Having travelled to Canterlot, the Element of Loyalty Rainbow Dash sought an audience with the ruler of the lands Princess Celestia.
Unfortunately for her, there was a three hour line of other ponies who also sought an audience.
But her mission was of the utmost importance to her. So Rainbow endured the mind numbing time in line. Luckily there was a royal heydog stand which circled the line every hour.
Eventually she got to the front of the line.
Looking into the eyes of the Princess of the Sun, Rainbow felt a renewed energy course through her veins.
“Ah Rainbow Dash, a pleasant surprise. How may I help you?” Celestia said, greeting the thrice saviour of Equestria.
At long last it was her time. Rainbow took in a deep breath, the question that had plagued her for so long finally being able to be asked.
“Princess Celestia. How come everytime Equestria is attacked by the villain of the week you do nothing?” She asked.
The room, once filled with various muttering ponies waiting for their turn to speak with the princess, now fell silent. Even the breath of the room’s occupiers could be heard over the defining lack of noise.
“I’m. I’m sorry Rainbow Dash, but could you please explain?” Celestia asked.
“Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek, you beat most of these jerks a thousand years ago. But when they came back you rather weren’t there or got taken out easily. What gives? You’re immortal so you didn’t get older, you’ve been at your peak for a millenia. Why is it always down to Twilight and the rest of us to save the day?” Rainbow explained.
Murmurings began to fill the room, calls for the royal executioner, followed by murmuring about how such a thing didn’t exist, followed by even more murmuring about how there should be such a thing.
“Could everypony leave Rainbow Dash and I alone for a moment please?” Celestia requested from the rest of the guests.
Obeying without another word, the rest of the guests, along with the guards left the room.
Now alone with her monarch, Rainbow prepared herself for some kind of berating. Something similar to what she’d get from Rarity for not wearing a dress at some fancy pants gala or Twilight for classifying Daring Do as “historical fiction”
It was cooler than 80% of Equestrian history so she stood her ground in that.
Rising from her throne, Celestia gracefully trotted down to the pegasus mare.
Having to crane her neck upwards to look the white alicorn in the eyes, Rainbow’s mind began racing with ways to escape her now inevitable exile to the moon.
“Could I make a rocket out of rocks? Wait, what would I power it with? Other rocks?” Rainbow thought to herself.
Looking into the majestic eyes of Celestia, Rainbow received…
A sigh?
As Celestia sighed, plodding her flank down on the marble floor, Rainbow raised an eyebrow in confusion.
“Finally! Somepony figured it out!” Celestia groaned, sounding as if the weight of whatever “it” was had been weighing on her heavily.
“Neigh?” Rainbow responded, still not entirely sure what was going on.
“You see Rainbow, the answer to your question is quite simple. I’ve been holding back” Celestia explained.
“NEIGH!?” Rainbow repeated, far louder to explain her shock.
“I could have easily defeated all those threats, while Discord and Tirek might have been a challenge, and Nightmare Moon, being Luna’s dark half, would have been close to my equal in terms of power, I could have crushed them under my well manicured hoof” Celestia explained.
“But, but then why not!? That would have been awesome to see!” Rainbow asked, imagining Celestia pile-driving Sombra into submission.
“Because, I intend to retire, and I want Twilight to take my place” Celestia explained.
A few seconds passed before Rainbow’s jaw dropped to the floor.
Twilight? Her Twilight!? Ruler of Equestria.
Rainbow couldn’t deny Equestria could certainly do worse for a leader, the idea of anyone but Celestia being princess was hard to imagine.
She had always been there, many ponies believed that a world without Celestia was a world doomed to be destroyed by an apocalypse of some kind.
“Twilight? Ruler of Equestria?” Rainbow asked.
Nodding her head, Celestia’s horn lit up with magic. Within a flash of light, both mares were in a new location.
Looking around, Rainbow found herself in a bedroom. The walls and curtains were blue, as was the carpet and furniture.
Upon a large bed was Equestria’s other ruler, Princess Luna, not paying attention to her sister or their guest as she played on a GameCube.
“Luna, we have a guest” Celestia informed her sister.
“Eeyep” Luna dispassionately replied.
Rolling her eyes, Celestia led Rainbow away from the gamer princess that so many of Equestria’s youth simped for towards a large table with a model house on it.
“This is a model of our retirement home, once Twilight is ready to take my throne, it’s got fifteen fridges for cake, three margarita bars, and a hot tub within a larger pool” Celestia pointed out every little detail of her future home.
All of this was still a lot for Rainbow’s mind to comprehend. Needing everything to slow down, Rainbow rubbed the sides of her head.
“Wait a minute, this is confusing” Rainbow said.
“Well you see, there are more fridges so I can store more cake” Celestia said.
“No I mean why? You’ve ruled Equestria for a thousand years? Why quit now?” Rainbow asked.
Slowly, Celestia removed her crown. Placing it on the table she cleared her throat.
“My dear Rainbow, you’ve given more for your kingdom than many other ponies have, but I must be entirely honest with you” Celestia began.
Waiting eagerly, Rainbow wondered what great truth was about to be imparted on her.
“Ponies are dumb” Celestia explained.
Wait what?
She actually said that?
“And I mean REALLY dumb, they panic over almost everything like it’s the end of the world. Everytime a villain shows up they start running around screaming their heads off. It’s not even villains half the time. One time I slept in so the moon was out for an hour or two longer than it should have and they thought Nightmare Moon was back” Celestia explained the great stupidity that was the average pony.
“But. But it can’t be that bad” Rainbow argued. Sure she knew how stupid some ponies could be but she had more faith in her fellow equines.
“Oh really? Did I tell you about the time I was complaining to Shining Armour about the nobility and he thought I meant overthrow the nobility and rule as God-Empress” Celestia said, giving her counterargument.
Initially Rainbow tried to think of a response to defend her race’s intelligence.
“Ok that makes sense” Rainbow relented.
“And it’s not even that. The world has changed so much since I took the throne. Feudalism was so much easier, everypony worked their backs out and then gave me all the works of their labour, now with this whole free market and labour unions. Equestria has gone to the dogs” Celestia replied.
And so Rainbow Dash learnt of the master plan to allow Twilight ascend to the throne. But was sworn to silence by the princesses. Both to ensure Twilight wouldn’t get a big head and to ensure she didn’t have a panic attack from the pressure and flee to another universe or smt.
Her compensation was being able to use Celestia and Luna’s awesome hot tub once their retirement home was done.
The end.
