To Chase The Shadows of Redemption

Twilight was visiting Rarity's boutique when the news finally broke. The fashionista turned to Twilight while going through her gallery of merchandise with her glasses on.

"Twilight! I'm so glad to see you! Have you already heard the horrific news from Canterlot? It's only just spread here in Ponyville today!"

"What the heck are you talking about Rarity?"

"A massive scandal to say the least! The griffins attacked Celestia! She barely saved herself, I can only imagine the shock and outrage spread across the country right now! There's likely to be more news incoming as well. Have you not heard from Celestia yet?"

"Of course not! This is... crazy. Rarity you aren't joking right?"

Rarity gave her an incredulous look. "Twilight. I would never joke about something like this. This could even effect Ponyville eventually."

"I guess it's just... a lot to take in Rarity. I'm going to need to ask Celestia myself tonight. I'll see to it that spike sends something soon."

Twilight couldn't believe what she was hearing still. If what Rarity said was true then Celestia must be hurting so much right now.

"Wait... did Celestia," she coughed, "actually... you know..."

"Yes. Yes she did Twilight. I know it's a shock to all of us, but I don't think she had much of a choice. You know that she didn't like being forced to do that just as much as you would.

"I... I suppose you're right Rarity, thank you."

"Please darling, I know this is troubling. You know you can come to me with anything anytime right? We need to stick together at times like these."

"It's... it's just so hard to think of Celestia in that way. She's always had such a pure image in my head. I think I'll need a while to get over this," she made an apologetic face, "in fact I should probably go, I know its been cut too short but I really need to do some things and—"

"I understand, Twilight. Go."

Maverick was annoyed that his friend had insisted he come over when his work had picked up so much lately. Didn't he understand how important his work was?

He knocked on the apartment door impatiently and started tapping his hoof in annoyance.

Finally, it swung open.

"Maverick! Finally! I've been waiting for you. You wouldn't believe what I've heard. But it best be said inside. Come in, come in."

"Listen, this better be good Pierre, you know how busy I am lately with all the recent drama. Its been hectic to say the least."

"Trust me Maverick, I wouldn't have called you here if it wasn't important. Really."

Pierre was a school buddy from Maverick's younger days, and the two had shaped both of their careers in Canterlot while staying in touch. Pierre worked in the news outlet and had access to a lot of information early, as well as niche or secretive topics. Maverick had learned a lot of surprising things from him about the goings of Canterlot over the past few years, but it's not like he believed all of them either.

"Listen, I'll make us some tea to relax. It won't be long."

Maverick sighed and just accepted it. He had come here after all, and this was a friend. A few more minutes wouldn't hurt even if he felt pressed for time most of the day.

After about ten minutes and some light chat, Pierre had the tea on a little table in the middle of two couches where they sat opposite to each other. They both took a few sips before settling down.

"Listen... Maverick. I know that I've told you some really childish and outlandish stories over the past few years, but what I'm about to tell you is sincerely serious."

Maverick leaned in. Pierre may have been a bit of a goofball at times, as well as many other things, but he knew him long enough to know that he was trustworthy. He would listen if his friend was taking this seriously.

"We had someone come in who was absolutely terrified of us working with Celestia in any manner behind the scenes, and he felt like his name would be leaked. This is someone who has provided valuable information in the past at times, but I've never seen him so terrified to speak."

"And what had him so scared, come on, now I'm interested Pierre."

"I'm getting to it. He ended up agreeing to only speak to a select few us with a promise that nothing would be published or revealed at all. I truly felt like he was getting it off of his chest. Now, what you're about to hear is so scandalous that even I sweat a little bringing it up."

He actually did look around briefly with a nervousness to Maverick's surprise.

His tone was a lot quieter when he resumed his story.

"This pony... no, this informant. He was actually there hiding when Celestia met with the griffins and their emperor. Hard to believe I know. His recollection is entirely different than what we've all been told about what happened. He claimed that a lengthy and at times intense discussion occurred, and Celestia, when seemingly denied something, attacked the griffins and killed all of them in cold blood. It was no assassination attempt. He was too far away to hear much details if any, but he swore on his life that this is the truth of what actually happened."

Maverick's demeanour hardened immensely.

"That's an extremely serious claim Pierre. You're right to think that it's dangerous. No one would ever believe this. I don't want to believe this. I've worked with Celestia for years at a distance. Sure, she's been a bit different lately, but this is..."

"I know, Maverick, I know. But my experience with this pony is burned into my memory. I'm sure he was absolutely telling the truth, or believed he was. It was far too genuine. I've never seen a pony so paranoid and tense, especially in comparison to how he used to be."

"Listen, Pierre. I do trust you, but this isn't something I can just up and accept. The anecdote of one pony is nothing against our princesses history, even if it's troubling coming in this context. I don't want to believe it. However, with that being said, if you ever find out something else you need to contact me again. Things have been getting intense lately, and even I can see that Celestia has been acting a little differently. Just let me know if you find out anything interesting. I'm going to carry on like normal with this in the back of my mind. I certainly won't be acting differently around her. It's just too much for now."

"That's... good enough Mav. Thanks for hearing me out. To be honest his nervousness has been a little infectious. I need to get this past me as well. What you said is true, one can only hope none of this is legitimate. But yeah, I will keep you updated if anything comes up. Let's hope nothing does."

Celestia stared out across the expanse of her slice of Equestria, towards the west where a sunset was soon to be. The balcony of the castle in Canterlot was wide and free, and a gentle breeze fluttered past her, ruffling her fur lightly.

How long had it been now? She knew the answer to that. Why did she keep asking herself the same question over and over?

It had been many centuries now, and yet too many few still. She was so emphatically tired of waiting. Time had become the slowest thing in the world, yet sometimes she blinked and a year had gone by. Ponies who she should've known like the back of her hoof sometimes became gray faces, whose entire identities remained unknown to her while they serviced her.

It reminded her of the recent absence of one maid she had grown slightly fond of. The pony had passed away already, just when she was just getting to really like her. When had she become so old? Or had it been sudden sickness? She couldn't really recall.

Celestia had weathered many rough patches through her life, and always pulled through for a singular string of light.

That her sister would one day return and rejoin her.

For a being of light, Celestia felt like the most hidden and concealed mare in all of Equestria. No pony knew who she really was inside, and her mask was so perfect that it allowed her to control every situation to her liking. She had been more genuine in the past, but when those ponies she had opened up to passed away she continued to see less and less reason to reveal her true self.

She had accomplished so much over time now despite her lacklustre attitude deep inside. Her going through the motions was still productive as a ruler. The quality of life for ponies today was a massive improvement to that of the past. She had improved international bonds, generated prosperity, and even been there for some of the most shining examples of equine greatness that her little ponies had accomplished.

There was so much for her to be proud of in this time. Yet she felt absolutely nothing at all for it. She had improved the lives of everyone around her, yet she alone had remained stagnant. Stuck in place and time. If it wasn't her sporadic nightmares about her sister that reopened old wounds in her heart, it was the periods of depression where she barely remembered why she continued living on in the first place. So many times she had searched for purpose, for hope, and for meaning, to grab onto something to pull her out of this head space, and it sometimes had satiated her for a while. Yet the shadowy tendrils of the past and sins left without repent always managed to grab her soul in the darkness and drag her back into the void.

Her lifeless eyelids were barely open as she cast the magic to seal the fate of the day and bring the cursed reminder that was the night. There was little hope that even after an eternity of waiting that Luna would even forgive her. That thought had almost broken her several times alone. But she had never truly given in deep down. That was one thing she actually took pride in sometimes.

Seeing the moon there, and the tumultuous turmoil of her mind drove her crazy, especially with guilt. This had been another thing that repeated in her life so many times. She desperately needed something to snap herself out of it.

Without so much as thinking, she looked down and cast her magic. Gripping her front right leg with more magic than one would ever be comfortable with, she snapped it like a twig. The pain was immense, and that was a relief even as the tears of pain that she never came to realize fell. Reality reaffirmed, she made to go inside to continue to break the cycle. Her moods would always alleviate after some time, and this would be no different. Her life had brighter times despite the darker undertone that always lurked, but she cherished them whenever she could. She hoped for that feeling to return soon.

The leg would heal any time she felt like it. Or needed to go out in front of her ponies.

She cast all thoughts away except for one, just like she always had. It was a simple thought.

'Just keep holding on for her return.'