Just A Cartoon

Evan analyzed the room he was sitting in. It looked similar to a restaurant, but only sold baked goods. Party decorations lined the walls and ceiling and ponies were either dancing or talking amongst themselves. There were about 10 ponies in the room, a few of which Evan recognized from advertisements, and he was sitting in the very corner of the room, not wanting to come into contact with anybody.

Unfortunately, with the pink one around, he got what he didn’t want.

“Hey!” The earth pony appeared to jump out from nowhere directly in front of the burgundy pegasus, startling him with the silver smile she wore on her face, “I didn’t get your name earlier. Nor did you get mine! Mine’s Pinkie Pie, what’s yours?”

“Uh… Brute Force.” Evan thought back to the extremely cheesy name Callum gave him and decided to stick with it.

“Nice to meet you Brute! What’s your special talent, mine’s partying!”

…Are you fucking serious? Evan was baffled by the fact that she couldn’t guess his talent by his mark or name. He figured that the balloons on Pinkie’s flank represented her talent, so he got slightly annoyed that she couldn’t put two and two together.

“Look at my mark, smartass.” Pinkie gasped at the use of his words. “As if it isn’t blatantly obvious what it is by looking at it. Stupid bitch.” He muttered the last two words while walking away.

Pinkie just stared at the wall, jaw rigged by the words she had just heard. Finally, she just looked over her shoulder, mumbling “What a rude stallion” and skipped over to a couple of ponies, a smile returning to her face.

Evan walked over to the snack table, picked up a hoof-full of crisps and shoved them into his mouth. At least their food isn’t complete crap. He picked up another hoof-full, but this time he just stared at the salty snacks resting on the base of his hoof. How the fuck did I just pick these up?

His thinking was cut-off when a light blue pegasus with eye-catching, multicoloured hair walked over to the table and picked up a can of soda. She lifted the can to her muzzle, but turned her head sideways to face Evan. “Oh, hey there. I haven’t seen you around here before. You just move in?” She moved the soda to her mouth and started to drink.

Why do these things always wanna talk? Evan wondered. “No. I just sort of…ended up here.”

“Traveller, huh?” The mare bumped her free hoof against Evan’s left fore-leg, “Name’s Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in all Equestria!”

Rainbow Dash? Equestria? Jesus, this place gets worse by the second. “I’m Brute Force.” He shivered inwardly at the thought of that being his actual name, “And I guess I’m pretty strong.”

“Stronger than me?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow, suddenly noticing the muscle in the six limbs Evan possessed. “Care to test ‘em out?” Rainbow punched playfully at Evan’s shoulder.

Evan just looked blankly at her. “No thanks, I’m not in the mood.” Evan turned around to walk away from the annoying cyan pegasus, but she flew into his path.

“So you’re in a ‘chillaxed’ sort of mood?” Rainbow persisted in talking with the stallion.

Evan was ready to burst out with anger. “Look lady, I’ve had a shit day and I just want to go to sleep, OK?”

“Well, you could stay at my house, if you like…” Rainbow trailed off.

Evan was about to deny her offer and rant on about how annoying she was until he realized he didn’t have a house. Or food. Or money. After a minute or so, Evan sighed heavily. “…Fine. Where is it?”

“On the outskirts of Ponyville. You know, suspended in the sky… away from everypony…” Evan made out a very faint blush on Rainbow’s face.

Evan normally wasn’t very observant, but he observed something in this creatures’ behavior. She was acting nervous around him and was inviting him to her house that apparently was out of town. “…What do you want to do to me?” Evan asked, expecting a simple answer.

“Oh, you know, just to get you a place to stay, maybe get to know you better...” She stepped a bit closer to him, “…Personally.”

Evan had had enough of this back at the orchard, and now this women wanted to perform with him? He didn’t like this. And he wanted her to know that.

“You know what? I’m gonna say something right now.” Evan’s strong voice caught Rainbow off guard, “I don’t want any of this shit. You’re just a shitty excuse of a creature and shouldn’t even exist!” Rainbow was about to interject, but Evan continued, “And if you think I’m a xenophile, you got another thing coming, bitch!” Evan’s poorly structured rant ended with him jumping out of a window, making use of his wings. A few seconds later, a crash could be heard, followed by an agonizing scream.

Rainbow just looked at the shattered window and furrowed her eyes angrily. “He deserved that.”

Jack was trotting up to the building that he’d always dreamed of trotting up to: Fluttershy’s cottage. Just the thought of actually meeting her was enough to make him skip over the small bridge leading to her front door. He pounded excitedly on the wooden door and waited impatiently.

“…Hello?” A small voice called from a small gap in the doorway.

Jack realized he was wearing a stupid grin and shook his head to make room for the amazing speech he was about to deliver. “Uh.” Great job so far. “Can I stay with you? I’m broke and homeless.” Smooth.

“Homeless?” Fluttershy exclaimed. “Oh dear! You must be starving! Come inside, I’ll get you some soup.” She fully opened the door, allowing Jack to enter. She walked into the kitchen to hear a squeal come from the room behind her. “Excited over soup?” She concluded, “He must be hungry!”

Callum was hitting his white hoof against the purple door leading into Carousel Boutique, hoping to see a white coat identical to his. When the door was opened, his hopes were answered.

“Hi there!” The filly Callum instantly recognized as Sweetie Belle was beamed up at him with huge, shining pupils. He couldn’t help his heart melting at the sight, but he was hoping to see her older sister. “I’m guessing you wanna see my sister.” How the fuck did she… Oh right, the sign says ‘open’, Callum thought.

“Uh, yea, there’s something I need to ask her. Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Sweetie trotted over to the bottom of the staircase and cleared her throat, “RARITY! GET YOUR FAT ASS DOWN HERE!”

Callum felt a mixture of emotions towards the sentence he had just heard. One was fear, another was confusion and one was actually pride.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WA- oh, hello!” Rarity was standing at the bottom of the staircase, grinning sheepishly at the visitor. She shooed her younger sister away and turned her attention to the unicorn waiting by the door. “Now, what can I help you with, sir?

“Well,” Callum gave Rarity his best puppy-dog eyes, something which was easier with the new eyes he owned, “I was on my way to the charity store when a group of masked muggers jumped me and took my money, house keys and everything! And now, I don’t have anything! C-Could I stay with you until I get back on my fee-hooves?” Callum pouted.

“Oh you poor dear! Of course you can stay here! I hope you don’t mind sleeping on the couch.” Callum shook his head in reply, “Good. Now, I have to close up, and then I will make

us some tea. Sound good?” Callum nodded his head. Rarity gave him a small smile and walked over to the front door to lock it. She then walked into the kitchen to boil some water. All the while, Callum was staring into the kitchen, admiring her well-toned flank.

Jack had a blanket draped over his body and a bowl of soup in his hooves. He was sitting opposite of Fluttershy, who was holding a cup of tea.

“How did you end up in such a poor position?” Fluttershy raised her cup to drink, but lowered it along with her head, “I-if you don’t mind answering…”

Jack was stumped. He hadn’t thought of a reason for his homelessness. But she did ask nicely… “Well… my house sort of… caught fire.”

“Oh, that’s awful. Don’t you have any family members to go to? …n-not that I don’t want you here…”

“My family… er… moved away. Far away.” Jack put emphasis on the ‘Far’.

Fluttershy sipped her tea and smiled. “Well, you can stay here until you get back on your hooves.”

Jack’s heart skipped at the thought and he couldn’t contain a grin. He put his soup down and ran to hug the timid mare. Fluttershy seemed shocked at first but complied with his offer, “You’re a really friendly pony.”

“Finally! I’m finished!” Rhys looked at his fine work, wiping sweat away from his green head. He had found a discarded piece of purple fabric and tied it to four wooden sticks. The result, apparently, was a tent. He had also ‘borrowed’ a lantern hanging from a shop’s sign. “Right, I’m not gonna fuck up this time.” He told himself. He lowered his head to the lantern and his horn sparked to life. A few flames began to flicker in front of him and an orange orb formed at the tip of his horn like before. He looked up and felt his horn begin to shake. “Oh sh-”

This time, the fire came at the same time as the explosion. The incendiary explosion sent him skidding backwards across the grass, a trail of fire beaming out of his horn. He looked towards his little campsite on the edge of a nearby forest. The lantern was, in fact, lit… along with his tent and several trees connecting to the large forest.

“Fuck.”