Rainbow Dash Explains Wingboners to the Ponyville Writers Group

by Mockingbirb

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Fluttershy, Sex, Spoiled Rich, Violence, Slice of Life
Length: 5576

Rainbow Dash finds herself working as a 'sensitivity reader,' and tries to prevent a series of literary murders.

Rainbow Dash finds herself working as a 'sensitivity reader,' and tries to prevent a series of literary murders.

(Cover image source: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/953175/mockingbirb-made-a-cover-image-by-editing-one-or-multiple-screencaps-from-my-little-pony-and-or-related-videos-or-mlp-comics)

Published 2024-02-19 17:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-02-19 17:40:00 UTC

At Least She Can Read

Rainbow Dash's wings beat lazily, keeping her a few hoofwidths above the ground. She reached out a forehoof to the manuscript on the table in front of her, and turned the page.

"I'm not saying wingboners aren't real," the pegasus said. "But they're not a good murder weapon. In your story, you make it sound easy." Rainbow searched the page for the exact paragraph. "'Pam Patella gives Weather Knot a seductive look,' and pushes him off a cliff, and...I guess you're thinking he can't move his wings to fly, so he just falls to the bottom?"

"I thought that was a great murder idea!" Spoiled Rich said. "But you don't like it?"

"The thing about wingboners...well, it's not just ONE thing."

Spoiled Rich blinked. "So I can't just change a word or two to fix it?"

"I can tell you've never had a wingboner."

"Well, of COURSE I haven't! I'm an earth pony. That's why I came to the Sensitivity Readers Group. So you could tell me how to fix my story."

Rainbow Dash muttered, "We're SUPPOSED to be a WRITERS group. Not a SENSITIVITY group. And isn't ANYPONY EVER going to want to look at my Daring Dash fanfic?"

"What?"

"Nothing. The way wingboners work is, sometimes when another pony is very, very attractive...do you know how pegasi sexiness even works?"

"You're ponies, right? So it's just pony sexiness."

"We're ponies with WINGS. So wings are part of it."

"But I've seen pegasi dating other kinds of ponies. So the wings can't be so important and great." Spoiled huffed. "And what does this have to do with fixing my story?"

Rainbow insisted, "If you don't even understand what you're writing about, you'll just get everything wrong again on the next page anyway." Rainbow put her forehooves over her mouth. "Oh no. I sound EXACTLY like half my teachers did back in school."

A purple unicorn trotted down the stairs into the library's main room. She giggled. "Now the horseshoe's on the other hoof, Dashie. I'm sure your teachers would feel so happy if they were here right now."

Dash frowned at Twilight Sparkle. "If YOU think it's so funny, why don't YOU explain to Spoiled how wingboners work? And how they DON'T work."

Twilight tried to look innocent. "I'm a unicorn, not a pegasus. Why would anypony think I could know anything about--"

Dash interrupted. "Spoiled? Wings aren't the only way a pony can look attractive. But a nice set of wings can be very sexy, if you use them right. Pegasi have kind of an instinct, you could call it. When somepony is very, very sexy, sometimes a pegasus who sees the sexy pony really, really wants to...show off their wings. And that's what SOME PONIES call a wingboner."

Spoiled Rich sighed. "So they just WANT to show off their wings? They don't HAVE to?"

"I guess sometimes a young pegasus does have trouble stopping themself from spreading their wings, or trying to. To display their wings to somepony really hot." Rainbow grinned cockily. "But it can be embarrassing for the pony who does it. Sometimes it's hard for teenagers to get their bodies to do what they want them to. When I was a commuter student at Cloudsdale High, sometimes you could tell where I was in the schoolyard, just on account of all the young stallions spreading their wings as wide and as high as they could. If there was a sudden gust of wind, they might all blow away!" Rainbow laughed.

Spoiled Rich bit her lip. "Being surrounded by a lot of young stallions...all spreading their wings at you. It sounds like it could be scary. Like being surrounded."

Rainbow thought for a moment. "I guess it COULD be? But they lift their wings really high, too, so you're not really surrounded. You can just walk right underneath the wings. And it's not a fighting thing. When your wings are spread for display, it would be easy to break some feathers, or even the whole wing if there was a fight. That's one of the reasons I like Daring Do's books. Some other authors write about pegasi spreading their wings to scare ponies, or because the pegasus is afraid and is trying to look bigger. But real pegasi don't do that. It wouldn't make any sense at all!"

"I'm really learning a lot today," Spoiled said. "So if somepony wanted to hurt a pegasus stallion's wing, she could act really sexy, and when the stallion's wings are spread out all stiff, she could attack him then."

Rainbow's mouth screwed up. "I GUESS? But it's complicated. Since the stallion's wings are already spread, if somepony came at him with a weapon, he would probably just try to fly up, to get away. So it isn't so easy as you seem to think it is."

"Oh! So when Vengeance Mare gives the pegasus stallion a wingboner, and she pushes him off the cliff--"

"First of all, the wingboner spreads his wings far enough that he can glide to safety. But also, when he feels the air flowing over his wings from flying through the air, it unstiffens his wingboner. He can flap his wings and fly away."

Spoiled eyed Rainbow's flapping wings. "So if a pegasus was afraid that she might get lots of wingboners, and she didn't want other ponies to see them, she might just keep flying all the time, so she would feel the air flowing over her wings--"

Rainbow landed, folding her wings against her sides. "I just really like to fly, Spoiled Rich. But that IS the kind of insensitive thing you shouldn't say to a pegasus. Or write in a book about pegasi." Rainbow glared at Spoiled. "I think we're done for the day."

"But what about the rest of the chapter--"

"Done. Bye now!" Rainbow waggled one wing to usher Spoiled out of the library. She glared at the self-important earth pony. "Out!"

Spoiled Rich picked up her manuscript and left.

When it was just Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow flapped her wings to hover again. "Spoiled Rich wants to know all about how pegasus wings work, and how she could murder a pegasus. I don't trust her."

Twilight could have spoken, but she didn't.

Dash added, "Sure, maybe she just really likes mystery novels. But when somepony seems to spend all her time thinking about how to kill ponies, and how to find out secrets about them...don't you think that's kind of suspicious?"

Twilight took a breath. "Maybe? I don't know. I don't know her very well."

"I think I know her too well already." Rainbow shook her head. "Twilight, I think this whole sensitivity readers thing might have been a bad idea."

Twilight's eyebrows shot up. "The whole thing? Would you prefer that ponies live in ignorance, and write hurtful stereotypes?"

"Maybe. Now I think maybe it would be BETTER if all the books about pegasi were either written by pegasi, who know what painful topics NOT to mention, or were written by non-pegasi who don't know what they're talking about. Maybe I'm doing this all wrong. Maybe it's BETTER if somepony trying to murder a pegasus does it by trying to give the pegasus a wingboner and pushing her off a cliff. Because it won't work. And books with lots of funny mistakes are...funnier."

Twilight sighed. "As a librarian, I'm committed to trying to share knowledge among ponies, and help ponies become better informed."

"Well, sure...but maybe not TOO informed, if you know what I mean. Knowledge can be a...double-edged thing. Maybe some ponies SHOULD just be ignorant."

Twilight moved her hip just slightly, as she gave Rainbow a seductive look.

In the middle of a downstroke, Rainbow's flapping wings suddenly stiffened. The colorful-maned pegasus rose higher than she'd planned to, banging her head on a light fixture. "You MEANT to do that! Twilight, I ought to--"

Twilight tried to look innocent. "Ought to what?"

"Ought to make you preen both my wings. And maybe clean my bathtub."

Twilight asked, "Can we get it dirty together first?"

Rainbow dove and tackled her unicorn friend. "Let's mess up your mane!"

"You know I don't really like--"

"Messy mane for the egghead! Until she says she's sorry!"

"Ok, ok! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you hit your head. But I wanted to remind you that knowledge doesn't HAVE to be used for evil. It can ALSO be used in ways that are naughty, but not really evil."

"Not really evil? Pfft! You're evil. And naughty, too."

Twilight pulled Rainbow's forehoof out of her own mane, and raised her head. Twilight moved her muzzle towards Rainbow's shoulder. "I suppose I do owe you a preening, my little feathermouse."

Twilight moved her hip again, as she licked Rainbow's shoulder. Rainbow's wings spread wide and stiff.

"No fair!" the pegasus said.

"I guess now I owe you that preening even more." Twilight gripped a feather between her lips, and gently stroked her mouth along its length. "See? Isn't that better?"

Rainbow softly moaned.

"I'll take that as a yes. Wings must be so much work to care for. I guess that's why you get so tired and nap so much, Dashie. Either that or you're lazy?"

Rainbow said, "Hay! Napping isn't laziness. It isn't just a waste of time."

"No?"

"Napping is when my muscles rebuild themselves to get stronger after I exercise. And if I'm lucky, sometimes I get to dream about you." Rainbow smiled at her marefriend.

Twilight said softly, "I like to dream about you, too."

The library door opened.

Twilight drew back a step from Rainbow, and turned. "Welcome to the Ponyville Library!"

As Rainbow folded her wings back against her side, she said, "Yeah, welcome. Books can be cool! Just so you know."

A pony with her mane, tail, and coat dyed in splotches of red, black, red-black, and a washed out brownish color said, "Is this the writer's group? I'm working on a story about a half pegasus, half unicorn, half batpony, half apocalypse kirin, who gets persecuted all the time because nopony understands her."

"Well," Twilight said. "I think the writer's group WAS here. But it just ended."

"No problem! I'll just wait here until they come back. Or...you're a librarian, right? So you can help me answer my questions?"

Rainbow smirked at Twilight. Better you than me, the smirk seemed to say.

Twilight flashed a smile so fake and forced, if it had been a diamond it might have been an obvious, dull forgery. But at least nopony would have seen right through it, because it would have looked more like an opaque gray pebble than a gem. "I can try! What kinds of questions do you have?"

"Just how much extra earth would an earth pony have to be, before she could command plants to act as weapons of war? And to do other things, too? I think my MALicorn character needs a friend: ANOTHER pony who nopony understands because 'Dark Rose' isn't just EARTH, she's SUPER-EARTH."

Dashie joked, "If nopony understands either of them, how do they understand each other?"

"Oh! I'm so glad you're interested! They have SO MANY funny misunderstandings. Like when Dark Rose commands vines to grow really big, and grab all the ponies in town, and do dark evil things to them..."

Rainbow had a story idea herself. "I think I have a weather thing I have to do. A meeting in the clouds." A nap was a one-pony meeting, right? Rainbow turned to Twilight. "YOU still owe me a favor. You little headbanger."

Twilight said, "I'll do the best I can." She puckered her lips slightly for a second or two, in what Rainbow could recognize as a mere suggestion of a wing preening gesture.

Rainbow waggled her eyebrows. "What time do you get off work?"

"The library closes at five. There'll be a little tidying and sorting after that...how about half past five?"

"Where do you want to meet?"

Twilight whispered into Dashie's ear, "I want to practice my cloud walking spell. Pick me up at half past? And I mean 'pick me up' LITERALLY. Use your wings."

Even as she still hovered, Rainbow's wings quivered. "I can hardly wait."

***

The same time next week, Rainbow Dash and Twilight both dreaded the arrival of Spoiled Rich. Dash, because she was sure Spoiled was writing a murder manual to teach ponies how to kill pegasi. Twilight, because she wasn't sure Dash's suspicions were wrong.

When the door opened, both ponies were surprised. "Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy said softly, "Hi." She frowned. "I hear you two are interested in writing novels. Spoiled Rich is too, and she keeps coming to my cottage to talk to me about it. I have to take care of the animals, so I can't really run away from her."

Rainbow snorted. "That sounds terrible."

"She keeps asking me a lot of strange questions," Fluttershy said. "Mostly about different ways pegasi could die and it might look like an accident. And she keeps asking me if there's anything wrong with her story, but I can tell she doesn't really want to hear what's wrong with it."

"So when she asks you, what do you do?" Twilight asked.

Fluttershy sighed. "Mostly I don't criticize anything. She tells me how she wants to write her story, and shows it to me, and I say I guess it seems fine. That seems to make her happy, and she goes away sooner, instead of arguing with me."

Twilight and Dashie both understood. Surely anypony would prefer that Spoiled Rich go away sooner.

"But not everything about the book was bad," Fluttershy said. "I did like part of the ending."

"Really?" Twilight asked. "How does it end?"

Fluttershy smiled slyly. "That would be cheating, to tell you the ending before you even read the book."

Twilight said, "I've read...PARTS of the book?"

Fluttershy shook her head. "I promised not to tell."

"Well...ok."

***

Several weeks later, Spoiled visited the Writers Group again.

Spoiled bragged gleefully, "You didn't seem to really like my book, Rainbow. But I'll have you know, I found a publisher who accepted it!"

Twilight said uncertainly, "Um...congratulations?"

"And it isn't just ANY publisher. It's a PEGASUS publisher, in Cloudsdale. It's run by two very nice unicorns named Flim & Flam."

"Wow," Twilight said. "That's just...amazing."

Rainbow grumbled, "Unbelievable."

"Oh, it's true! Look, I can even give you samples." Spoiled dumped several copies of the book on a table. "Well, taa-taa! I have a lot more places to go and gloat about my new book deal!"

When Spoiled had left, Twilight walked over to the table. She touched the book cautiously, as if she thought it might be booby-trapped. She opened it. The spine cracked noisily, and a page popped partway out of the binding.

Rainbow's eyebrows rose. "I know I'm not a real egghead. But should a book really break when you open it? Do you think maybe Spoiled didn't even open any of these?"

"Why should she? I assume she already knows what's in them." Twilight turned the page carefully, taking care not to let the page fall the rest of the way out. "Clouds of Savagery."

"What?"

"That's the title of the story. Clouds of Savagery."

"Um...sure! I knew that! I just thought she might have changed it. Or written some OTHER book to get published, maybe a book that isn't terrible."

Twilight started reading the book aloud.

"Prequelogue: Rain Without Tears.

"Vengeance Mare had disguised herself with the finest false wings, purchased from a gray market fancy dress shop in Manehattan. She hoped none of the monstrous creatures around her, also called pegasi, would see through the illusion."

Rainbow blinked. "As Applejack might say...that's just sockdarned WEIRD. A pegasus publisher PRINTED this?"

"Instead of walking directly to her destination, Vengeance Mare was forced to go the long way around. Otherwise she would fall into one of the battle pits where young pegasi were forced to fight to the death upon turning twelve years old...the losers to be crushed and processed into cat food and rainbow juice."

"What."

"Vengeance heard an echo behind her, hoofsteps distorted into sickeningly squelchy noises by the wet, oozy cloudtop."

Rainbow snorted. "I've never seen this prequely part. Do you think Spoiled showed it to Fluttershy? How did Fluttershy keep a straight face?"

Twilight shrugged. "Fluttershy is kind of a quiet pony, you know? I guess she didn't want to get into an argument."

Rainbow laughed. "Sounds like Spoiled Rich found the perfect sensitivity reader for HER. Somepony too shy to speak up or complain."

"I guess you're right. But as I was saying...Vengeance spun to confront her pursuer. The pegasus stallion reared up, spreading his wings to block the brave earth mare's escape."

Rainbow grimaced. "As if."

"Vengeance reached out with a single hoof, using her superior earth pony strength to kick the pegasus hundreds of hoofwidths, all the way to the nearby death pit. At the bottom of the pit, dozens of savage foals swarmed over the wicked stallion, attacking him with their wingblades and nosespicks."

"With their WHAT?"

"Hush, you're interrupting this AMAZING STORY." Twilight giggled.

Rainbow laughed so hard her shoulders shook and her wings unfolded, lifting her into the air. "THIS was published? Somepony must be playing a huge prank on Spoiled."

Dash added, "Maybe it gets better. Or maybe just even funnier."

Twilight read aloud: "Vengeance Mare looked down into the pit, smiling with satisfaction. 'So shall all suffer, who dare to oppose me with their evil schemes!' She turned and walked away, thinking about her next move to stop the Weather Mafia's wicked crimes."

Twilight blinked. "'The Weather Mafia?' Oh well, maybe it will make more sense if we keep reading."

As the story contined, Vengeance Mare left a streak of havoc and destruction across Cloudsdale.

***

Vengeance Mare drowned the argumentative Weather Boss in a vat of rainbow juice, dyeing his hideous face, mane, and tail in colorful stripes as he expired.

Vengeance Mare shouted, "That's what happens to stubborn pegasi who won't grant a perfectly reasonable request to change the weather schedule for the most important garden party of the season! You ruined everything, so now I've RUINED YOUR FACE."

"Hey, Rainbow! I think she's still mad at you about last summer."

Rainbow sighed. "This is getting kind of boring. Spoiled Rich really hates pegasi, I get it."

***

Vengeance Mare pulled the cork out of the cloud upon which all of Cloudsdale was built, letting the air leak out. The cloud started to sink.

Vengeance jumped off the side of the cloud, using hundreds of parakeets tied to strings (the same parakeets she'd rescued from the exotic wildlife smuggler, Bird Thief, earlier in the story.) The birds kept her aloft as the cloud fell faster and faster, crashing into the ground far below.

Everypony in Cloudsdale died from the crash.

"At last," the disaster's sole survivor said, "vengeance is mine."

In a different typeface, the story continued.

Vengeance Mare was so happy about her victory. She cheered so loud. The noise frightened the parakeets. Hundreds of little bird poops fell on Vengeance's head.

Vengeance woke up. But she wasn't a supervillain or a murderer. She was an ordinary pony in her own bed.

"Yuck," the pony said. "Whatever I ate last night, it sure didn't agree with me. What a stupid dream."

The pony rolled over and went back to sleep. This time she had a better dream, about punching a criminal gang of Diamond Dogs. They had ponynapped a friend of hers, so punching them seemed like a good idea.

"Wow," Rainbow said. "They kept it."

"Kept what?"

"When Spoiled loaned me her manuscript to read, I added an extra page onto the end. It was the only way I could think of to help the rest of the story make any sense, without making all those other changes that Spoiled didn't want to make." Rainbow scratched her mane. "Also, I thought it would be a funny way to end the story. And every story should have at least one good part."

Rainbow scratched her mane again. "I told Spoiled to take a look at it, but maybe she wasn't listening. And she never said anything to me about it later."

Twilight said, "It was all a dream? That's the most overused dumb ending that any hack writer ever copied from the other hack writers."

"But they used it, didn't they? And don't you think the part with the parakeets was good? All pooping on her head?"

Twilight sighed. "It was fine. It was the happy ending that story truly deserved. No, it was even better than it deserved."

"I know!" Rainbow agreed. "It really makes the story cooler."

***

Rainbow Dash walked into Ponyville's public library. "Hay, Twilight! Has A. K. Yearling's latest book arrived yet?"

Twilight sighed. "No, not yet."

"I wonder what the holdup is."

"It isn't the only book we haven't received on time, either. But I DO have the latest issue of 'Publishing Industry News.'" Twilight tapped an article with her forehoof.

"A. K. Yearling book's publication is again delayed because, as one production manager says, 'Spoiled Rich's new book is more profitable. We just can't print copies of it fast enough.' All the printing presses in Cloudsdale are tied up printing more copies of Spoiled Rich's surprise smash hit."

Of course, the delay peeved Rainbow to no end.

***

Twilight decided she wanted to visit Pegasus Publishing Row in Cloudsdale, to personally investigate...and complain.

Rainbow thought this was the best idea she'd heard all year. "Yeah, Twilight! Somepony should go tell them Yearling's books are IMPORTANT!"

Two days later, Twilight and Rainbow went to Cloudsdale. Twilight led the way to Brass Plated Press, where the unicorn librarian asked to see a copy of Spoiled Rich's contract.

Twilight read the document, and scowled. "Rainbow...this is a subsidy publisher contract. It's also known as vanity publishing."

Rainbow huffed. "Spoiled is the most conceited pony I've ever met. So if they're paying her EVEN MORE for being vain...I guess that makes sense."

"That's not what I mean, Dashie. A professional author gets paid MORE if she sells more books. The publisher would pay her."

Dashie sighed. "As if Spoiled Rich wasn't rich enough."

"But this contract is different! Every time the publisher prints another copy of her book and sells it, Spoiled Rich has to pay the PUBLISHER more bits, for 'marketing fees,' 'promotion expense multipliers,' 'machinery rental,' and 'printing plate wear charges.' Even for a vanity press, this deal is really bad."

"Wait. That doesn't make any sense."

The publisher's representative said, "I assure you, this is a standard contract."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure. A standard swindle, I think you mean."

"I don't appreciate your language, young mare."

Twilight turned to Rainbow. "I think we've seen enough." She said to the representative, "Maybe my language was too harsh. The truth is, this deal interests me very much. Could I have a second copy of this contract for my lawyer to look at? I mean, if you don't think there's anything dishonest or wrong about it."

The representative reached up with one forehoof to adjust his tie, as if he found it a little tight. "Certainly. I believe your lawyer will be able to assure you it is, indeed, a standard style of contract in the subsidy publishing industry. If anything, it's somewhat more favorable than what SOME publishers would offer you."

Twilight smiled. "How interesting! May I take the unsigned copy?"

"I suppose, on one condition. If you decide you really do want to have your memoirs or any other work of literary quality published in first rate paper and binding...please consider us at your service."

"Thank you again." Twilight shook forehooves with the rep. "And thank you for your time, Greasy Sheaf."

The rep smiled. "You're welcome."

Afterwards, on the streets of Cloudsdale, Rainbow Dash said, "Are you going to let him get away with that? Or IS he getting away with anything? I'm confused."

Twilight shrugged. "I think the way it works is, the publishing house prints as many copies as they can of Spoiled's new novel. And for every copy of the book, Spoiled becomes just a little poorer. I guess the question is, for how long can Spoiled and Filthy Rich afford this, even if they ARE rich?"

Rainbow snorted angrily. "The problem is, all the printing presses are so busy printing Spoiled's stupid book! So the latest Daring Do book, which ISN'T stupid, has been put off until...I don't even know when."

"Yes," Twilight agreed. "That IS the problem. Commercial considerations and a way to make easy bits have driven quality literature out of the marketplace."

"So you ADMIT that Daring Do is quality literature!"

"Sure. I really like her books. And consider the competition." Twilight waved a forehoof vaguely back towards the Brass Plated Press offices.

Dashie laughed. "What competition."

***

The school's basement was dark, noisy, and spattered with printer's ink.

"Pipsqueak?" Cheerliee asked. "Is that you under all that ink? And what are you doing?"

The small, inky pony flashed a grin. "A printing press is like a way to mint bits right now. We're printing copies of Spoiled Rich's novel, under contract to Brass Plated Press. And Rainbow Dash helped us get another deal, to do an advance print run of the next Daring Do book, for book reviewers to read before it goes into general sales. On account of SOMEPONY should print Daring Do."

"Hmm," Cheerilee said. "Have you READ Spoiled's book?"

"No. The publisher had somepony make the plates for us, on account of I said we were very busy with schoolwork and I don't know how to spell very well. And Rainbow Dash said 'Clouds of Savagery' is a bunch of lies and garbage, and we shouldn't read it. But we HAVE been sneaking peeks at the latest Daring Do book. It's pretty good!"

Cheerilee nodded. "I think I agree with Rainbow Dash. I'm glad she turns out to have some literary taste."

***

For the first few weeks after "Clouds of Savagery" came on the market, even while thousands of pegasi all over Cloudsdale and beyond were buying copies to laugh at, almost every reviewer in Equestria tried to ignore it.

Maybe they hoped that if they ignored it, it would just go away.

But one day, that changed.

Rarity walked into the library. "I almost used this to line Opal's catbox."

Twilight looked up from the book she was reading. "What is it?"

"It's a page from the Canterlot Courier, with a book review. Reviewing a local Ponyville author."

"Clouds of Savagery" hilariously parodies the ignorance and idiocy of racism. This book is a surprise bestseller all across Cloudsdale, where it seems everypony is laughing their wings off. If everypony in Cloudsdale did literally lose their wings, that would probably please the novel's bigoted protagonist, a sort of crudely cartoonish supervillain who hates pegasi.

Spoiler: it isn't until the last page that the masquerade ends, and we learn the author truly is in on the joke. So if you despair of a happy ending, be assured that the novel finally delivers.

Twilight went to the library's periodicals section, and unfolded more newspapers. "Help me look for more reviews, Rarity?"

"Certainly."

The unicorns checked different papers and magazines. The reviewers were unanimous on one thing: "Clouds of Savagery" was a harsh critique of racism's stupidity.

But some reviewers thought the parody was TOO harsh. Surely nopony could be so very stupid? And didn't over a hundred pages of such unrelenting idiocy become tiresome?

A few reviewers feared that somewhere in Equestria, there might be some pony stupid enough to not get the joke. But probably not many.

A minute later, Spoiled walked into the library.

"Hello, Spoiled Rich," Rarity said politely. She levitated the Courier page she'd brought with her to the library. "A Canterlot newspaper reviewed your book today."

"Finally! Some proper press coverage. Now I'll be even MORE famous. I trust you can spare this. After all, I already gave you a copy of my book."

After Spoiled walked out the door, Rarity said, "I don't believe she ever did give me a copy of her book. Not that I would want to READ it, but, even so..."

"It would still be nice if she'd offered? Or at least hadn't taken credit for something she'd never done?"

"Oh...it's not a big deal, really. I didn't need that page of the newspaper."

Twilight nodded. "But it would be nice, if she would say thank you."

Spike toddled out from under a table, where he had been napping earlier. "Or even please."

Rarity smiled at the baby dragon. "Yes, Spikey-Wikey. If only her manners were as good as yours, darling."

Spike's face lit up with a big smile. "Thank you, Rarity."

"You're welcome, you cute little creature."

Twilight whispered to Rarity, "If you keep talking to him like that, you might encourage him."

"Encourage him to do what? To continue cultivating good manners?"

"Maybe he'll get a crush on you."

"Pish-tosh. You're worrying about nothing, Twilight dear." Rarity added more audibly, "Spike, Twilight, it's been a pleasure visiting, but now I should go back to work."

After Rarity left, Spike said, "Wow. Ponyville has a best-selling author."

Twilight sighed. "That book is trash, Spike. If Rainbow Dash hadn't added a new ending, it probably wouldn't even have been good enough for ponies to buy it to laugh at."

Spike nodded. "I hear writing good comedy is hard."

Twilight shook her head. "Spike...maybe you'll understand better when you're older. Until then, the main thing you need to understand is, 'Clouds of Savagery' is full of nasty hate and lies. It's insulting to pegasi."

"Ok," Spike agreed. "I'll remember that."

Twilight sighed with a little spark of contentment. Somepony trusted her opinions about a book, instead of arguing with her.

If only the rest of Ponyville could be like Spike.

***

The next day, Spoiled Rich visited the library again. After Twilight greeted her, Spoiled looked around, searching every corner of the library to make sure that she and Twilight were alone.

Finally, she spoke. "Twilight...does this library have any copies of my book?"

Twilight tried to be tactful. "You gave me and Rainbow copies, but you didn't say anything about adding them to the library's collection. I thought maybe they were just personal copies."

Spoiled nodded. "Did the library BUY any copies?"

"I guess I never put in an order for any. Do you think I should have?"

Spoiled shook her head. "Even though the publisher sold a lot of copies in Cloudsdale and other pegasus cities...they've decided not to try to sell the book in most of Equestria. They think too many ponies won't understand it."

Twilight thought about how many bits Spoiled must have lost from the Cloudsdale sales alone. "They could be right."

"Maybe. But they've really messed up on some OTHER decisions. Do you know they changed part of my book without even asking me? They practically ruined it!"

Twilight took a deep breath. "Do you mean the ending? How Vengeance Mare wakes up, and it was all a dream, and she says it was stupid?"

Spoiled nodded. "How DARE they? Who do they think they are?"

Twilight took another slow, deep breath. She exhaled, and inhaled again. "Spoiled, what do you think it would be like if other ponies decided they hated pegasi enough to want them dead? How many ponies do you think might suffer before it was over? How many innocent ponies might be hurt?"

Spoiled snorted. "I suppose next you're going to tell me the Windigos will come back."

Twilight shrugged. "Most ponies thought Nightmare Moon was a silly story to scare children. But I guess those ponies were wrong." She gave Spoiled a hard look. "Do you ever wonder how much work goes into holding back monsters and disasters that you might never have really thought about? Into keeping them from doing something terrible to Equestria?

"Spoiled, I can tell you this. Without the help of pegasi like Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, the attempt to stop Nightmare Moon would have failed. You and I would be shivering and starving in eternal night. I guess you can never understand how much I appreciate those pegasi for helping to save us."

Spoiled grimaced. She said begrudgingly, "I think my publisher might have made the best decision, not to sell my book in most of Equestria."

Twilight said, "I think so too. I'm glad you understand. Or at least I hope you understand."

Spoiled Rich nodded. She turned around, and walked out of the library.

After the door closed, Twilight released a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. Equestria wasn't ever completely SAFE. But at least the latest danger had been mostly contained, and transformed into a harmless joke.

Or so Twilight hoped.

Addendum (A Warning to Authors):

Greasy Sheaf lied! A contract that makes the author lose MORE money every time another copy of the book is sold is NOT "a standard style of contract in the subsidy publishing industry."