Cutie Mark Crusader Channel Surfers!

by gmen15

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Human, Sweetie Belle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 3056

Rarity gets a new TV. Sweetie Belle surfs through the nearly endless stream of channels.

Rarity has just bought a new television, and Sweetie Belle can't wait to spend the day surfing through the more than one-thousand channels. After a while of this monotonous task, Sweetie Belle starts to get bored.

But that changes when she and her friends discover one channel, a channel that will shock them to their very core.

Published 2012-10-07 20:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-07 20:00:01 UTC

Cutie Mark Crusader Channel Surfers!

Cutie Mark Crusader Channel Surfers

“Wow sis, this is really neat!” Sweetie Belle said excitedly as she slowly approached the large, black device in the center of Rarity’s living room.

“Glad you approve.” Rarity said with a sigh, “It wasn't easy to get. Pinkie Pie was really determined to keep it even though she is getting a new one. That pony is quite the character.”

Sweetie Belle admired the new television that Rarity had bought. It was large, wide and flat, glistening in the sunlight that came through the windows, reflecting off of the vast screen that would soon be showing images of television shows.  It was a marvel, and Sweetie Belle couldn't help but feel an overwhelming desire to reach out and touch it.

“What was wrong with your old one, it seemed to work pretty well.” Sweetie Belle muttered, her hoof moving closer to the television screen.

“Well that one was...SWEETIE BELLE GET YOUR HOOF AWAY FROM THERE!!”

Sweetie let out a timid squeak and retracted her hoof, “Oops, sorry sis.”

“Honestly Sweetie Belle, I don’t want hoof-prints smudged all over the screen.” Rarity sighed, trotting over to the couch and lifted the remote with her magic. She then turned the device on. After taking a few seconds to warm up, something that didn't happen with their older television, the screen lit into an array of color and images. A sitcom about doctor ponies was presented on the screen in very high quality. Sweetie Belle watched the show in wonder.

“Wow, this is really neat!” Sweetie Belle said in astonishment.

"Isn't it though?" Rarity chuckled.

“The images are so much clearer than the images on our old TV.”

“That’s why I bought it.” Rarity said with a smirk, trotting over to the kitchen to grab her saddle bag.

“So how did you get Pinkie Pie to give this to you?” Sweetie asked.

“Hm? Oh, I gave her an offer she couldn’t possibly refuse.” Rarity shrugged and threw the saddle-bag over her back.

"What?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"I offered her a dress and a cupcake costume for Nightmare Night." Rarity added,  “And I’m glad she gave in. After all, not only does this beauty have such great definition, but it gets over one-thousand channels.”

Sweetie turned to Rarity and gasped, “Wow, really?”

Rarity chuckled and nodded. “Indeed. Listen I'll be back in a couple of hours after I run some errands. I’ll leave you the remote. Try not to go overboard with the TV while I’m gone.” Rarity said with a slightly lyrical tone to her voice, levitating the remote over to Sweetie Belle’s side. The little white filly took the remote  and placed it to her side before she turned back to the television, her giant eyes absorbing the brilliant images as she had the biggest grin on her face.

Rarity opened the door and trotted out, closing it behind her and leaving her little sister all alone with the gigantic television and the remote that would give her the ability to navigate through each of the over one-thousand channels available.

What could possibly go wrong?

“I like this show, but there are so many channels left to see!” Sweetie said with a snicker. She pressed the channel changing button on the remote so the television showed the next channel up, which showed a courtroom show with a very stern looking mare at the podium, shouting down the defendant.

“He-he, this is so cool. The images are so clear and realistic!” Sweetie Belle said with a smile as she gawked at the television, “but I can’t stop here, there are still over one-thousand channels to get through! And I’m going to make it my mission to surf them all!”

And with that, Sweetie Belle excitedly began her epic quest of channel surfing.

“Sweetie Belle! Are you inside, hello?” Scootaloo asked, knocking her hoof against the door, as she had been doing for the past two minutes. And just like her previous knocks, they went  unanswered.

“Ugh, ah told that silly filly that we was comin’ over!” Apple Bloom complained.

“She’s gotta be in there.” Scootaloo said, looking up at the door-handle. She put her hoof to her chin in thought, deciding to see if the door was unlocked, though neither Apple Bloom nor Scootaloo thought it would be.

To the girl’s astonishment, the door handle turned and the door swung open with relative ease.

“Why is it unlocked?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Don’t know,” Scootaloo replied, a bit of worry in her voice, “come on, let’s find Sweetie Belle.”

Both friends trotted into the house and wandered around, looking for their friend. But it didn’t take long, as they heard the sounds of television coming from the living room. They walked over to see Sweetie Belle staring at the giant screen, her eyes bloodshot and her mouth slightly agape. A small bit of drool ran from her lips and dripped off onto the white carpet. She was zoned out.

“Uh Sweetie Belle, what’s going on in here?” Scootaloo asked.

Sweetie Belle snapped out of her daze and turned to her friends, wiping the saliva from her lips. Her eyes were baggy and worn-out.

“Oh hey guys...” the white unicorn let out a small yawn and stretched, “What’s up?”

“What’s up? We’re supposed ta be getting our cutie marks today and y’all are sitting on yer flank watching...” Apple Bloom shouted before she turned to the television, squinting to get a better view of the television. She looked perplexed, “...a...cooking show?”

“Why on earth would you be watching a cooking show?” Scootaloo asked, just as baffled as Apple Bloom at her friend’s choice in programming.

“I want to try to get through all the new channels this new television has.” Sweetie Belle answered, her head tilting forward and her eyes slowly closing as she started to fall sleep, only to snap herself back awake in the classic "head-bopping" motion.

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow at her friend’s head-bopping exhaustion, “Really, and how’s that working out for you?”

“It’s a lot more tiring than you’d think.” Sweetie Belle said with another yawn, “Plus now I’ve got a massive headache and my eyes hurt.”

“How many channels have y’all gotten through?” Apple Bloom asked.

Sweetie Belle shrugged, “I’m past channel five-hundred, so I’ve gotten pretty far.”

“Wow, that is far!” Apple Bloom said with a smile. "Did any of the channels y'all stumbled across tickle yer fancy?

Sweetie Belle shook her head, “That’s the thing! The new channels don’t appeal to me at all! There have been fifteen different food channels, ten different sports channels, thirteen different fashion channels, heck, I lost count for the number of house-hunting channels at, like, twenty...and that was before I reached channel one-hundred!”

“It sounds like it was designed for your sister.” Scootaloo snickered.

"True, but I still wish there would be more variety." Sweetie Belle sighed and turned back to the television.

"So, you gonna stop channel surfin' and come crusade with us?" Apple Bloom asked.

“Nope!" Sweetie Belle said with pride, "I set a goal to get through each channel and I am going to reach it. No matter how boring it is or how much my eyes and head hurt.”

“Okay, then we’ll help ya.” Apple Bloom said with a smile.

“Yeah, we can be...um...” Scootaloo put her hoof to her chin in thought before she looked up, a triumphant grin on her face, “Cutie Mark Crusader Channel Surfers!”

“Yeah!” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle said in unison as all three of the fillies high-fived. Apple Bloom sat down at Sweetie Belle’s left and Scootaloo sat down at her right. They both turned their attention to the television.

“Well, I have to admit, the quality is amazing.” Scootaloo said.

“Yeah, our TV back home gets so much static it drives me and mah family crazy.” Apple Bloom said, “yer sis did real good in picking out a good television.”

“I know, but I still wish there were fewer filler channels.”

“You mean all those cooking, sports, fashion, and housing channels?” Scootaloo snickered.

“Yeah. Not to mention all of the channels showing nothing but extended commercials.” Sweetie Belle said with a shudder, remembering the ad she saw for a vegetable chopper with an eccentric pony with a wild mane and crazy eyes. Based on his behavior in the commercial, Sweetie Belle thought that he belonged in a mental institution. So much so that she kept expecting a pair of white-coated ponies to come out and drag the commercial pony off-screen in a straitjacket.

“I just want to find one channel that will blow me away.” Sweetie said, sighing.

“Well keep searching. I’m sure there’s bound to be at least one.” Scootaloo said, patting her friend on the shoulder encouragingly.

Sweetie Belle gave her friend a smile and nodded. She then clicked the channel-up button once so they could move on. Once the channel changed to the next station, she froze in shock.

In fact, they all did.

“Um...Sweetie Belle...why are we on your television?”

There, on the full screen television set, was none other than the Cutie Mark Crusaders on stage, Scootaloo singing, Apple Bloom dancing, and Sweetie Belle taking care of the props. All three of their jaws dropped as they watched the event, their talent show performance of the "Cutie Mark Crusader Theme Song", play out like it was part of a sitcom, rather than something that actually happened in real life.

“What in the world...” Scootaloo muttered.

“Okay, this is just plain weird.”  Sweetie Belle muttered, scratching her head in confusion.

“How is this possible, there weren't any cameras there!” Apple Bloom screamed.

“Well some of the parents probably had cameras.” Scootaloo said. "Maybe they recorded it."

Apple Bloom started to move towards the television. “But it ain’t filmed like a parent shot it. It’s like it’s an actual television show.”

Soon the other two stood and approached the TV as well, Sweetie Belle standing to Apple Bloom’s right and Scootaloo to her left, as they continued to gawk at their performance.

“What channel is this?” Scootaloo asked.

“I don’t know, but there’s a weird logo in the corner of the screen,” Sweetie Belle leaned forward and squinted to get a better view, “The...Hub?”

“What’s 'The Hub'?” Scootaloo asked.

"No idea." Sweetie Belle replied.

"Ah'm starting ta feel mighty uncomfortable." Apple Bloom said, her voice quivering.

"Same here." Sweetie Belle said.

“Maybe we should change the channel.” Scootaloo suggested, nudging Sweetie who just shrugged her off.

“No. We need to see how much of this they recorded. This is too weird to just brush under the rug and act like it never happened.”  Sweetie Belle said at a tone just above a whisper, too scared to speak up at her normal volume.

Scootaloo was about to interject, but stopped herself and begrudgingly turned her attention back to the television. Truth was she too wanted to see what this "Hub” channel was all about, and why it was showing them. Meanwhile, Apple Bloom didn’t move an inch, her eyes glued to the television, her ears perked as she allowed all of her senses take in the performance.

The trio continued to watch the episode in its entirety, which wasn't too long as they only caught the last couple of minutes. Once it was finally over, the theme song starting to play as the credits rolled, the three fillies broke their focus on the television and looked at each other, not sure what to make of the situation.

“Well...that was mighty interesting...and creepy.” Apple Bloom muttered, still not sure what to make of what she just saw.

“I thought it was pretty cool.” Scootaloo said with a small smile.

“Cool? Cool!?!” Sweetie Belle shouted at her orange friend, her arms flailing wildly in the air. "Are you out of your mind, Scootaloo!?! We were stalked, recorded and put on television! How is that cool!?!"

“Oh relax, that dance routine we did was over a year ago.” Scootaloo said with a wave of her hoof, “Maybe it was just so bad they decided to broadcast it on television as part of "Ponyville's Funniest Home Videos" or something.”

“But it was shot like a sitcom, not a home vid..." Apple Bloom started, only to fall silent when she saw what was on the television screen, "...what in the hay?”

All three fillies watched as the “Hub” logo re-appeared in the center of the screen,  much larger than it had been when it was in the bottom corner. But what really got the fillies’ attention was Rainbow Dash flying next to the logo. Suddenly, all six of the Elements of Harmony encircled the channel’s logo with smiles on their faces as they heard the voice of an excited male announcer, ”A new episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is coming up next, right here on ‘The Hub!.”

“My Little Pony?” Scootaloo mumbled.

“Friendship is Magic?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“New Episode?” Apple Bloom said anxiously.

“Why was Rainbow Dash flying on the screen a second ago?”

“Forget that. Why was Applejack on the screen?”

“My sister was too, and so were all of their friends.”

“What is going on!?!”  Scootaloo screamed, breaking her usually calm demeanor as confusion and horror took over.

Before she could answer, the screen changed to the image of Rarity and Sweetie Belle, a light orchestral score playing lightly in the background just like in many sitcoms. Rarity was getting ready to leave, and Sweetie Belle was gazing up at a very familiar television set. Just then, the show's dialogue started, and it only added to the freakiness of the situation.

“Wow sis, this is really neat!"

“Glad you approve. It wasn't easy to get. Pinkie Pie was really determined to keep it even though she is getting a new one. That pony is quite the character.”

Sweetie Belle couldn’t believe it. The screen was showing the same conversation she had with Rarity earlier that morning. Everything, from the words that were said, to the two sisters’ facial expressions were exactly as they had been earlier.

“Oookay....”  Scootaloo said.

“Wait, this just happened an hour ago! How did they record it!?!” Sweetie Belle shouted.

Soon, Rarity left just as Sweetie Belle began her television journey. The theme song began to play, and the trio got the shocking spectacle that was the theme song. All three of them gawked as Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all appeared on the screen, the song continuing to play over the images that flashed on the screen, showing the six friends doing what they did best. Rainbow Dash flying, Pinkie Pie partying, Applejack apple bucking, and so on.

“Ah can’t believe mah sis is in on this conspiracy!” Apple Bloom shouted.

“Maybe not, I mean your sister hates singing and does everything to avoid it, so why would she sing for a television show?” Scootaloo asked.

“What about my sister? She's singing as well!” Sweetie Belle complained, pointing her hoof at the image of her sister singing her ”A Beautiful Heart” part of the theme song.

"Maybe they're being stalked as well!" Apple Bloom gasped. "What if we're all being stalked!?!"

“This is just too freaky.” Scootaloo muttered, eyes still unblinking as she stared at the screen.

That’s when the song ended and the three fillies got an even greater shock. The screen showed Sweetie Belle watching the television just as her two friends trot in to see if she’s okay. All three girls watched as the television showed to them everything that happened up until that point.

Eventually it caught up to the current time and the three ponies realized they weren't just watching themselves. They were watching themselves live.

Their images on the screen were watching their images on the screen within the screen, which , in turn, showed another image of the three ponies looking at themselves. It was a pattern that seemed to go on forever. The fillies could’ve sworn they heard a loud  “BRRRRMMMMM” erupt from behind them, but they were too shocked by the absurdity of everything else to think really notice it.

"Oh my gosh, that's us now!" Apple Bloom shrieked, pointing her hoof at the television. As if to confirm her observation, the screen showed the image of Apple Bloom pointing at the television. The little earth pony let out a small shriek at this, dropping her hoof back to her side as she began to shiver in fear.

“Wait, if we can watch ourselves right now, then...” Sweetie Belle said. Slowly, all three fillies turned around to stare at nothing in-particular. They expected to find a camera behind them, but all they saw was the open air and the white wall. Nothing out of the ordinary. They all started to experience an extreme feeling of paranoia.

“Who else could be watching us right now?”

Meanwhile, dimensions away, in a world much blander than the one filled with candy-colored equines, two college students sat on a couch in their student apartment. They were watching the newest episode of My Little Pony when the cartoon suddenly showed the Cutie Mark Crusaders turn around and face the camera, their big, animated eyes meeting the two boys' own. Both of the boys looked utterly bewildered as they watched the three fillies that seemed to be actually looking directly at them, through the television.

“Um...Tom?” asked one of the boys.

“Yeah Zak?” asked the other.

“Quick question, have the Cutie Mark Crusaders ever broken the fourth-wall before?””

Tom shook his head, “Not that I can remember.”

“So why are they doing it now? And why have they been staring at us for so long?”

“Oh, I gave Rarity my television so now they have access to my super-secret Pinkie Pie channels.”

Both boys turned to their left and gawked at the sight of Pinkie Pie, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere, now sitting beside them on the couch, her fore-legs crossed across her chest and a pout on her face.

Zak and Tom exchanged a glance.

“Is Pinkie Pie sitting next to us?” Tom asked.

“Eeyup.” Zak replied with a small nod.

"Huh." Tom looked down at a cup of water in his hand, sighing. “I picked a hell of a day to quit drinking.”