Blah Blah Blah, Chaos

by RunicTreetops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Discord, Slice of Life, Human, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1740

It takes a lot to surprise Discord. Somehow, Anon has managed to do just that.

Ever since they met, Anon has acted strangely around Discord. He's used to this, of course. Being the "Lord of Chaos" means that most creatures prefer to keep a safe distance from him. And for good reason! Reformed though he may be, it'd be foolish to lower one's guard around him.

Perhaps Discord isn't as good at reading emotions as he thought.

Day #6 of Hearts and Hands Week.

Published 2024-02-13 00:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-02-13 00:40:01 UTC

Blah Blah Blah, Chaos

Discord blinks. It isn’t often that he, the Lord of Chaos, is left completely flabbergasted by someone else. He is supposed to be the unpredictable one. It takes a special kind of someone, a particularly insane action, a wholly unexpected turn of events to render him speechless.

Why, then, does Anon offering him a rose make him feel so confused?

“Er… what is this supposed to be, exactly?”

Anon, who is quite sweaty and red in the face, tries desperately to avoid looking Discord in the eyes, choosing to instead focus on the grass of Ponyville’s local park instead.

“I-it’s a Hearts and Hooves Day gift.”

“...You’re serious?”

“Yes?”

“...Hm.” Through the use of what could only be chaos magic, the rose’s stem begins to extend, the bulb being pushed through the air in all manner of twists and twirls like a particularly complex bendy straw before coming to a stop right in front of Discord’s face. He grabs the elongated stem, which then shrinks back to a normal size starting with the bit in Anon’s hands. “I suppose this is the part where I’m supposed to say ‘thank you.’”

“You don’t need to say it,” Anon mumbles. “I’m not expecting you to be flattered or anything, I just didn’t want to regret not giving you something.”

“What would there be to regret?!” Discord’s body begins to elongate much like the rose just did, slowly twisting downwards and surrounding Anon, but never actually touching him. He stops only when their faces are directly facing each other. “What do you have to gain from getting me something for this stupid holiday?!”

“...” Anon says nothing for a moment, though his face grows even redder. When he does speak up, his voice is quiet, barely even a whisper. “I thought that’d be self-explanatory.”

“Why this out of the blue?!” In the blink of an eye, Discord turns blue. “You don’t even like me!”

If you were to ask literally anyone, they would agree. Anon and Discord aren’t known for getting along, much to the chagrin of Fluttershy. They met shortly after Discord’s “reformation” thanks to Anon’s friendship with Twilight. Moments after being introduced, Anon shook Discord’s paw, smiled, looked him dead in the eyes, and said “if you dare to lay a talon on my friends, I will make being turned to stone look merciful.”

Discord was, of course, not even remotely intimidated by the threat. Anon is about twice the height of an average pony and has a fair amount of endurance. Unfortunately, that is where his positives end. He has no magic, he isn’t strong, and most importantly, he couldn’t hold a candle to Discord were they to get into it.

However, telling him that would further upset Fluttershy, who immediately chewed Anon out for making assumptions about Discord. So, they bickered every so often, with Anon insisting he was “keeping an eye on him.” Although Anon would be somewhat vindicated when Discord relapsed during Tirek’s rise to power, he never gave Discord any worse than a stern talking to (and a “talking to” he most certainly gave that day).

After that, Discord noticed something strange about Anon. They started to converse more and more frequently, and Anon seemed less distrustful as time went on. Discord simply interpreted this as a natural result of them being in close proximity more often than before thanks to their mutual friends.

Then, out of the blue, Anon started to grow distant once more. His words were colder, his demeanor more hesitant. He snapped at Discord more often, and while this gave him a good laugh more often than not, it still confused him (and led to more bickering). Fluttershy would typically be required to break up the flushed, angry Anon and the laughing, amused Discord.

And now he’s trying to give Discord a rose? For Hearts and Hooves Day?

“Th-that’s not true,” Anon mumbles, his eyes darting every which way.

“Look, I will admit,” Discord starts as he uncoils around Anon and shrugs four sets of shoulders that he now has for some reason, “that I am new to this whole ‘friendship’ thing.” He makes air quotes with his talons while speaking. “But even I know when someone doesn’t want to be around me!”

“I do want to be around you.” Anon’s voice is a bit louder and a bit clearer, but still not exactly confident. “I… I want that a lot, actually.”

“Well.” Discord closes his eyes and sticks his nose to the air, then his head begins to stretch higher and higher as he continues to talk. “You sure don’t act like it. I much prefer it when my enemies are open about not liking me. It’s much more fun that way, you know.”

“I was nervous, okay?!” Anon finally shouts, causing Discord’s neck to suddenly stop stretching. He looks down a couple dozen feet towards Anon, who continues to stare at the floor. “You’re just… you’re really cool, and when I’m around you, I feel like… not that.”

“Cool?” Discord questions as icicles suddenly form along his brow and horns. Slowly, his neck shortens to a normal length, allowing him to get a better look at his human friend, who is still staring at the grass below. “I’ve been called many things, but ‘cool’ is not one of them. I don’t particularly appreciate lies, and believe me,” he growls as a confused frustration becomes more clear on his face, “as a pathological liar, I know when I’m being lied to.”

“Then you should know that I’m telling the truth.” Anon suddenly looks up, locking eyes with Discord as his expression hardens. His cheeks are still red, but his eyes are now much clearer and more determined. “You don’t have to be my special somebody or whatever, anyway. Just… just forget it.”

Anon clicks his tongue and turns around, causing Discord to teleport in front of him with a snap of his talons.

“You’re sending me a lot of mixed messages, you know,” Discord says as two more Discords appear on either side of him and speak in unison. “You like me? You think I’m cool? You think I’m just going to accept this rose while you stomp away like that?”

Anon glances at Discord’s paw, noticing that he’s kept the rose in pristine condition even through his near non-stop shapeshifting and reality bending.

“You don’t have to. I just said that.”

“But, again, what do you hope to gain from me accepting it? Power?” All six of the Discords’ arms puff up with muscle. “Money?” His eyes turn to the Equestrian symbol for bits. “Or is it some kind of prank?” The three Discords suddenly twirl around each other, morphing together and forming one complete Discord once more. “...Actually, that option sounds the most believable.”

“For the love of Celestia, I am ATTRACTED to you, Discord!”

Discord freezes. Physically this time, as opposed to with icicles. This is the second time now that he’s been left speechless today.

“...You wanna run that by me again?”

“You’re the worst,” Anon mumbles before locking eyes with Discord once more. “I like you a lot, Discord. I… I didn’t know how to express that. You’re not exactly easy to approach…” Anon begins to trail off, but he slaps his cheeks in an effort to regain his resolve. “I consider you a dear friend, but I’d like for you to maybe be more than that.” Anon’s voice cracks multiple times, but he still manages to squeak out his intentions. “I-if you want.”

Yet again, Discord blinks. He’s having déjà vu. Apparently, his first instinct was correct.

And that only makes him more confused.

“...Well.” Discord clears his throat. Quite literally, as he takes his head off, sticks a mop down his neck, and removes several layers of unidentifiable goop before haphazardly scattering it along the grass and placing his head back where it belongs. “It’s quite presumptuous of you to assume that the Lord of Chaos himself would accept your proposition.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.”

Anon turns around again, but rather than Discord appearing in front of him, he simply feels a bird-like hand grab his shoulder and stop him in his tracks. He doesn’t look back.

“But the Lord of Chaos wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t do the unexpected every now and then.”

Anon’s eyes go wide, and he feels his heart skip a beat.

“D-does that mean you’ll–”

“Oh, goodness,” Discord chuckles as he removes his hand and floats into Anon’s peripheral vision while laying on his side in midair, “take me out to dinner first or something.”

“I-I mean… it is Hearts and Hooves Day. I can probably get us a last-minute reservation somewhere if I call up Pinkie.”

“That was supposed to be a joke.” Discord’s expression droops (literally). “You’re going to have to get better at recognizing those if this is going to work out.”

“You’re really giving me a shot?”

“Eh, why not?” In an uncharacteristic move, Discord looks away. Not even he is able to fully hide his increasingly flushed cheeks. “It might make for a nice change of pace. Besides, a free dinner is a free dinner.”

“Wait, so you weren’t joking?”

“Oh, I was! But now that you’ve offered, who am I to refuse?” Discord teleports directly in front of Anon again, now with two very large bags slumped over either shoulder. “Oh, but I simply must get ready before we go. Pick me up at five!”

“I–”

“Ta-ta!”

Discord snaps his talons one final time and disappears out of sight, just in time to leave Anon reaching out to the open air where he was just floating.

“I don’t know how to get to your dimension, though!”

After an awkward moment, Anon sighs. Slowly, his anxious, tired expression turns into a relieved smile. An incredulous laugh escapes him, and it takes him some time to compose himself enough to begin making his trek to Sugarcube Corner. If he’s gonna get that reservation, he’d better tell Pinkie as soon as possible. Just that thought alone is enough to get him laughing again. Finally, after all these months…

He managed to tell Discord how he feels.

Author's Note

There. It's done. I did it. I wrote the Anon/Discord fic. Never ask me for anything ever again.

(I'm kidding! :rainbowlaugh:)

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!