“Did you blame yourself?”

The voice yanked me out of my thoughts, my pupils constricting slightly as I glanced up at the stallion.

“I… beg your pardon?”

“Well, it’s quite common for ponies to feel a sense of guilt. Especially in these situations.”
“W-what kind of situation are we talkin’ ‘bout here?”

“The suicide.”

—

“I appreciate the help, y’all. It ain’t the same without Granny Smith around… the family’s takin’ their time to mourn and it’s nice to have a helpin’ hoof every once in a while.” My teeth clamped onto the basket, carrying the load of apples towards the barn.

“Of course, AppleJack. It’s the least we can do.” I watched Twilight pick some of the apples up with her magic. She turned, smiled at me, and continued with picking. I took a few steps towards her before a hoof stopped me.

“Maybe you should go rest…” I heard Fluttershy’s timid voice behind me, “You’ve been overworking yourself, and… you need time to mourn too.”

“I’m okay, Fluttershy… it was bound to happen soon and… well… I don’t want to keep the farm in a rut just ‘cause of her passin’. She would’ve wanted me to keep things runnin’.”

“Hey! I know who can help!” Pinkie jumped seamlessly out of nowhere, “Discord could help us get this done in a quick snap with his fingers!”

“Good thinking, Pinkie. Anypony willing to—?”

“Oh! Oh! Me! I am! Pick me!” Pinkie Pie jumped from place to place, raising her hooves as Twilight scanned the rest of our friends. She sighed, looking over at Pinkie.

“Yes, Pinkie?”

“I wanna go get him! I do, I do!”

She giggled, opening a portal to let her inside his dimension. After watching Pinkie jump immediately through, she turned towards us, “Alright. Rarity and AppleJack, you handle the North side of the farm. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy can handle the West, and Spike and I can handle the East. Once Discord gets here… he and Pinkie can handle the South!”

—

“Darling, you look like you’re quivering, perhaps you should rest?” Rarity suggested.

I shrugged, positioning my hind towards the tree stump before kicking the bark. A few apples fell to the ground, and I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Noticing my discomfort, she began nodding, “I suppose you wouldn’t want to talk about it, either?” She picked one of the apples before looking over at me, her eyes darted behind me, and she adjusted her body to look at what was happening.

“What?” I mumbled before turning to face what she was seemingly staring at. The rest of our friends surrounded Pinkie Pie, who was sitting down and hyperventilating. In a quick moment, Rarity and I made our way towards her, listening in on what the other girls were asking of her.

“Pinkie? What’s wrong?” Twilight looked concerned, but I could tell she was getting frustrated due to her unresponsiveness, “Pinkie??”

Fluttershy sat beside her, leaning closely as she began whispering under her breath. Fluttershy’s eyes suddenly widened, and her body jolted upright before suddenly moving behind Rainbow Dash.

“What? What did she say??” Dash turned to face her, looking for some sort of explanation.
She glanced up at her before her eyes met Twilight's. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead of her voice coming out, it was Pinkie’s.

“It was everywhere…”

“What was?” Dash asked.

“Blood. Blood was everywhere… a rope… a saw… bruised all over.” It was almost as if she was talking in riddles, “A corpse.”

That made my heart drop. “You’re speakin’ nonsense, Pinkie. What in tarnation are you on about??” I finally found my words, voicing my thoughts out loud.

“He’s dead.”

Everything went silent. The only sounds that seemed to land in my ears were the sharp noises of birds singing, Pinkie’s trembling breath, and the occasional hum of wind blowing through the trees.

Twilight looked as if she was about to speak, but instead, she walked into the portal, obviously deciding to look for herself.

As she finally returned, she looked distraught and confused, her eyes glued to the grass.
“Spike?” She began, her voice rather silent and cracking, “I need you to get Princess Celestia. Now.”

—

“I doubt anypony would've ever guessed somethin' was going on inside that head of his. Hell, I don't think even Fluttershy could've. He seemed happy. Laughin', smilin', jokin' like always. So to suddenly hear he's dead out of nowhere? It catches a fool like me by the tail.

The investigation ended up being abandoned not even a week afterward... everypony had just assumed he had just killed himself. It didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem like him at all. But I suppose that’s what anypony would think if it happened to ‘m.

Excuse my potty mouth, but everypony was actin’ like a son of a bitch those first few days. I heard my fair share of ponies callin’ him selfish, and I did my best to ignore them. But once they started makin’ those empty rumors on what happened, I drew the line there. Some of ‘m even started sayin’ Pinkie Pie killed ‘m and covered it all up in a suicide act.

Those… fuckers… are the reason Pinkie Pie doesn’t even bother leavin’ Sugarcube Corner anymore. She doesn't even talk to us at all, not even Fluttershy… and I know him and she was close, but I know Pinkie's takin' it the hardest. She keeps havin' those nightmares about that night, and even Princess Luna can't stop 'm.”

“I can't even imagine what she saw... and it ain't like I want to anyway. But she ain't the only pony with nightmares. Those damn screams… hollerin’ bloody murder.”

“She was screaming after she saw him?” the stallion asked.

“No. This had to’ve been a week after…? I don’t remember. She wanted to stay the night at the farm with me… scared of being alone. I couldn’t refuse… I mean how could I? She was horrified. But that night… oh that night… I was helpin’ Big Mac do some chores and that’s when I heard this… blood-curdling scream. Nightmares happen, I know… but this was somethin’ you’d hear in a horror film, doctor. I ran up to check in on her but… She was gone.”

“Gone? Could you elaborate?”

“What more is there to elaborate on? She was just– gone. As if she wasn’t there in the first place. I went lookin’ for her everywhere… and it wasn’t like she just ran away– the window was locked and her door? Well, it was locked too.”

“Are you sure this wasn’t your nightmare?”

“Are you seriously suggesting I made this up with my head? I don’t lie, doctor. I know damn well I was awake.”

“Very well… continue.”

“As I was sayin’... I… I looked everywhere for her. I found her in the barn and she… this wasn’t normal, doctor. Dilated eyes, quivering lips… now I don’t know what she saw, but it was beyond a standard nightmare.”

“Night terrors… it’s plausible in her case. But let’s move on, how’s the rest of your friends taking this incident?”

“Twilight’s been makin’ more-so a fool of herself… she’s been more irritable and I know the whole ‘stages of grief’ nonsense but it ain't like her. Rarity’s been givin’ away practically everythin’ that reminds her of him, and I think it’s starting to scare Sweetie Belle… I think I remember hearing Apple Bloom mentioning it a few days ago. She’s been lookin’ into spells and all that crap, which I expected more from Twilight. Rainbow Dash? Hell… every pony’s been thinkin’ she just doesn’t care. Didn’t cry at the funeral, didn’t even act like it affected her at all. I know ponies mourn differently but…”

“And what about Fluttershy? You stated he and her were close?”

“Right… yeah… she’s been– well better than now, but I think she’s still in shock.”

“And how about you?” The mention of me sort of caught me off guard. I figure rambling about all my friends was quite disruptive, considering the therapy was a tool for all of us… ordered by Princess Celestia to help me through this mourning process… not a tool to ignore my own.

“I don’t know how I feel… sick… sure, but I feel like my head’s exploded and a hammer was tossed into my chest. And I… I don’t know how much longer I can ignore it.”

He nodded, “Well, that concludes our session for today…” The abrupt change in tone made my brows furrow as I glanced up at him, almost as if I was rudely interrupted during an important conversation… which I was. “I want you to take the time to think about your feelings, however, Apple Jack. You’re right, it’s unknown how much longer you can put up with it… but focusing solely on your friends’ feelings will only make your own more unbearable. In the meantime, I wish you a good rest of your day.”

“Very well… doctor.” I stood, making my way towards the door before mumbling beneath my breath, “Thank you.”

Author's Note

First chapter! Hope you enjoy this so far, I've been honestly obsessed with the idea.

I also want to note that I actually have been drawing some art that goes along with the story, which can be found on my Deviantart of the same username. (Definitely optional but feel free to check it out <3)