriously? Did those two seriously go out in the woods and go find a… That’s a bear. That’s a giant bear made out of whatever the heck space is made out of. It was running through town, destroying stalls, the stage that was used for the scary story contest, and came to a stop in the center of town, which was really close to where Sugarcube Corner was.

Snips and Snails saw me and made their way over to me, so that left me to deal with it! Woo!”

Well, I’m pretty much the only thing that will be able to hold it off, so… I teleported towards town hall, and shot a concussive at the fucker to get its attention. I can't do anything about this. Ursa Minors were already pretty hard for most unicorns to deal with because of how big they were. Ursa Majors are larger, stronger, and slightly magically resistant. So that’s not going to end well for me.

“Hey! Over here you oversized mutt!” I said. I didn’t need to, I already had its attention. I shot a Piercing spell at its eye, which actually made the ursa minor roar in pain… Oh good, it can bleed! Glad I figured that out. Because now it was chasing me.

“Source!” Oh thank Celestia, literally- nevermind. Celly shot a spell at it, and was immediately batted away with a paw. Button and his friends were standing behind Twilight, who had her horn lit…

“WHY DID YOU BRING THE FOALS OUT WHEN YOU HEARD A DAMN ROAR!?” I shouted as I shot another spell to get the bear’s attention away from where Celly was sent flying. Twilight turned around… She definitely didn’t know they were following her judging from the shocked look on her face.

“I WILL SMITE THEE!” Luna shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice, only to be swatted away by a bear paw too. She went crashing down towards where Celly was sent flying… My teeth gritted as I realised what that meant. The bear just hurt Celly and now Luna. It. Hurt. My. Fucking. Family. The ursa minor turned to Twilight and the foals, who were screaming. I don’t know what, I don’t know why, but everything faded black for me. I was just pissed the hell off. All I know is that my horn lit, and I was done screwing around with this stupid bear.

Twilight watched as Source Code started screaming like a banshee. He took to the sky using a variant of DragonFire she had not seen before, flying right into the ursa minor before she could actually do anything to it. The bear roared as the projectile that was Source, flew into its face, leaving a serious burn mark on the bear. Its once translucent fur, was now burnt to a crisp on its face. The bear slowly realised that it might have messed up, and turned to run. Twilight watched on as Source calmly landed in front of the bear, as his horn lit.

There was magical fire oozing out of Source’s eyes, his trench coat fluttering in a nonexistent wind as his mane and tail started doing the same; there was oceans of magic oozing out of Source, and… it was dark magic. What was standing there wasn’t the stallion that Twilight once knew as the somewhat nerdy, stupid, and nice pony. What was standing there was… something else entirely. It was horrifying. It wasn’t the somewhat magically weak stallion, it was pure, unfiltered power that stood before her.

“Hey buddy, I ain’t done with you, yet." Source growled.

Twilight watched as two…wings spreaded open. Judging from the party goers that were watching, they were equally as shocked. Source’s horn lit before grabbing the ursa minor and throwing it into space. Not even just… throw it. It shot off into space after being lifted off the ground, it caught on fire while screaming on the way up… Source threw an ursa minor so hard that it caught fire from the friction of the atmosphere. Almost immediately, the change in what was standing there and Source. He immediately stopped… whatever he just was, and ran over to her and the foals. He did a quick check in on them, before going after where he saw Princess Celestia and Princess Luna get Thrown into.

He quickly found them, started nuzzling them, and casted healing spells. Alicorns, at least from what Princess Celestia has said, heal rather quickly, and both princesses received only minor scratches due to them being far more resilient than the average pony. Of course, both Celestia and Luna watched the whole thing and were quick to notice the wings that Source now possessed. Of course, the once unicorn didn’t even notice, in fact, he didn’t seem to care, and probably wouldn’t notice for the time being. After he was sure that nopony he loved was injured, he fell over and fell asleep rather quickly.

“What the buck did we just watch?” Apple Bloom asked. “No seriously, what the fuck? Is our teacher secretly an alicorn too?”

Twilight would’ve admonished Apple Bloom for swearing if she wasn’t shocked at just what happened.

“Why… was there an Ursa Minor in town to begin with?” the unicorn mused as Celestia started carrying her very, very worn out stallion towards a nearby hospital to make sure that he was alright. Twilight shrugged, now knowing that the threat was gone, even if she could've handled it. Once everpony got to the hospital, they all quickly learnt that they were probably seeing things. Source didn’t have wings, but was still knocked out from overexerting himself from magic… Though the whole somepony sprouting wings, without the aid of magic, seemed farfetched to the unicorn.

“Is he alright?” Twilight asked Celestia, who was staring down at her coltfriend.

“Twilight, Source just wielded so much magic that it made me flinch. I… believe he had accidentally found out what he was looking for while studying dark magic. What he was using wasn’t solely being fueled by hatred, it was love and fear. He thought Luna and I were seriously injured, and only got angry when he saw the bear threatening you and his students. Mostly his students. The amount of magic Source can wield while fueling himself with his own emotions is horrifying. I swore I saw wings under his trench coat, Twilight.”

“...Is it possible for a pony to become an alicorn through large amounts of magic?”

“I… am not sure.” They both flinched when Source shot up while coughing.

“Ah shit, mate, what the feck did I drink… Shit!” Source immediately calmed down when he saw Celestia, and immediately relaxed right after she hugged him. “You alright, dear?” The unicorn asked. His words were slurred a little.

“I am fine, Source. Do you feel… angry, or anything?”

“Nope. I am slightly mad about Snips and Snails leading an ursa minor into town, but they’re kids, so I won’t hold it too badly against them. They’re kids and kids tend to be pretty damn stupid a lot of the time. Button and Luna are fine, right?” The unicorn was answered when Button and Luna walked through the door to his hospital room. Button gently hopped up on the bed, nuzzled into Source’s side, and immediately found his father’s tail laid across him. He and Luna nodded to each other, before the very, very exhausted stallion laid his head back down on the pillow.

Then Source rolled over slightly, pulled Button to him, and started grooming the colt with his eyes closed. He paused on the fifth lick, before shrugging and kept on going.

“Dad! Not in front of the rest of the foals!”

“Shush, I saw a giant bear threatening my son. I am going to groom you in front of your friends even if it embarasses you.” Source smiled. “I’m just glad y’all are safe, even if my horn hurts like me eyes when that stupid, haunted ship stole’em.”

“...Source, if you make your eyes disappear again, I will smack you,” Luna warned. “I already have to deal with a lot of nightmares, and you added onto that with your messed up, foreign mind.”

“Worth it!” Source chuckled, before he immediately went back to grooming Button. At least nopony… got hurt. Nopony. The ursa minor was definitely thrown off into space, burnt to a crisp somewhere.

Nopony told Source that he nearly grew wings.

The Running of the Leaves

So the Running of the Leaves is an event that happens, where in most towns, or anything that isn’t a cloud city or Canterlot, most ponies run through a forest, or a tree-dense part of town, to help the leaves fall from the trees or whatever. I doubt that a dozen ponies, all of which are smaller and less heavy than horses, can make enough strong vibrations to make leaves fall from a tree, but I do have an idea of how this works. Ponies, even if they do not realize it, all have magic. However, ponies have different ways of using said magic, and how they do it is usually based heavily on the tribe, or subspecies of pony.

Unicorns are really obvious, we can impose our will on the environment around us through our horns and our horns are almost exclusively how we use our magic. Granted, we do have some minor ability to use magic to grab stuff with our hooves, though I’ve noticed that hoof grip changes from tribe to tribe after some testing with the help of my guard friends…

Well, Solar’s guard friends who agreed to help the princess’s consort test something.

This all boils down to earth ponies being the strongest with hoof grip, pegasi in third, and unicorns in last. If you took alicorns into account, Cadance, an alicorn more suited for testing due to her not being a thousand years old, ties with earth ponies when it comes to hoof grip. An untrained alicorn is only a little weaker than an earth pony. Granted, Celly and Lulu have stronger hoof grips than most earth ponies because they're trained alicorns.

Pegasi and earth pony magic is less blatant to the naked eye, but pegasi seem to use magic for flying, since not having wings is the least of a pony’s worry when trying to fly. Again, horse-shaped bodies are not aerodynamic. They also use magic to be able to stand on clouds, manipulate them, and control the weather. Enough pegasi can channel their magic together in order to make tornadoes and hurricanes should there be a need. Earth ponies… are broken as fuck dude.

Earth ponies, inherently will always be better farmers and gardeners than their avian and horned counterparts, as their magic actively helps plants grow. Apple Jack is a good example of how an earth pony’s magic works with plants. Her kick, as strong as it is, isn’t what makes apples fall from her trees, it’s her earth pony magic. Earth ponies are also usually better cooks, with rare exceptions like Chef Beet, than the other tribes. As in… they are able to more easily discern ripe ingredients, the exact time it takes to cook something perfectly and some other things. So in day-to-day life, earth ponies are even with unicorns and pegasi if they don’t have a horn to levitate shit with.

Some colt, a long, long time ago discovered that earth ponies have significantly stronger hoof strength, as in they can literally use their hoof grip on the ground and casually pull up to four times their own body weight. Earth ponies, per kilo, are stronger than the other tribes. It doesn’t help that earth ponies are usually bigger than unicorns, which are then usually bigger than pegasi. With the exception of Rainbow, who is about Apple Jack’s height and build, even if it’s a sleeker build because of her being a pegasus, most pegasi are half a head shorter than a unicorn. An earth pony is usually two or three heads taller than a unicorn. Like side by side, Shining Armor’s huge for a unicorn, and then Big Mac's a just tiny bit…

Three hooves, or just a meter, taller than Shining. That is almost half a meter, mind you.

Though Big Mac and Shining are on the extremes of height.

By the way, I am vertically challenged, since I’m actually shorter than even Fluttershy, who’s what you can expect from a regular pegasus. Stature-wise at least.

Oh yeah, earth ponies. So earth ponies, if they are strong enough, which usually they are, can overpower most unicorns, even with magic, without a problem. Like, I think the only unicorn that can hold down Apple Jack is Twilight, and Twilight wouldn’t be able to do it forever. If Apple Jack were a murderer, thank god she isn’t, she could wait for days, when Twilight would be exhausted, and Apple Jack would still be as energetic as ever…

It wouldn’t end well for Twilight in this hypothetical scenario, lemme tell you.

Also earth ponies, mostly because of their usually longer legs and unintentional hoof grip, can run about thrice as fast as other tribes. Though Rainbow Dash, again is an exception. That mare is genuinely just really quick, a fast flier, fast runner, and just fast. Like she can keep up with Apple Jack in a lot of aspects, including strength, which is scary when you consider that Apple Jack is probably one of the most fit earth ponies I know.

Also, Rainbow Dash can fly faster than I can even perceive, so I’m doing my best to not piss her off.

Where was I again? Oh yeah! The running of the leaves.

So, there are two sides to the event, the foals and the adults. Usually there’s a competitive and casual version of each, but most of the ponies in Ponyville are very competitive, so there’s only a competitive version. There isn’t much of a reason for it, since next to nopony is going to be running in the casual side of the Running of the Leaves in Ponyville. Foals get their own, shorter track so if a foal falls, they aren’t getting trampled by at least forty other ponies. A foal running over a foal won’t leave the foal that got run over, very hurt. They'll probably be more annoyed about being stepped rather on than actually hurt. Maybe a bruise here or there… an earth pony slamming into a foal could easily crush a ribcage, or the foal’s…

Ok, no. I am not imagining that, because all I imagine is Button falling during the adult event. I do not like that visual. In fact, I don’t like thinking about it. Luckily, Button is nearby, so I can snuggle with him and keep that horrible sight out of my head. Anyways, since the Running of the Leaves happens just a little after Nightmare Night, or the last day of Button’s Fall Break, I figured we both should stay in town and partake. Button wanted to, I wanted to just walk through the woods, it was a win-win.

Celestia and Luna will be coming back tomorrow to spectate the race, thanks to an Eye Spy spell a unicorn, from out of town, was paid to use in order for non-runners to partake in the event. Twilight and her friends were competing, save… Okay, nevermind. Just Rainbow, Apple Jack, and Twilight were competing. Rarity doesn’t like the idea of running, or being sweaty. Pinkie is acting as a commentator, and Fluttershy doesn’t wanna run.

Button, along with my other students, would be running in the foal event simply because the winner of that event got a coupon for a free chocolate bar, a princess sized chocolate bar. From Sugarcube Corner that was honored once a week, for the next year. In other words, show up to Sugarcube Corner, get a huge chocolate bar for free. Come back next week, and get the same size bar. The other times, you would get a chocolate bar, just not a princess sized one. For you non-ponies, princess size is essentially those inconceivably big bars of candy you’d get on Halloween from the super rich person’s home.

The top ten winners of the adult event got medals, with first place also just getting forty bits. That was enough to feed yourself and your foal for a week, by the way. So it was a good amount, but not life changing.

I don’t plan on winning, I wanna just… walk through the woods.

That sounded like a fun, peaceful time.

Button and I had split up, with my kid being picked up by his little friends, and me heading on down to where the Running of the Leaves was taking place. Twilight and Spike left way before me and Button, because Twilight likes to Twilight and be super early, or exactly on schedule in her imaginary schedule. Overhead, I could hear a chariot being pulled through the air. Yeah, Celly and Lulu are in town to watch the event now. I was wondering when they’d show up.

Luna jumped out of the god damn chariot again! Luna! You fucking dork!

Well, I at least knew where Luna’s interest lied; she was flying towards where the foals’ Running of the Leaves was happening.

After a few minutes, I made it over to the starting line, or where everypony was meeting before we all had to be put at the starting line.

“There he is!" Oh god. Rainbow and Apple Jack were on me the moment I walked into the general vicinity of where they were, which was probably somewhere with Twilight if I’m not too mistaken. I looked around, looking dumb, wondering if I should just wander into the forest that has a bunch of what many from my world would call Ohio’s state flower, or a bunch of traffic cones, because that’s not where you’re supposed to run. Whitetail Woods and the Everfree Forest were actually one and the same, just one is serene, peaceful and actually a really lovely place to be.

The other will fuck you in every hole possible while Poison Joke laughs at you, a manticore is trying to eat you while a cockatrice is turning you into stone.

“Yeah, Ah was wondering if he’d show up after chickening out of the Iron Pony Competition!” AJ said. Now I was surrounded by two rather pretty mares, and I would be perfectly okay with that if it weren’t for three reasons. Okay, maybe two. Reason number one is Celly. I think Celly literally tried putting a collar on me to wear while I was in Ponyville without her, and asked really nicely if she could put it on me. My response was that it was for bedroom purposes only. The second reason… Well, we’re going to have a gander at my journal for that one lads.

So since I was staying in town, since it was just after Nightmare Night and the Running of the Leaves happened the day after, I thought it didn’t make sense for me and Button to go back to Canterlot just to get on a train and go back to Ponyville after not even a full two days back in town. So, because Twilight literally wouldn’t let me sleep in a hotel room if it killed her, I stayed with her and Spike at the library. During that day, Button spent most of the day crusading with the crusaders…

And ended up burning up a train set somehow while they were just playing around.

I decided to hangout with Apple Jack for the day, who happened to be hanging out with Rainbow Dash. The two of them were having a fun little competition thingy, or it wasn’t supposed to. We were just playing horseshoe toss… Man, I don’t think I’d see something I played as a lad with my siblings in a pony world, but I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, I wish I had my siblings to play with, but I think the Apples got my adoption forms finalized without me signing anything, since Apple Bloom just straight up called me uncle, and I also saw a ‘list of Unofficial Apples’.

I, along with most of Apple Jack’s friends, were on that list.

Rainbow Dash was the first one to have a go, throwing the thing just shy of the stake. The usual smacktalk between the two of them occurred, only for Apple Jack to come up short. I was just sitting on my butt, quietly waiting for my turn. I have a feeling that both the mares I’m with aren’t completely straight, but mare on mare relationships are common. It is really common for there to be a third, or fourth mare in a relationship along with a stallion so that they can have sexy times or whatever.

Eitherway, I think this is how these two flirt with each other, by beating each other in physical competition. It's an excuse for them to watch the other's 'sexy body' move.

“Dang, AJ,” I said as her shot landed shy of Rainbow’s throw. “That’s a darn shame, eh?”

“Shut up Source, like you could do better than either me, or, Rainbow. It would be fair, you’re a bit scrawny looking, and a fancy-smancy Canterlot-'' while Apple Jack was going on about something possibly racist, even if she didn’t mean to be racist, it’s all in good fun and everypony is probably just a little racist. I picked up a horse shoe with a hoof, since I couldn’t do the fancy ‘stomp on it and catch it with your teeth’ thing Apple Jack and Dash can do. I hummed, before tossing it, and nailing the stake with it. There was a clean ‘ding’ as it hit, and slid down the thing. I stared at it for a moment, before shrugging and sitting back down.

“Source,” AJ said slowly. “What?”

“Wuh?” I asked. AJ just snorted, before both Rainbow missed another throw, and AJ nailed it. I nailed my shot as well after throwing my horseshoe over my back for the fun of it.

“Damn. That was pretty cool, way cleaner than my first throw was,” I said with a smile.

“Source, are you secretly an athlete?” Rainbow asked. “You beat me and Apple Jack in this!”

“...I do some guard training every now and then. Sometimes Celestia kicks my ass, same with Luna. Most of the time I just…”

“Didn’t you beat a lot of unicorns by going physical during that der’ fancy tournament that you almost won?” Apple Jack asked.

“No, I did that to one pony that threatened to do some illegal stuff to Twilight. After that it was pure magic. Plus I don’t think any of the ponies I fought, besides Shining Armor, actually had combat experience, or whatever is floating around in my brain.” I am clinically stupid, and will run into a fight without thinking if pissed.

“Ah think we should test that out with an Iron Pony Competition,” Apple Jack said. “You say yer in the guard or something, so you’ve gotta have some muscle, city boy.” I blinked a few times. Dude, all I did was play a game I played a lot as a lad, what the heck is an Iron Pony competition? I stared blankly as it was set up. Oh, it’s a strength competition… You know, I think I may go into the Everfree Forest and do some more testing with dark magic. I hummed before engulfing myself in DragonFire and flying off, as fast as I could, into the aforementioned forest, and landed at Celly’s old castle.

That’s where I spent the rest of the day until I remembered I had to pick up Button from Rarity’s place after he was done playing with his friends.

“Hi?” I said. I might be tempted to go back into the Everfree Forest.

“You chickened out of that Iron Pony contest, Source,” Rainbow said plainly. “It was mostly to see who was better between me and Apple Jack, and it would’ve been interesting to see how you would do!”

“Sorry, I don’t speak Equish.” I said in my most English accent I could muster. Since I was Irish, it didn’t work very well.

“...What?”

“I do not know what you are saying.” I paused, before doing my best to actually speak in Irish, which really confused the shit out of both mares. I knew like five words, so halfway through I wasn’t even speaking in a language, it was just a bunch of noise, mixed in with the occasional Spanish or French word to make it seem like a different language.

“...Source, what the heck was that?”

“I dunno. So why does it matter if you guys know how athletic I am? I just left because I didn’t wanna partake in the yellow pony thing, or whatever. And also I don’t like performing in front of crowds unless I have something like whisky to put hair on my chest and make me forget what the heck is going on. That, which isn’t legal to do in actual competitions, or I just tune out the crowd and hope for the best.” I hummed before shrugging. “Either way, I’m not a competitive pony, I don’t care about athletic stuff. What was meant to be a day where I hung out with two of my favorite ponies, ended up being what looked like a shit show, so I decided to just leave.”

“...Oh. Wait, two of your favorites… ponies?” Apple Jack asked.

“Yeah, you have Rainbow beat by just a hair for me. Both of y’all, despite not being stallions, are proper bros. I was having a dandy-ol’ time ‘til the Iron Pony thing became a thing…” I shrugged. “Feck it, just go race each other and prove you’re the best, or whatever. I’m gonna be taking my time to stop and smell the roses during this race. Life goes by way too quickly to not enjoy just a walk through the forest, after all.” They both blinked at that.

Rainbow was the first to speak. “You just said the cheesiest thing ever. Didn’t you start dating Princess Celestia after… like four months of knowing her?”

“Yeah. Sometimes I take things quick, other times close my eyes, breathe in slowly, and let my troubles go for a bit. This seems like a good time for that.”

The airhorn, dunno how they got one of those, but Pinkie is confusing. Everypony but Twilight started making a mad dash, and Twilight started just trotting along. I waited until Twilight was long, long out of sight before I started walking too. I started humming the Humours of Whisky while I happily started trotting through Whitetail woods. The forest floor was nicely covered in the shade of every tree, with the occasional, orange or yellow leaf on the floor. As I looked around, a leaf or three would slowly fall to the ground.

I literally did stop and smell a few roses… Celly said roses did taste good, so I even took a bite.

It was… weird. Tasted like a very, very light velvet cake. Yeah, that’s good. The leaves ahead of me were trampled, likely by the dozens of other runners in the competition. The sound of leaves crunching under hoof satisfied the stupid child in me that liked stepping on leaves during autumn, because I was a stupid little kid that really liked stepping on leaves. Eitherway, I was enjoying myself. Along the way, I would occasionally find Rainbow Dash or Apple Jack doing something that could be considered cheating, or a pony who had tired themselves out and was panting, laying flat on their side under a tree. Other than that I never saw another pony. I once caught a very short glimpse of Twilight’s tail, but then I stopped to admire a small little stream. It wasn’t a big, raging river, it was just a small, serene little stream.

The sound of water slightly bouncing off the occasional stone in the river, the occasional, very small fish that would jump out of the water… It was beautiful. It wasn’t meant to be the loudest kid in the room, or the prettiest thing in the world, but just… something about a small stream that is nice to watch. After a minute of staring, I kept on walking, before noting that something… landed on my back. It was a small little bluejay that was happily chirping. It pecked the back of my ear, which almost made me mad…

Then it turned out it just grabbed a tick off my mane. The bluejay flew away right after, so I guess he decided ‘screw this guy’.

I closed my eyes and allowed the noise of the forest flow through me as I began to ponder my place in the world. Once some Irish kid that had to grow up too quickly, now I’m a prince consort, even if I’m not married to Celly yet, I’ve got a kid, which is just shocking… I’m friends with a bunch of wonderful people… But it just feels wrong. I hate being a horse. I hate not being able to tell me Mum not being able to compliment me on my cooking, or my siblings screaming. I miss being human. With my eyes closed, I can almost, almost pretend that I was the wee lil’ lad walking to school on a nice, peaceful day in Ireland after it stopped raining… okay, that’s a lie.

It never stops raining in Ireland.

Aside from that though, this whole experience is- Something bumped into me and sent me sprawling towards the ground.

“Feck,” I grunted. My opened to the tails of Rainbow and Apple Jack, a small dust crowd trailing them, and them yelling at each other… They sound like a married couple. I got up, brushed myself off and kept on trotting until I ended up catching up to Twilight, who had just passed a fairly worn out Rainbow and Apple Jack, who were resting, using each other as pillows, and totally not cuddling, under a cherry tree. I trotted up to Twilight’s side after catching up and waved.

“Howdy Twi, how’s the Running of the Leaves, eh?”

“It’s going great! I’ve been able to note at least fourteen different subspecies of birds, four different types of leaves, along with four different trees to go with it. This is really nice! How’s the race going for you?”

“Takin’ things slow. I will admit, I did wait until everypony else was far ahead of me before I got started to have some time to myself and think,” I eyed the Eye Spy windows. “Think about things I won’t be saying, and… yeah. This takes me back to my days as a lad, walking to school with a jug of poitin. That’s alcohol for you, Twi.” Twilight’s eyes widened. “I’m Irish, lass, eh?” I let my accent loosen up. “I can out drink an alicorn. Been drinkin’ since I was a wee little lad.” I made my point by teleporting a shot of whisky and downing it. “Not even close to getting drunk.” I looked dead at the Eye Spy. “Luna, you still owe me fourteen bits for outdrinking you.”

I am going to get thwacked over the head for that later.

“Oh… right. Can you tell me about Ireland?”

“It was a rainy, shitty island in the middle of nowhere. What else is there to say?”

“...Do you hate home?”

“Nah. Wish I could go home, but I don’t wanna leave anypony in Equestria. Real dilemma, aye?”

“Yeah… I miss being in Canterlot, and at least that’s only a short trip in the hot air balloon, or a train ride away.”

“Meh, enough about the depressing topics, aight?” I cleared my throat. “How many ponies have you passed? I’ve counted a good ten, at least, that were tuckered out under a bush somewhere… I think. You’re a better observationalist than I am.”

“I think currently, we are tied for fourth. If you’d like, I can give you the win. I’ve already ‘put you to shame’ in a majority of the magic competitions during the convention.”

“I’m not competitive. Fifth place still gets a ribbon. I say we tie, we bisect our ribbons, and then combine them with magic and roll with that.”

“Works for me.”

We ended up tying and doing just that. Button, having finished in third, behind Scootaloo, Apple Bloom won first. Speaking of, I was just laying in the grass, having five tired foals panting, tongues hanging out the side of their muzzles, resting on my side. Dinky, god bless her soul, came dead last, since like her mother, she isn’t the most coordinated filly in the room. None of the foals besides Scootaloo, and even she didn’t really care, cared about what place they came in. Apple Bloom agreed to split the prize with the rest of her friends anyways, since the princess-sized candy bars were almost as big as her whole head.

It was unanimously agreed that, even if Apple Bloom wanted to eat that much chocolate, she couldn’t, so she’d probably end up giving the rest of the bar to Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, or Dinky, so they just ended up deciding to split the big-ass bar four, or five ways if Button was in town, each week. Or use the chocolate to try and get a baking cutie mark in various different baked, chocolate goods.

Thwack.

“I do not owe thee fourteen bits, Source. Do you understand how much my head ached until I healed myself?” Luna asked. I was snuggled up into her side, since Celly agreed to being the ‘stand, smile and wave’ princess today. I was fine with cuddling either even if cuddling with Celly was a treat, Luna was still a good cuddle buddy. Leave it to the oldest ponies in existence to know how to snuggle, I suppose. “I drank liters of whisky.”

“And I drank four times as you did.”

“...Buck you, Source.”

“Dad, why didn’t you let me try any whisky? You sang a whole song about how good it was.”

“Because you aren’t fully Irish, just by law you are if you can sing the Rocky Road to Dublin while drunk. Unfortunately, I ain’t letting you drink until you’re fourteen at the earliest, and that’s assuming Celly will let you. She definitely won’t. When you get old enough, yes, you and your old man will sit on a roof somewhere and sip on some whisky.”

“I still do not understand what the buck is in your system to let you drink so much,” Luna grumbled.

“Potatoes, whisky, and rain water. And pure joy. That makes an Irish Man.” I leaned back. “I’m going to make some mash when we get home. Dunno how the buck I’ll make gravy, but I’ll try my best…” Or not. Mash isn’t complete without some good gravy, and you can’t really make gravy without meat… shrooms. I am going to make mushroom gravy. We watched as AJ and Dash finally crossed the finish line after a solid hour of waiting. They came in dead last; third to last showed up a solid thirty minutes before them. To their credit, they didn’t look worse for wear even if they were covered in scratches and dirt.

I tuned out the cheesy friendship lesson that they learnt, and continued to just lie in the grass to continue enjoying the nice, cool autumn breeze as it ruffled through my fur. Soon, it ended up with just me, Button, Celly and Lulu laying in the grass in a little pony pile. It wasn’t fit for two princesses to lay in the grass, but I think my two favorite alicorns were starting to open up to the idea of acting less like a symbol of perfection since I’ve come around.

Occasionally some asshole would come by with a camera, snap a photo and run while whispering about their latest story. None of us cared. Well, I did, but like… Celly started licking the inside of my ears. Luna quickly caught on, and swiped my kid to lick the inside of his ears. Within minutes, Celly was humming in delight while I was grooming her.

This was a good day. I’m having fun.

Author's Note

next chapter, Hearth's Warming and the Gala.

Hearth's Warming

So, as it turns out, nothing of importance actually happens in December besides the Grand Galloping Gala. After October, which ended on Running of the Leaves, halfway through November, exactly when Americans typically would be celebrating Thanksgiving, marks the first day of winter. Then at the end of the month, Hearth’s Warming happens. Since it was Hearth’s Warming, and Twilight’s perfectly ratioed group of friends who were national heroes at this point, were going to be performing in a play the day after Hearth’s Warming. This was great, since the immediate families of every one of Twilight’s friends were going to be joining me, Celly, and Luna during a small dinner after we had our own, smaller scale celebration.

I had already written up a special version of the textbook to Python for Button. I planned on giving Luna a rewrite of Star Wars upon hearing her interests in it when I described it to her. No, I didn’t ponify it, I literally rewrote Star Wars, and filled in the blanks of my stupid memory, and planned on giving it to Luna. Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle were receiving copies of Where the Red Fern Grows that I originally rewrote for personal enjoyment, since that was one of the few stories I remembered by heart.

I bought Solar Strike a fancy bottle of whisky.

Now, I’m saying all of this because… I don’t know what to get Celly. She said that just my company was enough, but I want to give her something. I wanted to do something for her, but I don’t know what to do, or what to give her. She’s the Princess, and I wanted her gift to be unique. She’s borrowed my first copy of Where the Red Fern Grows and had already read it and subsequently banned me from letting her read any of the more depressing stories of humanity. She enjoyed it, she loved every moment she read it even if it didn’t take her very long. I could get her a dog, but that wouldn’t be a good idea.

Like me, dogs are stupid, and annoying. Dogs also tend to not live too long past a decade, on Earth at least. Equus dogs apparently have longer life spans, but that doesn’t matter when Celly literally has been alive for thousands of years. Maybe I can somehow get her a timber wolf. I’d have to get a puppy and teach it not to- no, no, no. It might eat Button, and if it ate Button, I think I might burn down the entirety of Canterlot before promptly throwing myself off the mountain. I could… no. Actually, why am I getting her a pet? Philomena was the perfect pet for Celly, eternal life, mischievous, and just as sweet and loving as her owner.

Plus Philomena was sitting on my shoulder, watching me grasp the sides of my head while I stared at a list of scrapped present ideas.

“Philomena, you’ve known Celly for almost as long as Luna, what would you give Celly?” I asked.

“Chirp!” She started preening her ears.

“Thank you for nothing, you useless avian,” I sighed. “Fuck me, mate, how do I give something to the mare that has everything…?" I paused. I can make ice cream cake. I can make Celly cake… I don’t know how to make ice cream cake, and ice cream isn’t something kept on standby in the royal kitchens- who the heck am I kidding? I’ve seen Celly and Luna pack away tubs upon tubs, upon tubs of ice cream before, so they clearly had a source. With that in mind, I decided to make two types of cake, namely, cupcakes for the party, and then a princess sized ice cream cake for Celly… okay, maybe I’ll make a third cake in-case Luna gets jealous and wants to try out some ice cream cake.

“Philomena, I know what we’re gonna do today-” she was gone. Dammit. SHE BETTER NOT TELL CELLY MY IDEA, I SWEAR TO GOD!

Anyways, I will have to wait until the party to present Celly with the present. I think Celly may actually just be happy to snuggle up with me, maybe hangout under some mistletoe, and maybe, maybe have some sexy times. Celly doesn’t seem like a very materialistic mare, and seems to care more about being able to spend time with the ponies she loved rather than receiving gifts. That doesn’t mean I won’t give Celly an ice cream cake. Mmm… I am not used to Christmas shopping. Yes, Christmas shopping, despite them both being celebrated for very, very different reasons, Hearth’s Warming and Christmas were basically the same.

Same colors of green and red, candy canes were a thing and were handed out more often during both, gifts were given out, and it was an excuse for everypony to take off work, get together with their families, and have some good food. With that said… I dunno how to actually feel about celebrating it. On one hand, I couldn’t bring my human family. On one hoof, I had my pony family consisting of Celly, Lulu, and Button… mmm… I dunno. Anywho, one thing that was different about Christmas and Hearth’s Warming was mistletoe.

Mistletoe was just a thing you hung on your door. I wanted to start the human side of it, and smooch Celly in front of everypony. That would be really funny, and I just want an excuse to kiss Celly. I don’t need one, but kissing Celly sounded fun, and introducing some silly human customs sounds like an awesome idea. So that was what I was going to do. I already bought some mistletoe, unreefed, and had the ingredients needed to make the ice cream cake. Now all I needed to do…

Actually, I was going to spend tonight with Solar Strike, my guard friend. I don’t often get to spend a full day with him, since he has an actual job that requires him to be on the clock most of the time. It was a pre-Hearth’s Warming Eve party at a bar with the rest of his guard friends. I’ll get to baking the cake, after I get over my hangover, tomorrow. I put my last present down, the one for Button, after I wrapped it. I did end up just rewriting, with a lot of minor redubbing due to my stupid memory, How to Train Your Dragon, not the novel version. No, I tried my best to rewrite the movie version into a novel… so I guess it was a novelized version of the movie.

I don’t know, but it was at least something, and a story from another world that I loved. I even took the time to squeeze the whole trilogy into it… No, I wasn’t working on it for a while now and decided to just give it to Celly for the sake of giving her something on Hearth’s Warming… You know, if I were dating Luna and published what I rewrote, I probably would’ve sprouted bat wings.

Unfortunately, I am dating the better princess, if you like heated pillows, and rewrite a lot of human stories just for personal enjoyment of having something from home, as inaccurate as it is to the original. If I knew how to write music, I’d be doing the same with my favorite songs.

Anyway, I was already walking out of the castle, having met up with Solar Strike and his buddies. They were talking about having a drinking contest with bets… Free bits are free bits, I guess. I was once the Drift King in college and usually only won games of Mario Kart after drinking copious amounts of booze. I was just kinda tagging along and hanging with Solar while the rest of his buddies bumped into each other and laughed.

“So,” one of the guards, Shield Basher, I think. He’s a big, brown earth pony that probably gets by via bashing a shield into ponies’, or various other creatures’ skulls. “Why are we bringing the princess’s consort? Isn’t he supposed to… y’know, smile and wave next to Celly on Hearth’s Warming during the play?” Basher asked.

“Hey now,” I said. “I’m not officially her consort yet, just her coltfriend… mmm, I already did propose to her, and I was going to publicly do it at the Gala. Anywho, I’m here because Solar invited me along, and I get along fine with most of the guards for some reason, even if I don’t know the reason why.”

“Well,” Basher hummed. “You are pretty scary,” I blinked at that and raised an eyebrow. “Prince Blueblood is a known duelist and can even bat around earth ponies with some of his spells. If he were in the guard, he would genuinely rank up in somewhere in the top twenty of the strongest unicorns… and you hoof handled him. You beat him so badly that he actively avoids you and even asks for twenty four hour surveillance to make sure you aren’t a threat to anypony.”

“Weird. All I do is hangout with Celly in the morning and evenings, and sometimes bother Luna. Sometimes I come by and get some combat training, and then the rest of my time is spent with Button or teaching my students down in Ponyville. I’m not that much of a threat as long as nopony harms the ponies I care about. It just so happens that Blueblood struck first, and while I don’t care much about myself, Celly does, and she would be pretty distraught if I ended up in the hospital, so I kicked Blueblood’s shit in. He’s an asshat, and had it coming anyways.”

“I know, but still, you can easily, easily manhandle actually trained unicorns with your fancy-spancy spell system. You’re not only the Princess’s consort, but also her student, so it makes sense. You’re just bucking scary, dude. And then some guards were watching you test out that fire thingy you do, and watched you scorch the rock and almost turn said rock into obsidian with how hot the flames were.” Basher hummed. “Though right now, you seem… overly docile. You don’t seem to care.”

“I’m with guards, who likely won’t hurt me, or let me get hurt. One of said guards is one of my closest friends, and I’m gonna get some whisky. Of course I’m gonna be docile. Just don’t threaten to kick my kid’s head in, and I won’t shove your head up your ass. Sounds fair?”

Basher shrugged. “I guess…”

“I watched as a griffin almost shot him and Button with a crossbow,” Solar chimed in. “Apparently whatever he was getting ready to do, was so bucked up, that he summoned the princess to take care of the problem for him.”

“...You were there?!” I asked.

“I saw you get angry, dude. I ain’t getting in between an angry Source Code and whatever he’s mad at.”

“...Fair enough. You coulda swiped my kid and booked it for the palace though.”

“I… also wanted to watch you beat the snot out of that griffin. Damn featherbrained idiot, if most of the guard hadn’t lost you, he would’ve had at least sixteen of us piling on him.” Solar grumbled.

“That was racist, but whatever. Important thing is, Celly took care of it, so nopony really got hurt. Dunno what happened to the griffin, but whatever.” I hummed. “Where are we going, anyways?”

“Somewhere called the Fire Phoenix, it’s a bar run by a retired guard, and usually stays open extra late during the holiday weeks; it’s so we guards can calm down and unwind.” Solar explained. He then started grinning like an idiot. “You and I are gonna have a drinking competition, I will make so many bits off of you.”

“...Alright. Just gonna say, I’ve outdrank Luna, so… have fun with that.”

“So the princesses are lightweight drinkers-”

“Alcohol is a weak poison, my man. Alicorns are pretty resistant to poison. Do the math.”

“...Could you, and would you, outdrink Princess Celestia?”

“I’ve been having whisky with me food since I was ten, mate, I can handle my booze. Dunno about you, though.”

“Solar, kick his ass in that competition,” Basher said. “I may have a gander and join in too. Loser pays for the drinks.

The party was pretty kickass, we had drinks, I won the drinking contest, and Basher started spooning Solar at some point during the night. Luckily, I was still mostly sober, not really, so I ended up dragging Basher, since he had an iron grip on his chosen cuddle buddy, and dragged them back to the castle. In the morning they would be shipped off to their families for the holidays, and I have a Celestia and a Button to wake up with in the morning. I may not be the best coltfriend in the world, or the best father, but am I really gonna deny those two waking up on Christmas Eve without me?

No. When the three of us wake up together, for once, it's a treat. So we're going to take up together on Hearth's Warming.

Or Hearth’s Warming if you want to be more technical. I left Solar and Basher in a bed together, I couldn’t get Basher off of my poor unicorn friend to save my life, no matter how hard I tried, Basher wanted his snuggle buddy. He may have been a cuddler back when he was a foal, and I wouldn’t blame him for enjoying snuggles. I’m just not sure if drunkenly spooning Solar was welcomed by a sober Solar or not. Since I couldn’t do much else, I teleported to Celly’s bedchambers where she and Button had just settled down for bed.

“Hey Sunshine,” I said, teleporting my toothbrush, with some toothpaste on it. I started brushing my teeth as I teleported a cup to me, full of water, and rinsed my mouth. I yawned and laid down now that my mouth didn’t reek of whisky.

“Good evening, Source. I see you got home early from your night with your friends?”

“Yeah, we had a drinking competition as soon as we sat down and I figured leaving them in a bar, even if it’s run by, and is for, guards wouldn’t be a good idea. So I took them home early before I got too drunk.”

“Dad, your accent is really thick. The last time it was this thick, you outdrank Auntie Luna.”

“That is correct, Button. Source, how much did you drink?”

“Four liters! I may have lost count after my drinking buddies passed out around their first pint.” I grinned like an idiot. “I won fifteen bits, eh?” Celestia shook her head, before nuzzling me.

“Please stop exploiting your friends for bits; you knew that those bits were yours as soon as they placed bets on a drinking competition.”

“Yeah… I didn’t take the bits because… my friends were blackout drunk. With that said, though, I’ll act like we just did it for fun. I don’t need the bits, and seeing Solar getting spooned was worth winning. Button, when you grow up and get drunk with your friends, don’t take advantage of the fact that they’re drunk to do things to them. Trust me.”

“Okay Dad…” Button got up from Celly’s belly, to make room for me, before he climbed up on top of my back after I laid down, and nuzzled his face into my mane, while being almost squished between Celly and me.

“G’night, Dad, g’night, Mom.” With that, he was out like a lion.

“I am so, so gonna tease him for snoring like a kitten.” Celly giggled.

The next day, I thought we were gonna unwrap and open our presents, but it turns out that that was supposed to be a thing that happened during dinner on Hearth’s Warming, after everypony ate of course. I’ve never celebrated Hearth’s Warming, so I guess that’s something different than Christmas, since usually as soon as Christmas Eve, the presents were fair game in my house, and you can open them whenever. Then again, ponies have some weirdly strong self control when it comes to this, but then have horrible self control when it comes to something random like cake.

I’m looking at you, Celly, you ate my cupcake when I wasn’t looking once. I love you, but I was looking forward to that.

We all ended up piling into the kitchen, because I tried sneaking off in order to make a bunch of baked goods, and a bunch of human foods for dinner. Just because the Apples were bringing more than enough food for everypony, doesn’t mean they were the only ones bringing food. We were all supposed to bring at least one dish, and then treat it like an all you can eat buffet. I wanted to let most of my friends experience some human stuff, even if it was a bootlegged, vegetarian version of what I would’ve experienced as a lad. I know Celly and Luna were definitely trying to steal any table scraps, especially if some of those table scraps were cake.

Button was just happy to sit on my head while watching me bake, and even got to sample a cupcake. Since he was behaving, he did get to sample another cheese stick, since he might or might not be addicted to them.

“So, why are you doing this?” Celestia asked. “The Apples agreed to cater our giant, family dinner this evening. I’m sure nopony would miss some cake-HEY!” I sprayed her again because I saw her get ready to eat the cake I made for Luna, after I already got done with Celestia’s cake. Luckily, ponies are similar to cats in a way, they sit like cats, groom themselves like cats in private, and react very similarly to a cat, except ponies can actually talk so they can curse you out for spraying them.

“Well, I wanted to at least provide desert, along with a few, quick and easy human snacks. Namely nachos, my dad’s lasagna and potato fries.” Along with various other snacks. “I realized that I can’t make ice cream cake very well, let alone know how to make it. So I made the next best thing. Stop eating your sister’s cake, you see the bigger one with vanilla and chocolate ice cream, that I enchanted, to not melt, next to it?

“I made that one for you, and the other one’s for Luna. See how I made a metric assload of cupcakes that look like smaller versions of Luna’s cake? Those are for everypony else during dinner tonight. So maybe don’t eat your sister’s cake.”

“Oh…”

“So can I sample this one?” Luna asked, pointing at her cake. She behaved herself, so I agreed to letting her sample a small bite of her cake. At my nod, she took a very, very small bite. Her cake was topped with strawberries, since I know she loves those. Celly’s had blueberries and raspberries topping it. Luna’s eyes slowly widened as her pupils grew to match her eyes’ new size. She stared at it, before slowly looking up at me, and replacing her shocked eyes with puppy eyes.

“Please, please become my personal chef! A lot of your human snacks are tasty and you haven’t shown anypony to make them besides Chef Beet!”

“...Mmm.” I hummed. “Nah.”

“You’re lucky that I said I wouldn’t assault you during the holidays, you ungrateful whelp. Does all those times that I groomed you while you were sleeping fly over your head? Or my loving hugs? How could you forget those!? All I ask in return for my loving hugs are those cheese sticks…” Button was just watching the three oldest ponies in the room be bumfuck retarded, and I think he finds it amusing, or thinks it’s funny. He could also just think we’re nuts and is wondering what the buck he got into when I adopted him…

Or he’s shocked that his adoptive mother and aunt are fucking weird. There’s no way that Button would think I’m weird, right? I’m his Dad!

“Mmm… that’s a shame. I’ll make you them whenever I’m able and you want some, Luna. I, and Chef Beet stopped trusting you with cooking anything after you somehow burnt the inside of the oven so badly that it had to be replaced. So I won’t be showing you how to cook those little snacks.”

“Fine. You get one less loving hug during Hearth’s Warming, though.”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to massage Celly and Button tomorrow. Ah man.” Luna’s ears shot up.

“You. Wouldn’t. Dare. Deny. Me. A. Massage.”

“Lulu, with how you talk about this stuff in front of me, I would assume you were taking my coltfriend away from me for no reason.” Celestia pointed out.

“But he said he would try to massage all of us! He promised!”

“Celly, your sister is a psycho,” I was now wrapped in a ‘loving lunar love from Luna hug’ as Luna started giving me reasons to not take her massage away. Button had vacated my head in the process and now was sitting on Celly’s back while I was desperately trying to break free from my in-law’s vice-like loving hug.

Everypony started funneling into the dining hall that we were going to be using for all the festivities of dinner tonight. The dining hall was dressed up in various things, a Hearth’s Warming tree was in the corner, a huge one that almost touched the ceiling of the room, with presents littered underneath it, boxes covered in reds and blues and yellows and greens. The crusaders were running around, sadly they couldn’t bring Dinky along, since this was a dinner for the Elements of Harmony Bearer’s families. So I couldn’t somehow get a message out to Trixie, or invite anypony else to it.

I wanted to finally, and actually, talk to Derpy, Dinky’s mother. Apparently everypony around Ponyville loves Derpy, despite her clumsiness may or may not be a little destructive.

Everypony was seated around the room, at various tables placed throughout the rooms. Most of the parents of the Bearers were chatting, since go figure, most of them lived in Ponyville and happily got along; it was like talking to that one neighbor you actually would invite over for dinner. The Bearers were happily spending time with their parents and family, especially Twilight due to both of her parents obviously being from Canterlot. Cadance and Shiny were here, Cadance was snuggled up under Luna’s wing while the two were seemingly geeking out over a Daring Do book, something that surprised me; Luna didn’t seem like the mare that would enjoy such a simple book.

Shining was currently noogying Twilight, much to his sister’s chagrin of being babied in front of all her friends. Fluttershy’s brother, I didn’t know she had one, looked like one of the most sad looking ponies I’ve ever seen. Skinny, tall, and was lazing about in the corner of the room after removing some of the decorations in that corner so he could ‘have somewhere comfy to lay down’. His eyes were also locked on Rainbow’s backside while she was simply laying down and animatedly chatting with Apple Jack.

I was fortunate in the fact that I… was also just sitting in my own corner of the room. Celly was chatting with Twilight Velvet, Twilight’s mother, Button was being distracted by his little friends. Everypony else was off enjoying themselves, and… I couldn’t find it in myself to actually enjoy what was happening. Sure, there was a bit of pride when Apple Jack decided to sample some nachos that I made, and proceeded to snatch a decent chunk of them for herself. I was… just an observer. Really, an outsider.

It felt bad to say, but I kinda just showed up one day and inserted myself into everypony’s life. I’m sure everypony would be just a little better off if I never showed up… save Button, growing up in an orphanage is not good for your mental health. I would give anything to be able to introduce Celly to my Mum, or to see my sister squeal and subsequently pull Luna into a loving hug. I hummed, before shaking those thoughts away. I should probably just quit being a sad, little bitch and go enjoy the dinner.

I would’ve if a pink blur didn’t land beside me.

“Hey, Source, what’s with the sad look on your face? You should be happy!” Pinkie said, wrapping me in a hug.

“I’m just having an episode, Pinks, trust me, I was just about to get up and go kiss Celly under some mistletoe…” I chuckled. “I was remembering what I’ve lost with my…”

“Not so sudden appearance here?” Pinkie asked. I nodded. “Well… I did some research and realized that you only really started existing in Equestria around the start of this year, and you said some weird things and had a weird dictionary. Obviously the look of hurt in your eyes when Rarity mentioned your siblings means that…” Pinkie looked left and right. “Another world. With that said, go, go enjoy the party, Source. I know, I know what leaving your family behind feels like.” I looked around to note that none of Pinkie’s relatives were spread around the room. Pinkie soon adopted a very serious look on her face.

“Go be happy, Source. There’s a reason why I spend so much energy on trying to make everypony smile, after all. Just smile, go kiss your marefriend, and have some whisky; I know that’ll raise your mood a lot!” Her usual Pinkie self smiled brightly when she noticed that I was getting ready to go do just that. “Make sure to open my present, Cody! I’m sure you’ll be super, duper happy about it!” I nodded. Pinkie soon dashed off to the otherside of the room, where Luna was, before promptly snatching her away.

…Pinkie and Luna get along way too well, judging by those mischievous grins.

I meandered around the room, before sneaking up on Celly. “Celly,” I said, levitating the mistletoe over our heads. The mare in question, lacking her regalia, spun around from her conversation with Twilight Sparkle. Not the mother, the Mom was currently showing baby pictures of Shiny off to Rainbow Dash who was laughing her ass off at the poor stallion’s expense. Cadance was also with them, snickering at the picture of Shining Armor with a literal mouthful of dirt because he heard that that’s where plants got their food from once.

“Source! I thought you walked out on dinner, I was trying to find you!” I raised an eyebrow at that.

“You were?”

“Of course. I wanted nothing more than to spend today and tomorrow with my special somepony, I know this holiday… might’ve brought up some unpleasant memories. Button was also hoping you could put on a little show for everypony with your magic…” She looked overhead, when she realized my horn was glowing. “Oh. I thought you were preparing a prank for me.”

“No, I wouldn’t dump ice water on you today of all days. I’d do that during court though on a hot day, that’d be hilarious.” I shook my head. “So, there’s a thing I wanna do with you, Sun Butt,” everypony in hearing distance, that wasn’t one of Twilight’s friends, snapped to me. The Apples didn’t bat an eye either; they were already aware of my relationship to Celly. Twilight Velvet in particular looked shocked at that.

“Now, young colt, that is no way to speak with the princess. Are you perhaps her servant…?”

“Ah, Celly, you didn’t say anything about me?”

“No, we were both embarrassing Twilight with some silly retellings of her misadventures as a filly,” oh, that would explain Twilight’s blush. I teleported a thing of whisky to me before taking a sip. “Source, what are you planning?”

“Remember my homeland?” Celestia nodded. “We have a tradition involving mistletoe on a holiday very similar to Hearth’s Warming… long story short, mistletoe is above both our heads. That means we kiss.” I levitated myself with my own magic, something that shocked the unicorns, that weren’t Rarity, Twilight, or Shining who were used to my bullshit. “So c’mere,” I kissed Celly right on the lips. At first Celly ‘oh’d at my sudden advancement, before giggling and kissing back full throttle(if you know what I mean). We were there for a solid minute, before we pulled apart.

“I think I like that tradition if that is the result of you sharing it with me,” Celly giggled, and… she’s blushing. She took my whisky and took a swig. “I believe the two of us may be busy later tonight… Cadance,” the alicorn was only a few meters away from us, watching with a huge smile on her face. “Would you be a dear and watch Button tonight? I don’t think he would want to be around for some of the things I have planned for my coltfriend.”

“Of course, Auntie!” Cadance said.

We both turned back to Twilight Velvet sputtering while her daughter was rubbing her back and smirking.

“Twilight, you were equally ready to lose your shit after you watched me and Sunny kiss for the first time.”

“I know, but it’s just funny seeing you shock my mom like that. Usually she’s a lot more collected than this.” Night Light was chuckling, watching his wife. I think I know who Celly told who she was dating, Night Light was the only parent present that wasn’t shocked at the sight of Princess Celestia, being called Sun Butt and being kissed in an almost public event like this.

Celly and I ended up sharing that bottle of whisky throughout the dinner, and I ended up showing off a few spells for everypony at Button’s requests… then Celly ended up dragging me off in the middle of one of the spells and out of the dining hall. Up to our bedchambers. We hadn’t even gotten to opening the presents yet! Celly might be a little… excited after drinking enough whisky to get her tipsy. No, she wasn’t exactly drunk, it took way more to get her to that point, but she was clearly a little addled by the booze. I was too, but only because I had three more bottles than Celly did.

Oh my god, Celly owns thigh high stockings, what the fuck. What the actual fuck. Why am I excited?

I guess Hearth’s Warming is gonna be pretty damn awesome!

Author's Note

So I was going to combine the Grand Galloping Gala and Hearth's Warming Eve together, but then I made the first scene... two thousand words long. Yeah at that point I knew I couldn't get away with combining the two events.

Post Gala Trauma... Oh potatoes!

After having a nice, long extended bath with Celly, since we were reeking of… fluids. Yeah, we helped each other out of our suits… this is all a family friendly way of saying we fucked, and we fucked each other hard and long. That was a pretty fun night, even if Celly and I got started late into the night. I was given a letter by a third party unicorn institute that was from something called the ‘mage tower’. It was a premiere unicorn school with a ton, ton of different branches. Each branch each specialized in different types of magic, from straight up rituals right down to Runes, to spell development.

The mage tower was essentially the pony equivalent of the Jedi Temple, just not genocided by an edgy teenager. And also more specialized classes depending on what each individual unicorn excelled in, and if a unicorn was good enough, got a personal teacher to constantly have one on one lessons. It was almost like being the star pupil of Celestia, or straight up being able to attend Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.

The high counsel, a set of unicorns, nine old old unicorns that were essentially ‘gandmasters’ of their respective ‘subsystems’ as I’ve been calling it. There were three ‘main’ schools of magic, Hybrid, Runes, and Physical spells, and then there were these subsystems. Because while these three systems were the backbone for a majority of spells, each excelled for different reasons.

Runes were heavily, heavily used in RItuals, a subsystem.

The nine subsystems of magic consisted of:

Rituals. This type of magic was once used to control the day and night. The problem is that it can take a lot of ponies to cast a single ritual spell depending on the magnitude of magic needed to perform it.

Necromancy. Dead people magic, woohoo. It’s not legal.

Portal Magic. What it says on the tin.

Beast Magic. What it says on the tin.

Chi. Inner magic and inner power. Blah, blah blah, inner peace.

Enchantmenting/Enchantments. Also a Rune heavy system, can be used to enchant objects, and is what most ‘buffing’ and ‘debuffing’ spells come from.

Conjuration. Make shit from other shit.

Elemental. A skilled user can easily cause an earthquake. Think of water, fire, earth, and air bending.

Battle magic. Technically not a subskill, but typically taught anyways just in case.

They were hoping to reach out to me for a while now, but never knew how, namely because I never had an official place of residence ever. I was interested in Portal Magic, not gonna lie. If it’s possible, I could find a way to go back home and at least say… No, nevermind, I could end up in the ocean and die. It was still interesting and I wanted to learn it. Apparently it’s rare for a pony to be skilled in all nine subsystems. Even Twilight wasn’t a ‘master’ in any one of these categories even if she was probably proficient in all of them, save for necromancy.

WIth that said, I was proficient in Battle Magic, Enchantments, and had some very, very weak idea of conjuration with my ability to transform body parts on a dime.

Though if I took the time, I could mash all nine systems into Python and not worry about being skilled in each category, even if I wasn’t particularly amazing at magic, my skill set was simply for what I needed. Python just helped make use of what little power I did have to make use of whatever knowledge I’ve got. For instance, I have a light shield, which is really just a diagnostic spell barrier constantly running. It quickly makes a shield if it detects anything getting through it. The shield is usually custom tailored to whatever is trying to break through the light shield. For instance, a weak stun spell gets grounded up, saving the light shield from casting an actual shield.

A stronger spell such as anything Celly throws my way? It teleports me out the way and tells me where the spell came from. From there I decide if I should DragonFire the fuck out of there, or fight back. I’ve learnt my mistake from Shining; the Light Shield more or less keeps me from getting hurt on a basic level. In other words, if I had the Light Shield while fighting Shining, it would’ve teleported me away the moment whatever he used to knock me out got past the Light Shield..

I call it a Light Shield because it doesn’t actually stop anything, it’s just an alarm system.

The main problem is that it doesn’t physically stop anything. You can still punch me and I’ll go down like a sack of potatoes if I don’t regularly enchant my bones to keep me from getting knocked out.

I stared down at the letter as Celly walked out of the bathroom, stole one of my pancakes, and started reading along.

“Why does the Mage Tower wanna talk to me?” I asked.

“Think, Source. You’ll find the answer in time.”

“...It’s because of Python isn’t it?”

“Yes, and now that they know where you live, they are more capable of sending you letters. I believe it would be wise to go humor them after you pick Button up and drop him off. If they knew that you had a child, biological or not, they would hound you into enrolling Button into the Mage Tower, since that would be a foal coming from a very capable unicorn, that’s also receiving some help on his homework from a several thousand year old alicorn.” Celestia hummed.

“Aight. Is it cool if we take a chariot when we go get Button? It would be best suited for making sure nopony in Canterlot knows that he’s my kid. Again, I want him to have a normal life; can’t have that if the nobles are sending him their daughters, magic schools pestering him by the dozens, and all that will happen if the world knows Button’s my son.”

“Of course. Though I believe you have some proficiency in illusions?”

“Uh.. kinda.”

“You can easily disguise the two of you with a simple palette swap of your coats; it’s not hard to do with illusions that simply change the color of an object.” She changed herself to look a lot like a very, very tall Luna with a jet black mane. I looked her up and down, the dark blue coat and black mane… “See?”

“Celly, you should use that guise more often; it’s lovely.” I said. “Or get Luna to do it, I’m sure her new coltfriend would appreciate it; I bet Luna could somehow still keep the star-yness in her mane if she did that.”

“I’m afraid if she does that, her poor coltfriend’s going to mentally die.” Celestia giggled. “Though I suppose I can bust this form out for you every now and then. I wouldn’t be able to do it often if only because the world would be shocked if I stepped out during a speech and looked like Luna…” She grinned. “Oh, that is an excellent idea. I shall do that!” She wrapped her forelegs around my neck before swiping an egg off my plate.

“Hey!” I frowned. “Least it wasn’t my potato-” Celly… TOOK MY DAMN FRIED POTATOES! “Hey! You’ve got a platter over there, you crazy horse!”

“Oh please, you don’t mind it; I know you don’t.”

“Celly, I don’t mind it, just don’t take me taters! Those are mine!” I hissed.

“Are you part thestral? You should not be able to hiss.”

“No, but I am an Irish Man that likes most forms of potatoes. No touchy my spuds, you crazy, loveable bitch.” Celestia sighed, shaking her head with that beautiful smile I’ve grown so used to seeing… Then she took another potato. We both laughed, before she moved over to her seat where… she had the same potatoes she just stole from me! Luckily, Celly made right on her wrongs and slid two taters to me. The doors to our dining hall thumped closed, drawing both of our attention.

Luna let the doors slam shut as she and Tale walked on into the dining room and took a seat. The poor stallion was blushing up a storm, while being tucked under the Princess of the Night’s wings. I dunno if…

“Lulu, you didn’t break your stallion already, did you? It hasn’t even been a full day since you’ve met him.” Celly asked, looking up from her meal. Luna was happily munching away on a banana and some whipped cream that she somehow got ahold of.

“Tale, you good, dude?” I asked.

Tale quickly nodded. “I’m fine! I’m fine!” He chuckled nervously. “I just woke up to quite the start, is all. I was expecting to wake up in my room, not in the same bed as Princess Luna,” Tale cleared his throat. “I mean Luna,” he corrected. “I don’t know how I managed to woo her, or whatever I did last night…”

“I dunno, nerding out over something you’ve made and then promptly ‘saving’ her from getting crushed by a statue might’ve done it for Luna, my man,” I chuckled. “Get used to my weird language if you’re going to be sticking around a while, eh?”

“I can handle that,” Tale nuzzled Luna. “Last night, after y’know, the Gala going to Tartarus, I had a lot of fun. Luna took me out onto her balcony and we went stargazing after I got tired of writing. It was pretty fun… I couldn’t ever see just how nice the night sky was because of all the city lights, but now that I do,” Tale sighed. “It’s really pretty, and Luna was right there to teach me some of the constellations; she even taught me the name of a few planets! I didn’t know what Mars, or Jupiter was, but Luna, with a telescope, helped me see them!”

“And that…” I said before making a whistling noise. “Is also why Luna probably likes you. Enjoying her night sky?”

“Well, if I can’t enjoy the sky, for whatever reason, her mane is nice, very nice looking. It’s just as, if not prettier than the Night Sky. It’s like I’m lost at sea, staring out into the starry abyss, looking for the right star to guide me home… and then it guided me to the prettiest mare that I’ve ever seen!” Tale smiled. “It’s like a dark, cold cave where the ceiling is made of hundreds of thousand little crystals that sparkle and shine, bringing out just how nice and peaceful that dark, cold cave actually is…” He slowly turned to Luna, who was… hiding her face in her wings. “That is for announcing to the world that you woke up to me grooming your thigh while I was still barely awake, by the way.”

Tale giggled. “Dear Celestia,” he whispered. “I have to be the luckiest stallion to walk the globe!” His eyes widened all of a sudden. I think he realized who he said that in front of.

“I see that you’re getting acclimated to dating a princess, eh?” I asked.

“It’s… I never told my mother,” Tale’s eyes shrunk. “Oh dear, she is going to expect so many foals now!”

“I’m all for having as many babies as possible,” Luna said. “When you are ready, we will have many, many fun attempts to have foals, my little writer,” she said rather… huskily. Oh lord. Tale slowly turned bright orange, before falling out of his chair. The three of us laughed, with Luna being the first to catch her breath and immediately check to make sure Tale was still with us. He was, just mentally, Luna implying that they will have sex probably broke his brain for the time being.

“Tia, my stallion’s cuter than yours; a lot easier to embarrass.”

“Mine is more handsome,” Tia said like me, and a slightly recovered Tale weren’t right there. “And I would argue that Source is cuter.” I decided to let the two alicorns have that little argument of comparing mates, before heading on down to the chariot bay to pick up Button from his sleepover.

I hopped off of the chariot just after it landed in Ponyville, I don’t think anypony got home yet, so I wasn’t very surprised when I was greeted by the sight of Big Mac when I stopped by Sweet Apple Acres to pick up my kid. Actually, he met me at the entrance with the rest of the foals, the four of them were sitting under an apple tree. Big Mac was actually reading one of the books that the foals brought, as in that one book that Scootaloo was just hooked on. Winona was being hugged under Apple Bloom’s foreleg, happily enjoying some snuggles from the youngest of the Apples.

Sweetie Belle and Button were snuggled up… Scootaloo’s also snuggled up with them. When the heck did my kid accidentally make both of those foals like him? Scootaloo was half-asleep, clearly she wanted to take a nap, but was being coaxed into staying awake so she wouldn’t miss anything in the book Big Mac was reading to them. Her cheek laid on Button’s, with one of her tiny, little wings draped over the colt while Button rested his chin on Sweetie Belle’s flank. All of them were so engrossed, that they didn’t even notice me circling around the tree and laying beside them.

Well, Big Mac did, he simply nodded to me before continuing in his reading. I DragonFired a message off to my guards telling them to take a load off; I was going to be here for a while.

After Big Mac chose a good stopping spot, much to the Crusaders’ disappointment, Button let out a little yawn, before he looked around and quickly spotted me. He hopped to his hooves, like the cute little brownie that he is, his tail wagged as he saw me. Scootaloo was sent sprawling on the ground with a grunt, who was mostly annoyed about her pillow disappearing, and was perfectly fine. Sweetie Belle didn’t particularly enjoy how Button’s tail was now swatting her nose, but she also didn’t really seem to care that much.

“Hey Dad!” The rest of the foals shot to their hooves, expecting either their sisters, or surrogate sister, to be standing with me. One at a time, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo all promptly said:

“Where’s Rarity?”

“Where’s Apple Jack?”

“Where’s Rainbow Dash?”

“They’re staying in Canterlot and having a bit of a tour with Twilight before they head home. They’ll be back by the afternoon at the earliest, or nightfall by the latest. What? Not excited to see me, you rascals?” I asked. I lifted a hoof up to my chest and pretended to be hurt. “I thought you three loved me!” I couldn’t keep up the act; Button immediately took to nuzzling and licking my face while his tail was wagging. It wasn’t indiscernible to how a dog would’ve greeted me, but I knew by now that this was just a typical greeting that foals gave to their parents, or siblings if their siblings were older. I then noticed… ah, my own tail’s wagging.

I laughed and shot my forelegs forward, grabbed the colt, and pulled him to my chest before rolling on my back while Button laughed.

“Mr. Code,” Sweetie Belle raised her hoof. “Can you spend next week in Ponyville? Ms. Cheerilee would’ve asked you, since there was going to be a little show next week, where each student shows what they’ve learnt from Ms. Cheerilee this year, and… You are my teacher, Dinky's, and Button’s teacher.”

“Hey, I’m down. Don’t even sweat it; I’ll try to be there, kiddo. Mmm… I’m sure you three would love a milkshake at the end of next week?”

“YEAH!” Button and Sweetie chorused. I chuckled, and brohoofed Big Mac.

“Apple Jack didn’t run into some trouble during the Gala, did she?”

“No. I think one of the nobles got a little close to her flanks so she punched them in the face. It was in the newspaper, and it was kinda funny. Some old dude creeps on AJ, AJ kicks the shit out of him. Shame I couldn’t watch it; take a look.” I teleported a copy of Pony Paper Press, a popular paper in Canterlot, to me and showed him the article. He skimmed over me and Celly kissing, Lulu finding a coltfriend, though… Luna expressed interest in a certain earth pony in Ponyville, it was definitely Big Mac, but didn’t give an actual name… Luna’s trying to start her own herd.

I’m not shocked, honestly. Actually, I am. I just don’t acknowledge that Luna is surprisingly outgoing despite being the biggest geek I’ve ever known.

Big Mac snickered, and I think Apple Bloom was trying to get a peek. As it turned out, the noble actually tried sticking his head under AJ’s dress, so she kicked him, not punch him.

“Oh…” I shivered. “I do not want to find out how much it would hurt to get kicked by a mare that kicks trees for a living. Thank god I don’t, and instead find myself getting beaten up by a mare that can raise the Sun.”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac snickered… before he saw his face in the paper. Luna was trying to ‘find’ where the big stallion was; she knew where she was, but gave a cash reward for anypony who could find him, and privately shared his location with her… Okay, that part wasn’t real. In fact, that whole thing in the paper was to try and help hide Tale’s identity so nopony would harass him. I snickered before picking up Button. “Well, my man, enjoy yourself while I’m in Canterlot again.” I set Button on my head, and noted…

“Hey bud,” I said, after Button waved to his friends and gave his farewells. “You’re getting heavier,” it wasn’t a lot heavier, but it was noticeable. I met this kid a little before his school's Fall Break, or some time during October, and it was nearing Prancuary.

“Is that a bad thing, Dad?”

“Depends. On one hoof, you’re growing. On the other hoof, you’ll be too big to ride on my head at some point, and will have to ride on my back, and then you’ll get too big to ride on that.”

“...But I like riding on your back, it’s our thing!” Button pointed out.

“I know, and it’s bad news for me, while it’s incredible. You’re growing, and you’re growing fast, kiddo. Soon my little foal won’t need his old man to watch over and baby him…”

“No! Don’t you dare stop babying me when I’m bigger! Just… start babying me in private if you do, please.” I chuckled, pulled him off my head with my magic and gave him a warm, loving nuzzle.

“Kiddo, if I stopped babying my baby, I would be remiss. You say the word, and me and Celly will come and help you out, hug you, anything. I’m only a DragonFire away, after all.” I held him close. “You are my little colt, whether you like it or not, and I will baby you sometimes, in public, to embarrass you, and I will do it because I love you, so, so damn much, Button.” We both remained silent, before I laid him back on my head. “You’re probably the best thing to happen to me, kid. Genuinely. Only tied with Celly in that regard.”

“I think I’m glad I’m the best thing to ever happen to you, Dad.” Button said. “Because you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. You and Celestia are so, so nice to me…” he fell asleep on my head. I guess he needed a nap more than either of us realized. I chuckled, getting into the wagon, where my guards were not taking a load off. I raised an eyebrow, and glared at them.

“Guys, y’all coulda grabbed a snack or something.”

“We could’ve sir, but-”

“Go grab yourself a candy bar or something, private. You both lug my fatass around whenever I need a chariot, and I feel bad for it. Go grab a snack, or a drink, and take ten minutes. I ain’t in a rush to get back home; I’ve got all day. Take fifteen minutes to rest, or something, young colt.”

“You sound like my mother,” he grumbled. “Fine… I guess I’ll get myself and Thunder something.” I nodded and waited about thirty minutes before taking off again. My guards weren’t happy, as in they were appreciative of me being worried about them but didn’t enjoy being forced to take a well-deserved break, about the forced break I enforced upon them, but didn’t actually say anything. Eitherway, they got their break, Button was still happily, and adorably, snoring away with an occasional leg twitch, and we were heading home.

“Mommy!” Button ran up to Celly, who was sitting on her throne in the middle of day court. I know I shouldn’t have brought him in, but like, Celly and Button interacting is simply adorable. Button ran up past the petitioner, a mare who couldn’t help but stand aside and smile as my adorable, little colt ran up to the alicorn with a wagging tail. Celly couldn’t hide how excited she is, no, heart-melted. I know that Button tries to not call Tia ‘Mom’, but… He just did. He just did and now, Celly was holding a hoof up to her mouth while she got teary eyed.

I walked up to the petitioner and nodded. “We didn’t interrupt anything too important, did I?”

“No, I just had a minor case, nothing too major. I was just hoping to get a loan to kickstart a shop, your highness,” I blinked when she said that. Celly had long since removed her crown, and had laid him on her head, since she was huge, if you know what I mean, she could easily fit the whole colt in between her ears. I stared blankly at the mare, and she tilted her head.

“Is something wrong?”

“You called me ‘you’re highness?’” I asked. “Why did you call me that, if I may ask.”

“Aren’t you Princess Celestia’s consort?” I nodded. “So…”

“Meh, just call me Source, Code, Source Code, Bitch Boy, whatever you prefer. Anyways, before Celly gets back into Princess Celestia and out of Momlestia Mode, I’ll let you know that if you’re looking for a loan, head on over to Finances, you can say that Princess Celestia sent ya, and you’ll walk out with a loan based on a few things such as your income, if you’ve don’t got any, don’t sweat it, you’ll get a flat rate.” I wrote a little note after I summoned a piece of paper to me. “This should guarantee that you get five months off repaying the loan; think of it as my apology for interrupting your court session.”

“Thank you, your highness,” the mare bowed, and trotted off. Celly and Button were playing patty cake… Well, this was good practice for me, learning how to take care of day court. I called in a few petitioners, all of whom had smaller issues that I was better at taking care of. Financial advice, some just wanted to see Celestia, but then were even more excited to meet her coltfriend, for some reason. Occasionally I would get a genuine issue, like when somepony was getting ‘bought out’ by a rich dickhead that happened to be that somepony’s competition.

As in, the rich dickhead bought the store that the petitioner had owned through illegitimate means and kicked the petitioner out.

That rich asshole now had a battalion of Royal Guards going his way, something that Celly didn’t exactly approve of, but agreed that it solved the issue. The petitioner was set up to be back in his storefront by the end of the week.

“You know,” Celly said, sipping on some tea after calming herself down. Button still laying on top of her head. “You did surprisingly well,” she noted as I was now tucked under her wing. “You could use a little training in the larger issues, but I suppose you passing those onto me if you do not believe you can handle them is acceptable for somepony that isn’t an active politician.”

“I’m a spell developer, a teacher, and a mage, Celly. I don’t trust myself in leading a country for a reason.”

“Which is entirely fair. Thank you for taking over the court for thirty minutes while I got to hold my son,” Button soon found himself being held in his adoptive mother’s wings, and he was more than happy to be in that position.” She hummed. “Perhaps you should go visit the mage tower? I can keep watch over Button while going through various meetings and court; I am more than capable of providing him attention as well.”

“Change his fur and coat colors; I still don’t want the world to be aware of Button’s normal appearance; it wouldn’t be fair to him if a million reporters stormed him.”

“Of course,” Celestia’s horn lit up, only for Button’s to light up, and he changed himself into a gray furred, lighter gray maned unicorn colt. Celestia and I blinked.

I decided to open my mouth. “Button, when did you…”

“Your Python textbook has basic disguise spells, Dad.”

“Oh… shit. I didn’t even think you’d be that far ahead…” I leaned around Celly, and kissed Button on the forehead. “I’m proud, kiddo. I truly am. You’ve no idea just how proud you make me, to see you so far deep into your studies! You gotta slow down that rate of progression, by the way. Dinky and Sweetie Belle won’t be able to keep up very soon… Though Dinky doesn’t care, and is just happy to be studying magic, and Sweetie Belle… eh, she’s genuinely the most gifted in terms of raw power out of you three, so I don’t think Python will be her main way of casting spells.” I shrugged, before inevitably pulling myself away. We took a ten minute break from day court for the three of us to catch up.

“Well kid, behave for your mother. If either of you need anything, I’m a DragonFire away from showing up. If I’m not back by Sun Down, assume I either got distracted by something cool in the mage tower, or I got killed so hard that I died to death. Sounds cool?”

“Don’t you dare ‘die to death’, mister,” Celestia glared at me. “And that made no bucking sense, how dare you!?”

We all had a good chuckle at that, before I started my way over to the door… Before I teleported outside and started using the Air Walker Spell, or what I dubbed ‘using Levitation to move in the air without wings’. It needed a proper… FUCK! I could’ve called it ‘Skywalker’! Oh wait, I came up with the name, and I can change it whenever!

Skywalker sounds twenty percent cooler than Air Walker ever could.

I landed outside of the castle after I Skywalked myself over the walls, and decided to just walk through Canterlot. It’s been a while since I’ve just walked through this lovely little city, so I figured why the heck not? I nodded to the two guards standing at the gates, before they blinked. They saw mine and Button’s chariot pull in from Ponyville, but they never saw me walk out the gate. Solar, I recognized immediately for being the tallest of the two, while both were unicorns; Solar is pretty tall for a unicorn, and the second tallest unicorn in the guard, just a hair shorter than Shining Armor.

“Howdy, Solar. When you get off duty, wanna grab something from Hayburger with me?” I asked.

“Yes sir,” he nodded. “Why couldn’t you have just used the gate like a normal pony?”

“Walking through the castle took too long, so I teleported myself outside of Celestia’s throne room, since teleporting to the gate would’ve used a majority of my magic, I started Sky Walking; it’s way less magically taxing to do that than to teleport. I could’ve also DragonFired, but I wanted to enjoy a nice stroll through the city, y’know?”

“Sir,” the other guard spoke up. “I think you just wanted to show off.”

I tilted my head. “No, I take the most efficient route to do things when I use magic. DragonFire was the most efficient, if I wanted to get from point A to point B the quickest. Granted, that also would’ve involved me breaking a window and scorching the inside of Celly’s throne room, and she wouldn’t have been super happy about that. On the other, I can teleport, use a minimal amount of magic to teleport outside, and then catch myself on a Skywalker Spell. The Skywalker Spell was the most efficient way to the outside of the castle walls. If I wanted to show off, I would’ve magicked up a pair of wings, and flown down here, lieutenant.”

“...You can grow wings?”

“I can do a lot of magic and transmutation spells. Would I? No. I don’t think I’d be able to fly with them since I lack pegasus magic anyways.” I shrugged. “Meh, doesn’t matter if I were showing off or not; a Skywalker is a pretty flashy spell, and gets more flashy when you consider that I developed the spell.”

“It is a little fashy sir. I never said showing off was a bad thing, however. Please show me whenever you’ve got the chance; I want to show off to the rest of the guard.” The Lieutenant said. I could tell he wanted to give me puppy eyes, but had to remain stoick since he was on duty.

“Alright. I’m sure the guard received me copies of Python’s textbooks when Captain Shining Armor requested them, correct?” He paid for all of them too, or rather, the guard as a whole did. I made damn near a thousand bits from that one sale. That was with the other schools requesting copies and subsequently paying for them on bulk. In other words, I had a very, very small fortune. The real kicker was that those Python Books weren’t complete, by pure technicality; I’m still developing Python, so everypony that bought them initially got Python Beta 1.0. 1.2 will come out eventually, and eventually it will get a full release.

I will pull the Notch approach to making a spell system, except I’m making everypony pay for new versions of Python Textbooks, even if they aren’t exactly necessary to learn the newer spells I come up with.

...Nevermind, that sounds like something EA would do, charging four hundred bits for a game patch.

“We all did, sir. I believe this is a Python spell?”

“It would be easier to teach you with Python, yes. Just keep up on your Runes, and I’ll hoof over some scrap paper with the equation on it.” An equation that technically isn’t the most efficient one I’ve made, that was for my own private build of Python. With that, and a ‘thank you’ from both my guard friend and his partner, I was walking through Canterlot again. Well, I made it down Royal Avenue, thanks to how Canterlot Castle took up the entire road, it was the only road on the highest plate in Canterlot. The road was filled with ponies walking up and down it, on their right side of the road.

Basically, I was on the right side, leaving the castle, whereas everypony coming into the castle was on the left. This is all a really stupid, long, arbitrary way of saying I made my way down to one of the lifts in Canterlot and stepped onto it.

“Hey, you’re that stallion in the newspapers, aren’t you?” One of the mares that was leaving Canterlot said.

“Uh, I cannot confirm or deny that information. There are many stallions in the papers, aren't there?"

“The one that kissed Princess Celestia on the mouth during the Gala, the one that saved her.” The mare was behind me, so I couldn’t see her, but if I had to guess, she was a rich pony. She just had a slightly snobbish accent. British, to be exact.

“Mmm, well, the princess kissed me on the mouth. I just reciprocated how I felt at the time, and I felt like kissing her back. After all, it would’ve been rude, and mean, to not kiss the love of my life back.”

“I see that you are the stallion in the pictures. I’m Fluer De Lis. I was staying at the castle overnight, after the Gala, to help my husband to… look into something. You see, my husband and I are a part of the guard that’s a step above even Captain Shining Armor. We are knights, the knights of Princess Celestia. Some time ago, there was a sudden, short burst of… dark magic. Royal Knights are often responsible for finding the causes of dark magic, anypony that casted said dark magic, and eliminate said ponies before they could cause a ruckus.”

Huh. “Coolio. Well, if you’re looking for the guy using dark magic, lemme know. Celly might already know about the fucker using that was using that stuff.”

“And she hasn’t told us who this pony is, or taken care of them herself?” We stepped off the lift. She started walking beside me, and I could finally get a glimpse of who she was… Wow, she almost looks as good as Cadance does. She’s got a light gray, almost white, coat with an almost matching mane to boot. Her light violet eyes were staring at me… You know, pony eyes are huge, and I just realized something pretty important.

I think she thinks of me as a suspect.

“Aight cut to the point, what are you getting at, Fluer.”

“...You radiate light, very, very weak dark magic.” She commented.

“Does that make me a bad pony? I’ve only been experimenting with it on the remote parts of Mount Canterlot, so that nopony would accidentally get hurt. I’m trying to see if I can’t take certain aspects of dark magic, and…” I was hoping I could tell her that no, dark magic doesn’t corrupt if you aren’t an idiot with it. You can get drunk off the power dark magic can give you, and thus become evil, but it can’t outright turn you evil… at least, in my case.

“So you are controlling the princess into loving you…” Fleur mused.

“The fuck are you on about?” I asked. “I only started messing with that magic a little over two weeks ago. Celly knows about it, she’s cool with it. Luna knows about it, she’s cool with it after seeing that I wasn’t being affected. I’m not doing any of the Rituals use Dark Magic, because of how borderline fucked up some of the requirements of them are, such as sacrificing a foal to prolong life, or whatever. I wouldn’t want to; that would require killing a kid, possibly my kid.” I sighed. “I’ve been dating Princess Celestia for the last year, meaning she and I fell in love long before I learned about dark magic.”

“But you’ve only come into being at the start of this year; we’ve been looking into your file for a while now, Mr. Source.” Fluer said. “You, without knowing it, could be a construct of dark magic.” Wot. “Which would explain you learning magic so quickly, and suddenly having this ‘new’ spell system that made your prowess in your field possible.” I blinked a couple of times… What the fuck is this woman smoking and where can I get some.

“Swear to god…” I sighed.

“I’m pulling your leg, Source. My husband and I are knights, but we have already been informed on most of your cases.” Fleur smirked. “I had you going for a while, didn’t I?”

“You sounded like you were sniffing some dandelions before you came and found me.” Fluer laughed. I chuckled. “Pretty convincing, though. Thought I was gonna have to fight ya or some shit.”

“Oh please, if it came to that, I’d win. And then promptly get blasted with the Sun for hurting the princess’s coltfriend.” She chuckled. “That would be a really stupid reason to throw my career away, wouldn’t it?”

“It would, mostly because that would involve me getting hurt. I’m a big fan of not getting me hurt, if you couldn’t tell, Fluer.”

“I’m not sure… from some rumors, you’re a bottom; clearly your backside hurts a lot. That is apart of you, right?" Fluer tilted her head... She's adorable, god dammit. She knows it too!

“Pfft…” I chuckled. That was a good one. “Okay, you are so much cooler than half the other nobles at the Gala. Where were you the whole time?” I asked.

“Trying to find you. Myself and my husband have tea with the Princess every time you end up leaving the castle to teach some foals how to use magic. We heard so much about you, that we were hoping to meet you both myself. With that said, the Gala ballroom was rather large, and before we could find you, the Element Bearers certainly found an… interesting way to liven up the Gala.

“So we couldn’t find you, or get to you; quite a few nobles were trying to swarm you, according to my husband who caught a glimpse of you before you went out into the gardens.”

“Damn. To think two possible bros were so close. Or at least some ponies I could tolerate.”

“...bro material?” Fluer asked.

“What? From that joke about me being submissive, which isn’t true by the way, gave me a real hoot, there. I can tell you and I will get along quite nicely.” Fluer actually smiled at that.

“It is nice to meet another pony of ‘royal’ status to have a sense of humor. If your marefriend had not told me of your sense of humor, I would’ve never made the joke…” Fluer sighed in relief. “I’ve been dying to make a joke like that since I graduated from secondary school.” She clapped her hooves. “Oh, do allow me to accompany you, wherever you are heading today. My husband will be meeting us at the next lift, I’m sure you’ll love him.”

“If he’s anything like you, I bet I will.” We kept on going…

Fucking christ, Fancy Pants is fucking awesome. Why am I saying that? Well…

“Hello, dear!” Fancy Pants happily trotted up to greet his wife. “Sorry for not being able to wake up with you, but…” He pulled out two donuts. “We can still share a short, sugary brunch, can't we?” Fluer clapped her hooves at the sight of her donut. Fancy Pants, I assume this is Fancy Pants, big stallion, almost as big as Shining Armor, had a very, very slick looking tuxedo, and was almost completely white like Celly and Fluer was. Fancy, after making sure his wife was satisfied with her sugary treat, nodded to me.

I found it cute, seeing just how much Fancy Pants cared about his wife's happiness.

“Hello there, Source Code, I presume?”

“Eeyup. You’re Fluer’s husband?”

“I am indeed,” he levitated something from… huh, didn’t think I’d see a noble wearing saddlebags ever in my life. “I’m Fancy Pants, Sir Fancy Pants if you’re going by titles. I’ve seen just how much happier the Princess has gotten since the two of you have met and subsequently became an item,” he gave me a warm smile. “A friend, or rather, a lover of the princess, is a friend of mine. I heard you like whisky?” He levitated a bottle up to me. It was a nice, really expensive brand that I was hoping to get for a rainy day…

No, just kidding, it was my favorite, cheap as balls brand of Whisky, that was the closest thing to a Jameson that I could find, a ‘Stallion’. I know, the name is stupid, but god damn is it good stuff.

“D’aw, you even guessed that I hated the ‘fancy’ whisky around here!”

“I did. Princess Celestia is the same way, always preferring some of the cheapest drinks she can get, and I must agree with both of your tastes… And I must say, your taste in whisky is quite good.” He and Fluer apparently planned this, since he then offered me a small, well, it was the size of my foreleg…

“IS THAT FUCKING COLCANNON!?” I asked. Fancy Pants nodded.

“My wife said she would try and meet up with you, and the two of us were hoping to meet you… Princess Celestia says you love… Colcannon? It seems to me like… mashed potatoes with green cabbage, green onions, and butter.” He gave me the tub… There’s tofu gravy in this, ponies make good tofu gravy and it’s about as close to a chicken gravy as you can get in Equestria. I stared at it for a good minute.

“...Tell me where the hell you got this, you wonderful stallion.” I took the provided plastic spoon and took a spoonful. “Oh my god…” this tasted just like home.

“Dear,” Fluer said. “I think we just became Dear Source’s favorite of the high class.” I stopped paying attention, I was stuffing my face with some damn good mash.

“I believe so as well,” Fancy chuckled. “A simple stallion, some alcohol, a pretty mare and good food is apparently all Source Code needs… He is going to be so much more fun to deal with than Prince Blueblood.”

“I know, right? Two princes in Equestria, and only one of them is likeable, who would’ve thought?"

“Fancy Pants, best pony,” I said with the spoon full of taters in my mouth. “Oh my god, it’s like an angel came into my mouth to enlighten me.”

“I do not know what an angel is, but I know what those other words are,” Fancy chuckled. “I’ll tell you where you can find some more after you’re satisfied or else you never will remember.” We hopped on the lift and my two new friends started chatting about their mornings, while I just stuffed my face. Before we knew it, we were standing outside the Canterlot Mage Tower.

Author's Note

how to easily tame your local Source Code:

mashed potatoes.

Just a Fun Tour of the Mage Tower, nothing else.

As we walked up to the Mage Tower, and I had been properly given instructions on where to go to obtain some good mash potatoes, I stopped and let my mouth drop. As it turned out, the Mage Tower was as far away from the castle as it could get on Mount Canterlot without being, y'know, off the mountain. Okay, it was actually off the mountain. Like it sat on a floating island, that I assume is usually cloaked in an Invisibility to not obstruct the view of Canterlot that greets a lot of tourists when visiting the capital of Equestria. The floating island it was on wasn’t tiny either, it was actually pretty sizable.

Well, that’s because it was only big enough to hold the foundation of the Mage Tower, and the tower itself was fucking huge. It was almost as big as just a tower in the castle, while being no less prestigious. Proudly colored in Equestria’s Flag colors, pink, white and gold, the foundation was made of solid blackstone, which slowly transitioned into these colors. There were plenty of huge, towering windows that looked to be the size of Celestia when she’s standing up. The doors looked to be actual, dark oak, and not… wait, no, that’s not a door, it’s a fucking Barrier Spell designed to look like a door.

Two guards, who weren’t wearing Equestrian Military gear so I assume that they were hired, or were the tower’s personal guard, were standing on either side. They took a glimpse of me, and lit their horns. “Source Code, we see that you’ve accepted the Nine’s invitation; they will be down shortly. For now, you may wait in the lobby and help yourself to any refreshments.” They both took a glance at Fleur and Fancy Pants, who I guess opted to be on ‘guard duty’, or rather, were just wanting to get to know me, and smiled. “The Celestial Knight Duo… You both are always welcomed.”

We stepped inside shortly after that. Walking out through a Barrier was kinda weird, but I suppose… Somepony has to keep that Barrier up all that. That’s a flex, right there. There literally weren't even door hinges. By no means was it big and grand, it wasn’t a Shining Armor Shield after all, but keeping perpetually keeping up a Barrier was by no means easy.

“Darn,” I hummed. “You two get a free pass, while I don’t?” I asked.

“Well, those guards were going to let you pass, even if they could not read your mind. Don’t worry, they just see what your intentions are, they won’t know whatever weird fantasies that you have,” Fancy Pants chuckled. “I know that they were given a description of you, on top of that, with unicorns, the Mage Tower doesn’t use Telepaths, as a magical signature, or your aura, is yours and yours alone. So they just let you in, but they were probably just making sure you were who you were.”

“And as Celestia’s knights, we’re allowed in most cases; despite the Mage Tower being its own thing, almost separated from Equestria, they do keep a close relationship with the Crown. One of the ‘Nine’ has tea with Celestia regularly, often with us present.” Fleur added, “I believe I know why they summoned you here, but I think pointing out why would be minute.”

“It would; I know why I’m here. I’m the Princess’s ‘plaything’ so that puts a target on my back. On top of that, I’m a semi-competent mage, and I’ve developed a spell system, well, three, but only ever let it out that I made one system.”

“Wait, what?” Fleur asked, with wide eyes. “Three systems?”

“Yeah. One was made as a joke to fuck with Twilight, but turned out to genuinely be useful for practicing magic dexterity, and the other is basically the original version of Python, but tailored very, very heavily towards my needs. Mixed into it are some elements of Dark Magic, and I’ve been hoping to see the Elements of Harmony in action so I could possibly run a diagnostic spell and see if I can’t recreate a weaker version of whatever those do to whatever national of the year is.” I shrugged. “I know Spike and Twilight said my spell systems, or rather me developing them, was supposed to be pretty hard, but I think nopony’s tried to make a new system.

“Like y’all are so damn complacent. The trains here are still pulled by earth ponies, which should hopefully change since I told somepony about steam engines, and trains have been pulled by earth ponies since rails were laid out. Y’all never bothered optimizing any spells to make them easier to cast, technology’s so out of date compared to what I’m used to that it’s almost sad. But then in some places the technology is almost on par with what I would’ve seen back home twenty years ago. Even Celly and Lulu, the way they run the government is rather dated. I get the saying ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’, but then you guys take that like it’s the fact of life.”

“...You aren’t wrong,” Fancy Pants nodded. “From what the Princess has told us, of things from your world, your race sounds beyond what ponies will achieve in the next thousand years.”

“Meh, I still like Equestria, but I want to implement small things, like trains actually pulled by the locomotives they’re attached to. Just small stuff. I refuse to introduce television to Equestria, because that would cause some problems.” I shivered… Some powerful ponies just walked into the room. Like Twilight and Celestia were clearly stronger, but I think a pony can control just how much ambient magic they let out… Twilight and Celestia are actual monsters when it comes to magical prowess, Luna too, actually.

I know Celly and Luna actively stop their ambient magic; if they let that loose it would make everypony fear them. Twilight probably does the same thing, and so do most of the more magically gifted guards. Nopony that I know of likes being feared.

Except these nine guys and girls, apparently.

“Ah, Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis,” the lead unicorn, a rather… average unicorn. He wasn’t tall, wasn’t short, had a sleek, light gray mane and tail, almost silver, that matched his black coat very, very nicely. Aside from that… he wasn’t too notable from any other unicorn I’ve met. Granted, the sheer amount of ambient magic this guy’s letting out of his body is insane. Like it is almost on Twilight’s level, though I think Twilight could still find some way to kick this guy’s ass. She’s only insanely smart, and unreasonably strong with magic.

“Greetings, Bolt.” Fancy said. Fleur simply stood at the flank of her husband. Ah darn there goes the ‘cool guys’ look they had; now they both looked incredibly professional…

“Incase you’ve not noticed,” Fleur whispered. “These nine are… as Celestia said you’d call them… ‘Douchebags’. Do not be surprised if one of them requests to duel you, namely that bright orange mare over there. My husband and I act like this with most nobles, who are also… not very savory individuals.” I hummed. Damn. I am not going to like these guys then.

“And there’s the stallion of the hour!” The black stallion simply known as ‘Bolt’, said, walking up to me. “How is the Princess doing? Bet she must be getting a little desperate for students if… you are currently her star pupil, what with Twilight Sparkle being shipped off to Ponyville to study… Friendship? I get that that mare is a bit of a shut in, but c’mon! Imagine being so shut in that her teacher tells her to go touch grass?” I blinked. I blinked a few times. What the fuck is this dude’s problem?

“...Did you invite me here to show me around? Ask about something, or are you just gonna bitch and moan about how Celestia secured a unicorn much more magically gifted than yourself, and decided to let that unicorn live her own life with her friends? While giving said unicorn something to write to her teacher every week or so? Like yeah, friendship’s a bit odd to be studying, but I ain’t one to judge.” I tilted my head. “Also letting all that ambient magic out, mate?” I laughed. “Are you compensating for something? Like Jesus Christ’s mother on a bicycle, it’s annoying.”

I am talking so much shit to a guy that can obliterate me in a heartbeat. Fleur and Fancy just sat there, slack jawed, as were the other eight of the ‘grandmasters’ of the Mage Tower.

“Oh please, at least I don’t need to make a spell system to make up for being a weak punk. Seriously, you have zero talent-”

“If that spell system was worthless,” Fancy Pants stepped in, having quickly recovered. “Why did you open up a branch specifically for Python, hmm?” Bolt shot the stallion a death glare.

“As much as the nine of us dislike it, we cannot ignore just how important Python actually is. If somepony like this,” he gestured to all of me. “Can compete with the Captain of the Royal Guard with it, then surely it has some worth. Even if its creator is a creaton.”

“Hey man, you started bad mouthing Celly, and talking some serious smack about Twilight.” I shook my head. “Dickhead’s runnin’ offa power trip if you ask me. You’d probably piss yourself if Celly went hard on the gas pedal and opened a can of ass whooping on you, mate? Fucking christ, I would legitimately rather spend a night with Prince Fucking Blueblood than your sorry ass. So what if you’re magically gifted, doesn't mean shit if nopony likes you, does it?” I could feel Fleur and Fancy getting shield spells ready. Bolt looked too mad to be flabbergasted by my ‘weird’ language.

Before Bolt could respond, the doors slammed open, and Twilight and her friends started walking in. “And this is the mage tower,” the unicorn in question stopped when she saw me. Rarity’s jaw fell when she noticed Fleur and Fancy, while the others were taking in the sight of the Mage Tower lobby, even if it was more underwhelming than a dentist’s office lobby.

“Source? What are you doing here?” Twilight asked, walking up to me to give me a nice, big hug. She didn’t even flinch at the ambient magic, whereas Rarity seemingly just noticed it and shivered more than I did. Everpony else was unaware.

“Hey Twi, I was just getting ready to take a tour of this place, because I thought Bolt, over here, wanted to give me one or something.”

“Ah, Twilight Sparkle! What can I do for you and your friends today?” Bolt asked. You two faced, son of a bitch! He’s being polite now… Oh, Twilight’s letting off some ambient magic. I shivered, no, I shook… holy fuck, I knew Twi had some magic, but like… it dwarfs Bolt’s by a lot.

“Twilight,” I said, interrupting their conversation. “You are a fucking cheatcode; how the fuck do you have so much magic just sitting around?”

“Uh… I don’t know.” Twilight obviously lied. I gave her my best The Rock Side Eye, and she started explaining it in full. “I know magic has to do with something in the cells,” she went on to describe what basically sounded like a midichlorian. It was long, nerdy, and winded, but basically… Small, single celled organisms give ponies magic. For unicorns, they can have varying amounts of these things in them, and higher amounts means stronger magic. Aside from Starswirl the Bearded, Twilight has the highest count of these little things in her.

“Twilight,” I said, pausing. “What the fuck.” I chuckled. “Ah shit, I was right about Bolt.”

“What?” Twilight asked. “So far, he’s always been polite with me.”

“Uh…” I shrugged. “Bolt just greeted me, made a jab at Celly, and then at you. It wasn’t pleasant, and I won’t repeat what was said, only because I so, so strongly disagree with what was said.” I will admit, Twilight when I first met her was a bitch, but now that she’s opened up? She’s quite pleasant to be around, even if she’s a bit eccentric and probably has a few mental illnesses. Seriously, the new Twilight is hard to hate, and Twilight already knows she wasn’t the most pleasant mare to be around before she moved to Ponyville.

She even apologized to me for being a bitch.

Bolt’s hoof came down with a thundering crack. “That’s it,” he said coldly. “First, you come in here and complain about me pointing out your inferiority,” he all but growled. “And then you go and spread false information about me to the Princess’s Prized Pupil?” I lifted a hoof, pulled a spell crystal out of… Nevermind, Pinkie had a spell crystal in her mane for some reason. It didn’t take me too long to replay the moment I met Bolt to the moment that Twilight walked in. Twilight slowly went from curious, because she definitely will be asking me how I did this, or at the very least be proud of me for doing it, to slightly annoyed. Then she got mad.

“Why are you talking poorly about the princess? She hasn’t done anything to you!” Twilight growled.

Bolt glared at me, as did the other eight who have yet to speak.

“You, me, the dueling arena, now.” Bolt growled. “Or are you a coward?”

“You know what, my guy?” I chuckled darkly. “You’re on.” I am going to show him why we humans do not bow down to prey.

The dueling arena was a simple, white room, padded walls with enchantments make them more durable, and what looked like marble flooring. It had a viewing room window, where everypony else was sitting and watching. Both Bolt and I were standing on opposite sides, rather, I was, since I wasn’t taking this guy seriously. This would be an excellent time to test out the Light Shield, and also be a good opportunity to also test out dark magic and its other elements I’ve been working into Python Plus.

And I’m now pissed off. So I handed my whisky off to Rainbow Dash, since I knew she’s loyal enough to not drink a bro’s booze, and went into this room. I Skywalked to where I was now seated, and haven’t moved a muscle. Twilight was down here with us, to make sure we weren’t doing anything too bad- no, that would mean that Bolt wouldn’t get a shot at ‘accidentally’ killing me. She was sitting in the viewing room, looking kind of nervous.

I would be too, but I’m pissed off, and frankly, was looking excited to test out a lot of combat tricks I’ve developed on somepony I didn’t mind hurting. I didn’t want to hurt Shining Armor, so I didn’t go full tilt.

There was supposed to be a countdown, but Bolt didn’t even hesitate. As soon as Twilight had begun counting down, my opponent immediately launched a strong, telekinetic blast. I just sat there and let the Light Shield take it, which it quickly did, and my eyes went cross eyed as the spell forced me to do an actual Shield designed to break down the spell and dissolve it, while blocking off any residual force from said strike. I blinked and cheered.

“WOO!” I laughed. “Ah shit, that was kinda scary,” I continued laughing darkly. “Oh shit, that is broken as fuck. I didn’t even need to think of how to use that shield, and it was incredibly effective!” Another spell hit my light shield and my horn teleported me away. I blinked and chuckled again as another spell lashed out at me, only for the Light Shield to go and just straight up make me absorb the spell into myself. In simpler terms, it just fueled me up for a counter attack. Oh. Oh my god, that’s a spell that I was working on, that used a few elements of dark magic. Instead of it taking life, it simply absorbs magic, and uses what was thrown at me to counter.

Of course, this can be overloaded, but this guy is a lot tougher than Shining Armor, and it just absorbed the spell. I immediately blasted a telekinetic blast with the absorbed magic, while mixing in some of my own power into it for some extra ‘oompf’ to it. Bolt was more than capable of blocking my counter, but… he didn’t account for something. You see, the Light Shield can force me to do a lot of things when it’s in use. So at some point it could just make a mirror and blast back a spell…

“Oh shit!” I rolled out of the way of a lightning bolt. Only for another one to strike me… well, it hit the light shield, and a portal opened up… What? I blinked a few times. I don’t know how to actually use portal spells, what the heck? Luckily, the diagnostic spells that Light Shield needs to operate told me how it happened. I shook my head to rid myself of the hornache I was starting to develop, before I reopened the portal… behind Bolt, who was too busy gawking at my sudden use of Portal Magic. The Lightning Spell came in from behind, striking him in the rear… and frying him.

Now, I had a crispy, unconscious Bolt lying on his side. Holy shit. The Light Shield is broken as hell, made me use a few spells that I’ve developed with dark magic in it, and forcibly taught me how to make portals to temporarily catch spells and launch them, the actual spell and just not just a spell with some absorbed power, at back at ponies. Holy smokes… Granted, it seems like it is not a light spell to run at all. My horn hurts like hell, man, and it doesn’t feel good, and that was just from five different attacks being thrown my way.

Running it passively, as I have been until I got here, wasn’t bad. When the Light Shield did work, as in actively tell you about spells and force you to counter them, due to the nature of it being almost random, even if it’s a very well calculated defense system that reacts to the specific spell used, nature, it can make you cast spells that are rather taxing, force into using spells you don’t know. In other words… Huh. I need to test this more, but not right now. But that is a good note.

Light Shield on ‘Passive Mode’ is good on magic reservations.

Light Shield being put into ‘Active Mode’ will make your horn ache from heavy use.

So I suppose it stops me from getting surprised or attacked on the first blow. After that I should probably quit using the Light Shield, and just fight normally.

For ending fights quickly though, it’s good.

The door to the dueling room slid open and Twilight and her friends rolled in, along with Fleur, Fancy, and the other eight old unicorns. “Howdy,” I said, rubbing the base of my horn.

“Source,” Twilight said. “Is that another spell for Python?” She asked.

“Yeah. Pretty damn awesome, if I must say so. I’m calling it Light Shield, a reactionary based shield that’s really only good for stopping magic attacks in various means, but doesn’t actually work like a Barrier. I can’t even remember the…” I paused. “Holy shit, it made its own spell matrix and forced me to use a Portal! I can’t even remember the equations or Runes for it!” I laughed like an idiot. “Oh god dammit, I accidentally used Python to make a Shield, a Shield that somehow has its own micro spell system in it!” I kept laughing. “God, if that’s what I can do while drunk, I need to get drunk more often and let Jesus take the wheel!”

“...What?” One of the other eight unicorns asked, stepping forward. She’s a middle-aged mare, fair, white fur, light blue mane and tail. I could tell that even at her almost advanced age, that some would still consider her attractive. “Your… spell has its own spell system in it, is that what I’m hearing?”

“Yeah. That’s really cool, I don’t mean to toot my own horn, since it immediately makes you forget how to use anything it forces you to cast, if it uses this micro spell system to make you cast a spell, but it’s cool.” Oh, I’m teaching this to Button. I shrugged. “It could be a microspell system, I dunno; this is the first active field test of Light Shield that I’ve managed to perform. If this," I motioned to a Kentucky Fried Bolt with my head. “Is the result of me using it, I may only use it as a first response thing, before I either engage or run away.” I flinched.

“Say, y’all know how to stop a hornache?”

“Cut it off,” Fleur said. “Your horn.” I stared at her like she was an idiot. “Darn, so you know that’s fatal for a unicorn?”

“Well, it would make everything stop hurting…” I hummed. “No, Celly would bring me back to life and kick my ass for getting myself killed.” I looked at the rest of the Nine. “So can I get a tour of your tower? I do genuinely wanna see what this place is all about. It sounds cool, but it looks like the big boss here,” I pointed at Bolt again, before he was levitated away by… what looked like Mage Tower branded medics, and out of the dueling room. “Is an asshole.”

“Well, of course,” the middle aged mare nodded. “I would like to apologize for my husband being… unsavory as you said. I’m still trying to file a divorce with him. And while I’m not saying all eight of us are saints, we can at least try to be more pleasant around you. Assuming you can show some respect?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Depends, treat me nicely, and I’ll reciprocate it. Treat me rudely, and I’ll just go home.”

“Well,” the mare smiled. “I suppose we’ll get started on a new hoof. I am Exo, the Grandmaster of Portal Magic. I think you’d like a tour of that first?” I quickly nodded. “Well, come along, Ms. Sparkle, if you and your friends would like to join us, you may. Fleur and Fancy, care to join as well?”

“Of course,” Fleur nodded. “As I said, your husband is an asshole.”

“I know. But the court-”

“I’m Celly’s consort. I can literally get her to sign the papers off, and you two would be separated. Or you go to day court and get her to do it.” Exo nodded.

“I’ll consider going to day court. Thank you for telling me, Source Code.”

“No problem, just please don’t be like your husband. I bet what he’s packing was too small to be of any use to you?” Exo started choking; she just took a sip of water when I said that.

“Oh-” Exo coughed. “Oh sweet Celestia!” She coughed again, while doing a half giggle, half cough. “Don’t do that when I’m drinking something!” She just started gasping and giggling at the same time. “That caught me so off guard… but yet, my husband is awful in bed, and not because his package is tiny. It still is, mind you, he’s just an asshole.” We left the dueling room and made a right turn. We quickly found ourselves in a magically operated elevator.

When we got to the Portal Room, I just stopped and took a moment to admire everything. It was simply… awesome. Even the less magically inclined ponies of the group, namely just Twilight’s friends, took a moment to drink it in. Strewn about the room looked to be a lot of lab ponies, a few machines, and namely… well, portals. The room itself was already pretty cool, it was fully metal, and almost, almost looked like that generic computer room in every government building in every movie where they showed a generic computer room. It was dark, dimly lit, with red and blue lights. The portals themselves gave off lights, various lights.

“Holy fuck…” I said, smiling slightly. “I wanna learn, like legitimately learn how to do this stuff, not do it on the fly.” I sat down on my rump, watching as ponies were trying to decipher where each portal went. The portals themselves were colored orange and blue, kinda like the Portals from… Portal.

“We can teach you, you know,” Exo said, sitting beside me. “It would be an honor; you’d technically be the first pony to learn from the Mage Tower without directly being a student, or being practically born into it.”

“Mmm…” I hummed. “Why are you offering me this?”

“...Okay, before Bolt decided to try and ruin any chances, we were hoping to induct you into our school. You’ve made your own system of magic, you made another system for the general public, and then I hear talk of you possibly making a third. With you, we could give you a strong foundation of everything here, and then you can work your magic into simplifying everything; I’ve read your textbook, and the Teleport in there is so simple and basic, yet… it still works like a regular Teleport, even if you, yourself, claim that it’s not as useful as just using ‘DragonFire’.”

“That’s because it isn’t as versatile as DragonFire. DragonFire can teleport stuff directly to certain ponies if I know their magical signature, or I can travel with it, and while it’s not instant, like Teleport is, I bet I could almost go as fast as Dashie over there,” I said, tapping the pegasus beside me. “Almost. Dash can apparently break the soundbarrier, and has a trick basically named after her because of that. Plus DragonFire is so light on magic use, that I could probably go to Baltimare and into Manehattan as well, and then come back to Canterlot. That's me being kinda shit with raw magical output, by the way.”

“I see… DragonFire itself is an anomaly, Source. Somepony like you, helping the Nine develop spells and whatnot… and Bolt probably ruined that, didn’t he?”

“Depends, are the rest of you Nine likable? You’re not too douchey, even if I can tell you are just a tiny bit entitled.”

Exo blinked. “...That is the first time anypony’s had the gut to say that to my face…” She giggled. “I see why the Princess likes you; you’re braver than you are intelligent. Given how you’re apparently intelligent enough to work out a whole system of spells, one spell in particular has a sub-system that nopony can decipher, apparently, that is saying something…” She shook her head. “If only my husband was more like you, and more loving.”

“I’m a one mare stallion, Exo. No trying to touch my booty; Celly does that enough already with a stra-” I stopped myself. “Okay, I should not make that joke. But you get the point.”

“I do,” Exo giggled. “I know what you were going to say, you crass, crass stallion. But to answer your question… Most of the Nine are only going to be polite with you because you’re you. And also they just watched you hoof-handle the most skilled magic user in our academy with an experimental version of a shield and nothing else. And I will want to be given the spell’s Runes and equations at some point; it seems so useful for even just the average unicorn to learn, as it could legitimately keep them safe.”

“I was gonna release it as an expansion, you bought a Python book? I’ll release a boatload of spells in small, mini-textbooks based on self defense, utility, all that fun stuff. If you own a Python text book, all you’ll be paying for is how much it costs for me to profit from the printing process of the textbooks themselves, not the work put into the spells I developed. If you buy a Python book in the future, you pay for the book and then choose one of the min-textbooks to get deeper into whichever thing you prefer.”

“Huh… that is a bizarre way of doing yearly textbooks.” One of the other Nine, the unimportant one that I haven’t gotten a name from yet, said. Very descriptive, I know, but like, the only two that matter to me right now is Bolt, who’s knocked the fuck out in the med-bay, and Exo.

“So, what are some of these portals?” I noticed a really fancy mirror in the back of the room, almost hidden by how poorly lit that specific spot was.

“These are all portals to… we don’t know where. They could be to random places on Equus, to other worlds… anywhere, really. This branch isn’t really known for having any powerful unicorns here, but we’re trying to discover how portals work, and how to tell where they’ll go. If we knew that micro-system portal, you could be very useful to us, since that’s the only controlled portal we’ve seen since the mirror in the back, and we don’t even know how it works. The Princess just gave it to us to test on one day, saying she’ll be back for it in a year or two. It still hasn’t opened, and if it has, it wasn’t while anypony was awake or in this room.”

“Darn,” I walked up to the mirror and tilted my head. “Say, what if I touched the mirror?” I wasn’t going to, I didn’t wanna go to another world, but… I could touch it.

“Nothing will happen; we’ve all tried it.” The mirror was a huge mirror, sitting on a bit of a pedestal of a simple design, most of it was rather simple. There was a small, cartoonish-looking pony on its hindlegs in a horseshoe on the top. I looked at it, before seeing myself wearing my trench coat, standing tall and proud, with a pair of wings. I stared for a moment later and chuckled. Me growing wings? Yeah, right. I turned around and walked back to the center of the room.

“DON’T STAND THERE!” Exo shouted. “THAT’S WHERE WE OPEN NEW PORTALS!”

“Oh shit.” I began to trot over to where everypony else was, only for some tired, seemingly overworked teenager’s horn lit. A portal opened up at my hooves as I slowly looked down, and back at my friends. “NOT A FUCKING AGAIN!”

I hit the ground with a thud, am… I am human again at least, right? I moved… oh, my hooves. I tapped my horn and flinched. Ow. It still aches a little. Uh… maybe I just ended up in some random place on Equus? My ears were ringing. I lit my horn and levitated a nearby stick and examined it. I simply stared at it, before looking up… The portal’s gone. Fuck me in the ass, man! I… snapped up and onto hooves. Oh god. I was gonna have dinner with Celly and Button tonight! I was going to spend next week in Ponyville with my students! Where am I? I’m still in Equestria, right?

I looked around… noting that there was just a pillar smoke off in the distance. I stared at it, long and hard… I took a deep breath. Okay, the wind’s flowing away from me, or I would be smelling some of that. My ears, once they stopped ringing… ponies are in trouble. Not ponies, people. On one hoof, I could get myself killed, but if all that screaming-

“WHOA!” an explosion went off in the same direction as the pillar of smoke and the screaming stopped. I watched as a dark blue figure with night-like hair and a pure white figure… with a pastel flowing mane… That’s Celly and Lulu! Maybe… the smoke stopped. The smoke stopped, but there’s no cheering, and after that explosion… I stared as two other figures, a pink one, and a purple one, both lacking flowing manes, rose up to meet the Sisters in the sky.

Wait, the screaming stopped. I stared at the four figures, trying to figure out if… ponies would be cheering if they were just saved by four alicorns, yet there was pure silence. My blood ran cold. That silence is so… unlike ponies. Sure, they would make sure that everypony is alright, but only after taking a moment to cheer about being able to live another day. Maybe… I should get out of here. I started slowly backing away, until I realized… I wasn’t in a very heavily wooded area.

I was in a field with a few trees, sparsely littering spread throughout it. There was a bush here and there, but for the most part, with my blue coat and bright yellow mane, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I need to run. I may have gone through a portal, and I could be on Equus still, I definitely am, but it’s definitely not the Equus I know. I turned to run, but then a pruple blur slammed into the ground in front of me, causing a small boom and a cloud of dust.

I could hear three other ‘booms’ happening around me, and I stopped dead in my tracks. I got a Light Shield ready and got ready to even DragonFire my way out if need be.

“Looks like there’s a survivor,” I did not like the sound of that voice. It sounded… like Twilight’s voice. I could sense Celestia, Luna, and Cadance were on my left, right, respectively. On instinct, I almost immediately stumbled over to where Celestia was, even if I knew it wasn’t my Celly. The alicorn jumped when I suddenly bumped into her side, before cackling madly.

…Why did I have to get part of another magical accident? All I heard was laughter, not the kind hearted laugh that Celly always had, this one… was downright maniacal laughter that sent a shiver down my spine.

Beyond the Portal

After I had bumped into this world’s version of Celestia, I immediately flinched and teleported out of their little circle. I knew better than to stand in the middle of enemy lines, after all. I brought a hoof up to the side that I had bumped Princess Celestia with, and hissed. It actually burns. The fur that was there was black, almost ash just from me touching her. Celly… Celly was a lot warmer than the average pony, and Luna was a tad bit colder than the average pony, but… Celly was always pleasantly warm unless somepony angered her. Luna… I shivered, this world’s Luna was influencing how cold it was and I was a good ten feet away from her.

I took in the sight… Twilight Sparkle, or rather, Princess Twilight… was actually relatively short. Compared to the other three, she still was a bit pudgy, but that hardly seemed to matter to her. Her coat was prestigious. My world’s Twilight was already well groomed, and well… Princess Twilight looked like a war princess. Her mane and tail were mostly the same, if you ignored some of the dried blood in it. There were no scars on her, a sign that nopony’s managed to touch her yet.

Princess Cadance… Oh god, Cadance is horrifying. Her eyes were blood red, a horrifying contrast compared to Cadance’s warm, friendly eyes. My world’s Cadance was always so happy, so nice to anything sapient, and also somewhat reserved. No makeup, nothing done to her mane besides the usual princess treatment of getting groomed by a bunch of professional groomers. Usually what you saw Cadance for, is what she was, and she still managed to be beautiful; my Shining Armor is a lucky stallion.

This Cadance… She was standing there, basically posing, like she knew exactly what she was doing. If I had to guess, she probably just toyed with a stallion, making them feel all sorts of things before coldly killing them.

Now Princess Celestia and Princess Luna… both of them were wearing rather… interesting armor. I know I’ve seen both sets before, even if those sets looked old and unused; Celly wore it once just to show me, and she looked amazing in it. In this case, Princess Celestia looked horrifying. Her hair was tied back, as well as her mane, and she was carrying a sword that was on fucking fire in her magic. She looked so much like Celly, so, so damn much, yet the look in her eyes that she was giving me. That warm, loving smile that I’ve grown accustomed to seeing on that wondrous face of hers…

Was cold, grinning maniacally, as she giggled to herself.

Princess Luna… I think it’s more terrifying to see her just like this, as she was, and not as Nightmare Moon. It told me off the bat that… These alicorns were simply the way they were. Horrible people that likely just slaughtered a village full of people. Like her sister, she wore a set of armor that I’ve no doubt that Luna had already shown to Tale, which was similar in style to Princess Celestia’s, where it was clearly meant to be ‘appealing’ rather than ‘protective’. With who they were, however, it made sense as to why they did not need to actually wear something that protected them.

“Aw, sister, he smells like you!” Princess Luna said while giggling.

“I know. Perhaps I slept with him, and he slipped away in the morning? It would have been odd; he would’ve been killed as soon as I was done with him,” Princess Celestia laughed. I shivered; that was so, so wrong. I do not like hearing Celly’s voice laughing like a psycho.

“Uh…” I started backing away. “How about we pretend like I was never here, and you guys go about your day?” I asked.

“Or,” Princess Cadance said sweetly. “We find out why you smell like my aunt, and we kill you?”

“That sounds fun. That sounds really fun, actually. Hey Cadance,” I said. She blinked a moment, being shocked at my suddenly ‘calm’ demeanor. “PADDY WAGON!” I shot a high powered, Stun with a Pierce and a Telekinetic Blast mixed into one, and struck Cadance in the face, sending her flying into a tree. Thanks to the Stun, she wasn’t getting back up. Huh, like back home, Cadance isn’t very strong with magic. It probably helped that I used fear to drive the spell. I waved at the other three.

“LATER!” I DragonFired into Princess Cadance, taking her along with me to use as a hostage. I would’ve killed her, outright killed her, but… she literally looks like Cadance, she is Cadance. I couldn’t bring myself to actually hurt her. Luckily, the other alicorns were just shocked at how I knocked one of them on their ass, and then used a spell I know they’ve never seen before to fly off into the distance. I was driving the spell as hard as I could, so I was going as fast as Rainbow Dash.

On the way, I found a cave, and headed on down. I may not be willing to kill Cadance, but I wasn’t going to be nice to her; she did want to kill me, after all. I skidded to a stop in the cave, and dropped the alicorn on her head, while she was still basically unable to move. After a moment, I pulled out a magic prohibiting ring, a standard thing most royal guards carry on them, and slipped it on her horn. I casted a spell that I’ve tested a few times, one that hides magical signatures, on the two of us. I named it ‘Ghost’, since nopony gave it a name; nopony really ever used it anyways.

I sat down, and took a deep breath. “Okay,” I laid on my stomach and took another deep breath. “Okay, Source, you’ve been through this before, just now there are four magical gods that want you dead for some reas-” I stopped and blinked. “-son. I just pissed them off and took one with me…” I whispered. “Shit.”

“And you think you can win,” Princess Cadance said sweetly. “You know you’ve pissed the four of us off,” she giggled. “I will look forward to killing you myself.”

“...Fucking christ.” I sighed. “Good thing…” I pulled out a spell crystal, one I was going to use, but Pinkie had a crystal on her for some reason… Did Pinkie fucking predict this? I wouldn’t be shocked, but holy… if she did, I am going to kiss that mare on the cheek, or let her throw me a big, stinky party in my name that I’ll probably love anyways. I enchanted it with a Stun, just as Princess Cadance got up.

“Do you understand why we alicorns are so dangerous?” Cadance asked. “Why are we superior to the other tribes?” She asked. She grinned. “Stun spells don’t last long on me, fool.”

“That’s cool. I’ve got a proposition for you,” I said, fiddling with the crystal. Princess Cadance blinked.

“Why do you think-”

“I am not from this timeline. I don’t give a damn about Alicorn Superiority or whatever, but what I do care about is going home. I’ve met another version of you, one far, far nicer than you. She’s happy, going to get married, and will probably be readily accepted by her in-laws as family. Twilight Sparkle adores her, everypony adores her. But I do know this,” I chuckled. “You aren’t trained for combat, are you? Just coasting off the fact that you’re so much stronger than the average pony?” I chuckled darkly. “I’m no average pony, Cadance. I could’ve broken your neck on the way here, I could’ve killed you. But I, frankly, don’t think I could bring myself to outright kill anyone. Not somebody that looks so close to somebody I love.

“I don’t wanna fight, I don’t want to get involved with whatever you, your aunts, and Twilight are doing. I may not approve of it, but I can’t do much to stop four alicorns in an outright brawl.” I chuckled. “I’m sure you’ve married before, correct?”

“I have. He passed away over a decade ago.”

“Shining Armor?” I asked.

“How do you know that name?” Princess Cadance said, seemingly forgetting what she wanted to do.

“As I said, I’ve met another timeline’s version of you, Princess Cadance. Shining Armor, Cadance and I were pretty good friends, well, Cadance and my world’s Shining Armor were just about to get married and were planning out their wedding. But that brings me to my next point,” I sighed. “Seeing the mare I love, being so cold and heartless hurts a lot, you know?” Princess Cadance raised an eyebrow. “I think the four of you alicorns noticed how much I smell like Princess Celestia?” Cadance nodded.

“Back home, I was Princess Celestia’s consort. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but one day I woke up in a crater after a magical accident. No clue if I’m actually another being’s mind inside that of a pony, or if I got turned into a pony, all I knew is that I woke up as a pony when I wasn’t before. If the magical accident erased what once was inside this body, who knows? But… I met Princess Celestia, my Celly…” I sighed. “Oh, I love her, so, so damn much. We’re planning on getting married ourselves and are basically engaged at this point. We even have a little colt, through adoption, that we love with all of our being.

“All I want is to go home. I don’t care if I gotta kill you and this world’s versions of Luna, Celestia, and Twilight, but I will find a way home…” I noticed Cadance actually flinched for some reason. “I don’t want to hurt you, I’ll letcha go and everything, but I want to make sure Luna, Celestia, and Twilight do not try to cause me any harm.” I think I’m getting somewhere, since Cadance laid back down, and decided to not try anything for the rest of the night.

When I woke up, Cadance was gone. I think she left to try and get the rest of the alicorns to kill me or something. I don’t know, I don’t care. I simply got up, went outside and had some grass. Sure, it wasn’t exactly… tasty, or good, or anything that tasted like anything, but there’s a reason why most guard kits don’t carry rations. If the ground’s covered in grass, you don’t need rations, if you find a bush with berries in it, you don’t need rations. Plants have water in them, so you’re covered on that, and ponies typically live off of plants, so if you’ve got plants, you got water and food.

Just not good food or water.

I grazed for a while, before changing my coat to and mane to the same shade of green as the grass. So if an alicorn flies overhead, I’ll be fine. I casted another Ghost, got a Light Shield active and enchanted my bones, fur, and skin to be tougher in case I needed to fight, and started walking forward. I know I probably should go back to where I initially came into this world, but I don’t think I should; mostly because it was in the middle of a field. A random field in the middle of nowhere. I obviously was nowhere near Canterlot; there wasn’t a mountain in sight, and a city jutting out the side of a mountain would be pretty hard for me to miss.

I kept on marching forward, knowing that if I stop, Cadance may show up again, and I don’t know if she’s a friend, but I know that if we meet again, we are definitely going to be not very friendly. I did drop her on her head, and said I would kill her and her aunts, and Twilight should they come after me again. Luckily, this world was just as colorful as my Equestria, even if I was feeling a sense of dread and anxiety from having to watch my back.

While I was walking, I saw a huge mountain, like… oh, oh shit. That’s Canterlot Mountain; I could see the city. Granted, the sun’s going down, and I think I’ve got to get through what may be the Everfree Forest, but I can probably find Ponyville and stay there. I know I’d probably be safer in the Everfree, with some natural cover, than out and about in the fields. While I… If this is in another timeline, and possibly in the future of that timeline, I don’t think I will be running into anyone I would notice any time soon.

I DragonFired into the sky and took off until I landed roughly where Fluttershy’s cottage should be. I've never been, back home, but I was told where it was. It was pretty hard to miss, but given that it still had a road leading up to a peaceful little cottage, that was right on the edge of the Everfree Forest, I landed on the pathway, right in front of a small bridge that went up and over a cute little stream, before trotting on up to the door. With some hope, maybe I’ll… I knocked on the door, hopefully I’ll at least find Fluttershy’s kid, or something.

Instead, I was greeted by a weird looking snake thing. “Oh, dear Celestia! It’s that stallion that me in another universe didn’t get the chance to meet because he was stuck here! Come in, come in,” he coaxed me inside. It wasn’t hard, since as weird as what he said was, he did seem like a pleasant individual. “Fluttershy! I know it’s late, but we have a guest, a guest of honor!” I suddenly had a crown on my head and necklace. A Fluttershy, looking no older than when I met her, trotted downstairs. She was wearing a cute little sleeping cap and was rubbing her eyes.

“Yes dear?” Fluttershy asked. Her eyes landed on me. “Oh! One moment, I’ll get some tea going!”

“What the fuck?” I asked as I watched as Fluttershy clapped her hooves and magically ended up walking out of the kitchen with a teapot and a set of teacups.

“Discord told me all about you, a pony from another world that is just a well of chaotic magic.” She smiled. “And no matter where he’s from, an apparent friend of Discord is a friend of mine.”

“...Okay, then. I’m Source, dunno if you know-”

“Oh, I know. This is my husband, Discord,” Fluttershy patted the weird blend of animals, who had coiled up around her and was acting like a bed for her. “This is Discord, a Draconequus, or the spirit of chaos. The-”

“The one and only D-D-Discord!” The John Cena theme was playing. “Now, my little pony, you. I believe I know why you are here.” I couldn’t help but smile slightly at how bumfuck crazy these two were, or how much more confident Fluttershy looked right now. “You got dragged out a timeline, one where you existed and changed some things. Such as making a young colt, who is usually an earth pony in other timelines, a unicorn, in yours. Or perhaps in yours, I would’ve already been redeemed and ‘hooked up’ with Fluttershy had I met you next week like I should’ve in your timeline.”

“Wait…”

“Yes, by the time you get back, about a month will have passed!” My heart dropped. “I know, I know, so much time lost. But!” I tilted my head. “I’ve a deal for you,” Discord said. “I can control portals very easily, I might add. I can send you home, if you do a small little favor for me.” He patted my head. “I just powered you up, a lot. You see, this timeline’s version of Twilight Sparkle, Princess Cadance, and the Royal Pony Sisters went mad recently, Twilight from watching all her friends die, Princess Cadance from watching her husband die, and the Royal Pony Sisters were never particularly good ponies in this timeline, and figured Alicorn Supremacy is the way forward…” Discord nodded to himself.

“I want you to protect Ponyville, as it is my home, and I hate seeing it get destroyed no matter the timeline we're in. If you do that, and put on a good show, I’ll send you home. At the start of February, you’ll be back home, received very warmly, and loved and cared for until the Canterlot Wedding that will take place during April. By the way, the alicorns are on the way and they are angry.”

I looked at Fluttershy. “Aren’t you upset by this?” I asked.

“No, me and Discord don’t really follow a timeline anymore. We would be from what you consider… ‘Cannon’. In that, my friends are still alive and kicking; we decided to go somewhere a little dangerous on our honeymoon, and this was the place.” I blinked a few more times. “Yes, Discord taught me how to use chaos magic, and I have seen a lot, Source Code. I must say, it has its perks, but this one pony named the Doctor, and his assistant and wife, Derpy Hooves, tends to bump into us and make our brains hurt…”

Discord shivered. “They use logic to solve their problems. Something so against what the two of us have stood for for the last ten years… has it been ten years?”

“I’m not sure anymore,” Fluttershy shrugged. “Well, if you want to stay the night, you can take my bed. Discord has a built-in reclining system, massage machine, and serves a nice, warm glass of milk right before you go to bed, so I don’t need the bed.” What? These two are starting to make my brain hurt just a little bit.

“Alright then… don’t let the bedbugs bite?” Fluttershy nodded, before nuzzling into her… husband, I guess.

The next day, I woke up to pure, unfiltered disappointment. When I felt the comforts of a nice, soft bed, I was excited, that maybe, just maybe whatever the fuck just happened was all a dream. Then I woke up in Fluttershy’s bed to the smell of pancakes. They weren’t Celly’s pancakes, there was no Celly laying her wing over my back, a moment away from waking up. No Celly to watch raise the Sun. I felt my heart drop when I didn’t feel my son laying against the side of my belly, asking for five more minutes before we hopped in the chariot and went to Ponyville for school.

I sighed; it’s only been two days for me so far, but it’s likely been a week for them.

If what ‘Discord’ said, my world’s discord was going wild right now… and I can’t be there for Button to keep him safe.

With a groan, I got up, stretched, and walked downstairs.

“Good morning, my little chaos master, how did you sleep?” Discord greeted me… he put salt inside his pancake mix.

“I miss my fiance,” I said. I sighed. “Any clue until those psychos show up?” I asked.

“Oh, they’re going to show up when they show up. You’ll know when you hear Ponyville’s residents start screaming,” Discord shrugged. “All I know is that I will be absent, since I moved Fluttershy somewhere far away from the alicorn carnage.”

“Water has a better chance at existing in the Netherlands than me being able to take down one alicorn, let alone four.”

“Oh please, I saw you take down Princess Cadance, but then you didn’t kill her.” Discord chuckled. “Now,” he sat down and offered me the best tasting pancakes I’ve had that weren’t Celly’s. There’s salt in this, and I frankly don’t care that much, it just somehow tasted good. “There’s also grape jelly in there; the salt helps bring the flavor out if I do say so myself…” He chuckled. “But seriously, my little chaos master. What are humans best at?”

“Killing each other?”

“Besides that.”

“Killing the shit out of animals?”

“And?”

“Thinking?” I asked.

“Yes, that there! Now, I don’t expect you to outright overpower any alicorn besides Princess Cadance with your fancy smancy use of a never seen before spell system, so!” Discord clapped. “Play smarter, not harder, Source Code. You’ll know what to do…” the weirdo started laughing. “Oh, being a good guy and giving advice sure does make me feel tingly inside. And I get to watch the chaos that comes from what you come up with? Ohoho!” Discord sighed. “Also I evacuated everypony to where Princess Cadance was held during her wedding.”

“So in the castle?”

“No, I would give you more details, but I want to also watch what chaos could ensue from what happens during Cadance’s wedding. It’s not something your Celestia actually accounted for, so don’t get mad at her. Seriously, I love Fluttershy more than anything, and I see you feel the same for your Celestia; don’t get mad at her for something she didn’t plan.” Discord dumped a shitload of jalapeno juice on his pancakes and started eating them. “Being seriously out of character sure is fun, isn’t it, Source?”

“The fuck you on about, mate?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Hey, guess what? I know that the princesses are coming here due to the new Bearers also living here, along with one of their few threats, and a hundred and ten year-old unicorn that doesn’t look a day over thirty being living here… So!” Discord smiled. “They’re here, by the way.” Before I could even blink, a spell blasted right through the cottage, and would’ve hit me if it weren’t for the Light Shield. Discord was gone.

“Shit.” I said as the Light Shield forced me to teleport just outside of the blast radius. The cottage was just a crater when my vision caught up with me. Standing before me were… well, Luna, Celestia, Twilight, and Cadance. The last one looked pretty pissed off.

“Aunties, Twilie,” Princess Cadance said as she stepped forward. “Allow me to take this one on, alone. He humiliated me, dropped me on my face, and told me a stupid, ridiculous sob story about how he’s from another world. I want to kill him.” Well, so much for thinking that Cadance was going to be on my side after telling her about missing somepony I love. The other three alicorns looked each other in the eyes, before nodding.

“If you believe you cannot win, you know what to do,” Princess Celestia said. “The rest of us will split up; Twilight go teach your old student a lesson about defying your wishes, would you?”

“Of course, Princess.” Twilight was off in an instant while Luna and Celestia ran off to probably kill some of the ‘fake’ ponies in Ponyville.

Princess Cadance and I stood face to face, a good ten meters away from each other. The Princess started smirking as she started walking forward, with a lot of emphasis on her hips. I think she was trying to distract me and go for a mean blow. I mean, they are nice, but in my world, Cadance is technically my niece, and also… Celly’s were nicer and attached to a mare that was actually a nice pony. I don’t fuck with crazy hoes.

I shrugged and decided to go on the offensive; if this Cadance is anything like my world’s… her defenses leave a lot to be desired. I threw a Lightning at Cadance, before running in. I know, a wise idea to take on an alicorn in a melee derby, but… I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve. Cadance blocked my Lightning; her shield cracked a little. As soon as I was in striking distance, Princess Cadance punched me in the face, but didn’t realize that I tend to enchant my head with the most defensive spells possible. I took the punch in the face and felt like the equivalent of a bee sting, before headbutting her.

“That’s no way to treat a lady,” Cadance growled, stumbling away while holding her nose. God damn, Cadance is fucking frail. It probably didn’t help that you can essentially use magic as steroids to empower your muscles and hit harder than you should, but… Hey, I think I broke her nose. “I was only going to give you a nice, loving kiss, and make you my slave. Or the kiss would melt you down to the bone; it just depended on how I was feeling, and you go and attack me? Do you not enjoy kisses?”

“Celly and I kiss whenever we are able, yeah. That’s your problem; you ain’t my Celly.” I teleported out away from Cadance. “God, did losing Shining Armor fuck you up that much?”

“Try that and several miscarriages, you fool.” Cadance growled. “Stop bringing his name up, or I will kill you slowly and painfully.”

“So…” I hummed. “You were supposed to use a Flare to call for help, yes?” I tilted my head. “That’s standard ‘I need backup’ in the guard, at least. Somepony had to have taught you that, eh?”

“Like I will need it; you only get by off of cheap shots; there’s no honor to your fighting.”

“You tried to seduce me so you could kiss me to death. That’s hardly any better.” It wasn’t much of a show, either. Again, I don’t fuck with crazy. Well, at least not this kind of crazy, because Celly is definitely a bit crazy… Fuck me. Two beams of magic, Twilight’s magic was immediately noticeable, and another magic that straight up, is the strongest magical signature I’ve felt besides Celestia’s. The magic quickly dissipated, and me and Cadance stopped whatever we were doing. Twilight was facing down some unicorn I’ve never seen before.

She almost looked exactly like Twilight with lighter colors, and a different mane style.

The unicorn quickly noticed me. “GET OUT OF HERE!” Twilight launched a spell at the mystery unicorn while said unicorn was trying to get me to flee. The spell looked like it could kill a pony… It was a Telekinetic blast of the highest caliber. hmm. I used Levitate on Cadance’s tail and wings. I broke the wings, earning an audible snap that made me almost flinch and a yelp that hurt to hear, before throwing Princess Cadance, by the tail, in the path of the blast. I teleported to the mystery unicorn, and teleported us both out of the way.

I looked up to see the result of my labor, and almost threw up.

Let’s just say… imagine a deer after it got hit by a semi-truck going a hundred down the freeway. What’s more fucked up is that Cadance is still conscious since the spell seemingly only hit half of her body. I grabbed a stick, closed my eyes, and drove it through her head to put her out of her misery… Right as Princess Twilight tried to heal Cadance from something you literally can’t heal somepony from.

“You…” Twilight Sparkle growled. “You killed Cadance!” She snarled as she started digging at the ground with one hoof. I immediately shrunk myself down to the size of a colt; I’ve watched Star Wars a few times, like a nerd, and got an idea from watching Yoda during the first episode lay waste to an army during the Clone Wars.

“Hey!” The mystery unicorn shouted. “Leave him out of this! He was just defending himself!”

“He had the option of surrendering!’

“Just as Thorax had, Twilight. You slaughtered his Hive in front of him, before Cadance finished him off.” The unicorn growled. “At this point, I think it’s deserved if you get killed.” The unicorn glanced at me. “Starlight Glimmer,” she said.

“Source Code,” I said, my voice being notably squeakier. “We’re going to die, aren’t we?” I said I had an idea from a T.V show. That should tell you how screwed we are.

“No, I don’t think we will be. I can match Princess Twilight, and you seem to be… creative in your fighting style.” We both tried to not look at what was left of Cadance. I had Light Shield up and ready as soon as I noted that… Celestia and Luna had landed. They… were not pleased at seeing Princess Cadance with a stick going through her head.

“We’re fucked…” I hummed and DragonFired away Starlight. If I’m going to die, I ain’t dragging her into this; she had nothing to do with what was going on. “Alright guys,” I said, my now colt-sized body made everything seem so much larger. “I can probably guess that all of you are pretty angry,” I nodded to Twilight. “However…” I teleported out of the way of a spell. The fact that these guys haven’t just grabbed me with Levitation and choked me out or something… Huh.

I could try to Force Choke one of these guys… That sounds like a cool spell name. Yeah, keep thinking of what you could name, choking somepony out with magic, Source, it’ll help you ignore the fact that you just killed somepony. I landed behind just in time for the Light Shield to eat up another attack and actually DragonFire me away. I landed behind Twilight as she got ready to launch another spell at me. Celestia and Luna lit their horns, but held their fire when I teleported onto the purple alicorn’s back and casted a Mirror on her horn.

Essentially, Mirror launches attacks back at you. I did it right as Twilight shot another blast of telekinetic energy to try and get me off of her. The Light Shield luckily saved me from also taking the blunt of Mirror's counter, but Twilight… Mmm, do not turn around, Source. Behind you is not a pretty sight. I sat there, feeling my horn starting to ache again. I haven’t outright attacked anypony yet, but Mirror that redirected that much magic? Along with the Light Shield? I am being driven beyond my limits, and I haven’t even attacked yet.

I was breathing heavily, watching Luna and Celestia as they started calculating their next moves; they’re being cautious now.

“We can still talk this out.” I said calmly. “Because for all your superiority with magic, spells, and combat knowledge… there is something you will never, ever understand…” I placed a hoof to my chest and took a deep breath. I think it’s time to pull something out of my ass that hopefully sounds like something from Doctor Who. “I am Source Code. I’m not a pony. I want to go home and see my future wife and play with my foal. If you get in the way of me doing that, I will move you aside, peacefully, or violently. You decide."

“You seriously think that you are going to talk your way out of this?” Princess Celestia asked. “You killed my niece and my old student. Do you really, really think you will be able to make me calm down?”

“I know I won't. I’m from another timeline, lady. I’m friends with those two in my timeline. Do you think I wanted to see one of them blasted to shit, or the other one blowing herself up? No. No I didn’t. Did I want to? No. You aren’t giving me much of a choice in what I want to do, though. I tried keeping Cadance, peacefully, but she decided to leave a tracking spell on me, and you guys found me a few days after she fled.” My Light Shield moved me out of the way of a Fireball.

“I know how you fight, Princess. I’ve sparred with my timeline’s you. I know she held back a lot, a lot. This time, I have to try extra hard to not get hit…” I chuckled humorlessly. “I’ve found a way to never, ever get hit by a spell unless I run out of magic, or fucking get my horn blown up.” I hummed, before picking up a rock, and casted a Teleport on it and myself to experiment. Experiment done, I know how I’m going to off Princess Luna, now… God, that does not sound good to me, man.

I love Luna, she’s the cutest little dork I’ve ever met.

This Luna is a horrible pony, though.

Sure, neither Lulu or Celly are saints, but they are still good ponies at the end of the day. I literally met Luna and Celestia after they genocided some random village for fun.

“Come at me, bro.” I said, preparing two Teleports. Both sisters started fighting as a well powered team, one would go in to melee me, then back out as the other launched a spell my way. The only thing keeping me alive was the fact that I was so small as a colt, my Light Shield being pushed beyond what I expected it to stop, and well-timed teleports to get out of the way of their swords. I started watching their attack patterns. So Celestia goes in first, most of the time to try and hit me with a sword and backs out. Luna blasts at me with magic, and then follows it up with her own onslaught.

…

“Huh.” I hummed as I landed, all three of us paused.

“What? Did you realize that fighting back is futile?” Princess Luna asked.

“No. I just thought of something… rather cute, even if it kinda isn’t as cute because of who is doing it.” I wasn’t gonna say it, don’t wanna fuck my own plans up but… Even in a universe where Celestia is a fucking psycho, she still fights in a manner that effectively only puts her in danger. And Luna does her best to keep Celestia out of danger… I think that’s how Celly and Lulu fight, except they work way better as a team because they aren’t psychotic, and genuinely want to make sure that the other is unharmed after a big fight.

I’m assuming that at least.

“You think this is cute?” Celestia asked. She pointed her sword at me. “Try this.” She ran in, getting ready to probably stab me in the head or something… Just as she brought her sword up, I casted a Teleport on Luna, and teleported to where Luna was standing… Ow. Ow. Ow. Fuck. Teleporting alicorns is not good for your horn, as it turned out. Princess Celestia and Luna stared at each other, one in horror, the other was in shock. Well, a fading shock. Princess Celestia watched as her sister’s life left her eyes, like it was the only thing going on… right as I took Luna’s sword in my own magic and jammed it into the back of Celestia's head as well.

Princess Celestia slumped over, leaving Princess Luna, who was somehow still alive, even if she couldn’t do anything to overcome the sword in her chest.

“I am so, so sorry, Luna.” I said. “Truly, this hurts me more than it hurts you…” I sighed as I yanked the sword out of the Moon Princess, and turned around to walk away. Only to fall upon the sight of the severely mangled bodies of the other two alicorns… I teleported away from the battlefield and started throwing up. I leaned against the side of a wall, I don’t know what the fuck it was, but… Holy shit. I started trembling; I killed four people! But they were awful people! I could’ve talked them down… if they were willing to listen. I… I threw up some more and started coughing.

My horn hurts, that’s the main thing I noticed aside from my tears.

Watching as Luna, no matter what timeline Luna is in, watching the life leave her eyes as she’s in too much pain to do anything other than stare ahead at nothing in shock… Stabbing Celestia in the head… I don’t even want to think about what I did to Cadance or Twilight. Oh… my god…

“I’m alive at least,” I coughed. “God damn,” I hope I can get Celly to wipe my mind by two days; I don’t want to remember this. I don’t even like fighting that much, and I like to think I can be relatively peaceful and nice… And I just killed four people that were literally just alternate reality versions of the ponies I loved. I shivered as I felt Starlight standing behind me.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“...You took down four alicorns,” she pointed out.

“I don’t like what I did.”

“But… they were committing genocide! They went mad, and thought about trying to exterminate all of Equestria because they were bored! You saved ponykind!”

“I know,” I whispered. “I fucking know. I also know this is not my reality, and that I’ve killed four people that I call close friends, or even a lover in the case of Princess Celestia.” I shivered. “I think it’s just the fact that I killed anyone at all. I really didn’t like…” I almost threw up again at the memory of Cadance.

“...Oh.” Starlight whispered and wrapped a hoof around my neck. “I see.” She nuzzled me. “If we can’t send you home, would you consider taking up the mantle?” She asked.

“Why?” I asked.

“You… have a pair of wings and a horn. Those weren’t there when you teleported me away with that odd spell.”

“Oh…” I looked down at them and shrugged. “Well.” I said. “I suppose, but only if I cannot go home. I need to go home, and I just want to curl up into a ball under my Celly’s wing, and possibly get some therapy.”

“...Alright.” Starlight sighed. “Well, when you’re ready, come find me, and we’ll begin trying to find your home timeline.”

I lied underneath an apple tree. It's been at least a week since I fought and killed the four previous rulers of Equestria in this timeline. I didn’t feel any better; Discord hasn’t made due on his promise of sending me home, and Starlight is struggling to find my timeline. No Apple Jack; she’s apparently long dead in this timeline. No Big Mac, no Pinkie to make me feel better. Nothing. I took a whiff of the air as Fluttershy laid down beside me.

“Hello, Source.”

“Heya Flutters.” I waved. “Sorry if I’m not very talkative. I…”

“I know. Would… Would you like a hug?” She asked. She lifted her wing, and… you know what? A hug sounds great right now. I nodded and Fluttershy wrapped her wing around me and pulled me close. “It couldn’t have been easy, physically or emotionally, could it?” My silence was the only answer I could give. “I… I have had to put some animals down when they get sick, and it never felt good. Taking a life never feels good, Source, even if it might have been necessary for survival, or an animal is too sick to keep going and only knows pain, or if it’s a life or death situation… When you get home, please, please seek help. Don’t have somepony erase your memory of these events; they are what makes a pony a pony.”

“I won’t… Where’s your husband?”

“Right here,” Discord’s lion paw came down on my head. “I see you…” he cleared her throat. “Were a lot more violent with your approach to resolving the issue than I would have thought.” The fucker patted my head, which admittedly felt good; I needed some sort of comfort right now. “I’ll send you home. As my wife said, seriously go seek some help. You can tell your timeline’s Celestia, Luna, anypony. They will understand and be there for you, as friends should.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Discord.” I got up from under Fluttershy’s wing. “And… Even if I don’t like the results, or the process of meeting my end of the deal, thank you for at least giving me a definitive way out of this nightmare of a timeline.”

“You may say what you want,” Fluttershy started. “But Discord makes due on his deals.” She glared at Discord. “Even if he ends up sleeping on the couch for getting a poor stallion traumatized over them.” She nuzzled me. “Take care, Source Code. When you see your fiance, give her the biggest, warmest hug you can muster; I am willing to bet that she’ll need it.” Discord snapped his paw, and I simply nodded. I gave a hug to Fluttershy, even if she wasn’t my Fluttershy, Fluttershy looked like she could use a hug no matter the timeline.

“See you two around, hopefully.” I walked through the portal as the world around me started to fade to white.

The first thing I noted was… I was back in the Mage Tower. Celestia was in the Portal Room, every portal had been shut down, apparently, save for the one I had just walked out of. I had my wings folded up, so she wouldn’t immediately notice them. I was so fucking relieved to see her; Button wasn’t here, but I would make damn sure to let my colt have a week off from school if he desired it, just so he and I can catch up again.

“WE DID IT!” One of the Portal Ponies cheered. “WE BROUGHT HIM BACK!”

“SOURCE!” Celestia broke into the Royal Canterlot Voice before tackling me. “I checked in every single sun forsaken day to see if you've returned…” She looked me in the eyes. “Where did you get sent?” She knew something was wrong with me immediately. “You’ve grown wings, yet you look… distant. You look…”

“I…” I cleared my throat and started crying into her chest. “Oh my fucking god. Thank the lord that I have you back in my hands.” I cried into her for a good thirty minutes while I sloppily and tearfully retold what had essentially only been a week for me. I know that a month’s definitely passed, according to Discord, for Celly, but she seemed so… attentive to listening to me, and refused to let me go after I told her the full tale.

“...I see.” Celestia hugged me tighter. “I am making sure you get therapy for this, Source. No putting it off, or asking me or Luna to do it for you. I am booking you an appointment with the royal therapist, and I am forcing you to go, alright?”

“That would be the best course of action for me, Celly… Though it’s been a month for you and Button. Tell me about it; it’ll at least take my mind off of everything, and I genuinely want to know. You put so much time into just listening to my problems, Celly. Tell me yours, please.” As Celly began to retell how she and Button had been taking the news of me being involved in yet another magical accident, they definitely took it horribly. Apparently, in my memory, since I could’ve been as good as dead, my students all took to their studies and worked on their magic like hell in my honor; they knew I wouldn’t want them to stop magic as a whole.

Button had improved so much, and… I simply just listened, and soon, it was my chest being cried into while Celestia tearfully told me how scared she was during the Discord incident. Somehow, Button was entirely unharmed or phased; Discord left him alone for some reason. Overall, the two of us had been through Tartarus and we were both happy to just be done with it. Celly promptly brought me to the castle’s therapist, where I spent a good two hours in.

It didn’t help initially, but I knew therapy was a long term thing.

When I saw Button, the tears that I thought I could no longer shed from me crying so damn much ended up falling. “I missed you, Dad…” Button whispered as we both laid on the couch, I was on my side, holding my son up to my cheek as the two of us snuggled. Celly had joined us shortly afterwards, and moved everything off schedule for the next week so we all could spend it together, and so she could make sure I could get those therapy sessions. Pinkie stopped by at some point and said she would host a party during that week…

Pinkie’s never failed to bring me out of my funk with her parties, since I’ve only gone to one party so far, but… I was willing to give it a try. Anything to make me just feel better. I’ve got my Celly, I got my colt, Luna even came by when she figured out I was home and took a week off of ruling as well… She knew what happened, Celly told her at some point while I was having therapy.

Having everypony I loved, since Cadance and Shiny stopped by too, certainly helped. It felt so much better to be seeing the ponies that I love in one piece, and not completely evil, unredeemable monsters… I am going to need this week with all of them, after all.

For my first night back, though, I was feeling just a lot better to be in a pony pile with Cadance, Celly, Shiny, Button, and Lulu. Pinkie even joined us, since she also made it her goal to get me to genuinely smile throughout this week.

“And that’s why the chicken crossed the road…” Pinkie said.

“You didn’t even…” I chuckled, heartily chuckled. “Okay, just saying that out of the blue, Pinkie, good one.” Pinkie did a cute little hoof pump; she succeeded on my first night back at getting me to smile at least once. With Pinkie, therapy, and pony piles… I still won’t mentally recover, but I think I’ll be able to move on.

“I’m going to host two parties this week, by the way. One for welcoming you back to our timeline, and then the next for you being the newest alicorn! I would roll it into one big party, but it’s going to be two, big parties. That way I get two, huge opportunities to make you smile!”

…I forgot that I grew wings.

Author's Note

this is probably the most ambitious chapter I've ever written. I wanted Source to take down four alicorns, but not through actively overpowering them, but through clever use of spells, his own ingenuity, and overall, quick thinking. not one alicorn during his battle actually died from Source beating them in combat or through Source overpowering them.

I obviously believe that Cadance, even if she became evil, would probably be the weakest of the alicorns. Twilight has an affinity for magic, Celestia and Luna have been alive for thousands of years to hone their skills. So I believe she would be the first to go down in a fight out of the four. Twilight, seems to be the second easiest to me to take down, if you don't work on a textbook application of magic. thanks to this Twilight never experiencing Python, she had no clue what half the spells that Source used were. Celestia and Luna... were the toughest for me to figure out how to get them killed in this timeline.

I figured that they would fight well as a team, with Celestia usually taking the lead to protect her younger sister; once the older sibling, always the older sibling, after all. From there it was just a matter of Source being able to teleport either of them, namely Luna due to her being significantly smaller than Celestia thus easier to teleport, into one of Celestia's attacks.

and if Celestia wasn't shocked that she ended up hitting Luna during the fight, Source was flat out of magic to do anything beyond Levitation; he woulda died.

and he definitely would've died if a certain Chaos god hadn't... given him a small boost in power and stamina. under normal circumstances, Light Shield would've been used so much that Source would've ran out of magic and gotten obliterated.

so now Source is an alicorn. that's going to be fun. he's also... just a little shook by what he did. just a tad; I'm joking. Source is mentally ruined now. I'll try to keep him the same bumbling idiot that we know and love, just... shaken. like keeping sharp objects far, far away from Luna or Celestia, and possibly start writing him in a bit more of a... mature manner from here on out. Source is gonna be... less humoress when it comes to things in the future.

i've also added a few warnings because of this chapter. along with a few others that should've been there to begin with.

i'm quite happy with how this turned out. even if it left my boy traumatized.

The Vacation Week has Begun

The next day, after waking up, I found myself under a pony pile. Celestia had somehow ended up at the bottom of the pile, with Luna just on top of her. Button was laying on my neck, happily snoozing away, whereas Shiny and Cadance were on both sides of me, with Cadance having laid a wing over my back. I shifted slightly to look at her lower half… Okay, okay. Cadance is still whole, this is my world’s Cadance, not the evil one. I shuddered, before taking a moment to nuzzle her. Luckily, I was lying within the pile so that my head was right between Luna’s ears. I was laying basically on top of Luna. It was pretty comfy.

I missed Lulu.

Even though my human brain said no, I still started grooming Lulu. The pony in me was probably cheering at being able to ‘groom the perty gurl’. Plus I missed my surrogate sister; grooming her felt appropriate. It certainly didn’t hurt that I looked another Luna in the eyes as she died, and… I took a deep breath, mid-groom lick, and let it all out. Somehow, she didn’t wake up from me blowing air out of my nostrils and into her mane.

I nuzzled Luna, and wrapped my hooves around her neck and held her in a hug. While I was doing that, I pulled some parchment out of a drawer that Celly kept on standby in case she wanted to respond to any letters that Twilight sent… I wanted to let Twilight and her friends know that I’m safe. Well, besides Pinkie Pie. Pinkie was missing for some reason. She was probably in the castle doing her Pinkie Pie things.

I sent the letter off to Twilight in DragonFire. I just wanted to hug her. I wanted, no, needed to see if she was alright. I know she would be, but I just wanted to see her.

After I made sure everypony was alright, I teleported myself out of the pile, and kissed Celly… Only for her forelegs to shoot out and grab me. I made sure to gently leave Button in Cadance’s mane before she did. I almost immediately tried to run, but felt the pleasant warmth of Celly's forelegs, and immediately calmed down.

“Good morning, dear,” she said as her horn lit up to raise the Sun. Luna’s horn, despite her being fast asleep, lit up and the moon went down. “Did you think I would let you sneak away after what you’ve been through?” she asked as she laid her head on top of mine.

“I… uh…” I whispered.

“Well, my dear, you and I are going to enjoy some morning snuggles first, and foremost. You have a therapy session shortly after breakfast, and then the six of us, since Pinkie is still here, go to Ponyville to enjoy a nice day in the park. While I do enjoy Canterlot’s parks, Ponyville has much nicer parks. I know you want to see your students and Twilight and her friends, so we will all be having a picnic as well.” She started nibbling on my ear.

I sighed in delight. “This is so much better than fighting you, or another timeline’s version of you.” I sighed. “Did you know that I adore how much warmer you are than the average pony?”

“I do. Allow me to guess, you figured out just how hot my body can get?”

“Well, you’re already hot… just that Celestia, the psychotic one, not you… She almost burnt my fur off.” My Celly’s eyes opened and she started looking over my burnt shoulder.

“Would you like me to heal it?” I could hear the silent ‘please let me heal you’ in her voice. I don’t think she was super happy with seeing that on me. I decided to try and lighten the fact that I got burnt by an evil Celestia.

“Thank you for the offer, Celly, but… hey, a stallion with a scar’s got a cool story to tell, right?” I chuckled. “Uh… it makes me look tough, right?”

“It does,” Celestia nuzzled me. “But you don’t need a scar to prove that to me, Source. I think you’re just fine the way you were. Though a scar does give you a hardflank look.” That was Ponish for ‘badass’ by the way.

We both laid silently as we both soaked in each other’s touch, I was feeling much better, being in her embrace, safe, warm, untouchable by the world. Sadly, the other inhabitants of our pony pile started waking up, one by one, they slid off of Celly, or Luna. Shining rolled off, with him being a guard captain, he was a bit of an early riser. Cadance woke up, realized she had Button in her mane, and gently slid off to not wake up my colt, before… she is silently squealing at the fact that there is a colt in her mane.

“That is adorable,” I whispered to Celly. Cadance had sat down, moved Button into her forelegs, and simply cradled him while Shining Armor stretched. Luna slid off next, before promptly latching onto my shoulders as she attempted to pull me up into her chest. Her efforts were stopped dead in their tracks when Celly’s hooves shot out and latched onto my flanks before I could fully leave her embrace.

“Sister,” Celly said.

“What? I wish to comfort my younger sibling in law,” Lulu said. “I know you wake with the sun, but Source is still asleep.”

“I’m awake,” I said, lifting a foreleg.

“No you aren’t,” Luna said.

“I guess not,” I agreed. “Can’t we just snuggle up together for five more minutes, or until Pinkie makes pancakes like I bet she is?”

“We could…” Button woke up, happily took his cousin’s nuzzles, before hopping out of her grasp. He climbed up on my head, ignoring how two alicorns were trying to break me apart to snuggle with me, and started grooming me. I know ponies treat grooming each other as the ultimate sign of affection, and… Button’s never done it before. I magically removed Celly and Lulu’s hooves from my butt and shoulders respectively, before laying my head down to accept my son’s affection.

Then I lifted him up, laid him on his back, and started blowing raspberries into his stomach. While I wasn’t feeling incredible… tickling my kid did make me feel just a little better.

“Dad, stop! I’m gonna pee!” I immediately stopped. That is not a lie, that’s hardly ever used as a bluff. My kid definitely was going to pee if I kept tickling him. Button just laid there, giggling while I laid my head on his chest. Now that he wasn’t getting tickled, there was a very, very low chance that he’d pee on me. He wrapped his forelegs around my muzzle.

“Good morning, kiddo. How’d ya sleep?” I asked.

“I slept much better with you here, Dad.” Button whispered. I brought a hoof up to my mouth to push my jaw back into place. Just seeing how much better Button was doing, simply because of me being here… I started just grooming his chest while we waited for Pinkie to finally come with our pancakes. I think Pinkie was taking her time on purpose; she probably knew just having Button with me would make me smile, and she was apparently going to use this week to make me smile more often, to help me get ‘better’.

Pinkie eventually opened the door.

“C’mon, everypony! I made tofu bacon, pancakes, and some scrambled eggs!” She stopped when she saw me genuinely being happy while I groomed Button. A smile, more than just the one she wore all the time, a genuinely warm, happy little smile formed on her muzzle. “I’m glad you’re doing a little better, Source. Hopefully you’re doing a lot better by the end of this week.” That has to be the calmest that I’ve ever seen Pinkie be.

The six of us went into the dining hall, the larger one usually kept for pony dignitaries, since the private one was a little too small to host six ponies at once. The more personal dining room could easily host me, Button, and Celly just fine, and sometimes Luna, but since three of the ponies present were alicorns, all of whom are larger than the average pony, we figured we needed the extra space. I sat down, and took a fork in my hoof.

“So,” I said, opting to leave my butter knife where it was placed. “Aside from the picnic in Ponyville, what else are we doing today?” I asked.

“Well,” Cadance hummed. “We’ve never seen a male alicorn before, so I know Twilight will want to study the crap out of you. There is the possibility that Rainbow Dash will want to teach you how to use your wings, even if you don’t need them. Then we have to figure out…” I extended my one of wings with my magic; I may have had wings before from doing spells, but those were more for show than anything else. I still have no clue how to work mine. I stared at it, before moving it so it was laying over Button.

I don’t know how to move my wings with my muscles, but I can move them with my magic. At least I can wing hug my kid?

“...You forgot that you grew wings?” Luna teased.

“...Shut up, I had a lot on my mind when I first grew them, and never took a moment to fully process… that I have wings.” Luna was sitting right next to me, so her ‘smug’ look changed pretty quickly, and she started rubbing my back.

“You are definitely spending an hour or two with your therapist today, Source,” Celestia said, sipping on some tea. “Some of the things you’ve seen… I have, admittedly, seen myself. From personal experience, I understand how awful you must feel. Having to fight your friends, sometimes to the death, is never fun. And… while the versions of myself, Luna, Cadance, and Twilight were far from your friends, I know how you felt while fighting them. I know it feels worse… since I don’t think you’ve actually killed anypony before.”

“It… It was not fun.” I then pointedly looked at Cadance. “You are getting some combat training, missy. I know you’d probably hate it, but your counterpart was way too easily caught off guard. While that was good for me, it’s not good for you. I love you, Cadance, hence I want to make sure you can defend yourself. Even if you never, and hopefully, ever need to fight, I want to make sure some random joe can’t hold their own against you. In that world, I met a unicorn named Starlight Glimmer…

“She was fighting Twilight, or the Portal’s Twilight, and was handily holding her own until I sent her away. I think; she wasn't immediately killed by the evil Twilight. If just a unicorn can keep pace with an alicorn version Twilight, I am terrified of what a unicorn at that level could do to you, Cadance.” I looked at Shining Armor. “No offense my man, I bet you’d defend her until you drop dead, but teach her a few tricks, at least a few tricks to get out of a fight. The whole reason why I stayed alive was because of a spell I’ve been trying to field test for a while now.”

“Perhaps you could teach it to Cadance? That on top of any guard training she gets, will help do wonders for her.” We both looked at our favorite, pink alicorn to see what she said.

“...If you think it’s best, then I’ll do it. May I ask what this spell is?”

“Throw your best Stun at me,” I said.

“But…”

“Trust me, I have strong faith in this spell. It held up against an evil Celestia, Luna, both at the same time with some helpful dodges and teleports, they didn't touch me. It helped me mop the floor with one of the Nine Masters at the Mage Tower.” Shining shrugged and launched his best Stun at me. The Light Shield immediately activated, and grounded the spell into harmless magical particles, before being completely stopped. “This spell is kinda useless for stopping anything like a sword, but that’s what a shield is for.

“It’s basically just a series of diagnostic spells, it senses a spell from a source that isn’t the user? It will set an alarm system off in the spell itself, and will make the proper procedures necessary to protect the user of Light Shield.

“For instance, god forbid I fight another Celestia, she goes full tilt? Well, I’ll probably die, but if the shield gets hit with a spell that it can’t instantly defend against, it will simply teleport me out of the way. I don’t know how, but Light Shield has its own way of casting spells, to the point where it made me use spells that I don’t know how to use, such as a Portal, to catch a spell and throw it back into somepony. Hell, I bet it could even let ponies that aren’t as magically inclined as somepony going to a unicorn college, to teleport without them knowing how. They wouldn’t remember how to Teleport after the Light Shield does it for them, but…”

Celestia licked my nose. “While it is adorable to watch you go on, and on, about how your spell works, I think you lost Cadance and Shining Armor, and to be honest, myself as well. What does this ‘Light Shield’ spell do besides defend you from magic?”

“Oh, uh, I think Light Shield has a mini-magical system that is entirely unreplicable. The spell’s job is to protect you first, and foremost from any you from any spell no matter what needs to be done to protect the user. In doing so, if it deems that you need to Teleport, but the user doesn’t know how to teleport? It’ll bullshit together a nonsense set of Runes, I think it’s based on Latin, I dunno, and equations, that somehow result in a teleport to act as a dodge from any spell.

“And literally, none of the Runes or equations make a lick of sense. I ran a diagnostic spell on one of the spells that Light Shield reproduced. I ran a test and forced Light Shield to teleport me twice. The Runes, the first time around, roughly translate to ‘the dwarf can’t swim in the air’ while the equation was literally two plus two. Then the next time it deemed it necessary to Teleport, the Runes wrote out into ‘Glorp’ and then the equation was the hardest, known equation known to humanity-” as in it was a basic algebra problem that I didn’t bother solving- ”Luckily, it seems to just use mathematical equations, but if I try to reproduce the Runes, I might as well be reading in Enchanting Table.”

“The buck is that?” Luna asked.

“A thing from a human form of entertainment, Minecraft, or whatever. There’s a thing in the game that has a language that is basically unreadable, but is an actual language. The thing that I’m talking about is a step in progression. There’s three options, each using this stupid language to make it seem like a mystical text. Usually, if translated, you get similar phrases to ‘Glorp’. Uh… anyways, I tried reproducing the Runes and my horn muscles literally cannot do it, and given my experience, I am willing to bet that nobody can.”

“...You developed a spell with its own spell system,” Celestia sighed. “Source, your skills with magic are so stupidly broken sometimes. And in this case, I am not complaining since it helped you in coming back home safely.”

“Oh, maybe Source is the Alicorn of Magic?” Pinkie asked.

“What?” I tilted my head.

“Every alicorn that we know of, all four of us, well, besides you since you just became an alicorn, has a realm. Mine is the Day, Luna’s is the Night, and Cadance is the Princess of love. With your proficiency in magic, and your ability to use dark magic without it corrupting you, I would say the Alicorn of Magic fits rather nicely, don’t you think?” Celestia asked.

“How would I be the Alicorn of Magic when there are dozens of unicorns with significantly larger amounts of magic, or more knowledge in spells? All I did was make my own spell system.” I shrugged. “I dunno, to me, it doesn’t matter, I’m not gonna be much different from before I’ve grown wings. But I feel like anypony else is more deserving than I am of these wings, namely Twilight.”

“You utilize magic in a rather marvelous way, Source,” Celly smiled. “Seeing you work spells into existence with Python, or convertinng them into Pyrhon, and then making efforts in passing down that knowledge, to developing spells that are designed specifically for unicorns that are not magically gifted?” She teleported my draft for Python’s Combat Expansion textbook, and flipped to where Light Shield was. It was a weaker version, since it wasn’t tailored specifically to one pony, but it can get similar results to my personalized version. “Source, this could be taught to Button right now, and he could do the spell no problem. It may leave him winded after one use, but… He can use it if you taught him, and Button is a foal.”

“A foal that will be able to kick my shit in when he’s all grown up.” Nopony commented on that. Button looked like he wanted to snuggle up under my chest and hug me.

“Either way, Source, you are talented even if you do not believe in yourself. Perhaps the Alicorn of Individuality if not magic? You do everything in your own, weird, specific way, and achieve your goals. And nothing is more important than being yourself, is there? You’ve made Python from being an idiot, after all.” Luna pointed out.

“Mmm, I dunno. We’ll just say 'hur durr, Magic Alicorn', and call it a day. That, or I walk out on stage, pronounce myself the Alicorn of Booze, and drink sixteen gallons of beer. That would be fun.”

“Oh! The Alicorn of Acorns! It has some nice alliteration!” Pinkie said excitedly.

“Of Acorns it is!”

…

“If you say that’s what you are on stage, dear, you will sleep on the couch for a week straight.” Celestia said. It was a teasing tone, but I knew there was some undertone of ‘please don’t’.

“Yes dear. Can I still drink a pint of beer on stage?”

“...Yes you can.”

I lifted up a piece of uncooked bread and looked at Pinkie. I think she’s up to something… I casted a spell, and… Perfect Toast. I MADE A PERFECT TOAST! Finally! I took a bite, well I tried to, but Celly popped it in her mouth and ate it in one bite. I know Celly and Pinkie were planning it, and frankly, Trollestia was one of my favorite ‘modes of Celly’ as I’ve labeled it. So I took the prank in full, smiled, and happily just relished in being able to be fortunate enough to at least start having breakfast again with my pony family.

Celly and I kissed, and we all started laughing.

My therapy session came and went, I will admit, the castle has a good therapist, they actually got me talking on the second session. I didn’t immediately start talking about what happened during… My visit to the other world, but I did start talking about my frustrations with being initially stuck in Equestria. About how I missed my family, and overall… I did just feel a little better getting all of that off my chest. I know Celly and the rest of my friends, the ones who know of my background at least, somewhat suspect how I felt about leaving my old life behind.

But I’ve tried to at least not let it all out on them. I know, I know Celly is more than willing, Lulu’s more than willing, Shining Armor’s probably heard me say these things while I was drunk. However, truly just getting it off my chest to a trained professional… Fuck, dude, it may take a while, but it’ll help me eventually.

Hopefully it’ll help me.

Luckily for me, we were all getting on the train to head to Ponyville. It was part of the plan, and since our group is huge, I was tucked under Celly’s wing while Button rode on her back. I just had my legs dangle in the air, they swung back and forth and she walked through Canterlot. While I would’ve asked to walk, I realized that she was trying to hide the fact that I was an alicorn now. She was trying to make sure I’d get some peace and quiet before being hounded about how I became an alicorn, or keep nobles from getting on me about being an alicorn.

I know I might get given the title as an official high prince, but I doubt Celly would force me into taking any political position unless I wanted it.

With that said, I happily let myself get squeezed under a wing that shouldn’t be able to hold me, and happily smiled. Winter Wrap Up happened while I was gone, apparently, so it was a nice, cool spring morning… Nah, spring sucks in the morning as usual, and it was kinda cold. Celly was kinda warm. Celly comfortably, kinda warm, actually. Not too hot, not too cold, just right.

Under Celly’s wing is very comfy. I like my spot under Celly’s wing. Luna sat on the bench next to us in the train station, happily nuzzling Tale while she kept a wing draped over him. Cadance was keeping a wing draped over her Shining Armor, and I could tell that all three of us stallions were happily thinking one thought:

‘I’m the luckiest fucker in the world’.

And we were all right. We got the loveliest mares in all of Equestria, namely the Princesses, and somehow made them fall in love with us. I had my Celly, Tale had Luna, and Shiny had Cadance. We were all just happily enjoying ourselves while the staff got the Celly’s train car hooked up to the rest of the train.

“Watcha reading, Button?” The colt hopped off Celly’s back and had gotten a book out. Adorably, he was nose deep in it, while holding it with his magic. If I weren't in wing jail, I'd ruffle his mane. The book he was reading was one I haven’t seen before. Well, I recognized the name; it was a Daring Do book. Though it was one of its many sequels.

“It’s a Daring Do book, Dad. Scootaloo told me to read it, and Sweetie Belle agreed on it being good, so I was going to try and read it…" I heard the undertone if 'my Dad is stupid' in the start of his response. I am a proud, stupid father to Button Mash, who is apparently an earth pony in most of the timelines he exists in. I got lucky and got the unicorn Button Mash, the cutest one in the multiverse.

“Have you started a herd without me knowing, kiddo? Last time I saw you with them, Scootaloo was happily snuggled up with you, and Sweetie Belle was doing basically the same thing.”

“...We’re just friends, Dad.”

“Mhm,” I smiled. “It’s adorable, Button. Though I know Celly expects grandfoals from you at some point, and I wanna be a grandpa too, kiddo. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are respectable little fillies, just refrain from doing anything too crazy until all of you are older, eh?”

“Okay Dad, that is good advice… but they’re still just friends.” Button rolled his eyes, but kept his muzzke in his book to try and hide the faint blush on his cheeks.

“Would you like to dance with them at the Gala when you’re older? I know that it’s hard getting tickets, but between me and Celly, we could maybe find a way to make it work.”

“...I would like to dance with Sweetie Belle, she always wanted to go to the Gala, even after Rarity told her it sucked. I don’t know if Scootaloo would want to go, though. If they do…” He started giving me puppy eyes.

“Button, you don’t need to do that with me. You wanna dance with your little filly friends when the three of you are older? I’m all for it. Just don’t sleep with your future bedroom’s door closed when y'all turn in for the night.”

“Okay, Dad.” My kid closed his book after apparently getting through another chapter of the thing. He looked ready to climb on my head and sleep, but I think me being jammed under Celly’s wing pit was the main thing that was keeping him from doing so.

“I would be all for seeing the three of you in your little tuxedo and dresses, respectively, dear,” Celly said as our car finally got hooked up to the rest of the train. “It would be adorable, and I bet that you would look rather dashing in a suit.”

“Can I wear the suit Dad had made? The one I wore on Nightmare Night?” He asked.

“Mmm, we’ll have to get it resized for you when you’re older, kiddo. When I said ‘until you’re older’, I meant it.”

“I know, but why must I wait?”

“Button, lemme let you in on something. You know how me and Celly are only a little popular?”

“Yeah. Well, Mom is very, very popular and most of Canterlot knows about you at this point.”

“Okay, so there’s these super rich ponies, known as nobles. Unlike your mother, most of them are unsavory assholes that pretend to be nice, but are just… assholes underneath their act. Most of Canterlot doesn’t know you exist right now, hence allowing you to get a normal foalhood. If anypony here knew you were my kid,” I must point out that I did palette swap Button’s coat before we left the castle. “These nobles would be hounding you, me, and Celly about giving you their daughter’s hoof in marriage for a leg up.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I’m certain you don’t want some random filly to be your first date. You probably want it with Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo, or both, don’tcha?”

“I… do want my first date to be either of those two, yeah.”

“Imagine being able to do that when every other filly in Canterlot is throwing themselves at you. I’m saying to wait, since then both you and Sweetie Belle will be very capable mages, so you can defend yourselves and Scootaloo’ll be big and strong too. And while I would love nothing more to see you in a cute little tuxedo, dancing with either of those kids at the Gala next year, I also would love it if you had a normal childhood.”

“...I get it now. I’m not happy about it, Dad, but I get it now.” I reached down and ruffled Button’s mane. “Dad… I spent all morning messing with it!”

“Don’t your filly friends like it more when your mane’s spiky?” I asked.

“...Yeah. Thanks Dad.” I chuckled, and wiggled out of Celly’s leg pit once we were all on her private train car; there should be nopony watching us. I stretched like a dog, laid down, and pulled Button closer to me, only to subsequently be stuck under a pony pile.

“We are going to constantly do this, Source,” Luna said happily. “I do not know if you know this, but you being gone for a month warrants a pony pile at every opportunity. I’m sure you won’t complain since you also desire some snuggling?”

“...Yeah, I won’t complain about being under a pile of lovely mares, and two other stallions. No funny business, Lulu, your coltfriend’s-” she licked my eyeball. “Right there… Fuk.” I shivered. “That felt so weird, Lulu. What the fuck?” She simply giggled, before pulling Tale closer to her so she could groom him.

When we got off the train, I was happy to say that… nopony was paying me much mind. Granted, they were all too busy at seeing the entire royal family, save Blueblood, in Ponyville. I think everypony here was looking forward to either meeting any of the alicorns present, well, the female ones, until Shining Armor wrapped a hoof around Cadance’s neck, Luna promptly draped her left wing over Tale, and I just sat sat there, wondering what would happen if these ponies found out that I had wings now.

I didn’t need to wait for long.

“Hey…” One of the random folks, Lyra, I believe, saw me immediately. “Aren’t you that one stallion from the papers, the one that was saying you were the Princess’s fiance?” she asked. She looked at me, looked me over, and hummed. “You’re quite a scrawny looking stallion,” she mused. “Is that… a pair of wings?”

“Uh… yeah. I made a spell that lets me grow wings once, everypony here saw me use it during that one unicorn meetup, or whatever. Why do you ask?”

“You couldn’t move those ones! I was there; you had to use a spell to walk in the air to make up for how you can’t fly. I see those wings involuntarily twitching every now and then.” I looked down to notice that my right wing did, in fact, twitch every now and then for no reason.

“Huh, that’s pretty dandy. Never knew-”

“Wings produced with magic don’t have that sort of thing; they literally either don’t work, or are a pair of very, very delicate butterfly wings that melt in direct sunlight on a hot day. I would know; I’ve gone to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns…”

“Damn. You certainly know more about magic than I do, then…” I shrugged. “Meh, for all you know, I could be moving them with my wings.”

“And Lyra,” Celly spoke up. “While it is wonderful to see you, and seeing you enjoying your life after school, please refrain from harassing my fiance. He’s been through yet another magical accident, which luckily did not result in him disappearing. Instead, he grew a pair of wings, and is now an alicorn. Anypony here bothering Source Code about him being an alicorn, will be kindly reminded not to do so by his guard,” I would like to point out that Solar Strike was flanking me and Celly. “Unless Source Code wants the attention, do respect his boundaries.”

“Alright,” Lyra shrugged. “So you found a coltfriend, one that’ll live as long as you?”

“For that, I am not quite sure. The last alicorn to ascend was Princess Cadance, and so far, she is growing to be taller than she would’ve been as a pegasus, much taller. This sort of thing is a rare incident. No, he will not be officially crowned as a ‘high prince’ in anything other than title alone. My little stallion has stated he has no interest in any political power.”

“Alright,” Lyra nodded. “I recorded everything you just said to hand to the Ponyville Press, and likely the more national newspaper. This way most ponies, hopefully, won’t bother him too much.”

“Thank you, Lyra. I believe you and Bon Bon are getting along quite well? You two seemed rather.... Touchy at your graduation,” Celly asked. While those two began catching, I noticed six certain mares, along with four fillies I was all too happy to see, were approaching. So when Twilight got within grabbing range, before she could say a word, I pulled her close with my magic and hugged her. I held her tightly, and let out a long, deep breath.

“I didn’t think you’d miss me that much, Source. Usually it’s me hugging you like this.”

“Uh…” I chuckled. “Want me to stop hugging you? I’m just glad to see you’re doing alright.”

“Source, we’ve been over this, most ponies are huge cuddle bugs in Equestria. I don’t mind being hugged for an extended period of time, not after what you’ve been through.” I did pull back, to give her some space. And to say hi to the rest of the girls, while I noted that the fillies were barely containing their excitement to see me alive and well. They luckily weren’t in hearing distance of us yet.

“Okay, what happened to you after you went through that portal?” Rainbow Dash asked. “You’re usually not that touchy.”

“I ran into another Twilight, one that was an alicorn, and downright evil.”

“Nopony can be evil, I would say,” Rarity started. “I mean, we all thought Luna was evil, then…” She turned to see Luna holding down and tickling her coltfriend, probably after he had embarrassed her in public.

“So, imagine you wake up in another Equestria, Rarity, and you see a large, large pillar of smoke along with a lot of screaming coming from that direction.” Rarity closed her eyes, and nodded. “Next, imagine four alicorns, you know, the Princesses, and Twilight who is also a princess in this new Equestria. Twilight’s mane has some blood in it, and you’re surrounded by the other four.

“Next, imagine it in my hooves. I sensed Celly was nearby, even if my brain knew it wasn’t my Celly, and I sought her out for protection. She made a joke about sleeping with me, and somehow didn’t kill me after doing so. I’ve reason to believe that the day before, the four visited a village, pretended to be nice, seduced a few stallions, and killed them. Then the next day, burnt the whole village down, killed everypony and then promptly tried to kill me because they believed me to be a survivor of their first attack.”

“...Oh.” Rarity hissed. “That… does sound particularly bad.”

“According to somepony I met, Starlight, she and Twilight were once good friends, and had a mutual friendship in some dude named Thorax, a king or something. That world’s Twilight was responsible for killing Thorax after he surrendered. On top of that, they were doing this in their ‘natural’ forms. No Nightmare Moon, or Cadance’s ‘evil’ counterpart, or Celly’s.” I wrapped a hoof around Twilight, who was now standing at my side. “I’ve seen some shit, horrible, horrible shit. I’ve done some arguably just as horrible shit.”

“But they were evil!” Rainbow pointed out. “It seems like you did that version of Equestria a favor, and I got a new flying buddy out of it.”

“I killed Twilight, Celestia, Cadance, and Luna, Dash. It’s why I’m being a little, just a little clingy to Twilight. I’m trying to spend as much of this week with those four for a reason. I know it was all so I could live, but I still didn’t like seeing them killed. I didn’t like being the one who killed them, no matter what timeline I was in.”

“But you’re being extra clingy with me right now, Source,” Twilight pointed out.

“I blew your counterpart’s head up, Twi. Please, please just let me hug you a little bit, and let’s stop talking.” I shivered. I just imagined Twilight's head blowing up. My world’s Twilight.

“Okay… you know, I do have some training as a therapist,” Twilight pointed out. “If you need to talk, I’m here. I felt you shiver at something in your imagination, Source. With what you just said? I can’t blame you.” She nuzzled me. “Go say ‘hi’ to your students, they missed you, and I’m certain that four bubbly, adorable fillies at least going to alleviate some of your troubles.” I nodded, and started making way towards Apple Jack and Rarity who were keeping Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Dinky from tackling me off the bat.

“Howdy,” I greeted, I waved to Aj and Rarity. “I believe you four have been doing well in my absence?”

“We have!” Sweetie Belle, well, Squeaky Belle, said. “Dinky and I have been practicing with our magic more; Twilight stopped by on the days you usually tutor us, and was shocked with our progress!” Before I could react, the Crusaders and Dinky were released from their hold, and I was promptly tackled to the ground, laughing as four wiggly bodies were soon joined by a fifth. Button wanted to kick my ass too, apparently. Luckily, the torture they’ve brought upon me, tickling, didn’t last long, and I was soon laying on my stomach, trying my best to drape my wings over all five foals.

I was a giggling mess, though.

“Sorry I couldn’t make it to that event, kids,” I genuinely felt like an ass after remembering that I agreed to stay in Ponyville for a week for some event.

“It’s fine, Mr. Code,” Dinky said. “We heard what happened, and mostly just cared if you were safe.”

“Did you kick some weird, alien butt?” Scootaloo asked. I froze for a moment. “Mr. Code?” I took a deep breath and chuckled humorlessly, luckily none of the foals caught that. Button definitely knew what I’ve been through, he was there during breakfast when we were talking about what I’ve gone through during my small excursion into the portal world.

“Eh, depends on your definition of an alien. I… certainly did some things.”

“Say,” Apple Bloom said. “Uncle Source, when y’all get a pair of wings?” She, aside from Button, was tucked the closest into my wingpits.

“Uh… I dunno. After I did some things in the portal, restore harmony or whatever, I had wings. Now, however, I can give you guys wing hugs. Celly does it all the time, and it’s lovely, and you are my favorite foals in the world.” I nuzzled the little Apple, before nodding to AJ and Rarity. “Howdy ladies, I had to greet these little ladies first before I could be allowed to say hi.” Dinky crawled onto my head somehow, despite being wedged between Apple Bloom and Button.

“Ah heard you’ve been needing to forget some things. Stop by the Sweet Apple Acres, and Ah can hook you up with some extra strong cider, Source,” AJ offered.

“Mmm, tempting, but I’ve seen what relying on alcohol to forget things can do to you. Usually it doesn’t help, but hey, some cider, or whisky, in some good company? It’ll at least be fun.”

Rarity spoke up. “I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot, Source, but if you need to talk, you’ve got friends to talk to. Don’t just shut yourself in, deary.”

“I will. Say, I saw you at the Gala with a pretty handsome looking stallion. You two hit it off, or something?”

“Oh yes. I met this lovely gentlecolt by the name of Fruit. He was a unicorn, and didn’t have a cutie mark resembling any fruit I’ve seen, but he was rather nice. He said he woke up outside of the Gala and snuck in, no clue of what happened, or anything. He was a rather weird fellow, but he was nice, through and through. The two of us have been exchanging letters while you were gone, and were planning out another date here in Ponyville.”

“...No recollection of how he got to the Gala? Where’d he wake up?” I asked.

“Somewhere in the gardens, according to Fruit.”

“Mmm, alright then.” I think there might be some instability in this timeline. Or just whatever the heck kept timelines separated. It definitely did not help that there’s a group of ponies fucking around with portals in the Mage Tower that doesn’t really follow any Equestrian law.

“Well,” I pointed towards the picnic basket on Celly’s back. “The two of us may have brought a few goodies, recipes from back home for the picnic. Once she gets done with talking to Lyra.” Now Celly was talking to Lyra and another pony, I think that may have been Bon Bon. Cream colored coat, nice, almost grape-colored mane and tail. She almost looked like a weird, grape, cream candy. It was fine, since Luna and Cadance were getting some fanfare, despite them very clearly holding, or being held, by two stallions that did not look amused.

“Ah think if anypony hits on Princess Cadance one more time, they may get a hoof in the face,” Apple Jack snickered.

“Yeah, I think.... Oh hey, there’s your brother.” Luna was actually happily trying to converse with Big Mac, but he just looked concerned. “Wasn’t there a photo of him in the paper, of Luna saying she was trying to find that stallion?”

“Yeah. Ah was wondering’ why Big Mac was redder than usual after you picked Button up. Which one of you three came up with that?”

“Luna. She found a special somepony and was trying to hide his identity, so she picked the most random, handsome looking farmer in the most random town ever, and accidentally chose your brother…” I paused. “I think Luna is trying to start a reverse herd. God dammit.”

Author's Note

The next few chapters will be a bit longer and have less scenes. I want to take them slowly, since this week is meant to slowly ease Source back into his Equestria. Hence why just that little 'wake up and break fast' scene was 3k words long.

There is a cheeky reference somewhere. If you find it, you get a cookie.

The Picnic

I laid down on the picnic blanket as everypony started rummaging through their respective picnic baskets to get the various treats and dishes out. Shining Armor and Cadance only brought things to make sandwiches with, but I’m assuming one of them is a sandwich guru. Me, being the dumb, stupid idiot I am, actually decided to make sushi that I kept in a special, magical cooling box. It was expensive as shit; salmon was not cheap. Ponies do usually eat plants, or plant versions of most food, but they can, and don’t usually mind eating fish to make up for any proteins that their plant-based meals lack.

I teleported a pot, and quickly put together a fire pit. I poured oil into the pot and set it on the fire while I got some potatoes, perfectly prepped to be fried into… Well, fries. Actual fries. Fuck hay fries. A bowl of mashed potatoes was lifted out, and it took everything in my body to not eat all of them before we all got settled down. I ran a diagnostic spell, before deciding to just heat the oil up myself.

“So,” I said. “How is everypony?” I asked as we all had finally set up everything for the picnic. Cadance and Twilight were snuggled up together, Rarity and Sweetie Belle in their own corner, though the younger of the sisters was snuggled up with Button and Scootaloo. Shining Armor wasn’t too far away from Cadance and Twilight, but clearly wanted to let the soon-to-be in-laws have some quality time together…

I don’t think Shining told Twilight about how he’s dating Cadance.

Apple Jack and Rainbow Dash were snuggled up together. Fluttershy was eying the sushi. In fact, she was one of the few ponies eying it. Luna was laying on top of Celestia’s back, clearly trying to be an annoyance, while Tale was reading a book with Spike. Pinkie was surprisingly still, and enjoying a sandwich that Shining threw together for her… it had candy canes in it, along with a cupcake that somehow wasn’t smashed by it being in between two slices of white bread.

“Well, aside from you disappearing,” Twilight started. “Life has been going on as usual for most of us. We defeated Discord, Rarity found a weird coltfriend, and…”

“Me and Apple Jack are the coolest couple around!” Rainbow Dash happily announced.

“You two are dating now?” I asked.

“Yeah… after you disappeared into that portal, we…” Apple Jack cleared her throat. “Ah thought you were a goner, Source. Most of us here did. Even if you survived whatever the heck that portal’s inhabitants could throw at you, how would you get back?” She asked rhetorically. “So Dashie and Ah met up and talked. It ended with us sharing a bed and planning a dinner together. Life comes at you fast, so we decided to stop beating around the bush.”

“You two will be such a cute couple,” I chuckled. “I’m not from Equestria, so I’m just gonna assume, since Ponyville’s a mare dominated town, that this stuff is normal? Because when we first met, you seemed like you wanted to get a little extra cuddly with me, AJ.”

“It is rather common,” Celly explained. “Most ponies don’t care as long as the two, or more, involved in a relationship all love each other.”

“That is so much better than my home…” I chuckled. “Ah, I’m not going to get into that stuff, but it was just becoming more widely accepted back home before I left.”

“...How bad?” Rainbow asked.

“So uh,” I shrugged. “I’m gonna keep it a bit with you guys, when I first went through that portal, it wasn’t the first time I’ve been through one, I think. I woke up initially in a hospital after a magic accident. An accident that took me from another world, changed me into a pony, with no way to go back home, or turn back into what I once was. My home country, or rather, my home world was filled with these hairless, bipeds called humans. The closest thing I can compare them to here is a chimp.”

“Is that why you got good with magic so quickly?” Rarity asked.

“Haha, no. Humans lack any ability to make magic, and often get by on technology. The specifics aren’t something I’m gonna get into, since I’m just coming clean, and using this to answer Rainbow.” I rubbed the back of my head. “So uh, there were at least a hundred, different countries back home, along with numerous ‘beliefs’ that they had. Let’s just say I suddenly became gay and slept with Big Mac. Y’all wouldn’t even care, Celly wouldn’t as long as she gets a reverse herd out of it. In my country, Ireland, nobody besides some old people would care, and usually, nothing would come of it.

“In some countries, if I did that, I would’ve gotten killed immediately.”

“Oh…” Rainbow hissed. “What the buck is wrong with humans?”

“Humans, some humans, not all, are very backwards thinking. To be clear, I don’t give a damn if you and AJ are dating; I think it’s adorable. I was just curious, since AJ might’ve tried making a move or two on me when we first met.”

“What can Ah say? Yer a fun stallion to hangout with.”

“And now, we can be the cutest, the coolest, and the most awesome couple ever!”

“Mmm,” I shrugged. “Dunno about that. You’ve got me and Celly to compete with. Celly makes up for any cute qualities that I lack, and you cannot tell me otherwise.”

“I do agree with Source; Celly carried him like a foal under her wing earlier,” Luna said. “Though I believe-”

“Mmm.” We all were interrupted by Fluttershy, who finally stuck a bit of sushi in her mouth. “Was I interrupting something important?” she asked, suddenly shying away from the spotlight she found herself in.

“I didn’t think you’d like sushi,” I nodded. “Though sushi is a generous term, it’s just some rice and salmon.”

“I do like fish,” Fluttershy shrugged. “I prepare it sometimes for my animal friends, and I got curious once. I really like salmon. Were you hoping to try some, Source? I-”

“If I want some, I can make it at home, Flutters. Just enjoy it, and don’t let it sit out of that ice-box for too long, or it can go bad and give you the runs.” Fluttershy nodded, before continuing to enjoy some more sushi. That was not something any of us were expecting, but I suppose the animal expert has accepted that everyone has a mouth to feed, even if the stuff needed to feed that mouth isn’t the most… pleasant thing in the world.

As long as it wasn't a sapient race, it was fair game, I guess. I finished frying all the potato fries, so I just started helping myself to some after seasoning them with salt and pepper. Button, immediately recognizing that I was about to prep some cheese sticks, dragged Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle over to try my cooking.

I ran out of cheese sticks in twenty seconds, because of these foals, and mostly Luna. Luna ate forty seven cheese sticks, teleported more cold, uncooked ones to me from somewhere, and made me fry those too. Then I ran out of those too.

Then I put the pot full of oil up in my secret stash in the Castle of the Two Sisters; I was done with frying stuff for the picnic. Everpony started chatting and sampling stuff from the various foods from whatever everypony brought. It was a fun little reprieve from the rest of the world, honestly.

After Apple Jack and Rainbow Dash tried having a cuddling contest between the two of them, and the subsequent cuddler contest between the two of them and Luna and Tale, Tale was sadly dragged into his marefriend’s competitive side, no he didn’t complain. Tale was too busy being snuggled, and too busy being happy about being snuggled to notice, or complain. I sat in my little corner, humming as Cadance, Shining Armor, and Twilight approached me. Twilight had a weird machine on her.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“So you’re an alicorn now, right?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah,” I shrugged. “Dunno how to move my wings, but I do have them.”

“So I was just thinking, since alicorns typically have more magic, naturally at least, than most unicorns, I was going to run a series of tests on you.”

“Ah shit,” I facehoofed.

“What? Do you not want to find out how much magic you have? For science?” Twilight asked.

“My human brain thinks that combining the terms ‘science’ and ‘magic’ together is a sin, Twilight. But I’m just concerned. If I got any stronger with magic, then that’s gonna suck for me. I’ll have to entirely rewrite, reconfigure, and redesign my customized version of Python just to make full use of my magic again,” I hummed before DragonFiring into the sky, and relanding besides Twilight. “Hopefully this just means I have more stamina? I don’t particularly need power.”

“That’s what we’re testing for!’ Twilight hit a button on the machine and a leather air bag popped out. It’s like one of those things used for blood pressure, but instead, you squeeze it with your magic. This gives a rough, very rough estimate of how strong a unicorn is, but an accurate idea of how strong their telekinetic grip is. Now my students, Celestia, and Luna were watching me, or just about anypony present with a horn.

“Just squeeze this,” she said. As I did, I decided to look over the machine without looking at the airbag.

“You made a portable magic testing machine?”

“Yup! All the instruments needed to get an accurate idea of how much magic any one pony has!” Twilight started eying me. “Source, did you get better at telekinesis while I’ve been living in Ponyville?”

“Wha?” I asked.

“You’re using telekinesis without having direct eyesight on the airbag. While that isn’t unprecedented, most unicorns need that line of sight.”

“Oh yeah, I figured out how to do that a while ago. Since my diagnostic spells are always running when my horn’s lit up, I can always get a rough idea of where whatever I’m levitating is at.”

“...You’re constantly running a diagnostic spell? Whenever you use Levitate?”

“I do it with every spell. Shields, blasts, all that fun stuff.” Shining Armor and Twilight gave each other a look. I tilted my head. “Is that bad? I just use it while attacking, or for stuff like this. If I get a shot on a shield, I can pick up on how to disable it. My most recent spell invention requires you to know how to run diagnostic spells to use it.”

“Source, most unicorns can’t use two spells at once. Not even me!” Twilight threw her hooves in the air. “What the buck?”

“Oh. That’s cool. So,” I teleported while still squeezing the airbag. “Oh sick. I don’t get an immediate hornache from teleporting anymore!” I cheered.

“Source, what the actual heck?” Twilight shook her head. “Of course, of all ponies, you figure out how to use multiple spells at once.”

“Should I tell her that the Light Shield has its own magical system?” Twilight’s eye started twitching, so I didn’t go into detail.

“Well,” Twilight sighed. “Your telekinetic grip hasn’t changed. And the rough estimate for your magic was the same when we last tested it. As in it’s not that strong. I think Cadance has a stronger grip than you.”

“Mmm, that’s probably fair. Lemme use Python real quick.” I squeezed the airbag with Python and ended up getting higher results. “God damn. This shit is such a clutch for me,” I chuckled. “Thank god I didn’t magically overload or whatever.”

“Well,” Twilight shrugged. “That’s about as in-depth of a test as I can do with this right now. It’s a portable magic tester, but it needs a bit of extra setting up for some of the more complex tests.” She ended up pushing the machine off to the side. I think Twi was just trying not to overload me with magic testing; she’s just giving me some space. Unfortunately for her, I demanded snuggles, and snuggles are a completely platonic thing for ponies, even if they are more enjoyable with your lover.

I snatched Twilight up in Levitation, Teleported her over to me, and flopped my stupid, still short arse, on top of her. Twilight blinked a few times.

“Source,” she said pointedly. “Why did you decide to-”

“Source Code is currently down, Snuggle Code is currently in. You can find Source Code’s business hours on Yahoo.com. Any further questions can also be found on Yahoo.com. Make sure you are using Internet Explorer, or you might not get the best results.” I nuzzled into Twilight’s mane, and let out a long, deep sigh. A nap sounds just like something I need right now. I think the unicorn I decided to use as a pillow was broken. She stopped talking after my little, automatic announcement.

“What the buck is Yahoo?”

“I dunno, a dead search engine.”

“What’s a dead search engine?”

“A human thing.”

“You are going to tell me what that is at some point, I hope you know that.”

“I know, but confusing you did make it so I got a unicorn, which is almost as fluffy as Celly, to lay on.”

“How are you not any taller than before you got wings, by the way?” Cadance asked. “Usually, at least in my case, I got a little taller than the average mare, and kept growing with every passing year.”

“I’m doomed to be short? I dunno. I was pretty tall as a human,” no I wasn’t. “So I guess the universe decided to do some justice and make me a short, little bitch as justice. It also decided that sending me to two different dimensions was a good idea.” I shivered. “Okay, nevermind, I am not thinking of the second dimension.” I nuzzled into Twilight and took a deep, long breath. Twilight smells like she uses velvet scented shampoo. It’s surprisingly pleasant… I rolled onto my back and decided to take that nap now that Twilight stopped inquiring what Yahoo was, and Cadance didn’t dive deeper into why I was still short.

I wish I was a little taller. I’m tired of being almost as short as Fluttershy.

Something was punching my shoulder. It wasn’t a hard punch in the shoulder, but I could feel somepony punching me.

“C’mon! He has wings now and he’ll be the best flying buddy!” Oh.

“Dash, he’s trying to take a nap. Let him rest,” I heard from… how did Twilight get out from under me? My pillow is noticeably warmer than earlier. I groaned as I continuously got punched in the shoulder. I opened one eye, and noted that there was nothing but white. I opened the other and saw Rainbow Dash constantly punching my shoulder. I took a sniff of the air and realized I was cuddling with Celly. I nuzzled deeper into the shoulder, even if I was basically mushing the side of my face, to the point where my left eye could only see Celly’s fur, I was comfy.

“See he finally woke up!”

“Leave me be,” I groaned. “Celly is comfy, and I’m still sleepy.”

“Source…” Rainbow droned. “Wake up! Fluttershy and I wanna show you how to fly!”

“I can walk in the air, and use DragonFire. Do I have to fly?” I asked.

“YES! Flying’s awesome!”

“I wanna nap though…”

“My Source does require his nap time,” Celly said. “Frankly, I find it adorable that the very moment he realizes he’s using me as a pillow, he immediately wants to stay asleep. Unless Button is using him as a pillow, Source wakes right up from a nap and is on the move again.”

“How’d I even get here? I fell asleep on Twilight, right?”

“Twilight left you over here after Apple Jack got a ball out, and asked if she wanted to play. I volunteered to be your nap-time snuggle buddy. I was just about to take a nap myself until Rainbow Dash came over and started punching you in the shoulder. Somehow, it didn’t wake you up when she was punching you so hard that I could feel it through your body. Did you enchant yourself again?”

“...I used one enchantment on myself. I didn’t think I’d need that many if I was going to be in very, very close proximity to you, throughout the week, Celly.” I stretched my legs. “Give me another thirty minutes Dash. We’re gonna be in Ponyville all day, and you can use the rest of the day to teach me how to fly.”

“Really?” Rainbow asked.

“Yes, really.”

“AWESOME!” Rainbow ran off, likely to go play whatever ball game AJ was playing, probably buckball. I nuzzled Celly one more time, and let out a deep breath.

“You know she’s going to hold you to that now, right?”

“I know. I’ll be true to my word. I just wanna lay here for a while, y’know?”

“I know. Being able to hold my stallion like this, and keep him safe and warm under my wings? This is something any stallion, or mare would wish to do, Source. Stallions are outnumbered by mares by quite a bit, so the fact that I’ve gotten my own stallion to myself? I am ecstatic. Though I do wish you would’ve kept the enchantments on yourself to zero while you were snuggled up under my wing, I do understand why. I am glad that you only deemed it necessary to use one of those, instead of several while in my presence.”

“Like you’d let anything near me. The moment somebody does, and genuinely wants to hurt me, you’d melt their faces off in an instance. I know I’m safe like-” I paused. Button and the rest of the foals just climbed up on my right side, and were getting ready to take a nap themselves. I blinked a few times.

“Uh… I guess Dash is gonna have to wait until these wee-rascals wake up?”

“I suppose she will. And she will understand that you, once a foal starts using you as a pillow, you don’t move until that foal wakes up.”

“Hopefully she does.” I think Celly fell asleep, and I was not too far behind her if she did.

The next time I woke up, I was dragged away by Rainbow, only after Fluttershy laid into her for not being careful of the foals laying on my side. I was wide awake long before Dash tried moving me, so I heard the whole thing. I kept my eyes closed, but I just found it hilarious and couldn’t help but snicker as Fluttershy soundly, and logically broke down any arguments her friend could come up with.

“But Fluttershy, he should learn how to fly!”

“While I do agree, Source wanted to take a nap. I know you hate it when your nap time is interrupted, so think about how Source would feel?”

“But… a flying buddy.”

“You have me, Derpy, and several of your friends from the weather team that are more than willing to fly with you, Rainbow Danger Dash.” Oh damn, Fluttershy’s going to ‘full name’ territory. What’s better is that Fluttershy just sounds like a mother scolding a child. I suppose it comes from Fluttershy being a year older than everypony in her little group of friends. “You just want to be able to outfly somepony else. Source was already a capable flying buddy, with his fire trick and his air walking spell. You just don’t want to admit that he would be too fast, or too slow depending on what he would use!”

“Source said give him thirty minutes, and-”

“I know. But look; would you willingly want to move with that many foals cuddling with you? I know that Source is awake, he has been. He just doesn’t want to bother the foals, and I don’t want to either!”

“Ah dammit, Flutters. Why’d you give it away?”

“Sorry Source, but after watching several animals sleep, in order to see healthy breathing patterns while they sleep, I can tell when somepony is awake. While napping, I’ve noticed that a pony breathes slower, whereas if you were dreaming, you’d be breathing quicker. You were breathing at a normal rate.”

“...Fuck, you’re smart, Flutters,” I lifted the foals off my side, and laid them across Celly, while sticking Button to her head. My kid wrapped his paws around her muzzle, and it was fucking adorable. “Well, I did say I’d let you two try and teach me how to fly, so I might as well figure it out. Is it like the Skywalker spell? Just jump, take to the air and hope you don’t hit the ground?”

“Sorta,” Fluttershy shrugged. “Rainbow would be a better teacher than me; I often don’t fly unless I need to.”

“Eh, fair. Dash, how do I fly?”

“Let’s work on gliding first; that’s what you’ll be doing most of the time unless you’re trying to go fast.”

“Taking off is half the battle though,” I argued.

“And as your totally awesome flight instructor, I will be teaching you how to glide first.”

“Alright.” I hopped up in the air and started Skywalking to a higher altitude. “I suppose taking off is kinda pointless for me if I can just do this.” Fluttershy and Rainbow started hovering beside me.

“So… I guess run, let go of the spell? I’ve never taught anypony to start gliding in the air already,” Dash rubbed the back of her head.

I did as instructed, and stuck my wings out. Well, I would’ve if I knew how to work my wings. I just slammed, face first, into a bush. I got kinda stuck too, stuck basically on my head, while the bush’s leaves and branches were poking me in spots that I’d rather not mention, while my hindlegs stuck out of it. Luckily, my tail hid my arse, so nopony would be looking down that hole while I was like this. I felt something tug on my tail, before light blue magic cut the branches keeping me stuck.

“Oh, hey Luna, fancy seeing you here.”

“Are you alright, Source?” I nodded. “You don’t know how to move your wings, do you?”

“Nope. if I move my wings, I’m using my horn.” Luna placed a hoof on my shoulders. “What?” She started feeling up my shoulders, before she reached around to where my shoulder blades were. She moved between them before applying pressure. My wings shot out immediately. Huh.

“Try twitching your shoulders.” I did as told, and my wings ruffled. “Now, I suppose…” She hummed. “Try moving your forelegs without moving them, if you will. Focus on your shoulders.” I did as told my wings actually flapped. “Now, practice that.”

“Dangit! I was gonna let Source fall, embarrass himself, and then teach him how to use his wings!” Rainbow said, still hovering above us. Luna slowly tilted her head up with a ‘shut the fuck up’ look. Well, it was mixed with an ‘I will gut you’ look. Okay, Luna is adorkable, but she has her moments of being downright terrifying. This is one of those moments. She then turned back to me, nuzzled me and started watching me as I figured out how to consistently flap my wings.

“Next,” she walked over to me and put her hooves on my right wing. “Don’t do this often, this is how you turn pegasi, and ponies with wings ‘on’, as the youth are saying. But… hold your wings like this,” she angled my wings accordingly. I shivered a little when she did. “To glide. Flap occasionally in order to stay in the air, or flap constantly to go faster. If you want to take off from the ground, flap as hard as you can. Feel free to use your fancy ‘Skywalker’ spell to aid you in this until you can do it without assistance.” Luna then blew a raspberry at Rainbow Dash, and sat back to watch me try to take off.

“You got this, dude!” Tale had put his book down to watch me. Celly, who just woke up, immediately rubbed the sleep from her eyes to watch. I took a long, deep breath, and jumped with as strong of a flap as I could, moved up a couple meters, and then fell on my face. I landed head first, before flopping on my back. I rubbed the back of my head.

“I can’t wait to break my face some more, woohoo!” I cheered before taking off again, and falling on my face. This repeated for a good hour or two. I don’t remember, I just remember finally getting into the air without falling on the ground. From there, figuring out how to ascend or descend wasn’t too hard. Flap wings with a slight up tilt to go down, flap wings with a slight downtilt to go up. If you want to go up or down, do the corresponding thing you need to do faster.

My wings were aching a little. “Hey, this is way more fun than DragonFire!” I laughed like a little idiot as I occasionally flapped them a good twelve meters above the ground, occasionally I did dip, but that did teach me that I needed to flap a little more often in order to stay in the air. I tilted my body downward and started descending at a rate that was way quicker than I would’ve expected…

Huh.

If you tilt your body up or down, it’s a quicker way to go up and down in the air respectively. Good to know.

I crashed into the same fucking bush I first landed in.

“And…” Luna said, after pulling me out of the bush again. “Don’t land in bushes, or crash into things if you want a smooth landing. Don’t do as Rainbow Dash does while landing; she does it quickly, but for somepony as inexperienced as yourself, do not do that. You could crash and hurt yourself.” She brushed a leaf off my chest. “I’m glad you’ve learnt the basics of flying so quickly. As amusing as it would’ve been to watch you crash, it still wouldn’t have been that fun for me to watch. For future reference, try to slow yourself down before landing. Hold your wings like so,” she showed me how to hold my wings. "And you'll slow down."

“Hey, I can fall and miss the ground in more ways now. Dunno how useful it’ll be to me; DragonFire is already a viable, quick means of transport for me.”

“Your wings are beautiful, dear!” Celestia shouted from the piles of foals still napping away on her.

Rainbow was hovering, grumbling about how she couldn’t watch me crash more, and how much better of a teacher she would’ve been.

“Oh quiet down with the cursing, will you?” Luna shouted, looking up at Rainbow Dash. “You were more interested in watching my little brother crash into the ground than you were of actually teaching him. And you had plenty of moments to watch Source face plant! I actually wanted to teach my soon to be brother in law to fly. I’ve taught a pegasus foal or two how to fly, Rainbow Dash.”

“But I wanted to teach him!”

“You did that poorly. You even admitted to letting him crash a few times before you taught him to use his wings!”

Fluttershy whispered something, but nopony could hear what she was saying in her gentle voice. Luna lit her horn up and eyed Fluttershy.

“I was going to show Source, but then Rainbow took over teaching him immediately.”

Luna nodded, before rubbing my back. “Now go flex those wings for my sister; I think she will be showing you how to pleasure a pony with wings with first hoof experience when we return to Canterlot for the night.”

“Uh… alright.” I walked over to where Celly was laying and stretched a wing out for her.

“Mmm, I knew your wings would be rather nice. Simple, plain, lovely.” Celestia giggled. “Oh, I cannot wait to also have a ‘flying buddy’ that is somepony that isn’t just my sister. Don’t you worry your little butt, Source. I will be making you fly every morning, in an open, safe field, with me until you’ve at least grown used to flight. As much as you may not use it, knowing how to use your wings when your magic isn’t available is vital… And watching you flap your wings was rather amusing.”

“Well,” I hummed. “I’m down for that. Your wings are glorious, Celly. So if I can fly with you, and watch your lovely wings flap… That will be worth the incoming wing aches I’m gonna get.”

“And I will simply enjoy being able to share more of my mornings with you.” We nuzzled each other. “I suppose I shall get Luna to open her own flight school? She taught you rather quickly without flying herself.”

“We should. I bet she’d be as good of a teacher as you.”

“Perhaps… She did seem to take some pride in being able to teach you so quickly.” I took a nice, relaxed breath, before folding my wing up and flopping over.

“My wings feel like shite, I demand… I dunno. Laying in the grass is fun.”

“Do you want any leftover mashed potatoes?” Celestia lifted up the bowl that was still half-full, and immediately warmed it up in her magic.

Potatoes… mashed potatoes… I am a little hungry, and mashed potato is food… I think I have a problem. Lads like me tend to have more alcohol in their systems than blood, so maybe I’m just drunk. Or maybe it’s a possible health problem from repeatedly smashing my head on the ground. I dunno. Either way, potatoes. I’ve got mashed potatoes… I lifted my snout out of the bowl and looked in it.

“Where’s the potatoes?” I asked, now saddened by my severe lack of potatoes.

Author's Note

welp, I did it. your weekly dose of filler is ready... Picnic time!

The Most Anti-climatic, World Ending Threat Ever.

So sometime before we got on the train for Canterlot, it started snowing. For reference, January is roughly winter for anyone on Earth… living in the northern hemisphere. In Equestria, it’s the start of spring, and ponies control the weather. So as you can imagine, once it started snowing, nopony was excited, in fact, most of them were terrified. The train was even delayed by this odd occurrence. I just sat at the train station, watching Celly panic while Luna was simply confused. Tale was knocked out and used Luna as a pillow while she did her best to keep her coltfriend warm.

Button, being the colt that he was, was more happy about the snow than confused.

Cadance and Shining Armor were staying in Ponyville for the night to have a sleepover with Twilight, so I didn’t know what they were doing.

Knowing Twilight, she was Twilighting, and was thinking the world was going to end. She was probably right.

“Celly,” I said.

“What’s wrong?”

“I…”

“Is this another world ending threat that you forgot about?” I asked. “Or did Discord get out and decide to take a fat dump on the fabric of reality?”

“This… is something different. Far, far different from Discord.” She started walking forward. “Come, I believe it would be best for us to get out of the snow while we are at it.” I picked Button up, before tucking him under my wing, before deciding my wing was too weak to hold him. So I just teleported his coat to him, and started moving. Luna casted a shield over herself and Tale and started walking through the snow. That is a way better idea; I just went without a coat and figured dealing with it through sheer force of will was the way to go.

“So,” I said, after catching up to Celly. Despite her being concerned about whatever the fuck is going on, she did drape a wing over me without hesitation. “Mind catching me up, at least?”

“It would be best to get to Twilight’s library; she’s already got her friends over for the sleepover with her, Cadance, and Shining, and it would save me the hassle of repeating myself. But we must hurry, if not because this poses a dangerous threat to the nation, and quite possibly the entirety of Equus as we know it.” That was fair reasoning. “Let’s just say… an old friend of Luna has awakened from her slumber.” Oh. That doesn’t sound fun.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll fully fill us in on what is going on.”

“Sister, which ‘old friend’ are you referring to… Oh dear.” Luna seemed to realized something whereas me and Button were in the dark, and Tale was still knocked the fuck out, so wasn’t even reacting to the shitshow that was going to happen.

When we reached the library, we were quickly ushered in by a rattled looking Twilight, and almost looked… She looked scared. Everypony present did. Rainbow had her planner out, didn’t know she had that, checking if she had accidentally scheduled a snow storm, if you could call the light, serene snowing a storm, for any time during January.

“Auntie!” Cadance waved. “Do you know what is going on?” Celestia nodded.

“Does anypony know the tale of how the snowflake was created?” She asked. Luna’s ears shot up, whatever she was thinking was probably just confirmed then and there.

“Wasn’t that a little filly’s tale?” Rainbow asked, looking up from her planner. “I remember my dam telling me that story when I was a foal.”

“It was not just a foal's tale,” Luna said firmly. “I believe you all have heard the tale?”

“I never did,” I raised my hoof. “Back home, snow just happens, same with snowflakes. There was nothing magical or anything.”

“I see… Well…” She proceeded to tell me the story of Snowdrop, a blind little filly that invented the snowflake. Her upbringing wasn’t the greatest, with her being a blind pegasus, and was severely bullied throughout her foalhood until she presented a snowflake to the Princesses during a holiday that has long since fallen out of practice, the Spring Sunrise event. It was to celebrate the ending of Winter, Winter was conisdered an awful time of the year, which fell out of practice because of Snowdrop making snowflakes.

“And… I thought she had passed away sometime after my banishment,” Luna whispered. Tale had woken up and was hugging Lulu’s neck while she cried a little. Most of the ponies present were tearing up; I wasn’t. I felt awful for Lulu, to not be able to say goodbye to what sounded like her best friend, but… Clearly something was up with Snowdrop, something not very good.

“Shortly after Luna’s banishment, Snowdrop became cold and distant. She blamed me for Luna’s fall, and blamed Luna for abandoning her in her time of need. Bear in mind that while Snowdrop was growing up, her relationship between herself and Luna was almost like Twilight’s and Cadance’s relationship. They even had their own little friendship chant…” Celestia sighed. “They were borderline inseparable until the kingdom started hating Luna and her night more and more…

“By the time Luna had turned into Nightmare Moon, Snowdrop had grown into a beautiful mare, but was still shunned and harassed for being blind. When she heard of what happened to my sister, Snowdrop… broke into our old castle and found a talisman, something almost similar to an Alicorn Amulet.”

“What in the hay is an Alicorn Amulet?” Apple Jack asked.

Me and Twilight immediately lit up at that. “It’s something that bolsters a unicorn’s magical output, but is powered with dark magic. In other words, big no no, and kinda illegal to have.” I explained it to keep Twilight from Twilighting and nerding out about magic for a good thirty minutes. “Is this talisman sorta like… a unicorn’s horn for anypony without a horn?” I asked.

“In a sense, yes. I would say it is even more dangerous; it works off of feeding on a pony’s special talent. Snowdrop showed an altitude for making Snowflakes, and by extension… was heavily attuned to winter. The amulet, the Unicorn Talisman, essentially takes her talent and turns it all the way up. That resulted in the snowstorm outside. On top of it also granting her the ability to cast and use spells like a very, very gifted unicorn.”

“...Fucking hell,” I sighed. “I just wanted a week of peace and quiet,” I facehoofed. “So what are we gonna do? Sit here until we get buried in snow and die?”

“I shall go find her,” Luna said. “I… I may be able to convince Snowdrop to take the Unicorn Talisman off.”

“Luna…” I said. “She thought you abandoned her.”

“I know. I know. But I must go, if I cannot persuade her, I shall put her down. It will at least allow me to say goodbye to somepony I considered to be a good friend.”

“As will I,” Celestia, not Celly, Celly went into hibernation the moment Equestria was put into danger. “Snowdrop was more than a match for myself, even if Luna has always been the better fighter out of the two of us. With two alicorns present, we’ll be able to bring her down if we need to.” I stood up and started pacing. “Source, is everything alright?”

“How the fuck do we even find her?” I asked.

“She… Her last location, before I froze her in ice, was in the most northern part of the Everfree Forest.” Celestia said. “Why?”

“If anypony here has a solid chance at taking her down…” I sighed. “It’s me. So far, my track record is solid, my Light Shield is going to keep me safe, for the most part and…”

“It would actually be best if all of us went,” Shining Armor said. “Having the Element Bearers on standby, four alicorns, and two highly capable unicorns. Snowdrop wouldn’t know what’d hit her.”

“I am leaving Tale here. He is an author, not a warrior,” Luna said.

“Button and Spike are staying home too,” I said. “He’s a baby dragon.” Twilight didn’t hesitate in agreeing. Button didn't need an explanation; he just nodded his head and sat his rear down where it was.

“So what else can we expect?” I asked.

“Snowdrop is much stronger than your average unicorn, Source. If I wasn’t caught off guard by how powerful Snowdrop is,” Celestia shook her head. “She hates me, Source. If she finds out that you are my fiance, she will want to kill you just to get a jab against me.”

“Huh…” I sighed. “Well, here’s hoping we can talk her down.”

We got to the Everfree without much trouble. We were all, save the alicorns who were very cold resistant, dressed in winter gear. Well, I put on my trench coat to conceal my wings; I am already probably going to be a target; there is no need to make myself a bigger target. Snowdrop was blind, so hiding my wings wouldn’t mean much, but it did make me feel a little better. Button, Tale, and Spike stayed in the library until we got back.

Luckily, none of them argued about why they should go.

Snowdrop, if Celly was right, was apparently in the most northern parts of the Everfree Forest, or the spots closest to Canterlot, so we had a while to go.

“I can’t wait to-” Rainbow was just about to talk about beating the shite out of the big threat of the week, but stopped when she remembered who we were fighting. “Uh… bring Equestria back to normal? It can’t be that hard,” she gestured to me. “We’ve got Source Code, after all, and he’s super strong!”

“I’m not fighting unless I have to,” I said as we trudged along.

“But…”

“I’m not fighting Snowdrop. If Luna can talk her out of this shit, let Luna do her thing. Both she and Snowdrop were the best of friends, Rainbow Dash. I’ve seen enough blood during my time in the other timeline to last a lifetime. If I do not have to, I will not kill anypony, nein, anyone unless it’s the only way forward. I don’t think we need to kill anyone.” I nuzzled Luna who was walking right beside me. She hasn’t spoken much since we’ve left the library.

“Are you doing alright, Luna?” I asked.

“I shall be fine, Source.”

“No, not ‘will you be fine’, Luna. Are you doing alright?”

“I… Will Snowdrop hate me?”

“How were you two, Luna? Like, how close were you two?”

Luna looked ahead, seeing Celestia, Shining Armor, and Twilight leading our little legion. Cadance was walking in between Twilight and Celestia. Despite Twilight probably being the more skilled mage out of the two, Cadance was slightly forward, and looked ready to jump in front of the lavender unicorn at a moment’s notice. She stared at the pair before smiling.

“I will not lie, I may have neglected my nightly duties to spend any amount of time with Snowdrop. Sometimes I would foalsit her; she was like my little sister, Source. She was almost like my daughter. I cared for her so deeply… We even had a little friendship chant that Snowdrop had come up with. She was the sweetest little thing, she was smart, Source. Scarily smart. She was surprisingly mature for a filly of her age, but given how she was treated, it made sense.” Luna shook her head and sighed. “I wish I had thought of Snowdrop before I gave into my darker thoughts.”

“Hey, perhaps we can see this as a blessing. If we stop Snowdrop, without harming her, and she is willing, you two can have more time together; to make up for the time lost between the two of you.”

Luna smiled. “That is a possibility. Hopefully, she can be talked down from the path she is walking down.”

“God I hope so. I don’t like fighting, not anymore.”

“You are a talented duelist, especially with your fancy little ‘Light Shield’ as you call it.”

“Magical duels don’t result in somepony dying, and I’m barely even a novice in actual duels, Luna. Fighting can, and will result in pain and death. I’ve learned that much from…” I shook my head as I pictured Luna’s life leaving her eyes. I shivered. “I don’t like hurting ponies.”

“You don’t need to, not anymore, Source. I will sooner cut out our enemies’ hearts before I allow them to cause harm to you, or more accurately, before you have to cause harm to them.” We looked ahead. “Come, we are falling behind our group.” I looked up, noting that we were, in fact, falling behind.

“Fuck. Why did you have to be right?” I asked, letting my accent get thicker. That at least got Lulu to giggle; that’s the first time she’s smiled since we left the library.

We came to a halt, I skidded past Celly and I saw the reason why. Sitting before us was a pegasus. A rather slender, downright beautiful pegasus. She had a light blue coat that was almost the same color as the snow. Her mane was kept short, and was straight, as was her tail. Honestly, she looked a lot like Fleur De Lis. Pupiless eyes stared back at us, blinking occasionally, though not moving. Her ears were pointed forward as she held her wings out; an instinctual thing that pegasi do to make themselves look bigger.

“I was wondering when I would get your attention, Princess Celestia,” the mare spoke. Her voice was haunting, almost dead sounding. I could tell there was a hint of softness in her voice, like she was not used to speaking so loudly. I could also tell she was trying to keep her voice dead sounding. She was doing a good job at it, even if I could tell she was trying not to get angry, or cry.

“Snowdrop,” Celly spoke. “It is nice to see you… have broken out of your prison.”

“I wish I could say the like,” Snowdrop said bitterly. “Alas, I canst not. Now, allow us to drop the pleasantries,” she said as her horn, made up of a blue crystal, pointed out of the talisman sitting upon her head. “Whom else hast thou brought with thou? an entourage of guards? if so, all thou hast brought is sheep to a wolf’s den, Princess.”

“I’ve brought a small group of close friends, one of whom you may recognize. While you were frozen in ice, my sister, Luna, had returned from the Moon and had been reformed.” Snowdrop’s eyes were surprisingly expressive given that they belonged to a blind pony.

“Lulu is here…” She said, her voice becoming much more gentle. “Who else?” Her voice leaked poorly concealed curiosity, even if Snowdrop was still being cautious.

I stepped forward, despite Celly’s attempts to keep me back, and waved.

“God damn, you’re a sight to behold,” I said upfront. I won’t lie, besides Celly, this is the prettiest mare I’ve seen. I saw a faint blush growing on Snowdrop’s face.

“Are thou trying to flatter me into not harming anypony?” Snowdrop asked.

“No, you’re just pretty.”

“i’ve been told that by many; they anon thought othergates when they found out I was seel,” Snowdrop’s voice grew bitter for a moment. “However, I doth appreciate thy compliments, stallion. You’ve not quoth thy own name.” I hissed. “You smell heavily of Princess Celestia. A consort, haply?”

“Uh… Yeah.” I’m gunna die.

“It is a pleasure to meet thou then.” Wat. I tilted my head, and Snowdrop seemingly picked up on that with just her ears. “This talisman was quoth to corrupt absolutely, yet all it doth grant me the ability to use magic as a unicorn, and bolster mine existing abilities. I only attacked Princess Celestia, out of anger, because she sent Luna to the moon.” Celestia’s wings ruffled from behind me. Me and Twilight were shocked; I was shocked because Snowdrop’s surprisingly civil for a mare that just froze the whole country over, or was in the process of freezing it over. I think Twilight’s just shocked that her research was wrong.

I'm also surprised that I'm not dead yet.

“So… Can you turn off the snowstorm then? Permanent winter’s gonna wind up with the majority of every sapient race on the planet dead.”

“I could, alas, I desire to speak with Lulu. I will still stop the storm; I just wish to speak with her if it is not too much trouble.” Snowdrop inclined her head. "It has been far too long since we've last spoken, and it would mean a lot to me if we can talk."

Luna stepped forward, with zero regards for her own safety, and got within a meter of Snowdrop. The blind mare sniffed the air and smiled. Suddenly, her prosthetic horn stopped glowing. “Do you remember our chant, Lulu-”

“Moonlight moonlight…” The two of them had quickly broken into a similar little dance that Twilight and Cadance do whenever they greet each other. It was more heavily based on the night, with fireflies, making wishes, but even the little shake was something both mares partook in. Hell, they even clapped a few times. Luna remembered every step, as did Snowdrop. As a wise man once said, many folks don't realize the weight of a powerful, bonding union. It's not a myth engraved in stone, and it can't be felt when all alone. It makes me want to tell the whole world halllelujah I watched the adorable little scene, before the two quickly stood up. Luna, with tearful eyes, cleared her throat.

“Snowdrop…” Luna reached a hoof out.

“Lulu, shut up.” Snowdrop quickly scowled and lit my horn and got ready to-

“WHY THE BUCK DIDN’T THOU JOIN TO ME WHEN THOU WERE FEELING THE WAY THOU DIDST!?” Snowdrop shouted. “WE TOLD EACH OTHER ALL’S, LULU!” The blind pegasus quickly pulled Luna into a hug. Everypony was taken aback by the sudden, heartfelt shouting that resonated throughout the forest. She was crying into Luna's neck while she yelled. “Please, please tell me if you are feeling terrible from now on. I’m just glad that I can be with you once again…”

“I missed thou, Snowdrop,” Luna almost whispered. “I seriously missed thou.” The two nuzzled and soon found each other laying side by side, Luna was still a good head taller than Snowdrop, and subsequently had larger wings. Because of this, and probably because of how Luna perceived Snowdrop, she draped a wing over the pegasus’s back as the snow came to a stop. I blinked a few times. There is no way that was that easy, was it? I thought we'd be fighting by now, or Snowdrop woulda suckerpunched Luna.

I guess not. Oh well, now I get to watch a pair of grown mares cry into each other as they happily reunited, hugged and nuzzled each other. The two of them were back together, despite everything that interrupted their lives, and they were happy. I sat back and smiled as... Well, it's a cute scene. How could I not watch these two embrace each other.

“Oh come on! We came out here, expecting a world ending threat! And instead it ends in cuddling?” Rainbow asked.

Snowdrop simply giggled. “I expected a large broil to befall as well. I am glad it didst not join to that. I much prefer the issue that hath just occurred, miss.”

“So… are you able to just… live forever too? You’ve had to have been frozen for a good thousand years, and you’re alive and kicking, and don’t look a day over twenty two, Snowdrop. What’s the catch with that talisman?” I asked.

“I am not sure of the talisman, I just wot that it truly grants me to use mine magic as a unicorn can. As for how long I live? I am not sure. I hope to live forever; it would mean that I spend moe time with Lulu!” Snowdrop cheered. “And you did say I was beautiful. Herds are still common practice in Equestria, right?”

“They are,” Lulu smirked. “And the disdain for blind ponies has fallen in recent times; I’m sure a beautiful, young mare like yourself can woo any stallion; you look better than some modern ‘fashion models’. Perhaps a mare if thou wish to go that route instead?" Snowdrop blushed and buried her face into Luna’s shoulder. “Though do not be shocked if Source declines the offer to form a herd with you and Tia. As far as I can tell, he will abstain from dating more than one mare, ever, no matter how pretty he thinks you are.”

“But…”

“Hey, you’re gorgeous, but I’m a one mare kind of stallion. I’ll tell why you when you get older.”

“I’m a thousand years older than thou are.”

“And I don’t wanna say why I am the way I am right now; just cuddle with Luna… after we get out of this forest first. I don’t wanna get eaten by a manticore, and I don’t think anypony else here would enjoy being eaten either.”

“Okay,” Snowdrop nodded. “That is acceptable, I suppose. Come, Lulu! We shall catch up, and our cuddle and fun time shall be doubled!” Said Lulu was caught off guard when Snowdrop snatched Luna up, and stopped. “Do any of you know where the nearest pony settlement is? I… Have not gotten the chance to grow accustomed to the new geography of Equestria.”

“We do,” I nodded to Celly. “Lead the way, Celly.”

“And here I was expecting the ending of the world…” Celestia whispered. She smiled, likely at the prospect of not having to fight anypony today; I sure as hell was happy about that too. “Well, come along, everypony. We shall head back to Ponyville and get Snowdrop reacquainted with pony society.”

While we walked on back, Snowdrop and Luna had fallen behind a little, as they were so busy catching up that neither of them noticed that we were a good ten paces ahead of them. It wasn’t enough for them to get lost, but it wasn’t close enough for us to hear them. It really didn’t help that it seemed like they were whispering to each other most of the time, so even if I wanted to eavesdrop, I couldn’t. Celestia was wearing her serene little smile, now that the blizzard had stopped, spring should be going on as normal, even if the snow would take a while to melt.

“Hey Snowdrop,” Twilight spoke up, having fallen behind just enough to stay with the group. I fell back too, wanting to hear what was going on.

“Yes miss… I’m sorry, none of you shared your names with me just yet.”

“Well, I’m Twilight Sparkle, I’m what you would’ve called a scholar back in your time.”

“Oh. Do you wish to speak of what life was like a thousand years ago?”

“I am curious about that, I will admit,” Twilight nodded to herself. “However, I do want to study that talisman if you don’t mind. The Alicorn Amulet was said to have some… side-effects on the user. You, however, are using something in a very similar vein to the Alicorn Amulet yet you seemed… docile as soon as you found out that Princess Luna was alright.”

“Oh sure!” Snowdrop took the talisman off with her left hoof, still walking just fine. She didn’t immediately crumple to dust or anything. “As I had said earlier, it just lets me use magic like a unicorn would; it’s not that bad.”

“I know… But I would just like to make sure there are no side-effects. If you want it back after I’m done studying it, just let me know, and I’ll give it back to you. Assuming it's harmless beyond what it does for you.” Snowdrop half nodded; she was immediately trying to get a groom lick in on Luna. It didn't work; Luna beat Snowdrop to the 'groom my friend' contest, I guess.

“Say,” I said, falling in line right beside the blind mare. “If you don’t mind me asking, and sorry if this is offensive, but how are you so damn good at moving around, walking, all that general stuff without being able to see? It’s impressive; I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to do that if I were blind. Not without some sorta aid.”

“I’ve had some practice. Not being able to see does make it so I have to rely heavily on my hearing and sense of smell. And while dealing with stallions, assuming they stick around after finding out that I am blind, was easy. As long as I can hear, and still smell, I can find my way around.” she tilted her head. “Why do you ask?”

“I was just curious. Back home, where I come from, if somebody was blind, they had to use a stick that they’d tap ground with as they walked. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than going without.”

“You didn’t say anypony.”

“Shit. You’re the only one who’s noticed that.”

“I can be quite perceptive,” Snowdrop smirked. “Even if I can’t see.” She seemingly caught note of Twilight’s eyes widening. “What? I was called a few derogatory terms because I am blind; can I not make fun of myself?” Twilight thought about it, before shrugging, even if Snowblind couldn’t see. “So Source, why your shift in language? Your accent isn’t like anything I’ve heard before either. Biologically, and when I was frozen, I am younger than you, so it is not saying much. But do, tell me your story, abridged or not."

“Well, let’s just say I’m not a pony in the head, Snowdrop. I’m from another world, yadda yadda yadda, I’m here now, and I usually use ‘everyone’ or ‘anyone’, or ‘somebody’ while referring to the race I hailed from before becoming a unicorn…” I felt my wings rustle under my trench coat.

“You’ve got wings too. You’re an alicorn,” Snowdrop noted.

“...Jesus fuck, you are scarily perceptive with those ears.” Snowdrop giggled.

“Well, I am shape blind, colorblind, and just blind, but I am not sound blind,” she mused. “So you’re an alicorn… no wonder Princess Celestia wanted to keep you.”

“Mmm. Mayhaps. Though I met her as a unicorn and ascended after going through a portal… and doing some fucked up things to another timeline’s version of her.”

“...What?”

“I know; how I got wings is very arbitrarily, since I think you can only become an alicorn after discovering yourself or whatever. I got mine from killing four very hostile alicorns that were committing genocide.”

“...I think it is a good thing that I am not completely evil, then,” Snowdrop noted. “I don’t think I can fight anypony that is capable of taking on one alicorn, let alone four.”

“You did almost cover Equestria in snow, though.”

“And I stopped doing that. I much prefer returning to my peaceful life with Luna… Buck. My mother is long dead.”

“I feel you, Snowdrop, I really do.”

“...What?” The pegasus took a moment to think about what I said. “Oh. I assume you left family behind? Once you’ve gotten here, of course.”

“Yeah. Sucks to suck, but I’ve learnt to move on.” Even if I still sometimes cry about not being able to hug my mum ever again.

“Snowdrop took a deep breath. “Well, I was bound to outlive my mother, I just wish I could’ve, for lack of a better word, gotten to see her before she passed.”

“You’ve picked up on the modern language quickly, Snowdrop,” Luna chimed in. “Again, your intelligence scares me sometimes; especially with how quickly you pick up on things.”

Snowdrop shrugged. “I think I would not be able to if I weren’t blind.” She nodded to Celestia. “Perhaps I shall go speak with Celestia. It was wrong of me to attack her after she banished you.”

“It was, young lady. Go say sorry to your auntie, or I’ll refrain from making you a moonpie.” That's Luna for 'make Source make a moonpie because I can not cook'. Snowdrop’s ears flattened at Luna’s words. “Go on now.” The mare nodded, before running ahead and immediately started chatting with Celly. None of us could hear them; after Snowdrop dropped being evil quicker than when America dropped a bomb on Japan, had a surprisingly gentle voice that was almost as soft as Fluttershy’s, but clearly had a lot more volume to it. Within mere moments, Celly and Snowdrop were chatting away like old friends would’ve.

“It still shocks me just how quickly she dropped the ‘evil’ thing,” I noted. “And how quick most of us were to forgive her.”

“Thinking back to how sweet that mare was, despite how often she was insulted for being blind,” Luna sighed. “I’m just glad to have one of my old friends back. Truly, this is a gift,” Snowdrop soon found her way onto Celestia’s back and was constantly nipping her ears, much to my Celly’s dismay at being bullied by a mare half her height in front of the Element Bearers, her legally adopted niece, the captain of her guard force, and Luna.

“I SWEAR, I WILL FREEZE YOU AGAIN, YOUNG LADY!” Celly shouted as we exited the forest.

“It sounds like torture for Celly.” I noted.

“Tia can handle a little bullying from her surrogate niece. Between me and Snowdrop attacking her a thousand years ago, I think this is a step up from that.” Celly flopped in the snow, being nipped, and subsequently tickled by Snowdrop.

“I think I should go help Celly,” I hummed. “Nah. Celly’s got this in the bag.”

“SOURCE, SAVE ME! YOUR PRINCESS IS IN DISTRESS!” Celestia said as the group walked past her into town.

“Hold on, dear! Just gimme a moment to get over there. These old bones-”

“YOU’RE BUCKING BIOLOGICALLY TWENTY ONE YEars-!” Celly soon found herself unable to speak, as Snowdrop tickled all the air out of her lungs. Once I got to the pile, I lifted Snowdrop in my magic.

“No fair! If I still had my Talisman, you’d be dead meat, old dude!”

“True. However, I can’t let you kill my bride-to-be just yet. I still gotta marry her.”

…

“Aunt Celestia, why did you not tell me you were getting married while we were catching up?” That sounded like Snowdrop was gonna tickle Celly the moment she was let out, so I just kept on walking with a mare blowing raspberries at me while I carried her away from her victim. A mare that was a thousand years older than I was. Celestia slowly got up, wheezing constantly as she tried getting air back into her lungs.

“I missed you, Snowdrop. This version of you.” Snowdrop blew a raspberry. “Young lady, you are so lucky that I cannot ground you.”

Author's Note

While Snowdrop's appearance in this is heavily inspired by Snowdrop's return, I decided to go with a different route from what I was gonna originally portray her. I was going to portray her as this cold hearted killed, but then after rewatching the original Snowdrop, it made very, very little sense for Snowdrop to be outright evil.

So this version of Snowdrop is the same, sweet little filly that Luna befriended, just older, and very protective of Luna. And... she might've picked up on her surrogate, older sister's love for being a little menace to society, mainly Celestia. She will be Luna's little accomplice when it comes to pranking the whole castle, and mostly Celestia.

I also decided against having the eldritch horror that was the dragon she had, as that felt unecessary in the final cut of this chapter.

Hopefully this didn't blow ass.

Next chapter, we're gonna probably be visited by our good, old friend Fruit. Some of you might be familiar with him, or another timeline's version of him.

also.

Magic Testing, Whisky, Guard Training, Eye Sight, and Punch.

So after the most… amazing battle ever, the castle had one more roommate. Snowdrop, the blind pegasus that apparently has super hearing, and Luna’s… well, she’s basically Luna’s adoptive daughter. Despite her supposedly attacking Celly a thousand years ago, in defense of Lulu, the two of them were getting along rather nicely. Celly, Lulu, and Snowdrop were all snuggled up together on their own ‘little’ cushion. Given that all three mares were taller than the average mare by a head or two at a minimum, ‘little’ for them was ‘huge’ for anypony else. The talisman that Snowdrop had initially been wearing when she first woke up, was in Twilight’s possession back down in Ponyville for further study.

Me and Button were on our own cushion, my kid was sleeping away, since it was morning, and right around when Celly and Lulu needed to move their respective celestial bodies for the day to begin for the rest of the world. It was decided that my therapy sessions were to be a weekly thing, which ended up giving me an extra hour or everyday to just hangout with everypony. I nuzzled my kid; today I was going to be doing a lot of testing in the magical training room to make sure that my custom, highly customized version of Python, or the original version since the mass-released version came after it, was still of any value to me.

So far, DragonFire, Light Shield, and just about any spell exclusive to my magic system were all that I have tested.

For the most part, just in field use, I’ve only really noticed that I have more stamina when it comes to magic rather than outright power.

I set my book off to the side, nuzzled Button, and he groaned.

“Just five more minutes, Dad,” he grumbled as he nuzzled deeper into my shoulder.

“Didn’t mean to wake you, bud. I was just nuzzling you because you looked cute and needed that daily required ‘nuzzle from Dad’.”

“Okay… Five more minutes?” Button asked.

“I can groom you.”

“I guess I don’t need those five more minutes,” my kid said before raising his head with his eyes still closed. I started to work, running my teeth through his mane after running my tongue through it a few times to make working it easier. “You know that Mom’s supposed to do this, right?” Button asked.

“And you should be using your mother’s tail as a blanket and not mine, I know, kiddo. But are you really gonna deny your old man some quality snuggles, or stop him from grooming or pampering you in any way he deems fit?”

“No. It feels nice, and you’re better at grooming than Mom is. Plus your tail’s less airy, so it makes for a better blanket.” He nuzzled into me before rolling onto his back so I can access his belly easier. “You know Dad, I’m always the one being groomed, but why won’t you let me groom you every now and then? Sweetie Belle taught me how, and… I want to show you just how much you mean to me.”

“Well, it'd be a little weird, but also… I am just happy to have you, Button. If you let me baby you when you come home, even when you’re an adult, that’s enough for me. Being able to take care of my son is a gift I couldn’t begin to take for granted. Though if you catch me off guard and start grooming me, I won’t stop you. However, young stallion, you’re the one being cuddled, snuggled and groomed, so just lay down, relax, and enjoy a healthy dose of prolonged eye contact.” Button giggled, before his eyes snapped open, and we started the prolonged eye contact, while also doing our best not to laugh and wake the other occupants of the room.

Cadance and Shining were still in Ponyville, to finish up that sleepover they couldn’t even really begin when Snowdrop showed up, so it was just me, Button, Celly, Lulu, and Snowdrop.

“Prolonged eye contact,” we whispered, before I pulled him close to my chest, and laid my head on his chest. I promptly rolled onto my back, and had a colt laying on my lower jaw while we both decided now would be a good time for ‘five more minutes’ which really translated to ‘fifty five more minutes’.

About an hour later, breakfast was had, and we had all been piled into a magic-lab of some sort. I stared at the instruments, before looking down at a textbook I was reading over, the basics of magic.

“So,” I said while reading one of the most basic rules of magic. “It turns out that this may be pointless,” I said while reading over the basics of how a unicorn’s magic works.

“Why is that, Source?” Celestia asked as she looked over my shoulder. “Is that not a book you’ve read when you were in Equestria for only a month?”

“It is. There was something I’ve overlooked, though. You and Luna have been alive for… how long?” I asked.

“Thousands of years,” Luna answered.

“So a unicorn can grow stronger as they age, assuming they use their magic for more than just levitation. Some are simply naturally gifted in their altitude for magic output. You and Celly are already, or were already, talented mages before you ascended, right?”

“We were, and we were trained by Starswirl the Bearded,” Celly answered. “Oh…”

“Yeah, you two use your magic for just a tiny little thing called moving the Sun and Moon. You two are strong, yeah, but most alicorns ain’t gonna be breaching your levels of power. Unless Twilight grows wings in this timeline as well. I don’t know. Anyways, I don’t think becoming an alicorn automatically makes you stronger than the average unicorn. Cadance… god bless her, she is not the best mage ever, but she has more magic to draw from; it's being her pegasus and earth pony that allow her to do what she does.

“I already wasn’t that strong as a unicorn; Python just made me seem a lot stronger than I was.”

“You do have a solid magic capacity, Source, you just don’t seem to be able to access it naturally,” Luna pointed out. “When you were fighting the Ursa Minor, you grew wings for a brief moment. You were also incredibly mad at the time, which may be tied to your magic in a way that it isn’t for most ponies...” She hummed and her eyes widened. “Have you accidentally been using dark magic without knowing it?”

“I dunno. If I got stronger when pissed off, that’s a thing that dark magic works off of. But humans… we tend to be way better at achieving things when we’re mad. Sports players piss themselves off to be a little better for the big game. One of the most powerful countries on Earth was made because a bunch of people were angry. When people get mad, they can achieve so much. Whether or not it’s a good thing they achieve is up for debate, though. Perhaps that is one of the things that translated over from me being a human?

“Magic’s tied to my emotions more than anything, hence why…” I pointed at the machine I was hooked up to that was reading my magic capacity or whatever. “I have so much, but can’t use most of it half the time. Or it could just be Python; I put some countermeasures in it, after watching Celly hurt herself while using Python, to make sure I can’t put too much power into any one spell.” I tucked the book under a wing. “In other words, it’s gonna be a while, a long while before I come anywhere near you or Luna, hell, even Twilight in terms of raw power.’

“I need to point out, had I not used a lot of underhanded tricks while in that fucked up timeline, I would’ve flat out died. No shot in hell am I tanking a full-tilt blast from Celly. Even with these wings; I think if Luna used Levitate on me too hard, I’d die.” My whole body cringed at the idea of fighting Luna, in any way shape or form.

“...Of course I forgot about that small detail,” Celestia facehoofed. “Source, you need to stop picking up on small details like this. I was going to use all this as an excuse to feel up your sexy little body, and test your magic!” She whined. She slowly realized that Luna, Button, and Tale were sitting in the room with us. Luckily, Tale moved in a heartbeat and covered my kid’s ears. Celly’s cheeks started pinking up, so I kissed her on the lips, which only resulted in me getting hit with her wings.

“Sister,” Luna said with a shit eating grin. “You were going to come up with a bunch of ‘tests’ so you can feel Source’s wings, weren’t you?”

“Luna, I will put you back on the moon.”

“Oh no. I am trembling,” Luna rolled her eyes. “Though I don’t know how good of an idea that would’ve been to do those ‘tests’ in front of my nephew,” she motioned to Button, who was just looking confused and adorable. He looked up at Tale.

“What does ‘feeling up Dad’s sexy body’ mean?” He asked.

We all slowly looked at Celly, who was currently trying to make her best ostrich impression.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” I started rubbing Celestia’s back as she started screaming into a pillow after she just slipped up for the first time in centuries.

I walked down into the guard training area. It’s been a solid month since I’ve partook in it, and I’ll be damned if I let myself get out of shape. Most of the guards, when they saw me were kinda shocked; it has been a month since they’ve last seen me. I immediately saw Solar, who looked a lot more grim than usual; a look that belonged nowhere on his face. It was too down for my liking. Sure, I might be a bit mentally fucked up, but I still want to make sure my friend’s doing alright. What kinda friend would I be if I let my bro suffer?

“Hey soldier!” I said firmly as I walked up to the stallion. He slowly looked up as he heard my voice.

“SOURCE!” He took his helmet off, and none of the guard trainers present even got on my friend for greeting me. I’m assuming everypony heard what happened to me and assumed I was as good as dead, for good reason. I might as well have been dead if it weren’t for Discord.

“Hey man!” I laughed as my man slammed into me and started nuzzling and actually kissing me. “Whoa bud, a little touchy, eh?” I asked.

“Shut up, Source, I thought you got killed! So what if I wanna be a little cuddly with my bro? I thought my bro was dead.”

I laughed. “Man, it is good to be back. How’s guard training going?”

“Moral… was down, sir.” Solar admitted. “With you around, the Princess was so much happier, and it made the guard feel better as a whole. Because if Princess Celestia was genuinely prancing through the castle because she can’t wait to spend her evening with you, or her sister, it makes the rest of us happier. For instance, it’s cute,” he whispered. “And also, she’s the pony we’re supposed to be guarding, aside from you and Luna, and seeing her be so carefree? It makes us guards feel good.

“Then you go missing. There is a noticeable lack of spring in the princesses’ steps, yes, both princesses. A lot of the royals in this castle like you, Source. You never really think about it, but you never know your impact on ponies’ lives until you disappear. You made an impact on the princesses’ moods, which then rubs off on us guards,” Solar sat down beside me and wrapped a foreleg around me. “Especially me. You’re one of my buddies, and when I heard you randomly disappeared into a portal, you were as good as dead, dude.” He immediately shivered. He felt my wings rub against his sides.

“When… did you get fucking wings!?” He asked.

“I got them while in the portal. I uh… kinda fought a bunch of ponies, bad ponies, and got wings while doing it.”

“Which… ponies did you fight?” The guard trainer asked.

“Uh… four alicorns. Four of whom would be very familiar. Think of the three current princesses, and Twilight, except evil and wanting to prove alicorn supremacy or whatever.” I shivered. “God. Seeing an evil Celly was not fun.” Every guard in the training room stopped what they were doing and surrounded me, respectfully, kept their distance, but they did circle me and Solar. “What?”

“You… fought four alicorns at once, and survived?” One of the trainers asked.

“Uh… let’s go with that. It’s not a fun memory for me.” I shrugged. ‘Why do you ask?”

“...Sir, you just proved how useful your custom, magical system is,” the same trainer said. “You fought alicorns, survived, and only have a burn mark to tell the tale with.”

‘I woulda died if I tried shielding any of evil Luna or Evil Celestia’s attacks, they would’ve plowed through the shield, fried me, and I wouldn't be standing here. I’d be dead if I didn’t go in knowing just how strong these alicorns were, or if I had no pre-existing knowledge of how to fight Celestia.” I settled down. “I would like to get some training for fighting with my wings, and learn how to use my newfound earth pony strength and endurance better, so I came down here. Aside from Celly, who is on vacation right now, this would be one of the best places to learn from.”

“With all due respect sir, I don’t know how much you can learn from here if you took down four alicorns. As much as we all would like to believe, we guards are mostly here to evacuate everypony from if Canterlot is threatened so the princesses can go all out without harming anypony. Princess Celestia is a good fighter, and we’ve all watched her spar with Luna at least once; Luna’s a tougher fighter than her sister. The fact that you won against both of them, with Princess Cadance and Twilight Sparkle to boot… it’s impressive sir. It’s far more than any one pony can say they’ve done before.”

“...Does it hurt to say that I uh…” I fully cringed at the thought of fighting any alicorns again. “Experienced my first kills during that?” I asked.

“You killed four alicorns?!” Solar shouted.

“I wasn’t happy about it! They were all familiar faces, and evil versions of ponies I love! I didn’t wanna hurt them!” I shuddered. "God, just coming into contact with evil Celestia, burnt my shoulder within seconds. I blew up Twilight’s fucking head, man. I blew it up and watched it happen point-blank. I watched Luna’s life leave her eyes. I was hoping to at least convince them why they shouldn’t kill everyone, but they were dead set on doing it.”

“...Oh.” The trainer nodded. “C’mon, soldiers! The Prince’s seen some stuff you pathetic lot wouldn’t be able to dream of! Solar, you’re his majesty’s friend, stay near him when he stops breathing heavily and holding his head like he is right now. If he wishes to spar with you after, allow him to. If he does not, but simply wishes to spend the day with you, you may be relieved of duty until tomorrow. I know he came here for a reason, and it was probably because of you.” The rest of the guards didn’t even hear the trainer, they just knew I saw some shit and started giving me space, while Solar started rubbing my shoulder like how I would while trying to comfort my younger siblings during a thunderstorm.

“Take all the time you need, bud,” Solar coaxed.

I laid there for a solid minute, letting Solar hold me. It felt… nice, being held like that.

“...What the buck did you see when you went into that portal?”

“...Not good things, man. I’ve… never wanted to kill anyone before. I know it was life or death, but I still can’t help but feel horrible about what I’ve done. It’s… one thing to see death in the media, to a death count. It’s another thing to kill another being. In the way I did? I couldn’t even bury them, dude.”

“...Those alicorns you fought, from the sounds of it, you coulda died. And… I will admit, I’ve not seen much since I’ve left basic guard training, but I will tell you this. You did what you had to. To… take a life is something that is never easy, but I’d much rather know that you came home safe, rather than seeing your casket because you were too scared to act.” Solar patted my back. “You’re a good stallion, Source. You may have killed, but think, those alicorns, what were they like?”

“Horrible people. That… world’s version of Cadance literally learnt how to weaponize love to kill people with a kiss.”

“So…”

“It’s hard seeing a familiar face, seeing life leave their eyes, my man.”

“...I see.” Solar nuzzled my ear. “C’mon, I know how to make you feel better, dude.”

Solar had led me to a bar, where Shining Armor had met up with us soon after; he heard of me having a mental breakdown at the training ground. While the two of them were chatting, I was staring down into my cup of whisky. This clear, wondrous liquid helped me enjoy the company of others, to celebrate times of joy. It simply stared back up at me, tempting me to drink it and forget about my troubles for a while. I knew better, though. I was not going to go down that path.

“Hey Source, take a shot,” Shining said. “C’mon, it’s your favorite whisky; it’ll make you feel better!”

“Aw,” I chuckled humorlessly. “I’ve seen what drinking your sorrows can do to ya, mate. As an Irishman, I’ve been in the pub a few times. I’ve seen that old man in the corner of the pub looking down, feeling down, wasting money away on the elixir that will only temporarily make him feel good. It… I drink for fun, not to hide my problems, my guy.” I began to smile though. “However, I will drink to being able to live another day, eh?” I raised my cup. “And hopefully, hopefully avoid violence from here on out.”

I downed my glass, and I was immediately feeling better. I will admit, just spending the day with Shining Armor and Solar did help make me feel good. I only had the one cup, as much as it pained me to not drink the entire jug of potin, but a good ol’ day at the bowling alley did help.

“Woo!” I hit another strike… after hitting the gutter six times.

“What the buck, Source?” Shining shook his head. “I swear, it’s that new earth pony strength you’ve got in ya. It takes talent to be that bad at rolling a bowling ball, though.”

“Oh shut-oh yeah…” I looked down at my wings. “Heh. I should try and get better with these things; it wouldn’t hurt.”

“So, does that mean you’ll be taking a crown, an actual crown soon?” Solar asked. “I mean, every alicorn in existence, even the ones theorized to have been before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, were leaders. It just makes sense; they’ve got the best of every tribe, are usually more powerful, and in the case of the current alicorns, are natural born leaders.”

“Eh. I’m not very strong, all things told. Shining Armor could still kick my ass without even blinking…”

“...You made a spell that makes you impossible to hit with magic,” Shining pointed out. “I’d have to go in and use my hooves on you. But then you have earth pony strength, so I couldn’t get very far.”

“I’m also not much of a leader.”

“...When Snowdrop first returned, you took the forefront of the group despite Auntie Tia being there. You were ready to fight at a moment’s notice.”

“I wasn’t giving orders out though. I can’t lead, I can barely-”

“Okay, be honest,” Solar said. “You just don’t wanna take a crown, do you?”

“Nope. I’m a Grand Prince in title alone, save when Celly decides to let me have a say in day court. I’m perfectly content with not leading anyone, anything, anypony through shit. In times of hardship, I can’t talkify like Celly does. I can’t outright defend Equestria through sheer might like Luna can. I’m a horrible tactician if I’m working with a group. I am not much of anything other than a guy who can make spells, and shoot shit with my horn. It’s better to let the smart ponies do their jobs, than trying to insert myself into the picture when there’s no need for it.”

“Fair enough,” Shining nodded. “I think with some training, you could be a good leader, but I also know how you feel about having that sort of attention… however,” he handed me a newspaper he got from… somewhere. “There’s already a small group of ponies, who saw your wings, and are basically worshiping you.”

“God fucking dammit, dude. I’m gonna label myself the Alicorn of Bread. Tada, you have bread!” I teleported a loaf of bread to me and took two slices before promptly presenting them to both of my friends. We all blinked a couple of times, I took a chug from the cup of whisky I’ve got, and we all started laughing like idiots. “BAGUETTE!” I teleported the aforementioned pastry to me and smacked Shining in the face with it, before clubbing it over Solar’s face too. We kept on laughing harder.

I don’t know how I got into this situation. I don’t want to ask how I got into this situation. All I know is that I woke up in what was supposed to be Snowdrop’s room. Well, it was just Luna’s room; the two shared a bed while a room was being built in the castle specifically for her. Anyways, I was laying in Luna’s bed, Celly and Lulu were standing just a few steps away from the bed, giggling and smirking. Laying on top of me, was in fact, Snowdrop. She was just snoozing away with a on the corners of her mouth.

The mare was still asleep, well, half asleep. She was grooming me while her eyes were still closed.

“Why am I here?” I asked. I woke up like this by the way.

“Snowdrop was hoping for a cuddle buddy, and my sister and I may have told her how much you enjoy cuddles.” Celestia shrugged. “Hey look, she’s waking up.”

“Good morning,” Snowdrop almost whispered. God damn, her voice is so much softer now that she isn’t about to take over the world.

“Good morning Snowdrop. Do you find my coltfriend to be an acceptable cuddle buddy whenever Luna is not present?” Celly asked.

“He is. He and Tale have been rather exceptional..." She let out a jaw splitting yawn before adding on. "Source is especially soft.”

“Why am I here? I fell asleep on Celly last night.” Now was a good time to mention that Button was laying in Snowdrop’s mane, happily snoozing away. Luckily, the blind mare was more than aware, and was carefully moving her head. I could feel Snowdrop’s nose running through my mane as she smelled it, a thoughtful hum escaped her lips.

“You use Celly’s shampoo. You smell so much like her, down to the soap, down to just smelling like her without it. I can tell just how much you care for that mare just on that alone.

“I respect it. Not many stallions in this day and age would be able to approach Auntie Celly, let alone court her and treat her like a normal pony.” She gave me one last groom-lick. “The fact that you’re such a cuddle bug is rather nice, though. Or that you don’t dislike me for being blind.”

“I come from a world where, most of the world at least, understands that people with physical problems, such as being blind, deaf, even missing limbs, should be helped and given the means to overcome those issues. To me, it doesn't change the fact that you’re a pretty little lady that just wanted to protect Luna back in the day. I’m assuming most ponies nowadays are more accepting of your problems?”

“You are trying so hard not to say disability.” Snowdrop flatly said.

“Don’t want to offend you or anything. Besides, you still can hear and smell things at a point where you probably wouldn’t need your eyes even if you had them. Though… there is something I’d like to try on you, if you don’t mind.”

“What is it?” Snowdrop asked.

“Has anyone ever tried using a night vision spell on you to see?” Now hear me out, this is a dumb idea, but sometimes the least logical, stupid ideas have the best results... sometimes.

Okay, not that often.

“No…”

“Damn. Wanna see if it’ll work? If it doesn’t, that’ll suck, but if it does, you just won’t be able to see shadows, but you can see the world for a brief period of time, or forever if you manage to cast the spell yourself when you get the talisman back.”

“Well… I would like to be able to finally see what I look like in the mirror. Everypony in the castle says I’m beautiful, so I’d like to know what defines me as that.”

“Well, let’s go.” I lit my horn and casted the Night Vision spell on Snowdrop. Her eyes started constantly glowing green, which is just a visual side effect. It doesn’t affect how you actually see anything beyond making it so you can see in the dark. Snowdrop gasped. I could feel Button being stuck on the back of my head, while he was sleeping. The sound of Snowdrop’s wings could be heard through the room as she glided off the bed. I watched as she looked around until her eyes landed on Luna.

“I can… see.” She was crying. “I can see!” She hugged Luna, gave a shorter, though no less affectionate, before her eyes landed on me. “Did you just now think of this?”

“Uh… maybe. I just have these thoughts while laying in bed, waiting to finally get my dumbass out of bed and face the day.”

“I… if your foal was not sleeping in your mane, I would’ve pounced-” Celestia smirked as her horn lit up and promptly removed my colt from my head. Button was promptly laid on Luna’s head, who looked visibly more excited about the prospect of having a colt sleeping in her mane. In a heartbeat, I was being smothered with smooches, profuse ‘thank yous’, and happy little squeals. Okay, Snowdrop just had to be fucking adorable; she’s doing a little tippy tappy dance as she tried finding the mirror. When she did, she started looking at herself.

“Huh… this is what stallions consider attractive?” She asked.

“Yeah. Slender, though somewhat muscular limbs, nice, tall lanky frame… uh, Luna and Celly are a good reference; most stallions only consider them the most attractive ponies in the land.” I was soon found in Snowdrop’s embrace, yet again, the moment I stood up. Nuzzles, kisses, and a long, drawn out hug that would’ve broken my back, neck, and all of my ribs if I were still a unicorn. I just stared ahead, wondering why I have thoughts, even if my dumb thoughts result in me getting a shit load of affection.

Snowdrop could only see for about an hour, but I did tell her how to cast the spell, and sent a letter to Twilight to hurry up with studying the talisman so that she could use the spell on herself whenever she liked. Later on, during the night, I casted the spell on her so she and Luna could go stargazing. The next morning, I was in the same position, in that bone crushing hug.

This lady’s so goddamn thankful for everything, and is more than willing to show it through affection… At the cost of my spine.

I might try and hook her and Solar up together. I know Solar’s single and could probably benefit from having a marefriend like Snowdrop. Maybe.

Meanwhile:

What’s up, world? I am Fruit Punch. So I woke up in the grass of what I now know as Canterlot Castle, during the fanciest party during the year. I’ve been trying to get into contact with the Princess, to find myself a way home, but she’s apparently on vacation with her coltfriend or whatever. It doesn’t help that the line for her day court, the only reliable way to get into contact with her, was always too long.

Luckily, I did have a friend, Rarity. Well, she definitely thought of me as a lover of some sort.

“Uh…” I hummed. “Why am I being held captive?” I asked the purple unicorn that was her friend.

“You’ve just used the word ‘god’. So far, there is only one pony in existence that I know used that term, and they were not from another world…

I just had to go visit Rarity after making enough bits while working at a hayburger.

“Listen, I just wanna go home.” I said.

“First, you are going to tell me what ‘god’ is, since the one pony I know, who knows what that is, won’t tell me…”

…

I ended up remaining in the treehouse for a good six days. She wanted to know everything so I started bullshitting things together, like how Jesus Christ was a guy with six heads and twelve pieces of ‘equipment’ to help populate the Earth.

That only led to more questions.

And another four days in that treehouse.

At least I have a funky head penis of some sort… I can’t use it, but Twilight did offer to teach me after realizing she kept me, against my will, in Ponyville, in her home to study me. Rarity was pretty upset with her for hogging ‘her coltfriend’. Whatever that meant.

By the way, I lied. I know what’s gonna happen in the future, I’ve lived it before, but then some dumbasses at the mage tower, who were testing portal magic, showed it off in mine and Chryssy’s Hive, since Chryssy commissioned it. I got sucked into it and I just wanna go home. I can use magic, but I need to pretend to just be a bumbling idiot until I can get Princess Celestia to make the mage tower send me home. Apparently she’s got a coltfriend in this timeline, good for her.

I miss my Chryssy… But I am also avoiding Canterlot for the next four months. I don’t wanna get fucked up by a shitload of changelings. I could love this Chryssy, and found a drone trying to sneak into the castle, something about capturing this dude named Source Code. I asked them what that meant, got hissed at, and smacked in the face and dumped in a dumpster somewhere.

So I don’t think this world’s version of Chrysalis will be as nice, or cuddly.

Just One Week Without Some Bullshit, Please, Thank Harmony.

Sadly, all things had to come to an end. Vacation is over. Luna and Celestia had to get back to the growing piles of paperwork. Cadance and Shining Armor were off, taking care of wedding plans, while also spending any time they had available to try and help their aunts with said growing pile of paperwork. Things were going back to normal, as normal as it can get for a world full of magical, talking horses, griffins, and whatever the heck else is populating Equus. With that said, I was left alone… Not really. I still had Button.

Speaking of, Button and I had to start making our travels back down to Ponyville every day so he can attend school. My kid wanted to show me something, though.

“Hey Dad, I bet I can use Dragonfire, keep up with you, and make it to Ponyville in one fell swoop!”

“Mmm, alright. If you fall though, you are banned from DragonFiring further than it takes you to get to the train station until you’re fifteen, alright?”

“Okay Dad.” Both of our horns ignited when we stepped out of the castle, and DragonFired away. To my impressed self, I stopped at the train station in Ponyville, and Button landed right next to me, smiling proudly of what he just did. Meanwhile, I started grinning too. Button started prancing in place while I was doing the same. “I DID IT!”

“You did, didn’t ya,” I was smiling broadly. No matter what, I suppose some things will stay the same; my kid is still my life. I fucking love Button. “You’re making me proud, kiddo. Why didn’t you show me that while we were on vacation?”

“Duh, you said vacation was for relaxing. Using DragonFire isn’t as relaxing as riding in a train, Dad.”

“Oh.” I chuckled. “You’re right on that front. Still, you’re learning and growing quickly, Button.” I nuzzled him right between the ears. “C’mon, hop on my head, kiddo. It’s been so long since you’ve ridden on my head, and we can only let it happen so many times before you’re big and strong.” Button nodded, and quickly placed himself upon his perch. The first thing I noticed was that he was, in fact, getting heavier. However, I was able to easily carry him like when we first met.

Must be the wings pumping steroids into my body or something.

“So kid, learn anything cool while I am gone, aside from DragonFire?”

“Well, me and the rest of the girls were practicing our magic even harder… because I thought you were dead.” He started tearing up. “You won’t die on me, will you Dad?”

“Kiddo, I will let this be known. I don’t plan on dying, and I don’t do death. I was once a man, now a stallion.” I stopped at a nearby bench and set my colt on it. “We humans are good at one thing, and it’s surviving. I’ll be damned if I let myself get killed when I have you and Celly waiting at home for me, alright? Whoever fucking gets in the way of me and you will be sorry. And whoever hurts you will answer to two very, very angry alicorns.”

“Okay Dad…” Button started smiling. “You think I might be able to grow wings one day?”

“You could. But if you don’t, I’ll love you all the same. Live a good, honest life, and I’ll be proud of ya, no matter what life you lead. Just remember, have fun and enjoy life; if you aren’t putting others in danger, you’re having fun the right way.” Button immediately hugged my muzzle, and hung onto it for the rest of the walk to school. I was very unamused, but couldn’t help but smile the whole damn time… I forgot my fucking trenchcoat again!

“Look, that’s an alicorn!”

“Ain’t that just that one guy that comes and helps Ms. Cheerilee?”

“When did he grow wings?”

Luckily, Rarity trotted up to me and the whispers had stopped. “Good morning, Source. Making your way to your job, I see?” She looked about ready to keel over at the sight of the foal hanging off of my face, which somehow didn’t hurt in the slightest.

“Yeah,” my voice was muffled by the colt’s belly that was hanging in front of my mouth. “I’m kinda excited to get back into what can vaguely be considered a normal life.”

“Are… you sure you can have something akin to a normal life? You are dating and going to marry Princess Celestia. I would say it would be hard to be considered a normal pony given that…” she gestured to all of me. “You’ve got wings, and a very, very proficient mage.”

“I’m not that good. Plus life should be relatively normal even with that little marrying the leader of the world’s most powerful country.” I waved a hoof as I walked, Button, having long since moved back to his perch via a teleport, something I was quick to note; I am going to spoil this kid rotten for making so much progress… if only I was there to watch him grow as a magician.

“You say that after… your escapade-”

“How many times do I gotta say this? I woulda fucking died if I tried match Celestia, Luna, Twilight Fucking Sparkle, and Cadance all at once. I played… smart.” I winced. “I still hate that,” I gestured to my wings. “Is how I got them. What am I? The alicorn of war? The alicorn of whatever the fuck? Aside from magic, I don’t know what I’d be the Alicorn of, and I may not care, but it’s apparently some big, important thing, and seeing as the multiverse decided to give these wings, I would like to know what it thinks I am.

“Am I gonna do something important? Am I important? I dunno. I wish I knew, but for now, I guess I’ll just go about my days, teaching foals how to use their magic, being a tutor in what would be considered very basic schooling back home… Well, being a family man is pretty cool.” I smiled at that. If I were human, I would be petting Button as I walked. “Got a kid, got a fiance that I will be marrying soon…” I blinked, imagining what Celly would look like in a wedding dress, what the dress itself would look like, and smiled even wider. “So despite… past experiences, I’ll keep living, even if I never truly find my purpose, or the reason this universe gave me wings… or the other one, or whatever the fuck.”

“...You should not be swearing in front of Button that much, Source. I’m glad that you are content with life, but part of being a good father-”

“Oh calm down, Rarity,” Button was now imitating my accent perfectly. “Dad usually keeps his swearing to a minimum. Mom said it’s not that big of a deal. They’re just words; it’s fun using words like ‘feck’ or ‘shite’ around Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon when she’s bullying me and my friends; it makes her so confused!” Button clapped his hooves. “Dad? Why are you tearing up? Mom said you were… hurt-”

“Button, hearing you use curse words from my homeland… is frankly, adorable. You, my boy, are adorable. God damn.”

“Feckin’ hell, Dad, stop calling me cute in public!”

“No.”

“But Dad…”

“The Sun is a Deadly Lazer-”

“Dad, I am not finishing that phrase, even if I know what it is.”

“And that is why you’re my favorite son ever.”

“Dad… Stop. We’re just outside of school and you’re embarrassing me in front of my classmates!” Oh. We are. Why… is Twilight here? I lowered myself to the ground and let Button go greet his friends, who were off in their little corner of the playground, still too tired to play, but awake enough to catch up with Button after not seeing him all week last week. Twilight trotted up to me and gave me a hug.

“Twi, not that I’m asking why you’re here, but why are you here? You usually don’t stop outside of Cheerilee’s school building, or visit it that often unless you’re monitoring how I’m teaching my students their magic.”

“Well, I was also coming by to see how you taught the other foals in basic subjects; Ms. Cheerilee was talking about how excited she was to have you back this week, helping her, so I was hoping to watch you work… Hey Rarity!” That led me to my next question. The fact that Rarity was still here. Only then did I notice Sweetie Belle was at her heels the whole time; she wasn’t with her little friend group when I first arrived. In fact, now she and Button were laying a little off to the side, nuzzling each other, while Button groomed the lighter-colored filly. I started smiling as I watched the two of them.

“Why are you still here, by the way?” I asked.

“Well, ponies are allowed to watch Cheerilee teach class, I may as well see how good you are with foals.”

“...Alright.” That was probably Rarity’s way of saying. ‘I want to watch your ass.’ “You know I’m not interested in other mares, right? I see you looking at my wings.”

Rarity slowly started turning red. “Uh… No no, I already have a coltfriend, darling.”

“Did something go wrong with him? I thought he moved into Ponyville.”

“He did. He’s just being very… reclusive. Cadance sent out her wedding invitations to Twilight and the rest of us girls, and he’s been telling me not to go. Can you believe that? Who wouldn’t want to go to a Princess’s wedding? Especially when you’re me and get to design a dress for her wedding?”

“Mmm. I dunno.” Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve properly interacted with Cadance since the Snowdrop incident, but I have seen Shining Armor quite a bit. I could just be wrong; Cadance is really busy with planning the wedding, while making sure Shiny doesn’t somehow make it buckball related. Well, school was starting up, so I went on inside and was trailed by the two mares, who promptly took their seats in the back of class, and out of the way.

“Okay everypony, I’m sure you’re glad to see that Source Code is back from his vacation,” Cheerilee was giggling. You see, most of the foals in class decided it would be smart, as soon as they saw me, decided to be excitable like any foals. They all dogpiled on me and started nuzzling and hugging me, save Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and Snips and Snails because they’re brats and understandably, don’t like me. Well, Snips and Snails don’t. Diamond Tiara is still trying to get me to let her meet Celly.

The Crusaders and Button were sitting back as well, as they already got reacquainted with me practically as soon as I got back home.

“Help.” I whispered. There were four foals on my back, crushing me, while anywhere between two or three more were on each of my legs. By the way, I was still standing, and somehow a kid found one of my wings and was hanging off of it without snapping the bones in two. “I love kids. I love kids. I love foals. I love foals. They’re cute. They’re very cute. They aren’t currently forcing the air out of your lungs, making your legs hurt, or your wing-” one of them was tugging on my tail. “-I love kids.” I slowly turned to Cheerilee who just took a picture.

“You traitor.” I growled.

“Oh please; you’ll find this amusing, and so will the school paper… and the Ponyville’s Press.”

“I am going to drink the biggest bottle of bleach when I get home. I know I’m probably immune to poison now, but I want to feel like death.”

“Dad, if you end up dying, Mom’s gonna bring you back to life and kill you!” Button pointed out.

“Feck.”

“Language, Source.” Cheerilee giggled. Twilight and Rarity keeled over from adorabetes or whatever it’s called. Luckily, all the foals had their snuggles and nuzzles for the poor, heavily abused alicorn(me) in. They all backed off and moved to their desks and started getting their stuff out of their saddlebags.

“So class, would any of you like to ask where Source has been during his vacation?”

“Did you die?” One of the kids said, raising their hoof the moment their mouth opened.

“Almost, unfortunately, you all have to deal with my stupid arse some more.”

“When’d you grow wings?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Celly glued them onto me when I was sleeping. It was kinda painful since she did it with a salad knife and hot glue, but I have wings now.” I shrugged. “Dunno how else to tell ya,” I was inwardly snickering everypony’s confused expression. “If you all get into day court and say Tabhair dom sciatháin, Banphrionsa Celestia then you can get a pair of wings too.” I don’t think anypony here managed to figure out what the fuck I just said so I started actually chuckling. “I forgot that Equish is… the only language, my apologies.

“Anyways, don’t question what that means, or how to pronounce it. It is not easy.”

“Ach a Dhaid, mhúin tú dom conas labhairt as Gaeilge,” Button said. Me and Button shared a short, nonsense conversation in Irish, which only served to confuse everypony in the room even further. Button’s Irish was a bit accented, and also about as shitty as mine, but nopony would know the difference.

“What the fuck is that language?” Apple Bloom asked. “It sounds like you’re choking when you both are using it.”

“Dad said it’s Irish, whatever that is. He started teaching me it before he disappeared. I’m kinda ‘conversational’ in it.”

“So what did he say?” Sweetie Belle asked. “Before you two started choking.”

“He said you all have to ask Mom to give you wings, in that specific language… I think.”

“That is basically what I said, yeah. Don’t do that; it won’t work. Celly’ll just glue them to you after making room for the joints, nerves, and muscles with a salad knife.”

“...Okay class, let’s move on from the topic of why Source has wings. Any other questions?”

“Did you go to the Mage Tower and kick the Nine’s butts?” Dinky asked. ‘

“I beat the… feck, can’t remember his name. Uh…” I smacked myself in the face with a Stun. And a Telekinetic blast which knocked me right into the wall, smacking my head against it with a nice, hollow thunk… Oh come on! Even in this world, my head’s about as full as a coconut! “Bolt! Yeah, Bolt, that dude. Uh yeah, he was talking crap about my fiance, and her other student, and me. He got mad when he tried hiding the fact that he did that, and fought me. Totally GG 10’d him.”

Nopony got that reference and nobody will.

God, I was a fucking loser before I got dragged out of my world.

“What does that mean?”

“He didn’t hit me. His wife got mad and threw me in the dumpster, where I laid for a month.”

“...Source, quit lying,” Twilight rolled her eyes. “You disappeared, did some… things, and came back with wings.”

“No, I fell in a dumpster.” I winked, and Twilight ‘oh’d.

“Oh right… yeah, that’s what happened.” She quickly agreed. I wasn’t exposing these kids to the shitshow that happened to the portal in any capacity, besides Button since he found out from begging Luna to tell him what happened. Despite her best efforts, Luna couldn’t resist the colt's puppy eyes…. And he only got a very, very censored version of what happened. Every other foal shouldn’t be subjected to my mental problems.

“So, what have you kids been learning while I’ve been away?”

After the school day had passed, I was left alone with my students, Dinky, Sweetie Belle, and my own son. While I was preparing my own notes, along with a magic testing instrument to get a new, basic outline of how much stronger each of my students were. Twilight stuck around, whereas Rarity had to go work on some projects. After I sorted through my notes, I pulled out two more copies of Python; it was a little unfair that the three of them had to share the one copy, that Button had access to all the time, whereas Sweetie Belle and Dinky didn’t have access to one outside of school, where I left one, or Twilight’s library after she bought a textbook for its catalog of existing spell books.

Spike had stopped by, since he was apparently running errands for Rarity during the school day.

“Alright kids, lemme rearrange the desks real quick, and we’ll get started on today’s-”

“Can I rearrange the desks?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Alright. If you need help though, or can’t, let me or Twilight know; we’ll help ya.” My eyes, along with Twilight and Spike, slowly started to widen until they were pancake sized. First, it was one desk, then two, then four, and suddenly, all thirty four desks in the room… were being moved around by a filly that was barely even ten years old. It wasn’t Twilight’s magical outburst of turning her parents into plants, making an infertile dragon egg hatch, growing said dragon, and also causing a magical explosion that made Celestia drop everything to check on what the hell caused it, but… Sweetie Belle was fucking good at magic for her age.

Conventionally good, not amazingly good… I think.

“Sweetie Belle,” I pulled out the WME Levitation Spell, or the Alicorn Buster, since Luna, Celesetia, and Cadance still struggle with even using the spell because of the Runes. Sweetie Belle had long since rearranged the desks. “Can you cast this spell? If not, that’s fine, I just want to see something.”

“Oh yeah, I can-isn’t this that stupid spell that not even Twilight can cast?” She asked, before promptly running through the Runes perfectly, and actually levitated her own saddlebags with it…

…

What the fuck.

“What the fuck?” I asked. “When…”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you fucking casted that. You did it first fucking try.” I was smiling like an idiot. “Holy fucking shit. Kid, you are fucking nuts.”

“What does that mean? I know I’ve heard Apple Bloom say those words before-”

“Kid, you’re good with magic. Like remarkably good. For reference, you just used a spell that Celestia and Luna struggled with. They’ve been alive for about a couple thousand times longer than you have, and you just… did a spell that I made to be hard. A spell I made specifically to be damn near impossible to cast, as a means to test unicorns on Rune proficiency. By default, you can cast a spell quicker than Twilight can on average based on your Rune proficiency alone, kid.” I was more than impressed.

If I ate anything today, I woulda shat myself.

“Wait… I’m…” Sweetie Belle started smiling broadly. “I’m good with magic?”

“More than good. Good job, kiddo.”

“Can I show you what I came up with?” Dinky asked. The way she tilted her head made me immediately nod my head. How could I say no? She handed me a piece of paper. “Read that after you see what I can do.” She started performing various spells that were pretty flashy, teleports, even a bit of DragonFire, hell, she transmutated a bit into a chocolate bit, basically a flat chocolate with a coin-like wrapping on it… Then she made fireworks with her own magic. I watched as she bowed.

“That was pretty good,” I nodded. “Think you might put Trixie out of business if you go big, Dinky.”

“I don’t wanna do that! I just wanna perform for Mom whenever she has a rough day!”

“Hey, magic shows can make a bunch of ponies’ days better. Pinkie gets a kick out of making others feel good; it genuinely does feel good to make another pony’s day a little brighter. I’m just suggesting a career choice; being a showmare can be pretty profitable if you’re good at it.” I lifted the paper and was greeted with a spell I’ve never seen before. It was Runes and equations to make fireworks with your own magic. I casted it and… made some fireworks. No actual fire, no smoke, just a pop and some sparkle. The way Dinky did this was… ingenious to say the least. It used Python too, so it was easy to cast.

“Huh.” I was still impressed; as a man who has made his own spells a few times, creating spells ain’t easy. “That’s pretty good, kid. I never woulda thought to convert that spell into Python, but it seems like you just came up with this on the spot. Good stuff, Dinky; when you get home, show that off to your mother. I’m sure she’d love to watch some fireworks under some moonlight.”

“Yes Mr. Code!” Dinky did a cute little solute. I have some emotional damage, but it’s not enough to keep Dinky’s little salute from melting said emotions into one, simple, simple thought.

‘Oh my god, that is adorable.’

Button just handed me a notebook labeled ‘Cobra’. I blinked a few times. Why… What the heck has my kid gotten up to? I opened up the notebook and started reading it. This is Python. This is an offshoot of Python, optimized specifically for Button’s usage. There was even a version of the Light Shield that ran off an actual Shield, DragonFire was made into what is solely a transportation spell, and the equations seemed to be slightly more complex to help keep Button from overloading himself.

Button was the middle road of my students, not the most gifted in raw strength, not the most versatile… But he did pull what I did and was working together with his own magical system and creativity, to make up for those shortcomings. I looked up from the book and at my colt, before back at the book, and back at the colt. I turned the pages and grinned. He was making his own Runes. My kid wasn’t any older than Sweetie Belle or Dinky, and he was making Runes.

“Button… Why didn’t you show me this until now?”

“I… wanted to surprise you. Plus last week was vacation week! Spell system development doesn’t happen on vacations! You have vacations to relax, not to make spell systems.” Button shrugged. “I was too busy sleeping in, being babied, and being ‘the cute colt’ for you, Dad.” He tilted his head. “Is that bad?”

“Kiddo, if you showed me this immediately upon my return, after we snuggled up together of course, I would’ve been ecstatic. I would’ve bought you the biggest bag of candy and asked you to walk me through how you built this offshoot of Python.” I ruffled his mane. “You and your friends have grown so fucking much in the last month, while I was gone, that it makes me sad.”

“But…” Sweetie Belle tilted her head. “Aren’t you proud?”

“I am, but I wish I coulda been there to see that progress!” I pouted. “I suck as a teacher, apparently.”

“Mr. Source,” Dinky walked up to me, used her magic to manhandle me, as in she had tossed me on my side in the pile of cushions in the corner of the room. She then teleported to me after she positioned me on my back, and hopped on my chest. “Stop. We couldn’t grow or learn magic as quickly as we have if you hadn’t come along and got us using our magic in the first place! On top of that, you made a spell system which made using magic easier for foals like us! Even if it wasn’t the main purpose, it is the reason we managed to grow at all, magic wise.”

“Uh…”

“Source, if you argue this, me, Button, and Sweetie Belle will hold you down and we will tickle you until you admit that you’re not a bad teacher.”

I was promptly tickled the moment I opened my mouth again.

Button had run off with the rest of the crusaders after the tutoring session was over, which left me alone since Twilight had to go let Celly know about my apparent prowess as a tutor, even if I do not believe myself to be a good one. Well, I felt Pinkie Pie glaring at me as I had those thoughts of self-doubt, so I think I should stop thinking about them… She never managed to throw those parties for me, so I am assuming she is going to try her damn best to have that party at some point while I am in Ponyville throughout the coming weeks.

Anyways, seeing as I am now alone, I wandered into the same field where the picnic was held, and started trying my best to fly again.

It wasn’t exactly hard. Luna’s teachings, while brief, were very effective for teaching me how to fly. It took several tries to get off the ground every time, but I did eventually get into the air, and flying was… actually kinda fun. Sure, DragonFire and Skywalker were useful, and I was more proficient with both of those than I am at flying. Flying… is just fun. Dragonfire sucks up the air around you, acting like a windshield, so I can’t feel the wind blowing through my mane as like I can while flying, and Skywalker is simply too slow in comparison. All things told, my wings were hurting by my little hour of flight, but… hey, eventually I’ll get good at flying… and landing.

I still suck at landing.

I face planted into a tree, a bush, a rock. The only reason why I didn’t get knocked out immediately was because of the enchantments, my newfound hardiness, and me using shields before I crash to lessen the impact.

It was when I reached the hour and thirty mark that I reached a problem. I started flying, like properly flying and had closed my eyes when I got high enough to ensure I wouldn’t accidentally hit anything aside from a bid, or maybe another pegasus without eyes… I took a quick peek to see if Snowdrop was around, and remembered that she didn’t exactly like to fly even if she was apparently good at it. The next time I opened them, I was flying over the Everfree Forest… right into a raincloud.

Now, unicorns and earth ponies have a basic resistance to lightning bolts, I think. I’ve seen Twilight get struck by lightning and was mostly fine. I flew, and flew… right into a raincloud. Now is a good time to mention that most ponies, like unicorns and earth ponies only seem to have that magic resistance on the ground. Pegasi… they’ve gotta steer clear of lightning in the air, or they’ll get fried. So you can imagine how I felt after flying into an Everfree Forest rain cloud and got zapped with lightning a couple hundred times.

…Why was there a sticky type of magic inside the storm cloud? Everfree Forest clouds have no magic, and regular clouds that ponies control tend to have their own magic to them. This magic… is something I have never felt before. It was odd, it was sickening, almost sickening. Well, that didn’t matter since I got fried, not burnt luckily but I wasn’t feeling good.

I crashed into a tree and slid to the ground. Luckily I didn’t fall into a bed of flowers, so I wouldn’t be getting fucked up by poison joke. However, that made my crash landing just a little more painful. My chest hurt; my wings hurt; my ears hurt; my tails hurt and also my leg. My left leg to be exact. Do not ask me why just my left leg was hurting, or which left leg. All I can tell you is that my left leg hurts, and I don’t know why. Probably because I crashed into a fucking tree in the Everfree Forest.

“Fuck…” I grumbled. “At least-” something slipped onto my horn.

“Capturing you was rather easy,” said a voice… A staticy voice, like the voice you’d expect out of an insectoid-alien to sound like. “With you becoming an alicorn and whatnot, and you disappearing for no reason, but I suppose this will make replacing you far easier.”

“Da fawk do you want?” I asked, standing up to see… a bug horse.

It tilted its head, before a bug horse the size of Celly quickly caught my eye. The bug horse blinked a few times, before stepping aside.

“Greetings, Source Code. Or shall I say… Prince Source Code?” She was huge, had a green, almost transparent mane and had holes riddled throughout her body. “I figured capturing you, with your magic, and copying your unique magical signature would be difficult. However, as it turned out, learning your stupid spell system was the key to replicating it. I’ve already captured Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, for my original plan, but I suppose you will work far better. You’ve a son that adores you, a marefriend that loves you and happens to be Celestia herself…

The amount of love I can get for my changelings is… extraordinary.”

“If you touch my kid, I am going to fucking kill you.”

“Oh don’t worry, your foal will be unharmed… for the most part. If you cooperate, no harm shall come to him at all. If you do not, he will be placed in a feeding chamber where my drones will suck him dry of love whenever they are hungry.”

“You eat love?” I asked. Wait... feed off my kid?

“You’re asking too many questions. Thorax, take this pony and throw him with the pink one.” The weird bug thing took on my appearance… Hah, she fucked up. So… I never said this, but Python does affect magical signatures, and various builds of Python affect how others feel said signatures. This bug is using the most basic form of the public version of Python. Not Python Plus.

So that means somepony will find out about what this bitch is planning… right?

Right?

Or at least, somepony would know how I operate… The bug was talking with a Canadian accent! She didn’t even sound remotely Irish or Australian! Haha! I’ll be out in no time… I thought as I flew through the air towards Canterlot. I soon found myself sitting next to Cadance, who looked very worn out and scruffy. Despite my attempts at getting Thorax to speak, he said not a word beyond ‘follow the Queen’s orders’ or whatever.

“Howdy Cadance.” I waved.

“Source! Do you know how we’ll get out of here?”

“Mmm.” I started feeling around in my cutie mark pocket and grabbed a bit. That wasn’t gonna be useful for anything. “Nope.”

“You were just brought down here!”

“Yeah, and I know that as soon as whatever captured me, and is imitating me, walks near Celly, she’ll get found out. Celly should be able to pick up on how wrong that bug’s magic feels in comparison to mine. We’ll get out of here just fine in a week tops!” It turned out that I should’ve kicked past me in the balls for having hope, because somehow, we were there for a little longer than a week. In fact, a little longer than two weeks, and a little past when Cadance’s wedding should’ve happened.

We were stuck in that fucking cavern for months, and only ever occasionally saw another changeling, the proper name for the bug horses that captured us, that brought us food. The changeling was always the same, his name was Thorax.

I liked Thorax, I got him to open his mouth once.

“So, you think your Queen’s scary?” I asked.

“Yeah… She has some bad stuff planned for Equestria. She already has a drone ‘married’ to Shining Armor who is under mind control, and Queen Chrysalis, her majesty, plans on ‘marrying’ Princess Celestia, and evading Canterlot with the whole changeling army.” Thorax shrugged and sighed. “Sorry about ruining both of your weddings, you two. I would’ve enjoyed attending them, even if it was just for the food; changelings need food after all.”

“And it ain’t your fault that you eat love.” I nodded. “Meh, the thought’s what counts at least.”

“At least one of you bugs are pleasant,” Cadance nodded. She was having talks of adopting this funky little guy once we got out; Thorax was so timid that it was really cute…

Where the fuck is that rescue team at, and how has nobody found me or Cadance yet? I wish I could get this ring off my head so I could teleport us out.

Author's Note

Source is gonna be big angy when he remembers what he can do with gold in any form.

Don't. Hurt. My. Celly.

So I may have been a little quick with my… experience with being in the caverns with Cadance. It was mostly because… I wasn’t exactly happy by the end of that last week. I did a… decent job at hiding it at least. It all started when I was initially put into place by Thorax, who seemed more scared about fucking up his job, and pissing off his leader in the process, than actually wanting to kidnap me. Seriously, this kid legitimately looked like a soldier going to war for the first time after getting out of bootcamp. Luckily for Thorax, he gently set me down on the ground next to Cadance.

“I didn’t drop you too hard, did I, Mr. Code? I know you ponies have fur and flesh, and are nowhere near as resilient as the average changeling drone is when it comes to blunt force.” Thorax asked.

When I wipe out this dude’s race, I’ll leave him alive, I guess.

“I’m fine, thank you. Wish you could let me and Cadance,” I gestured to Cadance, who looked so scruffy and tired that I’m surprised that she isn’t screaming at the top of her lungs. "Leave, but I get why."

“Well… alright. Can I get you two anything, besides taking you out of here. Queen Chrysalis will murder me if she finds out I ruined her plans… She already shut down my idea of making friends with everypony in Canterlot for food.”

“Mmm, nah.” I waved. “See ya around, Thorax.” The changeling did a salute, which was admittedly kinda cute for something that just helped with kidnapping me, but I could tell he wasn’t exactly… happy about that. The part about harming ponies. Luckily, I had a solid belief in the fact that I was going to be out of here in a week tops. “Can you get us some food?”

“I can get you guys some hayburgers… I’ll be back.” With that, he was off.

“Source, why aren’t you concerned about us being stuck in a cavern?” Cadance asked. “Those bugs could be messing with our fiances!”

“Python and Python Plus have two very different feels when used.” I hummed. “Oh yeah, my horn’s blocked.”

“Source?” Cadance asked.

“Oh no, when I get out of here, I am going to hunt the fucker that initiated this plan and beat the shit out of them. I will force them into peace with Equestria, or break their neck in seven different places while I feed them their own ass. I’m just trying to remain calm and collected so that I don’t swear like a sailor like I did the last time I’ve been through some possibly world ending bullshit.” I smiled slightly. “Besides, I know for a fact that Button knows something is up; he knows how Python feels and how different it is from Python Plus; he can use a few of Python Plus spells, which he built into his own little magic system… That bitch.”

“Uh… Source? You know we should try getting out, right?”

“That bitch stopped me from buying my colt ice cream for surprising me like that!”

“Uh… What?”

“Button made his own offshoot of Python for his own use. He did what I did. I was gonna spoil the shit out of him!”

“But… Wouldn’t Button be in immediate danger?” Cadance asked. “He’ll be next to Queen Chrysalis the whole time.”

“Nah, he’ll figure it out.”

Meanwhile,

“What the buck are you singing, kid?” Chrysalis, in the form of Source Code asked. “It sounds wrong… And stupid.”

“Dad, it’s the Rocky Road to Dublin. Are you getting old? Or is your memory failing you?” Button looked mildly concerned. His Dad taught him that song, and it had been one of his favorites ever since. Even though Source said there was supposed to be an instrumental to go along with it, but never could recreate it due to zero ability to actually play an instrument or read sheet music. In other words, Source not knowing it probably meant somepony found out how to impersonate his father…

And do a bad job at it.

“No, I just never heard that song before.” Button raised an eyebrow before deciding to speak in his father’s native tongue.

“Cé is féidir fíor-fhisic na n-uile ní foighneach a insint, Agus céachta don diabhal, cramp, colic agus spleen. Beidh a fhios agat é is dóigh liom má ghlacann tú deoch mhór. Le do bhéal go bruach crúiscín poteen.” Source Code tilted his head and just looked more confused.

“What did you just say? Are you choking on your own spit, you little idiot?”

For sure, that wasn’t his dad; Source wouldn’t dare call Button that under any circumstances.

Button cocked his head. “Okay Dad, I’m going to go ahead and go say goodbye to Apple Bloom before I go.”

“A little crush we have, hmm?” The Fake One asked.

“Uh, yeah.” Button started walking down the street, away from the fake Source as fast as he could without causing a scene. First, Source sounds like a griffin; griffins have a distinct accent, and so does Source. They sound very different. Then not knowing a song he himself sang? Or using ‘Sweet Celestia?’ It was like somepony foalnapped his Dad as a last minute change to her plans and didn’t know how to imitate his Dad. Also, his Dad burnt out while using Python… not Python Plus.

Without hesitation, Button decided to follow a contingency plan Source had planned out for him at some point. Head to Sweet Apple Acres, ask Apple Jack, who would be willing to house Button if something happened to Source, to stay for a while. He didn’t tell Celestia or Luna, as according to Source, those two tended to forget about a lot of world-ending threats from thousands of years ago. In other words, as much as his father said he loved Button's mother and aunt, said father deemed them to be just a little not competent at dealing with national threats.

Besides, maybe Source would get out in a week, and beat the buck out of the fake Source Code by the end of said week?

Chrysalis, in the form of Source blinked. She did some minor studying of the alicorn before she had captured him with a changeling enchanted cloud, and… that foal should be all over her, showering her with love and affection! Source Code and Button Mash were two peas in a pod, judging from just how much Source tolerated some of the weird stuff Button did, such as the foal hanging off of his father’s muzzle. Somehow Button seemed… Where did he go? Button just disappeared as soon as he rounded the corner.

She failed to notice a little blip of DragonFire flying across the sky towards Sweet Apple Acres.

“What the buck?” Chrysalis tilted her head. “Buck. There went my leverage on Source… Here’s hoping that foal doesn’t tell anypony that his father went missing. There should be no way; no way Button can use DragonFire, like he would anyways. It seems like a stupid spell. Why waste magic on that when you have wings?” Chrysalis smiled. “Or take a royal train carriage.” Chrysalis went to do exactly that…

…

“Pretending to be Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is way easier than this. What the buck is… a Light Shield?”

I woke up a day after I had first arrived in the caverns. I will admit, I was not expecting Thorax to be… brushing Cadance’s mane and tail. He was doing it with such focus and intensity that it was a little scary. And a little cute; he had a task at hand and he wanted to complete it. Cadance herself was sitting there, eating a hayburger and some fries. There was another bag from hayburgers with a full on meal in it.

“Good morning, Uncle Source,” Cadance waved at me.

“...You calling me ‘uncle’ feels wrong,” I noted. “Physically, you’re older than I am.”

“I know. However, it is somewhat endearing…” Cadance purred. “This changeling is awesome, by the way. He returned right when I woke up and noticed how awful I looked.” I thought Cadance looked fine even if she didn’t look how she normally did; a well groomed princess. “When we find a way out, I’m keeping this changeling; I will adopt him, by the way. He’s only fifteen years old.” Huh.

Why the fuck is a teenager being used to keep two alicorns imprisoned? That’s asking for the kid to get murdered if it were anypony that wasn’t Cadance, who literally cannot hate anything, or me, who wasn’t that concerned about my own well-being.

“Sorry that your food didn’t stay warm; I don’t know any warming spells. I didn’t get ice in your drink so it may not be cold. I just didn’t want your drink to get too watery.” Thorax’s ears flattened against his head. “Even I get a little lost down here and I have a map. It took me half of the day yesterday to bring you in here, and then it took even longer to get out and get you two some food.”

“I still don’t get how you’re so polite when your leader’s a bitch.” I had to stop myself from officially adopting Thorax; Cadance already had the forms on standby, apparently. She was going over them as Thorax groomed her.

“I’m… not exactly a fan of hurting anyone. Sure, ponies may provide a steady source of love, but that’s no reason to hurt anyone. You two didn’t deserve to get captured; you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So I figured I might as well treat you two well even if I cannot let you out; the Queen would actually kill me if I did.”

“Say, why are my wings bound up and horn demagicked, but Cadance’s aren’t?” I asked. If Celestia were here, she’d get on my ass for using ‘demagicked’ as a phrase.

“From reports, every drone in the Hive believes you to be one of the best fighters in all of Equestria; that's what Pharynx said. You have a solid track record of just… pushing through fights with ease. From what we’ve heard, you beat one of the strongest unicorns in Equestria rather easily. On top of you suddenly appearing, and your seemingly broken up magic system, Queen Chrysalis said she couldn’t risk you breaking out and trying to save your own wedding. Because of that, she made sure you couldn’t use magic in any way shape or form.” Thorax inclined his head. “Sorry. Is the rope on your wings too tight?” He asked. “I can adjust that, but can’t do much about the ring on your horn; Queen’s Orders.”

“Nah. Thanks for asking at least.” I took a bite of my still surprisingly warm hayburger. “Thanks again, Thorax.”

So the days started turning into weeks, me and Cadance had very, very quickly ran out of things to talk about. At first, we were talking about what we’d do when we got out. Such as Cadance going back to planning her wedding, to me teaching my students, and trying to get back into working out with the guard. After that, she noted that I kept some bits on me at all times, in the Cutie Mark Butt Pocket™.

“Why do you carry bits everywhere?”

“In case Button wants a candy bar or something. We’re always together, so being able to spoil my kid at a moment’s notice is worth having some bits on me…” I hummed. “I know I was testing an experiment with magic and bits, but I can’t remember what. Maybe it was a money dupe that Celly promptly told me was illegal.” After that, we remained snuggled up together because it was kinda chilly down here in the caverns of Mount Canterlot. And Cadance and I were huge snuggle monsters, and Cadance in my professional snuggle monster opinion, is a good snuggle buddy. And we sat in silence; Cadance was worried about Shining Armor, and I was wondering what that experiment with the bit was, because it wasn’t infinite money, that’s very illegal.

“So Shining Armor was successfully married to a random drone and nopony found out so far. The actual ceremony is to happen soon.” Thorax had informed us, after mixing things up and getting Hayley’s, the shittier version of Hayburgers Al’Round. I was fucking sick of hayburgers after eating them everyday. So was Cadance.

“...Nopony’s found out that we’ve been swapped out for changelings?”

“...Sadly. You ponies do not pay attention to small details, or very big ones in Source’s case; The Queen kinda sucks at acting.”

I started channeling magic through the bit. “Oh. That’s what I was trying to do. Hey Thorax, if you close your eyes, and act like you were soundly defeated, you won’t get in trouble. Especially since Cadance is gonna adopt you.” Now is the time to mention that Cadance, since she can literally make love, has been feeding our changeling friend and earning his trust and loyalty, Thorax was just happy to have some love and motherly affection for once. Thorax let out a fake death squeal before flopping over near a rock. So I lied about us being in the caverns for two months. Because apparently the invasion of Canterlot was meant to happen after Shining Armor got married-

Twilight got teleported down here. She’s on the other side of a wall. I can feel her presence.

She blasted right through said wall and pinned us both down while I was still channeling magic through the bit. “Tell me you both are real!”

“...what?” I asked.

“You…”

“Oh right, we got replaced by evil changelings. Oi Twilight, remember when we first met and you got mad at me for being late. Know what I called Celly?”

“Uh… Sun Butt… huh. After you two started seriously dating, you haven’t been using that as much. The other you has been calling her that a lot more.” She pointed at Cadance. “What about you?” she asked.

“Sunshine, Sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!” Cadance quickly stood up and smiled at Twilight. “It’s me, Cadance!”

“Oh…” Twilight turned back to me, and watched as I used the bit to remove the rope from my wings and the ring from my horn. “Source, what the buck?”

“What?”

“Source, you used a bit, a bucking bit… as a wand?”

“Maybe.”

“When we get out, I am going to force you to teach me how you figured out how to do that.” That was my sign to run for the hills when this is all over. She looked over at the ‘dead’ Thorax. “Was that your warden?”

“Yeah.” Thorax took the time to ‘magic’ a knife in the side of his head. “Killed him to death.” Thorax’s tongue stuck out and I started laughing. “Ah no. He was, but Cadance literally wants to adopt that specific changeling. He’s frankly adorable, and we’re telling him to play dead so he doesn’t get in trouble with the Queen.” Thorax stood up, saluted Cadance, and flopped back over, his hindleg twitched a little as he played dead with the expertise of a dog.

Meanwhile,

Queen Chrysalis hates potatoes. As it turned out, the pony she was pretending to be was a bucking idiot. He liked the cheapest whisky on the market, instead of the finest wines that Celestia had to offer, liked potatoes, and ate and drank an unearthly amount of these things. To save time, Chrysalis suggested to Celestia that they plan both weddings out, and have them a week apart from each other… On top of that, Celestia was giving her weird looks at every turn. She got a letter from an undisclosed source and had been giving her a weird look since. Then when she read Source Code’s diary to make sure she was doing everything right…

Chrysalis whispered one night. “When did this guy develop two spell systems?” She read over a third spell system that had only one spell in it, a Levitation spell that looked unreasonably hard to perform.

“Source,” Celestia had asked once during the last month. Specifically the same day that Chrysalis had taken Source Code’s place. “Where is Button?” This was after receiving the letter from an undisclosed source. Button, despite not being told to, had sent a letter warning the Princess that Chrysalis is not as it seemed.

“Uh… He wanted to have a month-long sleepover with his friends in Ponyville?” Celestia immediately caught the hesitation and timidness in Source’s voice. That was not a common thing for her lover. “Why do you ask, Sun Butt?”

Source had not called Celestia ‘Sun Butt’ in months. He actively tried not to, actually.

“And he didn’t tell us beforehoof? That sounds unlike Button.” Celestia shrugged. “Well, I’m sure he’ll behave himself, seeing as his friends are in Canterlot right now.” Button was staying in the same room as aforementioned fillies were, in Canterlot, who were going to both weddings as flower fillies. “Well, I shall get back to helping to plan our wedding. You keep doing your thing; I’m sure you’ll love the concessions and drinks.” Celestia waved a hoof and smiled. That fool couldn’t even tell the difference between herself and her lover! Chrysalis grinned; this was going to be an easy double takeover of Equestria!

After she found out that half of the food was potatoes, she swapped back to pretending to be Princess Cadance. She hated potatoes more than she hated apples. The drone she had acted as Cadance previously was stuck on ‘Source Code’ duty. After that, nopony suspected a thing, Well, save for a purple little nuisance that might’ve watched her zap Shining Armor with a mind control spell or two. Princess Luna was suspicious of Chrysalis the moment she showed up as Source; she had asked Source about cheese sticks.

What the buck are cheese sticks?

Well, that’s the drone’s problem… As it turned out, four drones had to replace Source for various reasons.

Princess Celestia provided too much love for the first one, and killed it from lovebetes.

The second had too much whisky and died.

The third was allergic to potatoes and ran off before promptly keeling over.

The fourth one was the only one that could stomach some whisky and liked potatoes… He got challenged to a drinking competition by Luna and had drank fourteen pints of beer the night before the wedding. He was hungover and somehow not dead… yet. He was going to be soon, though. Luna’s methods, since she believed there to only be a few changelings, was to whittle down on the changelings that were taking the appearance of her soon-to-be-brother-in-law’s place by killing them with alcohol.

Aside from four losses, noling was lost just yet.

“Bucking Celestia on a Stick…” Chrysalis whispered as she prepared for the actual wedding between herself and Shining Armor. It has been a long month, and stressful, despite her only pretending to be Source Code for a day. Meh, from reading the diary, Source Code was an idiot that couldn’t really do much with magic. For some reason, January was completely devoid of logs in the journal, which probably meant that Source was too stupid to remember that he had a diary.

“At least this day is going to be perfect.”

Cadance started singing. I don’t know why, but I didn’t exactly feel like hearing her sing. It was a good song, but she stopped singing every other verse for some reason. Something about harmony magic. Plus finding a way out of this cavern was taking too long. So! I remembered that I had mixed dark magic into DragonFire once and burned the ground, so I’m gonna try and do that again. As my horn lit, I felt the darkness taking hold of me… and started flowing around me rather than through me. Whatever the buck was happening didn’t matter; I needed to get out of here.

Nevermind, Cadance and Twilight found the way out. The bridesmaids for Cadance’s wedding tried stopping us, so I DragonFired past them. We lost way too much time by me not remembering I could DragonFire my way through concrete with dark magic until now. I wasn’t wasting any more time. Cadance followed me as best as she could with her wings, as Twilight followed us both with DragonFire. As soon as I slammed into the ground outside of the ballroom where the wedding was being held, Cadance and Twilight had caught up to me.

“Wait!” Twilight shouted as she slammed through the doors.

Everyone was understandably confused. There were two of me, and two Cadances… Oh, my doppelganger looked like he dared to drink more than a pint of beer without being Irish. Or an Alicorn. Poor guy.

My doppelganger is bucking dead.

Shining Armor was definitely being mind controlled, judging from the blank expression on his face that was usually never, ever present on his face. Shining Armor was a dingus, but he was bucking smart when he needed to be. Rather, when he wanted to be. I was starting to get a little angry, so much so that I didn’t even flinch when the green explosion of changeling magic blasted a hole through the ceiling.

My doppelganger's doppelganger had keeled over already.

“Oi.” I said calmly. “You wanna catch these hands, oh Queen of the Changelings?”

“Source, don’t,” Twilight hissed. “She’s fueled up on so much love; I doubt you can win against her even with all of your fancy tricks.”

“She is right, my dear Source,” Celestia walked past me. We shared a quick kiss before she fully charged forward and she and the changeling Queen started dueling with their horns at first, trying to gorge each other. I wasn’t having any of that tonight.

“Celly, fuck off.” I said calmly after forcefully moving Celestia behind me. I was not going to have my Celly fucking gutted by a horn or blasted with a spell. I could hear the barrier over Canterlot shatter. “Go defend the city. I’ve got this.” My horn lit. “I’m pissed, I’m hungry, and it’s been a hot minute since I’ve had some whisky.” I DragonFired a bottle from my stache and took a sip. “Okay, that’s one thing checked off, but I’m still pissed.” I chugged the whole bottle. “I’ve got a bitch to beat the shit out of.”

Celly would’ve listened. May be she would’ve been stubborn and tried to fight Chrysalis. Maybe she would’ve responded in some way shape or form, had she not immediately got blasted by a green, very strong telekinetic blast. I yelped and my surprise and shock slowly turned into hatred and anger as I watched the love of my life fly into a nearby pillar, cracking the thing… Celly’s wings were broken. Her wings weren’t supposed to bend like that. I stared at the scene, watching Celestia try to get up and failing to do so, but… Oh you bitch. You fucking bitch. Twilight and Cadance immediately started getting everypony to run.

“Oi, you fuckin’ twat,” I said stepping forward. “You can do what you want to me, I don’t give a shit.” I started smiling, a serene little smile. “You’re lucky you didn’t hurt my kid. I swear to fucking god, if you did, there would be zero chance of you surviving what I’m gonna do to you. Luckily you only hurt the love of my life after imprisoning me. So.” My wings flared and my horn lit. “My name is Source Code, you overgrown bug. I will let you feel my animosity.” I turned a thankful glance over to everypony that was trying to make sure Celly was still breathing. She still was alive; I could feel her magic even if she was knocked out. Celly was conscious, so sensing her was a piece of cake.

She was just in pain.

“Oh please, what can you expect to do to me? I just beat Princess Celestia-” I slammed into Chrysalis and took us out into the city. I was punching her in the face as hard as I could. I had buffed myself up with strength enchants, durability enchants, and stamina enchants the moment I was in the air. Chrysalis slammed into the ground as soon as I landed. I wasn’t using my wings; I was too shit of a flier to be able to do such a thing. I was using DragonFire on my legs while I was in the air, and using the Skywalker spell to keep me from being engulfed in flames like a normal DragonFire would if I were traveling with it.

Chrysalis’s face was covered in burns, bruises, and her nose was definitely broken.

“Ready to give up just yet?” I ignored all the changelings surrounding me. “If any of y’all interrupt this fight and get your head chopped off, that’s on you.” They all blinked, before running off. They didn't want to catch these hands. Good on them.

“...W-what?” Chrysalis stared at me in horror. “You had no magic a moment ago! How did you get away from your guard?!” She shouted.

“The how isn’t important here. What matters is you hurt my Celly and you plan on hurting all of ponykind so you can get a leg up in the world.” My horn lit and immediately plowed through any defenses that Chrysalis had. “You do not mess with a man that has something to live for and little regard for his own well being. You do not trifle with an apex predator, Queen Chrysalis. You do not fuck with humanity.” Chrysalis slammed into a nearby building, or would’ve if I didn’t grab her tail and body slam her into the ground.

“You’re… using dark magic.” She wheezed, trying to get air back into her lungs after I just knocked all of said air out. “What… are you?”

“A stallion. A stallion with the brain of a predator.” I said calmly. “The moment you hurt somepony I loved was the moment you done fucked up. Now, you want to keep catching these hands? Because I’m willing to let you surrender; Celly would want that. Luna would too. And frankly, as much as I would like to kill you, I also don’t want more blood on my hooves, or want to see anyone else get killed.” Chrysalis is lucky that I still have some form of morals left in my heart.

“T-there is no way I can win, is there?” Chrysalis asked.

“Mmm. That depends.” Chrysalis sucker punched me with a spell of some sort. I think it was a Telekinetic Blast or some stupid shit. It didn't matter though; I always run a Light Shield. The Light Shield ate that up and redirected it into space. I happily watched as I watched any simblance of hope left her eyes as the rest of her face drooped. If she wasn't such a cunt, I'd feel sorry for her and cheer her up. “Nice shot, lass.” I laughed darkly. “Give up.”

“...what the buck?” Chrysalis… I smell hormones coming off her. Meh. I hit her with a Stun and started dragging her ass back to the castle. Weirdly, before I stunned her, she was giving me the same look Celly gave me before we started dating. Meh, she was probably just out of it, after getting her shit rocked for a solid ten minutes straight.

Snowdrop was not as forgiving as I was when it came to the safety of Celly, apparently. She and Luna were woken up as soon as word had spread that Celly got defeated in one on one combat, sometime before I dragged Chrysalis’s sorry ass up to the castle. Luna was a bit more restrained; she only glared at Chrysalis. Snowdrop… started trampling on Chrysalis’s body. She steered clear of the head; it was already fucked up. Chrysalis just whimpered and yelped, since I hit her with so many stun spells on the way to the castle that she couldn’t move. So Snowdrop was screaming profanities that I haven’t even heard of, in her more ancient tongue, while beating the shit out of the changeling queen.

“How fucking dare thou hurt Auntie Celestia?” smack. “I shall ensure that thou wot pain for days!” crack. Snowdrop just cracked the changeling’s carapace. Christ, Snowdrop hits hard apparently. I slowly turned to Luna, who was just idly watching her adopted daughter unleash all of her anguish, in the form of an ass beating, onto a changeling queen that just had all of my anguish dumped onto her in the form of an ass beating.

It was beautiful because Solar, I think he was supposed to be off duty today, was walking past us. I could tell he wanted to ask Snowdrop out after watching do what she was doing. It certainly helped that he was mostly focusing on her flanks.

“Luna, can you take care of this? I know Celly’s in the infirmary and I know she broke a wing at a minimum.”

“I can. Just go check on your fiance, Source. Cadance is doing the same for Shining. He stopped being mind controlled shortly after you blasted the Queen out of the castle.” She nodded. “I can see why.” Tale stormed out of the castle and started helping Snowdrop beat the shit out of Chrysalis. “I will keep these two from killing the good queen. I believe you believe that negotiations can be made?”

“Yep. Well, Celly would. So I did my best to not spill blood in this realm in any way that’s fatal. Chrysalis will definitely need a doctor, by the way.”

“She can wait. Canterlot hospital was overrun by ponies that got a little injured during the invasion… before all the changelings fled when their Queen was beaten into dust. And the Castle offered its infirmary up to anypony who couldn’t get into the hospital. So Chrysalis may wait; I will hit her with minor healing spells, and toss her in the dungeons until she can be treated. She will be in good health by the time we negotiate with her.”

Good enough for me.

I quickly found Celestia in the infirmary. She was laying on the floor on a cushion that was usually in one of her private lounge rooms; it would’ve taken two hospital beds to house a pony of her size. She was conscious at least. “You alright, Celly?”

“I am fine,” Celly insisted. “I’m a little hurt, but it’s nothing I’ve not fought through before.”

“You are getting a week off of any Princessy stuff, or until you recover. Now, tell me what’s broken.”

“My wings, and my left legs.”

“Eeyup. You take a week off, or I will pout at you.”

“...Fine. Will you wear a maid outfit so that I may have something pleasant to look at while I have the week off?”

“I thought I was pleasant enough!” I chuckled. “But yeah, I’ll get the male, prench maid outfit out of the closet for you, Celly. I would snuggle up with you… but I don’t wanna risk hurting you more.”

“You can let me use you as a pillow.” I nodded. “By the way, the wedding between Cadance and Shining Armor still will happen, even if Luna will be the one taking the role of marriage officiant in my stead… and taking over the country for the next week as well. Snowdrop wouldn’t let me hear the end of it if I decided to do day court once this next week, or did anything more than lightly reading, relaxing, and eating food.”

“I would also like to apologize for not immediately trying to find you and Cadance as soon as I realized something was amiss. I wouldn’t have noticed Cadance; Chrysalis almost perfectly acted as Cadance did during wedding planning, but almost entirely didn’t act like you. For starters, Button was nowhere near her, and she was… very unwilling to cuddle. With how much you adore cuddling with me, that's the moment she opted to sleep on the couch instead of with me.”

“But magical signatures…”

“My own signature usually is all I can feel. It overrides all but Luna or Twilight’s signatures. Yours is usually rather muted because you cannot naturally access all your magic…” She kissed me on the cheek. “Still, I needed to keep Queen Chrysalis distracted; if she found out that Button was in the castle, she would’ve used him as leverage, so I had to distract her… I think. I know four changelings took over pretending to be you for her. I don’t know where they went.”

“Meh. I would be angrier, but I’m also glad that this was over quickly. I didn’t even have to kill Chrysalis!” I cheered.

“I suppose we can work out peace negotiations. I would be remiss if I had to send somepony, that I used to date, to Tartarus after all.”

“...And she turned down cuddling with you?”

“She did, surprisingly.”

“But you being a living, heated pillow’s one of your best traits!”

“I’m aware; you and Button almost vehemently refused to wake up if you both were using me as a pillow during the night. Which is almost everyday, assuming you actually want to sleep in for once, young stallion.”

“Hey, you’re the one that is injured. I should be the one telling you to relax, young lady.”

“...Don’t you spin this upon me. You tried taking on a changeling overloaded with love. If I didn’t get hurt, you would’ve been killed!”

“And I didn’t. I broke her fucking nose mid air,” I grinned. “And my Light Shield more or less told her how much she had fucked up.”

“...I wish I could’ve seen it. It would’ve been rather sexy to watch you be angry.” With that, I grabbed a crystal after we sent somepony off to grab our son. “Our wedding is getting postponed, Celly, I hope you know that.”

“I know. You wouldn’t want me anything other than perfect when we marry.”

“...Maybe I just don’t want you limping in my wedding. I really hate seeing you get hurt, as it turns out. I used my hatred of seeing you hurt to beat Chrysalis up.”

“I really need to have you teach me some of your tricks; there is so much you’ve not shown anypony. Twilight sent me a letter telling me about how you manage to you at a minimum, two spells at once all the time. A diagnostic spell, along with Light Shield, and then a third whenever you actually use magic.”

“I will. It’s been a while since we’ve had… a tutoring session, Celly. I’m still your student, after all.”

“If i were not injured, I thought you’d be asking to do some bedroom activities.”

“No, I do still think I’ve got stuff to learn from you. Plus it would just be an excuse to cuddle a bunch next week; constant tutelage and constant snuggles. Along with me being your maid… You're gonna wear a suit to our wedding?”

“I may, I may not. Sometimes I do like dressing up in a lovely dress, but I also remembered how cute you looked when you saw me in my suit at the Gala.” We were both interrupted by Button climbing on the cushion and gently walking over to us; he could immediately tell that Celly was injured. He saw me, sniffed me and said:

“Stick to the cratur?”

“The best thing in nature for sinking your sorrows and raising your joys!”

“Oh, what botheration! No dose in the nation.”

“Can give consolation like poitin, me boys!” Me and Button started laughing; Celly harmonized with us, as best as she could while the three of us were keeping it down. We were still in the infirmary, after all. I hugged my kid, I was more than happy to know that he wasn’t hurt in any way shape or form.

“Yup. That’s Dad.” Button snuggled up to me. “Did you beat up your doppelganger?”

“I did. Wanna watch?’ I lifted my crystal. Button eagerly nodded, and soon, we were watching the ‘Slap the Shit out of Chrysalis’ battle that happened moments ago.

Author's Note

to be clear, Celestia and Button, even Luna immediately knew something was up with Source. They just couldn't, because one of them is a literal child, do anything. One was distracted with wedding preperations while Luna was doing something. just nothing actually productive.

The Big Day... Also Fleur is Broken.

A couple weeks had passed, and the wedding planning had been going swimmingly. So I didn’t really say much about Cadance’s wedding, because it was a lot smaller and a lot more private after the whole Chrysalis thing. Chrysalis herself was still staying in the castle, as Celly had recovered rather quickly since the first meeting and was taking care of that and planning our wedding out at the same time. I dunno how Celly was doing that, but as I know, her multitasking skills are through the roof. Where was I? Oh yeah, pony weddings. So there is a lot of stuff different from normal weddings.

Most of the time, if both ponies marrying do not have horns, they wear ‘wedding bracelets’ which are basically what they say on the tin. Typically, most ponies don’t wear them if only because something precious, such as a wedding bracelet, is very easy to get dirty or break if it’s on their wrists, or wrist equivalent. Sometimes, if ponies want to show they are married, they wear necklaces that are in the same vein as wedding bracelets. Both sets of wedding gear were made of gold, and usually the bride’s ring or bracelet has the groom’s cutie mark etched into it.

It was apparently done differently during Chrysalis’s and Shining Armor’s ‘wedding’ ceremony because Chrysalis decided to walk up the aisle because she’s a bit egotistical. She’s also a bit of a bitch. Usually, it’s the stallion that walks up the aisle in heterosexual marriages. It’s like that because mares heavily outnumber stallions, so it is usually the mare who ‘woos the sexy stallion’ and therefore, it’s the stallion’s job to make a big entrance. Of course, both parties dress as best as they can, it’s not a wedding if they don't.

Also, ponies were somewhat archaic in their ways. Even though Celly and I may or may not have breached this a few times, both bride and groom are not to lay into each other before the wedding at all. Since Celly is a big girl, as in she has done this song and dance a few times, she isn’t exactly pure, so we didn’t have sex a few times before the big day. We didn’t because that would break tradition and breaking tradition would be sinful.

We just had sex a lot whenever Button was with Lulu or Cadance.

Since both Celly and I are part narwhal, as in we have horns, we’ll have actual wedding rings. Those go on our heads, and typically are worn all the time. Shining Armor’s in the military though, so he can’t have it on his head at all times, less it gets destroyed when somepony clubs him in the head. Since we’re royalty, these wedding rings have a bunch of Runes in them that basically bind us together, soul-wise. Not really, but only I can wear my ring, and only Celly can wear hers. They also allow us to share magic if the situation calls for it.

As it stands, Celly has so much magic that it would fry my body, and I have so much dormant magic, that I can’t access for some bucking reason, that it would fry Celly.

Since I was the stallion, I was supposed to find my ‘best mare’. I woulda had my Mom be my best mare, but uh… No. That wasn’t happening. I could get Twilight to do it, she wouldn’t mind. I’d ask Rainbow or AJ, but typically your best mare is either family, or somepony you’d willingly have in a herd in your newly formed marriage. Which led me to a conundrum. I had no family, and I didn’t want a herd. I didn’t want anypony to think I was having a herd.

So I asked Luna. She said yes, but she did something stupid. So that relieved me of trying to find a best mare. Even if I really wish my Mom was here to be my best mare. Then Luna said it would be weird if she was officiating the wedding and my best mare. So she pointed me to Snowdrop.

“Please let me be your best mare?” She has been using the Night Vision spell on her eyes ever since she got her talisman back. Not all the time, it wasn’t an easy spell to cast, but she did for this particular moment… No she wasn’t. Why? Because she knew she didn’t need eyes to have good puppy eyes, apparently. No, she just uses it when she wants to read a book, or desires to actually look at how she looks in the mirror when heading out.

So Snowdrop was giving me puppy eyes while being blind. Don’t ask me how. Don’t ask me why. No, it wasn’t weird. It was adorable. Very adorable, actually. This would be weird if her eyes weren’t fucking adorable, or so fucking expressive for somepony that basically doesn’t have them.

“Uh…” I rubbed the back of my head. “No herds, got it?”

“You’re my adoptive uncle. So of course no herds; that would be weird even though Celly and Lulu can share consorts.” She tilted her head, her ears were extra floppy because she found out how Celly and Luna did it. They've not shared that spell with me. “So am I your best mare?”

“...Yes.” I was pulled into a bone crushing hug after that. God damn, I keep forgetting how weirdly strong Snowdrop is for a mare of her build. Then again, Celly is built similarly and she could break my spine if she wanted to.

Also, I was to be presented flowers by the mare(Celly) so she had to find me a set of flowers I liked. The problem was that I didn’t eat flowers, ever, nor have I ever eaten a flower. So she was struggling to find some flower for me to eat. Since the flowers were meant to be eaten before the reception was over. I threw the idea of her just giving me a sack of potatoes, but potatoes actually give ponies the runs. As in it wasn’t something they were typically supposed to eat.

They can eat potatoes just fine, but not too much; they’d be on the shitter for hours. It’s basically a laxative… a laxative that can kill you. Most ponies can eat potatoes just fine, but in parts of the country where potatoes aren’t typically farmed, or sold, they can actually just kill ponies if they eat too much instead of just shitting on the toilet for hours. Luckily, Canterlot is actually quite diverse in terms of what lives here, excluding pony tribes. Since Canterlot, pony-wise were mostly unicorns. There were plenty of other races here that typically eat potatoes. And a lot of potato tolerant ponies

Hence why I got some mash from Fancy Pants that one time.

So Celly getting me a sack of potatoes was out the window.

I was the exception since my potato tolerance was one of the few things that translated from me being an Irishman. I was also the exception to ‘alicorns are the best at holding their beer’ before I became an alicorn. Since I outdrank Luna in the woods that one time.

Or we both can possibly get high or drunk from sharing our magic.

That was in a week from now; we were waiting for Shining Armor and Cadance to be able to attend our wedding. Celly tried getting it done as soon as possible, but Cadance would not let her hear it.

“No. You two are going to wait until Shiny and I get home. You will let me and Shiny attend your wedding. And you are going to hold off on it until at least I can attend your wedding.”

“This seems unnecessary, Cadance. We barely even had a ceremony for you-”

“And you’ll get yourself a husband that’ll keep you company for decades.”

“Cadance…” Celestia said in a warning tone. “I just recovered, and-”

“I agree with Cadance,” Luna said. “Seeing as it has to happen at sunset, so that I can get you two married without messing with my own schedule, I can say when you two are married.” As per usual, this argument was happening at the dinner table, or Luna’s breakfast. Me, Tale, and Button were just sitting there, eating our food. We all knew not to try and chime in, and Button actually just didn’t care about what was being argued about; it was usually some stupid adult thing he didn’t understand, nor did he want to try and understand it yet. It also usually never was serious, just princesses arguing over princessy things. Like which stallion is cuter, or who gets the most of my ‘alien cooking’ or whatever.

“Well,” I said, having finished breakfast pretty quickly. “I’m gonna go check out the Mage Tower and stop by some random groomer. I wanna get started on learning Portal Magic, and I wanna test some theories.”

“I will want you to stop by Rarity’s room some time this week, by the way,” Celly said behind a cup of tea. “She will literally gut you if you do not let her make you a new suit for your wedding.”

“...You know, I’ve seen a serious Rarity before, and I don’t think I wanna be on the receiving end of a serious Rarity. So I’ll take you up on that advice.”

I entered the Mage Tower a few hours later. I was let in pretty quickly after… Well, after that magical accident I was a part of, I was basically given a fast pass. Also Celly may or may not have heard of how Bolt treated me, and challenged me to a duel. Since Celly was… just a little stressed, she challenged Bolt to a duel while I was gone. Celly not only beat Bolt, she gave him an earful while doing it, apparently. So Bolt was probably going to be nicer to me, less he wants Celly to beat the shit out of him again. I bet that’d bruise his ego even further. Because Bolt is apparently the Tower’s strongest unicorn and a very capable duelist.

Then Celestia throws him around like a ragdoll.

Twilight could probably do the same if her application of any combat magic wasn't so by the books that even I can deal with her in a fight… Until Twilight Twilights and Twilights the Twilight out of you. In other words, Twilight is like an endless well of magic; she can pour as much as she needs into a spell on the dot, do it quickly, and hit fucking hard. So even if Bolt, Shining Armor, or even me, are better fights by technicality, it doesn't mean shit; Twilight has enough power to manhandle anypony really easily.

Oh yeah, Bolt’s ego is probably already bruised. Bolt… I think I kicked his ass with the Light Shield spell. Granted, I got a headache afterwards since Light Shield can do that, and be very fatiguing at times, but I still kicked his shit in. Bolt and the rest of the Nine were standing in the center of the room… he has burn marks. Aw, Celly must’ve been really pissed off at him. Okay, thank god my marefriend is incredibly strong and protective of me; most ponies don’t try to hurt me because of it.

Exo was front and center, and quickly greeted me. Because Exo’s surprisingly soft, I let her hug me.

“Hello Source! It’s good to see that you’re in one piece. Why’d you take so long to visit again?”

“Well,” I hummed. “Bolt over there’s an asshole. You two finally… uh, legally separated?”

“Celestia signed it after beating the buck out of my ex.”

“Oh. Damn. Congrats, lass. I’ve got some news, some really cool news.”

“...What is it?” Exo asked, tilting her head.

“I wanna learn how to use portals. I’ve got theories, and exploring other timelines… does sound appealing. Even if the first one I walked into resulted in this,” my wings fanned out and everypony gasped. “What?”

“...You became an alicorn,” Exo said to herself. “Oh my…” She hummed. “Those are some nice looking wings, you know.”

“So I’ve been told by Celly. We’re getting married this week; no touchy my wings. That’s a right given only to Celly.”

“I won’t. I’d be arrested for sexual assault if I did that to any pegasus on the street; those things are apparently super sensitive.”

“That is true…” I hummed. “So, about learning portal magic.”

“...Why do you wish to learn?”

“Personal reasons that I, legally, cannot disclose. Because if I do, Celly will find out, and I want to try and surprise her. I also just want to explore the other ‘timelines’ if you will.” I then noted how Bolt was staring me down. “What do you want, mate? An ass kicking?”

“No.” Bolt growled. “I want to deny your access, but sadly, I am no longer the ‘grandmaster’ of the Tower.”

“D’aw, baby can’t deny me.” I chuckled. “I ain’t even gonna be learning from you anyways. Exo’s gonna be teaching me.” Just as I said that, the doors opened and Fancy Pants and Fleur started trotting in all regally and fancy and stuff. “That is very convenient, why the hell are you two here?” I was happy to see them, but this was all too convenient.

“The Princess told us where you were hoping to go today, and we were making sure somepony didn’t lash out at you.” Fluer said, walking up to me and… No, she tackled me. She tackled me to the ground and started nuzzling me. “Oh it is so good to know that you are safe. My husband and I would have found you sooner, but you went missing for a good week and a half after being missing for a month! Then we heard you got foalnapped and everything!”

“What is with you mares being overtly affectionate?” I asked.

“You were missing for well over a month, Source,” Fancy Pants said. “You go missing for a month, come back for a week, and immediately get foalnapped and held captive by the changelings. Everypony was just a little worried about you… and also mares, naturally, are very protective of stallions and colts; there’s already too few of us as is. It would not do anypony any good if anypony got hurt at all as well. I see you came out looking better for wear than I would’ve expected.” He gestured to my wings.

“You don’t care that your wife is snuggling with me?”

“Please,” Fancy chuckled. “Snuggling and cuddling is like breathing for us ponies. Most stallions would kill just to be in the same presence as Fluer; she’s quite the sight to behold, don’t you think?”

“Mmm, dunno if you should be asking me that, man.” I patted Fluer, who still wasn’t letting me get up. “You know who I’m dating, and to be married by the end of the week.”

“I know. I suppose you are just a little spoiled; Princess Celestia is one of the prettiest mares to ever grace Equus.”

“They used to date before the Princess introduced us,” Fluer giggled. “It was a short thing, as it turned out that me and Fancy were a better match. We would’ve formed a herd, but the Princess insisted on the two of us being together, and just the two of us.” She nodded to her husband. “Though since we’re all here, we can do a few things. Like see how good you actually are in a combat scenario.” I blinked.

“I get back from being starved in a cold, dark cave with an ‘evil’ changeling, and you want to kick my shit in? What the fuck, Fluer?”

“What? I’ve heard of what you went through after you were lost to that portal. While… I won’t say what, because I fear making you uncomfortable, I am curious. Just how well versed are you in fighting?”

“I can kick his flanks if he didn’t rely on that stupid, cheap spell that he made.” Bolt grumbled.

“Wanna bet?” I asked. “That was just an alarm system that fought back.” I asked, looking what I hoped was intimidating.

“I will beat the buck out of you.”

“Okay.”

So it was decided that I would be taking on a few duels. One with Fleur De Lis, and the other with Bolt. Bolt was going first, since I fought him before and he needed to stroke his ego. The fight would end as soon as one pony is incapacitated; as in that there was actually a ‘safety’ dueling mode in the arena we just walked into. Hit five times, dead on with a spell, and you’re ‘dead’. I got a Light Shield ready and started getting ready to launch a probing offense. Something I’ve picked up during my time beyond the portal… I was too defensive. It worked out, but that only gets you so far. The best way to end something quickly was to find a hole in your opponent’s wall and stab through it.

Seeing as I was apparently one of the gifted few that could use multiple spells at once, I wasn’t sure how well that would do in an actual, real-world application.

“You ready?” I asked, taking my side of the arena. Now is a good time to mention that this is so much like a stupid Pokemon arena from the show. I was answered by Bolt being a total gentlecolt, by trying to blast me with a spell off the bat. I started launching my own spells as soon as I rolled out the way, keeping my movement erratic, while parrying any spells that actually almost hit me with a shield. I was doing my best to keep Light Shield out of the equation. The spells I was firing were a bunch of random spells, with no rhyme or reason. Bolt was just shooting lightning bolts and telekinetic blasts.

I was shooting lightning bolts, telekinetic blasts, stuns, fireballs, and plasma as well. I even shot an ice ball every now and then, since it was a heavy projectile; it was more or less a fake shot.

Thankfully Python was so damn optimized, that I felt like I could keep going for hours. I batted aside another spell, before DragonFiring past another few, and then transitioned into Dark DragonFire, as in I just started using dark magic to power it, to scorch the ground as I shot forward, blasting as many spells as I could in as I came in like a bullet train straight for Bolt’s panicking form. I think I’ve learnt a thing I have as an advantage compared to most ponies from this.

“LEROY JENKINS!” I plowed right into Bolt, sending his stupid ass into the wall. I stumbled a bit as I also slammed my face into the wall. I got off better, as Bolt was laying there, twitching and a little… Oh. He’s being carried out to the infirmary again. “MOM MADE CHICKEN!” I shouted from my perch on the floor beside the wall I slammed into. “I broke my face. Somepony help.”

The next thing I knew, I was sitting on a bench outside of the little arena, and rubbing my head. I was hit with a few healing spells at some point in the last ten minutes because my head made me feel just a little less suicidal than it was ten minutes ago.

“Did I win, Mom?” I asked. I was pretending to be dazed.

“You did,” Fleur giggled. “You did well. You seem to be entirely random with what you were doing? Seriously, throwing an ice ball over ten meters away?”

“It was to stress Bolt out. At his heart, he is a prey animal. It’s not hard to make a prey animal panic; throw a bunch of shit, that can kill them, and they’ll usually run. I’m surprised that it worked so well; he was getting sporadic towards the end and less precise like he was at the start.”

“Well,” Fancy Pants hummed. “I would be a little thrown off by a spell I’ve never seen before; I know for a fact that Bolt, and a majority of the Nine have outright refused to acknowledge Python as a spell system. Seeing as DragonFire, and that darker version, are exclusive to that spell system…” Fancy clapped his hooves. “It is always nice to see that douche bag get knocked down a peg.” The rest of the Nine seemed to have similar opinions, whereas Exo was literally gawking over a photo right as I hit Bolt.

“You good, Exo?”

“HIS FACE IS BUCKING HLARIOUS!” She laughed. She laughed so hard that she started crying. While she was laughing, I could see Fleur and Fancy Pants considering a possible, new herd mate. Well, until Fluer slowly turned to me with the scariest face I’ve ever seen. She slowly pointed towards the arena, where she quickly took her side.

As soon as the round started, I started taking it nice and slow…

Fleur didn’t. She blasted a Telekinetic Blast so powerful that it overloaded Light Shield so hard that Light Shield didn’t even teleport me. Luckily, I teleported beforehand.

“HOLY MOTHER OF FU-” I got hit by the same blast right after. I went flying into the nearby wall. “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WOMAN!” I got up right after. Before teleporting a white towel to me. “I give up. No. Fuck that. What the Fuck!?”

Fleur giggled. “I spar with Princess Celestia regularly, Source.”

“Please tell me that Fancy’s a little stronger-”

“No. I could beat Fancy if I wanted to hurt him.”

“Bro,” my fucking head. I hit my head on the fucking wall. I’m back to wanting to kill myself because of my head. “The fuck.”

“Well,” Fleur smiled. “I know you just threw a towel, but we’re thinking of the wrong sport.”

“...Dude. How do I survive four alicorns but you kick my shit in?”

“You don’t have the element of surprise from having a spell system I’ve not encountered before.” Her horn lit. “Come on, I want to see just how strong you actually are. You’ve beaten Chrysalis, who did quite the number on Princess Celestia.” My horn lit and I shot a spell into her next telekinetic blast. It immediately mirrored back and almost hit Fleur had she not teleported out of the way. Her tongue clicked. “Creative-” I tackled her after jumping out of a DragonFire.

“NAH FUCK YOU!” I started tickling the fuck out of her. What? You think that I’d actually try and hurt one of my friends? I don’t roll like that.

“S-STO-STOP-P!” Fleur forgot she had a horn and was trying to hit me off with her legs. Luckily she didn’t hit me.

When we were done, I was laying a wing over her side, clutching my head while I laid completely flat on the floor. “Fleur, please remind me not to get on your bad side-”

“I was trying to anger you, you know.” She admitted. She recovered after she used a rejuvenation spell. Fucking dick. “I’ve felt how much magic you carried when you’re fueling your magic with emotions. Though it seems like you’re actively only putting power into your magic when somepony you love gets hurt, or you want to hurt somepony,” she motioned to Bolt, who was in a wheelchair. “You don’t like that much.”

“Fleur, I genuinely consider you and Fancy as friends. I know how it feels to watch the love of my life get hurt. I don’t wanna do that to Fancy, and I don’t wanna hurt you either… You hit harder than Twilight does.”

“I only have a lot of power to draw on,” Fluer waved a dismissive hoof. “In terms of spell repertoire, I’m rather lacking. Objectively, you’re a better mage than I am, even if you are a lot weaker than I am… Or less willing to hurt anypony than I’ve expected. Save Bolt.”

“You overloaded Light Shield,” I groaned.

“You didn’t even use it,” Fleur noted. “You just teleported as soon as you saw something really strong heading your way. You weren’t sure if Light Shield was going to do anything, did you?”

“I don’t bucking know. I just didn’t wanna get hit in the face.”

Fleur giggled. “Prey animals are easy to scare, hmm?”

I slowly lifted my head to face the unicorn. “Fuck you.” I laid my head back down. Fleur giggled and started grooming my ears.

A couple of days later, I was sitting with Twilight and Rarity. Usually, apparently, the stallion makes sure everything for their wedding is up to par… Nah. Celly is just busy with day court at the moment, but made sure to have all the wedding planning done… through Twilight. Basically, she planned the wedding out, but is having Twilight make sure everything goes well. I was checking out a suit that Rarity had made me, and she had such a wide smile while I was looking it over. It was a nice suit, really. It looked like a…

“Hey, that’s an Irish cap,” I magicked the thing off the poniquin, mannequin, I don’t fucking know what the heck ponies call it, but it’s probably something stupid. I set the cap on my head and smiled. “Man, it’s been forever since I’ve worn one of these!” I chuckled. “Since I was a wee little lad!” I looked at myself in the mirror. It was simple, just a gray, Irish cap. I looked it over… I look kinda cool with this thing, not even gonna lie.

“Well, I heard that you were missing some comforts from your homelife, so this is a part of my wedding gift from me to you, Source. On top of that, I did your usual day-to-day outfit so you’d have something made from actual, quality materials instead of that overpriced, Canterlot junk.”

I stared at the cap, before sticking it back on the mannequin. That’s when I started actually looking at the suit. It was literally just my usual day-to-day business gear. Trench coat, hat, white undershirt, socks. It just looked fancier. There were a few more gems in it than I liked, but I was told that I could take those off after the wedding; they were detachable. I hugged Rarity since I knew if I tried offering some form of payment, she would probably kill me. She almost did when I snuck bits into her sock drawer once.

After Rarity, who was our first stop, we stopped in the kitchens, where Apple Jack and Chef Beef were hunched over the oven.

“Uh…” Apple Jack whispered. “How are we gonna bucking make something that both Source will enjoy, but won’t give everypony else the runs? All he eats are things made out of potatoes!”

“He likes other dishes, just none of them fit in weddings,” Beet whispered back.

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” I said, slotting my head between both of theirs as they watched a potato that they stuck in the oven.

“Oh, hey Source. How’s it going?” AJ asked. “We were just real busy coming up with this new dish, we call it a ‘baked potato’! I believe you’ll like it.”

“...You two don’t know what to make, do you?” I asked. “Because to be frank, just some Apple Family-style catering and some of the human snacks Beet recreated are enough. Those apple logs? Delicious. Very good. I like things other than potatoes, you know.”

“But it-”

“Celly likes potatoes as much as I do, but I know she can’t eat a lot of them without catching the runs. I’d rather have my wife enjoy our reception, not try and not run to the bathroom because she ate too many fries.”

“Well then… Here Ah was thinkin’ super hard. Ah forgot that you aren’t a picky eater.”

“Mmm, just don’t make hayburgers. Me and Cadance had to eat nothing but hayburgers for weeks.” The two nodded and saluted me. Chef Beet took a moment to bow too. “Don’t bow to me, Chef Beet. Please for the love of god, don’t. I don’t care if I’ve got a pair of wings and a horn, I don’t care if I’m gonna be a High Prince Consort, I don’t need people bowing to me. Nopony should ever bow to me. It feels wrong, and makes me feel like some uptight dickhead.”

“...Huh. If I don’t bow to Prince Blueblood, he'll yell at me.”

“And Prince Blueblood’s a bit of a twat, ain’t he? Just treat me like how you’ve always treated me. Same dude, just a new title.” Chef Beet nodded and walked up to me. A nice hug was what I got.

“I missed ya by the way. When you get back from your honeymoon, would you like to stop by the kitchens and test some more ‘human foods’ I’ve recreated?”

“...Is. That. Even. A. Question?” I asked.

“I see that all it takes to get you to do anything is food.”

“Good food, a lovely wife, and an adorable little colt. What more could a stallion ask for, Beet?”

“Fair enough.”

The next place I stopped at was Pinkie. Oh. That’s why she hadn’t thrown the two parties she promised me during my vacation. My wedding reception will essentially be three parties rolled into one. I just watched as Pinkie showed off all the attractions. She made her own snacks for the party, had pin the pony, dancing, and a DJ… No, somepony to just sing shanties and folk songs, I was genuinely excited about that. I won’t go too in-depth mostly because Pinkie literally wouldn’t show me everything.

“No, Source, it’s meant to be a surprise!” I was tossed out of the party room promptly afterwards. I just sat there, next to Twilight and blinked.

“Pinkie.” We both said. Fluttershy’s choir was good, it was a bunch of birds like at Cadance’s wedding. I just wasn’t allowed to see much of anything because I was later told that Celly wanted everything to be a surprise during the wedding. Therefore everypony decided to not show me much beyond the food and the suit I’d be wearing to the wedding. This all really leads up to… My wedding when Saturday comes around.

Come around Saturday, Princess Celestia was humming in the bridal suite. WIth her was Luna, Cadance, and all the Element Bearers. Twilight was the best mare for her teacher, and it was a bit surreal. Never before had she expected to see her teacher in a wedding dress. Since a white dress on a purely white pony would be a little over the top, and Source would make one of his stupid human jokes that he would say is ‘probably racist’, the Princess of the Sun, Mare or Morn, went with a fully black wedding dress to contrast with her coat nicely.

And because she knew it would break Source upon seeing her.

The dress itself was a rather simple one, as Rarity pointed out, Source would really only care about the mare wearing the dress after getting over how good the Princess looked. It’s a black, full dress that hugged her barrel nicely and really, really emphasized her hips. It was a low cut dress, and ended just before her shoulders. It was a new design that Rarity was experimenting with, and claimed that it was more or less something Celestia should wear during her honeymoon to try and seduce her coltfriend.

So logically, the Princess had put the black wedding dress off to the side and went with a simple, light blue dress that matched a clear, blue sky on a nice, summer day. The black dress was being reserved for when she decided it was time to have the main goal of the honeymoon.

Celestia even decided to forego any form of regalia. Her horseshoes were set to the side, her crown laid on her bed, forgotten as she happily pranced around the room in her dress.

“This day is going to be perfect!” The Princess began. “The kind of day of which I dreamed since I was small! Everypony will gather ‘round. Say I look lovely in my gown. I’m the happiest mare around!” She clapped her hooves. “I am so excited!” Celly pranced around. “Oh! I cannot wait!” She stopped. “What would Source look like in his suit? I bet he looks rather dashing. I know he stopped by a groomer earlier this morning to help himself look nicer!” Celestia then pulled a pair of earrings out of the nightstand; it was the only piece of jewelry she’d be wearing throughout the wedding.

It’s been a hundred years since she last put on any form of jewelry.

“Well,” Rarity hummed. “Nopony’s seen Source since last night during dinner. With how much he talks about you, I bet he is doing everything in his power to appease you today.”

“I’m surprised Source hasn’t run away yet,” Twilight added. “I’ve known Source the longest, besides Princess Celestia, and he never struck me as the ‘brave’ type. In fact, he was rather skittish when Celestia wasn’t present.”

“Pfft,” Rainbow waved a hoof. “I bet he’s cool, calm, and collected. After what that stallion’s faced? I bet this will be a piece of cake-”

Meanwhile,

“Jesus fucking christ,” I was clutching my head in my hooves. “Jesus fucking christ.”

“Source,” Snowdrop said, rubbing my back. She was wearing a very, very pretty dress that looked like it was made out of ice, but it wasn’t. It was just a nice, silky, almost see-through dress. “You’ve been repeating that for the last hour, ever since you put your suit on. Is something wrong?”

“I’m going to get married.” I said.

“Yes you are. You should be happy!” Snowdrop hugged me. “Come on, smile a little!”

“I’m excited, I am. I’m more than happy to be able to begin my life with the mare that I love more than anything, Snowdrop. I don’t know if I’m ready, though. I’m not sure if I can be the stallion Celly needs. I’m not sure if I’m adequate or not. I know that Celly loves me, I love Celly. That’s all that should matter. Cadance let me know that the moment I met her…” I took a nice, long breath and let it all out. “Am I enough? Will I be enough? What will Celly do if she finds out that I’m less than the sum of my parts?” I asked.

“She’ll love you, Source,” Snowdrop nuzzled me. “Auntie Tia has had many, many, many loves and consorts before you came along, Source. If she did not love you, she would not be going through with marrying you. If she thought you didn’t love her, she wouldn’t be doing this. I’m willing to bet that she’s prancing around her suite, despite having an audience, singing that silly little song every mare sings when getting married. Celestia loves marriage, Source. When I met her, she was a few thousand years old. At that point, she had already grown distant from the average pony. Marrying, despite Auntie going through it many, many times is something she still enjoys; she found somepony that could break down her walls. She found somepony she could just love.

“Celestia loves you, and will want nothing more than to spend as much time with you as she can.”

Button was wearing a cute little tuxedo, and he had been nuzzling and comforting me by resting on my neck the whole time. “Yeah, Dad. You and Mom love each other. What will this actually change? That you two are legally together? You two were so close that everypony thought you were already, officially at least, her consort. I would''ve thought you two were married if you hadn’t told me she was your marefriend the moment you met me.” He licked my nose. “Stop being a silly filly, and stand up, Dad.”

I laid there in contemplation for a moment, before taking a long, deep breath. “Do I look good at least? This day may not change much about how me and Celly live together, but I want to make damn sure today’s a good day for the two of us. And then the following week is damn good for the two of us, start to finish.”

“In bed?” Snowdrop teased. “You look dashing. I never knew why you decided to wear what is essentially your business clothes; a trench coat and a dress shirt. But it does look rather nice, and the cap you have on your head is rather nice.”

“What does that mean?” Button asked. “Like when you and Mom send me off to Cadance’s room because you two wanted to share a bed?”

“...Uh, you’ll learn when you’re older, kid. Just don’t ask what it is. I’d tell you, but Celly would gut me if I did.”

“Okay, Dad.” I heard a large set of hooves rush past my room. My room was placed rather closely to the wedding ballroom; a way to make walking up the aisle easier. “Your hat is slightly crooked,” Button pointed out after he hopped on the ground. The wedding was about to begin.

“I know. I’m more than aware. I left it like that because Celly expects nothing less of me; a plain ol’ stallion that sometimes wears a crooked hat.” I chuckled, lifted it off my head and smiled. “Rarity even got us matching caps, since I know that Tia wore one during the Gala.” I steeled myself as I got ready to leave my room. “Alright, my body is ready, but my brain is not.” I launched a ‘Boomerang’ spell, just a light one. It bounced off the wall and into my face. It wasn’t hard enough to make me look stupid, I think. It was enough to put some sense in my brain, though.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “Now I am ready.” Snowdrop and Button looked each other in the eyes; they just watched their respective uncle and father do something stupid for the sake of being an idiot. We left my room and rounded the corner and behind Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom. They were flower fillies for both Cadance’s, and now my, weddings. Sweetie Belle stole a quick nuzzle from Button, and her tail wagged just slightly upon seeing me.

“Alright Source, don’t eat your own foot; it won’t do you any good.” I whispered to myself as soon as Fluttershy’s choir of birds started singing. The doors opened and the Crusaders started hopping forward, scattering petals onto the red carpet before me. There on the altar stood Celestia, looking extra sparkly today. Her simple, light blue dress fell right in line for something not too poppy, but still pleasant to look at. I know for a fact she had another dress that she’ll be wearing during our honeymoon, one that is designed specifically to break my monkey brain.

Snowdrop stayed at the door, as tradition as I started proudly marching forward, any and all doubts I had in my mind fell to the wayside as I made my way up the steps. All I saw was Celly, nopony else. None of the other ponies in the room mattered at this very moment. All I saw was my wife-to-be, my lovely, lovely wife. Luna said some words, I wasn’t paying attention, but when she asked Celly a question, I heard an ‘I do’. I stood, waiting as Luna read back my wedding vows, though she did add her own little joke here and there to spice things up.

“Do you take Princess Celestia, dear sister of mine, Mare or the Morn,” Luna started listing off every title for my Celly that she’s acclaimed over the years. She went for a good five minutes before something smacked her upside the head. She snickered as she watched her sister give her a rather unamused side-eye. “Bringer of Day, Princess Sun Butt to be your lovely wife. To cherish her through night and day. To comfort her for as long as you both live?”

I stared Celestia in the eyes. “I do.” I said proudly.

“You two may kiss, and your bride may present you with your flowers.” Luna said with a small smirk.

“C’mere, Sun Butt,” I said. Hopping up on my hindlegs so she didn’t have to bend her neck that much just as she laid on her stomach so I wouldn’t have to get on my hindlegs. I fell on my back while Celly started blushing. We had a good laugh, before I rolled over, sat up, and we kissed. We’ve shared many kisses before, many of them were wonderful. It’s just… hard to describe this one. Never before had we kissed for so long, or gave so much into one particular kiss. I felt a ring be placed on my horn, and knew that Celly had a ring on hers as well.

“You called me Sun Butt again,” Celly whispered as we pulled back. “Was that intentional?”

“...Do you want me to stop?”

“I want you to call me Sun Butt; it was always my favorite nickname. You stopped calling me after we started dating for a few months and I missed it.”

“You could've said something,” I whispered back.

“It shows you were trying to be respectful of me, but remember; I was happy to be your friend, and now your wife because you weren’t being careful of what you said around me.” She giggled. “But as tradition demands, your bouquet of flowers, my dear.” She presented me with two potatoes. One for each of us. The bride and groom were meant to share flowers, I guess. I was never told that. “To a life long lived, together, my dear?”

“To a long life,” I smiled and took a straight, raw bite of my potato as we stepped onto the balcony to kiss again for the crowd below.

“I hope you know that I’ve got a nice, newly designed black dress for our honeymoon.”

“I bucking knew it.”

“Of course; it would only make your brain break when we have dinner during the first week of our honeymoon.”

Spoiler alert, she got what she wanted pretty quickly when she put that dress on during dinner the following day. God damn, Celly sure does look good in black.

The Crystal Empire

“...Huh.” I said, sitting on my butt, across from Celly. We just got back from our honeymoon, yes, we had loads and loads of sex. We were actually going to go and see if Celly was pregnant given just how much we were having, but then she had a sudden urge. Well, it was more like a feeling. I remember, once upon a time, that I read up on something called the Crystal Empire, a mighty protectorate of Equestria until its ruler got blasted to shit by something called an Umbrum Unicorn. Basically, he’s a spooky, scary ghost thing that can take the form of a unicorn. In fact, I think he may literally be a shitload of dark magic that took form, a name, and a personality.

Okay, that’s not entirely true, King Sombra is a unicorn. Since I’ve been trying to work dark magic into my version of Python, I knew who King Sombra was; I’ve read his biography, written by Radiant Hope. Some colt that was found in the wasteland surrounding where the Crystal empire should be. Things were going dandy, apparently, Sombra was bullied, but he made friends with a filly. Said filly named… Radiant Hope. may or may not have had a crush on Sombra. One day, Sombra grew up and realized he was actually the spawn of Satan, and blew up Princess Amore… Which brings me to a few theories since this all lines up way too well.

I’ve learnt that Cadance is actually an orphan, somepony found her as an orphan outside of… somewhere. Cadance’s full name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. I could be bullshitting this, but Princess Amore was apparently a really nice pony, and y’know, lived in an Empire entirely survived where it was, because of a thing called the Crystal Heart, something fueled on love. Cadance is literally love incarnate. It is damn near impossible for Cadance to outright hate anything, since despite literally having every reason to, she still likes changelings. She still doesn’t outright hate Chrysalis.

Speaking of Chrysalis, I think Cadance and Chrysalis are related. Not in the sense that they’re siblings, but I think they may be the largest fragments of Princess Amore. Amore is long dead, but perhaps, just a few fragments of her grew in power for one reason or another, and spawned two beings. One being that was love incarnate, the other was empty of love and constantly needed feeding on love. Chrysalis is capable of emotions such as love, mind you, but she needs other beings’ love to survive. I’m saying this because the first Changeling Sighting happened shortly after the Crystal Empire disappeared.

Chrysalis may be a lot older than Cadance is, by damn near a thousand years, but it’s not by much.

I may just be overthinking this, since I spent one night during the honeymoon thinking of all of this while reading up on the history of the Crystal Empire, Sombra’s Biography, and from what Cadance has told me of her own childhood. Either way, I don’t care, since apparently the Empire’s back now, and Sombra is just as much of a douche as he was before the empire vanished.

“So…” I waved a hoof. “This was expected, basically, a thousand years ago?” I asked.

“...Yes. Shining Armor and Cadance may have gone out to investigate it on their own; thanks to your little theory, you’ve made Cadance very, very interested in the Empire.”

“...That’s probably not a good thing, is it?”

“Sombra gave me and Luna a little trouble. Out of the two, Shining Armor is the better mage, and Cadance is not too far behind him even if her combat magic is rather lacking. They’ve been sending Luna letters detailing just how strong Sombra is, and that Cadance is at least capable of holding him off with her own shield… The problem is that she’s been doing this for a week straight. Shining Armor could easily ‘tap in’ for his wife, but that can easily risk Sombra getting in. Given who Sombra is, They don’t want that to happen.”

“...How did Cadance even find out about my little theory?” I asked.

“She read your diary once when you and I were out of our bed chambers.”

“So…”

“I was going to use the Crystal Empire as a test for you and Twilight,” Celestia whispered into my ear. “But I don’t know if I am willing to send you into live combat against somepony like Sombra. I’ve a few theories as to why… You did what you did-”

“Let’s not go there,” I said. “Therapist said to not even mention or think about it.”

“Either way… I know for a fact that Twilight can easily handle Sombra; I just want to test her leadership skills. You… I am not sure if you can handle that much dark magic-”

“I’m going,” I said firmly. “Don’t care if you say no, since Cadance and Shining are up there, and that fucker is probably gonna kill them. If I can buy some time, or possibly even fight Sombra to the death, then I’m doing it, Celly. I will also get to fully field test this dark magic loop I’ve been developing on something other than myself.” Celestia sighed. But she was smiling; she nuzzled me.

“You, my wonderful stallion, are braver than you are stupid. Perhaps I can test your leadership skills as well?”

“...Uh, sure. If anything, this’ll be more of a test of how much I’ve improved with magic. The only problem with that is if I fuck up, I’m gonna die.” I shrugged. “Twilight will be here soon?”

“She will.”

Luna stepped into the throne room. “Sister,” she said. Mmm, I do not like seeing a serious Luna. “Why are you not sending me as well to the Crystal Empire?” She asked.

“Shining Armor and Cadance are already there, Luna.” She tapped me on the shoulder. “Source and Twilight alone should be enough, especially with Twilight’s Ponyville friends.” She nodded. “We both will only be a DragonFire away if they are not able. We should be there in minutes should the need arise.”

“...But what if Source-”

The doors opened and Twilight came in, expecting a huge test. A regular test taken with a pen and paper. Celestia debriefed Twilight on how the Crystal Empire stays afloat and gave a very, very, very brief explanation of dark magic. Despite Twilight being Celestia’s best student, I know why Celly hasn’t taught anypony how to use dark magic. Most ponies can get corrupted on it easily, and somepony just as strong as Twilight getting corrupted could lead to disaster. Twilight, because Twilight, began to Twilight all over the place.

“What if I can’t do it?” Twilight asked.

“You will.” Celestia-

“-But-”

“Twilight,” I smiled. “C’mon, you and I will be tackling this test together. It’s for both of us, after all. I’ve been studying dark magic for a lot longer than you have, and you’re more of a ponies pony than I am. And usually smarter than I am. C’mon, we’ll both get an A+ with ease with us being study buddies for the test.” Twilight looked me up and down, before nodding. A genuine, excited smile was set on her face until we left the hallway that Twilight was told to meet the princesses at.

“Oh, we are so screwed.” Twilight’s head immediately started hanging.

“What?” I tilted my head. “We aren’t gonna fail.”

“Source, no offense, you’re amazing with magic, but I don’t think you’re the type of pony to take a test seriously.”

“I do. I don’t, however, worry about failing or not. You either do, or you don’t. If there is no do, then you cannot fail, but then you can’t succeed. That's Yodaism, or something. No. Try not. Do… or don’t. There is no try. That’s something I live by. If you set your mind on failure, Twi, we’re gonna fail. It’s why I’ve managed to develop my own spell system, it’s why I managed to become best friends with the leader of the strongest nation on the planet. It’s why I am married to Celestia. It’s why I’m going to bring my family to Equestria even if it kills me. I will trip and fall on my face every now and then, but if I never made any moves, and just lived as a hermit like i was planning, I wouldn’t be where I am, Twilight.”

“That quote didn’t make sense, grammatically, Source.”

“It doesn’t have to. Only do, there is no try. Only do. Would you have beaten Nightmare Moon by trying? Or did you do?”

“I did beat Nightmare Moon-”

“But did you only try? Or did you believe that you could?”

“I… did.”

“We’re both capable mages, Twi. You’ve got the booksmarts while I’m mostly self-taught with some minor guidance from Celly. We’re both students of Princess Celestia! C’mon, there’s no way we’d fail, right?” I asked. In truth, Celly didn't think we would, but she had a contingency plan if we did.

“No. We’ll do this!”

We were joined by Spike while we were talking, and he nudged me with an elbow. “How’d you do that?” Spike asked.

“Do what?” I asked.

“Keep Twilight from Twilighting? She, apparently, just got a test that neither of you are prepared for, and then you just… encourage her?”

“I dunno. Maybe I’ve spent too much time around Celly.”

“...I think you may just be good at bringing the best out of ponies.”

“Don’t even. Just don’t even, Spike. Let’s just say I drugged Twilight and replaced her with a changeling, alright?”

When we got to the trainstation, we were greeted by Twilight’s friends having a glare-off with Chrysalis.

“Ah, Source Code, a pony with a brain.” Chrysalis smiled and started walking towards me with a sway in her hips. Like way more.

“What’s going on?”

“I’ve heard of why Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor have been sent to the Crystal Empire, and I would like to lend aid. There are few that can rival Princess Celestia and Princess Luna in terms of magic, and I’ve still got some residual love left over; right now I am one of the few creatures alive that can possibly handle fighting King Sombra.” The look in her eyes said something else other than wanting to help. The problem was there was no pride, or deceit in said eyes.

“What’s the catch?” I asked. “Since I’m High Prince, even by title alone, I am technically the only pony here with any authority. I will tell you to sit if you’re just gonna try and kill one of us when our backs are turned; I’m only hearing you out because I can tell you won’t.”

“Sombra used to be a lover of mine. I want to kill him. At a minimum, allow me to watch his demise.” Chrysalis snarled. “He came to my Hive one day and promised to help my changelings and wiped out half of them the next day when I was sleeping. Had we not fled to the Badlands, my kingdom would’ve been wiped out.”

“Ah. Revenge.” I hummed. “Well, I will admit, you are a valuable asset in this. You may come along. Just don’t expect to stay in the Crystal Empire since Shining doesn’t like you that much. Cadance may not hate you, and somewhat understands why you did what you did, she does have to appease her husband every now and then. Given that you mindfucked Shiny, he doesn’t exactly like you.”

“I understand; I just want to watch Sombra squirm like the worm that he is, under your hooves.” I raised an eyebrow. “I’ve experienced just how dangerous you are at first hoof. You could easily deck Sombra if you gave into your emotions more often, or weren’t seemingly depressed and traumatized.” Meh, whatever. “Well, you all heard your prince; I can come along,” Chrysalis said smugly. “So allow me to come along.”

“Fine.” Everypony grumbled.

When we got on the train, the first thing I did was sit in my own little corner of the traincar. While I did enjoy spending time with the girls, I also wanted to simply enjoy myself. I knew I was walking into a lion’s den full of angry pussies, so I wanted some peace and quiet. I was pondering on if I’d be any help against Sombra. I can throw spells at things, and I can sometimes be intelligent, but there really is not much that I can do, is there? I took a nice, long, deep breath and laid my head down on the seat that I chose in the back.

Pony seats were typically designed for a pony to comfortably lay down on, so I was still comfy. You know, Celly said meditation is pretty handy and she taught me how to do it once. I could meditate; I can sleep and I can- why the buck is Chrysalis standing over me? I let out a long, withering sigh, and by the time all the air left my lungs, I was met with the sad reality that emptying my lungs of air just makes them put more air in themselves. Basically, I didn’t die when I wanted to.

Chrysalis slowly started easing herself into my seat, and before long, I was resting on her cold, hard carapace rather than the nice, warm seat. In all seriousness, her carapace was surprisingly soft and squishy, and pleasantly cool to the touch. She purred for a moment and she laid her head on top of mine.

“You’re feeling unsure. It’s delectable; seeing another creature suffer.”

“You wanna walk to the Crystal Empire? I can’t imagine the cold would be too forgiving of a half arthropod-half-equine creature such as yourself. In fact, I can imagine that it may just kill you.”

“I said it was delectable. Not that I am somewhat concerned. You are, apparently, one of the most skilled mages of the era through creativity alone, yet you’re worried about a test?”

“No. I’m worried about dying. I just got married; my life’s just begun and I think I’m gonna die.”

“But that Light Shield spell you have-”

“Got overwhelmed by Fleur De Lis.”

“Hmm.” She hummed. “Perhaps if I do this?” She started nibbling on my ears. It felt nice, but Celly did it better because she didn’t have sharp fangs in her god given dental plan.

“Why are you trying to be nice?” I asked. “Trying to get in under my tail?”

“You’re turning me down? The fairest changeling in the land?”

“No. I’m just asking.” Chrysalis started looking excited at that. “And also I’m turning you down. We could be friends, but not mates. Celly took that spot and I don’t form herds.” I continued laying there, in Chrysalis’s grasp, because the comfort is nice, and Chrysalis was, admittedly, a good cuddle buddy.

“You…” Chrysalis snarled. “Of course Sun Butt gets the stallion that had me shaking at his hooves.”

“What?” I think Chryssy is a masochist. “The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. WIth. You?” I asked.

“Simple, you are a rather attractive stallion, and I like one with a bit of fire in their belly.” She smirked. “You clearly have a bit of fire. Perhaps you’d be willing to allow me to experience ‘crazy’, hmm?” She asked.

“Chrysalis, if you do not stop trying to get under my tail, I will drown you.”

After that, Chrysalis did settle down, but I could feel her chest and belly compress and expand as she silently chuckled to herself. She was lucky it was somewhat adorable and that I was a sucker for somewhat adorable mares… Even the crazy ones that tried taking over my home. Thank god for Celly, or Chryssy would get her ass beaten again; Celly told me to behave myself around her since she is technically an ally of Equestria now. And a government official.

The rest of the train ride was pretty uneventful. Twilight was starting to stress over the test again, I took a nap or six, since it was a six day train ride. Luckily, we were given a cabin, so we didn’t have to sleep on the train seats, even if they were pretty comfy. Occasionally Pinkie would come over and check on me, Twilight would also come over to ‘study up’ on the Crystal Empire.

“So you read about the Crystal Empire? How did you hear of it before I did?” She asked.

“I read a book here and there.” I grumbled; she came and interrupted me mid-nap. As much as I was trying not to enjoy Chrysalis’s company, her silent company was somewhat enjoyable. She was also an excellent cuddlebuddy, so there was that. I was trying to sleep while using her forelegs as a pillow.

“So-” I didn't nap for a solid three hours because of Twilight.

Some undetermined amount of time later, I woke up to Chrysalis actually snoring like a kitten. Okay, admittedly, that is cute. Chrysalis can make cute noises; she’s got a cute laugh and a cute snore, apparently. She started stirring since she was laying her head on top of mine. I squeezed out of her grip, and she sighed.

“I was having a good nap too.”

“You are way too touchy with me,” I pointed out.

“You do the same with Luna! I did my research! You let Luna rest her head on top of yours all the time! You don’t mind!”

“That’s because Luna’s basically my sister at this point.” I shrugged. “You’re lucky that you’re being likable right now.” It would also help if Chrysalis wasn’t blatantly trying to get me to sleep with her. Also, Luna blatantly tells me she doesn’t find me attractive; she just sees me as a sibling and seeing said sibling as attractive would be really strange even for our weird ass relationship. She can admit when I apparently look handsome, though.

Chrysalis immediately turned into Luna, like she was reading my mind. “Am I pretty enough for you now?”

“No.” Luna was a pretty mare, almost sexy even, but she is also my surrogate sister. Also, she’s Tale’s mare. I can’t do my man like that. Also, seeing said surrogate sister in such a way would be weird.

“I can sense some excitement when you see this form,” Chrysalis said in Luna’s voice.

“That’s because Luna’s fun to hangout with. There’s a reason why I stay up late on the weekends to go bother her and spend some time with her… Assuming Tale’s not there. I walked in on them… uh.” I hummed. “Let’s say I was not excited to see it.” Chrysalis started smirking. “Like it was gross. There was juices everywhere, it was disgusting…” I looked Chrysalis in the eyes. “They were playing Ponopoly with Celly and they spilled some apple juice on the board.”

“...You made it sound like they were having sex.”

“No. Saturday Nights are Royal Couple Game-nights.” Button’s there too, but it’s more or less because we’ve still not found a nanny for him, and frankly, I’d rather not get a nanny or babysitter, or foalsitter, or whatever the fuck ponies call babysitters. All I know is that I’d rather be apart of my kid’s life than not be a part of it.

The next time I woke up from the nap, I realized we were somewhere snowy. Actually, we had just stopped at the Crystal Empire, apparently since Twilight was squealing about how ‘we’re here now!’ Or whatever. I saw it snowing like fucking crazy and it felt cold, so I casted a warming spell.

“Hah! And you made fun of me for bringing too many scarves!” Rarity said. Before Spike could even grab the scarves, I DragonFired everything to Cadance’s location, since she was apparently already in the Empire. “What the!? Source!”

“Rarity, there’s an evil fucking unicorn king that gave Celly and Lulu trouble in the past. If anyone can give those two some trouble, I don’t want Spike carrying your shit. He needs to be able to run like fuck if that evil unicorn is back.” I patted Spike on the head. I even hit him with a warming spell. “Your scarves should be where Cadance is at; safe and sound. If not, whatever. You only needed one scarf to begin with.” I stepped off the train.

“But…”

“Rarity, this place is a fucking death trap until we take care of Sombra. I don’t give two damns if everything is sparkly. Take this shit seriously, please.” Which makes me also scared because Twilight is only treating this like a test… on pen and paper. “ Luckily, everypony that wasn’t Twilight started realizing how important this was, and Spike did too. I tapped Spike on the shoulder. “Hey man, get on Twi’s back; I’ve a feeling we gotta run soon.” Now is a good time to mention that I can feel a hefty amount of Dark Magic approaching us. I wasn’t saying anything because controlling a bunch of panicking, young adult mares was not going to be fun.

Unfortunately, Spike didn't take heed to my warning and kept on walking.

The form of Shining Armor started breaking its way through the blizzard. As it turns out, Sombra is fucking back, for sure. “Look man,” I growled. “This is going to suck.” I shivered. “Run.”

“Why?” Shining asked.

“I can use dark magic, and am somewhat proficient in it; it’s actually something I’ve begun picking apart to try and use it in my own magical system,” I lit my horn. “And since I’m running a diagnostic spell, constantly, I can pick up many magical presences-no, why am I explaining this? Long story short, Sombra’s on his way, start running. Don’t look back.” Just as I said that, a pillar of dark magic slammed into the ground. I immediately chucked Spike on one of the girl’s backs, since he decided to walk despite my earlier warnings. I stared for a moment as I watched a pair of eyes, just leaking out dark magic into the wind, from the black clouds. I pretended to run with the group until Shining Armor turned around to fight. Chrysalis did the same, igniting her horn, but I tossed her into the Crystal Empire since she was currently easier to toss around than Shiny was.

“Source, keep running! I can hold him off-”

“Shiny, turn your stupid ass around and go protect your sister and your wife. Only one of us has any idea of how to use dark magic, and I’ve got something that might counter it. Run.” When Shining didn’t move, I used my magic to toss him through the barrier that led to the Crystal Empire, I could assume. After I watched him skid to a stop, I realized the barrier was transparent. Kinda. The girls and Shining watched in horror as Sombra shot… some spell at me. I immediately brought up a shield and parried the spell into the ground.

I then grounded that dark magic into nothing, with the super conductive loop, or the fancy spancy ‘take dark magic and use it as your own’ thing I’ve developed. I threw that into the ground, however.

“Interesting.” Somrba stopped before me as the cloud of magic started to dissipate into… something with more of a unicorn’s form. He was… actually kinda neat looking. He’s got a really, really cool gray coat, and a jet black mane. He was wearing what looked like gray, sad armor that only an evil king would wanna wear. Given who he is, it makes sense. He came to a stop before me as he started looking me over.

“I did not know there was a fourth alicorn, let alone a stallion alicorn.” He sniffed the air. “And you reek so much of that damned Princess of the Sun.” He started circling around me from a safe distance like a wolf. “You are oozing with potential to be a powerful dark magic user. You use elements of dark magic without even realizing it. I can sense the anger you used to power that shield, the raw hatred you have for me. Yet you hold on to loving a mare who will truly never love you back.

“You hold onto loving a group of mares that left you for dead, several times during your first escapade with them. They left you now too, and all they’re doing is watching… Tell me, why are you fighting for ponies that do not love you in return? Why love them when you can hate them instead?”

“Well,” I said as my horn lit. “You cannot hate without love. You cannot love without hate. Hate and Love are two sides of the same coin. I hate Celly sometimes, but I love her just as much. I’m not fighting because I hate you, no, I could care less about you right now. I’m fighting you because you’re threatening Cadance, my niece, and my friends. You also threaten all of Equestria should you come back to power.”

“But your hatred is so… dense. So strong. So delectable.”

“Oh yeah…” I smirked. “I don’t hate you. The hate you’re feeling is for me, and me alone. I hate this fucking body. I hate not being skilled enough at magic to bring myself home, and I hate that I’ve bonded so much with everypony that I don’t want to go home. I hate that all I am just some sad chump that Celly felt bad for. That I’m the kinda stallion that my son is looking up to. I can barely hold my head up most of the time. My son is looking to a pathetic whelp of a stallion as a role model." I smiled. “I may believe I’m less than the sum of my parts, yet Celly still loves me all the same. Button loves me all the same. I’m loved.

“I fight for the ponies that took the time to get to know the broken mess that I am. And I will kill you if you keep trying to hurt the ponies that love me.” I shot a spell at Sombra, knowing it would do nothing. “Even if I cannot do it through raw strength alone, I will find a way to get you killed. I will assist those seeking to destroy you if it means I can go home and snuggle up with my family at the end of the day.” I blasted another spell, that actually connected and sent Sombra flying. “Eat shit.” I DragonFired into the Empire where the girls were standing, leaving the slightly dazed, and very pissed off Sombra behind.

When I reached the other side of the wall, I was greeted by six very happy mares, Shining Armor, and Spike. I was basically pulled into a big hug.

“SOURCE!” Twilight shouted. “WHAT THE BUCK WERE YOU THINKING!?”

“Simple,” I said. “He was gonna catch up, and Shining was gonna get fucked up if he fought. Chrysalis would probably get killed immediately by how much dark magic that guy has. So I did something called buying time.”

“Source,” Twilight growled. “That was the most magic I’ve felt in a long time. And it felt wrong. It felt… Wrong.”

“That’s because you’re a normal unicorn,” I tapped my own chest. “I’m not. Ignoring my wings, my brain does not operate like a pony.” I grinned. “The spell I hit Sombra with was a spell I’ve been making for a while. He’s gonna feel like he’s drunk and hungover for a good week straight. Assuming the spell worked right. If not, it might only do it for a few days; that’s some valuable time I just got us.”

Shining raised an eyebrow. We looked outside to see the unicorn form of Sombra stumble and trip and fall on his back like a drunk pegasus. “Source.”

“What?” I asked. “It’s working, right?” I pointed at the slight bit of gold around Sombra’s horn too. “Also slipped a magic prohibiting ring on him, so that’s cool.”

“Source,” Shiny grinned. “You bucking insane, mentally ill, somehow intelligent stallion!” He hugged me. “C’mon, that’ll be plenty of time for us to…” He stopped at my sudden freeze up.

“That’s an illusion, guys.” I sighed. “Fuck me.” We all stared up as the… Oh. The cloud of smoke still had a ring on his horn. Sombra was going cross eyed, staring at it, and was growling. “Oh thank god that stupid plan worked.” I clapped my hooves. “Okay. So that ‘drunken’ unicorn spell was a distraction… That was so I could slip that ring on him.” I hummed. “Does that mean I’m married to Sombra now?” I asked as we started walking towards the crystal empire.

“What?” Shining asked.

“Is that lust I’m smelling?” Chrysalis asked.

“What? If Sombra wasn’t a cunt, he’d be pretty great if I were gay.” I chuckled. “Ah, no. I think Celly would actually kill me if I teamed up with Sombra. Tis a shame he can’t use my past and my memories as a weapon, or I would be dead. I can probably guess how he fights, since he’s a psycho.”

Twilight was glaring at me. “What do you mean you picked it up immediately?”

“Before our little spat, he was trying to break me down with some mental warfare. He probably also uses illusions to try and make an opponent weaker before the fight even begins.”

“And you gathered this because?”

“He didn’t engage me immediately, he shot two probing shots, and started talking. He tried pulling what my depression already does. He also just started going through why I should hate you, and was probably gonna turn me on y’all because he could ‘sense that hatred’ in me or whatever.” We made it to the castle while we were talking. “Too bad he sucks at messing with my brain. I hate myself more than I hate anything else, so he wasn’t doing anything. He tried saying Celly doesn’t love me, which is funny.”

“...Why is that?” Shining asked. “You two are married and everything.”

“I second guess if Celly actually loves me or not whenever I have a moment of feeling like trash, so I lay on the ground, on my back, and stare at the ceiling… Then Celly comes in, joins me, and I remember that the two of us are eating shit together, so life’s not as shit.” I chuckled. “Ah, I have problems. A lot of problems. I’m shocked that I haven’t gotten mentally raped by Sombra because of them.”

When we got up to the throne room, I immediately ran ahead to Cadance; she looked awful.

“Lass, have you been eating?” I asked as I skidded to a stop beside her. No, I don’t know how I skidded up some stairs, but I did.

“No… I haven’t been sleeping either.” I casted a rejuvenation spell, which would only do so much, but she did look a little better. “Thanks,” I laid down beside her, and Cadance started using my shoulder as a pillow.

“Cadance, you need to eat food. You can do magic just fine without sleep; I’ve tested it. However, magic does burn through calories, or rather, you need to upkeep your calorie intake in order to keep doing magic. I’m going to go make you a nice, big bowl of mac and cheese, along with some bread and a nice, tall cup of milk. I want you to eat it all, and I will be helping your magic remain steady until then, alright?”

That got the Alicorn of Love to smile at least. “Yes Uncle Source,” Cadance rolled her eyes.

I patted her on the back with my wing. “I’m sure you’ll be glad to see Twilight while I’m gone, right?” I got up to leave. By the time I left the door, I decided on letting Twi do a majority of the work. Celly may not have outright said it, but this test was mostly for Twilight rather than I. If things start getting messy… with how Cadance is looking, Sombra will be nothing more than a smear on the ground to clean up. I’ve got full trust in Twi. Meanwhile, I’m just gonna take care of Cadance and force her to eat and take care of herself.

I walked in the kitchens and noted a severe lack of any actual food, but there was bread. There were things to make sandwiches with, and there was cheese.

So I made a bunch of grilled cheeses for Cadance, and had DragonFired a bag of coffee beans for me to brew up a cup of joe for my niece.

And a brush. I’m gonna brush Cadance out.

Cadance likes brushing. She actually fell asleep after eating the food I made her, but I found a way to keep her horn lit, by using some ‘shareable’ magic or whatever, I can channel her love and light magic through my horn, and stay awake. It wasn’t a permanent solution, but we weren’t in immediate danger anymore. Shining was standing over us, smiling faintly. If it weren’t for the fact that if I fucked up the magic sharing spell for even a second, we’re fucked, and he would talk to me. Talking to me would break my concentration.

Luckily, I am capable of multitasking, so I had been holding a brush with my magic, and brushing her out with it, while running the magic sharing spell. Twilight stopped by told us her plans of checking out the library for ideas on how to lift crystal pony morale as soon as Cadance woke up…

“Fuck.” I grumbled, interrupting Twilight’s idea for a Crystal Fair. Despite my best efforts, Cadance really wasn’t looking that good. With how long Cadance has been awake, just a couple hours did help, but it didn’t do much. I took a long, deep breath. It didn’t help that while sharing magic does alleviate Cadance of having to use magic all the time, it doesn’t exactly help her recover magic. “Twi, whatever the buck you’re doing, or plan on doing, go do it.” I lit my horn. “I’m going to go kick the shit out of Sombra to buy you more time.”

“What?” Twilight asked.

“Knowing how dark magic works, or how powerful Sombra is, that ring I stuck on him ain’t gonna last forever. In fact, he probably broke it already.”

“But you could help us with this Crystal Parade!” Twilight pointed out. “C’mon! This test is for both of us!”

“I know.” I turned to Cadance and Shiny. “I dunno how-”

“Just go do it, Source,” Shining smiled. “It’ll be fun at least.”

“...Alright.”

Why the fuck. Not even a question. Just why the fuck? A solid day’s past, a single day to get a Crystal Parade going. I think Twilight ran off to go find where the actual Crystal Heart was, and I was jousting with Rainbow. Why? Because aside from AJ, who was making sure none of the Crystal Empire ponies laid eyes on the fake one Twilight made, I was the only one of the current group who was physically able. And… Pony racism, woo! Also Chrysalis fucked off to somewhere, nopony cared where. I didn’t care.

Yeah, Crystal Ponies are a thousand years out of date. This meant, since I was hiding my wings, it was decided that Rainbow would kick my ass, since I was just a ‘lowly’ unicorn. Granted, that was fair. Physically, pound for pound, unicorns are weaker than earth ponies, and Rainbow was, while on the lean side, basically at the peak of physical condition for pegasi.

“So…” I said, slapping the helmet on my head. Since I was tiny, for a stallion, I had to wear pegasus armor made for a mare. “You just wanna show off, don’t you?” I asked.

“Pfft,” Rainbow scoffed. “Only a little. Plus you never took part in that Iron Pony competition; I’ve been hoping to see just how athletic you are.”

As soon as we got to our ends of the field, the sky turned black for a second. Since ponies don’t look up, nopony but Pinkie, Dash, and I noticed. Pinkie was the only one that took any urgency in what was going on, as she immediately sounded the horn and… We both started running at each other. I, however, froze up at the last second, imagining what an evil Rainbow Dash would look like, took a lance in the face, and went flying.

I teleported to the ground before I started falling, and ducked behind a rock before Rainbow could get over to me. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I started breathing heavily as my body tensed up. I held my hooves to my head as I toppled over to the side, staring into nothing as all I could do was listen to my heart pounding within my chest. While I laid there, something, I don’t know what, crawled up onto my side and started running a hoof through my mane. I laid there for a good minute, just breathing as the soothing feeling of somepony petting me with their hoof slowly brought my heartbeat out of my head.

That’s when I noticed that Pinkie was cuddling up to me, rubbing my mane. “Are you alright, Cody?” Pinkie whispered. I didn’t say a word, I just leaned into her hoof and her embrace when Rainbow apparently found us again.

“Source, what the heck was that for? You froze up completely-”

“Dashie,” Pinkie said warningly. “Don’t.”

“But Pinkie, he’s supposed to be helping-”

“Dashie,” Pinkie said calmly. “Fuck off.” That has to be the darkest tone I’ve heard Pinkie speak in my life. “Remember how Source got lost in the portal world?”

“Yeah… why?”

“Something about jousting made him freeze up, and made him hide. When I found him, he was breathing heavily, and laying on his side like he was dying. No more making Source joust; I do not care about how much you want to show off, or if ‘the fate of Equestria’ is dependent on you putting on a good show. Go get Fluttershy, and if she’s unwilling, I’ll joust with you. Just don’t make Source do it again, alright?”

“But…”

“Dashie, do not argue. If there is something I Pinkie Promised to myself, it’s that I was going to do whatever I can to help Source with his past and his memories." I stopped paying attention after that, since whatever Pinkie did, it made Rainbow go away, while I could sit and brew on my own thoughts. I silently started to thank Pinkie by grooming her, though… How could I freeze up like that? Why did I…

“Cody,” Pinkie nuzzled me. “Stop thinking whatever thoughts you are thinking. I can tell they aren’t good ones. Simply sit back and relax; nopony will blame you for taking a moment to catch yourself when your mind clearly isn’t in the right place at the moment. As you said yourself; ‘stop and smell the roses.’” Pinkie planted a kiss on my forehead. “Enjoy yourself, Source. I’m going to go kick Rainbow’s butt.” Five minutes later, she came back with Rainbow, who had a nice, large bruise on her flank. “Now what do you have to say, Dashie?”

“Sorry,” she grumbled.

“For?” Pinkie asked.

“For trying to make you do something you didn’t want to do.”

“Good! Now you go have fun with your lances! Oh look! Twilight just DragonFired to the top of the Crystal Castle!” We all watched as a large ball of fire was, in fact, making its way up the tower. SInce it was Twilight and she had magic to spare… A smaller ball was following her. Did she DragonFire Spike to her own magical signature and start going? Damn. I wish I thought of that. We watched as they ascended. The sky started flashing again, so I stood up. “No, Cody, you are not going to ruin a cannon even by trying to help out! You already tried and it didn’t work, and you had your chance earlier to completely stomp out Sombra, but you didn’t. Let Twilight take all the glory for passing this test, alright?”

“Cannon event?” I asked.

…

Spike just fell off the castle, and so did a pink, heart shaped object. As the two of us fell at a rate that did not make me happy. I pushed myself up, despite Pinkie’s protest, and turned around to see Sombra rising through the air on dark crystals. Since I didn’t want to be one of those protagonist that show up during canon events in to do fuck al besides saying a thing or two or getting hurt… whatever that meant, I DragonFired into Sombra and started promptly being his ass as… SHINY THREW HIS FUCKING WIFE TO CATCH SPIKE! Okay, I am going to laugh at that later. Right now I was driving my fist into Sombra’s face.

“EAT SHIT!” Cadance flew past me, and did some sorta speech thing. The next thing I knew, the street I was smashing Sombra’s face into started glowing. A flash of light blasted through as Sombra’s form started to deteriorate and exploded into nothing. While I was at it, since I could tell he wasn’t dead, I grabbed his horn, stuck it in a magical box, and teleported it into the bottom of the ocean. The box was specifically designed to be damn near impossible to open; an artifact that I may or may not have stolen from Celestia. By the way, I only grabbed Sombra’s horn since that seemed to be where his essence went the moment he exploded.

So now whatever was left of Sombra was shoved in a box, at the bottom of the ocean… Actually, when in doubt, ship it to outerspace.

I slowly looked down at my form after launching the box into space. “Why am I glowing?” I asked.

So everypony in the Crystal Empire got to live happily ever after, Twilight embarrassed Shiny again by saving his ass again. While we were heading back home, Chrysalis buzzed next to us. She landed beside me and started walking like nothing was wrong.

“Where the hell were you?”

“Oh, nowhere,” she waved a hoof. “...I locked myself in the bathroom and couldn’t figure out how to get out.” Chrysalis grumbled. “Don’t you bucking dare make fun of me.”

“How the hell, do you, the same bitch that impersonated me and Cadance for a month or two, get locked inside of a bathroom stall?” I asked. “How?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? I was not thinking straight-”

“Wait,” Shiny pointed out. “Thorax and Pharynx said that changelings don’t even need to use the restroom. Why were you in the restrooms to begin with?”

“Studly, shut up, before I teach your wife the pleasures of plowing your fields instead of you plowing hers.” Chrysalis growled.

“...What does that mean?” Shining asked.

I simply chuckled. “Don’t ask, Shiny, don’t ask. Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”

So anyways, Twilight Twilighted and Twilighted until we got to Canterlot because she thought I was gonna get divorced, and we were both gonna be ‘expelled from Celestia’s teachings’ or whatever. I, while Twilight was stressing out over the test while Celly had her fun with teasing Twilight, was holding Button in my hooves, since I demanded my Colt Snuggles, and he demanded that I hold him like this for some reason, something about seeing Big Mac hold Apple Bloom like this or whatever.

“You both passed, Twilight. Why were you so worried? The Crystal Empire is protected, right?”

“And Sombra is still alive,” I pointed out.

“WHAT!?” Everypony that wasn’t Button shouted.

“Yeah. It turns out that he had a contingency plan for if we succeeded. When defeated, or his physical form is destroyed, his soul or whatever gets stuck in his horn. So I stuck the horn in a box, a box I totally didn't steal from Celly because she didn’t forget about it.” I set Button down for a moment. “And because I am an Alicorn With Unlimited Wisdom!” I said as I stood on my haunches and lightning struck for me. Thank you Dashie for setting that up for me… after Pinkie threatened her. “I threw the box into outer space, with some trajectory, towards the Sun. In about a week, Sombra will be dead. I’m making sure big threats like him stop being threats.” I picked Button up to resume snuggles.

“...Source, how did you know Sombra’s still alive?” Celestia asked.

“I think my cutie mark helps me constantly run a diagnostic spell, a very, very detailed one. Essentially, it checks for everything. The spell said that Sombra was still alive, so I found a way to make sure he died.”

“UNCLE SOURCE!” Snowdrop barreled into me. “Come now, I am borrowing you. Button may come along as well. I have a fancy party to go to, and I do not want anypony hitting on me.”

“...What?” I asked as I was dragged away from my Celly. Button, not giving a shit because he’s a foal so nothing will come to him unless I’m dead, hopped and skipped after us.

“Wait up, Snowdrop! My legs are way shorter than yours!”

Twilight went out and her friends sang a musical number for her.

Author's Note

yes, I may, or may not have thrown shade at a few human-turned-pony stories where the protagonist shows up, and is in a lot of episodes of the show... apparently. then said episodes play out all the same, but the protagonist was there, don't worry.

The Party Snowdrop Dragged Me and Button To.

“Why are we going to a party?” I asked.

“Because some nobles saw me, and thought they could introduce their sons to me; they want a piece of ‘royal cake’ as you will. They know that I am ‘adopted’ by Luna, so I am technically royalty. I am also, according to them and many other stallions, that I am highly attractive. In other words, it’s a win-win for the nobles… Their son gets a ‘cute mare’ to date, and sleep with, and the nobles themselves gets to become royalty; a fancy new title woo.” Snowdrop did not sound enthusiastic about that. “So I’m making you come with me for two reasons.” She said as she dug through her wardrobe and pulled out a simple, white dress. It had black accents in it, on the shoulders, and where the skirt was. In other words, it was designed to show off her body, but be rather simple and pleasing to the eyes.

“One of those reasons is that I’d like somepony that I can tolerate at the party.”

“Tolerate? I thought you loved me,” I said, pretending to sound hurt.

“Source, you’re technically my uncle through adoption.” She planted a kiss on my cheek. “Of course I love you!” She started looking sad. “You know that, right?” She tilted her head. Again, this kid’s adorable… an adorable kid that’s a thousand years older than me.

“I do, Snowdrop. I’m just pulling your leg.” Now was a good time to mention that Snowdrop takes her relationships with everypony very seriously. As in they better know just how much this wonderful little lady appreciates and loves them, or she will not be happy. She will then do everything in her power to make sure said pony that she loves knows she loves them. I hugged Snowdrop just after she put her dress on. Snowdrop, being the cinnamon roll that she is, hugged my neck and nuzzled me.

“Good,” she has no right looking as adorable as she does when she’s excited. “The other reason is so you can punch anypony that decides it’s a good idea to hit on me, including the nobles’ sons. You’re quite fit, and quite the talented mage, and everypony knows you’ll be attending. They want to meet the new High Prince, after all.”

“...So essentially I’m going as your ‘dad’, but I’m actually your uncle?” I asked. Button and I were wearing our matching, daily attire, well mine. I was wearing my trench coat and white undershirt and Irish cap and Button was doing the same.

“Essentially, is that a problem?” She asked.

“Nah. If anypony’s creepin on ya, I’ll teach them a thing or two.” I patted Snowdrop on the head, which was kinda hard since she was still taller than I was. “When the fuck will that Alicorn-iness kick in and make me grow? I’m as tall as Fluttershy, which is really short for a unicorn stallion like me!” I groaned.

“Don’t worry Dad,” Button hugged the back of my head after jumping on my back. “When I’m bigger, I’m going to be able to carry you around like a baby! It’ll be so great!”

“...I swear to god if you end up being taller than me, Button, I will tickle you in public until you pee.”

Button’s ears shot up. “Uh… I’ll tickle you back until you pee at the Gala?”

You know that would be embarrassing and pretty funny… “Bet.”

Snowdrop rolled her eyes. “Of course you’d want to be known as ‘Princess Celestia's handsome, regal husband… The one who pissed in the Gala while dancing with Princess Celestia.’” She swatted me with her tail, before leading the two of us to the door. “Come along now, we must be fashionably late…” we stepped out the door and started heading down the hallway.

“So,” I said. “Why didn’t you let me get some rest? I punched the shit out of Sombra, and had a long train ride home. Rainbow Dash kindly reminded me that no, I am not okay, when she tried getting me to joust with her. I just want nothing more than to grab Button, go to a park in Ponyville or some other no-name town and read a book with him right now… Of course, you could come too if you wanna spend time with me.” I said as we stepped out onto a balcony.

“Well, Source, this party is happening now. I sorta… need an escort now rather than later. One that’ll make it clear that I am not up for courting noble stallions.” She spread her wings. “Well? Ready to start flying, wing boy?”

“Wait a second,” I paused. “Why are we flying?”

“Because it’s for style!’ Snowdrop said, slowly waving a hoof in the air.

“For somepony without eyes-”

“I sure do like style, I know. I was going to make that joke, Uncle! Let me make fun of myself!”

“No. I’m your uncle, it’s my job to steal your blind jokes.”

“Great, now I can’t see the humor in those jokes anymore. It’s all because of you.” We both snorted. Button groaned at our retardedness. I mean, our amazing jokes.

“I have the lamest cousin in the world; she’s rubbing off on the coolest Dad in the world.” He grumbled as he held tightly onto my neck. I will admit, Snowdrop could probably give Rainbow Dash a run for her money when it comes to stunt flying. Crazy bitch damn near dropped out of the air a few times to skydive and immediately climb back up. I could even tell that she’s going slow for my inexperienced, flying ass. You see, Celly said she and I would go flying every morning.

Then I got kidnapped.

Then I got held hostage.

Then Celly got smacked by Chrysalis (fucking bug bitch) and broke her wing and her legs.

Then I played maid for Celly because she likes seeing me in a tuxedo.

Then Cadance’s wedding happened and it got fucked up.

Then our wedding happened, and we got distracted.

Then the Sombra needed to stop breathing air, so I made him breathe in the vacuum of space… for a week. The Sun is gonna be his grave.

And then I never actually got to fly with Celly every morning. That might change tomorrow at least.

Needless to say, I still wasn’t very good at flying. I was able to keep up with Snowdrop when she wasn’t doing tricks, or going full speed. What was really wacky was she flew in front of me, started flying backwards at the same speed, just to nuzzle my nose. I think Snowdrop is just enjoying herself; pegasi, no matter what, loves flying… Well, Fluttershy certainly prefers being on the ground when she can. Snowdrop, despite being blind, is probably one of the best flyers I have ever seen.

The way she effortlessly glided through the wind, as her dress fluttered as she went, to her tricks. Snowdrop was another level of gracefulness that I don’t even think Celly or Luna could reach. Sure, they were regal, but then there was elegance. My wonderful little niece was one of the most graceful flyers in Equestria despite her disability…

“Oh that was fun!” Snowdrop, at some point, swiped Button off my back and started carrying him. Somehow. Don’t ask how, or how she managed to perfectly stick him back on my back before we landed in front of the manor Snowdrop was leading us to. It was kinda fancy. Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis were walking up. Sadly Fleur and Fancy didn’t see us before we landed and had already headed inside when we actually landed. Twilight and her friends for some reason were also approaching the manor. I don’t know why.

I thought they were gonna head back to Ponyville, but as it turns out, they’re national heroes and potential ‘suitors’ apparently.

Specifically Rainbow and Apple Jack, and Twilight. Those three, apparently, were extraordinarily ‘beautiful’ or something. I don’t know; I still don’t fully know what is considered attractive, but my body does apparently since I still end up watching the sway of Celly’s flank while she walks. No Celly does not catch this and make her flanks sway even more, or notice how my body follows her wings like a cat on its own. I hate this stupid body; it’s more easily ruled by animalistic instincts than a human body.

So anyways, Fluttershy and Rarity were both graceful, and Pinkie was also kinda pretty, even if she was fucking unhinged most of the time. And according to some, she is a little chubby from eating a shit ton of sweets. I don’t think that matters; I think Pinkie’s trying to find somepony equally as silly as her.

With that said, they were all dressed up in dresses that were just as simple as Snowdrop’s, save Rarity. Hers was a bit more sparkly. Spike was wearing a little tuxedo. Was this a theme of the party? Fluer wasn’t wearing a dress, and several other mares weren’t. Usually ones with stallions weren’t wearing a dress, but a majority of the mares here, that came in alone, weren’t wearing dresses

“No time for rest, is there?” I asked as I approached the mares.

“No. This is apparently a really important party,” Twilight sighed. “It’s a holiday that the Princesses themselves don’t celebrate, but it’s the day that Celestia and Luna were officially ‘crowned’ as the rulers of Equestria. Parties like this are meant to try and lure out the Princesses into coming out to them.” Oh. “This is also the start of the ‘mating season’ for ponies; it’s the start of summer, and ponies have two mating seasons.

“Typically, summer and fall are the mating seasons. Foals are then born in the spring, or the start of summer the following year. Parties like this are for mares looking for mates. I never partook in these parties, but the book said to wear a simple, form fitting dress that matched or enhanced your coat’s natural colors, so that’s what I did. It seems like a few mares may try and make a move on you, Source.” Twilight said with a small smirk. “All of the mares wearing dresses are either in a homosexual relation with another mare, and finding a stallion, or are single mares looking for a stallion.

“Given who you are, Your Highness, and what could be gained from dating you, you’re one of the most eligible stallions.” I slowly eyed Rarity who was batting her eyes at me.

“What? Fruit Punch and I were dating, but we broke up. He had ‘plans’ apparently for… some creature. He didn’t say who, though.”

Wait a second. Several mares, and a few stallions were eying me… Fuck me, man.

WHAT THE FUCK KINDA PARTY DID I BRING BUTTON?! THIS IS LITERALLY A PARTY FOR FINDING A FUCK BUDDY! I blinked a few times. I luckily can remain calm in situations like this, but I am going to beat the shit out of anypony who makes a move on Button and is over the age of eighteen.

“Wait.” I raised a hoof. “Why’re y’all here then? I might know why Rarity’s here-”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Pinkie’s just here to party. Rarity wants to try and be a wingmare for Fluttershy. Maybe get a new stallion to replace Fruit. Dash and Apple Jack are just coming along to see if they can find a stallion at all, and I’m here because…” She started blushing. “I-”

“You wanna find somepony to get cuddly with?” I bobbed my eyebrows. “Twi, my little brother asked me about a girl. He has the same expression you got right now; it’s adorable. But also…” I grinned. “I know how to tease you about it.” Twilight became redder and it was adorable. I love teasing ponies that are younger than I am... mentally. Mentally I am older than most of the ponies present.

I'm still a fucking retard, though.

Rainbow then pointed at Snowdrop. “Why’s she here anyways?”

“Somepony invited me; I’m one of the most eligible mares in town. I'm the adopted daughter of Princess Luna, I am apparently ‘supermodel hot’, whatever that means, and nobles want a new title and their sons want a cute mare to sleep with.” Snowdrop nuzzled under my wing. “Source is going to act as my ‘crazy dad’ to chase stallions off.”

“Dash was watching you two fly the whole time,” Apple Jack smirked. “She thinks yer wings are purty, Snowdrop.” I could feel how much thicker AJ’s accent gets when she’s teasing Dash.

“S-shut up! You like her too!” Dash started sputtering.

“Ah do. You just want another flying buddy, and apparently Snowdrop’s a good one?” AJ asked. “No offense, Snowdrop; you’re a talented flier if Dash was impressed with your moves, but Ah’m shocked that you can fly at all."

“Well,” Snowdrop tilted her head, making her eyes nice and wide. “I can’t see your point; why wouldn’t I be a good flier?” Everypony paused. “Get it? I’m blind. I can't argue with you on why it makes no sense for me to be good at flying.”

“...Snowdrop, that’s awful,” Twilight shook her head. “Seriously, that is awful. I’m glad you’re comfortable with yourself, but that is seriously terrible.”

“I know. With jokes like that, and my crazy uncle,” I slowly pulled out a crowbar from under my other wing. “...Uncle, why do you have a crowbar?”

“It’s a good, blunt weapon that I don’t need a lot of skill to use.” I also teleported it to me. No, I don’t keep it behind the fireplace. I keep it next to the bed in case that the nuclear weapon that is my wife isn't enough to stop somepony from possibly trying to kill us.

“So yeah, crazy Uncle, Crazy mare,” Snowdrop shrugged. “I don’t want to find a mate at one of these ‘parties’. If I find a mate, I want to find one because somepony was genuinely interested in me, Snowdrop. Not interested in Snowdrop, Luna’s daughter and Celestia’s niece.” She nuzzled me again. “Thanks for coming out to this-” I took her talisman and put it on her head. “Wha-”

“Your crazy uncle learnt magic a while ago,” I chuckled. “If you get seperated, teleport to me if some creepy dude tries getting under your tail.” I hummed. “So the dresses?” I asked… Then I remembered. “Nevermind. I forgot that wearing clothes is more enticing than wearing nothing to you ponies.” I spun around. “Well, let’s go get this shit over with.”

When we entered the party, Snowdrop stuck under my wing like glue. The party itself looked like a less grand version of the Gala. Instead of a fancy ballroom that the Gala was held in, since the manor we were on was significantly smaller, it was held in the lobby. It was still big, and still a snobby, snooty, rich people party, but it wasn’t as fancy as the Gala. Of course, since the ponies running it were douchebags, there were art pieces made out of junk, or single colors. As Twilight predicted…

Everypony here was wearing a simple dress, or a simple suit. Usually they were somewhat form fitting. So say, since Dashie is wearing a somewhat form fitting dress, you can see every muscle and curve on that mare. Same with Pinkie, you can see that she is a tiny bit chubby, but then again, Pinkie is still somewhat fit thanks to her being an earth pony; their metabolisms are second only to alicorns with how much they can pack away. Unicorns actually have higher metabolisms than earth ponies in very rare cases, namely if said unicorns are constantly performing high maintenance spells, or use a lot of magic.

Twi and I don’t do that as often so our metabolisms are more in line with a normal unicorn.

I looked around and hummed.

“So this is what mate finding parties have turned into,” Snowdrop hummed. “How boring. All the stallions are refraining from making moves on any mares,” she rolled her eyes. “Back in my time, a pony had the balls to walk right up to Luna and say she was sexy. The two of them were wedded the following week. Back in my time, if I weren’t blind, I would’ve been courted by at least four stallions.” She scoffed.

“Is that…” I smirked.

“Yes, I am now aware of how ‘striking’ my appearance is, Source. Especially after you helped me see myself with a Night Vision spell. I am rather confident in my appearance and think highly of myself, thank you very much." As in she has good self esteem, something I currently lack.

“Say,” I hummed. “How’d you find that dress if you-”

“I sniffed it out.” Snowdrop said matter-of-factly. “What?” She asked. I was snickering. “So I may have looked like a dog while sniffing it out, yes. Very funny, Uncle.”

“Hey, I’m still impressed. I’m just imagining you with a dog’s sniffer, going through your closet until you find the right dress.”

Snowdrop giggled. “I can imagine it would be pretty funny, yes.” Suddenly, the stallions started looking more active. We had split up from the rest of the group… Why are there foals here? There were colts and fillies… Oh. Mental manipulation or whatever. Get the fillies and colts talking, and they become friends. Since a lot of couples are actually foalhood friends, they’ll likely be married and have hundreds of grand foals by the time they’re actually married. So I kept Button on my back; I don’t want some rabid fillies going after him when he clearly has his sights set on Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

“You know Dad,” he hummed. “I thought picking up mares would be less weird,” he said as he looked around. Most of the stallions were standing around awkardly while the mares were trying to get the stallions to make a love here or there. It was kinda sad, honestly. But most of the attendees are probably fresh out of maturity.

“Kiddo,” I chuckled. “Parties like this are stupid.”

“Why?” Snowdrop asked. “Well, actually I get why. But why do you think they’re stupid?”

“Choosing a marefriend or coltfriend based on meeting them at a party like this is stupid. Humans… well, we don’t have a mating season, or ‘heat’ or anything. When we feel like having kids, we just do the motions until the female’s carrying a kid. We choose mates based on interactions we’ve had with said mates. We interact, sometimes the guy walks up to the girl and he jokes around, the girl laughs or likes the jokes. The two get along, and suddenly they’re dating. If things go well, they get married, or not married but still have a kid. Getting married is just a legal way of saying you love somebody.

“And I will admit,” I tapped my wedding ring on my horn. “I loved my wedding day. But if it never happened, Celly and I would still be together; Celly was just excited about having a wedding, and seeing her in that wedding dress was probably the highlight of my life.” I shrugged. “I’m getting off topic. Basically, parties like this… kinda don’t exist on Earth. They used to back when Kings and Queens actually ruled the globe and monsters besides us ran amok, but not anymore. At least for normal people.”

“Well,” Snowdrop shrugged. “I suppose outside of these bizarre parties, ponies are much the same. It’s just parties like this that helpwith finding mates. It gets mares and stallions talking to each other.”

“...Yeah, that’s fair. For us humans, after we receive our education, you don’t really ever actually interact with people. Outside of jobs where you have to interact with people, I don’t think I’ve talked to a random girl while out and about.”

A filly walked up and waved at Button. “Hello!” The little girl had a jet black coat and a light blue mane. She looked pretty damn cool, and also adorable. She’s a unicorn, a common thing amongst the nobility of Canterlot. Like most of the adults, she was wearing a dress, though it was more loose fitting than the mares. Since I suppose making a form fitting dress for a kid would be pretty damn strange. “Hello your Highness, can I talk with that colt on your back? Is he your son?”

“Actually,” I hummed. “Whaddya say Button?”

My kid was eying the filly rather closely despite still being on my back. “Your parents told you to come over here, didn’t they?” He asked.

The filly’s eyes darted left and right, before slowly denying that.

“Dad taught me how to catch liars rather easily. Apparently everypony is awful at lying… Hesitation is usually a sign of lying.” Not exactly was I said, but he wasn't exactly wrong either.

“Well… I asked my parents if I could come over here, and they noticed who I was pointing at. They said yes,” the filly answered immediately. Huh. She actually didn’t lie on that one. I was running a lie detection spell. “I just wanted to say your suit looked nice; you’re quite handsome… Button.” The kid paused. “I’m Midnight Starbright, nice to meet you!” She extended her hoof.

Button shrugged and rolled off my back and landed perfectly on his hooves. “I’m Button. I’m this thing’s son,” he pointed at me.

“...So you’re a prince?” Midnight asked. “Like an actual Prince?”

“Does being related to a High Prince make me a prince?” Button asked, looking at me and Snowdrop.

“It makes you a High Prince, kiddo,” I ruffled his mane. “It’s something your filly friends don’t really think about since I don’t think it’s really hit them that I’m a Prince instead of their weird tutor. Though I think if you told Sweetie Belle, she’d love the idea of finding her prince in shining armor?” Button hummed.

“She would like that…” He shrugged.

“You… you’re taken?” Midnight asked, looking a little down.

Button shrugged. “I’m like… nine years old; Dad said that’s too young to be dating. He’s just an awful dad that teases me for hanging out with two specific fillies-”

“You just admitted to thinking Sweetie would like dating you if you were her prince in shining armor,” I teased. "You like-like her!"

“Buck you, Dad.” Button sighed. “So I like Sweetie Belle! Is that bad?”

“No. It’s cute.” I ruffled his mane. “Midnight, you can go ahead and hangout with Button if you wanna.” I shrugged.

“I can?” Midnight asked. She looked at Button.

“Another friend wouldn’t be too bad,” my kid responded. The two of them wandered off into the crowd. Midnight immediately struck up a conversation with Button and the two of them were merrily chatting away as they disappeared.

“...And,” I noted as Button accidentally took Midnight to the dance floor and started dancing with her. “Another potential flliyfriend for Button,” I chuckled.

“Your son has better game than you do,” Snowdrop teased.

“So? More grandkids. Celly would love that.” I’m not sure how to feel about the fact that I’ll become a grandpa at some point. I can barely comprehend that I'm an uncle.

Before either of us could keep talking, Prince Blueblood sauntered up to us.

“Why hello, my dear cousin,” he said. He somehow failed to notice me. He bowed to Snowdrop. “May I have this dance?”

“We’re bucking cousins,” Snowdrop pointed out.

“So? Dating your adopted cousin is normal. I believe it was even in practice before you got frozen. So why not date a true prince instead of the thing beside you?” He still hadn’t noticed that my wing was draped over Snowdrop while she pondered upon what Blueblood was offering. She chewed on her brownie, suspended in her talisman’s magic, as she stared blankly somehow. She’s literally blind yet her eyes are the most expressive part of her; somehow she conveyed a ‘really muthafucka’ look without even knowing it.

“Blueblood, that’s bucking weird. I wouldn’t date Uncle Source because that shouldn’t be in practice.”

“Oh please, who would want to date that creton? I think Auntie Celestia is missing a few screws if she thinks that dating him-”

“Hey Blueblood,” Snowdrop started snickering. “Who’s draping their wing over my back right now?” Blueblood stopped talking, and turned to see me. As soon as he realized who was standing next to Snowdrop, he had a crowbar shoved up his ass. No, it didn’t fit all the way, the curved part made it really hard, but boy was Blueblood riving in pain because of the metal stick up his arse.

“So,” I said. “Lovely party?” I asked as I grabbed a brownie.

Snowdrop had casted a Night Vision spell, and could see again… just so she can see what I did to Blueblood. He was screaming silently because I also casted a Silence spell on him before he could start screaming.

“Uncle,” Snowdrop snickered. “How did you get that so deep into Blueblood?”

“I dunno. I just jammed it up there. That won’t kill him, right?”

“No. Blueblood’s survived a lot of things that he shouldn’t. It’s like somepony up above wants him to suffer for being a dick.”

“Maybe God is real after all.” I chuckled. “Meh, GUARDS!” I used the Royal Canterlot Voice. “SOMEPONY ASSAULTED MY NEPHEW! PLEASE GET A MEDIC AT YOUR LATEST CONVENIENCE BUT NOT THIS INSTANT. THANK YOU!” We walked away from Blueblood, as entertaining as it was to watch him scream about the crowbar stuck up his plot hole.

As we walked around… oh hey, Solar’s here.

“Hey man!” I walked up to him and shook his hoof.

“Hey Source,” he sighed. “Princess Celestia told me to take the day off and sent me here,” Solar motioned. He was wearing a simple, black suit with a bowtie. He looked rather dapper, not gonna lie.

“Ah, that sucks.”

“It does. I hate parties like this. And now I have to participate?” He sighed. “So are you looking for another mare?” He asked.

“Nah, Celly is plenty.”

“But you have a date right there-”

“That’s my niece, Snowdrop-”

“SHE’S THE ONE THAT GLUED MY ARMOR’S BOOTS TO MY HOOVES!” He sighed. “It was a good prank, admittedly.” He slowly, actually looked Snowdrop over and his jaw dropped. “Sweet mother of Celestia you’re beautiful,” he almost whispered.

“You’re rather handsome as well,” Snowdrop hummed. “It’s why I decided to prank you; I wanted to see how you react.”

“It was funny after I realized you just used gluesticks on my boots, so getting my boots off wasn’t impossible, just really inconvenient.” He chuckled. “How many gluesticks did it take?”

“A whole case of them. Those things are awful, but it was worth seeing your reaction.”

“...Source, this is your bucking niece?”

“Eeyup. Luna’s adopted daughter from a thousand years ago. Don’t ask how she’s still alive, because none of us know how. She’s like… nineteen, biologically, even if technically she’s a thousand and nineteen years old.” I shrugged. “Why do you ask?”

“You know,” Snowdrop nuzzled up to Solar. “I do like a knight in shining armor, and as a Royal Guardstallion, you fit that description rather well, don’t you think?” Snowdrop’s heard a thing or two about Solar from me… This is why she wanted me to come, isn't it? Chase off the one weirdo, Blueblood, and instantly spot my bro, and boom. She has a stallion.

“Uh…” Solar started drawing a blank.

“Snowdrop, remember how we spoke about you being incredibly attractive?” I asked.

“I do,” Snowdrop tilted her head. “Is something wrong?”

“Pretty mares break stallions’ brains.” I pointed out.

“So I will just have to take Solar onto the dance floor! Come along, Solar! We shall dance, and the courting ritual of ‘dating’ shall commence at once!” As soon as Snowdrop walked away, two very familiar looking mares walked up to me. One was Sunny Skies, the other was Starry Night. You can probably guess who was who. Since Starry Night had Tale tucked under her wing, which was kinda cute. Anyways, for those who could not guess, these were Celly and Luna’s disguises.

“So,” I hummed. “You three planned this out?” I asked as I teleported a mug of whisky to me.

“No…” Sunny Skies smiled. “Snowdrop just expressed her desire to finally meet Solar Strike in person,” she hummed. “So Princess Celestia told him to take the day off, with an order to come to this specific party,” we watched as the two started dancing. Solar’s brain started working enough for him to at least dance with Snowdrop, who was as graceful as ever. Sadly, this broke when Solar told Snowdrop what seemed like a joke or an attempt at flirting, said joke, or flirt, you never know, resulted in my niece kissing my bro on the nose. That rebroke Solar. “It seems like they will get along nicely,” she mused.

“Man, what the hell did I get my man into,” I chuckled as Solar flopped on the ground. Snowdrop started panicking and was trying to make sure he was alright… in the background, Blueblood was being carted off to the nearest hospital.

Starry Nights noticed this.

“What happened to the Prince?” She asked.

“Tried hitting on his adopted cousin, so he took a crowbar in the arse. Is that bad?”

“That looks painful,” Starry pointed out.

Sunny Skies and Starry were wearing simple dresses to match the party, but I think it was just to fit in better. Sunny nuzzled up to me and whispered. “You know, the mating season is starting. What would you say to another foal running around? I’m certain that Button would love a little brother or sister. Perhaps your special somepony would like you to service them, hmm?”

“Celly, you are extra horny because of the season, calm your tits down… we’ll try for a foal though.” Sunny cheered, and everypony looked her way. “Don’t mind her, everypony, she just had a little too much to drink!” Everypony went back to their business as usual.

“...I am going to make you pay for that,” Sunny grumbled. “How dare you say I drank a little too much, when you drink gallons of whisky at a time.”

“Not my fault you’re a light drinker,” I teased.

“Me?” Sunny scoffed. “A light drinker? Want to bet?” She scowled.

“Sure.”

We ended up leaving the party a few hours later. Sunny was laying on my back, incredibly drunk. Starry Nights followed us out with Tale, while Snowdrop didn’t. She went home with Solar Strike for the evening. As we walked on, Starry was laughing uncontrollably.

“Sister, you should be aware of how much alcohol your husband can handle,” she laughed.

“Shattap. I still won… six gallons ago.” Celly did get through a gallon or two of whisky.

The problem was that she chose whisky for the drink of choice during our drinking contest. I drank sixteen gallons of the stuff.

“So, Celly’s a light drinker,” I chuckled. “I am going to have to watch over her when she wakes up tomorrow, won’t I?” I asked.

“You will. Worry not, I can rule the country for the day while my sister is out.” Luna giggled. “Though once my sister is better, I am taking Tale; mating season hits alicorn mares a lot harder than it hits the stallions, as it seems…” She grinned. “Would you be willing to service me, my lovely little author?”

“I would, my lady,” Tale grinned. “Would you like a poem, or a novel?” He asked. I don’t wanna know what the fuck that meant, so I started speed walking ahead of them to avoid any sexual innuendos those two were brewing. Instead, me, Button, and Celly were straight to bed. No questions asked. We got home a solid hour before Luna did because of my speed walking.

“Button, I recommend sleeping on the couch tonight, since Celly while hungover is not a pretty sight,” I motioned.

“Okay Dad. Why did Mom think she could beat you at drinking? You beat Auntie Luna and she drinks more than Mom does.”

“I dunno. So how was Midnight? Diddya like her?” I asked.

“She set up a playdate down in Ponyville so she could meet the rest of the Crusaders, Dad.” Button tilted his head. “Why?”

“I dunno. Midnight was rather adorable. I’m sure you found her unique coloring to be pretty.”

“...It was. Why?”

“Nothing, Button. I’ll come by to tuck you in after I get your mother set up for her hangover tomorrow.” I went and grabbed as much water as I could, and set it near the bed, when I knew I wouldn’t actually need it. I was gonna rid Celly of her hangover as soon as she wakes up tomorrow in the morning. I just wanted to use tomorrow morning as an excuse for the two of us to snuggle in the morning and enjoy some flying. After the bucket, and buckets of water were set up, I came back, tucked Button in on the couch and told him the plan for tomorrow.

We were gonna snuggle attack Celly once I heal her.

Fruit Interlude 1: Meanwhile(probably not cannon event)

I slowly stepped out of my little apartment after a nice, long rest. You see, I know for a fact that the mating season has begun. I also know that I miss Chryssy. I also know that I cannot get back to Chryssy no matter how hard I try. Nopony in this world knows how to work portals for some stupid reason, when in my timeline, well, my old one, everypony had portals figured out in the portal section of the Mage Tower. So, I know that somepony, somewhere, stopped this world’s Chrysalis from getting launched across the country. Instead, the Chrysalis in this timeline suckerpunched Princess Celestia, and so Princess Celestia’s consort, because she has one of those in this timeline for some reason, beat the shit out of Chrysalis.

Chrysalis… Yeah, I missed her.

I started heading down the pathway towards the Crystal Caverns, the giant cavern system under Canterlot Mountain. This was where Chrysalis kept her Hive, just like back home, after she became an ally of Equestria. If I’m assuming right, she is legally a Princess of Equestria too, but that doesn’t matter.

“Hey,” somepony stopped me. “You’re heading down to those bugs!” It was some snobbish dude.

“Cool. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction.” I kept heading down that pathway.

When I first woke up at the Gala, something I’ve noted is something similar to my old timeline, I seem to ‘appear’ during the first Gala since Luna’s return. This time, it was kinda weird, since I ended up ‘scoring’ Rarity for a time. It was fun, I won’t lie, but I never was big on Rarity. She seemed to be a big of a gold digger to me, and always has seemed like one. She did treat me well, but I never truly felt that spark like I did when I first came to Equestria.

After stepping into the caverns, I came face to face with a bunch of changelings.

“State your reason, pony,” one of them ordered. I grinned and spoke in their tongue.

“Zzzt zgztzzt’ that was supposed to be Queen Chrysalis in Changeling.

“...What the buck?” the lead changeling cocked his head to the side… Mmm, I always loved how changelings looked. They were supposed to be threatening, but god damn were they adorable when confused.

“I can speak changeling. Not very well, but I can.” We shared a few more words in changeling, and nodded. “See? Conversational.”

“You are. I assume you are here to see the Queen?” The changeling asked.

“Indeed I am,” I inclined my head. “Am I allowed to?”

“You are. It is just not often-”

“What is going on here?” Chrysalis walked out of the shadows. “It’s mating season, and you all could be out getting large amounts of lust and love~” she sang songed. Oh… That excuse that Chrysalis likes to use. ‘Go get love, you idiots’. Granted, Chryssy usually said this in a nicer tone; she was more like a mother than an actual queen to the changelings. Once all the changelings buzzed off, it was just me and Chrysalis.

“Well then,” she clicked her tongue. “You’re a rather delectable looking stallion, and I can sense…” her tongue slithered out of her mouth for a moment. “Some lust, a small amount of it, radiating off of your form the moment,” she turned to the side, usually changelings did this for intimidation. Chryssy did this to let me get a better look at her form when she was trying dresses out. Or to tease me. Essentially Chrysalis was trying to show off her hips, her legs, and any curve that her body may have had. It even gave me a better look at her mane.

She was just as beautiful here as she was back home.

“I’m here for a few reasons, yeah. You’re one of them.” I did bow; it was best to be respectful.

“Oh?” Chrysalis asked. “Why are you here?”

“Well…” I shrugged. “Well, a pretty mare, the one standing in front of me, is a good reason. Another is that I’m bored. Another is that I am not from this world, and you remind me of somepony from my home. Rather… somebuggy.” I noted her face. She seemed to whisper ‘another one?’ Or something. “I’m from another word… a timeline if you will. I’ve seen the future, and have lived it. Back in my timeline, I was friends with Equestria’s rulers, and your lover. That’s clearly different here, as I’m only a patty flipper in a Hayburger down the street from my home. I was hoping to reconnect to a version of Chrysalis, even if it’s not mine.”

“...You came here just to ask me out on a date?” Chrysalis asked, tilting her head. “My my, a stallion so bold, rather than a shy one?” She asked. “And you apparently know another version of myself…” She tilted her head. Fuck, she’s cute.

“Hey, I know a thing or two about dating Queen Chrysalis. I know my timeline’s version of Luna had a crush on me, but how can a Princess compare to a Queen?” I asked.

Chrysalis giggled. “Oh, you do know. I was waiting for the day, ever since I hatched, to find a mate that would use that line!” She clapped her hooves. “It is the start of pony mating season… I shall humor you. We shall go on a date!” She clapped her hooves. “Would you rather me wear a dress? Use a disguise?” Oh, she is testing me. “Perhaps become the mare of your dreams?” Her horn lit in preparation to my answer.

“No dress, no disguise. You’re pretty enough as is. I wasn’t gonna do anything big, I was just gonna take you to a cafe or something. Maybe a stroll through Canterlot.” Chrysalis’s horn unlit. “What?”

“Not one creature, changeling, pony, or anycreature, has called my natural form beautiful.” She tilted her head again. “Well?”

“I would say you’re cute, beautiful, and pretty. So, what do you wanna do? Spend too much on coffee and shitty pastries? A walk through Canterlot?” I hummed. “A walk through Canterlot Park?” I did my research. This place also had a large corn maze for the two of us to get lost in.

“All of the above?” Chrysalis asked. She sounded so hopeful.

“I can do that. We walk through Canterlot, stop at the cafe, have a shitty eclair, and then we end it off in Canterlot Park. Sound good?” I asked.

“Indeed it does. Do lead the way, my lovely little stallion.” Chrysalis started walking beside me… with her tail draped over my back. As it turned out, this was going to be the start of something great.

Author's Note

two uploads in such a short timeframe!? yeah. you can tell how by the length of this.

I just wanted to show what our boy Fruit was doing. He will probably have some plot relevance later. probably won't. But Chrysalis will get in bed with him at some point.

My Portal Adventure: Surprisingly Friendly Dictators

Three days after the party, with each morning waking up with me snuggling with Celly and Button, going flying with Celly while Button tried to catch either of us while using DragonFire, and me subsequently getting tackled the most out of the two of us. I figured I’d finally stop by the mage tower for my first lesson in portal magic. Oh yeah, mating season is a thing, me and Celly were doing plenty of ‘mating’ over the last three days. So after the fourth day’s morning flying lessons with Celly, I transitioned into a glide towards the Mage Tower. I was looking kinda excited to get started.

Before I left, Celly gave me a feather and tucked it behind my ear.

“This is so mares know that you’re mine,” she explained. “Nopony should try to take you from me, or make a move towards you since I know how you feel about herds.”

“Thanks, Celly.” I hummed, before plucking a feather from my own wings. “Here,” I tucked it behind her left ear and nuzzled her. “You’re mine,” I whispered into her ear.

“Oh ho ho! You’ve been having a lot more fire in your belly recently, Source. Perhaps the mating season is hitting you too?”

“No,” I chuckled. “I think I’m just becoming a bit more confident in myself.” I nuzzled her. "After all, you love me. Who could make me more confident in myself than you?”

Celly and I shared a nose nuzzle and then a kiss. “I shall see you when you return from your lessons, unless you go through a portal again?”

“Here’s to hoping,” I threw my hoof in the air, before using both hooves to grab Celly’s cheeks. Not her flank cheeks, you pervert, her face cheeks. I kissed her for a little longer this time, getting a nice, surprised ‘eep’ to a please ‘ooo’ from her. “I love you,” I said as I pulled back. Button watched us, his tail was wagging as he performed a skywalker spell to remain in place.

“Dad, Mom, you two are disgusting,” he groaned.

“You should be happy, y’know,” I chuckled. “You should be happy to see your mother and father getting along so well.”

“I am, but it’s disgusting. You two shouldn’t be kissing in front of your colt!”

“Now Button,” Celly hummed. “Perhaps it’s time that the two of your parents spend the night with you, and cuddle and snuggle and tickle you.” Button’s eyes widened, before Celly went in, swooped up our colt. “Well, your father has to go learn how to use portals, something about a personal project of his. Come along now, Button. You and I are going to sit through a bunch of nobles ranting about the geopolitical atmosphere in the residential disk of Canterlot!”

“Why do I have to come listen to that?” Button asked as the two flew away.

I could hear the long, winded, overly sarcastic answer from here. “Because some nobles have sticks up their butts, or ass if your father was explaining this, so suddenly it’s my problem. I want you to be prepared for dealing with that, should you ever take up an actual spot of political power.” While Celly started going through the importance of understanding political bullshit, as in random, petty shit that the rich assholes in Canterlot are doing.

After that, I flew straight to the Mage Tower and landed. As I stepped through the doors, after the guards gave me a free pass, I just sat in the lobby and waited for Exo to come down and meet me.

As I waited, I teleported a book to me and started reading it. Maybe at some point I should get Celly to show me that crater I was found in when I first came to Equestria. If the crater’s dirt is from Earth, there might be a way to use it to get back to Earth, grab my family, and come back home.

Just as soon as I cracked the book open, the sound of hoofsteps drew my attention away from the pages beneath my nose. “Howdy lass,” I waved at Exo. “I’m ready for my first lesson, if you don’t mind me asking for lessons now.”

The mare in question nuzzled my cheek. “I don’t mind,” she giggled. “Come along now.” She led me up to the elevator and soon, we were on the floor. Suddenly, we were in the portal room. Ponies ran to and fro, reading up on the new portal that I was now face to face with.

“Source,” Exo said. “Don’t. Last time you got close to a portal, you went missing for a month, and Princess Celestia came in, demanded what happened, and emptied bathtubs full of ice cream after it happened. Then Princess Luna came in and started demanding the pony that opened the portal so she could execute them. It took a solid hour to get Luna to just calm down, and then another to keep her from executing my interns.

“Y’all can keep portals open on the other side of where they end up, right?” I asked.

“...We can. Why do you ask?” Exo asked. “Because we can, doesn’t mean we should; we don’t have anypony in here that can handle whatever may pop out from the portal. It’s usually a one way thing.”

“Huh.” I hummed and started eying the portal. “Make it a two-way portal. If I see something on the other side, it’s getting fried to shit by yours truly. If I am not back in twenty seconds, get an adult because I spilled my juice box and need Mommy,” or Celly. “To save my ass.” Exo blinked.

“What about making portals?” Exo asked. “If we taught you how, you could easily do it, and then through random chance of making constant portals, find your way back.”

“I can probably run a diagnostic spell on you when you make a portal, and work together my own ways of using portals with Python.”

“...No diagnostic spell in existence can read spell runes or equations out to you.”

“Mine does. It’s how I cracked the code.” Thank you, I’ll be here all week. “To DragonFire.” I hummed. “Is it two way yet?”

“It should be,” one of the interns said. They looked sleep deprived and suicidal; like they’ll do basically anything you tell’em, no matter who you are. Exo shot that intern a glare and started telling me that I ‘better come home safe or I’ll kill you’ as I stepped into the portal.

I was greeted by the painted hills and colored skies of Equus again. I was still a horse. The sky was night, though. I felt a sudden surge in magic that simply didn’t make sense…

“Good morning!” Discord said, appearing beside me. Tucked under his left armpit was Fluttershy, the same duo I ran into during my trip to what was basically hell. “It is quite good to see you, my friend, Source Code. Granted, we cannot meet in your timeline lest we ruin it, but we can meet outside of it! How are you doing mi amigo?” Discord was wearing what could be considered stereotypical hispanic wear. I think it might be consider racist, but I don’t think hispanics really care about the stereotypical shit.

“Howdy howdy,” I waved. “So what do you want?”

“Believe it or not, but this,” Discord waved around. “Is another dimension, full of trials, adventures, and the time of your life! Trust me, you will enjoy it a lot…” He waved a hand. “By the way, don’t worry about time passing in your world while you’re here, I made sure that you will be home by dinner when you are done here. And also don’t worry about getting lost in dimensions. As my little chaos brewer from another world, it is my job to keep watch over you, and you can’t keep brewing chaos if you get depressed because you get stuck inside of another dimension. So don’t worry, as you go through these other dimensions I will be right here teaching you how to find the exact dimension you’re looking for; Earth. I will show you and tell you bits and pieces as long as you complete the tasks in each dimension…” Discord’s tail starts wagging.

“Why is your tail wagging? With literally any other creature, I’d assume they’re happy, unless they’re a cat. Fuck those things.”

“Oh nothing. Did you know that this dimension is ruled by dictators and there is a very strict curfew?”

The fuck is he on about?

“Well, ta-ta! These dictators might hurt Fluttershy if they see her. So good luck!”

“Good luck, Source. I’ll be rooting for you,” Discord’s Fluttershy said as the two of them disappeared into nothing.

Well then. With them gone, I started looking around, before making the portal back home invisible… It already is. I can feel it literally right there. Well, I know where this is, this is basically in an alleyway right across the street from the cafe where me and Celly had our first date. So I remember this place dearly. As I stepped out onto the alleyway… That’s Nightmare Moon. That’s Nightmare Moon walking down the street. Every corner, building, and sign was talking about worshiping Nightmare Moon, or somepony named Daybreaker. Whatever the fuck that was. When she found me, she tilted her head.

“Odd. Sister said that she had felt rather… powerful build up of magic this way. Instead, it’s…” She started eying me. “Oh my stars…” I do not like that look on her face. “A male alicorn? Hmm?” What are seriously the fucking chances that I find two dimensions with where there’s evil versions of the ponies I know. FIrst it was every alicorn alive, plus Twilight who was also an alicorn, and now it’s Nightmare Moon… Is Daybreaker her sister?

With Nightmare Moon was a small squad of guards. They were bat ponies, not really, but the armor made them appear as bat ponies.

“Your highness,” one of the guards spoke up. “What shall we do with him? He is out of curfew after all.”

“Leave him to me. He is another alicorn…” Nightmare Moon’s gaze never left where I was standing. “We do not know his capabilities. Find anypony out at night and kindly remind them that it is rather… dangerous to be out. Especially with a rogue alicorn that we know nothing of.” Nightmare Moon nodded to her guards, I’m assuming the one she just told that to was the captain; I’ve not interacted with the Night Guards to know enough of who is who. Nightmare Moon smiled at me, her razor sharp teeth did not look inviting.

“Why hello handsome little fellow.” What the fuck?

“Uh…”

“What? Even an alicorn stallion cannot fathom the beauty of the Night?” She asked as she started walking towards me. She was putting a lot of emphasis onto her hips as she walked. One forehoof in front of the other, one hind hoof in front of the other. That is exactly how Celly walks up to me while trying to seduce me… not to make me feel a new type of horny, but to try and steal some of my fucking potatoes during breakfast. Nightmare Moon stopped in front of me, since I was still a midget, she just towered over me.

“You smell of my sister, just a little less burnt… Did she somehow get to you first?” Nightmare Moon asked. “No matter; we can share consorts after all, and I think she will understand if we share you.”

I just remained quiet for the most part. Until now.

“Why are you trying to seduce me?” I asked.

“...I thought you were smitten. Most ponies would die just to have a glance of me doing what I just did; I do have the perfect body after all.” She stepped so she was facing me like a wolf would with its prey. I think it may be intimidation… No, this is what Celly and Lulu did when trying to show off their dresses if they wear them. Nightmare Moon was trying to show her flanks off to me. And her wings. Admittedly, Nightmare Moon was a good snuggle buddy; Luna turned into her alter ego once just to showcase the snuggle-abilitiness of Nightmare Moon. She was very good at cuddling.

However, this is Nightmare Moon. Not Luna.

“Hey, you’re a lovely sight, I won’t even lie. However, I am taken.” I tapped the horn on my head. “I’m married.”

“Herds are common practice. Who is this mare that married you? It cannot be my sister, since I would’ve known, by reading her diary, if she was seeing anypony.”

“I’m Source Code, a being not of this world. Consort to Princess Celestia,” I saluted. “That is who I am,” I answered.

“Your accent… is like nothing I’ve heard before and my sister and I… How do you know that name? ‘Celestia’? Nightmare Moon asked.

“As I said, not of this world. I’m married to your sister in another timeline.”

“What?” Nightmare Moon asked. She tilted her head. “We do have Mages in the Mage Tower trying to figure out the secrets of portal magic… another timeline would not be too far off, and would explain… The not burnt smell of my sister that you reek of.” She hummed. “Would you like to come to the castle? I am sure you would like to meet my sister.”

“Mmm. You are being rather peaceful. Back in my timeline, your… I guess other you? Luna? When she turned into Nightmare Moon, she tried causing eternal night and basically stuck Celly on the moon-”

“Oh my, you even know that nickname that my sister likes to go by?” Nightmare Moon giggled. “She will like you, you know.”

“Why are you talking like I’m gonna end up in one of your beds?”

“Or both.” Nightmare Moon hummed.

I’m in danger and I request the presence of an adult.

“Can I get an adult? I think it’s past my bedtime.”

“Of course, I can get my sister, and myself. We’ll be all the supervision you need!”

I'm gonna die.

Daybreaker… Daybreaker.

So that’s what Daybreaker looks like. You know, when Nightmare Moon referred to Daybreaker as her sister, I don’t know what I was expecting. I should’ve expected that Daybreaker looked basically like Celly, in that armor that’s more ‘appealing’ than ‘protective’, with fire for a mane and tail. She had blackened sclera and golden, dragon-like pupils that burnt with a passion. She was wearing four, golden, armored boots that went up her calves and ended at the… knees I guess. I don’t know what the buck they’re called on a horse. She sat like a cat, with her tail wrapped around her hooves as she regally stared down at me as Nightmare Moon filled her in on what I was.

Before we actually made it to the throne room, I took the time to regale the tale of my life up to this point. Me being human, how I met Celly, how I am somehow a somewhat competent mage, down to my experience in traveling to another world several times. Well, all of two. The first time was when I first woke up in the hospital in the castle infirmary after I was ‘recovered’ by Celly. Then the second time was with… that awful, just plainly awful. I simply sat there, staring up, until Daybreaker was right in my face.

“My my… What the buck was your Celestia thinking? Aside from you being an alicorn, and being somewhat muscly, you are somewhat plain looking…” Daybreaker started looking at me again. “Your mane is well kept, your wings are rather nice… Your tail is also well kept. That particular mixture of blue and yellow is rather pleasing on the eyes, though rather bright at that.” As she went she slowly started blushing. “Okay, I see what my ‘otherworldly’ self sees in you now. You are rather handsome despite how… unassuming you look.

“You’ve developed two spell systems?” She asked.

“I did. Though I have a question, it seems fair, right? A question for a question.”

“That it does.” Daybreaker nodded.

“So in my world, if you and your sister showed up, it means my Celly and my Luna went batshit crazy and are currently either freezing the globe over, burning it to the ground, or killing each other and burning and freezing Equus until everyone and everything dies. So what’s up with you two here?” I asked.

“Well,” Daybreaker was enveloped in a small, white light, and when it faded… she just looked like my Celly with Daybreaker’s armor. “My sister and I… As you probably know, we are mostly alter egos; we can easily switch to and fro. Even though both of our forms require us to embrace our negative emotions. However,” Celestia hummed. “I suppose my sister and I have ‘come to terms’ with our negative emotions. And as it turns out, my fire hurts more when I take on my Daybreaker form, and Luna becomes much stronger as well as Nightmare Moon.” Nightmare Moon had reverted back to Luna, she looked more like an equal to her sister in this timeline.

They were the same height in this timeline.

“You two are twins?” I asked. “Because back home, Celly said that Lulu was… what? Five, ten years younger than her? Basically, she was just younger."

“We are ‘twins’. You see, Luna and I have the same sire, but different mothers.”

“Ah. But still basically siblings. Same shit happens back home all the time apparently. I think herds are weird, but I get why they’re a thing. So you both were born at the same time, from two different dams?”

“Correct, though I am older by a few minutes,” Celestia giggled as she pulled her Luna in and under her wing. “I feel as though we may be closer to each other than your Celestia and Luna because of this.”

“Yeah… Maybe. I don’t know the full ins and outs of how they actually act around each other alone, but Luna did get banished to the Moon because Celly didn’t know what was going on with Luna. Keep in mind that Nightmare Moon and Daybreaker… Well, Luna can control Nightmare Moon, I think, and Celly likes pretending that Daybreaker doesn’t exist. That is kinda cute by the way.” The way that this world’s Luna immediately slotted her muzzle under her sister's chin for snuggles.

“Well, we are siblings. Is cuddling with your sibling an oddity in your timeline?” Nightmare Moon asked as both siblings retook their alter egos. They kept cuddling, though. Like back at home, this did not appear to be a common thing for them; both Celly and Lulu being awake at the same time is a rare thing across all timelines as it seems.

“No. It’s just cute. Well… start laying some questions on me. I just asked three in a row, and you answered all of them. It’s only fair if you ask some questions.”

“May we meet your world’s Celestia and Luna? Perhaps we can become inter-timeline allies. I’m certain either of our Equestrias could benefit from four alicorns.”

“...Uh funny that is. Our Equestria has four alicorns. We’ve got me, Celly, Luna, and Cadance.”

“Huh…” Daybreaker hummed, she wrapped her forelegs around Nightmare Moon’s neck. Moonie nuzzled deeper into her sister. “But that does not answer our question.”

“I’m sure we can set up a tea-time or something and just be pals. Being pals is the first step in becoming allies.” I pointed out.

“That is true. Though I don’t see you making any attempts at making us allies.”

“I’m a Grand Prince Consort by title alone. I can give orders out, Celly told me I can, but I’ve no training, nor do I have the experience to attempt negotiating with either of you. You both could play me like a fiddle and I wouldn’t even know it. So, I’ve been letting Celly and Lulu, and Snowdrop, my Luna’s adoptive daughter, take care of the smart people shit, and I do my own thing. I do want to learn how to negotiate, though.” I chuckled. “Aw feck. I may try and help Celly gain control over her Daybreaker form; it is rather pleasing on the eyes if I do say so myself.” Daybreaker giggled.

“Oh, you’re a smart little cookie and a charmer?” She asked. “I see how ‘Celly’ enjoys your company then.”

“Wut?”

“You let ponies more qualified than yourself to solve problems. That’s what a good leader should do. And then you probably shower your Celestia with more love and affection and compliments than any of her previous consorts could. I would know; I’ve taken many, and none could truly ever see past ‘Daybreaker’ or ‘Celestia’. Whichever. Some are… shallow and just wish to plow my fields… It makes sense, given my sister and I are ‘perfect’ physically.” Both sisters rolled their eyes at that. Despite Nightmare Moon flaunty her 'perfect body' earlier.

I think they got as many weird love letters in the mail as Celly and Lulu do.

“I would know that. My Celly’s hips and flanks are…” I chuckled. “Ah, I’m not gonna say how nice her ass is… I just did. Fuck me.”

“I would be willing to do that,” Nightmare Moon raised her hoof. Both Daybreaker and I gave her weird looks. “What? He’s a hunk and just asked to be bucked! You’re telling me you don’t want a bit of that male alicorn flank?” Nightmare Moon asked.

“It is tempting as a one night stand, but I don’t think he’d willingly ‘cheat’ on his Celestia with either of us, especially me. From what you told me, he is adamant on just his Celestia and no other mare.” Daybreaker hummed. “Well, we do have a problem that we’d like you to solve,” she looked at me. “Well, help. You see, there are… creatures running amok, namely Griffins since they declared war on Equestria; our country is not very big and those greedy birds want to take over our country.”

“...Equestria isn’t a global superpower like it is back home?”

Daybreaker shook her head. “We are, but purely because of my sister and I, but the griffins think they can tame the Sun and the Moon. We ponies also don't seek that much land; we've plenty to make food for ourselves. How much more do we need beyond that? We did have every town take shelter in the massive cave system under Canterlot. Nightmare Moon and I were going to go show the world that conquering the Sun and Moon doesn’t work.”

“...I can go talk them down. I can negotiate with birdcats, just not thousand year old alicorns," I rubbed the back of my neck.

Daybreaker and Moonie shared a look before Moonie answered for the two of them. “That may work. Come along now, we have an army to face down, and you’ve a general to negotiate with.”

We all flew down, well, Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon were too quick for me to keep up with.

So I used DragonFire to keep up with them. I held my wings out while doing it though, since it made me look like a phoenix, which is always a plus. It scared the fuck out of my new alicorn companions and it also scared the griffins we were now facing down. As I stepped forward from the group I started eying the general before me that was sitting on his rump, looking concerned. I have not had a good experience with griffins so far and this doesn’t make me feel any better. The griffin looked battle hardened and everything.

“So who here wants to get burnt to the ground?” I asked. I was completely bullshitting; I do not want to have to murder anypony.

“You… pony, are you part phoenix?”

“Maybe. I’m not a God, I’m just all knowing, and I know that you and your whole army is gonna die. I dunno if you’ve noticed, but these two behind me,” I pointed at Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon. “Control the Sun and Moon. Nightmare Moon is not an easy thing to tame, and Daybreaker can burn you fuckers to the ground. I’m just here to make sure nothing goes horribly wrong for either party; I’m not fighting anyone, I don’t wanna kill anyone.” I sat down. “So are we gonna chat and get along, as the harmony intended?”

“...Who the heck are you?” the general asked.

“God.” I said.

“Who the fuck is god?”

“Y’know, God.”

“Okay…” The griffin was probably still trying to get over the fact that I was just on fucking fire a moment ago.

Moments later, I was snuggled up under Daybreaker’s wing, while she, Nightmare Moon and the griffin general were discussing the terms and conditions of the griffins’ surrender. Mostly because it was geared towards ponykind surrendering… until Daybreaker made it clear that every griffin in Gryphus would be burnt to the ground by the time she’s done going on a rampage. Despite her tail being made out of fire, it still had a similar consistency to hair and was rather pleasant to lay under, since that was also draped over me.

“And any other griffin that attacks a pony in the future will get killed, sounds good?” Daybreaker asked. She just went off and expertly broke the poor dude’s brain even more. So far, she negotiated and got out of the following:

Some land, just double the size of land that Equestria took up in this timeline; Daybreaker just doubled her country’s size.

Nightmare Moon got her sister to score ten bits for the fun of it.

Also griffins were now illegal in Equestria.

And the Griffin goes back to his king, and has to ‘call him a bitch’, something I requested.

All of this was with a bunch of fancy word play, being smart, and overall, it was kinda hard not to start snickering at what had just gone down. Once that was said and done, the griffin general started marching his army back the way it came. Daybreaker had the treaty and the documents stating the peace between Equestrians and Griffins, Nightmare Moon was holding ten bits and giggling. As soon as the griffins were long out of sight, Daybreaker planted a kiss on her forehead.

“I suppose that is better than dealing with griffins for a while.” She mused.

"Hey, and now your Equestria is the size of my timeline’s Equestria.” I nuzzled into Daybreaker. “This is nice. Have any of your consorts mentioned just how good of a cuddle buddy you are because you’re slightly warmer than the average pony?” I asked.

“I have. Why do you ask?”

“I think, as Daybreaker, you’re comfortably toasty and it’s great. Granted, I do want to go home and snuggle with Celly, but hey. You ever want a snuggle buddy, I guess pass through the portal I came in from and we’ll snuggle up together. I’m sure Lulu and Celly wouldn’t mind a giant, cross-dimensional snuggle party.”

“That is a tempting offer,” Nightmare Moon started pouting. “I’d much rather have you as a consort, though.”

“Ah, ah, ah. Celly already owns my booty. You gotta ask her first. Even if I wouldn’t agree to it anyways.”

“...I suppose.” Nightmare Moon stood up. “Seeing as it is still my turn to rule the kingdom, I shall inform everypony in the caverns that the threat of war is over… for now. My sister and I may still have to burn Gryphus down at some point, just not in the near future.”

“I shall go as well,” Daybreaker planted another kiss on my forehead. “Once you return, tell your Celestia that you love her,” I nodded. “Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, Source. Even if we cannot meet again, or if we can. I wish you well in your future endeavors.” Unfortunately, my heated pillow of an alicorn gently moved me aside and set me down. She then flew off towards Canterlot.

As I stepped back into the alleyway where my portal was, I felt… some fucked up magic again.

“Discord,” I turned around.

“Salutations, my lovely little pony. You… didn’t make things as chaotic as I thought you would. But I suppose harmony is good every now and then.” He shook his head. “Anyways, here is a magical fun fact for you, my little pony.” He patted me on the head. For some fucking reason, my body started leaning in for more headpats on its own. Discord blinked a few times, before he laid down, pulled me on his lap and kept patting me on the head. This was rather pleasant, I’m not even gonna lie with you. I don’t know why I liked this so much.

“What’s the lesson tonight?” I asked.

“Simple. I couldn’t help but overhear how much you actually enjoyed this timeline’s diarchs. Wish you don’t have to fully say goodbye?” He asked. Discord didn't wait for me to answer. “Well, with your fancy, smancy diagnostic spell that only you seem to have… Run it. Notice a difference between this timeline and your own?” I hummed and did exactly that… Wow. There is actually a difference. It's hard to describe, but there is a difference. “Every timeline has its own ambient magic.”

“What about others… dimensions? Like where I came from?”

“Well, if you can get ahold of something from that dimension, run a diagnostic spell,” Discord moved his chicken hand under my chin. Oh… That feels good. “You should be able to pick up ambient magic, or the magical signature. So say you wish to come back here? Run the portal spell while trying to recreate this world’s ambient magic.” He snapped his fingers and a portal opened up. He tossed me in and I came right out of the portal I initially came through. Discord instantly caught me and started rubbing my head again. “Easy to understand.”

“It is. What happens if I go through the original portal?” I sighed in pure, relaxed bliss. Discord's talon is the perfect ear scratcher.

“Oh. You’ll see.” He snapped his fingers again and his portal disappeared. “Well, off you go. I’m sure you’ll enjoy your next adventure throughout the multiverse. Ta-ta!” He started rubbing my belly and my brain shut off… right as I got thrown through the portal. Reality began to fade into black as I traveled through space and time. I could see other worlds flashing by as I went. I was starting to get a little disorientated by the time I hit my apparent destination… Celly’s throne room.

Sitting on that throne was King Sombra. Though he looked… like a normal pony. He was quite handsome to say the least. His eyes were wide in surprise, and I heard six, familiar gasps of surprise. Behind me was… Twilight and her friends, staring at me as I spread my wings and quickly jumped to my hooves. I must’ve looked like an idiot because of the drunken bliss that came to me from Discord rubbing my belly. My horn lit up as soon as I surged to my hooves, casting several charms and enchantments on myself along with reactivating Light Shield since it shut itself off after Discord touched me in pleasurable ways.

I didn’t trust the Sombra in front of me right now and I don’t trust the ponies behind me either.

“...Where the hell am I?” I slowly asked as I got ready to flee at a moment’s notice.

Author's Note

So Source basically winded up in an IDW comic. Reasons why will be dived into next chapter.

Fuck You, Discord.

Before a second could pass, after I casted all the charms and enchantments, I immediately casted a spell on my wings to hide them. That will probably put a target on my back that I do not need right now. Twilight and company looked ready to fight me, until Twilight herself spoke up. She looked… well, like normal Twilight. My Twilight. Granted the eyes are a bit off, but that’s probably because those violet eyes of hers aren’t filled with the warm, friendly look that I’ve come to know. Instead they were mostly curious, but still cautious… She has wings in this… timeline, I suppose. In fact, everypony here, save Sombra, looks like everypony back home.

Sombra himself was eying me with the same curious, but mostly cautious looks that everypony else here was missing. He wasn’t wearing battle armor, he wasn’t covered in smokey, dark magic. He didn’t even radiate dark magic at all. In fact, his magical signature was… wow, he did not have that much magic. Sure, it was a lot, but it was nowhere near my world’s Sombra that’s currently being burnt away in the Sun. Sombra actually looked like a more well-groomed, less evil version of my Sombra with a regal, purple cape with white fluff on it. Upon his head was a similar crown to the other Sombra, though it had a purple band and a yellow gem of some sort, instead of it just being made out of metal.

“What were all those spells you just casted?” Twilight asked. “You casted sixteen of them at once… which is something most average unicorns aren’t able to do. In fact, that’s sixteen spells that I’ve never encountered before." Each one of her little friends looked shocked at that. A spell Twilight didn't know? And sixteen of them at that? Holy fuck!

“I’m making sure that, no matter what happens in the next five minutes, I don’t implode. I’ve casted fourteen charms and enchantments, and a spell that I’ve dubbed the Light Shield. Each spell is from a system of magic I’ve made myself. I won’t say what the last spell I casted; I don’t want anypony finding out about what I am, and no, I am not a fucking changeling. If you think I am a changeling, you’re fucking stupid.” I kept my gaze on Sombra the whole time. “So what’s up?” I asked, stepping into a more relaxed pose.

There’s no need to let them know that I can use DragonFire, or any of the other spells in my repertoire that I can use to escape.

“...Who are you?” Sombra asked.

“Uh…” I hummed. “Source Code. I’m… a dimension hopper as it seems. I’m not exactly what you’d call a ‘mage’ or whatever. I was supposed to be learning how to use portal magic, and wounded up here instead of back home while trying to get back home. I believe I know who you are, King Sombra. Then there’s Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie. Apple Jack and Fluttershy. And then there’s Rainbow Dash and Rarity. Whole herd’s here. Uh…” I hummed. “What the fuck is going on?”

“...You’re a dimension hopper?” Apple Jack asked. Fuck. She’s looking skeptical. The problem I’m gonna have is hiding the truth from her; she’s a goddamn lie detector inside of a mare.

“Yeah. I’m from Equestria… I guess I’ll call my timeline ‘Python’ for now, since the main difference I’m noticing across all these timelines I’ve come across, all of three, I’m… not a thing across any of them. Like I’m unique to my home timeline. Back home, Sombra isn’t a ruler, well, not a good one. Cadance and I just got done kicking that guy’s ass before I started trying to take lessons on portal magic. Celestia and Luna are the main princesses of Equestria, I’ve got a kid named Button Mash, sweet little unicorn, and I’m a thing that exists, according to my son, I guess.

“I’m not a super strong mage; most unicorns probably could overpower me. But I am a mage and I like to believe I’m somewhat powerful.” I teleported to the side of the room without Python so this universe’s Twilight, or Sombra, would pick up anything bizarre from me using my spell system. My horn immediately started aching and I developed a very fleeting migraine. “I can cast spells, and have a large catalog of spells to choose from. I just lack the magic reserves to constantly use those spells and often fall flat of what is expected of me.

“Despite that, Princess Celestia picked me as her consort, and as one of her personal students alongside Twilight Sparkle, who’s a unicorn… I dunno how. Buck, I don’t even know how I became Celly’s husband, but god damn I’m lucky.” I hummed. So far everypony, AJ included, was believing me. That’s good. Not telling the full truth, but not telling any blatant lies. Celly taught me that. Something about politics. Sombra cleared his throat.

“You are married… to another Celestia?” He asked.

“I am. I don’t believe I know your Celestia,” I pointed out.

“I know of… Two Celestias,” Sombra spoke. “Are there other worlds? Like more than these two? Or do we know of the same Celestia?”

“Apparently there's hundreds of alternate realities, I flew by a few dozen of them after some fuckwad named Discord tossed me in here after he rubbed my belly. Dickhead. Anyways, you know of two Celestias, so I assume you know of two Lunas.” I pointed out. “Because I just left a timeline where both Celestia and Luna are the same age, and have complete control of their… darker forms. Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon. Alter Egos if you will. I think. I know of another world, my own, where Luna has a coltfriend, and I’m Celly’s husband.”

“...Nightmare Moon and Luna are two separate entities,” Twilight pointed out. “And who is Daybreaker?”

Ah. Even in this timeline, she’s her little group’s leader.

“Back home, they’re alter-egos. Right down to the point where I got Nightmare Moon to apologize for sending Celly to the Sun during the Summer Sun Celebration.” And with that other timeline I was just in, I suppose. “Alter-egos that come to being because of their negative emotions.”

I immediately picked up on a magical signature I was all too familiar with, though this one had a darker feeling to it… Two familiar magical signatures. “Oh fuck-”

The side of the throne room got blasted open by Celestia and Luna. Unlike my Celly and Lulu, they… did not look very nice or friendly. In fact, they looked just a little murdery. One thing I instantly noticed was they were actually using eye shadow. Like any stallion of culture, my eyes immediately went to Celestia’s flanks, and noted that the center of the sun on her cutie mark was blackened out. Luna had a blood moon. Both… actually had their manes cut shorter than Celly and Lulu back home. Celestia’s crown almost looked like a pair of dragon horns, whereas Luna was wearing a crown that resembled bat wings. Celestia’s necklace had a short, purple hood in it. The two of them were wearing a set of boots… Celestia had a purple set and Luna had red boots.

Celestia had her hair and tail tied back, with her tail ending in a scorpion’s tip. Luna had her mane in a ponytail and her tail was tied back too.

They immediately saw Twilight, since she was the only alicorn in the room besides them.

While the two of them began to tease Twilight, which ended up being not a good idea, I started devising a plan. You see, when Celly or Lulu are in a room, even if they do their best to lower their magical signature to not seem imposing, you can still feel them in the room. Their signatures never fully go away. I’ve felt Celly’s whole magical signature, and constantly do feel it because of our wedding rings… though I’ve left mine at home so I wouldn’t lose it in another timeline.

That would be bad.

But anyways, with my diagnostic spell, I can tell just how much magic is being released by a pony and if it’s all their magic. Celestia and Luna, these two at least, don’t fill the whole room. In fact, Twilight the Alicorn, seemed to have a larger presence. I suppose when you’re evil, and by default, stronger than everyone else, you don’t need much of a reason to improve. One can seek power to keep their loved ones safe. Or you can already have power and be a complete asshole.

Celestia and Luna, here at least, are complete assholes with power.

Luna got stung by Twilight, who was clearly getting sick of being teased. She probably also didn’t like having an alicorn’s hoof so close to her head; she’s lucky her head’s still attached to her neck right now.

And fighting ensued almost immediately afterwards. As soon as Celestia threw her first volley of spells at the girls, I immediately put up a barrier in front of the girls, and simply remained seated. Luna tried, but I immediately casted a Mirror in front of the girls, and Luna’s attack went right out the wall that got blown up. I remained in my spot, silently observing. Everypony seemingly forgot I was here since they all turned to me and started blinking. Oh. I’m using Python. Well that fucking sucks; they know my secrets now. I simply tilted my head and remained silent.

I even curled my tail around my hooves like a good little stallion.

“Oh?” Celestia asked as she started stepping towards me, her sister in tow. “And who do we have here?”

“Howdy,” I said in the most friendly, fast food customer service voice I could manage. “I’m Source!” I waved. I wish I either had whisky, or still had my old McDonalds uniform from when I worked there. That would’ve been funny.

“Oh, she has sent her consort along as well?” Celestia asked as she got closer to me. I know I reeked of my Celly. It’s something I proudly bore. This Celestia had a lot of perfume on, and it woulda made me gag if I were in any other situation than this one.

I nodded along. “I am a consort of a Celestia. Mind telling me what’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing much,” Celestia giggled. “Dear, King Sombra here was about to accept my offer. After all, if he takes it, his kingdom is safe!”

“Lemme guess, you wanna go to another Equestria, where another Celestia resides, and fuck up that Equestria?” I asked. I tilted my head. “If so, then that’s a damn shame.”

“...You’re a perceptive little thing,” Luna pointed out. “And he radiates with such power…” She hummed.

“Perhaps we shall-” now you see, when Celly tries to stroke my jaw with her hoof, it’s a good thing. It feels good, I like it, she likes doing it. Celly is so gentle with me, and I’m the same with her. Celestia, however? Bitchlestia touching me? nah. I was on the other side of the room in a heartbeat after using a teleport. I don’t want my neck to get snapped. I don’t plan on dying here. “What?’ Bitchlestia asked. “I thought you would like a familiar touch. After all, how can your princess compare to I?” She said in… she’s trying to sound seductive. “I mean, the best roses are always covered in thorns.”

That would be an enticing offer if I fucked with crazy cunts.

“The moment I let you touch me you’re gonna break something. I don’t plan on being broken, you dirty little whore.” I lit my horn. “Come now,” I said. “I’ve fought my Celly, and she’s a shitload stronger than you; I will kick your shit in.” Even if I really do not want to have to. Luna was at her sister’s side in a moment, their horns ignited.

My Light Shield caught their spells and immediately grounded them down into dust. I side stepped another spell and shielded my rear as Luna tried to get a hit on me from behind. I DragonFired out of the way before goading Bitchlestia and Cuntuna to one side of the room. I didn’t even fight back, I was leading the fight… I went around a pillar, before spinning around and grabbing Bitchlestia with some telekinesis, and spun out the way just in time for Luna to accidentally slam into her sister.

“Boom,” I said. As soon as this happened, a letter appeared in Sombra’s grasp and he started reading it. I immediately brought up a shield, waiting for what the King wanted.

“Stop,” Sombra said. Before his horn could even light to bring a barrier up, I formed my shield into a barrier and kept our group separated from the dazed, villainous princesses.

“Come on!” Celestia said as soon as she shook away her daze. “Fight us like a stallion!” She growled. “Or are you too scared?” she pounded on the barrier, but it held strong, so I took my focus off of her for a moment.

“Sombra,” I said. “Wassup?” I asked. I stopped trying to hide my wings. I just held them to my sides.

“You attacking those two affects the other world’s Celestia and Luna,” Sombra began to explain. He was holding a letter, “our worlds are very closely bonded, even if they are not closely bonded to yours, apparently. I suppose our worlds may not be as close as yours for some reason. But needless to say, don't hurt those two even if you might want to.” He wasn’t even fazed by me being an alicorn, or was trying to keep a straight face.

“So I can’t just fight them, I got it.” I turned to see both Celestia and Luna eying me. “What’s up?”

“Another alicorn?” Celestia asked.

“No, I’m a pegacorn. The main difference is… I’m not even that strong. My world’s Celly would deck me any day of the week. My world’s Twilight would fucking mop the floor with my corpse if we actually fought to the death. I’m weak, but I’m not an idiot. Fighting two alicorns dead on is suicide,” I cracked my shoulders. “So, we ain’t fighting til we find a way to kick your asses without hurting the other Celestia and Luna. They may not be my Celly and Lulu, but I don’t want them getting murdered because I killed you two.” Or rather, get them killed. I doubt I could actually deal damage with my own attacks. Not to these two at least.

I think the fact that these two, while similar to my Celly and Lulu, look vastly different. Unlike in that timeline that left me scarred, where they looked exactly like Celly and Lulu, just evil.

“Well,” Celestia growled. “If I can not extract my revenge on you for making a fool of me, I shall see my leave.” I put a tracking spell on both asshats without them noticing; Python’s cool since nopony else, across any timeline, has encountered it as it seems. My horn unlit and the barrier went down as the two dickless dickheads flew off into the sunset. It would’ve been beautiful, even a lovely sight; Celestia no matter the universe was a sight to behold, after all.

Though this Celestia was a crazy fucking bitch.

“What the buck?” Said Twilight’s voice. I turned around, after stretching like a cat. I was needing a good stretch, maybe even a nap. I turned to see the Girls staring at me in awe. Sombra was too, now that he didn’t have to keep a straight face. “What were all those spells?” She asked. “Actually, what was that spell output?” She continued. “And did you just ascend on the spot?” She asked. Great, Twilight will Twilight no matter the verse. “You casted sixteen different charms and enchantments at once, used three different spell systems, two of which I’ve never seen before, and you’re doing it casually!”

“Uh,” I hummed. “I dunno. Seriously, I’m not that strong, magic-wise. You could literally beat the shit out of me really easily-”

“You just fought Princess Celestia and Princess Luna,” Apple Jack pointed out. “You fought them and didn’t instantly die.”

“And you had complete control over that fight,” Rainbow pointed out. “You didn’t-”

“Again, my Celly hits harder than either of those dickheads while we’re sparring. You get stronger to protect the people you love. That Celestia is content; she’s already able to kill somebody with a spell pretty easily, no need to improve, right? I’ve also sparred with Celestia and Luna in the past. Mine at least; I know how they fight, and their synergy while fighting together is flawless. They’ve shown me how they fight, without holding back, while fighting illusions. Celestia and Luna, this world at least, were not synergized at all. I dunno if Celly actively knows it, but when she fights with Luna, she often fights and tries her damn best to keep Luna out of harm’s way. Luna does the same. Here, they were getting in the way of each other, like when Luna flanked me when Celestia was trying to hit me with some high power spell, and couldn’t because Luna was there. Or when I made them run into each other.

“Plus, they’ve never encountered somepony like me. I’ve a spell system they’ve never seen, I kept myself as a unicorn the whole time to make them more willing to try and kill me; I look a lot less assuming without wings, me thinks.” I shrugged. “I dunno. If I tried that shit back home, I woulda died.”

“...Spell system? You used three!”

“I used a conventional spell system to make myself appear weak. I used Python, my own custom built spell system, and then Light Shield made its own spell system whenever I almost got hit. I can’t reproduce any of the spells Light Shield creates.” I shrugged. “By the way,” I hummed. “I know where those two dickbutts are. Since they don’t know Python, they don’t know that I put tracking spells on them. I may go hunt them down and talk to Luna.”

“...But they’ll try and kill you again,” Twilight pointed out.

“And Evil Luna, honestly, looks adorable. She probably just needs a hug,” I shrugged. “Evil Celestia though? No shot in hell that she’s redeemable. Luna looks like she could be convinced to not be evil, Celestia just seems set in her ways. Fuck, I counted at least six times where Celestia looked like she wanted to hit Luna instead of me during that fight. Luna was trying to keep my focus off of Celestia; Luna cares about her sister, yet her sister doesn’t give two fucks. I’ve learnt how to read those faces a while ago; I can tell when Celestia cares, and god damn does she care about her sister. Evil Celestia doesn’t.”

Sombra nodded. “I see.” He looked around. I don’t think any of what I said actually stuck. Fluttershy was eying my wings, Rarity was eying my entire me, AJ and Rainbow were eying me legs, and Twilight was brainstorming ways to take out Celestia and Luna.

“What if you went and talked to Luna, then?” Twilight asked.

“Mmm. I could. I’ll wait though.” I shrugged. “It’s wise to not mess with what’s going on in other timelines.”

“Yeah! You don’t want to mess with the canon, not canon comic, Source!” Pinkie pointed out. Pinkie, no matter the Pinkie, is fucking weird. “C’mon Cody, you know for a fact that we’ve met before-”

“Da fawk? How do you know that name?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about it!” Pinkie giggled.

“So,” I turned to Twilight, since I’m going to assume she has a plan. “What are we gonna do about the crazy alicorns that want us all dead?” I asked.

“Well…” Twilight went on and on about how we can’t actually fight the evil princesses without hurting her timeline’s princesses, so… we were going to imprison them with crystals. Magic absorbent crystals, so that the evil princesses can’t really get out, but aren’t actually hurt in any way shape or form. I hummed. I pulled two magic prohibiting rings from my Magical Butt Tattoo Pocket™. I slowly looked at them again, and back at Twilight.

“How hard is it to make a jail cell that an earth pony can’t immediately break out of?” I asked.

“Not very,” Sombra answered. “Why?”

“I could just knock both princesses out and slip them on them; it’s a new thing I’ve been testing. I once tested Dark Magic, and while fighting my timeline’s version of Sombra, worked out a Superconducting Loop spell. Basically it takes an opponent’s magic and uses it against them…” I lifted the two rings. “So each time the evil princesses try to use magic, which would eventually break a regular prohibiting ring, these ones should strengthen every time. It’s a mixture of the Runes I’ve written into this shit, and also using bronze; something that doesn’t exactly conduct magic.” I tapped them. “We could stun them and lock them in a jail cell, or stick them in crystals. Whichever y’all prefer…”

We aren’t alone. Luna’s watching us.

I didn’t mention a word to anypony though. In order for my own actual plan to work. As much as I like Twilight's foolproof, super thought out plan, what’s stopping me from taking the best, most efficient route?

As in I was going in blind, and hoping for the best… Twilight, my Twilight, would beat the shit out of me for having such a poorly knitted together plan. I don’t got a backup plan, quite frankly, I think we’re all fucked since the moment I run out of magic, I’m gonna die. The moment these two timelines collide, we’re fucked. The moment that Celestia and Luna quit toying around with us, because they’re assholes, we’re dead. I may have said that I can tell how much magic Celestia and Luna were using, but they were toying with me.

Despite them actually trying to kill me.

They still sucked shit on synergy and subsequently are way easier to fight than Celly and Lulu at the same time…

That doesn’t matter. Two alicorns is two alicorns, and I don’t think they’re gonna give me the space to work my Source Code Shenanigans again.

The sky was beginning to crack and stuff. The worlds are growing closer with every moment; the world’s ambient magic was fucked up. While that was happening though, I took the time to find a spell book… Wow, the same three basics to magic, Runes, Will, and then Hybridizing the two into actual spells. I should amend what I initially discovered upon coming to Equestria simply because nopony really corrected me since I guess I wasn’t completely wrong? Runes and Will were really the main components of spell casting. You can technically cast with one or the other on their own, but combining the two makes it so casting more complicated spells is easier.

Runes were a way to remember a spell, commands, essentially. Will is basically your ability to work through calculations, and then you Hybridize them to get spells such as Teleport. Will can be used alone to do stuff like mind control or Levitation. Runes can be used for enchantments and charms. When you use Runes though, you do use a little bit of Will to work out the calculations... Unless you etch them into something like a wall for enchanting, I guess. When you use Will, you really don’t use Runes at all. When you mash them together, you get spells that are actually repeatable and are able to be written down.

The problem is that when Hybridizing, Runes take up a good amount of magic, and time, then Will takes up more magic.

So Python shortened both processes down and led to a greater result. Though it only did so much in that department and still really fucking sucked if you were already a magical monster when it came to spell casting. At least Celly trying to use Python got me to learn just how much she likes seeing her stallion in a suit. Then she found out, somehow, that I like ladies that dress up in suits… She definitely read my diary. Oh well. I was gonna read hers, but hers is the size of my fucking torso.

Celly is one hundred percent reading my diary with Button while I’m here. I just hope I can get home for dinner like Discord said I would.

Anyways, I found a portal spell and I immediately started trying to work it into Python’s better optimized Runes and Will.

I laid in the throne room, trying to figure out how the fuck I’m gonna convert this spell into Pyrhon. Sombra was explaining the differences between ‘Equestria Prime’ or what Pinkie called ‘Cannon but not really Cannon’, and Sombra’s world, which I am gonna call ‘Equestria Composite’ for now. I was trying to stay out of the way and let the big ponies do what they do best, which is actually use their brains to come up with a plan. And mostly so Prime Twilight doesn’t start asking me for all the differences between my world and these two. Sombra started regaling us all of how he and Prime Celestia met and became lovers or something. I didn’t pay much attention. The whole time, Luna was in the shadows, the evil one, watching us.

I still didn’t say anything. I don’t want anypony knowing about how easy it is for me to pick up on a pony’s presence.

Or my other abilities.

Using DragonFire was already too much of a showoff, and nopony even knew what the fuck Light Shield did, or even was. They just assumed it was a fancy shield spell.

Even though we both had basically the same plan, mine being cheaper, nopony really thought that my plan would be very good. Which was just to stick some rings on both princesses and call it a day. Crystals were better, apparently, and Twilight got all the praise for said plan. I didn’t care; it was going to go poorly and we’re all gonna die. So I had my own secret plans. The first step was hugging Luna. The second step was removing Evil Celestia’s Magic. The last step was throwing her in the ocean in a body bag… If I have the guts to actually do that. I probably won’t. If I could I’d just hug both of them and make them not evil.

I still think only Evil Luna is redeemable even if Sombra says she isn’t. I can still see some good in her, not a lot, but some.

Before long, we were walking towards the Castle of the Two Sisters, which sat nicely on a hill. I decided to hide my magical signature and instantly start DragonFiring around the hill the castle sat on, before Skywalking so nopony would actually notice me. You know, the fact that nopony noticed that I went missing says a lot about the situation, but quite frankly, that worked out for me. As soon as I got into position, I started watching Evil Celestia and Luna as they were watching Prime Girls and Composite Sombra approached their castle.

As Celestia began telling Luna about her plan, something important happened that I noted. Luna really did think her sister wanted to rule alongside her. While Celestia probably had zero use for Luna beyond using her to get a leg up in the world. Tis a shame; even in this world, Luna was a bit of a dork. I continued to watch them. Sombra and the girls finally got up to the castle, Sombra was giving a speech about how ‘your defeat is nigh’ or whatever, Rainbow, in Rainbow Fashion, almost got herself killed by trying to charge at two alicorns… if Apple Jack weren’t there, Rainbow would be smeared on the ground she was hovering over.

I watched and watched until Celestia’s horn lit up. I was thinking she may attack the ponies down below, and I was going to stop her-

HOLY SHIT THAT IS FUCKED UP!

Celestia just struck Luna. That’s it. That’s fucking it. That’s fucked up even for me.

You don’t hurt your siblings, let alone try to kill them like what Celestia just did.

I slapped the ring on the bitch of an alicorn, that was this world’s Celestia, and jumped off the balcony after Luna. I caught her in my hooves and formed a Bubble Shield around us before we hit the ground. The poor lass was burnt where the spell actually hit her. As soon as the Bubble hit the ground, I used Friction to keep us rolling and possibly hurting Luna more. She was still alive, still breathing, but not very well… That hit her in the ribs dude. As the worlds started to merge, I watched as yet another Celestia, holding her injured Luna, appeared.

I laid there, holding the evil Luna as I watched the following events unfold. Evil Celestia jumped off the balcony, but because flying for ponies is more magic based, fell off the balcony. I caught her with my own Levitation and laid her on the ground… After Gluing her side to the grass. Composite Luna was starting to awaken at least. I still laid there, holding her as she slowly blinked.

“What…?” She lifted her head, only to bump into my jaw.

That didn’t feel good for either of us. My teeth clicked when my jaw got forced close, and Luna bumped her head.

“Fuck!”
“Buck!”

We both blinked, we were still in the Bubble I got to my hooves while Evil Luna stared at me from her spot on the ground. She was doing a lot better, thank god for Alicorn toughness. “Are you alright?” I asked, lending a hoof to her. Fuck me for adoring Luna so damn much. She tilted her head. “I don’t think taking a hit, or a fall, or a hit to the head is very healthy.” I rubbed my jaw. Ow. It still kinda hurts.

“Is this some sort of trick?” She asked. Mmm. Fucking Lunas and their ability to be cute no matter what. Even the murdery ones.

“Nope.” I shook my head. “Remember how I smell like your sister, or that I am the consort of your sister from another world?” I asked.

“I do. Why do you ask?”

“Simply put, my Luna, my Lulu, is a lot like a sister to me. Our roles switch from time to time, sometimes she plays ‘big sister’, sometimes I play ‘big brother’. Luna wants to be the older sibling, and I was an older sibling to three other siblings so we often take turns being the big sibling. With that said, however, I adore Luna. I’ve been to many other timelines, all of three. My own, one where you, your sister, Cadance, and Twilight were all alicorns and committing genocide. Lastly, one with Celestia and Luna, as true equals, with complete control over their ‘evil’ forms.

“I do not enjoy seeing Luna, any Luna, get hurt. Even the evil ones like yourself.” I kept my hoof offered to her. “Well?”

“...Okay…” she took my hoof and I pulled her up. She sat on her rump. “I am still feeling a little sore,” she nearly stumbled and fell again, had I not got to her side and held her up. “You do understand that I could be deceiving you, correct? I could break your neck right now if I wanted to. It would be rather entertaining,” she mused.

“I know you could, but I also know you’re hurting. I know how hard Celestia can hit, and regardless of the world, she hits fucking hard. I don’t think she went light on you, did she?” I asked.

Luna started rubbing her chest fluff. “...My chest hurts and so does my right foreleg.”

“That makes sense, that took the blunt of the strike,” I hummed. “Hey you’re alive, aren’t you?”

“...Perhaps,” Luna grinned maliciously. “You won’t be soon.”

“Yes I will,” I patted and rubbed her head. “I know you’re hurting way more than you’re letting on, or I would’ve been dead already.”

“...How?”

“I spend a lot of time with Lulu, I know when she’s hiding shit. For instance, she feels the need to torture herself when she sleeps with… something, I don’t know what. I also don’t know why; she atoned for what she did. Lulu got stuck on the moon for a thousand years, and constantly tried to make breakfast for Celly upon her return. She’s a little cinnamon roll, like I know you could be.” I laid down and Evil Luna followed suit. I instantly teleported out of the bubble. Only then did she notice the ring on her head. “But I know that probably won’t happen.”

“Why…” We turned to see Evil Celestia, having been dragged down from her balcony, laying on the ground while… I guess that’s Prime Celestia, glaring down at her evil reflection. “I wasn’t going to hurt you.”

“You were, you were going to try and break my neck at some point; I know my Lulu, and I like to believe I know Luna as a whole.” I shook my head. “I feel bad for ya; at a moment’s notice your sister would happily wanna kill you. If it wouldn’t completely fuck up both your world and Prime Twilight’s world, I’d offer you a home back in my timeline. I would, but then you’d probably turn around and try to kill us all.” I shook my head. “I had hopes, Luna.”

“...I will kill you the moment I get out of this Bubble and get this ring off of my horn.” I ignored her and walked over to Prime Luna. She… had the same injury that Composite Luna did. I prodded her with a hoof until a golden beam whizzed towards my head. If Light Shield wasn’t active I probably woulda died. Celestia, Prime Celestia, was standing in an offensive stance, glaring at me. Mmm. That cannot be good. I blinked after Light Shield teleported.

“Whoa there,” I raised my hooves. “Why are you attacking me?”

“You were near Luna,” Celestia growled. “While she’s hurt! You’re clearly protecting her,” she pointed at the Composite Luna. She tried putting herself between myself and Prime Luna, but I teleported behind her and knelt down. I put a hoof on Luna's neck, and patted it.

“You alright?” I asked.

“Wha…?” She was still dazed. “I don’t want to be an accountant…” She slurred.

“Thatta girl,” I patted her neck again and stood up. “I’m not on anyone’s side, Princess.” I sat down. “I’m not here to fix or cause problems, as I just want to go home.” I tilted my head. “Mmm, actually no. You’re fucking terrifying when you’re pissed the fuck off. I would know; my Celly damn near seared a griffin with just her glare alone when said griffin tried to kidnap me. Good times,” I chuckled. “So uh, I’m dating you, or rather, another timeline’s you.” I sat on my rump and looked around. “It seems like your world is getting smashed into this one,” I hummed. “Uh…” That is really not good.

“Holy shit this place is fucked,” I mused.

“Oh sweet moon,” Prime Luna mumbled as she stared up at me. “You’re handsome.”

“You’re underage,” I said immediately. I patted her head again. “When you’re older, we’ll talk!” I joked. “So, Princess Celestia, wanna attack me again? It won’t work; works wonders.” I hummed. I walked back over to where Evil Luna was held captive; she just broke a hole through my Bubble. “Howdy.”

“Hold it,” Princess Celestia ordered. “Who are you?” She asked. I turned away from Evil Luna who was now, like a distinguished little lady, sitting like a cat, with her tail curled in front of her, watching every move. “What are you? Your magical signature is… unlike anything I have seen before.”

“Just some guy. You could kick my shit in if you wanted to,” I shrugged. “So how’re y’all gonna fix your worlds? Finna be honest, I don’t know how the fuck I can fix this.”

“Your accent is rather unique as well…” We stopped as King Sombra stepped up, the Elements of Harmony in tow. “What are you doing, Sombra?”

“I believe I know how to fix this…” He said matter-of-oh fuck he’s gonna get himself killed. “If I can drain the evil from my world’s Celestia and Luna… then our worlds may fix themselves.” Seeing as Evil Luna was trapped and Evil Celestia was currently chained to the ground, they really couldn’t move. As Sombra absorbed the darkness within his world’s Celestia and Luna, Prime Celestia went up and hugged him, I suppose in a way to support him?

“Why hello!” I turned around to see… Discord. Motherfucking Discord. “Well that’s some rude inner dialogue, my little chaos master. You seem to have not made as much of an impact on this world as I thought. Hmm…” He hummed and started scratching my ears with his talon. “I could send you back home. You would still appear around supper, don’t worry, time works differently across the multiverse when I’m involved. I’ll just have to call in a favor from my least favorite Doctor to make due on my promises.

“Though I wonder,” he hummed some more. I was trying to maintain my mind and not accept the ear scratches. “I wonder how much Cannonlestia would feel about dealing with a male alicorn, hmm?” Just as he said that, Composite Sombra flew off into the distance, now resembling Sombra at home. I kinda felt bad for the dude. I felt bad for Celestia. It took everything in my power to not break away and comfort her. “Oh! I know!” Discord picked me up and walked towards the portal that was now closing. “Go, enjoy the view! Painted hills, colored skies, a wondrous view that simply strikes the heart!” He threw me into it since I couldn’t really do much; I was getting a belly rub.

“FUUUUUCK YOOOOU DISSSSCORDDD!” I shouted as I trailed behind Prime Celestia.

I never even got to finish the Python Based Portal Spell.

Thud.

“Fucking hell, man,” I grumbled… THERE IS FUCKING GLASS IN MY SHOULDER.

“...So I guess we have that now,” Twilight, Prime Twilight said. “A male alicorn.”

“Fuckin’ hell!” I yanked the glass out of my shoulder and started healing it. As I did that I slowly realized something important. “Uh…” My horn lit and my wings were hidden. “Please don’t hurt me, I already hurt myself.” I gestured to the nicely sized hole in my left shoulder because a piece of glass got stuck in it. Luckily, after I took the glass out, I healed it. So I wasn’t bleeding out.

Twilight started eying me as did the rest of her friends. “I believe… I have some questions for you.”

I slowly looked at the piece of glass in my magic, it was still floating there. Now Source, you have Celly and Button to make it home to. You do not want to die. You shouldn’t kill yourself. Source, stop. You could go home and find a way to introduce your mother to Celly. You need to see Button graduate. You need to watch your kid get married and cry when you realize just how fast he’s grown. I sighed, and took a deep breath before putting the glass down.

“Aight, what do you want to discuss?” I asked, unhiding my wings.

I better be able to find my way home after this.

Author's Note

And thus, Source made his way into the Cannon Timeline... Oh boy.

I Have Problems. A Lot of Them.

Princess Twilight watched me closely, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t mind this,” she slipped a fucking ring on my horn. “We don’t really know who you are, or what you’re capable of. You did kind of help out back in Composite Equestria, but we still don’t know what you’re playing at. With how you handedly took on two alicorns without instantly getting annihilated, makes me think we can’t trust you.” I took my wallet out and started digging through it for a Single Bit coin, which was literally a Bit that costed… one bit. Bits could get annoying in large quantities, so you can get one, five, ten, twenty, fifty, one hundred, and even thousand bit coins. It’s essentially like a dollar, I guess, without the paper that comes with it. I specifically wanted a single bit coin to toss and catch with my hooves.

“Mmm, that’s fair, but also,” I tilted my head. “Why deem me a threat? I don’t wanna fight, I wanna go home. This ain’t my world, my Celly doesn’t use perfume like your Celestia does. Or makeup at all,” I noted. Prime Celestia seemed a little shocked at how I noticed that. “What? I can see some eyeshadow, and I know what my Celly looks like with any amount of makeup on.” I tossed the coin and caught it with my hoof. “Also this,” I pointed at the ring. “Wouldn’t stop me if I wanted to hurt anypony, or could outright hurt another alicorn with my meager strength in magic.”

“...How would that ring not stop you?” Celestia asked, walking to the forefront of the room. “And you claim to know yet another Celestia. You are also an alicorn, a male at that.”

“I am indeed a unicorn with wings, and I do indeed know another Celestia, Sun Butt as I sometimes called her, Celly, or Cielo Soleado if she’s in trouble.” The other Celestia looked shocked. “That’s right, I know your full name, Cielo. However, I almost never use that name with my Celly. Or with any Celestia for that matter; Celestia just rolls off the tongue better.” I started channeling magic through the bit and lifted the ring off my horn. “And also, that’s why a magic prohibiter wouldn’t work on me. I’m not a very powerful mage, but I like to think I’m a resourceful one.” I tossed the bit in my magic, before getting my wallet out and catching the bit with it. I’m gonna buy some whisky later and forget this ever happened.

“You used a bit as a wand,” Twilight said dumbly. “...And you can use it to bypass any means we have at containing you.”

“Hey, treat me nicely and with respect, maybe give me the possibility of sending me home, and I’m chilling. Well, the second one might be a huge maybe; I doubt anypony here knows portal magic super good. Just don’t try and murder me, and I’m not a threat. Hell, if you do want me dead, don’t give me space or time to breathe while doing so. I’ve killed four… alicorns in another timeline because I had enough time to devise a plan. I couldn’t have outright killed Cadance, not an evil one at least, but give me time to form a plan and the whole Crystal Empire will be gone…

“HOWEVER, seeing as the last time I did something like that, my already horrible mental health problems started getting worse, I don’t wanna do that. Cadance, back home, is my niece. I don’t exactly want to hurt her no matter the timeline. Hell, if I coulda, since she has a whole kingdom to rule too, I’d snag her from Shiny for the day, take her to the spa, and then hangout with her. Feck, back home, Luna’s my sister and in law, and I treat her like she’s my adoptive sibling. Which is why I went to both your Luna, and the other Luna during that whole world colliding fiasco; I don’t like seeing her get hurt.

“Hell, that other Celestia with the boots and whole getup, was a rather lovely sight… if that Celestia didn’t try to immediately break my neck upon meeting me.” Celly in boots, very hot. I might buy her a pair. I bowed my head. “No matter the timeline, I suppose, or the world, Celestia is a sight for sore eyes.” I tried my best to look serious. “And if any of you prevent me from making my way back to my Celly, or to my son, I will make you regret any decision you had on trying to keep me here. So no, I ain’t being used so you alicorns can get preggers or whatever. I am a one mare stallion and I found her in another castle.”

…

“Did you say you’ve killed four alicorns?” Luna asked, looking concerned. “In another timeline?”

“Yeah, evil versions of you, Celestia, Cadance and Twilight. I wouldn’t say they were horrible people, but they also burnt a village to the ground after killing everypony living in it, talked about alicorn supremacy, apparently killed somepony named Thorax-” I just realized who they killed in that fucked up timeline. Jesus christ that’s fucked. “After wiping his kingdom out, they also tried to kill me and were also committing genocide. They were terrible ponies, and frankly, if it weren’t for how I took them out, I wouldn’t feel bad for them… The problem was watching Luna’s eyes while she was dying, killing Celestia, blowing-” I clutched the side of my head at the thought of that. In, out. In. Out. I took one last breath, thought of Button in his little Nightmare Night costume, and shook my head a few times.

“Uh… look, let’s drop the subject, aight? Just watching the life leave Luna’s eyes, no matter the Luna, is already mentally fucking me up,” I took one last deep breath. “Anyways, I think I’m developing theories since some version of Discord really, really likes me and has either helped me out, or fucked me over like he has twice now. Tossed me in here instead of tossing me in a portal home.” I sat on my rump and crossed my forelegs. “So, what do you all want-”

“I want to see how strong you are, then,” Luna said.

“But… you literally took a hit so hard that it disoriented two of you, and knocked you out for a while.”

“Please, I wouldn’t have been called Equestria’s Sword, if I couldn’t get back up and fight at a moment’s notice.”

“Can’t we not do that and skip straight to the questionnaire instead?” I asked. “I really don’t wanna hurt you.” Too bad for what I want is never what I seem to get.

No, we couldn’t. Celestia dragged us straight to a dueling arena that was somewhere in Canterlot, designed specifically for her and Luna to spar whenever they felt like it. I sat there on my butt, wondering why I even woke up today or had plans of doing things. I coulda just laid in bed the whole day, holding Button, snuggling with Celly. Instead, I’m in another timeline, I think, getting ready to fight Luna, a Luna I didn’t wanna fight. In fact, I really didn’t want to fight. So, as Twilight began counting down, because I guess she’s a referee now, I laid on my stomach and slowly brought my forelegs up to my head and held my head with them.

“FUTURE!” I then rolled out of the way of some stupid spell that Luna threw at me. What was it? I don’t know. It was stupid and it probably would've hurt if it hit me. So it was actually really stupid. I rolled out of another attack, I think my diagnostic spell knew what it was, but I didn’t care. I was still contemplating why the fuck I am alive.

“Can we not?” I asked as I used a Mirror to deflect Luna’s attack into the ceiling. “I’m not fighting back. So there’s literally no point.” I haven’t gotten up from where I was laying-

Ow. Fucking ow.

Luna just threw me at a wall from the other side of the room, with her stupid spells that hurt.

“This is why my Lulu is better,” I lifted a hoof, before letting it fall limp. “She just lets me snuggle up with her, doesn’t ask me to spar with her out of the bucking blue, and she’s my Lulu.” I miss Luna’s Loving Lunar Hugs from a Loving Luna. I grumbled to myself. I continued laying there, pretending to be knocked out when Prime Luna walked up to me and placed a hoof on my side.

“I didn’t hit you too hard, did-” I hit her with a stun, which made her topple over, and then dragged her onto my back and started walking out of the arena.

“I. Fucking. Hate. Fighting.” I said as soon as I handed Luna off to Celestia. “Take care of her; she isn’t hurt, just paralyzed until that spell wears off.”

“That was a cheap trick,” Celestia noted. “Pretending to be hurt to sucker punch my sister.” She sounded like a disappointed mother. Celly woulda been trying not to laugh at Lulu for falling for that trick. This Celestia sounded like she wanted to reprimand me for pulling the trick in the first place and then reprimand Luna for falling for it.

“I don’t wanna try and overpower or out duel you or Luna. I know how horribly that would end. I get by off of being a little weasel. I’ll freely admit that I lost, or was gonna lose, if I kept fighting. It’s why I kept laying on the ground shouting ‘future’ into the ground. I wanna fucking die, believe it or not.” I rubbed the back of my head. “Feckin’ hell, Luna, did you have to throw me at the wall?”

“I couldn’t,” Luna slurred, the Stun was still affecting her. “Bucking hit you. When I hit you dead on, you seem to teleport out of the way unharmed, and when I don’t, you roll out of the way screaming ‘future’ again.”

“Oh. Yeah. Light Shield. Mhm. I remember my own inventions in spell casting."

“And that,” Twilight Sparkle walked up to me, and somehow ended up nuzzled under my wing. “Is exactly going to be on the questionnaire I’ve prepared for you while you were fighting Princess Luna. Come on now, I believe we have some… studying to do.” Why the fuck is there at least one horny alicorn across all these timelines? Well, aside from Evil Celestia, she just wanted to break my neck.

We didn’t do any sort of Studying, Twilight just sounded horny when she suggested that.

“Is it mating season in this world, for some reason?” I asked.

“...Yes,” Twilight answered.

“Mother fucker.” We were now sitting in a sitting room, the same one where me, Lulu, and Chrysalis all began discussing the terms and conditions of why Chrysalis wasn’t dead, dismembered, and under a bridge, and why she might be useful alive. Twilight and her friends were with us, so was Celestia and Luna, who were snuggled up together. Luna was glaring at me, Twilight was snuggled up with me still, she wasn’t leaving me alone.

“So you said you have made something called a Light Shield, what is that?” She asked. “And can you teach it to me?”

“I cannot teach you. Light Shield’s a type of shield I’ve developed specifically for myself. I’m gonna be frank, I kinda suck at magic if I didn’t develop something that optimizes how much magic actually goes into casting a spell, so that I could get more power out of it. Light Shield is basically an alarm system that alerts you to if you’re being attacked with any sort of spell, and since I’m not fast enough to react in time, it also counteracts the attack made on me in any way that it can. Including teleporting me out the way or grinding the opposing spell into dust. Once it made me use a portal, using Runes that made no sense when you put them together, and equations that made even less sense when you think about them.

“Essentially Light Shield is a Shield for magical attacks only and it does its damn best to keep the user safe, even forcing the user into casting spells… even if the user doesn’t know it.”

“...What?!” Twilight shouted.

“Don’t you dare start Twilighting and asking me how the hell I made a spell with its own spell system. Because I can’t tell you how, and I don’t know how to do it. I just know that it’s really stupid, and if you hit me in the face, Light Shield doesn’t do anything about it.” I removed myself from the cushion and from Twilight, and stretched my wings and legs. “I’m feckin’ starving. Anypony got anything to eat?” I tilted my head before shivering. “That isn’t a hayburger. God damn, I hate hayburgers. I got foalnapped in my world, right around Cadance’s wedding since I was getting married around the same time to Celly, and we ended up being fed hayburgers by our warden for however bucking long.”

“...You married Celestia in your timeline?” Luna asked. “How?!”

“Well,” Princess Celestia mused. “He is a rather pleasant shade of blue, and his mane is a very complimenting shade of yellow.”

“Sister, he is the most plain looking stallion, ignoring the wings, that I’ve ever seen. I know you’ve seen better ponies than him.” Luna kept glaring at me as she said that.

“I know I’m probably not that attractive,” I said plainly. “But I think my Celly liked me for a few reasons, and I’m only half guessing. Celestia, tell me, does it suck having everyone… for a lack of a better term, kiss your ass?” I asked.

Celestia tilted her head. “It can get rather irritating, yes.”

“Well, I don’t kiss ass, no matter what… save for when I was facing down Nightmare Moon and was probably gonna die if I attacked her. Anywho, my Celly probably liked me because I just treated her like a pony and not some sorta deity. I don’t know a whole lot about my last reason, since I am the luckiest son of a bitch in the world, I think my Celly just liked me.” I will say it time and time again, I don’t know how the hell Celly likes me, or loves me, but I am more than grateful that she does love me so much.

“Also Celestia, my Celestia, sneezes and snores like a kitten and is plainly adorable… Oh, I’ve seen her prance around before. There is no fucking reason for somepony so dangerous to be the cutest mare I’ve ever seen.” I snorted. Now Princess Celestia was blushing at what I just said.

“You know,” Princess Celestia mused. “I see why your Celestia may enjoy your company now. That’s the first time I’ve seen anypony say to my face, in recent history, that they call me ‘adorable’.” She hummed. “Well, I suppose I shall take my leave to the mage tower; it’s time that I ask around and see if we cannot send you home. With how you speak of your ‘Celly’, you love her more than anything in the world, and you two have a foal?”

“I do. We adopted a kid named Button Mash, the best little unicorn I’ve ever met.”

“...Oh, you mean Sweetie Belle’s little friend?’ Rarity asked. “In our… ‘timeline’ he’s an earth pony and has a mother named Cream Heart here. He was an orphan in your world?”

“Was. I put an end to that real quick. The greatest pleasure and joy I take in my life back home is being able to raise that little rascal. And he adores me so much!” I let my head hang. Then I let it drop and hit the table, no matter how much it hurt when I did. “I don’t know how long it's been in my world since I left through that portal and I wish I didn’t. I said that I'd cook dinner for Celly and Button when I got home, and I don’t know if I can make good on my promise at this point.”

Luna immediately started hugging me. “SISTER, go to the Mage Tower this instant. We shall not be keeping a father that misses his wife and child away from them any longer!” I blinked. “What? I do not hate you, just the fact that you played me like a fiddle in that fight by doing nothing. I may not like you either, young stallion, but I know what it is like to miss home. If those morons back in the Mage Tower cannot find you a way home, then I shall.” She let go of me and started pushing Celestia out the door. “Now, we shall be off. My sister will be too polite, so I will be there to let those mages know how urgent this is!”

…

…

“And just like that, Luna proves to be my favorite pony, besides Celly, no matter the timeline. That’s insane.” I chuckled. Hopefully I can get a nice reprise from everything while the smart people find out how to open a portal for me to go home with. “I’m gonna go to the library and start drafting together something, something to make traveling through timelines easier. Hopefully I’ll get something. If not, then that’ll suck.” And then this will be the last time I go through any portal that Discord throws me in. or any portal that Discord had an influence in making.

“Well, I ain’t answering any more questions; I can’t stand seeing y’all," I started making my way to the door. “I’m gonna go find an apple tree or something and sit under it.”

“Hold it,” Rainbow Dash got in my way. “What did you mean by that?” She was now glaring up a storm at me.

“You mares work rather closely with the Princesses, just like y’all do back home. Y’all, back home, are close friends to me. To be frank, me seeing you guys is just reminding me what I’m missing out on. I’m beginning to realize that I miss chillin’ with Apple Jack at the bar, or playing Buck Ball with Big Mac. I miss Rainbow’s antics, or watching Fluttershy come further out of her shell. I miss Twilight, and she treated me horribly before she moved to Ponyville. I miss my Celly, and I miss my Lulu. So please, do refrain from speaking with me. Or better yet, is there anything going on here? Something I don’t know about? Just by chance?”

“No… nothing should be going on,” Twilight tilted her head. “Why?”

“Just wondering.” I turned and teleported out of the castle’s walls and started Sky Walking towards the guard’s training grounds. I hid my wings and noted… Solar Strike wasn’t here. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen. Oh well. One less pony to remind me that I miss my buddy. After I landed, I just laid under a tree and started watching the guards train. It was quite… Well, it was actually kinda relaxing. Just sitting back, watching the world move on without me. That’s how my own world was doing it right now, how both home and home were moving on without me. Time was a merciless god and would crush me and everypony I knew in time, and it would crush the fact that I even existed on Earth before I could blink…

I’m an alicorn.

I could ask questions about being an alicorn. Or, I could get some peace and quiet and hopefully take a nap.

And god damn do I need that nap.

“Are you off duty right now?” I blinked. I looked up to see… Shining Armor and Cadance. In a foal carrier, strapped to Cadance’s back was a light gray alicorn foal. Her big, joyful eyes watched me. Something I noted was just how much bigger her wings were for a foal of her age. Like they were a lot larger than Scootaloo’s, and possibly even bigger than Rainbow’s, and Rainbow was fully grown. I don’t know if this is just an alternate reality or sometime in the future and in an alternate reality. Either way, it’s Shining Armor and Cadance… Something is just plainly wrong.

The eyes.

Cadance’s eyes were always friendly, and warm, and looked at Shining Armor with so much love that it was insane. She always looked at me with almost the same amount of love, but in the same way that you’d look at a relative. Shining Armor was giving me the same look he’d give to his stallions when acting as a commanding officer, and not the friendly, blue eyes I’ve seen so many times before. The Cadance before me was just that, Princess Cadance with a foal. The Shining Armor in front of me was just Captain, and Prince, Shining Armor of the Royal Guard and Crystal Empire. Shining in particular was looking at me with… mild annoyance.

“No, I’m just some dude.”

“If you’re just some dude, you should consider yourself lucky that you haven’t gotten arrested for trespassing yet.”

I was laying completely flat on the ground on my stomach, and was trying to take a nap so I would stop thinking about my purpose on Equus, or depressing thoughts such as the passage of time. I had cracked one eye open when Shining Armor had first spoken up. I closed my eye and let out a long, withering sigh. As the air left my lungs, I laid flat on my side.

“That’s cool. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna already know I’m here, I’m just trying to kill time before they can find me a way home. You got a problem with me being here?”

“Don’t speak to me with that tone,” Shining Armor all but growled. “You will treat me with some respect.”

“Mmm,” I hummed. “Okay, can you let me nap in peace? This tree’s shadow is rather pleasant, and I could use some reprieve from everyday life. Or the nightmare that is this stupid adventure I’ve found myself in.”

“Oh please, you’re napping like-”

“I contemplated killing myself not even a few hours ago, man. I just wanna go home, and it seems hopeless. Some magical entity keeps tossing me in random, stupid, fucking timelines. I don’t know where the hell I am, I don’t know what the hell I am. I’ve lost one family before and I fear that I may lose another one. I coulda been fucking smart, stayed home, and cook dinner for my wife and my kid. Instead, I’m here, in another timeline where my wife barely knows who I am, you two were my niece and nephew by technicality and you’re threatening to arrest me for existing. I’ve seen worlds full of ponies I recognize, but aren’t the same as the ponies I know. The only thing keeping me alive right now is that there is one thing my kind do not do, and that is give up and die. I will find my way home, either through Celestia’s help, Discord deciding to have mercy, or I get pissed and hyperfixate on simplifying this stupid Portal spell that I never seem to have the time to study before getting tossed into another world.

“So sorry if I’m a little short of trying to be respectful and courtful. I’m a bit pissed off, a bit stressed out, and I’m trying to put myself to sleep so I can get some fucking peace and quiet. So kindly shut the fuck up, before I whoop your ass, Shining Sparkle Armor. And I really don’t want to; your wife and kid are right there. My dad’s dead, I know how much losing your dad sucks. I can’t imagine it’s anymore fun to watch your dad get his shit kicked in, is it?”

“...Shiny,” Cadance spoke up. “I think you should’ve let me do the talking. One of us is an empath, after all.” She laid down next to me after Shining backed off. Her foal managed to get out of the carrier. “So you have a lot on your mind,” she said, draping a wing over my back.

“Understatement of the year. Say, you know how to blow yourself up with magic? If I can’t go home, I may go do that somewhere and see if it makes the plants and animals grow faster or healthier or something. I don’t know.”

“Okay… you definitely have some problems…” Cadance cleared her throat. “Luckily, I did go to college and got a degree in psychology, so hopefully I can help you out.” I raised an eyebrow. “You are mentally… not stable. It seems like your entire emotional well being is based on the love you have for your foal and wife. Can you tell me about them?” She asked.

“So imagine your aunt, Princess Celestia.” I said.

“...You’re married to Princess Celestia?” Shining Armor asked. He was shut down by his angry wife.

“Another world’s Celestia. My world. My Celly. She, for the longest time, was my only friend and is my best friend, and my wife. I think it’d be pretty hard to consider somepony your wife if you didn’t at least consider them your best friend, eh?” I asked.

“You’re not wrong,” Cadance nodded. “So you’re married to Princess Celestia in your timeline…”

“God damn do I love her, Cadance. Holy hell, she cares about me so much and my well-being. She laid in the dirt and mud of a dinky little alleyway with me once, back when I was really awful at dealing with crowds. Before we were even dating, I was her personal student. She tried celebrating an achievement of mine, I can’t remember what, in public. It resulted in us getting swarmed by reporters and me panicking. She laid down in puddles and ruined her makeup just to comfort me. That… meant a lot. Given that she’s a princess, I’m surprised that she got herself dirty just to keep me from going insane.

“Once, she decided to get herself stuck on the sun after fighting Nightmare Moon and I tore her a new asshole for making me worry. We’re both a team, whether we like to agree or not. We actively force each other to take care of ourselves, since Celly tried working while sick, until I yelled at her, forced her back into bed and asked Luna to watch over the kingdom while I nursed my Celly back to health.” I smiled fondly. “She broke tradition at the Grand Galloping Gala, and wore a suit just because she wanted to see if I liked her in a suit… And also to piss the nobles off which was a fun bonus.” I shook my head and sighed.

“I want to go home and kiss her right on the lips.”

“...I can tell,” Cadance smiled. “You seem so genuinely in love with her and it’s adorable!” She was looking at me somewhat similarly to how my Cadance would, just not the same. She was looking at me the same way a good friend would. “Does your world have a Twilight, hmm?”

“It does, she’s not an alicorn back home, but god damn she is smart. And strong. I don’t get to spend a lot of time with her since she lives in Ponyville and I’d be hard pressed to somehow get Celly to move the nation’s capital to Ponyville instead of Canterlot.”

The two of us chatted throughout the afternoon, and honestly, I’ll give Cadance some credit; by the time I was done, I was happily resting my head on her shoulder, idly playing with her foal, who I’ve learnt was named Flurry Heart, and actually smiling at her little antics. I was told of Flurry’s… uncontrollable magic, so I might’ve stuck a ring on her horn, something that Cadance and Shining Armor were kinda shocked at.

“Why didn’t we think of that?” Shining asked. “That would’ve solved so many problems.”

“Because, you are bald,” I said in the most monotone voice that I could. “You’re so bald, Shining Armor.”

“...What?” he asked.

“Bald.” Ah, the Blood God would be proud of me for not spilling blood, but for calling a stallion bald.

As the evening rolled by, I walked into the dining hall with a nice, large bottle of whisky. Cadance and Shining Armor, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and Twilight and her friends were already there. I was told to go to one of the larger dining halls tonight since everypony was here. This week was supposed to be a monthly little visit for Cadance and Shining Armor to spend some time with their aunt and aunt in law. I saw Celestia’s wings and it took everything in my power to not instantly slot in under there and snuggle under there.

Luckily, nopony caught my hesitation when choosing a spot to sit. I just sat in the middle of the table, or basically as far from everypony else as I could. I yanked the cork off my whisky with my teeth, before essentially incinerating it, and magicking away its ashes into some plant outside. I took a nice, large swig of it and simply remained seated. As much as Cadance did help, along with her kid, I just couldn’t be asked to actually be in a good mood today. It did feel good to get what I was feeling off my chest, even if what I felt in the moment didn’t really matter.

“So, Mr. Code,” Princess Celestia… Oh. Oh… That fucking hurts. Thanks, multiverse. Just had to make sure I heard Celly’s typical ‘trying to be polite to a random pony she just met’ voice. “I believe we may have a solution to your plight, but it is a very far fetched one.” I looked up from the book on portal magic I was reading through, and closed my Python Journal. “I think we could send you home if we sent a stable way to channel portal magic back to your home-world. The problem with that is… the only pony that knew how to do that, Starswirl the Bearded, had gone missing a thousand years ago.”

“All I’m hearing is a sugar coated way of saying ‘dun dun dun… You’re fucked!'” I threw my hooves in the air. “Fucking awesome.” I tapped the portal book before me. “This shit makes no goddamn sense; I can’t even begin to decode this shit and rework it into my own spell system, let alone cast it. I can theoretically cast any spell I want to; I need to be able to in order to work it into my own spell system. But this is a different breed of hard; not even my Twilight knew this shit and she’s a genius when it came to magic theory.” I grabbed the sides of my head. “Dude…” I groaned.

“Aight, I guess I’ll have to restart fresh in yet another new world, lucky me…” I raised my whisky. “To leaving family behind twice now! Woo!” I drained the bottle… “Fuck me; I don’t even have the bits to get anymore of this shit.” I grumbled. I took a long, deep breath. “So assuming Discord doesn’t feel sorry about me being stuck here, I’m probably gonna go build a log cabin out in the Everfree Forest and count the days before a pack of timberwolves eat me.”

“WHAT!?” Twilight asked. “You’re a male alicorn! The first one that anypony’s encountered… since forever! You could live lavishly-”

“I could survive, Twilight. My main reason to live was because of my son, and because of my Celly. I don’t have those in this world. My kid, ain’t even a unicorn in this world, and is already happily enjoying life. I don’t think I can find it in my heart to look at Celestia the same way I did with Celly. That would just be outright replacing what I lost; I am not fucking doing that. Not now, not ever. I don’t give a damn if me being an alicorn is important, or if I should be a prince, a princess, or whatever the hell. I don’t care.

“And if it sucks to hear that I want to die, imagine this. I was once a creature, a hairless ape called a human. I was living a comfortable, not amazing, but comfortable life. I had a mother, my father passed away, and I was watching my siblings for my mother while she was working. I had work, that wasn’t great, but it wasn’t horrible, and I lived comfortably. Now, imagine one day, I woke up in a hospital bed in a body that I’ve grown to hate with a passion. Oh yeah, and I woke up in another universe!” I laughed like an idiot. “Oh man, that was fun! I love losing my family.

“Now imagine this, because you wanted to study portal magic, as it’s the only slight possibility that I can see said family again, I get lost in the multiverse because the god of chaos likes fucking with me. Oh yeah, and before that happens, I meet a very, very lovely woman that I’ve grown to love and care about. We, through adoption, have a kid, and I have a sister in law. That's a delight. I’m an uncle, a father. And then I go through a portal to try and get an understanding of how the portal works.

“Then I’m here.” I took a deep breath. “So anyways, I’m just a little thin on wanting to stay alive, Twilight.” I took a deep breath. “God I wish I weren’t Irish; I’d at least would’ve drank myself to sleep after the first bottle.” I leaned back in my chair. “Stick to the cratur, the best thing in nature for sinking your sorrows-” my voice cracked as I swallowed a sob. “And raising your joys!” I slumped over in my chair. “Thank you, Princess,” I said, turning to Celestia and Luna. “For at least attempting to find a way to send me home. Thank you.” I sighed. “Sorry if I killed the mood this evening, but my mood’s kinda like a rabid dog. Good as dead.”

“You do not have to apologize,” Luna almost growled. “You were torn from your life twice. How could anypony here blame you?” She tilted her head. “If it makes you feel any better, I am trying to figure out how Starswirl made his magical portals to begin with.”

“Thank you,” I got up from my seat. “I’m gonna go sit on a balcony for a while. I just can't find an appetite right now. No, I’m not gonna jump, with my repertoire of ways of hitting the ground of missing, it probably wouldn’t do much.”

Several hours later my time alone was… interrupted by Twilight. “Howdy,” I said, staring out over Ponyville. A huge, tree-like castle loomed over the small, little town that I’ve come to know and love during my time on Equus. “I can guess why you’re here.” I pulled out my Python Journal and copied it. “You wanted to figure out how I was using half the spells that I was using, like Sky Walker, or even DragonFire?” I asked.

“...Yes I did. But I wasn’t coming to ask about that.” I handed her the book anyway. “I was coming to apologize about… making you snap earlier. You clearly had a lot on your table and-”

“It’s alright. If there’s one thing I don’t do, it’s holding grudges. Sometimes we all forget that everypony hurts, it’s not that big of a deal, Twi.” I shook my head and smiled. “Say, is that your castle down there?” I asked.

“It… is. Why?”

“Eh, just wondering. You live in Ponyville back home, and you’re not a princess, let alone an alicorn. Figured you were the one who owns that thing down there.”

The door cracked open and three more sets of hooves made my ears flick behind us. I knew who they were based on the magical signatures that just filled the room.

“Howdy,” I greeted. “How’s life going?” I asked.

“...We thought you jumped off and chose to let yourself hit the ground,” Celestia motioned to me. “As much as I can’t say that I love you, or anything like that, let alone come to love you, I don’t like the idea of anypony committing suicide. I’ve seen it happen enough that I…”

“Meh, I know. Celly’s the same way. Got on me for even mentioning killing myself as a joke. Suicide, and joking about death, isn’t something very… accepted in pony society as I’ve found out.” I shrugged. “Why are y’all awake? Running the country ain’t that easy, and you should all be asleep by now. Save Luna since she’s nocturnal.” Like a dork.

“We are putting off our royal duties until we find you a way back home.” Celestia laid down beside me and laid a wing over me. “You could use some comfort, I think.”

…

It’s better than nothing at least.

The next morning, since we all slept on the balcony, I was awakened by a sudden spike in magic. I blinked a few times and jumped out from under Princess Celestia’s wings. Everypony present leaped to their hooves. We all started looking around, Celestia and Luna had their horns lit. A portal opened up and Discord got slammed down into the balcony. Somehow, it didn’t give way to the God of Chaos being smashed into it. We all blinked a few times.

“Discord?” Twilight asked. “What are you-”

“SAVE ME!” Discord tried scrambling behind us. “Source, your wife is crazy! I told her I was only teaching you how to use portal magic and she started attacking me! Please save me!” Wait. What?

“What the heck are you on about? Ain’t you still a statue back home?” I asked.

“I wasn’t. I was just pretending so I could relive the time me and Fluttershy became friends; I hold that moment closely to my heart. Anyways, please-”

“YOU BETTER HAVE BROUGHT ME TO WHERE YOU SENT CODE YOU STUPID, OVERGROWN, BUCKING SNAKE! YOU BETTER HAVE OR I WILL SHOVE THE ELEMENT OF MAGIC SO FAR UP YOUR REAR END THAT YOU’LL BE WALKING CROOKED FOR EONS!” Celly, I sensed my Celly. She came blasting through the portal, her mane was on fucking fire. She glared at Discord, she looked around and stopped. “Oh, hello everypony, have you ever seen a blue and yellow alicorn stallion that goes by Source Code? If not, have you seen a creature known as Discord? He owes me my husband.” Her eyes landed on me.

“Oh! Source!” She flew down to me and gently landed, her mane and tail stopped being on fire. “I believe you were in good hooves around here? Don’t worry, dinner hasn’t started yet. Discord just stopped by for a friendly little visit, and told me what he was doing with you. I’m not mad at you either; if things went as they should’ve, you would’ve gone in that portal, dealt with whatever was on the other side, and then be back home in a flash. But no. Somepony had to send you across the multiverse apparently.” She lifted up the Element of Magic. “Discord…” She sang. “Come here! This is only going marginally up your rear end, not wedged all the way up there!”

Holy shit, Celly being aggressive is hot. Literally. Celly grabbed Discord and planted a kiss on my forehead. “I will spare your rear end the reckoning of a lifetime if you send us home to the right timeline!”

“Okay, okay! Please just stop trying to torch me alive!” Discord said from underneath Princess Celestia.

“...We could control Discord through pain?” She asked.

“Oh yes, you can,” my Celly answered. “Of course, you need to find the right means,” I now noticed that she had a hammer, just a simple, yellow handled hammer. “Sometimes being unreasonably, though righteously angry, is enough to make Discord fear you.” She glared at the god of Chaos. “Now, open the portal home; don’t think I won’t notice you casting the wrong type of portal; you made the mistake of telling me how to tell which portal goes where.” Discord nodded and snapped his fingers… Only to get hit with a hammer anyways. He was out cold. “Come along, dear. I…” She hummed. “Nevermind, you look like you were borderline stressed out. That's putting it lightly. Come, I shall make sure you are nice and relaxed.” I took note of this world’s magical signature just incase I ever needed to come back here.

“Thank fucking god, for you, Celly. Thank god.” I hopped up next to her. “Hey Princess Celestia, be careful of Sunflower Patches; you might find somepony you love. Or don’t be wary of Sunflower Patches. You deserve some love to, y’know!” I stepped into the portal with my Celly. I casted a diagnostic spell as we flew past. There was one of these little worlds, one, with no magic whatsoever. Just like how the dirt on Earth was.

“So, I would like to hear about your day,” Celly said as she guided me through the multiverse towards our home.

“...God, my day was fucking awful. On another note, have you ever considered getting purple boots?” I asked.

Author's Note

Nothing keeps an angy alicorn away from her husband. nothing.

Long Live the King- get Fruited on!

When we made it back through the portal, I was greeted by Button. My Button. He was in the mage tower, happily wagging his tail as Celly and I landed in the room. “Watch out, Button,” I got into a play bow, something I didn’t even know ponies did with their foals. Button play bowed as well. “I’m-”

“Now Source, Button,” Celly interrupted us. Oh, it feels so good to say Celly, or hear her talk to me in a normal speaking voice, rather than sounding like a motherly figure that Celestia apparently likes to take when speaking with strangers. “We are still in the Mage Tower’s experimentation room. Source, I don’t know what you’ve been through over the last two hours, but if Discord was involved in any way, shape, or form, it couldn’t be fun. So please refrain-”

I walked over to where Button was and picked him up by the scruff. “Okay,” my voice was muffled and sloppy because there was a colt hanging out of it. “I just wanted to hold my kid.” I took a long, deep breath and got in all of Button’s scent. My tail wagged as I followed Celly, practically pressed into her side, her wing was promptly draped over me. The scent of my wife and the scent of my son started easing back those suicidal thoughts I was having while in Prime Equestria. These were two scents that I thought my very sensitive, compared to the last nose I had as a human, nose could never pick up again.

Prime Celestia got close, and so did Daybreaker. One had light perfume, and Daybreaker smelled a little burnt. Not a horribly burnt smell. The pleasant kind that you’d get from lightly crisping cheese. Celly had no perfume at all… Button, I’ve not met another Button yet, but I’m sure it would smell off. Though that did get me thinking.

“Hey Celly,” I asked. I moved Button to the back of my head, where he was grooming my mane. “Dumb question, but does my scent influence yours in some way?” I asked.

“It does, why?” She asked. “Oh… I see,” she nuzzled me. “I suppose you’ve only noticed the smell of my otherworldly-self being slightly off, hmm?”

“She also had perfume, Celly. You and Luna don’t use perfume. The other yous actually used makeup, though not a lot. I know for a fact you and Lulu don’t use anything like eyeliner unless it’s subtle and you’re trying to try and break me and Tale’s brains. Because you both, in our eyes, are perfect, so of course you two feel the need to put makeup on for us.”

“...Would you rather me not put eyeliner on during dates?” Celly asked.

“No, I love it, whenever you put it on. Kinda shows some importance in whatever we’re doing; you deem it important enough to actually put makeup on for it.” I nuzzled Celly and chuckled when Button expertly worked through a tangle in my mane, without pulling on it. “Say kid, how much did Sweetie Belle teach you, grooming-wise?” I asked.

“...A lot. She told me while doing it to me,” Button admitted. “It felt nice, and she only did it because she heard me talking about how I wish I could do something for you.”

“...Button, you being my son is enough. Just don’t say I’m hovering when I come to ask about your day, alright?” Button nodded. “Now, how was hearing a bunch of rich, old, senile, smelly sacks of shit whine about something that really shouldn’t matter to them?” I asked.

“Rich ponies are stupid. Really stupid.” Button tilted his head. “One pony came in and tried saying that it’s wrong for a small business owner to be outcompeting him. Ms. Cheerilee said if you’re being outcompeted, in the business world, then that means you’re doing something wrong. So I guess that rich pony was being wrong by being a… what’s the word?” He asked. God damn, I can imagine him tilting his head from here, that adorable little head tilt.

“A sack of shit?” I asked. “But yeah, it sounds like that small business pony is just doing something better. Don’t explain why the already rich dude is whining, but then again Button, do as I say: don’t question how the rich ponies think. Most of them are crazy, which is exactly why your mother is a crazy horse-”

“You stupid Eejit,” Celly instantly replied. “Button, do not ever repeat that word. According to your father, it is a really bad word. He just never told me what it means.”

“Celly accidentally chose an Irish insult this time. It’s not even that bad; I’m your silly fool. So allow me to be a fool for you!” Celly raised an eyebrow. “It’s true, Celly.”

“Okay,” Celestia nodded. “I suppose if it’s just an endearing insult, it is not that bad.” She hummed. “Don’t call other ponies 'horses’ either, Button. It means you’re a brute; a dumb, stupid animal.”

“But horses were physically stronger than ponies,” Button hummed. “Sweetie and her friends used it once.”

“That’s because, like most insults,” Celestia began to lecture the two of us on how context is very important when it comes to words. For instance, horse is a slur for ponies, but horse can be used as a way of saying ‘stay strong’ since horses were definitely physically stronger than ponies… If you took away an earth pony’s magically induced strength. “And that is why you need to be construed with how you speak, or you could accidentally anger somepony when you meant something entirely different.”

Button nodded, he even wrote down some of what Celly said. “So that’s why Dad constantly pisses ponies off, aside from his weird accent, he usually just yells incoherently at strangers that he deems as stupid.”

“...Hey. I only incoherently yell at Solar and Shining Armor!” I chuckled as we left through the front door… after being joined by Exo. “ah, Exo, what are you doing here?” I asked.

“I was wondering if you learnt anything about portals while you were… in the portal. You were gone for a few hours.”

“Oh yeah, despite Discord screwing with me, he did tell me a few things. For instance, if I have the magical signature for any one dimension, I can reliably travel to it again if I had the ability to make portals to begin with,” I picked up the notebook I’ve been writing the portal spell into. “I can’t figure out how the hell I can do this. No matter how hard I’ve tried; I think it’s easier for me to learn spells because of the apparently unique diagnostic spell I run all the time. It’s how I picked apart DragonFire, notated it, and turned it into a repeatable spell.

“However, just trying to understand magic theory, at this level at least, is hard.” I rubbed the back of my head. “I may try and find a way to make a user interface to make doing all that portal shit easier when I learn how to do this,” I sighed. “I won’t be able to work this into Python either; it’s too complicated, too long, and too complex for me to understand, so if I can make portals, I could only make one per day.” I hummed. “So, what are we doing for dinner tonight? I’m still cooking, right?”

“Well, Chrysalis has asked if she can have dinner with us, and Luna and Tale are joining us as well. And don’t worry about Chrysalis, she’s apparently found herself a coltfriend recently, and she loves him very much apparently. Why do you ask?”

“I was hoping to have the three of us attempt to cook dinner at the same time; I wanna spend time with y’all, now more than ever. I want to do something with the two of you, and this seems like a good opportunity to teach Button how to cook.”

Button looked excited. “Can we make-”

“Yes, I’ll teach you how to make all those human snacks that you love,” I ruffled his mane with my magic. Instead of flying to the castle, or taking a chariot, we all opted to walk through Canterlot for once. The walk was rather peaceful and very relaxxing. It was a nice contrast to the action of dealing with a couple evil alicorns, two friendly dictators that happened to be Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon, or dealing with my damn near suicidal thoughts in Prime Equestria.

We did get a bunch of bows, ‘Princess Celestias’ and even a couple ‘his Highness’s when a few ponies actually acknowledged that I was nearby and had wings. One particular interaction did leave me chuckling though.

A little filly had run up to me. “Good evening, your highness!” She was a cute, very cute, red little unicorn that had the brightest eyes I’ve ever seen on anypony that wasn’t Derpy Hooves. Her little, yellow tail was wagging as she did a little dance as she sat in my path. She was bucking adorable, so I couldn’t stay mad at her, or get mad in the slightest.

“Good evening, young lass. Is there anything I can do for ya?”

“My name is Fire Light, and when I get older, I’m going to marry you!” I blinked a few times. She was so cute, and she was so damn adamant about this. I ruffled her mane, and rubbed her belly for a moment or two.

“I’m sure you’ll find somebody you’ll love more than me,” I chuckled. “Trust me, marrying a ‘prince charming’ isn’t all what it chalks up to be. For instance, I married Princess Celestia here,” I gestured to Celly. “It’s not so great. She yoinks my toast every morning and is gassy at night because her choice in a midnight snack is garlic bread. It gets really stinky-” Celly immediately moved Button over to Exo’s back and sat on me. “-So you can see, she’s also abusive!”

“Oh…” she hummed. “So if I marry a prince, he’ll sit on me and fart at night?” She tilted her head.

“Yes, my dear. He will also lie about who is stinking up the bed with their toots,” Celly glared at me. She was sitting on me as a punishment, little does she know that I’m enjoying this.

“Oh. I don’t know about a smelly Prince,” Fire Light looked at me. “Do you have a less smelly prince?”

“I dunno. Shining Armor?” I shrugged. “There is Prince Blueblood, but he’s still in the hospital because somepony, I dunno who, assaulted him at a party.” Celestia knew exactly what I was talking about.

“So will you marry me when I get older?” Fire asked.

“Mmm, we’ll see when you get older.” I patted her on the head. “Go find your dam, alright? Talking to idiots like this,” I pointed at myself. “Is a bad idea. You will lose brain cells.”

“Yes, your Highness.” She trotted off into the crowd. “Wait!” She turned around. “Can I have your autograph?” Celestia gave me a pen with a smile. I sighed and nodded.

When we got home, I guess Exo was joining us for some reason, she went to go to the dining hall. Celestia, Button, and I quickly found ourselves in the kitchens. Chef Beet stared at the three of us like we were idiots. For good reason. While me and Celly were semi-competent in the kitchen, Celly with breakfast items, and my bootlegged imitations of human foods, and Button not knowing how to use a stove, our good unicorn chef really had no other choice but to let us cook. After all, Celly at least, was her boss, and the boss lady wanted to cook for her sister and her coltfriend, and Queen Chrysalis and her apparently new coltfriend.

“Uh…” Chef Beet indiscreetly levitated a fire extinguisher to her side. “Sorry if I’m not confident in your culinary skills-”

“If you refer to me as ‘highness’, I will tickle the shit out of you,” I threatened.

“-I’m sorry that I’m not confident in either of your culinary skills, Princess Celestia and Prince Source Code,” she said with a smirk. Fuck. No tickling the cute chef. What? Most mares, by default, were cute. It’s like they were deliberately designed by some higher being to be cute or something. “But in truth, I am still scarred by Princess Luna’s many, and continuous attempts at trying to treat you to breakfast in bed, your Majesty,” Chef Beet shivered. “How do you burn ice? Why the buck did she put lettuce, mayo, and potatoes on eggs!? EGGS!? THOSE DON’T EVEN GO TOGETHER, LUNA, AND THEN YOU BURNT THE EVER LIVING BUCK-”

She started sounding like a Scottish chef that I knew of. We let her get her rant about Luna being god awful at cooking. Chef Beet started panting heavily, before she cleared her throat. “Just say what you three need, and me and the rest of the cooks here will try and get them for you. Source, I know you’re a competent chef, despite how little you actually know about cooking, so I’m trusting you to keep Her Majesty from burning my new oven; Luna blew up the last one after somehow getting the toaster stuck in there to ‘preheat’ the toaster.”

What?

What the fuck has Luna been doing recently?

“Why did Lulu stick a toaster in the oven?” Celestia asked. “That sounds like a fire hazard, and I would know; I am a living fire hazard.”

“...Princess, if I could answer why your sister thought a toaster in the oven was a good idea, I would. I genuinely don’t know what she was trying to accomplish. What was worse was that there was half a salmon in the toaster when she did that. That was the only edible thing she’s made in months, somehow.”

The three of us, Button, Celly, and I, looked at each other before nodding. Stay out of the kitchens with Luna in them, lest we get burnt, or in Celly’s case, would get to rock a new fur color.

“So, what are we making?” Celestia asked.

I noted the large amounts of bread we have nearby. “We could make vegan chili; you two would probably like it and it’s pretty hard to mess up. It’s just a matter of blending a bunch of spices together in the broth, getting the right vegetables, and cooking them in the broth to the right temperature. With beans and stuff. Oh yeah, I can show Button how to make cheese sticks; those are good for dipping in chili if tomato…” I grinned. “Tomato fucking soup sounds good right now, but Chili is harder to make…”

“We could make an assortment of dishes; Chrysalis and Luna are bound to wish to try many dishes. Luna in particular does enjoy your cheese sticks.”

“Can you make potato fries?” Button asked. “Those were good,” he asked from atop of my head. I dunno when he got there.

“We could; the assortment of dishes it shall be. Make a good portion of everything we wanna make, but not too much.”

So we decided upon making mac and cheese, not that shitty cafeteria shit, some proper mac and cheese with an actual cheese blend, and not shitty noodles. We also made chili, which we all had a hoof in helping because it was actually kinda fun. Button was being taught how to bread cheese sticks and fry them, which was going relatively well.

“So first,” I grabbed some milk. “Dunk the cheese stick in this,” Button did as told. “Roll it around in the batter that we just made,” I demonstrated. Button watched like a cat as I rolled it around. “Get good coverage, but cover it too much with batter. Enough to cover, but if it’s dripping, it’s over-battered.” Button nodded and did as told… and over battered one. “That’s not too bad,” I nodded. “It’s really not a big deal if it’s overly battered, but then that’s just more breading in the way of the cheese.”

“So…” Button stuck his little tongue out the side of his mouth, as his horn lit up and dunked stick after stick, into the milk, before covering them in the batter. “Like this?” He lifted what he believed to be his best one yet. Lo and behold, it was pretty good. All of them were. “This is really easy… what is the cheese made out of?”

“Milk and stuff. The specific cheese you want for this is mozzarella, specifically sticks of the stuff. You should always have access to them in the castle, but if you ever move out, I’m sure it’s not hard to buy sticks of the stuff.” I hummed. “So next, we can either use the oven, or the pot full of cooking oil,” I gestured to the aforementioned pot. “One is better, and it’s not the oven, but the oven is technically healthier. However, it’s literally just cheese and breading; it’s not gonna be healthy anyways. So leave the mozz sticks in the cooking oil,” I heated it up with some magic. “Cook’em for a minute if they’re fresh like this, or if they’re frozen, since we can just do that if we want them later, cook them for three and a half.”

Celestia was off, with her tongue out the side of her mouth, stirring chili while also chopping up potatoes for wedges.

I wonder where Button got the ‘stick the tongue out the side of your mouth’ thing from.

“Hey Dad, your tongue’s sticking out,” Button pointed out. I pulled the now cooked mozz sticks out of the cooking oil. Oh. I guess he got it from both his Mom and Dad. “So now we wait for the oil to drip off and then wait for it to cool?” Button asked.

“Yeah, unless you like burning yourself-” Celly took one and popped it in her mouth. “Or can’t burn yourself, apparently.”

By the time we were done, we had fourteen different dishes. It was a small, for an alicorn, portion of everything. Fries, nachos, blah, blah, blah. Basically, we actually did a pretty cromulent job at cooking everything. Celly led the way to the dining hall while Button happily rode on her back. I was pushing the cart, but not really paying attention to where we were going. It was still mating season, so Celly was… making those smells. Okay, basically hormones. This is all a nice way to say that I was watching her hips as she walked ahead of me. She knew what she was doing too, but didn’t do anything to make her hips sway more.

“Are you enjoying the view, Source?” She asked as we turned another corner.

“...Maybe.”

“Mom, is Dad staring at your butt again?” He asked.

“He is. He’s a naughty little colt,” Celly said, looking back at me with a side eye.

“Uh…” I chuckled. “Look, I’ve been through a lot of shit in the last few hours. Can you blame me for taking in the lovely sight before me, that is my wife?” I asked. “Can you really blame a man for appreciating what he almost lost?” Celestia stopped dead in her tracks, Button hopped off her back. I stopped pushing the cart and sat on my rear. “I thought I lost you both.” I stared at the ground, before smiling. “And I didn’t. I am so, so fucking thankful that you kicked the shit out of Discord to bring me back home, Celly. I cannot begin to say just how thankful I am that I made it back to you and Button,” I walked around the cart as Celly spun around.

Button jumped up between us as we hugged. Squishing the little colt while me and Celly hugged each other tightly.

“That is why I was so mad. Not at you for thinking you could go through a portal and be fine; again, if Discord did not interfere, you would have been home within an hour at most. Instead, he basically stressed you out. I may not be a doctor, or a therapist, but I can discern that the stress of losing me and Button wouldn’t have been good for you. Thus why I… nicely asked Discord to show me where you were in the multiverse.” Celly let go of me. “So you were taking a moment to enjoy the sight of the setting sun?” She asked, tauntingly.

“...Can you blame me? You are my wife, it’s only fair that I get to enjoy the sight of you.” I kissed her, and then kissed Button on the back of his head. He was still squished between us.

“I suppose it’s fair, if I get to enjoy the night with you and my son, cuddled up together.” She hummed. “Unless that is too much to ask?”

“...I ain’t gonna let that shit happen. We’re cuddling tonight; I need it, I really do right now.”

We stepped into the dining hall. Celly’s horn lit up and started quickly moving everything as I made my way over to Tale, who was currently showing Luna what he was in the process of writing. I hadn’t even noted what Chrysalis was doing, but she was holding a stallion. The… he actually looked content. The mark on hhis butt was blue raspberry. Huh. Ponies don’t have blue raspberries.

Blue raspberries aren’t real fruit. It’s just a flavor.

“Hey Tale,” I wrapped a hoof around his shoulder. “How’s writing Magic Wars?” I asked.

“I just finished the draft for the whole story. Luna’s been helping me proofread it, rewrite certain scenes, and reword certain things to make it clearer.” He gestured. “It’s taking a while.”

“We could ship a copy of your draft to Twilight. She’d find every error, give suggestions, and everything. She’ll probably love doing it, since it’ll be something new that she can read. If you just got done with writing the draft, give it a week, even just a day, and reread it.” I hummed. “I’m not much of a writer, anything that I rewrote from back home was written based on my horrible memory and filled in blanks and words. So I wouldn’t be of much help.”

After that little exchange, Chrysalis cleared her throat. “Good evening, everypony. I would first like to thank Princess Celestia for allowing me to dine with you all tonight.” She took a sip… Wait a fucking second. Chrysalis? Courteous? What the fuck? “It is rather nice to be dine with everypony without some sort of backhoofed compliments, or Source blatantly telling me to ‘fuck off’.” She took a sip of her tea. “So, Princess Celestia, you must be wondering why I asked to join you and your family tonight, hmm?”

“I am rather curious, is it to introduce me to your new consort? That stallion’s been rather quiet since he walked in with you,” Luna pointed out. The stallion in question was a brown unicorn, blue raspberry cutie mark, white marking going down the ridge of his snout. He was happily snuggled up, with the back of his head, pressing into Chrysalis’s chest. In his hooves, he gingerly held a glass of water… I can tell off the bat that he’s a pretty competent mage. He’s giving off almost as much magic as Twilight does while she’s hiding as much of her magical signature as she could.

“Sup,” he greeted. “I’m Fruit Punch,” he waved.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Fruit Punch. Where are you from, Manehattan, I presume?” Celly asked, tilting her head.

“That I am,” he’s lying. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, your Highness. Just as everypony says, you are a lot brighter in person.” Fruit nodded. “And this is your husband?” He asked.

“Sup lad? I’m Source Code, nice to meet ya.” Fruit slowly looked over all the dishes present on the table, and that Luna was already helping herself to a cheese stick, after levitating a generous amount of them to Button first, of course. “So are you why your marefriend’s behaving herself?”

“I’d like to think I am.”

“I’m not ‘behaving’ myself,” Chrysalis hummed. “I’m merely… concocting a plan. Yes! Concocting a scheme to make a very lovely product, that is legally acceptable, to sell to ponies, and then… Okay, so I am trying to be a better mare because Fruit is asking me to, so bite me. I no longer have my eyes set on you, you delectable little morsel, after all. Fruit is thrice the stallion I’ve ever met. He’s a unicorn with sharp biceps, if you’ve not noticed.”

Holy fuck, Fruit is actually ripped. He’s relatively short, still taller than me, but he is packing so much muscle. His legs were slender, though hard as rock. His chest muscles, his back muscles, even his neck, were solid. I could see how Rarity was probably smitten by this dude at first. Shame that the two broke up, but I guess there was something going on between the two of them that ended up with them breaking up. For a unicorn, he was very, very, very fit.

“Mmm, I wouldn’t say that.” Fruit waved dismissively. “I’m just some dude that wanted to try and date a changeling queen.” His horn lit up and he poured himself a bowl of chili. “I’ve not seen chili anywhere before… not this kinda chili at least.” He sipped. “Vegan chili?” he asked.

“Eeyup,” I hummed and poured myself a bowl and grabbed some bread that was off to the side.

“Oh, that is good,” Luna hummed. “Very nice.” General consensus; chili is good.

“Jesus fucking christ!” My chili was still hot, like, hella hot though. I didn’t blow on the spoonful of chili before sticking it in my mouth, though. Everypony else, and Chrysalis, did.

“...What?” Fruit slowly asked before looking me over.

“What?” I asked, my tongue was hanging out the side of my mouth, while Celly’s horn lit up to heal the tongue I just cooked in chili.

“...Are you, or rather, were you human?” Fruit asked.

“How do you know what a human is?” I asked.

“I was one.”

Everypony that wasn’t Chrysalis blinked. In fact, the sound of cutlery hitting the table was pretty much the only noise that resonated across the room.

“Oh my god…” I hummed. “You’re from New York, ain’tcha?”

“You’re Irish, if your accent is anything to go by.” Fruit nodded. “You and I are going to chat a bunch in the future, I’m assuming.”

After we all had our share of food, we all made our way down to the shooting range, a part of the guard training fields used for unicorns to shoot spells without accidentally hurting anypony, or blowing something up on accident other than a target. Fruit threw a few spells and nodded to me. Chrysalis, Celly and Lulu were also throwing spells as we had our impromptu… I wouldn’t call it an interrogation. More like a talk. I shot my own spell, a Fireball, and Fruit’s eyes widened.

“Fuck, you got me beat in terms of being a mage,” he chuckled. “All I can do is bolster how hard I can kick somebody in the face with my fist.”

“Because you know karate and ninja stuff?” I asked.

“FINALLY!” Fruit laughed. “Oh man, finally, I can make references to things and have somepony understand them!” He patted me on the back. “Ah shit, I shoulda came out of hiding earlier.”

“Aye, I thought I saw you with Rarity during the Gala.”

“Yeah, that seems to be something that happens to me consistently. Last time I woke up in Equestria, suddenly after coming from Earth, basically my first time coming to Equestria, I woke up during the first Gala that occurred after Luna’s return from the moon. The only difference is I didn’t wake up in the sky and promptly fall on Luna and get hospitalized. Instead, I wake up outside and find Rarity looking for a stallion to sweep her off her hooves. I think I did a decent job, but Rarity never was my type.”

“Yeah, that’s fair. She’s a bit of a drama queen,” I nodded.

“She knows she can be a drama queen. I’m from Earth, but I went to a different Equestria than you did. Apparently there’s multiple, two that stand out are ones where I became an alicorn in both. One of my other mes was a real douche bag that seemed to live in a constant, shitty comedy sitcom, which randomly disappeared for some reason. Another was where I showed up in Equestria, slightly older, fresh out of college. In that, I’m less of a dickbag, and deal with an asshole changeling queen that sorta came out of nowhere because… reasons. That timeline also went missing-”

“You know about timelines?” I asked.

“Yes, actually. Back home, I’m the consort of Queen Chrysalis, much like I am now, and also spearheading the research of timelines. One big accident later, and I’m here, lying in the grass, coincidentally in a suit, outside the Gala ballroom.” Fruit shrugged. “I wanna go home, but I know I can’t leave this Chrysalis alone either, hence why I want to get into the Mage Tower and whip everypony’s asses into shape; I could easily bridge the gap between my timeline and this one, and keep both Chrysalises happy.” Fruit hummed.

“So Fruit,” Celestia spoke up. “Source wouldn’t explain to me what this one word meant, he said it was a really bad word. Can you teach me what it is?”

“What is it?” Fruit asked. The horrible word was spoken. “Hmm,” he slowly looked at me. “Dunno, must be an Irish thing. Those idiots can barely speak English as is, I bet they made that word up.”

“So you cannot tell me what that word meant?” She asked.

“Yeah, Celly, we can’t tell you what the word ‘cunt’ means.” I nodded. “As Fruit said, we Irish can’t speak English, so our version of English is just really screwed up and probably make-belief.”

Both me and Fruit had a good laugh at Celly’s expense.

Celly took a deep breath, before turning to her sister and Chrysalis. “What?”

“You get played like a fiddle by Source whenever he says human stuff,” Luna smirked. “And he has a second one to confuse you even further.”

“You know,” Tale said, his nose still deep in his draft for Magic Wars. “If Celestia didn’t ask Fruit what that word meant, and just asked Luna, she’d know. Source told me and Luna what that word meant.” He kept reading. “I bet Button knows it too.” Celestia groaned and facehoofed.

“Source, you are sleeping on the couch tonight.” She deadpanned.

“No I’m not, you wouldn’t let me after today.”

“...Why’s that?” Fruit asked.

“I almost got lost in another timeline and was a hair away from trying to get myself killed.” Celly wrapped her forelegs around my neck. “Hence this,” I nuzzled into my wife’s embrace. “It can’t be great-”

“Oh no, I know how to open portals, and how to make them go to specific timelines.” Fruit waved a hoof dismissively. “The only safe place to do it is in the Mage Tower that I was never allowed in.”

“...Do you know how to open a portal to Earth?”

“Oh yeah! I modified the Crystal Mirror to open up to a world similar to Earth, but it’s with everypony here, and then it has a second setting that straight up leads to Earth. Anywhere you want.”

I hopped out of Celly’s grip. “Fruit, you and I are going to go to the Mage Tower… maybe tomorrow or next week. I need some time to relax after these last few hours and constant bullshit. What? With my wedding, which involved me getting kidnapped, then Sombra, and then my being stuck in various timelines, I want to spend some time with my kid. And Celly. Heck, my kid has a playdate scheduled with a filly he just met, and they’re heading to Ponyville to play with his friends down there. I wanna be there for that.”

Fruit nodded. “I gotcha, my man. I really feel that. Just grab me, I’ll be in the Hive below Canterlot, before you head into the Mage Tower next time you go. Alright?” I nodded. We brohoofed, and Fruit waddled on over to Chrysalis, he saluted me as the Bug Queen latched onto her coltfriend, before carrying him off to their home, I’m assuming. Celly and I grabbed Button, who was actually asleep, and headed for bed after bidding Luna a goodnight of ruling the kingdom with Tale at her side.

Fruit’s my ticket to bringing my family to Equestria.

However, I'm going to try and enjoy a week without dealing with any sorta excitement. I can't wait.

Author's Note

Fruit and Source have interacted, and Fruit has plot relevance holy shit. Source and Fruit are pals too?!

A Good, Borin' Day. Also, Griffins May Go Extinct.

I had hid my wings long before I left the castle today. I know for a fact that the journalists of Canterlot’s Press, and Equestria Daily, Equestria’s biggest news outlet, for a lack of a better description, are always watching me for some stupid reason. So I like to sometimes walk outside with just wings, a horn and wings, or just my horn. Keep the crowd guessing on if I’m a unicorn or not. Today I was going with just my horn, so I could teach my kid how to navigate a city. Button happily trotted beside me, holding a map and leading the way. I was trying to teach my kid how to read maps and use a compass, since we were trying to find Midnight’s house, or estate, basically. Since she was at a party full of snobs, her parents were logically snobs as well.

“Remember to look up from the map every now and then for street signs,” I instructed. “For instance, we’re on Mane Street A,” that was Mane Street on the ‘housing plate’ of Canterlot, the largest plate in the city. “We’re supposed to head down this road until we see Neigh Street B,” which would take us to the ‘second’ housing plate, where all the rich ponies had mansions and stuff.

“Okay Dad,” Button looked up from the map. “So… we turn here?” He pointed at the street signs.

“Yup.” We kept on walking up the path, rich ponies, mares, stallions, foals all watched as Princess Celestia’s consort walked up their sacred paths… with a random colt they’ve never seen before. To be frank, most of them looked at me and turned their noses. Because as far as they’re concerned, some geezer was walking with a colt, some geezer that was married to Princess Celestia. They just thought I was some country fuckwad, which they weren’t wrong. I let go of the spell hiding my wings and walked with a knowing smirk. These asshats may think they’re better than me, but also, they probably are.

But I get to watch Celly raise the sun every morning.

“And…” I pointed to the mailboxes. “Usually, these have the addresses on them,” I motioned. “So four, eight, nine, one New Neigh Avenue?” I asked. Button and I stopped when we reached a mailbox with those numbers. It was in front of a gated, kinda big mansion that hangs over a cliff. I would be concerned, but magic kinda just makes it so you never have to worry about the mansion falling apart unless something actually just blows it up. It… Well, it was certainly a rich pony’s house. It was big, used lots of quartz and marble, and honestly looked like it took more money just to clean it than what my Mum made in a year.

At the gate was a guard, clearly a highered one. “Howdy,” I greeted as we walked up. “I’m Source Code, this is my son. I believe we know one of the residents here, Midnight I believe.”

“Ah,” the guard nodded. “Prince Code, I was told you would be picking up Midnight and taking her to Ponyville for… a playdate,” I shall get Mr. and Mrs. Starbright, if you don’t mind.” The guard teleported behind the gate and disappeared for a good twenty minutes, just walking to the front door. So while we were waiting for the better part of thirty minutes, twenty minutes since he disappeared into the house, me and Button laid in the street. The two of us were wrestling, like dogs would while playing. Button tries to nip me, since he was the smallest of the two of us, and I would try to catch him.

That was how Mr. and Mrs. Starbright found the two of us.

“...Good morning, your Highness,” Mrs. Starbright looked a lot like an older Midnight, with reverse colors. Black mane, light blue coat. Though notably, her mane and tail had small, white sparkly things in it, which I assume was just a part of the mane or something, I don’t know. In a world where having a rainbow mane is apparently completely natural, having a naturally sparkling mane was probably normal too. Mrs. Starbright was wearing a dress, a simple, light blue one that was basically the same shade of blue as her mane.

Mr. Starbright just looked like a rich dad that took his suit off. Instead, he was just wearing a tank top underneath it. He had a jet black coat, though a red mane. He was relatively muscled and fit for a unicorn.

Both of Midnight’s parents were actually unicorns.

“Howdy,” I kept laying on the ground, having caught Button with my hooves and pulled him to my chest. “Sorry about you catching me lying here on the ground, but y’all took a little while to come out and greet us. So me and Button got bored.”

Mr. Starbright chuckled. “We wouldn’t dare get angry at a prince wanting to entertain his son, let alone a prince that seems to care so deeply for his foal.” I raised an eyebrow. “You laid your tail over your colt ever since we walked over. You unknowingly tried to ‘protect’ your son when we walked over, or you’re comforting him. Most stallions don’t lay their tails over their foals, period.” He waved a hoof. “Sorry about that, I’m a body language expert, and got to where I am by being an interrogation officer for the higher courts in Canterlot. Not the royal courts, but the criminal courts.”

“Damn,” I nodded. “Well, I’m Source, I used to be Celly’s student, but then we got married and I grew wings,” I gestured to said wings. “So-”

“Ah,” Mrs. Starbright gave me the second most welcoming smile that didn’t come from Celly or Lulu. It was almost as welcoming as the time when I first met Apple Jack before the Summer Sun festival. “Come inside, it’s the middle of summer and it’s rather hot out here. I cannot imagine it was fun, having to wait on us. Come inside, and we’ll get you some water and we’ll chat while Button and Midnight get reacquainted, before we let you watch her for the day in Ponyville.” She gestured towards the gate.

“Mmm, it’s not that bad, but I grew up on a potato farm. Nothing’s quite bad when you used to help farm potatoes.” I shrugged. “But laying on a couch does sound more comforting than laying on solid pavement. So…” I got up, Button was promptly tucked under a wing and held in place by the limb. “I’ll take you up on your offer.” Midnight’s parents’ first impressions? Kinda cool, not gonna lie.

So after a short chat with the Starbrights, they just wanted to know when their daughter would be back and if I would take good care of her while she’s under my care, we were heading back up to the castle. I redid my wings and horn; they were gone. As we walked, Button and Midnight followed along, but a little behind me. As in they trailed just a little so the two of them could chat, and they thought I couldn’t hear them. Unfortunately, I too have pony ears, which are actually pretty good in terms of ears.

Button was just telling Midnight about the Crusaders. A lot of it was focused on Sweetie Belle, since she was totally not Button’s favorite crusader.

As we walked, I lit my horn and caught an arrow that almost hit me in the eye. “Are you fucking serious?” A griffin. Another one of these fucking griffins. “What the fuck?”

“Uh…” The griffin blinked. “Shoot.”

“You know, I could tell you were trying to hit the kids behind me,” I set a Bubble over them; nothing was getting to them no matter how hard anyone tried. “Do you fuckers have a problem with me? Like seriously, I almost half expected y’all to shoot an arrow into me arse at my wedding, which fortunately for you birdcats, you didn’t. You’re also lucky that I can catch you fuckwads trying to shoot my foal, or his little filly friend. Because if you hit either of them, and grievously injured them, I would make you past tense.”

“Listen, pony,” the griffin got started. “I still don’t know why the the King thought it would be wise to send me and four other griffins after you, since every attempt made to capture y’all-”

“Tell me about the king,” I grabbed his stupid claws and embedded them in the ground with some mild force… after Soundproofing the Bubble and also making it opaque so neither of my kids could see what was happening. “And call your stupid friends out before I cancel your free trial of life.” Seriously, these dumbfucks were awful at assassinations. Number one rule of trying to kill somebody: Don’t reveal yourself when the attempt at murder fails. “Because I’ll be honest, my man, this shit’s getting more annoying than actually a threat. I just wanted to pull a chariot for my foal and his little filly friend, so they could go play with some other kids in Ponyville.

“So tell me what the king wants,” by the way, the griffin was screaming his head off; his claws were only embedded in the ground and being crushed by rocks. “Right the fuck now-”

“Watch it!” Oh. Fruit just jumped out of nowhere and punched a griffin in the chest that had just tried jumping me. He hit the fucker so hard that there was an audible crunch. “Jeez. You’re lucky that I need you to get into the Mage Tower, and that you’re my bro, and that I was nearby and buying chocolate for Chryssy. He woulda knocked you the fuck out, alicorn or not.”

“Mmm, Celly hits me harder with a whip than these guys ever could hit me with a knife.”

Fruit snorted. “Good one, man,” he chuckled. “By the way, I have changelings watching me at all times… The other griffins that were sent after you were… peacefully apprehended. I take it back, it wasn’t peaceful, but things became permanently peaceful after the griffins were dealt with. Why’re these guys going for you again?”

“Dude, I don’t know. Celly is about ready to start a war, as in she drops the sun on the capital of Griffonia, and calls it a day. She heard about how one of those fuckers almost hit Button with an arrow once.”

We both turned to the griffin. “So…” Fruit yanked the fucker out the ground with his hooves. God damn. I wish I was that fit. “I’ll take him to Chrysalis; she’s really good at torturing ponies, and we’ll get any info out of this guy that we can." We both blinked. The griffin was unconscious; his claws were still stuck in the ground and weren’t attached to his forelegs anymore. “Jesus fuck, how the hell did you do that with just magic?”

“Uh…” I shrugged. “Magic-”

“-Is bullshit!” we brohoofed. We both could agree with that statement. “Well, we might-” I hit the griffin with a healing spell. The bleeding stopped, but the claws didn’t grow back. “Damn, nevermind, I guess he won’t bleed out before I go home.” He hummed. “Man, I miss Skitter and Scatter,” he mused as he dragged the griffin on the ground. After he was gone, I let the Bubble up, and watched as six changelings drop out of random alleys also carrying griffins. They were definitely, totally, super not alive.

Or poisoned and will not be alive.

“What happened, Dad?”

“Remember those dumb birdcats?” I asked.

“Oh… Do they want to start a war? Mom is literally going to blow their capital up when she hears about this.”

“Oh I know.”

“What?” Midnight asked.

“Dad keeps getting attacked by griffins, and Mom is getting sick of it. So this might be the last straw for griffins.” Griffins may go extinct. Nah, we’re gonna call King Blueblood over and ask him politely as to why he wants me dead so much.

So was I allowed to take a chariot? Probably not. Was anyone stopping me? No. I had a chariot, specifically made to be pulled by one pony, latched onto me. As it turned out, pulling one of these things as an alicorn was way easier than it should’ve been if I were a pegasus, or literally impossible if I didn’t have wings. Since I had the strength, provided to me via magical earth pony bullshit that came with my wings, I pulled the chariot out of the chariot bay pretty easily and onto the runway.

The whole way, guards were guiding me through how to actually take off, and two more were actually coming with us just in case I end up almost killing myself. Button and Midnight watched from their chariot, hooves on the rail, watching me pull the chariot into the air. As we flew through the air, our guards stayed on both sides of the chariot, my wings were starting to hurt halfway through the flight, but a healing spell and a rejuvenation spell fixed that real quickly. Ponyville came closer and closer into view.

“So where do I land this thing?!” I shouted to the guard next to me. I didn’t wanna shout, but being Irish made you loud by default, and I’m pretty sure this was the only way for me to exist and do things. And also shouting was the only way to communicate over the winds.

“Just make sure you don’t land on a building; it’s easier to land in a field, sir. Just make sure you do the same motions to land, just at a lesser angle!” My guard answered.

The wind flowing through my mane made the blood course through my veins. Flying. I forgot how fun flying actually was; I get to fly around and do things. I think I’ve said this before, but DragonFire and Skywalking are useful and more versatile than flying, since I suck at flying. However, there really is just a weird sensation you can’t get with those compared to using a good ol’ pair of wings. I’m going to bring up the idea of flying in the morning, everyday, with Celly. She said we should once, and we forgot because of all the stupid, fucking bullshit that comes with being a man, living in a pony’s world.

So I landed the chariot, I somehow got unhooked from it and the thing rear ended me, but I did it. Lucky me, I didn’t get hurt, woohoo. My ass is on fire though, and probably broken.

“Dad, are you alright?” Button asked. Yeah the chariot didn’t hit me that hard, it just threw me forward.

“Mr. Code?” Midnight asked, she walked up to me, and started nuzzling me. “Let me know where it hurts,” she whispered as she started looking me over.

“I’m fine,” I chuckled. “No I’m not.” I got up and stretched. “However, I can still walk, so I can still do things. Are you two hurt?” I asked. Button was now checking out my butt, to see if there were two butt bones poking out of it.

“No, we’re fine,” Midnight started looking sorry. “Sorry about getting you hurt-”

“Hey, it was my fault that I chose to treat you both to a chariot ride pulled by yours truly. You ain’t done nothin’ wrong by enjoying it.”

My guards were panicking and making sure everything with the harness was alright…

“Sir, why wasn’t your harness tightened all the way?” One of them asked. They blinked. “Nevermind, our smallest size didn’t fit you…”

“Damn, curse me for being a midget, I suppose?”

“No sir, we’ll just go get this harness resized specifically for you sir, so that this doesn’t happen again. Would you like us to get you an ice pack, your highness? You took a pretty mean looking hit.”

“I’ve got my ass handed to me by Fluer Dis Lis; I’ll live a chariot breaking me arse, aye?”

“Okay sir, we’re still getting you an ice pack. The Princess is going to freak out when she hears our reports of you getting involved with a chariot accident.” Oh. Oh dear.

Celly is going to baby me.

I’m okay with that.

I sat at the park, watching the crusaders playing with a frisbee. I was literally loafing, watching with a smile on my face. This was the life. Watching my kid be a kid, no big things involving portals, no big threats. Just time to stop and smell the roses as I go along my way. It’s a careless high that honestly can’t be beaten by anything else. This made me wonder… Do I need my family from Earth to make me feel better? I’ve got everything I could ever want. Wife and kid, good food, friends. I’ve got everything I could ever want, everything I could ever need.

I have family here.

But being able to at least introduce my Mum to Celly sounds appealing.

What if my family doesn’t wanna come to Equestria?

…

“Source!” Apple Bloom ran up to me, the frisbee in her mouth, so ‘Source’ sounded like ‘Sourfths’. She and the rest of the Crusaders, Button and Midnight had followed suit. They all skidded to a stop before me, their tails wagged. “Can you throw the frisbee for us? We wanna see who’s the best at catching it, and you’re the only big pony around with a horn as far as Ah can see!”

“Hmm,” I smiled. I took the Frisbee in my magic. “Want me to throw it as far as I can? Or as high as I can?” I tilted my head.

“As far as you can,” Scootaloo started jumping. “What’s the point in you throwing it if we don’t have to run after the frisbee?”

You know what? Family be damned, if mine doesn’t wanna come to Equestria, being able to visit them would be nice. Because I ain’t leaving this place for the life of me. I threw the frisbee and the foals immediately formed the cutest little stampede I’ve ever seen, as they all ran after it. Midnight, being the city girl she was, tired out pretty quickly, but kept running anyways, her happy, merry little giggles helped her push through how tired she was feeling… Why did a zebra just lay down next to me?

I know this is a zebra, Celly told me about them, and it’s where Equestria gets a solid amount of its physical, non-magical medicine from, the Zebras. Zebrica is where they’re from, I think. Logically, Zebrica was essentially just where Africa was, except it was in the shape of a zebra’s name, hence the name, and thus the inhabitants… I guess. I think that’s how it works, but I don't know.

“Greetings, a new face I see, from where would you be?” She rhymes, a typical thing with Zebras. Celly told me the secret behind why:

Most of the time, it’s to fuck with ponies, and people trying to write dialogue for them.

“I’m from Canterlot. You’re Zecora, aren’t ya?”

“I see that you know my name? But for you I cannot say the same. Please, relay me your title. For your wings and horn speak you are a little atypical.”

“I’m Source Code, nice meetin’ ya. Before you ask, I’m Princess Celestia’s consort. Twilight Sparkle, I think you’ve met her, wrote a letter to Celly about not being racist. You were the main subject of the letter on why being racist is kinda bad… Scratch that, it’s not good at all. Nice meeting you.” The foals ran back, Scootaloo had the frisbee in her mouth. They all gave a quick greeting to Zecora, before I threw the frisbee again and watched them go. “So why are you here? No offense, I’m just wonderin’. It’s not everyday that a random stranger just comes and sits by me.”

“The foals you play with are friends of mine. Watching foals play is a sight that is truly divine. I believe I recall how dear Sweetie Belle told the tale of her tutor. You left quite the mark on her, and I believe you are more than just her mentor?”

“She’s a friend of my son, and the sister of a friend of mine. When I’m in town, I usually end up watching her and the rest of her friends while my son catches up with them.” I watched as every foal present tackled Sweetie Belle for cheating; she just caught the disk in her magic and cheated. Soon, Button, Scootaloo and Midnight were tickling the buck out of that poor filly. Apple Bloom sat by, snickering at her friend’s constant cries for mercy.

“I also came over because of your demeanor. Despite you enjoying the moment, there is something on your mind, making the moment rather sour.”

“Just thinking. I heard you left your family behind, since Celly apparently has tea with a lot of ponies without me, and you’re one of them… Well, not really, but you know what I mean. I shoulda said ‘people.'"

Zecora giggled. “Worry not, I am a mature mare. For what you refer to me as, I have little care. I presume you are missing family as well? Your line of questioning does not make it hard to tell.”

“...Yeah. If you could, would you bring your family here?” I asked.

“Something rather ponderous to dwell upon, my dear friend. If I were able, and my mother and father and siblings agreed, I would welcome them into my den. Princess Celestia told me about thy struggles, you miss family as they walk a path you cannot. You give the topic too much thought. If you find the means, and they agree, bring them into your life again. If they do not, my recommendation to leave them be would be immense.” She nuzzled up to me, odd. I didn’t think Zecora would be one for cuddling. It is a rather chilly day, for the spring, to be out and about, though. “Your shoulder makes for a good pillow. It is rather firm, though soft like a marshmallow.” She shivered. “The coat of a zebra is much thinner than a pony’s, so even on a cool day like this, I desire a cuddle buddy.”

“That rhyme was a stretch and you know it.”

“Shut up.” Zecora let out a deep breath. “The foals say it’s nap time and I am one to agree. I believe right here will provide a pleasant sleep.”

Celly was right. Zebras just rhyme to fuck with people.

Several hours later, I was sitting in a bar. Well, a bar with Apple Jack and Big Mac. It’s been a hot minute since I hung out with the Apples. Apple Bloom was with us, having a cup of apple juice. I was more surprised by the lack of her having any alcohol. Rarity agreed to watch the rest of the foals overnight, after Celly sent me a letter saying she has some things she would like to discuss with me. Things that can only really be discussed in private. The only place of privacy where me and Celly are guaranteed it, as long as we need it, is her bedroom.

“So you went dimension hopping is what Ah’m hearing,” Apple Jack said bluntly. I just told both her and Big Mac what I went through… however long ago. I don’t know, since apparently only a few hours passed here, while it felt a little longer than a few hours for me. You know, I only slept through the night in a pile of alicorns in Equestria Prime, that whole shit show in Composite Equestria definitely took most of the day to go through, and that bit where Equestria was apparently ruled by dictators, that were actually really friendly for a pair of dictators, only took a couple of hours. So while, for everypony else, only a few hours passed, I went through a few days of mental hell. Sitting between the three of us, in our little booth in the corner of the bar, was a bottle of whisky that I bought for us to share as we chatted. AJ and Big Mac also ordered some hayburgers and hay fries. Think of Hayburgers ARound, except greasier; it was fucking bar food. Bar food is good, but also usually greasy as fuck.

“Yeah. Luckily I didn’t traumatize myself any further, but I’ve come to understand just how screwed up my brain is at this point. Not from me existing, mind you, but from just… remember how I’m not exactly of this world?”

“Oh yeah! Button told us about that!” Apple Bloom spoke up. “You miss yer family, your first one, don’t you?” She asked. At my nod she climbed over the table, and laid down in between my ears, right on top of my noggin, like how Button does. “You aren’t messed up, Uncle Code, you’re just homesick! You were homesick while going through all those dimensions! Ah sure would be pretty upset if I couldn’t talk to my family anymore.” She nuzzled me. “And whether you like it or not, yer a part of the Apple Family!”

Apple Jack decided to clarify. “You’re a close friend of the family, Source. It Doesn't matter if you’ve got wings, a horn, or both. To us, you’re still Source, that same unicorn that hung out with us during the Summer Sun Celebration. We Apples consider our friends family, and you’re certainly a friend of ours.”

I smirked. “God damn. That…” I had a hearty laugh. “Man, god fucking damn, Jackie,” I closed my eyes, and levitated Apple Bloom off my head. I held her in front of me and reopened my eyes. God damn, this filly’s sad face is adorable. “Fuckin’ hell, that never really sunk in my head until now… Y’all would happily-”

“Source, you’ve no family of your own, and you try to work on the farm whenever you’re in town, for free. Yer family. Whether it’s written down in some forms or not.” Big Mac patted my back… When did he get beside me? “Heck, you’d be Apple Jack’s husband by now if you weren’t dating the Princess when we all first met you.” I slowly turned to Apple Jack; she was blushing and was almost the same color as her apples that she’s so proud of.

“Look, you’ve gotten rather muscular over your time in Equestria; it’s barely noticeable, Ah can tell that you've got a little more meat on your bones.”

“...I have?”

“Kinda,” Big Mac chuckled. “She just likes you.”

“Huh.” I chuckled. “AJ, I know I’ve said I don’t see myself dating another mare, but… if I never met Celly and ended up stumbling onto your farm instead during the Summer Sun Celebration anyways… I’da happily start datin’ ya. It’s probably for the best that it ended up like this anyways. You’ve got Rainbow Dash. She’s pretty awesome.”

“You are right…” We all raised our cups, Apple Bloom downed her apple juice before pouring herself some whisky.

“Apple Bloom, you’re way too fucking young to have a shot-”

“We’re country folk, Source. By the age a’ ten, Ah could be sippin’ on whisky with my lunch!” Apple Jack laughed. “And you can’t say nuthin’, with how much you drink, you-”

“Okay, I admit, I first had alcohol when I was four. Just no more than that shot, aight Bloom? Too much of that shit can fuck you up, especially since you’re still a cute, growing, little filly.”

“Ah’m careful, Source.” Apple Bloom nuzzled me. “Big Mac won’t let me have more than this one shot anyways!”

“...That’s not a shot.”

I gave her my shot glass. “That is a shot.”

“...It is? It’s so tiny!” Apple Bloom shrugged. “Well, if it’s a shot, I suppose I’ll have to deal with it.”

Jesus christ, these Apples are kinda like Irish Folk. Kinda.

When I got to Celly’s bedroom later in the day, like right when we should be having dinner, the first thing I noted… She had purple boots. The same style of boots as Composite Celestia. They looked good on her. “So I found these in the closet. I don’t know why I have them, but I can only assume I bought them one day and never used them for anything. I wore these the whole day,” Celestia gestured to herself. “And somepony tried to marry me because of them during day court.”

“...I’m gonna have to get a big stick and tell everypony to stop trying to sleep with you; you’re my Celly. Mine.”

Celestia giggled. “You’re being assertive!” She clapped her hooves. She took her boots off. “So, as you understand, we have things to discuss. Particularly in reference to the griffins, who won’t leave you alone for some reason, amongst other things. For instance, I have sent a letter to King Bloodbeak; he shall be here by Friday so that we can discuss why he wants you captured so badly.”

“Can I kick his shit in? One of his goons almost shot Button and his little filly friend while we were heading to Ponyville.”

…

“I am going to give Bloodbeak ten minutes, when he gets here, to explain why they keep going for my son or his friends. Because if he has no good reason, I am going to decapitate him and try running this ‘democracy’ thing you’ve spoken about during dinner when we had first met.”

“...So if it works, you can retire early from being a princess?” I asked.

“Mmm, no. I want to see how Twilight does as a ruler, first, as a little prank. And then tell her the steps necessary to make a democracy once we’re done,” Celestia picked me up with her magic and pulled me over to her embrace. Her wings feel so… good. She smelled lovely. She smelled like my Celly. “You were planning on trying to convince your human family to come to Equestria?” She asked.

“I’m hoping to get them to stay. Earth… as dangerous as Equus can be at times, Earth is significantly more dangerous, Celly. Sure, it’s pretty rare to get mugged, but there are some crazy people out there. Some crazy folks in power. At the drop of a hat, somebody could just order a city get destroyed, and suddenly Dublin’s a crater. In America, it’s not uncommon to hear about a school building, a place where children go to, getting attacked by a random citizen. Earth… Earth is really fucked up. Equestria would be nice; Ma wouldn’t have to work a day in her life if she came here. I could introduce her to Button, to you.”

“And if you cannot convince them to stay?” Celestia asked.

“I hope I can convince them. Ma loved me and my siblings, my two brothers and one sister, more than anything. It broke her heart when she had to take me away from my first passion, singing in a choir, so I could help watch over my siblings, none of whom were even older than seven when Dad died. It’s probably killing her, knowing that I went missing without a trace… But if she doesn’t choose to come with me, if she and the rest of my family don’t want to come to Equestria… I’ll still stay here Celly. It’s a tough choice, but I ain’t abandoning you, but I really hope I can convince them to stay.”

“I can help with that; I can be quite persuasive. I merely brought this up, because I feared that you would leave for your home world again if you could not convince your family to come here.” She nodded. “And there is one more thing I’d like to say, and I want you to not freak out…” Celly hummed. “You surely have noticed that I stopped bugging you for… bedroom activities, even though the mating season isn’t over, correct?” She asked.

“Yeah,” oh boy.

“Well, I stopped by the castle’s medical bay to find out why I don’t have this urge when it’s the season.”

…What is she getting at?

“Source, I’m carrying a foal-”

“WHAT!?” I shouted.

Celestia slowly started grinning, that same shit eating grin.

“Oh you bitch! You fucking, stupid, fucking bitch! You just had to fuck with my brain a little, first, didn’t you?” I asked.

“Yes… Yes I did. I had you going, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I requested that Rarity watch the foals for a reason. I have also notified Midnight’s parents that she will be arriving at their manor in the morning tomorrow…” Celestia slipped the purple boots back on. “It’s just you and me, alone, big boy.” Her voice was getting husky. “So what would you say to a little cuddling?” She asked. We did end up cuddling. No, not sex. Celly genuinely just wanted to snuggle tonight, with me, alone.

I like getting laid as much as the next guy, but just being hugged for hours at a time while you sleep is simply wondrous.

Bricking Brains, Birthday Parties, and Baking and Bathing.

I woke up in Celestia’s embrace, a day had passed and nothing too big had happened for once. Aside from the griffin asshat.. We picked Button and Midnight up, promptly returned Midnight to her home, which her parents were thrilled to have her back. They figured she would be in safe hooves; I was the husband of Celestia, so they figured I wouldn’t do anything to her. And if anypony tried doing anything to Midnight, it probably wouldn’t end well since I’m apparently a semi-famous Mage because of Python. It was a pretty fun little thing, since Button and Midnight were trying to get ‘five more minutes’ when we got on the chariot.

They were still trying to get that five more minutes on the chariot.

And when we dropped Midnight off.

After we were let onto the property by their guard, we walked up the pathway to the dark, wooden door that seemed to be a common thing on a lot of the richer ponies in this neighborhood. I knocked on the door and waited. I didn’t wait very long as Mrs. Starbright opened the door. “Good morning, Source Code. I believe I know why you are here, though next time, please do let me know when you pick my daughter up, that she wants to sleep over in another town. It’s not as big of a deal since she wanted the sleepover, but when she is literally ten kilometers down the mountain that this city sits upon, I, as her mother, am concerned about if she will come back home.”

“Mrs. Starbight,” somehow she hadn’t noticed Celly, who was silently sitting on her rump and cradling Button, while he slept, with one hoof. “I’m a parent as well, and I completely get it. Next time, I’ll try and keep and get your daughter in Canterlot before nightfall.”

“Mr. Code, do you really think I am mad?” Mrs. Starbright tilted her head. “I was just worried about my little angel,” she said, now holding said little angel. “All I cared about was if she was good for you. I know for a fact, judging from when we first met you laying in the street so you can play with your foal, that you love your son. You definitely understand how much I love my daughter, and that my daughter is a dear friend of your son… I’ll be honest, despite some rumors I’ve heard about you, you don’t look like you could even bring yourself to actually kill anypony unless you’ve got a good reason.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What?” I asked.

“You’re rather unassuming, and a midget. If it were not for your wings, you’d be an average, little unicorn that, honestly, I wouldn't have minded marrying if I didn’t already have a stallion. You just look like you’d be a really good cuddle-buddy, I’ll be frank.” I stared blankly at her. Me? Not intimidating!? I… I… I… I… am completely okay with that. “In fact,” she pulled out a newspaper. “What's this, about you protecting my daughter as best as you could the moment you realized you three were in danger?” She turned it around to me… standing in between the twat from yesterday, Button and Midnight, with a Bubble over them before I turned it opaque.

“Wuh?” I asked.

“That’s right, Mr. I know that you would’ve made sure my daughter came home safe after this arrived at my front gate this morning.” She giggled. “You look terrifying in that photo. I don’t think I’d want to see your angry side in person any time soon!” She clapped her hooves after levitating her daughter onto her back. The second she laid her eyes on my Sunbutt, I stopped her from bowing to Celly.

“Don’t bow, we’re all friends here. Celly prefers not having friends bow to her.”

“W-what!?” Mrs. Starbright asked. “Isn’t it disrespectful?”

“No, I don’t mind it when somepony chooses not to bow to me. If anything, I prefer not being worshiped. Mrs. Starbright, your daughter is my son’s friend, by extension, you are my friend. Stand up tall,” Celly instructed. Starbright did as asked. “Extend your hoof,” Celly’s horn lit up. She just put a whoopee cushion in her hoof and made it invisible in half a second. Nopony but me noticed it, and I knew what Celly was doing because it’s a trick I taught her… after seeing it somewhere. Can’t remember where, but it might have been from a pun loving skeleton in a video game. She said she’d greet Midnight’s parents with this trick to break the ice.

Mrs. Starbright took Celly’s hoof and blinked as a fart noise, for some inexplicable reason, started leaving Celestia’s hoof.

“What?” She asked, tilting her head. Celestia slowly pulled her hoof back and revealed the bottom of it, attached was, of course, the Whoopee cushion. Celly was giggling behind her other hoof, now holding Button in her magic, he didn’t seem to really give a shit about being held in magic, he just liked being held. God dammit, Trolly’s giggle is cute, even if she is screwing with the head of this poor mare before us. Trolly sat like a cat watching the poor mare sputter, before she herself started giggling.

“Oh my, I did not think the Princess would be a bit of a prankster,” she laughed. “Oh, that is so much better than those boring old hoofshakes at those stupid, stupid parties that every other noble likes to hold for some stupid, patronizing reason!” She giggled. “I suppose just Celestia will do while you are in my abode?” She asked.

“That is correct,” Trollestia nodded. “If you would like to come have tea with myself and Source Code, do come by at any time. Say that the Force is Watching, and you’ll be let right in; it’s something Source tells his friends to use if they want in the castle so that they can visit him.”

“...Why the Force?” Mrs. Starbright asked.

“Because the Force is with you, always.” I said in my deepest, so not very deep, voice.

Mrs. Starbright just started looking at us like we were crazy ponies. “Okay, I’m going to go put my daughter in her room and get started on breakfast for her and my husband.” She slowly closed the door in front of us.

“Good first impression, don’tcha say?” I asked, with a shit eating grin.

“I believe so,” Celestia lifted up a hoof buzzer I got her a couple weeks ago. “Hmm, I wonder if I shall put a spin on the whoopee cushion in the hoof trick.”

“Celly, you are going to confuse so many nobles.”

“Good!” Celly cheered and jumped in place like how Pinkie does… My wife is the cutest mare in the world. Button remained blissfully unaware, sleeping in her magic, like nothing was wrong.

So a few hours later, Celly had cleared her schedule to spend the day with me. Button was snuggled up under Luna’s wing, Tale was laying practically on top of her, and they were all sleeping on the couch because they’re all nocturnal, and Button stayed up real late last night at Rarity’s place. I was sitting there, next to Celly, both of us were wearing chef hats. By the way, we were in Luna’s chambers, since she had an actual kitchen in there for some reason…. Even though she managed to burn instant noodles after accidentally cooking them without water, and also because she stuck the noodles in a toaster.

So she was banned from the royal kitchens.

“So we’re going to bake a cake,” Celly said. “And if I’m feeling it, you might get half of the cake!”

“You are so generous, my love,” I said half solemnly as I tied my apron with my hooves. Somehow it was just as easy as using fingers to tie it, so that’s fun. I am glad that I lost my fingers only to have hooves that are almost as dexterous as fingers, even if I no longer have fingers. Life is a lie, fingers are a scam, and hooves aren’t real. There is only one thing that reigns true:

Your wife is looking through a cookbook of cakes, she is rather deeply invested in the choice. So much so that your wife is actually sweating…

PONIES CAN’T EVEN SWEAT!

Celly eventually chose a simple, chocolate cake with vanilla frosting. The first thing she did was immediately prepare everything the recipe called for. Chocolate, vanilla frosting, sugar, some butter, eggs, flour, the whole nine yards. Milk and baking powder were included in this ensemble of baking ingredients. She grabbed the biggest bowl she could make and started pouring the… everything into it. All the butter, all the eggs, all the everything. The only thing not in the bowl when she was done was the egg shells.

“Why did you use everything?”

“Oh don’t worry, I just wanted a large cake!” Celly giggled. “No, that was an illusion you just witnessed. I made a cake big enough for us to share,” the illusion disappeared to a small bowl, which was filled with enough cake batter to actually give us both a decently sized cake, with some left over for Button when he wakes up from his nap. “I’m not that wasteful. Why waste the food when I know there are ponies across Equestria struggling for food?” She asked.

“Is… there anything like food drives?” I asked.

“No, why do you ask?” Celly took a moment to process what I said, as she started mixing the batter. “What is a food drive, if you don’t mind answering?”

“Think of it… basically, foals go to school, all across the country. Said foals bring in foods, canned food that lasts a while. Food of some sort. Packaged noodles, dry foods, whatever. As long as it can be stored on a shelf for a long time, it’s qualified for the food drive. Foals bring these to school to donate, and the aforementioned canned food is donated to a place called a food bank, which then redistributes the food to families of ponies that are struggling. I’ve literally lived in some of the shittier parts of Canterlot for awhile. And I had it easy, being in the slums of the richest city in Equestria. What could it be like to be a kid growing up in the slums in… I dunno, Neigh Orleans? Or even a smaller town like Ponyville?

“I can’t imagine it’d be fun, being a kid that young, and knowing what hunger is like. Not just hunger like ‘oh, I missed dinner’ a hunger that you wouldn’t know when you can satiate it. You never know if you’ll even be able to have food on the table, that kinda hunger.” I shook my head. “A lot of places on Earth were like that, and it’s awful. And now that I’ve a kid, I imagine it ain’t anymore fun for the parents, knowing that they can’t feed their kids. Seeing that thing you love and cherish the most suffer, and you can’t do anything about it. You aren’t even doing anything wrong, just had a shitty lot in life, or maybe money is tight or something.”

Celestia hummed. “It sounds like…”

“I just believe nopony, neigh, nobody should have to go hungry. And while food drives may kinda solve the problem, it would be better to have a steady supply of food, say a food drive every month, even every two months, would be enough.” I hummed. “I may ask around and get numbers on how much ponies make, and single out the ones who aren’t even cracking a hundred bits a month with families; a hundred bits was barely enough for me to live throughout the week, and that was with me budgeting to all hell. If I didn’t make a small fortune on Python books, that I’m still riding on, or money I got from assisting with teaching at Cheerilee’s school house… Or be with you,” I kissed Celly. “Then I dunno how well I could get by while taking care of Button.”

“Hmm,” Celly hummed. The batter was now properly mixed. “Would you like me to set up various ‘canned food’ donation boxes around Canterlot and see how well that does? I can take care of the heavy work, such as finding out where to actually send the food. You can help drive it; as the current High Prince of Canterlot, you could help drive a lot of attention towards these.”

“I don’t want my name on it, I just wanna help people. If you set up the boxes, leave a-”

“Little message saying what it is for and where the food goes,” Celestia smiled. “I know, dear. I’m willing to do all of this for you, since it is your vision, and it helps my little ponies! Oh! It warms my heart, knowing that you do actually think of others, even if it hurts knowing that you put others before your own well-being. Don’t think I’ve noticed how down and depressed you look when Button and I aren’t blatantly looking at you.” Celly cranked the kitchen timer back to the stated time in the recipe book. “You, mentally, still aren’t doing very well.”

“Hey,” I chuckled weakly. “If I’m still at least half the stallion you think I am, right?” I asked.

“You’re twice the stallion you think you are, Source. I do believe that you should take a break from everything, genuinely, just go on a train trip with Button to Ponyville and stay in a motel for a few days. But I also know that you can’t stop. You won’t stop; it helps keep those bad thoughts off your mind,” she draped a wing over my back. “Perhaps after you and Fruit do your little thing in the multiverse, we can go camping. You me, Button, and Luna. Twilight can watch over the kingdom while we’re doing so; she’s been trained to at least handle daycourt and has the titles and powers necessary to carry any solution she can come up with.”

“Hmmm,” I hummed. “Yes. That would be lovely. I can even get drunk with Lulu again and sing some folk songs with her.”

“If you get my sister hungover again, I will have to punish you for being a naughty boy,” Celly said while bobbing her eyebrows. Oh. That’s going to be a fun punishment.

We pulled the cake out of the oven, and set it on the counter. “So,” I hummed. “How much cake would you like, my lady?” I asked, all gentleman-like. I dropped my usual accent and tried my best at doing a British accent. I hummed. “This much?” I lined the knife up so that we both would get half the cake. It was a rather small cake, for Celly’s terms of ‘small’, so it was actually a decently sized little thing. As in if I cut it in half, we both could have our own half of the cake that’d last both of us at least two separate desserts. Or two servings each.

“A little to the left,” I did as asked. Celly is a big girl, she needs her cake. “A little more?” I did as asked. “Just a tiny, tiny bit more?” She asked. “I did most of the work, gathering the ingredients, mixing the batter, and putting it in the oven.” That was fair. I moved the knife a little further. Celly slowly started looking like her alter-ego, Cakelestia, it’s a Celly that likes cake a lot. I know, insane alter ego-tismism that’s a word that Celly would approve of. “Just a little more?” I moved the knife and slowly realized something.

“I thought we would be sharing!” I whined. “Isn’t that what marriage is about? Sharing the highs and lows of life together?”

“It is, but as your wife, I demand to be spoiled,” I slowly lifted the cake and encircled it with the knife; a silent question of ‘you want this much?’ It was in reference to the whole fucking thing. “Perfect!” Celly started blushing. Luna and Button were wide awake now, because somepony can’t keep her mouth shut when faced with a cake. “I mean, that would be perfect!” She kissed me on the cheek. So… I grabbed the cake… and teleported outside the castle. I set the cake somewhere safe, obviously. I put it in our room for us to actually share later.

Celly just broke Lulu’s window. She started scanning the ground for the blue, alicorn thingy that she’s come to know and love and wouldn’t hurt. The stallion that loves her with all his heart. Surely she wouldn’t kill him over a cake, right?

“Cody…” Celly said playfully. “Where is the cake?” She is right in front of me. When did she get here? “Our wedding rings have tracking spells in them; I cannot lose you again.” She nuzzled me. “Now, where is the cake?” she asked.

“In our room. It needed to cool off anyways, plus I think a nice, long walk around Canterlot would give it enough time to cool down so that we can thoroughly enjoy the cake… together.”

“That would be lovely. I hope you understand that I was joking when I said I wanted the whole cake. It’s portioned the way it is for a reason.” I raised an eyebrow. “It’s your birthday, is it not? Do humans celebrate those at all?”

“...Oh.”

Jesus christ, it’s actually been a full year and a half since I’ve come to Equestria.

“We do,” I chuckled. “I just forgot what day it was, with everything going on.” I rubbed the back of my head. I then realized that we were actually in the gardens. “Wanna just relax under a tree or something?” I asked. “All I wanna do is relax and do fuck all.” I found a nice spot in the grass to lay down in. I promptly flopped over in the grass and rolled around in it for a while like a dog that’s scent rolling. This just felt good.

“Source, you’re going to need a bath later if you keep rolling around in the grass like that.” Celly giggled as she laid down beside me.

“So? That’s for later me’s ass to take it in.” I said as I finally settled on my back, belly facing up towards the sky.

“Well, I suppose that the past you just invited me to blow raspberries into your stomach for the time being.” My wife hummed and rubbed her chin, her horseshoes came off. “Well?”

“Celly, please know, we can just cuddle, it’s a nice day out, and we can just enjoy ourselves for the time being. You don’t gotta tickle the hell outta me.”

“Hmm,” Sun Butt slowly started transitioning into Trollestia. “No, I want to hear you laugh; it’s only fair since you make me laugh.”

I ended up peeing.

“You just had to not heed my warning,” I said as we both sat in the bathroom together. The bathroom… it’s something I’ve not brought up that often as it’s literally a room just for the bathtub. Bathtub would be a modest way of putting it. It’s a giant, fucking swimming pool that’s constantly being filtered with soap constantly being added in as water is filtered out. Two statues of Celly, small, bronze ones since bronze is more valuable than gold in Equestria, were spewing out the water and some mixture that made up the bath. The soap Celly uses must not be scented as the soap didn’t really smell like anything.

Since I was laying on my back when I peed myself, because somepony chose to tickle me instead of snuggle me, my stomach was in the air. My… equipment was also up in the air, so when I peed myself, because of the tickling, I peed everywhere. Grass, sidewalk, on me, on the trees, on the birds and the bees. Oh, and I also peed on Celly.

“Well, how did I know if you were bluffing or not?” Sun Butt asked.

“Peeing myself is no laughing matter,” I said. “Or everything I know and everypony I love,” I said as I grabbed a brush and started working on Celly’s back, right between the wings. She cooed and started leaning forward to give me more surface area to work with. “Yeah, that’s right, I know you like being pampered, like the princess you are,” I chuckled. “On the bright side, you tickled me so hard that I jerked every time I laughed, and the pissing everywhere thing, we can do this little thing a little while longer.”

“That we can,” Tia reached around with that long, gorgeous neck of hers, and we booped noses. “I am so glad I took a day off from ruling, because it’s a Sunday and I get my weekends off, to spend the day with you on your birthday. Granted, we must head down to Ponyville with Button and Lulu. Pinkie Pie wanted to host a birthday party for you. We should get out of the bath in twenty minutes,” the bath was basically a hot tub by the way, just filtered in soap and water mixture. Basically it felt good to be here.

“Twenty minutes, you say?” I reached under the water and grabbed Celly’s foreleg. “Let’s see…” I hummed. “Celly, have you been working yourself ragged?” I asked. “There are teeth marks, your teeth marks, in your front hooves.”

“...I may have been stressing out over you and Fruit’s planned trip, this coming Saturday, to try and bring your family back. I wonder if you’ll end up making a choice on choosing to stay here, or go back to Earth. And I’m scared of both choices, Source.” Celestia lowered her head, her ears flattened against her skull as she let it hand over me. “Are you going to end up bringing your family here? Or will they refuse your invitation to come to Equestria? If they do, and you had to make the choice, would you go back with them? I would want you to be happy; you seem so… down a lot of the time-”

“Cielo Soleado,” that got Sunny’s attention. “I ain’t leaving you behind. If I can’t get them to come to Equestria, I’ll beg them to at least give it a shot. If they don’t, I’ll at least bring you along, so one, we can keep Discord from fucking with us, and two, so you can at least meet my mother. If nothing else, I want you to meet me Mum. I hope I don’t have to choose, but if I had to, I think I’d choose Source Code if I had a hundred lives to live instead of choosing to be Kodi Gaime every time. I love you, I love how peaceful Equestria is, ignoring the semi-annual world ending threats. I prefer being somebody that’ll leave a mark on the world, rather than being a guy who’ll be forgotten about in about four years after I die.”

…

“You just had to make me smile, didn’t you, Kodi?” Celly asked.

“Ah, it’s Source, missy.”

“You just made my smile bigger, Source,” Celly’s smile did get bigger and brighter. We booped noses and continued to enjoy our bath before my birthday party at Pinkie’s place.

I carried Button onto the chariot that we were taking to Ponyville. It’s not often that I actually describe a Pinkie Party, as I usually don’t get to attend a Pinkie Party, but they’re usually pretty fun. Celly and I were freshly bathed, which probably will do us a lot given that we’ll get smothered in cake by the time the night is over. Luna was coming along with us, with Tale and Snowdrop in tow. Snowdrop had her head snuggled up under Tale’s chin, while Tale was shoved under Lulu’s wing.

Luna and her little ‘family’ were riding in a chariot separate from ours, since carrying three alicorns, one of which is ‘fun sized’, and the other two being in wumbo, carrying our little entourage with two chariots was necessary given that Snowdrop was pretty tall for a pegasus. Sitting beside her was Solar, off duty of course. He was chatting away with Lulu about things. It was mostly Luna teasing the poor fucker as we went.

Button was pouting because I was holding him by the scruff on his neck. “Dad, I am not a baby,” he said, forelegs crossed, pouty faced. It was cute. “Dad?” I slowly lowered him into my arms, and held him like that instead. “That’s better, but I'm still not a baby! You don’t gotta hold me like this.”

“Button,” I nuzzled him. “I know, but also, I demand snuggles with my colt while we fly through the air for the next twenty minutes. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to kiss-attack you in front of all of your friends!” Button’s eyes widened. “What?” I let my accent thicken. “Macho little lad doesn’t wanna look like a wee little lad in front of his lassies?” I asked. “Well, my little lad, I’ll make sure to spoil you and baby you extra hard!” I clapped my hooves, keeping Button held in my forelegs somehow.

“Dad…” Button sighed. “You’re lucky I like this.”

We landed in the party twenty minutes later, and luckily for Button, I didn’t decide to nuzzle and kiss him in front of all his friends. The party was actually a lot bigger than I would’ve expected. Like most ponies’ parties, they were held in Sugarcube Corner. I was just surprised by the amount of ponies that showed up. It was… well, a lot of ponies. I think I saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon sneak in here for some reason. Twilight was here, as was Spike, surprisingly Cadance and Shining Armor were here too. Oh. Cadance looks adorable in her dress. It was a simple, white dress that wasn’t very ornamental or anything. I think she just wanted to wear a dress today.

Dashie was off at the snack table, because free food. I don’t blame her. Pinkie was making sure everypony was having fun, Rarity was with Sweetie Belle, and talking to Apple Jack. Apple Jack and her immediate family were here, spread out throughout the room. Scootaloo was with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, who were with Rarity and Apple Jack. Dinky and Derpy Whooves were here, Derpy was watching Dinky as she animatedly chatted with one of her classmates. Notably, Doctor Whooves, Derpy’s husband, was not here. He was probably busy being a doctor or something. There were ponies I didn’t really interact with, like Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon, Lyra was busy talking with Twilight off in the corner.

Ms. Cheerilee was happily chatting with Big Mac off in a corner somewhere.

“Welcome to your birthday party, Source! How are you doing?” Pinkie asked. She animatedly jumped up and down.

“Mmm, I believe I can do something to solve one of my mental health problems, so I think I’m doing good.” I chuckled and squawked. Button had already run off to go have fun with his friends. I squawked because Pinkie pulled me into a big, bone crushing hug that shocked me a lot. “Whoa there, Pinks, I need my spinal cord in order to enjoy your party!” I laughed. I did hug her back though, with my wings since my forelegs were kinda not available for usage. They were held to my sides by Pinkie’s vice grip.

“Oh…” Pinkie started blushing. “I didn’t know you liked me like that, Cody,” I blinked.

“What did I do?” Snowdrop was the only one who remained by my side. Everypony else in our group had already worked their way through the party room and were partaking in various party enjoying activities such as talking, or playing pin the pony-

THAT’S A FUCKIN’ DUNK BOOTH! I mean uh, yeah, pretty box standard party-

That’s a small roller coaster. How the hell?

“As you can tell, Cody, since you haven’t been able to describe what it’s like to be at one of my parties to our dear readers,” what? “I went all out with the party. There’s pin the pony, pinatas, a dunk booth, a roller coaster, there’s a whole little amusement park behind Sugarcube Corner right now so that you can have the best birthday ever! There’s even karaoke so you can share some of your fun songs like that one about getting drunk on whisky!” She nuzzled into my wings. “So, you like me this much, huh?”

“Let me guess,” Snowdrop hummed. “Source is hugging you with your wings because he’s not aware that that is reserved for family members or lovers?” She asked.

“Eeyup!” Pinkie nuzzled deeper into my embrace. “Wow, Celestia was right, you’re really good for cuddling!” She squeaked.

“Uh…” what the fuck? I slowly lowered my wings. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable?”

“I’m looking forward to our date!” Pinkie ran off into the party.

“There’s no getting out of that date, is there?” I asked Snowdrop. She nuzzled me.

“Unfortunately, I do not believe so, Uncle. She didn’t even give you a date for it, so I have a feeling you’re going to go missing one day, and wake up in one of the nicer restaurants in Ponyville. Or Canterlot; Pinkie might even rob you of your bits so that she can pay for the date.”

Oh. Great.

After wandering around, and being put in the dunk tank, which was actually fun, I wandered outside so I could dry off. I was given a towel, and then couldn’t help but notice two sets of hooves from my left. One set belonged to a smaller pony, the other clearly belonged to an adult. Diamond Tiara walked past me, teary eyed, while her mother was berating her. I blinked. Jesus christ, Diamond Tiara’s mom is a cunt.

“-You dared to go to a party like this!?” She yelled. “A party for peasants? If you wanted to go to a party, you could’ve asked, and we would’ve gone up to Canterlot! It’s about time that we got you a coltfriend, you lonely, worthless filly! If you were a colt, at least we could marry you off to some snot-nosed brat in Canterlot!”

“Yo,” I raised a hoof. As much as I don’t like Diamond Tiara, she doesn’t deserve that kinda treatment. “Treat your foal better than that, m’am. I can’t imagine your daughter will become a wonderful lady with you calling her names like that.”

Diamond Tiara stopped dead in her tracks. “And what are you going to do about how I treat my daughter?” Her mother yelled at me. She blinked a few times and noticed my wings. “Oh! Mr. Code! Or should I say Prince Code! How are you doing-”

“Madam,” I said, setting my towel on my neck after finally drying my mane out. “I’m assuming that you were yelling at Diamond Tiara the whole time for being at a party.” I hummed. “Diamond, did your father say you can come out here? I know he usually doesn’t care about what you’re doing with your free time.”

“...Dad said I could come out here,” Diamond said. She wasn’t lying; I ran the lie detection spell. “Why?”

“Mmm,” I hummed and pulled a crystal out of my ear. “I dunno. Hey, Spoiled Rich was it? Let your daughter be a kid. You’re only young once, and if she wants to actually enjoy a party, let her.” I met her gaze. “Or I could get Celly to fine you with child abuse, because that’s basically what you’re doing. I’m scared of what you tell that poor kid of yours in private, if you’re willing to yell at her in public like that.”

“Oh, of course, your highness. I suppose it is your birthday party after all!” She whispered something that sounded harsh into Diamond’s ear, before walking off. Leaving a crying filly sitting next to me on the step of Sugarcube Corner.

“What did your mum say? Be honest with me, kid.”

“She said to either somehow earn your favor, for the future when I’m older, or try and get with Button.” Diamond stared at the ground. “You don’t like me so I’ll just g-go-”

I picked her up and held her in my forelegs, much like how I would with Button. “Kid, you’re a bully, and that’s about it. I don’t hate ya or anything… Holy fuck, if I had a mum like yours, I woulda killed myself already. The fact that you’re still going? Takes guts, kid, to endure that shit.” I sat down and set her beside me. “Does your dad treat you well, at least?”

“He does, when he has the time. Mother is a stay at home mother; my father makes most of the bits coming in.” She looked up at me. “I-I guess… thank you for s-saving me?” She asked. “Mom was going to ground me or hit me when we got home-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it. WHAT!?” I asked. “Nah, that ain’t okay. That ain’t how you punish a kid for wanting to what? Go out and have fun?” I took a notebook out of my butt pocket, wrote something off, and DragonFired it off to Silver Spoon. I know most of Cheerilee’s students’ magical signatures at this point. “Kid, tell me, is your mom partially why you treat everypony else like shit?” I asked.

“...She doesn’t let me have friends unless they’ve got ‘rich’ parents like Silver does, and I'm lucky that I like Silver.” She whimpered. “I hate it. I want friends. But I can’t!” She brought a hoof down on the step and cracked it. Damn, earth ponies are bullshit. “I hate it so much!” I moved her onto the ground, off the step, laid down, and started grooming her. At the very least, I found where she was ticklish and started tickling the shit out of her.

“St-st-stop-p-p!” Diamond’s tiara fell off her head, but I moved it to the side so nopony would step on it. “C-C-C-C-ode!” She was a giggling mess long after I stopped.

“Diamond!” Silver Spoon ran out and stopped at the sight of me pinning her friend down, while she was giggling. “Mr. Code?” She asked. “What-”

“I sent you the message; your friend could use some help. In fact, I wanna help as well.” I nuzzled Diamond Tiara, and she flinched, before she grabbed my muzzle and licked it. “Ah,” I chuckled. “So there is a sweet little filly under that rich, snobbish girl facade!” I chuckled. “I think I can get the Crusaders and Dinky to let bygones be bygones. As long as your mother doesn’t catch you, you could be friends with them. In fact,” I wrote a note down, and put it away for later. “I wrote something for your dad, something about divorcing that bitch of a mother you’ve got, and hiring a nanny or something.” I picked Diamond up and set her on my head. “C’mon you two, let’s go introduce y’all-”

“Dad? What are you doing out here? Pinkie wants you to cut the cake-” he stopped when he saw me holding Diamond Tiara. “Why are you holding her?” Button shook his head. “Nevermind, I saw her Mom start whisper-shouting into her ear before dragging her out of the party.” He hopped on my withers, and offered a hoof to Diamond Tiara. “Hey Diamond! Are you at least doing better now that you’ve experienced the best dad in the world?” He asked.

“I… you don’t hate me?”

“Why should I? You say mean things, but you aren’t inherently evil,” he tilted his head. “So why should I hate you?” Diamond Tiara took his hoof and shook it. Before long, Button was hugging her, as was Silver, on my back, as I walked back into the party with a grin on my face.

Diamond Tiara really wasn’t that bad, as it turned out. I even reintroduced her to the Crusaders and they… actually welcomed her with open arms at my suggestion.

She and Apple Bloom in particular got along real well.

Author's Note

and thus Diamond Tiara's mom may or may not get tossed into the streets. fuckin' bitch.

also added this in: the cake scene was inspired by Celestia's Precious Cake by StormFX3. it's fucking funny and incredibly well made; it also took a long time to be made. go check it out, give this dude some props.

Much to Discuss.

We sat in the meeting room, all of us. Well, ‘all’ besides Button. Luna, Snowdrop, Tale, Me, and Celly. We have been sitting here for a good minute, waiting for King Bloodbeak to leave his stupid room or whatever, and come explain why griffin mercenaries were trying to kill, kidnap, or kill and kidnap me. Or attacking my kid when he’s present. Celly looked like her mane was going to catch on fire, and I was starting to think that, until I looked at Luna. She was eying a knife that she had pulled out from the knife collection she apparently had. Snowdrop had a crossbow loaded up, and I was just sitting there, wondering how likely it was for Bloodbeak to shit himself upon walking in.

“Guys, we don’t need to kill him,” I pointed out. “Just find out what he wants, if he wants anything.”

“You’re right,” Luna said, putting her knife in its sheaf. “We just have to permanently maim him! Good thinking-”

“Did you listen to anything I said after the ‘don’t murder him’ bit?” I asked.

“No, I’m thinking about how to punish this birdbrain for sending assassins after my surrogate brother.” She responded. “Why shouldn’t we kill him-”

The doors opened, and any weapons that were out, were put away very quickly. A griffin, an old looking one walked in. He had a few scars and was kinda gray. “Ah, Princess Celestia, it has been a while since we’ve last met in the flesh! Congratulations on the wedding-” this guy looks completely clueless about what’s happening. “We were once meeting each other to relieve each other of stress, so I am glad that you, a pony deserving of all the love she can get!” He blinked a few times. “You did get my wedding gift, correct?” He asked…

“Dude, do you know why you’re here?” I asked, looking him over. He looks so innocent.

Bloodbeak, I’m assuming this is Bloodbeak blinked. “Oh yes, some ponies keep hiring griffin mercenaries, paying them a huge sum to say I’m trying to kill your husband?” He tilted his head. “Princess Celestia, I thought you knew me better than that! I wouldn’t try to hurt a dear friend of mine-”

“Because she was your fuck buddy,” Tale said bluntly.

“So we were friends with benefits, but we were still friends. A griffin, in spite of how greedy, or violent, or ‘awful’ we can be, we don’t turn our backs on our friends. Or stab them in the back,” Bloodbeak pulled a bunch of documents out. “I know who’s hiring mercenaries, and as you know, mercenaries aren’t a part of my main army. If I wanted you dead,” he said, nodding to me. “I would’ve sent a whole army. You’re rather famous, if you haven’t noticed. A unicorn, now an alicorn, with below average results when it comes to magical output, outperforming a lot of unicorns during a friendly competition? You’re also married to the most famous pony in the world.

“Your long list of accomplishments are very much known across my kingdom; we love the tale of a good warrior. By the way, a pony named Shooting Star’s been paying for all your assassination attempts.” He grabbed a pair of reading glasses as he looked over a document. “Either kill Source Code or somepony he loves.” We all blinked. I was trying to figure out who Shooting Star was, while all the smart ponies that knew politics and documentation reading, all huddled together and read the documents Bloodbeak was getting all his information about.

“Source,” Celestia said. She had reading glasses. It was kinda cute. “Remember that one pony that you said was ‘going to do horrible things to Twilight’?” She asked. “I believe that is who wants to kill you. A unicorn stallion that is from Fillydelphia, goes to the local unicorn college-”

“Oh. The guy that was going to try and rape Twilight? The guy I got a restraining order placed on because of what he said he was going to do to Twilight?” I asked. “Yeah, if he wants me dead, that’s cool. I’ll ‘accidentally’ hit him with a spell too hard and kill him.” I said. “Because if he pulls this shit when I get my family to move to Canterlot, I am going to kill somepony.” I took a long, deep breath. “Aight, thank you King Bloodbeak, you can go do whatever and stuff. I’m gonna go meet up with Fruit Punch and get this stupid thing over with.”

“Okay, Source Code. I believe Celestia and I,” he said pointedly at Celly. “Have much to discuss; I see that she thought I’d actually hurt her in any way, shape or form, as it appears.” I blinked. “What?”

“Get your horny ass away from my wife before I cut your dick off and shove it up your ass.”

“Pfft, please, like you can service Celestia like a predator could.” My eyes twitched. “What?”

“Bloodbeak, that’s my fucking wife. Go to hell. Now quit trying to fuck her, before I fuck you up.”

“King Bloodbeak,” Celly started. “Please stop trying to get under my tail, because it won’t work out for you. Source is way better in bed than you are. He’s also much cuddlier than you are and also doesn’t tear my flanks up whenever he sleeps with me. I think he will… neuter you if you don’t stop. As much as we are, or were friends, stop trying to provoke my husband.” She started glaring at him. “While I now know that you are innocent of trying to kill Source, I will break your neck and make it look like an accident. Do. Not. Test. Me.”

Bloodbeak didn’t seem to take heed to this warning. “Pfft-”

“Bloodbeak, do you understand how your grandfather died?”

“He… broke his neck after falling down the stairs while visiting you…”

“He did, this was after he tried making moves on Princess Cadance while she was still a filly. I can write you out of history if I so please, and nobody would be none the wiser. Your country solely exists because I prefer being peaceful rather than being violent. Your bloodline has consistently done something that I will not describe at this meeting-”

“Wait,” I said. “Your grandpa talked to my niece, while she was fucking twelve!?” I asked.

“What?” Bloodebeak slowly blinked. “...Okay, I think I am going to go back to my room,” he slowly looked at me. “I’ve not seen something that angry since that bear that-”

I grabbed Luna’s knife from under the table. “Bloodbeak, fuck off already, before I reunite you with your grandpa.” Bloodbeak immediately took off with his tail between his legs. I took a long, deep breath. “Banana peel on the stairs just when he gets to them?” I asked.

“No,” Luna mused. “I just notified Chef Beet that it is ‘accident’ time. He will accidentally receive blackberry and blueberry ice cream…” I raised an eyebrow at that. “Griffins can’t process blackberries without at least a bad case of diarrhea. But just enough blackberries can leave him bedridden for months.” Luna hummed. “He technically hasn’t done anything illegal, so we can’t kill him, but we can make his immediate future a pain in the flank.”

“Hey, stick a shitload of coffee in there so he’ll shit his brains out anyways,” I suggested.

“Good thinking, I shall inform Chef Beet about her custom order. You have fun with your portals and dealing with Fruit Punch while doing so!” Celly stood up. She blinked. “Nevermind, you wanted me to come with you both. Snowdrop, could you be a dear-”

“I’ll make the milkshake for King Bloodbeak myself,” the mare stood up, nuzzled into my side, before walking out into the hallway. Celly and I spread our wings and got ready to go to Chrysalis’s Under Canterlot Hive to retrieve Fruit.

Celly and I landed on the newly constructed plate specifically made for exiting and entering the Hive. It was a new construction, as in it was finished just now. A bunch of changelings wearing hardhats and yellow safety vests. They had hammers, tool boxes, sandwiches with liquified love, a solution that Equestria’s magical experts had come up with. Apparently it tasted a little weird, but it did keep changelings fed. They would rather take a weird flavor over starving to death; changelings were rather practical.

“Hey bud,” a changeling, one with a hard hat a little too big for his head, had waddled up to us. “We’re here to get your Queen’s consort. Can you do that?” I asked.

“Yessir,” he saluted me. That was Beatle, the second cutest drone after Thorax. “I will get His Majesty,” he waddled off into the Hive’s entrance.

“I did not know,” Celly said, now in a pile of changelings. All of them still had their uniforms on. They were currently, and gently, nibbling on her. “That changelings could be this sweet. Though I suppose, after Cadance and Shining Armor adopted two of them, I should not be surprised.” My wife lowered herself to the ground and proceeded to sit like a hen while she absorbed cuddles and snuggles. She closed her eyes as her ears flicked occasionally. A changeling’s wings may buzz every now and then. I stared at the sight up until the doors into the Hive opened up again. Fruit Punch and Chrysalis walked out of the Hive.

Beatle was resting on top of Fruit’s mane, and Fruit himself had a cup of coffee held in his magic. “I see your wife is liking our changelings rather quickly,” he said, like an old Dad. “Don’t look at me like that, Source. I’m damn near forty years old; I just look young because pony bodies don’t start showing age until they’re around sixty.” He chuckled. “How old are you, by the way?” He asked.

“I’m twenty one,” I said as I wandered over to Celly and started nudging her. “C’mon, Celly. We have plot relevant things to do. I love changelings just as much as you, because of Thorax, but we’ve-”

Celly stood up. “Come now, young ones, go nibble on your Queen,” she said with a smirk. “She looks like-”

In a heartbeat, Chrysalis was under an even bigger pile of changelings than Celly was. They all chirped and buzzed happily while the good Queen just sat there, blushing. Even her horn was drooping at the sudden, massive amount of affection from her drones. She slowly laid down, and the flash of a camera made her growl and snarl. Celly was standing there with a camera, smirking. “And that is for your reputation,” she took another one. “That is for my photo album. You look adorable.”

Fruit raised a hoof. “You may have to lend me a copy of those.”

With that the three of us went on our leisurely stroll to the Mage Tower. I offered to carry Fruit, or even offer to give him wings for a short while.

“Man,” Fruit shook his head. “I’ve seen what growing a pair of wings could do to me. In one of the alternate mes I’ve seen, his Chrysalis stopped loving him after a while, and he was left to rule Equestria all by himself. Poor dude’s damn near suicidal.” He tilted his head. “Though given who you are, I’m shocked nothing truly bad’s happened yet. I’ve met many, many other ‘humans turned ponies’. Some cases involve humans going to Equestria and remaining humans. One is about a human-Discord-flesh puppet that started off as a nice, peaceful, new life for him.

“Then he ended up getting raped the moment he got turned into a pony and got overwhelmed by all the… scents in the air during ‘heat’, or mating season.”

“Another involves a yellow, earth pony bumping noses with Celestia, a different one, and marrying her. Some dude rewrote Star Wars. Hell, one even acted as a Roman Soldier and was damn good at it, though he remained human. One dude died, ended up in a kid’s brain or something, and started improving Equestrian life. Met him, nice dude, proper fuckin’ headache, let me tell you. I’ve even seen one where Princess Celsetia and Princess Luna were complete, manipulative assholes, and abused this one guy that got stuck in old Equestria and subsequently teleported into the future. Uh, that Equestria ends up going to war with some dude named the Storm King. Doesn’t end well for them. Heck, Luna in that particular timeline, gave up on her crown…”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “So… you’ve met an alternate me, before?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, I have. Most of them are butt-fucking evil. In some cases, Celestia,” Celly blinked. “Summoned you and lied about how you winded up in Equestria. Some involve somepony killing your kid, the whole nine yards. Lemme tell ya, Source, you’re a very, very rare case across the multiverse. In most of them, you were either not contempt, brought about nuclear destruction to Equestria, or straight pissed at Celestia.”

Celly’s eyes widened. “Other Celestias… They’ve actively brought Source into their worlds, for a compatible mate?” She asked.

“Oh yes, yes.” Fruit chuckled. “Luckily, none of them could figure out how to work with portals to save their lives. If you two meet a pony named Doctor Whooves, a brown stallion who lives in Ponyville… if you see two of him, one who lives inside a blue box, get ready to run. Usually he means well, but he usually only shows up when something catastrophic is happening.” Fruit shrugged. “Source, no matter what, no matter what your Celestia hides from ya, love her to death. Other yous found out what she hid from them and went too far off the deep end and ended up worse for wear.”

“Well,” Celly pulled me into a nice, warm wing hug. “I will have you know, I’ve told Source everything. Future plans involving Tirek, I showed him full documents and studies from when he was found in a crater, created by a magical accident, in Ponyville. There is nothing I’ve hidden from my stallion, though I did eat the last of his ‘potato chips’ that he and Chef Beet specifically made, and then blamed it on Luna.”

My eyes widened. “How dare you, Celly.” I picked her up with my magic, which was fucking hard. I didn’t care if we were in the middle of the street. Fruit started looking concerned. “I was saving those so we could dip them in some salsa and enjoy ourselves while we read something together like we did when we were just teacher and student." Everypony was watching us as their favorite, and especially my favorite, the princess got flipped over in the air with magic. I then slowly lowered her on the ground after tying her hooves up with my magic. I knew guards were watching, but they knew this little fact about me.

I wouldn’t dare hurt Celly, and I wouldn’t dare let anything actually bad happen to her.

But I will tickle the ever living shit out of her. “Mmm, look at this fluffy belly, Celly. It’s nice, it’s a pleasant pillow, and it's so, so precious.” I whispered. I used magic on voice to make it deeper and almost demonic sounding. “And delicious!” I blew raspberries into Celly’s stomach for a good ten minutes.

By the time we were done, I was carrying Celly, shrunken down, on my back. She was a giggly, panting mess and Fruit was grinning like an idiot.

“Man, I can see why you wouldn’t ever turn evil; you love Celestia so much that I got diabetes from watching you two be husband and wife. No Celly that I’ve seen would willingly let that happen in public. So she clearly loves you enough to rid herself of the ‘perfect, sun raising goddess’ act she upholds in so many timelines.”

Celly wheezed. “Source has been getting myself and Lulu on the path to make sure we don’t have that ‘perfect’ image for long.”

“I also plan on putting democracy in place around when Celly plans on retiring,” I pointed out. “She’s been slowly finding ponies to appoint as the equivalent of Britain’s parliament.”

Now Fruit was wide eyed. “Yep, Celestia’s letting that happen, apparently.”

“Now, the sooner Source and I work the details out,” Celly said, stretching to take a nap. We were still quite a ways away from the Mage Tower and we were walking on hoof. “The sooner we can retire and go check on what has become of mine and Luna’s birthplace.“ She fell asleep.

She still snores like a kitten, and several ponies had heart attacks at the sound of her sleeping, and then passed out at the sight of her peacefully sleeping on my back.

We walked into the Mage Tower, got checked in with Exo, and was promptly led up to the portal room. Fruit started looking around before laughing. “Oh shit, no wonder y’all suck at making portals!” He clapped his hooves. “The Crystal Mirror’s here too?” He mused as he noticed the big, fancy mirror in the back. Celly already told me about the mirror, but I didn’t know that that was the mirror, though. We just watched as Fruit went around, looking at all the machines being used. “All of this,” Fruit gestured. “And y’all are using a spell that opens up randomized portals!” He started chuckling. His horn lit up and opened a portal. “Ta-da! One portal to my home world!” He chuckled. His horn lit up again and it turned right back into Equestria Prime again.

“I believe we should explore the multiverse, now that you two have a competent guide, and the means to tell Discord to fuck off, if need be!” Fruit chuckled. “What do you all say?” He asked.

“Well,” Celly mused. “I didn’t really spend enough time in this other Equestria, since I was more focussed on retrieving my husband. I suppose we can check out one, maybe two other Equestrias before we go to your world, so we may see this modified Crystal Mirror and promptly retrieve Source’s family.”

Exo just stared blankly as Fruit jumped and clapped as the idea of traveling through the multiverse began to fill his mind. “All this work, all this heartache… and this random guy knows more about portals than everypony in this Tower…” She sighed. “Bucking dammit!” She let out a long, deep breath. “Please tell me you will stick around, after your little adventure, to teach us how to do this,” Exo said. “At least with portals that lead into other places in Equus; it would make traveling for creatures without wings or horns, to travel.”

Fruit nodded. “I have been traveling to various worlds in hopes of making permanent links between them. I can teach you a thing or two about portal making,” he nodded. He gestured to me and Celly and then Exo. “You three are coming with me, by the way. Equestria Prime, where there are no human-ponies. I believe this is how Equestria is ‘meant’ to be, with no human influence. Everypony just goes about their lives, as they have been for a thousand years since Luna’s banishment.”

“Okay,” I took a deep breath. In an instance, Celly teleported out, and teleported back in with armor on herself. Her horn lit up and a set of leather armor, which was made for more agile ponies such as pegasi in actual combat, onto me. “I guess we’re ready now?” I asked. Exo put on a necklace with… that’s an Alicorn Amulet. “What the fuck?”

“So each of the Mage Tower’s masters have one of these,” she said. “Only because we can ignore the darker influences of these amulets. It’s best to be prepared.”

Fruit blew a raspberry and chuckled. “We’ll be fine. Equestria Prime is relatively safe. We’ll probably head to Equestria Prime just after Source was there. I could see he was there due to his ambient magic being ‘poisoned’ by Prime Equestrian ambient magic.”

Exo sighed. “You know so much and you were…”

“Trying to find a way to get Celestia's attention so I could get in here.” He clapped his hooves. “Well, come on! Enough dickin’ around!” He got behind Celly, and pushed her in the portal. We all got the message pretty quickly after that and hopped in the Portal with Fruit Punch as our guide.

We plopped right down… in Celly’s courtroom, but it wasn’t Celly’s courtroom. There was another Celestia sitting on her throne, Luna was right by her side. The two of them seemed to be having a conversation before… oh, the sun’s going down. I think that the two of them were about to trade positions for the night. Princess Celestia stared wide eyed at us, while the other Luna was glaring at me. I took a long, deep breath. They definitely still remembered me.

“Mr. Code?” Prime Celestia asked.

“Howdy,” I waved. “Didn’t expect to come back here so soon, but my buddy here, Fruit Punch, wanted to visit y’all for some reason. “So, how is life going, after the whole mirror world incident?” I asked, stepping forward.

“...It’s still a little rough. Twilight and her friends are still in the castle, and Luna’s pushing her sleep schedule to keep me company.” Celestia’s ears flattened. “Had you and your wife not showed up a week ago, I would be more shocked-” she eeped. “Mr. Code, what are you doing?” She asked, looking down at me. My Celly was sitting by Fruit with a small smile on her face. “Your wife is right there and-”

“And you’re not looking too hot, Princess. As much as we are acquaintances, you also look just like my wife, save for your light makeup. No matter what, I don’t like seein’ any Celestia upset. You and Princess Luna were pretty focused on my problems, but I know for a fact that you were going through some shit. I mean, saying goodbye to the love of your life can’t be fun,” I patted her shoulder a few times. I took a few steps back. Luna in question was giving me an approving nod. “So,” I teleported next to my Celly.

“You brought your Celestia,” Prime Luna noted. “Why is that?” She asked.

“We’re planning on meeting his family,” Fruit Punch pointed out. He nodded to both Princesses. “Sup.”

Both Celestias met each other at the center of the room while Luna went to retrieve Twilight and her friends, so that they may speak with me now that I’m in a clearer mind.

Fruit himself had gone off to get snacks.

Both princesses teleported the same cushion to each other, though my Celly was a few milliseconds ahead of Celestia; all that training with WME’s Levitation. They both blinked and giggled. “It appears that we have a favorite cushion that we want all the time,” Prime Celestia noted.

“Right under the throne?” Celly asked.

“Right under the throne.” Prime Celestia sighed. “So,” she gestured to me. “Do you know how he ascended? Male alicorns are entirely unheard of, though I have spoken with your friend, Fruit Punch before. He’s mentioned plenty of them, the most notable being Blank Page, who actually embraced being a pony after he came from a world similar to the one beyond the Crystal Mirror, and is married to my sister, Luna in his world.” Celestia tilted her head. “Your husband mentioned fighting multiple alicorns and winning.”

Celly and I shared looks. “Are you going to be okay with listening?” She asked. “Or would you like me to put you to sleep until I’ve answered this question-”

“And his name is Discord!” That same, stupid, loud John Cena trumpet theme song started playing. Discord appeared out of nowhere. He did a large-

“Discord, any more of your antics,” my Celly pulled out the Element of Magic. “And this will go so up your rear end that it’ll be touching your brain if you have one. Why are you here, and if you so much as fuck with this mission, I will kill you in my timeline. I will make sure your stupid, stupid disharmonic-self stays as a slab of stone for the rest of eternity. You won’t get to play with Fluttershy like you’re hoping you’ll be able to when you are released. Understood?”

“Oh…” Discord whimpered. “You already shoved Loyalty down my throat. You stabbed my lung with that one.” He sighed. “Alright, tell the story of what happened, and I’ll tell you why Source ascended from handily defeating four alicorns." I actually began to retell the tale myself, every little detail, and thanks to me having Celly’s hoof to hold, I got through it. I actually got through telling somepony about the fucked up ways I put down four alicorns without being able to overpower any of them. Celestia and Celly were wide eyed when I was done. I told Celly what happened, but not in detail. She just knew that I killed evil versions of her, Luna, Cadance and Twilight.

“I…” Celestia shuttered. “The way you took out Twilight Sparkle in that timeline…” She took a deep breath. “Even I have to admit, it was ingenious. Using a Mirror directly on her horn?” Celestia shook her head. “Even I hate the idea of that happening to my Twilight; she’s like a daughter to me.”

“Ah yes, I get that you three are all amazed at Source’s creativity when it comes to fighting, but we must look to when he made Evil-Twi blow herself up,” Discord pulled up a diagram. It made no sense. “So, as you can see,” he pointed to a portion. It was kinda small. “This is Source Code’s magic during the fight. As a unicorn, with barely any practical training in any magical system beyond his own, it’s rather small. But, an important component of this is Light Shield. For those who aren’t in the know, Canonlestia and Luna-Canon, Light Shield is a spell Source has developed. It, in his own words, is more of an alarm system than an actual shield. Attack a Light Shield user, and Light Shield does its best to not only alert you that you’re being attacked, but does its best to protect you from the attack.

“Source, however, did an oopsy. You see, Light Shield has two variants, one of which literally only Source can use because he has access to a diagnostic spell, that’s always running, and can detect things a normal diagnostic spell can’t. Because of this, his Light Shield can detect most spells, and will do anything to keep him safe. From teleportation, to alicorn ascension if given enough gas to fuel it. Thus where the rest of this magic comes in,” he gestured to the rest of the chart. “This,” he motioned to a portion of the pie chart that up almost half the chart. “Twilight Sparkle, or Evil War Princess Twilight. When Source used a Mirror on her horn, which resulted in Evil Twi’s defeat, he made an error and also blasted himself with magic. Light Shield tried many things, such as absorbing the magic and teleporting Source away.

“The problem was that it overloaded Light Shield. Which is where my magic comes into play. Basically, Source blew himself up, and died. Or would have if there wasn’t so much magic in the general area in where he should’ve died, he would’ve died. Instead, my chaos magic that I used to amp up Source for his big fight, flared and Light Shield absorbed that, Twilight’s magic, and Source’s natural magic. Resulting in him becoming an alicorn without a domain. He may theorize that he’s the alicorn of magic, but really, he is an alicorn that shouldn’t even exist. By all means, he should be dead.”

Fruit, Twilight and her friends, and Luna had just got back and had heard that whole explanation.

“So,” I started rubbing my temples. “I’m a living, dead corpse because Light Shield got overloaded?” I asked.

“That it did, mi amigo!’ Discord bowed and disappeared.

“An alicorn without a domain…” Twilight whispered. “That…”

“That’s cool,” Fruit patted Prime Twilight on the head. “C’mon Celly and Source, we’re headin’ out. This place doesn’t have nachos and I know which castle has nachos. My timeline’s castle. From there, we’ll get your family, Source.” He gestured towards the portal that had appeared out of nowhere… he had no equipment to activate a portal. In fact, all that happened was he clapped his hooves and lit his horn. Boom, portal. He bowed and stepped aside. “Well? Come on, we should end up in the Mage Tower back home, which should have the modified Crystal Mirror. Are you ready?”

Celly and I looked at each other and nodded. “Well, I believe it is time I’ve met your mother, don’t you agree, Source?” I nodded.

“It is. It’s about time I steal Ma from the job she hates and my siblings too.” I nodded to myself.

“Oh,” Celly paused just as she stepped to the portal. “My otherworldly self, if you need somepony to help relieve you of stress, I am willing to let you borrow Source for a while. Maybe I can join in as well?”

…

Celly is literally going to try and fuck herself, apparently. Before she, or the other her could elaborate on what any of that meant, I pushed Celly through the portal and walked through. Fruit followed suit and began leading us through the multiverse.

Celly and I stared up at the ‘modded’ Crystal Mirror as Fruit started messing with it. It was in ‘Mirror Mode’, which made no sense since it was already a mirror. After some messing around, Fruit tapped the buttons on a control panel in front of the mirror… the mirror was big, and ornamental, and had a lot of weird dew-hickies attached to it. There was a barrel here, a tube there, it looked all complicated and complex. Above it was a little emblem that I believe was the indicator for wherever it was leading to. Currently it was a horse, before it was swapped out with a cartoon depiction of Earth. Fruit stepped aside. “Alright, just stick your hoof here, Source,” he gestured to what looked like a hoof-shaped fingerprint reader. “This should set you to your last location on Earth, Earth and not whatever the fuck Sunset Shimmer sent herself to before I had dragged her out with some horse tranquilizer… Man that was a fuckin’ while ago.”

“...You know Sunset Shimmer?” Celly asked.

Who the buck was Sunset Shimmer?

“Hmm, tale for another time, Source?” I walked up to the hoof-reader and stuck, well, my hoof in it. Dunno what else I’d stick in it. My horn? My nose? A sausage? Celly? My di- okay no, that only goes in Celly. I stuck my hoof in the reader, the cartoon depiction of Earth zoomed in on Europe, and then it zoomed in on Ireland, before it zoomed in further to my home. Or rather, the farm that I grew up on and was living in until I ended up in Equestria. Fruit walked on over to another machine. “Once you’re done on the other side of the mirror, walk through this and it’ll send y’all to your timeline, alright? I’m going to stay in this timeline for a bit and go talk to Chryssy, my wife… and noogie Skitter, Scatter and maybe Pharynx, after we’re done here.

“I’m just sticking around in my room in the Mage Tower to make sure this all goes smoothly.”

Me and Celly looked each other in the eyes. “Celly, wait here, alright?” I asked. “I want to convince my Mum into stepping into whatever the fuck this mirror spits me out of, and it may take a bit of convincing to show her that I am, in fact, alive and became a horse for the last year of my life. At a minimum, I should be back briefly with her. Hopefully, around the time she’s off work.”

“Okay Source, promise me, if you wish to stay on Earth, you return here first and tell me. I would like to at least say goodbye-”

“Celly,” I kissed her on the nose. “Keep talking like that and I’mma spank you for thinking I’d leave you and Button ever. And I will, an excuse to slap those wondrous flanks of yours, is a good enough reason to me.” I chuckled at Celly’s blush. “I’ll be back.” I stepped up to the mirror and stepped right on through. Reality began to tear and bend, colors began to fade into white, and then suddenly… black. I got spat out into my bedroom, completely untouched from how I left it. I landed on my bed. I turned around to see…

I got spat out of my mirror that hung on my bedroom door.

I looked at… the human in the mirror. Not just any ol’ human, me. I stared at it blankly… It’s been so long since I’ve seen myself like this, ever. Instead of the blue alicorn with a yellow mane, stood a young man. Well, sitting on a bed. A young man with a bit of stubble, auburn hair and brown eyes. My eyes were so much smaller than they were when I was a pony. Everything felt… so were. Everything in front of me was much clearer and my peripheral vision felt less wide, but what was directly in front of me, was clear as day.

In the corner of my room sat my computer desk. Walking felt like a breeze as I stood up and went to go study what was once my favorite spot in the house to be. The computer sat there, probably having been dormant since the day that I left. My chair was neatly pushed in, my headset was sitting on my headphone stand like I left it. My keyboard, that I spent way too much money on, sat on my desk, whereas my crappy mouse sat on standby. I turned on the pc and noticed that literally nothing changed. Not even the password. I smiled at that. It was truly like I never left.

“Dave, are you digging through Kodiak’s room again?” That was my Mum. My family never left for America like we were planning to before my disappearance. I looked down to note that I was dressed in what I disappeared in. A pair of basketball shorts and a plain, white tank top. I sighed, at least I was clothed. I went and sat back on the bed, and waited for the door to open. While I did that though, I took the time to bask in how I looked as a human once more until Ma came in and freaked out. My ears are so small. My nose was less wiggling, and I didn’t have the compulsion to boop myself on snoot, since I have no snoot to boop.

The door creaked on open as Ma, not looking a day older than I, slowly opened the door. Her eyes widened in disbelief when she saw me. “Kodiak? Is… i-is that really you?” She whispered as she stepped closer. I immediately jumped up from my bed and hugged her. We both remained silent as I cried into her shoulder, which was a little hard given that I stood a good head over her. Ma has either been working out, or those motherly instincts kicked in. She was hugging me like I’d disappear again.

Then she pushed me and started shouting. “WHERE WERE YOU!? YOU’VE BEEN GONE FOR MONTHS!” I knew she wasn’t mad, just worried about me, so I let myself take it. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! WE ALL DID!” Before I knew it, she grabbed and started hugging me again. “And please, please tell me you won’t disappear again.” She slowly pulled away from me and stared up at me, caressing my cheek as she took in the sight of my face as I did the same.

Mum’s always been of the slender type, and she hasn’t changed much in that department. She also has aged gracefully, she’s damn near fifty, but you could mistaken her for a woman in her early twenties. Same colored hair and eyes as me, and the rest of my siblings. I could tell she just got off work, since she had her hair tied back like a business lady.

“Ma, you wouldn’t believe me unless I showed you.” I whispered. “But… that is not really appropriate right now. Where’s Katie? Daniel and Dave? Are they on summer break, or home?”

“...It is summer break, and I know that they’re home. Why do you think I wouldn’t believe you if you told me where you went?”

“Because, Ma, I went to a land full of magical, talking ponies. I became a magical, talking pony. I then married a magical, talking pony who happens to be the leader of all magical talking ponies. Ponies control the weather, my wife moves the Sun, her sister or my in-law controls the moon.” I answered. The look on her face was a funny one. “Mum, I’m being serious, and I was right. You don’t believe me.” I patted her on the shoulder. “Want me to show you?” I gestured to the mirror. “At the very least, I want to show you my wife, before I ask anything of you or the rest of my family.”

“I’ll humor you, Kodi. Not because I don’t believe you, but because if you went out drinking with your lads, we woulda found ye the next day. Married to a horse, hmm? Should I expect my grandkid to be a grandfoal?” She teased. She one hundred percent doesn’t believe a word I just said. She’s using the same tone she used to use with me whenever I saw a ‘monster under the bed’. I sighed, shook my head and closed the door.

“We’re gonna step through my mirror, alright. I want you to not freak out when you see my wife, alright?” I asked.

“Okay, Kodi, let’s go see this magical-” I pushed my Mom into the mirror and she got swallowed up by its magical-ness.

I followed suit and was greeted with the same transitioning-thingy. I wouldn’t have pushed her in, but if I didn’t, she wouldn’t believe me and then we’d have dinner with my siblings while we caught up. While that’s nice, I’m hoping we can all have dinner at home, in the castle, with Lulu, Button, everypony. I want my whole family to be in one place. First, however, I’m going to need Celly to help me convince my Mom to pack everything up and move to a magical world full of horses where she wouldn’t have to work a day in her life if she decided that she doesn’t want to work anymore.

I landed on my hooves, as a blue, unicorn mare was staring at her hooves. On her flanks were two hands shaking. Her mane was bright yellow, despite her age, there were no gray hairs; that only really develops when a pony turns sixty; ponies can easily push get to a hundred years with magic and not eating reshaped sewege. She stared at them, before slowly turning to me. Same eyes. “Kodi, why am I a horse?” She asked.

“Welcome, to Equestria Mom, well, not my Equestria, but an Equestria. This is my wife, Celly.” I gestured to my wife. Celly gave the cutest, most polite little wave I've seen from her. If Ma wasn't right there, I'd scold Celly for giving me diabetes with her adorable antitcs. “I at least wanted you two to meet.”

“Hello, Mrs. Code? Or rather, Mrs. Gaime. I am Princess Celestia, your son’s wife. You’ve raised a wonderful gentlecolt if I must add. Though it is a pleasure to meet you, and I would like to get to know you better, I believe we have much to discuss. Especially when it comes to your son and his future,” Fruit shook his head, a small victorious grin etched the corners of his mouth. He went to go get snacks or something while Ma began to process that my story wasn't bullshit.

We’re going to be here for a while.

“Kodi, what the actual, flying, fuck? HOW IS THIS REAL!?” Mum started breathing heavily while clutching the sides of her head- “I DON’T HAVE FINGERS! HOW AM I CLENCHING MY HEAD? WHY AM I FEELING IT LIKE I'VE GOT FINGERS ANWAYS!?” She yelled. “WHAT THE FUCK-” she went on about talking horses, how she has a horn, the usual stuff that happens when you suddenly become a pony.

Yeah, we’re definitely gonna be here for a while. Since Mum was freaking out, she didn’t notice me sneaking in under her, and laying her on my side while she worked out her shock, so that the real talk can begin. She hasn’t run face first into a wall like I did, so she’s already doing better than I am. In fact… I wrapped my forelegs around her neck and she began to calm down.

Good, no running into walls, mum. It’s bad for your health.

Author's Note

I would make the chapter longer, but i feel like a chat between Source's Mom and Celestia, along with the outcome of said chat, deserves its own chapter. thank you for reading, tell me if this chapter in particular was ass or not, and I'll see y'all in the next chapter.

Family. (Soon is Now).

After giving Ma a good ol’ case of cuddles, she had calmed down considerably. She laid on top of me for a while, funnily enough, as a pony, she was a little bit bigger than I was. This is bullshit, why must I be so damn short? Meh, I started grooming my Ma, and she started looking a bit uncomfortable. She visibly relaxed, but didn’t seem to know how to feel about being licked and groomed like she’s been a pony her whole life. She took a long, deep breath, and sighed.

“Okay, Kodi, please stop.” Ma pushed herself up off of me.

“Does it feel bad?” I asked. “I know I’m not exactly good at grooming-”

“It feels good, but it feels wrong. This body… feels wrong.”

“Now you know how I’ve been feeling for the last year.” I chuckled. “Hated becoming a pony at first, but…” I shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“You’ve married a horse, dear,” she said, gesturing to Celestia. “I’m sure when you’re like this it doesn’t matter, but you…”

“Yeah, I know, Ma, however I don’t regret it,” I walked over to Celestia, who’s been sitting like a hen the whole time. “And frankly, it took some consideration and a lot of work to look past what Celly is. At the end of the day, she’s still a lady that just wants to love and be loved. She loved me, and I’m lucky as fuck that she does. This last year’s been wonderful.” Despite me hating being a pony, Celly made being a pony worth it.

Ma shook her head. “I suppose I’ll have to overlook how my first son’s wife is a horse-alien that can raise the Sun, aren’t I?” She asked.

“Well,” Celestia said. “You also may have to look over the fact that your son is a very capable mage. As in he can perform magic, yes actual magic, and you will be able to as well, since you are a unicorn yourself.” She shrugged. “Assuming you hear your son out first, before we do anything.”

Ma took a long, deep breath, before looking Celestia over. Wings horn, flowing mane and tail, flanks, legs. The whole nine yards. Before Celly knew it, Ma was on her back, even sniffing her. She’s taken to having a better sense of smell as a pony, it seems. By the time Ma was done, Celly was blushing, especially with where Ma looked, and how she looked. Ma backed away from Celly shortly afterwards, gave her one more look over and nodded.

“Well, if you were just a regular horse,” Ma nodded. “You’d be a sight to behold, I’ll give you that much. I’m assuming my son has begun to find you ponies attractive, and thus finds you very attractive.”

“Your son mentioned something about…” Celly grinned at me for a moment. Trollestia emerged from the shadows, coming to ruin my life. The grin on her face slowly turned into an unconcealed, shit eating one. That, that was when I knew I was definitely going to spank her later. She is going to embarrass me. “Spanking my glorious flanks when we get home?”

I groaned.

Ma shook her head. “I see my son took what I taught him to heart; bein’ open minded and such.” She gestured to the mirror. “That takes us back to Earth?” She asked.

“It does, why?”

“I was going to ask if you two could… come home and stay on Earth with the family. I’m certain that Kodiak would love to see you as a human, but I have come to realize something. Something that makes that a non-option for you both. You raise the Sun and lower it everyday, correct Celestia?”

“Indeed I do, why?” My wife tilted her head and I could tell Ma was trying not to go ‘aw’.

“That means you’re rather important to this world, and that crown probably isn’t just for show… You two couldn’t come back to Earth even if you wanted to, could you?”

“No Ma, Celly and I are a team, aye? We usually never spend more than a whole day apart, and we often work together when something big is happening. We even have a kid-”

“You two have had sex?!” Ma asked. She didn’t even sound mad. I think her next question would’ve been ‘how many grandkids do I have’.

“Yes, but we have a kid because we adopted him,” I answered.

“...God dammit, Kodiak. You really had me going.” She shook her head. “How about we go through the portal and have dinner. I think I know what you’re going to ask of me, Kodi, or Source as your wife has been calling you. But I need to go over this with your siblings. Because, personally,” she patted herself on the chest. “I wouldn’t mind coming to Magical Horse Land with you. After you help me get used to this,” she gestured over herself. “I feel younger in this body at least.”

“Ponies age slower, Ma. I know a sixty year-old pony that looks like she’s thirty. If everyone’s a unicorn when they cross over, you don’t gotta worry about not having hands,” I pointed out. I levitated Celly’s crown onto my head. “See? No hands, Ma!” I said with a small grin.

“Hmm,” Ma looked me over. “That is a good point. What are ya, your majesty-”

“Just call me Celly,” Celly said. “You are family, after all. Though this discussion is rather short, I thought we would be here for at least a few hours.”

“And argue with my son about not being able to see me again? To say goodbye to him?! Hell, fucking, no! If anything, I’m going to have to convince the rest of the family, as in just Kodi’s siblings, to come to Equestria as well. You’ve still not answered my question, by the way. Are you a Queen? A Princess? Empress?” She asked.

“I see where Source got his brains from; you’re rather perceptive,” Tia chuckled. Ma gave me a proud look. It felt good, seeing those eyes give me such approval once more. “I am a Princess, and if you need the bits, or money, you and your children would not have to work a day in their lives. My castle staff are more than willing to provide for you, though I do recommend finding yourselves a place, maybe Ponyville? It would be quite similar to living in Ireland, I believe.”

“We are not sending my mother to fucking Ponyville,” I said.

“What’s wrong with Ponyville? Aside from it being named stupidly,” my Ma asked.

“Crazy, batshit insane shit happens all the time there. I think… Not too long ago the Cutie Mark Crusaders blew up a bit of Town Hall with a loaf of bread.”

“...What?!”

“Three fillies that are adorable, destructive, and trying to find out who they wanna be. They do it rather destructively.” I pointed out.

“...How do three little girls blow up the town hall with a loaf of bread?!” She asked. She took a long, deep breath. “If you send me to Ponyville and I get killed with a loaf of bread, Kodiak, I am going to haunt your ass.”

“We’re not sending you to fucking Ponyville. I don’t wanna be suicidal again because I watched a wooden-wolf-thing eat you.”

“The feck is wrong with Magical Horse Land? Or Equestria as you've been calling it?”

“Ma, one day I was hanging out with some students of mine, yes I’m a teacher. It ended up with me being kidnapped. Oh yeah, you have a niece now!” I chuckled. “Grandniece? I dunno.” I shrugged. “So you still want to come to Equestria with me and Celly?” I asked. “I need you to be certain. If you say yes, I will keep y’all safe-”

“Kodi, who is your mother?” Ma asked. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m keeping you safe.” She nuzzled me. “Now, come, let’s go introduce your wife to the rest of your siblings and give them the run down on what's happening.”

“Will we be cooking anything?” I asked. “It’s been a minute since I cooked for the family, so I might as well.”

“Of course, I was going to be cooking, but I never was the chef of the family. That was your father before he passed,” we both sighed at that. “And then you took over, Kodi.” She hugged me. “It really wasn’t the same without you. Y’know? I canceled our move to America because I wanted to believe you were still somewhere in Ireland.”

I picked her up and hugged her. “Ma,” I whispered. “You have no idea how much I missed you asking about my day every night.” I chuckled. “The first thing we’re doing, when we get home in Equestria, is something I wanna do with y’all. I’m introducing the family to the traditional, nightly pony pile.” I whispered.

“...pony pile?”

“We all cuddle at night. We’ll all be ponies in a pile. Pony pile.”

“...That sounds weirdly enticing,” Ma admitted. She then got behind Celly after getting free from my grasps, and started pushing her towards the portal. “C’mon, lass, you best be able to cook! You’ll be helping my son in the kitchen!”

When we stepped into my room, Ma and I were human again. Celly… Holy mother of fuck. Celly actually looks kinda normal. Kinda. As in she was wearing a simple, though form fitting white dress. Her hair… was pink. Pink hair, cool. Now, Celly was standing around, looking at everything in my room. From the computer, down to my pillows. She even looked through my closet, and gave me a nice view of her butt. Just as when she was a horse, as a human, her arse was a sight to behold. Ma just stared.

“Kodi, no matter the world you and your wife choose to stay in, you’re a lucky man,” she whispered.

“I know,” I chuckled. “Hey Celly, you seem to have some experience with walking on two legs already.” I stood up to keep her from accidentally breaking anything.

“I…” Celly chuckled. “I may have gone through the Crystal Mirror a few times before. I picked up the skill to walk on two legs, but never really had the need to. From what I have been told, I look rather attractive as a human,” her face was smooth, flawless in anyway, shape or form. Her skin was pale, she was beautiful, though adorable at the same time. “I believe that I should be proficient enough in moving around to assist you in the kitchen, don’t you think?” She then stretched and I got hugged immediately afterwards. “Mrs. Gaime, the rest of your children, how old are they?”

“Aside from Kodi, Daniel and Katie are my two eldest at sixteen and fourteen,” Ma mused. “Dave is ten years old, still.”

“I see,” Celestia nodded. “Well, I suppose I can easily brew up a story, one that would explain why Source has been gone for a year rather easily. After all, the best lies are the ones that have some of truth sprinkled into them.” Celly was shorter than I was, my lanky six foot, two inch tall body stood a good head over Celly and Ma. “being shorter than somepony in the room,” Celly cleared her throat. “Somebody in the room is rather nice.”

The three of us made our way downstairs, where none of my siblings were home yet.

“Katie should be home any second, she was with some of her friends, I think. Daniel and Dave should be coming home as well. That should be plenty of time to get something cooking.” Ma nodded to Celestia. “Any problems with eating meat? If so, my husband knew a few vegetarian recipes that Kodiak should know by heart. What do you say?”

Celly hummed. “I have tried meat before, never cared for it. Save for certain circumstances,” she eyed me. God dammit Celly. “It has also been a while since Source made lasagna for me, so that would be a treat.” I was already in the kitchen… where nothing changed. Same, wooden cupboards, microwave, oven, even a toaster off to the side. Dad’s cookbook sat on the counter, seemingly untouched since I disappeared. Ma joined us, and before we knew it, we had lasagna noodles. Celly and I, while kinda clumsy, since Celly wasn’t born with two legs and I was readjusting to having two legs, moved pretty quickly and in sync with each other. To the point where Ma stood off to the side, in the doorway and watched us work.

“And that,” I slid the uncooked lasagna into the oven. “Didn’t go terribly, I won’t even lie. It went pretty smoothly, actually.” I said as I set the kitchen timer.

Ma just started clapping. “And that,” she said. “Is why I wasn’t initially mad about you marryin’ a horse,” she pointed out. “You two go together like cookies and cream, don’tcha?” She giggled. “It’d be a crime to separate y’all. I’d rather see my son happy, when he ain’t hurtin’ nobody, than depressed because I disapproved of his wife.” Ma went just outside the kitchen and dug through a closet until she pulled out an old suitcase. “I’m going to get started on grabbing what I don’t want to leave behind before everyone gets home.”

Right when Ma went upstairs, the front door got unlocked. In came a teenage girl, auburn, waist length hair, unstyled save for it being brushed. She was wearing a simple sundress and a set of steel toe boots. She was crying and had smeared makeup on her face. Celly stayed in the kitchen while I stepped out. As soon as she saw me, she froze up and it seemed like the thing she was crying about was long forgotten. Her eyes were wide, before she started crying again. I knelt down and opened my arms nice and wide. My sister started running towards me.

And caught my little sister in my arms. “Katie!” I hugged her as tightly as I could. I held her tightly.

“Kodi!” She wailed into my chest. “Where were you!?” Her voice was muffled by my shirt, but I could still understand her. It was kinda hard not to, since she was shouting into my chest.

“I’ll tell you when our brothers get home. Why… Did you come in here crying? What happened, Katie?”

“...You’ve been gone all year, and you're more worried about me crying?”

“Katie, I’m your big brother. My first concern is what you just went through. What happened?”

“I… My boyfriend broke up with me,” Katie said, her voice still muffled by my chest. I started rocking her back and forth while she started crying again. “H-he said I wasn’t pretty enough-”

“What.” I said sternly. “What the fuck did he say?” My blood began to boil.

“T-that I wasn’t pret-pretty e-e-enough to be his girlfriend. He’s… h-he’s been cheating on me for weeks!” I know it was just a teenage relationship, I know. Mmm, I want to punt that little shit across the yard for hurting my sister in such a way. I am mad, very mad. Mmm. I am mad. I simply sat there, continuing to hold my crying sister while Celly watched from the kitchen. Once her sobs had died down, she looked up at me, teary eyed. “W-what a-about y-you?” she asked. She had cried so damn much that she was struggling to speak and had hiccups. She hicc’d as she rubbed the tears out of her eyes.

“Hicc.”

“I… may have been saving up enough money to go meet with somebody last year. I made enough and got caught up with something. I’ll tell you the whole thing over dinner, promise.”

“Promise?” Katie asked, looking up with me with curious, though sorrowful eyes. They were more curious though... a hint of excitement...

I am so used to reading eyes now, Jesus.

“Promise. Now, tell me, who’s the little cunt that needs his shit kicked in.”

“Kodi, don’t. It’s n-not worth it.” Katie said. “I’m happier that you’re back home, than I am upset about my break up. W-why didn’t you at least leave a note or something? Anything?” She asked. “We… all thought you died and we did our best to move on and… and we did move on! And you’re back home!”

“Katie,” I said. “Sometimes I am an idiot and forget to think about you guys. Ma already chewed me out for-OOF!” I got tackled by two bodies. I knew who. Me and Katie were now piled under our brothers. Daniel, my eldest sibling, though younger than I, and Dave, the youngest. “Hey guys! What’s up?” I laughed. It felt so, so good to be holding my siblings again, dude. “Y’all missed me?”

“Where did you go?” Daniel asked.

The kitchen timer started going off as soon as Ma came downstairs, she was smiling broadly at the sight, all of her children were in one place again.

“Well,” I chuckled. “Celly, you may as well come out. Come meet my family.”

My eldest brother’s jaw dropped and Katie gasped. Dave just stared blankly at my wife.

After some quick introductions, everyone was served up a helping of lasagna. Celly had apparently toasted a loaf of bread for us to split up and eat with the pasta. When she had done this, I don’t know, but I ain’t complaining. Katie was sitting closest to me on my left, while Celly sat on my right. Dave was already eating, and probably chose to let Katie and Daniel tag-team me while questioning my whereabouts during the last year.

“So let me get this straight,” Daniel started. “You saved up enough money to fly to another country, stay there for a year, and come back home with a smokin’ hot girlfriend?” He asked. Celly giggled behind a hand, before taking another bite off of her plate. I didn’t really mind; I knew my wife was pretty and I was proud of it. Ma was a different story.

“Dan!” Ma said sternly. “We do not speak of ladies like that in front of them. I’ve already spoken to Celestia, and I know she doesn’t mind, but mind yer manners, alright? That’s your brother’s wife!”

“MARRIED!?” Katie asked. “I would’ve loved to be a flower girl at your wedding! Why didn’t you tell me you were getting married?” Katie asked.

“Hah… So, I’mma tell all of you the same thing I told Ma. You won’t believe just like Ma did. So, I kinda lied.” I gestured to Celly where she was shoving a fork full of lasagna into her mouth. She realized what I had just asked of her, and quickly swallowed it without chewing. There was a bit of cheese and sauce on her cheeks. Classic Celly moment. Regal and pretty outside, messy and eats like a pig in private. I wouldn’t have her any other way. She chased that down with a fizzy drink, something she’s already addicted to, apparently. This was going to be the first time she spoke all dinner.

Not without belching like she could still do the Royal Canterlot Voice first, though. That got a 'woop' from the rest of the family.

“Ah, I suppose your brother threw out any chance of me weaving a story together out the window. Your brother did not cross any borders, rather he accidentally crossed the fabric of time, space, and reality itself. Do not ask how, neither of us know. This all ended with Source, or Kodiak, being found in my home world, a planet called Equus. Though when he finally became conscious, he realized he was not human anymore, rather, he had turned into a pony, or ‘horse’ as your mother sometimes refers to me as. That’s a slur back home, by the way, Mrs. Gaime. I would recommend not calling anypony that at home. It's not as bad as calling somepony a mustang, but it's not quite nice to say either."

Ma chuckled at that. The rest of my siblings were in disbelief.

“...Where do you play into this story, then, Celestia?” Katie asked. “Because you ended up getting married to my brother at some point.”

“Oh yes, after your big, brave-” fuck you too, dear. “-Brother panicked when he first woke up, he charged face first into a wall, while trying run away from the nurse. Because he is so brave, and knocked himself out again. After a few more attempts of peacefully waking him by his nurse, I came by, as he was brought to my castle’s infirmary, stopped by to check on him. From there, I learnt that he was not a pony in the brain, and taught him about Equus and being a pony. He couldn’t even write at first.”

“It fuckin’ sucked,” I chuckled. “My diary, yes I kept a diary and still do, about my time in Equestria, or the country I ended up in. I could only remember a few events, as I finally began being able to write again months into me being a pony. And I could only remember small bits and pieces. When somebody writes my biography and reads through that section, they’re gonna get mad about how brief I was about everything.” I chuckled. “Uh, one day, since Celly gave me enough bits to stay at a motel, without me doing anything, I got mugged. Well, I almost got mugged. Celly stopped by, stopped me from getting mugged, and then we went to a coffee shop. By this point, I was kinda depressed and hadn’t taken any meds for months, so when we inevitably got swamped by reporters, I panicked. One thing led to another, and just before we went to go play mini golf with a peer of mine, I found out Celly was trying to court me. So I said ‘screw it’ and we were dating. Not even a year later and we’re married.” I smiled. “Best year of my life, I’ll be honest with you.”

“How do we know this is real?” Dave asked. “It sounds stupid,” he said bluntly.

“Your brother showed me,” Ma said. “His mirror currently leads to the world he was sent to. He’s shown me. His wife can apparently control the Sun, I don’t want to believe it right now, but she is, in fact, a pony. He, in fact, was a pony for a year… WAIT!” She shouted. “WHO THE FUCK TRIED TO MUG YOU!?” She grabbed her fork. “Tell me who, Kodi, so I can let them understand why they made a severe lapse in their judgment. I will beat the shit out of them-”

“Ma, that was a year ago, a little more at this point. Celly took care of it.” I said. I really don’t wanna sick Ma on those poor muggers. She’ll beat them over the head with a clipboard.

“So this brings us to our next point,” Celly began. “Would you all like to come to Equestria? Your mother already agreed, and it does not have to be permanent. Just live in Equestria for a year and see how it is. If you would like to stay, you may, and if you do not, we can give you enough bits, since they are apparently worth more on Earth, to get you all back on track in life.”

Katie hummed. “This sounds all fantastical-”

“By technicality, y’all would be princes and princesses, while Ma would be a Lady,” I pointed out. “Don’t gotta work, or anything. Getting used to being a pony sucks, but it’s not the end of the world. I’ve even had to pick up a new name, ‘Source Code’ to fit in with ponies better.”

That point flew over their heads.

“Well,” Daniel pointed out. “If you’re telling the truth and Ma believes ya, what can possibly go wrong with seeing how this place is for a year?” He asked. “To be frank, Kodi, or Source as you apparently go by now, we just don’t want to be separated from you again. We’d rather adjust to new bodies and not having hands anymore, than say goodbye to you again.” My whole family voiced an agreement. “So,” he gestured to the house. “This place isn’t home, Source, it’s where your family is. And we’re your family. How can you feel at home, if we’re not with you?”

“But…”

“You gave up on choir to watch out for us,” Daniel pointed out. “You’ve had to give up so much time, and effort, and hair to essentially help raise us since Dave was five. It’s about time we put your interests in mind…”

Ma gave Daniel a proud look. “I wasn’t even thinkin’ that, but you drive a good point.” She got up. “C’mon, everyone! Pack up what you don’t want to leave behind and meet up in your brother’s room in twenty minutes!”

I sat in my room while everyone else was packing. What they needed. I had logged into my computer and was showing Celly what Minecraft was because she said it was stupid once. Before I knew it, she was indeed addicted to it. I was sitting to the side, smirking as Celestia got stuck in a cave and genuinely spooked when ‘a green magical moss monster’ -Celly’s dubbing of the creeper- dropped on her head and killed her instantly. I already packed what I wanted to pack.

Just my dad’s cookbook, and maybe a baseball cap for memory sake. It really did take me having to pack everything I wanted to take with me, just how little I actually had. Sure, I had my desktop that I spent a lot of money on, which will probably be left behind, but other than that… I barely had any outfits, just some white t-shirts and black pants.

A Maccas’ uniform sat in the corner of the room, crumpled up with the hay for it sitting on it. My bed was pretty plain, just a white pillow, and a light blue blanket I had since I was six. I was taking that with me, since I still had some attachment to it. Who knows? Maybe Button and his kids will find a use for it.

So aside from that blanket, I had nothing. I did pack everything in my bookshelf, so I wouldn’t just have horrible remakes of the novelized Star Wars trilogies, the Prequels and the Originals. The Sequel trilogy is a dumpster fire and I will fight you on that. I also finally had an actual, non-pony version of Where the Red Fern Grows. There were even a few books I didn’t even know I had, but packed them anyway.

“God damn, I had no life,” I said as I looked at my meager suitcase full of books and a blanket.

“I would not say that,” Celly said, she had shut the computer off when she started actually getting mad at Minecraft ‘Boney Things’. “You spent quite a bit of time on your siblings and it shows. You and your sister are very close, and it’s something I am a bit jealous of. Seeing just how close you two seem to be. Your family is all willing to abandon their lives for just a shot at a life in Equestria.”

“It’s because there’s one thing Pa taught us; stick together.” I hummed. “You don’t mind if I take some time away from the castle, if Ma wants to live away from the big city, to help my family get settled in? I know of a plot of land just outside of Canterlot where there’s enough room to build a cozy little cabin for my family-”

“Source, you've already spent so long away from them. I know what it’s like to miss your family; I've seen how much happier you are when you're in close proximity to your family. Spend some time with them, recoup, and enjoy them. Though depending on how old Dave is, Luna won’t leave him alone; if he is a ten year-old colt when he crosses through the Mirror, then Lulu is one hundred percent going to steal him from your mother for a while.”

“I know…” I hummed. “How would my sister react to the cutest colt though? Also known as our son?” I asked. “Ooo, that is going be fucking adorable!” I clapped my hands and blinked. “Feckin’ pony instincts,” I chuckled.

The door cracked open and my room was full of my family members and their suitcases. Each one of us had one, seeing as we won’t be needing clothes. My room was actually the smallest in the house, so it was kinda cramped.

“So, how’re we doing this,” Daniel gestured to the mirror. “Just walk through?” He asked.

“Celly’ll go first, and I’ll go last. Y’all go in after Celly does, one at a time. Celly and I will carry your luggage.” I stepped aside from the Mirror. Celly, wanting to not be human anymore, jumped into the portal. Ma, while holding Dave walked in next, their suitcases dragged behind them. Katie and Dan looked at me, gesturing to me to go first.

“C’mon, Kodi, go on in,” Dan said. “Ladies first.”

“Dan, I will tickle you if you don’t go in,” I said.

“Pfft, you wouldn’t.”

“Yea, I won’t. Just go in, man. Celly’ll be ready to catchya.” Dan finally went in after I pushed him in.

That just left me and Katie. She had cleaned her messed up makeup off her face, and was still wearing her sun dress. “Can you hold me while we go through? I… This is going to be a little scary, isn’t it?”

“New starts in life are always scary, Katie. But the scarier part is staying at the starting line and not pushing forward. So…” I picked Kaite up, bridle-style. “I’ll hold ya, aye?” I chuckled when Katie hugged onto me tightly as I dragged our luggage behind us. I tossed that in first, and stepped through the mirror. Reality began to give way around us as we stepped into our new lives.

We stepped through the portal, Ma was the same color of unicorn as I once was, just… well, a mare. I was laying on the floor, noting that Katie was basically me, but inverted. I don’t think I’ve seen a teenage filly before, she just kinda looked like any of the Crusaders, just with longer legs and had a longer body to match. Her mane and tail matched how her hair was in style; simple, brush out and straight. Honestly, she looked like how Twilight does, just a yellow coat and a blue mane, and well, younger.

Dave and Daniel were splitting images of each other, though again, their colors were reversed. Though the shades of blue they had were lighter, almost matching Rainbow’s cyan coat, and they had orange on'em in well. Dave had an orange mane, and an almost cyan coat. Dan had an orange coat and almost cyan mane. Of course, helping to distinguish them was Dave being a tiny little colt that was way too cute for his own good. I am gonna snuggle and cuddle with him so hard.

Every one of them were unicorns!

Ma’s magical presence, holy shit. I didn’t notice it at first, because I was more happy about having her back, but…

Ma’s ambient magic has as much of a presence as Twilight’s. Unlike Twi, who hides her presence most of the time, Ma obviously wouldn't know how, or that it's considered polite to hide the full blunt of your ambient magic. Ma felt like if Twilight didn't hide her magic most of the time.

Good god. Good thing I didn’t tell her who mugged me. They woulda fucking died.

All of our suitcases had turned into saddlebags, and Celly and I immediately started sorting them out between all of us, while the rest of my family tried to get used to their new bodies. Ma, having the most experience, wiggled her hips, and stretched. “I’m feelin’ ten years younger!” She cheered.

Dave was a tiny little colt, he and Button were about the same age, being about ten and nine years old respectively. This was adorable. Everyone of us found him adorable.

“Why are you all lookin’ at me like that?” Dave asked.

“Dave, sonny,” Ma sat on her rear before scooping up my youngest sibling. Her horn lit up on its own. Just like that, she’s had her first spark. “You’re adorable.”

“Ma, stop,” Dave groaned. “I’m not a baby-”

“And I have not got the proper chance to be a mother because of all of the time I’ve had to spend working, instead of mothering. Let me have this,” Ma argued. Dave was about to argue, but then the pony brain took over. He started purring without meaning to, which only made Ma hug him tighter. Dave realized what his body was doing, before he closed his eyes and snuggled deeper into Ma’s grasps.

“You’re going to have a field day with your grandfoal,” Celly said with a snicker. She leaned down to me. “I love your mother already. I can see why you turned out to be such a gentlecolt.” Ma and Celly are going to torture me together.

“Wait,” Ma hummed. “Holy shit I have a grandson too?!” She asked. Button is not going to be safe. He will be snuggled up tonight.

“We talked about him briefly earlier, Ma.” I pointed out.

“Kodi, Source, wait, what would you rather be called?” Ma asked.

“Please call me Source,” I said. “Though if you call me Kodiak, Kodi, or Cody with a C and Y, I won’t mind. I just prefer going as Source now.” Again, I would choose to be Source Code over Kodiak Gaime if I were given a hundred times to live this life over and over.

“Well, Source, you’re introducing me to my grandson as soon as you can. I want to dote on him as well.” Ma did the universal-pony-if-you're-happy-and-you-know-it-clap-your-hooves thing. She blinked. “What the fuck? I didn’t-”

“Welcome to ponyland, Ma. You will do that from time to time.” I chuckled. “Say Katie,” I said, standing to full height with my sister on my back. “You can open your eyes, y’know. We’re on the other side of the portal.”

“This feels nice,” she whispered. “This feels very nice,” her legs started dangling just above the floor, her head resting right in between my ears. And... Katie's a bigger cuddlebug than I am.

“You’re gonna have to learn how to walk eventually, y’know?”

“You wouldn’t want to drop me on my butt right now though, would you?” Katie yawned. “After all of today’s excitement, like me becoming a pony,” she snorted. “I could use a nap anyway.” She stretched her legs, before letting them dangle just above the ground again.

“Mmm, say, Celly, think it’s gonna be time to lower the Sun when we get home?” I asked.

“I believe it would, why do you…” She began to smirk “Oh, I see.” Celly giggled.

After Fruit had come back, we all ended up going back through a portal, all the way back to our timeline. It was a rather fun experience for my family, being turned into ponies and then thrown through the fabric of time and space, and coming to realize that our universe is just one of many. Very fun. Katie slept through the whole damn thing!

When we came through the portal back home, Exo landed next to us… I kinda forgot about her, not going to lie.

“Fruit’s studies in Portal Magic are literally twenty years ahead of ours,” she whispered.

“Get used to it,” Fruit chuckled. “I am technically from a timeline further long in the future than this one.” He turned to the portal again. “I’m going to go spend some time with my wife. Who knows? Maybe my tale will be told to everyone.” He shrugged. “Meh, time will only tell.” He and I shared one more brohoof. “Stay good, Source. Your family’s gonna need ya, and I went through all this effort to getcha your family. My Mom and Dad disowned me,” Fruit heaved. “Take care, y’all.” With that, Fruit was gone.

I figured he’d be back eventually, but his Chrysalis, or his Chryssy as he calls her, probably missed him just as much as he missed her. That fucker still owed me ten bits from when I outdrank him at a bar once, so he better come back eventually.

“So, how’re we gonna move everypony across Canterlot? I think only Dan’s figured out how to walk properly out of my whole family. Me included; I still forget which leg is which.”

Katie rolled off of my back, landing on her hooves, but nearly toppled over. Luckily, she caught herself so I wouldn’t feel the need to baby her; she’s an adorable filly, how could I not baby her if she falls over? I am going to baby her anyway. “So where are we staying?” She asked, sitting like a cat. Mmm, I am going to have to beat so many nobles over the head; they will want Katie. I find Katie adorable, but what makes her adorable is probably what nobles will find 'sexy'. They will lose their limbs if they come after her with marriage proposals while she's still fourteen. She hummed. So far it hasn’t really kicked in for anyone here that Celly’s a princess and I’m a Prince. Me and Celly sat side by side, like cats.

I pulled out a scroll from nowhere, lifted it up, and wrote a message to Lulu; she should be awake right now. I just requested that she send a chariot to the Mage Tower.

“Kodi, where are we stayin?” Ma asked.

“So, remember how Celly can raise the Sun?” I asked.

“...Yes.”

“Notice something different about her? Besides the stature, or that she has wings and a horn, an alicorn as she’s called.” I asked.

“Oh yeah, she’s wearing a necklace, a crown and horseshoes…” Ma slowly drew out that last word. “And you have wings and a horn too,” she added. “Kodi,” she said. Everyone was drawing to the same conclusion that Ma was vocalizing. “Kodi, you married a princess, didn’t you?” She asked.

“Yeah. In fact, High Princess. Think of it like a Queen, but not really. That title is shared by her and her sister, Luna.”

“Yer basically a FECKIN’ KING?!” Ma asked. “AND YOU CHOSE NOT TO PUT TOO MUCH ATTENTION ON THAT?!”

“I said y’all wouldn’t have to work a day in your lives if you didn’t want to,” I said. I started smirking, shit eating grin and all.

“What. The. Fuck. Son?” Ma asked. “Well, I suppose that answers where we’ll be staying for a while.”

The door to the Portal Studying Room slammed open and a night guard, a bat pony that I specifically requested be sent to get us, walked in. “Your highness,” he said, addressing me. “Your requested chariots have arrived, though when we all get to the rooftop, Princess Celestia-”

“Will have to lower the Sun, I know,” Celly nodded. “I shall do that before we leave. I know that you Thestrals are good at seeing in the night, but do you request that I fly ahead with a light spell?”

“Your highness,” the bat pony raised a hoof. “We’ll be fine without the light. Canterlot is so well-lit at night that we won’t even need it,” he added.

“Wait, hold it,” Daniel said, getting in the way of us. “No way your wife can control the Sun-”

When we reached the roof, where the Mage Tower’s chariot bay was, Celly walked forward, sparkling and all that, in the sunlight as it started to set.

Dan sat on his rear and threw his hooves forward. “See? The sun’s setting on its own-”

“Ah, Luna, it is good that you decided to accompany us tonight,” I said.

Luna had just teleported in and scared the shit out of Dan. It was kinda funny. It was something I hinted at, and Lulu, being the prankster she is, jumped on the opportunity, it seems. Dan was laying on the ground, coughing and sputtering. Ma was laughing at him.

“You guys… can teleport?” Katie asked.

“We all can,” I corrected. “You’d need to learn how to use your horn first,” I tapped my own. “I’ve already taught three kids how to. It shouldn’t be hard to teach y’all if you want.” I walked over and propped Dan up on my shoulder. “C’mon, bro, sit up. Show’s about to start.”

Celly and Lulu started slowly flying into the air, like they were both having a Summer Sun Celebration and Winter Moon Celebration respectively. They knew exactly what they were doing. Celly looked hot, just daintly flying around as her Sun slowly drifted past the west horizon. It was quite the sight, so much so that I only noticed that Button was here when I picked up his magical signature, and something nuzzling by my foreleg. Both my wife and surrogate sister started flying, circling each other as their respective celestial bodies lowered and raised respectively.

Everyone’s brains were broken. Ma was fine though, just a little shocked.

“Dad, is this the rest of your family?” Button asked.

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t you tell them that Mom can do this?” He asked.

“I did. They didn’t believe me.”

I chuckled. Dan was just sitting there, coughing up another fit after watching the sight before his eyes. A small smile plastered itself on my face. “Psst Button, wanna meet your grandma?” I asked, gesturing towards Ma, who was mostly amazed about the show rather than shocked. In fact, she had a small smile on her face.

“Well, I’d never thought I’d see something like that in my life.” Ma’s gaze fell on Luna. “That mare right there, downright gorgeous,” she chuckled. She then noticed me approaching her with a colt riding on my snout.

“Hey Ma, you wanted to meet your grandson, right?” I asked. My voice was muffled by Button’s belly that was hanging right in front of my mouth.

“Oh. My. God.” Ma squealed. “He is adorable! Give him here. Give’em, dammit! Kodi, I am an excited grandma and I demand that you-” I handed over Button. Button’s cheek was squished against Ma’s for an hour straight. “Oh my god! Source, why didn’t you tell that colts were so adorable?!” I started chuckling at Button’s confused expression.

Life’s going good now. Life’s good now.

Whoever the fuck threatens my family is gonna fucking explode.

Author's Note

and so, Source's family! the next few chapters will feature them heavily as I establish each one of them as characters, and help show insight on how Source is with each and every one of them. If some parts look wildly different from each other in terms of writing style, it's because this chapter's been burning in my brain so much that I, while on break or during a slow period, worked on this chapter on my phone.

also, some chapters may just be Source and one of his siblings, or him and all of his siblings in Ponyville, or just him and his Ma. There will be Code Family Pony Piles in the future.

Fun trivia:

Dan/Daniel is named after RT Game.
Katie is named after Dathi De Nogla's sister.
Dave is named after Dathi De Nogla
Source's Mom is named 'Maeve' though her name will hardly, actually be used given who narrates most of the time.

Blueblood Really Needs to Stop.

After we had moved the family across Canterlot and into the castle, the first thing my family did was just stare in awe at just how clean the castle’s halls were. Red carpet lined with gold, ran up every corridor that you could take. As we walked, Luna had to break off so she could get started on Day Court, but she said she’d look forward to talking with my family in length later. “So do you guys wanna stay in separate rooms or y’all wanna come up to mine and Celly’s bedchambers? I think my wife went and got a bigger bed just in case we need more room for pony piles.”

“Kodi,” Ma shook her head. “Seriously, this is where we’re staying?” She shook her head. “How did you go from working at Maccas to literally being a Prince in another dimension?” She asked.

“Uh…” I hummed. “If you think about it…” I shook my head. “I dunno. So where y’all wanna sleep?” I asked.

“You said something about a pony pile,” Dan pointed out. “What’s that?”

“I’ll show you,” I said.

Button and Dave, as they walked along, seemed to be getting along just fine. Button was currently showing my little brother some magic, mostly just a Fireball that Button had grown to have perfect control over. Katie and Dan were watching it too. Ma hadn’t noticed yet, but… shit. I can’t teach Ma magic; she’s gonna probably be as much of a monster as Twilight was, and I only really knew how to teach Python. I can be a decent teacher in the other forms of magic, and be a decent practitioner of said forms of magic, but I’m not an expert… Celly and Twilight can fill those gaps in.

“So Mrs. Gaime, would you like to hear about the time that Source fought the queen of a shapeshifting race? Not only was it rather impressive, given how much more gifted with magic the queen was.”

Ma slowly turned and looked at me. Given she was walking right next to me, basically brushing up against my side. “Why did you take on a shapeshifter that could’ve apparently killed you at any point?” She asked.

“She was trying to take over Canterlot, the city we’re in, and she also hurt Celly. Like breaking Celly’s legs and wings hurt. Said queen also kidnapped me and my niece-”

“Show me where this Queen is so I can break her neck, then,” Ma said.

“Ma, No, we bent her legs, and now she’s an ally of the country; we forced her into it or she’d get beheaded, basically… Nah, we were gonna launch her across Equestria; her race is actually pretty good, just not Chrysalis, the queen.”

Ma nodded at that. “Okay, that’s acceptable, I suppose. If she tries hurting you again, though, I am breaking her neck.”

After we stepped into the Room, Button sat in front of us as we all settled in the bed in a pony pile. It took a while of setting up, but it ended up with this layout. I, Celly and Ma were at the bottom, with me and Celly pressed up against each other. Dan was laying on top of Celly, since in his words…

“Kodi, your wife is a living, heated pillow.” He said, snuggling into Celly’s back.

“I have been told that that is one of my best qualities,” Celly mused. “However, you will not be allowed to have the best spot in the house,” she gestured to me, who was snuggled up under one of her wings. One of my own was draped, as much as I could drape it, over Celly in return, and the other was covering up Ma. “As a spot under my wings is reserved for my husband and my son. However, if you ask nicely enough-”

“Man, that looks so toasty and comfy under there,” Dan sighed. “Dammit, Source, is Luna available-”

“You’re underaged, seeing as you don’t have a cutie mark, and you aren’t eighteen,” I pointed out. “Also Luna’s dating somepony already, Tale and her are so damn happy together. If they literally weren’t nocturnal, or if Tale wasn’t so quiet a lot of the time…” I shrugged. “Also Luna’s natural body temperature is lower than the average pony’s, instead of higher than the average pony’s.” I shrugged. “I’m sure Luna would let you cuddle under her wings anyways.”

Dave ended up plopping himself right in between Celly’s legs. “This is really weird; we all had separate rooms back at home, and now we’re all cuddling together like we’ve been ponies our whole lives.”

'Well, we don’t really need to worry about privacy; ponies already don’t wear clothes.’

Button was sitting in front of Katie, while she laid her head in between her forelegs. She was pressed up into the other side of Celly and subsequently had a wing draped over her. Button was showing her a fun little light show with his fire magic. Ma took notice of that, before slowly turning to me. Katie didn’t seem to care; she just loved the show.

The fireball that Button was controlling broke into eight, no… he just remade the solar system. His head acted as the Sun as the solar system, as I described it from home, started whirling around his head. He even made an asteroid belt. “Tada…” I slid out from under Celly’s wing and started watching Button’s little show. I watched as Button smiled broadly at me… just as his eyes started glowing and so did his flanks.

He just got this fucking cutie mark.

His cutie mark was a little magician’s hat with a wand, along with fire, ice, water and air.

“Holy mother fucking christ,” I whispered. “Button,” I inched closer. “You know what you just got, right?”

“Uh…” he slowly turned around and started looking at his rear end. “Oh…” I tackled Button and started laughing so hard that I was crying. My little kid’s growing faster than I’d like. “Dad,” he said. “As excited as I am about the cutie mark, I need to be free from your grasp to fully celebrate it,” he said. As he said that, I could feel his little body wiggling in my grasp, so I let him go and he started running around the room happily bouncing and jumping and teleporting. He even DragonFired a few times which was incredibly cute.

It all ended with him tackling me onto the bed, but then he teleported both of us… right under Celly’s wings that I had left, and he settled in next to Katie. “Oh…”

“We’re gonna have to plan your Cute-Ceanera,” I said excitedly.

Celly nodded. “If I wasn’t currently your family’s chosen, heated pillow, I would be prancing right now.” She hummed. “We could all go to Ponyville, once we teach your family the basics of being ponies, including levitation.”

“Wait, ain’t that the place where three little girls blew up a building with bread?” Ma asked.

“It is, but most of the time it’s a pretty peaceful town.”

“We can push my cutie mark party until after we get the rest of the family settled in. Didn’t it take you a few months to get used to being a pony, Dad?” Button asked.

“It did, but Ma’s already got her first spark; she’ll be able to use magic in no time.”

“...What’s a first spark?” Ma asked.

The next day, we all piled up into a room I’ve not been in for a while. That place was the magical testing chambers, or at least, the one Celly used when me and Twilight actually had consistent lessons with her. My whole family was piled in, and since Ma was the first one to have her first spark, as in the first time her horn’s actually lit up, I’m going to try and focus on her magic first, while trying to get everyone else’s first sparks as well. However, before I could even begin teaching Ma anything, Celly pushed me out of the way. As did Luna.

“Source, while I do believe you are a wonderful teacher,” Celly said. “You’d probably try teaching your mother how to use Python,” she shuttered. “That won’t end well, and you know it. I can teach your mother, traditional magical systems, equations, and what-have you. With how powerful your mother apparently seems, which is odd given your natural lack of power, traditional magic would be more optimal. However…” my wife hummed. “You could be a proficient teacher, but I have experience on my side, Source. You, you do not.”

“I was gonna ask you, Twilight, or Luna to help teach my Ma magic.”

Ma blinked. “Y’all never answered my question, the fuck’s a first spark? And how the fuck do I have it? Is that some sorta disease?”

“Grandma,” Button interrupted. “A first spark happens when a unicorn lights their horn up for the first time… ever. Usually it takes years and can either happen intentionally or unintentionally.”

“And you, Mrs. Gaime, accidentally got your first spark while babying Dave. I believe… tell me,” Celly just unleashed all of her ambient magic. Everyone shivered except for Luna and I, mostly because Luna almost, definitely, matched her sister, and I was used to feeling it. “The best way to describe the feeling of magic is… does your horn feel like it’s in water?” She asked. Ma nodded. “That is because of my own magic. You, without knowing it, have a similar effect, though not as mine. Or Source when he is angry.”

“...Whaddya mean by that? Kodi doesn’t make my new head penis feel like it’s underwater…” Ma blinked when Celestia gave her a blank stare.

“Of course you’d call it a head penis; that’s what your son used to call it as a really bad joke.” Celly shook her head. “I’ve seen how much magic Source can wield while angry. He saw me get batted at by an Ursa Minor, a giant bear made of the night sky, and threw the poor thing into orbit. He threw it so hard that the bear caught fire on the way up.” She nodded at me. “It was rather attractive, yet horrifying. I’ve never seen Source get so angry before then.”

“...Kodi actually got mad at something?” Katie asked. “I don’t think I’ve seen him get mad… ever.”

“I remember seeing Source mad when I, as Nightmare Moon, stuck Tia on the Sun. He was so mad that he didn’t consider the differences between neutering or spaying, and cursed like a sailor.” Luna giggled. “I will admit, I was scared of him in my weakened state after I was struck by what Source dubs the ‘gay beam of death’.”

“The… fuck? In the sun!?” Ma asked.

“We’re getting distracted,” Celly summoned a tennis ball. “Mrs. Gaime, I want you to move this ball without touching it. Think about how much you want to move it.”

Ma shrugged and went cross eyed while staring at the ball. Before she knew it, her horn lit up, and pushed the ball… so hard that it slammed into a nearby wall and cracked it. Those walls are supposed to be magic proof. Ma blinked. “Is that supposed to happen?” She asked.

Celly and I were just bug eyed, and so was Luna. “Ma, we’re gonna need you to get better control of magic before we unleash you on the general public. You might kill somepony on accident,” I shook my head.

“Uh…”

“Try again, but think of it like you’re handling Dave when he was first born,” I suggested.

The ball moved subtly before it was scooped up in the air and gently lowered itself into ma’s hoof. Then it flung into her chest when she cheered about doing it. She cringed in pain and fell over, and I was on her in a heartbeat. I laid down, pulled her onto my side and started blasting her with healing spells.

“Kill somebody?” Ma croaked. “I think I’ll end up killing myself with this shit before I accidentally kill anyone else!”

“Hmm… perhaps you need better Rune control. You seem to naturally know how to do runes…” I grinned like an idiot. “My fucking god,” I laughed. “Oh shit. Oh my fucking god!” I kept on laughing.

“...What?” Ma asked. She was feeling better now from all the healing spells. “Is my pain funny to you, son? I will beat your ass-”

“No Ma,” I nuzzled her. “You think I would’ve reacted as quickly as I did when I saw you in pain?” I teleported my copy of WME, it was still in development since Twilight knew about it, and thus wouldn’t be a funny prank. “Your main problem is controlling your magic, and Runes go a long way with controlling your magic, so…” I opened the book. “Start doing the alphabet of this, not any of the spells, you will wanna kill yourself or somebody else if you do. If you can do the whole alphabet in one go, you should have better magic control…”

Celly looked a little upset. “Source… I was hoping to teach your mother so that we can get some quality bonding time in…”

“Oh.” I started staring at the ground. “Sorry, Celly.”

“No… this is for the best, WME will teach your mother better Rune control, and from there I can start teaching her the equations of more common spells and the general understanding of magic theory,” Celly clapped her hooves. “Now we both can yell at you for making such a stupid fucking spell system!”

“...You’re gonna hold me down while Ma tickles me until I piss meself, aren’t you?”

“Definitely,” Ma nodded. “By the time we are done, your wife and I will bully the ever living shit out of you.”

“Ma…” I draped a wing over her and hugged her neck. “Can’t we just cuddle and snuggle forever and you don’t teach my wife how to embarrass the fuck out of me, or plot my death by tickles?” I asked.

“No.”

I’m gonna fucking die.

A few hours later, somehow, some stupid way, Pinkie Pie found out that my family was now in Equestria. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I guess you can’t stop the Pinkster… I still owe her a date, but for now, she’s seemingly forgotten about it in the letter she sent, expressing how she’s getting Twilight and the rest of her friends and going to Canterlot at the last second to set up a party. She managed to ship a letter to Cadance weeks ago, and so my niece and Shiny were coming over later today too. Everyone would be here around when Pinkie would usually hold a party, so eight at night.

I got that letter while I was sitting on a cushion, watching Button teach Dave how to play a few pony games. It may have seemed innocent, and it was, but Button also just wanted to try and teach his fellow colt how to colt before fillies start chasing him. Resting on another cushion was Daniel, being the little mama’s boy he was, he was snuggled up into her side while she read through the motions of WME.

Katie was snuggled up under my wing, mostly because out of everyone, aside from Ma, she missed me the most.

“This is hard,” Dave groaned as Button pinned him down again.

“If it makes you feel any better, my Dad, and your older brother, still barely manage to walk straight. He walked into a door one day because he was too busy watching Mom’s hips sway as she walked.” How the fuck did… God dammit.

“That is so weird to hear, too,” Dave got up and stretched. A nice yawn escaped his lips when he did. “Hearing how my brother is attracted to horses.” He looked at Ma. “Ain’t that a bit weird, Ma?”

“I ain’t judgin’,” Ma shrugged. Celly had to go deal with day court, so we were all lounging in a room that was technically hers, but not really. “In time y’all be chasin’ ponies too, Dave. Heck, I might if given enough time to dwell on it. I’ve seen how your brother and his wife work together; Kodi’s happy, genuinely happy, and gets along just like cereal and milk with Celestia.”

“You know,” Katie added. “As weird as it that you’ve bagged a pony, how’d you bag a princess?” She asked.

“Well, I was already a known case to her. You don’t just show up in a magical accident-caused crater where there’s no magic. That sounds normal until you realize that if something has no magic, it’s an anomaly. Even the rocks here should have some, not a lot, but some magic. I did wake up in this very castle’s infirmary, after all. How I bagged Celly as y’all would call it… actually, Celly would too, she knows how lucky I feel when I wake up to her raising the sun every morning.

“Uh, I guess she found the body I woke up with attractive because of how boring it was, and that I didn’t treat her like a princess.”

“He called Mom ‘Sun Butt’ during their wedding reception,” Button chimed in. “He still does, when I have a Joyboy and they both think I’m not listening to them.”

“Uh yeah, Celly just liked that I didn’t kiss her ass and that I made her laugh. It all kinda started when she tried picking me up from the motel I was initially staying in, y’know, when I got mugged. It was kinda funny, I won’t even lie. Uh, I held a mare at knife point because I only knew how to throw fireballs and didn’t want to light anypony on fire. Celly showed up, put the fear of god in them, literally seeing as she’s seen as a demi-god even if she doesn’t realize it, and then we went to a cafe.”

“Is that your first date?” Katie asked. Stars filled her eyes, possibly dreaming of finding her own lover one day.

“Oh no, I had a panic attack. Getting surrounded by dozens of reports and ponies, while needing pills to operate in social situations like that, while not having access to those pills for months, really fucks you up. So uh, Celly dragged me into an alleyway and we cried on each other, me, because I had a panic attack. She cried because she let me have a panic attack. Celly had makeup on; Celly doesn’t use make up. She was tryna’ court me the whole damn time and my stupidass didn’t see it until Twilight, a friend of mine, found out about Celly’s courting rituals.”

I nuzzled Katie. “I could help ya find somebody, if you’re up for a colt instead of a boy. Granted, I really don’t talk to any teenaged ponies. You’d also need to get your cutie mark, since most ponies really see you as a mare once you get that. However, until you’re eighteen, even with one of those, I will beat the shit out of any adult trying to date ya.”

Blueblood took the time to step inside our room. He blinked a few times. “Uh…” his eyes fell on Katie.

“Blueblood, if you even think about where you wanna put your dick, I will chop it off and make you fuck yourself with your own fucking penis.” I warned the fucker. “And then I’ll toss you out the window and have Celly say it was an accident that you fell out of the window.”

“Understood,” Blueblood turned around. “Have a nice day, uncle.”

Oh. I can’t make him fuck himself. His asshole got stitched up. Probably after I shoved a crowbar up there.

“...What the fuck?” Daniel asked. “Kodi, I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you have a spine without taking any medicine.”

“Oh yeah,” I shrugged. “Meh, I let my wife do whatever she wants to me. But that’s one of my… my nephew but not really. I knew exactly what he was doing, and where he was trying to get peeks at.” I noted that Katie chose now to lay her head between my forelegs, by instinct or not, and so I laid my head on top of hers. “He already tried it with two of my nieces before, so if he tried it with my sister, he was definitely gonna break his last straw.”

“...What was he trying to do?” Katie asked. “He seemed polite enough-”

“Okay, y’all haven’t gotten the chance to meet her yet, but there’s this mare named Snowdrop. Snowdrop’s my niece, and then there’s another mare you’all be meeting later tonight named Cadance. They’re both technically high princesses, though Snowdrop’s mostly through title alone. They’re my nieces, and while not related by blood, are Blueblood’s cousins. Keep this in mind; Blueblood wanted to sleep with them. Like sex. Babies.”

“...What the fuck?” Kaite asked. “He wanted that with me? I’m not even an adult, physically, according to you.”

“Which is why I threatened to use his own dick to fuck him.” I said. I then shrugged. “I dunno if it shows if I’ve grown as a person or not, or if Celly is just that good at building confidence in ponies around her. If that happened a year ago, I think Blueblood woulda kicked my shit in because I was too ‘scrawny’ to stop him.”

“Dad, he offered to sleep with me,” Button interjected.

…

“Okay, as in just to cuddle, or…”

“I don’t know.”

Blueblood’s going to be past tense when I’m done with him. I slowly pulled out a knife from the cushion me and Katie were laying on.

“Jesus Christ, Dad, I’m joking!” Button took the knife away from me. “Jeez, you let me and Mom do whatever we want to you, but the moment somepony threatens us, you’re ready to murder somepony.”

I took a deep breath. “Nobody touchy my baby,” I teleported Button on top of my head. “My baby,” I chuckled and let him go back to Dave, where both colts promptly started cuddling.

“I wanted to hold the baby,” Katie interjected. “Baby ponies are so cute…”

“You have not even seen a proper baby yet,” I pointed out. “I once had to foalsit with Pinkie Pie, somepony else you’ll meet later tonight. She foalsits for a couple kids, Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. They’re adorable, but Jesus Christ they’re chaotic.” I chuckled and teleported a photo. I showed Ma and Daniel first. Even Dan’s heart melted. Then I showed Katie. “I offered Celly and Lulu a chance to turn themselves into foals so that they can get a day of the ‘childhood they never had’.”

Katie slowly turned to me. “How do I get a cutie mark?”

“Be good at something,” I shrugged.

“Button,” Katie said. “Can you come here, please?”

“Auntie cuddles?” Button asked as he sauntered up to my little sister.

“Yeah,” Katie said. She laughed when Button cheered and jumped into her forelegs.

“Dave,” I opened my wing. “You can join us, y’know-”

“Now what’s this about me having…” Snowdrop slammed the door open. She started sniffing.

“Is… she blind?” Ma asked.

“Yes I am,” Snowdrop, while acting like a dog, sniffed her way over to Dave. He was promptly moved to a cushion with Snowdrop. “So these are all the new additions to the royal family? Three more foals and a mare?” She asked. Dave cooed at being held in Snowdrop’s slender, though apparently comfy legs.

“How… half of us weren’t talking.”

“I can hear you breathe,” Snowdrop said kinda creepily. “Yer lucky Luna’s asleep, Mrs. Code. She’d have you all in a snuggle party this instant.”

“...I wouldn’t be opposed to that.” Dan pointed out.

Just as soon as my buddy, Solar walked in. “Dear, please… Where the f-buck did all these kids come from?” He was definitely following Snowdrop. He had been assigned as her personal guard for some odd reason; they're only dating each other.

Ma started laughing at the first pony ‘swear’ she’s heard.

I woke up from my nap, I was holding Daniel, the now, teenage colt was snuggled up under my chin… when I took a nap, he was, in fact, not there. I was holding Dave when I took the nap, with Katie snuggled up into my side. Looking around, I could see Ma sitting there with a camera, and a guard she probably requested from the guard. Snowdrop was also snickering behind a hoof. Dan slowly woke up too, somehow he kept his horn from jabbing me in the throat as he gently raised his head up and around my chin. He blinked wearily, took a nice, big yawn as his eyes slowly fell on who he was sleeping on.

“Kodi, why am I using you as a bed? I was snuggled up with Ma.”

“I dunno. I’m not complaining; I haven’t even gotten to hold my favorite little brother since we got here.” I laid my head back down.

“Eh,” Dan laid his head down next to mine and Ma took another photo. “They set us up.”

“Yeah, and you don’t care,” I pointed out. “I don’t either.”

“I… don’t know how to feel about getting acquainted with cuddling with my family so quickly.” Dan shrugged. “But it does feel nice.”

“Y’know we aren’t supposed to get hugged, according to the social norm back home.” I pointed out. “Hence why I took to it so quickly. It also helps that my wife’s a living furnace that makes snuggling very pleasant.” I sat up and piled on my brother before grooming him. “And now that you’re here, I can do this,” I said in between grooming licks.

“Kodi!” Dan protested, but made no attempts to get away. “Why…? Ma’s right there with a camera!”

“And I missed you. Like hell I give a damn about my own dignity right now. Look at Button and Dave.” They were wrestling in a corner and growling at each other. I hugged my brother tighter. “And so I’m going to hug you as tightly as I can-”

“Sir,” the guard said. “We were waiting for you to wake up to inform you… Princess Cadance is here, as well as her husband. The Elements of Harmony have all shown up as well and are in the west side, private ballroom.” He nodded. “My apologies if you wished to be notified sooner.” He smirked and grabbed one of the photos my Ma took. “But you, admittedly, looked precious, your Highness.” There, I could see me and Dan being fast asleep, I was on my back, holding my little brother on my belly as we snoozed the last couple hours away.

I snorted. “Man, if you share that around the fuckin’ platoon of guards that we’ve got in Canterlot and that becomes my new reputation.” I let Dan go, so he and the rest of us could get ready for a party. “One, that’d be funny, secondly, I would approve. But if any guard tries to spoon me, they’re getting kicked in the balls, or if it’s a mare, I will kindly remind them that I am a married man.”

The guard smirked. “Yessir.” He saluted me and walked out.

“...What was that about?” Ma asked.

“Oh, around the guard training grounds, I have a pretty decent reputation. Most of the guards regard me as a pretty decent fighter, and I get along with most of them because of how laid back I am with them. They also like how I don’t try to take the spotlight from their actual commanding officers and told them I wouldn’t try to if something shitty’s going on.” I sat up with a stretch. “Also they watched me beat the shit out of Prince Blueblood, and nopony likes him.”

After that little thing, I brushed everypony out with my magic, and Ma was sitting there, agape at what I was doing. I was brushing everyone while making sure we were all presentable. “Kodi,” she said, lifting the WME draftbook I had made with her own magic. “I… Yer feckin’ good at magic. That’s something I never thought I’d say to you, ever, yet here we are.”

“Ma, you’re holding a book with Levitation, and you haven’t launched it yet. That’s quicker than me; it took me months to figure that out and you’re already doing it just fine.” It’s only been about a full day since Ma even became a pony.

“I suppose…” she shrugged. “I have great potential, apparently, but magic is nowhere near my forte. I’m a business woman, not a mage.”

“When will we be learning magic?” Katie asked. “I heard you say something about a fireball. I wanna throw a fireball.”

“Once I get y’all’s first sparks. It might not be too hard. It might be super hard. I can tell that you and Dan are going to need to use Python to get the most of your magic. Dave… I dunno, he’s a bit young, so I don’t know if Python will-”

“Isn’t Python that coding thing you said you hated during dinner once?” Katie asked.

“It is, yeah.” I shrugged. “It’s also what I named a spell system I designed for myself, and then other ponies when I realized how useful it could be.”

Once we were all not messy, and well groomed, it really did just hit me. Dan was pretty handsome and Katie was rather pretty. God damn, if they wanna stay in Equestria, they’re gonna have so many fucking suitors. Ma looked rather pretty, as well, and I suppose her figure is somewhat eye-catching? One of the guards we were with, a night guard, Electro Knife I think, was trying to steal glances at her. Button already knew the way and was leading Dave ahead of us. The two of them were playing tag.

It didn’t take us very long to get to the west-private ballroom. Our guards stayed outside, joining the two guards already at the left side of the door.

When we all stepped inside, everyone that wasn’t already in the Royal Family stopped what they were doing and started staring at us. Cadance immediately snagged Dave, and I think he would be annoyed at constantly being snuggled whenever a mare sees him, but… it’s really hard to hate Cadance. Damn near impossible even. He had a big, happy little smile plastered on his face as my niece started nipping his neck. Shining Armor joined in and got happy little coos out of the colt in exchange for their joint efforts. They were probably already up to speed, since Celly probably told them about my family as soon as they got here.

Luna was already chatting with Ma, and the two were getting along like bread and butter from the looks of it… nevermind, Ma just fucking headlocked Luna. My poor in-law was struggling to get out of my mother’s grasp. She was genuinely trying to get out too, and wasn’t getting anywhere. Instead, it was just met with a tighter grip.

“Please, I used to plow fields by hand!” Ma laughed. “You ain’t nothin’ compared to the feckin’ horse that I had to break in when I was five!”

“Ma, stop bullying Luna, I’m sure she was joking!”

“So? She’s my niece in-law and she made a bet.” Ma giggled. “She is rather soft, I’ll tell ya that.” She finally relented and let go of Lulu. “Don’t test the will of the Irish, will ya? We don’t have monarchs for a reason.”

“Jesus bucking christ,” Luna groaned. “All I did was say you were a little chubby!” Lulu started hiding her eyes with her mane. “I take back what I said, M’am.”

“Good!” Ma went off to go chat with Cadance now, who was done babying Dave. Within moments, she and Cafance were pressed into each others side.

Twilight was the first of my Ponyville friends to speak up, though. “Source, is this… your family?” She asked.

“I told y’all, right after I kicked the shit out of Chrysalis. I wanted to find a way to bring my family to Equestria.” I smirked. “This time, unlike the perfect piece of toast, I had some help. You should also know me by now, Twilight. When I want something done, I will get it done. I will reach a goal no matter how fucking much I’ll struggle with getting there.” I spread my wings. “And I’ll get through regardless of how unlikely it is that I will.” A small smile made its way to my face. “Finally, that ‘do or die’ mentality paid off, huh?” I held Katie close, seeing as she’s the only one that stuck by me.

Well, Dan did too. In fact, they both got under my wings before I closed them. They were nervous.

“These are…”

“This is Dan,” I nudged the teenaged colt under my right wing. “This is Katie,” I nudged the teenaged filly under my other wing. “That is Dave,” he had sauntered off from Cadance and was harassing Luna for cuddles. As in he wanted to snuggle with her, and she was more than willing to oblige... He found out about pony puppy eyes already. “And you just saw me Ma manhandle Luna.”

“Your brother is rather handsome,” Rarity pointed out.

“He doesn't even have a cutie mark, Rarity. Don’t even try it; I’m waiting until they’re eighteen even if they have their marks, before I let anyone near my siblings.” I said sternly. “If there is one thing to be taken seriously from me, Rarity, it’s that I will defend my family until I’m dead.”

Katie nudged me. “Kodi, you’re getting warmer,” she said. “I think…”

“Ah,” I chuckled. “Forgot that my wedding ring gives me the ability to warm up or cool down based on me mood.” I shrugged. “So…”

Rarity giggled. “Source, I fully understand where you are coming from, though when your brother is older and has his mark, do not be surprised if I try to court him.” She gestured to Katie. “Your sister is exceptionally beautiful; that particular shade of yellow is very pleasing on the eyes. You understand how many colts you’ll have to chase off?”

“Eeyup. I threatened to fuck Blueblood with his own cock when he got ready to hit on her.”

Fluttershy’s ears shot up. “W-what?” She asked. She then processed what I just said. “Oh, Blueblood, nevermind. He tried hitting on me too… He was rather crass and-”

“Me and Apple Jack broke his legs,” Rainbow interjected. “You can hurt any of us,” she then gestured to the only other pegasus in her group. “But anypony that touches Fluttershy is gonna get it hard!” Everyone in their group nodded. “Granted, we’d defend each other no matter what anyways, but you get the point.”

The doors cracked open again and we all watched as Blueblood snuck over to where Ma was… he smacked her ass.

“Oh…” Twilight whistled. “Should we stop this?”

“Mmm,” Ma broke a window using Blueblood’s face, and broke another one before throwing him out of it. She was cursing up a storm too.

“LEARN HOW TO TREAT A LADY YOU CRETIN!” She shouted down… The west side of the castle was luckily the side over a courtyard. Ma grabbed the snack table, after gently removing everything from it, and then tossed it out the window she tossed Blueblood out of. A loud thud and my poor, poor nephew yelping in pain told me she nailed him with it. “Fuckin’ hell. Yer lucky my husband’s not alive or he would’ve plowed a field with yer feckin face and cooked you into a sloppy joe!” She shouted out the window.

She blinked before smiling sheepishly. “Do I gotta pay for the window?” She asked.

“No,” Celestia shook her head. “We’re gonna charge his family’s estate again. He’s in debt, by the way.” She giggled. “Are you alright, dear? I don’t think I’d take too kindly to anyone slapping me like that, save for your son.”

“Oh trust me, I’d only let my husband do that,” she sighed. “That won’t happen, though.” She watched me as I poked my head out the window, before summoning another crowbar, before shoving that up his ass. Ma, and the rest of my siblings stuck their heads out the broken windows to see what see did. They all laughed at Blueblood as I took another crowbar and attempted to neuter him with it.

Well, I woulda if a bunch of guards didn’t drag him away, with the lead-guard guy said he was getting charged with sexual assault.

Author's Note

character sheet for Source's family, save Celestia, Button, and Luna eldest to youngest:

Maeve/'Ma': Basically a forty year old mare, colored just like Source is. She is taller than him by just a head, and is rather muscly for a unicorn and has an exceptional talent for magic that she can't quite control yet. Basically, she's everything Source isn't, tall, large magic reserves and fit. Ma is a business mare at heart and her cutie mark, two shaking hands, reflects this. She's also like a mother bear, being very, very protective of her children.

Source, he Source, a thing that exists. If you somehow don't know who Source is, and you've read this far, Source is an alien from the planet X1-7b901a. he likes horses.

Daniel/Dan: The eldest brother, though second oldest son in the Code family. He's a teenaged colt, sixteen years old to be exact. Danie's got an orange coat and a cyan mane. While he and Source are close, Dan is the most bonded to Maeve and is a 'mamma's boy'. He has no cutie mark yet.

Katie: Source's sister and the third oldest child in the Code family. She's a fourteen year old filly, after coming to Equestria, and is essentially a younger Source with her colors being an exact pallet swap of her brother. Yellow coat, blue mane. Out of everyone in the family, she is the closest to Source and the two often spend a lot of time together. She has no cutie mark yet.

Dave, the youngest of the siblings is a cyan furred, orange maned colt that's roughly ten years old. He is quite young and 'runt sized' though nobody's noticed yet. He usually stays quiet, and 'is the only one of us with a braincell' in the Code family. He has no cutie mark yet, and out of everyone, will be adjusting to Equestrian life the most. He's already made best friends out of Button already.

Why is my Family Better at Being Ponies Than I Am?

Ma’s already throwing fireballs.

It hasn’t been more than two days, and she’s throwing fireballs. My siblings all had gotten their first sparks too, but they just got them and were working out Levitation. Meanwhile, Ma’s already picked up on the Fire Spell and all of its offshoots such as well… fireballs. Celly clapped her hooves as Ma threw a fireball… It struck a target and blew it up. Ma can put more power into her spells than I can with Python. I suppose that’s what happens when your mother happens to be just as powerful as motherfucking Twilight Sparkle.

Button went and stepped up to teach Dave Cobra, or Button’s offshoot of Python. It seems like the two of them have similar magic-pools, strength in magic, whatever, since Dave picked up on it pretty quickly. Though there’s one problem, here.

“So if Runes are used for making Magic do what we want, what’s stopping me from just…” He closed his eyes and runed something out, and launched a fireball. Which then turned itself into an ice dart, which promptly got jammed into a target. “Make my spells do that?” He asked. Myself and Celly just stared blankly at what my youngest brother just did. “What? I just told magic to make fire turn into ice mid-throw and had the ice carry the momentum, which is an apparent problem with ice-based spells, of the fireball. Thus when the fireball turns into ice, it keeps the momentum, and can lead to more precise hits instead of a surface area on a given target.”

“Dave,” I picked him up with my forelegs, which he didn’t complain about. “When DA FUCK, did you figure out how to do Fire Spells?” I asked.

“Just now.”

“And then you fucking did that!?” I asked.

“Yeah. Is that bad?” Dave asked.

“...Nopony thought of doing that, ever,” Celly whispered. “You just found a way to fake ponies out, and made ice spells viable in long ranged combat, Dave.” She snatched him from me and started drowning my brother in kisses, snuggles, and coos. “Oh! You brilliant little foal!” She squealed. “When you are older, I will take over teaching you; I’m only good at teaching ponies how to use their magic after they’ve got at least a beginner’s level of magic output. Seeing as you just figured out magic a few hours ago, and seeing you come up with something so… brilliant.”

Celly clapped her hooves. “You’ve got potential, Dave. A lot of potential.”

“...Now’s a good time to say that Dave has helped me bug-test and play-test the game me and my buddies were coding until I disappeared one day,” I whispered. “He found so many fucking ways to break the game that it pissed me off and also made me proud.”

Dave smiled, jumped out of Celly’s arms and onto my face where he started licking right between my eyes.

My heart is melting. “Dave,” I laughed. “You and Ma are gonna make me look like a shitty mage…” I chuckled, before setting him on the ground. “Neither of you can do this, though.” I DragonFired around the testing room just as Twilight and her friends walked in. Ma started screaming, since what were my ashes just fell to the ground… As Dave used a sheet of ice he made, and held in levitation… to fly after me. What. The. Fuck!? That’s fuckin’ smart. Why’d I never think of doing that to fly?

We both came to a stop, I skidded to a stop as the flames dispersed and Dave jumped on my back.

Twilight and Rarity were staring, fish-eyed, at Dave. Button was too. Celly was just getting more and more excited at teaching Dave in the future.

Katie and Dan were blinking… you see, I just lent them my Python Textbooks, along with expansion packs of Python. They were standing there, wide eyed too.

“KODI, DAVE, WAHT THE FAWK WAS THAT!?” Ma shouted. She ran up to us, and got in my face. “WHY’D YOU SET YOURSELF ON FIRE?!”

“Because it’s how I usually fly around the place-”

“YOU HAVE FUCKING WINGS!”

“I know and-” Ma hugged me. Hard.

“I know you know what you’re doing, but please warn me. Magic is still rather new to me, and I thought you just killed yourself.” She then glared at Dave. “And that, while it looked fun, was reckless, dear. I’m going to buy you a helmet and pads, and we’ll do it together down the line… With your brother on standby so he can heal either of us when we inevitably crash into something. Or catch us if we fall.”

“Okay Ma,” Dave nodded.

“Ah, so he doesn’t get yelled at, but I do?” I asked.

“You scared me half to death you bigot!”

Fair enough, Ma.

“Source, is your whole family just going to be good at magic?” Twilight asked. “Katie and Dan are over there, already levitating things, and Dave’s doing that! Your mother just threw a fireball most unicorns could only ever dream of matching!”

“Mmm,” I shrugged. “I dunno. Ma is just proficient with magic and is a prodigy, apparently. Dave’s fuckin’ smart. Honestly, I thought about levitating my hooves to fly, it’s why Skywaler exist, but flying on a skateboard made of ice? Unheard of. Entirely unheard of. I never thought of that either. He also found a way to stab somebody with an ice spell from a long distance, so there’s that.” I shrugged and held my youngest brother in my forelegs. “Doin’ me proud, and make me jealous…” I sighed.

“Man, it really shows how stinkin’ average I am. I’ve got no raw power that I can actively call on, and I’m not that creative. Luckily, Dan and Katie seem to, while not struggling due to the nature of Python, not excel like I couldn’t in my early days as a pony.”

“Yer far from average,” Ma grabbed both my cheeks and glared into my eyes. “Who’s the man that made a spell system that’s helped me get better control over my magic?” She asked. “Who’s the man that made another spell system that is easy to pick up, so easy that your siblings, all of them, have picked up on it and are learning relatively quickly because of it? From what your wife tells me, you excel and punch far above yer weight class, Source. Not Kodi, my son who could barely hold a conversation is dead. Source is my son who has conquered the Sun.

“You are apparently well renowned in the magical community for exceeding when you should fail. Do not let me catch you saying you’re anything but extraordinary, Source. Or you’ll make me sad that I couldn’t raise a son that could hold his head high and be proud of who he is.”

“This is too mushy for me,” Dave hopped out of my arms as Ma hugged me tightly.

“Fuckin’ hell, Ma,” I swear I am not crying. There are just onions nearby.

A few hours later, I had left my family to their own devices. I had officially been, socially, drained. Katie and Dan were doing fine, magically, as fine as one can when just picking it up. Ma and Dave were exceptionally good at magic. Despite what Ma did to try and cheer me up, I was still feeling a little like shit. My whole family was picking up on being ponies better than I did during my first few months. They were already able to use magic in days. Granted, they didn’t know how to properly act as ponies, but that would come with time.

I just felt… Well, small. I was small. I felt insignificant again.

Magically, my whole family outperforms me, and will be able to.

So here I am, sitting in a donut shop in a little booth. I know somepony was following me, as even earth ponies have magical signatures even if they’re really faint. I chuckled to myself as I sipped on some coffee that I didn’t really like, but it just felt appropriate for how I’m feeling. The bitter liquid crawled its way down when… Oh, that’s two ponies that have followed me. Twilight and Apple Jack followed me. How they knew that I left the castle’s beyond me.

“Howdy,” AJ nodded to me as she just so happened to see me in the booth.

“Sup,” I waved.

“Hey Source-”

“Twi, Aj, not that I don’t mind seeing you, but why did you two follow me?” I asked.

“Uh…” Twilight hummed. “Okay, so…” Twilight hummed. “We both kinda noticed that you’ve been feeling a bit down, since your Mom started throwing fireballs.”

“Oh that,” I chuckled. “Twilight, I know you aren’t stupid, far from it. You’re way too smart, and way too gifted in magic. You’ve must’ve noticed how strong Ma is, and you know how much potential she got while learning from Celly. Yesterday she could barely even levitate anything. One textbook on the worse magical system ever, along with a few tips and tricks from me and Celly, and she’s not only able to do that, but she moved a fucking table during the party and cleanly threw it out the window and on Blueblood.

“That takes a level of control far, far beyond her experience with magic, Twilight.” I pointed out.

“That…” Twilight sighed. “Is true. And Daniel and Katie are already using Python, and Dave has to be the most creative mage I’ve seen since I’ve met you.”

“So,” I chuckled. “I know Ma did wonders in makin' me feel loved and appreciated in the moment, but I just needed a moment to breathe. I am proud of my family, but as the eldest sibling in the family, I’ve gotta lead by example. I can’t do that if I’m not gifted in the slightest with magic. I just made use of exploiting how magic ‘magics’ and made my own spell system based on that-”

“Source,” Apple Jack chuckled. “Yer bein’ hard on yourself. Aside from Twilight, you’re probably the scariest unicorn Ah’ve ever seen. Ah know you know that we earth ponies can resist unicorn magic to a point. That doesn’t stop a fireball from lightin’ me on fire. And Ah know you were tellin’ the truth about that timeline you were first thrown into. One, Ah saw it happen, and you came back traumatized. Ah can make a safe bet that the Princesses, Celestia and Luna at least, are very experienced fighters. You’re able to fight them head on-”

“No I can’t. Discord, another Discord, powered me up and I could still barely keep up. I fucking died in a magical explosion and Light Shield made sure I didn’t by giving me wings.” I chuckled. “I could, to a point, keep up with four alicorns if I have space to work with. In an outright duel, Twilight would kick my shit in. Give me time to prep and something other than a flat field? Twilight would be hard pressed to do something about it.”

“...You blew up an evil version of me with a Mirror Spell on her own horn. You came up with that on the fly, Source.” Twilight drew on that, thinking she'd hit a soft spot on me. We all blinked when I didn't panic. “Huh…”

“What?” I asked.

“You aren’t panicking or breathing heavily.” Twilight pointed out.

“Oh.” I hummed. I smirked to myself. Just don’t mention Prime Equestria and being stuck, please.

“Back on topic, Source. You came up with that on the fly. Not many just do.” Twilight shook her head. “Your downright outrageous use of spells in bizarre scenarios, on top of your spell output rate, is something I don’t think I’d be able to understand. A bit as a wand, Light Shield, the entirety of Python? DragonFire? I’m surprised you didn’t crack phoenix fire yet and start abusing that-” I pulled out a notebook and wrote that down. “Buck. You’re going to be Tartarus to deal with at the next unicorn convention.”

“But… I’m an alicorn.”

“You could hide the wings,” Apple Jack shrugged. “You showed that you could grow wings with magic on the spot anyways, nopony would bat an eye at you for making yourself grow wings as a prank.”

“I could.” I shrugged. I downed my coffee. “So why else are you here?” I asked, pointedly at AJ. I know she doesn’t really give a shit about magic.

“Uh… I couldn’t help but notice how you mentioned yer Dad at the family brunch during the Summer Sun Celebration we first met on.”

“Oh.” I tilted my head.

“Why didn’t you bring your Dad to Equestria? I thought you were close with him.”

“Oh.” I sighed and took a long deep breath. “I was. Most of my siblings barely got to know him. Dave never met Dad, though. Dad… Pa, was the best man I ever knew. The strongest I knew too. Good god I wish I told him I loved him a little more,” I sighed. “So, I don’t know if I told y’all about cars, have I?” I asked.

“You have. They’re like automatic horse carriages?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah. Really dangerous in the hands of the wrong person. Some fucker was drunk while driving a car. I’m all for gettin’ drunk, what Irishman isn’t?” I sighed. “Pa was driving home with groceries and got T-boned, a crash where the front of a car meets the side of another car, by a drunk driver going well over a hundred kilometers an hour. Pa died, instantly, and by some twisted form of fate, the drunk driver made it out alive and was up and moving a few years later.”

I took a long, deep breath. “I want to kill that fucker. I want to, but I know doing that won’t bring my Dad back.” I looked up from my empty mug and at AJ. “you two would get along. Dad was a chef after being… My Dad. He probably would’ve loved the idea of cooking with hay if he came to Equestria. Or learning how to use flowers in his dishes, or working on making his dishes pony-friendly and opening a restaurant. Or open a restaurant for our more carnivorous residents in Canterlot and be a hit amongst them.” I chuckled. “Ma would have to keep Chef Beet off him too.” I leaned back.

“Ah…” AJ sighed. “Ah know what it’s like to lose a parent, Source. Ah lost both of mine. Sorry if-”

“Nothin’ to be sorry about,” I shook my head. “I miss my Dad, but the best I can do is remember him and love that I can still remember every little moment. From when I was eight and my Pa taught me how to put together a lasagna and told me how to make it vegetarian. I remember how proud my Dad was when I shined during a choir session. Fuck, I remember him telling me that I’d be taking over his business when I got older and how excited I was.” I smiled. “Maybe in another life, that would’ve come to be. But I can’t get lost in the what-ifs; I won’t be able to enjoy this one if I do.”

Twilight just blinked, before taking out a scroll. She started writing down another friendship lesson.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Either y’all wanna donut?” I offered.

Both mares shared a look, before nodding.

So I walked in on Ma and Celly during day court. Ma was sitting beside my wife, tucked under a wing, since Celly was so much larger than my mother. The two of them were idly listening to a guy named Silver Tongue talk about something that sounds important. Celly looks actually kinda convinced about what Silver Tongue, some noble, was talking about, drawing on every word and nodding along. Ma, seemed to just be giving Silver the stink eye, and was eying him suspiciously.

“So that’s why I need an investment of forty thousand bits, Princess,” Silver bowed.

“Well…” Celestia started. “You do drive a good point. Your company sounds like it could benefit quite a lot of ponies.”

“Yer spittin’ a load of horse dung,” Ma interrupted. “Yer feckin’ company is about… healthcare?” She asked.

“Why yes, ma’am, why do you ask?” Silver asked.

“Silver Tongue, was it?” Ma asked. “I may not know much about healthcare, so please, enlighten me about these… injections will help a pony live longer, or cure their illnesses in a day?” She asked. “As far as I’m aware, not even most healing spells can do that, and if they can, often involve a lot of illegal magic. Yer telling me these bunch of random chemicals can make me live until a hundred and twenty?”

“Why yes, you see, with exo-creatine is this new thing I’ve been testing.”

“That’s not a chemical that exists.”

“But my researchers and I have invented it!”

Celly just slowly watched, while getting more and more impressed as Ma proceeded to verbally ruin this guy. “Wait, creatine? That’s what your liver makes, I think,” Ma chuckled. “That won’t do jack-shit when it comes to healing the flu, or makin’ me live until I’m a hundred and twenty years old!” Ma laughed. “Seriously, I’ve heard more bogus things at work than that!” She chuckled. “And yer labeling it as ‘exo-creatine’ which isn’t a thing. That’s illegal, Silver Tongue.” Silver just stood there, his mouth wide open.

“B-but-”

Celestia didn’t take long to process what was said. “Silver, were you getting an investment for your company to sell more of these ‘exo-creatine’ shots?” She asked.

“Yes! Yes! It’ll help so many ponies, your highness.”

“Tia, yer my favorite daughter in law, your sister called me fat after all. If you look closely at the documentation, you see how most of it makes no sense, and exo-creatine was made by two ponies named Flim and Flam. I may not know who these ponies are, but I’m willing to guess that they’re con-artists.” Celestia hummed even further.

“I know. I was just seeing how perceptive you are, Mrs. Gaime. Silver Tongue, leave my court before I arrest you for false advertising. Or fine you forty thousand bits.”

…

Celly just played Silver Tongue for a fiddle, so she could watch Ma break his sales pitch down for entertainment. Because I know you can’t ask for investments or loans in Day Court, you may request to meet with somepony that can do these for you, but at the end of the day, that’s not a thing you ask for in court. Silver Tongue sighed. On the way out, he noticed me, and made a very good decision. He punched me in the face. Right in the nose. As hard as he could. Now, getting punched is not fun. Getting punched in the face sucks. Getting punched in the nose fucking sucks. I felt my nose crunch as Silver’s hoof was driving into it.

I fell right on my ass, holding my nose while screaming various, not family friendly words.

“OW! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO, YOU CRAZY SHITHEAD!” Celly was mad. However, she started backing into her chair the moment she heard Ma growling. I think Ma was growling. I don’t know, my nose hurts like hell. I simply sat there, holding my nose while Silver Tongue took the time to start berating me.

“You stupid, bucking, unicorn!” Silver shouted. “You get to have life easy because, for some reason, the Princess likes you! Then, suddenly the Maker above slaps a pair of wings on you, and you’re royalty!” Silver growled. “Without your wife, you’re nothing. You’re absolutely worthless, Source Code. I guarantee that the Princess only even loves you because you happen to be special or something.” I just sat there, wide eyed, while clutching my nose with my hooves.

“Damn dude,” I grunted. “You just voiced how I felt about myself for the last two years,” my nose hurt too much for me to care right now. “God damn, that woulda stung if I knew just how wrong I was throughout those two years. Because even if I never married Celly, I still would know how to do magic competently. I wouldn’t need to scam ponies with fake amino acids to make a quick buck either.” I growled. I then looked over my shoulder. Ma and Celly came to an agreement. Somepony hurt me, and they’re mad.

“Now, Silver Tongue, I was originally going to let you go; you didn’t sell anything you were falsely advertising.” I think I see Daybreaker starting to shine through. “But… then you physically assaulted my husband.”

“I-I… uh. Princess! He swung first-”

“My son was just standing there, waiting patiently to see how we were doing,” Ma said sternly. “You have forty seconds to run as far as you can, before I punt you off the mountain. I will send you to Ponyville with how hard I’ll kick your ass.”

“No, Maeve, that’s probably going to register as murder.” Celly shook her head. “You, Silver Tongue will be imprisoned to the place I banish you to… You’re going to be banished to Pinkamina Diane Pie’s basement in Ponyville. From there you will be rehabilitated and hopefully become a fun loving, caring, and cuddly pony like the majority of the population. If you are not, I believe I will let my mother in law kick your ass across the country.”

“...”

Ma smacked his shoulder so hard that she shattered it. Then he got sent to Ponyville with Pinkie.

I’ve been laying in bed since that incident. My nose was bandaged, and unfortunately, it would be a while before Ma or Celly could come down and kiss my booboos. Snowdrop, Lulu, and Tale were all asleep right now, it’s the middle of the day after all. Katie, Dan, and Dave were with the girls, exploring Canterlot. And Button was carted off to Cheerilee’s school earlier in the day. I laid on my side, luckily the magical pain killers kept me from wanting to kill myself, but I still didn’t feel great.

I had a broken nose, and that’s about it.

That was better than a shattered shoulder, I suppose.

So you can imagine how I felt when I heard the buzzing of wings. I know Thorax and Pharynx should be in town, so I was hoping it was one of them. However, I think the last I heard, Thorax and Pharynx were sleeping in with their adoptive parents. Pharynx, according to letters from Shining Armor, was a complete daddy’s boy. Wouldn’t let anyone but Shiny hug him, demands snuggles instead of getting them from the literal ‘love fountain’ that Cadance is. I laid there, and only lifted my head at the sound of a set of hooves hitting the balcony.

“Good evening, Source,” it was Chrysalis.

God… Oh. I looked up at her and… she looks fucking sad. This is the most emotion I’ve ever seen out of the queen, ever. “What the hell happened?”

“Fruit had told me about his plans to help you bring your family to Equestria,” she noted. “I see he succeeded; I’ve already spoken with Katie and Daniel when they inevitably wanted to see my Hive. They are lovely by the way, Katie… she actually said I was beautiful. Your youngest brother, Dave I believe, is sweet as sugar. Dan… hmph, if he were older, I’d make a move. Seriously, he’ll turn out to be a handsome stallion which is rather shocking given how plain you would be without your wings,” she chuckled. “Fruit said he would want to spend time with his Chrysalis, and come back here to see how I’m doing.”

“Ah…” I hummed. “You’re fearing that he won’t love you the same?” I asked.

“I do not,” she sighed and sat down on the bed next to me as I sat up. Her wings buzzed. “I know he will, I’ve smelled how much he loves me. I’ve smelled how sad it was for him to say bye to me, no matter how temporary.” She gave me a small smile. “I may come off as a bitch, I’m well aware, but it does warm my hearts just a little, sensing how much better you are doing now that you’ve got family. I… mostly am here because I am…” Chrysalis chuckled. “You have no idea how nice it was, to have somepony want to get to know me. Know me, not just know my name.” She sighed. “I was making an attempt with you, even if my… advances to get under your tail were unwelcomed.”

I patted her shoulder. “Man,” I nuzzled her. “Chrysalis, I may not have spoken with Fruit much, but I’ve a feeling he wouldn’t leave you alone for long.”

I grunted when Chrysalis gently hugged me, lifting me off my rear, and resting my head against her neck. She started crying. “I know…” She chuckled. “I asked your wife if she would mind if I took her place tonight, in her bed with you. Not to do anything; I just…” I’ve never seen Chrysalis be so… weak around anyone. Ever. Even when she got locked in a bathroom in the Crystal Empire, she damn near snapped at Shiny when he tried to joke about her blunder. So seeing her like this…

“Chrysalis,” I brought my hooves up and hugged her. “If you just want some affection, I’m down. Hell, I wouldn’t mind becoming your friend.”

“As sappy as ‘friendship’ sounds… It is a nice thing, really. Especially one that goes beyond me being a queen to my subjects.” She started nibbling on my left ear. “Why is your nose broken?” She asked.

“Somebody sucker punched me after Ma fucked up their plans of being a scam artist.”

“May I get their name? They will be beheaded in a heartbeat. I may not seem it, but I will stick out my neck for my friends, and you’ve just declared me your friend…”

“Ma broke his shoulder in one hit.”

“And she’s a unicorn?” Chrysalis asked, sounding a little shocked. “That’s not common for a unicorn to do with just her hooves, I’m assuming.”

“Oh yeah, Ma fuckin’ hits hard, apparently. We’ve yet to do a physical on any of my family, but I think she’s way, way above average when it comes to muscle-to-fat ratios, and is already a beast with magic. Like fireballs on the second day of her being a unicorn, fine, fine telekinetic control, all that. Along with the potential to match Twilight to boot.”

“...Is she willing to try me out?” She asked.

“I dunno. Ma’s completely straight, as far as I know, and I dunno how ready she is to move on. Keep in mind that her husband, and my dad, ain’t here for a reason. Not a good one. If he were alive, I’d bring him here in a heartbeat.” Honestly, Ma might like Chrysalis.

“I shall have to speak with her then,” she nodded. “A smart, capable mare sounds lovely even if I usually prefer stallions.”

“Please, just please don’t commune against me. Celly and Ma are already coming up with plans to capture me at random and tickle me. I think they woulda bathe me and prettify me up and ruin my manhood with a bowtie or something if my nose wasn’t broken.”

“...That does sound interesting. You seem to not care about me talking about having interests in your mother,” she giggled. “Are…”

“It might do you both some good. Ma, she ain’t showing it, but losing Dad wasn’t good on her. You’re clearly lonely. At a minimum, you two being friends would be nice. Just help with keeping her away with Lulu. Lulu wants revenge because Ma managed to hold her in a headlock, and might body Lulu if they get into an impromptu wrestling match. I may have my siblings back, but Lulu is still my surrogate sister…” hmm. Chrysalis lowered onto her side, taking me with her.

“This is nice,” she whispered.

“Speaking about my Ma’s made you happier, I see.”

“I just needed to lay in a princess-sized bed. I would prefer a queen-size, but this will have to do. Do you think I would’ve cried in front of you? Or anyone? Let them see me so… defeated?”

“No.”

“I do want to be your friend, this time not to get under your tail. I… You would probably be one of the few ponies willing to look over my crimes and me being not the best queen ever. You’d be the easiest for me to make a friend out of.”

“Mmm,” I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll have to get you a ‘best queen’ mug or something. I can’t give you Celly’s ‘my queen’ mug. We both need it so she can match the ‘my king’ mug she gave me, so that we can have a matching set come around Hearth’s Warming when we have hot cocoa and continue on trying to make mistletoe a staple in the holiday.”

“That sounds like an excuse to kiss each other,” Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “But I would appreciate the gesture,” she hummed. “I shall have to get you something as well. Best pony mug?” She asked.

“Mmm, that may have to belong to Cadance. You cannot tell me that mare ain’t adorable.”

“...I can’t, no. Cadance is rather adorable, though she stole my second in bucking command and adopted him. I’ve not seen Pharynx since.”

I snorted. “Hey, blame Shiny, Pharynx’s a little daddy’s boy.”

“Fuck. I can’t blame him because it technically was my fault that they met each other anyways.” She chuckled her adorable little chuckle. “To think they were married for almost a full day, and now they’re father and son.”

“Yeah.” I snickered. “Shiny was more upset than me and Cadance about the whole wedding getting fucked, when we were kidnapped, because of that.”

Chrysalis laughed. She sighed and laid me against her neck again. “Take a nap. Your nose is broken, and it won’t get better unless we give it a bunch of minor healing spells, painkiller spells, and a major dose of go to bucking sleep, Source.”

“Okay, Mom.” I groaned.

“You didn’t call me Ma?” Chrysalis asked.

“You ain’t Ma.”

“Fair.”

“So you ain’t getting ‘Mum’ either. Again, you ain’t Ma.”

“You best not let your wife hear you using the word ‘ain’t’ around her. She may have to punish you.”

“...Shit, I’ll have to say it to her more often.”

I ended up saying it around Celly later that day. After she kissed my booboo, or my broken nose, she put me in the corner and left me, with my butt glued to the floor, in the corner for four hours.

Author's Note

next chapter will be an interlude. a long one. it's gonna just be the family(tm) hanging out with the mane six.

Interlude: The Siblings Take Canterlot

Meanwhile,

After Source had concluded their teachings in magic for the day, since their horns started aching slightly. Source himself, after excusing himself, disappeared somewhere, then two of his friends, Twilight and Apple Jack, followed him out the door. Katie, Dan, and Dave all sat there, blinking. Their mother simply sat there, shaking her head, a small frown on her face. All of them were a little surprised at their brother’s attitude, despite Maeve’s attempts to cheer him up.

“Was Kodi ever that… down looking?” Katie asked.

“I dunno,” Dan shrugged. “You spent the most time around him.”

Celestia cleared her throat. “Your brother’s been… rather depressed since appearing in Equestria. Don’t take it the wrong way; you all being here is putting him in a better mood. I’ve learnt that Source… has a few mental ‘illnesses’ that he had to be medicated for. I’ve seen how he watched you, Maeve, Dave. He’s extraordinary when it comes to magic. Whether he likes to acknowledge it or not, Source is strong in his own way. I don’t believe he’s fully recognized his own strengths, yet. Maeve, you’ve the most potential I’ve seen since my personal prodigy, and Dave shows just as much potential as Source does when it comes to creativity with magic.”

“But…” Dan tilted his head. “Why are you telling us this? We know how talented he must be in this stuff,” the colt tapped the textbook he’d used to learn Levitation. “If it weren’t for Source walking us all through learning magic, we would’ve taken just as long as it took him to figure this stuff out. And I doubt I’d even get close to Kodi’s level.”

“Source… just has periods of feeling down. He looks down at himself so often that it hurts to see sometimes. He declares himself as average, but he’s anything but average. I’ve seen how hard my husband has worked to get to where he is. Pushing past hornaches to devise a spell system that makes up for casting spells with more strength than his above average magic pool could generate. He worked hard to make that fire spell that gave you a heart attack, Maeve.” Celestia shook her head. “Just ignoring his ability to cast so many spells at once, I’ve seen and heard from Source just how incredible he is.

“You all clearly know about alternate realities, you’re all from one, after all. From what Source has told me, if he is given room to breathe and think, he is amazing in practice, despite what controlled tests say about him. He took on alternate versions of myself and Luna, handily. He may not have beaten them, or brute forced his way through them… but he’s smart. I, in a thousand years, would have never thought to use a Mirror Spell on somepony’s horn before they shot off any telekinetic blasts my way. Source came up with this on the fly, apparently.”

“And my son’s still not proud of who he is? I don’t think he coulda woo’d you if he were normal,” Maeve asked.

“He has pride, who doesn’t?” Celestia asked.

“Dad just feels down from time to time,” Button piped up. “I do my best to be the cute little colt that he sees me as, because I know it makes him happy. Dad’s at his best when he’s serving me and Mom. He threw an Ursa Minor into space to keep it from hurting me after it already hurt Mom. Moving something that large is…”

“Hard. Very difficult. Source threw it so hard that it caught fire in the atmosphere.” Celestia sighed and tilted her head dreamily. “It was very attractive, despite how terrifying he seemed at the moment. I believe he did it only to make sure he could take me to the local hospital if need be.”

Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity all watched as Source’s family began discussing ways to improve his self image. Pinkie had other plans, however. Nopony looked super happy and she wanted to change that.

“Hey, I know!” Pinkie piped up. “I can throw a party for him any day, to show how much we all appreciate Source. So instead of being sad, why don’t we all go explore Canterlot? Well, us and Source’s siblings? I’m sure Princess Celestia has to go listen to a bunch of boring nobles talking about how their property is two nanometers smaller than it should be!” She clapped her hooves. “What do you all say?”

“But…” Dan started. “None of us even know how to actually be ponies yet. We can walk and stuff, but…”

“You all can at least Levitate objects now, darling,” Rarity pointed out. “That’s all you need to pass off as regular unicorns. As for your vocabulary, we can just say you aren’t from Equestria.”

“...Okay.” Dan nodded.

As Katie walked with her brothers, as they followed Source’s friends, one thing she noted was… how nice everything looked. Equestria was a lot more colorful than Ireland if Canterlot was a basis for how the country was. Instead of that dreadful, almost constant rain, the sun was nice and bright and felt great on her coat. The ponies themselves were very colorful, some were blue, or yellow like herself. Some were red, some were white. Some were even pink! Though something still just felt… wrong. Equestria was a nice place, and everywhere she looked, a friendly face happily waved at her.

Everyone around her looked so happy.

Everyone looked so nice.

Kodiak apparently got mugged in this same city, though. So there were still bad apples in Equestria, obviously. But then, not everywhere was perfect.

That was whatever. Right now, however, Katie missed her steel toe boots. She kinda missed her dress, or just wearing clothes. The dresses she brought with her don’t fit her, now, quadruped body very well. Her head was now too big to even put the darn thing on her body.

How did Source adjust to not wearing clothes so quickly? Katie couldn’t imagine herself doing that, ever.

“Hey Rarity,” Katie said, trotting up to the mare. Her hoofsteps were quick, rhythmic, and was clearly a gait that was well thought out and practiced to match a mare as… fancy as Rarity was. “Ponies wear clothes, right?” she asked.

“They do, dear. Some do it all the time. Some do it on occasion. Why do you ask?” The fashionista asked. “Are you perhaps interested in trying on a dress or two?”

“A little… I just feel naked. I am naked. It… kinda feels wrong.”

“Oh,” Rarity hummed. “One of those human things, correct? I must say, I do like clothing, and try to wear it when the occasion fits it, but I do not feel the need to wear something all the time unless the occasion calls for it.”

“I just want to wear a nice, simple sundress to cover myself up. I feel… just a little awkward without it.” Katie shrugged. “How did… Source take to not wearing clothes? I’m sure he felt a little weird about that.”

“Oh, Source? He… never really brought the topic up to anypony. He has mentioned hating being a pony, and entirely puts up with it because it allows him to be with the Princess. I do know that Source usually covers himself with a trench coat and white undershirt that he’s dubbed ‘the mage suit’ or whatever. He does usually look rather dashing in it, but if he’s just going out and about, he usually doesn’t even have it on. He wore it a lot during more official things such as Princess Cadance’s wedding, or a fancier version that I made for his own wedding.”

“His highness,” one of the guards accompanying the group butted in. “Has, and still occasionally, trains with the rest of the guard in combat. Most guards don’t want to fight him for a few reasons. One, he’s nice, secondly, he’s bucking terrifying. He joined to get himself in shape, so the Princess could ‘have some eye candy’ in his own words. Physically, he’s fit, but thin because he usually doesn’t eat much of anything. One of the captains got on him for how little he eats sometimes.”

“Terrifying?” Dan asked. “How could anyone find Kodi scary?” He paused and thought about it. “Nevermind. I don’t know how any of us could ever truly compare to him in terms of magic.”

“He hits hard,” the same guard rubbed his shoulder. “With how thin he is, you think he doesn’t have any muscle mass, but in combination with strengthening himself with magic, and his decent muscle mass, he beat a few of the earth ponies in raw, melee derbies.” The guard shrugged. “Either way, he’s somewhat confident in how he looks.” The siblings then noticed that their guard was an earth pony. “Yeah, he kicked my shit in. I was bucking impressed; him being smaller than the average pony by a fair amount makes him harder to hit.”

The siblings all looked at each other. Their eldest brother seemed to unknowingly make things harder for them. It may have taken Kodiak, Source, whatever he chooses to go by nowadays, a year to establish himself in Equestria, but he did it in a way that made it hard for them to stand apart from him. Katie herself was wondering if she’ll go down in history just as ‘Source Code’s little sister’ or if she can actually be known for something else. Dave and Dan were thinking amongst similar lines. Though it hit Dave harder; he wanted to do magic and enjoyed it despite how little exposure he's had to it. Yet he has to find a way to stand apart from Source. It didn't hit Dan as hard; he didn't care much for magic, as useful as it was, but it was still a large cliff he had to climb.

Katie took a long, deep breath herself, before shaking her head. “So can we stop somewhere and I can try out a few clothes?” She asked.

“I can take you, dear,” Rarity nudged the teenaged filly. “I certainly wouldn’t mind doing some shopping. I know the rest of the girls aren’t exactly into fashion. What do you say?”

“That could work, yeah.” The two of them broke off from the group. The earth pony guard that they had slunk into the shadows, watching the pair as they went. “So, how do ponies decide what is ‘fashionable’ or whatever?” Katie asked as they walked.

“Oh, that,” Rarity hummed. “Well, it depends. Obviously there has to be a level of quality to the clothing itself, but it usually varies from pony to pony. I’m sure you’ve noticed just how colorful everypony is, and thus, it’s a matter of finding clothes that make the colors in your mane and fur either pop, or nicely complement them. So say… a nice, blue dress would make your fur pop out, but then it’d be too close to your mane…” Rarity mused.

“...Well,” Katie smiled. “I did art a fair amount… I think a nice, pink sundress would be nice. It’d match the one I wore before I came to Equestria at least.”

“I was thinking we would get a variety of dresses for you, but pink would look lovely, Katie, dear.” Rarity seemed so genuinely nice. “And do not worry about paying for anything. I would be willing to pay for all of it, but Source apparently thought ahead and gave me and each of the girls bit pouches, in case you, or your brothers, wanted anything.” Rarity sighed. “If he weren’t dating the Princess…”

“What? Isn’t he already married?” Katie asked as the two ladies walked into a clothing store. “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“It is, according to your brother. But ponies are herd animals at heart; it’s not uncommon to find a stallion with at least two wives. It’s more uncommon to see a stallion with just one mare. Though unicorns tend to only have one mate, sometimes they don’t. Colts are an uncommon thing, so usually sharing a stallion is what most mares have to do. I won’t go into the details of how marriage in a herd would work, but essentially everypony involved would have to get along and genuinely love each other for it to work. Source believes he wouldn’t be able to fully treat multiple wives as equals, and has made it abundantly clear that Princess Celestia is all he’ll ever want, or ever need.”

“...So if I want to marry somebody, a guy, I might have to marry another woman as well?” Katie asked.

“It depends, dear, it depends.” Rarity stopped and grabbed dresses as the two walked up each aisle until she noted that Katie wasn’t following her. “Dear? Is polygamy a bit much for you…?”

“No,” Katie shrugged. “I mean, it’s weird, but I’m sure I could adjust. I just noticed… those,” she pointed at a set of metal boots, one for each of her hooves. “Steel toed horse shoes,” she whispered.

“Those are typically for stallions dear,” Rarity pointed out. “However…” She hummed. “You want those, don’t you?” She asked.

“I do.”

“I suppose we can get them. Grab them and you can try them out in the fitting room once I grab all the dresses that you can try out. Making sure each color of dress actually fits your coat nicely would be helpful…”

“Why not use color theory?”

“Oh… That. That same thing Source explained once. You see, he explained it to Twilight at the time, and I was doing my best not to listen. I’m not one for the fine intricacies of how things work. I’m a clothing designer, not a scholar. I like to think that I am somewhat smart, but…”

“Color theory would be useful for making dresses easier,” Katie pointed out.

“That it would. Perhaps you could explain it better since you’re an actual artist.”

Katie ended up trotting out of the store, just behind Rarity. She now wore a simple, pink, floral patterned sundress that hugged her barrel and went over her flanks and tail, ending just above where her legs started. Her tail wagged slightly as her hoofsteps were now metallic in sound, as she had put on her newly acquired steel-hoof boots. She had just concluded how some colors work with others better and the general basics of color theory. Now, she felt a little better about herself, being able to cover herself up.

In Rarity’s magic, she held the few dresses Katie had actually wanted to keep. A few orange ones, a few more pink ones, even simple, white ones.

“I don’t know why Source never fully explained how color theory worked,” Katie sighed. “Probably because he forgot most of it.”

“Well, it never really stuck because Source seemed to barely know what he was talking about,” Rarity nodded. “For all of his strengths, I don’t doubt that art is his weak suit.”

“You have no idea, he drew a dog once and it looked like a snake. He then joked about being the dog they sold him… it would’ve worked if we had a dog.”

Rarity snickered. “I suppose that may be something that you could do to stand out.”

“...What?”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice how you and your siblings’ sudden look of dread upon being reminded of your brother’s accomplishments. You haven’t even heard all of them, let alone seen them. You may not have guessed it, but I am an older sister. I know how Sweetie Belle tries her best to compare herself to me. I’m willing to bet that you were wondering how you could compare, when the truth is, nopony can be compared to anypony. You’re you, and that should be enough… Though sometimes I don’t follow my own advice. It’s hard for anypony to follow it.”

“Yet Kodi wants to say we’re all better at being ponies than he is?”

“Source… he’s a bit of an oddball, to me. One moment, he’s confident and ready to face any day of the week. The next, he’s feeling down and feels like he’s at the bottom of a deep, dark pit. Usually when he’s very confident, he’s around his wife, however.” Rarity shrugged. “I’m surprised he doesn’t take credit for helping you all get settled in. I doubt you’d find it easy if he wasn’t there, helping you.”

“Kodi always downplayed his own strengths, almost to a fault; sometimes he just… falls flat because of how often he thinks he’s ‘bad’ at something.” Katie nodded.

Rarity shrugged. She decided it was time for a new topic. “Oh well. How are you enjoying being a pony so far? I’d say with your dress and shoes, you’ll certainly pick up the interests of a few colts.”

“I do feel pretty, yeah,” Katie shrugged. “I would spin right now, but I’m still adjusting to being on four legs instead of two.”

“I understand, deary. Though…”

“Yeah, this feels weird, my eyes are in the wrong places and too big, I can smell more things and hear more things. Having magic is nice,” Katie noted, holding the box for her steel toe horseshoes. “But I really don’t want to say goodbye to Kodi. Out of my siblings, he is my favorite, after all. He… just always sits and listens to my problems. And now that I’m older, I understand how many of his personal interests he has given up on just for me or my brothers. And have you seen him and Celestia? They’re adorable! It’d be a sin to ask him to choose her or us again.”

“I know they’re a wonderful couple,” Rarity nodded. “They’re perfect for each other.”

Not too long after the Rarity and Katie got done with shopping, it didn’t take them too long to find the rest of the group. Apple Jack and Twilight had managed to join the group while they were gone. Dave was sitting on a bench, reading a book, while Apple Jack was telling Dan all about buck ball. The young colt seemed enthralled at the idea of playing the, traditionally, earth pony dominated sport. Twilight looked up and waved at the approaching unicorns.

“Hey Rairty! Hey Katie! I heard you two were doing some shopping, so I kept our group from moving so that we’d be easier to find. How was it?”

“Katie is a darling,” Rarity giggled. “Look at her!” Katie came to a stop and sat like a cat. Her new sundress and horse boots were immediately noticed by the rest of the gang. Dan and Dave blinked and shrugged. Dave was the only one to speak.

“Why’d you buy clothes, Katie? We really don’t need them anymore,” the young colt pointed out.

“I felt like I needed them,” Katie argued. “It just felt wrong to not wear anything. So I asked Rarity, and after some negotiating, I picked a few dresses and some steel toed boots,” the fully lifted up a hoof and showcased one of the hooves.

“Of course you did,” Dan shook his head.

Dave just shrugged. “I’m looking at it practically, but I do get how you’re feeling,” he admitted. “Being like this is odd, but not awful like Kodi says it was. How could he get used to sleeping with a pony, but not get used to being a pony?” He asked.

“Oh!” Pinkie raised her hoof. “Pick me! I can answer that!” The siblings shared a look before they pointed at the hyperactive pony. “Source never exactly tolerated being a pony because he knew he had no other choice. But now, given the choice, he chose to remain a pony because it would mean saying goodbye to his wife! Now that you guys are here, I think he may actually enjoy being a pony! I know I wouldn’t enjoy being in a new body if I spent most of the time in the new body, missing my family.”

“Pinkie, yer making sense,” Apple Jack pointed out.

“Of course I am. I’m not all giggles and laughter. I know Source hasn’t been the happiest he could be. And how can I, Pinkie Pie, claim to be one of his best friends, if I can't do what I do best? Make my best friends smile?” Pinkie shrugged. “I wouldn’t be Pinkie if I couldn’t make him smile. Though… I still need to plan out mine and Source’s date. I know I can make him smile the whole time during it!”

“But Kodi’s married,” Dan pointed out.

“Ponies, and horses, are herd animals,” Dave pointed out. “I’m assuming for ponies, especially with the lower male population, means a stallion usually marries more than one mare. With that said, I didn’t think Kodi would date two mares.”

“Oh, he won’t,” Pinkie admitted. “He laid a wing over me without remembering how intimate wing hugs are. So now I’m going to kidnap him and take him for a nice date in Ponyville!”

“Ain’t that the place Source said he wouldn’t want us living in?” Katie asked. She tilted her head. Most of the mares present, save Rainbow, thought the filly looked adorable in her dress and boots. Especially the head tilt. “He said the town hall was blown up by three kids and some bread.”

“Oh… that,” Apple Jack chuckled. “Your brother came by during that, instead of the Princess. He trapped the fire in a shield and had the flames die out. Lack of oxygen or whatever; didn't even know fire worked like that.”

“I was gonna have to waste some rain water on that if Source didn’t do that,” Rainbow added. “He heard that and came up with the solution on the spot. Your brother’s an egghead. More than Twilight is.”

“Now that,” Twilight started. “Is saying something, but it’s good to have somepony with a good head on their shoulders. Can you imagine how bucked we’d all be if Source was an idiot?”

“Or if he were evil,” Spike said while rubbing his shoulder.

“...Why would Kodi turn out to be evil?” Katie asked.

“He won’t,” Spike said. “And he’s a bro, but… you all have to admit. Source gets huge power spikes when he’s angry or channeling any emotion that can be tied into dark magic. Source is smart and quick thinking enough to apparently take on evil versions of the princesses and Twilight and win. He said, while on another escapade in the multiverse, that he came across two more evil alicorns. From the sounds of it, he played them like they were fiddles. Source wouldn’t dare raise a hoof to anypony, but the point still stands.

“With how much we’ve accidentally screwed Source during his first Summer Sun Celebration, or if he didn’t love Princess Celestia as much as he does… We’d be hard pressed to do much without the Elements of Harmony. Assuming Source doesn’t find a way to counteract them either.” Spike waved a claw around. “I’ve learnt, a while ago, to think of possibilities. An evil Source, back when he was still new in Equestria, was very possible.” Spike shrugged. “Hey Twilight, why did you lead our group right to where Source was when you tracked him down?”

Source was sitting in the cafe, a small, content smile was on his face as he toyed with a crystal. His ears perked up and called a waitress over. He seemed to have just paid his bill, and then teleported outside to greet the family.

“Hey guys,” he waved. “Twi, did you forget where you were going and lead everypony out here?” Source asked.

“Uh…” Twilight chuckled. “I might have.”

Source walked over and set Dave on his head. “You guys behave for Twilight and her friends?” He asked. He laughed when Dave immediately tried to tickle him. “W-what the-the fuck, man?” Source laughed before immediately plucking the foal off his head and holding him away with his magic. “I thought we were cool, man!” Source laughed.

“And I want to tickle you!”

“And I just wanna hug you!” Source shot back.

“Hey Source…” Dan whispered as he hopped on the older unicorn’s back. “You can’t stop two of
Your siblings, can you-Woah!” Dan was lifted in the air with Source’s magic too. “Katie, we request your assistance!” Dan pleaded, he squirmed helplessly in the magic as his laughter soon mixed with Dave’s.

“Hmm,” Katie hummed.

“Katie, you look adorable,” Source nodded. “Dress is cute, and the boots are a really, really nice touch.”

“Okay, I’m tickling you.” Katie said evilly. Source’s expression fell. “What? Was that really a possibility? Letting you not get tickled?” Source didn’t even fight back. He was pinned down by three of his siblings and squirming on the ground. While he could’ve easily stopped them, he figured it'd be best to let them have their fun and torture him. He loved them too much to deny them that.

Source laid there in a pile, Katie and Dan were tucked under his wings, while Dave sat on his head. A decent amount of ponies sat and stared at their prince. The mares were standing there, cooing at the sight of him laying on the floor, covered in foals. One reporter, a braver one, walked up to the family.

“Sorry to bother you, your highness, but are these… cousins? Children you’ve adopted?”

“Oh…” Source wheezed. “They’re my siblings, man,” he tried to laugh, but he was already lacking oxygen. “Do your best to keep their identities secret. The photo’s cool, it’s probably adorable and I will request a copy whenever it’s printed. I just want them to be able to have normal lives,” he explained.

“Of course!” The reporter bowed.

“Cut it with the bowing. I’m just some dude, married to a princess, not somepony to be revered.”

The reporter chuckled, before backing off into the rest of the crowd.

“Say,” Source hummed. “Y’all remember that one song?”

“The one you sang at school, while drunk, for a talent show?” Katie asked.

“What else?”

Source teleported a bottle of whisky, and let his siblings all have a swig. Twilight opened her mouth to scold Source for that.

“Please, I had my first beer when I was younger than Dave is,” Source chuckled. “Appreciate the concern, but we Irish folk know how to hold our beer. C’mon guys, we gotta head back to the castle if we wanna see Ma and Celly cook some nobles in day court!” They began walking, with Source in the lead as they had begun singing.

Twilight just sat and stared blankly as the siblings, now whole, marched as they harmonized their little tune.

Author's Note

So this is basically what happened while Source was at the donut shop and a little before he got his nose broken.

Source... may grow in power eventually. Though for now, with how often he puts others before him, he probably won't unless it involves protecting those he loves. maybe, just maybe, we'll see just how much he improved... WITH ANOTHER UNICORN COLLEGE CONVENTION!

The Unicorn Convention 2: Day 1: The Alicorn Exibition Match

“So that’s what we’re going to be doing for a few days,” I said, taking a sip of coffee, nice and early in the morning. Celly and the family were sat around the dinner table, Cadance and Shiny were here, as they’ve not gone home yet. Luna, Tale, and Snowdrop were also here. My whole family was in one place for once. It felt good. Tia made pancakes today, so that’s what we were all eating. Since there were four alicorns present, three of whom have massive appetites, there was just a plate in the middle of our very large, round table, stacked to high hell with pancakes. I took another sip of my coffee as I put another pancake on my plate.

“So,” Ma hummed. “There’s a convention for unicorns, where most of them get to basically have a dick measuring contest?” She asked. “Sounds odd when most of y’all ponies aren’t even males, but whatever.”

Shining Armor and Cadance snorted, with Cadance, the poor girl she was, started choking on her food. In an instant, she started pounding on her chest while Shiny did his best to smack her back. The food, luckily, didn’t choke my niece out. Luna was snickering while Celly was just smiling. I could tell that my wife was trying not to start laughing too.

My siblings and I completely expected this simplified explanation of what we were going to be going to.

“Eeyup,” I nodded. “I asked Ms. Cheerilee, if she could get permission from her students’ parents, if she’d want to take a field trip to the Crystal Empire, where the convention’s being held. She said yes, so Twilight and her friends and Filthy Rich are all acting as chaperones along with Cheerilee. I would too, but I plan on competing this year just to see how boned I am, or if I’m suddenly ‘creative’ enough to kick ass no matter who I fight.”

Cadance coughed after she got her food down her throat. “What the buck, Great Auntie Maeve? I wasn’t expecting that out of you!” She giggled and coughed some more. “I thought you had more class than that!”

“Pfft, that was nothing.” Ma chuckled. “Wait ‘til you see me drunk. I get really vulgar when I down a few glasses of some cheap whisky.”

“More like a few bottles,” I interjected.

“Shush, we don’t need your wife and your in-laws knowing that most of the family can handle a few bottles of whisky before we even get tipsy.” Ma actually did the shushing gesture. Like most ponies, she did the gesture even though she had no fingers to do it. It was kinda funny.

Button chose now to interrupt what was happening. Probably because it was beginning to get into ‘adult stuff’ and he didn’t know shit about that stuff. I don’t think he’d want to know what half of that shit meant. “Can I compete in the foal’s part of the competition, Dad? I want to test out Cobra and…”

“Kiddo,” I nodded. “Just do your best, and make me proud, alright?” He saluted me, which really sucked for him. He was right next to me, so I planted a nice, big smooch on his forehead. He was in the prime spot and him saluting is adorable. He groaned and rolled his eyes.

“That…” Katie hummed. “I’m an aunt now,” she hummed. “It’s weird to think that my brother’s a dad now.”

“Yeah, and my first best friend is my nephew,” Dave pointed out. “It’s a little odd.”

“You’re a year older than I am,” Button pointed out. “Nothin’ wrong with that, is there?” He asked. The two colts were seated next to each other. So that basically meant they were piled in the same chair and even sharing the same plate. Neither of them really protested this, or cared. They didn’t even seem to really notice, or care, about the fact that they’re cuddling together.

“Nah,” Dave shrugged. “Just weird to think that Cadance, who is a grown ass mare, is also my niece.”

“...Source, why is your whole family so vulgar?” Cadance asked. “I love it, but why is Dave, a ten year old, cursing?”

“I know a few swears,” Button said proudly.

“I do not fully approve of it,” Celly said, her mouth full of pancakes, like the regal, beautiful, perfect sun god she totally saw herself as. “But then, he is going to learn how to curse at some point. At least he knows there’s a place and time for it, which Source did a decent job at teaching Button.” She cleared downed her milk. “I believe we all should be getting on the train by noon. None of you need to pack; some maids have already done most of the packing for us.”

“Like there’d be much to pack. Not needin’ clothes makes packing for multiple days easier,” Dan pointed out. “Katie might have the most luggage out of any of us. And that’s only because she does have a bunch of clothes and wears them all the time.” We all turned to Katie, who was wearing an adorable, light blue dress that was basically her pink, floral one, but light blue. Just like when she was human, her mane and tail were kept straight, almost like how Twilight keeps her mane and tail. It made her look extra adorable and we all were probably thinking it. Her hooves were clad in her newly acquired high-horse shoes. No, not heels, more like horse shoes that went higher up her legs. Kinda like boots. She looked up from her food and stopped chewing.

I almost booped her on the nose. She was sitting right next to me. I held my hoof down before it could boop the snoot on its own.

“...What’s wrong with me having clothes?” Katie asked with a head tilt. I watched Luna’s eyes as her heart melted at the sight.

“Nothin’,” Dan said. “I’m just stating a fact. And the fact is, you might have more luggage than our sisters in law, two literal princesses.”

“Hmm,” Katie shrugged. “You’re probably right. I don’t think I’ve seen either of them wearing dresses before, but we have only known Celestia and Luna for a week and a half at this point.”

“We both have about… twelve, thirteen dresses when you combine our wardrobes,” Celestia admitted. “We often don’t get to wear them. ‘Tis a shame, if I were not in my position, I’d wear the dress that smitten your brother during our honeymoon.” She chuckled. “He thought I looked gorgeous in my wedding dress, only to ‘get factory resetted’ by my honeymoon dress. Or in his words… ‘Mindfucked’ when I put on a suit.”

“...Can we see you with a suit?” Dan asked. “I’m just curious how’d that look. You look beautiful, Tia, but seeing a pony with a suit would be interesting.”

“Oh, perish the thought, Lulu, away we go!” Luna and Celly shared a sibling look. Then they side eyed me and Tale.

“We’re gonna fuckin’ die,” I mouthed to Tale.

“I know, and I’m ready for it,” he mouthed back.

“Same, at least we’ll die with our last memories being our special someponies in lovely suits.” I said aloud. I turned to the rest of my siblings. “Don’t look shocked. I know y’all saw the looks those two were giving each other.”

We were all interrupted when the doors opened. Celly and Lulu walked in wearing Suits. Me and Tale just sat there, staring at our lovely, chosen princesses. Dan just whistled. Ma just kept eating, shaking her head. A small smirk grew on her face. Dave and Button didn’t seem to mind, and Shining Armor just now noticed that his wife was missing. She came in just after her aunts, also wearing a suit. His jaw hit the table.

“We figured, since it is the first unicorn convention that Cadance will be hosting, we’ve all decided to put on our nicest suits,” Celly announced. I got up, and DragonFired into the hall, before grabbing my own ‘suit’. Or just my trench coat, white shirt, and my Irish Cap. I then blew myself up with magic, and reapparated in the dining hall. The smoke cleared and I stood up with a bow. Everyone just stared at me for a good minute.

“Source,” Shining Armor said, breaking the silence. “What the fuck?”

“What?” I asked. “I needed to put my suit on so Celly also has some eye candy, if she’s giving me some eye candy.”

“Source, I felt you blow yourself up,” Celestia deadpanned. “What did you do?”

“Oh yeah… that. So it turns out Light Shield lets me blow myself up without killing myself. So I abused that to get a teleport, since I learnt how to force Light Shield to teleport me to where I want to be when it chooses to teleport me. I just used so much magic to blow myself up so that Python would be forced into teleporting me. So, here I am,” I chuckled. “I dunno how well I’ll stack up against the rest of the ponies this year, but if I can compete, I plan on bringing home gold medals and big, golden trophies.”

“...I can see that,” Celly nodded. “That was such a flashy teleport that it may get you a lot of points during the magic show on the second day.”

“Mmm, we’ll see if Twilight and Trixie’ll compete this year.” I’m hoping Trixie will at least show up. I wanna see her again.

My siblings and Ma just kinda stared at me the whole damn time.

“What?” I asked.

“Da fawk? And you’re concerned that anypony here will surpass you in terms of magic? You just sounded like you spoke Spanish and French mixed in with motherfucking German! The fuck did half of that even mean?” Ma asked.

“...Magi-” Ma threw a pancake at my face.

I walked over to Katie with the pancake still on my face… I’ve been resisting the urge since I saw how cute she looked in her dress. I booped her nose and she bit my hoof. I didn’t get that hoof back for four hours.

I still don’t have my hoof back. I’m sitting in the train car, the royal one. We all went with Celestia’s, since there was so many of us, that Cadance and Luna had to hitch their own personal cars on for the trip. Shiny and Cadance were carting Twilight and her friends, Luna was carting Snowdrop and Tale, and Celly was carting me and the family. I was laying on a cushion, with Katie laying on top of me. As soon as I had laid down, she took my hoof back in her mouth. She kinda just sat there, like a dog, on my side, with a blank expression as she held onto my hoof.

“Can I have it back now?”

“Nuh.” Katie said.

Dan and Dave were snuggled up together, while Ma and Celly were snuggled up with Luna since Luna decided to visit our car until we all had to go to sleep. They were all staring at me and my sister as the two of us got our usual stupidity out on each other. Button was laying with Luna, tucked under her wing, snickering at the predicament his old man was in, instead of helping his poor, poor old man.

“Please?”

“Nuh. You booped my nose.”

“YOU LOOKED BOOPABLE!” I yelled.

“So? You booped my nose.” Katie shot back.

“Please, please give it back so I can hug you and take a nap while holding you?”

“Tempting. What else?” Katie had taken her shoes off before getting on the cushion, so luckily there weren't four, heavy boots burying themselves into my side. Katie may want to torture me right now, because she just had to look unreasonably adorable as a pony, but she’s actually pretty considerate when it comes to my comfort or just not actually hurting me. It’s a fun little, silent pack that we’ve always had. We fuck with each other, we screw with each other, but we always try to never actually hurt each other on accident. Luckily, her hooves were a lot softer than the metal horse shoes she likes wearing, so I was actually kinda okay with her just sitting on my side.

Ponies are actually relatively light, especially unicorns. Since Katie’s not even close to being a full grown mare, she’s even lighter than that. Granted, I’m only like… a head taller than her, which is still pretty fucking short. I lifted my other hoof as I prepared my next point.

“I wanna cuddle with you. Please let me?”

“...Fine,” she spat my hoof out and laid down, only to be trapped in my forelegs in a nice, soft hug. She could easily leave at any point, but we both knew this was gonna be a long ass train ride. The Crystal Empire is just north of the most northern part of griffin territory. Or basically the top of Equus’s version of Canada. “You’re lucky that this is really-blurg…” I booped her nose with a hoof again and planted a kiss on her head, right between her ears. “Really? You had to do that again?”

“...Yes.”

“God dammit, Kodi. I love you, but I hate you so much at times. And yes, I know, love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Blah, blah, blah, you love me…” She eeped when I started grooming her. “Okay… this is really nice. I take back the part where I started mocking you, do continue.” She sighed in content and not too long after, we were all taking a nice, long nap.

We made it to the Crystal Empire, since most if not all the schools for unicorns were in mainland Equestria, just about everypony getting off was guaranteed from a school. Save for the new school set up in the Crystal Empire for obvious reasons. Shining Armor still ultimately registered as a student at the Royal Guard’s School for Gifted Unicorns. I made sure to hide my wings with a spell, even though there’s actually a solid chance that everypony knows that I’m an alicorn at this point.

I didn’t care, I just didn’t like having my wings on display amongst a bunch of my ‘peers’.

Twilight and her friends hopped off Cadance’s train car, and my niece and Shiny followed suit. I looked around a few times, before shrugging. I know the first day isn’t going to be much; it’s a meet and greet and not much else. But that was actually being held off for a day so everypony here could get some rest after sitting in a train car for at least a week straight.

“Holy shit,” Ma whispered as she and my siblings first laid their eyes upon the Crystal Empire. Luckily for us, that was the majority of reactions I was seeing. I wasn’t occupied with what they were doing. That fucker that keeps sending griffins after me is here. I’m going to kick his ass… I could change my fur and mane colors and sneak into the main tournament… and accidentally hit him so hard that it’ll obliterate his very being from existence. Seriously, I’m sick of this fucker sending hitmen after me. I sure as hell don’t want him sicking those assholes after my family.

“So,” I said as we all grouped up. I smiled as I saw Cheerilee and her class all get off. The crusaders, not having seen Button’s Cutie Mark yet, all ran up to him and started asking him how he did it. “What’s up first on the agenda, Celly? You said something different was happening this year.”

Celestia hummed. “Well… I did send some letters out before we came out here. Everypony here knows you’re actually an alicorn now. I asked, and they’ve all agreed that you cannot actually compete in any competitions that involve combat; your earth pony magic, by default, puts you at a higher standing than most unicorns here, on top of that, you’re much more fit than you were a year ago; you being in a fighting tournament would basically be cheating… So instead you’re competing against myself, Luna, and Cadance this year in an exhibition match at the start of the competition.”

“...What?” I asked.

“Every alicorn present is having an exhibition match… the last alicorn standing wins, and it’s more or less to ‘hype everypony up’ for some magical bouts.” Twilight simplified. “Is something wrong with that?” She asked.

I am fucked. I stood where I was, slowly looking at my fellow alicorns. So this year, I can’t compete with anypony because I’m an alicorn… that’s fair. Ma would’ve competed this year, for the fun of it, if she was a unicorn for longer than a week. So this year I’m just watching my kid compete, with other foals, watching Twilight and Shining Armor compete, and I get to basically be roadkill for my fellow alicorns.

“So basically I get to fight three alicorns, without the advantages I had against most of the alicorns I’ve fought before, cool.” I sighed. “Why do we have to hype everypony up and when is the free for all happening?” I asked.

“Oh, tomorrow morning,” Celestia hummed. “Are you comfortable with fighting myself and Luna? Or even Cadance? I know… that you might freeze up during the competition.”

“I should be fine, yeah.”

A few hours later, I skipped meeting anypony else until tomorrow, and I booked my own hotel room. Everyone else was staying in the castle, because they wanted to; why wouldn’t they? I needed to be in my own room, not because I wanted to spend time away from my family, no. I needed to devise a plan or come up with a way so I don’t instantly get ‘killed’ during the exhibition match. Something I have learnt pretty quickly while fighting other versions of Luna and Celestia is that they are very good at fighting with magic and melee attacks, however, so I needed to steer clear of them for the most part.

I can easily take Cadance on, but that’s assuming I don’t get sideswiped by the other two alicorns.

Luckily, I can mix in Light Shield, along with my apparently decent fighting skills to keep myself in the fight. There’s just not a chance that I could actually overpower anypony here besides maybe Cadance. Then there’s the fact that I don’t think I could bring my full might to bear during this. I don’t want to hurt my wife, obviously, I wouldn’t dare think of hurting Luna or Cadance. So there’s that. Tomorrow, I just need to keep myself alive. The unfortunate thing is, Celly. Celly knows how to use DragonFire. She can do it faster than me. Luna can’t, as her fire spells are already pretty underpar for somepony like her, and Cadance never really picked up fire magic… but Shining Armor may have trained her a bit, or else Cadance wouldn’t be doing this either.

I hummed and continued thinking. So everypony here expects me to use Python Plus, so what if I didn’t? I could try intermixing Python with WME and Python Plus, along with traditional spells to throw everyone off. After all, why would Source use traditional magic systems when he sucks at using them right? Luckily for me, constantly fighting alicorns in other dimensions for a while really helped with my endurance when using traditional magic systems.

Also, because of Python, and my training using WME, I am faster at spell casting than even my own wife.

That’s not something one can… boast.

I can cast more than one spell at once. I can cast up to fifteen at a time.

Mmm, that’s an idea.

Nopony here can use Python; without getting a hornache Light Shield is literally unusable for them.

…

I am going to feel so bad if I hurt Celly too much. I’ll feel like an asshat for hitting Luna or Cadance too hard.

I started planning out how I was going to possibly not get taken out first.

I only booked the hotel for one night; I couldn’t let anyone know what I was scheming. If I did, my only advantage would be gone. And that’s that I couldn’t come up with a plan and just assumed I was going to explode the moment somepony shot something my way. So pretty much the whole empire was emptied out, as most of the crystal ponies were watching the darn thing, and was promptly enchanted by a lot of the unicorns present to make it magic-proof.

Then most of the city, surrounding the castle, was closed off. The immediate parts of the city surrounding the castle were being used for the exhibition match. I stood amongst my fellow alicorns on the balcony, just staring out while Cadance, this year’s ‘host’ was giving her speech to everypony here. Most of the ponies were off in the bleachers, just outside the city, getting ready to watch the beat down of Source Code. They were using giant crystals that were showing ponies five things. Each of us alicorns, close up, and an overview of the arena.

“Good morning everypony,” Cadance started. “It is an honor to be hosting the Crystal Empire’s first ever unicorn convention!” Ponies all around started stomping their hooves. “This year, we decided to do something different. Seeing as there are now four alicorns, we are holding an exhibition match. I’m sure you all are wondering how alicorns would fare against each other; not many get to witness Princess Celestia fight at her full might, after all. Yours, truly, will be competing in this match today, I, the Princess of Love!” More applause. Cadance stepped back and Luna went next.

“I, Princess Luna, will be competing in this exhibition match as well. I am Princess of the Night!” She then stepped back. There were a shitload more ponies clapping for her than Cadance.

“You all know who I am,” Celly said. “I, Princess of the Sun, Princess Celestia shall also be competing!” Celly turned to me. “And my, once a student of mine, has managed to ascend into alicornhood! Please give a round of applause to my husband!” She stepped back and gestured for me to step forward. Unfortunately for my stupid ass, my body acted on its own and stepped forward.

“Hi, I’ve no actual titles, or fancy, smancy things to my name. I’m just Source Code, the… Alicorn of… Bread, I guess? I dunno. I’ll be trying not to die and stuff during the exhibition match.” Everyone blinked a few times. I don’t blame them. “So uh… welcome to the show.” I backed away from the balcony and back inside, before grabbing a bottle of whisky. Okay, Source, you’ve got this. You just gotta drink some performance enhancing drugs and you’ll be fine-

I drank the whole gallon of whisky right as I teleported into the arena. Each alicorn was to start from a main, central road from the center of the castle. So Celly was taking the north side, Luna the south side, Cadance took east, I took west. I realized that my booze actually didn’t teleport with me and I didn’t drink any of it. So I quickly summoned another bottle, took a sip, and took a deep breath. Okay, Source. Just keep calm, oh wait. That is not very far from the center of the city. I could see the others circling around the outskirts.

I immediately casted a Ghost and a Cloaking Spell and went invisible. Celly… Instantly saw that. Good. She shot a laser beam my way. What she didn’t see was me shrinking to the size of a colt; her spell whizzed right over my head and into the barrier protecting the nearby housing that was being used for the perimeter of the arena. I kept myself where I was, while Cadance actually brought a shield up and actually managed to fully block an attack from Luna. I started moving as the shrinking spell and the Cloaking Spell wore off. I just barely Mirrored a Stun Spell from Cadance into the sky.

“Shit,” I muttered. Well, I didn’t expect the Cloaking Spell to have a time limit.

“Sorry dear, but…” Celly was on me... I didn’t even feel her move. I quickly teleported on her back. This is usually where I would like being if we weren’t doing this stupid, just fucking stupid, exhibition match. It’s quite comfy here. She grabbed me with her magic, plucking me right off her back. Usually she did this while we were playing around and it was often endearing; she usually planted a kiss on my nose before we made out or whatever. Right now, it is probably not going to end well. Celly brought me up to her face, but unlike so, so many times before, we did not kiss.

I looked her right in the eyes, she stared into mine. We stayed like this for a moment while Cadance and Luna traded spells behind Celly. I smiled at her, and she gave me a small, apologetic one… I could hear her apologizing to me for what she was just about to do. Ha, just kidding. No, she’s holding onto a fake, magical clone I made that’s set to explode. It’s a traditional spell that I just remembered and never actually translated into Python and made it work. I casted a Ghost for a reason; the ‘puppets’ don’t have magical signatures.

Celly wasn’t expecting me to not use Python at all as it turned out.

Celly slammed my double into the ground, and if it were real, it would’ve put me in a coma. My wife notably shut her eyes and shuttered at the sound of my magical double’s ‘bones’ breaking. It made me feel bad for what I was gonna do. Celly blinked a few times when my magical double just laid there, twitching on the ground, like it was broken. She stared at it blankly, wondering what the fuck just happened as it whisked away and broke into light particles.

That was more than enough of a distraction.

Celestia didn’t see me shoot a stun her way, though. She blocked that side with a shield, only for me to teleport right under her. “Hi dear,” I said. I resisted the urge to rub the glorious belly that I rub whenever we get a moment alone together. “I am so, so sorry,” I shot another spell before my wife could react, a telekinetic blast and a stun spell mixed into one. It launched my poor wife into the sky, and I followed with a DragonFire. I hugged her neck as she was whisked away in the dueling enchantments placed on the Arena’s area; it’s to keep us from actually killing each other. Luna and Cadance just stared, bug eyed, at me as I landed on the ground. I paused, I know it didn’t actually hurt my wife, but I still felt bad.

Wait. I just took my wife out.

Holy shit I beat my wife in a sparring match for once.

Holy fucking shit.

Light Shield teleported me out of the way of a telekinetic blast from Luna. I think… She was just probing me or Cadance, deciding which of us would be harder to take down. I lowered my stance, before I blew myself up, let Light Shield teleport me, and then I quickly shot a Stun into Cadance when it put me right on top of her. She was taken out of the fight. She just stared at me while laying on the ground, genuinely shocked at that. So that stupid party trick I made came in handy during an actual fight. Cool.

“Source, what the buck-” Cadance was whisked away by the enchantment.

Me and Luna started circling each other after I just scored two ‘kills’ on Cadance and Celly. Now, if I were not mistaken, Luna was the best overall fighter of the alicorns, and definitely the better fighter compared to her sister. The problem I was facing right now was trying to find an opening. Before, I had Celly distracted through a bunch of tricks and well placed teleports. I caught Cadance off guard since she was too busy staring at what I did to my wife. So I stopped moving and sat down as Luna started circling me.

“So you are actually capable of taking on multiple alicorns,” Lulu hummed.

“You didn’t believe me?” I asked.

“Oh, I did, I still do. It’s different to see it happen in person, however. It’s quite impressive; Cadance isn’t much of a fighter so I’m surprised she held her own. You… beat Tia pretty soundly. I’m genuinely impressed with that; you didn’t go head to head with her which was wise.” She tilted her head. “Can you repeat that with me?” Luna asked as her horn lit up. Light Shield redirected it into the sky and I felt my magic starting to give up. Taking my wife down took a good amount of magic, and blowing myself up with magic literally used whatever magic I had left in the tank. I hummed, before shrugging. “You’re out of magic, aren’t you?”

“Oh yeah, I am.” I nodded. “However, you and I both know that doesn’t mean this is over,” my horn lit up. “Try me,” I rolled out the way of another attack before I started running forward and screaming like a dumbass. “LERRRROY JENNNNNKINS!” I shouted as I brought a Mirror up in Luna’s face just as she shot another concussive spell at me. It bounced off the Mirror and into her face, but also broke my Mirror and I fell on my face. We both got whisked away since we both kinda exploded upon that Mirror happening.

We were teleported back to where the main event was happening, just outside of the residential area of the Crystal Empire. I just sat there panting up a storm. My horn was aching, I was aching, everything hurt… I hit my wife. I stumbled over to Celly, who was sitting with a cup of tea, staring at the Eye Spy spell window in shock. In fact, a lot of the ponies here were staring in plain, unfiltered shock and awe. I paid them no mind, I nuzzled up to Celly and she instinctively brought a wing over my back.

“Never…” I panted. “A…” I groaned. “Fucking…” I fell into her side. “Gain. Please, Celly. I hated every second of that.”

“...Source, you beat me in a fight,” Celly pointed out, breathlessly. “You… should be proud.”

“I am,” I chuckled. “I really,” I let out a long, deep breath and groaned at my hornache. “It fucking hurt to do. I also hated fighting you, Celly. I’m your husband; I should be loving, and kissing, and cherishing you every single day. Not fighting you!” I hugged her. “Sorry about hitting you so hard.”

“...You do realize the enchantments keep you from feeling pain, correct?” Celly asked.

“I still feel bad, Tia!” I pushed her onto her back. “And now I’m going to claim something I’ve been meaning to claim since I teleported under your belly during our fight.

“...What…?” Celly’s confusion quickly gave way to a pleased hum as I rubbed my hoof on her belly. “Okay, yes, this does beat slamming you into the ground as hard as I can. I… It hurts hearing your ‘bones’ break, and snap, and crack. DId you have to make your illusion puppet, not only solid, but hyperrealistic?” She asked, looking down at me.

“No. I didn’t have to, but I needed it to feel like me,” I shrugged. “Did I do a good job with it? First time using a traditional spell as best as I can.”

“Do a good job? It was perfect!” Celly blushed when she realized she got a little too excited for being out in public. Even her wings were out stretched. “Uh… it was perfect, Source.”

Luna walked up to me grinning. “So it turns out neither of us won,” she chuckled. “You just had to do that?” She asked.

“Run in and essentially suicide bomb you? Yes.” I chuckled. “I was gonna lose, might as well take you down with me, right, Lulu?” I grinned.

“I will say,” Cadance hummed. “Seeing you actually in action rather than hearing it… is something else, Source. You say you’re bucking average!?” She yelled. “Uncle Source, you’re above and beyond just average.”

“Mmm,” I shrugged. “I had time to plan and stuff.”

“And so did we,” Luna pointed out. “Yet by technicality, you just took down four alicorns. You just happened to be one of those alicorns. I’d say the Alicorn of Magic would be rather fitting, don’t you think, sister?” She asked, looking up at my wife.

“I believe it would be an appropriate title. Source, you may not be the strongest alicorn present, but you are certainly the most formidable.” She kissed me. “After such a performance, young man, we are going to have some fun tonight, okay?” Oh.

I’m gonna get laid again.

Twilight and her friends, along with Source’s family just sitting, staring at Source as he sat under his wife’s wing. He was probably soaking in the fact that he didn’t have to fight her anymore, for the foreseeable future. Spike was just sitting there, not even surprised. Source’s family was sitting in awe, while Twilight was sputtering and holding her head. She took a long deep breath before sighing. Apple Jack let out a long whistle, before taking her hat off.

“Hoo’ee, that sure was something,” Apple Jack wiped some sweat off her brow that she didn’t know was even there.

“That’s m’ah boy!” Maeve cheered as she started clapping. “Showin’ everypony here just who is boss!”

“...I…” Twilight took a deep breath. “That was really impressive,” she admitted. “It’s kind of… insane, seeing Source work like that. Using a Double Spell like that? Using a Mirror to end the fight when he was out of magic?” The unicorn shook her head and smiled. “I may have to do some catching up now, in terms of magic application at least.” She hummed for a second. “Source is looking a lot more confident than he did going into that fight,” Twilight pointed out.

“That he does,” Rarity nodded. “I think he needed that. That stallion never was confident with himself.” The fashionista even noted how Source was actually holding his head up high for once, rather than it just… being held in place.

Katie ran off the bleachers, along with the rest of her siblings to go greet their brother. Soon, Source was laying on the ground, laughing and smiling as his siblings, and his son, started tickling him to death. Maeve shook her head and got up from her seat.

“C’mon, we’ve got a whole three day convention to partake in. Let’s go rescue Source before his siblings kill him.” Source’s mother started heading down towards the alicorns, and Twilight’s friends, save Twilight and Spike followed suit.

“You know Spike, it was literally a year ago when we first met Source,” she said, just smiling.

“Yeah. I remember when he had me sit down with him, shooting fire at his request. That resulted in one of his signature spells,” Spike nodded.

“I’m happy for him,” the unicorn admitted. “I wasn’t exactly nice to him when he first came to Equestria-” both of them were teleported over to where Source was, by the alicorn himself.

“Hey guys,” he rubbed their shoulders and hugged them both to his sides. “What were you talking about?”

“Oh, Twilight was about to lament about how she treated you poorly when she first met you!” Pinkie bounced.

“Oh.” Source chuckled. “Twilight, don’t worry about it. We’re friends now, and friends just have the present to look forward to. It’s a gift, after all.”

Twilight giggled when the alicorn started licking the inside of her ears, his neck was stretched as high as he could get it to achieve this; he was still the short little guy he was when they first met. “You’re right,” she nodded. “But-”

“By the way, I’m borrowing Spike. You know, us stallions gotta stick together, and it’s been a minute since I’ve hung out with my first bro. C’mon, Spike, I bet somepony here’s selling gems!”

Source ran off, carrying the, now excited, baby dragon on his back, into the convention.

Author's Note

Now that source is a little more confident, he may become more willing to use his full magic. Mayhaps finally tap into all of his magic? Hmm.

The Unicorn Convention 2, Day 1.

After Spike and I bought a bucket full of emeralds, Katie had caught up to us really quickly. I don’t know how, given we literally ran to the other side of the whole convention, but it was probably a good thing. The three of us had to get ready to head down to the main stage so I could introduce myself, my students from Ponyville, and my own family since they were technically magic students, my magic students. However, I didn’t care for that right now, and with how Button’s friends were reacting to him having a cutie mark, I say it’s safe to say they don’t care that much either.

Besides, the whole ‘introduce yourself on stage’ thing wasn’t for another few hours. That was plenty of time for the three of us to goof off.

“So,” Katie said, looking at Spike on my back as he crunched an emerald in his jaws. He happily looked down at my sister from his perch on my back. “You’re a dragon?” She asked.

“Oh yeah, I am. Why are you asking?” Spike asked. “...Oh right, you’re not from Equestria. Or Equus for that matter.” He proudly pointed a thumb at his chest. “Spike the Dragon at your service!”

“...Are you a baby dragon, or are they just really small here?” Katie asked.

“I’m a baby dragon,” Spike deadpanned. “I’m supposed to get pretty big when I get older.”

“Oh… You’re adorable, so I was hoping you weren’t fully grown.”

My man started blushing when my sister said that. “O-oh, uh…” he chuckled. “Thank you, Katie? That’s your name, right?” He asked.

“It is,” Katie reached out and nuzzled the dragon which only served to make his blush even stronger. “How’d you and Kodi meet?” My sister asked as we stopped at a line for some food. Actual food; Spike had his emeralds, but it was nearing lunch, and I skipped breakfast. Spike didn’t take very long to hop on my sister’s back, and I started snickering the whole damn time. My sister just looked confused, before she turned back to Spike. She ‘oh’d and raised an eyebrow.

“Spike, my man, my bro,” I laughed. “Literally one compliment is all it takes for you to start crushing on my sister?” I chuckled. “You’d probably have a higher chance with her than with Rarity, but c’mon! I didn’t expect you to be such a sucker for being called cute by the cute lil’ filly?” I asked.

“Shut up d-dude… YOU KNOW!?” Spike asked.

“Dude, your crushes are about as subtle as a shotgun to the chest. I could tell you had a thing for Rarity, then it was Sweetie Belle, which woulda been adorable if she wasn’t interested in my kid, and now it’s my sister. Shit, it’s so obvious that you’re crushing on my sister that my sister found out by just looking at you a second time.”

“How would that work, legally, anyways?” Katie asked. “Spike’s a literal baby and I’m fourteen, going on fifteen.”

“I dunno, actually,” I hummed. “Dragons age very differently from any other creature made of flesh and blood. If I recall correctly, Dragons can age naturally, but if they see more ‘adult’ stuff, they can grow faster. Essentially if Spike saw what I went through on my first excursion, he’d be an adult by now. Instead, it may take him… what? Twenty years for him to even be considered a ‘teenager’ by dragon standards.”

“Something like that, yeah. Twilight and I spent a while researching it when I asked her about it.” Spike shrugged. “I think the law states that dragons, no matter what, are capable of giving consent. I may be a baby dragon, but you know I’m pretty independent and could easily hold down a job if I weren’t Twilight’s number one assistant.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” I admitted. “You’re what? Five years younger than Twi?”

“She hatched me when she was ten, and she’s about to turn twenty two,” Spike answered.

“Ah, I see… Twelve years old?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Spike shrugged. “So… Katie?”

“You want to set up a date?” Katie asked.

“...Uh, what? Source, you said that the males of your world usually made the first move.”

“But also, my sister knows you got a thing for her, and I think she may agree to a date just for the hell of it.”

“It could be fun,” my sister mused. We got to the cart and walked away with three haydogs, three per able-body. “Though I’m not sure about a full on relationship just yet, Spike. Nothing against you, this is the first time we’ve properly got to talk, and you seem cool, after all. I got dumped… what? About a week and a half ago. I’m also going to want a moment to adjust to this,” she gestured to all of herself. “But we could hangout sometime in the future.”

“That… would be nice,” Spike nodded.

“By the way Katie,” I chuckled. “Clothing is more provocative than not wearing clothes, for ponies. Makes’em wonder what’s underneath, aye? Me wearing my suit, like I was the day we left for the Crystal Empire? Yeah, Celly was imagining what was underneath them. Pony imagination can get pretty wild. Spike was literally raised by ponies and probably thinks a lot like a pony does, despite being a dragon.”

“SOURCE!” Spike yelled. “STOP-”

Katie giggled. “I figured as much. You know how many colts have been staring at me?” Lo and behold, a few colts were stealing glances at my sister, especially the more teenaged looking ones. They were staring at Katie for longer than usual, they didn't just glance at her, since Katie was wearing… well, her sundress and boots. Granted, it made her look adorable, but every one of those colts, and a few fillies, probably found it 'hot'. “So, Spike, how’d you and Kodi meet?” She asked.

“Kodi?” Spike cocked his head, and started thinking. “Oh, Source! Oh yeah, so I met him while he was still officially learning from Princess Celestia. Since I’m Twilight’s assistant, I met him through her, and then it sorta… snowballed from there. The next thing I know, he bought me comic books, with what little money he had at the time, and asked me to help him create a spell that you’ve probably heard of by now. It’s something called DragonFire.”

Katie chuckled. “I just now heard of that. Source,” that’s the first time she called me that. “Can you show me what DragonFire is?” I stared blankly at her. “...What?”

“You called me by my pony name,” I hugged her. “Honestly, I kinda prefer it over Kodiak; Kodiak’s too complicated of a name. Source Code, though? Source is pretty simple, pretty easy to say.”

“...Well, don’t you prefer being called your pony name over your actual name? I thought you’d be happier if I started calling you Source”

“They’re both my actual name, Katie, both my human and pony name. I don’t mind if you or the rest of the family still call me Kodi, it doesn't make a difference whatcha call me. I’m just happy to have ya, to be able to speak with you again. Feck, I’m lucky because I get to watch you, and the rest of the family grow up. That’s something I never thought I’d get to experience.” I hugged my sister pretty tightly.

“Then why are you hugging me, Source?” Katie asked. She just did it again!

“Because you’re very huggable, can you blame me?”

When we sat down at a crystal picnic bench, Katie pulled out a notebook from a saddlebag that I just now noticed that she had. She grabbed a pencil, something from home, and started sketching in it with her horn. I will say, her Levitation is pretty damn quick and precise if she’s confident in drawing in any capacity with it. I glanced over her shoulder while shoving one of my haydogs in my mouth, after putting mustard on it. Mustard only belongs on hotdogs, or things that mimic hotdogs. That’s a law. Katie was sketching Spike when he had taken a bite of his hotdog, and seemingly… she just sketched a flipbook animation pretty quickly.

“It’s a little rough; I had to sketch really quickly to keep up with your chewing, but… I did it. How is it?” Katie asked.

I kissed her cheek. “You always impress me with your art, sis,” I chuckled as Katie giggled and leaned into my side when she turned her focus back onto the flipbook animation where she started adding more details to it. Oh, so now my sister’s a huge cuddlebug? I chuckled and draped a wing over her as she focused down on detailing.

“I’ve never seen anypony do that… ever. A… moving picture?” He asked.

“Y’all never used a stack of sticky notes to make a flip animation?” Katie asked. “Even Kodi’s done it before, and he can barely draw, let alone actually animate anything.”

“...Damn. Twilight is going to freak out when you show her that,” Spike scratched the back of his head. When did Spike start cursing? Granted, it’s not a hard curse like ‘FUCK ME’, but it’s still a swear.

So as it turned out, Trixie was in fact, here. In fact, I found out only because she fucking tackled me and knocked me onto my ass. I was gonna yell, but then I saw that familiar blueberry-colored mare with the wizard hat and started smirking. Katie, however, didn’t take too kindly to me being tackled, and proceeded to tackle the larger mare off of me. Trixie yelped and ‘acked’ as she also got knocked on her ass.

“Why the fuck are you tacklin’ my brother!?” Katie asked.

“Trixie was just saying hello… YOUR BROTHER!?” Trixie asked. “SOURCe, YOU HAVE SIBLINGS!?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled as I helped her up. “Katie, this is Trixie, an old friend of mine. We met because I saw her perform magic, called it ‘okay’ and she tried to kick my shit in.”

“And Trixie believes it ended in us sharing a bedroom.”

“No, it ended with you crying, and I felt bad,” I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, the moment you found out who I was dating, you had a fucking panic attack.”

Katie blinked a few times. “So ponies greet each other by tackling each other into the ground like it’s a game of rugby?” She asked.

“Only the really enthusiastic ones,” I corrected. Spike walked over and helped the mare up. Trixie was surprisingly gentle with Spike when she took his claw. D’aw, so she can be nice and sweet, and can tone down the bravado enough to be likable. Granted, I already knew this; she was just being really gentle with Spike and it was kinda cute.

“Thank you, I believe I know your name, Spike?” Trixe asked.

“Yup!” Spike bowed. God, Rarity’s a bit of a dickhead. She knows Spike’s had a crush on her for a while. She got free labor out of that. I know it’s a dragon thing to ‘help out those you are loyal to’, which would explain why Spike is so ready to help Twilight when she asks. They’re also like siblings, parent and child, something, something, family. Rarity just got free labor out of Spike because he thought she was purty. Rarity’s a great mare, but god if she can take advantage of somepony to get her work done a little faster, she will.

Trixie didn’t think too much of Spike being the gentlecolt he strived to be, and I don’t think Spike was expecting as much; he was just helping her up. He woulda tried helping me up, but I sat up immediately after Trixie was knocked off of me.

“So, Trixie, how’s the show business going?”

“Oh, Trixie believes it’s been going well; Trixie was already in the Empire playing a show, making bits, and enjoying herself. Hence why I am here. At least I do not have to contend with you and Sparkle this year. That would be a nightmare.”

“Okay, I get Twilight, but how would I be a nightmare in the magic show competition?”

“Trixie watched you beat the snot out of three other ALICORNS! You’re also an alicorn if you haven’t noticed.”

Oh. Right. Everypony watched that.

“God dammit,” I muttered. “Now I feel like an ass again.”

Trixie cocked an eyebrow. “You do not look like a donkey-”

“I beat the shit out of Celly and I immediately run off to go hangout with Spike.” I shook my head. “Celly doesn’t care, or mind, she’d encourage me to go spend some time with a friend. I’d invite her to come along if she didn’t have to take care of Princessy things that involve the event.”

“Kodi, your wife can literally blow up the planet if she wanted to. I’m sure she can handle being beaten by her husband in an exhibition match; she seemed proud that you could even pull that off in a sparring match anyway.” Katie pointed out. “Out of everyone there, you looked worse for wear anyways. Celestia, Luna, and Cadance looked a little tired, if they were tired at all. You were panting, I can tell you were aching in a few places, and you looked like you just hit your wife across the head with a baseball bat.”

“So maybe I was worse for wear, but I still felt a little bad for hitting my wife. Heck, you saw how she looked when she slammed my fake self into the ground. Neither of us particularly enjoy fighting each other, and I know Celly didn’t enjoy having to slam something that looked like me into the ground. I mean… she didn’t have to, but she did because of how many precautions I set up to avoid being touched by spells to avoid relying on my mediocre shield spells.”

“Yeah, I grew up around Princess Celestia my whole life,” Spike nodded. “I don’t think anypony has seen the princess frown like that. Or flinch when she was seemingly winning a fight.”

Trixie tilted her head. “You and your wife are such drama queens. Neither of you would’ve felt anything because of the dueling enchantments placed on everypony involved; they were there for a reason.” She shook her head and groaned. “Seriously, Source, quit being a sad sap about it-”

“Nah. Again, me and Celly hate fighting each other in any capacity. I’m lucky that I didn’t have a fucking panic attack during that.” I hummed. “Say, how would you like to meet Celly face to face? It’s been a minute and I wanna hug my wife again.”

“Uh… Trixie may have to see you around.”

“No, no, Celly has wanted to meet you in person, while you aren’t knocked out because I scratched your ears, for a while now. Come on,” I picked her up in my magic, which felt a lot easier now, and started trotting along. Katie scooped Spike onto her back, and hummed at the face that Spike was running his claws through her mane, effectively brushing her… and petting her.

“Spike, if you keep that up, I am going to cuddle you so hard,” Katie threatened. Spike continued to brush her, and moved onto scratching her ears… He had to drag Katie along because she was very quickly out of it. Nah, he actually put her on my back somehow, so that her dress wouldn’t get dirty.

We found Celly pretty quickly, she was sitting next to the stage. That’s where she had been for the last few hours, actually. Trixie just sat there, slack jawed, staring up at my wife. I, on the other hand, quickly managed to get Celly to lay in the grass with me and get our daily dose of cuddles in. I was actually purring at just the idea of being like this forever; I am comfy, and I am safe. I am with my Celly and that’s all I care about right now. Celestia was eying the sputtering unicorn.

“You know, Source, when you told me that you got into a duel with a mare, on your first proper day in Ponyville, I did not expect the mare to be Ms. Lulamoon. I always attend these little conventions, and she always struck me as rather gifted with magic in terms of raw application; her power left something to be desired, though.” She nodded. “It is nice to meet you, Trixie. I believe you know my husband?”

“...Please don’t kill Trixie for sleeping on your husband’s back.”

“Because you accepted my husband’s friendship? Why would I kill you for that?”

“Trixie… Wuh?” She asked.

“Please, I know that Source wouldn’t date, or attempt to even court, another mare unless he asked me first. That’s assuming he’d try courting another mare at all. Granted, I do wish I could have that experience, being carried home on my big, loving stallion, but unfortunately I am rather large, and my husband is very fun sized, so it’s often me who carries Source home after a nice, long day if we’re ever out and about.” She giggled at how I was practically laying on top of her side, shoved into her wingpit, grooming her neck.

“And if Source chose to court Trixie?”

“Well, you’re a rather pleasant shade of blue. You are a bit rough around the edges, but I do like a mare with a little confidence in herself. But that’s a different story for a different time. It’s nice to meet you Ms. Lulamoon; I wish you luck during the magic show competition.”

“Thank you, Princess,” Trixie not so subtly ran off, pulling her hat over her head and muttering something about how embarrassed she was.

Katie was laying beside us, despite our efforts to keep her dress from getting dirty, she laid down in the grass, saying it was just a dress and she could clean it later. She was showing the, now, detailed flipbook animation of Spike eating a haydog. Spike was sitting there, genuinely impressed. Katie may not have seen it, but she’s got her cutie mark now. It’s the tip of a paintbrush... I couldn’t see the rest of it. Her getting it may not have been as flashy as Button’s, but the point is… she has her mark now.

With how her sundress was, you could easily see Katie’s flanks if she was laying on the ground, in a sploot. I didn’t pay attention for long, but I was gonna ask her if she would mind showing off her mark to the rest of the family. Celly definitely noticed, before she beckoned my sister and Spike on over.

“Oh…” Celly sat there, genuinely amused, and pleasantly surprised; I don’t think she’s seen anypony do this before either. “Oh, that is wonderful!” She scooped my sister into a hug, luckily, Spike was holding the notebook so it wasn’t crushed. “Oh, you are such a talented little lady!” Katie smiled and a little ‘squeak’ left her mouth as she did. She hugged my wife back.

“Thanks Tia,” she chuckled. “It’s not my best work, since it’s been a while since I’ve actually used pencil and paper to animate something, but… I think I did well.”

“Hey,” Spike pointed at my sister’s butt. “You’ve got your cutie mark.”

“Oh…” Katie smiled. “Neat.” She shrugged. “Kodi, you had enough of using your wife as a pillow! Let me use her now!”

“But… she’s my wife. I get priority after Luna!”

“And I-”

“Katie, do not fear,” I got slipped off Celly, by Celly, and Katie took my spot. “I am in full support of cuddling with my sister in law. Source, you can still cuddle near my belly, but your sister gets the spot under my wing.” I huffed and crossed my hooves. I wanted to be there until the convention really got ‘underway’.

The introductions went over about the same as last year. The only difference was I was introduced as a teacher to Sweetie Belle, Button and Dinky Doo. Wisely, Celly suggested I also introduce my family but not say they’re related to me in any capacity other than being my students. Because after my performance during the sparring match, everypony isn’t willing to hurt me directly. The problem is now everyone is willing to hurt the people around me to get at me. If everyone knew Katie was related to me, there’d be a target on her back.

Same with everyone else in the family for that matter.

The sleazeball of a shithead from Fillydelphia ended up going just before me and gave the stink eye the whole time I was on stage.

When I got off the stage was when we had issues. Katie, Dan and I started hanging out. Dave chose to stick with Button and the rest of my students, who were sticking to Luna like glue at my suggestion. They weren’t happy about being babysat, but Luna was a good foalsitter, and also I told them a very censored version of why they should; Shooting Star is a bad guy, so they should stick with Luna.

They agreed to that, as in they dragged Luna along with them to the various booths of everypony here.

Ma stuck with Celly, because for as ‘gifted’ Shooting Star was, Ma’s still as strong as Twilight is. With that in mind, she could still deck a majority of the ponies here through raw power alone. In fact, this is what my Ma told me when I told her she should sit out this year.

“Nah, I’m going to join the fighting tournament this year and kick everyone’s ass!” Ma can make a shield now, which is really all you need to have a fighting chance in a duel anyways.

“Ma, god dammit,” I chuckled. “I suppose you and Twilight will be competing together, since you’re learning from Celly, too. It’s a two on two competition this year, instead of one on one.” I added.

“Oh,” Ma hummed. “So we win?”

“No,” Twilight said immediately. “It’s widely accepted that I’m the most gifted unicorn of this generation, and I still struggle sometimes. Not because I can’t outright overpower anypony, but look at Source. In a combat scenario, he has me beat because of how unorthodox his magic application is. I’ll be the first pony to admit that I am very textbook when it comes to the application of most combat spells. Then add in my lack of combat training, and Shining Armor could beat me, and I’ve got significantly more magic than he does. And technically better training to boot.”

“She said after kicking Shiny’s ass last year,” I snickered. “That was fun, waking up in the infirmary next to Shiny after you opened a can of whoopass on him.”

Ma chuckled and nudged Shining Armor. “Who’re you workin’ with this year?”

“Oh, Pharynx wanted to join me this year, so he’s doing so while disguised as a unicorn. I say we have a pretty solid chance at winning.” He then felt Ma’s magical signature again. “Assuming Source’s mom doesn’t kick our flanks. Seriously, with how Source, Twi, and Celly are talking, you’re already a prodigy, Mrs. Code.”

“Mama’s gotta learn how to kick ass so she can protect her babies,” Ma hugged me, Katie and Dan all in one go. Dave was fortunate enough to be hitching a ride on Luna’s head on the other side of the convention from us. “My babies,” she cooed and kissed each of us on the face, depending on where she could reach our face. So I got kissed on the cheek, Katie and Dan got kissed on the forehead. None of us fought back; this was a nice change of pace after Ma literally didn’t have the time to do stuff like this with us.

After about twenty minutes, me and my eldest siblings broke off from the group to go grab a snack. I was feeling up for hay fries for once, so we went to a booth that was selling them. They were crystally and sparkling and shit. We all had our own buckets, because it just felt right, full of fries. I sat at a picnic table and hummed. “I hate carnival food, or convention food, expensive as balls and not very filling,” I sighed. “Me and Katie had three haydogs, each, and I’m still hungry as fuck.”

“It sounds like you just need to stop skipping breakfast,” Dan said, not looking up from his bucket. He lifted a fry in his magic and took a bite. “Oh, what the fuck?” He asked. “That is so fucking wrong.”

“What?” Katie asked. “It’s a fry. How can you fuck that up?”

“By not using potatoes!” Dan shook his head. “It’s actually not bad, but it lacks the creaminess of an actual fry.”

“That’s what she said,” Katie snickered and giggled when Dan gently bopped her on the top of the head. My sister then stuck a fry in her mouth. “Oh what the hell?” She shook her head. “Kodi, when we get to the castle, we’re raiding the kitchen and making actual fries. This shit’s awful.”

“Cadance doesn’t have any spuds in the cabinets if I’m not mistaken. It’s kinda like a laxative for ponies. A laxative that can kill ponies.”

“Feckin’ pussies,” Dan grumbled. “Can’t handle a potato?”

“Hey, don’t throw my wife and Button in that group. They may be ponies, but their eyes have been opened to the wonders of using potatoes instead of hay in fries.” I chuckled heartily and stuffed a few fries in my mouth. “Oh. These don’t even have any salt on them. No wonder they suck shit.” I looked around the packaging of the fries. No ketchup, no salt, no pepper. I stared blankly before slowly looking up at my siblings.

“Oh great, Irish, wannabe Gordon’s coming out,” Dan groaned.

“Oi, shut up. You and I both know how sinful it is to not at least put salt on your fries, unless you have an issue with digesting sodium.” I sighed. “God fucking dammit.” I put more of the sad sacks of shit in my mouth. “Just flavorless flower, just awful.”

“Why are you eating it, then?” Katie asked as she did exactly what I was doing. Dan was too.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I’m hungry and it’s one of those days when you’re out and about, it’s twelve in the morning, and you find a Maccas. You’re hungry and about to chew on the steering wheel, so you grab a Big Mac, a four sides of fries, and a fizzy drink if you’re feeling particularly suicidal at the moment. Then you get a quarter pounder and half your order’s missing,” I sniffed. “And then I drive under a bridge and eat my food, and can’t be asked to get my order right and eat everything.”

“Kodi, that sounds oddly specific. Also, you worked at Maccas.”

“Yeah, and sometimes a night just calls for McDonalds and a particularly shitty mood.” I sighed. “Good times. So, how’re y’all liking the convention so far?”

“Ma was right,” Dan said, his mouth full. “You know how many old guys just sat and bragged about their accomplishments on that stage? Your wife’s a billion years old and bragged less, and she does more than half those old farts everyday, by literally just raising the Sun.”

“DAN!” Katie punched my brother’s shoulder rather hard. “Don’t insult Kodi’s wife!”

“I was just saying facts! Besides, she’s old, but looks twenty according to Source.” Katie and I blinked. “What? Source rolls off the tongue better.”

“That’s what I’m saying,” I chuckled. “You know, we just sat here, ate a shit ton of fries we didn’t like, and talked about basically nothing.”

“Isn’t that normal for us?” Katie asked.

“Yeah.” We all chorused.

If you don’t have siblings, you won’t understand moments like this.

“Oh look at it here!” Shooting Star just grabbed MY FUCKING SISTER! “The great Source Code has a little sister he cares so much about!” Katie started squealing and trying to get out of the stallion’s grip.

Dan got up, but I forced his ass back into the chair.

“Kodi!” Dan whisper-shouted.

“If you approach him too quickly, he could really hurt Katie. Remain calm. I’ve got an idea.” I cleared my throat after I whispered to Dan. I could see the fear in my sister’s eyes as Shooting went from gripping Katie with his hooves, to grabbing her neck with his magic. He didn’t see me use the bit I kept strapped to the bottom of my hoof as a wand. “So, Shooting, what do you want? Wanna murder me again?”

“I want you to suffer for taking Twilight from me.”

“Man, don’t insult Twilight by assuming you’re worth her time. By the way, you aren’t going to be alive in twenty seconds.”

“Why do you say that?” Shooting asked. Katie just looked shocked at how calm I was. That was until I used the bit-wand to snap Shooting’s horn off. Completely off. Star started screaming as Katie was dropped to the ground; he couldn’t cast spells anymore. Blood started spewing out of the fucker’s horn stub as my sister quickly scampered back. Dan was just standing there, jaw slacked, and Katie’s did too when she turned to see how her captor was doing.

My sister turned to me. “Kodi, what did you do?”

“He was gonna break your neck if my horn lit,” I lifted my hoof up. I didn’t care if everypony was looking our way. “You can use bits to channel magic through them. I put all my magic through it, and broke off Star’s horn, clean off. He’s probably gonna bleed out pretty soon…” I heated my hoof up and tapped the stump on Star’s head. Damn, it didn't cauterize the wound like I thought it would… nah, I didn’t even heat my hoof up enough to do that. I looked my sister up and down. “Are you alright, sis?”

“I am…” Katie shivered. “I don’t like seeing that much blood.”

“I don’t either,” I admitted. “But I hated the idea of you getting hurt more than I hate the sight of blood.” I hugged her, and Dan started snarling now that Star was unable to fight back. He spun around and bucked the bastard in the jaw, instantly breaking it. The stallion fell over, basically dead. Several guards came over, cauterized the wound, and dragged Star off.

A yellowish pegasus guard walked up to us and saluted. “Your highness, are you and your siblings okay? We would have acted sooner, but we couldn’t risk your sister getting hurt.”

“We’re good,” I saluted the stallion. “Go make sure Star can’t hurt anypony. If it were up to me, he’d bleed out on the spot.”

“You could’ve ordered that sir, he’s made several attempts on your life, and your foal’s life, and now your sister.” Flash, that’s the guard, said.

“Meh, I’mma let Celly have her way with him.”

“Yessir.” Flash saluted and walked off. “Everypony, this was simply a matter of self defense. Please return back to your business,” Flash ordered before wandering off.

Dan slowly turned to me, before he tackled Katie and hugged her. He cried into her mane. Katie also broke down, and soon, I had my siblings under my wings, holding them close as my own tears gave way. I was so close to losing my sister after being reunited with her again.

In a cold, dark chamber, Shooting Star sat, now conscious, though still in a lot of pain. Before him stood all of Equestria’s rulers, save Source Code. He was off comforting his sister, and he himself was being comforted by his mother. He’s lucky that he is, as he would’ve been dead by now. Unfortunately, that didn’t guarantee he would be set free. Princess Celestia stood, glaring down at the stallion. This was a facial expression that not many ponies can say they’ve ever seen on the Princess of the Sun.

“Pr-princess!” Star bowed very quickly. “Thank you for healing me; your husband is crazy-”

“Several eyewitnesses say you were about to kill my sister in law,” Celestia pointed out. “Source even provided a crystal, with the memory of the event inscribed into it.” Luna held the crystal in her magic as her big sister spoke. “You’re quite lucky that you’re even alive; Source has the authority to let you get killed, but he didn’t outright let you bleed out. Even if he didn’t voluntarily stop your bleeding himself. Do you understand how lucky that your head is still attached to your body?!”

Luna spoke up next. “You threatened Source’s little sister. He adores her and just wishes for her the best. And don’t think nopony’s here hasn’t heard of you hiring mercenaries to kill Source, or his foal, either.” She growled.

“B-but…”

“You wanted to do this because Source kept you from asking Twilight Sparkle out,” Luna added. “Or doing far worse to her. You do understand where this is going, correct?”

“Will I be banished and imprisoned in the place I’ve been banished to?” Star asked.

The door cracked open and Source came in right after. His face remained stoic as he approached the former unicorn.

“You are so fucking lucky that Katie’s completely unharmed, or I woulda fuckin’ tortured you, Shining Star,” he turned around. “Celly, do as you please to him. I know you wanted me to give the verdict, but I was gonna skin him.”

Celestia nodded and gently kissed her husband. “I will be out shortly, Source. I know you could use a hug from everypony.” The Princess of Sun’s heart sank when Source just walked out; she figured almost losing Katie did more to him than she had suspected. She turned her gaze to Shooting Star, the coward had the gull to silently beg for a lighter punishment, since after all, his victim was unharmed!

The Princess walked up to the stallion, and gently brought her hoof up to his cheek. “I suppose your punishment will be quick and painless. Be fortunate that Source didn’t choose to enact what he had in mind for you.” Snap.

Author's Note

and so, the biggest threat, so far, to Source's family is gone. I wanted to have Shooting Star just bleed out, but figured an execution, a straight execution, to show just how far this asshole overstepped by constantly threatening Source, and his family, just to get at Source. I wanted Shooting Star to get killed off pretty early into this little arc, purely to show how truly pathetic this guy is. he deserved what happened to him.

he managed to push Princess Celsetia into believing he wasn't worth redeeming in any capacity.

I hope the 'sibling banter' is entertaining at least, and realistic. I've actually got a sibling and figured 'might as well put one of those long, drawn out, innocent conversations that lead nowhere' would be fun to have. and have it happen just before Shooting Star struck to add some shock value. Imagine enjoying your day, and suddenly your sibling gets a gun held to the back of their head.

it's really unfortunate that Shooting Star chose to go after Katie; Source is a very protective older brother. especially after what he's been through. He'll drop dead before he lets anyone harm his family.

also, split day one into two parts, for obvious reasons. the exhibition match on its on deserved a chapter, and so did Shooting Star Royally fucking up deserved its own chapter.

The Unicorn Convention 2, Day 2.

I woke up the next day, hugging my Celly. I knew about what she ended up doing to Shooting Star, fuckin’ asshole. Even when he’s dead, he’s causing some sort of trouble for my family. Celly has fought, and killed other sapient beings before. Hell, she had to do that a lot just to unite the Equestrian tribes together and… well, form the country we have today. However, it’s been a while since she’s had to execute anypony, and she wasn’t doing too well. Katie noticed this, and forced me to spend some time alone with Celly the night before; she deserves it. Katie had Ma and the rest of the family, according to my sister herself, and Celly didn’t have that.

She should know better than that. Celly’s family. She has a family to turn to.

I nudged my wife with my nose, she was awake, she was just staring ahead. “Celly?” I asked.

“It never does get easier doing it, does it?” Celly asked.

“Dear?” I whispered.

“It won’t ever feel good when you take somepony’s life, does it, Source? You keep feeling remorse when you have to kill somepony?” Celestia asked, raising her head and giving me a small smile. “Shooting Star was a monster in the making, a completely horrible pony that tried hurting my family and wanted to do awful things to Twilight, somepony I see as a daughter. Yet… it still felt awful to execute him as I did.” Celestia looked me in the eyes. “I know what Shooting Star was, yet I still felt bad.”

“Celly, that’s… better than I am. You’re a far better pony than I am.” I shook my head and sighed. “I was willing to let that asshole bleed out after I snapped his horn off.” I hugged her. “If there was a human in your stead, they would’ve gotten corrupted and borderline evil at your age. You… are still so nice, full of love, and thinkin’ about everypony around you. You’re a good pony.” I hugged her tighter. “You have so much going on in that head of yours, that I’m shocked that you’ve not gone mad yet, that you have the restraint that you do.

“I lay against your side and am reminded of just how truly strong you are; I still feel just how much of you is muscle, and not just a bunch of cake, even if a decent portion of you is cake.” I tapped her side, it was a little plush, but under that I could feel raw, hard muscle. My wife’s feckin’ strong. Celly giggled and thwacked me with a wing for that. “But me lying against you reminds me of just how great you are; you’re so soft and gentle, yet so strong and dangerous, but you’ve got restraint. You’re nothing but gentle with me and Button, you’re like a nice, pleasantly warm fireplace when you’re being Celly.” I let go of her. “And yeah, I don’t think killing is ever truly the best option, but sometimes it’s necessary, and we both know that it was necessary in this case.”

Celestia nodded. “You… are correct. If I imprison him, he’ll find a way out and come back. If I banish him, he can still send assassins after you from afar… or send them after your-”

“Our family, Celly. Whether you like it or not, we’re your family now, me, Ma, Dan, Dave, and Katie. We’re all here for ya, feck, if you asked, Ma would be here giving you a hug and a bunch of smooches on the forehead; she adores ya. Kinda like this,” I started constantly kissing her and nuzzling her ears, and nipping her neck.

Celly giggled. “Source, I need you to stop,” she started snickering. “My ears are ticklish and you know it!”

“Hmm…” I hummed. “Do you need to use the restroom?” I asked.

“Not particularly, I usually go after… break… fast. Buck. Fuck you, Source for using your brain for once!” I grabbed her ear with my magic and plucked one of my own feathers. “Source, please. Spare me from the tickles!”

“Then smile, be happy,” I demanded. “I hate seein’ ya like this, and I’ll do my damn best to bring you out of your funk if it’s the last thing I do!”

“Okay, okay, just don’t tickle me.” Celly giggled and hugged me tightly. “Thank you, Source. Truly, I do not know what I would do without you.”

“Mmm, I can’t be that great,” I shrugged. “But I know I wouldn’t still be standing in Equestria if you weren’t there for me in my early days. I think it’s about time that I returned the favor, especially since I’m your husband. Making you feel better is both a duty, and the greatest pleasure I’m lucky enough to experience.” I kissed her nose. “I love you,” I whispered as I laid back down. “Sun’s raised; I think Luna did it for you.”

“She definitely did; she knows how I feel about executing anypony, especially when I do it myself.” Celly sighed, and nuzzled into me. “We don’t need to be at the convention until noon.”

“It’s also been a while since you’ve slept in.” I climbed on top of her. “If nopony would smell it, even if we showered, I’d please you even more right now. But as it stands… Shit,” I sighed. “I didn’t really uphold our bargain yesterday, after the sparring match.”

“Oh… we can do it tonight; I fully understand why neither of us were in the mood last night.”

“And yesterday was going so well too!” I grumbled. “I felt at the top of the world after that exhibition match, and then I got to spend some time with Dan and Katie, and then it woulda ended with some hot, kinky-”

“Snu-snu,” Celly interjected.

“And that…” I grumbled. “Anyways, wanna just cuddle for a few hours and see if we can’t get some extra shuteye?”

“Hmm, I suppose.”

“By the way, I might have planned this out… slightly. If I couldn’t get you in a better mood, my family was gonna barge in…” Ma and my siblings barged in, all of them had pajamas on. Where and when they got them, I dunno. “About now. We were gonna snuggle and cuddle you until you were your happy, lovin’ self again, Celly.”

“And we’re gonna do darn good-” Ma stopped. “Damn, Kodi, you ruined it! We were supposed to make your wife feel better as a family!”

“And if I couldn’t do it on my own, then I’d be one shitty husband,” I pointed out. “We can still snuggle together-” Luna crashed through our window.

“Sister, as the time calls, I must snuggle you to make you smile!”

“Wait…” Celly paused. “What?” My wife was immediately piled on by all of us. Cadance and Shining Armor, along with their adoptive changeling children, joined us too. Granted…

Pharynx was getting spooned by Shiny. He looks so fucking happy!

A few hours later, and we eventually accepted that we couldn’t just sit here all day; we’ve gotta sit and silently root for Twilight. Since Fillydelphia was short a pony, they were sitting out of any competitions this year. And also because, apparently, it was all over the news that one of their students attacked one of mine, and the student that was attacked was my sister. Yeah, it’s not looking so hot for that school’s PR. I took a long, deep breath after putting my suit on. Celly put her regalia on, but I then stopped her.

“Hey Celly, do you have to go out and smile and wave?”

“No, Cadance said she was hosting the event this year; me and Luna are free of any smiling and waving. Why?”

“I’d say fuck the regalia, if I were you. You’ve been through some shit; just take it off today and just be Celly, not Princess Celestia, aye?” I asked.

“Hmm,” she hummed. “I could put on my suit. Would you like that?”

“Which one?” I asked. “The one you wore to the Gala?”

“I bought a skin-tight, very form fitting flight suit a long time ago. I can wear that, or the one from the Gala.”

“Tia,” I hugged her. “While that would look amazing, and sexy, I don’t think it would be very comfy. You wanna put that on just for the sake of-”

“Source, how long have I been alive?”

“For at least three calendar systems,” I answered. “...You know how to put that flight suit on in an instance, don’t you?”

“That I do.” Celly’s horn lit up… she was now wearing a hot pink flight suit. Going up the forelegs and hindlegs were golden stripes that went up and connected to a golden stripe that went across and up her barrel and down to her flanks. Sewn into the flight suit, on one side, just under Celly’s wings, was her full name. Well, her full, public name. Nopony really knew Celly’s full name. I got right to that since I’m her husband, and she knew my human name. It was a fair trade, and it didn’t matter; Celly was always Celly to me, and I was always ‘Source’ to her.

I sat there, staring at her. It fit her form tightly, and had slits in the side for her glorious wings. To nicely top off the rest of the suit, she had four, purple boots that she bought at my request. Her mane and tail were tied back, with her mane being in a ponytail, whereas just the base of her tail was tied back. I then noticed the cute, pink headband hugging her head where her crown usually sat. I stared at her some more, and opened my mouth.

“I… uh.” I chuckled. “Uh…” Source.EXE has stopped working. “Holy.” I chuckled. “Holy shit, Celly.” I laughed. “Have I mentioned just how fucking lucky I am that you’re my wife?” I asked.

“A few times.”

“Celly, if you dressed like that more often, or could, do you know how often I’d rut you?” I asked.

“Hmm,” my wife mused. “Perhaps I shall have to wear this more often, then. We’ve still yet to have a foal besides Button, and I’m sure he’d love a little sister, or a little brother.”

We snuggled up together, before we went to greet the rest of the family. We all decided that, especially after Katie’s incident, we need to stick together. Dan’s jaw dropped when he saw my wife. Ma whistled. Katie was busy sketching in something, and Dave was the only one who spoke.

“Are you trying to seduce my brother that hard?” Dave asked.

“Which one?” Celly asked with a snicker.

Dave slowly looked at Dan. “Dan, that’s Kodi’s wife.”

“Holy… fucking… shit,” Dan whispered. “Why is that actually kinda ho-” Ma thwacked my brother across the back of his head.

“That’s Kodi’s wife, Dan.” Ma shook her head and sighed. “I will admit, Celly’s a sight to behold, but that’s Kodi’s wife.”

“I don’t mind,” Celly giggled. “Do you understand just how many ‘love letters’ I get, which just consist of more… abrasive of my little ponies telling me about all the… things they would do to me if they could.”

“It’s really fuckin’ weird,” I added. “And disgusting.”

“I was just trying to say, even if my choice of words aren’t the best a lot of the time,” Dan took a deep breath. “You look pretty, Tia.”

“Thank you,” Celly giggled. “I do find it funny that you react in such a manner to the sight of me.” My wife then walked over to Katie and looked over her shoulder. “What are you drawing this time?” Celestia asked.

“Oh.” Katie shrugged. “I sketched out how your fight with Kodi went.” She flipped her notebook over, and did the little flipbook animation. After a moment, Celly just sat there, genuinely impressed. “Is it good?”

“It still amazes me that nopony came up with that; it’s some simple, yet such a wonderful idea,” she kissed my sister on the forehead. “How are you doing, by the way? I cannot imagine what you’ve been through was any fun.” Celly asked.

“Kodi told us you’d be feeling bad and-”

“Sun Butt just has to make sure everypony else is fine,” I answered. “I tell her, it’s fine if she puts herself first, but this is just how she is; always looking out for everyone.”

“Don’t get me started on you, mister,” Celly said pointedly at me. “How often are you looking out for me or Button? How about the time I had to make you go eat something during the Fall Formal Festival? Or that time you made sure Luna and I were alright after you just took on a bear?” Celly, and Button since he waltzed up beside her to hug her as he usually does in the morning. “Your first concern, if you got stabbed, would be if me and Button were safe.”

“So I-”

“I’m teasing you, dear…” She giggled and hugged Katie. “You are doing okay, correct?”

“...Seeing that much blood. Kodi, you’re fucking scary,” she said pointedly at me. I gave her a quizzical look. “Not in the sense that you’re scary, but more like… You could do so much to all of us, right now, and instead you use whatever talent you have, in keeping us safe. The fact that you jumped to such… a lethal way of keeping me safe, according to what Dave’s read on unicorns, snapping the horn clean off is a good way to let a unicorn bleed out. Or instantly kill them depending on how deep you cut the horn.”

“Nobody,” I growled. “Hurts you. Nobody fucking hurts anyone I love. Anyone that tries will understand why they do not trifle with me, for as long as I breathe air, anyone that hurts my family will not enjoy what I do to them in return.” I took a deep breath. “As the Alicorn of Magic, I’d sooner keel over than let that asshole break your neck, Katie.”

“And for that,” Katie dragged me over with her Levitation. “Is why I am grateful that you’re my brother. You can do a lot of scary things, but I know you wouldn’t dare hurt me, or light that horn and point it at me unless you meant well.” She kissed my cheek. “Seriously, Source, your wife’s great.” We hugged Katie. “Urhgph!” She squealed. “Help! I’m being cuddled to death!” She gave a pleading look to Button. “Help me, my dear nephew!”

“Mom, Dad, stop killing Auntie Katie with cuddles. She needs oxygen too.” Button smacked both of us on the head with a newspaper.

We stepped out into the field where the convention was being held. There was a big stage set up for the magic show, and there were tons of eyes on us, specifically my family… nevermind, I got fucking swarmed by ponies. Nopony even noticed Celly’s flight suit yet. Reporters and magic nerds all surrounded me and started asking me questions, and Ma started barking her orders to ‘get the fuck off my baby!’ And other things amongst those lines. Had this happened when I was a meek little unicorn, I’d probably crumple.

Instead, I’m a meek little alicorn being overstimulated, but I like to think that I’ve become just a little more confident. “FUCKIN’ SHUT UP!” I shouted. Everyone around me shut up after hearing my version of the Canterlot Royal Voice. Everypony around me backed up a few hoofsteps as a hivemind. “Okay guys,” I took a deep breath. “One at a time, anymore than that and this little questionnaire is over!” I commanded. Ma and my siblings blinked a few times at my outburst.

One reporter was brave enough to step forward, only because I pointed at him. “Prince Source, after your performance during the exhibition match, everypony is wondering if you’ll ever start your own school for gifted unicorns?” He asked.

“Nah. Fuck that. I can tutor those looking to get better with magic, but I ain’t a teacher. ‘Sides, I can’t teach jackshit besides Python.” I answered.

I pointed to somepony who was clearly a student. He walked up to me and asked quietly…

“Are you alright after yesterday, sir? We all saw what Shooting Star was doing to your student, and…”

“I’m fine. Go hug Princess Celestia; she needs it. She’s the one who ultimately punished him.”

“Okay… also, how did you use magic without your horn?” The same student asked.

I lifted my hoof, revealing a bit. “I used this as a wand.”

“Cool!” That’s the loudest this kid’s been the whole time. “Will you teach everypony how to do that with your next textbook?” He asked.

“Three questions, kiddo, you’re really brave,” I chuckled. “But yeah, I’ve actually got a few copies of my most recent textbook; it’s not for sale yet.” I smiled at what I can do now. “It’s dangerous to go alone, take this!” I teleported an updated Python book to me, and handed it to the colt. “Now, go hug my wife. She could really use one right now.” The colt, with the book in his mouth, ran up to Celly. He didn’t even blink twice at her flight suit, and jumped up to hug her leg as best as he could.

That. That was adorable. Holy fucking shit.

“Okay everyone,” I interjected. “I know I said I would answer your questions, if you followed Da Rules, but we’re not here for me. We’re here to celebrate what our latest generation of mages have accomplished! And also that,” I pointed at the colt I gave the textbook to. He was still hugging Celly… until she whispered something to him.

You see, he’s a teenager, about Katie’s age I’m assuming. He’s such a polite little thing that it surprised me that he had no inhibitions about hugging Celestia, and it made me laugh when he trotted over to Katie and hugged her neck tightly. He then sauntered off into the crowd, his tail wagging as he brought the book out of his mouth and into his magic.

I’m gonna find that kid and take him as a student; he’s a good kid.

The rest of the crowd aw'd at the sight of the colt after he wandered off.

“So anyways, that fried my brain!” I chuckled heartily. “Go enjoy the rest of the second day of the Unicorn Convention, please!”

Ma hugged me when I sat down in my spot in the crowd, first was the foal’s part of the event and then the actual thing. Button had left the castle early in order to get behind the stage and also get some quick practice in. He’a got a cutie mark in performing tricks, so I think he’s gonna win. Most of the foals here don’t even actually have their mark yet. The show hasn’t started yet, so I had enough time to fend off my Mum.

“Ma,” I said, my face was being smashed into her chest. “I’m all for getting hugged, but…”

“Kodi, you’ve never handled crowds well.”

“And I handled that just fine.” I pointed out.

“You did…” Ma agreed. “I was still worried, y’know? Yer not on yer meds, and that could’ve ended poorly for you. Can you blame me for worrying?” She asked.

“Definitely not,” I shrugged. “I hate being so feckin’ short,” I grumbled. Ma was a head taller than I was, the complete opposite of back in Ireland, where I towered over her.

“That’s too darn bad,” Ma giggled and let me go.

“So we’re just going to be…” Dave interrupted Ma getting ready to embarrass the shit out of me. “Watch foals do magic tricks?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Sweetie Belle’s partaking in this event, too. It’ll be a fun little thing,” I stretched. “Celly, how are you holding up?” I nudged my wife. She blinked before looking down at me. “Celly?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m fine, dear. I was just excited about seeing this part of the convention; it’s not something I could always experience.” She admitted. “It’s a nice change of pace, seeing foals have fun, instead of adults trying so hard just to get a trophy,” she nuzzled me. “Trust me, Source, if you’re worried about where my mind is right now, you’ve definitely done a good job at getting me out of that place.” She shrugged. “I’m just excited to see my son’s performance!” Celly clapped her hooves.

We were a bit in the back, mostly out of consideration for everyone else; Celly was fucking huge.

Luna was sitting beside us, eying her sister. “Did you have to put that flight suit on, sister?” She asked. “Seriously, that would be… what’s the term? Slutty?” I nodded. “Slutty a thousand years ago.”

“So I wanted Source to have something nice to look at-”

“Which could’ve just been you without your regalia,” I pointed out. Celly brought her hoof up to my cheek and gently lifted me up so she could look me in the eye.

“Source, dear, shut the fuck up.” I blinked at that. She never used that language with me, not counting the time she shouted at Luna about greeting ponies at the Gala. “I am trying not to lose an argument with my sister, so please do not try to counter argue; I know you think I look ‘sexy’ in my suit,” I nodded dumbly. “Good,” she kissed me on the nose. “I love you, and sorry about telling you to shut the fuck up,” we shared another kiss. “So,” Celly said, looking up at Luna. “My husband needed eye candy.”

“But you’re pretty enough as is,” I pointed out. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“Dammit, Source,” Celly sighed. “If you weren’t so genuine when you said that, I would be a little angrier about you counter arguing why I’m wearing a flight suit again.” She giggled and hugged me tightly. “I love you.”

The show began, so we all promptly shut up. I gotta admit, every single kid here was pretty damn impressive when it came to the creativity of how they used their very, very limited spell repertoire to make something flashy. None of them particularly seemed to care that much, about there being a prize for winning. It was literally a bag of candy along with a free meal pass for any of the vendors selling food in the convention. Most of them were just having fun.

I sat up when Sweetie Belle walked on stage, as she was carrying something using WME’s bullshit Levitation spell. She was clearly using Python to make use of the fact that she knew more spells in it than any other spell system, since Twilight agreed to show her how to use stuff outside of Python; Sweetie Belle had more than enough power to not need Python. While she danced around with a puppet of herself that she made into ‘life’, she had her eyes closed, fully enthralled in what she was doing.

Once she realized her time was up, she stopped and blinked. She was halfway through twirling around in a dress she teleported onto herself when it was up.

“Feck,” I chuckled. “That’s good,” I clapped my hooves. “NICE ONE, SWEETIE!” I shouted from my spot amongst all the cheering and the clapping.

“Source,” Luna nudged me. “You’re a good teacher.”

“Pfft, I just nudged her in the right direction. I’m fuckin’ proud, though.” I hummed and looked at the handy, dandy little list that was given to us so we could see who’s going and in what order. Button was next. I dropped everything and sat forward. I was looking forward to this. Not just the performance, just… being able to be a dad and cheer for my kid. I never thought I’d be at this point at all, but I am. A huge smile found its way onto my face as Button stepped on stage, looking actually a little nervous.

The first thing Button did was close his eyes, probably thinking about bald ponies, before teleporting eight rocks, each about the size of his head, and starting levitating them. As they went round and round, they slowly started speeding up. As they did, Button went and lit on fire, before he himself lit himself on fire with DragonFire and flew through the air, the rocks spun around him as he went. Soon, all the rocks were on fire and burning and burning and… they started turning into sparkly ashes that were soon whisked away so they wouldn’t actually fall on anypony. I stared in awe; this was beautiful…

He looked like a phoenix with how he was shaping that DragonFire.

“I’m chuffed to bits right now,” I said breathlessly.

“You sounded English,” Ma whispered back. None of us took our eyes off of his display as he broke from a DragonFire and into a Skywalker Spell, before landing on the ground. Clip Clop. He took a deep breath again, and bowed.

The whole crowd exploded in cheers.

Button scanned the crowd and quickly found us, it was hard to miss when his Mom was the tallest pony to ever exist. His eyes landed on me, and his face fell for just a second when he saw me not cheering or clapping. Instead, it grew into a big, big grin. The biggest grin I’ve seen on that face. He can probably tell, by how stupid I looked right now, that he went and impressed me and broke my brain in the process. He bowed one more time before running off stage so the next foal could go.

Once the show was over, I teleported right to the stage exit, before anyone could react and sat and waited. I’m jumping my kid. I’m jumping him, and I’m gonna tackle him. I’m gonna tackle him and then I’m gonna spoil him to high hell after I show him just how proud I am. He did damn well, and impressed me so fucking much that I couldn’t be any less proud of the foal I call my son. Button walked out first, his horn lit up, I assumed he was gonna DragonFire.

“Hey kid,” I said, tapping his shoulder. It took so much energy to not jump him. I could feel my body doing a little, wiggly dance as he turned around.

“Did I do good?” Button asked.

“No,” I said. “You did amazingly,” I laid down. “C’mere, lemme hug you and-” I got tackled. “You did fuckin’ awesome, kid!” I laughed and hugged him tightly. “God damn, Button! That was awesome!” I noted the blue ribbon hanging from his neck. “I take it you won?” I asked.

“Yeah, they were about to announce it after we all got off stage,” Button admitted. “I can tell why you weren’t cheering.”

“I looked stupid?”

“Yeah.”

“Figured. You had to go and do so damn good that I couldn’t process what you were doing.”

Sweetie Belle joined us and made her presence known by tackling my face too.

“Hey Mr. Source!” Sweetie Belle hugged me tightly. “Did you see my performance?”

“I did,” I laughed and managed to pry the excited filly off of me. “Got second place, ey?” I noted the silver medal hanging from her neck.

“Yeah… but then my coltfriend just had to go and one up me, right after I went!” Sweetie Belle gently shoulder checked Button. “Your performance was really good, though,” she nuzzled into him. “C’mon, we should go celebrate!” She suggested.

“But I wanted to watch the adult magic show,” Button whined. “I bet it could be really cool, too.”

“We can celebrate later, then,” Sweetie Belle clapped her hooves.

I sat up and stretched as the rest of the family, Celly included, joined us. Celly fell to her knees and skidded to a stop, plowing into Button and wrapping him up in the biggest hug she’s given anypony besides me. She squealed and started skipping on her hindlegs while holding Button tightly. Button just sat there, bug eyed for all but a moment, before he started purring and hugging his adoptive mother’s forelegs. Ma patted Sweetie Belle on the head, before smirking at her grandfoal.

“That is adorable,” Dan said as he sat beside me. “I’m surprised that you aren’t joining them,” he pointed out. “With how you are now, I half expected you to join them on the hug.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the most common thing to see. Button’s all about me, he wants to be like me, he loves hanging out with me whenever he can. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to join, but I know Celly sometimes hates not being able to have proper one-on-one time with our son. I’m letting this happen because I know they both could use this moment together. ‘Sides, you know I'm not huge for celebrating while that high on energy; I already did that before y’all caught up.” I smiled slightly at that. “Celly, you’re confusing our kid!” I chuckled.

“No she isn’t,” Button pointed out. “I’m getting Mom hugs! This is the best day ever!”

…

Celly’s heart just melted. I saw that moment where she paused before going back to dancing on her hindlegs while celebrating our kid’s win.

I sat down next to Thorax and Pharynx, well, Pharynx was sitting on the other side of Thorax. He was snuggled up into Shining Armor’s side while he stared ahead at the stage before him. We were all getting ready to watch the magic show that the adults were having. I was kinda excited to see Trixie and Twilight perform again. Trixie’s magic shows are pretty nice, even if I only got to experience the one, and accidentally rain on her parade. Twilight would find some way to impress everyone with the magnitude of the spells she’s using.

“Hey Thorax,” I patted the changeling beside me. “It’s been a fuckin’ minute since you and I have chatted,” I commented. Some of the adults’ attempts at being ‘magical’ was kinda sad. So I didn’t feel bad about skipping over them; they had more access to spells, but lacked the creativity of a foal.

“Yeah, it has,” Thorax smiled. “How have you been?”

“Doin’ good. Cadance and Shiny treatin’ y’all good?” I asked.

“Yeah… wait, what do I call you? Just Source, Great Uncle Source?”

“How about…” I smiled. “Grunkle Code?” I asked. “Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Thorax nodded. “What’s a Grunkle?” He asked. He then processed what I did and ‘oh’d. “Oh, I see, that’s kinda clever.”

“Stanley did it first,” I shrugged. “How’s Pharynx?” I noted that Cadance had taken Shiny’s place; they were sitting right next to each other. Upon being swapped out, Pharynx stopped leaning into where Shining Armor was sitting so he could sit up straight. Cadance pouted at not being able to hold her bug colt. “Your brother really likes Shiny, doesn’t he?” I asked.

“Yeah, those two hit it off; when they aren’t sparring, Pharynx takes every chance he can get to snuggle up to Dad.” Awe, that’s cute. Both what Thorax said, and what he just called Shiny. “Hey Pharynx, if you’re going to not cuddle with Mom, can we switch seats? I want to cuddle with her.”

“Suck it, Thorax,” Pharynx grumbled.

“Pharynx, be nicer to your brother,” Shining scolded. “He just wants to hug his Mommy, don’t be rude.”

“Yes, Dad,” Pharynx rolled his eyes, before switching seats with Thorax. The changeling’s wings buzzed as he nuzzled into my niece’s side with a happy little chirp. “Hey Source,” Pharynx greeted me. “Why are you lookin’ at me like that?”

“Oh nothin’. It’s just kinda fun to think that you were married to your dad for almost a day, and now you adore him.”

“I will break your arm if you do not stop talking.” Pharynx threatened.

“No you wouldn’t, Pharynx. Shiny would be disappointed in you for breaking my arm.”

“Bucking dammit,” Pharynx groaned. “How’d you know?”

“You love Shiny, even if you won’t openly admit it. Shiny clearly loves you and Thorax,” now the changeling in question was smashed in between Cadance and Shiny; the three of them ‘squeaked’ and smiled before going back to watching the show. Twilight was going up now, so we all went quiet to watch what would happen. That didn’t stop the old changeling captain from grumbling in his seat about the ‘stupid, blue alicorn’ beside him. I snickered for a moment before focusing on Twilight.

Twilight had summoned blue fire balls and was rotating them around her head. Her horn flickered for a second and she then casted several ice balls and rotated them around her as well, while keeping the fireballs. Going. Oh, she’s doing a funky technique to cast two spells at once, I think. I don’t actually know what she’s doing, but she’s currently running three spells, even if Levitate really doesn’t count since it’s such an easy spell to cast. Twi’s performance eventually broke into her summoning several trees, growing them instantly, and having them return to the saplings they were before she jump started their growth cycle.

Twilight’s a cheat code, as she started running several spells at once, and even made a cactus sprout from literally nothing.

“And Twi thinks she’s worse than I am in raw application,” I chuckled. “Feckin’ hell.”

“You know,” Celly said, she was right next to me. “She has written to me in letters about improving her magic to try and keep up with your application of magic. It appears you both believe that neither of you can edge out over the other?”

“She’s better with magic theory than I am. You sendin’ that uncompleted spell with her to Ponyville after the event’s over?” I asked.

“Maybe. I was going to suggest sending your family for a day, but I feel like Dave would immediately understand what the Starswirl spell did, even if nopony else knows what it does, and keep Twilight from casting it.” Celly shrugged. “But yes, I believe it’s time to send Twilight that spell. It’s about time she stops feeling left behind, don’t you agree?”

“Pfft, left behind? She’s in a league of her own.” Twilight had grown a miniature jungle out of nothing. “I couldn’t imagine doing that, ever. Even with how optimized my magic is.”

Trixie kinda bowed out after that, as did everypony else; they knew they weren’t competing with that. Actually, Trixie did try, only to fall flat in comparison. She had neither the spell knowledge, even with some Python Spells I’ve seen from her, nor the scale of magic, to get even close to what Twi did. It was… kinda sad, but Twilight may as well be magic incarnate with how fucking gifted she is with the stuff. Add in that she’s a nerd and will want to learn any new spell you give her, and you get a recipe for a mare that’s damn good at magic.

“Twilight… did so well that she made everyone else give up?” Ma asked.

“Yeah, can you blame me?” I asked.

“Hell no, but I’m still gonna call them pussies. I ain’t gonna let myself get rolled like that in any competition.” Ma crossed her forelegs.

“You also have enough magic to contend with Twilight, even if you don’t exactly have magic theory nailed down-”

“That term, magic theory, sounds retarded and you know it, Source.”

“It does,” I admitted. Celly and everyone else here who knew about magic was glaring at us now. “Trying to theorize with magic, but it’s the best term we’ve got for describing how magic works. So why change it?” Celly whacked both of us over the head with a newspaper… and got pulled into a headlock by Ma.

“Twilight, what the fuck?” I asked as I went to meet her.

“Yeah…” Twilight nervously laughed. “I uh… went a little overboard if even Trixie didn’t want to perform after me.”

“No fuckin’ shit, mate! You did so fucking much on such a large scale that nopony could even DREAM of following!” I threw my hooves in the air. “How the fuck did you grow a CACTUS OUT OF A ROCK?”

“Uh…” Twilight sighed. “Okay, yeah, I tried a little too hard. It’s your fault, you know. You just had to put pressure on me after you took on every Princess in Equestria and forced a draw between you and Luna, after taking out Celestia and Cadance!” Twilight shot back. “And with all the magical bullshit you manage to learn and pull off everyday, I feel like I need to catch up at times!” Twilight laughed.

“And I gotta keep up with you because of how much more naturally gifted you are!” I pointed out. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCKING MAKE TREES GROW AND UNGROW?!” I asked.

“YOU’LL FIND SOME STUPID WAY TO DO IT WITH PYTHON!” Twilight shot back.

“Okay, fair. I might,” I agreed.

“It’s actually kind of fun, having you as a colleague, y’know?” Twilight asked. “You keep me on my toes, and because of that, it resulted… in that. That’s the first time I’ve not followed anything I learnt, and just relied on how I applied my skills rather than raw strength and book smarts. It’s great,” she nuzzled me. “I wouldn’t have gotten better with magic if you weren’t coming up with ingenious things seemingly every week… or breaking magic theory.”

“Hey, I gotta in order to keep up with ya,” we both had a good laugh and a hug.

“Trixie, says you’re a bucking horse, Sparkle,” the showmare walked out to greet us. “Trixie knows that Sparkle has a reputation because of how gifted she is, but did you have to do that right before Trixie had her turn?” She asked as she plopped her rear in front of us.

“Okay, yeah, I do deserve that, being called a horse, ” Twilight chuckled. “Blame Source.”

“Did Source say to show just how broken you are?” Trixie asked.

“No, what did he do right at the start of the event?” Twilight asked. Trixie ‘oh’d.

“Okay, Trixie believes we should beat up Source for that…” Trixie hummed. “But that is for later. Source, are you alright? There's a rumor that one of your students is actually your little sister, and that somepony tried to kill her.”

“Wait,” Twilight stopped. “Somepony tried hurting Katie?”

“Trixie,” I growled. “Remember that fucker what that wanted to get under your tail last year?” I asked. At Twilight’s nod, I continued. “For the last year, that fucker made attempts on my life, by sending griffins after me. Damn near hurt Button and one of his filly friends in the process. Shooting Star decided, after guessing he couldn’t do shit to me, he’d hurt somepony close to me. He chose Katie.” I levitated my bit up to me. “I decided that while I breathe air, nothing shall come to hurt anyone I love ever again.”

“What… Did you do?” Twilight asked. “to Star, I mean.”

“Broke his horn. Clean off.”

“What the fuck?” Trixie asked.

“He tried hurting my little sister,” I lifted a photo of Katie I took while we were on the train. “Look me in the eyes and tell me, anypony who’d willingly hurt this,” I let Trixie look at it. “Is a good pony.”

“That is adorable,” Trixie nodded. “That’s your sister?”

“Eeyup,” I nodded. “Star threatened to break her neck. I used this bit as a wand and broke him first.” I sighed. “First execution in Equestria in literal centuries, too.”

“He lived?” Twilight asked.

“He got executed.”

“Oh.”

“My wife was the one who went through with it,” I pointed out. “I feel like an ass for making her do that, so do me a favor, Twilight.” I patted her back. “Get her to sleep in your chambers with you tonight. She’ll say she’s alright, but Celly hated executing Star even if she knew it was necessary. Go get her and read a book with her or something, alright? Tomorrow I’ll greet her with some ice cream cake, and she’ll be happier.”

“Why me, though?” Twilight asked.

“Celly loves you, Twilight. I’m doing a five pronged attack. First, me, then our family, then a cute little colt, and then you. Then we’re getting her her favorite cake; I'm trying to make her happier, Twi. Do this for me.”

“Alright… I’ve been hoping to spend some time with Princess Celestia while we were here anyway.”

“Trixie will pretend like she didn’t hear a word either of you just said. Source…”

“Hey Trixie, how’d you forget Katie? She tackled you in the last chapter,” I asked.

“So for as Great, and Powerful as she is, Trixie is bad with names!”

Author's Note

Twi is gonna learn to not go so 'by the books' when it comes to magic. it may make a certain unicorn struggle in the future when she inevitably screws with time travel.

Next chapter, Maeve kicks some ass.

The Unicorn Convention 2, Day 3

The first thing I did in the morning was wake up, wow, that’s hilarious. The next thing I did was head for where Twilight and the rest of the girls were staying. They were staying in the guest hall of the Crystal Palace after I visited the kitchens. I have ice cream cake that I had requested to be made for this specific hour. It’s right before Celly has to go raise the Sun. I know she’s doing just a little bit better, but I wanted to hammer that good mood that Celly was returning to, to the ground. She’s still asleep, so I have her breakfast, along with the slice of ice cream cake, being carted. A small smile grew on my face as I approached.

When I knocked Twilight’s door, the mare herself opened it.

“Celly awake yet?” I asked.

“Source, you’re scarily good with the timing today; Princess Celestia needs to get up in exactly two minutes to raise the Sun.”

“Good, right on time,” I bowed. “May I come in?” I asked.

Twilight giggled and did a theatrical bow. “Of course, my dear husband-”

“Twi,” I chuckled. “Man, you’ve changed a lot in the last year; you’re a pleasure to hangout with now.”

“Yeah…” Twilight chuckled. “I know that, when I was a shut in, I was a bit of…”

“A dick,” I said flatly as I walked past Twilight.

“...For a lack of a better word, yes. I was a dick,” she nodded. “I’m a lot better now, if you’re saying it at least.”

“Yeah, proper bro material,” I hugged her. “You’re a good mare, Twilight.”

Twilight started blushing. “Uh…” She giggled awkwardly. “Thank you, Source.”

“D’aw, can't you handle a compliment?” I asked.

Twilight rolled her eyes and swatted me with her tail. “Just go greet your wife, Source. Before I toss you out the window.”

“You wouldn’t do that, a year ago, you would.” I walked past her to see… Celly just as she was waking up. This was perfect. I left the cart by the door, as I could just levitate everything to me as needed. Right as my Sun had woken up, she looked around and blinked; she probably forgot that she went to sleep in Twilight’s room rather than our room. Her eyes fell on me and her smile grew. I said nothing as I tiptoed over and sat down in front of her.

“Hey Celly,” I greeted. “You feelin’ better?” I asked.

“Source, I felt better since your little talk with me yesterday,” Celly said. She was being truthful. Celly, when she’s in wife mode, is always honest with me. “Why have you spent all of yesterday and this morning trying to ‘cheer me up’? You should be better at reading me by now,” she said as I prepped her favorite tea right in front of her.

“Okay so, I may have brought you out of your funk, but when have you felt exceptionally good? I know being hugged by that colt yesterday made you happier, Button winning first place yesterday? Made ya happier. I know you felt a twinge of pride when you watched Twilight open up so hard in her magic-show performance that she made everyone else give up, and I know that you were even happier when she asked to read with you until you both passed out. It was a pleasure when my family all piled on you with snuggles. So as a final whammy, in ‘making my wife smile plan’, I brought you breakfast in bed. Served with your favorite tea; goldenrod tea!” I offered her the cup. “Nice and steamy, as you like it, dear.”

Tia examined the tea, before taking a sip. “Two sugars…” She looked up at me. “Are you serving me ice cream cake with eggs and toast?” She asked as I moved the cart over with my magic. It rattled and creaked on the way over and came to a stop when it gently bumped against the bed. Unlike Celly’s bed, which was more like a large, flat cushion on the floor, Twilight’s bed was more akinned to that of a human bed, just made to accommodate a pony better than a human… as in it was shorter.

“Why not?” I asked. “I see your butt wiggling in anticipation; you wanna wolf down your breakfast and try out the cake.”

“...Okay, maybe this does put a smile on my face,” Celly giggled and planted a kiss on my cheek. “Thank you, Source. You didn’t have to, but thank you.”

“Bitch, I had to. I’m your husband, what did I promise when I married ya on our wedding day?” I asked, letting my accent grow thicker. “Was it… love, cherish, and comfort you until the day we die? As far as we both know, we’ll be around for a while; I’ve got time to do all of that, and I’m choosing to do all of that right now. Your little butt wiggle while you try and not inhale your breakfast’s dessert right now is adorable; it’s somethin’ I’m gonna cherish forever. And I’m gonna love ya right feckin’ now; I’m gonna groom the ever living fuck out of you while you eat.”

Celly ‘oh’d when I started preening her wings.

Twilight had long since grabbed Spike and moved to the guest room next to hers; Apple Jack. Apple Jack should be awake by now, and was also on the plan; her room was just somewhere Spike and Twi could go while I pleasure my wife with food and cuddles and stuff. Despite our almost flirty interactions, Twilight still sees Celly as a second mother; seeing us go ‘at it’ even though we wouldn’t was still kinda weird for her.

“Say,” I hummed. “What happened to Gramps?” I asked.

“Do you mean Scripted Tale?” Celly asked. “He’s at the convention this year; he’s just taking a backseat to a student teacher that will be taking over his position in a few years. Why do you ask?”

“I’ve not spoken with him since the last convention; I kinda feel bad for not inviting him to our wedding.”

“He didn’t even know… that we got married. Source, he is going to tease you so much.”

“feck.”

When we made it down to the dining hall, I noted just how similar it was to the dining hall back home, except it was sparkly and made of crystals.It wasn’t as big, or grand, or fancy as the dining hall typically used for dignitaries back in Canterlot, but this was essentially where Cadance and Shining Armor ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday. I looked around and hummed. Cadance was sitting where Celly usually sat, at the head of the table, with Lulu and my wife sitting next to her on opposite sides. Shining Armor sat on the end opposite from his wife, with Pharynx and Thorax right next to him on both sides.

Everyone here, Twilight, her friends, me, my family, were in between them.

I sat between Katie and Celly, Ma was sitting next to Luna. Tale would be sitting next to Lulu, but that’s where Ma was, and Tale’s a little scared of Ma. It’s because Luna is literally the strongest mare that Tale knew of, and Ma manhandled her during that party once, while Tale watched from the other side of the room. Dan was sitting next to Ma, Dave and Button were sharing a seat across from Katie, and Tale was across from Dan. Twilight was on my side of the table, then it went Dashie, Pinkie and then Thorax. On Ma’s side it went, after Tale, Fluttershy Rarity, Apple Jack, and then Pharynx.

Our plates and cutlery were also sparkly and made of gems.

“So,” Ma said, a mouth full of food. “What’re the rules for the tournament? I know me and Twilight Sparkle are on a team and all, but what…”

“So while it’s not encouraged, you can just walk up to your opponent, slap their shit, and win based on that. Though it’s a magic competition, so your main attacks should be magic-based, or magically enhanced physical strikes.”

A portal opened up where the doorway was, and everyone screamed… Only for Fruit Punch to walk out of it with a cup of coffee and Chrysalis… who looked way different from this world’s Chrysalis. She looked… not old, but she had reading glasses on, and her mane was longer and looked very well-taken care of. Her tail was roughly the same, and she had less holes in her legs; her wings looked shinier. He looked around and blinked. “I am on time, right? I was hoping to watch this unicorn thingy, as it doesn’t occur in other timelines besides the ones Source is in, assuming Source didn’t go evil in those timelines, which is almost all of them.”

Rarity was the first to stand. “WHAT THE BUCK!?” She asked. “MY EX-”

“Rarity, watch your volume,” Fruit warned. “It’s bad for your throat to be yellin’ like that at this our,” Fruit said as he rubbed the inside of his ears.

Rarity took a deep breath. “Fruit, it is a pleasure to see you, even if we ended up not being compatible, but why did you just walk out of a portal with Queen Chrysalis?” Two changelings stood at his flanks, besides Chrysalis. Both had nametags… Skitter and Scatter. “And who are those two?”

“Oh,” Fruit chuckled. “So uh, I was from another Equestria, but also from Earth like Source is, just a different part of Earth called New York Fucking City,” he explained. “I cut our relationship off, and I’m sorry for leading you on, because of this,” he nuzzled his Chrysalis. “Is my wife. These two,” he pointed to his changeling friends. “Are my guards and best friends. Third and fourth in command after Pharynx, though in other timelines they don’t exist, or don’t really speak.” Both changelings saluted our Pharynx, before sitting like cats.

Chrysalis, Fruit’s Chrysalis spoke. “It’s a pleasure to greet you all. I take it this timeline is a little far behind other timelines… According to Fruit.” She nodded to me. “Greetings; I’ve had to deal with an evil version of you and it was not fun. You seem like a pleasant gentlecolt in this timeline, however.” The room was big enough for this Chrysalis to summon a table big enough for herself, her husband, and their guards.

“Wait, what?” Ma asked. “There’s multiple Sources?”

“Oh yeah,” Fruit chuckled. “This timeline’s an anomaly,” his expression dropped. “Usually the fork begins during the Summer Sun Celebration, Mrs. Gaime. Sometimes it happens later on. Either Celestia withheld information here or there, or lied about the facts behind the magical accident that Source was in when he came to Equestria. It doesn’t matter; Source goes evil in most timelines and he either gets killed, or goes on a rampage that not even Celestia herself could stop. Like he made the Legion of Doom seem like a bunch of pussies.”

“The… fuck?” Ma asked.

“Don’t ask,” Fruit shrugged. “Timelines are fucking weird. It took both me and Chrysalis to take down an Evil Source, and he wasn’t an alicorn in any of the timelines he became evil in.”

“Ah shit,” I chuckled. “I can’t imagine that it was fun.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Chrysalis growled. “Damn near killed us too, but no matter the timeline, you’re a bit scrawny, so Fruit just kicked your shit in… Well, not your shit in. I don’t think you’ve a mean bone in your body.”

“Uh… not sure about that; I’m not a saint-”

“By this point in the timeline, you would’ve burnt Canterlot to the ground. In this specific timeline, you’re a good pony.” Chrysalis nodded to Celestia. “Probably because she has been transparent with you since day one, and kept you read in on what's been going on since the Summer Sun Celebration.”

Everyone slowly turned to me. “So…” I chuckled. “We’re essentially in the Pacifist Run of Undertale in this one?” I asked.

“Basically,” Fruit nodded.

Luna hummed. “We’ve gone way off topic. We were just discussing what the magic competition for today would be. Source’s mother and Twilight are competing this year on the same team and I’ve a feeling that they’re gonna win.” She side eyed me. “And by the way, since our match never had a winner, some of the professors wanted us to have another exhibition match. Just you and me; they claimed that I was worn out after fighting Cadance and you took advantage of that.”

…

“The. Fuck.”

“I know, you hate exhibition matches,” Luna nodded.

“I know… Didn’t they watch me and Celly while we were fighting? We weren’t actually hurting each other, not in any meaningful capacity, and we both hated all of that. We know we have to spar, and we hate just doing that.” I cuddled into Celly’s side. “You know how much less fun it was to hit my wife’s belly with a Stun mixed with a Blast, than it is to sneak under there and do this-” I slipped my hoof under Celly’s foreleg and she ‘oh’d. And I rubbed her belly with my hoof.

“Oh…” Celly giggled. “That does feel nice… But yes, I hated every moment during that exhibition match; I know how to fight Lulu and I know I can beat Cadance in a raw fight. Source was the biggest threat present and he’s my husband. I slammed a fake into the ground and I hated doing that. It was only a little worse that Source hopped on my back like we were playing around…” She planted a kiss on me. “But… there is an overwhelming amount of ponies requesting that you and Luna have a rematch.”

“...I hate fighting, Celly.” I pouted. “I don’t wanna hurt Lulu.”

“...Is that a challenge?” Luna asked.

“Lulu, you know what I mean. You know, it’s way more fun to use you as a pillow than to fight you. You’re family, and I hate pointing this,” I pointed at my horn. “At my family when I’ve got a spell charged up.”

“You could tell everypony to shut the fuck up,” Fruit suggested. “I told Twilight to do that once and everyone was so shocked at her being vulgar that they had to listen to her and… shut the fuck up.” We all ignore that comment. Except Twilight; she went over to Fruit to ask him about that. He gave her a vague, non-answer that only pissed her off.

“...We’re still having that exhibition match,” Luna sighed. “Source, I apologize, but some of the organizers said they’d veto the competition today unless it opened up with us sparring.”

“Can we have a healthy dose of cuddles before and after the fight?” I asked. “I really hate the idea of fighting you again, Luna. I’ve been there, done that, and…”

Me and Ma swapped seats. Me and Lulu were cuddling now.

“Be careful,” Tale whispered. “She had cheese sticks last night and is a little gassy.”

“Dear,” Lulu said, looking down at her consort. “You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Tale’s ears shot up. “Shit.” He started snickering. Luna started trying to punch his shoulder without punching me. It wasn’t fun.

Fucking hell. This is fucking bullshit. Me and Luna were having a dany ol’ time, cuddlin’ and snugglin’ and happily having the weirdass relationship of ‘older sibling depending on the circumstance’ and then when we walked out into the convention today, we were basically pressed into each other’s side, because Luna force me to walk pressed up into her side, having pressed me into her side with a wing. It was a great time, I’ll be honest.

Get your dirty mind out of the gutter, you pervert, me and Luna have said we aren’t interested in each other and are basically surrogate siblings. Stop thinking we’re going to have sex.

And no, you will not see inside the bedroom when me and Celly have sex, you fucking pervert.

Now, we were standing in an open field, with Shining Armor’s shield over us, because ‘hur dur, you two didn’t fight hur hur’. We were standing on opposite ends, Luna had removed her regalia so that it wouldn’t get damaged, while I kept on my Mage Suit, and sat on my haunches as the time started counting down. Luna was standing tall and regally as the bell rang. I remained in my spot, knowing I had no plan, and I had no idea how I was going to actually fight Luna. I kept a Light Shield active and decided to shoot a fireball to probe at Luna.

Of course she grounded that into nothing before she shot a lightning bolt my way.

I sidestepped that; no point in wasting the magic on a single spell I could just dodge.

After a moment of thinking, I ran in, with a DragonFire, and tried to blitz Moonbutt. Lulu looked shocked at my sudden advancement and I came to a halt as I saw a dead look in her eyes… Just in time for Light Shield to keep me from getting knocked on my ass by a telekinetic blast. I stared ahead, at Luna. She’s alive, Source, she’s fine Source. You physically cannot hurt her, Source. Kodi, GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF! I blocked another spell and made no effort to counter. I simply blocked a lightning bolt with a regular Shield Spell and stood there.

Why is this something I had to do today?

“Source?” Luna asked, stopping right in front of me. “Are… you alright?” She asked. She tapped me on the nose. “You looked like you saw a ghost…”

I shook my head. “Fuck…” I chuckled. “Just when I thought I was beginning to think I was okay again,” I giggled and sat on my ass. “Shit. You had the same look that… that other Luna had when she died for a second there.” I shivered. “It’s different, y’know? I didn’t look anyone else in the eyes but her, and…” I shivered and grabbed my head with my hooves. “Can I forfeit? I already don’t enjoy fighting if I don’t have to.” I looked Lulu in the eyes. “I don’t care if anyone boos or gets mad about this outcome. I don’t give a shit; please do not make me fight you, or Celly, or Cadance ever again. I can’t stand the thought of attacking you guys.”

Lulu took a deep breath and sighed. “Source…” She looked a little teary eyed. “I… I am sorry for asking you to do this. I should’ve noticed how much you hate fighting me, or Tia, or Cadance after you stuck to my sister like velcro after you ‘struck your wife’.” Luna bowed. “I forfeit if you will as well.”

“I gave up the second I stopped attacking, Luna.” I took a long, deep breath.

“Hey,” Lulu wrapped a wing around me. “On the bright side, you blocked one of my spells without realizing it! Your Shield has certainly improved in stability.” That brought a small smile to my face. “I would like to apologize, everypony, but my brother in law really hates fighting, and can barely keep his… head in the game. We shall step aside and let all the young mages take part in their tournament this year.” Luna gave me a small smile. “Come now, brother! I’m certain that laying against my sister’s belly will lighten your mood.”

The crowd didn’t dare admonish us for ending our sparring match early.

When we got to our seat, the first fight had begun. Ma and Twilight were opening up in the tag team tournament today.

The two of them were going up against two students from Manehattan Bay Area’s School For Gifted Unicorns.

The two students were apparently twins, and thus had perfect team work. A stallion and mare duo. Two siblings. They were green and yellow, though the mare had a green coat and yellow mane, the stallion had a yellow coat and green mane. They seemed to be silently communicating. Ma just sat there, cracking her shoulders while Twilight went over a plan with her.

Once the buzzer had gone off, the twins both brought up a shield over themselves… a single shield. They had knowing grins; they thought they had a chance.

Maeve

“And that’s my plan,” Twilight said matter of factly. “You and I are both very powerful, Maeve, so as long as we both…”

“That’s cool, Sparkle, but I have an idea. Source said shields don’t stop Levitate.”

“Oh no…” Twilight shook her head. “He taught you something exploitable!”

“And…” My horn lit up, grabbing both of our opponents by the head. Clud. Their heads sounded like a pair of coconuts hitting each other when I smacked their heads together and knocked them out. “I can just do that, and end our fight immediately.” I had pointed out. “I was hopin’ for more of a fight, but why did they decide to make a shield large enough to fit both of them? That sounds like a solid way to get your ass whooped if you asked me.”

“...Because most would assume you wouldn’t use their partner as a weapon?” We both looked up at the stands, where Kodi was. My son was laughing his arse off, pounding the seat he was laying on while Celly and Luna had small grins on their faces; they found that funny as did everyone else in the crowd. “Maeve, next time, please follow the plan.” Twilight sighed.

“I will. I just thought your plan, this time around, took way more energy than we needed to use in that scenario.”

“...Fair enough. Just when we get to my brother, let me handle him; I doubt you’ll be able to get through his shield.”

“alright.”

Back with my boy.

So every time Ma went on stage, a lot of stallions started cheering for some reason. It could be because Twilight’s there too, and Twilight’s apparently pretty attractive, but then some ponies actually started calling out Ma's name. And every time she went and struck out and anypony, because she has zero subtly in with her attacks, she usually blasted apart any shields, and often most ponies were left with having to dodge… given that most of the ponies were confident with their shields, they weren’t expecting to dodge.

Ma was a force to be reckoned with, because unlike Twilight who’s holding herself back, Ma is aiming to win.

Shining Armor and Pharynx, with the changeling under disguise, actually were having a similar effect, with Shiny clearly being the powerhouse of the two, Pharynx was fucking fast at slinging spells and was fast. He was kinda hard to hit. It was kinda fun, seeing a changeling, a fucking changeling wipe the grins off some of these cocky assholes’ faces. Changelings can fly, and they can do magic, and they usually weren’t very good at either.

Pharynx was limited by not being able to use his wings and he was still slinging spells. His shields were something to be desired, but he was a lot like I was when it came to using shields; use it to parry attacks rather than take them head on. For stronger attacks, Pharynx fucking teleports behind Shiny, who’s shields are definitely a force to be reckoned with; nobody can get past it save for Twilight.

Pharynx was using Python, by the way. I could tell that he probably had some help, from Shiny, to finely tune it to changeling magic, but he was using my spell system.

That filled me up with a little pride.

“You know,” Celly smiled as she watched Ma beat the shit out of a poor mare that actually scored a hit on her. “Your mother is fucking terrifying.”

“EAT A DICK!” Ma shouted at the, now, unconscious mare from Baltimare.

“I don’t think I’ve seen anypony take a spell, dead on, without a shield, and get right back up with no sign of slowing down.”

“It’s how Ma is; she's half Australian.” I hummed. “For reference, Australia would make the Everfree Forest look like the Royal Gardens.”

“...How?”

“There’s just a fish that swims on the shores of Australia, not fully sure where, that looks like a rock, yeah?” I chuckled as Celly nodded, she was excited to learn something new from Earth. “It’s the most poisonous thing on the planet.”

“...What the fuck-”

“The spiders are the size of your face.”

“What the actual fuck is wrong with Earth?”

“Pfft, it’s called mother nature’s a cunt and she wants to kill everything.” I chuckled. “So anyways, Ma grew up in that hell hole and got bit by a snake. She broke its neck before being taken to the hospital.”

Ma grabbed the stallion that was hounding Twilight, in her magic, and then was surprised when the stallion brought a shield up. The shield was then engulfed in flames and the round was over. “Ma’s got a good grasp on fire magic.”

Luna shivered. “I fear for my nephew’s well-being. Shining Armor is going to be feeling it in the morning.”

“Nah, Ma won’t hurt Shiny too bad; she likes him.” I chuckled.

The finals came, it was Ma and Twilight against Pharynx and Shiny. The two teams stood face to face and as soon as the match began, both sides started trading spells. Ma tanked a blast from motherfucking Shining Armor, got back up after bouncing off the shield, and cracked her neck. “Okay Shiny, yer feckin’ strong,” my mother started strolling forward. “Hit like a truck, and stuff. Pretty tough.”

“Why is my mum such a freak of nature in Equestria? That shit woulda left me blasted to shit and a puddle of blood."

“Uh… Mrs. Code, I don’t like that look.” Shiny was smart enough to bring a shield up, and Pharynx decided to just not even try hiding behind his Dad. Instead, he got between Ma and Shiny… Only for Ma to use Dragonfire and tunnel underground… She came up under Shiny’s shield. “Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies!” Ma announced her presence and hit my guy in the face with a telekinetic blast; he had no time to react because he was shitting himself. Pharynx sat there, bug eyed, staring at Ma in pure, unfiltered fear.

“...I fear for the next pony to attack our family, if Maeve ever finds out,” Celly chuckled. “Because I’ll have to save them.”

“Yeah…” I chuckled as Pharynx just flopped over, playing dead. Luckily, Ma was much nicer to him; she just picked him up, set the poor changeling on her back, and grabbing Shining Armor. “Okay, we won, Twilight. Let’s get yer brother in the infirmary so I can leave a ‘get well soon’ card… and an apology for making him shit himself.”

Twilight was left, sputtering and trying to find words, and air. The fight literally consisted of seven spells in total. The first four spells that were traded, Shiny’s shield, and then Ma’s DragonFire and final attack. I think, like everyone else in the crowd, she was trying to figure out how Ma tanked Shining Fucking Armor’s attack and was walking just fine.

“Hey Celly, who are the big threats left that you’re gonna have Twilight beat up?” I asked.

“I feel as though their fates will be sealed if they attack your mother.”

Author's Note

So, it's on the shorter side, but honestly, there wasn't much to say. it's pretty hard to write 'so and so got ass blasted by Source's Ma' six different times. Fruit also let us know how rare it is, for a timeline like Source's, to exist without Source becoming evil. Source is also still not okay, but that's okay. Luna noticed and removed him from the situation.

The Irish on the Train

We all woke up the next day, Celly demanded she sleep alone with Button last night, but my tired, monkey brain forgot that. So I had woken up, snuggled into something, something female. So my pony brain decided it was time to groom it. My eyes opened on the third grooming lick when a snicker soon followed it. I was snuggled into something blue, Ma was blue. Katie had blue, but she was mostly yellow. Dave and Dan were orange and cyan. So logically that… ended up meaning I was snuggling with Ma.

“What the fuck?” I asked. My tongue stayed stuck out of my mouth, still stuck to Ma. “Good morning?” I said, before letting my pony brain take over, while I wondered why I didn’t shoot it yet.

“Good mornin’ Kodi.” The rest of my siblings were sitting around the coffee table in our room, silent for once, and staring at us. Probably because I just licked Ma. “I see you slept well,” my legs were wrapped around her neck. “I need to pee, Kodi. I’ve been awake for an hour, waiting for you to wake up so I can go use the restroom.” Oh. I groomed her neck a few more times, before letting my Ma go.

“Sorry Ma.”

“Sorry nothin,’” Ma stood up and hopped off the bed, after kissing my forehead. “My big baby wanted to sleep in, and I let him. I didn’t get the chance to comfort you, since after yer exhibition match, we all got herded up into a small room, those who competed in the tournament, and I saw what happened, Kodi. The last time I saw you free up like that, you came running to me and yer father while crying.” She smiled. “You needed something after that. I went to the organizers of that tournament by the way. I yelled at them and may, or may not have, challenged them all to duels right then and there.”

“Ma,” I sighed. “Why?”

“They made you and Luna fight! You weren’t comfortable with it. You and Celly were barely comfortable with fighting each other, and with how you finished that first fight, you wanted it done and over as soon as possible.”

“Ma, you just challenged a bunch of old dudes with a lot of combat experience.”

“And?” Ma asked. “I enchanted myself to high hell yesterday, damn near every round so I could go without a shield. I took part in a few bar fights back before I met your father. I know what a good opening is like, and ponies leave way too many of them open when attacking. Anyways, I kicked their asses,” Ma chuckled. “Nobody gets away with doing shit like that, to my son, especially when it’s at the expense of everybody else.”

“Ma…” I snickered. “Here I was thinking you took a telekinetic blast from Shiny and got right back up. "

“Oh, I did. Just with some magic. Also that mare that had hit me? Yeah, I didn’t enchant myself before that match. I got back up and kicked her ass on pure adrenaline.” Ma snickered. “Twilight just decided to let me do my own thing after that.” She chuckled. “She got mad at me when I took Shiny on by myself, and then got shocked when I took that hit from him!” She laughed. “Feck, that was fuckin’ funny, Kodi.” She hugged me. “I’ll be back!” She went into the bathroom.

Oh shit, I feel the scene shifting… to what Ma did last night.

Maeve

After I had my trophy, me and Twilight stood side by side, I sat like a cat while Twilight just smiled and waved for the cameras. It then dawned on me… Cadance is my grand niece. She’s married to this mare’s brother. Hmm… I wrapped a hoof around Twilight’s neck and pulled her in for a hug. She may not realize it, but she’s family now. Twilight eeped, before suddenly looking at me. The poor lass just stared at me while more photos were taken of us.

“What?” I asked, before letting her go. “Yer sister in law’s my grand niece; Cadance is Celly’s niece.”

“...Oh.” Twilight chuckled. “Uh… You’re not like Source, are you?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Source has a habit of smothering ponies, that he deems as family, with cuddles. It still hasn’t really hit him that Shiny’s my brother, and thus makes me his niece in law.” That is such a long, convoluted way of saying yer all related.

“Now that, that won’t do,” I shook my head. “He adores ya, lemme tell you.” She chuckled.

“Why do you say… that?” Twilight asked. “I know I’m his friend, but… I’m just his friend.”

“I’ll tell you later,” I shook my head before glaring at the camera ponies. “Alright, y’all had enough photos, right?” I asked. “And before you feckin’ ask, no, I’m not gay and dating Twilight Sparkle.” I shook my head. “Hug one mare and everypony assumes you swing that way, I swear.”

“Why do you look like Prince Source?” One reporter asked. “You’re learning from him and Princess Celestia and…”

“Man, nunya listened to what me and Twilight just said? Prince Source is my son. Get outta my face, anyways, my son’s holdin’ onto my daughter in law like she’ll go away if he lets go.” I grabbed Twilight and stuck her on my back. She eeped, as she laid on her back, on my own, but made no effort to reposition herself or get off me. I teleported us off of the stands, and down to where Kodi was, he was laying practically on top of Luna, despite him cuddling with Celly earlier. Despite me making him laugh in the first fight I partook in, his eyes occasionally darted off my fights, to his sister in law.

Luna’s boyfriend, I believe his name’s Fabled Tale, stood off to the side, respectfully, only to be swiped up by Celly. Button and Dave were snuggling together, and Dan was sitting beside Katie. My daughter was being pestered by a few teenagers who probably thought she looked pretty. My daughter was the prettiest filly around, so it only made sense. Rarity was sitting next to her, holding my daughter; those two are getting along very nicely. Dave soon found himself dragged off of Button, by the three little fillies that blew up a building with bread, and soon they saw that Dave had no cutie mark.

They dragged him off too.

Luna… I may give her a hard time, but I love her. Kodi told me about her before my family chose to move to Equestra; he adores her. Despite how those two behave around each other, I knew off the bat that Luna had no romantic interest for my son. She was just happy to try and be the big sister that she wants to be, to Kodi. Luna was actually grooming my son, his eyes were closed while the two of them were cuddling in the grass.

“Kodi,” I trotted over. “Yer doing alright, right?” I asked.

“I am now,” Kodi hummed. “Luna, I’m going to fall asleep if you keep licking my ears.”

“So maybe I want you to sleep.” Luna giggled. “Seriously, if I did not know any better, and you did not know any better, this could be considered very… intimate.”

“That’s a light way of saying I’m cheating on your sister with you,” Kodi joked. “Celly, I’m joking, don’t murder me.”

“I know, dear!” Tia said from her own spot in the grass. She rolled her eyes and turned herself to me and Twilight, after I set the unicorn on her back.

“So why did everyone want Luna and Kodi to fight?” I asked, looking Celly in the eye. “If my eyes weren’t foolin’ me, you two visibly flinched while attacking each other during that first match, and I saw my son freeze while fighting Luna again.”

“...” Celly hummed. “For that, I am not sure. Some are saying your son did not beat me through fair means, or saying he cheated, or that I went easy on him. I did not go easy on my husband; to do so would be an insult to him as a mage and a combatant.” Celly sighed. “I saw how Source froze up too; if Luna and I were not occupied, we’d both go yell at the ‘counsel of unicorn magic education’ for deciding that a second sparring match was necessary.”

“Point me to the ones directly responsible for it. I’ll kick their ass!”

“That would be me,” some old lookin’, sad, piece or worthless shit stallion walked up to me. “Getting a little cocky because you beat up a bunch of amateur duelists?” The old fart asked. “Because you may have fought the captain of the royal guard, but he is no duelist.”

“Bitch,” I rolled my eyes. “That guy can and probably has kicked your shit in, in the past. Now explain to me why my son had to take part in yet another fight he wanted no part in?” I asked.

“Simple, he did not beat Princess Luna, nor was there a decided winner from their exhibition match.” The stallion tilted his head. “Nor does he play fairly; he’s a weak, pathetic excuse of a magician that it’s laughable to assume that he could beat even Princess Mi Amore Cadenza in a fight.”

I felt my blood begin to boil. “You want your ass to be kicked in?”

Kodi walked past me. “Yo dude, quit trying to piss my Mum off, aye? You aren’t that strong looking, and also my mother will rip your dick off and fuck you with it if you don’t stop-”

“Are you implying I’m weak? I’m a top tier duelist, winning hundreds of tournaments in a row.”

“And my Ma took a spell from Shining Armor, and got right back up without a shield.” Kodi tilted his head and sat on his ass. “Now, put your money where your damn mouth is; show everypony here I’m weak, right here, right now. Get in the arena, asshole.”

“No Kodi, let me-” Kodi interrupted me by tapping my nose with his horn.

“Nah,” the two walked into the crowd.

We all found ourselves sitting in the bleachers and ponies were cheering for the old fart… Most of them were cheering for Kodi; he’s developed a bit of a fanbase with his match against Celly, Cadance, and Luna.

“Our very own Battle Brawler!” the announcer just gave a big, hyped up speech for the old fart, but… “And Prince Source Code!”

“I feel bad,” Celly giggled. “Battle Brawler won’t be able to touch Source… and it’s about time that stallion quits looking down on everypony.”

Brawler shot six spells in quick succession at Kodi, who blocked one with a shield, side stepped another, ducked under the fourth, Light Shielded the fifth, which grinded that into nothing, and shot the same spell, a lightning bolt, into the sixth one. Both lightning spells crashed into each other and blew smoke and dust clouds into the air as ponies cheered. The smoke cleared; Kodi was standing there, stoically staring at his opponent, before he sat back down… What’s sitting down there isn’t my son… Jesus christ.

“Ooo!” Pinkie giggled. “Source may talk down on himself a lot, but he’s scary.” She clapped her hooves. “Last time something got Source genuinely mad, he threw a magic resistant, giant bear into space like it was nothing!”

“And…” Twilight shrugged. “Why did Brawler decide to insult Source, and Maeve? Neither of them did anything wrong, and are very capable mages.”

“His wife probably left him,” I snarled.

Everyone flinched at the venom. In my voice. "Or she cheats on him, or has somepony cuck him everyday. I can't find another reason for hin to be such a sad sack of shit." Luna mouthed 'what the fuck' at me before snickering.

“Hey dickhead,” Kodi’s voice resonated across the whole arena. “My fuckin’ son’s faster at casting spells than you are,” he grinned maliciously. “Eat my asshole.” Kodi shot… fifteen Stuns, then fifteen telekinetic blasts, and then a mixture of fireballs and ice shards. Brawler smirked and brought a shield up… only for the inside of his shield to catch fire. “D’aw, you fell for it…” My… son grinned. I was grinning. Luna and Cadance, I don’t know how, had got ahold of cheerleader outfits. “I casted… what? Forty five spells in three seconds, about as long as it took you to cast six. I can cast spells seven and a half times quicker than you.

“Like you can hear me, since you’re cookin’ in your shield of yours,” Kodi’s horn stopped glowing. Laying on the ground, twitching, was Brawler. The old geezer, to his credit, got back up. “Damn, you’re conscious…”

“...How did you cast so many spells at once?”

“Eh, turns out casting a lot of the same spell at once is pretty easy; Rarity does it all the time with Levitate even if she doesn’t realize that… doing that is pretty advanced Levitation. You cast a Fireball? Well, you could cast a lot of fireballs with one set of Runes and Equations… also I can cast a lot of spells, naturally, in one sitting. So, I suck at using magic, right?” Kodi asked, his voice still carried throughout the arena and into the stands. “Right?” He asked.

“I suppose I’ll get-” a giant lightning bolt struck Brawker and knocked him out.

“Shit, that casted too early.” Kodi chuckled… “I'm feckin’ tired and my horn feels like shit. Peace!” He teleported to me, flopped over onto me, and fell asleep. That makes me happier than you can imagine.

…He’s not going to remember exactly what happened tomorrow.

After breakfast, Cadance gave me a hug, right before everypony else had to go back to Canterlot and resume living our normal lives. Twilight and her friends did get to ride in Cadance’s train car, despite my niece not coming with us, and Twilight was given Starswirl’s spell with instructions very finely set out by Celly; do not open, do not read, do not cast, until you get to Ponyville and have some rest after sitting in a train car for a week straight.

With that said, now there were four Irish, Ma’s half Aussie, half Irish, idiots wondering what to do. Celly and Button had gone and snuggled up together and decided to read a book.

That was a good idea.

Dan sighed. “I don’t wanna just sit around and nap until we get home,” he groaned.

“We could read a book,” Dave pointed out. “Celestia and Button seem to be getting along just fine, doing that.”

Katie was now sketching sonething… until Dan interrupted her. “C’mon, Katie, you can help us all come up with something to do! Kodi’s gonna just be boring and try and join his wife, like a fuckin’ freak, and rest and relax for the whole trainride!”

“But I wanted to sketch that,” Katie pointed at Celly and Button, and me after I had joined them. “Look at that, and tell me that it shouldn't be immortalized on paper.”

“And in words so sweet!” I said

Katie and I almost started singing that song, until Dan groaned. “C’mon, that song-”

“Is good,” I interrupted him. “I heard you singing it in the shower a few times, Dan.”

The door creaked open, and the outside air, which was cold as hell, rushed in, and Spike walked in, before he quickly closed it. “Hey guys,” he waved. “Twilight sent me to go get snacks, despite our car literally having a snack bar and mini bar in it, so I pointed that out to her, and walked out the door.” He gestured to all of us. “I’m here now,” he gave a quick bow to Celestia, before walking over to Katie. “Hey!”

“Oh!” Katie started blushing when Spike ran up to her, hugged her, and nuzzled into her chest. As per usual, Katie was wearing a sundress, a yellow one today. Spike wasn’t nuzzling into her fur, but he didn’t really care. Katie soon found herself laying on a cushion, curled around Spike, while he rested his back against the side of her belly, showing him her drawings.

“Ma,” Dan whined. “Do-”

“Shush,” Ma said, laying on her side, facing away from us. “I spent all of yesterday kickin’ ass, and the other half watching Kodi kick ass. I wanna nap. Go bother Rainbow Dash, or something, I don’t fucking know. And don’t wake Luna or Tale, or Snowdrop up; this is around when they’re getting some shuteye, so be polite, and be quiet when moving through their car.”

“Actually,” Spike interrupted. “They’re wide awake. Snowdrop was hoping to come over and steal Source for a bit.”

“Meh, still, be polite with them. I know you will, as Kodi probably raised you to be good, but Luna deserves some respect.” Dan saluted Ma, before excitedly running out the door Spike came in from, so he could annoy Twilight and her friends. I felt bad for them; Dan won’t leave them alone. I glanced over at Dave, who was being silent and usual, but he was just staring out the window, instead of reading or something. “Everything alright, Dave?” I asked.

“...Do you know a filly named Diamond Tiara?” Dave asked.

“Oh her… I should go check in on her; I know she came along to study the Crystal Empire and unicorn culture, but I didn’t get the chance to talk with her. Why’dya ask?”

“...She found me and Button’s friends while we were ‘crusading for our cutie marks’, which is really funny since they’re the cutie mark crusaders and…”

“The crusaders done and failed.” I chuckled. “Yeah, thanks for pointin’ that out. What did Diamond Tiara do?”

“She has a fucking crush on me, Kodi. She kissed me!” Dave threw his hooves in the air. “How the hell do I respond to that?”

Ma was up in a heartbeat. “A little girl’s chasin’ ya, aye Dave?” She asked.

“...Yeah.”

“Do you like her?” I asked.

“She acted like a rich kid, because she is, but… she’s really timid. I only met Diamond because she came up to Button’s friends, and especially Button, to apologize to them. Then she was bumping into me a lot… and we were talking, and before I knew it, I got kissed on the cheek. She’s a nice girl, but… she’s a pony, and also it’s probably just a crush thing you told me about Kodi, about how childhood crushes just come and go.”

“Funny that is,” I chuckled. “Me and Celly are a rare case, but most foals that end up being friends, statistically, end up dating more often. Button and Sweetie Belle are bound to date each other at some point-” Button smacked me gently, but made no further comments.

“So you’re saying there’s a chance that Diamond Tiara will want to sleep with me when we’re both older and have cutie marks?” Dave asked.

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I dunno, I’m not a pony.”

“Mmm,” Celly hummed. “I know Cadance and Shining Armor had known each other since their first year of secondary education, though Shining only showed romantic interest in their tertiary level of education… after Cadance got picked up by a… wonderful stallion that I told her to ditch after the first date.”

“As in that dude was a douche and Celly’s too nice to describe anypony as such,” I added. “But yeah, don’t sweat it too much, Dave. You’re ten, a lotta shit can happen in ten years.”

Dave just started staring ahead, I could see the gears turning in his head. “...I don’t think I wanna imagine ten years from now; what if she wants to marry me or something?” He asked.

“You can turn her down,” I pointed out. “No shame in not being interested; Celly coulda said I was buttfucking ugly and annoying, and I woulda got it. Granted, it woulda fucking sucked, but hey, Celly didn’t have to date the weird alien from another world.”

“And yer father and I definitely had turned down a few partners before we met each other,” Ma pointed out. “Personally, I’d say just give Diamond Tiara a chance if she asks you out. If anything builds from there, beyond bein’ friends, I’d say go for it.”

“Okay,” Dave nodded.

“So,” I stretched. “How much do you wanna bet that Dan’s being pinned down by one of the girls?” I asked.

Katie piped up. “He’ll either enjoy it and not care who’s sitting on him, or realize he’s made a mistake.” She and Spike snickered before going back to focusing on the notepad in front of the two.

Dan

I walked into the train car that Source’s friends were in. Er, Kodi, either or. I find it funny that my brother has zero sex drive, besides when it comes to his wife, but then damn near every one of his friends are mares. I mean, there’s Shining Armor, and then there’s a pony named Fancy Pants and another dude named Solar, that Kodi’s mentioned hanging out with, or enjoying the company of, but most of his friends are girls.

And according to him, mares out number stallions, and thus have herds.

Or literally just harems.

“Oh Spike are you back-” Twilight paused when she saw me. “Dan, what’re you doing here?”

“Family’s being boring. I was hoping we’d play cards, or something, but then Spike stole Katie for a bit, Kodi’s being a virgin and hanging out with his family, and Ma wants to take a nap. Dave’s processing how a filly is chasing him. Basically, I’m here because I’m bored, and I’m trying not to get snuggled to death by Luna or Snowdrop. With that said, I’m here now, how’s it going?” I ask as I make my way deeper into the car.

I plopped my butt on an empty cushion that just happened to be there.

“Everything’s going alright,” Apple Jack shrugged. “Ah’m a bit surprised your first thoughts were to come in here, rather than… take a nap or something. Your brother sure does love his naps… and cuddling whenever he gets the chance.”

“I kinda… I can't sit still for very long, I’ll be honest. Not without at least doing something to keep me busy. Usually I’d try reading, or writing, or anything, really, but I don’t have a notebook to write in, I read everything that everyone brought for the trip, and I don’t have much of anything else to do. No puzzles, I suck at magic, like actually suck at it, so I can’t practice that, like I could if I were any good; it’s noisy to practice the stuff and we’re on a train. Can’t really practice when the train’s not magic proof.” I sighed. “Seriously, what can I do?”

“You could read a Daring Do book,” Rainbow suggested, in her hooves was a book from the aforementioned series… Daring Do, and the long, dramatic villain thing, or mystical item or whatever the fuck she’s after in that current book. “Surely, you’re cooler than your brother and like Daring Do, right?”

My eyes twitched at that. “Okay, Rainbow, I’ll let you in on a fun little fact… I entered freshman year, I was at an advanced reading level; comprehension and all. I like writing in my free time, I love reading whenever I get a new book that grabs my ADHD for more than two minutes. I read one Daring Do book, guessed the whole plot after the first paragraph, and was proven right when I got done with it. Hence why I kinda… hate Daring Do.”

“...What?” Dashie asked.

“I hate Daring Do,” I repeated myself.

Twilight blinked. “No means to rain on your parade, Dan, but I’ve a feeling I’m at a higher level of reading comprehension than you are, even then, I like Daring Do…”

“Fair, Twilight, this may be because of human literature, or because of my hobby back home. I like picking apart stories. It’s just that everything in Daring Do, the first one at least, was laid out in such an obvious fashion, for me, that I guessed the plot. The book after that wasn’t too much better. So I stopped caring about it and hate how popular it is here. It’s the same formula; Daring Do finds interest in treasure, thing, or place. Daring Do researches the treasure, thing, or place, and comes up short. Some old dude, or mare, or whatever, knows about the treasure, thing, or place and how to get to treasure, or thing, or place containing the treasure or thing, or just the place Daring Do is interested in. Bad guy shows up, screws with Daring Do and knocks her down at the moment of the climax, and then Daring Do comes out on top, saves the world, and has obtained treasure, thing or place and learnt a very valuable lesson that she forgets in two books later.”

Twilight blinked a few times. I wasn’t done, though.

“This is fine, the formula's great, don’t get me wrong. Indiana Jones is basically the same thing, but Indiana Jones, a human thing, is iconic, and very cool. He stands out. Daring Do… feels like a very basic protagonist, young, ambitious, a bit stupid, and adventurous. None of the scenes are very special either. There are scenes that people on Earth made that have zero dialogue, and hit hard. Like say… if Daring Do found the thing, place, or treasure, randomly and doesn’t essentially go… ‘whoa’, and instead, does something like this:

“‘Daring Do came across the Pool of Yavin, a small lake hidden in a cove that was just barely covered up by the thick canopy above. Sunlight just barely cracked through, its beams gently lit up the cove, and the Pool of Yavin. The serene sounds of birds singing, the fresh smell of dew in the air… Daring Do had never seen anything like it. The Pool of Yavin was real…’ yaddda yadda, it’s beautiful, or whatever. Instead it’s just ‘woah… This is beautiful!’” I threw my hooves in the air. “Uh, anyways, I ain’t judging if you like Daring Do, I get why it’s popular, but it’s just not up my alley for me. It’s a story, but not a lot of meat to it, y’know?”

Rainbow Dash just kept glaring at me. Twilight, however…

“Okay, I see where you’re coming from, but it’s just a fun little series.”

“Yeah, the Lego Movie was just a fun little movie that’s a classic… It’s a human thing. I may rewrite that for the fun of it. I heard Luna’s boyfriend’s a writer; he could help me with that.”

“The heck’s a Lego?” Twilight asked. “Source explained what movies are…”

“Basically, a toy. It’s a bunch of bricks of various sizes and colors that you use to build things. Somebody made a movie on that, and it was for kids younger than Dave is, and it’s one of the best movies… ever. It was funny, the characters were great, the plot… everything. Simply incredible. I’d show y’all if… I think I brought my portable DVD player, and Tia went and enchanted it so it’d never die.” An idea came to mind.

“Okay, mister ‘smartass’,” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “I bet this…”

“You got a piece of paper? I need to send a note to Kodi.”

“I do! But I know what you’re looking for!” Pinkie reached into the suitcase… case, thing, and pulled out my suitcase… That was on Tia’s train car. She pulled out the DVD player and the small collection of DVDs I had brought with me. Among them… was the Lego Movie…

“Hey Dash, you like flying, right?” I asked as I sorted through the collection.

“...Are you stupid?” Dash asked.

“Yeah. I am.” I nodded. I picked up my copy of How to Train Your Dragon, the first one, and turned on the portable player. “Which movie do y’all wanna watch first? We’ve got a week to kill.”

“I’d like to see the Lego Movie,” Twilight raised a hoof. Feckin’ ponies have no need to be this adorable, the head tilt this mare did, and the flop of her ears…

“Any objections?” I asked.

“...Can we watch the one about dragons?” Fluttershy spoke up. “It looks… fun.”

“Hmm…”

“Yeah, let’s go with Fluttershy’s choice,” Rainbow admitted. “It has to be cool.”

Everyone overruled Twilight’s vote.

I popped the disc in the player and let it run.

About an hour and thirty minutes later, I was laying under Dash’s wing. The credits were playing and Dash was freaking out about it.

“So anyways, that was made for kids,” I hummed. Before we could ask, Pinkie grabbed the Spongebob Movie, the only good one, which is the first one, and stuck it in the player. She did, very gently, put the disc in it previously in its case, and into my suitcase.

I’d guess that Pinkie is going to like this one.

Katie

Me and Spike were chilling on our own little cushion in our own little cushion. I’ll admit, this cool little dude was nicer than most of my ex’s back home. Kodi and his family, nor did Ma, really pay attention to us. I had Spike curled up on a cushion, asking him to take a nap so I could sketch him out, and subsequently try to ‘animate’ him sleeping. Spike actually went and pretended to sleep on a cushion for a bit until I had it all sketched out and everything. After I got it sketched out and started focusing on details, such as Spike’s… spikes, scales, class, he stopped pretending to sleep and started chilling on the side of my belly again.

“You’re a good actor, you know,” I chuckled as Spike grinned. “I thought you genuinely took a nap.”

“Well… I might’ve actually tried, but I wanted to watch the… animation? That’s what that flippy thing is called, right?” I nodded.

“Yeah.” Katie nodded. “How does it look? I took a few liberties with how you looked.” As in I made him look cuter on paper. That was kinda hard, but… a slightly scrunched up nose here, a leg twitch there… and it’s an extra cute animation of Spike.

“Do I really sleep with my nose scrunched up like that?” Spike asked.

“Maybe a little.”

“Howdy hey,” Ma slotted her head right above my neck and looked over my shoulder. “How’s yer date going?”

Spike was drinking water at that exact moment and started coughing and wheezing at that.

“Ma!” I rolled my eyes. “We’re just hanging out.”

“That’s what I told yer grandma when I was datin’ yer father.”

“Ma…” I sighed. “You almost killed Spike with that!” I pointed to the poor dragon that was pounding on his chest to get some water out of his windpipe.

“I’m good!” Spike wheezed. “I’m just dying slightly!” He coughed some more. “Mrs. Code, I thought you were napping!”

“And I’m checking in on how my babies are doing. I see you’re gettin’ along nicely with Katie.”

“Is that bad?” Spike asked.

“Oh, no, I think it’s adorable. Just… if you two get to that point, treat her well, alright?” Ma asked. I knew what she was talking about. Spike just gave an inquisitive little head tilt at that. My eyes rolled for the sixth time in that second, and I regret to say that my yellow coat didn’t help hide my blush; Ma and Kodi were already somewhat protective of me, with both of them just being like that for Dan and Dave as well, but I think they’re a little… extra protective after Star attacked me. I appreciate it, I know I’ve got family keeping me from falling off the deep end.

Being babied isn’t any less embarrassing.

“Well, I’ve gone done botherin’ Dave; he’s over there, cuddling with Button after grumbling about how he isn’t cute. Button couldn’t care less about being called cute. I’m going to go annoy Kodi and check in on Dan.” Ma planted a kiss on my forehead, patted Spike on the head, and went to do exactly that. She dragged Kodi, by the tail, off of his wife… for a wing hug from Tia. I snickered at Kodi’s yelp, but Ma was quick to hug and apologize for scaring Kodi out of his nap like that. She then walked out the door heading towards where Dan went.

She came back with a stupid grin on her face. “Yer brother’s got a crush on Rainbow Dash; snuggled up with her with a dumb little smile on his face while they watched an Indiana Jones movie.”

“Oh…” I chuckled. “Isn’t Dash and Apple Jack a couple?”

“They are,” Kodi answers. “If they want him when he’s of age, I hope he understands the ramifications of just choosing Dash; Jackie’s a part of a packaged deal when you date her marefriend.” He hummed. “Dunno the last time Dash willingly cuddled anyone other than Apple Jack or the rest of the girls during that one sleep over we had, so that’s probably a good sign that she likes Daniel at least.”

Tia got up, flipping Kodi in the air with her magic, before promptly setting him on her back. “I’m going to take Kodi and get us all snacks, and possibly something for Luna. Do any of you crave anything in particular?” She then moved Kodi so that she was holding him, ass up. Luckily his tail spared us the view of his private regions. My brother crossed his forelegs before slowly looking at his wife after everyone made a request on what they wanted.

“Why are you holding me with magic?”

“You like it,” Celly sang. “Don’t deny it!”

“Yeah, when you aren’t holding me ass up!” The two of them, mostly Kodi, bickered with his teasing wife as they left our train car in the pursuit of snacks.

Dave sat up and stretched like a cat. “I’m going to go hangout with the Crusaders after Tia gets back. Wanna come, Button?”

“Yeah. I’m waiting until Mom and Dad get back, though.”

“Fair enough.”

Ma snickered. “I might’ve told Celly to carry Kodi like that, in her magic.”

…

“Grandma, you’re lucky that Kodi adores you so much, or he would do the same to you. You wouldn’t be able to fight back.”

“Oh, I know, and I’m fortunate that my son has so much respect for me-”

“Feck, feck, feck, feck!” Dan ran into our train car. “Feck.”

“What’d you do?” Ma asked.

“I said that Rainbow was a little more pleasant to lay on than Apple Jack… because Dash is slightly fatter.”

“Welp, yer dead,” Ma shrugged. Dash flew into our car, tackled Dan. “Yep, yer dead.”

“Hey,” Dave spoke up, before Dash could make any remarks. “I know my brother’s an idiot, because he called you fat, but perhaps… he mistook your muscles as fat?”

“Maybe,” Dashie said before eying Dan closer. “But he called me fat!”

“Well, Celly’s great to cuddle with and she’s practically a horse-shaped muscle mass with very nice fur. You’re kinda like that too, y’know.” Dave shrugged. “I’m just saying, my brother’s dumb, and probably didn’t know how athletic you actually are.”

“That is true, stallions do tend to be pretty stupid…” Rainbow looked back down at Dan, who had managed to escape out from under her. “Where the buck-”

Snowdrop walked back into our car, holding Daniel the same way Celly carried Kodi out with her talisman. “Come on Dan, being chased by a mare is fun; stallions like that.” She said with a shit eating, knowing grin. She handed him off to Dash… so Dash sat on him. Kodi and Celly came back, with the snacks they had procured on Celly’s back.

She was still carrying him ass up.

“Couldn’t you have put me on your back instead?”

“But where would the snacks go?”

“Into the bag, and into your magic that the snack guy offered to give us?” Kodi stopped and saw what was happening to Dan. “You called Dashie fat, didn’t you?” He asked.

“Please help me.”

“Can’t, my wife’s being a bitch as usual.”

“What?” Celly asked. She was playing into it at least. “As far as I’m aware, Kodiak, I’m not a female dog.”

“C’mon, I know you don’t care about me calling you that. Sun Butt.”

“Oh come on! I insult a mare, by accident, and get sat on! You literally called your wife a bitch and you get nuzzled for it?” Dan asked.

“To be fair,” Celly hummed. “I was being a bit of one, by doing this to Source.” She then eyed Dan. “Since you called me a bitch, however… Rainbow Dash, for every hour you sit on Daniel, I’ll give you twenty bits.”

“Eh,” Dash got up. “I’m not that mean, or hungry for money. I know Dan meant well in saying he liked me more, even if he put his hoof in his mouth while doing so.” She shrugged. “I’m going to go take a nap, c’mon, Daniel, I need a pillow, fat boy.”

Spike slowly sat up. “Katie, your family’s stupid.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, though.” I noted as, after Celly distributed the snacks, laid Kodi on his back and started making up for teasing him so hard earlier. Or Dan and Button running off to go play with their friends. Ma had settled back down and had started reading a book.

“I like it,” Spike admitted before flopping onto my stomach one more time. He was conked out by the next minute.

Twilight Has Wings Now.

After we got off the train in Canterlot, we stayed in the train station and waved at Twilight’s friends as the train slowly started to pull out of Canterlot Station. From here, it would just be finding time to kill until Twilight grows wings sometime tomorrow night, or very early in the morning the next day. To be frank, I still don’t know what to do in Canterlot; I don’t spend a lot of time outside the castle. Cheerilee did decide to prolong her class’s field trip and get a tour from Celestia herself. So perhaps that’s something we could do.

“So why can’t we go to Ponyville?” Dan asked. “I was hoping to see what that place is like, given their Town Hall got blown up with bread apparently.”

“Because big, important stuff involving Twilight’s supposed to happen. As in growing wings, see the light, see inside herself and see… her, I guess. I don’t fuckin’ know. We both, me and Celly, decided it wasn’t necessary for Twilight to grow wings because democracy, but we decided ‘fuck it’ after Twilight did that little display of magic.” I explained. “And shit is supposed to get real shitty down in Ponyville while it happens; so we’re just gonna avoid your first day in Ponyville for now.”

“Source, that’s a crass way of saying Twilight will become a Princess.” Celly mused.

“Eh,” I shrugged. “You wouldn’t have me be some prissy noble that has my head shoved up my ass, would you?”

“No, no I wouldn’t. If you ever become that, I think I’d sit on you.”

“You know I like that-”

“Okay, you two need to stop,” Dan rolled his eyes. “Do not need to know what the fuck my brother and his wife get up into while in the bedroom alone!”

Celly and I snicker, before we ended up leaving the train station a few moments later. Cheerilee and her class were being escorted to the castle so every foal could get the luxury experience, in pairs of two, these pairs will get their own rooms in the guest hall of the castle. Complete with room service and everything they could want, mostly candy. With that said, Cheerilee took Button with her since he was still one of her students, and even asked about taking Dave along for the ride.

Dave agreed only because he was paired with Button; no funny business could be had with him and Diamond Tiara, because apparently that’s something that’s happening.

And I’m not seeing it happen, so clearly it doesn’t actually happen.

Katie decided, since in her words…

“It’s chilly,” she shivered and immediately went to me. “Wing, please.”

“But Celly’s a heated pillow,” I pointed out. That didn’t stop me from throwing a wing over her. “I feel like she’d be a better pony to be lended a wing from.”

“Mmm,” Katie shrugged. “But also I like this more.”

“Let your sister cuddle with you, dear,” Celly said, holding Ma in one of her wings. Ma, in question, was in a pony loaf, despite being held in the air. She purred at the warmth she was receiving. Dan found himself being snuggled up under Snowdrop’s wing as Luna tended to Tale. “Yes, I know you’re going to let her do that anyways, Source.” Celly giggled. “Your family got acquainted to how we ponies live, which in your words when you first came to Equestria:”

“Ponies are more cuddly than humans,” I droned. “But in all fairness, you had ulterior motives, you scheming devil… trying to woo my dumbass when I don’t know if you were trying to hit on me or be friendly.”

“...A bit of both,” Celly mused. “You were a friend that I just happened to have an interest in trying to court.”

Katie ended up riding on my back up until we got onto one of the lifts to the shopping disc of Canterlot, the second highest of the disk. The tallest had the castle on it. From there, we all piled into the lift, got situated… and a colt, a rich looking one, walked up to us while blatantly ignoring the fact that the rest of us were here. He bumped into Katie, she was walking while practically bumping into me every other step, pushing my sister into me and almost knocking Katie over.

“Hey there, good looking…”

Okay, so, here’s a fun little run down on Equestrian population analytics.

There’s just a lower birth rate of stallions than mares, almost by fifty percent, a foal is going to be female. This is why herds are commonplace; stallions sleep with many a mare, higher chance of popping a colt out. This is whatever. Most stallions get it, and most mares really don’t mind sharing a stallion as long as they all love each other. The problem is with these rich stallions and colts.

They think their dick is a gift, hence why Blueblood keeps trying his chances at every mare, but his personality is like sandpaper so nobody wants him. The problem then lies with the fact that most colts, amongst the snobs, are like this too.

Katie just about caught herself, before turning to check on me. “Are you alright, Kodi?”

“Meh, I’m fine,” I say, despite being knocked on my side. I sat back up and stretched. “You grew an annoyance to your right, though.”

Katie slowly turned to the rich lookin’ colt, who was wearing a designer suit. It would be adorable if it didn’t look like this guy was on the precipice of reaching maturity, as in he was around Dan’s age, if not a little older. The colt smiled. “C’mon, babe, I bet I could be way cooler to hangout with than this fossil,” he gestured to me. “Is he paying your parents to have your hoof in marriage? I’ll out bid them-”

“Ew, what the fuck?” I asked.

“Yeah, what?!” Katie asked, before turning up to Celly. “THERE’S ARRANGED MARRIAGES?”

“Amongst the upper class, yes,” Celly sighed.

“Oh… I think I saw the news about there being more additions to the Royal Family; perhaps you’re Princess Celestia’s new niece?” Dickhead asked.

“...I’m her sister in law, that’s my brother,” Katie pointed at me. "Why the fuck would I be marrying him? Isn’t fucking your sibling a bit fucked up?”

“...So would you like to hangout with me instead of your lame brother?”

“What do you honestly see in me-”

“I’d like to get you out of your dress-”

“Hey, youngin’,” Ma got between my sister and this asshole. “Get teh feck away from my daughter before I send you to jesus.” The asshole’s a unicorn, and Ma was making sure he knew he had an out… by letting all of her ambient magic out. “Get the fuck away from my daughter, you degenerate.” The asshole nodded quickly and ran off. “Christ in heavens, how are these rich asshat stallions so fuckin’ blind?” Ma asked.

“Hey, I resent that remark,” Tale said, he was half asleep on Luna’s back. “I think I’m a nice individual.”

“That’s because you are a gentlecolt,” Luna giggled. “By the way, we’re planning on getting married before the end of this year,” she announced. She teleported Tale off her back. “I’m so excited!” She hugged her sleepy coltfriend, who, despite his sleepiness, hugged her just as tightly as Luna was hugging him.

…

Holy shit. “God damn, Luna, Tale, congrats,” I clapped my hooves. “‘Bout time you two tied that knot, with how much I could hear you both having sex from your tower on the opposite side of the castle from Celly’s tower.”

“Oh please,” Luna rolled her eyes. “I still get flashbacks to you two going at it when I first got back from the moon.”

Our conversation quickly came to a halt when we saw Dan walk out of a store with a sucker in his mouth. In his magic was a bag full of candy. We all started staring at him, the whole darn time. “What? Y’all were bickering so much that I had enough time to get candy,” he offered a chocolate bar to Katie, which was promptly taken. My sister started nibbling on it as we went off on our way… Celly, like a foal, started pestering Dan for something from his candy bag.

“Can I get a Hoofsy roll?” Celly asked.

“No.”

“A Hoosfy pop?”

“I don’t even think I got one of those.”

“How about rock candy?”

“Why are you acting like this?” Dan asked.

“I would like to procure a treat,” my wife pouted. “And Source didn’t go get me something from the candy store; instead he decided to bitch at my sister about her bedroom activities.”

“Celly,” I shook my head and snickered. “You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“...Please no; the couch isn’t big enough for me to stretch my legs.” Celly then brought her head back down to Dan’s level. “Can I get a Nickers bar? I need it because… do you see the level of abuse your brother puts me through?”

“Hmm,” Dan hummed. “I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like shitty American candy, a knock off of that shitty American candy.” Dan rustled through the bag with a hoof before pulling out the aforementioned Nickers bar, it was a nice and big, Princess Size one. “But yeah, my brother’s a dick. Make sure you pout at him, and he’ll be the one sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“That,” Celly hummed, her mouth was full of Nickers Bar. “Is a good point.” Before Celly could do anything else, I reached over and kissed her cheek. She blinked a few times. “And your brother drives a better point.”

“Y’know,” I hummed. “You and Luna haven’t taken my offer to turn yourselves into fillies for a day. Snowdrop could handle ruling the kingdom for the day, and then y’all can experience what it’s like to be foals for once, rather than thinking about how to behead that asshat of a Unicorn Lord at the ripe age of seventeen. Cuz I dunno about Equus, but your biggest concern at that age should be test scores and boys.”

“Perhaps I shall take you up on that offer after Twilight is crowned as a Princess.”

“Fair.” I nuzzled her. “And you know I wouldn’t make you sleep on the couch, because I’d end up sleeping on top of you. It’s way easier to do that on the bed.”

“Stop being gross,” Dan rolled his eyes. “You two are fucking disgusting.”

“Because we love each other?” Celly asked. “Your mother and Katie do not seem to mind. Luna and Tale don’t either.”

“That’s because Ma, Katie, and Luna are girls, and Tale’s weird.”

“Yer just mad because Rainbow sat her ass on your head for ten minutes because you called her fat,” I chimed in. “Be lucky you aren’t seeing how me and Celly act around each other alone. You’d be dying from diabetes with how we are around each other.”

Dan shivered at that. “Okay, yeah. But do you two have to be all snuggly and corny around each other while I’m here?”

“My dear brother in law,” Luna thwacked him with a wing. “My sister and I do not find mates very easily, and my sister is very fortunate in the fact that she still has Source to begin with. Your brother’s hanging on by a thread most of the time and was nearly lost several times in two different magical accidents that could’ve killed him. I believe that they deserve to be cheesy and ‘cute’ around each other.”

“Luna, if you make an offhoof comment about how Celly deserves that, but you don’t, I will tickle you, right here, in public.” I threatened.

“...You aren’t going to let me berate myself?”

“Yer a good mare,” Ma pointed out. “I woulda got on yer ass if you said you were anything less.”

Luna started blushing. “Fine, I suppose I shall have to take your compliments on the cheek… even if I do not believe I warrant them.”

We ended up piling on Luna for the night.

Dave

I don’t understand why the heck me and Button were supposed to be getting a ‘tour of Canterlot Castle’ like everypony else. Ms. Cheerilee didn’t seem to understand that I’m not a part of her class and Button lives here. That, or she just wanted us to both come along for the ride, and probably talked to Ma or Kodi about seeing if I would be interested in enrolling into her school. Button bumped shoulders with me and sighed.

“You don’t wanna be here either, do ya?” I asked. “Away from the family?”

“Not really, but I like seeing this as an opportunity,” Button shrugged. “You already know Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. They live down in Ponyville and I don’t get to hangout with them all the time, or often. So this seems like as good a time as any to spend some time with them. I know you didn’t really… say much while we were hanging out with them earlier.”

“...They seem a little energetic for my liking,” I admit. “They’re good kids, but…”

“Why do you sound older than Source does?” Button asks. “Like you sound like an old man, calling other foals… kids.”

“What does Kodi think of them?”

“Oh, Dad loves most of my classmates. He already knew Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle through their sisters, and he and Scootaloo get along just fine despite them not having much in common.”

“I’m surprised we aren’t getting swarmed by the rest of your classmates; they know you live here, right?”

“...I… Huh.” Button shrugged. “How aren’t you getting swarmed? As much as Dad tried to keep things under wraps, with Katie, you, and Dan existing, it’s pretty much out of the bag that y’all are related to him. Katie and Grandma just like Source… just one’s a mare, and the other’s a filly with inverts of Dad’s colors. Then with how Source was hanging out with Dan and Katie pretty much the entire time during the Unicorn Convention, everyone assumed that y’all were more than just students of Dad.”

“You didn’t use everypony,” I point out.

“Huh. I guess I picked it up from Dad.”

“Hey Button!” Apple Bloom and her two friends had caught up to us, as well as most of the class. “And hey Dave,” she waved at me.

“Howdy,” I nod to the fillies. “So… What brings you over here?” I asked.

“Cheerilee said that everypony had free reign of Canterlot as long as we stuck to our partners, and that we kept a map on us… Neither of y’all have a map.”

“Well, we live here,” I point out. “In Canterlot. My brother’s shown Button around a few times and-”

“Wait, yer brother!?” Sweetie Belle asked. She’s a bit of an airhead, so I let it pass. “Source is your brother?”

“Yeah, I’m technically Button’s uncle, but since I’m about Button’s age, it’d be pretty weird for him to call me that. Best friends, though!” I sat on my haunches and threw my forelegs into the air, just to bring them down onto Button. Button smiled, a little squeak escaped his cheeks as he smiled. This is something I’ve noticed; ponies are very squeaky for no reason. I’ve dubbed it ‘squee’ because it’s a squeak, but not high pinched enough to be a squeak. “So, where do y’all wanna head first?”

“Well, we could just go to the castle now…”

“Yeah, I would like to meet Princess Celestia.” Oh god.

“Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, what are you doing?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Oh,” Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. “Don’t you all want to meet the Princess?” She asked. “Who wouldn’t?”

“Well,” I hummed. “I already did meet her, she’s married to my brother,” I pointed out.

“She’s my Mom,” Button added.

“And Source sometimes lets Celly teach me and Dinky when he tutors us,” Sweetie also chimed in. “she’s just a big mare, a really nice one, but…”

“...Celly?” Diamond asked.

“Yeah, Celestia lets us call her that,” Apple Bloom shrugged. “It’s a bit odd to not call her Princess, at first, but then Uncle Source said that she’d probably prefer it if we called her ‘Celly’ or ‘Celestia’ instead. Then it just started becoming natural.”

Silver Spoon decided now was a good time to speak up. “...Could you introduce us to her? Sorry about Diamond Tiara; she’s still trying to figure out how to be a bit more tactful.”

“Silver!” Diamond groaned. “Come-”

“You know I’m right.”

“...Yeah.” Diamond Tiara walked up beside me, brushed against my side, and then gave me puppy eyes. “Can you get your brother to introduce us to Princess Celestia?” She asked.

“I request an adult,” I slowly turned to the Crusaders and Button. “Please help me.”

“Is… something wrong with this?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Yer confusing that colt, Diamond Tiara,” Apple Bloom sighed.

“I mean, I can ask Kod- Source, but I dunno if they’ll say yes. I know my brother’s been meaning to check in on you since the last time he spoke with y’all.” I shrugged. “Admittedly, I don’t know what happened, but apparently you have history with him.”

“...So I might just want to thank Mr. Code for saving me from my mother; my Dad wants to speak with him too, which is why he’s in Canterlot with the rest of Cheerilee’s class.”

Button perked up. “Oh, I see, now! C’mon, let’s go get your dad!”

Source

I found myself sitting in a lounge room, just behind where Celly’s throne is. Despite Celly deserving some rest from the week long train ride, she decided to have day court and I decided to help her. Somepony in particular showed up and it was kinda interesting. Sitting in front of me was Filthy Rich, Diamond Tiara’s dad. He’s a pretty well-groomed fellow, though he lacked his business collar that I usually saw him wearing around Ponyville, in fact, he’s pretty much naked save for a bowtie that made him look pretty snazzy.

“Pleasure to finally speak with you,” Filthy greeted. He said after taking a sip of coffee. “To be frank, you’re… rather-”

“You can call me short… I’m assuming you’d rather go by your last name; being known as Mr. Filthy sounds like a fun thing to go by, but Mr. Rich sounds cooler.”

“...I do. Why would Mr. Filthy sound fun?”

“Could be a fun name for a cleaning product.” I comment.

“...I may need to rename one of my products to that then. It would be pretty humorous.”

“And humor can help sell a product,” I point out.

“That it can.” He sighed. “Okay, you and I both know that I’m not just here for a friendly conversation, though it is the majority of it… You sent me a message along with a crystal on… your birthday I believe? I know it has some importance, since it was a Pinkie Party. As much as they aren’t for me, I knew Diamond Tiara does particularly enjoy hanging out with Silver Spoon during those; those two are adorable together.” He chuckled. “What I saw in that Crystal, once you told me how to use it… was an eye opener, Mr. Code.”

“Call me Neo,” I chuckled. “Uh, don’t mind that, it’s a dumb joke nobody will get. Call me Source.”

“Okay, Source… My wife was… I know she can be a bit unpleasant at times, and sometimes I'd greet my daughter at dinner and she has a little extra makeup on, but I’d never expect it to turn out that my wife was abusing our daughter. Well, Spoiled Milk was my wife, at least. I had to hire a manager for all my companies, so I could spend more time with Diamond Tiara, but it was worth it. I make more than enough money to not have a hooves on approach to any of my companies.

“This all boils down to… thank you. I know my daughter probably didn’t leave the best impression on you, or anypony. I know she bullied a little group of fillies… but after I forced my wife out of my home, Diamond Tiara’s opened up with me more. It… feels good.”

“Ha, enjoyin’ yer life with your daughter, aye?” I chuckled. “But uh, yeah, don’t thank me. To be frank, I hate seeing somepony treat their foals so poorly. From what I hear, you’re a respectable fellow. I just gotta ask… how good was your ex in bed to put up with her bullshit?”

“...Not good enough. Her parents had to pay me to marry her.” Filthy chuckled. “Granted, she’s why I have my daughter now, but… She was…”

I snorted. “A fuckin’ whore,” I interupted. “But yeah, your daughter’s pretty sweet as it turned out. She responded to my tickling my grabbing my muzzle-”

“And licking your nose?” Filthy clapped his hooves. This is probably a side of himself that he doesn’t show often in public. “It’s so sweet!” He sighed. I seriously wish to thank you, Mr. Code. Thank you so much.”

“Thank me by continuing to treat your kid well-”

“And… that’s where Source is.” The window was opened and Button, and Dave, piled in through it.

“That’s… those are your sons?”

“Button’s my son, he’s the brown little unicorn. The cyan one’s my little brother…” Huh. Dave is notably smaller than the other foals, despite being roughly around their age, if not older than everyone by a year. “Who’re you talkin’ to, Dave?” I asked.

Dave pointed to the fillies floating out the window. All of whom are taking things in differently. Sweetie Belle is using a Skywalker Spell, so she’s floating on her own. She follows soon after Button and lands beside him. Scootaloo is enjoying not being on the ground for once. Apple Bloom, Silver Spoon, and Diamond Tiara were holding onto each other for dear life; they wanted to plant their hooves on something solid and never let go of solid ground ever again. They were levitated into the room, with Scootaloo being levitated in last.

“...Your son and… brother?” Filthy chuckled. “They’re quite marvelous when it comes to magic, as it seems.”

“That they are.” I nod. “You’re surprisingly relaxed about this whole thing… but…”

“I live in Ponyville,” Filthy chuckled. “Diamond Tiara, why were you being carried through the air by Source’s son and two of his students?”

Diamond Tiara, Apple Bloom, and Silver Spoon all realized that their hooves were touching solid ground again, which made them realize that they were hugging each other. After a second of me and Rich pretending like that wasn’t an adorable sight, and totally forgetting it, Diamond Tiara sat on the couch her dad was on, after removing her tiara, and nuzzled into his side. D’aw.

“I wanted to speak with Source,” Diamond Tiara almost whispered. “So I tried getting Button and Dave to introduce me to Princess Celestia… because I thought she’d ‘introduce’ me to Source.”

“She was being a little snooty about it, aye?” Dave chuckled. “A bit, but after Silver Spoon went and blurted out what Diamond Tiara actually wanted… Here we are! All without botherin’ Celly one bit!”

“So,” I started. “How’s life going, Diamond Tiara? Heard your mom got tossed out in the streets.”

“She did,” Diamond Tiara confirmed. “Life’s been going better, since Dad’s taking more time off to make sure I’m not lonely at home. We have butlers and maids, but that isn’t really… the same as having Dad around. I would say ‘Mom’ too, but…”

“Yeah, I get it.” shrugged. “I heard from Dave,” I gestured to my little brother, who was now being dogpiled on by the Crusaders after he pounced on Scootaloo. “That you were chasing him, hmm?” I kept the grin on my face to a minimum.

“...Is that a problem?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“Nah, he’s my little brother, not my kid. What he does is his thing, and to be honest, it’s adorable and you’re both too young to be seriously considering each other. Just be a bit careful; I’m like… two and a half times older than he is, and he makes me feel stupid sometimes.”

“...I know.”

“Hey Apple Bloom,” Dave said, his voice was kinda muffled since the filly was sitting on his head. “I think you just got your cutie mark. Same with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo!” Oh, you devious little bastard.

“Really!?” All three fillies jumped off of Dave, who quickly dived under my couch, and all got disappointed.

“...Dave, did you lie to us just so we’d stop beating you up?” Scootaloo asked. Button started snickering; the fact that the fillies fell for it, and that Dave is likely going to die if he crawls out from under the couch any time soon.

“So maybe I did.” My little brother snickered, before crawling out from under the couch. “It wasn’t fair. The moment I try to wrestle with Scootaloo, I get jumped by three fillies! And Button, I thought we were cool, mate! Nah, you let your filly friends beat me up!”

“In all fairness…”

“Fuck you!” Dave hopped on my back and grabbed my neck. “Don’t you dare jump at me, Scootaloo, I have a hostage!”

Rich just sat in awe, mostly because Dave swore in front of him.

“Dave, please stop.” I whispered.

“Roll with it, please,” Dave whispered back. “I’ll owe you big time if you do.”

“But I like having my neck, and also I like not being used as a meat shield.”

“Source, is this normal?” Rich asked.

“This in particular is new, but yeah, this is basically what I’ve come to expect.”

Later in the evening, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, along with the Crusaders all had to go to the guest wing of the castle. Me and the whole family were sitting on a balcony, sharing a bottle of whisky, though Button and Dave were being given shots of apple juice instead of fucking whisky. Mostly because this particular whisky was pretty damn strong.

So something in Ponyville blew up. That’s nothing new. What is new, is that me and the whole family, Celly included since she ended day court a bit early, was the type of explosion and the shape of the explosion. It was a magical explosion, one that happened right in Twilight’s library, where she was probably keeping the unfinished Starswirl spell. On top of that, the explosion happened to be in the shape of Twilight’s cutie mark.

“What the fuck?” Ma asked.

“What?” I asked.

“What is wrong with that tiny little town? It looks so nice, so peaceful, and BOOM! A fuckin’ explosion!”

“Yeah, that’s Ponyville. It’s pretty fun to be in, with how chaotic it can be at times,” I chuckled. “Didya know that Twilight got in trouble once for mentally manipulating everyone in Ponyville with a magically enchanted doll with a Want It Need It spell? Basically, you see the doll, it makes you want it, and thus need it.” I chuckled. “Ah shit, that was fucking fun, if only I wrote about how it happened in my journal, since me and Celly had to go down and solve that shit.”

Mostly Celly.

“What? That sweet little mare did what? Ain’t that incredibly illegal?” Ma asked.

“Eh, she was having an episode and went a little extra fucking crazy,” I nodded to my wife. “Ain’t it about time that you head on down to Ponyville and stuff?” I asked.

“I believe it is.” Celly spreaded her wings. “Don’t worry, Maeve, this was planned.”

“...Okay. I’m just going to…” Ma downed the whole fucking bottle. “Forget that Magical Horse Land is fucking strange… I’m going to go lay down for a bit.

This was NOT apart of the fucking plan.

WHY WAS I NOT TOLD OF THIS PART OF THE FUCKING PLAN!?

So Twilight’s getting crowned as the Princess of Friendship and Magic. That’s pretty cool. It’s actually kinda neat, and Twilight was incredibly excited about it. Most of the last week was spent on getting dresses for everypony, Celly and Luna dug out their old coronation ceremonial dresses which were used when they took the crown, and when Cadance… well, got her crown as well in Celly’s case. Cadance and Shining Armor ended up using DragonFire to get here on time, and were getting a suit and dress tailored for them.

Fuck, even Snowdrop was getting a dress since she was a High Princess of Equestria. Solar was to stand next to her in ceremonial guardsman armor.

Tale was getting a suit and all he had to do was stand next to Luna.

So since I’m married to Celly I should stand next to her, right? WELL I GUESS FUCKING NOT!?

“Why?” I asked. I was being fitted into a suit, Twilight and the other princesses were stuffed into a room watching me get changed. “I thought you loved me,” I pouted.

“I do love you, Source,” Celly nuzzled me. “If it makes you feel any better, your suit looks rather dashing on you, you know.”

“I hate you.” I grumbled.

“No you don’t.”

“Okay, no I don’t. But why am I also getting crowned? I thought I was only a High Prince through the title alone.”

“Well, it was a long time coming,” Celly mused. “You are an alicorn, Twilight is an alicorn now, everypony in this room, save Snowdrop, is an alicorn. And Snowdrop would register as one if her talisman were an actual horn.”

“I don’t wanna be crowned, or dubbed, or given any fancy feckin’ title, Celly.”

“Come on, Source, it’ll be a great day for all of us! And then after the ceremony is done, we’ll get back on the train and head to the Crystal Empire for the Royal Summit!”

“Celly changed the fucking name because I’m not a Princess, Twilight!” I groaned. “Celly, please just shove your hoof through my skull.”

“Nope. You’re becoming an actual High Prince whether you like it or not.” Celly said, finally getting the suit on me, which was impressive since I laid on the floor the whole time. She set me on my hooves after the suit was on me, so I wouldn’t ruin it. Because I don’t want to get stuck in a bath, while wearing the suit, I stayed on my hooves. “Why are you so against becoming an actual Prince?”

“...It just doesn’t feel like what I am. I know it’s dumb, of me to assume this wouldn’t happen, since I’m married to you, Celly, but…” I sighed. “I don’t want people treating me any differently than they have treated me before. Yeah, I may have gotten some street cred for taking on everypony in that exhibition match, and some ponies do recognize that I’m a prince… but that’s usually few and far between, and for the most part, I’m treated normally.

“I’m not special, I’m not a good leader, I’m probably a shitty politician, and sometimes I have a hard time believing that I’m actually married to you, Celly. I…” I sighed. “Just give Twilight this, it’s her big day, not mine. She’s talented, more so than I believe myself to be a lot of the time. I’m half the man you think I am, and don’t know if I’m even worthy to be considered your equal, or Luna’s, or Cadance’s equal.”

Twilight then bopped me on the nose. “Source, have some more bucking confidence in yourself!” She shouted. “Seriously, you’re saying you’re nothing special, when you’re fucking WRONG! Can you name anypony that’s made a new spell system, let alone three, in the last thousand years?! Because I can only list Starswirl the Bearded. You’re special, Source. You deserve to stand on that stage today just as much as I do. Despite everything that you’re capable of, you’re humble… no, you simply shit on what you’re capable of! We all thought you were a little more confident in yourself after that exhibition match, Source!”

I just… “Wow.” I chuckled. “Feck, Twilight.” I sighed. “Shit, Twi, holy fuck…” I sighed. “I dunno what to say to that. You’re right on the fact that I… can’t be proud of who I am.” A small chuckle left my mouth. “I just want today to be about you Twilight. I’ll take the crown, I’ll take a ceremony later, but today’s about you, not me. Just please, not on a day that should be about Twilight Sparkle.”

“...Dear?” Celly nuzzled me. She sighed. “That thread keeping you together is rather thin, isn’t it?” She asked.

“Meh, it’s nothing new, just an identity crisis I’ve been having since arriving in Equestria.” I shrug. “Sorry about that, Celly. I’ll do whatever you want me to do today. Just when you said I’d actually be getting a crown, I started having a bit of a spiral ever since. I… Uh…” I chuckled. “Yeah, I’m a mental mess.” Celly sighed and started rubbing my back with a wing. “Sorry if I ruined your day, Twilight.”

“You didn’t, Source,” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I’m just tired of you berating yourself or saying you’re nothing special. Granted, it’s a sign that-”

“I’m a mess, I know.” I shrug. “C’mon,” I smiled. “Let’s get you crowned, you give your speech, and I’ll silently take a crown in the background, and give a speech and publicly announce it later down the line.”

“If that would work best for you, then… sure,” Celly rubbed my back. “We’ll hold off on actually giving you a crown… for now.”

Feck. At least when I take it, I’ll know I’m ready.

“One, two, one two three.”

The ceremony was said and done, Twilight’s officially a Princess now. I was crowned too, but nobody really noticed it since I stayed glued by my wife the whole time. The speech Twilight gave was short, simple and to the point. The parade was pretty cool, even though the ambient magic in the air made me fucking sing. Something I couldn’t help but take note of was… a purple unicorn in the crowd. One that looked eerily similar… to Starlight Glimmer, the unicorn I met while fighting the evil, fucked up versions of my princesses. Something… her mane was different from the other Starlight. The entire time, she wasn’t cheering, or smiling, or waving. She stared at me the whole time, with a cold, calculating look in her eyes.

Her eyes fell on Ma as she happily sat, smiled, and waved next to me on our parade float.

Nobody noticed Starlight save for me… She just ran a diagnostic spell. Her eyes widened, and a small, ever so slight smile graced her face, before she ducked into the crowd.

…

I really hope I’m just seeing things, or maybe she was just… I don’t fucking know.

Hopefully this timelines Starlight was nice. God I hope so.

Meh, Starlight’s out of sight and thus out of mind now. A grin grew on my face as I jumped off the parade float and ran ahead to go tackle Twilight, while she’s singing… How the fuck is she flying already?

Author's Note

hmmm. I can't wait to get to involve Starlight Glimmer later, but first, Tirek needs to get plowed into the ground. and Discord needs to finally make an appearance in this timeline instead of outside of it.

Fuck Equestria Girls, It No Longer Exists.

So the Princess Summit, it’s essentially just a sleepover for every Princess in Equestria, with some minor teachings and fun stuff like how to be a princess. This time around, even though this is literally the first Princess Summit ever, it was to describe to Twilight what the job would entail, how to act as a princess in public, and mostly to welcome her into the Royal Family. I’ve come to realize that… she’s my niece in law, through Shining Armor. Twilight’s family, basically. It’s pretty neat, and also would be really fucking weird now if I considered forming a herd with Twilight, ignoring the implications of Celly being married to who is essentially a daughter.

I was given my own, separate room since I wasn’t really meant to be in on the meeting, despite the original plans to have me be a part of them. After I whined like a little bitch and got out of being crowned, publicly, as High Prince instead of just being a High Prince Consort. It was bound to happen one day in the future, but it’ll happen when I feel ready for it.

My family came along for the ride, so I won’t be completely lonely and Twilight’s friends are coming along, so I’ll have them to talk to as well.

Speaking of, I was sitting in my room, being shut in, and reading a book.

I was supposed to be out in the throne room of the Crystal Empire, because we’re here now for some fucking reason even though the Crystal Empire technically has a separate government from Equestria. Instead, I was sitting in my own room, which was across from Twilight’s, more or less enjoying the peace and quiet for once. I love my family, I love Button, but they’re all in their own rooms, with Button in particular bunking with Ma over our stay. We are to stay in the Empire for a week after Twilight finally gets here, which is how long the summit is to last.

While I’m here, I was actually studying Phoenix Fire that I had Philomena make, which was really just her setting a candle on fire while she was on fire. She did this a week ago, when we were leaving for the Crystal Empire, and interestingly, it hasn’t even gotten close to dying out. I hummed and ran another diagnostic spell, hummed and wrote some more Runes down. Those were the last runes my spell could pick up. With that said, I disabled my Light Shield, as I won’t need it while just sitting in my room.

Then I blew myself up with magic, or what I dub a Suicide Bomb. I made sure to take off my wedding ring beforehand, so Celly wouldn’t feel like I was essentially killing myself. Because Suicide Bombs are literally what they are, you let out a magic explosion, and kinda not live anymore. Everything with black for a few seconds… before everything came back into being. On the ground were some ashes where I stood.

Huh.

Why did I fucking do that for testing instead of waiting for a possible threat to kill me?

I don’t know, but I am lucky that I didn’t fucking die.

I GOT PHOENIX FIRE WORKING! It’s a good thing my room’s soundproofed; nobody heard me blow up.

…

Celly definitely felt it. Twilight would’ve too. Luna as well… and anyone and anybody with a horn and is capable of using that horn to use magic.

The door slammed open and four alicorns and my whole family barged in.

“SOURCE ARE YOU…” Celly stopped. “What happened? I felt a magical explosion in your room.”

“So uh…” I hummed. “I am an idiot, but it’s okay because… Okay, I used magic to blow myself up and die. I literally fucking died.”

Ma looked at me real funny. “You don’t look dead to me.”

“Oh, I did. I blew myself up with a spell I’ve dubbed the Suicide Bomb. It’s really strong but will kill you upon casting it.”

…

“Source,” Celly brought her hoof up to my cheek and pushed my chin up. “Please, please explain to me why you decided to cast that spell?”

“So I needed to test out if I had Phoenix Fire nailed down. I notated the last Runes for it,” I lifted my hoof up, where I etched the Runes into it since it wouldn’t make me feel pain. “And instead of testing it on an apple or something, I etched it onto myself and blew myself up. I saw nothing but a black void for a little while and then came back, good as new. Heck, my fur looks like I’ve been at a professional groomer all day.” I fanned my wings out. “Wings perfectly preened, mane feels brushed out. I’m brand new, fresh and clean… and I have a spell, an enchantment as I believe that’s the only way Phoenix Fire can work, etched into my hooves so it’s always active.”

Celly stared into my eyes before she slapped the back of my head with a wing. “WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! WHAT IF YOUR SPELL DIDN’T WORK!?”

“Okay, yeah, I realized how fucking stupid that idea was, Celly.” I chuckled. “Uh… shit. I’m really sorry for not thinking that through,” I started staring at the floor. “I was just kinda… eager to test it out and didn’t think about how to test it before hoof. I swear, I wasn’t trying to scare you and I’m sorry for scaring you like that, Celly…” I looked up at her, in the eyes. “But now… I can’t die. Not unless somepony finds a way to interrupt my reconstruction when I get stabbed, but you’d have to kill me while Phoenix Fire puts me back together, which is where Light Shield comes in.”

Celly sighed. “Source, you are incredibly lucky to not be dead right now. You’re lucky that I’m just relieved that you aren’t dead, but that was a really, really, really fucking stupid idea. I hope you know that.”

“Celly,” I said, dead serious this time. “I don’t do shit unless I’m fully confident in it working. I still work with Dark Magic because I’m confident that I won’t get fucked up by it. And yeah, I really done fucked up with this…” I smiled. “But I can put this… enchantment? That’s what that is right?”

“Enchantments aren’t physical text,” Twilight corrected. “That’s more of… an inscription I believe.”

“Okay… yeah, you’re probably right on that. But… I can keep my loved ones safe by putting this on their hooves, since you won’t feel anything if I fuck with them. And I can work out a spell that does the inscription automatically without fail. You all will be safe and sound, and I can rest a little better at night. As much as you may not think it, Celly, there are still people out there that will wanna hurt you or take a stab at ya. This is an opportunity to ensure that everyone I know and love will come home safely at the end of the day.”

Celly nodded. “Which is why I calmed down a lot, after realizing what you just did, Source… You are going to walk me and Twilight through how you managed to figure this out; it would do us some good, seeing how you transcribe magical things that don’t have physical spells. Perhaps then we could do it ourselves.”

I sat up and stretched. “So anyways, with that excitement over, let’s all go get dinner or somethin’ before we let Twilight and her friends get some rest from the train ride here. I’m feeling pizza, personally…”

“Pizza would be nice,” Luna hummed. “Praytell, Cadance, do you know of any establishments in the Empire that serve such a delicacy?”

“We’re talking Equestrian pizza, right?” I asked. “As in that stupid bread without any sauce, but covered in cheese and veggies?”

“...Isn’t that pizza, though?” Celly asked. “I swear that…”

“How the hell have I not made pizza for y’all, ever?” I asked. “...Then again, my Dad’s cookbook doesn’t have any pizza recipes in it.”

“You humans have your own style of pizza?” Cadance asked. “...Now I’m curious as to how that would look and taste.”

Katie raised her hoof. “Oh, pizza is easy. Do y’all have spaghetti sauce laying around, like marinara sauce?” She asked.

“The kitchens should, yes,” Cadance nodded.

“Oh, yeah, then that’s a cakewalk; human pizza’s really simple.” I walked over to Katie. “Me and my sister are gonna have some proper sibling bonding time, y’all go to the dining hall and we’ll be down with some proper pizza, not that cheesy bread bullshit.”

Several hours later, dinner was had, everypony had a sample of pizza along with whatever else the kitchens cooked up for dinner tonight. Now, I was sitting in my room, reading a book because I was smart. In fact, intelligence comes to me in waves, and… Okay, so I had some coffee. Like four cups of coffee during dinner. Lucky me, I don’t gotta shit myself. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am going to be able to sleep. Good thing Dave brought along the whole Star Wars Trilogy from Earth that I may, or may not have stolen from him for the trip.

While that was all happening, I sensed… a new presence. A new unicorn. Sure, there were plenty of ponies that my diagnostic spell could pick up on, but this unicorn was something I’ve never felt before. For one thing… her magic pool is fucking impressive just judging by how my ambient magic she’s letting off. Secondly, she’s right outside my door, which happened to be next door to Twilight’s room.

I didn’t pay much heed to this fact, she wasn’t barging into my room, after all.

Since the rooms are all soundproofed with actual soundproofing materials and then soundproofing spells, it is borderline impossible to eavesdrop on anyone. I did crack my door open just a tiny bit and heard Twilight’s door open. With that said, her door remained cracked… our mystery unicorn just tripped over something, probably Spike.

“My crown!” Twilight shouted.

Oh.

Okay so, for some stupid reason the Element of Magic was built into Twilight’s crown. It kinda makes sense, but why throw all your eggs in one basket with this, right? Anyway, if that gets stolen, Equestria is liable to getting fucked up by bad guys. So perhaps I should actually try and get that back.

With that said, I got up and out of bed as Twilight galloped past my room after the mystery unicorn that happened to be wearing a cloak. With that, I broke into a jog and kept on running. As we ran by, Twilight’s friends began to awaken, and Rainbow didn’t immediately take off flying ahead of us, which isn’t very Rainbow of Rainbow Dash. My family slept like a bunch of fuckin’ rocks and didn’t wake up.

As I kicked up the pace, Twilight glanced back at me, before she teleported ahead of the thief. The thief… teleported behind Twilight and kept on running, and lost her cloak in the process. That… is the most striking fur and mane colors I’ve ever seen. She’s got a bright, yellow coat and a red mane with a yellow streak going through it. It kinda looked like fire… BACON! It’s a bacon horse!

I ran past Twilight and kept running, mostly to see what this lady was gonna do, because… I could stop her at any point. “Source, do something!” Twilight pleaded as she caught up to me.

“She’s moving too quickly for me to tag her with anything. I’ve got an idea, though.”

We barged into a nearby storage closet as Twilight tackled the mystery cunt. We caught the unicorn, and the crown flew right into the Crystal Mirror. Well, shit-

“Sorry it had to be this way,” okay, stop paying attention, this bitch is a really cheesy bad guy. Ponies do not make for good bag guys as I’ve learnt. With that said, before anyone could stop me, I ran into the mirror behind the mystery mare. Reality began to warp and my body began to feel like it was on fire as reality faded into black.

Meanwhile, with the girls. Maeve included.

“...Yer telling me,” Maeve said as she started pacing. “That you had a student that threw a hissy fit and decided to leave to another dimension… because…”

“She wasn’t ‘growing’ at a pace she liked; she wanted to ascend to become an alicorn as it seemed… and she couldn’t get there. Not because her pace or her knowledge was slow, but because she couldn’t find who she was.” Princess Celestia sighed. “And… Source just ran into a portal, even if he knows what it is, with zero rhyme or reason, or care for what could be on the other side of it. He’s braver than he is intelligent.” She sighed. “Or he’s drunk and is going to have a field day… He has had a knack for being stupid on this trip in particular.”

“So… what’re we gonna do?” Twilight asked.

“We should probably send Twilight in before Source does anything stupid; the link the Crystal Mirror makes is only open for three days and three nights and closes at midnight on the third night. Then it is closed for thirty moons.”

“So once a month,” Maeve deduced.

After gathering up Twilight’s friends, and getting Twilight geared up, the newly crowned, newly ascended alicorn took a long deep breath, getting ready for a long, long journey. Only to be stopped by Rainbow Dash and her friends. “C’mon, Twilight, you can’t go through that portal without us!” Dash said, the Element Bearers all together and smiled, awaiting for their friend’s answer.

“Yes she can,” Maeve said, moving all five mares with her magic. “Y’all are all very important to this country’s national defense. On top of that, I mean no offense by this, but some of y’all have no bucking impulse control. Mainly Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. On top of that, it’s fuckin’ dangerous, Dash. It’s dangerous and y’all could possibly get murdered. I’d rather not send any of you if I could choose, but my Son’s already in there, and Twilight usually has a good head on her shoulders. Just let Twilight go at it alone.”

“...C’mon, Mrs. Code, we could help Twilight get her crown back faster!” Dash argued.

“Or get yourselves killed?” Maeve asked, she sat on her rear, and crossed her forelegs. “You ain’t winning this argument, Rainbow. I know how it feels to wanna help a friend out, but trust me, don’t.”

“...You remind me of a stern parent.”

“Because I am a mother. Just let Twilight go, and if she’s not back on the second day, I’ll go through and beat the shit out of Sunset Shimmer-”

Sunset Shimmer got thrown through the portal. Source walked out the portal right afterwards. “Man, that was cool.” On his head was Twilight's crown. “Been a hot minute since I had a Big Mac, thanks for paying Sunset!” He smiled… “Shit, I feel bad, now. I kinda told her something that traumatized her and stuff…” He started poking Sunset, who was on the ground in the fetal position and shivering. “Hey, lass, I was joking, get up!”

Sunset just squirmed and kept clutching the side of her head with her hooves.

…

“Source,” Princess Celestia looked up at her husband. “What the buck did you do to Sunset Shimmer and why does she look traumatized?”

“Oh, that’s her full name!” Source said after he slipped on a bronze ring onto Sunset Shimmer’s horn.

“You’re starting to sound like Pinkie Pie, Source, and it’s scary,” Twilight pointed out.

What Source did to Sunset Shimmer:

So the pony’s gone, if she’s still a pony on this side of the portal. She’s probably not since I’m not a pony on this side of the portal. It’s day… oh, there’s a girl that looks like the mystery mare. Cool. She’s running into what looked like an American High School, but we can’t be in America due to the lack of screams leaving the building… and the lack of gunshots. With that said, the crown is gone, so I had to go and get that before I did anything else… Why the fuck am I a teenager? Meh, it doesn't matter. I walked into the school building… and nobody batted an eye. What?

What kinda dumbshit security is that? I found the Principal’s office rather quickly since it was basically right next door to the front door.

That’s human Celly. She’s colored just like Celly, right down to how her skin matched my Celly’s fur. That’s kinda scary, actually, seeing some kids with blue skin.

There’s the mystery girl sitting outside the office.

I sat down next to her.

“Howdy,” I waved.

“Shut up.”

“That’s rude.”

“Shut. Up.”

“So…” I looked around and saw posters for the Fall Formal, with the only… candidate for being the Princess of the Fall Formal was the girl sitting next to me, Sunset Shimmer. “How’s it going, trying to be the Princess for the Fall Formal?” I asked.

“It… It’s going fine. Why?” Sunset asked.

“Eh, I dunno. Perhaps you’re looking for a Prince, hmm?” I asked.

“...No, I’m not. Why?”

“I dunno, you might have better chances at winning if you got a Prince, even higher chances of winning than you’ve already got.” I shrugged.

Sunset nodded. “You do drive a good point, but why would I choose you?”

“I ‘unno. You look pretty, I was gonna ask you out after the Fall Formal happens.”

“...You sound stupid,” Sunset pointed out. There was a small blush on her face after I said that. If she weren’t evil, I’d bet she’d try and hide behind her hair. Instead, she’s playing it cool.

“Cool. Wanna meet up for McDonalds after school?”

“...Sure. That actually sounds kinda nice, right now.” Sunset got up. “I’ve got to go; class is starting.” Sunset got up and left just as… Human Celly walked out of the office to probably wander around the school. She left her door open, so once she was around the corner, went into the office. I grabbed the crown, ran back outside, and to the statue I had gone to. I walked through it… and hid the crown. I then snuck right back through without nobody or nopony noticing

…

Now to capture Sunset Shimmer. Celly knows who she is, and while she has plans, I also have plans. I don’t think Celly wants to say goodbye to Sunset Shimmer.

Sunset actually met me for Mcdonalds after school. She saw me waiting by the steps and walked right up to me. Y’know, Sunset’s actually kinda pretty as a human, and as a unicorn, her colors are very striking. She’s no Celly, and I doubt I’d actually date Sunset Shimmer properly, but… hey, if I had to, I wouldn’t mind… assuming Sunset quits being a bitch.

“Howdy,” I greeted.

“Hey,” she kept walking. “C’mon, you wanted to get something after school, right?” She asked as I started following her.

“Yeah.” I hummed. “Thanks for takin’ my offer; I wouldn’t have expected to do anything like this any time soon.

“So where do you want to go, anyways? I know you said McDonalds, but…”

“Can we stop and get Marshmallows somewhere? I can pay if that’s too much to ask.”

“...No, I can cover the bill. The last guy I dated said he’d cover the bill, which is kind of weird. Besides, I’m doing fine on cash this week.” My stomach growled. “And you’re starving from the sounds of it. Nobody should have to go hungry.” Oh. A pony at heart; ponies don’t let each other starve and often pitch in to help each other out. That food drive thing I’ve been trying to get together will probably be a hit amongst ponies back home.

“Thanks. You do know the guy’s supposed to pay for the cost of the date, right?”

“No? I thought the girl usually pays for the date.” Sunset started looking at me like I’m stupid.

“...Alright then.”

When we got to McDonalds, after a quick stop at a gas station for the marshmallows, we ordered over the computer. Not too long afterwards, Sunset was just enjoying a thing of fries, while I had a Big Mac. It tasted almost as sad as the person who put it together, so it tasted pretty sad, but it wasn’t bad. It’s fucking Maccas, how bad can it possibly get at any point? I opened the bag of marshmallows after making quick work of my food.

“So, how’s life going on Earth, Sunset?” I asked as I popped a marshmallow in my mouth… Given that the main ingredient used in them is made out of animals, including horses or ponies, I dunno the specifics, I had a plan to get the poor girl to come with me.

“...What’s with that wording? On Earth?”

“Okay, I feel really bad for lying to you, after you paid for everything and have been a relatively decent person despite you stealing Twilight’s crown. Remember Celestia? Princess Celestia?”

“...You’re from Equestria and you’re here to stop me-”

“No, I’m here mostly to understand what your end goal is. After you get the crown on your head, what do you want to do after that? Take over Equestria with the possible power the Element of Magic can bring?” I asked.

“...Why do you care?”

“Because I’m married to Celestia. If you plan on hurting her, that’s gonna be a problem. Because… I don’t see her as anything other than my lovely wife, and I’d very much like her to not get hurt.”

Sunset then reached over and snagged a marshmallow before popping it into her mouth. “I… don’t know. I don’t want to hurt Princess Celestia; she’s almost like a second mother to me. I… haven’t really thought about what I’d do after I came back to Equestria… I suppose I'll take it over? Why haven’t you just tied me up, hit me in the back of the head, or drag me back to Equestria?” Well, she did what I was hoping she’d do, checkmate.

“Meh, I’d rather you come back willingly rather than unwillingly.” I hummed. Well, it would be checkmate if I actually wanted to fuck Sunset up.

Sunset then started glaring at me. “You said you were married to Princess Celestia?” She asked.

“Yeah. I am. Is that a problem?”

“How did you marry her?” Sunset asked. “She could do so much better than you.”

“Well, she’s a nice, strong mare that can obliterate the planet in a heartbeat. So every now and then she does enjoy being dominated, y’know?”

“...What?”

New game plan unlocked. “Yeah, y’know, we get into a lot of fun in the bedroom-”

“Okay stop trying to weird me out. Be honest, why do you want me to come back?”

“Y’know Celly loves ya like a daughter, right? She adored you and it broke her heart when you started being a cunt because… what? You thought she wasn’t teaching you right? Celly was willing to form your learning experience around what you wanted, but wanted to make sure you had a good grip on your magic control before proceeding. Since you never let her help you, or speak to you after a while, Celly didn’t know if you needed her.

“And she would've been fine with that, y’know? Twilight started doing the same thing before she became an alicorn. The difference was she was, and still is on good terms with Celly and they love each other.”

“What’s your point?” Sunset asked.

“Okay, I was gonna lie and say that marshmallows have horse bones in them, when it’s not fully true. But… Do you wanna live out your life trying to hurt people? To go out knowing that you held a stupid, fucking grudge against your mentor? Your mentor who only had your best interest in mind… Celly found ya in an orphanage, didn’t she? That’s what my wife told me.”

“...She did.”

“Bro.” I sighed. “YOU WERE HER FUCKIN’ DAUGHTER!” I growled. “Yeah, you had the benefits of learning magic from her, but I think my wife saw you as a daughter first and foremost, Sunset.”

Sunset started staring down at her tray. “She… Did?”

“Gee, I dunno. What do you think?”

Sunset started crying as she kept her gaze on the table. We sat quietly as Sunny started processing everything that led to this point. I could see the gears turning in her head as I got up to go buy some ice cream. When I came back, the ice cream machine at Maccas was broken, what a shock. So instead, I threw our trash out and sat back down. The sun was beginning to set and the natural light began to dim our table. It made the dining room a little bit more cozy. Sunset still kept staring at the table.

“...Can you take me home?” Sunset asked.

“Which one?” I asked.

“Okay… let me rephrase that. Would Princess Celestia take me back in? Not as a student, but…”

“Sunny, I came here hopin’ to at least settle things between ya both. I bet nobody but Luna noticed, Celly’s sister, and me. The hurt in her eyes when she realized what had happened… come on.”

“Wait, what about the Element of Magic?” Sunset asked.

“I already took it back to Equestria; it’s behind the Crystal Mirror. C’mon, let’s go.”

A small smile found its place on my face as I watched Sunset Shimmer run into Celly’s embrace. The two of them sat silently, crying. Not one of us uttered a word, nopony even acknowledged that the Element of Magic, or Twilight’s crown, was sitting on my head. Both my wife… and I guess Sunset’s an adopted daughter? I dunno. Don’t matter, both of them made it back to each other and they were happy.

I ushered everyone out of the room, even Luna after she almost opened her mouth to protest, and closed the door behind us. “Here’s your crown, Twi.” I plopped it back on her head. “That’s way better than what I was expecting for that meeting to go.” I chuckled.

“What… Did you do to Sunset? To make her come back like that?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, remember how you were brought in to learn under my wife’s wing at a young age?” I asked.

“I do, why?” Twilight asked.

“Sunset was brought in, just like you, at roughly the same age. There’s a key difference here, Twi… My wife found Sunny in an orphanage. It just happened that Sunset had an aptitude for magic. Celly was looking for a daughter first, and happened to also get a talented student out of it in the process. I just reminded Sunset that yeah, Celly’s not perfect, she’s not even the best teacher ever, but she means well and loves her students dearly. All of them. Every single one of them.”

“And my sister told you about this and nopony else?” Luna asked.

“She was expecting Sunset to come out at some point, nobody knew when though. Not even her. Celly’s birthday’s tomorrow, y’know. So what better than to run head first into a portal that might kill me, to reunite her with her daughter, aye?”

The doors clicked open and Sunset didn’t walk out. In fact, she was riding on Celly’s back, fast asleep. “My apologies everypony…” Oh, Celly was wearing makeup. It’s smeared to shit now, but she was wearing makeup. “I… may have-”

“Celly, if you fuckin say that you lost composure, I will spank you.” I threatened. “Who the hell’s gonna judge you for being so happy that you cried?” I asked. “Tell me who?”

“...Nopony,” Celly sighed.

“Hey, don’t talk to Mom like that!” Sunset growled. “I may be out of practice, but I’ll still kick your butt if you make her cry, old man!”

“Sunset, be more respectful to Source, please. He’s my husband.” Celly warned.

“...” Sunset slowly realized what the fuck that implied. “WHAT THE FUCK!?” Sunset yelled. “You got married and didn’t think to say that at any point, Mom?” D’aw, Sunset’s adorable. “At any point?”

“I said I was her husband,” I pointed out.

“Well, sorry, you gave me a lot to think about!” Sunset sighed. “Sorry, this is just a lot to take in… I’d never expect to… be doing this any time soon.” She gestured to my wife, who was smiling broadly at the prospect of having Sunset with her again. “What else changed, recently?”

“First, apologize to Twilight for stealing her crown; you did not have to involve her in your grudge against me, did you, young lady?” Celly asked.

One apology to Twilight later, we heard a set of tiny hooves. “Mom, I had a nightmare and Auntie Luna didn’t stop it for once,” Button sleepily said. He was wearing a sleeping cap. Oh my god. He quickly got scooped up by me and cradled. “Why is everypony awake? It’s almost midnight.” He asked. “Dad, what’s going on?” He looked up at me, well, tried. His eyes were still kinda closed as he tried to remove the eye crust from his eyelids.

I tried to tell Button what was going on. “There was a bit of excitement-”

“I have a brother now?” Sunset asked. She hopped off Celly, grabbed Button from my grasp, and slapped me away with her tail. “Oh…”

“This is unfair,” I grumble. “Whenever I wanna hold my baby, somebody takes him from me.” I grumble. That didn’t stop me from fighting back a smirk as Sunset started nuzzling Button and talking to him. Life’s going great.

Hopefully nothing fucks us over in the near future.

Author's Note

originally i was gonna bring Sunset over after having a scene of her getting traumatized with marshmallows. I even left some hints at what was supposed to happen, but figured making Sunset cry and hug Celly was a better. If this were a comedy, and I wanted to write Source OOC, then I woulda kept that scene. I may tried and recreate it and add it onto this story as a side story.

or i'll forget about it.

also fuck Equestria Girls.

Meanwhile in the Background

Unbeknownst to Source and Sunset Shimmer, they were being listened to. They were sitting in McDonalds, talking away and failed to really pay attention to everyone else around them. Who they had failed to notice was only a few tables away from them. Or to what was going on around them. Three girls in hoodies were singing, nothing spectacular, but they were singing in perfect harmony… Everyone else around them were arguing and yelling at each other.

Save for Source and Sunset who had some immunity to the effects of the song of the sirens.

“Ugh…” One of the girls sighed as she pulled her hoodie off. “I’m so, so done with this slop.” She gestured to all around the room. “I mean, c’mon! This is barely even a meal!”

“Aria, we can’t really do much without any Equestrian magic…”

“And this, Adagio, is why this banishment is so awful. I have to spend it hearing your voice.”

“Excuse me? Who’s the lead singer of the three of us, hmm?” Adagio asked.

“I dunno,” the third girl said. She had a taco. “Honestly, who cares? We don’t have real power and the last time we tried to get a leg up in the world, we burnt down a diner and ended up hiding from the cops for days.” Sonata then pointed behind her bickering… friends? Coworkers? Coworkers. “Also those two aren’t arguing or mad at each other.”

“I’m married to Celestia…” The guy with blue skin said.

“Odd, the only Celestia we know of in this world is the principal at a local high school. I didn’t think the principal would be dating a teenager-”

“Princess Celestia…” The blue human then started explaining to the yellow, fiery haired girl across from him why Princess Celestia missed her. The sirens listened with great interest. What they learnt… the portal was open. They could go back to Equestria!

“We… could rule as Queens! Adagio whispered to her comrades. “Just imagine, we follow them out of here and to where that portal to Equestria is and-”

“Can it wait until tomorrow? It’s Taco Tuesday.” Sonata asked.’

Aria sighed. “Sonata, you do realize you could have slaves with tacos for you, on demand? Everyday could be Taco Tuesday if we took over Equestria… You dimwit.”

“Oh… you drive a good point- hey they’re leaving.”

Their mystery man and woman left the McDonalds and the devious girls were quick to follow. Lo and behold, they were led to the local highschool, where the couple they had been tailing had walked up to the horse statue in the center of the courtyard of the school. The two walked in and the trio of sirens just felt their jaws hit the ground.

“The portal… was under our nose the WHOLE TIME?!” Adriage growled.

“Apparently. You two never look at the finer details of things,” Sonata said idly as she stirred s milkshake she somehow got out of McDonalds… the ice cream machine wasn’t working.

“C’mon! Let’s go!” Aria grabbed her comrades before running towards the statue. They went through the portal and were greeted with an empty storage closet.

They stepped out and noted… only a blue, alicorn stallion. He was just sitting in the middle of the hallway, staring ahead at a group of ponies as they left.

“Oh… he seems strong,” Adagio purred.

“He’s an alicorn too…” Aria muser.

“Let’s kill him!” Sonata cheered.

Adagio shook her head. “No, let’s use him to kill the others. Watch and learn, you morons.” Adagio changed from her fish-horse hybrid appearance to that of a gorgeous mare. She went to make her first move towards ruling Equestria.

Author's Note

So, first arc set up! Yeah, after soke consideration, fuck it, the Sirens are here now! I do like them, but the rest of eqg can go sit in the corner until i remember it exists again.

I Literally Died.

I sat and watched as everypony started heading to their rooms for the night. I felt good. I actually managed to fix a problem without resorting to violence for once. I was about to go find a vending machine when I felt something brush up next to me. Rather, somepony… That’s not a pony. It’s not a changeling either. Well, it looked like a pony and she was kinda pretty. The… I guess mare, for a lack of a better word, rubbed up against me in a way that’s supposed to be seductive.

My stupid pony brain liked this. My ears shot up and I reeled as…

“Good evening…” The mare had a wild, yellow mane and tail that just popped. Around her neck was a black necklace with a red gem hanging from it. Her eyes were half lidded and she had a spiked headband in her mane. Her larger than average flanks sported a cutie mark consisting of some musical note, a treble clef I believe, and a green gem. I felt every curve of her press up against the side of my body as she brought a hoof up to my jaw. She had wings… that felt off, leathery even. The leathery, off-feeling wing draped itself over my back.

“‘Evening to ya.” I waved. “Is there anything I can do for you?” She clearly wants… something.

“I was hoping for a stallion-”

“I’m married.”

“Surely you’re open to a mare that… can give you anything you’d like. All your desires… If you let your lust for me-”

“Man, I can’t control what makes this stupid body horny. As far as I’m concerned, Celly’s my mare, my only mare.”

“Pfft, what can that old hag offer you? She won’t ever love you or give you the time of day a stallion such as yourself deserves…”

“Pfft,” I snickered. “Man you gotta calm your tits, lady. What the fuck do you want, anyways?”

“...You aren’t falling for this?” The mystery mare asked. “How!?” Up until now, she had a silky, smooth voice that sounded like music to my ears. Now, it cracked and almost broke into a growl here and there.

“Simple…” I smiled. “Celly means the world to me. She’s old, sure, but… she’s lovely to be around. I love her, she loves me. What else can you ask for in a relationship? We’re both equals, we’re both a team, and we comfort each other when needed. Celly’s my rock, just as much as I’m hers, apparently.” A small grin made its way to my face. “Plus… Chrysalis, Queen Chrysalis, tried that song and dance before, trying to seduce me and shit. She was just horny, you clearly need something.”

“That old bug is still around, too?”

“Hey, don’t insult Chrysalis. She’s not a bad lady once you get past how bitchy she can be a lot of the time. Heck, she was pretty chill after she understood that I wasn’t interested in her. What’s your problem with semi-immortal monarchs and diarchs?”

“Chrysalis helped imprison us!”

Us?

“Okay. Dunno what you did, but if you done fucked up hard enough to make Chrysalis hate you, something’s wrong. Like she hates everyone, as she claims, but to make her take action against you…” Hmm. I pulled a scroll out from under my wings. I wrote a small note for my buggy friend.

Yo, Chryssy, do you know about a yellow mare with leathery-

“Fuck it, Adagio, let’s just kill him!” A new mare, who looked… kinda like a pony if a pony fucked a fish and gave birth. She had no hindlegs, rather a fish-like tail. Her dark purple scales, the fin on her back… She’s fucking terrifying. “We aren’t going to…”

“We could do that one trick.” Another one of the fish horse things, a lighter blue, almost gray one popped out. “Just kiss him, Adagio!”

“...Oh yeah.” The mare puckered her lips up right as I sent the message away to Chrysalis, along with another to Celly. I ducked and backed off. Okay, so there’s something I’ve learnt about evil bitches from watching a few shows… if they wanna kiss you, it’s probably because their kiss can either… kill you, they want to kill you, or mind control. I’m not letting that happen regardless.

“Okay, what in the fuck are you?” I asked. “Y’all ain’t ponies… You… look like sirens. Those still exist in the world, but only three were ever known to try and mark Equestria as territory…” I put earplugs in my ears. I do not want to get enticed with the song that they were singing. On top of that, I drank a pint of beer. I lowered my stance and lit my horn… The light gray one grabbed me and before I could blink, Adagio kissed me. Right on the fucking lips. My eyes widened… The last thing I heard was two sets of doors and a window being broken open.

I slowly rose to my hooves after… my lovely wife got done kissing me. I stared ahead, as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna galloped down the halls, with Sunset Shimmer at their heels. Twilight Sparkle… Princess Twilight stood at the fore, her horn lit as I heard the sound of shattered glass being stepped on. I turned my gaze behind me to see a changeling queen stand to her full height, as her eyes widened.

“It’s too late…” She whispered.

Princess Celestia stared at me, horrified for some reason.

“Source?” Princess Celestia asked, stepping forward.

“...What do you want, Princess?”

“Now dear,” Adagio walked up beside me and nuzzled me. “She just wants to hurt you and I. She wants to kill us…”

“She looks more worried about me than anything…” I mused. “But… If she wants to hurt you.” I lit my horn. “Step back.” Princess Celestia solemnly stepped forward and lit her horn.

We ran at each other, I reared up and got ready for my foe to strike.

Princess Celestia.

As I shot a spell at Source… I felt my heart drop. Tonight was a good night, I was reunited with my daughter, everything was going so well! My husband was actually in a very good mood for once and tomorrow was my birthday. Twilight was taking to her ascension better than I could’ve hoped, and I was able to finally spend some proper time with Luna and Cadance after we couldn’t, either due to Luna’s sleep schedule or because Cadance was busy ruling the Crystal Empire or busy when I could visit the empire just a month ago.

Source brought up… a normal shield and it nearly shattered upon impact with my spell.

That isn’t Source anymore. It’s a siren’s slave.

He isn’t even using Python anymore.

“What!?” Adagio growled. “I thought an alicorn was supposed to be strong, and he’s barely able to block Princess Celestia’s weakest attack?”

“My apologies,” Source said, looking back. “I feel something holding me back.” He slowly turned to me and shrugged. “Why are we fighting anyways? I personally want no part in this.”

Chrysalis trotted up to my side, I didn’t even need to glance her way. I could feel her presence… she must’ve had a lot of love before coming here. “It appears that your stallion hasn’t practiced much in defending his mind,” Chrysalis mused. “‘Tis a shame, I liked Source.”

“Chrysalis…”

“That’s not Source, Princess.” The venom in Chrysalis’s voice was palpable. “He’s not using Python and I’m willing to bet he possesses none of the skill Source has. Nor do I think it can truly tap into what Source is capable of.”

“Come on, you stupid alicorn! Kill them already! I know how strong you are-”

Source turned back. “I don’t wanna hurt anyone. Can’t we just talk this out-” Luna charged forward and swung her foreleg at him. It connected with his cheek and sent him flying into a nearby wall. Both my sister and I cringed at the sound of the wall cracking as my husband’s body crashed into it. Source slowly got up and shook his head… It appears he didn’t skimp out of physical enchantments this morning, as he cracked his back and stood at his full height.

It wasn’t a very impressive full height, it was something I always teased Source for, his short stature.

I was hoping this stallion would be the sire to my first biological foal ever.

“Jesus Christ, Luna.” Source said as he rubbed his cheek. “You hit hard.” He chuckled. “Feck…” His eyes were glazed over, like he was drunk. He then slumped over, his face planted into the ground as his neck was bent in a way that shouldn’t be possible. His body set itself on fire before turning into nothing but a pile of ashes. We all stared in horror during the whole process. Twilight started crying as she ran ahead to what was left of Source’s body.

In a heartbeat, I punched Adagio in the face. She had no time to react before she was knocked out on the floor; she’s lucky that she’s still alive. My horn lit up. “Do either of you two wish to put up a fight? You’re lucky that I didn’t kill your leader,” I snarled. “Do you understand who that alicorn was the husband to?” My horn lit as a burst of magic blasted both sirens, knocking them out cold. That was… Source’s magic.

“Princess!” Twilight started backing away from the ashes as they caught fire. “How…”

“Shit, Luna, you hit hard.” Source, that was my husband! “Fuckin’ broke my neck and everything, shit… You were ready to kill, weren’t you? I know I’ve done some research and that most ponies that fall under a siren’s spell are as good as dead, but god damn.”

Luna started sputtering. “What?!”

“Lulu, calm down,” Source grinned as the flames dispersed, revealing my vertically challenged husband… looking brand new. His wings looked freshly preened and his feathers extra soft. His mane was extra shiny… He looked like he let the royal groomers have their way with him. “I know y’all forget, with all the excitement from having Sunset Shimmer return, but keep in mind that I cracked Phoenix Fire not too long ago. Oh yeah! We can jot it down; dying breaks mind control spells!”

He looked around. “Okay, seriously, I’m gonna hug you and your sister if you keep looking sad. I know- woah nelly!” Source’s body went limp when I swiped him up in my magic and hugged him as tightly as I could. “Celly,” he chuckled humorlessly. “Fuck… That was a scary experience, getting mind controlled.” He started crying into my neck. “I could see what was going on, I could hear what was going on. I couldn’t do anything to stop it beyond forcing myself to not use Python… Celly are you alright?”

“Source, I thought I lost you again!” I whispered as I lowered us onto the ground. “At least the sirens are captured…”

“Yeah. Probably muzzle them so they can’t sing. I feel like-” Maeve stormed past us.

“Alright, I watched that whole thing. Mama’s mad.” Maeve hit Adagio with a rejuvenation spell. The siren got up while rubbing her head.

“What… happened?”

“You hurt my fucking son. I’m going to beat your ass.” Maeve spun around and bucked the siren in the face. “LEAVE MY FUCKING FAMILY OUT OF YOUR STUPID, EVIL PLANS!” Adagio groaned… only to be hit with a rejuvenation spell… before being hit with dark magic… That’s a spell used for torture. I slowly looked down at Source.

“She was curious and I taught her dark magic.” He explained. “Dunno where she learnt that spell, but it’s essentially a spell that makes it feel like you’re being cooked alive.”

Maeve, when she was done, left a crying Adagio on the ground, her two comrades were shivering in fear and crying just as much; they got the same treatment as their leader.

“Now, what do you fuckers say?” Maeve asked. “SPEAK UP, BECAUSE I AIN’T HEARING SHIT LEAVE YOUR MOUTH!”

“…Sorry…” The sirens droned out like small children that got scolded for taking the last cookie in the cookie jar.

“Source, why is your mother terrifying?” I asked.

“She’s just mad. Really mad. Hey, let me go comfort Luna, she’s been crying since she cracked me in the face.

Source

After comforting Luna and letting everypony know that I’m fine and no longer being mind controlled, I made it a goal to work on mental wards; I fell to that mind control shit way too easily. According to Chrysalis I was resistant to mind control, naturally as an alicorn. Because if the mind control were actually doing its job, I woulda attacked and killed everypony on command without question. Instead, I just sat there and questioned why I should hurt anypony before getting my neck snapped.

To be frank, I am glad that I got Pheonix Fire working when I did, or I would be straight up dead.

Celly wasn’t leaving me alone; despite plans to keep us separated during the Princess Summit, she dragged me up into her room and laid down right on top of me. “We do not mention a word of this to Button, got it?” Celestia asked. “We do not need him to know that you literally died while being mind controlled, correct?” Celly asked, tilting her head and looking down at me with big, pitiful eyes, but not the fake ones she used to make me do stuff for her.

“Celly, my lips are sealed. Besides… I thought I was a goner; I could control my body, kinda, but didn’t have my own thoughts anymore. It… felt awful, honestly. I knew that I was going to be a problem if I were to actually attack anypony, so I tried my best to not do that while being mind controlled and actively didn’t use Python in any capacity so that… taking me out would be easier. To be frank… Shit. I can’t believe I let that fucking happen to me.” I snarled. “How can I be worth two damns if I can’t fucking stop myself from getting mind controlled?” I asked.

“...Source, do not start spiraling. I’ll be honest; almost nopony in that situation could stop that from happening to themselves. Not many could stop that from happening even if they tried. You’re-”

“Barely a fourth of the man you think I am, Celly.” I kissed her. “I…” an idea came to mind. “What if I mind controlled myself?” I asked.

“...What?” Celly asked.

“Does self mind control override other attempts at mind control?” I asked.

“I believe so, why do you ask?” Celestia hummed. “Actually, I’m not even sure, as nopony ever thought to do that to themselves…” I immediately summoned a book on dark magic, skimmed over a few chapters before finding a spell that lets me do mind control. It was a simple one, you just choose who you want mind controlled, do the Runes, attune it to whoever you’re mind controlling, and boom. It’s really simple, since you just need a magical signature. I used my own and everything went blank for a second. Then everything went back to normal, like nothing happened. So that's what it's like to mind control yourself...

I guess. I don't fucking know. Time to test it with the only pony I knew of that has used mind control on a high tier unicorn before, who was still in the empire for some reason.

“Okay, Chrysalis, stop hiding in our fucking closet, come out here please.”

“Oh? And what is this for?” Chrysalis asked… “And why did you know I was in your closet?”

“I know I sent a letter for ya, and you’re secretly a big, softy that was worried for me?” I asked.

“...Okay. You did not have to say that in front of my ex, you know.” Celly giggled at Chrysalis’s suddenly meek demeanor. “Now, did you need something? I was about to have some beauty sleep…”

“In my wife’s closet?”

“It’s comfy and has dresses that smell like her in it.”

“That’s the exact reason why dogs like sleeping on dirty clothes on Earth.” I pointed out.

“Shut up before I have your wife hold you down; I am not above tickling you until you die, now that I know that you pretty much can’t die.”

“...Fine… try and mind control me, please. I’m testing out something stupid.”

Chrysalis blasted me with a spell, a changeling specific spell that I want to learn now… it’s probably mind control. She blinked a few times. She tried again. And again. Nothing.

“Source, your idea for counteracting mind control, by mind controlling yourself… is stupid,” Chrysalis grumbled. “Even I cannot break through such a defense!”

“...All those thousands of years, and Starswirl pulling hair out of his beard while making wards and charms to combat against mind control, and all it takes is using the spell on yourself?” Celly asked.

“Apparently. I dunno how the fuck that works, but it works, and I’m happy.” I sighed. “No more getting mind controlled for this guy!”

The door slammed open and Luna strolled in.

“Jesus fuck, what is with everyone kicking doors open and casually strolling in?” I asked, having jumped out from where I was, under Celly’s wing. “That’s not just something you do after kicking a door in!”

“Well, I am a Princess, therefore, I can do as I please, can I not?” Luna asked. She gave me a smug little smirk, before giggling. “Sorry about making you jump, I just wanted to check in on how you were doing. You did literally just die,” she pointed out. Chrysalis had long since jumped back into the closet with… that looks like a pink fluff ball. A pink, sentient fluff ball with a pony face. A portal opened up, Fruit stuck his face out and smirked at the sight; he gave her that! He and the portal disappeared before Luna or Celly noticed.

“I’m fine. Phoenix Fire’s a resounding success, even have the Runes left over. I can now safely say I am Not The Doctor, since I think The Doctor bursts into flames when he dies and comes back to life.” I mused. “Now, how are you actually doing, Luna? I know Celly needs some snuggles right now, and she ain’t the one who cracked me in the jaw so hard that it broke my skull, my neck, and shattered a couple ribs.”

“...I did all of that?” Luna asked.

“According to the diagnostic spell. I think you forget your own strength sometimes, Luna. Like I was dead before I realized it, but it probably also helped free me from the siren’s call.”

“...I feel really bad about that, but I doubted there was any other way. Usually most ponies that fall victim to mind control, especially that of a siren, don’t come back as who they once were if they get freed from their mental shackles at all. With who you are, my dear brother, the only way I could think of to defeat you was through sheer, physical might… My sister believes in such an approach should you… ever go rogue. I’m inclined to share that mindset.”

“It’s a real good thing I can’t get murdered,” I noted. I flopped down near Celly. “Now, c’mere, I am turning you into a filly, and I’m going to cuddle you so hard that you forget all your troubles for the night-” I hummed. My horn lit and now both Celly and Luna were fillies. “Now, c’mere, lemme hug the babies.”

“...How the buck did you do that?” Celly asked. Her voice was a lot like Sweetie Belle’s now; nice and squeaky and adorable. She was about the size of Sweetie Belle when I first met her too. Hell, you’d mistake them for being twins if Celly didn’t have pink hair, or wings. Luna… well, looked like how she did when I first met her, her coat was lighter in color and so was her mane. She was now just… filly sized rather than young adult and/or teenage filly sized.

“So I may have practiced the spell a few times. Rather, studying and memorizing it so I can finally turn y’all into fillies so you can take me up on my offer and just be children for a day or two. Tonight I need to cuddle both of you until you feel better, and you’re both much larger than I am… SO!” I flopped on my side and opened a wing. “I’ve got plenty of room…” I coaxed them under my wing for the deadliest snuggles they’ll ever know… Because I am going to tickle them in the morning when we wake up, not because I’m going to actually hurt them.

I’d sooner kill myself than let myself hurt them under any circumstance.

A couple of days later, I had nothing to do, and Button was off annoying Dan for the day. So like any smart person, I decided that it was time to go visit the new arrivals… Sunset Shimmer was sleeping in like a highschool student on the weekend. So she was probably out of the question for at least a couple more days. So I was walking down and into the dungeons. Ma kinda beat our second, third, and fourth newest addition to people that I think could be redeemed if they weren’t assholes.

So they probably aren’t redeemable, the Sirens are assholes.

I made it to their cell pretty quickly as… I’ve learnt something kinda cool.

Sirens are good with magic, but physically weak as fuck. And they’re not even really that good at magic, just manipulation-style magic such as mind control and stuff like that.

They were sitting in their cells with ice packs… They looked down trodden.

On my back was a tray full of food that was better than what they were getting served, which was probably a bunch of dried grass.

“Howdy everybody,” I announced my presence, even if it probably wasn’t necessary. Unless you’re Luna, or a bat pony, your hooves are pretty audible on stone or tile flooring. Wood too, I just remembered that. Most floors are just magicked so the sound isn’t super loud; it’s there, but not ear piercingly loud like it would be.

“What do you want?” Adagio asked. “Another kiss, perhaps?”

“Yeah that ain’t gonna work again. Plus me Ma would kick your ass again if you got me killed… again.”

“...Please tell me you didn’t bring her. We couldn’t mind control her, and she burnt my lips off with her magic and healed them right back just to burn them again,” Adagio shivered. “I can still feel my lips burning and she fucking healed them back!”

“I didn’t even do anything all that bad,” Sonata pouted.

“You gave Adagio the idea to mind control me or kill me outright.” I pointed out.

“You did, stupid.” Aria Blaze rolled her eyes. “Seriously, we’re lucky that he’s bringing us grub to begin with after what we did.”

“Well, he’d better; we’re royalty-”

“Adagio, if you act like I’m doing this because I like y’all, I’ll eat all this food right in front of you. And don’t think I won’t; I’m drunk as fuck and am hungry as fuck as a result. However, me and Shiny plan on having a guys night out on the town with Spike, Tale, and Solar… and Rainbow Dash because she’s gay.” I threatened. I won’t eat their food, that’s just straight mean, but I wanted Adagio to shut up. Luckily, it did get her to cut the ego back a bit. I magicked their trays with their selective meals on them. I did my research; sirens are omnivores. I got them a mixture of fish, veggies, other various meats and food stuff.

“I wish there were tacos,” Sonata grumbled. “We just had to leave the day before taco tuesday.”

“You keep thinking with your stomach, you imbecile.” Aria growled.

“Don’t mind them; they’re stupid,” Adagio suggested. Good suggestion. “Now, why are you here?”

“Mostly coming down to see how y’all are doing, and figure out what makes you tick. Why did you wanna use me to kill everypony?” I asked.

“...Okay, we’re not very good with… you know, conventional magic.”

“Go on,” I gestured, before pulling out a taco from under my wing. Well, I teleported the taco to me, I just made it look like I kept it in my wing. I took a bite and hummed. Celly made them for me last night to make sure I had something to eat today, because ‘the baby can’t cook’.

“We just needed everypony to fear us and then love and adore us-”

“You just want love and adoration?” I asked.

“Well, who doesn’t? I also want some power in my life.”

“Dude,” I chuckled. “Have you ever just gone and gotten laid?” I asked. “Or find yourself a nice, sexy stallion to cuddle up without mind controlling him? Maybe a mare if you swung that way.”

“...No. Why would anypony want to date… this?” Adagio gestured to all of herself.

“I’unno. You know me and Princess Celestia are dating and I’m about as boring, optically, as it gets if you ignore me being an alicorn. I’m sure you’ll find a stallion that’s… more adventurous than the rest and curl up with’em. Heck, your pony form was rather striking, rather… eh, pretty. Heck, as is, you’re kinda pretty. Don’t get any ideas; I ain’t fucking with you crazy horses and Celly’s my wife. But… I dunno, if you ever get out and not get sent to Tartarus, ask Cadance for help. She can probably help you find somepony to love. Or somebody, if you don't like ponies.”

“...What?” Adagio asked.

“I’m kinda forgiving, since the only pony you actually ended up getting hurt was… me, myself and I. I have zero care for what happens to me; even more now that I can’t die from natural causes or stab wounds, or broken bones. I may try and argue for you guys to be let out under a few conditions, like talismans that make it so y’all can sing, and can’t remove. No mind control, none of that. To be frank, I think you could be great members of society if you used your lovely voices for something other than causing chaos, but that could just be me. It could be Celly rubbing off on me and hoping to see the best in everyone around me.”

“You’d give us all another chance?” Adagio asked.

“You want love, adoration, and power. The power thing’s a bit weird, but eh, with the exception of griffins, females are usually dominant on the planet. Y’all live forever? Y’all were stuck in the portal a thousand years ago.”

Sonata hummed. “...No. We don’t. Why?” Oh.

“How long does a siren live?”

“A hundred years, hundred fifty at the oldest,” Aria answered.

“Okay then. Tell me, would you rather leave behind a legacy of hatred and despair, or leave the world loved and accepted?” I asked.

“Why would we care? We’d be dead-”

I cut Adagio off. “We all don’t live forever, save alicorns, unfortunately; I hate knowing that I’ll live forever… What we leave behind are the memories of us. What do people think of you? What will anyone remember you for? Would you fade into nothing? Would you like to leave the world knowing everyone hated you? How would you feel, being erased by the passage of time? What will you leave when you close your eyes for the last time, Adagio? If I were still mortal, I’d take this,” I lifted my hoof with Phoenix Fire’s Runes etched into it. “I’d erase this and die happily, knowing I made an impact on Celly. Knowing that I raised a son that can hold his head high… Knowing that yeah, I was loved and cared for, and will be remembered for decades, possibly centuries to come.” I smiled. “That I made a difference and left the world better than when I found it.”

Adagio and her friends were no longer interested in their food. They started to stare at the floor. Perhaps I was getting through to them?

“Why must you think about mortality?” Adagio asked. “You’ve no need to think as such.”

I chuckled. “A life without death is one I will lead. However, the race I hail from, humanity… often pondered on what happens after death. Is it… just a blank void? Is there an afterlife? Does any of this actually matter?” I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I started speaking again. “We humans are very morbid creatures and often joke about death because we fear it. It’s unknown and not something we can just conquer. Some, if not everyone, tries to make a lasting mark on the world. I was hoping to do the same until I ended up in Equestria.”

Adagio sighed. “Can you let me out for just a moment? I’ve something to say to you.” I teleported into her cell. “That… also works.” She pulled me into a hug and started crying on me. What? When she pulled back, she was still crying a little. “Sorry about hurting you. I want to be something better than I am right now.”

Oh. “You will. I’ll put in a good word; it’s a good thing I’m running a lie detection spell, too. I know you wanna actually do better and I will help you do better by letting you live your life… once Celly gives the okay to release y’all from your cells.” Adagio nodded as I teleported out. “If we meet in person again, I’ll look forward to seeing the mares y’all become.”

I found myself sitting in Sunset’s room not too long afterwards. She was sitting on her bed, her phone was sitting next to her on the nightstand beside it.

“So that’s why Celly isn’t hanging out with you, Sunset.” I got done with explaining to her what’s going on. “She’s teaching Twilight and Cadance how to princess, and that takes time. She should be done by the end of the week.” I shrugged. “So, how’s trying to figure out what to do now that you don’t have the internet to mindlessly scroll through or have books that can be played to you as you demand?” I asked.

“...It’s awful, honestly. How did anypony on Earth do anything before inventing the phone?”

“I’unno. How’re you doing, anyways?”

“I’m… doing fine. Why are you asking, Source?”

“Well, dunno if you noticed, but I’m Celly’s bitch. Therefore, you’re my kid.”

“Oh… right. I keep forgetting that Celestia has a husband. How’d you two meet, anyways?” Sunset asked.

“So, I’m not a pony. I was once human, but not from that Crystal Mirror. I was found in a crater in Ponyville-”

“That checks out. Before I left, somepony managed named Apple Jack burnt down half the town with an apple. She was a filly, by the way.”

“...What the fuck?” I asked.

“...What?”

“Apple Jack used to do what her little sister does now? How old are you?” I asked.

“...I’m twenty four.”

“YOU’RE OLDER THAN I AM!?” I asked.

“I am? How old are you?”

“Okay, so as I said, not a pony. Celly and Twilight are inclined to believe that my body’s twenty one, and when I lost my humanity, I was about… twenty three.”

“...Why would I call you dad if I’m older than you?” Sunset asked.

“You don’t gotta. You already don’t call Celly Mom a lot of the time. But… Y’know, you’re family to me through Celly if you’d want to acknowledge it or not. You’re a grown mare; I’d still love to hear about how you’re doing though. At a minimum, you’re a friend, Sunset.”

Sunset tilted her head, before raising an eyebrow. “You’re really sappy, you know that?”

“So I like having a family and knowing how they’re doing. Can you blame me for that?” I asked.

“You’re still a sappy little bitch.”

“Rude. Seriously though, how’re you doing?” I asked.

“I’m doing fine, honestly. It feels… a little odd to be a pony again, but not holding resentment for Celestia feels nice. By the way, I, and everypony else, heard what your Mom said to those… sirens? That gave me nightmares, Source. Luckily Auntie Luna managed to stop them.”

“Pfft, didya know Celly’s scared of me Mum? Luna too.”

“...Celestia? Scared of something-”

“She’s scared of chickens.”

“HOW!?”

“Cockatrice, probably.”

“Oh.”

Sunset rubbed the back of her head. “So… what now?”

I levitated a guitar to her. “C’mon, Celly said you liked music almost as much as you liked magic. She said you’re good at it.” Sunset took the guitar and strummed the thing a few times. “Consider it a gift, eh? Somethin’ to pick up and learn instead of wondering what the fuck to do; can’t imagine you’d wanna pick up learning magic again. I’m assuming that’s a bit of a sore topic.”

“...It kind of is, but yeah, I already know how to play the guitar. After the Fall Formal, there was supposed to be this… musical showcase I was going to partake in. So I taught myself how to play guitar.”

“Oh.” I hummed. “Pretty cool, not gonna lie. What were you gonna play?”

“Well… I was going to play this,” Sunset was pretty good at playing the guitar, I’m not going to lie. Heck, she was singing too and she’s damn good at it.

“Wow,” I clapped. “Feck, I can’t imagine doing that. Playing an instrument or anything musically inclined; I can hold a note, but I’m not great at singing. I’m more of a mage than anything else…”

“Celestia did bring that up. You heard me sing, wing boy, how are you at it?”

“Uh… I was in choir when I was about twelve, and I’m decent; music’s just stopped being my main interest since my Pa died and I couldn’t partake in choir anymore.” Sunset’s ears shot up and she immediately started apologizing for accidentally making me bring up my dead dad. I let her start sputtering before I bonked her on the nose. “Quit that. It’s fine.” I wrapped a hoof around her shoulder after sitting beside her. “Do you know about Irish Folk songs?”

“No. Why?” Sunset asked.

“Darn.” I chuckled. “Meh, it doesn't matter." I teleported a bottle of whisky to me, and Shimmer raised an eyebrow. “What? I made my own spell system; it’s why that teleport felt weird.”

“Oh. Celestia mentioned that. I’d like to know more about it in the future, you know.” She tilted her head. “Will you show me it?” Sunset’s cute.

Adorable, even. She almost puts Twilight to shame in this category.

“Yeah, I’ll show ya at some point. C’mon, let me tell you ‘bout the Humor of Whisky, aye?”

By the end of the week, Celly begrudgingly agreed to let the sirens out, after ensuring that they couldn’t mind control anypony with removing their… charms, I guess. There really isn’t a better way to describe it. “I cannot believe you want this,” Celly grumbled as we sat down in her train car. Everypony else in the family vacated our car in favor of Luna’s train car until we finished having our talk. “They are literally responsible for getting you killed, Source.”

“And I’d like to think they actually listened to what I said. Adagio seemed to be hit pretty hard with what I talked to her about, but she could be playing me for a fool…” I grimaced. “I’ll hate doing it, but if they end up trying to take over Equestria, Celly, then I’ll put them down myself. I will kill them. I really don’t want to, and you’re rubbing off on me.”

“...How so?” Celly asked.

“I’m trying to see the best in everyone around me, like you do with everyone around you. I’m just hoping that… the Sirens actually listen, take heed to my advice, and live prosperous and long; to live out life and be remembered. To be celebrated rather than having their demise be celebrated. To be despised for decades after they’re gone, to then be sweat away by the weight of time. That was something they started… They were afraid of that, after I talked to them.”

“Dammit Source… “ Celly smiled before kissing me on the forehead. “I’ll trust your judgment this time around. I will have them send us friendship reports, though, even if you find the concept to be stupid.”

“Eh, best to have an idea of how they’re doing rather than not. Say, this is off topic, but what if we helped you and Luna control Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon?”

“...Why do you ask?” Celestia asked. “And how do you know about Daybreaker?”

“One of the first worlds I went to, while trying to figure out portal magic, was one where you and Luna had complete control of your darker selves, and were actually rather pleasant individuals… I may have to go visit them. Fruit may be willing to help me connect with them again. Besides, you two are, even if it’s a little, more powerful in those forms which could be useful in world ending threats.” I point out.

“That’s… I hate you, for having good points, Source. I… Will attempt to turn into Daybreaker after we ‘officially’ redeem Discord in our timeline. In a secluded area where I can’t accidentally hurt anypony.”

“Bet.” I nuzzled her.

The door got knocked on, before it just opened. Sonata walked in holding a bag of popcorn-

“Sonata! We can’t just barge in here, Princess Celestia will kill us!” Adagio stopped when she saw us. “Uh… sorry, your highnesses, we’ll just take our leave.”

“No, no. Sit your asses down,” I coaxed. “Honestly, now would be a good time for Celly to see that y’all’re changing for the better. I’m assuming you paid for the snacks Sonata has?” I asked.

“We did. We used bits from the stipend check you’re giving us, though…” Adagio sighed. “Currency is weird, but I get why it’s a thing.” She bowed her head to Celestia. “Hey, your highness… I-” she cringed. “Sorry about mind controlling your husband and sicking him on you. And… thank you for going along with his idea of letting us go… even if we’re not fully free yet.” The siren, in her pony form, was loafing on her cushion and kept her gaze averted from Celly’s eyes. Until now. “I’d like to apologize on… behalf of these two idiots, too; they were just following my lead.”

“I will accept your apology once you’ve proven yourselves. For now, I am simply putting my faith in Source’s judgment of character. If you slip into your old ways, neither he, nor I will enjoy it, but we will be more lethal in our approach of putting your shenanigans to an end, am I clear?” Celestia asked.

“Yes, m’am. Again…”

“Wow, you’re pretty,” Sonata hummed. “I never got a moment to look you over, Princess Celestia!”

Celly blinked. “What?”

“You’re pretty. Is complimenting ponies an insult?” The siren asked… she’s a fuckin’ airhead, man. I can see that there isn’t much going on behind those eyes of hers.

“No, I was just not expecting that. Thank you, Ms. Dusk… I do hate to cut our conversation with you three short, but me and Source were having a mandatory wife and husband meeting. If Source visits you during the train ride, don’t be shocked; he definitely will come and bother you three.”

“That’s fine,” Adagio nodded. “He’s rather pleasing on the eyes, so I don’t mind.” With that, the sirens went back, likely to their seats.

“So…” I hummed. “Now what?” I asked.

“Everypony thinks we’re having a serious discussion right now, and assumes we’ll be busy for another hour. What do you wanna do-” I teleported Button to us.

“Hey kid, you were being hogged by Ma and Sunset the whole ass week. You’re getting cuddles from your old man.”

“Okay,” Button rolled his eyes, but nuzzled deeper into my hug. “I missed this; you’re way better at cuddling than everypony else.”

“I’m just your favorite pony,” I rolled on my back. “C’mon, it’s been a minute since it was just us three. How does a nap sound?” I asked.

“That…” Celly flopped over and took us with her. Now, I was laying on her belly, with my head being right on her neck, Button was laying on my belly, with his head laying on my neck. I tennis balled our horns so we wouldn’t accidentally poke each other with our horns. Save for Celly and Luna, pony horns aren’t very sharp, so there was little chance of us stabbing each other, but being poked with a dull object, in the neck, in your sleep still isn’t fun.

We took a nice, long nap before the rest of the family would inevitably pile on us when they realized that no, we weren't going to do bedroom activities on a train car with no sound proofing material, enchantments, or spells put on it.

Author's Note

Source is very annoying to kill now.

also, fun little thing i noticed. with the chapter used to mark a full year, or the second unicorn convention ends roughly on chapter 51. a year has about 52 weeks in it. granted, those 51 chapters don't take place over the course of a week, and my tracking of time in this story is atrocious, but it's a fun little thing i did on accident.

i was originally gonna have a big fight with Celly and a mind controlled source, but figured... Luna cracking Source in the jaw and killing him with it would be better, and showcase Phoenix Fire better than Source suicide bombing Adagio like I had originally planned. in fact, I was going to have the Dazzlings escape during that whole escapade and have an over-season 4 arc for Source as he hunts them down. However, with how much happens in season 4 in the actual show, for Twilight, I'd figure I'd try having Source go through just as much shit...

perhaps get him lost in more portals? this time with Button, maybe he revisits composite equestria. idk.

something else i'd like to point out, I said it in a comment, but... This story isn't close to ending. for once, I want to try and drive it until Celestia and Luna retire in season 9 of the show, which does involve me doing a bit of catching up on the show in my free time, but that's fine.

next chapter, Discord is 'officially' going to be introduced in the timeline. Plunderseeds will follow in the chapter after that.

this author's note is stupidly long, so i'll stop now. thank you for reading.

No, Seriously, Fuck Discord

So today is the day Discord is ‘officially’ released from his stoney prison. Except apparently he’s been pretending because he could befriend Fluttershy all over again; it’s a memory he is very fond of from across the multiverse as it seems. I decided to head down to Ponyville with the statue, as I actually wanted to try and make sense of chaos magic and actually try to learn it. Because, despite their name, the Elements of Harmony are pretty chaotic in what they actually do to people. Mostly because of what they have done to people they’ve been used on.

Luna got put on the moon when they were used on her the first time.

They weakened Tirek and threw him into Tartarus.

They had, allegedly, straight up killed Groger.

Discord got turned into stone by them.

And then Luna, after her return, got turned back into Luna and had her Nightmare form be put into check; she has some control over it now but no access to the powerboost Nightmare Moon has.

Because of this, even though chaos magic is unpredictable in nature and hard for any single pony to pick up, save Pinkie if she chose to learn it, Harmony Magic is just as chaotic as chaos magic. Both do have something in common with how something must activate both forms of magic in order to trigger in the first place. For instance, Discord snaps his fingers and something happens; he then somehow manipulates chaos magic into doing what he wants it to. Harmony magic needs the Elements of Harmony or the emotions or traits of Harmony to function and then shoot their, gay as fuck, rainbow death beam.

I was sitting with Twilight and her friends, each had their aforementioned element necklaces, or crown in Twilight’s case. Everypony had looks of apprehension on their face since Celly had informed them what the task at hand was. I wasn’t too concerned, because Discord might like me. Also according to Discord, somehow, some way, Fluttershy cracked his stoney heart. Probably by being adorable.

“C’mon, guys, it’ll be fine,” I said as I relaxed in my chair.

“How do you know for sure, Source?” Apple Jack asked.

“Yeah, you weren’t even there for Discord’s first rampage. Instead you got stuck in a portal and did buck all, when we could’ve used your help to begin with,” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof dismissively. “It’s almost like you planned that to get out of having to deal with Discord yourself-”

“Don’t you dare fucking finish that line of thought, Dash. You’re my friend, a proper lad that I wouldn’t mind sharing a drink with, but god damn, use your fuckin’ brain. Do ya think I’d want to get stuck in a portal during Discord’s rampage? That I’d enjoy not being there for my family when Discord could have his way with them? Do you fucking understand what I went through while y’all were dealing with Discord?

“Did y’all know that Discord almost kept me from seeing my family again? I think not. It gave me some brilliant insight into just how fragile my mental health has been since arriving in Equestria, Rainbow Dash. I will not have some asshole fucking insult what I’ve been through because you had a shitty time when Discord was around. We all had a shitty time during that. I’ve barely been able to reconnect with my students since that portal incident, Dash.” I snarled. “So do, do continue with that line of thought, I fucking dare you.

“Because if you continue to have that line of thought… I will break your jaw, Dash. Don’t test me.”

“Rainbow, you better bucking apologize,” Apple Jack reprimanded her marefriend. “Because Ah’ll be honest as Ah’ve always been; that was uncalled for. Source agreed to come along to try and help us keep Discord from flipping the world upside down again. Yer lucky Source is twice the stallion he thinks he is; I woulda kicked you in the teeth if I were him.”

I shook my head. “Dash doesn’t need to apologize; she can apologize by learning to watch what she says. She’s lucky that I try to avoid violence when I can.” I let out a lung’s worth of air through my nostrils. “Now, Discord… I’ve dealt with him a lot in other timelines. I’ll be honest, he’s not dangerous or will outright kill anyone. He’ll fuck with you for the fun of it, but he won’t kill you; if he kills you he can’t have fun anymore. So if we even reform him, expect him to still be wanting to fuck with you.” I explained to Twilight, who had that ‘studying face’ on. You can tell that it is, her tongue sticks out from her bottom lip while she’s trying to study or figure something out.

She will have larger eyes, bordering on watery eyes if she needs information from you specifically.

“Okay, got it,” Twilight nodded. “Is there anything else we need to know?”

“Celly controlled him through pain; she apparently shoved the Element of Honesty down his throat and into his lung when he mentioned capturing me in another world for his own sick games. It was funny as hell, in hindsight, now that I’m not bordering on killing myself.” I chuckled. “And I got Celly to buy some purple, thigh high boots!” I chuckled before taking in everyone’s inquisitive, though horrified expressions. “Okay, so a timeline I’ve come across… had another evil Celestia. She was beautiful, though fucking terrifying because how dangerous she was.

“She wore purple boots and they looked good, so I asked if Celly could get a set. She agreed and now she has boots.” I chuckled. “Feck, I wanna check in on how Celestia's doing. Last I checked, she had the evil yanked right out of her.”

The train came to a stop. “Okay,” I got to my hooves. “We move the statue to an indiscreet field, and then we release him. Sounds like a plan?” I asked.

“Yeah!” The girls chorused.

We set up Discord’s statue in an unused field on Sweet Apple Acres, as it was private property and thus less ponies to poke their noses into what we were doing. The girls got in formation while I simply steeled myself. The last time I saw this bastard, or at a minimum, a different Discord, he stuck me through portals willy-nilly and made me think I wasn’t going to be able to go home. I put on a visage of confidence, when in reality I was kinda scared out of my fucking mind. I wasn’t leaving the girls alone with Discord for even a second.

The gay death laser struck the statue that was Discord. First his… So I don’t have to get confused, his feet started cracking, the cracks started running up the statue’s stoney body until it completely broke and… Discord was fake screaming in pain and agony. I tilted my head and watched with interest… until he realized he wasn’t stone anymore.

“Oh thank goodness! Being stone was rather uncomfortable. And let me guess, you all think that you can reform me? That Fluttershy would be able to do such a thing to me?” As he stretched, he snapped his lion paw, turning a squirrel into a muscle freak that looked ready to off the head of whatever poor creature happened to come close to it. With a snap of his talon, a bunny became an evil little monster. He grabbed Fluttershy and started noogeying her.

Twilight snarled. “And just how did you hear about that?” She asked, taking the lead of the operation.

“Well, I heard you talking with the Princess’s precious little stallion… Now just where is he? I’ve not properly met him when I should’ve, and instead met him in circumstances not ideal.” Discord’s eyes fell on me. In a heartbeat, he dropped Fluttershy like she was a bag of rice that just got brought home by an asian family. “Aw, look, a poor, poor little stallion. Oh, and an alicorn at that!” The Lord of Chaos rubbed his hands together, and before I could blink he was patting me on the head.

“Oh fuck no,” I growled, ducking under the paw. “Don’t you dare touch me.”

“Watch the language, Source Code. And c’mon, we both know you enjoy my touch…”

“The last time I let you touch me, I went missing for hours. The last time I did a favor for you. I’m only here because I can mentally take your chaotic bullshit.” I grumbled. “And as much as I hate you, you’re the only creature that I know of that has control of chaos magic, or can even use it. While I’m not as much of an egghead as Twilight,” I am going to get my shoulder checked by Twilight later, “I’d like to figure out how chaos magic works so I can either use it, or just have an idea of how to work it out into something that makes sense…”

“So you can handle me, mentally, but how about emotionally, hmm?” Discord took the form of Button. “Help, Dad-” I punched him in the face. I put a good amount of magic into amping the punch too. It probably- Oh, he’s got a bloody nose now. Discord held his nose in shock. “What the heck?” Discord asked in awe. “A pony that actually hurt me?” He’s trying to play us like a fool; I know he’s lying and faking the injury… to a point. I think. I can barely get a read on this guy. Discord shook his head. “Seriously, you’ve got balls, I’ll give you that.”

“By the way, Discord,” I smiled warmly. “Behave. Celly is on fucking speed dial, and I know you weren’t exactly a statue in this timeline.” I grinned maniacally when Discord checked behind him. “Want the Element of Magic shoved up your ass, Discord?” I grinned. “Or would you rather stay in Fluttershy’s cottage and behave for her, hmm? This is her task after all.” Also Discord probably will want to get under Fluttershy’s tail, judging from how these two exist outside of any timeline, apparently, while being married.

“I’ll… behave.” Discord conceded. “Come on Fluttershy, I am beginning to regret my decision of-”

“Turn the animals back, and don’t think about literally doing some shit behind your back. My diagnostic spell will pick it up, and Celly will make you sit in a room, alone, with her and Luna… as foals. Trust me, you do not want to be in a room with that level of adorabetes; the big, tough Lord of Chaos wouldn’t be able to handle such a thing.” I kept grinning.

“If you don’t let her do that, I’ll owe you a solid.” Discord agreed, before he and Fluttershy and the rest of the girls were off. Except Twilight.

“What do you mean by… Discord wasn’t a statue in this timeline, Source?” She asked.

“Oh yeah, Discord was apparently never turned to stone again in this timeline, he just made it look like he was… because he has memories from Discords across the multiverse, I believe. Today, while a bit not on schedule, apparently, is the day he and Fluttershy became… friends. It’s a day he holds dear and probably rejoices whenever an opportunity to relive it comes. Let Fluttershy do her thing, let whatever Discord does happen. It’ll all work out in the end…

“Discord thinks Fluttershy is adorable, just a fun little fact; he’d do anything for that mare. Hell, Fluttershy will live past the heat death of the universe because of Discord.” I shrugged. “This specific Discord also is why I went missing for an afternoon; he kept tossing me in through portals when I went through one to deal with the ‘dangerous thing that threatened Equestria’ and Celly beat the shit out of him.”

“...Oh.” Twilight then rammed her shoulder into mine, pretty hard. “That’s for calling me an egghead.”

“Am I wrong?” I asked.

“Buck you!” She hit my shoulder again.

“Man, what the fuck? This is what I get for letting you use me as a pillow on the train ride here?” I asked, sounding hurt.

“...I swear to your wife, if you start sounding more deranged than Discord or Pinkie, I will smack you.”

“You already did. Also, I’m not deranged enough to out Pinkie the Pink One. I could give Discord a run for his money if you got me drunk enough though…” I hummed. “Now, since you’re in on the plan, I can’t have you go anywhere and blurt out what’s gonna happen. Mostly because Discord will turn our insides out, and Celly will burn his outsides and insides to a crisp. So…” I grabbed Twilight. “It’s been a minute since we’ve chilled out.” I flopped into the grass. “Wanna just relax?” I asked.

“But Discord…”

“Is… What?”

“He’s going to get situated…” Twilight sighed. “So we just do nothing?”

“I’unno. Sunset said she’d be coming down to Ponyville today, without realizing what the heck is going on. I bet you two could geek out over magic. Sunset’s a bit of a scholar too, though not as much as you are, you egghead. Heck, I’m sure you two would get along.” I hummed some more. I flopped into the grass. “If Discord misbehaves, wake me up, I guess."

So instead of Discord… misbehaving… He’s hosting a dinner party. I guess I got invited, because I don’t remember actually waking up and getting an invite. I just woke up inside Fluttershy's home with the rest of the girls. Fluttershy was sitting closest to Discord and I was seated next to Rainbow, right in between her and Apple Jack. Discord was dressed up in a suit and a mustache that I’d typically see on an Italian villain or dictator. The suit was more… of just a suit jacket on top of a red, button up vest that went over a white, long sleeved undershirt that was likely also a button up.

Knowing Discord, he probably spray painted that onto himself.

I was seated on a purple cushion, and sprayed in the face with a fucking hose before I could even begin to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

“Dude… I was going to cosplay as the Seventh Element of Harmony, and be a voice that voices their unneeded thoughts!” I sighed. Nopony was gonna get that. “So why am I here, Discord?”

“Well, seeing as you’re the consort of my old pal, Princess Celestia, I thought it would be best to also make you a pal of mine. What do you say to join me and my dear friend, Fluttershy, for dinner along with the rest of our friends, hmm?” Discord asked.

“Hey guys, how’d I end up here?” I asked, looking at everypony else. “I literally woke up five seconds ago, I am drenching wet and now I get why my dog fucking hated baths. Wet, cold fur fucking sucks.” I really hate Discord. I summoned a shield on myself, before lighting the shield on fire. Everypony around me yelped, but I was perfectly fine. At a minimum, I’ll die. Oh no. “Calm your teets. I don’t have access to a blow dryer, so a burning Shield Spell will have to do, and it’s just as effective!” The fires died, and the shield dispersed. I was perfectly dry now. “So, how’d I end up here?”

“We walked in,” Twilight shrugged. “And you were sleeping on the cushion, with your face buried in the table like you were studying for too long. You’re quite… keen on taking naps when you can; that’s not a good thing, Source.”

“Oh, small talk about our physical health, how wondrous!” Discord clapped his hands. “Do tell me, I for one, am curious as to what you get up to at night.”

“I think a lot. Honestly, I’ve been sleeping just fine recently, I just don’t get a lot of it. Sunset Shimmer’s joined me and Celly and Button in our sleeping pile, and she’s kinda cool. I just spend a lot of time thinking about my purpose on Earth, but then I come up short and spiral for a good half hour, before going back to sleep. Then I have a nightmare, and since Luna is terrified of what I’d call a nightmare, doesn’t help me since I am running from a Xenomorph, an imaginary monster humans came up with traumatized Luna, but I didn’t even call it a nightmare.

“Then I wake up with a nice, crisp four hours of sleep and do a good enough job to seem like I got a proper amount of sleep, so Celly doesn’t worry about me. Nobody notices, and that’s pretty cool. Except I told all of you; if what I say is used against me in the future, I will kill myself.” I blinked. “So I take a lot of naps to compensate for my horrible, horrible nightly routine.” I noted that… “WHY THE FUCK IS THAT GRAVY BOAT ACTING LIKE A GOD DAMN PUPPY!?” I jumped and backed away. “Actually, that’s probably the most tame thing I’ve seen in Equestria yet.”

“What?” Rainbow asked. “Are you serious?”

“Bitch, imagine how I felt when I watched Celly actually raise the sun for the first time. Sure, it’s a glorious sight, but when you come from a universe where the solar system works on its own, it borks your brain, aye? Feck, the idea of Magic Theory itself… while I am… Above average with magic, I suck at Magic Theory. Why? Because to my human brian, it makes no fucking sense to give something whimsical, that’s only true in fairytales on Earth, a logical, straight reason for why magic does what it does.” I waved a dismisstory hoof, even as the gravy boat dumped gravy on me; Celly’s hotter than the gravy is. “Discord’s bullshit’s pretty tame after coming to Equestria, after being on Earth where magic doesn’t exist, it’s whatever.”

Discord started looking offended at that. “Me? Normal!?” He almost snarled. “I’ll show you chaos in a good way. Look! Dancing Candles!”

Those are indeed dancing candles. Wow. Rainbow Dash blew them out and killed them.

“How is that normal?” Rainbow asked.

“You can use magic to give ‘life’ to inanimate objects,” I waved another hoof. “Seriously, humans can come up with way fuckier shit. Y’all have sewer drains, right?” Everypony nodded. “Okay, imagine if a clown lived in those sewers and ate children because that clown’s secretly a demonic entity.” I let everypony imagine that and they all cringed, Discord included. “Hell, there’s even more heinously fucked shit. Let me ask you laddies a question…” I grinned at the stupid shit that could happen from this. “Are you ready, kids?” I asked.

“Aye, aye captain!” Pinkie cheered.

“I can’t hear you!”

“Aye, aye captain!”

“OHHHHHH!”

I horribly sang the most iconic theme song in the world. “By the way, that little shit of a sponge makes Discord’s chaotic bullshit look like chumpy shit.” I teleported a kitchen sponge and a fake starfish, gave them faces and summoned a piece of paper labeled ‘map’. “Look Spongebob, the map!” Their eyes stretched and started rubbing on it. “Spongebob?” The starfish started… Everypony, even Discord was looking at the scene. Discord slowly looked up at me and mouthed the following.

“What the fuck is wrong with humanity?”

“By the way,” I said as I whisked away the now sentient kitchen sponge and plastic starfish. “That was made for entertaining children across the globe… Great times.”

“I will not be out of chaos today, my good stallion, watch-”

“Source,” Twilight started eying me weirdly. “Are you secretly a Discord meat puppet, or actually Source?”

“Man, Dan said he showed y’all the Spongebob Movie on the train ride back from the Empire after the convention… Wait, nevermind, y’all didn’t get to see the show… Meh.” URk! The fucking fish shaped tea thing shot me in the eye with tea. So I clapped my hooves and a bigger fish shaped tea pot ate the smaller one. What!?

“Oh my, he’s using chaos magic!” Discord wiped a tear away from his eye. “I doubt he remembers how he did it, but… he did it!”

What the fuck.

“Hey Discord, wanna hear something mildly morbid?” I asked.

“...What?” Discord asked.

“Wanna hear something morbid? It’ll make you forget all about being a chaotic asshole. Because I know you’re just manipulating the shit out of Fluttershy right now.” Before Discord opened his mouth I began. “So, imagine being born into the world, expecting a nice, fun life ahead of you. You are told you can be whatever you want to be, that if you worked just hard enough, you could achieve your dreams. As you grow older, you begin to learn about the world around you and how it works… Then you learn how to read, to write, to do basic math. Then… you’re suddenly able to go out on your own in the world. Still with me?”

“...Yes. You’re telling me to think of what it’s like to be a mortal, why do you ask?” Discord asked.

“Oh, I’m just getting started. So you begin working, right? You find a job in something simple to get your life started, say… a cashier at your not so local supermarket, a human market where everything is sold, from weapons down to cheese that isn’t actually cheese. You work, you work hard and earn money… er, bits. The government then takes some of those bits because why not, whatever… then you can barely afford the apartment you got. You rinse and repeat this routine… wake up, brush your teeth, barely eat breakfast, work. Get home, barely eat anything, go to sleep. You repeat this, saying you’ll find a way out of this endless cycle… Then one day your friend dies from something, heart disease, heart failure, anything really, possibly even suicide.

“Suddenly your highschool crush is married and you haven’t seen her since God knows when. Don’t matter, your daily cycle continues, to make some rich guy richer than he is so he can hire more people to make him richer than he already is. Then it all… suddenly stops. It dissolves into nothingness. You might have kids, you might not. Doesn’t really matter, everything just stops one day…” I looked up at Discord, I met his gaze. “Well, what do you think?”

“That… sounds depressing.” Discord literally deflated. “What kind of life did this poor soul have to live through-”

“Oh, that’s just the majority of humanity. Most people kinda… just live like that.” I rolled my eyes. “It sucks, but eh, what can you do when there’s money to be made.”

Discord just stopped. “Okay, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you humans. That takes the fun out of me trying to get under your skin, Source. You’ve out chao’ds me with that map… thing. Then you go and tell me that?”

“Hey man, humanity’s not all bad. Sometimes you can die one day and nobody would notice for weeks!” I laughed. “Fuck, thank god I don’t live on Earth anymore. So how’re you feeling, about being a chaotic, godly asshole?” I asked.

“I’ll be there if you don’t ever put that mental image in my head…” Discord shivered. “That… sounds so dull, so boring. How can anyone live life like that?”

Twilight, and all of her friends for that matter hugged me. “Waht?” I asked as they started hugging me tighter.

“Don’t worry, you’ll live a much, much happier life here in Equestria-”

Discord smirked. “You played yourself. Ponies are sentimental fools, and they’ll think you are traumatized by your life on Earth.” He clapped his hands, before he himself drooped. “You humans sound boring.”

“Shit. Hey, did you know that some people will go take moving pictures of dead bodies for money?” I asked.

Discord and everyone else flinched. “what?”

As I hopped on the train, I was feeling pretty good. Discord was behaving and we were all heading up to at some point Canterlot because… Twilight was still trying to grasp how to Princess and wanted some advice from Celly… and I may try to properly introduce her to Sunset Shimmer; those two nerds are practically meant to be together. Also… Holy fuck it’s been a year since the Summer Sun Celebration. Wait, shit. It’s been a year since Luna came back from the moon.

Oh yeah… Nevermind on introducing Sunset to Twilight. All the princesses are getting together for this Summer Sun Celebration, so they’re all gonna be really busy with that. I was just heading home first on the train, because I really just wanted to get away from Discord. I won’t be able to really escape him, but I fucking hate that guy. I’ve got my reasons, and I’m sure when he chills out, he won’t be that bad, but I’m holding my grudge, dude.

That fucker sicked me on four alicorns, and practically held me hostage for hours in various timelines. Hell, I’m lucky that I haven’t been thrown into a portal in the last… twelve and a half hours that I’ve been in Ponyville, basically doing fuck all when it came to reforming Discord. I rested my head on the back of my seat, despite having the option, I didn’t take the royal coach tonight. I was just in the good ol’ ‘commoner’ train car tonight.

What.

No, what!?

The Moon started rising, but the Sun… just drifted off to the side, and now both celestial bodies were hanging at their apex in the sky. It’s about… nine at night, the moon should not be where it should be at midnight, and the sun should've settled by now. Celly and Luna can get into hissy fits with each other and have shouting matches while raising their celestial bodies… but they usually don’t try to fuck with how this shit works.

Other ponies on the train car started staring at the once in a lifetime oddity.

“What’s going on?”

“Are the princesses okay?”

I looked back at Ponyville… it’s beginning to get overrun by the Everfree Forest. I could see Rainbow Dash trying her best to combat the Everfree’s clouds, which was proving to be difficult with the number of them.

A letter popped up in front of me… It’s from Button.

Dear… Okay, fuck it. Dad, you know who’s writing this, you probably picked up on the magical signature.

A root just snatched Mom when she left the bathroom, and Tale said the same happened to Luna. Neither of us know what the heck is going on, but everything is going horribly wrong. Grandma and your siblings have no clue as to what’s going on, the guards are in disarray and the throne room is being overrun by reporters and nobles. Grandma would be trying to take lead on this project, but Sunset’s been hyperventilating the whole time. I know you wanted to help try and reform Discord, but we need you to come home as soon as you get this.

You already know who sent this.

The train jerked and came to a stop and started flying off the rails.

In the brief moment I was in the air, I saw why. A black root sprouted and grew exponentially quicker than what is biologically possible for a natural plant, and the train had slammed into it. I snarled, and grabbed the entire train, and couldn’t. It was too heavy for me and there was too much for me to grab. I flared up the diagnostic spell and grabbed everypony’s magical signatures, before teleporting them out of the train… nobody was in the locomotive. Their magical signatures were… Oh fuck. I’m still on the train.

I teleported outside to the train.

I couldn’t save everypony; I acted a moment too late.

“Okay, everypony,” luckily we still were not too far from Ponyville. “Are y’all alright?”

“Prince Source?” A mare asked. That’s fucking Lyra. “you… just saved our lives.”

“You can thank me, by getting back to Ponyville. I cannot guarantee that it’s safer there, but the Elements of Harmony are stationed there for a reason. Right now, it’s the safest spot in Equestria to be… Assuming everywhere else is like this.” I watched the sky as Twilight, while using DragonFire flew to the castle at a speed that would make even Rainbow Dash gawk. “Get somewhere safe.” I ordered. “Once this is over… we’ll look over the train for any casualties. I’ve got a kingdom to get in line and a fellow alicorn to boss around.” Lyra saluted me before turning around and started barking orders.

I teleported into the throneroom right as my Ma opened her mouth. “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I growled. “Everypony, calm the hell down.” I snarled. Everypony listened pretty quickly, even Ma flinched at how loud I was… Luna would be proud if she heard that attempt of the Royal Canterlot Voice. Button was sitting, tucked close to her side, his eyes showed a gratitude that I’ve not seen in them since I adopted him. “For all you reporters, no, I don’t know what the fuck is going on. For all you nobles, fuck off. You want your property repaired, sure, you’ll be reimbursed twenty bits even though Canterlot hasn’t been touched by whatever the hell is fucking with Ponyville. And Snowdrop… I don’t know actually, but she’s not here right now.

“Now, everypony, leave.”

“And what makes you think you can boss us around?” Prince Blueblood asked. Oh, he got out of prison.

“Cadance is off in the Empire and doesn’t know what’s going on, and I outrank Twilight by seniority of who has a crown. I do not have the time to be trifled by your antics, Blueblood. You’re lucky that Celly ain’t here to toss you back in jail for trying to interrupt important matters.” I took a long, deep breath. “Everypony that isn’t the captain of the Day Guard and the Captain of the NIght Guard, get the hell out. Everypony not of the Royal Family, get out. If you don’t, I am pissed, I am worried for my wife and my sister in law’s safety. I have no time, and I will teleport you all out of here without a care as to where you end up.” Everypony was quick to file out of the throne room.

Save for three ponies that weren’t in the family. I know that two of them were here because of who I specifically said I wanted to stay in the throne room. The third was enveloped in green fire and Chrysalis stepped forward. “Source, I will let you know that my changelings have tunnels underground that lead to everywhere. If you need to transport guards to Ponyville, I can assist with that.”

“Damn, you're… actually helping, Chrysalis. Thank you, but I’m not sure if that is necessary right now.” I nodded to the Queen. “I’ll thank ya later. Midnight Blossom, and… forgive me, my good stallion, I do not believe we have met. You’re Shining Armor’s replacement?”

“Yessir, my name is Chainmail. What do you want us to do?”

“The question is what have you got your troops doin’, soldier.” I said.

“Scanning Canterlot as we speak,” Midnight answered. “We… have not found anything yet, your highness.”

“That…” I took a deep breath. “I’m assuming y’all aren’t able to send at least a squad each down into Ponyville?” I asked. I then looked at Chrysalis. “Is anywhere else in Equestria being infected by what’s going on in Ponyville?”

“Ponyville is being heavily affected, and the growth of… these Plunderseeds seems to be much faster in Ponyville.” Chrysalis answered.

“Okay, Chainmail, please tell me you’ve got a squad heading for Ponyville, same with you, Midnight.”

“We can get a few squads looking in Ponyville, your highness. We can only send out a squad each; the rest of our squads are busy keeping Canterlot under control.” Midnight answered.

“Okay… y’all do your thing. All I request is that you have at least one of your squads, day or night, don’t matter, staying stationed in Ponyville to try and help the civilians out.” Twilight came bursting through the doors. “And there’s the mare I’m hoping to see. Twilight,” I greeted my friend. “I would say it’s nice to see you, but we were chatting not even a full day ago. So…”

“Do you know what’s going on?” Twilight asked.

“No clue. You’re the better problem solver out of the two of us, Twilight. Celly and Lulu are missing, and I’m planning on searching, myself…”

Tale broke through the doors. “Snowdrop’s missing too!” He growled. “I can’t find her anywhere!”

“Great…” I growled. “I’m-”

“Your highness, with all due respect for your wishes, we cannot let you leave the castle.” Captain Chainmail sighed. “I… You’re the only pony here that has any authority. And if… we cannot find the princesses, you’re next in line for ruling the kingdom.”

I sighed. “Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll listen to you. Twilight, please solve this. I’m pretty sure you’re the only one that can do anything; I’ve no ties to any magical artifacts; I’m just some dude.”

“Okay… Source. And I promise you, I’ll find the princesses and Snowdrop. Promise.”

“Pinky Promise?” I asked. “Because I’m not sure if that’s a promise you wanna make.” I sighed. “Just go, please. Please be safe; I don’t wanna lose you either.” I sat on the throne as Twilight ran back the way she came.

“Okay… Just be in charge, Source.”

Hey good news, the Plunderseeds are being eradicated from existence. I stared out the window as a pulse of pure Harmony Magic pulsed across the country. “Thank god,” I sighed. “I fucking hated doing this,” I gestured to the throne room. The guard captains gave me odd looks. “Fuckin’ hate sitting back not being able to do anything. I’d much rather go help Twilight save the world again, but only one of us could go do so; one of us needed to stay behind and keep Canterlot under control. Twilight’s better at problem solving than I am.”

Ma patted my back. “On the bright side… it’s over now.” She smiled. “And you can keep going on adventures with your marefriend-”

“Ma, Twilight’s my niece in law.” I grumbled. “Why’re you also trying to get me to form a herd?” I asked as I watched two tiny specs, a pure white one and a dark blue one, flew out of the Everfree Forest. “Don’t tell me that Celly put the notion in your head.”

“Actually, no,” Ma punched my shoulder. “I just heard about herds from other mares; Celly is well aware of how faithful you are to her, believe it or not. As such, she’s the same way…” Huh. I kinda guessed that, but hearing it come from Ma, who usually gossips with Celly and Katie, it’s kinda nice to hear. I guess now all we do is wait for my wife and Luna to get out of Ponyville and return for the Summer Sun Celebration.

Snowdrop crashed through the window I was staring at, and slammed into me. “Watch out!” We rolled across the floor and I was the only one of us to have our head bump into anything. “Sorry, uncle. Me and Sunset Shimmer were busy trying to find out what happened to Celestia and Luna…” Sunset teleported into the room shortly after and started snickering.

“How bold, Snowdrop-”

“If you finish that thought, I will stab you in the eye.” Snowdrop threatened, before she helped me up. Sunset backed off.

“Sunset, what did Snowdrop do to you?” Snowdrop giggled as I questioned her adopted cousin… My family as a lot of adopted ponies in it, jesus fucking christ. “Speak louder, Sunset.”

“She put on a Unicorn Amulet and kicked my flanks while we were sparring. Are you happy? I lost a magic duel to a pegasus. SHE CAN’T EVEN FUCKING SEE!”

“Well, I can’t see how that’d piss you off.”

“It doesn’t, I’m just a little more willing to listen to her now.” I rolled my eyes. “So what are you doing?”

“I can feel my Celly again; our wedding rings are linked and we can feel each other’s magic. So… when she went missing-”

Celly and Lulu and Twilight strolled through the doors, the tell-tale signs of DragonFire dripped off of them. Celly got tackled out the door by me, as did Luna, but Tale tackled her out the door.

“I see our stallions were holding down the fort while we were gone?” Luna asked.

“Actually, Source was,” Tale admitted. “To be honest, neither of us did anything. Source wanted to, but acknowledged that everypony that was qualified were already doing their jobs, so we should just make sure we don’t die. In case you both come back… or not and we need to take over for you ladies.” Tale’s ears flattened against his skull. “I missed you.”

Meanwhile, I was just silently hugging Celly. I’m happy now.

Author's Note

okay, i will admit, i had this chapter done 2 days ago and forgot to post it. whoops

Ponyville with the Family

I sat on a train with my family early in the morning. Celly had to stay behind, but everyone else could come along. Button was laying practically on top of me, Ma was hugging Katie, and Dave was bullying Dan because he had pretty privilege. We were heading down to Ponyville, Fluttershy was keeping Discord in check and I’m pretty sure Ma would beat the fuck out of Discord if she found out what Discord did to me. We were going to give everyone a firsthoof experience of Ponyville. There were some other reasons, though.

As it turned out, the Sirens moved to Ponyville, because of course they fucking would. Apparently one of them lit a toaster on fire and scared everypony.

“So we’re finally going to get to experience this town full’a’nutjobs?” Ma asked as the train came to a stop in Ponyville.

“Yeah.” I nod. “Behave, everyone, Twilight and her friends live here.” I looked out the window of the train car, there… were a lot more ponies than I was anticipating. I set my book about a mare that sounded eerily like Nightmare Moon, working at a scrapyard with a creature that sounded eerily like a human. As I steeled myself, I couldn’t help but grin when I saw Twilight and her friends at the front of the crowd.

As we all stepped off the train, I quickly learnt why everyone was cheering. Ma quickly grabbed Twilight by the neck and started noogeying her. “Howdy there, my favorite grandniece!” She greeted the bookhorse.

“Hey Maeve.” Twilight giggled, and quickly pulled away from Ma. “It's good to finally see you all coming to Ponyville.” I watched as Katie ran out the train, in her typical sundress and metal combat boots, she ran up to Rarity and the two reared on their hindlegs and happily greeted each other. I could see some colts around her age giving her astonished looks; so nothing new. They wanted to see what was under Katie’s dress.

“Oh, Spike!” Katie laid on the ground and opened her hooves as she embraced the little dragon. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Nice to see you too, Katie.” Spike stammered as he hugged her.

Dan walked out and immediately got sat on by Rainbow Dash. “Hey there, buster, how’s my fat butt?” Apple Jack walked over to get her marefriend in check when Dan started screaming, his screams were muffled by the ground his face was planted in.’

“C’mon, Dash, no need to kill’em fer one comment on your physique.”

Dave and Button got off me to greet the Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon.

“Why?” I asked, I was quickly surrounded by a bunch of ponies. They were thanking me for what I did during the Plunderseed event. “Guys, I didn’t do much-”

“The train crashed and you saved us all!” Oh.

Lyra brushed up to me. “Come on, you did plenty during the whole thing; you actively kept some ponies hurt. Me included; let us thank you.”

I chuckled and waved a dismisstory hoof. “Thank Twilight, she ended the whole thing.” I rolled my eyes.

“We already did, the whole country did.” Lyra pointed out… Before realizing something. “You didn’t tell anypony that you saved a train full of ponies?”

“No? Why would I want attention for doing that? I just did what I needed to keep everypony I could safe… Plus I didn’t save everypony.” I said with a twinge of regret. “Did… those engineers and the conductor get proper funerals?” I asked. “Please, please tell me their families were located.”

“They were,” Mayor Mare said as she walked up to me through the crowd. “We really ought to at least-”

“If you give me some award or reward for saving everypony, I will kill myself.” I playfully threatened. “I can’t die, so it won’t do anything, but I will kill myself if you give me anything or recognize me for doing the right thing.” I threatened.

“Okay, we’re not going to press it, but let me at least thank you personally for saving a majority of the ponies on the train while it was still in Ponyville territory-”

“No thanks. Those I saved can thank me by being happy they’re alive, and if they could pretend like I wasn’t on that train, that’d help. If Celly found out that I saved a few ponies, she’d scold me and then give me an award in front of the whole fucking kingdom.” I grumbled.

“And just why don’t you want any recognition?” Twilight asked. “What you did was a wonderful thing, Source!”

“Praise for helping people when I could help them?” I asked, tilting my head. “The fuck would I want that for?” I asked.

“...You’re not going to accept an award no matter what, okay. I’ll send it to Princess Celestia and you can face the magic later.” My ears shot up when Twilight threatened me with that. “So I have your attention?” Twilight giggled. “C’mon, let’s go get you that medal.”

After I was awarded the medal, I stuck it in my butt pocket instead of continuing to wear it. I was heading up to a specific house in Ponyville, because that’s the address Adagio gave me for where she… and I guess her siblings? Friends? Partners? Yeah, we’ll just go with partners. Anyways, because Ponyville doesn’t see enough bullshit everyday, with it being next to the deadliest forest in the world, Discord, and a bunch of fillies that managed to give half the town food poisoning, having three sirens that literally fucked with my head so much that the only way to save me was getting murdered.

Luckily, from the sounds of things, despite them being rude, they’ve not harmed anyone or mind controlled anybody as far as I’m aware.

I knocked on the door for… Aria Blaze to open it. Her usual, disinterested look turned into a small, begrudging smile. “So you actually stopped by to say hello?” She asked. I can hear Sonata in the background panicking, and somebody… new sounding uncomfortable.

“So…” I don’t know how to feel about hearing what the new pony in their house was saying.

“Don’t touch me there!” It’s a Stallion at least.

“But you like it!” Adagio

“Stop!” the Stallion said desperately.

“What the fuck is going on in there?” I asked as I heard Sonata scream again.

“Aria… I broke another toaster again!” I smelled smoke.

“Adagio found a stallion not too long ago. Sonata’s trying to figure out how to make tacos since she’s only ever ordered them on Earth.” Aria explained. “How’s… your neck?”

“Oh y’know, it’s the usual.” I shrug. “It’s not broken anymore at least. Not after Phoenix Fire,” I shrugged. Then, for a moment, Aria realized what she was doing.

“I guess I should let you in, do beware… Sonata probably deep fried a toaster this time.” She walked inside… floated? The Sirens don’t have legs, they just sorta float off the ground. I followed her inside, and luckily she wasn’t making moves, or trying to make her backside more enticing as she moved. “What? You’re married, and I think your mother would kill me if I tried touching you… after you know, mind controlling you.” Aria shivered. “She’s scary.”

As we walked into the living room, it looked surprisingly like any oh, cheapo apartment, the living room was connected to the kitchen, there was even a small window in the wall. Where I can see Sonata looking surprisingly adorable… She fucking covered the kitchen with tortilla batter, and there’s part of a toaster embedded in the wall.

“Okay, how are you worse at cooking than Luna is?” I asked. “She cooked a toaster once, y’know.”

Sonata rubbed the back of her head. “Uh… Sorry about welcoming you into our home to a mess?”

“It’s fine, I’m just curious as to how you did that?”

“Well…”

“You shouldn’t be using a toaster to cook a taco, y’know. You just… cook the meat, put the meat in a shell and then add toppings and seasoning and sauce as you see fit. You tried toasting the shell again, didn’t you?” I asked.

“...Yeah.” Sonata sighed. “Can you help me learn how to… cook a taco?”

“Sure, I’ll teach ya one day. Just stop by the castle and I’ll show you. Granted, I’m used to cooking with beans, not meat. An easy technique is just cooking the meat in the pan until it’s brown.” I suggested. Sonata nodded and moved to clean the kitchen up.

Aria sat down next to a mare that I hadn’t noticed until now. She was a fierce, green looking mare who almost looked like DJ Pon3, similar mane and tail style, even if they were green, I suppose. She’s a pegasus, and looked like she’d give you a hard time. On her flanks, that looked firmer than the average mare’s flanks, her cutie mark was a toaster that looked like it was made of wood, that was on fire. I walked over and greeted her.

“Howdy there, how’s it going?” I asked as Aria snuggled up to the mare.

“Good morning,” she took my hoof, her voice is surprisingly gentle. “I’m Wood Toaster. You know Aria Blaze?” Toaster asked.

“Oh yeah, she tried using me to commit genocide, y’know fun stuff.”

Toaster smirked. “Oh, I see. Well, I’m Aria’s marefriend, nice to meet you!” Somehow, she’s nonchalant about how there’s a toaster half embedded in the kitchen. “I heard a bit about you, your highness-”

“Please do not call me that. Source is fine. How’d ya meet Aria Blaze?” I asked.

“I’m a musician, I kinda have the same style as Vynl does. You’ve heard of Tombstone?” I nodded. “I’m a good friend of his. Anyways, Aria saw my concert. I asked her to lend me her voice for a song, since my own vocal work is rather… not amazing. It turned out great, then one night, during a recording session, she got up and asked to have sex with me. We’ve been together ever since.” Y’know what, with how Sirens are, I’m not shocked.

“...I’m not gonna ask how you’re so nonchalant about all of this,” I pointed at Sonata who somehow got the toaster embedded deeper into the wall. I couldn’t help but shake the sounds of a stallion begging for help. “Who’s… begging right now?” I asked.

“Oh, that’s Tombstone, he and Aria’s… partner really hit it off. She’s probably tickling him right now.”

There, the stallion himself walked out, wheezing. His gray, usually well groomed coat was a mess. The traditional, gray sweatshirt he had on during his concerts was missing, and his headphones were gone too. His light blue mane that had red tips was messy. He was a giggly mess. “I’ll be back, babe! I just need a breather!” He giggled as Adagio floated out of the hallway he came from.

“Oh, Source!” Adagio greeted me. “How’s it going?”

“So y’all established yourselves in Equestria… and started banging two legends for fun?” I asked.

“Oh yes, but I do actually like Tombstone. He’s quite the character; he had me sing this song about… a mother losing her child when we first met, and I loved working with him. He was bold enough to ask me out for dinner, so I obliged.” She smiled. “How is the home life, and please tell me your mother isn't waiting outside.”

“She’s off, probably helping on AJ’s farm.” I looked around and nodded in approval. “I see your letters were right, your home’s quite… chaotic. Why’d y’all never tell me y’all had found partners, like romantic partners, in your letters?”

“It was meant to be a surprise. Sonata’s coltfriend is out of town at a concert… His name’s Ever Free-”

Shit, I coulda met somebody cool? “Damn, I best ask him for an autograph at some point. So, what have y’all been up to while I was gone?” I asked, leaning in as the Sirens told me about their time in Ponyville. It turns out the Crusaders once got a wagon stuck in their fireplace.

After leaving the Siren’s home, I felt really uncomfortable. They and their partners were… open with being in love with each other. They kissed each other and just about started making love before I left. I started trotting along until I found Rarity and Katie, Spike was riding on her back while the three of them chatted about the shopping trip they were still on. Looking to not remember what the hell I almost witnessed, I walked up to them.

“Hey guys!” I greeted. I grinned when I saw that Katie was carrying most of their shopping instead of Spike.

“Hey Source!” Spike waved, he was holding a pretzel.

“So where are y’all heading?” I asked.

“Oh, your sister wanted to go check on your mother, who’s helping Apple Jack with her trees. I’m certain we can expect her to use her magic to help.” That sounds like a really good plan. As we got started heading up to Sweet Apple Acres, I couldn’t help but admire the view. You don’t really think about it often, but AJ’s family is fucking loaded. The amount of land that Sweet Apple Acres is on is nearly the size of Ponyville, and bigger than some smaller towns. Most of their profits go towards maintaining the land, and their giant house.

But even with that, they rake in enough bits to make a lower-classed noble jealous. And all of it is managed by Apple Jack and Big Mac, sometimes Apple Bloom helps out, and Granny Smith usually takes care of the finances, even if Apple Jack and Big Mac could easily take care of that.

Ma, as strong as she is with magic, is still a unicorn, so I doubt that she can easily keep up with either Apple Jack, who’s a stamina freak, or Big Mac who somehow has more stamina, and is stronger. Unicorns, while stronger than the average human, aren't exactly built for endurance or hard, physical labor.

When we walked up to the farm, we noticed Big Mac sitting next to the wagon they use to cart apples around. Apple Jack was sitting next to them and both of them were sweating… Big Mac looks a little tired.

“Hey guys, y’all look like you just worked a tough shift.” I greeted them as I sat down next to them.

“Apple Jack, Big Mac, what happened to you?” Rarity asked.

“We had to get the extra wagon out, Source.”

“Wha?” I asked.

“Your mother started bucking trees with me, and moving baskets as she filled them, with her magic. Me and Big Mac had to do a lot of running back and forth to keep up… yer mother’s bucking nuts, Source.”

“Wait, if you needed the second wagon where-”

“I’m back! I finished the sixth row, you two!” Ma was sweating up a storm and looked tired, about as tired as Apple Jack and Big Mac were… she looked like she could and would keep going. “Hey, Source, how was dealin’ with those whores?”

“You mean the Sirens?” I asked. “But yeah, they’re cool now, even if they got openly intimate with their new partners. What the heck did you do to the Apples?” I asked.

“It’s been a minute since I worked on a farm, it’s different than farming potatoes and I definitely wasn’t a pony when I worked, but I can handle some physical labor, Kodi. I may have gotten a little carried away,” she plopped her rear right next to Big Mac and thanked him when he offered her a cantine. “These two fine ponies have been a delight, even if they weren’t expecting a unicorn to keep pace with them.” Ma laughed, before hugging Big Mac. The poor fella started blushing. “This gentleman thought I hurt myself and wouldn’t stop making sure I was hurt, really, he’s a keeper to any lady who catches his eye.”

“...Eeyup. Mrs. Code, you have a mighty fine worth ethic,” Big Mac’s eyes drifted to her butt. “...And you’re…”

“You like my butt?” Ma asked.

“Uh… Eeyup?” Big Mac sounded more uncertain… He’s becoming redder, that’s cute.

“Well I’ll be darned,” AJ chuckled. “My brother thinks your Ma’s purty!” She clapped her hooves and giggled. “Whaddya say, Mac, gonna ask her out?” AJ nudged her brother with her elbow. “Or do I have to ask her out for you, big guy?” Big Mac was redder than an apple.

“I’ll ask’em. Hey Mac, want to take me out to dinner?” Ma asked.

“...E-e…” Big Mac squirmed. “Eey-yup…” Awe, poor guy. Ma seemed to notice how hard that was, and nuzzled him.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get more confident in no time. Can’t wait to get you more comfortable, if…” Ma stopped. “I’m not even going to try flirting, I don’t wanna kill you.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Code.”

While we were in ponyville, I saw Dave sitting in front of Flim and Flam. The two brothers were trying to sell him some bogus shit, dragon tears. I trotted up behind him since they were trying to sell them to Button too. “Howdy lads, how’s it going?” I asked casually. Neither Flim, nor Flam noticed that I was an alicorn, or Celly’s husband, or present when she sent them friendly threats for trying to scam ponies. I sat with a smug look on my face as Dave started swirling the dragon tears around.

“You know this is a bunch of dyed water, right?” Dave asked, looking at it closer. He pulled the cork out of the bottle and sniffed it. “You coulda put salt in it, you know, a lot of it. At least make it seem like this stuff is actually made of tears.” He closed it and looked up at them. “So, how much for it?”

“Oh, just a small… fifty bits per bottle, and twenty-five for sniffing it. It’ll make you live forever if you get our amazing, ten bottle offer-”

“You can make fifty bits by eating out a rich pony, you know. They don’t see much action and you two like running your tongues.” Flim and Flam blinked.

“Ain’t fifty bits enough to get you a hotel room?” Dave asked me and Button.

“You can feed a family of four for forty fucking fortnights, Dave.”

“Ah, so don’t respect these artists?” He asked.

“Yeah, don’t think god’s going to forgive them.” I nodded. “Say Flim, Flam, why’re you selling shit to my kid, who’s High Prince and son of Celestia herself?” Button was sniffing the liquid in the bottle before dumping it out into his magic.

“Wait, Flim and Flam?” Button asked. “Aren’t those the ponies Mom said to ‘cut it out before I make sure you can’t see the light of day through anything other than prison bars?” He asked inquisitively.

“Uh… Wait, you’re Celestia’s son?” Flim asked.

“And I’m his dad,” I crossed my forelegs. “And Dave’s looking through your other wares.” Dave grabbed a hamster ball and looked at them like they were idiots. It was a hamster ball with sparkles in it.

“Really, you’re advertising this as a magical orb of enlightenment. Do you know what that is?” Dave asked. “Because this thing ain’t emitting light and it sure as hell ain’t making anyone smarter.” The Flim Flam brothers looked at each other… before they ended up buying their own wares from Dave as he dug through them and told them about how wonderful each thing was. By the time both brothers were done, they were fat broke, I was carrying both Dave and Button on my back, and snickering.

“Did you seriously sell them sand for forty bits?” Button asked.

“I did.” Dave shrugged. “Worth it.”

“Hope they know they paid for a royal decree to show up to Celly’s court.” I shook my head with a snicker. “Dave, please for the love of god don’t turn out like them, because you got away with scamming them way too easily.”

Dan and Katie

“And so, that’s how we’ll make movies in Equestria,” Dan said to Twilight, proudly, as he presented Twilight the idea. Katie was sitting beside her brother nodding.

“...That’s interesting, but… how will you show off Katie’s animations properly, in a repeatable manner.”

“Kodi’s shown us that he can use crystals to replay memories using the Eye Spy Spell. Dave knows how to do it too. We can worry about voice acting later, as I can probably, with Dan’s help, tell a story using just characters and their actions and expressions. From there, Dave records the animation in motion with his… I guess eyes. Then we inscribe the Eye Spy Spell into crystals and sell them. We’ll start marketing by playing one in the Canterlot theater and telling ponies they can have what they just watched at home.” Katie explained.

“And Katie’s already remade a whole season of Shaun the Sheep, we’ll ‘play’ an episode in the theater as the debut, and sell the ‘collector’s edition’ with the whole season!” Dan clapped his hooves. “It’ll be a hit!”

“That sounds like an interesting idea,” Twilight nods, she takes Katie’s notebook, labeled ‘episode one’ and flips through the pages. She can’t help but smirk at what the sheep do-and they do drawings do manage to catch a sense of emotion in the characters. Twilight’s impressed that Katie and Dan managed to put it together. “And you both just need a unicorn, or Source, to put these in crystals and sell them to ponies?” She asks.

“Yeah,” Dan nodded. “Neither me or Katie are very magically talented; we’ve got me, who mostly knows how to tell a good story, and Katie who can draw amazingly and animate.”

“I’ll help you both on one condition.” Twilight leaned in as did the siblings. “I get to keep one ‘season set’ of crystals for my own personal collection. And as you make more ‘movies and shows’ with these crystals, I’d just like to see them before I inscribe them into crystals, and then also keep a copy. Does that sound fair?”

“So… you basically just want a copy of season 1, of our first release, for doing this…?” Katie asked.

“Yes I do.” Twilight nodded. “Besides, you two look pretty passionate about this, and I know how Source did the ‘Memory Crystals’ as he started calling them. I would also just like to keep a copy, just one copy, of any new ‘series’ or projects as you come up with them.”

“You mean it? We just give you a copy of whatever new project we come up with…”

“And you can keep any of the bits made from selling these ‘Movie Crystals.’” Twilight adds. “I’m not in any need for money, or anything like that.”

Dan and Katie share a look. “Okay, we’ll do it,” Dan said immediately. “Don’t expect us to not compensate you with some money for helping us do this, especially if this becomes a hit. We’d feel bad about not paying you back in something other than previews and copies of our latest projects.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine mass producing these crystals would be fun.” Katie added.

“Oh, I can make anywhere between a dozen and four dozens of these ‘Movie Crystals’. It’s not that big of a deal.” Twilight chuckled. “Before you ask, no, I won’t take bits. I’m just helping two friends of mine discover something that seems like it could lead to a passion, and I get to experience story telling in a completely new light? Why wouldn’t I help you?! This stuff is revolutionary!”

“We’re still going to pay you if this blows up, Twilight.” Katie asserted. “You’ll be using your time making these crystals. That has to mean something, right?”

Twilight hummed. “You’ve got a point.” The alicorn nodded. “I’ll go ahead and agree with you on that, but I’ll only take payment if it’s a resounding success, as in you are raking in bits by the wagon-load. If you’re not so successful, I will make you keep your bits… And if you ask about the cost of crystals, I can always ask Cadance to send me some; she’ll give them to me without question or requesting payment. Are we on the same page?”

“...Yeah. We’ll feel bad if we don’t pay you, if this doesn’t explode in popularity,” Dan nodded.

“That’s fine. Pay me back by continuing down this path and making new stories in this new format. I bet it would be fun!”

Source

As my family and I embarked on the train, Twilight sat down next to me. She nuzzled into my side, a friendly little gesture, as I watched my family pack into the train. We’ve got an hour before it actually pulls off, so I can take the time to talk to Twilight as need be. “So,” I said, wrapping a wing around her. I know this is an intimate thing, but honestly, Twilight’s probably my best friend, funny how that is, when we first met she was a prick. “I heard you’re helping Katie and Dan find their footing in Equestria.” I mentioned it casually.

“Well, why wouldn’t I? They want to share a form of storytelling that is monumental!” Twilight clapped her hooves. She nuzzled deeper under my wing. “Seriously, I don’t mind helping them, Source. They were wondering how they’d be able to stick out as something other than ‘Source’s siblings’, you know.”

“And I was hoping that they would. They go and do something I was planning on doing myself, but never had the skill, especially when it comes to art, let alone the means to tell a story.” I chuckled. “Thank you, for helping them out, Twilight. Seriously, thank you for helping them out.” I watched as Ma broke Big Mac by planting a kiss right on his lips. My poor friend sputtered and fell, his face planted and Ma immediately started panicking and making sure he didn’t break anything or hit his head too badly.

“I see that your dam’s starting to move on from… your dad. Don’t you-”

“Care? Not really. Ma’s never been the same since Pa died; this could lead to something actually great for her. Mac’s a good guy, and probably won’t joke about ‘doing your mom’ because…” I gestured to Big Mac limply laying against Ma. “Look at that, he’s like puddy!” I chuckled.

“Well,” Twilight stretched under my grasp. “You do know you’re going to have to show that medal to Princess Celestia at some point, right?”

“Yeah…” I chuckled. “I really don’t want to. What did I do? Help some ponies? I don’t want to ever take pride for simply helping people out. Why brag, or want to be celebrated for simply doing what anyone, in my position, would do?” I asked.

“Source, you’re a good pony. Really, you are, but let us celebrate you, sometimes. Nopony even knows your birthday yet besides Celestia, and we all only know because she made you celebrate it down in Ponyville. You seriously try so hard to downplay yourself and your accomplishments; you’ve fought all three, at the time, princesses and brought a draw after defeating two of them! You’re an incredible mage, you know. Let us celebrate whenever you do the right thing; you deserve it! I thought after you practically won that exhibition match, that you’d be a bit more confident!”

“I am,” I chuckled. “Trust me, I am. I just… I don't want to brag either. I get that my downplay of my abilities is becoming annoying, I know. But if I don’t, I’ll not only lose that drive to push forward, past any barriers, but it’s because I don’t want the spotlight, Twilight. I don’t want anybody to think too highly of me because… what? I can sling a spell or two? I’m just some guy at the end of the day, regardless of if I can beat my wife in a magical duel or not. I just want to end every day, curled up with Celly, while celebrating my son’s accomplishments as he shows them off.” I nudged Twilight. “I just don’t want anyone to think of me as any more than… well, me, rather than have them acknowledge what I am.”

Twilight giggled and planted a kiss on my cheek. “You’re too humble for your own good. Nothing’s wrong with celebrating your accomplishments, don’t you think?”

“I suppose… just please don’t go overboard when you do.” I chuckled while rubbing my cheek. “You didn’t have to kiss me, you know.”

“So a mare can’t kiss a stallion that she likes? I know you won’t consider dating me for a long time. Besides, it was just a friendly gesture!”

“Where is Twilight and what did you do to her?” I asked. “The Twilight I know wouldn’t be bold enough to kiss anypony on the cheek, even while just being friendly.”

“Oh, you know, she learnt how to be a bit more confident because of you.” Twilight giggled and leaned into me more. “You’re a good pony, Source, just don’t lose sight of that.”

“Oh, I will. I’ll lay on the floor and feel like trash until Celly kisses me and promptly pisses me off by telling me that she ate the rest of my cornflakes.” I nuzzled her. “Well, Twi,” as the conductor let everypony know that we just chewed through forty minutes. “Stay pretty, aye? A stallion, or mare, would be lucky to have ya.” I got up and got ready to board the train. I planted a kiss on her cheek and laughed when I heard a confused scream behind me.

Author's Note

i pushed through some pretty mean writer's block to get this done. hope it doesn't suck!

Revisiting a Couple of Dictators

One particular day, I felt I needed to go visit a few ponies in… other timelines. I’ll be frank, I have no clue how to use portal magic. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I just wanted to visit Prime Equestria, and maybe Composite Equestria to check on Celestia and Luna. First, however, I had one small problem. While I was getting ready to eat breakfast with Celly and the Family, I tried to cast a Levitate, the version I had made in Python so I could levitate things. I know it’s a small thing but… Honestly, I’m a little concerned, even if it’s not that big of a deal, since regular Levitation works just fine, even if I instinctively go for Python’s equivalent of most spells.

“Feck,” I said, as my Levitation gave out. “What the fuck?” I asked, staring at my fork as my magic tried to grab it, and failed. “Why the hell can’t I levitate things? DragonFire still works!”

I used Levitate and blinked a few times. “What the hell, dude?” I asked, looking up at the rest of my family. Mostly at Celly. “What’s wrong with me?”

“...Source, I am not entirely sure what is wrong with your magic currently. Perhaps it’s because of how specifically tailored Python Plus is to your needs? I know that you’ve fine tuned everything to require a certain level of magic, and if you exceed that point, you just do not cast the spell,” Celestia hummed. “Regular Levitation seems to work just fine.” She’d hum again. “But the question then remains, how are you using more magic than necessary?”

“I don’t know!”

“Dad, I think your magic is growing in raw power,” Button piped up. “I mean, you said it yourself, if a unicorn uses their magic for a little more than just Levitate, their magic begins to grow. You’ve done more than just use your magic for that.”

…

“So I’m going to have to push through muscle memory for a while, while I begin to fine tune Python Plus to my needs again?” I asked. “Because… How often or how long does it take for these magical growths to happen? Because depending on how long it takes, I could be out of half my spell catalog, save for DragonFire, Light Shield, and Phoenix Fire, which are spells I made specifically to operate in their own little ball park.”

“I suppose you will have to,” I sighed. “Mother fucker.”

“Hey, it’s not all bad,” Celly nuzzled me. “I can coddle you while you beat your head into the pillow because you have to convert an entire spell system… in about a month. Usually that’s when unicorns’ magic, when it has a growth spurt, stops until the next year. Meaning you’ll have plenty of time to fine tune Python again before you have to fine tune it again next year… by the way, these growth spurts only happen once a year, but there’s no predictability to it!”

“Celly,” I sighed. “Fuck you.”

“It’s not my fault you decided to fine tune a spell system specifically for you, young man.”

“Horse.”

“Retard.”

“That’s rude, and accurate.”

Celly giggled before nuzzling me again. “Don’t worry, you can still technically cast spells in the other spell systems, even if you’re out of practice…”

“And I need to adjust my muscle memory, Celly. I’m going to be first responding to anything with Python… I suppose I can use regular Python as it’s not as restrictive as Python Plus, but the problem with my Muscle Memory remains.”

“It’s good that you have your Light Shield available, then,” Celly nodded. “Because if you came home one day, in pieces, I might break into dark magic just to kill you for dying.”

“...I hate that you’ve started indulging in my sense of humor, Celly. God dammit,” I said while chuckling behind a hoof. “But yeah, I guess I can have fun for a while, just dissecting my entire spell system and retooling it for my magical needs by the end of the month.”

“Well, maybe you should stop whining,” my wife leaned in with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Besides, I’m certain that you can easily figure out how to retool your spell system; you’re good enough at developing spell systems that I wouldn’t be shocked if you ended up making a new spell system and naming it after one of those other… operating systems? Coding languages?”

“You know what?” I grinned. “Fuck it, I’m going to take Python Plus, combine it with WME and call it W seven. Or Windows Seven, the best computer operating system known to mankind.”

“You nerd,” Katie rolled her eyes. “Of course you would,” she giggled and threw a pancake at me. It hit me square in the face and got impaled on my horn. I stared at it for a moment and sighed. “Awe, is my big, strong brother going to be defeated by a pancake?”

“Katie,” I said, adopting a mock, stern tone. “I love you, I do nothing but love you, and call you bald, and you… hit me with a pancake?” I lifted a hoof to my chest. “How could you?! I thought you loved me!” I said theatrically. “And now… my power… it’s draining-”

I face planted into my now empty plate and pretended to be dead for a while. Button got a stick from somewhere and started poking me with it.

“Auntie Katie, why did you kill my Dad?” Button asked.

“Because, your father is very stinky,” Katie answered resolutely. "After all, he decided to pay for a bunch of crystals for Twilight to use to inscribe the special Magic Movies, the idea me and Dan had together, onto. Why else?”

“Oh.” He poked the stick and jammed it into the pancake, getting stuck in its fluffy goodness.

“Why Button, why!?” I whined. “I’m already dead, why must you defile my corpse so?” I started crying.

“Dear,” Celly patted me on the back. “Dead bodies don’t sob.”

“Celly, shut up, I’m having an emotional, spiritual moment here.” I chuckled, before teleporting the stick outside and throwing the pancake on Katie’s face, and it got stuck on her horn. “Take that, you foul beast!” Katie groaned but didn’t move to remove the pancake from her face. “So, what do y’all plan on doing? Because logically, when your magic is starting to short circuit, you’d want to go to another Equestria, so that’s what I plan on doing today.”

“Source, you are not going unless Sunset Shimmer goes with you,” Celly said. The mare in question blinked and looked up from her food. “She’s a little out of practice, but she’s a capable mage, and doesn’t rely on a spell system that stops working when your body decides to, in your words, ‘be more magical.’”

“Fair enough,” I nodded. “Sunset, you want to come to a version of Equestria where I don’t exist? Does that sound fun?”

“Oh yeah, can I leave you there and make this Equestria be the one that doesn’t exist?” Sunset asked, her tone told me she probably wouldn’t leave me behind.

“Mmm, nah. I’ve still got to give Celly a foal.” I said with a smirk.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m making you stay with the other Celestia.” Sunset rolled her eyes and nodded to Celestia. “I’ll go, Mom, and I’ll keep your dumb husband-”

“Treat my husband with respect, young lady.”

“Fine, I’ll keep your husband safe, Mom.”

“That’s better,” Celestia clapped her hooves. “If anything I want this to be used as a bonding moment for you!”

Sunset and I looked at each other and nodded. We don’t want to make Celestia sad and that was something we could mutually agree on.

When we got to the mage tower, we were immediately greeted by the Nine… and Bolt was at the forefront. He grumbled as the nine masters of the tower approached, I happily waved at Exo. “Yo, Exo! My favorite mare in this place. How’re you doing, buddy!” I walked right past Bolt, who started fuming.

“Source! It’s good to see you! You want to visit specific timelines, assuming that I didn’t misconstrued?”

“Oh yeah. Fruit’s here, right?” I asked.

“He is… he’s been helping our portal scientists a lot, but is making us do a lot of the leg work instead of outright telling us how to do everything on the spot. It’s kind of fun, but so frustrating because I can tell when he’s letting us make a mistake, knowingly and letting us find out the hard way!”

“Sounds like Fruit. Dude’s kinda… nuts.” I nodded.

“Hey!” Bolt growled.

“If you touch Source I will gut you,” Sunset said, glaring at the old dude. “Celestia made it very, very clear that you shouldn’t attack him.”

“And just who the buck are you?” Bolt snarled.

“That’s Celestia’s daughter, dude. Maybe don’t pick a fight with her, because she’ll kick your ass, and if Celly finds out you hurt her daughter, she will kick your ass,” I explained. “Seriously, don’t fucking do it, my man, Sunset’s scary, and her mother’s scarier.” I explained before giving Bolt the stink eye. “And I may not be able to perform at my peak right now, but I will make a fool out of you if you hit Sunset, or try to; show her some bucking respect. Because, technically, I am Sunset’s dad now. You touch her, and I’ll beat send you to Jesus with a fucking shoe.”

Sunset… rolled her eyes, but gave me a genuine smile. “Good to know that you’ll get yourself killed by trying to fight a unicorn when your natural talents are messing with your magic system,” Sunset chuckled. “But… Bolt, was it? You hurt Source and I’ll turn you into a cactus and water you once a year, and nopony will know where you went, and I won’t be tried for murder because you won’t be dead.”

“...Sunset, what the fuck?” I asked. “No, seriously, how do you think of shit like that?”

“I lived as a highschool student, in America, for at least two years worth of time in that place. Human teenagers are morbid creatures.”

“Fair enough,” I nodded. “So, Bolt, want to test Sunset’s capabilities? Because I don’t.”

Bolt looked… disturbed. “You won’t turn me into a cactus if I attack Source, would you?”

“Oh, I would,” Sunset nodded to herself. “Don’t let anyone hear about this, but I actually like Source, and Celestia, who’s my mom, loves him with all her heart. If Source gets hurt, my mom gets upset, and then I will be upset.”

“Okay!” Exo breached our conversation. “Enough with talking to my ex husband, he’s a dickhead, as Source says. I’ll be taking the lead of you two, and we’ll see if Fruit’s willing to let you go to other timelines under his supervision.”

When we got to the portal room, I saw Fruit running around, smacking a fancy portal machine-thingy and explaining what it was and what it did. Upon seeing me, he waved and said. “So, you wanted to visit the universe where you don’t exist and its reflection, ay?” Fruit chuckled and tapped the portal machine, at least what I think it’s a portal machine. “Which is why I busted this puppy out- Discord get the fuck out before I teleport you to the end of the universe with this thing, or tell this timeline’s Celestia.”

“Uh… okay,” Discord, I don’t know where the fuck he was. “W-we don’t n-need to-to do that! Surely you wouldn’t tell Celly that I was here! She’ll shove the Element up my rear end if she realizes that I’m here!”

“Then piss off,” Fruit snarled. Discord saluted and teleported away. “Okay, so, which do you want to experience first, Sunset? I don’t trust your old man’s judgment on where to go first. Do you want to experience Equestria where Source doesn’t exist, its mirror, or a version of Equestria that’s ruled by Daybreaker and NIghtmare Moon?” Fruit asked.

“Wait, what?” Sunset Shimmer asked before looking at me. “Uh… how about that third one. Who the heck are Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon?”

I snickered and said. “Oh you poor-wait, how the hell do you not know who Nightmare Moon is?” I asked as Fruit started kicking the machine.

“Uh… I thought that was a foal’s tale.”

“That’s real; Luna’s fucking proof, Sunset.”

“Oh.” Sunset giggled. “Well, I suppose I should go hug Auntie Luna; I can’t imagine that being stuck on the Moon’s any fun.”

“She’s moved on, but she will take that hug.”

“Okay!” Fruit said, kicking the machine hard enough that it actually turned on. “It’s configured. I’ll stay here to make sure none of these morons breaks the machine,” he stepped back and said. “Source, you’re going first; it’s rude to make a lady walk into a dangerous portal first, don’tcha think?”

“Oi,” I said. “No need for you to say that shit, mate!” I chuckled before nodding. “I do want to see those two lassies again, they were rather pleasant. Where will we be spat out?”

“Canterlot Castle’s throne room.” Fruit said confidently. “What? Are you afraid of my masterful engineering and good ol’ ‘beat it until it works’ method?”

I shook my head while snickering before saying. “If I die, I’m suing you, Fruit.” I stepped into the portal as everything around me began to warp. The last thing I heard was Sunset Shimmer running in after me.

The first thing I saw when my eyes opened was the red carpet. The thing I noticed, aside from the soft carpet, Sunset screaming, followed by an ‘ooph’. The next thing I noticed is she landed on my back. Lastly, she landed on my back and I am in pain now. I hissed and quickly pulled out from under her and started rubbing my back. Sunset ‘oophed’ again after she hit the ground. I stretched and let my spine slowly and wagged my tail a little before saying to Sunset.

“You’re feckin’ heavy, Sunset.” I groaned before straightening up. “Get up, Sunshine,” I said before bowing.

“What do you… mean?” Sunset asked as her eyes landed on what my eyes were looking at.

Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon sat, side by side, staring down at us. Nightmare Moon stared down at us with a confident smirk and Daybreaker was giving us both a toothy smile.

“Ah, Source Code!” Nightmare Moon jumped, spread her wings, and glided down towards us, before strutting like she was trying to make me watch her hips. “What a surprise! Come, come, I’m sure you and this… friend of yours will make for a very interesting chat after dealing with prissy nobles for hours.” She nuzzled up next to me and wrapped me in a wing hug.

“What the buck?” Sunset asked. “Why are you so friendly with… Nightmare Moon of all ponies?”

“Because, young lady,” Nightmare Moon wrapped a foreleg around my neck. “This little morsel is delightfully cunning, powerful… and provides… quite the sight. If my sister wasn’t so adamant about leaving him untouched, I would drag him to my personal chambers right now.” She purred.

“Moonie, I’m glad to see you, but I’m a married man, and you’re literally an alternate reality version of my sister in law. Please stop being weird,” I rolled my eyes. “How’s life going after you Tom Sawyered the shit out of those griffins for twenty bits?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s been wonderful!” Nightmare Moon picked me up by the scruff and trotted back up to her throne and set me in between her and Daybreaker. “We’ve been trying to expand into all that territory we proclaimed from the griffins as well; more farms dedicated to feeding the families of Equestria that aren’t exactly thriving, as you would say. My sister and I may be dictators, but we do care for our subjects’ well being and try to be friendly with them when given the opportunity.”

“Damn,” I chuckled. “This is nice,” I said while leaning on Daybreaker. “So Daybreaker, lookin’ lovely as usual. You enjoy not having to deal with those birdcats?” I asked.

Daybreaker looked taken aback by that. “Source Code, that is a racial slur and you know it.”

“Hey now, I know it’s a little wrong, but I don’t exactly have great experiences with those assholes. I only spent the last year having those assholes sent my way, the king of the griffins tried convincing my wife to let him fuck her… not exactly a lot of good experiences I’ve had, and me helping you negotiate with the griffins in this timeline certainly doesn’t help,” I shrugged. “I still keep an open mind, but you can guess why I don’t exactly keep a good view on those guys.”

“I suppose you have a point,” Daybreaker nodded. “And who is this that you’ve brought? A marefriend, perhaps? Inviting her to your herd-”

“Ew, what the fuck?” Sunset asked.

“I suppose not,” Daybreaker snickered. “I assume you two are not dating then. Why is she here?”

“That’s Sunset Shimmer, my… I guess for a lack of a better term, adopted daughter? She got adopted by Celly at some point, long, long before I met her, and recently she came out of a portal and figured that holding a grudge against her adoptive mother’s a bad idea. Celly figured this would be a good bonding experience for us,” I said with a shrug.

“Oh?” Daybreaker chuckled. “I assume there’s more to it than that-”

“It’s because my lovely father is a bitch boy and sucks at casting magic,” Sunset said with a smirk.

“Woah, what the fuck!?” I said breathlessly before laughing. “What the fuck!?” I started pounding the foreleg-rest on Daybreaker’s throne while trying to calm down.

Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon lost composure so quickly that they dropped back into Celestia and Luna, both of them were bent over, laughing and barely able to even begin to compose themselves. Sunset just sat there, smirking; she knew just exactly what she had done and I fucking hate her, but god damn, I was not expecting that. Celestia regained composure first, whipping a tear out of her eyes, while ignoring the ruined makeup and saying:

“Oh, I love you already! What a fiery little personality you have, young lady!” She snickered and snorted before fully calming down. “Thank you for that; my sister and I needed that.”

Luna nudged me and said. “So, what’s this about you being a little… female dog boy?” She asked with a smirk.

“Okay so, I’m growing in magical strength… and long story short, I have a very personalized, custom spell system that’s starting to fucking not work very well when I use it. Core spells like my personal diagnostic spell still works, which is all I need to maintain Light Shield, and I designed DragonFire to be versatile and accessible regardless of magical prowess… and Phoenix Fire, a new spell of mine that keeps me from dying, is something that still works because it only works through inscriptions I have hidden on all four of my hooves. Other than that? It’s a bit of a toss up if anything will work right now… Sunset’s here because I can be a sitting duck at best, or a pro magician at best. By the end of the month I’ll be able to start adjusting my personalized magical system to my needs.”

“Ah, so you’re becoming less of a bitch boy and became a bigger one in the process?” Sunset smirked.

“C’mon, Sunset! I groomed you this morning and this is how you repay me?!” I asked. “Be nice!”

Sunset’s expression softened and she chuckled. “Sorry, I was riding the high of the moment. I don’t mean to actually hurt your feelings,” Sunset assured me. She teleported me to her and she wrapped me in a hug. “I promise you that I mean well and that I’m just joking around.”

“Jesus christ, Sunshine, I just don’t want to die from laughter; I love the jokes, but I need air!” I chuckled and nuzzled her cheek, which made her blush. “That’s what you get for calling me a bitch boy!”

“Dammit Source! I was winning in our one sided banter!”

A few hours later, the four of us were walking through Canterlot during the day time. As we walked, I noticed a lot of propaganda, and Sunset did too. It was mostly about ‘obey the Sun’ or ‘all hail the Moon’. Ponies all around were bowing to Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon as they walked down the streets… only for Nightmare Moon to approach a stallion running a haydog stand and start talking to them, and had a nice, friendly conversation that slowly became… interesting. I walked up next to the two of them.

“You’re quite the specimen, don’t you know?” Nightmare Moon’s voice was husky and sounds…

“Uh, thank you, your highness,” the stallion said calmly. “Is there anything I can do for you? You want a haydog? It’s on the h-house,” the poor guy’s barely keeping composure.

“Oh, I would enjoy a haydog… it would be a nice snack. Just like yourself-”

“Nightmare Moon, with all due respect, you’re making the poor bastard nervous,” I interrupted.

“But he’s a hunk!” Nightmare Moon sighed.

“Did you ask if he was married before you started flirting with him?” I asked.

“...No…” Nightmare Moon’s ears drooped and looked at the stallion. Like a little filly she asked. “Are you taken, young stallion?”

“No, your highness. I’m flattered that you find me… handsome, but it’s not exactly everyday you’re told that by a mare of your stature,” the Haydog guy said before handing her a haydog. “Really, it’s… something else.”

“She sucks at flirting, doesn’t she?” I asked. “C’mon, just say it!”

“No, she’s great; I’m just surprised.”

“Well,” Nightmare Moon said, now exuding confidence. “If you ever desire to chat some more, or become a friend, or consort, stop by my night court. I would love to indulge in you, young stallion.”

“Yes, your highness,” the Haydog Guy bowed his head slightly. “And uh, thank you for your time.”

As we walked back over to Daybreaker and Sunset. Daybreaker doesn’t even look surprised, she’s probably seen her sister do this hundreds of times, while Sunset just looks visibly concerned. As we kept walking, Daybreaker looked at her sister and asked. “So did you finally manage to woo another stallion?”

“Shut up, sister. So I want to spend the next century curled up with a stallion holding me, can you blame me?”

“Well, I don’t believe I can,” Daybreaker nods. “I’m just making sure that stallion, or Source, didn’t break your heart. I saw your ears droop. Because if they break your heart, I will rearrange Source’s insides.”

“No, sister. Source was just making sure that I wasn’t flirting with a married stallion-”

“So basically what I do, okay… Source, you live another day!” Daybreaker cheered.

“You wouldn’t break my insides; you like me.” I said with a smirk.

“And if you did, I’ll break your spine,” Sunset interjected. “Because Mom will spank me if she finds out that Source had to resort to his Phoenix Fire to get out of a situation when I was nearby.”

As we walked along, we came across a stallion, a unicorn, being a problem. He slung a spell my way which Light Shield stopped, before he threw a log at me. I lit my horn to stop it-why the fuck ain’t my horn working-”

I caught a log in the face. My head was pounding. Jesus christ, ow. Ow. FUCKING HELL! Logs hurt, Jesus Christ, I think I would rather be dead. That shit fucking hurts. “What the hell?!” I yelled before Sunset stepped in and started beating the shit out of the stallion that threw the log at me. Daybreaker stood protectively over me… when did I end up on the ground? I clutched my head and groaned as I tried to heal my head, only for my magic to try and at least numb the pain… It didn’t work until I used a Hybrid spell to numb it… now my horn hurts.

“Go get him Sunny!” I said as Sunset threw the stallion into a building and pinned him down long enough for Nightmare Moon to backhoof the fucker across the face and knock him out. I grumbled while sitting up and rubbing my head. “Feck.”

“Are you alright, Source?” Sunset asked, her voice was soft. She nuzzled my cheek and started hitting me with spells to make my growing headache less painful. “Sweet Celestia, what was with that pony?” She asked.

“I’unno. My head feckin’ hurts even after all those numbing spells.”

“You really really should focus on using Rune Based spells for now.” Sunset pointed out.

“Yeah, yeah. Tell that to the habit I’ve built up to rely on Python.” I grumbled.

“Fair enough. I suppose I’ll have to do a better job at keeping you safe,” Sunset hugged my neck.

“Where’s the real Sunset? I thought she hated me.” I grumbled.

“No, I give you a hard time because you’re married to my Mom. I don’t hate you, and personally, I hate seeing ponies, even you, get hurt… your head’s bucking bleeding, Source!” Oh. Before either of us could do anything, Daybreaker struck me with a healing spell and my head was feeling less like shit. “Thanks, Sun Butt; you’re not too shabby,” Sunset grinned.

“Oh please, do you believe I would leave my friend in pain?” Daybreaker asked. “But if you call me Sun Butt, I will follow you to your timeline and tell your mother to discipline you for that disrespect, young lady.” Daybreaker teased. “But… I believe you two should go home for the time being. Nightmare Moon and I will be quite busy questioning that vermin for deciding to throw a log at me, and then charge him with assault for missing so much that he hit Source instead.”

“Yeah, good thinking,” I grumbled. “C’mon, Sunny. Let’s get Fruit to send us to Prime Equestria.”

“Are you bucking serious, Source?” Sunset asked. “You just took a log to the head-”

“And Prime Equestria’s relatively peaceful. I’m not going to get hurt unless I decide to fight Princess Luna for her throne.” We waved our friendly, dictator friends goodbye as we walked to the alleyway where the portal should be. “Yo, if either of you wanna join us, you can… I’m sure Celly would love to have a chat with Daybreaker.”

“For now, we will have to decline the offer, my little morsel,” Nightmare Moon nuzzled me. “Again, we have a criminal to… uh, ‘prosecute’.”

“You’re gonna execute him, basically.”

“Well, yes, but actually, no… yes, he will be executed. If he had not hit an alicorn or possibly an earth pony, that stallion could’ve killed somepony with his antics.” Daybreaker answered.

“Well,” I bowed. “Always a pleasure, see you around!” Sunset and I walked into the portal and told Fruit that we were ready to check in on Prime Equestria again.

Author's Note

So, story arc time! source is gonna be a lot more vulnerable for the time being... but we get to have fun with bacon horse daughter because of that.

Bedrock

After the month had passed, a solid month of not being able to use my magic properly because Python Plus had become entirely unusable for me during the month, I had decided to do some testing, and after a few days into the month, it seemed as though that my magic was stable for once; it stopped growing in output. Now, I could use regular spells kind of competently, though not without the drawbacks of not having enough magic to contend with Sunset Shimmer for long periods of time without getting overpowered.

The only good thing about Python Plus was the fact that spells such as Phoenix Fire were tied to Runes, so it wouldn’t brick; I have a failsafe. DragonFire was designed to be used by everypony regardless of how much magic is used; it just uses excess magic put into it to power it or speed it up. Light Shield worked on my apparently exclusive Diagnostic spell, and thus was essentially tied to me; basically I always will have access to a spell that uses DiscordOS to keep me from getting my ass drilled by stronger ponies. Basically the three core spells that I made were still something I will just have access to.

Meanwhile, the entire rest of Python Plus, and even Python were not usable for me without either casting a spell in Python Plus and doing nothing, or I cast a spell with Python and I’ll get a pretty mean hornache in return for my efforts. I’m mad. My magic literally grew too much for my own creations over the last month. Now, I probably rank about the same as the average unicorn attending Celestia’s school; basically I was above average, but not Twilight level. Not even close. Strong enough not to get domed by the average pony, but not not enough to actually… Win in a fight against somebody without a custom spell system to help me contend.

“Fuck!” I narrowly avoided a spell from Rarity. It turns out Rarity was a good sparring partner, because like me, she wasn’t exactly a powerhouse. If she wanted to, she could easily contend with some of the lower-end students in Celly’s school, but she wouldn’t win in a duel against them any time soon. Rarity could get by purely based on how fucking precise she was; she could cast spells relatively quickly even if she may not have the power to actually cast them.

I was writing notes as I casted spells in turn, using my diagnostic spell to essentially read just how much magic I have now. While I casted a spell, parried a spell, or narrowly avoided Rarity’s very precise usage of stun spells and telekinetic blasts, the only offensive spell that she actually knew, I was testing a new spell system framework that I was dubbing ‘Bedrock’. Essentially, it’s a shitty spell system based on a shitty version of a video game from back home. Basically it’s a prototype for what I’ll be calling Java.

I caught one of Rarity’s spells mid-air, as Rarity was starting to get tired. The bright side for me, is that I was also fucking tired. Using traditional magic spells to slowly build up Bedrock from the ground up, while using Levitation to keep notes, was a pain in the ass. Rarity had her mane and tail tied up in buns to keep them from getting dirty. Despite us sparring, neither of us actually hit each other. I didn’t wanna hurt Rarity by accident, and Rarity wasn’t really a master at fighting with her magic.

Something that I learnt about Rarity is she’s good with martial arts, but not exactly a good magical combatant. “That’s enough for today, Rarity; you’re tired and sweaty and I know you could use a bath. And I’m tired and sweaty and can also use a bath, and maybe a basket of fries.” I stretched before teleporting next to Rarity, one of the first spells I converted over into Bedrock. Bedrock itself was essentially built off of WME, just made to be less complex, still requiring the same level of precision, but required less Runes, Equations, and overall just less magic to cast. I decided to use WME as the bass while incorporating Python’s efficiency into it. Essentially, you need to be precise as fuck, which is fine because I can do that easily.

Python required a similar level of control and I used that stupid WME spell a lot in order to train my magic precision. I think I’m going to make Bedrock more universal, like the thing it’s named after; that way if I end up using too much magic, or have another magical spurt, it won’t be catastrophically devastating. After all, not being able to properly use my magic properly is not a good thing.

Rarity stretched and undid her mane and tail as she made her way over to me. “I must say, I am not one for sparring, but it is doing wonders for my figure; it’s quite the workout, don’t you agree?”

“Yeah, it is. You’d probably give a few ponies in my wife’s school a run for their money; your precise, controlled usage of your magic tripped me up more than I expected.” I waved my Bedrock notes. “Thanks for helping me start field testing this; after Python Plus started being a piece of shit, I’ve been needing to make a new spell system, one that isn’t so linear when it comes to how much magic goes into it. Now, I have a spell system that’ll work like a piece of shit, but it’ll be a less stiff piece of shit.”

“Well, darling,” Rarity nuzzled up beside me. “I believe this should be an eye opener; you’re bouncing back rather quickly from having your entire magic going haywire.”

“Eh, it’s not perfect; still gotta work out a few bugs with Bedrock, but so far, it’s working. I’m still not going to use it for a while without further improving it, adding patches and ‘updates’ to it, all that fun stuff,” I lowered the journal into my hooves and said. “It is nice to be able to use a custom version of Levitation that’s more efficient than normal Levitation again; something that I can manipulate easier.” I nuzzle Rarity’s cheek and add. “Thank you, Rarity, seriously. I know you hate getting dirty and sweaty, so thank you for doing this for me.”

“Of course, dear!” Rarity giggled. “I will admit, the workout is fun and I get to see your… luxurious body-”

“Okay, we are not going there, my friend. No. Bad Rarity, control thy horny before I tell my wife,” I pulled away from Rarity. “But uh, yeah, keep those comments about my apparently sexy body to yourself, thanks.”

“Oh darling,” Rarity giggled as we walked off to get ourselves cleaned up. “I’m not certain you fully understand; I know you’re completely taken by Princess Celestia. I know better than to overstep into somepony’s ‘space’ when I know they’re married and uninterested. It doesn’t stop me from appreciating the view at least.”

I shrug. “Meh, just glad we’ve come to an understanding.”

I set my notes aside for the rest of the day because Katie decided to spend the day with me. Button was perched on my back, happily chatting with her. Today, my sister decided to put on an extra adorable sundress, one a nice, orange one that went nicely with her yellow coat. Her boots ‘clicked’ with every step. “So this is what me, Dan, and Dave are working on,” Katie pulled out a crystal, one that Twilight had been helping them with. She proudly put it in front of me, before tapping her hoof on it a few times as a Memory spell started playing.

So crystals tied with Memory spells can replay memories, and the crystal was replaying the memory of Katie’s, of her watching an animation she made in one of her notebooks. From the looks of things, it was a lot like Shaun the Sheep, but with a herd of ponies instead. They all lived on a farm, in pastures, doing what ponies back on earth did, mixed in with their own usual antics. She proudly smiled as I followed along with the schemes that the herd in the ‘show’ were getting into. Button happily watched and giggled.

“Why are they walking on their hindlegs while dressed like that?” Button asked as the ponies all stood on their hindlegs, dressed as humans. With a majority of their clothing covering up their snouts, only revealing their eyes. When the ponies started speaking with humans, in seeming gibberish, I snorted, and Button laughed at how stupid said humans were. Button didn’t know what the humans exactly were, despite knowing what they are, as he’s never actually seen one in person if you can imagine. He did love how the ponies tried fitting in human society, from how they struggled to use a cell phone that was described as a ‘flat, glowy brick’ by the animation.

“I can tell that Dan and Dave worked on the humor,” I said as one of the ponies bucked a poor guy in the crotch.

“No, they didn’t add that, I did. We all worked on the physical jokes, though,” Katie eagerly smiled and asked. “So, is it good? Dan did a majority of the storytelling and storyboarding; I just helped actually touch it up and make… this.”

“Katie,” I chuckled. “This is what you wanna sell to Equestria for entertainment?”

“Yup! We’ve got a payment plan; ten bits a crystal over twelve months. You get twelve crystals and it’s a ‘whole season’ of Ponies on Earth. It’s good, right?”

“Katie…” I snorted. “You three are going to be rich as fuck,” I chuckled. “Holy shit, that’s awesome.” I hugged Katie.

“Wait, so what was that?” Button asked. “It was really cool.”

“It’s a motion picture, a movie in a longer format, but in a twenty minute format like that?” I pointed at the crystal. “I’d say it’s like a show.” I held Katie as she was a giggly mess. “This is why I’m jealous of y’all; Dan’s smart enough to tell a story without words and you’re good at doing shit like animation and drawing. What am I? A good mage? And not even that-”

“Kodi,” Katie nuzzled me. “Quit being hard on yourself. You may not believe it, but you’re a good guy. You’re my big brother; I’m the one looking up to you, you know.”

“I know… but I don’t know how else to say I’m fucking proud of you. Get Dan and Dave together, I’m going to need to tell all three of you how proud I am. If you need help with the Memory Spells, or inscribing the crystals to meet the demand y’all are gonna have, let me know. Because Twilight can easily do this hundreds of times in a day, but I think y’all are going to go through thousands of these things in the first year.”

“Okay, Kodi…” Katie squealed. “I’m getting Dan and Dave; Celestia’s getting us in contact with a marketing team to market these things to everypony.” I chuckled and ruffled her mane. “Kodi! I spent forever on that!”

“Katie! You’re being adorable!” I chuckled and used my magic to start rearranging her mane to how it was before I had fucked with it. “I’m just proud of you three, y’know? You all have done something and will achieve something more than what I can do. You’re gonna go far, sis. You’re gonna go far with Dan and Dave…”

I decided to head down to Ponyville for a few hours so that I could have an emergency meeting with my students. You see, after being exposed to how painfully shitty Python can be for growing magic, which would be very common in foals that are learning how to use their magic, I decided to start up on teaching them again. Dinky, Sweetie Belle, and Button were all sitting in front of me, underneath an apple tree, as I explained this to them. The four of us were reading over the new Bedrock textbook I was throwing together.

“Okay, I have an assignment for you three; I want you three to work on this magic system and modify it for your needs; it should be really really easy given who you three are. I want you to learn this, modify it to your own needs. It has ‘checks’ and ‘balances’ in it that you can turn on and off in spells as needed, so that none of you will struggle again.” I said as they read through the first few pages.

“But isn’t Python good enough?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“It’s good until you get a ‘growth spurt’ for a lack of a better term. Basically, if you use your magic for more than just Levitation, your magic pools may grow. As a result, they can grow to a point where Python just stops working; I got clubbed in the head with a log recently because that’s what happened to me; my magic, because of my reliance on Python Plus, has been going haywire. And this,” I tapped my own textbook. “Is meant to be more malleable to your magic; it won’t get you killed or won’t screw up on you as you grow.” I shook my head. “As your tutor, I want you three to learn this for your own benefit, not my own. Especially you, Button; I know you worked hard on Cobra, but you’re still a foal; your magic’s growing and it will continue to grow. Cobra might eventually stop working and I do not want to see the repercussions of you relying solely on that spell system; I’m still dealing with the consequences of being a one trick pony…”

“Okay, Dad,” Button nodded. “I suppose I should listen to you. Is… this as easy as Python to mold to your needs?”

“It should be; I used Python as the base work for Bedrock. Which is real funny since the thing that Bedrock is named after was made with something called C++. either way, you three should be able to pick this up, and I will begin coming to tutor you every week in order to help you both.”

“So that means we get to spend more time with you?” Dinky asked.

…

My fucking heart. Dinky is such a sweetheart. “Yes, you and Sweetie Belle will be seeing a lot more of me in the future. I’ll be helping y’all mold your magic as you grow. Y’all can visit Canterlot outside of my lessons, if your parents let you, to visit, Dinky; I’m your teacher, but I’m somepony y’all can trust. Plus, Celly and Lulu would probably like to have two fillies to dote on while you visit. Y’all have clearance for the castle.”

“Really?” Dinky asked.

“...Dinky, you need to stop being so fucking sweet, I swear to god; you’re one of the most endearing fillies I’ve ever met.”

“...Is that bad?”

“No. That’s a good thing.”

“So what happens if we can’t use Bedrock?” Sweetie asked.

“That’s why I’m here. I’m here to help y’all.” I ruffled Sweetie Belle’s mane. “And you’re always welcome to the castle too; I know my son has a thing for you!” I chuckled as her cheeks started turning pink, and Button hit me in the back of the head with a stun spell. It didn’t stun me, but it was more of a small ‘shock’.

“Dad, you’re doing too much.” Button said as Sweetie Belle giggled behind a hoof. “Quit embarrassing me!”

“Nah, I’m going to keep embarrassing you, kiddo. It’s my job to embarrass ya..” Button rolled his eyes and groaned. “Love ya, Button…”

“I love you, Dad. Even if you make me hate you sometimes.”

I was told that the duke and duchess of Maretonia were going to visit the Crystal Empire to help ‘welcome it’ back into existence now that we all made sure that King Sombra wasn’t coming back. Well, after we guaranteed that King Sombra hit the Sun after I threw his horn in a box and tossed that into space. I’m looking forward to this because all I have to do is stand next to Celestia, be ‘attractive looking’ and say nothing. Despite them wanting to, Ma and the family had to stay in Canterlot, and it was probably better if they stayed in Canterlot.

Since the Duke and Dutches were literally only staying for a day, it wouldn’t be worth the effort to mobilize the whole family, get them to the Crystal Empire, and then leave before we can even get unpacked. Just me, Luna, Tale, and Celly were going. Button wanted to stay home and keep working on Bedrock. I was sitting in our traincar, ours as in Celly’s. There was no point in grabbing Luna’s train car when we were going to be leaving the Crystal Empire on the morning train back to Canterlot.

“So…” I hummed. “I seriously have to go?” I asked.

“Yes you do, dear,” Celly nodded. “You may not officially be crowned as a regular high prince, but you are a high prince consort; that means you have to at least be there while the Duke and Duchess are there. It’s proper for the royal family, as in each princess and their consorts, to meet the Duke and Duchess; it’s to make sure that their visit is important to us.”

“...So that’s why me and Tale are here?” I asked. “Because we need to make our allies feel appreciated somehow?” I shrugged. “Eh, fair enough. If they better not talk to me. I know they’re our allies, but aren’t these the ones you don’t really like all that much? The rulers, as people, kinda fucking suck?”

“No, that’s our allies in Maretime Bay. The Queen watching over that place really hates me and Luna.”

“...What the fuck?”

“Don’t worry about that, dear. That’s for another time.”

Luna decided to speak up. “You know, sister, we should tell him. Because I believe once we both retire, Queen Opaline will make a move-”

“If she comes after Equestria, I’m killing her.” I said firmly. “I don’t give a shit about what you say, or what you think of her; she hurts my home, she’s dying. That’s assuming Ma doesn’t kick her ass first.”

Luna giggled and said. “Source, Queen Opaline is a coward and a weakling; she won’t attack Equestria as long as she knows Celestia and I are still here. Now, if she were to try anything, I would fear for her safety. As you seem far, far more willing to kill somepony for Tia’s well being than I am. And that’s saying something.”

“Source, as much as I appreciate your willingness, and ability to, slaughter an alicorn for my sake, but please do refrain from murdering Queen Opaline. She’s… okay, she’s a horrible pony, but I’m certain we can talk her down.” Celly nuzzled me.

“Fine… she hits you and she’s dead. Fair?”

“...I suppose. But you best not kill her; she was a fillyhood friend of mine and Luna… at least until we rose the sun and moon respectively.” Celestia sighed. “I do hope to reach out to her one day, but she’ll likely burn any letters from myself or Luna.”

Queen Opaline sounds like a bitch.

Anyways, most of the train ride was pretty uneventful. I was beginning to get Bedrock into a state of actually being usable for field testing by the time I had to stop and pretend like I care about politics and care about being a politician. So that’s what I was doing when I got off the train. Twilight and her friends were walking up to the Crystal Spire, or the Empire’s castle, by the time the Duke and Duchess had arrived. I teleported down to them to say ‘hi’. Twilight apparently only got duties in smiling and waving. I blinked a few times and walked up to the girls.

“Howdy howdy,” I greeted Twilight. “How’s life going for you? The rest of you are doing okay, I assume? Discord’s not being an asshole?” I asked.

“Oh, Discord’s been behaving,” Fluttershy said. “He’s been really sweet to me.”

“Rainbow Dash nearly sold Fluttershy for a book,” said Apple Jack. “Ah had to stop her from being an idiot.”

“Oh c’mon! I learnt my lesson in the end!” Rainbow snapped back. “And I felt awful for doing it!”

“Dashie, I love you, but yer a moron sometimes.” AJ nuzzled her marefriend. “What about you, Source?”

“New magic system, it’s called Bedrock. I’m still working out bugs and shit, so I’m still not exactly ‘ready’ for anything. But hey, I’m making progress to being slightly more useful than a sack of fucking potatoes. So, let’s talk about you, Twilight. Celly’s not given you anything? No day court, nothing? No paperwork?”

“...No. I just show up to smile and wave,” Twilight sighed. “I feel useless.”

“Hey, you feel just like I do a lot of the time.” I pat her back. “You’ll get used to it. But… I bet I could get Celly to teach you how to run Day Court on your own; it’ll be a win-win for both of us. Celly gets more time off, which would make me happy, and you get to do something actually princess-y. How does that sound?” I asked.

“...Okay. That actually sounds kinda fun. I want to contribute.”

“You will… I will warn you, though, you and I are going to be doing a lot of smiling-and you are doing more. You get to smile and wave. I only get to smile and look pretty. I can do the first thing pretty easily. The second thing? That’s a huge maybe.”

Twilight giggled. “I suppose I do have that. Don’t you hate not having… Any responsibilities? You’re Princess Celestia’s husband!”

“That I am. But I don’t mind. I can focus on my family.” I nuzzle Twilight. “C’mon, let’s get this shit over with. The sooner we do, the sooner we can hangout before going to bed, alright?”

“Okay,” Twilight smiled. “You best get Princess Celestia to let me handle Day Court; I can handle it.”

“Of course, of course. Just make sure you look pretty; you’ll be picking up a lot of slack from me in that department.”

“Get a room already!” Rainbow said.

“Nah. Also Rainbow, quit watching Twilight’s butt, you pervert.”

“I-uh, er, What!?” Rainbow asked. I chuckled and waved. “The buck do you mean by that, Source?”

“Oh, nothing. I’mma head back to where Celly, Lulu and Cadance are. Gotta get ready for the ceremony.”

I laid down next to Celly for the night. The Duke and Duchess of Maretonia were long gone and it was time for us to go to sleep for the night. I took a deep breath as I rested my head on her neck. “So the Duke and Duchess really came all this way just to meet the ruler of the Empire, Cadance, say a few words, and then leave?” I asked Celly.

“I suppose that is one way you could sum up this dignitary meeting. I told you it would be a short one; neither you nor Twilight had to do anything beyond smiling and waving.” Celly giggled.

“You really gotta give Twilight some more Duties, Celly. She wants to do more than smile and wave; she could easily handle day court and you know it.

“I suppose you are correct. I could grant her a trial run of running Day Court. If all goes well, she can start doing that herself…” Celly started licking my ears. “We’ll be heading back to Canterlot tomorrow, so we can’t stay up too late, even if I do want to try for a foal right about now.”

“Hmm…” I chuckle. “We could try again anyways; you’d figure by now you’d be pregnant by now.”

“Well it’s because my little stallion barely touched me in such a manner when we first started dating and when we married. Mr. ‘I want to respect my wife’s personal space’. It’s endearing, dear, and I love you. But…” Celly sighed, nuzzled me and said. “Can we start actually trying? I do want you to sire a foal for me. I’d love to raise a little filly, or a little colt that we made. Button would get a little brother or sister if we do…”

I kissed Celly’s cheek. “We’ll start trying more often. I promise.”

“...I should not have pressured you into that Source-”

“Celly, it’s fine. I’m raising Button, I helped raise my siblings. I’m ready to be a biological father to a kid. I’ll do it for you.” I kiss her on the lips. As I pull away, I stare Celly in the eyes. My wife stared back before we laid our heads down next to each other, with Celly laid her head in my mane, took a deep sniff and soon we were off to sleep.

Me and Celly woke up in a fright, and soon after we woke up, Luna came bursting through. “Sister!” Luna yelled.

“...What the fuck did I just dream about?” I asked.

“What… did you dream about?” Celestia asked.

“...A centaur stealing a pony’s magic.” I whispered. “What the fuck is going on?”

“...He’s returned.” Celestia said.

Not too long afterwards Cadance and Twilight were woken up, and we were all brought into a room with a round table. Sitting on the table was a book that we were all reading so that me, Cadance, and Twilight could be properly educated on Tirek. You see, I was told about Tirek, but I wasn’t ever properly educated on him. Apparently he and his brother appeared in Equestria one day to take Equestrian magic for himself, while his brother befriended Starswirl the Bearded and told the Princesses what the fuck Tirek was doing.

Tirek, according to Celly, got out of Tartarus while Twilight was fucking with time travel for no reason…

“So you’re sending me after Tirek, right?” Twilight asked. “Maybe me and Source? The two of us could take down Tirek no problem-”

“No, I am sending Discord.”

Meanwhile with Katie

I was happily skipping down the street with a bag of candy floating in my magic. I had just popped a piece in my mouth when I heard something going on. I looked around, before seeing… a centaur. I blinked a few times, thinking that maybe it’s just Equus. Kodi told me that there were griffins, minotaurs, and even sea serpents here. The centaur had a black, humanoid torso that almost looked like he was wearing a tank top, but I could tell that it was hair of some sort. He had a beard and a face that clearly wasn’t humanoid with a nose piercing in his nostrils. The black ‘shirt’ slowly gave out to a dark gray horse body with light grey hooves and a light gray tail.

I don’t think I should be here… Oh my god what is he doing?

I watched as he walked right up to a unicorn and started draining them of magic. He was literally eating it… I started backing away as the unicorn fell to the ground, thankfully unharmed even if he was now missing his cutie mark, as the centaur turned his gaze onto me. I stared at the centaur as I backed away.

“What is this? A unicorn with quite a bit of magic just for me…” The centaur started walking towards me.

“W-wait… please don’t hurt me!” I started looking around… where’s Ma or Kodi when you need them? Where’s Dave? Anybody?

…

I’m alone. “C-can’t we talk about this?”

“Oh, I believe talking is for the weak-” he grabbed ahold of my neck. My bag of candy dropped to the ground and spilled its contents all over the ground. “-I am taking what is mine. And nobody will stop me…” His mouth opened up and I felt my body begin to weaken as he sucked the magic out of me. I was ceremoniously dropped to the ground on my side, I could barely move my body. I can barely feel… anything. I stared ahead as the centaur walked away from me.

I don’t know how long I’ve been laying there until I felt a hoof touch my shoulder. I lifted my head to see Ma. “Katie, are you…” Ma started looking me over and let out a sigh of relief. “You’re not hurt… thank fucking god. What happened, dear? Why are you laying on the street? Who hurt you?” Ma asked as she lifted me up. “Can you walk?”

“I can… barely feel my body, Ma.”

“...Who did this?”

“A centaur…”

“...I,” Ma nuzzled me. “We’re getting you to the castle, okay? You’ll be safe. We are holding up with your brothers until Kodi and his wife come back, okay? We’ll fix you… and when that bastard fucking shows his face again, I’m feeding him his own fucking flanks. Okay?”

“Ma… he ate my magic.”

“...He what? That’s possible?” Ma asked as she laid me on her back and started trotting away.

“...It is apparently. I feel weak, Ma.”

I felt Ma take a long, deep breath. “If that bastard touches Dan or Dave, I’m feeding him his own heart.”

I stared down at the letter Ma had just sent me with DragonFire. I stared at it for a good, long minute, and took a long, deep breath as I looked at my fellow alicorns. “Tirek got to Katie. Katie’s not dead, but I know Tirek’s going to fucking die…” I brought my hoof down on the table with a resounding crack. “Why did my magic have to fuck itself now?!” I yelled. “Why!?” I looked Celly in the eyes. “Celly, I know you said I shouldn’t since Discord is apparently already on it, but… that asshole’s in Canterlot. He’s in that city with my family. When’s the next train leaving for Canterlot?” I asked.

“...Today at six in the morning, Source.” Celly walked around the table and draped a wing over me. “I know you’re worried-”

“Celly, Tirek just hurt my little sister. He’s in Canterlot with Button, Ma, Dave, and Dan and he’s already hurt my sister… I’m DragonFiring my way back to Canterlot, Celly-”

“Source, don’t. Don’t you fucking dare,” Celestia growled. “You could possibly get killed! Tirek hates me and will kill you just to make a jab at me, Source. Even if you think you can beat him, you won’t be able to. Trust me… Tirek gave me and Luna problems. A lot of problems when we fought him.”

“...Celly-”

“No, Source. Do not go face Tirek alone. He wants power; he wants to rule over the world. He cannot do that with dead subjects; your family will be safe. There’s entire battalions of Canterlot at all times; they will keep your family safe, and Discord is already on it. Just listen to me on this, okay?”

“...Okay.” I sigh. “I’ll listen to you Celly. If he hurts Button, I’m not holding back.”

Celestia nodded. “And neither will I; I’ll sooner resort to murdering Tirek than let him hurt Button.”

Author's Note

No, Ma isn't kicking in tirek's face in. if she did, i wouldn't be able to set up what I have planned for her and Starlight Glimmer.

Ma's an Alicorn.

Not too long after Tirek was restrained and tossed in a dungeon cell until we figured out what to do with him, my siblings were brought back to Canterlot, and I was holding Button while Celestia was holding me. Everypony had their magic returned to them, so Katie was back to her normal self. She immediately went and put on her usual attire, a sundress of some sort that matches her fur and her steel toe horseshoes-boot things. Ma was sitting on a cushion clutching her head as she processed what the fuck happened to her. Luna was holding on, no, Tale was holding onto Luna like she almost fucking died.

Cadance and Shining Armor were on their own cushion, with Cadance happily caressing my man’s snout because apparently Tirek grabbed it, bruised it while doing so, while Tirek had drained Shining Armor of his magic. Discord was sitting with the Element of Magic shoved half way down his throat while Fluttershy reprimanded him for helping Tirek hurt ponies… Twilight herself was cuddled up with Dashie and AJ, while Rarity and Pinkie were huddled together with the Crusaders. Dave and Katie were chilling on the couch together.

For some reason Dan managed to snag Chrysalis and cuddle with him. Chrysalis in particular was being… actually pretty friendly with Dan, nuzzling him, licking his ears-why the heck is Chrysalis being so nice to Dan… Oh motherfucker, Dan looks like he’s enjoying her company.

I sighed and plopped Button next to Celly while I went on over and hugged Ma. My poor mother slowly lowered her hooves and let herself be pulled into my forelegs.

“Why did I grow wings?” Ma asked.

“You were next to a magical explosion,” I said. “Like one that contained damn near every single pony in Equestria’s magic. Terrestrial or Earth Pony, Pegasi, Unicorn. All of that in your face. Plus you punched Tirek in the face and I guess Harmony decided that was pretty fucking cool, and gave you wings in the process. After all, you punched a dickhead that probably isn’t a good person. You also… saved my life, I’m not gonna lie, Ma. You saved me-”

“Kodi, I am telling you this now and I want you to understand this now.” Ma nuzzled me. “I didn’t save you because I made some stupid, morally correct decision. I saved you because you’re my fuckin’ son, Kodi. You were going to get hurt, and I was not having it. Don’t give two damns how much that asshole found me attractive, I don’t care about how much kick and scream. I don’t care how many people I will have to beat the shit out of in order to do so. But I am keeping my children safe as best as I can; I lost yer father, I ain’t losing anyone else in my family, got it, Kodi? So long as I breathe, nothing will hurt my family.”

“Ma…” I chuckled. “God damn, Ma.” I laid my head against her neck. “You make my need to keep my family safe seem like child’s play.”

“I’m yer mother. I’ve got the strength now to keep you safe, and I’m fucking going to, dammit.”

“Well, I suppose,” Celly spoke up. “That you, Twilight and Source, Maeve, will be receiving awards for saving Equestria,” she glanced at Discord. “And somepony may end up being stone for several centuries for enabling Tirek instead of bucking capturing him.” She chuckled as Fluttershy eventually smacked Discord in the face, before dragging him out of the lounge room we were all sitting in. We heard muffled Fluttershy Shouts from outside… This room’s supposed to be soundproof, by the way. Like foam is in the walls, and there’s enchantments on the room to soundproof it further, and Fluttershy was yelling loud enough to negate all of that.

“Discord’s already getting his ass handed to him, and he hasn’t even dealt with Ma yet,” I said. I’m pretty sure Fluttershy, while angry, could give Ma a run for her money in terms of spooky factor.

We all sat in silence as Ma finally calmed down and said. “So now what?”

It didn’t take too long for us to figure out what to do from this point on. Ma, Twilight and I were preparing to get ready to step on stage in the center of Canterlot so Celestia can give us awards for defending Equestria, announce me and Ma becoming a high prince and high princess, how Twilight and Ma fought super valiantly while all I did was distract Tirek enough for him to get punched in the face super hard by Ma. My siblings all had dressed up, Dave and Dan were dressed up in cute, little tuxedos, as was Button.

Katie was already wearing a sundress, so Rarity had helped her with her mane. She wore a much fancier looking sundress and had her boots shined and polished for the moment.

Each suit that me, my brothers, and Button were wearing were all unique to us. For instance, my suit had yellow highlights that matched my mane, with a nice, light blue undershirt that had complimented the sleek, black suit nicely. I even wore a nice necktie at Celly’s request. I had cuff buttons that were zero’s, that nicely matched my cutie mark.

Dan was sitting with a nice, sleek black suit, but with cyan highlights to match his mane, with a nice, sleek white undershirt. Seeing as he currently had no cutie mark, Rarity didn’t know what to put in as cuff buttons, so she just put diamonds into the cuff buttons. He wore a nice, black bowtie that frankly made him look like a dapper little fella.

Dave was wearing a similar suit, though with orange highlights, and rubies to give him something different in his suit than Dan’s other than some different highlights.

Button… Was actually wearing his Nightmare Night costume, or in other words, the same thing I usually wore, though obviously shrunken down to fit a colt’s body rather than a grown ass midget. He wore a white undershirt, and had a tan trench coat that went up and over his back and covered his tail. Sitting on his head was a tiny little fedora that his cutie mark, made into a charm thanks to Rarity, on the front of it. He was adorable, and I was a proud father.

I was sitting in my own suit, next to them as Ma strolled out from behind her changing curtain, because I guess watching a woman get dressed is taboo no matter the universe or species. Understandably so. Ma’s dress… was beautiful, honestly. It was simple, very simple actually. It was a nice, golden dress that hugged her barrel tightly, and emphasized her curves, which then spread out into a skirt that covered her flanks and went down and over her tail and ended just above her ankles. Ma’s mane was done into a ponytail, something that she was snickering over; a pony with a ponytail. Ma had a couple of earrings and some slight makeup.

Big Mac, the poor fucker he was, was here in Canterlot because Apple Jack and Apple Bloom were, and attending the little announcement of how two ponies and an idiot fucked up Tirek’s shit up. His jaw dropped and hit the goddamn floor upon seeing Ma. Ma giggled and brushed up against the poor farm pony. Which really did not make Big Mac any better, in fact, he broke even more.

“So, how do I look, big boy?” Ma snickered before draping a wing over her boyfriend.

Big Mac started sputtering. “U-uh… You look good, Ms. Code-”

“Oh, come off it, babe, you know you can just call me Maeve.”

“Eeyup, Maeve… You look…”

Apple Jack started snickering as her poor brother was trying to get over being hot and bothered by how his marefriend, my mother, looked. “Hoo-ee, Ms. Code, you certainly know how to dress up nicely. Ah can see that my brother certainly likes the view you’re giving him!”

I snorted. “Let the poor bastard breathe, AJ. He’s a bit socially awkward with mares as is, and now he has to deal with Ma being an alicorn, and Ma in general.” I draped a wing over Button.

Celly strolled out from the changing curtain soon after, wearing the nicest dress I’ve seen on her since our wedding. I’d say sexy, but the dress she wore on our honeymoon was certainly at a peak for her. The dress… was actually pleasantly plain, as it was just the color of a clear, blue sky. Her wings, folded against her side, looked like fluffy clouds against the backdrop of her dress that hugged her body tightly and stopped just below her flanks. I stared and let my own jaw hit the fucking floor. She even had light makeup, namely just eyeliner, on.

“What the fuck, Celly?” I asked as I got up and approached my wife. “Why’re you dressed up?” I asked.

“Well, somepony, you, agreed to finally taking up a crown and becoming more than just my high prince consort. So of course I’m taking the opportunity to dress up nicely for you…” Celestia leaned down and whispered into my ear. “If you behave and look strong on stage, I’ll put on the dress I wore during our honeymoon… and we’ll try to put ‘cake’ in the oven, okay?” I nodded dumbly and Celly couldn’t help but giggle and give me a quick lick inside of my left ear. It felt good so I leaned in for more.

“Moar.”

“Of course,” Celly giggled and licked me a few more times. “Unfortunately, my love, I cannot just stand here licking the inside of your ears. We have a ceremony to attend. Once Twilight is done putting her dress on, we’ll be off. Be careful; you might like how she looks, Source-”

“Celly, me and Twilight are practically siblings. I don’t see her that way.”

“Oh, I know, dear,” Celly licked my ears again. “Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least appreciate how she looks; your mother and I helped her with her dress and mane. She’ll look good.” She nuzzled me. “I feel like a proud mother whenever I look at Twilight today, seeing the mare she’s become.” Celly let go of me as we heard Twilight begin to shuffle from behind the changing curtain. We all turned our gaze onto the mare in question as she stepped out.

She donned a nice, pink dress that complimented her fur rather nicely. It hugged her barrel and literally made the name ‘Sparkle’ mean something. It was a nice, sparkly dress that quite frankly looked really good on her. It hugged her barrel tightly, but not in a way that was provocative, but in a way that gave her that ‘I am a princess, and I am regal’. The dress draped loosely over her flanks, her tail poking out from behind and tied up. Twilight wore her crown and even had some regalia, some amethyst horseshoes and a necklace, the necklace itself had a ruby in the shape of her cutie mark embedded into it, rather than simply having her mark being etched into it like Celly, Luna, or Cadance’s regalia.

I whistled. “God damn, Twi.” I end up shaking my head. “You look regal, dude.”

Twilight giggled, her cheeks started turning to a hotter purple as she did, before walking over to me, all regally, and nudging me with her elbow. “I’d say I look like a princess, Source?”

“You do.” I nod. “You look great, Twilight.” I nudged her back. “Ready for the ceremony?”

“Of course I am! I even had a speech prepared! What about you?” Twilight asked.

“Well…” I hummed.

I am not ready for this. Why are we in the center of Canterlot instead of just addressing the crowd from the comfort and perch of a castle balcony or something? I stared ahead, completely regretting telling Celly that I’d actually take the title of High Prince rather than remaining as a High Prince Consort. Ma and Twilight looked as confident as ever, and everypony else in our family was giving them attention as I tried to steel my thoughts and collect myself. There is simply no goddamn way I am able to compare to them. I am getting an award for playing a tiny, tiny, insignificant part in fighting Tirek and I know it. I’m taking a crown and I’m going to have to try and stand and compare myself to everypony else.

I’m going to be compared to everypony else.

God I hope I can even compare to everypony else.

Celestia’s the oldest, and wisest pony known in history, having been alive as anypony can remember. She’s a skilled mage, funny, smart, and beautiful. She’s my wife. She is literally responsible for life being capable of flourishing due to her ties to the Sun. God how am I her husband? How am I good enough for her when I can’t even keep myself together as soon as I’m bent slightly?

Luna, the Moon herself, the mare of the Night, defender of dreams. She’s the most skilled fighter in Equestrian history as far as anypony is aware. Everypony adores her more than they adore Celestia.

Cadance is the very embodiment of love. She’s pure, loving, and the sweetest mare in Equestria.

Twilight’s the god damn Element of Magic. If anypony was deserving to be called the Alicorn of Magic, it’s her, not me.

Ma… Ma’s got wings. She’s everything I wish I was. Confident, kept together… She’s Ma.

I took a long, deep breath and started trying to think of myself in a somewhat positive light. I’ve had the joy of raising Button Mash, the cutest, sweetest little colt that is quickly becoming one of the most gifted unicorns of his age, and would be if Sweetie Belle wasn’t such a monster when it came to using her magic. I… managed to marry Princess Celestia, the Mare of the Morn, Bringer of Day. I married the Eternal Flame of Equestria. Despite everything wrong with me, she loves me. Luna sees me as her little brother and takes pride in seeing me become the stallion I’m becoming. Cadance sees me as an amazing uncle, for some reason. Twilight thinks I’m a wonderful stallion to have as a peer.

I’m my Ma’s son.

…How the hell do I meet their expectations? How can I? How do I become the pony they deserve? I’m barely half the man they think I am, and I’m trying twice as hard to meet those expectations… I guess what I am is still an object in motion; where I am is where I’m going. Where I’m going is right where I am. I take a few deep breaths and steel my brain; everypony expects me to be strong and I have to try my best no matter how much I don’t believe I am able. Because if I stop, I’ll disappoint everypony and that’s the last thing I want.

Twilight was the first to step on stage, giving her speech.

“Good morning, everypony, thank you all for coming out to this award ceremony. Especially after Tirek had wreaked havoc upon Equestria for the last few months. I hope everypony affected regained their magic after his defeat at mine, Prince Source, and Princess Maeve’s hooves. We as a nation have stood strong countless times, wendigos when the country was founded, to Discord’s reign of chaos, to Nightmare Moon… Twice, to Discord’s return… To Canterlot’s invasion during my sister in law, Princess Cadance and my brother, Shining Armor’s wedding. To now. Equestria has stood strong and firm just as we ponies stand firm on our four hooves, helping each other through crisis after crisis.

“I am not here to celebrate my own part in my victory, but rather to celebrate two ponies who contributed just as much as I did during the Centaurian Battle of Canterlot. You know of one of them, as he has been becoming rather popular lately amongst mares, and even some stallions. Source Code, or rather… High Prince Source Code, please, step on stage.” I blinked a few times; Ma was going last because we wanted her reveal of her ascension to be a fun surprise. I took a few breaths again, before stepping out onto the stage. The crowd clapped and stomped their hooves as I did.

I kept my wings tucked in to my side despite Twilight, and even Celly’s insistence that I show my wings off like Royalty, however… No.

“Howdy, everypony,” I said, using a less loud version of the Canterlot Royal Voice to address my audience. “I’m Source, Source Code, Prince Source, an idiot with too many titles. As you all may have heard, I got a cool job promotion; from High Prince Consort to Prince Consort-no, me and Celly are still married, this is just something that came naturally and I figured… I would finally take a stand and lead this country by my wife’s side as an equal rather than letting her just lead the country during the day by herself. I stand before you, not as a Prince, or whatever fancy, smancy titles, but simply some guy that is doing his best to lead you all and be a pony worthy of the praise and love he receives from his family, from y’all, everyday.

“I’ll be frank, I still believe that I am being given way more than I deserve. That y’all are too kind to me, despite how inherently flawed I am as a person. But… I’ll try. I tried my best against Tirek and contributed to taking him down. I may not have been entirely why he was defeated, but… I refuse to leave this country hanging when I could possibly lend a hoof and prevent further disaster.” I smirk slightly. “For now, though, in between staring at my wife’s backside, I’ll try and be a Prince, alright?” I was met with some snickers. Celly was standing behind the curtain, and I could tell she was blushing, very, very lightly from behind it.

I’m going to be hit across the back of the head with a wing for that comment, but I think Celly’s gonna appreciate that I’m trying my best to be confident even if she knows for a fact that I’m not confident in myself at all.

“I’m just rambling on, and on, and getting nowhere with this speech. To be frank, I’m surprised that I haven’t keeled over yet. So, before I waste any more time, we’re here to celebrate something special. Something incredible happened when Tirek was defeated. My own mother has recently come to Equestria through… various means that I don’t think I can describe without it being some sorta scandal. But… my mother is a talented unicorn, skilled, strong, and well… she was a unicorn. You see, she and Twilight were giving the works and I might’ve contributed while they were fighting him. Ma ended the fight by punching him in the face; she put an end to that dude… So this happened to her. Ma, step out on stage, please.

Maeve

My fucking god. What the hell am I doing? I just grew wings and I don’t know how to fucking use them. How the hell does my son go on stage and casually talk to address the crowd like that? Sure he did it somewhat awkwardly and unprofessionally, but that is so damn many fucking ponies. That’s so many people. Twilight and Kodi just went on stage, had their speeches confidently and I have to follow it up. Well, I didn’t get this far by being a pussy, now did I? I took a long, deep breath.

…

Did my son just say he didn’t contribute to me and Twilight’s fight with Tirek? He was the one who initially started fighting Tirek! God fucking dammit, kid, you made Tirek blast himself and you say you did nothing?! I’m going to have to give him a good talkin’ too about not downplaying your own contribution. I could barely even fucking do anything when I fought Tirek with Twilight, who was the main reason we did any damage to Tirek anyways, I just punched the fuck out of him and hoped for the best.

I steeled my thoughts and stepped on stage, next to Kodi, I looked confidently at the crowd and tried to spread my wings, only to fail miserably like a dumbass.

“Ma, here, lemme help ya.” Kodi pressed a hoof on my back, slid it down to right between where my wings were and pressed down. “Flex your shoulders…” He looked back up at everypony else. “Sorry everybody, Ma’s never had a pair of wings if you can imagine that.” Kodi, you’re fucking joking around?! At my expense too! At least yer trying to be confident. I flexed my shoulders and my wings popped out. I blinked a few times, folded them back, and opened them again. “There ya go, Ma.” Kodi turned back to the crowd. “So my mother grew wings after Tirek exploded in her face.”

The crowd remained silent, silently staring up at me as they took in the sight of me with my wings. Their faces ranged from awed, to lovestruck, to fucking shocked.

“Uh…” I took a deep breath. I tried getting over how the crowd stared at me, and I’ll be frank, despite my outer confidence, I’m not sure that I am as confident in this moment as I seem. I would sit down if it wouldn’t ruin my dress. Or my tail that I bent over backwards to brush out properly. Me and my son sat there until he nudged me.

“Ma, I think you should give a speech.” Kodi said.

“The fuck am I gonna contribute, Kodi? That I punched a dude in the face and that suddenly makes me a hero? A princess? The buck do you think I can add to what you and Twilight already said? We’re all alive, we’re all breathing, we’re all sitting under the sun, taking in the sunlight. We managed to all not die to some egotistical megalomaniac because you and Twilight know how to actually take a fight against somebody like Tirek and not die. I fought him when he was in a weaker state, and only really acted as a distraction while fighting Tirek the second time with you and Twilight!”

“Ma…” Kodi nudged me. “You did a good job being a distraction; even small contributions make a good difference, you know that. Now you’re a princess. We’re both being crowned, unfortunately, we’re both being given awards and fancy medals for doing what we did. No matter how little it feels like we did. Then we’re going to go grab a bottle of some really fucking old whiskey and get drunk as hell after the ceremony, alright?” I nodded as Kodi led me off stage. “Sorry everypony, but me and Ma are both really bad at giving speeches. We’ll let my wife take over from here and hand out the awards and give the big speeches that actually sound professional!”

We both stepped off stage to let Celly and Luna take over with the big speeches, and hand out our awards that I don’t think me or my son really thought we deserved.

Author's Note

okay, first thing's first, i'm going to be shifting the focus of Source Code away from Source's perspective. I feel like now it's going to be focused more in on the Royal Family as a whole, with Source's human family, Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Twilight and everypony else in their little family. I think i should because of how I'm doing things, Katie, Dan, Dave, Tale, Snowdrop and Sunset are getting sidelined pretty damn hard; it's about time I gave Tale a personality. next chapter is gonna be Tale hanging out with Luna as they prepare for their own wedding.

chapters not in Source's perspective will be marked as such; source's perspective is still the main perspective, but occasionally there will be chapters actually just focused on other ponies.

as for the next chapter in question, it will be a while before i can even get started on it. i'm not going to be at my pc for the next month, so I won't be able to really get some writing in, in any meaningful capacity. i will try to get some notes written down on my phone and ipad to make the writing process easier when i return.

A Nice Fable

Fable Tale laid down beside Luna, setting in for the morning as the two of them prepared to sleep. The timid little author has not seen much action in the way of fighting, magic or anything. Luna made damn sure of that; her coltfriend is a writer first and foremost after being her consort. Ever since the two of them had met at the Gala, and Source accidentally wingmanned Tale into getting Luna, the two of them have been together ever since. Luna often had to attend to her nightly duties, while Tale wrote, a good chunk of the night was spent with them together, with Tale showing Luna what he had written, whereas Luna herself reads what was written and gives suggestions and praise when she felt it was needed.

Tale, given his lack of a job, and thus reason to actually be awake in the day, very quickly took to Luna’s sleep schedule. As he was very much just as nocturnal as Luna was. Unlike Luna, being the alicorn she is, alicorns being able to go for days without sleeping before they actually needed to sleep, Tale was a regular unicorn and slept the day away pretty consistently. The next few weeks were going to be very important.

Luna and Tale were to be wedded in four months and the two of them were planning every single moment of their wedding and honeymoon, and Tale had just finished up writing the Trilogy of Magic Wars and was preparing to release each book soon. So Tale, being relatively unknown to the general public, submitted the first book and the publisher agreed that it was a very good concept and were going to be printing and selling the book in two weeks.

Luna nuzzled her fiance as he settled down and pressed up against her body. “Good morning, Tale… And good day. Rest well?”

“Always, Lulu.” Tale’s horn lit up and the curtains quickly blocked out the sunlight as the stallion’s magic moved them around and pulled the curtains shut.

By moon rise, Tale and Luna were awake together, Tale was reading through a few documents while his wife sorted them out. The two had a system going so that they could get Luna to have some free time later in the night. The two of them grabbed documents, and Tale constantly worked through them, and with Luna’s permission, signed off on them, and kept working on them while Luna went and did Night Court. With this, they could get through the scheduled load of paperwork and Night Court all in one sitting.

”What the buck kinda crap is this?” Tale asked, pointing at a line in a document in relation to Source. Luna looked over her shoulder and glanced at what her writer of a fiance was asking about. The document was in reference to how Source ranked amongst his fellow royals. “So this document says he has the least amount of power in one line, but the next he can override Cadance or Twilight on decision making? Doesn’t that sound very conflicting, Lulu?” Tale reread the thing. “And it could be my inability to read, but like… it’s odd. Also this is something Celly and Source should work out.”

Luna read the line once, twice, thrice and yet again. “I believe the document should be corrected to Source has equal power to mine or Celestia. He’s outright married to Celestia and doesn’t count as a High Prince Consort. He’s capable of leading the country when needed anyways. I believe it should be corrected to ‘in times of crisis, he can override Princess Mi Amore Cadenza or Princess Twilight Sparkle. Do amend that, Tale. As for why it is in our possession? I’m not sure. I know it is something Celestia should’ve worked out, but perhaps it was just some carry over from her paperwork. After all, neither of us truly have ‘our own pile’.

”After all, we do share an office, but only one of us at a time is in it actually doing work.. ever. I just prefer working in my bedroom because my stallion’s a stay at home ‘husband’ and I get to cuddle with you while I work in my room. You don’t seem to mind since when it comes around to the period of the night where I get to watch you do your ‘work’ which is to write, rewrite, get mad at what you write, and then rewrite it again when you end up struggling to write. Then you research and I help you with it to keep writing the next night.”

Tale sighed. “Do not get me started on the process of being an author. Dear, your sister’s name, I sometimes hate writing, because I have to write, try to write through a writer’s block, and keep writing even if I don’t know where I’m taking the scene. I could plan out scenes beyond the bare minimum, and writing in such an improvised manner is a really bad idea, but it makes it more fun. Even when I end up putting off writing for weeks because I’m just being lazy.”

Luna giggled. “Oh, the woes of writing. Any news on Magic Wars being printed out?”

”The publisher told me that the villain was a little too violent, the villain Source told me to write because it was ‘the best villain in history’. It is an interesting villain concept, I think it’s well written, and well executed-no mean to toot my own horn on that one.” Tale shrugged. “So I’m trying a different publisher, because the last one fucking sucks. It’s like trying to impress your princess fiance with chocolate, when she has access to the fanciest chocolate on this side of Griffonia.”

”Oh hush, I appreciated the effort,” Luna chuckled. “You struggled so much with being my coltfriend when we first started dating. It was adorable, seeing you work over the fact that I was your marefriend and struggled to figure out what to give me, then you found out I was just like any other; I appreciate the effort you put into gifts you give me. Now…” Luna smirked. “I saw how you were eying Twilight Sparkle. Perhaps you’re interested in bookworms? Nerdy mares? Perhaps you enjoy how Twilight doesn’t seem to try, yet manages to be beautiful?”

”Luna!” Tale laughed. “What the buck, Luna?” Tale snorted. “So maybe I like how Twilight is. But… you see how she is with Source? I doubt I could form a herd with her.” Tale shook his head. “I mean, I’d be honored to be the one unicorn in history, as far as you know, to ‘bad two princesses’ as Source would put it, I doubt that I could. I’d love to be with both you and Twilight, but I want to make sure she’s interested first.”

”Ah, there it is, you think Source has his sights on Twilight Sparkle? You seem to forget how unorthodox that stallion is when it comes to other mares that aren’t Celestia. He’s dedicated to my sister, adorably so. So much so that he doesn’t think of any other mare in such a manner. I’ll be honest; I wouldn’t have minded being his marefriend if he were interested in me. The truth of the matter is, Source’s human brain is, according to how Source says humans in his country are with marriage, might keep him from seeing other mares any time soon.

”And Twilight seems to be keen on treating Source, and seeing Source like a sibling because of this. After all, the two have known each other ever since Source was taken in by my sister as a student, or just a few months after he came to Equestria. He and Twilight, despite their apparently rocky start, are best friends through and through, despite how much the two of them seem to flirt with each other; it’s just like how two friends of opposite genders are with each other. However, I cannot speak for myself. Here, go out this morning afterwards, I’ll even hit you with a rejuvenation spell. Go talk to Twilight and ask her out.”

”…This is close to our wedding, Luna?” Tale asked.

”Yes, I like Twilight. She seems like she’d fit in nicely in a herd with you and I. Just go for it; you have my blessing.” Luna nodded and kissed Tale. “Don’t pull a Source Code, my dear.”

Tale started chuckling. “Alright, alright! I’ll go ask Twilight in the morning. No promises on how it goes, though!”

When Tale and Luna woke up later that day, right at dusk when they usually get up, the two sat down in the dining hall for dinner, or rather, their breakfast. Tale sat right next to Luna and immediately settled against the Lunar Princess’s side. Source was seated on the other end of the table doing very much the same to Celestia, leaning on the Mare of the Morn. Maeve, and Source’s siblings were all sitting around the table, chatting with each other about their respective days. Dave and Button arrived soon afterwards, after doing their homework for Ms. Cheerilee. As soon as the two foals took their seats, dinner started being served. Maids started placing salads in front of everypony, the appetizer for tonight.

“Good evening, everypony,” Luna happily greeted everypony else. Tale remained silent as he usually does.

“Good evening, Luna. I believe you are taking a week away from your nightly duties to spend some time with your fiance?” Celestia asked.

Luna’s ears twitched as she began to deny what her older sister asked. “Sister, I cannot take-“

“You are going to take the next week and a half off, Luna. I have taken so many days off in the last year and a half since I’ve met Source. In fact, I’ve taken too many days off. I can handle ruling the country on my own for a week; I’ve done so for the last thousand years. And if I need help, I still have Source and Twilight to help me out. Maeve as well if she has any clue how to read legal jargon.”

“Pssh,” Maeve rolled her eyes. “I used to work for a big company as a lawyer. I know legal bullshit… kinda. I’d like to think I’m good at it, but I’m probably not as well versed in ruling what bills should be signed and which shouldn’t.” Maeve shrugged.

“We should do it, Luna. I mean, you taking the week off. I wanna spend time with you in our room, outside of whenever we end up doing loads of paperwork.” Tale nodded. “And you worked your wonderful flanks off, night in and night out, sometimes day in and out, so Celestia can have herself a few days off with Source. Why don’t you take a turn?”

“I was on the moon, doing nothing for a thousand-“

“Luna!” Tale nipped his fiance. “Take the week off. Me and Celly demand it.”

“This is the most I’ve heard you talk since I first met you!” Source commented.

“Well, it’s because I need Luna to take a chill pill and take some time off. She deserves it… plus I still need to introduce her to my parents.” Tale scratched the back of his head. “Despite all of this, I’ve not told my mother who I’ve been seeing on this time, given how many nights I spend away from home.” He chuckled nervously. “I don’t know how to drop the news of: Hey mother, father, so as you know I found a mare. And I know it wasn’t any of the mares you’ve chosen for me… but here me out, she’s literally Princess Luna and I love her’.”

“…What?” Source asked. “How the fuck did you go that long without introducing Luna to your parents?”

“I-I don’t know! I usually don’t tell my parents anything because I usually don't even get the chance to talk to them about anything outside of dinner… and this is where I’ve been spending most of my time when they usually have dinner; with the royal family. I know I should tell’em, and Luna taking the week off would be perfect for that.” Tale shrugged and sighed. “I really should’ve told them so they’d get off my flanks about finding a mare.”

Luna nuzzled Tale. “I suppose I shall take the week off then in order to help my coltfriend prepare for introducing me to his parents. And because my sister and brother in law seem hell bent on making sure I get some time off as well.” The Lunar Princess gave a mock glare to both Celestia and Source, only to smile and add. “Thank you two. Buck you for making me take the week off, but… I suppose a break is in order.” Luna draped a wing over Tale.

”I need to go see Chrysalis today,” Dan hummed.

”Oh?” Source asked, nudging his brother. “I know you suddenly have your cutie mark in writing that animation’s story, so you can legally court Chrysalis if you want, but did you seriously fall for her?” Source raised an eyebrow. “And is she treating you well?”

Dan rolled his eyes and nodded. “Yes, Source, Chrysalis is treating me nicely. She’s actually been rather gentle with me so far and is trying to teach me how to properly treat a changeling, in exchange, I get groomed by her. Who knew a bug horse would be so good at treating a guy?” Dan asked.

”Chrysalis spent a while treating ponies well because she needed love for her changelings,” Source pointed out. “I guess she just wants to find love properly? And she better not just be using you to gather love or I will bash her face in.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Don’t. Her face is quite beautiful; I would like it to be in one piece for our first date today.”

”Yer dating a queen?” Maeve asked. “Oh my fucking god!” Maeve teleported Dan into her arms while holding him tightly and gushing. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! My sweet baby boy is growing up so fast!” Dan stumbled out of his mother's arms, slightly dazed from the sudden dash of affection. And Irish mother antics. The teenaged colt stumbled a few times, before being teleported into his seat by Source.

”Diamond Tiara won’t leave me alone,” Dave spoke up. "She and Silver Spoon are trying to claim me, since apparently colts are just outnumbered by fillies by a lot. I’m assuming they’re trying to claim a colt early…”

”Are you entertaining them?” Source asked.

”…No… just Diamond Tiara, but in order to get her, I also have to take Silver Spoon. How the fuck do I navigate two fillies at once?” Dave asked.

”uh…” Source hummed. “I dunno, I only ever really dated Celly and married her alone.”

”He's been staring at Apple Jack’s flanks recently!” Celestia sung. “And Rainbow’s; I think he’s succumbing to more pony-esque traditions!” Source started blushing profusely and hid his face under his wings. “And Dave, you’re quite young, not even close to being thirteen. Just give it a few years and if you like Diamond Tiara, go for her, and if you have to take Silver Spoon as well, get to know her too; trust me, two mares, or two fillies, often stick together when for life, even from young ages. “

”Okay… Just wait, I get it, Celestia. Thanks.”

Several hours later, Tale was sitting beside Luna with a suitcase, and a cup of coffee in his magic. “I hate coffee,” he grumbled as he took a sip of his black coffee. “You got yourself a nice, sugary coffee and you got me a black coffee?” Tale asked. “You know I prefer coffee with sugar, Lulu.”

Luna snorted. “Oh grow up, a black coffee never hurts, and you need something extra strong to get you through the coming week. After all, this week is supposed to be important. We’ll be spending the week at your parents’ manor, correct? You need your coffee to keep yourself awake. And tea isn’t going to be strong enough to keep you awake.” Luna nuzzled her fiance. “And plan the wedding out. I'll grant thee a more sugary coffee should thou needest it, okay?”

”Yes babe. I swear, you could’ve just gotten me the same thing you got me from Buckstars, you know I share your taste in sugary coffee based beverages.”

Luna whistled. ”I may have just ordered a black coffee on impulse; Celestia prefers her coffee black. Sorry, Tale.”

Luna grabbed both of their suitcases and pushed them aside. “We won’t even really need those by the way. Those are empty for a reason.”

Tale snorted. “Yeah, I know; you told me it’s just a stalling tactic because you hate train rides and want to try and put it off for as long as possible.” The writer started following Luna out of their shared chambers, with their chosen caffeinated beverages in tow in their magic, happily trotting through the sunlit halls, a rare sight for the Canterlot Castle staff that were more adjusted to only seeing one royal company awake during the day. The couple eventually trotted out of the castle and made their way through Canterlot towards a manor.

The manor in question was quite large for a property in Canterlot. Due to how the city was built, most properties were rather small in comparison to some properties out in the countryside that cost about the same. The manor was a gated, nice and nice, tall, marble wall that stretched out and around the property. The barred gate had an earth pony, a guard, standing behind it. The guard nodded to Tale, barely acknowledging Luna at first.

“Lord Fable, it is good to see you have returned after last night. Your parents have been notified that you are bringing a guest, I believe?” The guard asked, tilting his head.

“Eeyup, you got that, Watcher. I’ve brought somepony I’d like them to meet.” Tale stepped aside and gestured to Luna. “It’s about time I introduced them to who I’ve been spending a lot of my time with. Watcher, I believe you’ve heard of Princess Luna?” Tale asked with a shit eating grin. Watcher slowly turned to look at Princess Luna as his eyes widened. The Princess of the Night didn’t look immediately recognizable. She had been wearing a black hoodie that sparkled like the night sky, covering most of her barrel and wings, stopping halfway down her waist. She had opted to keep her hood down and have her mane kept under a cute sun hat that made her seem just like an abnormally tall mare.

“...Fable, is that actually Princess Luna?” Watcher eventually asked after remaining silent for a few moments.

“Eeyup. I sorta… became her friend… Oh yeah, I’m her fiance. Pretty cool stuff, right?” Fable asked.

“WHAT!?” Watcher shouted before quickly composing himself. “I-I mean, congratulations. I’ll let you and Luna in right away.

The Lunar couple were very quickly let in through the gate and they started trotting up, suitcases in tow, across and soon quickly found themselves coming to a stop just before the manor’s entrance. Two ponies stood at the head of a bunch of servants and maids.

One was a mare that was sharply dressed up in a sleek, black business dress. The mare was light blue in color, and had a stern expression worn across her, admittedly, beautiful face. Her mane was combed back, and out of her face, tied up in a ponytail, a horn protruding from her forehead just below her hairline.. The mare stood beside a stallion that easily stood a head taller than her or Tale, but was still shorter than Luna by a fair amount.

The stallion was a brown unicorn that was well dressed in a suit, his mane was sleek, black, and he even had a bit of stubble on his chin. He looked ‘roughly handsome’, as Luna decided to describe him as.

Both of them stood tall as Tale came to a halt, beside Luna, just before them. “Mother, Father.”

“Where the BUCK have you been!?” Tale’s mother immediately ran forward and hugged him tightly. “I know you’ve been returning late at night, and sleeping during the day recently, so what the buck were you doing!? I was worried sick about you, Tale.” The mare wrapped her hooves around her son and held her closely. “Is it because I kept trying to find you a mare? Were you seeing anypony?”

Luna sat with her mouth gaped, with how Tale spoke of his home life, she never expected her fiance’s mother to be… Like this.

“Script, honey, let Tale breathe; you’re hugging his neck too hard,” the stallion spoke up. “I believe the mare he had brought with him can help answer some of our questions?”

Script slowly released Tale’s head and nodded. “Next time, just tell me where you’re heading, Tale, okay?” The mare asked.

Tale couldn’t help but shake his head. “Mom, I’m not a colt anymore; I can handle myself-”

“YER STILL MY DAMN BABY, TALE!” Script recomposed herself. “I am so sorry for yelling… You know I just want to make sure you’re alright. Just…” Script’s eyes finally landed on Luna. “...Princess Luna!” She quickly bowed. “I-I did not expect to be meeting royalty today-”

“Fable Script, Mrs. Script, may’t about concerning yourself about how you should be greeting me. Thou may me Luna, alright?” Luna smiled and sat down on her haunches. “I believe it would be more… fitting to me to be referring to you as my future mother in law?” Luna asked.

Script slowly nodded. “O-oh… WAIT!” Script pointed her hoof at Luna and then Tale. “Y-you’ve been who he’s been seeing this whole time?!”

“Yeah… Mother, Father, meet my marefriend, my fiance, the Princess of the Night herself, or… just Luna.” Tale chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. “I shoulda told you both sooner… but I always forgot and I kinda… became nocturnal to keep up with Luna.” The stallion stepped forward to hug his mother and keep her calm. Script hyperventilated for a few minutes until she passed out in her son’s arms. Tale chuckled nervously and looked at his dad.

“I got your mother, Tale. Our servants will take your suitcases…” The stallion grinned. “Scored yourself a Princess, Tale. I’m impressed. Once your mother wakes up, you both have to tell us how you both had met. Don’t leave out any details, alright?” The stallion picked up Script in his magic and put the mare on his back and trotted inside. “And Princess Luna, name’s Fable Page, you can call me Page. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I believe you’ve been treating my son well if he’s been spending so much time with you and is apparently marrying you?”

“I treat my stallions well, Page,” Luna nodded.

“Good, I’ll see to it that he gets the talk on how to treat you-”

“There is no need for that, Page. Tale is a wonderful stallion; you’ve both raised a pony that I will happily be taking as my husband before the year is over.” Luna nodded and draped a wing over Tale. “I believe it won’t be too long before I refer to you as ‘father’, hmm?”

Page chuckled. “Well, I might as well welcome you to the family at this rate, then, hmm Luna? How does Fable Luna sound to you?”

Luna ‘oh’d and giggled. “Oh, that sounds like it rolls off the tongue!” Luna nodded. A couple servants quickly walked over and took their suitcases, before the family all stepped into the manor to do some catch up.

Author's Note

hi, back from vietnam. i wrote a good chunk of this on the plane, it was mostly just editing and finishing up the last seen. i'm trying to get back into my old habit of writing three large, long scenes. next chapter might either revolve around Dave and Button, or how Dan's date goes.