Leave Room For Anon

Chapters

In The Crystal Mines Below Canterlot
Wedding 2.0
Train Ride, But Crystallize
So. Stallions, Huh?
The Shining Shimmy
The Cadance Canter
The Crystal Mine
At Least Look Like You Love Each Other
Sparring with Shining
Catching Cadance

In The Crystal Mines Below Canterlot

Mi Amore Cadenza, Emprisoned | The Crystal Cells

Deep in the Crystal Mines that twist and trail below Canterlot, Cadance's ear twitches as the cold, crystalline air tickles her matted fur. She had been left here by the one, cruel creature -- Queen Chrysalis -- that intended to replace her, usurp her, and feed off of their love. She tried to fight back, but her brand of magic, Love, kind of... fell flat, against creatures that literally ate it. Not the best match up.

Well, that and apparently how a platonic "I foalsat your sister and went to the same school so we're friends" love counts for feeding. Cadance sighs, slumping against one of the crystals that juts out of the wall of her prison cell; her fur is matted and frazzled, mane in desperate need of a brushing.

It's a funny feeling, to have the wedding you don't even want to happen on the cusp of being ruined. Conflicted, for sure. Shining was a great stallion, obviously she doesn't want him hurt -- but the situation had a morbidly funny twist to it. Not that she could even muster a laugh.

The Princess of Love, marrying her high-school crush, who turned out to be gay. At least she'd get to see Twilight at family receptions, now. That was an upside.

There weren't many of those.

Another long, draining sigh escapes her. She had no idea how long she'd been down here. Chrysalis wasn't the most gracious host; Cadance had hardly even been fed. If she wasn't an Alicorn, that would have proved terribly troubling.

Her ear twitches, head rising from the crystal she was leant on. Hoofsteps. A distant, struggling voice.

It's getting closer. It sounds like the Changelings got somepony else; a tinge of worry for them seeps into her heart. Cadance tenses, turning to wearily face the sound.

The gleaming crystals in the crystalline walls shift, creaking and shaking as they part; on the other side, several Changelings are visible, dragging a struggling...

...What in tartarus is that?

Anon E. Muss, Dogshit at Hiding

Anon struggles and flails his limbs around, scowling -- if he was going down, he wasn't going down without being slightly upset about it, and making sure it was known.

Twilight had been very irked about the whole thing; and apparently, for good reason. The others didn't seem entirely keen on listening to her. But, like -- her own foalsitter? Her own brother? Anon had a feeling if TWILIGHT, of anybody, was throwing up a stink that something wasn't right, something wasn't right.

It's not like an entirely new, villainous plot occurred every other fucking week, or something.

So when Anon started snooping around where he shouldn't -- totally not just using Twilights suspicions as a reason and excuse to rummage through the castle -- he was promptly caught. Turns out, it's bug-ponies the whole way down. And up. They're fucking everywhere.

And that he wasn't as proficient at emulating Metal Gear as he thought. He really thought hiding behind that planter would work.

At least it wasn't easy for the little buggy bastards; Twilight said he had a whole 'Anti-Magic' thing going on thanks to not being from Equestria. So instead of simply dragging him away with their weird little green magic, he's got a little more than half a dozen of these things having to forcefully drag him.

And he ain't making it easy. Anon can do like, a clean two and a half pull-ups. To Ponies, that makes him monstrous on the strength scale.

He is slightly worried why they keep dragging him deeper and deeper into the caves. Was there a mega-changeling they were gonna feed him to? Not the Queen; the Queen was busy pretending to be Cadance upstairs.

Which, kind of funny. For context; Anon knew Shining was gay. It seemed picking up on the obvious was a very unique skill set, not granted to 99% of the entire Pony population.

Twilight is his homie in purple; and also her family is great to visit during the holidays. Lovely pony folk. So when, even under magical duress, Shining doesn't actually seem that interested? Yeah, he knew. Shining was the type to appreciate a Big-Mac, not an Applejack.

Not that he, subtly figured it out or anything. Twilight straight up told him. But he also totally figured it on his own. They were gossip buddies; apparently, it's quite freeing to have an alien friend that just "Gets" why "Backstabbing Pony Bitches be Tripping".

His vocabulary might be rubbing off on her too much. Ah, well. Her fault for accidentally summoning him, instead of that Tartarus demon or whatever she was after, to bind to her commands to do her laundry, because Spike went on strike.

Anon always wondered if that gave him cool demon powers or not. So far, nuh uh. Just indigestion any time he had to stomach this dog-ass pony food.

Uh oh -- they're reaching the end of the mines. That's a big, suspiciously sectioned off part of the mine.

One of the Drones dragging him tilts its head back, horn glowing; the crystals start to shift and part, revealing...

Oh, it's Cadance. That's where she went. Score. Anon was better at Metal Gear-ing than he thought.

Wump. They throw him face-forward into the cell, the crystals creeping and growing back shut behind him. Make that him and Cadance.

Anon E. Muss, Chilling / Princess Cadance, Confused | The Crystal Cells

Anon lifts his face off the rocky floor, snorting the pebbles out of his nose. Not his most pleasant landing.

Cadance leans forward slightly, taking a cautious hoof-step.
"Are... you alright?" She asks quietly.

Anon's head snaps up, staring at her from the floor. He squints.

"I-I'm the real Cadance!" She quickly tries to assure, waving a hoof. "Please, you have to believe me!"

"Colonel... I've found the Princess." Anon mutters, crawling across the floor towards her.

That... what? Cadances original worry of being mistaken for the Fake Cadance that locked him in here was quickly replaced by... confusion.
"...Colonel? Is there someone else here?"

Anon stops a few feet from her, shifting to lay on his side. He needed a bandana or something.
"Nope. I deflect the interdimensional horrors of infinity that were inflicted on my brain, after being dragged here through a portal meant for a demon, by making references only understood by those where I'm from. It's a coping mechanism." Anon summarizes quaintly, head propped up on an arm.

"That's... Oh. My condolences. Who... did that to you? Was it Queen Chrysalis?" Cadance asks, sitting back on her haunches. He was... odd, but not unpleasant.

"Oh, no -- Twilights doing. You were her... Foal-Sitter, right?" Anon snaps his fingers, remembering.

Cadance stares at said wriggling, worm-like limbs. Oh. He's kind of like that Dragon Twilight has, Spike... but with weirder, nubby claws.

Wait. He knows Twilight?
"Wait -- You know Twilight?!" She exclaims, scooting forward.

"Sure. She's pretty on top of this whole not-actually-you thing, told me about it. She's also like... the only one, so that's kind of an iffy thing." Anon tsks.

"...You mean like my Auntie, Princess Celestia, is not aware?" Cadance hazards, worried. Cadance was clearly worried by just how deep Chrysalis had her fangs into everyone.

"She's got everyone but Twilight fooled. Actually, I can't tell if they're just so excited to be part of a wedding that they're willingly overlooking red flags, or if she's actually fooling them." Anon ruminates, shrugging. "She'll probably get us out. Eventually."

"You think so? Wait, then how did you get here?" She asks.

"Twilight." Anon repeats.

"No, like... here, in the Cell." She clarifies.

"Oh, got caught snooping around. Turns out, Chrysalis does not appreciate someone listening to her sing about her evil plans, when she thinks she's all alone. Who would've thought." Anon shrugs.

Cadance nods, sighing. Things were seeming quite grim... but if Twilight was on top of things, she'd figure it out. Cadance knew that out of any Pony, Twilight could handle it.

"So... just to field a quick question that's been bothering me. If you're alright with it. Since we're like, alone down here." Anon asks suddenly, glancing around. Cadance is pulled from her worries for the moment.

Cadance tilts her head.
"...Yes?"

"So... you know Shining likes dick, right? That's come up at some point?" Anon mutters blatently, looking at her expectantly.

He watches as a face of realization, relief, panic -- damn, she's cycling through then all. Better jump in.

"Twilight told me. And it's also kind of fucking obvious; there's a lot of stallions in that barracks, and not a lot of mares." Anon offers, scratching his nose.

She suddenly pulls him closer, her pinkish-glowing magic grabbing his shirt collar. While he was magic resilient to a degree, Alicorns were so juiced up they could get at him.

"YES! I KNOW!" She mutter-shouts through gritted teeth, exasperated. She quickly realizes she's grabbing him, setting him back down.
"S-sorry, I-- that wasn't very --"

Anon gets settled on his side again, brushing off his collar.
"All good; I'll have you know I'm a certified member of 'The Girls', Sister. Spill it." Anon grins, mock-holding a tea-cup with a pinky stuck out. "Princess of Love -- not Marrying for Love? Oh, I know you've got something to say about it." He goads.

In a world where 90% of the Ponies actually worth talking to were female, you either adapt, or die; and with his penchant for shit-talking, Anon took to gossip like a fly takes to shit. His wallet proudly boasted a 'Honorary The Girl' card, and an invitation to each week's sit-down with the Elements, Rarity and AJ's Monthly Spa-Trips; you name it, Anon was in on it.

"You-- you don't mind? You... if I tell you, you can't tell ANYPONY." Cadance warns, swinging her hooves out.

"You have no idea how many secrets knock around this noggin'. These lips are sealed." He grins, tapping his head. That wasn't even a bit.

The Elements vented to him constantly. The Princesses vented to him anytime they got together. If they could ever prod his mind, he had enough in there to topple nations.

Thankfully, Anon only ever used it to get short-term greedy gains, like snacks or favors. For now. And good luck poking any of that information out of him, past the wealth of inane bullshit it was warded underneath.

"I don't think we're getting out of here anytime soon, either. So tell me -- what's the vibe between you two? How subtle is he about it? He's kind of a... hunky dumb type, so I imagine not very much." Anon prods.

Cadance slumps down onto her stomach, hooves curling up as she lays beside Anon, huffing in relief.
"You have... NO idea. I used to have a crush on him, you know? Back in school..."

The quiet caverns become place for a discreet, subtle tea-spill, while the Wedding continues far above ground.

"...You're kidding. You walk in on him? With that guy from his Hoofball team? Fuck, way to let you down lightly." Anon snorts.

"Seriously! Sure, we never dated, but who wants to walk in on that?!" She exclaims, head in hooves.
"Obviously, from that point, I didn't tell anybody. Never really found an interest in anyone else after that, either."

"So, like... Is being gay not allowed here? Or allowed but just not cool? Varies super heavily where I'm from, so I just wanna catch the vibe." Anon motions with his hand.

"Oh, it's completely fine. It's hush because of... this, situation, specifically, but plenty of Ponies are public with their interests. Why wouldn't it be?" She asks, now curious about his homeland.

"Where I'm from, buttload of different nations. And some of them really do not like if you swing for the same team. I'm talking..." He rakes a thumb across his neck, making a comical attempt at a guttural noise. "Nasty stuff." Anon winces.

"That's... oh my." She concludes simply, covering her mouth with a hoof. "Wait, you said Twilight told you? How did you get to know Twilight, anyway?"

"Oh, get this. You know her little brother-son-friend Spike?" Anon asks.

Cadance rolls her eyes.
"Do I. He's a delightful little guy, but still I can't believe Auntie shackled Twilight with that. One Tartarus of a lesson in friendship; had Twilight's mom, Velvet, and myself watching him alongside Twilight, half the time."

"Ha--funny you should say that. So, he goes on strike..."

Cadance can't help but laugh, hearing how Twilight tries to summon and bind a demon for household chores; she's more than happy to explain several of the times Twilight tried to find... 'clever' alternatives to problems, getting a laugh out of Anon.

"...So you aren't a demon though, right?" Cadance playfully asks, stifling a giggle.

"Unless I can convince some big Tartarus-Guy that being summoned through a demon portal owes me powers, nope. Just Human." Anon sighs dramatically, hand to his head like a fainting maiden. "And since I'm not from around here, Magic doesn't play well with me. Well, you Alicorns tend to overwrite that, but thats just because you're all Magic cranked to 11."

"That sounds like it would be a lot more inconvenient than helpful." Cadance guesses, getting a nod from Anon.

He feels a soft tug on his shirt, a little pink wisp dissipating.

"Clothes are easier, but try pulling my arm." He instructs, holding out a limb.

He watches as Cadance tries to grasp his forearm with her magic, and tugs. She's surprised how, despite giving it a good pull, he barely budges. She tries a few more times, before getting distracted with his hand, leaning curiously to better inspect it.

"I've lost count of how many times Twilight teleports without me, or tries to drag me around like she does her friends, only to go nowhere." Anon admits, glancing down at the spot of magic. It's slowly tracing down his arm, and now over the back of his hand. Now tracing underneath, to his palm; and now dancing over his fingers. It tingles. They were always fascinated by the opposable thumbs.

"Curious about the clothes? Everyone asks at some point."

"...Does that mean I get a chance to ask about it?" Cadance smiles; it's weak, but this is... helping. It's distracting, and comforting, two things she's been sorely needing. And knowing Twilight was working to solve this... she felt a lot better.

"I've explained it a dozen times; good chance to refine my explanation. So, Human culture -- I'm a human, and we wear..." Anon starts, launching into a quick summary.

Anon explains the basics of wearing pants, and why humans don't walk around with their dicks out. He's probably... a little crass, in his descriptions, but Cadance hardly seems to mind, getting a surprising amount of his jokes. Not the earth-references, obviously, but she seems surprisingly willing to hear their context. Out of all the Alicorns and Ponies he interacted with, Cadance felt the most like she might actually be the same age as him. Twilight was definitely a little younger; Tia had that wine-aunt energy, but had this aloof side to her that faked out his guesses.

It's starting to click for Anon why Twilight was so excited to see Cadance, and why they were starting to get along so quickly. She's like... the high-functioning version of whatever Twilight has. Which makes her quite similar to Anon.

That, and how someone to vent to was an apparently very in-demand position in Equestria. She definitely needed this.

"...So this whole thing is all for face?" Anon asks. Both are still engrossed in their conversation, with who knows how long having passed.

"Auntie talked me through it... with the Crystal Empires vulnerable reappearance, we can't risk Sombra's return, or another nation trying to step in. We need to signify the strength of our bond... so, because I had a crush on Shining, and I don't think he's ever publicly admitted his personal tastes..." Cadance explains. She's probably ran the reasons through her mind a thousand times... still didn't make it any easier.

"You got looped in by your Aunt, can't really say no, and now you're too deep." Anon summarizes.

Cadance nods, sighing wistfully.
"I dreamed of... Love, you know? It's kind of my thing. I want a... doting husband, a big family. Foals. And while I'm sure Shining can give me a nice, cordial marriage..."

Damn. She sounds like, really sad about this shit. Like, fair, obviously, but yeesh. Can't get a loving husband and a big family when he's busy with his boyfriend.

"You want something real. Damn. Yeah, I get it honestly." Anon nods, lips pursed. "And I assume Celestia won't budge on the idea?"

"Auntie Celestia is..." Cadance sighs. Can of worms, there.

"Big on giving personal things up for the greater good. A little too big on it." Anon nods.

Cadance tilts her head.
"How do you...?"

"I recognize coping methods pretty easily. The idea of denying herself the things she wants helps her stomach her past decisions, because she feels like she's suffered enough to have been allowed to make those choices, in case they're ever viewed as mistakes. So, she's trying to impart the idea on you; she feels like she has to be this big, motherly figure, but she's as lost as the rest of us."

"...Wow." Cadance mutters. "I can see why they enjoy talking to you. You'd never hear that out of a Ponies mouth."

"Yeah. I've considered opening a Therapy Office in Ponyville. A lot of you little pastel ponies could use a session or two. Some of you, at least like, five." Anon states bluntly.

Cadance giggles, sighing. "I... could probably use one or two myself, if they're anything like this. Save me a slot?"

"Oh Girly-Pop, if we get out of here, I'll help navigate your entire marriage scenario; that kind of shit was the bread and butter of my peoples Medieval and Fantasy dramas." Anon retorts, chuckling to himself. He wondered if he could explain the context to that guy who had water in his head, in a way it would still be funny to joke about him. Probably not, royal incest lines probably needed some context.

"...Really?" Cadance asks, surprisingly softly.

Before either can continue, Hoofsteps rapidly approach, muffled outside the cell. Both Anon and Cadance turn their head, eyes wide.

The crystals shift apart -- and Twilight appears, panting, breathing heavily, horn glowing. She's surrounded by groaning, beat-up Changelings.

"Twilight!" Cadance shouts, smiling. Anon gives a lazy wave. He knew she'd show up eventually.

Their smiles fall as Twilight aims her horn at Cadance, softly pulsing with magic.

"Hold it! How do I know you're the real Cadance? The real Anon?" Twilight accuses through gritted teeth. She's a little roughed up. Probably beat her way through a whole bunch of Changelings to get here.

"U-uh--" Cadance quickly mutters, stumbling back.

"Your brother's a faggot." Anon states aloud, echoing through the quiet caves.

The following silence has both Mares eyes float to Anon.

"...I told you to stop calling him that, Anon." Twilight sighs, shaking her head. "So you're you. Why are you down here? No -- Cadance first! How do I know you're not a Changeling in disguise, getting information from him?!"

Anon, who was about to vouch for Cadance, watches in disbelief as Cadance does a... really weird little dance, singing some song. And Twilight, eyes sparkling in recognition, joins in.

Sometimes, they acted so human, he forgets that they're colorful little magic singing horses. They're like... naive, stunted humans, but with all the same mental issues and social problems. And a tendency to break out into song randomly.

"Wait -- Cadance. You know my brothers... why are you guys getting married?" Twilight asks, breaking from their hug.

"...It's a bit of a story." Cadance smiles.

"Explain on the way? We do still have a wedding to save." Twilight grins, nodding to the way out.

Cadance rises to her hooves. Anon expected a little more... awkward melancholy to her chance to save her own sham wedding.

But then Cadance turns, looking at Anon.

And she smiles, reassured. She nods to Twilight.
"Let's go. I'm not letting that Bug-Queen ruin my big day, Gay Husband or not." She huffs, wings flaring.

They both charge off, racing back up the path to the mine. For a moment, Anon wonders if he should feel offended they didn't wait for him.

Oh, never mind. He can hear them start to break out into song. Ponies were borderline possessed by that sudden urge to sing, and since he wasn't from Equestria; he wasn't involved in whatever musical twinge grasped them. It felt like one of those movie scenes, where you're a ghost and nobody sees you. They just kept singing, no matter how much he fucked with them.

He asked about it before, too, and they never knew what he was talking about. They didn't even treat it like it was normal, they just denied it ever even happened. Hmph. Odd things were at play in this little Pony land.

Left alone, Anon rises to his feet, dusting himself off. Motivated a Princess. Good days deed done.

Stepping over a few of the groaning and knocked-out Changelings Twilight made her way through, he pauses, snatching a cloak off of one of them.

It's sized just right for a bandana, if he ripped it in a few places. Oh yeah. Shame all the good Snake names were taken. Gassy Snake just didn't have the same ring to it.

...Actually, that was great.

Anon ties the bandana around his head, crouching down -- oop, no, he didn't stretch enough for that. He walks, muttering Metal Gear quotes to himself, and rubbing his back. Gassy Snake forgot his morning yoga.

Twilight Sparkle the Furious, Princess Cadance the Pissed | Canterlot Chapel

Proud Ponies line the hall, the Elements and the Princesses included. Mi Amore Cadenza, Chrysalis in disguise, saunters up the walkway, her plan in full, cruel swing. Shining waits for her at the altar, dizzy look glazed on his face, while Celestia wears a smile, waiting for her niece.

Until her Student, and her Niece, burst through the Chapel doors, drawing all eyes in a startling entrance.
"I found the REAL Cadance, Chrysalis! Your plan is up!" Twilight shouts, herself and Cadance taking a low stance, horns glowing.

Confusion murmurs through the crowd, as shocked stares flit between the doubled Princess of Love. One adorned in a gorgeous wedding gown; the other in serious need of a bath.

Chrysalis growls, her green flames encircling her.
"Then I suppose it is time to... forsake this silly little step, and move to the next phase. I already have dear, sweet Shining wrapped around my hoof... and now? My Drones are but moments from bursting through the shield. Canterlot is Mine!" She roars, laughing.

Outside the Chapel, hundreds of Drones slam against the shimmering barrier, threatening to cave it in.

Anon E. Muss, Lost as Shit | The Mines

Shit. Anon was like... super lost.

Did they ride a whole rickety mine cart section? He leans, looking down as it plunges into... nothingness.

Yeah, Anon might be sturdy against magic, but not against falling to his death.

He'd take the long way.

Author's Note

Wedding 2.0

Anon E. Muss, No Longer Lost | Wedding Venue

By the time Anon found his way out of the Mines, whatever had happened with the Wedding and their confrontation, had already happened. They were in the clean-up phase; and honestly, Anon didn't feel like he missed out on much. Ponies and their fights got messy and weird with magic involved.

Disgruntled Ponies roamed around. There was a decent bit of damage, but it was already quickly being repaired, Guards patrolling the area while guests recovered, and workers tried to quickly patch things up.

He's almost stopped and hassled as he crawls out of one of the Changelings secret tunnels, finally content to see proper light again; but Pinkie just so happens to be bounding around the area, earning him a pass at her vouch; and after a quick Pinkie-Are-You-Really-Anon-Test. Spoiler, he was, in fact, himself.

Over the next couple of hours, the wedding is quickly re-assembled, Cadance getting to actually walk through the setup to her own Wedding, sham as it may be. She was finding some fun out of it, as were the Elements she was interacting with, now that they actually had the right Princess. Maybe getting to wrest her own wedding from vile, Changeling clutches helped make the whole affair a little more... fun?

Cadance was far too busy now, recovering and re-finalizing the last-minute changes to the Wedding, so he didn't bother her. Though she did smile at him as they passed in the hall, so that was nice. New now-and-then seen friend, or something. Anon didn't really see himself visiting the Crystal Empire all that often, so... chalk it up to a good experience, and back to cramping Twilight's couch.

Anon sat comfortably on a nearby bench, overlooking the view. His bandana had been retired following his grueling escape of the underground, laid to rest; and now here he sat, a free confectionary from Pinkie in hand. Sprinkle Muffin, to help the post-kidnap blues.

He would've preferred coffee, but he also didn't like saying no to free things. Oh well.

Nearing hoofsteps draw him from his fantasies of stopping the entire attack himself, in a very macho last stand, as Twilight plops herself onto the bench beside him.

She looks... conflicted.

"Hey Twi." Anon nods. "Thought you'd be busier re-planning the Wedding; too busy to see lil ol' me."

"...Thanks. For believing me." She sighs, staring outward over the grassy, distant fields. No more shield bubble, no more obscured view. Far, far in the distance, Ponyville was still visible; the home he'd return to, probably in... a day? They were planning to just run the wedding again in a few hours, so no-ponies schedules would get too messed up.

"...I'd be stupid not to?" Anon raises an eyebrow. "What're you thanking me for? You know your Brother, and your old Sitter."

"...Tell that to the Girls. Or Celestia." She huffs.

Ooh, Anon's eyes widen. Twilight -- She didn't say Princess. She always says Princess. Always.

Twilight was PISSED.

Pursing his lips, Anon shifts to the usual; as sole, emotionally 'mature' Human of Equestria, his Therapeutic Pony Doctor mode engages. Twilight finds herself promptly grabbed, and placed on Anon's lap, like a cat; and the sprinkle cupcake shoved in her mouth.
"Anon --" She sputters the cupcake out, frowning. "I'm not here for one of your--"

His hands begin to massage her back, and she melts. Foolish Ponies. The true villain of these lands was Anon; with opposable thumbs, he could reach their itchiest spots, no tricks or magic. No Pony could resist his grasp. Lucky for them, he was a benevolent sort, content to naps and low-sugar foods. Seriously, these Ponies ate too much sugar. It was a miracle diabetes wasn't a rampant health issue.

"Too bad. Anyway -- explain." He goads, teasing a thumb between her shoulder blades. This was a surprisingly common position for them, Twilight and Anon. Purple Sparkle-Butt was a little Pony with a lot of big Pony thoughts. Like Taxes, and how to avoid them; or being upset with her Teacher over why certain schools of magic were banned.

Or in this case, how her friends besmirched her and her warnings about the entire Wedding.

Twilight groans, then sighs.
"...Nobody else believed me, and even Celestia... she just said that this was a lesson in trusting my instincts. After they all made me feel like I was... just jealous. Being cruel to Cadance, for stealing away my brother, or something. That feels like such a-- a--" She stutters, trying to find the words in frustration.

"A Cop-Out. She was wrong, and is trying to cover her ass?" Anon offers. A little spicy, but --

"Yes!" Twilight retorts, slumping back across his legs.

"...You know, your role model blasted her sister to the moon for a thousand years, because she got jealous of the attention. There's a small chance Princess Celestia might not have the best grasp on emotions." Anon warns, dipping a little into his personal vault of knowledge on Tia. His very aloof nature had kindled with her own, giving him a... unique viewing window into the Sunlight Princess. Partially because they got along enough, that Celestia would open up to him; mostly because he snuck into the forbidden section of the Library every time they visited Canterlot, and Anon was a fierce snooper. They had no secrets against him.

"...What do you mean?" Twilight asks, shifting to look at his face.

"I think... you should have a Big Pony sit down with Celestia, and explain to her how you feel. How this situation made you feel, and don't let her write it away with an attempt at a lesson. She didn't trust you; and she was wrong. A mentor isn't always right; they impart their knowledge and wisdom, but the student teaches the mentor, too. You said the other girls weren't there for you, either?" Anon explains, before twisting to a question.

"...Yeah. They just wanted the wedding to go well. They thought I was... jealous, that I was losing my brother." Twilight explains. "That me kicking up a fuss would just ruin their participation in the whole event."

"The... brother you already barely saw?" Anon asks, semi rhetorically.

"...Yeah." Twilight nods, somber.

"Well, for them; you should tell them to fuck off and to apologize." Anon shrugs.

Twilight blinks hard, looking at him. A bit... of a different approach than with Celestia.

"Little different then with your Mentor, who made a mistake and is... approaching it poorly. While she needs help being corrected to what you actually need out of her; your friends kind of... did you dirty. They upset you, didn't consider your feelings, and even slung an accusation back at you because they wanted their side of things to go well. When this is over, talk to them about it. Let them know you don't appreciate what they did, and how it hurt you. That kind of thing. You've got the friendship thing down pretty solid; you girls will figure it out." Anon affirms, giving her mane a little tussle.

"...Are you sure you weren't the Element of Friendship on your world?" Twilight teases, grinning.

"With the shit I said to people online? Ha." Anon snorts. "Actually, how is your brother handling things? Him and Cadance seemed to take a pretty hefty hit from this whole thing, and they're still rolling with it? I thought they'd redo the whole thing in a week, or some shit."

"...Me too, honestly. Cadance was in the prison for a while, and Chrysalis had Shining under control for a while. So, they might be... a little off, but they both want what's best for Equestria and the Crystal Empire. Even if that means... well, you know, sticking through with this. But yes, Shining is feeling better, now that Chrysalis is out of his head, and he doesn't have to focus on maintaining the barrier. Her control was subtle, up until now, so his headaches only got worse recently." Twilight explains, Anon nodding along, actually fairly interested.

"You Ponies sure bounce back quick, huh?" He wonders aloud, giving Twi a look herself. Despite the whole fiasco, and a few scuffs on her own bridesmaid apparel from tussling with Changelings, she looked about raring to go. Well, not emotionally.

"I could say the same for you, Anon; you hardly seem bothered you got kidnapped and held by Changelings." Twi teases back.

"If Cadance can treat it like it's no big deal, I can survive having been dragged around and left in a Cell for fifteen minutes. Not like I didn't have someone to gossip with the whole time, either." Anon blows a raspberry, shrugging.

"Now off with you; enjoy an actual, not actual wedding. Honestly, just go hang out with Cadance. I think she needs the friend right now, and you're a pretty heavy shoe-in for someone she'd actually want to see." Anon snorts, placing her back on the ground.

Twilight trots in place for a moment, turning to look at him.
"...How did you end up with Cadance in the Prison, anyway?"

"Oh, started snooping when you told me something was up, sneaking my way around the Castle. Got caught, obviously, but -- worth it, though. Had a good gossip session. I can see why you two get along." Anon grins, leaning back.

"She's... really appreciative of the talk you had with her, Anon. She wanted to thank you, but she's a little busy." Twilight informs.

"Well duh, it's a wedding. And she's the bride. If you see her, tell her we're good buddies now or something, and that she can write me. Now off with you, go hang with your Sister-In-Law-To-Be." Anon shoos, waving his hands at the purple pony.

Twilight grins, nuzzles his leg, and darts off, bounding excitedly. Therapy mode disengage, back to shitty thoughts.

Anon slumps back in his seat, blowing a raspberry. Wonder if Rarity could make him a sneaking suit. Actually, maybe Anon should have a talk with Celestia, too.

...Nah, that takes effort. He crumples up the wrapper, chucking it vaguely at the nearest bin. It's not even close.

The Wedding, this time, went without a hitch. Shining and Cadance were wed, to a fanfare that went uninterrupted by Changelings, from cheers of various visiting Ponies and Nobles, Elements and Princesses. Anon was there, too; he was in the back, but, he had a pretty good view. Most ponies only came up to his waist. Cadance and Luna came up to his chest, and Celestia nearly came up to his eyes. Well, up on the wedding stand, she towered over him now.

Cadance and Shining held themselves well; to the untrained, unsuspecting eye, their quick kiss and proud smiling were simply the results of a tiring day, thwarting evil. To say this whole event roused the Crystal Ponies mood would be an understatement.

During the following reception, Anon could see Twilight speaking privately to Celestia, off to the side. Celestia had a concerned face, but Twilight looked firm, standing her ground. Good for you, Purple.

Anon saw Ponk dishing out cake. He kept a wide, wide berth of that, trying to avoid any surplus sugars. His efforts got him to bump into Shining, startling them both; mostly in how that was even possible, with how hard Anon stuck out in the crowd.

"Oh -- Oh! Anon! Good to, uh... see you." Shining says awkwardly. They hadn't actually even gotten to speak this entire Wedding without Shining being under Chrysalis' control, and in the middle of a packed wedding reception hardly made it the most comfortable situation to chat.

"Hey Shining. You holding up good, bud?" Anon fields softly; he wouldn't rib the guy too bad, not after what they'd just gone through. And he was a pretty solid brother to Twilight from what Anon had heard. They didn't get too many chances to interact, Captain of the Guard keeping him busy. Like... once or twice, at a family dinner.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm alright. Better now." He nods quickly, though squints in response. Brain probably still a little tingly.

"Bet you've been asked that a few dozen times now, huh." Anon huffs, getting a weak chuckle from the Stallion.

"Yep." Shining groans. "I appreciate the concern, but... I kind of just want this over with."

Shinings eyes widen, and he quickly looks back up to Anon.
"N-not that I want my Wedding to e-end early or anything! This is great! It's the --"

Anon holds Shining's snout shut with a finger and thumb. Leaning down, he gives him a very, very obvious wink, shushing him quietly.

"I know. And I mean, I KNOW know. Don't bother asking how, but don't worry, I get it. You need me to cause a little ruckus or something, give you or Cadance a few minutes of peace, lemme know." Anon affirms softly, letting him go. Normally, he enjoyed just being a shitwad; but Twi, and by extension her family, were a soft spot. Treated him real well. So he actually bundled up what few good-person-points he had, and offered them up.

This seems to surprise Shining, whose wide eyes stare at his for a long moment. Then, a long sigh of relief.
"...I didn't know you were that good at picking things out like that, Anon. Must be that whole Anti-Magic thing you've got going on that I heard about, huh? You haven't, uh... told anypony, right?" Shining asks quietly, his tone lighter now.

Anon shakes his head, lips pursed. Rule one of The Girls. Do not oust The Girls.

"Okay. Thanks. I don't know how you got so good at figuring things out like that, but... I appreciate it. A lot. I wish we got more time to chat, honestly. Like, before this." Shining adds, visibly relaxing a surprising amount, puffing his chest out a bit less.

"Eh, catch me at the next Sparkle Family dinner, we'll go... I dunno, bowling or something. Sound good?" Anon shrugs, grinning. "I bet your Sister's got a hankering to say hi, though. When's the last time you two talked, without a bug in your brain?"

"Too long. Do you know where she is? I should talk to her, if there's a chance." Shining nods, glancing past Anon.

Anon thumbs behind himself, towards the doors out of the main function hall.
"Giving Big ol' Sunbutt a little deserved ribbing."

"...She's what?" Shining requests immediate clarification, blinking hard several times.

"Talk to Twilight, and she'll tell you all about it. Go on, git; I see some ponies who look vaguely like you making their way over. Distant relatives wanting to talk. I'll block 'em." Anon warns, spying a pair of Ponies who look suspiciously close to Shining and Twilight's parents, but not quite.

"Oh, Shit -- alright, thanks Anon. And, uh... thanks, for not saying anything, again. I really appreciate it."

Shining nods, pats Anon on the leg in passing, and bolts out of the hall as politely as he can. He should probably bug out, too. Ooh, maybe don't use that phrase for the next... month. Bug-Puns might get him cavity searched for suspicions of being a Changeling.

Something was odd, though. The situation was dicey, sure, but Shining seemed... way too relieved when Anon said he hadn't told anybody. And what was that about his lack of magic?

Anon mentally tucks that away for later, returning to the party.

Later, when the evening was in full swing and most Ponies were heading back from the ceremonies, Anon also saw Twilight getting a chance to speak to both Cadance and Shining, before they parted to Ponyville. Plenty of smiles, tight hugs, and surprisingly reassured looks between them all. He made sure to give that some space, but still waved when noticed. He hadn't expected all three of them to look at him so... positively, waving back.

It felt like he did a good deed or something today. Ew.

The mood on the train ride back was, absolutely, better than it was before; but it still wasn't great. Anon was good at sussing out odd feelings, and things were... a touch awkward, in the train car.

On the way back to Ponyville, the group seemed a little more... fractured, than usual. Normally Anon sat a few seats down so he could sprawl out, but now Twilight sat with him, away from the other girls, who themselves sat in little fractured groups. Flutters and Pinkie, Dash by herself, Rarity and AJ... Odd, but not unusual considering what Twilight had told them. Probably one of the rougher patches of their friend group.

Anon shrugs. They'd work it out, and he'd been a good enough person today. Time for something selfish. Instead of trying to help solve their friend-group problems, Anon instead relents to petting Twilight's Mane, despite her weak protests, which quickly melt into content hums. They never could resist.

1 Week Later | Twilight's Library

Anon snorts awake, nudged by a purple hoof. He's been crashing with Twilight since his arrival in Equestria, and today was no different.

An unbothered Anon elected to stay, rather than trying to cop a job and pretend like things were normal. Twilight, pleased to have a new friend that wasn't pissed at her for dumping him in her world, gave Anon his own room; it used to be a storage room, and basically still was, with several boxes surrounding the mattress in the middle of the little room.

She also paid for most of his shit, since he didn't have a job that wasn't just favor-trading with the locals. He'd feel bad, but she was on "The Princesses' Favorite" Payroll, so he was actually spending taxpayer money. And that made it funny, and entirely okay.

Anon did not mind his little room, the lack of a job or a proper income; instead, currently knocked out on one of his favorite spots. The couch. Anon could knock out just about anywhere, on any furniture or surface, in anyone's abode. He's slept on Rarity's loungers, in Applejacks barn -- so on. If he could sleep on clouds, he would. A master of lazy.

Anon was heavily tolerated around Ponyville, for his blunt insights that helped circumvent a lot of the problems that occurred around here.

Its been a week since the wedding. Anon, Spike and Twilight have been hanging out for most of it. The relationship with the others was... a touch dicey, still. Rarity and Applejack apologized, but with the entire group still iffy, they hadn't quite reformed yet. Dash was stubborn and didn't see a reason to apologize. Pinkie, who didn't see the issue, still offered apologies. Twilight was iffy about so easily accepting them, and wanted Pinkie to stew a little longer. Flutters had closed herself off out of guilt, hiding in her house.

Overall, not great. But, Ponies. They'd figure it out. Anon had already played Therapist for half of the group about the situation. Rarity genuinely did get overexcited and just missed the cues. Applejack thought Twilight was just being... a lot, and felt really bad about it. Dash was a dipshit. The rest would come around later.

He blinks, rubbing his eyes as he focuses in, remembering he's being woken up. An expert nappist, Anon had been refueling from doing nothing, so he could head out and do nothing. Instead, Twilight is holding a letter in front of his face, glowing with her magics as it hovers.

"What'd I do now..?" Anon grumbles, sitting up.

"What? Nothing. Just read it, Anon." Her tone is... not flat. It's odd. It sounds like she wants to smile, but she's conflicted? Uh oh. That sounded like trouble.

He plucks it out of the air, squinting and stifling a yawn. He doesn't even need to crack the seal, snoopy Twilight already having helped herself to a peek.

Oh, a royal missive. He didn't get many of those, they were usually for Twilight and just involved a P.S at the bottom for him. Saved parchment, that way.

Oh, it's from the Crystal Empire. That's new. Their paper is... shinier in the light. Refracts pretty. Colorful. Anyway -- he should read it, Twilight's staring at him.

A Royal Invitation. Fancy. Those usually had dinner. Big, fancy dinner. He could eat. Though, his appetite fades as he actually reads the bulk of the letter.

"...To serve as The Crystal Empire's Royal Advisor. This exchange has already been approved by both Leaders of each Nation. A Train is being sent to collect you, so please pack your..." Anon says aloud, muttering by the end of it.

"...Did I just get a job?" He mumbles. Like, a real one? And not just coasting off of favors for being an unlicensed Pony Therapist?

Twilight hugs him, wrapping her hooves around him. It's a bit of an awkward angle, but not for a lack of effort.
"You did! For Princess Cadance! I'm... going to miss you, Anon." She sniffles.

"Damn, don't write me off so quickly, Spunkle. You been trying to get rid of me?" He teases. Twilight flinches back, abhorred. "You just want the couch back, don't you?"

"What?! No, I'm excited for you! Royal Advisor; that's an amazing position for you!" She exclaims. "...But I would like to actually get to use my own couch."

"Too bad I'm taking it with me."

"Fat chance."

"I think you just want your room back, too." Anon sneers. Then, he sighs, accepting the grim reality. "...And I assume I can't say no?"

She looks at him, confused. Like, why would that even be an option? He figured as much. Princess want, Princess get.

Anon shakes his head. Welp.
"...When does the train arrive?"

"Fifteen minutes!" Twilight affirms, already floating his belongings down the stairs. "I've packed and organized your things into--"

A finger presses against her nose.
"Did you pack everything before you told me?" Anon scolds.

"...Maybe?" She grins sheepishly.

"You DO WANT ME GONE!" Anon shouts, leaping from the couch. Twilight flusters, trying to corral the rowdy Anon with his own luggage.

"No! I-I'm going to miss you, so I'm trying to help! I just--I don't want to stop talking to you, like I did with my brother." She huffs suddenly, dejected.

Anon slows, blowing a raspberry. These Ponies were always so deep in their feelings.
"Well, we can always write, or whatever. Or visit. Plus, I wouldn't mind a guide getting there for the first time."

Twilight perks up.
"...I could come with you! For a little bit. To get you settled! Would that be okay? Spike could watch the Library -- but you're alright with that?" She begins to ramble, excitedly trotting in place.

"Okay to me, Twunkle. Hurry up, right? We leave soon." Anon nods, stretching.

There we go. Twilight loved getting her hooves all over other peoples plans; that should keep her content.

...Royal Advisor. Anon purses his lips, watching Twilight dart around the Library, now packing her own things, yelling for Spike, who peers down from upstairs, lured by the commotion.

Why did he have a feeling this wasn't quite so clear-cut?

He holds the letter up again.

The bulk of the letter is professional, but... oh, there. At the bottom. A little hoof-written addition.

"Despite the odd situation for our first interaction, it was a delight meeting you; thank you for all of your hope. For both myself, and my dear Sister-In-Law. Your unique skillset in managing Emotions has reminded me of our conversation, deep below Canterlot. I hope that you are willing to upkeep the offer you had made; as it would be dutifully appreciated, Mister Anon E. Muss. You come highly recommended, and I believe we... shared a moment that night. I believe we have much to discuss, if you find yourself willing. Please, even if you do not wish to partake in the duty; come visit. We would love to host you." Anon trails off, mumbling to himself.

...Why was that so foreboding? That felt a lot more loaded than it read. Was that a Princess of Love thing?

His danger senses are tingling. Usually, that's when he's about to get ambushed by Ponkie (Pinkie, Obviously) or Dipshit (Dash, More Obviously).

He purses his lips, recalling the evening they spent in the cell, the long gossipy talk. The ensuing Wedding.

...She had been staring at him. A lot. Well, in the prison, she didn't have much else to look at.

Though she did stare in his direction a lot during the actual coronation.

Anon shrugs. He was a big funny naked monkey in clothes. Everyone stares. It should be fine. Right?

It didn't feel like it was that simple.

Anon finds a purple swirl of magic tugging at his shirt, Twilight by the door.
"Come ON Anon! If I'm your guide, then you're on Twi-Time! And we will NOT be late to meet my new Sister in Law!" She beams; also holding all of their luggage.

...She had a pretty good grip on him. It used to just be the Alicorns. Was her magic getting stronger? Her whole thing was magic. Wouldn't be surprised if she was... a magic prodigy, or an upcoming Alicorn. Was that a thing?

Anon shrugs, waving to Spike as he's dragged out the Library; the Crystal Train is already waiting in the station, staffed by guards as they approach.

Author's Note

Train Ride, But Crystallize

Well, it was like the train they had taken to Canterlot for the Wedding.

But...shinier. Almost upsettingly so to Anon's eyes. It was like every part of it was made of Crystals.

On closer inspection? Well, because it was. Anon had absolutely no idea how they pulled that off -- no, scratch that, he did; he forgets every time. Magic. Never mind. Not even the Ponies could explain half the shit they did with anything better than a shrug, and muttering 'Magic'. At least the seats were still comfortable, somehow, despite everything having sharp corners.

Anon was sensing a very crystalline theme here, and he had a feeling it wasn't going to be a good one. Just a very... shiny one.

Twilight excitedly sits across from him, several books taken from the Library spread out in front of them. She was providing him a crash-course on the Crystal Empire and its history before they arrived.

Another book hovers up in front of his face, startling Anon out if his depressive ruminations.

"And here, you can see King Sombra; he's been trying to take over the Crystal Empire an enact his own cruel rule, mind-controlling the Ponies." She explains.

Looks like he'd be popular on Deviantart, Anon snorts to himself.
"...Okay. Are we going to meet him? Or am I watching out for him?"

"Oh, no! He's missing, and it's why the Crystal Kingdom returned; just try not to bring him up, he's a sore spot for them." Twilight explains.

"...Right." Anon mutters, leaning closer to get a look at him. He was working those muttonchops, though. It's giving... Ganondorf.

"And what about shit actually relevant to my upcoming position?" He instead asks.

"Uh... Truthfully? I have no idea. There's been Advisors for the Canterlot Court before, but I'm not sure how a Royal Advisor for the Crystal Kingdom works, or how much control they actually have. I've also never really interacted with any of Equestria's Advisors, just the Princess... We'll have to find out while we're there--but I'll help you learn everything!" Twilight exclaims, digging out another book. "A lot of their literature is only recently resurfacing... I can't wait to see their libraries."

While Twilight gets excited about the visit, Anon wonders if Crystal Ponies ate crystals. Was it cannibalism? The regular Ponies diets were bad enough, but he has a hard time imagining eating crystals to be an enjoyable experience. The Dentists here probably made bank; or the Ponies had some insane teeth.

His gaze flickers to the few guards who ride with them, currently a pair of Stallions sharing their traincar. Their armor was either a silvery blue, or a soft mellowed green; their fur... glinting, like... these dumb fucking rocks they made everything out of. This was going to get old, fast. Anon mentally marks to watch where to stand when the sun shines on the things, lest he get blinded by light bouncing off them.

"Oh, here! You can learn about Princess Amore! Very little is known about her, but she's a notable figure in the Crystal Empire's history --" Twilight starts, hovering up a book to show a Mare the size of Celestia. Huh, looks kind of like Cadance. Twilight is about to launch into a tirade of the Crystal-Ponies other, non-sombra leadership, when Anon holds a finger up.

"Is it the Crystal Kingdom, or the Crystal Empire?" Anon cuts in, confused.

"The Crystal Empire. Anyone who says Crystal Kingdom is just wrong." She giggles, shaking her head.

"But... you've been calling it both." Anon tries to point out.

She looks at him, confused. "No? I haven't?"

Anon holds his hands up in surrender, and drops it. He's not about to be gaslit by a fucking Pony.

It's about a full days ride to the Empire, from Canterlot. They were even served dinner by one of the train-staff.

Guess what it was. Anon was both surprised, and disappointed.

Pony food. Great.

Well... maybe they were just serving them the Pony food, and the guards -- no, they're getting Pony food too. Anon mentally marks off 'Crystal Cruncher' as a slur, and pokes his meal with a sigh.

Twilight's already ripped into hers.

What Anon hated was how deceptive the food was. Hayburger was the worst about it.

Everything looked like a real, good burger. Every single option on the menu, was crafted to look just like a cheeseburger. But instead of beef, it was lies. It was all made of condensed hay patties or whatever they did. Honestly, it felt cruel, and the first time he ate it, it broke his heart; that was the start of his anti-pony-food spiral. Also, humans can't comfortably eat hay, so he spent the next hour getting sick. Not Anon, at least.

He'd have to try and use his power to get them to import fish, or SOMETHING, because he'd wither away before lasting very long in this new position.

Dinner went... fine. Anon picked at it, like he usually did. Twilight tried to offer him some of the tastier parts of her own, so they swapped some bites. She understood his plight, thankfully.

Dinner gets packed in. Twilight tries to ham in a few more lessons, but the meal is getting her tired. They deign to chat for a while, instead.

Night was soon well and truly underway, the train chugging onward. They were to arrive in the morning, so the seats were doubling as beds tonight; ensuring they would arrive on time.

Anon is sprawled on his back on half the seating, Twilight curled up on his chest, snoring. That draws the attention of one the guards, the other napping quietly, slumped against one of the walls.

Social norms with Ponies were either ignored, or outright forgotten around him. He figured it was part of his Anti-Charm; creatures had a very high tolerance for his bullshit, and often interacted with him, specifically, oddly. Things normally marked "Very Dangerous" seemed oddly willing to give Anon a chance, at first.

In this case, the moment Twilight found out just how much heat Anon put out with his lack of fur, he would constantly find her trying to use him as a heater.

These Pony things were a smidge like cats; honestly a whole splash of different features, but just enough that some cat shit worked on them.

Twilight swore him to secrecy after it, but 'Pspsps' worked on her once, when she stayed up for three days straight. That had Anon in stitches. Now whenever he tries it, she gives him a dirty look.

And you'd be surprised how far basic care gets you, to a Pony. Brush their Mane. Scratch their back. Boom; they're like putty in his palm. No preening Wings though; helping with that was apparently super intimate, same as touching a Unicorns Horn, or an Earth Pony's Hooves. Despite being a big shitwad, Anon respected boundaries. Mama raised him right.

Anon had been in Ponyville for... shit, close to a year now. A year of crashing at Twilight's and hanging out with her near-daily. At first, there was some experimentation to see just what he was, and if her summoning of him had any adverse affects. Nothing. No displacement to reality, no absorbing all magic with his weird anti-magic shit, nothing. Twilight pretty quickly realized she just poofed some dude instead, when he very easily and willingly gave her his name, and it did nothing.

Now they just hang out. She deeply appreciated that he doesn't spiral into grudges or beef with the other locals, or abuse his opposable thumbs. Maybe one day, when he felt like being a villain.

They're tiny, colorful horses. It's hard to take them seriously, when they have pictures on their ass and names like "Filthy Rich".

Twilight stirs softly in her sleep, Anon ruffling her mane. She makes a quiet whinny, nuzzling further against him. They were pretty cute, though.

One of the guards looks over from their own makeshift bed town the train car, a mixture of curiosity and... oh, no way that's jealousy. He's gotten way too good at reading these silly little horses for his own good.

Anon gives them a little wave with his free hand, getting their attention. They tilt their head curiously. Time for a little test about these Crystal-Variant of Ponies.

He points to the spot beside himself, on the open side of his seat. The guard glances around, as if looking for a reason to object, or if he's motioning to another; but the train worker was up ahead by several cars, and the other guard was asleep themselves.

Tentatively, they rise, walking down the train car quietly. Well, as quiet as something hooves can. They always wondered how Anon could pick up on them while they were sneaking. He had... ears?

Well, except Ponk, but she didn't obey any natural laws. Not thinking about how Plink operated saved himself some sleepless nights.

"Sir? Did you need something?" They ask quietly, glancing to the drooling Twilight on his chest with a curious glance.

Apparently all of the Crystal Ponies looked like Earth Ponies; this one was wearing silvery-blue armor, highlighting their own light-blue fur. An almost platinum mane peeks out from under the helmet, with wide, curious icy-blue eyes staring at him. Probably on the younger, fresher to the ranks side.

"Caught you staring. You want in on this?" Anon asks, wriggling a free hand.

Wiggly fingers always weirded Ponies out at first; very funny to Anon. Said guard stares at his hand.

"Apologies if my... staring disturbed, Sir, I didn't mean to offend. Get in on... what, exactly, Sir?" They ask tentatively.

Anon's fingers reach down for the guards chin. He tries to pull back, but Anon is too fast.

Chin scratch.

Melts in the palm of his hand, eyes half-closing.

Maybe he did get demon-powers or something; subjugation through pets. The devious idea of usurping one of the kingdoms, like Equestria, by petting its leader into submission is an amusing one; sat on Canterlots throne, Sunbutt on his lap, like a supervillain and their oversized cat.

Then again, she might be into that. Best not.

The distant, muffled horn of the train slowly stirs a groggy Anon, blinking awake. Well, that and his foot is repeatedly being nudged.

The other guard, the one he didn't enrapture with petting; an older stallion with a grey coat and off-green armor, stares down at them.

Twilight is curled up in a ball on his chest, Anon idly scratching her back. The younger guard is curled up to his side, helmet beside him as Anon scratches his head. They had an... interesting texture to their fur, now that he had some time to work on it. Closer to standard horses fur, almost smooth; like a biological attempt of a rocky, smooth surface. Not perfect, but close. Weird touch feel.

"...Sir. We have arrived. Can you relinquish Mint Cobalt from your... grasp?" He requests sternly. The younger guards eyes snap open in a worry as his name is called.

"Oh, my bad. Humans, we don't sleep well alone. I'm just appreciative of the Empires immense hospitality to work around my... unique needs." Anon entirely bullshits. He can feel Cobalt exhale in relief against him.

Wasn't entirely a lie, though. Sleeping with a big pony pillow or two was better than alone. He might keep this ruse going. Might even throw in a few other 'Human' things, see how far he can push it.

"Understood... but please refrain from collecting such from our rank and file. I'm sure the staff at the Castle will be willing to assist." They sigh, as Cobalt springs back up to the other guards side, quickly tucking his own helmet back on. The older stallion throws Cobalt a hefty glare, as Cobalt clears his throat, looking away.

A few pokes, and Twilight stirs, snorting awake. She glances idly between the several faces watching her, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Mm...we here?" She mumbles, smacking her lips, grinning sheepishly at the guards once she notices their audience.

Man, it was nippy. Anon didn't realize just how far north the Crystal Empire was; they shared a border with yaks, who shared a border with penguins and polar bears. He should've figured. Hopefully Twilight packed his coat.

"You could have woken me up earlier!" Twilight grumbles, slapping Anon's leg with her tail. At least she used her tail, and didn't use all the luggage she was carrying with her magic, which hovered threateningly around them in a purple glow. Anon was starting to regret insisting she carry his, too, since she was the one who packed them. Those big, wobbly, sad purple eyes didn't work on him as well as she hoped, and she was getting back at him for it. Rarity was the only one whose pouting he could falter for.

Most of the luggage was Twilight's, anyway.

"I didn't get up any earlier than you did." Anon retorts, unabashed, leaning away from a suitcase that hovers just a little too close. Ponies didn't really respect his privacy, so he got used to not having any. This had the slightly averse affect of counter-upsetting the Ponies, since they still seemed to like their own privacy. Conditional little things.

They'd missed the approach towards the walls, since they'd slept until they were already docked at the station; a decent spread of guards watched them as they took the path upwards, towards the castle, a few of the other Crystal ponies peppered around, watching them curiously.

Anon was right. Crystals, fucking everywhere. Crystal houses, crystal infrastructure; but it also all seemed a little... outdated. Like, Canterlot was medieval, sure, compared to some of the other Equestrian cities. But this felt... extra medieval. Extra old.

"How long was the Empire gone for, again?" Anon mutters, glancing at Twilight.

"A... thousand years, I believe." Twilight recalls. Anon knows the hesitation was her compartmentalizing the actual, exact year count to a summary. She had learned to do that for him more, since he started zoning out during her longer explanations.

"Huh. Castle looks pretty new and detailed, in comparison." Anon muses, pointing up at it. They were passing the wide, open square, with a massive Crystal citadel in its center. Reminded him of the Eiffel tower, honestly.

"Is that whole thing the castle?" Anon asks, looking up at it. Very tower-like compared to the Castle vibe of Canterlot. The way it was positioned over the square, it must be odd knowing Ponies walked directly underneath your floor.

"Yes, and a part of its function is dedicated to the Crystal Heart. Look under it, in the center." Twilight pauses, pointing it out to Anon.

Underneath the massive, Eiffel Tower style crystalline chunk and its four supporting struts, was a large pedestal. A Crystal heart of a shining blue floated softly in place. A pointed shard of crystal pointed down from the underbelly of the castle, and a large pedestal sat underneath it.

"The Love and Hope of all the Crystal Ponies fuel the Crystal Heart, and it protects them in turn; it was used to banish Sombra, as it combats and eliminates Evil. Apparently, it can even reveal the Destiny in ones heart, if gazed upon." Twilight explains, likely reciting one of her books.

Anon wonders what would happen if he got hit by it; if he'd be smited on the spot, or reformed into a gooder version of himself, or if he even categorized as something evil around here. Something to keep in mind, if he ever seeks to repent for his numerous crimes, he snorts to himself.

Several Crystal Guards currently mill about around it, though it doesn't look too heavily secured, considering several Crystal Ponies were idling around it, looking or talking. The fact it even has guards at all is probably a side-effect from Shining handling security.

They slow in their pace as they stare at the Heart, Anon raising an eyebrow. They were across the plaza from it, so no little peek into their destinies for them. Probably for the best; if Anon saw what his future was supposed to be, his innate contrarianism would demand he do the opposite.

Wait, wasn't that also the thing that protected them from Sombra? Seemed odd just having it so... out, and unprotected. It looked kind of easy to snatch.

"Looks like the heart on Cadance's butt. Think that one does the same, if you stare at it?" Anon jokes.

Twilight barely stifles a snort, before the two guards escorting them pausing to glare back. Anon purses his lips.

"Which, I will not find out. Because... I will not check." He slowly affirms. The Guards glares slowly turn back towards the castle, and the group is off again.

Twilight gives him an 'Oh, you' look.

That was not what Anon felt. Those looks were pointed. Dangerous, even. They might like their Princess a little too much around here. Anon spends the rest of the walk quietly wondering if Cadance had some kind of... ambient love effect on the local population, trying to recall if he felt anything while spending time with her, in the crystal cells.

...Nope. Oh well. His attention span faltered. Chalk it up to the Crystal Ponies being an uppity group, and move on. Maybe if he remembered, he'd ask Cadance later.

They're guided through the large, heavy Crystal doors, down the Crystal halls, passing Crystal pillars. More guards, obviously, but notably less than Canterlot.

Actually, Anon was noticing that they seemed to do everything smaller, and more in detail here. Not by much, mind, but comparing this castle to Canterlot's, it felt like... the massive, towering ceilings of a grand cathedral, contrasted to a sizable, crystalline estate. Still impressive, but not quite on the same tier. The halls and decorations, doors and pillars, were all smaller in comparison, but "Crystal-Crafted" with a lot of fine, intricate detailing's. Little murals engraved in pillars, or multi-colored crystals used to create a pseudo-stained-glass window, attached directly to the crystals that made up the walls.

While the houses and businesses outside were made of raw, unsmoothed Crystal, including much of the infrastructure here was smoothed and worked over, looking hoof-crafted rather than... was the alternative actually just being grown naturally?

At least he didn't have to duck under doorframes, still. He appreciated that. Anon still got headaches now and then from just how often he hit his head on shit around Ponyville.

A pit-stop is made at their guest rooms; taking the job or not, they were guests of the Empire. This was mostly just a chance for a tired Twilight to offload the luggage, and to try and guilt Anon into feeling bad for making her carry it all. It didn't work. He just pats her head.

Instead of being directed through towards the throne room, they're taken through a few side hallways, ending in a dining room; it was smaller, elaborate and lavish, but private compared to Canterlots massive long-tabled dining hall. This one looks like it would seat at most eight, with a fireplace nestled comfortably in the wall. It's got quite the comfortable atmosphere actually. A private dining hall, maybe?

The guards guide them inside; where Shining Armor and Princess Cadance sit at said table, strikingly contrasting the crystals around them with their polarizing fur, a light breakfast already partially eaten between the pair of them. They look pretty tired.

"Cadance! Shining!" Twilight beams excitedly, charging around the table to greet them. Both rise from their seats, smiling in turn as they meet Twilight in a pair of tight hugs.

"Twilight! So good to see you again. I didn't know you were coming!" Cadence says warmly, keeping her sister-in-law hugged close; the pair can't help but giggle, likely over that very reason.

"It's only been a week, Cadance! I mean, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza." Twilight corrects, pulling from her grasp and dramatically bowing. Cadance rolls her eyes, hardly stifling the ensuing laugh, before Twilight's own giggles join in, the two happily trotting in place.

"Oh don't YOU start. You are my Lawfully-Mandated Sister, and I won't be hearing such from you. Cadance only. And I will miss you from a single day, thank you very much." Cadance playfully retorts, poking Twilight's chest with a hoof.

Shining finally manages to get at a hug of his own, approaching her side and pulling his sister in tightly, rustling her mane with a hoof.
"It's good to see you again, Twily -- was worried we wouldn't get the chance to, for a while. Was the ride alright? What brings you around?"

Twilight pushes her way out of Shining's brotherly grasp, using her magic to straighten her mane, huffing in mock annoyance.
"The ride was fine, Shining. I told you to stop ruffling my Mane!" She pouts, finally getting her hair straightened. "Your Royal Advisor, of whom I am accompanying to help assist in the transitional stage of his role, is here, escorted by yours truly. If it's alright if I stay. I probably should have asked first..." Twilight informs, motioning to Anon; who is still stood at the other end of the table, having been watching the whole thing play out.

"Of course you're welcome, Twilight. We've got plenty of spare rooms, stay as long as you wish." Shining affirms, with an agreeing nod from Cadance.

Anon is patiently waiting, stood by the door. He's bothering Cobalt again, flicking his ears, grinning.

Oh, shit, they're looking at him now.
"Oh. Hey." Anon gives a little wave. They both smile warmly, moving around the table to come greet him.

"Thank you for coming, Anon. You didn't have to, but we are both glad you did." Cadance says, before looking to the pair of guards that had accompanied him and Twilight.

"Guards? Thank you for escorting them; you can return to your posts." Cadance politely informs, giving the pair a nod.

The Guards both bow, muttering affirmations. Cobalt glances away nervously, eager to escape as Anon gives him an eerie, parting goodbye grin, the heavy crystal doors to the dining room clicking shut behind them. Was Cobalt his new test subject for Pony subjugation? Maybe.

"...You're already having quite the impact among the ranks, aren't you." Shining grins, trotting up behind and around Cadance to reach Anon.

"Can't help it; I have an extremely dangerous and contagious condition called 'Ponies like to be pet by me'. There's currently no cure." Anon shrugs, before hoof-fist bumping Shining.

He doesn't get off so easily with Cadance, who pulls him into a pink-winged hug; nearly the same size as Luna, Cadance is actually one of the few capable of giving him what feels like a proper, actual, body-wrapping hug. And man, she is fluffier than she looks. Her fur must've grown out from living up here in the colder climate. Same would probably happen to Shining eventually, too. It's a funny visual that puts a bemused grin on his face.

Returning the hug is a tad awkward with the wings in the way, but he figures it out, and pats her back.
"Thanks for the invitation. And the job, apparently. Like, really? Me?" He asks incredulously as Cadance let's him go.

"I'd love to discuss that. And more, if you're willing?" Cadance asks, motioning to the dining table with a feathery wing-point, inviting them to sit.

Author's Note

So. Stallions, Huh?

Anon E. Muss, Twarkle Sparkle, Princess Cadance, Shining Armor | Crystal Empire Castle, Private Dining Hall

Having already 'Ate', no further food needs to be brought out, with what was already being eaten before their arrival getting squared-away by some staff. Shining and Cadance sit beside each-other, opposite of Anon and Twilight. Purple has her hooves pressed together on the tabletop; where did she get those glasses?

It's just the four of them now, Guards and Staff instructed to leave them to their private discussion.

Obviously, the discussion is supposed to be about Anon becoming their Royal Advisor. But there's a... tension in the air. For a married couple, Shining and Cadance don't sit very close to each-other; even him and Twilight are nearly bumping 'elbows' the way she's sitting, and there's plenty of room.

Obviously he knows why; but it's as if every-pony is waiting for someone else to get this ball rolling, like trying to approach the topic was awkward. Talk about the job; you can ease into the nitty-gritty later. The requirements, the hours, the pay. A spiffy outfit? How much paperwork is there, or is he just a pretty face that whispers ideas?

This silence is dragging on too long. Anon steels himself. Just say something. Anything.

"So. Stallions, huh?" Anon smoothly kicks it off.

Shining's eyes go wide, and he coughs loudly, glancing away and hiding his mouth behind a hoof.

"Anon!" Twilight slaps his shoulder.

Cadance glances between Anon and Shining, seemingly unable to decide if she should be upset like Twilight, or crack a laugh.

"What? Obviously they're not hiring me for my verbosity or literature skills." Anon retorts, rubbing his arm. He contemplates flicking her horn as a get-back.

"You can't just--" Twilight flusters, but Cadance finally cracks, giggling.

"Twilight, it's alright. Everyone in this room is... aware. Shining and I discussed the idea." She informs, shaking her head in bemusement. Shining leans back up, nodding after a loaded huff.

"...Honestly, she didn't really have to convince me. You're a family friend, and you've kept my... secret, willingly and without me even asking. I appreciate that. A lot." Shining admits.

Cadance puts a reassuring hoof on Shining's front-leg, and the two share a smile.

Anon squints slightly, reading their faces. Cadance's smile is genuine, relieved; like his presence is going to be a good thing for both of them.

Shining barely makes eye contact with her, before glancing away, smile faltering much quicker as he looks back to Anon.

Humans are incredibly complex social creatures, able to pick up on very minor facial and body cues. Combine that with very expressive Ponies who tend to wear their emotions on their sleeve, and you'd think Anon was some kind super-sleuth.

In reality, Ponies are just incapable of noticing as much as Anon is, in cases like these. He says nothing for the moment, but takes that little tidbit away. Already, this job was looking... interesting.

"Right. So we've got the Advisor part, and the Secret part. Let's iron out the Secret thing now. Is it only the four of us who know?" Anon starts; Twilight settles in, like she's his little lawyer.

Cadance and Twilight glance to Shining, who nods.
"...Almost. The Princesses know too."

"So us, and the Princesses. Got it." Anon nods. "And like, culturally, no problems with that kind of thing, right? The worries are all political?"

When Cadance and Shining glance at each-other, Twilight clarifies; mostly for Shining, as Cadance has already heard something similar.
"Where Anon is from, there's some groups where they've had to hide parts of themselves, like sexuality or belief, or be ousted."

"Or worse." Anon adds.

"A lot worse." Twilight add-adds, shuddering.

"Neither in Equestria, or in the Crystal Empire, is there anything against such." Cadance affirms, Shining making a disturbed but understanding expression at that tidbit of information about Anon's past.

"The Crystal Ponies... The Crystal Heart. They're interlinked, and the Hope and Love of the Crystal Ponies is what grants the Heart it's power. Without it, the Empire is weak, vulnerable. To outside, and inside influence. Have you been informed of Sombra?" Cadance speaks, leaning forward on the table.

"Somewhat." Anon nods.

"The decision for us to marry... there were mounting pressures from neighboring nations. Particularly Griffonia, Saddle Arabia, and worries of the Changelings deciding the Empire would make fresh hunting grounds..." Shining explains, both him and Cadance visibly wincing at the bug-ponies mention. Anon didn't blame them. "Something had to be decided quickly, so Princess Celestia selected... us. We have history, we know each-others families, so on. It seemed entirely sensible. Until I told her." Shining sighs.

"Hit you with the classic 'Give up your personal wants for the good of the people' shitstick?" Anon snorts. Shining seems surprised, nodding.

"Anon is very... intuitive, when it comes to understanding Ponies. It's one of the main reasons I wanted to invite him." Cadance mentions to Shining, who makes a quiet 'Ah'.

"Yes, in a sense. That it would take too much time to find another for Cadance, that the idea was already public, and our shared history was simply... too perfect. It was exactly what the Crystal Ponies needed." Shining elaborates. "The perfect upswing to their morale, following the defeat of Sombra, and return of the Empire."

"Even if it was a lie?" Anon questions.

"Auntie Celestia did not intend for it to be such; she herself found out too late... and truthfully, I don't disagree with her. It is deeply unfortunate, but Shining and I have spent time discussing how we wish to approach this arrangement." Cadance says, defending Celestia. She's pretty good at hiding her expressions, but that honest girl-talk in the crystal tunnels gave him plenty of insight on her. She wasn't terribly happy about it, either.

"Right. So if this 'Gets out', or the marriage goes sideways, or basically any approach that isn't perfect... it affects the Crystal Ponies morale. Which affects the very strength and vitality of the entire nation, and its ability to defend itself." Anon clarifies, looking between them expectantly.

Cadance and Shining purse their lips, nodding.

"... Fuck me, that's a terrible setup." Anon groans, sinking in his chair. It seems he's not the only one who understands it, as Shining chuckles softly.

"I get it, believe me. The army is a fraction of what it once was. Following demobilization from Sombra's reign, all the civilians returned to their normal lives, and a good chunk of the Guard wanted out, too. We're operating at a fraction of their strength, crippling us Militarily." Shining rubs the side of his head with a hoof.

"...And the traumatic experience has put off several Ponies from working in the Mines, which they were forced to do under his reign. Which, unfortunately, is our main export. We're also crippled Economically, and alternatives are... hard to find, given our environment." Cadance adds in, sighing softly.

Man, they both looked fucking tired. Picking up the pieces of a damaged Empire, and trying to work out the cards they'd been dealt in this whole situation.

Anon glances to Twilight, who stares up at him, almost pouting. Aw, she wants him to help them. Good try Twi, but again, only Rarity's big blues could get him to fold.

Though he was already here. And they keep taking hopeful glances at him.

Anon sighs, scratching the back of his head.
"So you want me to be the... Royal Advisor. What does that even do for you guys? I'm not a Politician or anything like that."

"Twilight has told me you've extensive knowledge of your own peoples history, which, this is incredible if true, but it extends thousands upon thousands of years into the past?" Cadance perks up, ears twitching.

"Yeah, we've had a few Empires, Kingdoms, Colonies, Wars, Cultures... I'm not gonna pretend like I'm up to snuff on all of them, but a big approach of Humanity was to try their best to record history, and teach it to the future generations." Anon nods, letting his mind wander, thinking of old earth empires.

The Ponies already had some... very oddly similar setups, in culture and technology, to humans. Throw in a few ideas from his world, and they could probably softly spring themselves ahead of the competition.

But securing the Nation was only one half of it.

"Alright. Yeah, I could play Advisor, giving you guys ideas and nitpicking yours, or whatever you want me to do there once I get to read some files. But what about... you two?" Anon alludes, waggling a finger between the Prince and Princess. They were the other half of this equation.

Cadance and Shining share another glance.
"Well... ensuring that the truth never comes to light, and assisting us in... managing, the situation." Shining tries to field.

"Speaking with you is... very helpful, and it's refreshing to have an understanding ear. We don't want you to... hm." Cadance sighs. "I've spent days trying to figure out how to talk about this."

"It's definitely... not the norm." Shining laughs, shaking his head.

Anon snaps his fingers.
"Help you two look legit and avoid spilling the secret, and trying to make sure you're both getting something that you need behind the scenes?" Anon tries to summarize. "Consorts, Mistresses, sealed lips... yeah, like you said, might be weird, but I've got a few ideas. Keep you two happy, keep the nation happy, bada boom bada bing, Anon's your Advisor." Anon shrugs, waiting expectantly.

"...I believe that would about cover it." Cadance nods, looking to Shining.

"... Behind the scenes consorts? Really?" Shining asks.

"Sure. Been done plenty of times. Well, maybe not in Pony culture too often, but you can only push the self-sacrifice your own happiness angle for so long before it goes badly. Especially in a place like this." Anon nods.

"What do you mean?" Cadance asks, curious.

"Well, you each want what you want, right? Shining has his own 'Preference', as do you. You want a Family; Shining can't really give you what you want, and honestly, as close as you two may be or may become, that probably won't ever change. Sure, you might get along really well, have each-other's backs... maybe even a family of sorts. But ignoring what you each truly, personally want... for years? Decades? Centuries?" Anon alludes, crossing his arms. "Never plays out well."

"While I do agree that assuring we value our own Happiness is a good approach... Auntie Tia has been quite successful at her own self-sacrificial approach. Perhaps we can truly do the same." Cadance softly retorts. This gets a confirmatory, challenging nod from Twilight, who squints at Anon. Shining, not so much.

"I don't consider someone who blasts her sister to the moon because she's jealous 'Successful'. Yes, I know the deeper context. She's had a thousand years to get really good at hiding some of the things she's done, is the difference." Anon disagrees. "It's also a coping mechanism for her, so I wouldn't be so quick to adopt it."

"... How do you know that?" Twilight mutters, confused.

"Everyone vents to me, Twilight. This isn't my first go at helping royalty." Anon tsks. Every time he'd go to Canterlot for a Twi-Family trip or a Royal Visit -- one, if not both, of the Princesses had some questions or something to talk to him about. Pony Therapist really was his sub-job. Hell, he's even sat down and chatted with some of the guards about it.

He wonders why the Ponies find him so approachable, sometimes. His current theory is that his ability to pet them feeds into their view of him, but the jury is still out on that one. He'd have to see how much he could schmooze that one guard, Cobalt, later. Get himself a pair of eyes and ears in the barracks. Might even find a little boyfriend for Shining that way, too.

"I... see." Cadance purses her lips.

"I can tell you aren't really... ecstatic about the idea, but that's a topic we can re-approach later." Anon assures. "Nations happiness, and you two's happiness. Sounds doable to me."

"Then you're willing?" Shining perks up. "I understand it's a lot."

"For Humans, this is kind of tame. Yeah, sure, I'm game." Anon nods.

Twilight (carefully but dramatically) slams the table with her hooves.
"Now, we discuss the details! Like pay, hours, housing --"

"One condition, and I'm all yours." Anon cuts in. Twilight visibly deflates, looking at him confused.

"...And what might that be?" Cadance asks, interested.

"I want Meat." Anon states bluntly.

That silences the table for a long minute. Cadance, Shining, and even Twilight share a mixture of looks. Yeah, bold maneuver to ask the room of vegetarian prey animals for Meat, but this was the best moment he'd ever get to actually eat what he wants to eat. Be it in Equestria or here, he was getting real fucking tired of picking through salads. There's only so many ways you can cook fruits and vegetables while avoiding hay-based products before you start to lose it.

"You..." Shining tries to start, but the words fail him. Cadance taps her hooves, pursing her lips. Twilight simply stares at him.

"I'm an Omnivore." Anon explains, opening his mouth to point at his mixed teeth. Twilight leans forward, curious; as does Cadance, leaning over the table for a better look, surprisingly. Shining seems content maintaining his current distance.

"And to me, Pony food is straight ass. Every meal sucks. I haven't been this skinny since high school, and I barely have the energy to get through the day. Pay me whatever, put me in a fucking closet, I don't care. But I need Meat. Fish, Griffonian Imports -- something. Do that for me, and I'll be your Royal Advisor, no questions asked, no problems turned down." Anon states firmly, planting a finger on the table.

Twilight looks a little guilty, now, giving him a sad stare. He pats her head. Not her fault; but he wasn't about to accost the lone Mare he lived with for meat. Felt... weird. Here and now, though, this was his time to push for it.

Shining seems tentative on the idea, but Cadance taps her hooves on the table, surprisingly concise.
"What if we hired a Griffonian to work as a Personal Chef for you?" She offers firmly.

Wasn't expecting the Princess of Love to be so suddenly willing. His own chef, who also eats meat, to order and cook him actual meat. It takes a lot of willpower to not start drooling. That seems to even surprise Shining. Twilight, not quite as much. She's about to try and cut in, actually, probably to try and negotiate better terms for him.

"Deal." Anon affirms, reaching out to shake a hoof with Cadance. She catches on to the motion pretty quickly, watching his hand curiously as it shakes her hoof.

Cadance grins widely, tapping her hooves together excitedly. "Wonderful! Oh, I'm so glad you agreed, Anon. This is... a big relief."

Shining seems a little more tentative, now, but sighs, nodding. "I... can't fault you for your feeding habits, especially when you've already been doing your best to adjust around Ponies for how long now. Thank you."

Twilight huffs, crossing her front legs.

"Don't worry. While Shining can help get Anon settled, Twilight and I will finalize the details of your contract. Does that sound good?" Cadance asks aloud, glancing between all. This seems to perk Twilight up a bit -- if Anon's astute observations are correct, they may both be outright autistic for overt levels of paperwork. Maybe him and Shining would get along a lot better than he thought.

"That should be fine; it'll get us out of your Manes, and I can give Anon the tour of the Castle. I'm sure he's already brimming with ideas from the walk over." Shining agrees, pushing off his chair.

Anon rises out of his own, leaning to whisper to Twi.
"Make sure they gimme a big ol' bed." He urges, patting her back.

Twilight nods, confident. Now the negotiations would begin, between the two that actually cared about such.

Anon E. Muss, Shining Armor | Crystal Castle Halls

Anon and Shining leave the Private Dining room, stepping back out into the hall. As the door shuts, Anon hears the pair excited, muffled whispering; they were probably just going to gossip and use this as a chance to bond. Well, good for them.

Anon looks down to Shining, as he shuts the door with his magic, clicking it closed. Anon had always thought his magic would be a light-blue or something, like his hair, but it's a surprising pink. Huh.

No guards patrol this particular section, nor do any staff cross these halls, leaving them alone for the moment.

Consider Anon surprised as he feels a tug of said pink magics on his shirt.
"Mind uh... walking this way with me, for a second?" Shining requests. Anon nods, shrugging, following him down a side hall.

Hardly seems like the best place to start a tour. That observation is quickly proven true.

They turn another corner, to a quiet dead end, with a window, a flower pot with a shiny little flower, and the desk it sits on. Uh oh. Anon internally tenses, half expecting Shining to make a move on him.

Anon gives Shining a curious look; Shining glances back up the halls, before trotting to the window. He stands on his back legs, peering down, sighing away a surprise amount of worry, and looks to Anon, trotting up to him.
"Hey. I just... wanted to say thanks." He says surprisingly softly.

"...Yeah, of course?" Anon responds, a little confused.

"You... didn't have to cover for me like that. I appreciate that. It means a lot to me. A lot. I'll, uh... try to make your stay here as comfortable as I can." He continues.

Anon's squint slowly gets squintier. Cover for him? They already knew.
"...Yeah. Of... course. Why are you... so odd about it? It's not a terrible thing that a pony is..." Anon glances back down the hall, leaning around the corner. No staff, no guard. He turns back.

His tongue traces the back of his teeth, staring at Shining. Shining seems confused at first.
"Is... everything alright?" Shining whispers.

Anon crosses his arms, tapping his chin with a finger. He had a theory... well, two. The first was that Shining had the hots for him. Entirely understandable, Anon was quite the slab of meat. But the evidence was a touch lacking... something else was up. His second theory though... well, best to let it swing now, in case it backfired; this way, he wasn't in too deep, and could just go home if he biffed the job right here, right now.

"...You're not gay at all, are you." Anon questions bluntly, fingers snapping, watching Shining's reaction.

Shining's eyes widen. At first, confusion.
"W-wait, I thought you-- hang on, you said you knew-knew. Like, you know -- Did you not know? During that whole conversation in the dining room? Did i-- Did--" Shining starts to stutter, panic now settling in. That was unusual. Shining was a pretty solid dude who didn't freak easily; it was like he just got sideswept off his hooves. No... the not-gay theory is not it either. Something else is up. Third theory time.

"At the wedding. You seemed... way too relieved when I said I knew. Mentioned my lack of magic, and my eyes. What did you think, when I said I knew about 'it'? You... you've got another secret." Anon prods, leaning down to Shining's level with a pointed finger.

Shining's lips are pursed tight, eyes wide, breathing heavy, his gaze flitting over Anon repeatedly. Anon can't quite tell; either the secret is a big, scary one, or that Shining had lulled himself into assuming Anon actually knew this 'real' secret, and was panicking over being blindsided by this talk turned confrontation.

Anon sighs, shaking his head and rising back up.
"Well, I'm your Advisor now, of the Royal category, buckaroo. Let's level the playing field, otherwise this whole effort to keep you and Cadance happy will be skewed from the start. You can have secrets; but not with me. Whatever it is -- as long as it's not some weird shit like liking Foals -- I'll have your back." Anon explains, letting the suspicious expression fall from his face, giving Shining a reassuring nod.

Shining looks... really torn. Muttering to himself, scolding himself for... letting something slip. He snaps up at the mention of foals, however.
"No, it's nothing like THAT! Celestia's sake, Anon." Shining quickly retorts, visibly disgusted. "I... thought you figured it out. Look. You... you promise? Nopony else knows about this. Like, nopony at all. Not Cadance. Not Celestia. Not even Twilight. Tartarus, only my Mother knows, Anon. You can't tell a single SOUL." Shining states firmly, pointing a hoof at him.

"Yeah, alright. Lips sealed." Anon nods, making an offhanded zipper motion across his lips.

"I need you to take this seriously. This is a big deal for me." Shining grunts, taking a gruff step forward towards him.

"I know, I can tell. Don't worry, I am. My naturally aloof personality that makes you Ponies seem to like me so much aside, you little colorful horses have offloaded some heavy shit on me before. For a species of bright-and-cheery Harmony-spouters, you guys vary from having very 'nothing' problems, to talking about some pretty serious shit. But anyway -- spill away, Shining. Won't tell a soul." Anon affirms.

This seems to, if at least a little, reassure Shining. He takes a slow draw of breath -- stealing a quick glance around the corner again, watching a servant slowly trot by in the distance. Shining waits until they're gone, then turns back to face Anon.

Expecting words, Anon is surprised when Shining's horn begins to glow. Ooh; not a natural white-fur? Saucy stuff, Shining.

A slow wave of surprisingly rich pink magic saturates his horn. The color seemed even brighter this time. A ring begins to form around Shining, pulsing softly as it slowly runs down his body, starting from the snout. In a mere moment, it's traced his full length, down to his tail, and it dissipates.

Shining takes a heavy, deep breath, and looks up to face Anon, staring at him expectantly. Waiting for his reaction.

... Anon squints. There's nothing to react to.

He leans against his knees, peeking this way and that, trying to identify what even changed about Shining. The only thing he could notice is his lash game seemed to kick it up a notch. Was he a little shorter? Booty shield mark was the same.

"Yeah, I'm not seeing anything.." Anon starts to mumble. Same color, no embarrassing tattoos...

"... You don't have to lie." Shining mutters quietly; and Anon freezes in place.

That was a woman's voice. Well, a Mares. Definitely a little on the lower side; but that was a lot different, a lot more feminine than his usual voice.

Anon shifts back, looking at Shining's face again. His head tilts.

"...Shorter, by a smidge. Higher voice. A strong lash game..." Anon continues to mumble, now standing straight, getting an above-down view of the waist-height Unicorn.

"Do I need to say it? Can you really not tell? You're not bucking with me, right?" Shining chuffs, looking up at him incredulously.

...That hip to waist ratio didn't exist moments prior, Anon's eyes tracing over Shining's form.

"You're a twink?" Anon guesses, holding his chin like a scholar might peruse a fine scroll.

"Wha--No, dumbass! I'm a Mare!" Shining almost shouts, but quickly fixes his -- or... uh, her, tone.

"...Oh." Anon huffs, shrugging. That's it? "Alright."

"...The buck do you mean 'Alright'?!" Shining whisper-hisses.

"Like, okay. Cool. Definitely not what I expected. I've got a few questions, but they're mostly like... how do you pull it off, or how does Twilight not even know." Anon scratches the back of his head, shrugging. "It's really not that jarring for me. Human literature is pretty familiar with the idea of gender-swapping."

Shining seems... confused. Then relieved? She shakes her head, sitting back on her haunches.
"... Okay. Good." She says quietly, nodding.

Anon deigns to join her, sliding his back down the wall he's been leant against, sitting on the floor. They're eye-level now.
"You mind if I throw a few light questions your way?" Anon asks, resting his arms on his knees.

Shining nods, probably already expecting them.

"How does Twilight not even know?" That was the first one, amusingly. Like, that's a pretty solid secret -- but it could also just be Magic.

"Magic, mostly." Shining nods. Anon figured as much. "I wasn't around a lot, since I'm older than her by a few years. I use illusions and enchantments, so... she's only ever seen, or remembers, Big-Brother Shining." Shining explains, idly pawing the carpet underneath them with a hoof.

"Why do you do it? Preference? Comfort?" Anon continues to prod, curious.

"Honestly? I just... got used to it. When I was younger, I was really big on Hoofball. But all the best programs for it were for Stallions... and the Colts I'd play with and against would get iffy playing with a Mare." Shining starts to explain. Anon nods along. Made sense.

"My Mother actually suggested the idea... use my magic, and disguise myself as a Stallion. So, once I wanted to properly pursue Hoofball at school, I did. And I kind of just never stopped. I've always been a tomcolt, so it felt pretty natural. I don't feel... off, as a Mare, but I've built my entire life around being a Stallion." Shining continues.

"Right, and it'd be hard to swap back -- especially now." Anon concludes. Shining nods.

"I got noticed and got an invitation to join the Royal Guard. How could I not join, right? That's a dream job for so many. But... they were expecting Shining, the Stallion. Everypony was, even my Sister. So... I just kept it up. Easier than trying to explain I've been a Mare the whole time. They probably would have still accepted me, but... I don't know, honestly. Maybe I didn't want to have that conversation? So I put some subtle enchantments on some small jewelry, on my armor... kept up an illusion spell, whatever I needed. All just pieces to the Shining Armor everyone knows." Shining lifts her hoof, parting the mane around her horn; at the base is a very thin band of metal. She tussles her own mane, hiding it again.

Anon purses his lips, nodding in understanding.
"And now, Shining Armor the Stallion is wed to Cadance, Princess of Love. Who wants a family. Who, even in the most positive circumstances, can't even be cordially given a foal by you, because you..." Anon mumbles, making an 'Eesh' face.

"It's all illusion magic. I don't have that kind of... equipment." Shining affirms.

"I'm sure there's magic that could make you a Stallion. Like, properly." Anon guesses. They were surrounded by some pretty powerful magical powerhouses, if they just asked.

"...I don't want to, though. I'm... I don't dislike being a Mare, Anon. I turn back when I'm alone, or when I bathe... I've just... built a life for myself, and one of the critical parts of the foundation to that life... is a lie. Not a dishonest one, just... something I did to have an easier time, and I just can't get rid of, now. One I've been tiphoofing around for years." Shining sighs, looking to the carpet.

"...So when Cadance walked in on you, back when you two were in School together..." Anon brings up, spacing it out in hopes that Shining answers.

Shining glances up, biting her lip and glancing away.
"I... I'm glad she did, honestly. Like I said, I don't have the equipment, and... well, there was a Stallion who was interested in me. In Shining. The Stallion Shining. While I liked him... as a Mare. I've thought about that night a lot, and... it probably would have gotten really messy. Of course, now Cadance think's that I'm gay... but I kind of would rather she think that, by this point. And before you ask, no, I haven't... tried that kind of thing with anypony else, since."

"Right. So going forward, you want to keep the Gay aspect up? Might make finding you a little side coltfriend a little more difficult, but we can probably just be thorough in our search..." Anon mumbles, stroking his chin.

Shining glances up at him, confused. A pang of... relief. Thankfulness.
"... Honestly, I'd rather not think about that right now. Just... I don't want to ask you to lie to Cadance or Twilight, but I..."

"If you're ever ready to bring it up, that's something for later. For now -- you're gay. Shining the Gay Stallion, and that's you're biggest secret that we're all working around, full stop. Right?" Anon affirms; he's not asking, though. He's stating.

Shining takes a deep breath, nodding and smiling.
"Right. I'm... just gay. Thank you, Anon."

"Don't sweat it. I'm sure Cadance probably has some big secrets herself. Princess of Love? No way she doesn't." Anon huffs.

Instead of a retort or a laugh, like Anon had been expecting, he gets hooves wrapped around his shoulders, still sat on the floor; Shining giving him a hug, pressing her barrel to his chest, head buried against him. Alright, sure. At least he didn't need to say no homo, now.

Anon returns the hug, giving Shining a few pats on the back.

"Man, you're surprisingly soft." Anon mumbles -- at the same time as Shining mumbles something too.
"You... smell surprisingly good." Shining whispers.

Both go quiet, and pull from the hug, giving each-other a look.

"... I haven't showered since yesterday. How the hell do I smell good?" Anon retorts, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh... well, Ponies have a... strong sense of smell. I think part of why Ponies like to trust you... is you smell nice? Not like... in a floral or soapy way, but..." Shining trails off, finding difficulty in wording it in a way that doesn't sound weird. "Sorry. Probably something weird to say after a talk like that."

That might explain why Twilight likes to try and use him as a heat source all the time. He'd have to ask her about his 'Smell'.

"I get it; big moment of vulnerability and all. Honestly? Ponies have said weirder shit to me, so you can pretty much say anything to me. Now, uh... do I get the rest of the tour, or is hugging in the corner the full Crystal Empire experience?" Anon chortles. "Cuz it ain't a bad hug, honestly."

"Oh, shit -- right. One moment." Shining closes her eyes, stepping back as the same, rich pink flows over herself. A more recognizable Shining is left in her place, one with a sturdier jaw, a wider build; all the changes are more visible now, since Anon got to see both sides of the coin.

"Alright. Ready?" Shining asks; his voice that more recognizably deeper tone. Alright, NOW the hugs would need a No Homo.

Anon pushes himself up off the floor; but before rising fully, he leans forward, using his hand to part the front of Shining's Mane. The ring at the base of his horn is gone; Shining looking up while holding still.
"Huh. Neat. Yeah, let's roll; and explain to me how fucked our Military is, on the way." Anon nods, standing tall again as the pair start the trek through the halls.

Shining, now feeling much more relieved, has a spring in his step. Someone he could, hopefully, trust with his secret.

Anon, who didn't really care, was now much more secure in his mood since proper Meat had been promised for his position.

Oh, and Shining was actually a girl. Cool. Whatever. Honestly, he was braced for something a lot worse to work with.

The Shining Shimmy

Anon E. Muss, Shining Armor | Throne Room

Anon had gotten the extensive tour of the numerous levels of the castle, lead by Shining; most of it was standard castle fare that he'd primarily ignore, bar for a few rooms. Along the way, the lowdown on their current Military detail was explained as well.

The castle was pretty solid, despite being stood on four struts; they were deceptively thick (kind of like Cadance), and the first floor was merged heavily with the struts, each of which served like its own stairway entrance to the castle. Unlike the Crystal infrastructure that constituted the homes, businesses and walls, the Castle had been hoof handled during its growth. Engraved, Polished, whatever; it gave it a standout look, carrying the mantra of 'Smaller than Canterlot, but just as intricate'. Without brickwork, it relied on the details and patterns of the crystals and works that were placed on or around them, using polishing and sanding to achieve different textures. Sharper, more jagged Pillars support each corner of every hall, while purple-stripes of various hues decorate the walls above the tops of the doors. Every, single doorway was a pair of sturdy, dark blue double-doors.

Basically, the place was smaller than Canterlots Castle, didn't awkwardly reflect light into Anon's eyes despite being crystals, and still had a good size. That's about summed the place up.

Lead by now-masculine-again Shining, they commit some further small talk during the walk. Getting a better look at the inside, they're definitely not as heavily kitted out for a large staff like Canterlot is. Decent sized kitchen is situated directly over the north-western strut, which serves as an entrance for supplies. It was getting comical at this point. Everything looked normal, but like it had been made out of Crystal instead of wood or other materials Anon was used to, often with just color alone to differentiate the parts of furniture. There were some imported materials where needed, but... Crystal Empire living up to its name.

The Throne Room is central, directly overtop the Crystal Heart; that shard of crystal that stabs downward at the heart, is also part of the pedestal that sits the Thrones, told to Anon as a fun fact by Shining. Unlike Canterlot however, they didn't attempt to make the Thrones look more equal. A rich burgundy carpet rolled across the floor, from entrance to Throne, contrasting the soft blue of the entire castle. Segmented crystals made up the walls, and what looked like a natural outcropping of some deep-purple crystal had been fashioned into a Throne, a Heart emblazoned on its front, with upholstery giving it some cushion to sit on and lay against. Considering they were Ponies, it was moreso made for them to sit on their haunches. To the side, smaller, as a similarly styled throne of blue, with a shield mantled on it. Cadance had the main stage, but Shining still had his place. What, were they gonna sprout a little stool for him on the opposite side?

Not happening. He wants a desk.

"...There's no way that's comfortable." Anon mumbles, staring at Cadance's Throne with crossed arms.

Shining perks up, stopping beside him as he follows Anon's judgemental stare.

"Actually, Cadance told me it was grown of a softer, malleable Crystal. They apparently use it for anything furniture related, like couches and chairs, and it allows them to work cushions and such into it." Shining explains.

"Tell me something, Shining. We import the cushions, don't we." Anon grumbles.

Shining purses his lips in thought.
"I... am not sure. Why would that matter?"

"What lives or grows around here that could produce something comfortable enough to put in a pillow?" Anon expounds, now turning to look down at Shining.

Shining purses his lip in thought. To his credit, he doesn't shy away with a quick retort.
"Uh... I can't think of anything. I'm still brushing up on my studies about the place."

"Slight tangent -- for how long did you know you were going to marry Cadance?" Anon now asks, curious.

"...Since about a month before the wedding." Shining admits as he glances back over the Throne room. "I've put almost all my focus into understanding the Crystal Empire's current Military and Guard. Cadance will know things on the more domestic side; or at least, can guide you to the Ponies that would know."

"Couple of strangers in a weird new Crystal world, huh." Anon jokes. The pair share a look, before Shining smiles softly.

"I guess so, huh? Didn't think about that." He admits. "Good to have someone else to be new with, so I don't stick out too badly by myself."

"Yep. Well, what I meant by asking about importing, was it seems like Crystals are kind of... our only thing. That we need to import most other things." Anon explains, turning to start walking; Shining trails up beside him, looking at him curiously.

"And why would that be a bad?" He questions. "With our good relations with Equestria, why would that be a worry?"

"Well, it shows we're a one trick pony. If our main export is our only worthwhile export, that can be dangerous to hedge the entire economy on it. We don't have to worry so much about how blatantly reliant on Equestria we are, thanks to immortal blood-relations between rulers. But... this place is never going to flourish if it stays comfortable being a resource output for Equestria. Well, that's if we can even solve our current conundrum. If we can't convince Ponies to work the Mines again, we have absolutely nothing to offer on the international markets, since we don't produce anything else of significance." Anon explains grimly as the pair walk the halls. The odd pair of guard nod politely -- noticeably towards Shining.

"I... see. And how do you think we should solve that? Do you have any ideas for that?" Shining asks, hopeful. It's pretty clear he's concerned, even if it isn't his field of expertise.

"Not until I've spoken to Cadance about things. Diversifying our production might help, but we're not exactly in rich, fertile fields. I need to know the after-effects of Sombras rule, what we're capable of producing this far north, and so on." Anon continues on. Part of him wondered just how involved in domestic affairs he'd be. He had a feeling his job of keeping the Princess and Prince...ss, happy, wasn't going to be his only tasks.

"Right. In the meantime, then, there's a few more things to show you." Shining nods, taking lead again.

Records Room

Up next was the records room; there was already a few Ponies working quietly at a few stations, some of Equestrian heritage, some of Crystal. Apparently suffering under Sombra's rule meant there was a lot of paperwork that needed organizing, records that needed correcting, and several historical chunks simply missing or requiring remedy. This room would probably be busy for a while, and Anon knew he'd be visiting it often. So he makes a point to introduce himself.

There's three crystal Ponies who currently work records, that Anon felt might be good to get to know. Lime Light, a soft green stallion with a frizzy mane, and Mellow Meadows, a mustard curly-maned mare are two of the scribes. They were curious as to what the tartarus Anon even was, but remained polite enough. The Royal Scribe, basically their Boss and the one who handles recording things of note during Court, answering directly to the Crystal Royalty, as Quillweaver. Anon had met very few Ponies who go by one name; and he clarified, it wasn't Quill Weaver, but Quillweaver. He had a dull grey coat, with a stark white, short mane. Anon has a feeling he'll be dealing with him often; so he was getting called Quill.

"Quillweaver; how goes the organization?" Shining asks, as Anon gets a quick glance at how they organize things. Scrolls, tomes, books, piles of parchment tied together... and most of the shelves were empty.

"About as well as last time you asked, Prince Shining." Quillweaver pauses his work to bow. "We've been focusing on processing the Sombra-Era records, before we try to begin adapting our current ones. It's a... slow process."

"A boastful fellow, I'm sure. How off the mark have they been? I bet he smudged a good amount of them." Shining muses. But surprisingly, Quillweaver shakes his head.

"The accuracy of said records aren't in question, actually. Most accounts are within believable ranges. They're simply... well, I suppose you should see for yourself." Quillweaver explains.

He produces a scroll from beneath a desk, laying it atop, before carefully unfolding it -- and quickly jumping back. It bursts into a bright purple flame, reducing it to cinders in moments. The flame spreads to nothing else, and in a moment, its already gone, the scroll consumed.

Shining stares as Quillweaver sweeps up the crispy remains of the parchment.
"...Quillweaver, what in tartarus was that?"

"A significant amount of the records are trapped, or seeped in his cursed magics. While he himself is gone, it seems his hold remains, in some degree." Quillweaver explains dryly. "Our progress is heavily slowed, as we have to organize them by what has been cursed, and what has not. We don't even have the means to expel them, either." He motions to a pile of scrolls and books in the corner of the room, carefully stacked, away from everything else.

"Of course." Shining groans, rubbing his temple with a hoof. "Well, carry on... just be careful. Thankfully crystal isn't flammable." Though, if there was ever a Pony to figure it out, it would probably have been Sombra.

"Of course, Prince Shining. Might I ask, however... just what is the individual that you have brought with you?" Quillweaver inquires, both leaning to look at Anon across the room.

Who is currently distracting both of the other scribes from their work, waggling fingers in their interested faces as they Ooh and Aah. Lime Light tries to nip at them, and gets flicked on the nose in response. Mellow snorts at Limes efforts.

"Oh, he's a Human; and the new Royal Advisor." Shining states simply, getting an incredulous look from Quillweaver.

"He seems... aloof." Quillweaver summarizes quaintly, unimpressed.

"You have no idea. He is, however, a historian of his peoples, and is incredibly good at both reading and getting along with Ponies. Cadance is excited to be working with him." Shining explains; that last part seeming to interest Quillweaver enough to look at Anon again. Now he's scratching Mellow's head, her ears flicking.

"I... see. I will strive to ensure that we work... well, together. What is he doing to my scribes?" Quillweaver finally asks, confused.

"Oh, Anon has a thing with Petting Ponies. You'll get used to it." Shining hums.

"...As you say, Prince." Quillweaver sighs. "Do you need me for anything else?"

"Oh, no, just giving our new Advisor the tour." Shining affirms; Anon finally crossing back over the room.

"Well, the system of categorizing doesn't seem too outdated. Still workable." Anon surmised aloud.

"...Pardon my confusion, but how did you come to that conclusion while petting my staff?" Quillweaver interjects.

"Oh, Ponies like to chat when they're distracted or getting pet. I just had them explain it to me." Anon nods.

Quillweaver purses his lips in thought. This creature may be more devious than his nature lets on.
"...And at this time, do you have any... recommendations?" He prods, getting a surprised glance from Shining.

"Yeah, I heard that thing about Sombra. Twilight Sparkle -- purple, Unicorn, sister in law to Cadance, hard to miss -- is visiting. Big magic nerd. Talk to her about investigating the magic for you, she might be able to purge them for you while she's here, or at least get us on the right track, or at worst, she can outline the process we can follow for the future." Anon offers, snapping his fingers as he thinks something up on the spot.

"...Very well. If Miss Twilight would be willing, I will impart the request on your behalf, Royal Advisor." Quillweaver nods. Anon, content, is already walking for the door.

"...I think you two will get along." Shining grins, turning to follow Anon.

"I doubt it, but I'm pleased to see he's not of idle mind. Good day, Prince Shining." Quillweaver bows, before returning to his task, throwing a glare at Lime and Meadow. He considers chastising them; but the gloomy mood in the hall had been lifted since their little interaction, the pair of scribes smiling and laughing with each other. Quillweaver huffs, letting it slide, and carefully begins inspecting the next sealed book.

"Alright... I think all that's left, aside from things like the Royal Vault and things that aren't really staffed. Last thing would be the Barracks." Shining decides, taking the lead again, trotting in front of Anon. He'd shown Anon the guest halls, servants quarters; the nitty-gritty that kept the Crystal Castle functioning.

"Fine to me." Anon agrees, pausing for a moment to glance at a large painting on the wall. There'd been a couple of them, mostly landscapes or some odd crystal Pony. This one, he remembers. Massive portrait, showing a pretty sizable mare...

"Is that Princess Amore?" Anon asks, pointing up at picture. Mounted on the wall in the middle of one of the smaller halls, it seemed a little out of place for how well painted it was. Her hoof was crossed over the other, eyes closed, sat on a throne and smiling softly. She looked benevolent; like a wingless Celestia, though her hair didn't do the thing. Did sparkle like a motherfucker, though.

Shining pauses, turning around.
"Uh... Yeah, I believe so. She's from before Sombra, so there's very little known of her, or her rule. Sombra wiped most of the records of the Empire that came before him." Shining explains, as he trots back over to stand beside Anon.

"...Hm." Anon hums, stroking his chin. He glances up and down the hall; it was quiet, for the moment.
"...So you said your Mom knows, but what about your dad?" He asks suddenly.

Shining's eyes widen as his gaze quickly darts up and down the walking path, whisper-shouting at Anon.
"Anon! Don't just start--"

"It's only as suspicious as you make it. To a passing eye or ear, we're looking at a painting, enjoying small talk. It's subtlety, Shining. You're gonna have to get used to speaking to myself and others like this; we won't always be able to sequester ourselves to a quiet room for a long chat." Anon warns, giving him a quick glance.

That seems to sober Shining out of his assumption that Anon was being foolish; he was a military guy. Gal. Gal in guy disguise. So Anon figured subterfuge was... not his strong point.

"...Right, sorry. Not my usual thing." Shining sighs, sitting on his haunches and looking up at the painting. "...Yeah, I mean my dad knows, obviously. He just never really... cared? I told him, and he just shrugged. I think he was just happy I was so involved in Hoofball, and that I got into the Guard."

"Your dad is a pretty solid guy. He tried to buy fish for me one time, did you know that?" Anon grins, being reminded of the bemusing situation.

Shining stifles a laugh, nodding. "I remember hearing about that from Mom. Twily brought you for one of those family dinners -- couldn't make it myself -- and he tried to browse the Little Griffonia markets for something for you. He was sick for a week after going through there, couldn't get the smell out of his nose."

"Yeah. You Sparkles are good folk." Anon hums, reaching down and tussling Shining's mane. Shining doesn't know how to feel about it, caught by surprise.

"You think Princess Amore is one of Mi Amore Cadenza's ancestors?" Anon suddenly gear-shifts the conversation, pointing at the painting again.

Shining blinks, looking back up to it, snapping out of his thoughts. "I wouldn't be surprised... there's some resemblance. Though, Cadance doesn't really know either; she was raised by Princess Celestia. It's something I hope they find in the records, for her, but... nothing so far. Not with how thorough Sombra was."

"Shame. I think she might be. Welp. Barracks?" Anon clasps his hands together.

"Y-yeah, sure. This way, it's across the Plaza from the Castle." Shining instructs, taking the lead again.

Man, Ponies were fun to pet; an astute observation that Anon ruminates to himself. Entirely oblivious to the seedlings of conflicted, odd feelings being planted in Shining's chest.

The Military was in shambles. If Shining hadn't scraped it back into workable form, it'd have been terrible. Instead, it's just bad.

A quick tour of the Barracks, meeting a few of the rank and file, bothering Cobalt again, and getting introduced to the Head Guard, Glacial Shine. A sturdy, surprisingly close to his age, no-nonsense Crystal Pony of silver fur and gold mane. And surprisingly soft. Yes, he permitted a petting; Cobalt's report of what Anon did to him needed 'following up' on.

Unfortunately, from what Anon saw through his tour, and with an explanation from Shining, confidence was at an all time low. Shining was just glad to have someone who took this side of things seriously, and who he could vent to about the Cities sorry state.

Most of the Barracks was empty. In contrast, most of the armory was full. This was not a good thing, in either case. They had nobody -- or nopony -- to arm. To hoof? They couldn't even have one upside by having surplus supply; everything in the armory was outdated compared to what Anon saw in Canterlot. Poorly cared for. Originally good quality products, now they had to cherry pick what to arm their guards with after years of ill use and lack of maintenance.

Don't even get Anon started on the pile of giant, metal, pony-shaped ominous helmets that sat jammed in crates and boxes in the very back. 'Mind Control Helmets' or something from Sombra's rule. Charming. Probably try to melt those down, if they weren't cursed.

The Crystal Empire was operating at about 1/4th capacity. As in, they could barely staff out guarding the city without stretching patrols or putting guards on double shifts. The 1/4th they had... varied heavily in experience. Apparently being mind-controlled didn't help build ones resume; so most of their enlisted guard ranged from fresh faces, Crystal Ponies just trying to get any kind of work that wasn't the Mines, and the few that simply fit the job the best, so they stuck it out afterwards.

Upside, the Crystal City was the only city they needed to worry about defending. Downside, it was a nation with a single fucking city, because everything else was a fucking wasteland. No villages to guard, meant no villages to tax. Just a few establishments a short distance from the walls.

Looks like there was no escaping being attached by the ass to Equestria for the foreseeable future, with the Crystal City in this state. It didn't even feel right to call it the Empire at this point. Empire of what? It's a fucking City State.

Thank God the relations between the two nations were rock fucking solid, or this nightmare scenario would have been so much worse. Not having to worry about succession or sibling inter-politics was the only blessing he'd found so far.

They leave the Barracks behind, promptly returning to the castle. Anon's mood was... a smidge dicey, processing.

As they reach the Private Dining Room again, Shining holds a sympathetic expression, getting the door for Anon; who is currently busy grumbling to himself, trying to mentally begin working out the plan of actions they'd need. Good god, he needed an office.

Twilight and Cadance, quite oppositely, are all grins and giggles; a set of tea has been placed between them, and they're surrounded by a stack of paperwork, which it looks like they've set aside to dry. Yeah, same case of the 'tism for sure.

"Get everything all chalked up, ladies?" Shining calls out, announcing their presence. Drawn from their conversation, Cadance and Twilight glance over, smiling at the pairs return. Cadance's smile falters for a moment, seeing Anon gripe and groan, glancing to Shining for an answer.

"We did! I believe that you'll find these terms most agreeable, Anon! Care to go over them with us now?" Twilight smiles widely, patting beside herself at the table. Anon scoots around the chairs, over to his prior spot beside Twilight, as she floats the first parchment of a tall pile in front of him, laid out in front of him. The corner reads page 1 of 98. Shortly followed by a dry quill, and a sealed inkwell, which settle themselves before Purples magic disperses.

Ninety Eight pages of his contract. Yeah, he wasn't reading all that. He was sure it was just fine.

Anon plucks the quill from the table, pops the inkwell, and jabs the quill into it. Confused looks are shared, as Anon promptly writes his name on the first page, reaches over, plucks the bottom page from under the stack, and signs that too.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's great." Anon idly affirms, 'Anon E. Mouse' now scrawled across the bottom of both pages.

Twilight looks abhorred that he wouldn't carefully pick through the lengthy terms and conditions, and is figuring choice words for him.

Having just spent a little more time with Anon, Shining is not even remotely surprised by his brash action, starting to get an understanding of his character.

Cadance, forming the middle ground, just looks concerned as she watches him sign it, leaning forward against the table. It's Twilight that gets spicy, though.

"Anon! You can't just sign it without reading it!" Twilight protests, reacting far too late to stop him as she yanks the papers away. She huffs, watching the ink dry with a scowl.

"Are you alright, Anon? The trust in us to decide the terms of your employment is deeply appreciated, but..." Cadance trails off. She's empathetic, but she's not quite sure towards what. Was he alright?

"He's already getting a pretty good grasp of the situation." Shining explains, offering some clarity as he slowly walks up alongside Cadance, leaning on the table.

All three glance to Anon, who is leaning back in his chair, staring at the ceiling, muttering to himself as his fingers rapidly tap against his chest, hands interlaced.

"Ah." Cadance hums in acknowledgement. She tended to handle the more Political side of things, while Shining handled the Defenses. They had some staff to hold intermediary positions, but for the most part, Anon would be handling the bulk stretch between what they handled, and the topics in between, the Economy. She just hoped he wasn't a chronic worrier -- or that his findings from Shining's tour weren't so grim to have already sent him spiraling.

"Say, now that we're done with our half of the tour; Cadance, I think you and Anon have a few things on the domestic side to tall about, while Twily and I go do some catching up. Walk around the city, sis?" Shining offers. Twilight beams at the idea, but Cadance glances cautiously to Anon.

"Are you sure he doesn't need a break...?" She ponders quietly. He's muttering something about... butt crystals. For a second, she considers glancing at her own.

"Asked him already. He said it's better if he 'gets it all jammed in now, so he has a plateau to work from'. Won't pretend I understand his methods, but he's already figured a good few things out, and had questions that you're better to answer." Shining explains, gaining a few understanding nods from Cadance.

"Very well. Thank you for your help, Twilight." Cadance smiles, tight which Twilight does an elaborate, exaggerated bow -- before launching back up in excitement.

"Of course! Oh, I haven't gotten to see the Crystal City fully before! Shining -- where's the library?!" Twilight asks, springing from her chair. Shining rolls his eyes, the pair quietly exiting the room as they start up some sibling banter, the doors clicking shut behind them.

Leaving Cadance, and Anon, alone in the room. The last time they'd been alone had been the prison they shared during the wedding a week prior.

...Why was she nervous? There was no reason to be. Cadance softly clears her throat, leaning forward as she watches Anon ruminate.

After a few long moments, punctuated by Cadance sipping her tea a few times, and pouring Anon his own cup, he finally sits forward. Elbows on the table, head in his hands, he looks up to the pink princess sat across from him, of whom he now Advised.

"...Thanks. Alright. Tell me about the Mines." Anon grumbles, lifting the fresh cup to his lips.

Author's Note

The Cadance Canter

Royal Advisor Anon, Princess Cadance | Crystal Castle

The Economy was in shambles. It'd be worse off if Cadance hadn't been working so closely with Equestria -- turns out Anon was right, and they heavily import a lot from their southern Neighbor.

Following Sombra's traumatic rule, the entire population was pushing through some level of individual ptsd, having been mind controlled and forced to work or fight. There have been some efforts to quell this, but the efforts of re-adjusting the Nation to a new time, a thousand years later, have taken priority.

The Mine, which was their primary source of income as an international export, and source of domestic supply, was horribly understaffed, and currently closed for 'safety issues'. A fraction of the population was still willing to work as miners, which crippled both their income, and their domestic Crystal supplies.

Also, turns out, crystals are fucking vital to this places survival. There's an entire festival about shoving the prettiest rock you can find, into the Crystal Heart when your foal is born, to strengthen the heart. The Crystaling, or something.

Let's talk about the fucking Heart for a second.

The Crystal Heart was... awkwardly vital. Like, disgustingly so. Incomprehensibly. It hurt Anon's brain to think about it.

Cadance and him had slowly wandered from the Dining Room as she imparted more and more information. And with every new tidbit about the Crystal Empire, the harder Anon groaned.

It wasn't just their defense against a shadowy King that wanted to return and claim Kingship over the Kingdom, while remnants of his grasp still lingered. It wasn't just fueled by the very turbulent emotions of the general populace, which needed to have their love and hope managed so they Heart could even function, not only to defend themselves. Because it turns out, if the Crystal Heart isn't working; this place gets a lot fucking colder.

There's a few tribes further north. Polar bears, or some fluffy yaks or something. Anon zoned out while Twilight was explaining it on the ride over. Penguins too. But, apparently, being this far North has a unique issue, something that the other groups have had to figure out in their own way to deal with it. That issue being, that the north was referred to as the Frozen North; or the Icy Wastes. Or the fucking Pale. But why does that matter?

If the Heart stops working, a frigid winter cold enough to 'freeze the very wind' will crawl in, settling over the entire fucking city.

A fucking ice age will start if the heart stops working.

They can't move it somewhere secure, because it doesn't work unless it's sat exactly where it is. They can't secure it, or the Ponies will get upset without access to it, and its powers will weaken. They had to leave the single most valuable thing this nation had, sitting on a public display in the plaza, so the entire city didn't freeze over and the populace didn't become miserable. The best they could do is throw more guards at it. Oh, wait, they didn't have any to spare.

Anon held his head in his hands, fingers digging into the sides of his skull. They'd paused their walk so he could sit, head in hands, on one of the benches that line the hallways so he could process; Cadance decided to hop up, and sat beside him as she waits for him to process what she's been putting up with.

This entire fucking Empire was built on the mantra of putting every single egg it had, into one publicly displayed basket. Their defense system for an evil king and protection against a primordial ice age was fueled by public opinions, and sat in town square. And as far as he was aware, the only one who could operate the thing was Cadance, who had a picture of it stapled to each side of her ass. He checked a few other butts in passing just to be sure, including Cadance's; Cadance was surprisingly compliant with letting him get a closer look, scooting over on the bench so he could get a better angle. It's literally the Crystal Heart, on each side of her flank.

So knock even a single step for the whole process out, and they're completely shit out of luck.

So, that's a fucking nightmare he gets to deal with now.

Not to mention everything else that came with a nation returning from not existing for a thousand years, like re-negotiaging trade routes (they had nothing to offer right now), payments that had gone undue (they had none to collect, but several to pay -- apparently, Evil Kings like loans, but not checking interest rates, and their treasury wasn't looking great), and...

Anon huffs loudly, slumped against the bench. He'd probably need to write it all down, honestly. He needs an Office.

Funny, they stopped in the hall with the Princess Amore painting again. That's twice now; might as well be his new favorite rest spot. His gaze roams over the artwork again, as Cadance sits quietly beside him, watching him.

He catches a look at her out of the corner of his eye. She looks... guilty. Like she feels bad for asking him out here, just to stress him out. Alright, Anon. No more stress than usual. Quit making the Pony feel bad; she's too nice for that.

He runs his hands through his hair, sighing. Her ears twitch at the sound.

"Beautiful, huh?" He mumbles.

Cadance perks up, confused, before glancing at the painting.

"Hmm? Oh-- Yes, I suppose it is. Or, she is. Which did you mean?" She questions, ears twitching.

"Both, I suppose. The only ruler we know of a pre-Sombra rule, with most of the other records being trapped or burned. Painting is beautifully made; and Princess Amore has this regal air about her, that catches the eye." Anon continues. Cadance is watching him now, curious. "Makes me wonder why this painting survived, when Sombra's cursed or destroyed other records, other works. You think he ever sat here, on this bench, staring at it? Think they had history?" He ruminates aloud. One of the staff quietly cross the hall, pausing to bow to Cadance, who returns it with a nod, before they carry on.

She glances at him. Then to the bench. Then back to the painting.
"...He destroyed so much else, I hadn't even thought of that. Perhaps he did. I have heard he has a study, hidden somewhere in the castle. There are... lingering traces of his magic in some of the halls and rooms, but we've yet to find it. Perhaps some more things are stored away?"

"Hey, maybe. Good to know; I'll shout real loud if I trip into it, or something." Anon snorts; that gets a weak giggle from Cadance.
Tally that to the list of potential problems; evil kings secret room.

"Well... obviously, we're going to need to petition Equestria for some aid, maybe even a loan. Probably best if it comes directly from you, considering your relationship with Celestia. Some guards to bolster our own ranks until we can get the guard up to strength, a loan to invest into local industry..." Anon starts to ruminate aloud. An interested Cadance shifts in her seat on the bench, facing him.

"We can't just ignore the Mine, so we'll need to review it's conditions to make it as safety-regulated and appealing to work in as possible; but I also want to diversify the products we offer both our citizens, and the international market, so we're not crippled if something happens to the Mines." He continues, Cadance nodding.

"The Mine has been shut down since the Empires return; very few of the Crystal Ponies are willing to go near it. Perhaps... incentives, like a shorter work week, and conditional bonuses?" Cadance offers, clearly invested in the topic. "We've been operating off of Equestria's good graces already, but hearing that we wish to heavily invest in our own industry? I see no reason as to why Auntie Celestia would not be pleased."

"Get those Crystal Ponies some scheduled therapy, too. Get an Equestrian shipped out here or something; or I'll even do it myself." Anon huffs, snapping his fingers in thought. "There's the... Crystaling, when a foal is born, right? Think Twilight told me about that one; but are there any other cultural festivals?"

Cadance visibly perks up, eyes widening as she suddenly leans very close to Anon, brimming with excitement, as Anon flinches back in surprise. Pink pony jumpscare.
"The... Crystal Faire! It's a celebration to boost the Crystal Ponies spirits, and strengthen the Crystal Heart in one! We could revitalize their moods, and make them more open to things again!"

"Throw in a little stall about rebranding the Mine, a little expo about refurbishing the guard, and we might just manage to upswing this thing in the right direction." Anon nods; it's hard not to get sucked into her growing excitement. Her and Twilight are pretty similar, especially the way they both get very... involved.

"I knew you'd be perfect for the job, Anon." She springs off the bench, already trotting down the hall, Anon granted his personal space again. "Come on! I'll need my Royal Advisor to accompany me during the preparations!" Cadance calls back, gaining distance.

Anon huffs, shifting to sit up -- something pokes his ass, like a sharp little needle. He makes a noise -- one he's glad Cadance was too far to hear-- springing up off the bench, glaring at where he'd just been sitting. Fucking Crystal benches and their pointy edges--

He squints, leaning down. There's something small and sharp sticking out from behind the cushioning. With finger and thumb, Anon plucks it from its butt-poking spot. He wonders how many other unpoked cheeks this bench has claimed.

It's a small shard of something. Glass? Crystal? A gem? It has this deep, orangy-red mixture of color, and it fits in the palm of his hand. The oddest part about it... is how warm it is. Maybe he'd just been sitting on it. No, too warm for how long they'd been sat.

There's a... tingle, like someone is watching him. Anon shifts his gaze, following it; and finds himself looking up to the painting of Princess Amore.

It's honestly a gorgeous portrait. Likely painted overlooking the entire city, from the highest point in the castle. The morning light gleams over her near-white, pinkish fur, and highlights her curled mane. She stares towards the painter, through half-lidded eyes and that noble, almost otherworldly amber stare as she regally looks outward.

Huh. Anon holds his palm up, comparing the painting to the object he'd found. The shard is the same color as her mane--

"Anon? Everything alright?" He suddenly hears, right beside him, making him flinch. It yanks him from his thoughts, as he blinks several times, nearly dropping the shard.

"Huh?" Anon mumbles. What had he been doing?

"I called for you quite a few times; awfully smitten with that painting huh? Like it that much?" Cadance teases, a playful grin on her face as she nudges his side with a wing.

Right, the Faire. Cadance. He glances at the shard, tucking it into a pocket, looking to the wing nudger.
"Huh? Oh, sure; reminds me of you, so I keep finding myself looking at it. Anyway, let's go, yeah? Probably track down the treasurer or whatever to find out if we even have the funds to run it." Anon points onward, starting to walk.

This time, it's Cadance who gets left behind, staring after Anon with wide eyes.
"...Beautiful, huh? I am right here." She huffs quietly to herself, a coy look on her face. She shakes her head, trotting to catch up.

Royal Advisor Anon, Princess Cadance, Minted Biscuit | Royal Treasury

Off to the Treasury, to meet with Minted Biscuit; a light-brown mare with itty-bitty glasses balanced on her snout. She had this bookish, snobby look to her. Notably, she was a Unicorn, not a Crystal Pony.

The treasury was small, compared to the records room, and guarded by a single sleepy guard. A two-stage setup, with a small office, desk and the works for the Treasurer -- Minted, in this case -- to work from, with the Vault directly behind her. Located central in the tower, the room had no windows, likely for security.

Sat at the desk, Minted has folded hooves sat on their top, as Cadance sits across from her in the only opposite chair: Anon idly gazing over the vault door, after Cadance reassured Minted several times that he was, in fact, cleared to poke around, and was the new Royal Advisor.

"A... Faire, your highness?" Minted asks, dubious. She can't stop glancing back at Anon as he puts his fingers all over her office.

"Yes! The Crystal Faire; it's a deeply cultural, yearly event that bolsters the Nation, and the Heart." Cadance affirms, smiling. She also cannot help but watch as Anon pokes and prods around the vault, the room, the walls.

"I don't think we have the spare funds for a carnival, Princess. As you know, we're already stretched thin maintaining the status quo." Minted warns, shuffling a few papers on her desk.

"Ah. Well, that's why we were looking into getting a loan--" Cadance starts.

Minted places an uncomfortably thick pile of papers, mostly stamped in bright red, in front of her.

"...From my Auntie, Princess Celestia..." Cadance trails off, losing a little enthusiasm.

Minted divides the stack in half, and sets half of it aside.

"...Seriously?" Anon hums, leant over the desk, squinting at the various loans and debts.

"Seriously, Advisor. I have an entire, different pile for Sombra loans that we're still being obliged to pay. Equestria has been more than generous, and is growing tiresome of forking money over." Minted explains.

"What? By who?" Cadance huffs. "Why are we still expected to pay loans taken by Sombra?"

"Groups, companies, guilds, nations, individuals; all credible, and all looking for repayment. Doesn't matter if it's a Sombra-held Empire or an Equestria-aligned Empire, it's still the Empire to them. They want their money, and they want the thousand years of interest. Thankfully, the Pile has gotten smaller; not all loaners survived said passage of time, but a fair amount did." Minted explains, setting the various stacks of paper away. "Sombra had hid a massive portion of the treasury; and what little was left, was divided among the populace to ease burdens post-Sombra." Minted then explains, looking to Anon.

Anon crosses his arms, humming softly. No more loans... and can't really ask Twilight and her friends for help, with their rocky state. And finding Sombra's mystery stash wasn't a good plan to hedge everything on.

"I... see." Cadance ruminates, tapping her hooves and trying to rack up an idea. She wasn't one to back down; something Anon appreciated.

"So how much are we working with, anyway?" Anon asks, nodding to the vault.

"Enough to maintain for a few seasons, like paying guard wages, but little more. If we don't get the Ponies back in the Mines, I don't foresee us lasting much longer; Celestia forbid something happens that costs us money, like a disaster." Minted expounds, and doesn't look terribly content about it.

"Why is the Mine so important, anyway? Do we really not have any industry or other forms of production?" Anon asks, curious now. Did they really have to lean on the Mine that hard?

"Crystals are an incredibly valuable material on the open markets; versatile, their use dependent on its properties. While Equestria is our mainline consumer, there's few sources for such materials, nor is it near as abundant elsewhere, as it is here -- so other nations also seek us for our Crystal supply." Minted explains. Ah -- more international pressure.

"And in most cases, incredibly potent for tasks involving magic." Cadance adds, still a little somber. Her excited enthusiasm had been firmly curbed.

"Though, some new industries are starting to emerge... with their newfound freedom, several Ponies are trying to 'Re-Find Themselves', and are attempting to open new business. Heavy emphasis on the... attempting." Minted expounds, pushing her glasses up. "Their pockets are not exactly... deep, following mind-controlled servitude. Most of what was divvied out went straight to homes and food."

Anon strokes his chin for a long moment, ruminating. Idle money was essentially no money at all; and while an emergency fund was good, this constituted such an event enough, in his eyes. They could try to suffer out the next few months, hoping for change... or fix their problems.

"Well, that sounds like a good place to start. Push for as many extensions on as many of the loans as you can; we'll wager our heavy relations with Equestria as a bulwark towards threats." Anon suddenly speaks up, hands slamming on the table. Cadance perks up instantly, nodding -- though Minted is far more reserved, and even a little offended at the treatment of her desk.

"As I have already been doing, Advisor." She states bluntly, poking at his fingered appendages to try and get him to move them.

"Delightful -- keep it up, then. In the meantime; we need to create jobs. The people have no money, so they have no bits to spend, so they have nothing to invest. Cadance; we should take a look at the Mine, and figure what can be done to help stem their distaste of approaching it again. Like you suggested -- Incentives, compensation programs, market-competative rates and benefits --" Anon begins listing off. Minted holds up a hoof.

"And where is the money for this meant to come from? As we have established, we have minimal funds." She clarifies harshly.

"Your summary was status-quo for a few seasons. First, Let's go all-out for one. The Faire, Mines reinvestment; we might be able to push a recruitment drive, but I might recommend saving it for later, once the bits are flowing." Anon answers quickly.

"...You can't be serious." Minted blinks heavily, looking to Cadance for support.

"Second; we involve Equestria in the Faire. Make it a tourist attraction, bring in Equestrians, get all the Princesses involved. Make it a big, united event; tired of spending money or not, they'll shell out again for something that pushes their ideal status-quo so soon after the wedding." Anon continues. Minted wants to object --

-- Unfortunately, it seems Cadance is smitten with the idea, now also slamming her hooves on Minted's table.
"Delightful! See it done, Minted!"

Internally, Minted groans.
"Very well, your majesty... I will shift the funding, and provide the required papers. Let's hope this maneuver pays off, or it's wraps for the Empire."

Minted reaches for her quill; but finds one of the humans hands is scratching her ear. She feels deeply offended by the act, and slaps his hand away.

...She slaps his hand away. Any second now.

No, she doesn't lean into it, she slaps his --

Oh, buck it. She starts writing the initial funding approvals, barely, ever so slightly tolerating the scratching.

Minted glances up from her paper. Why does the Princess look jealous?

The carriage jostles along the northern road, towards the outside of the city. The Crystal roads gave it a surprisingly smooth ride. Which was nice, since with the lack of Pegasi, land-wagons would be all they'd get outside Equestria.

Anon, bundled up in his coat, and Cadance, with a rather flattering fluffy cape, sat opposite of each other -- oop, and now she just sat beside him, getting comfortable and giving him a smile.
"Since you don't have fur, I thought you'd appreciate the proximity." She says casually. Well, she's not wrong. Cadance is pretty damn warm for a pony.

One of those fancy four-wheel carriages, Anon peeks out the window at the passing rocky houses. They're being pulled by a pair of Crystal Guard, who just so happen to also serve as their escort. An unfamiliar Mare with a cream fur and blue armor, and you guessed it, Cobalt again.

"So how far is the Mine?" Anon asks, glancing to Cadance as she nestles in beside him. He was more than used to getting his personal space impeded by Ponies; just... not usually Ponies with this much flank. She was taking up a good chunk of the seat.

"Not that far at all; the Crystal city has a few locations of note just outside its walls, like the farms to the south. You should see a rail track actually appear once we get outside the walls; it runs all the way to the Mine, and is one of the few things our guards patrol outside the city." Cadance helpfully explains, leaning against him to point out his window.

Farms? They actually grow shit out here? He'd have to follow up on that next.

Anon follows her pointed hoof; sure enough, after a few moments of variously colored, suburban style crystal housing, a large crystal structure of near rectangle growth emerged, very close to the edge of the city. And from it, a long rail track curved into the distant icy landscape, alongside the road.

"That's the refinery, where they process and manage any of the Crystals, Geodes, or Ores that are found in the Mines. It's been quiet for some time, unfortunately." Cadance helpfully and happily explains, before sitting back again.

"That Mine really is this places lifeblood, huh?" Anon muses with some trepidation. He'd heard of enough nations or places from his world with a similar setup. Usually with oil or a precious metal; they go all-in on it, and eventually suffer from going narrow minded, or outside political impact; like war.

"It is. Not just to the Economy, but to the Crystal Ponies themselves. I'm glad you're taking this all so seriously, Anon. It's been a relief to have someone capable in my corner, already tackling problems." She smiles, putting a reassured hoof on his leg. "How did your talk with Shining go, by the way?"

"Oh, good. Made some small talk, got a tour of the castle, chatted ideas for the Guard. Honestly, the Crystal theme hasn't been as bad on the eyes as I first thought it was going to be." Anon admits, snorting.

"Truthfully? I had the same worry. Crystals are delightful to look at, certainly, but for everything? I'm glad its grown on me." Cadance giggles in turn.

"Oh, speaking of Shining -- slight tangent, if you don't mind -- he said I smell good. Do I?" Anon asks, looking to Cadance expectantly.

She blinks a few times, getting a little quieter.
"He did? Are... you asking me to check?"

"I mean, if you want? That's not weird, is it? I'm kind of just curious, and trying to learn how you little pastel hoofers work. Human's don't have nearly a strong nose as Ponies, so hearing I have a smell surprised me." Anon shrugs.

"Alright then, hold on..." Cadance mumbles, shifting in her seat, using her wings for balance. Haunches and back legs still scooted back, she puts one hoof on his leg, the other on his shoulder; since they're sat, they're roughly the same head-height.

Anon kind of just awkwardly holds still. Honestly, he just wanted to ask her about it. But, here's where things went, he supposes.

Her nose tentatively hovers just off his neck, warmth breaths awkwardly spaced out. Was she nervous? Was this weirding her out? Was this a thing for Ponies? Now he kind of felt bad for asking.

She's just been hovering for a few moments, making his neck warm.

"Everything alright? I didn't ask for something awkwardly intimate, did I?" Anon asks, tilting his head ever so slightly to try and get a side-eye glance of Cadance. He'd done that a few times before, entirely by accident.

She startles, flinching back.
"N--No, It's good! Er, I'm good!" She quickly stutters, grinning.

Anon raises an eyebrow slowly.
"...This is totally a thing for you ponies, isn't it."

Cadance purses her lips, glancing away.

Long, drawn out silence, punctuated only by muffled hooves pulling the carriage as it rattles quietly.

"...It's complicated. It... kind of is, but only sometimes?" She eventually tries to offer. "It's... contextual."

"Alright, counter question. Is this weird for you, or did I weird you out? Because again, smell isn't really a thing for my people; or at least, nearly as much, so if it is iffy, we can like... not." Anon says, trying a different angle.

"No. I don't think this is weird." Cadance responds quickly, quite firmly. "Sorry, I was just... distracted." Cadance returns, soft but surprisingly firm. She leans close to him again, taking a more notable breath; the tip of her nose presses against his skin, making Anon crinkle his neck.

"Tickles." He mutters.

"Hm. Shining was right, you do have a... scent, to you. Do you find other Ponies enjoy standing close to you?" Cadance muses, still very close.

"Uh... yeah, I guess? Ponies do like napping on me." Anon shrugs. "And they fold to getting pet pretty quickly."

"Really?" Cadance hums. Her nose touches behind his ear, now. "Well, I saw that with Minted. I never thought she'd tolerate that."

"Yeah, Twilight likes to crawl on me and use me as a heater. Honestly, I just don't really get to have personal space with ponies, so I stopped trying to. Now half the time, I'm the one initiating. They never seem to mind." Anon continues, ousting purple while he ruminates. It gets a light giggle from Cadance.

"You do radiate warmth, so I wouldn't blame her. You've been quite comfortable to sit beside; perhaps I'll station you close to the throne, for the colder nights? Truthfully, I'm just glad you two are close." Cadance smiles, sneaking in some jokes. At least, Anon thinks they're jokes.

"Yeah, she's a good friend." Anon affirms. He's reminded of the contract she scrawled up for the demon she meant to summon. Clean her library, don't be evil, be her friend. It still makes him snort when he thinks about it.

Cadance finally shifts back -- but not by very much, hoof still on his leg. There's a playful smirk in her face.
"It's a pleasant one, if you were worried about the smell. It's... calming. Your people wouldn't happen to have a habit of... lulling creatures into a false sense of safety, only to eat them, would they?"

Anon chuckles dismissively.
"No, my people dominated the food chain by throwing things, like rocks and sharpened sticks. You'd be surprised how far that gets you."

Cadance leans a smidge closer.
"...Hm. Then why--"

The carriage suddenly lurches as it comes to a stop, interrupting the conversation. There's a short knock on the door.
"Princess, we've arrived." The guard-mare announces.

"R-right! Thank you." Cadance quickly clears her throat, hopping down off the seat; she pauses to quickly check her Mane, and swings open the door, hopping out.

Anon trails out after her, ducking through the carriage door. Directly ahead, merged into the side of a mountain probably no more than half an hour outside of the city, is a massive entrance to a Mine.

Author's Note

The Crystal Mine

Royal Advisor Anon, Princess Cadance | The Crystal Mines

Mentally, Anon had been envisioning a much more traditional ore mine. Some shit out of Skyrim, or one of those shitass survival games. Hole in the ground, some wooden braces, dirt. Lots of dirt.

But, he forgot the tag line to this whole place was 'Crystal'. It was a hole in the side of a hill, sure; but said hole looked like they'd been punching through outcroppings of crystal and rock, delving deep below. There's a pair of guards stood by its entrance, who bow when they approach.

"Didn't expect to see anyone guarding an empty Mine." Anon idly comments, tucking his hands into his pockets. Even just outside the city, the weather took a nosedive. Yuck. The Guards had their own little crystal tower to the side, about two stories tall, which they probably duck inside of to stay warm.

"Despite nopony wanting to go near it, that doesn't change just how valuable it is. A light patrol is, at the least, needed. According to Shining, anyway." Cadance notes. Despite bringing the cloak, she looked like she didn't even need it; chalk that up to either being an Alicorn, or just how much she fluffed up in her time as the Crystal Princess.

Their escort remains by the carriage, which is pulled in close to the tower. One of the stationed guards, a maroon-colored Stallion, trots forward to greet them.
"Princess. How may we serve? We had not been expecting you."

"A showing of the Mine to our newly minted Royal Advisor, Farbrook." Cadance imparts, motioning to Anon.

"Hey. Scale of one to ten -- how bad is it?" Anon asks, giving a quick nod.

"Oh!" Farbrook quickly throws another short bow, now in Anon's direction.

"You... don't do that to me, it'll feed my ego and nobody wants that." Anon waves a hand dismissively. Cadance throws anon a coy look, but Farbrook quickly rises back up.

"Very well, sir. It's... hard to explain. You'd best see for yourself." He motions towards the Mine, turning to lead them.

"Have you taken a peek yet?" Anon asks, looking to Cadance.

"Not personally, no. Though the reports are... confusing." Cadance admits.

The second guard hands Farbrook a lantern, which he carries in his teeth after lighting it. The warm glow bounces and refracts off the crystals left by the entrance.

The Mine itself is roughly two meters tall (thankfully for Anons head); and the chipped and carved tunnel into the hill continues as such. The walls, floors and ceiling eventually turn from a burst of crystals, to more recognizable rock and dirt; this early in, most of it has long since been mined, the mine track running adjacent to them as they move deeper. The odd, unfilled or spilled mining cart peppers its tracks or lays beside it. Notably, among the burnt out lanterns and the odd pickaxe, are more of those weird, 'mind control' hunks of iron one might call helmets. Seems the moment they were freed, they were tossed aside; at least the guards gathered theirs up.

So far, Anon was counting cleanup... but didn't see much else at issue, even when he paused to lean down and inspect the state of the tracks. They were... fine, at least to his untrained eye. Nails weren't rusted, wood wasn't split (probably more Equestrian Imports). Anon guesses a thousand years in the ether is more like stasis than anything.

"The main mining cavern is just up ahead, sir." Farbrook calls as Anon rises back to his feet to join them, Cadance watching patiently.

In a few more minutes of walking, most notably around what looked like the remains of a crystal-made rest station with broken tables, chairs and stools, shattered to pieces, they reached the main cavern.

The problem was starting to make itself very clear.

Big, multistory cavern that looked naturally formed. The front half of it had long since been mined out, so was mostly a place for the track to wound down, spare carts, tools, places to sit and eat; almost all of which were damaged now.

The back half of the cavern, still ripe for mining, was... well, unsafe was one word for it.

Eerie Black Crystals half-hazardously jutted out of the naturally grown ones, likely providing some level of footing or support to the Ponies tasked with mining, like a terrible attempt at scaffolding. Despite being numerous stories, there didn't look to be a single safe place to mine; somehow, even the ground floor looked hazardous to stand on, with shards and chunks of crystal all over the place. There weren't any support pillars or anything placed, either -- Anon wondered how long the cavern might last without them, if they tried to start mining it again.

"Watch out, sir." Farbrook warns, pulling him from his ruminations as he nudges Anon's leg. Anon glances over, confused, but still stepping back.

Close to where he'd been standing, a strange, deep-purple magic wisp of smoke that just emanates the very idea of 'Do Not Touch' slowly seeps out of the ground, floating aimlessly. A few more start to appear, actually; is it based on activity? They're slow-moving, and seem to move on predictable paths.

Cadance nudges his side, drawing his attention.
"...I can see why it was marked 'Unsafe'." She mutters.

"They tend to appear any time one of us pokes around. They're limited to the Cavern." Farbrook explains, pointing vaugely at one of them. It seeps into the adjacent wall, out of sight. After a few moments, it emerges elsewhere, idly floating through the air.
"Any idea what happens if you touch them?" Anon tries asking. Farbrook just shakes his head. Anon doesn't blame them; things sent a shiver up his spine. Unnatural.

"Well, I think I've seen enough." Anon states bluntly, stepping away.

Cadance sighs, staring over the cavern. "...How much suffering do you think the Crystal Ponies endured here? Tireless nights being forced to work, just enough food to keep them from collapsing."

Anon purses his lips, nodding somberly. She was quite the empathetic sort. Probably the best fit to be their Princess.

Farbrook eventually nods for the cavern entrance, pulling both Anon and Cadance's attention.
"Princess, we should go. The Caverns are getting too active." Farbrook warns.

Cadance and Anon glance around; seeping out of walls and crystals, ground and ceiling, more of those deep-purple smokey swirls are starting to emerge, and they're moving faster. Definitely familiar to that burst of flame that seems to be bothering the Scribes; looks like Sombra just wasn't going to let any of this be easy.

Princess Cadance silently nods, the trio turning to make a quick exit. Anon pulls the rear as Farbrook walks aside Cadance, leading them out; Farbrooks word holds true. Doesn't look like those swirly smoke things seem interested in following them.

Cadance takes a few vacant steps away from the Mine, looking the entrance over.
"I doubt we'd find another place to start a new Mine in any reasonable time. Not out here, and not this close." She concludes aloud.

"Farbrook; make sure nobody goes inside. I don't know too much about Pony black-magic, but where I'm from, that's a significant health hazard, and I won't see ponies try to work this place while those things run rampant in the mine." Anon warns, turning to the pair of guards. They both nod, Farbrook returning the lantern to the other guard.

"Will do, Sir. Not a soul will pass us." Farbrook affirms. "What do you... plan to do about that, if I may ask?"

Anon glances vaguely towards the Crystal City, visible in the southern distance. Well... can't keep asking their visiting purple-nerd for a solution every time. Maybe trying to track down Sombra's Study might prove worthwhile -- help them find the source of whatever's letting his magics linger.
"We'll need to see if Records pulls anything similar to this. Not quite sure how to go about this... we may have to make a request to Equestria to send Unicorns to help." Anon purses his lips, thinking.

Farbrook nods, as their pair of escort Guards pull the carriage over. Cadance looks to Anon expectantly, before the pair head back to the City.

The carriage ride back is quiet. Neither of them quite expected that to be how their trip rounded out.

Cadance is staring into the distance, out the window, as the carriage lightly jostles along the path.

"Doing alright?" Anon finally prods, leaning against his own window.

"...I am. I'm just growing worried by how deeply he still has his claws in our Nation." She answers simply.

"What happened to him, anyway?" Anon asks, curious. Cadance purses her lips, looking to him.

"His defeat was near a thousand years ago. The heroes of the time united the Crystal Ponies, and fought back -- aided by Auntie Celestia." Cadance sighs, glancing away again. "They routed him, but... he had no intentions of handing over the Empire, choosing to punish it's people instead, whisking them away into... I believe most of the Crystal Ponies relate the feeling to a long, dreamless sleep. I don't think he was properly defeated; I worry he remains somewhere, in the shadows, if his lingering magic is anything to go by."

She continues to stare down at the floor of the carriage, her ears drooping. It's a surprisingly sobering sight that seems to drain any of Anon's desire to try and slip in a joke.
"...Yeah. Quite the burden you've been tasked with, huh?" Anon blows a raspberry, sinking into his chair.

Her eyes glance at him, partially hidden by her mane.
"I suppose I'm just glad I'm not to do it alone. I... appreciate your support, Anon. Shining has been quite the help, and you've only been here a day -- yet I feel like we've been making a surge in progress. And I'm sorry for burdening you with more than I expected to. I originally just wanted a... well, truthfully, a friend who knew the truth, so I wouldn't have to bottle it all up inside. I didn't think you'd actually accept -- much less take such a firm grasp of the role."

Anon nods solemnly, glancing out the window at the snowy wastes that surround the city. That's right. Cadance, as far as Anon was aware, had no proper family beyond being raised by Celestia. Sequestered up here in the North; how many could she actually consider a friend up here, and not just one of her subjects? Married to someone she didn't love, tasked with reviving a forgotten nation with threats inside and out.

His gaze flits over the Princess, sat beside him. Looking at him... looking for something. She looks smaller than usual. If he thought he'd been stressing over the whole thing -- he'd just been here a day. Who the fuck knows how long Cadance has been putting up with this kind of thing.

But, right now, he could help. Twilight was visiting -- Shining was assisting, and he'd be weaving the web that kept the structure secure. Alright, Anon -- he runs a hand through his hair, sitting a little straighter, tapping into Therapy-Mode.

He clears his throat, offering Cadance warm smile. She looks a little confused at first, watching him expectantly.

And he pats his lap. Her gaze follows his hands, squinting.

Cadance blinks a few times, face shifting to surprise. Her eyebrow raises. She's heard about this from Twilight; in fact, it was stipulated in page 35 of his contract, that he tends to be very... touchy, with Ponies. It was one thing for a... hug, or a comforting hoof. But to sit on his lap?
"...Anon, I am the Crystal Empire's Princess. That's not particularly... becoming, of my station." She retorts quietly.

"Cadance. Your duty as Princess is to ensure your Empire, and it's people -- or Ponies in this case -- thrive." Anon starts. She picks up on the shift in his tone, tilting her head.

"So it is, Anon. Your point?" She wonders aloud.

"You're allowed to relegate yourself some time of self-care -- of activities of your own choosing." He continues.

"That's true. But, do explain -- what activity is it called, for sitting on your lap?" She retorts, still watching him curiously.

"You asked me to be your Royal Advisor, and, as the sole Unofficial, Unlicensed, Human-Pony Therapist, it's within my means to..."
He pats his lap again, grinning.
"...Provide one of my hallmark Therapy sessions."

"...Really? Now?" She asks, incredulous.

"I do recall a certain Princess requesting I save her a therapy slot." Anon teases, calling back to their meeting in the prison cell. Cadance hums -- she did, didn't she.

Cadance stares at Anon for a quiet moment, before sighing, letting a playful smile spread on her face. From what she'd heard from Twilight, he didn't really tend to ask first. So... this was appreciated, at least.

Anon, in turn, watches as Cadance mulls it over. Part of him is curious why it feels like it's a bigger deal for her, than it is for other Ponies. It's definitely not the Princess thing; he's had Tia sprawl on him before, quite willingly. Maybe it's a personal thing? It's why he's trying to be a little less pushy; and that seems to be the right play, as she starts shifting in her seat.

Wordlessly, she shuffles across the seat, awkwardly finding a way to lay over his legs, sitting like a loafing cat. Considering she's nearly Luna's size, it's a fair bit different than when Twilight does it -- Anon has to shuffle them both to the middle of the seat to make sure they're not bumping walls.

"...Alright. And what happens now?" Cadance asks, once they're both settled, curious. Even through his pants, he's warm.

Anon holds up his hands, wriggling his fingers. Cadance stares at the odd appendages; she was used to Spike, so it didn't throw her off that hard, but it was still odd seeing them be so... prehensile.

"Wings or no wings?" Anon asks.

"Oh, uh... no wings?" She answers cautiously, unsure of the question. Her guess was he was going to do something with his hands... and she just preened her wings recently. So no wings.

Looking over her own shoulder, Cadance watches as he... "What are you doing?" She asks quietly.

Anon doesn't respond, simply interlacing his fingers, and cracking his knuckles.

Cadance's contemplations are promptly put to rest, as his hands press firmly against her back, kneading his thumbs into her flesh.

Both of them are caught off guard by the noise Cadance makes; it's one hell of a throaty purr.

An embarrassed blush quickly takes Cadance's face -- but Anon simply shrugs it off, knowing how devastating opposable thumbs are to Ponies. Any level of resistance she tries to mount, is quickly worn away as she melts in his hands. His hands knead into her shoulder blades, thumb tracing alongside her spine as he makes rhythmic pushes against her. A long, low hum escapes her as his hands alternate, tracing around the base of her wings.

"This is... wow." Cadance mutters, eyes closed. She's gone from politely sitting, to almost completely sprawled out.

"You looked tense; thought you could use it." Anon says -- it was also an excuse to get a chance to run his hands through her pink fur, because she was one soft pony. This was as therapeutic for him as it was for her, probably. Anon was wrong, of course -- this was doing a lot more for Cadance than him, himself none the wiser.

"...You can push harder." Cadance urges, craning her neck. Really? Must be an Alicorn thing.

"Alright." Anon snorts. He shifts his stance to dig his fingers in firmer, roughly tracing her back, and down her side. One of the prime spots to get a pony was above the flank, roughly around their hips; Cadance's wings start to unfurl, another sigh escaping her.

"Like this?" Anon playfully asks.

"Celestia above, if I had known, I'd have hired you just for this." She retorts quickly; though has some difficulty getting the words out between breaths.

With Cadance melting into a puddle on his lap, Anon glances out the window of the jostling, medieval vehicle. Nearly at the City, now; the crystalline buildings looming. His gaze flits over the refinery, wondering how it looked when it was fully running. Or how they even processed the crystals.

Something feathery tickles Anon's chin -- oh, it's her wings. Her plumage seeming to have a mind of it's own under the duress of his masseuse-ing, sticking up past his arms as they lengthen. The carriage is definitely not big enough for her full wingspan; her other wing is bending as it sticks out.

Well, Cadance seems a little too out of it to reel them in, judging by the noises she's making, and the way her leg is kicking. She said no wings; so Anon just continues to work around them, letting them do their thing. They're pretty fucking soft, so getting brushed by a rogue feather doesn't bother him much, instead focusing on kneading around the base of the wings, where they connect into her back just below the shoulder; working over the joint, carefully but firmly pressing into her fur, to reach the muscle underneath.

Neither noticed the carriage had stopped moving, pulled from their moment by a sharp knocking on the carriage door. They're already back at the Crystal Castle, parked in the square as one of the guards voice calls out.

Surprisingly quickly, Anon finds himself shoved back to his side of the carriage seat -- Cadance already sat on her haunches, head held high, clearing her throat and straightening her fur.

She flashes Anon a quick smile, before hopping down, opening the door, and leaving Anon in the wagon.

...Maybe he didn't have her as melted as he thought. Alicorns were wily ones, after all. He's quick to follow, nearly whacking his head on the top of the door.

Cadance 'excused herself' to take care of something, leaving Anon to enjoy the rest of the day himself.

Shining and Twilight returned later in the evening, finding Anon to be rummaging through the Royal Armory. How he got in, and how nobody noticed, they weren't quite sure. Said something about a bandana.

Cadance returned later, and the group made short discussion, before breaking for the night following a quiet dinner that held a few minutes of small talk.

With Anon adjusting to his new role, and a few ideas already being knocked around, they retired for the night to their rooms.

While Shining and Cadance shared a room, they'd yet to have found a way to comfortably share it, unable to sneak any additional furnishing in past the help, or the maids that cleaned the room. This came up before they broke off for the night, getting a chin-scratch from Anon.

A temporary solution that Anon offered was letting Shining bunk with him for the night, while they figure something better long-term, rather than forcing them to share a bed.

To Anon, a perfectly normal offer -- crashing with a Pony was nothing new. Cadance was quite fond of the idea, while Shining became an awkward mess that got nudged into the situation, unable to voice his opinion of the idea.

Anon may have already forgotten that Shining was actually a mare. It's one thing to keep a secret for one of the Princesses; it's another to try and remember Shining wasn't a dude, when he's spent the whole time knowing him as one, and continues to walk around looking, and sounding, like one.

The room that Anon had been assigned, now formerly a guest room, and now his official room, was quietly squared away. Since the help simply went home, and the guest rooms were often unoccupied, it was a good little splash of privacy.

Of course, Anon didn't have any.

They'd dragged a spare bed from one of the adjacent rooms, bracing it against his, making a mega-bed. This was acceptable enough for his size.

The room itself was politely sparce, with a dresser, desk, singular large window; everything one might expect to reasonably host an Ambassador or the sort.

Anon lay on his back, Shining nestled against his side, back facing Anon. Anon was already getting close to passing out, stifling another yawn.

Shining's eyes were jammed open, unable to possibly sleep like this. He wasn't acclimated to the Anon effect yet.

"...Hey, Shining." Anon mutters. Shining's ears twitch in recognition in the dark room.

"...Y-yeah Anon?" Shining responds quietly. He'd been maintaining his masculine form for the moment. Shining had explained that normally, when alone, he'd drop the illusion; but living with Cadance didn't give him much space to, outside of bathing.

"Three." Anon states, starting to count down on his fingers.

Shining lifts his head, glancing at Anon with concern.
"...Why are you counting?"

"Two." Anon continues, offering no explanation.

Shining is a little worried now. With Anon, this could mean anything.

Then, in the low-light of the evening, Anon barely lit from what little light splashes through the curtains of his window, Shining sees Anon point at the door, instead of saying 'One'.

The door cracks open quietly. A Pony begins to slowly creep into the room, quietly shutting the door behind themself.

Shining's eyes widen in alarm. An Intruder? Who would --

"Hey Twi." Anon says aloud.

The Pony freezes in place.
"...Oh." The familiar voice of a purple pony mutters.

"Good try, but too early." Anon offers with a shrug.

"...Sorry." Twilight sighs, reaching for the door.

"Twily, why are you sneaking into Anon's room?" Shining cuts in, getting a surprised yelp out of Twilight.

"S-Shining?! Why are you here?" Twilight 'quietly' exclaims.

"Bunking with me. You want in? Mega-bed has plenty of room." Anon adds.

"Mega-bed?" Twilight questions, trotting over.

Shining stares at Anon. He wasn't seriously -- and Twilight was already on the bed, Anon having lifted an arm and everything for her to crawl under.

She smiles at Shining, curling up and nuzzling in on Anon's other side, before the blanket covers the trio.

That... Shining lips purse as he settles back down. Now it felt a little more like a sleepover. This might help the situation, actually.

It's... strange, but Shining relents, huffing quietly.

Then the hand starts to scratch along his neck, digging through his mane -- Shining spies Anon's other hand doing the same to Twilight.

Alright, maybe this wasn't so bad, Shining finally sighs. If only the thumping of his heart would calm down, he might actually get some sleep.

Author's Note

At Least Look Like You Love Each Other

Anon E. Muss, Toilet Sprinkles, Princess Cadance, Prince Shining | 1 Week Later | The Crystal Throne Room

Anon paces back and forth, hands firmly clasped behind his back. His fingers wiggle as he rummages through his brain for a better explanation.

They're in the Throne Room. Currently, it's entirely empty, devoid of any that isn't aware of their little game of secrets. Cadance and Shining sit on their respective thrones, mostly confused as to the whole situation that Anon had concocted here. Twilight is off to the side, wearing her little nerd glasses and scribbling in a notepad.

Cadance glances between them, curious as to why he called this little morning meeting. It's been about a week since Anon arrived, and they've slowly been chipping through the numerous issues plaguing the Empire. Progress was slow, but promising, the effect on his presence quite noticeable between the two rulers.

Shining looks very content, and well-rested. A soft smile tends to continually sit on his face, likely from repeatedly sharing Anon's room while they figure a good way to slip in and explain a second bed in the royal chambers. Anon's current idea for it, was to just get a "fuckhuge bigass bed" they could both sleep on and not even come close to bumping each other. Both were alright with this idea, but getting it made and delivered would take time. So in the meantime, Shining would continue to bunk with Anon.

Cadance was quite good at holding her regal stoicism, but having Anon to talk to and work ideas through had helped her mood significantly. Near-daily little tea breaks, and the odd massage, helped keep her from tensing up, and kept her spry for her days tasks.

Twilight had been assisting the record keepers with processing the curse. While they haven't found a way to dispell it yet, identifying has taken a huge surge in speed with her help.

Preparations for the Crystal Faire are underway, projected to be hosted in two months time.

The future was hopeful, even as the treasury continues to empty to make things happen.

"You two... need to act like a couple." Anon suddenly states, stopping to spin in place, pointing his hands at them.

Cadance and Shining share a curious glance. Not exactly what they expected him to bring up.

"We... do?" Shining mumbles, confused. Cadance shares this sentiment, nodding.

"Anon, please. I'm Princess-Trained by Auntie Tia herself. I think we manage that, at the least." Cadance retorts, a touch incredulous. Telling the Princess of Love she didn't look like she was in love? A bold claim.

Shining hums in a agreement, not quite sure of the point Anon is trying to make, nor eager to question the Princess.

Both are surprised by how resolute Anon is against their retorts, as he wiggles a defiant little finger.

"Right. Trained by Princess Celestia, the most notable of relationship havers." Anon jokes dryly. Anon simply points at Twilight, and snaps his fingers.

The communal gaze flits to Twilight, as she clears her throat.
"After following and recording the interactions between Cadance and Shining for one full week, I've counted each of your intimate, and friendly interactions, compiled into one list."

"...That's why you were trailing after us like that?" Shining questions.

That gets an ear-flick from Cadance, who leans forward, at least curious. This had the potential to tickle her same-brand of data-loving 'tism that she shared with Twilight. Shining just looks lost, moreso weirded out that his sister had been tracking stuff about him. Though he was pretty familiar with her antics, experiencing them never got more pleasant.

"Alright, Twibunkle -- how many times did they longingly stare at the other, unnoticed?" Anon starts, striking a pose.

"Zero."

"Turbulent--How many times did a mutual gaze occur, where it was either held confidently, or broken off in a bashful glance-away?" Anon shouts, striking another.

"Also zero."

"Toblerone! Wistful sighs? Audible remarks in public about missing their partner, followed by an apology for slipping up professional decorum? Roping staff or others into minor, loving schemes aimed at the other?" Anon rambles, striking a new, fresher stance with every question.

"Zero, Zero, and one -- but that doesn't count, as it was when we had discussed a 'megabed' to be stealthily handled into the Royal Chambers for Shining and Cadance, at your behest, Anon." Twilight concludes, tapping her quill to the clipboard.

"ZERO!" Anon throws his hands up in the air dramatically, putting it all in one, final funky pose.

Cadance and Shining stare at his antics, before sharing a glance.

"That's... Anon, that kind of thing doesn't matter." Shining sighs, shifting uncomfortably in the throne. Couldn't make it any clearer that Shining preferred to be posted beside a throne, not stuck on one as a royal-by-marriage. "Sure, the Crystal ponies hinge on emotion, but they don't read that deep -- "

Anon promptly stomps over beside Twilight, and plucks her glasses off her face. He slaps them on his own, crossing his arms.
"Who looks like a nerd?" He states firmly.

Twilight squints at him, rubbing her nose from the yankage.

"...What?" Shining was getting more and more confused.

"The glasses? Blunt. Obvious. But look at demeanor. Whose slouching? Whose carrying books? Who looks like they'd stay up for three consecutive days mapping out the trajectory of toast coming out of the toaster?" Anon continues, pointing between himself and Twilight.

"I..." Twilight goes to start, but realizes she might not win a rebuttal about toast charts, instead huffing. Anon had called her a nerd so many times, she'd stopped retorting it a while ago.

"No... no, hang on. He has a point." Cadance mutters, cutting Shining off. She's surprisingly invested, tapping her chin with a hoof. Seems the whole Princess of Love thing gave her a keen interest in these more subtle, behind-the-scenes love games.

"...He does? How?" Shining tilts his head, still lost. Captain of the Guard. Beyond poking out people who looked suspicious, keeping guards in line, and being a most dutiful husband to the Princess, Shining's skillset didn't seem particularly... vast. Narrowly but heavily skilled, might be a good term for it.

Anon cuts in, though he's done with posing for now.
"Crystal Ponies are the lifeblood of this nation, true, and their feelings keep them happy. So, they need to BELIEVE you two love each other, just as much as your inspirational little crush-to-lovers story demands it. But feeling secure in something goes beyond the face value. So even the subtle underlayment of this facade needs to be believable, or the lack of which will leave only room for doubt. If there's no rumors of how you dote on each other in public, that only leaves room for whispers of the opposite." Anon continues his tirade, waggling a finger as he paces. The more he speaks, the more Cadance seems to be getting invested, leaning more and more out of her throne.

"Right, so those subtleties are what help seal the deal, when they doubt. It reassures them without us needing to step in!" Cadance nods, patting the thrones arm rest. Or... hoof rest. "It's like in Princess training. You can't break your noble posture for a second, since you don't know when someone might be watching from an angle you didn't expect. If we're feeding them positive signals casually, making it our norm, they interpret them as such, no matter what we're actually up to!"

"Exactly. Here, come stand beside me Cadance -- I think you get the idea better, and Shining could use the example." Anon explains, slapping Twilight's glasses back on her face (gently this time) before stopping in the middle of the room, pointing to the spot beside himself. "We just need to build a believable behavior, that you both get used to."

Cadance hops down off her throne, trotting to join him. The simplicity of his request, and how easily she follows it, despite the disparity of their positions does cross her mind for a moment -- but she enjoys the rather casual atmosphere that Anon seems to constantly radiate.

She spins around as she slides in beside him, looking up at him expectantly.

"Positioned like we were simply walking down the halls. I'm Shining on stilts, you're you. Alright?" Anon instructs.

Shining snorts.

Cadance plays along, taking her more regal posturing. Head tilted up and back, chest, wings fluffed up but still furled -- how she would walk if she was to present herself in public. Then, she glances out of the corner of her eye at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Perfect. Now... say Shining outpaces you. Walk with me, but go slow." Anon continues, taking a step forward. Cadance follows, but trails behind, Anon quickly outpacing her. Anon puffs up his chest, widens his shoulders -- and slowly glances behind himself.
"A stern face, softening for but a moment in concern for minor worry for the mare he loves... then, once its affirmed she hasn't fallen too far behind, Shining slows his pace... smiles softly when Cadance catches up, and resumes walking only once she has returned to his side." Anon explains, acting it out in-motion as he says it. He has them repeat it from the other direction, turning so Shining can see it from the other angle.

Slow pace, softly worried turn... smile, wait for them to catch up, repeat.

Cadance isn't quite sure how to feel about that smile Anon throws her way each time, quickly glancing away each time they make eye contact.

"See what I'm talking about here? Wistful. You're thinking about the other pony, even in passing moments. If you're together, you're acknowledging their presence -- it brings you joy to know they're there." Anon explains -- suddenly reaching down, using a hand to angle a confused Cadance's face.
"And did you see that bashful glance-away? Perfection. Realizing that Shining is still thinking about his darling wife, and getting bashful about it. That's Princess training for you." Anon concludes, tilting and aiming Cadance's chin around, before meeting her gaze for a long, wistful stare.

Cadance swallows quietly, struggling to maintain the stare.

"Get it Shining?" Anon chirps.

Shining scratches the back of his head, nodding after a moments hesitation.
"Uh... yeah, I think I do. It's like... breaking my attention stance, but only when it's related to Cadance?"

Anon snaps his fingers together, pulling from the stare with Cadance. She audibly exhales, taking a moment.
"Bingo! Alright, get down here, we'll run a few with you as well. Cadance, back up you go."

Twilight, across the room, silently scrawls down on the clipboard the 'experiments', and the general results.

Shining hops down, Cadance hops up -- she slumps into it like she'd just done something exhausting, staring up at the tall, rounded ceiling.

"Alright Shining. Stay put." Anon points straight beside himself. Head tilted curiously, Shining sits in his haunches beside Anon. The moment he does, Anon goes striding across the room, to one of the walls.

"...So how do you know all this?" Shining asks, plodding his front hooves in place.

"Soap dramas! And L.A Noire, that one was fun." Anon shouts back without looking, before placing a hand on the wall -- and strikes a pose, leg partially bent, back arched. Fierce. No X, no Doubt.
"Alright. I'm Cadance, you're you without stilts. Scene -- we're passing each other in a hall or large room, while we're both distracted with guests or other tasks. But, we notice each other. Show me the look you make."

"I don't stand like that... wait, do I?" Cadance mumbles, glancing down at herself, lifting a hoof.

"Uh... sure." Shining clears his throat, trying to... playing pretend didn't come as easy to Shining, a machine of standing at an attentive guard-ready pose for hours. He tries his best to imagine he's... meeting dignitaries, or anything that isn't just staring at Anon's suggestive posing.

Twilight scribbles down just how attentive the pair are at paying attention to Anon. Their eyes just won't leave him. Studious. Respectable. Their investment into this task is commendable.

Anon starts striding across the room, hips swinging, while Shining... does his best to make a mock conversation. It's mostly Yeahs and Uhuhs, but it works for now. Then... Anon side-eyes, and double takes into a full stare. Slow head tilt down, staring up through half lidded eyes... warm, surprisingly sultry smile. Wink, a soft giggle, and look forward again.

Shining just stared the moment they shared a look.

Anon reaches the end of the room, spinning, clapping his hands. Both Cadance and Shining startle at the sound, fidgeting.
"Good eye contact! I was expecting you to try a more playful, saucy return stare -- but being slackjawed is a solid, endearing approach. Letting your eyes roam the body like that, because why wouldn't you? She's the Princess of Love. She's sensual. Shapely. And she's your wife. Other ponies seeing that she can still sweep you off your feet -- or, hooves, as resolute as you are as Captain of the Guard? Flawless." Anon explains, crossing back to the middle of the room, back to Shining. Pausing beside him, he ruffles Shining's mane, before clasping his hands again.

Cadance glances away at the descriptors used about her, ears pinning back.

"Alright!" Anon calls out, turning to face them both, while Shining tries to measure his breathing to stop the hammering heart in his chest. Cadance is staring at one of the distant walls, only offering quick side-glances. "You two seem to get the idea. Let's do a few more runs of a few different scenarios. Cadance, join us? Easier now if I handle both of you at the same time." Anon motions beside himself, hands sweeping out.

Shining and Cadance both quietly stifle a cough, looking away as Cadance trots over to join them in the middle of the room.

Twilight quietly notes that they may need to adjust the heating in the castle, as both Shining and Cadance are looking pretty flush, and fidgety. Odd, she was just fine. Anon looked his usual too, and all he had was clothes. Did Shining acclimatize to the North already, and the temperature inside was simply too high for them both?

Twilight also keeps meticulous notes of how the ensuing practices play out, quill scribbling away as she notes their posture attempts, and reactions. She finds a few interesting behaviors tend to surface.

They seem to find it easiest to first make the face at Anon, and then at each-other. Any scenario involving the pair, like for example, smiling sweetly at each-other after referencing the other, they first seem to practice the smile at Anon, before trying it on the other.

They're both extra attentive when Anon seems to speak to a specific one -- both Cadance and Shining respectively perking up, ears flicking when Anon singles one of them out. Under his specific attention, they seem almost antsy, plodding their hooves in place. Shining seems to be perspiring an abnormal amount, and Cadance is biting her lip.

Twilight dutifully notes these down.

These behaviors seem to primarily stem from Anon's very hands-on approach to instructing these examples. He'll often directly touch or maneuver them as needed, and insert himself as an example, before pairing them off again. Nudging their hips, faces, even leaning down to move their hooves.

After nearly half an hour of various scenarios, ranging from quiet pass-by's, subtle behaviors during conversations, purposeful slips in demeanor, and a hefty amount of physical movements and subtleties to draw the eye properly, Shining and Cadance are both breathing heavy, faces flushed, both sweating.

Anon looks entirely fine, smiling with contentment.
"You guys are really catching on to this -- couple of naturals. Alright... Twoop Loop, how long have we been at this?"

"...About half an hour, Anon." Twilight calls back, folding her little glasses.

"Right... court is about to start soon, right? Perfect time for a little break, and I'll get out of your manes. Good work, you two." Anon nods approvingly, giving the tired pair a thumbs up. He wonders if it has a dumb name like Day Court... Crystal Court. Eugh.

Twilight starts packing her supplies, floating them beside herself.

"...Anon, how are you not tired?" Shining mumbles, sitting back, huffing. Sure, they didn't physically go crazy or anything... but that took a lot of concentration and focus. "You're so animated with all this."

"I bet you couldn't go for much while longer, huh? The kind that doesn't show it until you're exhausted." Cadance teases, setting herself down softer than Shining does.

"Huh? Oh, I could do this stuff for hours -- just ask Twibidi. Humans are all about long-term endurance. Back in ye-old hunting days, we'd trail game for days." Anon nods, doing a little stretch to stay limber.

Twilight nods.
"I once watched him hang off one of the branches of my Tree-Library for five hours to avoid Rainbow Dash. Why was she after you again?" Twilight asks, tilting her head curiously.

"... No comment." Anon goes quiet, crossing his arms.

Definitely not related to trying to find a way to get up to her cloud-house to sleep on it for his napping checklist, and causing it to plummet. No sir.

Neither Shining or Cadance bother to verbalize anything off of that comment, both finding their words stuck in their throat, and instead taking a slow, calming breath.

Shining closed his eyes, and Cadance pursed her lips, kneading the floor.

"Ready?" Twilight asks, trotting up to Anon. "We've got an inspection with Farbrook up soon, to try and gauge the Mines status a little better, now that records is making progress."

"Right. Alright, you two have... as much fun as court allows." Anon pats them both on the head, throws them a thumbs up, and trails after Twilight, who is already rambling statistics about the Mine.

In a few short moments, Twilight and Anon are gone, leaving Shining and Cadance in the throne room. With their private discussion over, staff are slowly filtering into the room to begin preparing it for the next few hours. Unlike Day Court in Canterlot, they didn't have to entertain Nobles for hours, so it was a fairly concise event that happened every few days.

"Sweet Auntie Celestia, he is... he is such a tease." Cadance mumbles the moment Anon is out of sight, rubbing her temples with her hooves.

"Right? Tell me about it..." Shining affirms with a huff, equally quiet, drawing her surprised glance as he slumps back into the throne. Cadance trails after him, haunches thumping against the cushion of her own.

Both share an awkward glance of realization about their not so subtle verbal comments. They share another, more awkward cough, trying to put it past them as they try their best to look presentable for court.

Seems they were in agreement, at least.

Time for court.

They fidget, sharing a glance.

Which would take hours.

Cadance bites her lip, as Shining stifles a groan.

Yep, just... time for court. They could handle that. After being man-handled by Anon, verbally and literally, for the last half an hour.

Staring up at him... sharing longing looks with him... wistful sighs, warm smiles...

...

... They basically just role-played for the last half an hour with him.

And now its time for court.

... Nope. Cadance folds first, Shining sighing in relief as she calls one of the staff over, requesting a fifteen minute delay to the start of the proceedings. Shining is eager to accept the notion, and while the staff pony trots off to deliver the news to the awaiting ponies about the delay, both Cadance and Shining excuse themselves for a few moments, heading in different directions.

One of the bathrooms, and one of the guest rooms, find themselves firmly locked for the next little bit.

They return later, both looking much better, and tired, sharing an amicable nod. Each having handled their own... issue.

A few of the staff whisper about their little disappearance, assuming a supposedly not-so-subtle romp, under the idea they re-linked up further in the castle for some private time before court. Anon's teachings are already at work, apparently.

Twilight and Anon enjoy a thorough discussion about the Crystal Empires progress, sat in front of that Amore painting, killing time for the carriage to set up for their trip. It was becoming his favorite little pause-spot... the couch was comfy, now that it wasn't poking him, and the painting just felt comforting to sit near.

Twilight has yet to understand the numerous Stronghold references he makes after she lists statistics, like placing quarry's and how full the granary is.

She does show him the notes she took, though. Anon studies them for a little bit.

"...How does this place handle heating, anyway?" Anon mumbles.

"Oh, Fire Stones in the furnace room, with ventilation through the entire building." Twilight helpfully answers.

"I want one." Anon decides.

...

They find a spare in the furnace storage.

...

This was soon revealed to be a bad idea, as both discover you can in fact, throw Fire Stones, crystals charged with Fire-Based magics, for an impromptu fireball. They explode quite forcefully on hard impact, and tend to scare the absolute shit out of the nearby staff ponies.

Twilight isn't sure what a grenade is, but Anon won't stop calling them that now. He's taken her notes, and is drawing some kind of belt to go across his chest, with numerous Fire Stones strapped across it.

Sparring with Shining

Anon E. Muss, Shining Armor | 1 Week Later | Crystal Plaza

Another week unto his stay, now totally two. Half a month, in funny crystal land.

The food still sucks. Upside, they were in talks with Griffonia for a proper, vetted chef; Ponies wanting a Meat-Eating Griffon Chef raised some questions.

Trying to explain Anon raised even more.

But that's what Cadance is up to, and Anon is not there.

Anon is, however, outside on this beautiful day.

A small gathering of Crystal Ponies watch with curiosity, loosely gathered around the town square. Early morning, the pinkish sunlight peers through a partially clouded sky, softly bouncing off the crystalline material that makes up most of the city.

There's a quiet murmur among them, as a not-so-quiet display happens underneath the long shadow cast by the Crystal Castle. A section of what remains of the Crystal Guard is formed up, just one below a dozen of them, formed into two lines of four, and a front line of three.

Shining Armor, adorned in his fully armored regalia, now styled to sign his allegiance to the Crystal Empire, patrols back and forth in front of the lined guardponies. It now bears a streak of blue to match the color of his mane, similarly styled to the standard guards blue and green armor.

While the Barracks does have its own supplied training yard behind it, surrounded by a sturdy fence, Anon had suggested a more public bout of martial display as a means to reassure the public in the Crystal Guards competency. Perhaps with a proper display, recruitment might even spur up again, witnessing a Guard that isn't seeped in 'big evil bad pony juju', as Anon so quaintly put it. While Shining didn't agree with the exact choice of terminology, spurring the local hearts by familiarizing them with a confident, comforting sturdy guard was something he could get behind.

Anon himself stood a few feet away from the at-attention guards, his own hands clasped behind his back as he quietly observes their little routine. All sussied up in his own, brand new Advisatorial uniform, Anon enjoyed the chance to witness Shining in his element. Did he suggest this whole thing just to get to stand around in public, showing off the new fit? Maybe. Silently and to himself, Anon enjoys feeling like a little El Presidente, watching his loyal troops handle their maneuvers. All he needed now was a fat cigar dangling from his lips, and some morally grey export that drew international attention, all worked by underpaid ponies.

Anon's dictatorial daydreams are pulled away by the sound of Shining yelling orders, the guard changing direction and stances. Knowing of Shining's secret, Anon took a curious gaze to how the mare-in-stallions clothing carried himself. Honestly, if he hadn't been told, he'd have no idea from just observing. A lifetime of carrying himself like a stallion showed, and was probably about as true to his real personality as it could be. Just... a mare, under there. Tomcolt, was the term Shining used if Anon remembers correctly.

...Back to being El Crystal Presidente. They're jogging the plaza for a few laps now, leaving Anon to ruminate, enjoying psuedo-South-America and Carribean overlord fantasies.

Crystal coffee. Or if they had oil, would it also be crystallized? Crystal oil. They had a farm, so maybe Crystal coffee wasn't that for off of an idea. The Crystal Mines seemed vital still, so that wasn't an unfamiliar game of resource guarding; but they came pre-installed with a foreign first world nation with a vested interest, in the form of Equestria. Speaking of, they'd narrowed down the issues. The black shitty-scaffold crystals could be broken and cleared out, but those smokey wisps were the problem. They awaken too quickly and linger too long to get any proper work done. So, refocusing on Sombra was the main goal now. Crack his curses, find his study. Hopefully.

Twilight was an absolute blessing in that regard. She was ripping apart that curse like nobodies business, cracking it like a codex. Had to sacrifice a few parchments and papers for her to experiment with, but they'd actually started making a dent in the cursed pile.

Couldn't last forever, though. Twilight was starting to get homesick, and would probably be heading home in a few days. Had friends to make up with, a library to run, friendship lessons to learn, all that. Still, she was a huge help. Could probably come back later, too.

The guard ponies have rounded the plaza a few times now, and Anon can hear a few of the ponies breaths getting huffier. Shining is taking it in firm stride, not showing so much as a bead of sweat on his brow, leading the pack and calling out running chants.

...Anon had a theory. That some ponies were simply... better. Not in some racial supremacist way... probably. He wasn't sure if was lineage or cutie mark or whatever, but there was undeniably a discrepancy. The Princesses, Alicorns, dwarfed all ponies. That was reasonable, they had the combo deal. Horn, wings, earth-pony-ass. Triple-tribe combo, Retardicorn strength. Cadance was a monster, and she wasn't even the strongest one.

But then you had the sparkle family. Twilight, and Shining, both monsters of magic in their own right. Anon has seen how quickly Twilight takes to new spells, grasping even the complex ones disgustingly fast, and holding a surprising amount of energy for casting them, tiring out far later than other unicorns. The ponies he'd seen around Ponyville tended to get pretty tired pretty quick with standard, comparably minor spells, or were locked to a certain type.

Shining maintained a shield bubble around an entire wedding venue, while being mind altered, while still performing his duties. Was there just some freak strain in the Sparkle genome? The other Elements weren't anything to scoff at, either. Rarity wasn't magically orientated like Twilight, but she's had her moments. Applejack was a powerhouse. Rainbowdash was freakishly fast. The list goes on.

The Apples could be marked as a lineage thing... but Rainbow's family wasn't known for being speeddemons. Probably something he'd spend his life wondering. Maybe that'd be his scholarly pursuit. Write a book about... how some ponies were more like background ponies, and how, despite a near-equal gender ratio, mares just seemed more prominent.

The guards round the plaza a few more times again. Still, Shining is fine, giving Anon a nod as they pass by him again. The guards behind him are starting to space out, visibly breathing hard, running heavier.

Anon's face scrunches, a hand idly feeling the shard that comfortably sits in his pocket. The one he'd gotten from the bench in front of Princess Amore's painting. Something else he was curious about.

She wasn't an Alicorn, but was Celestia's size. The Crystal Empire seemingly had different origins... the Crystal ponies all lacking horns and wings. Yet, Amore had a horn, but no wings. But all the Princesses were Alicorns. Has Celestia told Cadance all she knows about Amore? Or does she even know? They were likely alive at the same time... or was the Alicorn thing limited to Equestria?

Anon honestly wished that more historical documentation had survived. He was quite curious at this point. They had a library, sure, but most of it was general knowledge and story and such. The historical sections took big hits thanks to Sombra.

The guards seem to be slowing down, walking to finish a final lap. Several are openly panting, only a couple still keeping up a trot. Shining is absolutely fine, taking measures breaths as he waits for them, shouting motivations.

Thinking of Sombra, Anon's thoughts filter to his previous fantastical amusements, about being a funny little Crystal Dictator.

Had they been giving him too much power? Possibly. Was it getting to his head? Only a little. While he was just 'The Advisor', supposedly mostly for their relationship, they rarely turned down his ideas and were eager to hear his opinions on nearly every topic. They treated him like some kind of all-knowing scholar, and would often seek his advice on things.

Yeah, made him feel pretty important.

...Was he? He was kind of the Royal Advisor. To one of the three Alicorns. Who ruled entire nations.

Thoughts for later. They're reforming in front of Anon, Shining shifting to face them. Most of the guards look well enough in shape, only a couple huffing and puffing. They were so horse-like, but they seemed to lack the outright endurance of the horses Anon was familiar with. Close, but not quite.

Or maybe it was their relaxed lives and love of candy. That could do it, too.

"ATTEN-SHUN!" Shining shouts, the guards all snapping back to a sweaty attention.

...Sweaty Crystal fur. Interesting.

Shining starts to pace.
"Split into pairs! You will be wrestling your opponent to the ground! You must be ready, as tired as you are, in full gear, to carry yourself with enough strength, and enough wit, to best an opponent!" Shining calls out, turning every few steps.

It was nice seeing Shining actually functional, and not just watching, confused. The Royal element was probably even stranger to him than it was to Anon. Human media gave a lot of wide, blanket understandings to a lot of vague topics.

...Anon wonders if there's, like, pygmy ponies, and if one would make a good court dwarf.

The guards start to pair off with their closest, taking a moment to catch their breath as they spread out. The crowd watching numbers about the same, filtering ponies as they come and go, watching curiously. It's not like much else was going on around here anyway.

With their number at 11, one of the guards is plum out of luck, waiting at attention for Shining.

"No partner? Alright, I'll--" Shining starts.

Idea. Good chance to test, honestly.

"Mind if I butt in?" Anon pipes up, stepping forward. Several heads, including Shining's, turn.

"...Are you sure, Anon? You're not trained. I wouldn't want you getting hurt." Shining warns, taking a step aside. Not a hard no, just cautious.

"Sure. I worked as a dog groomer for a few months, before -- I should be familiar with wrangling things your size." Anon grins, rubbing his hands together. As the only guy, they'd bug him to hassle the big dogs.

The guard he's squaring up with looks offended at the notion, but Shining laughs.
"Alright, sure. I'm interested to see just how that ends up applying here. Granite Gamble! You're sparring with the Royal Advisor -- play nice, will you?"

Gamble widens his stance, snorting loudly. He's a stocky crystal stallion, with dark fur, and even darker hair peaking out from his helmet. Green eyes glare at Anon.
"Won't promise he won't find himself tipped like a tree." Gamble warns.

Anon shuffles over, as the other pairings all get their own spots, far enough that hooves won't hit the other pairs. Lowers himself, hands forward and open.

"Wrestle to the ground until they fold! And don't go breaking limbs -- if you're pinned, tap!" Shining shouts. "Begin!"

Gamble drags his hoof on the ground, like a bull about to charge, squaring up. Cocky, this wise guy... this Royal Advisor, this Human. He had reach. Longer limbs. But they weren't as thick as Gambles. One solid buck to the legs, and he'd topple. Just have to...

There. He's stepped wide. Gamble launches forward, in a practiced spin, launching his back legs out, just waiting for the crunch.

Shining watches as Anon side-steps a very telegraphed back-kick, and... grabs Gambles back hooves.

And picks him up by them.

And spins him in the air, like a carousel.

And laughs, yelling something about gay bowsers.

Gamble gets thrown, tumbling across the plaza floor, helmet flying off -- before he can even reorient himself from his daze, he feels an ungodly weight slam down on top of him.

Shining watches Anon walk over, and sit on Gamble.

The other pairs of guards hadn't even finished their bouts, watching with equal confusion as the crowd of civilians watching some distance away.

Anon leans an elbow on his knee, resting his hand on his head. Admittedly... Anon kind of saw this coming.

He's been picking up ponies for months now, he knows how much they weigh. Twilight, Cadance... Celestia, though he isn't legally allowed to mention that one. And his time being dragged by Changelings, back at the wedding, who were arguably comparable to ponies...

"Rematch?" Anon pokes Gamble's ear. Gamble growls, slowly pushing off the ground. They were still strong, at least -- and that kick probably would've hurt if it connected.

Anon hops back up, rolling his shoulders. Gamble growls, leaps to his hooves -- he barely gives Anon a second to turn around, before charging right for him. No kick.

Gamble leaps, and drives directly into Anon's center, taking them both to the ground.

"Ha, now I've--" Gamble can barely get out, before all of Anon's limbs simply wrap around Gamble, pinning him against Anon's chest. Arms and legs were clamped down on him, and Gamble, straining and grunting, couldn't get up.

Like a cat, thats starting to stand up, but you hold it down in a vain attempt to make it stay longer.

"I will not yield!" Gamble shouts, defiant.

Anon starts scratching underneath his chin.

Three seconds, until he's limp. Eyes rolled back, making an 'ughhhhhhh' sound.

Princess Cadance | Crystal Castle

Cadance, idly roams the halls while perusing some papers in her magical grasp. The latest exchange from Griffonia, trying to find a chef worthy of Royal hiring, that wouldn't cause a diplomatic issue. Surprisingly difficult, as relations between Equestria and Griffonia were not at their best.

But, this was the Crystal Empire. She'd figure something out. Anon deserved that much, in her eyes.

Cadance sighs, wondering where the men that got roped into her life had gone. She doesn't wonder long, double-taking a glance out the window.

Down in the plaza, watched by a small crowd, was some of the guards, headed by Shining. Right, he said he'd be doing a public training display. But what was...

That's Anon, surrounded by three of the guards. They are... not faring well against him. He just picked one up, and threw them into one of the other ones. The third guard got tripped, and Anon body-slams them.

Since when was Anon martially trained?

This was... Cadance folds the papers to the side, leaning on the window sill.

She could stay and watch this a while.

He hoists two ponies at the same time, grabbing one by the scruff, the other under the belly, spinning around with them.

That's right... it took what, near half a dozen Changelings to throw him in the cells with her?

Cadances back legs slowly press together as she watches, rubbing against each other.

...She might not be able to watch this for as long as she thought.

Anon E. Muscles, Shining Armor | Crystal Plaza

This goes on for several minutes, for multiple rounds. Anon is actually working up a sweat, as he takes on multiple groups of the guard ponies at once.

Shining is actually grateful for this outcome. They've been forced to figure out how to work together, against a weird and unknown opponent. A great test for the mind, while repeated attempts test their body.

Shining is also surprised by how wily Anon is. He uses the other ponies as bulwarks against each-other, and handles them carefully, primarily relying in grabs and throws.

Shining wonders how potent Anon might be with a weapon in his hands. He'd heard some of the things Anon had said about his home, about his peoples history... Shining clears his throat.

"BREAK!" He shouts, drawing the groups attention. With relieved sighs, ponies untangle themselves from each-other, slumping to the floor, sitting, and trying to catch their breath. There's a few utterances about how weird Anon is to fight, but for the most part --

Anon just manages to peel one of the guards off of himself, as he hears Shining shout something.

"Not you, Anon -- AMBUSH!" Shining shouts, horn starting to glow it's usual brilliant pink, warning an incoming spell. A little dirty, but with his role as Advisor, he wouldn't be in traditional combat scenarios. He could use a little reminder --

Shining's eyes widen as Anon glances down, and hooks his foot under... Gamble's helmet, that was still on the floor.

And flings it straight at Shining.

That's gonna smart.

CLANG

Shining's concussive spell fires off into the sky, as he reels from the ringing of helmet on helmet contact. To his credit, Shining recovers quickly --

But long legs means quickly closed distances, as Anon strides over the laid-about guards, who watch with wide eyes.

Shining finds himself promptly hoisted off the ground, cradled against Anon's chest, stomach to the air.

To say this was embarrassing, was an understatement.

"Phew -- was that a good reaction?" Anon grins, flashing a sweaty smile at Shining.

That promptly kills the upset retort that Shining was about to fling, instead bringing a flush to his face.

"You know, in this one movie, there was this guy... in a really emotional scene, he kicks a helmet, and the yell he makes after is actually because he broke his --"
Anon starts rambling, still holding Shining against his chest.

"Anon, enough. Mind putting me down?" Shining states firmly.

"Oop, sorry. Down you go." Anon lowers and flips Shining, so he lands on his hooves.

Shining clears his throat, turning to the guards.
"Good to know that even we guard are in capable 'hooves', eh? Practice is done for the day, head back to the Barracks and shower up." Shining announces.

The guard are drawn from their stupefied witnessing, by the promise of not having to do this anymore. They grumble and chatter as they collect themselves, and whatever chunks of armor got thrown off them as they tossed each other around.

"Too much?" Anon grimaces.

"Honestly, I'd like to get you out here again, but properly geared. Mixing training between you, and the other ponies, should give us a formidable force." Shining corrects, giving Anon a nod. "Thanks for the help. And uh... don't pick me up in front of my troops, yeah?"

"Right. Won't happen again." Anon relents, holding up his hands.

"...In front of the troops. I'm pickupable otherwise." Shining mutters under his breath.

"Huh?" Anon tilts his head. "Didn't catch that."

"Nothing. Just grumbling about... their training. See you around, Anon, I have some... stuff to do." Shining says, nods again, and quickly trots off towards the castle.

The moment he's a out of listening distance from Anon, his composure breaks, panting hard. Holy buck. That was... new. That was dangerous. Shining needed a few minutes, badly. Watching him the whole time was one thing, but that? Nothings swooped him up like that before.

Anon huffs loudly, watching Shining stumble a little about halfway towards the castle. Anon shrugs, stretching his back. He squints up at the castle. Earlier, he could've sworn he saw a spot of pink from one of the windows... not there now, though. Maybe Cadance stopped to watch for a few minutes or something.

Anyway, washing up was a good idea. Wrassling ponies was a good workout. Where were the Royal Baths again? Second floor?

He starts to slowly meander over, entirely unaware of how close he came to giving Shining a new kink, nor that said Baths weren't exactly unoccupied.

Catching Cadance

Anon E. Muss| The Royal Baths, Crystal Castle

Well, the sheer amount of stairs in the castle was at least going to keep Anon fit.

The thing was built more like a thick tower than a castle. Stairs in the struts to get in, first floor, second, third... okay, not as many floors as one might expect, but still. So what if they loved huge ceilings? Make an elevator. You guys have magic. Just make a hole and a flat rock that floats up and down.

... That was totally doable. No way it wasn't. He'd run the idea by Twilight later.

He peruses the second floor for a little bit, before finally finding it. (He only had to ask like, 3 different staff ponies. No, he didn't keep getting lost.) Seriously, if they could get water up here, they could get ponies up and down without stairs.

It's grand, in a quaint way. Very reminiscent of the Private Dining Room. A solid, swirling archway denotes its entrance, carved and jutting from the wall itself. Large curtains providing decoration, a pair of fountains on each side. They're styled like... weird, wispy ponies with very out of place, horse-skull like heads. Water pours out from their mouths, collecting into the bowl they stand over.

... How oddly out of place, and likely holding no potential for foreshadowing at all. Anon very much does not make a mental note to check the second floor more thoroughly for Sombra-shit later.

Ignoring the odd decor, and forever trying to ignore how literally everything was made of crystals, Anon pushes inside -- past the sturdy doors, curtains became the dividers, with curving walls to impart privacy for those entering. This bath specifically was for the Royalty, so hopefully they'd take no issue to him using it. It might be the only one in the area that would fit him and his lanky, human ass anyway.

And before you ask, yes, Anon has been washing himself. There's a bathhouse a few streets down. He just doesn't feel like walking all that way, this time. And maybe, he wants some privacy, Celestia's fat sun-ass forbid.

Inside, he can hear running water, akin to a waterfall past the divider walls. Heavenly, to the ears. Said walls host a few baskets, for depositing ones personals, and a pile of towels if need be. Anon starts to undress, slipping off his shoes, unbuckling pants, unbuttoning shirt, working his arm through... his...

He pauses, squinting. His eyes and ears have both noticed something.

There's a voice, quietly rising and falling every few moments. The bath seems to be occupied. That's what his ears tell him. Drat.

His eyes tell him who it is... recognizing the collection of lighter royal regalia gently collected in one of the baskets. Shoes, neck piece with the funny name, and a crown. That's Cadance's stuff.

Well, makes sense, the Royal is in the Royal Bath. Tsking, Anon starts to redress, deigning himself to another trip to the bathhouse.

"Oh, come on... I'm so close... come... on!" Anon hears over the wall. That gets a pause out of him. Close to what?

...Against his better judgement (not really, he just wishes he kept a bandana in his back-pocket) Anon hunches down, listening to the sounds, while trying to make none of his own.

Breathy gasps. The water splashes a fair amount, at regular intervals. Mutterings, between the sounds of the bath.

Oh, she's...

Okay, even Anon (this time) isn't that dense. He realizes he's doubly intruding, on a likely very personal moment. Extra carefully, he absolutely fucking biffs putting his shoes back on like a grade-A nutwad, and knocks the stack of baskets over. Cadance's royal, gold regalia isn't exactly quiet as it impacts the crystal floor.

The voice stops. Anon freezes. Fuck.

"...Hello?" Cadance calls out.

Well, better own up before she puts a hole in the wall to see whose trying to snoop on the FUCKING PRINCESS.

"Sorry, Cadance -- just me. Anon. Didn't realize the bath was occupied. Don't mind me, I'll, uh... come back later." Anon quickly rambles, now scrambling to collect his clothes--

"No!" She quickly shouts, a louder splash being made. Anon freezes.
"I-- I mean, no, you don't have to. It's, uh... I..." Cadance starts to mumble.

"I can't hear you too well over the water, Princess." Anon calls back, holding stock-still. Braced for inevitable smiting. He had a good run. Maybe he'd die quickly, before shame saturated him.

"...Can you come in here? Please?" She asks, barely audible.

...

Anon bites his lip, internally debating. About what? ... He wasn't sure yet. This just felt like something that needed to be pre-loaded with a sufficient amount of worry. Right now, he was kind of just happy she didn't punch a hole through the wall, and him, so he was sliding a bit of that towards himself to balance things out.

"Anon? I... I need to talk to you about something. Are you still there?" She asks again.

Her fucking voice trembles. Alright, whatever the fuck it is, he's not sitting here listening to that. Half-undressed, and bracing himself, Anon slowly steps around the wall.

Anon E. Muss, Princess Cadance | The Royal Baths, Crystal Castle

The proper Royal Bath itself is a sizable, round room, braced with crystalline pillars. Several levels hoof-carved into the floor provide a form of both table and seating, as the very center of the room, completely circular, is an equally sizable, steaming bath. Water pours from the ceiling above, gentling sprinkling down. The Crystals that form this was are remarkably similar to stone, providing that almost-antiquated bathhouse feel, but the engravings and embossing that trail the entire room elevate it to be worthy of a Crystal Noble.

There's a few baskets of toiletries, towels, and so forth. And most notably... a soaked Cadance, her mane wet and down, staring at Anon with wide, worried eyes.

Her face is also notably flush. And she's, as best she can, trying to hide a... Anon is presuming that to be a 'toy', behind herself. She sits half-submerged in the water.

Funny enough, if he had a nickel (guess that'd just be a bit, now) for every time he walked in on someone cranking it... he'd have two nickels. The other one was Pinkie Pie, funny enough. He's not gonna get into that story now.

"...Hey, Cadance. Sorry if I'm... intruding?" He offers sheepishly, shrugging.

"No, no. You're as welcome to use these baths as I. I... I'm sorry for asking you inside, while I'm still here, but I feel... like I need to be honest with you, Anon." She sighs, glancing down and seemingly steeling herself.

... Was she gonna admit to being gay, too? Oh, shit -- was she a dude in disguise? That'd be a crazy turn of events.

"Yeah, sure Princess. I'm the secret keeper." Anon nods. He was quickly acclimating, now that his complete and total destruction and/or annihilation wasn't going to be an outcome. "Mind if I...?" He gestures to the open side of the bath.

"Oh! Of course. Please." She nods, returning the gesture.

...Does he get naked for this now that she's here, or is that weird? They're always naked. She's... technically naked. Even moreso than usual, with all her fancy little gold baubles off.

Yeah, fuck it. Anon quickly fumbles around to take off what little he's still wearing... Cadance is staring hard. Was this the right move? Well, too late now. He tosses his clothes vaguely towards the door, before slipping into the water. Oh, that is warm. That's nice. He can't help but groan, sinking in right up to his shoulders.

Cadance smiles, hiding it behind a hoof.
"Glad you're enjoying it. It's one of my favorite places to go, when I need..." She starts to mumble.

"Mh?" Anon grunts. "Didn't catch that."

Cadance sighs.
"I... we are keeping Shining's secret, correct?"

Pfft. Which one. Wait, don't say that.
"Uh... yeah? Something the matter?" Anon asks, easily (barely) avoiding ousting Shining.

"Can... I share a secret with you? One I have not told anypony else?" Cadance continues. She's... wow, she looks nervous. Oh, she's totally a dude in disguise. That's his bet, locking it in.

"Of course. That's why I'm here, Princess." Anon 'hups', leaning against the side of the bath, letting his confidence brim again. Engage Mister Therapy.

She nods solemly, taking a slow inhale.
"As you know, Anon, I am the Princess of Love."

"Right." Anon affirms. She sure was.

"Which... can be interpreted in a few ways." Cadance continues, gesturing with a hoof.

Anon nods. Made sense.
"Sure, like the other Princesses have a few more vague interpretations based off their relations to the Sun and Moon."

Cadance hums in agreement.
"Like... fertility. That's an obvious one."

"Of course." Anon agrees.

"But... there's one problem." Cadance sighs.

"...Right. And what would that be? Is that the secret?" Anon prods, guessing.

"It is." Cadance affirms, glancing away.

Small silence, peppered only by trickling water, and the lofty floating of steam. In no rush and not intending to push, Anon gives her room to let her proceed at her own pace.

"...How familiar are you with how Ponies..." Cadance starts, biting her lip.

"Fuck?" Anon offers.

"I'm unfamiliar." Cadance shakes her head.

"...Buck." Anon tries. Judging by the new wave of red that hits the flush of her cheeks, he was right. "Fuck is like, the human version of that little word."

"Good to know. Yes, how Ponies... 'Fuck', as you might say." Cadance repeats.

"Uh... weiner in bagogo, standard stuff, pretty similar to how humans do it. I think." Anon ruminates. That about covers it, as crass as it may be.

Cadance snickers.
"Right. Well... how do your species handle... 'being in the mood'?"

"Uh..." Anon hums, tapping his chin. "Women have cycles that vary their fertility rates... but generally, humans are down to visit bone town whenever they're in the mood. We're a pretty ready-to-go species."

Somehow, her cheeks get even more flushed.
"...Truly?"

"Yep."

"So... are you..."

"Hm? Oh, not really. I mean, I could be... but I'm not. It's not something you need to tiptoe around, it's pretty normal for humans and doesn't really affect us." Anon explains.

"Ah. So your kind don't quite get as... 'into it' as others might." Cadance theorizes.

"Oh, no, we're absolute horn dogs when we're in the mood." Anon retorts. Wait, how did they even get to talking about this kind of stuff? Right, tangent from a question.

"...Hoh. Really." She huffs softly. "How... I'm sorry, never mind." Cadance quickly recovers, looking away.

"Princey-poo, ask me whatever you want. I was only worried earlier because I thought you were gonna blast me for walking in on you. If we're chilling like this, I'll talk to you about... pretty much anything. I don't have a TMI filter." Anon retorts, waving a wet hand around.

"Are you certain?" Cadance reaffirms.

"Eeyup." Big Anon grunts.

"How... long, does your kind last?" Cadance boldly fields, shifting a little closer.

Straight to the juicy stuff, huh. Fair -- he'd ask the same kind of shit.
"Depends on the mood, and if the guy is trying to last." Anon shrugs. "Anywhere from... well, if we're going crass, I've jumped between five minutes to an hour before while cranking it. Just kind of depends."

Cadance's jaw is slack, hanging open.
"An... hour."

"Shit, sometimes two -- but those days are rare. Gotta be fiending for one of those nights." Anon nods.

Cadance takes a moment to recover, blinking away some very not-so-prudent thoughts.
"Good to... know."

Another small silence, Anon simply soaking. Unbothered. Not moisturized, but content.

Cadance fidgets.
"I ask because... well, are you familiar with heat?"

Anon glances back up, nodding.
"Sure. Some earth animals have that as their cycle."

"Ah, good. Well..." Cadance trails off.

"Oh, shit -- are you in yours? It a bad one or something?" Anon asks, concerned, but quickly backpedals. "Uh -- probably a bit personal of a question. Was that too much?"

Cadance simply bites her lip. Hard. She's distracted by something, stifling down a small gasp.
"That's... my secret, that I wanted to tell you, Anon. I'm always in heat."

...It's time for Anon to stifle some emotions. She's what?

"...Always? Twenty-Four Seven? Every minute of every day?" Anon follows up, now leaning forward in potentially morbid curiosity. Heat was, at it's most barebones summary, just being stupid fucking horny for a short period.

But she was... always in her heat? Cadance only nods. He can see her hind legs rub together under the water.

"So... every time I, say... gave you a massage, or rustled your mane..." He starts, but Cadance quickly follows it up.

"Mmhm. Each time you put your hands on me... that day in the Throne room, teaching myself and Shining behavioral subtleties? Agony." Cadance quickly affirms.

"Oh, fuck. Wait -- so every time you... 'excuse yourself', you..." Anon continues.

Cadance slowly reveals the toy she'd been hiding in the water, wordlessly. Anon sits back against the slump of the bath, interlocking fingers. Alright. So...

Shining was Gay, but not actually gay, but a Mare in disguise, pretending to be a dude, but a gay dude. And Cadance was fucking Horny, every minute of every day.

"...Did that kick in when you became the Princess?"

Cadance nods, recalling old memories.
"It was slow at first. I thought it was just natural urges... but it never went away. I'm always in heat, Anon. Every meeting, every conversation, every interaction... Half of my Princess training became building my Willpower to hold myself over, and learning how to... handle it, myself. Only Auntie Tia knows."

...Her Nightmare Moon mode would be one crazy upturn that no-pony would be expecting. A big, evil, horny mega-mare.
"There's, uh... probably not much to be done for it, huh?" Anon prods.

Cadance shakes her head, sighing, sinking into the water.
"Handling it helps mute it, for a time... but ever since you arrived, it's been unbearable."

...

"What?" Anon coughs, realizing.

Cadance's eyes widen, and she quickly scrambles back.
"Sorry, I meant, uh -- that you... uh..."

She visibly deflates, nearly sinking entirely under the water. It was kind of weird, to see her demeanor break like this.

Anon purses his lips.
"...Was that a confession, or a badly handled way of trying to say I'm accidentally making you really fucking horny?"

She mutters something, but only bubbles floating to the surface answer.

"Didn't catch that." Anon shrugs.

Cadance slowly rises out of the water, bracing herself.
"...Both...?" She states -- it starts firm, but quickly folds into a question.

...Hm. He'd never really thought of a pony that way... Ha, imagine actually saying that. Fuck no, he's thought of these things plenty. They're naked and waving flank around everywhere. Staunch speciesism can only last so long before one folds.

And Cadance had a lot to distract him with. ...He's feeling emboldened. He's feeling...

He'll blame it on some vague love-aura from the Princess for now.
"...Princess." Anon states simply. She flinches, staring.

"Can I... ask you to do a little spin?" Anon floats.

Cadance blinks several times. Definitely not how she was expecting things to go, based off her reaction.

"...Okay." She nods, slowly rising. She stands in the shallower part of the bath, fur still soaked, mane still fully down from the water.

And, with a nervousness he hasn't seen from her before... she does a little spin, plodding in place.

It's nothing sultry or overtly saucy, but...

Celestia was the resident mega-ass. Luna had a more lithe build, but her rare Alicorn size still gave her some assets.

Cadance was... well, like she said, Princess of Fertility. Wide hips. Wide ass. She outclasses Luna hard, despite being near the same height. Shit, she nearly caught up to Celestia. Sturdy legs.

Very feminine features. She even had that exaggerated chest, her barrel and chest-fur (when it was dry) combo-ing to form a vague bust. Beautifully sleek jaw, with natural eyelashes that just did not quit. She finishes her little spin, the water gently lapping as she turns to face Anon.

"Well, Princess... I think, as your designated Advisor, Therapist, and... Masseuse, I can keep your secret." Anon affirms, crossing his arms.

Cadance sighs, nodding in relief.
"Thank you, Anon. It's... nice being able to tell somepony. Sometimes, the feelings just get too..."

"...Do the little things really kick it off that hard?" Anon questions.

"I was watching you, with Shining outside. The way you... well, stallion-handled those guards." Cadance mumbles.

"And that did something for you?"

"Buck, Anon, I've been trying to cum since I saw you pick up those two guards at the same time." Cadance bluntly states, stamping a hoof.

Woop. Anon makes a surprised expression, Cadance quickly realizing her slip. She groans, burying her face in her hooves.

Shit, if it was so bad that even Cadance was slipping...

...

You know, he wasn't exactly... not into this. The original plan had been to get Cadance and Shining some of their own private 'help' behind the scenes. But doing it himself?

Cadance was quite the mare.

... Yeah, fuck it.

"What, didn't stay long enough to watch me scoop up Shining?" Anon snorts.

She perks up, ears twitching.

"Could probably do the same to you, honestly... sure, you're heftier in the flank, but that just gives me something to grab onto." Anon continues, quietly inspecting one of his hands.

Cadance chuffs out her nostrils.
"...Anon."

"Hm? Oh, yes Princess?" Anon grins.

She's breathing heavily, staring at him.
"I..."

"Would you like some help, Princess?" Anon offers. He slowly reclines, spreading his legs, taking a relaxed position. Exposing himself quite flirtatiously, drawing her eyes.

His answer comes in the form of a ravenous Cadance who practically shudders in reaction, before pouncing his lap, slamming her face to his.

The bath splashes loudly as she nearly slams against him, wrapping her hooves around his shoulders.

She stares at his face hard, panting heavily. Her wings awkwardly flutter, not quite furled in, not quite shot out, trembling with anticipation.
"This isn't... this isn't bad of us, is it?"

"I don't think so..." Anon groans. The water was helping, but God damn, she was heavy. Must be all that flank.
"We already had plans for a... consort or something for you and Shining. Just, uh... didn't expect it to be me?"

Cadance presses her nose to his. It's like... even just this physical contact is doing something for her, the way she's breathing so heavily, chest heaving.
"You're... I know this might be a little fast, but I haven't been able to keep you out of my mind, Anon."

"Aw, I'm flattered. It's not just because I basically feel you up every few days with those designated massages, right?" Anon chuckles. He can feel her wings slowly furl around him, pulling herself in tighter. She's straddling his lap, his bare, trembling member pressed against the soft fur of her underbelly, both of them partially submerged.

"That... definitely didn't help. But no, I... I think we get along really well. Really, really well. I... could this be something?" Cadance asks. Her tone continually gets quieter, nearing a whisper as she gets closer and closer.

"If you want it to be, Princess, sure. I won't lie and say I'm not interested... and I suppose my proximity makes 'helping' easier. Its one thing to manage a secret relationship, but... honestly, you have some insane self control. Twenty-four seven heat? No idea how you do it." Anon affirms, letting one of his hands firmly grasp her flank, giving it a squeeze.

She makes a dangerously throaty purr, trembling.
"I masturbate. A lot. Daily." She states bluntly, the toy thrown aside helping make that clear.
"As a Princess, I... can't really have casual relationships. And the last time I properly pursued someone... well, Shining looks at you more than he does me." She snorts, shaking her head.

"...Well, it definitely won't be a standard relationship. But, maybe after this... and your head is a little clearer... we can talk about things? Figure it out?" Anon offers, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her chest.

Cadance bites her lip, tightening her grasp around him.
"...By my Aunt, Anon, I want you. You've been teasing me since I bucking met you. Can we save the words for later?"

By her aunt. Ha.
"...Sure. How do you want to do this?"

Anon finds himself shoved backwards, emerging from the water as he's sprawled on the Crystal floor beside the bath. Any confusion is quickly cleared up, and Cadance wraps her hooves around his hips, positioning her face inches from his member.

Her eyes are wide, breath hot against it.
"I... thought the idea was to help you with your heat?" Anon asks.

"Anon, can you shut up and let me suck your bucking dick?" Cadance retorts bluntly, leaning to stare at him past his cock.

... Shit, alright candy-ass. Anon makes a zipper motion over his lips, putting his arms behind his head.

She refocuses, letting her nose touch the tip. She takes a long moment to simply.. inspect it, before muttering to herself.
"...Why are you so thick?" She mumbles, before dragging her tongue along and up his member.

Holy shit, she has a long tongue. Like, horses and ponies have tongue, sure.

But she just licked his base, from the tip.

And now the tongue is wrapping around his member.

She's jerking him with her tongue, her ungodly plush lips pressing against the tip, sucking the head.

"...How many toys have you practiced this on?" Anon asks.

She smacks his leg, before redoubling her efforts. It's like she's fighting her own tongue, working herself further and further down his length, until her snout is smashing against his hips.

This is some toe-curling hose through a golfball shit. No, golf hole through a ball. No...

Shit man, this head so crazy he can't think straight.

He idly runs his hand into her mane, grasping the base of her head, pushing her down. She makes a startled 'Mmph?!', Anon pushing himself in as deep as her throat will allow. The size difference between them makes her throat bulge out a fair bit, Cadance choking softly. The moment she realized what he was doing, she started pushing herself down on it.

Finally, she sputters free, coughing, Anon's slobbered member slapping against his stomach. Cadance leans back, hoof to her chest as she gasps for air.

Anon's head is rolled back, staring upward. Good lord.
"That was... damn, Princess."

"Buck, I think I came." Cadance mutters.

"W-what? Really?" Anon questions, sitting up. From that?

"That was... really bucking hot, Anon. Can you keep going?" She questions turning her hungry gaze back to him.

"I... didn't cum yet." Anon shrugs.

Cadances eyes widen. She glances around, muttering to herself.

Anon watches, sitting on the edge of the bath, legs still shaking, watching the Princess.

She meanders around, indecisive about something. He enjoys the way she shifts around in thought.

Finally, she seems to settle on something. She goes to the opposite edge of the bath, puts her front legs up on the lip... and sticks her flank up.

Her tail drifts to the side, revealing a positively soaked marehood.

Did it just wink at him? That's new.

Cadance looks over her own shoulder, wings spread for balance. She's panting heavily, her face still stained with her own saliva, and Anon's pre.
"...Mount me? Please?"

Anon stumbles from the Royal Bath, hastily dressed. Not much Bathing had occurred...

She put the worship in cock worship. Anon felt like the King, not the Advisor. And that was before she turned around. God damn, could she arch her back. More like the Princess of Fuck-Me Eyes. She was lethal with those big, purple pools.

It's a good thing the waterfall was loud, because it had sounded like a standing ovation in there. Alright, he needed to... what task did he have to do? Something about... reviewing paperwork. Anon hear's the light tapping of hooves on the crystal floor behind him.

...And a magic glow tugging at his belt. He glances over his shoulder. A still entirely-soggy, completely wet Cadance stands just inside the doorway, her horn glowing softly.

And there go those fuck-me eyes again, half-lidded and staring out, partially hidden under her mane. She bites her lip, leaning against the doorframe as she tries to stop her legs from wobbling. Anon quickly glances up and down the hall. Nopony, nobody.

"...Again?" He whispers.

Cadance nods quickly, horn glowing brighter.

Shit, she was voracious -- Anon finds himself pulled back into the baths, wrapped in the embrace of a very affectionate Princess.

By the time he gets free, it's already time for dinner, the four meeting in the Private Dinner Room again, as usual. Both Shining and Twilight seem confused as to why Anon looks so exhausted. Cadance, in contrast, looks entirely refreshed, practically beaming as she picks at her food.

"Training hit you a little harder than expected, Anon?" Shining teases, laughing.

Cadance side-eye's Anon, smiling softly.

... No, your wife's fat-ass flank hitting me against the bath walls is what hit me a little harder than expected, Anon snorts to himself.

Can't say that.

Anon just groans and nods, exhausted.

Cadance pats him on the back with a wing.