Ponyville's Pragmatic Posse

by scrungusbungus

Rating: mature
Tags: Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Romance, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Violence, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Narcotics, Anon
Length: 10548

An HIE / Anon Romance story involving Starlight Glimmer, Sunset Shimmer and Trixie; the four souls this side of Equestria that share an appreciation for sarcasm, pragmatism, and a healthy dose of being judgemental.

An HIE / Anon Collection of Stories involving the four most Pragmatic, Sarcastic and Judgmental characters this side of Ponyville; Anon, Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and Trixie. Chapters that start with M - are HORNY

*Canon Changes: Sunset Shimmer has been living on the Earth that Anon is originally from, instead of a High School AU; so no Equestria Girls. Historians say Starlight and Trixie were "Roommates".

Princess Twilight is happy to see... some kind of friendship blooming between her more troubled acquaintances; her "Students". Only one actually really fit the bill, being Starlight, but the others lived at the Castle of Friendship for their own uses.

The four have formed a fairly tight, if complex friend group. They don't have too many friends outside of each other, but Twilight is content that they make the effort where they can. Mostly. They argue and insult each-other a lot, for a friend group.

At first, Twilight thought it was Anon's terrible manners rubbing off on them, considering how the group now heavily uses Earth-related profanities. Until she realized, they all kind of rub off on each-other the wrong way. Anon is an all-around ass. Sunset is willing to ditch everyone else for her own interests. Starlight still thinks she knows better than anyone, and that she's smarter. Trixie is Trixie, still; stubborn, sarcastic and egotistical. Three Ex-Villains, and an Asshole.

She should probably address that...

Published 2024-02-17 21:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-02-22 05:51:05 UTC

Wet Wizards

Princess Twilight sits deep within the Crystal Castle of Friendship, gently reading one of her numerous books. She finally had a moment of downtime, and was eager to finish some reading she'd started a week prior, that she just could not find the time for. The Magic Mirror sits dormant, as does this section of the castle.

But it seemed even now, in her moment of peace, she couldn't focus.

Her mind wanders to the other occupants of her Castle. Other than herself and Spike, there were four other individuals living at her Castle with her, all some variation of being her 'Student'.

Sunset Shimmer. Not so much one of her Students directly, the two shared magical knowledge often, with Sunset visiting from Earth through the Magic Mirror that Twilight hosted within the Library. She'd always been a little worried for Sunset; normally feeling like an Outcast among Pony-Kind for spending so much time on Earth, Sunset had been quite surprised to find a Human in Equestria. While she was originally a Pony and traversed through the Magic Mirror in the library, to go back and forth.

Unlike Anon's natural form being that of a Human, with no Magic, and his arrival to Equestria some time ago being an Accident, meant he couldn't travel back to Earth.

Princess Twilight originally worried that this would cause friction between the two; but Anon had little intention of ever going home, and the two bonded surprisingly quickly, making references and jokes nopony else in the room seemed to get; this helped the awkward transitions be a lot less awkward, giving her someone to laugh with whenever she came through the mirror walking on two hooves. She'd often bring him things that he requested.

Speaking of Anon, he was... a Student, of sorts? Their dynamic hardly played out as such, and he certainly never called her teacher, or mentor. Or Princess. Usually some Nickname trying to push her buttons. It was actually Twilight's fault that he was here. Some time ago, Twilight had experimented with the Mirrors on her own; it failed, utterly, shattering her prototype and dumping an entirely untransformed Human into her house.

They'd salvaged a relationship, thankfully; Anon was a very relaxed soul, who preferred to joke rather than sweat about something. Something about being Moisturized and Unbothered? How it is simply how it is? He made some odd references most of the time, and only Sunset seemed to understand them. To a degree.

Speaking of relationships; while they weren't as public as Starlight and Trixie, Sunset and Anon seemed to have... something, going on; or at least the start of something.

Anon's natural lack of Magic was actually found to be some kind of Magical Absorption; Magic hardly has an effect on him, dissipating on contact. This included trying to grasp him with Telekinesis, Teleporting him, healing spells; good or bad, a spells essence was slurped up by the no-magic void of Anon. Thankfully, physical contact didn't try to absorb anyone latent magic. It seemed it simply rebuffed spells. Sunset said after some light testing, it seemed most Humans from Earth were the same way.

He's been staying with Twilight since his arrival, and the upgrade to Crystal Castle was a welcome one for not hitting his head. He "Studies" his odd relationship with magic, mostly by serving as a Guinea Pig for her other students experiments.

And speaking of Students who enjoyed using Anon as a Guinea Pig; Starlight Glimmer and Trixie.

Starlight was probably the one who fit most properly under the title of "Student", actually searching to learn Friendship and Magic under her watch and mentorship. Though a touch... unaligned with most Ponies general attitudes towards things. She didn't quite agree with how Equestria was run, how Cutie Marks were so ingrained culturally, and was always willing to dive into a political tirade. That, was definitely not the attitude of most Ponies. Thankfully, she'd found both friends, and a Marefriend in her time at the Castle. That, and Anon seemed to always be up for a debate, no matter the topic. He had an unnatural way of luring people into arguments, no matter how pointless.

Said Marefriend to Starlight, and final student, was Trixie. It was a big hurdle for Trixie to actually join as one of Twilights "Students", swallowing a big chunk of her pride. She'd always viewed Twilight as her rival, and she was always a little... dicey, about their dynamic as Teacher and Student; but the gap between the two's skills just couldn't be ignored. With some serious self esteem issues, Trixie strove far more for magical prowess than she did friendship; but she found it all the same. Trixie has a bad habit of pushing people away, or poorly reading a room; Anon, however, seems immutable to being pushed away, and either fires back playfully or entirely defuses the situation.

It'd be safe to say that out of her four students, and their tentative friend group, Anon was the glue that kept them together; they didn't have much in the way of friends outside the Castle, considering most of their histories.

But not everyone was made for big, town-wide friend groups. If they were happy, and learning the foundations of friendship while pursuing their own interests, than Princess Twilight Sparkle was happy.

She sighs, content, trying to finally focus in on her book.

Well, until she hears a commotion of hoof-steps and yelling charging through the neighboring hall.

Twilight groans, closing the book shut and putting it down.

She slowly approaches the door, the muffled yelling getting louder.

The door slowly creaks opens, Twilight peeking through the cracks.

Starlight is rolling her eyes, stood just behind a seething Trixie, Starlights magic holding a pot lid from the kitchen. Trixie is shouting at Anon, who is hiding around the corner, holding a basket of... water balloons.

"ANONYMOUS! THE GREAT TRIXIE DEMANDS YOU RETURN HER PRIVATE PROPERTY --" Trixie shouts, getting cut off as Anon shouts "MAGIC MISSILE!", throttling one of the balloons at her. Trixie is yanked by her tail, scooted behind Starlight with magic as a water balloon impacts the pot lid, Starlight using the impromptu shield to intercept Anons projectiles. The floor of the hall is already soaked, as is Trixie. Looks like she couldn't get out of the way in time. Several times.

Looking closer, Twilight spots Trixie's hat sat on Anon's head -- and was that the beard from her Starswirl Nightmare Night costume? He even had a blanket wrapped around himself like a cape.

Trixie scowls, puffing her chest.
"Thank you, assistant. NOW -- RETURN TRIXIES HAT, THIEF!" Trixie shouts, emboldened.

"Assistant?" Starlight scoffs.

"Mmmmagic MISSILE!" Another shout from Anon.

The pot lid "Accidentally" floats a little too high, a water balloon pelting Trixie in the face. She sputters, gasping as she's soaked again. Starlight grins.
"Oops."

She does actually block the next one that goes ripping towards them, splashing the walls and floor with more water.

Twilight sighs, her internal debate on whether or not intervening was worth it, or if she should just teleport a mop between them.

Actually, where was Sunset? When her students got into shenanigans, it usually involved --

The Magic Mirror behind her slowly whirs to life. Twilight steps away from the door, watching as the machine twists the pink glow into a burst, the mirror enveloping in a glow as Sunset steps out.

She's holding several plastic bags, filled with... costumes. And fake wands. And a fake, plastic staff. And a bag of empty water balloons. Several bags, actually.

"Anon! I got the things you... asked... for." Sunset trails off, face growing pale as she realizes Twilight is staring.

Sunset is also dressed similarly to Anon, in a big poofy beard, and a pointy hat. Sunset lowers down from two hooves to four, glancing away sheepishly.

"...Hey. Princess Twilight." Sunset mumbles, rubbing her front-leg with a hoof.

"Hello, Sunset. An enjoyable visit to Earth?" Twilight asks, shifting to fully face her. More swearing and splashing can be heard in the hall.

"Uh, yeah... just, uh. Playing... Wizards. With Anon." She coughs.

"He's already soaked Trixie." Twilight informs, nodding to the hallway.

Sunset scoffs, frowning.
"Without me?!"

Twilight watches as Sunset barrels through the door, shouting -- in moments, the situation has spiraled into a 3v1; Anon's face twists from cocky assurance, to fear as he realizes he's not in fact, reinforced -- but outnumbered, Sunset joining the other Mares. Anon has his supply of Balloons wrenched from his grasp, and is promptly subjected to a horrific firing-squad of magically propelled water balloons.

He's left curled up in the fetal position on the floor, twitching, soaking wet and in a puddle. The other three look content. The remains of the water balloons pepper the floor like spent casings, the three Mares catching their breath from the beatdown.

Trixie floats her hat back onto her head, trotting back up the hall with an appeased huff. Until the Mop blinks in front of her, in a twinkle of purple light. She screeches to a stop, starting to stutter.
"B-But Trixie did not--"

Twilight gives the group a knowing stare, as she leans out of the library doorway, earning a silence. Except from Anon, who lays slain on the floor, mumbling in soaked pain. The Library door slowly shuts, leaving the usual suspects in the hall alone.

Trixie grumbles, grasping the mop in her blueish glow.

"Just dry the floor, Trixie. Bombarding Anon like that was worth the cleanup." Starlight chides, off to look for a bucket. Trixie grumbles in agreement, starting to mop up some of the water.

Sunset stands beside the slain Anon, tilting her head at him. She tsks softly, shaking her head.

"...Traitor." Anon mumbles.

Sunset leans down, sighing with mock pity, and pats his back.
"Winners write the history books, Anon; and I like winning. Shouldn't have started without me."

Anon groans.

My bitch autistic

Sunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer slowly walk through Ponyville's market. Midday, it's bustling; and the two are out with a purpose.

Trixie's Birthday is coming up, and Starlight wants to make sure she gets her Marefriend a proper gift. The Two had been dating shortly after they'd made up, following the fight over being friends to spite Twilight. It wasn't the most conventional relationship, but they found comfort in having each-others backs.

Sunset finishes browsing one of the stalls with a few different food items, returning to walk with Starlight; who throws her a raised eyebrow.

Sunset looks at her, before realizing she's still walking on two hooves. She chuckles, quickly dropping back to four before she gets any more judgmental stares. A bad habit that had formed from spending so much time on Earth; it didn't help it felt natural to do whenever they hung out with Anon.

Speaking of, Anon was currently keeping Trixie distracted so they could shop. Something about a new routine involving a Box, a Saw, and a Campfire.

His sacrifice will be remembered.

"Why do you do that, anyway?" Starlight asks Sunset, nodding at her back hooves.
"Are you really just that used to it? I didn't think with Pony physiology that it would be comfortable."

"It's a habit, I guess. I'm so used to walking on two legs, I just default to it. Used to trip me up at first, but I got used to it." Sunset responds. Honestly, it was pretty comfortable for her to walk like that; but she always got weird looks about it, so she usually just did it in the Castle, if anything. Still, a slip here or there. Anon didn't mind it, though. Sometimes, they'd enter a room walking like the other; Sunset on two hooves, Anon walking on all fours. Always threw the occupants for a good loop.

Their gaze flits over a few more of the stalls, trying to figure a good gift idea for their favorite discount magician. Jewelry? Eh. Food? Eh. Trixie was a... surprisingly hard Pony to shop for. Anything magical would probably just go abused until it broke. Clothes were a pointless endeavor, she only wore the Hat and Cape, if she ever wanted to wear anything at all.

Yes, that included to their fancy Canterlot date at that nice restaurant. Starlight face-hoofs remembering it. She'd even got a nice dress for herself. It sat in her closet now, collecting dust.

"Did Anon recommend anything?" Starlight asks, hoping for an inspiration to work off of.

Sunset snorts.
"Two things. The first was... oh, right. A shirt that says "My Bitch Got Autism"." She informs bluntly, getting an eye-roll from Starlight.

"I still don't know what you see in him. What did he even get you for your birthday?" Starlight follows up, judgingly; only to be surprised as she watches the small smile creep onto Sunset's face.

"Well, first he faked me out with a Blue Hoofball cap that said "Please Be Patient, I have Autism". Then, after I made him eat it, he showed me his actual gift. He got a uh..." Sunset tsks, trying to explain it. Starlight had been to Earth once or twice with her, so it shouldn't be that hard. Though no other Pony seemed to enjoy Earth as much as she did.
"You know those little Chargers, for Phones?"

"Uh... the little blocks with the cord sticking out, you put them in the wall?" Starlight guesses. She pauses to look at a stall selling a few flowers, the orange Mare sat behind it smiling at her. Flowers? For Trixie?

"Yeah -- into the Outlets. I love music; it's abundant on Earth, and super easy to listen to all the time. But here, they don't have places to charge my Phone, where I keep all my music on. So Anon got Twilight to help him concoct some... Psuedo-Charger, using some Magic Gems, a conductive metal, and friction? I forget the details, but he basically got me an outlet I could charge my Phone in, but for here." Sunset explains.

Starlight does remember seeing Sunset walk around with those... 'Pod' things in her ears. Music on the go? Hm. Trixie liked music. That could be an idea.
"...Did he really? That seems... uncharacteristically sweet." Starlight mutters. She steps away from the flower stall, not finding much she's into.

"He's a big softy buried under a mound of bullish assholism; and we're pretty good at putting up with each-other, which for some Ponies..." Sunset trails off.

"Is a tall order, believe me, I know. Trixie and I... I do love her, but I know I'm probably one of like... three Ponies this side of Equestria that can put up being in a room alone with her." Starlight grimaces. Trixie exuded a lot of personality, all at once. It made for... a pretty terrible first impression. But through effort, they got to know the real each-other; and Starlight loved what was underneath, hurdles and all.

"...And is one of those Ponies Anon?" Sunset teases, bumping flanks with Starlight.

Starlight purses her lips. Anon did agree to help with their plan pretty willingly. She might still be a little too... judgmental.
"You're right. Sorry. Don't mean to insult your... Coltfriend? In front of you." She trails off, unsure.

"Oh, we're not, uh... official, or anything. Save it for when I'm not around, right?" Sunset giggles, getting a sigh out of Starlight.

"You know what I mean." Starlight grumbles.

"Course I do. You know Anon doesn't care about that kind of thing. He might fuck with everyone he knows, but I know he'd have their backs in the same heartbeat." Sunset chimes, getting an odd glance from Starlight.

"What's with Anon and you liking that 'Fuck' word so much?" Starlight questions. She hears them sling slang all the time, and it usually just confused everyone around them.

"Oh, I've tried explaining it, but I just can't. You have to see it in action; it's an Earth-Culture thing. Fuck has become an intrinsic part of their language." Sunset politely informs.

They're getting close to the end of the market, and no good gift idea has made itself clear.

"Oh, I just realized -- I interrupted you. Sorry Sunset." Starlight sighs.

"Huh?" Sunset raises an eyebrow.

"I had asked what Anon recommended. You said two things, but I cut you off after the first." Starlight reminds.

Sunset laughs. "You're fine. His other gift idea was, and I quote; "Blue Bitch likes spells and shit, get that bitch some new spells for her routines.", if I recall." Sunset mimics Anon as best she can, waggling her head and particular, blunt charm.

"...Is that a little too on the nose?" Starlight mumbles, worried about the obviousness of the gift.

Sunset shrugs.
"Anon explained it like... be thankful you're dating someone who makes what they like easily known? Sure, Trixie is all about magic. Doesn't mean getting her something Magic-Related is lazy. Not everyone is buried in deep, complicated or hidden desires."

"Makes it sound like he's saying you're hard to shop for." Starlight teases.

Sunset grins. "I like to keep him on his toes."

"What'd you get him for his birthday?" Starlight prompts, trying to remember what Toes were.

"Oh -- I wanted to do the fake-out back to him, but he liked my joke gift more than my actual gift. I got him a shirt that said "Don't Bully Me, I'll Cum" -- he wore it so much, Twilight burned it because she was tired of having to explain Human Humor to concerned Ponies." Sunset snort-laughs. "I'm not allowed to bring back clothes with words on them, anymore."

Starlight raises an eyebrow, lip curling.
"...Yeah, you two were made for each other. Fuck it, let's hit the magic shop."

Trixie and Anon sit on Anon's couch; his room in the Castle looked like less like a large bedroom, and more like someone transplanted the entirety of a small single-bedroom home inside of a single room.

While he didn't have cable, or any other live service, he did have Sunset to bring him stuff. She'd gotten him a TV for his birthday (Rest in Peace DBM,IC shirt), a DVD player, and an entire box of someone's old movies. Quite the old-school selection. They've got one playing right now. Despite being very popular, people tend to forget it exists.

Trixie leans forward, eyes-wide, fully invested; she's practically dangling off the couch.

Anon is sprawled back, arms crossed, legs kicked up on the coffee table.

The Big Blue people with the sex ponytails on the screen blow up one of the Humans ships, crashing out of the sky. Trixie throws her hooves in the air.
"YES! Another Victory for the BLUE!" She shouts, relating to fellow blue-colored creatures.

Anon grumbles, a stout believer in Humanity First.

Author's Note

friendship lesson

The troublesome troupe were hanging out in Anon's room-house machination. (This tends to be a common theme, when you're the only one with a TV in their 'room'.)

TV, however, was not meant for them at this time. The four of them are currently squeezed on the couch, all in generally sour moods. The couch could comfortably host three; so with four, they were all pretty smushed together, pink flank to blue flank to man-butt to yellow flank.

Instead of watching TV, a trying-to-be-stern Princess Twilight paced in front of the entertainment box, back and forth. They'd been... lacking, in their weekly friendship lessons. Since they'd grown comfortable with each-others company, they hadn't been making suitable reports. Slacking, even. This wouldn't do, and Twilight would nip it in the bud.

Trixie nudges Anon with her elbow, trying to get him to move over. He huffs, shoving his knee further into her space. Starlight rolls her eyes, until Trixie starts leaning back on her, Starlight coughing and looking away. Sunset smacks at whatever part of Anon leans too close into her own space, eager and willing to defend what is hers, even against Anon. The only one who didn't seem bothered by proximity was Starlight, nearly being sat on by Trixie as her and Anon square up for central-couch ownership.

A loudly cleared throat from Twilight snaps everyone back to a quiet attention, silencing the rabble.

"Everypony." Twilight begins.

"Aw, sick." Anon slaps his knees, leaning forward to get up.

"And Human." Twilight adds, throwing him a testy stare.

Anon tsks, un-leaning and crossing his arms.

"Your Monday-Due Friendship reports on your Friendship lessons are... lacking." Twilight explains, trying to take the lighter route of scolding. "Let's read one or two, shall we?"

A soft purple glow lifts a stack of four papers up, equally spreading them out in front of her.

"Last week, I'd asked you to define what Friendship meant to you. Starting with Anon..."

She squints. "It's... Gay."
Twilight looks over the page, finding literally nothing else. She crumples up the paper, tossing it aside.

"Sorry, thought the lesson was 'Define Trixie'. I'll do better next week, teach, promise." Anon teases, catching a smack from the associated seat-competition.

Twilight shakes her head, moving on.
"Starlight. You said... Friendship is a useful tool to ensure that those around you maintain a proper relationship, and move in predictable patterns. Without it, one would need to utilize either methods of... fear, or control, either through the... monopoly of required goods, or invasive magics."

There's a lot more to the page, but Twilight crumples it up. Starlight looks offended.

"What?! I worked hard on that one!" Starlight objects.

"Starlight, Friendship isn't a tool used to manipulate others. Not by Good Ponies, anyway. And you are, a Good Pony?" Twilight states dryly. It wasn't a secret that the three Ponies occupying the Couch were... 'Rehabilitated Villains' that had brought some form of trouble to either Ponyville, or the Elements. It was a bit of an awkward subject, since most of the conflicts were born from insecurity or grudges. Starlight glances away.

"...Right. Sorry." She mutters.

Twilight takes a long breath, pulling out Trixie's paper.
"Trixie. You said... Starlight is Trixie's only friend, and the only one worthy of being Trixie's full-time assistant."

Twilight re-reads the rather short entry, before glancing up. Trixie stares at Twilight, entirely serious and expectantly, while Starlight glances away, blushing.

Anon and Sunset throw Trixie a hefty stink eye. Trixie scoffs.
"What? Trixie was being honest! You are... Friends in Training, to Trixie. Intern Assistants, at best." She says proudly, like it was a nice thing.

"I'm gonna beat her ass." Sunset mutters.

"I'm gonna uninvite this bitch from my Birthday Parties." Anon grumbles.

"Oh, nobody goes to those anyway, Anon." Sunset chides, getting an offended look from Anon.

"Ladies, Ladies." Twilight says, trying to ease the moment. She glances at Anon. "...And Anon. Enough. Please."

The Couch quiets down, and Twilight starts again.
"Trixie. I am... tentatively proud. I'm glad you value Starlight's friendship, and have found where to place your personal Values towards friendship. However... let's try to lean away from burning the relationship of everyone else that might like you?"

Trixie looks confused.
"What do you mean? Trixie was honest."

"Anon, why don't you... explain, how what Trixie said, makes you feel?" Twilight tries, waving to Anon with a hoof.

"Sure." He grunts, shifting to look at Trixie. Trixie tilts her head to look at him, incredulously.

"Trixie. When you say... I'm not your friend, it makes me... want to call you a Fag--" Anon's mouth is promptly shut by Sunsets hoof, already predicting him.

"We'll uh... work on this part of things, later, Twilight." Sunset grins, throwing Anon a dirty look. Anon rolls his eyes.

Twilight shakes her head, while Trixie just looks confused. Starlight is still quiet, Trixie's hoof currently leaned against her leg.

"Alright. And finally, Sunset..." Twilight starts, pulling up the last paper. "I appreciate My friends, And the time they spend with me. Friendship, to me, mAkes me feel... Good. it keeps the bad thoughts away, and spendinG time with the peOple i like, makes me have a good Time. so, i find friendship, equal to happiness." Twilight reads out, nodding in approving surprise.

"I'm glad that at least you took it seriously, Sunset. Though... you may need to work on your grammar." Twilight praises, Sunset blinking a few times.

"I, uh... I forgot to write mine, actually." Sunset admits, sheepishly.

Anon audibly snorts, getting all eyes on him. Sunset smacks his shoulder.
"The fuck did you do this time?"

Twilight throws Sunset a sour stare. "Enough with the hitting, please. And Swearing. Now, why do we assume evil intent? Perhaps, Anon was trying to show... affection, to his friends, by helping write your assignment when you forgot? While I'm not a fan of you missing your reports, it would show... progress?" Twilight tries, but she's having trouble finding a good lesson out of this.

"Can I see it?" Sunset asks. Twilight nods, floating it over to the yellow mare. Sunset takes it in her hoofs, reading it over.

She doesn't see anything the first time. She re-reads it again, noting the poor grammar, the odd capitals...

It clicks, and she groans loudly, crumpling up the paper.
"I'm a Faggot? Really, Anon?"

Anon makes a shocked gasp, before covering Sunsets mouth with his hand.
"Sunset! Language!"

She bites his hand.

He doesn't quite react in the way she was expecting, the two of them sharing an awkward stare.

They cough, Sunset pulling her teeth off, and Anon rescinding his hand.

Trixie glances between the two, confused.

Starlight is looking away, biting a hoof to keep from commenting.

Twilight shakes her head, ignoring the entire thing as she produces four new parchments.
"This week, I'll be expecting you all to handle a Group assignment."

Collective, face-scrunching wince. Boo.

"I want, each of you, to list Three Things that you like about each other person in your friend group -- and Three Things you think they could do better. Understood, everypony? And Anon?" Twilight asks.

A collective quartet of 'Yes, yep, mmhm, and Sure thing Princess Twilight' are said, though not enthusiastically. Content, Twilight leaves them to begin their weeks studies, of each-other, trotting out of Anons room.

Trixie is quick to hop off the couch, Starlight finally taking a breath as the blue pony gets off of her lap.

"Well, this was... trivial. If anyone needs Trixie, she shall be practicing her elite routines, until Sunday Night, where she will panic-answer the entire sheet for Monday Morning." Trixie bluntly announces, heading for the door.

"Fun. Yeah, I'm gonna... go. Do some stuff. Thanks for hosting, Anon." Starlight follows soon after Trixie, leaving Sunset and Anon alone.

The two re-adjust, now claiming equal space on the couch. Sunset has the remote for the TV in her hoof, tapping it on her leg. To actually tackle her assignment early, or to follow Trixie's admirable, slacking path.

She glances over at Anon, expecting him to do the same. Instead, she finds him leant over the Coffee Table, already scribbling something down on his own page.

She tilts her head.
"Didn't expect you to be the get-ahead type." She muses, teasing.

He doesn't take the bait. Sunset raises an eyebrow. He always takes the bait.

Anon finishes scribbling, holding the paper out towards her, looking away. She takes it, giving him a confused look while putting the remote down.

The only section he filled out was under how he felt about her, under 'What she could do better.' Of course, he did, asshole...

"Bite Harder... Next Time." Sunset reads aloud.

Both awkwardly cough, Sunset joining in on glancing away, both hiding a blush.

Author's Note

boooooo

gambling night

The group was, one again, claiming territory in Anon's room. Twilight watches through the door, having knocked and peeked in a second ago.

The TV quietly flickers, showing some movie about cars that go fast, driven by bald men. Good ambience, the volume lower than usual.

Speckled around the mini-house, each of the usual suspects is trying to work on their group study, calling out and commenting on things as they try to narrow down how they feel about each-other, and what improvements they could make.

Anon was laid back on the bed, holding his paper in the air. Sunset was by the couch, using the coffee table. Starlight was on the floor a few feet from Anon, back-hooves kicking in the air as she lays on her stomach. Trixie was pacing around the entire room, trying to get her brain into motion, dressed in her full regalia; Hat, and Cape.

Twilight nods, content to see them actually tackling her lesson. Maybe they'd take this one to heart? She slowly closes the door, off to handle some Friendship tasks for the next few hours. She'd check in on them later.

The moment the door clicks shut, all heads in the room snap towards it, waiting. Listening. Sunset turns the TV down even further, as they listen to Twilight's hoofsteps get further.

And... gone.

All four spring from their places, papers tossed aside as they rush to slide into position around the coffee table. The TV is turned up by Sunset, as Starlight, Anon, and Trixie slowly pull out something from underneath the couch.

A ready-to-play Poker game laid out on large, flat tray, decked out with the works. It's quickly placed on the Coffee table, all four taking a spot on the floor around it.

Sunset had been introduced to the concept of 'Gambling' during her time on Earth. When she asked Anon bout it, the two took to learning some of the various types of games. This, of course, evolved into an addiction of spending what few bits they had to their names in an ever-revolving door of bit-hogging, all earned through manipulative gambling tactics.

Classic Friendship Lesson material, really. Nevermind the fact they barely know how to play. Sunset had been bringing back more and more games, and the group was smitten. Particularly when Bits were involved.

"Thought she'd never leave." Sunset huffs, sliding her cards into her hooves.

"Trixie knows! Trixie can only idly pace around for so long; even if she does so magnanimously." Blue Ego huffs, her soft blue glow encapsulating her cards.

"I wasn't even writing anything, just looking at a blank page, trying to look all inquisitive and shit." Anon snorts, picking up his. He's pulled a gambling visor out of... somewhere.

"It looked to me like you were waiting for her to leave so you could use the bathroom." Starlight chides, throwing him a look.

"Then the intended effect was had. Thank you for noticing, Starlight." Anon grins.

Starlight snorts. "Anyway, ladies -- where were we?"

"Getting run for your money." Sunset grins, competitive side flaring again.

Cards in hand and hoof, the game is back on. Sunset deals, sliding out a fresh hand to each gambler. A generous 25 bits between each of them, as gazes turn to suspicious, poker faces find their place, and cocky demeanor is in full swing.

Dealt cards are pulled close to their chests; Starlight's and Trixie's held by magic, Sunset by hooves, Anon's by hands.

Small Blind of 1 Bit, Big Blind of 2 bit. Suspicious glances are thrown; and the gambit begins. Sunset, Trixie, Starlight, Anon.

Starlight checks.

Anon checks.

Sunset checks.

A cautious first round. The first three cards roll out. Jack of Spades, 8 of Hearts, 3 of Clubs.

Sunset keeps a stern face, eyes roaming over the others. She puts a small bid of 3 Bits.

Trixie is already smiling at her cards, before pushing her entire stack forward.
"The most Magnanimous Trixie is All In."

"Already?" Starlight huffs, rolling her eyes, folding.

"... Fuck off, blueberry." Anon folds.

Sunset tsks, folding.

One of Trixie's favorite tactics; because it was easy. Full-send, and, scoop up the pot when the others don't commit. Trixies pile grows, as does her smug face.

"If she keeps doing that, I'm introducing this group to Russian Roulette." Anon grumbles, Sunset smacking his shoulder.

Trixie deals, new hands, fresh pot.

Trixie's hoard grows. The hands the been dealt haven't been kind for the others, frustration mounting as her smugness continues to grow.

While Trixie haughtily laughs to herself, pulling in another small pile, the attrition is showing its wear on the others bit-piles, now a fraction of what Trixie holds.

Sunset is stewing over her terrible luck, mood growing more sour by the second. Starlight has mentally clocked out, folding right away without care if her hand isn't good. Which it isn't. So she folds.

Anon glares at Trixie, watching her; it's her turn to deal again.

"Trixie is surprised! Well, not really -- Trixie is the best -- but, after all... yap yap yap--"

Anon has spaced out her words, as Trixie proudly boasts, mostly to show off to Starlight. He leans, whispering to Sunset.
"Did we agree to gamble with the illusionist who does card tricks?"

Sunset's sour stewing slowly fades to realization. Trixie hasn't had a bad hand all game. They'd either fold to her bluff, or, when they finally confronted her when she didn't all in, she still had good cards.
"Bitch." Sunset mutters.

"Peep this." Anon says quietly. Sunset raises an eyebrow.

"I've gotta piss." Anon announces, pushing himself to his feet. He moves around the table, walking behind Starlight -- who guards her cards, eyeing him suspiciously. Until she see's him step oddly close to Trixie -- and whap, smack the hat right off her head.

The room is silent as three, entirely separate packs of playing cards -- one not even matching the type they were using -- pours all over the table and floor.

Trixie goes completely still, her smug speech -- which continued un-interrupted past Anon's announcement of needing to urinate -- stopped in its tracks.

Sunset and Starlight glare, their cards dropping from their hands.

Trixie has gone a few shades paler.
"U-uh... perhaps, this can be talked... out? There is, most assuredly, a good explanation in Trixie's mind. Any minute now."

Hooves and Knuckles crack.

Twilight knocks several times, before pushing the door open; she'd finished with her work, and was excited to see their progress on their reports. Would they have handled the criticism against each-other well? Did they pair-off and ignore the others? Or did they, Celestia forbid, actually handle it properly?

Oh.

Trixie is splayed across the table, crumpled hat and cape and all. An abhorrent amount of playing cards are splayed everywhere -- with the other three currently building a House of Cards carefully, using Trixie as the base.

Twilight purses her lips. This... hm.

She closes the door. She'll check again later.

Author's Note

M - a little help

Sunset listens as the portal swirls to a close behind her, the pink light splashing over its surface dissipating, returning to the simple mirror. Back in the library, lit by daylight through the windows, she let's out a long, comfortable sigh.

Her latest Earth trip; one of her favorite ways to relax. Picked up some new music for her phone; Coffee Shops had free Wifi, so she'd set up and burgle a bunch from them, downloading youtube videos as MP3's. When she lived on Earth longer-term, before moving into the Castle, she had her own place. A job, too. And an Ex; a guy named Flash. She rolls her eyes.

It always felt a little odd, not having those things anymore. Equestria was so similar, but also just different enough to cause some pause. It's why she appreciated having Anon around; someone who could actually relate to her feelings on the matter and talk about them. Starlight tried, but she just didn't get the jokes, or the troubles. Trixie borderline couldn't comprehend it, and refused to ever go through the portal, her ego marred.

Other Ponies would spend a couple days, at the most, on Earth. It was how she met Twilight, initially; she'd come through the portal, and was working at the same place Sunset was. Of course, Sunset didn't know that until later; and thanks to Twilight, she's actually been able to stay in Equestria again. It's why she's appreciative, and tries to give Twilight less trouble than the others.

She spends a moment, trying to think of how she's going to handle todays haul. Usually she gets a few requests, and since she isn't living on Earth full-time anymore, she's slowly working through her savings while living at the Castle.

Bag of snacks and human magic tricks for Trixie... no surprise there.

Starlight wanted to try getting her hooves on a Phone, like Sunset and Anon had, so she picked her up a decent, used model to toy around with, as well as a few songs. Few game apps, that kind of thing. Actually; what did Anon use his phone for?

Speaking of Anon, wanted his usual. A few specific snacks he couldn't find anything similar for, including some he preferred she don't tell the others about. Like Beef Jerky. Learning that Humans so casually ate meat was... odd. Of course, Sunset knew other species didn't have their dietary preferences (and had tried some of the Jerky, forcing Anon to swear to secrecy about the fact she actually kind of liked it). Some updates to his Phone, that kind of a thing. Surprisingly... tame. She thought he'd bug her for like, human magazines or something. Porn. Funny enough, he wasn't the one that asked for that.

That would be the one Mare in the Castle had asked for something risqué, and the last one on the list.

Princess Twilight; she got her own, discreet bag. On account of Sunset being hush-hushed to bring Twilight that she expected Anon to be asking of her. Namely, Alcohol, this time. A surprising amount. Equestria had booze, sure -- but Human Alcohol Percentages were often double, if not triple Equestrian standard, for comparably the same price. Other times, she'd ask for individual things she couldn't get herself, being too busy.

Sunset wrote it off on the idea that being a Princess was probably pretty tough. Long hours or something. She wouldn't give her any lip about it -- though it didn't make publicly buying the stuff any easier, Sunset dismissing the embarrassed hue her face would take thinking about standing in line with half the things Princess Twilight wanted.

Anyway, she had deliveries to make. Taking up the bags with her magic, she begins her little route through the castle.

Princess Twilight was first; Sunset wasn't going to drag an entire bag of rattling booze through the entire castle. They are politely placed just inside Twilight's room, door shut, as requested. Twilight was always good for it, and if she didn't get repaid directly, Sunset would find it by her room. One down, three to go.

Trixie and Starlight are easy enough to find, currently in their shared room. Sunset knocks, and is told to enter -- Trixie has Starlight laid on a table, strapped down, holding a saw aloft herself. Beside them, a box. It's one of those 'Saw them in half through the box' tricks.

"Ah, Sunset! You are just in time to witness Trixie's greatest trick! Forget the concealment, hiding the trick behind the box; sawed in half -- in full view! Unheard of!" Trixie boasts, cackling. "Only the great Trixie could accomplish such!"

Starlight looks torn between being kind of into this, from the way she's been tied to the table, and looking to Sunset for help, the way her eyes keep staring at the saw.
"Trixie -- you said there wouldn't be a saw this time!" Starlight protests, wriggling.

"That's just murder, Trixie. Forget that, I've got your stuff. It finally came in the mail." Sunset rolls her eyes, slumping out the bag. Out pours everything a beginner slight-of-hand illusionist would want to use; but, since it was Human in nature, Trixie's eyes widened, believing herself to have stumbled on the new level to her routine.

The saw is thrown aside, Starlight exhaling in relief, head thumping against the table.

"Remember, Trixie -- you owe me. And I'm not waiting a month for repayment like last time." Sunset warns, waggling a hoof.

"Yes, yes, Trixie will remember this time. Probably. Now begone!" Trixie dismisses, waving Sunset away.

Sunset stands on her back hooves, crossing her front ones. Glaring.

"...Trixie thanks you?" Trixie eventually mumbles, staring up at Sunset.

Sunset huffs. Good enough.
"Oh, Starlight; got some things for you, too. I'll leave them here in the corner, for when you guys are done with your disguised bondage session." Sunset teases, falling to all fours again, turning to leave.

"For me? Thanks Sun-- HEY! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Starlight yells out, before scowling and looking away. "Not yet, anyway..." She mutters. Not like she'd mind if Trixie wanted to do that kind of thing. Problem was, Trixie was very...

Trixie holds up a collapsing magicians hat, inspecting it closely.

...content, with how things were already. And not much of an initiator.

Leaving the pair to their little fun, Sunset shuts the door. Just leaves Anon. First place to check, his room.

Sunset trots down the halls, humming to herself. Good day, so far.

Anon's room isn't too far from the rest of the rooms, located down the same hall. Since he asked for a bigger room, though, it wasn't beside the other Mares. Twilight made sure the Castle has enough room for all of them; she's terrifyingly potent with magic.

The familiar door to Anon's room looms, one final bag jostling alongside Sunset. She'd often just knock and walk in -- Anon and her were very comfortable with each-other after all.

So she does the usual. A quick Knock-Knock, and she turns the handle, stepping inside.

"Anon, I got the snacks you..." Sunset smiles, though it starts to fade quite quickly.

Anon is sat on his couch, head rolled back. Napping?

He's not wearing clothes.

Alright, not entirely uncommon; Sunset has walked in on him a few times on accident, recently after a shower or changing or the like. Though the two understood a Human's cultural desires to be dressed, and dislike of being naked, she was probably the only Mare he was comfortable walking around in his underwear or a towel near.

...He's not wearing underwear either. She can see them tossed to the side.

His dick is out. And he's holding it. He's rubbing it. Oh Sweet Celestia, Sunset mumbles, he's --

"Huh? Sunset?" Anon freezes, the two locked in eye contact.

Anon was jerking off on his couch.

Amidst the awkward silence, the bag of goodies floats its way onto his coffee table, slumping over as it's laid across it, spilling its contents.

"Got you... some stuff. That you asked for." Sunset swallows quietly, trying her best to not look at it. Not very successfully.

She's failed at least three times now. She's seen Human dicks before, sure -- North-American Earth Culture is vividly sexualized, and pornographic images are everywhere, readily available. She never really cared for it, herself.

But she hadn't seen one in person. It's her first time seeing his... his Dick. It's so strange, compared to a stallions. There's no... sheath, no flare. Big.

"Uh... thanks. Been looking forward, to uh... more Jerky." Anon responds, equally awkwardly.

Sunset's mind stifles a joke about how he already had plenty of Jerk-y right here. It was busy with impure thoughts.

Anon catches her eyes roaming, and goes to lift one of his legs to cover himself.

"Y-You don't have to!" Sunset cuts in, raising a hoof.

Anon pauses, giving her an odd look.
"...Alright?"

"Sorry to interrupt! I'll -- uh... do you want me to come back later?" She quickly stutters.

"...You know, people who usually walk in on someone spanking it tend to shamefully exit -- rapidly even?" Anon alludes, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh... yeah, you're right." She doesn't turn around yet, though. She catches another glance. Okay, Sunset -- enough. She steels herself, feeling a tinge of shame. Smooth, Sunset. Probably just burnt a bridge with Anon.
"Sorry." She coughs, apologizing and heads for the door.

Anon is wondering why she's so... interested. They've flirted, sure, but this was brazen. Even someone dense like Anon could pick up the interest. Did she have a thing for Humans or something? The bemusing idea of her having a Human-Sona and a Human Kink crosses his mind, watching her reach the door.

Is... she swinging her hips? Is her tail raised higher than usual? Why is he noticing that?

Anon tsks, running a new, dangerous idea through his mind. But, he wouldn't leap on it if she hadn't been so... odd about this.

Fuck it; if he's wrong, worst comes to worst, he only gets exiled and shamed by Ponyville and everyone he knows, right? Not like he was in the right headspace to make smart decisions, anyway. Little brain was the one thinking.

"...Sunset?" Anon calls, tentatively.

Sunset pauses, hoof on the partially opened door. She stares at it for a long moment. She wasn't expecting him to call for her. Probably just to say, like... lock the door, right? Hopefully not chastise her for blatantly overstaying. She must have gotten overconfident, being used to hanging in his room with the others. Felt more like a communal space than a private abode. She swallows, nervous, slowly turning.

"Y-yeah, Anon?" She responds; but her eyes find Anon in a... much more open pose. He's leant against the arm of the couch, now facing her and the ajar door. His arms draped over the couch, one leg bent and propped on a cushion, the other hanging off the side. He's fully exposed, his... 'Manhood' twitching idly in the air.

Sunset'll admit, she's stolen glances of Anon's figure before. Shirtless, in shorts... he had nice legs, nice arms. But she's never had him so brazenly posed.

Posed for her?

Anon watches her. Waiting for a reaction.

She stares, chest breathing heavily.

Both of their hearts are pounding, treading very, very new waters for either of them.

Anon takes a slow breath, trying to steady unsteadiable nerves. Fuck it. Send it.
"Did you... want to watch?"

There's a single, short moment of silence between the two. The room is quiet.

Sunset's back hoof kicks the door, shutting it, the door rattling; with her still inside. Wide, beautiful emerald eyes flitting between him, and his exposed self, her breath heavy.
"...Okay." She nods.

They stare at each-other again.

Neither moves.

"...You going to watch from there?" Anon questions softly.

Sunset clears her throat. She glances down at her hooves, as if to still make sure she knows how to use them, before slowly crossing the room. There's a new sway to her hips, that she doesn't normally walk with. All that two-back-hoof walking must be doing something, because she's got some solid flank.

She stops a few feet from the couch. A permanent blush is settled on her cheeks, a warmth in her chest.
"Is this... close enough?" The words slip from her lips between heavy breaths.

Anon's eyes are glued to her face. The way her radiant mane curls softly, effortlessly.
"As close as you want." He answers, watching.

The moment the words leave his mouth. She gets closer, a step forward. Then, a tentative pause. She weighs something internally. Anon watches her, expectantly.

Another step.

Both share a stare. Neither breaks it. They're far past embarrassment.

Another.

Now their gaze falters -- Sunset's shifts lower, trailing down his exposed torso, following the lines of his body.

She's barely a foot from him, now; almost how close they tend to stand, when they just hang out. When they relax, when they laugh. Stood between the couch, and the coffee table. Close enough to touch Anon's leg.

Sunset slowly sits on her haunches, hooves padding in place. Her gorgeous eyes, glued to his manhood. Trembling with a... taboo excitement.

Slowly, quietly, Sunset watches as Anon reaches for himself. His hand starts to stroke it, thumb teasing the head, as Sunset finds her gaze glued to his hands. His dexterous, long fingers, working himself. The same ones that would tussle her mane, poke her side, pat her back.

The same ones that could stroke her chin, run through her chest-fur, slide between her...

She swallows. She's nervous. A good nervous. A new nervous. As is Anon; something like this was... entirely new, for both of them. Potentially even for their species. Did that make it wrong? But how about how they felt? Did that... make it right?

A dollop of pre forms, running down the side of his length, self-lubricating as he gets faster.

She inches closer. His smell... his scent. It's heavy, tickling her nose as she breaths. For a species so heavily reliant on their nose, proximity to Anon was always... something. She'd go about her day, normally. Then she'd hang out with him. Then she'd go to bed, thinking of him. But like this? The dial was cranked to 11.

She watches him for some time. Having an audience made it a lot easier for Anon than usual. Without 'Material', Anon had to lean on imagination. He'll never admit it, a secret taken to his grave -- but he's had thoughts about most the Mares around the castle; like hell he was ever going to ask Sunset to bring back porn for himself. But the Ponies didn't exactly have much to work with, either. Except... well, themselves.

"...You've been going for a while. Do Humans always last this long?" She softly mutters; though it looks more like a vocal, self-reflective thought than an actual question, the way she continues to stare at him work himself.

Now, one such Pony sat in front of him, with soft, near-gold fur, and a multicolored splash of mane. One that he... 'thought of' often. One he'd been thinking of moments prior, actually, before she walked in. Now, watching him. Kneading the ground with her hooves, unable to sit still. Eyes, glued to him.

Those gorgeous, emerald eyes.

"It's... big." She whispers.

Shit -- his body tenses. Anon is...

"Sunset, I'm uh --" He groans, hips twitching.

"...Close?" Sunset whispers.

"Y-yeah. M-might, uh... need you t-to move, so I can grab something to..." Anon finds himself cut off.

"To clean up with, right?" Sunset whispers; her tone is lower, she speaks quieter. She's gotten even closer.

Anon watches, as Sunset scoots right up to him, close enough that her nose could touch it, if she so much as leans forward.

She glances up to him, as if looking for something.

"Anon... do you like me?" Sunset asks softly, looking at his eyes.

Words aren't happening right now. Anon nods. Of course he does; more than words could find, in this moment or another.

Sunset nods, her gaze moving back down. She swallows, clears her throat --

And opens her mouth, strings of saliva connecting her upper and lower lips as her tongue rolls out, hot, unsteady breaths on his member. Her mouth is pointed downward, staring up at him with half-lidded, want-ridden eyes.

"Wight Hewr." She says, words slurred from her awaiting maw, tongue slowly wriggling back and forth, patiently. His scent was already deeply familiar to her -- but she wanted to know his taste. She needed to.

There's no fucking way in Equestria Anon could hold on after that.

Anon grunts, hips bucking -- his cock presses against her tongue, his hand forsaking it to grip the couch. Her tongue is warm, the wetness pleasing, as his member throbs, erupting; directly into her mouth. Sunset makes a surprised huff, which turns to a low moan as his seed spurts across her tongue.

She leans forward, putting her mouth around his tip, holding it in her mouth as she swallows. Again. Again. Drinking every drop.

Anon's head is rolled back over the back of the couch, a low groan escaping him as he's drained.

Finally, he twitches no more.

Sunsets tongue slowly slides along the bottom of his slowly softening tip, tracing the edge. She's panting, out of breath, coughing and covering her mouth with a hoof.

She didn't spill a drop.

"...Shit, Anon, that was fucking hot." Sunset mutters.

"Think that's my line..." Anon mumbles. He feels the couch shift, as Sunset climbs up beside him. She makes another testing swallow, clearing her throat, smacking her lips. She leans against his side, hoof to her own chest.

"Nm...Salty." She comments, eyes roaming his body.

"Yeah, it tends to be." Anon puffs, finally catching his own breath.

"Why do you know that?" She asks, throwing him a look.

No answer. Instead, Anon leans down, pulling her chin upward and kisses her, deeply. Sunset's eyes widen, before she finds herself returning the kiss. No tongue -- not something either is quite familiar with, but the passion of pressing one against one's other, is intrinsic. Her lips are soft, wet -- and yeah, salty.

Sunset pulls away suddenly, stifling a laugh.
"Dude, did you just--" Sunset teases, ready to ruin the mood and call him his favorite 'Starts with F, ends with T' word.

"Shut up. I'm not thinking straight right now." Anon presses a finger to her mouth. She same one he'd been rubbing himself with. Right against her snout. The smell...

Sunset looks down at his finger, a hoof reaching up to grasp his hand. She bites her lip, throwing him a half-lidded stare.

"...You know... since I did just do you a... really, big favor and all... maybe there's something you could do for me?" Sunset whispers, playfully. She starts to pull his hand down lower, trailing her underbelly. He gets the idea pretty quickly.

Anon's hand slowly traces down her face, fingers brushing through fur; her cheek, her neck, her chest...

Sunset makes a low, needy purr, hooves clinging to him as he goes further down.

Starlight watches silently from the door. Trixie got distracted with her new toys, so she came by to thank Sunset once she managed to free herself. When she couldn't find her in her room, Starlight assumed Sunset was hanging out with Anon, like they usually do. Human-centric, that pair. She even knocked first, but... it made sense why nobody answered. They were a touch 'distracted'.

First Sunset... all of it? And then Anon was now... wow. Must be good for her to make a noise like that.

Starlight slowly closes the door, her own breath heavy. Shit, was she into watching? That's new. Might need to talk to Trixie about that.

Author's Note

throwing shade from the balcony

Anon, Starlight and Trixie sit on one of the several Balconies of the Castle of Friendship.

They've only got a few days left to work on their group project.

So of course, they were quietly sharing a bottle of booze pilfered from Twilight's not-so-secret stash, and not so silently judging the denizens of Ponyville that walked within their elevated view.

Sunset was back on Earth; something was wrong with Starlight's phone, so she was handling support. Turns out, not everyone selling a used phone is selling a working used phone. Go figure.

"Oh, woe upon Trixie's eyes." Trixie huffs loudly, sipping.

All three are comfortably sprawled on various furniture dragged from the Castles insides, now scooted up against the balcony's handrail.

Starlight and Anon glance down; oh, it's that Doctor Hooves asshole.

"I heard he's not even a real Doctor. Just tells young Mares that so they'll join him on 'Adventures' or whatever." Starlight chides.

"He's talking to that grey mailmare; Derpy, was it?" Trixie points out.

"More like Doctor Grooms." Anon snorts. Sunset would've hit him for that one.

Derpy looks offended, and slaps him across the face; the trio make a collective 'Oooooh', as she flies away in a huff.

"Ha." Anon snorts.

"Apparently, she's got a man already. A veteran or something." Starlight muses.

"Oh, don't look now -- the wannabe couple is having a fight again." Anon points down; close to the fountain, the DJ pony and the classical music pony were arguing, waving hooves around.

"Do they not fight near weekly?" Trixie muses, ever so wise, behind a large sip.

"Something about Lesbian Domestic Abuse statistics." Anon chimes in, also sipping.

The two fellow balcony-sitters glance at him.
"What?" Starlight asks.

"Oh -- back on Earth, Lesbians have a huge spike on domestic abuse cases. Shit's wild." Anon explains.

Starlight tilts her head. "What, you think one of them hits the other?"

"You think she wears those bigass glasses for nothing? Hiding a black eye, for sure. Escapes behind raves and drugs, while her abusive, high-strung and high-class classical girlfriend takes her mounting stress out on her with the ol' one two." Anon goes on, shadow boxing the air -- and spilling some of his drink. "Ah, shit."

Starlight shakes her head, but Trixie hums thoughtfully.
"Hmm... Trixie can see it." She concurs.

Starlight rolls her eyes, scanning the quiet days crowd.
"Oh, the Crusaders are out and about again. Remember the stuff they used to get up to?"

"Half the town does, I'm sure. Local menaces. Ain't there rumors about the Apple Family getting up to some particular shit?" Anon fields. Starlight nods.

"Yeah, old rumors about Mac and Applejack, after someone walked in at the wrong time. Hasn't been proven, but they get real spicy about that topic." Starlight explains, getting an overly thoughtful nod from Anon.

"For the Big Mac? Trixie does not see the appeal." Blue Shoenicorn huffs.

"Course you don't, you're swinging for the other team." Anon gives her a look. "But hey, respect to the Apples. Pure bloodlines and all that."

"Celestia, EW, Anon." Starlight sticks her tongue out.

"You think Twilight's ever thought of her brother, Shingles or whatever his name is, that way?" Anon tests, pursing his lips.

Starlight dry-heaves. "We are NOT talking about Princess Twilight and if she has a kink for her sibling, Anon. Go back to crowd watching."

"Boooo." Anon blows a raspberry.

"...Trixie could see it." Trixie hums; getting an abhorred look from Starlight, and a fist-hoof bump from Anon for playing along.

The trio sip their drinks, going back to judging. Trixie and Anon are drinking notably more of their own, while Starlight sips.

This becomes increasingly evident, as Trixie and Anon begin considering throwing things from the balcony.

"You think the chair's too much?" Anon leans forward, sharing critical advise with his most trusted advisor, the blue horny one.

"Absolutely. A chair sends... the wrong message. Go down, get a rock, bring it up, use the rock. Reminds them of their lowered, no-balcony lives." Trixie coldly affirms, slurred behind a hefty sip.

Starlight is holding her head in her hooves, already dreading how terribly this is going to go. She can't bail now; she'll feel guilty. But if she stays, she'll be responsible.

"Mm. Good idea. I'll go get a rock." Anon nods, throwing a leg over the handrail.

"...Do you have wings?" Trixie asks.

Anon pauses.
"...No. Can I borrow some?"

"Leave it to... the Magnum...magnifi...majes... yes." Trixie hiccups, zapping Anon square in the chest, with a burst of magic from her horn.

It's not even a spell; she just drunkenly blasts him with magic. The impact sends him over the edge, limbs flailing.

Starlight looks horrified, running to the handrail, leaning over it; expecting a crumpled pile of Anon. Not because she cared, but because that would be tartarus to explain to Princess Twilight.

He's standing, completely fine. Starlight sighs, relieved.

"...Forgot I'm tall. Where's rock?" She can hear him mumble, before falling flat on his face.

She's no longer relieved.

The Balcony door clicks open, as Sunset steps outside onto it, glancing between the group.
"Hey Starlight; got the Phone back, they..."

She trails off, looking between the empty bottle, a worried Starlight, a tipsy Trixie, and a human chair missing its human.

"...He took the quick way down, didn't he." Sunset hazards, considering she didn't pass him in the halls.

Starlight nods.

Sunset groans, turning around to head downstairs. A hospital trip wasn't on her days planner.

Starlight turns to Trixie, trying to nudge her inside.
"Come on, Trixie. Let's go. Get some water in you."

"Mm. Fucketh nay." Trixie hiccups, falling out of her own chair.

Well, thankfully, Anon didn't need the hospital. Other than a nice, big bruise on his ass, he'd live. Looks like the spicy liquid helped soften up his bones, or whatever it was he was rambling about.

Sunset groans, rolling her eyes.

They're halfway to Anon's room, Sunset walking on her back two hooves. She's trying to support Anon, holding him up from underneath his shoulder. He's heavy, annoying and dragging his feet; but, she feels responsible. She was the one stocking Twilight's stash after all, and she wasn't there to participate in the drinking. As in, she wasn't there to keep them from going overboard like she knew they would.

"You're... mustard." Anon smacks his lips, trying to code her fur color.

"No, I'm... butterscotch, or something." Sunset retorts. At least he was still fun, while drunk. Turns out, he'd been sipping a lot harder than either of the other girls.

Distantly, she hears the sound of someone throwing up. Nevermind.

"Heh. You're... butt alright." He grins.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Sunset huffs.

"Big Flank." Anon grins, giving her a saucy eye.

"Celestia, you're an idiot." She groans; she's only a little flattered. Just a smidge.

"Mmmmmmm your."

"...Your?"

"...Idiot." He grins.

"Oh, now you're calling me --"

Unfortunately, a rolled piece of the carpet had plans for their conversation. Sunset's hoof catches on it, and her eyes go wide as the floor starts to rapidly approach. With Anon in her hooves already, recovery was a no-go; not with him falling on top of her. This was going to suck.

But she doesn't get the chance to meet the floor.

She finds Anon's arms wrapped around her, catching her; one around her waist, pressing her against his stomach. The other holds the hoof she had wrapped around him, from trying to support him. Her back hooves barely touch the ground, dangling.

There's a quiet moment, where Anon simply holds her. Surprisingly agile, for someone who can't figure out words.

"Mmm nope. I'm... your idiot." He hums, clarifying and content; and slurred.

Sunset's heart flutters. For that? Seriously? That was the bar, now?

She slowly looks up; there's a small expectation of what she'll see, following that gallant sweep off her hooves...

It's just Anon. He's smiling at her, with that big, dumb smile of his, face red from the alcohol.

...Yeah. Her idiot. She sighs, leaning her face against him.

"Thanks, Anon. Let's get you to bed, yeah?" She shakes her head, trying to untangle from him. It's harder than she thought.

"Only if... you. In. With meeeee." He smiles, starting to waddle them down the hallway.

Her face goes red. Welp.