Cutie Mark Avoidance Team

by Pony-Berserker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3280

Scootaloo receives some information about risks of getting a cutie mark.

Scootaloo receives some information about risks of getting a cutie mark. It turns out that having a cutie mark may be really dangerous. But the clever pegasus has a brand new strategy for her and her friends.Will it work out? Can the risk be really avoided?

Published 2012-10-07 20:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-07 20:30:02 UTC

Cutie Mark Avoidance Team

Scootaloo was standing in the middle of the marketplace. She was grinning. She was waiting for something: “Now!” she finally thought.
“Hey Bon Bon! You got a spider in your mane!” Scootaloo shouted.
“What? Get it off me!”
Scootaloo chuckled. “Hey, Junebug! I heard that Thunder Lane got a crush on you!”
“Like I care,” Junebug murmured and continued her walk until she bumped into the black pegasus. “Oh, hi. Thunder Lane! Could you...”
“Kinda busy now,” he replied and flew away.
“Stallions are weird,” Junebug said and snorted.
Scootaloo giggled. “That’s going better than I thought! Oh, hey Snails. I’m so sorry for you!”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Cheerilee told me that you’re gonna be sent back a grade.”
“Whaaat!? Why me!?” Snails began to cry and ran away.
Scootaloo started to laugh maniacally. Her plan was working out better than she had thought it would.
“Hey Scoot. What’s up?” Apple Bloom asked as she and Sweetie Belle approached the orange pegasus.
“Hey girls. I’m trying to get a cutie mark in lying!” She grinned.
“In lying?” her friends asked in unison.
“Yeah, it’s great fun!”
“Snails was crying because of you, right?” Apple Bloom inquired and gave Scoot a reproachful look.
“Uh... Yeah, I guess... Anyway, I think I’m not that good at lying anyway.”
“Why not?”
“Well, guys. I just told you the truth.”
“Twice,” Apple Bloom corrected Scootaloo. “Let’s go. We gotta find a better way to earn our cutie marks”
“Okay,” said resigned Scootaloo.

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were walking down the main road in Ponyville. It was another sunny and lazy day in the town. Both Cutie Mark Crusaders were trying to get a good idea for any activity that would result in earning their cutie marks.
“Have you heard that, girls? Thinny got his cutie mark!” Sweetie Belle shouted as she saw Scootaloo and Apple Bloom.
“Just great. Another baby gets his cutie mark while we are lame blank flanks.” Scootaloo saddened.
“So, what is his special talent?” Apple Bloom asked. The news didn’t have any negative effect on her mood.
“Well, that’s funny but it seems that his special talent is... being thin,” Sweetie Belle answered.
“What?” asked both of her friends.
“Yeah. I know, that’s kinda useless talent.”
“Yeah, Featherweight also had no luck. His talent is being, well, light,” Apple Bloom said.
“I see the pattern here...” Scootaloo rubbed her mane and started to think.
“What do you see?” Sweetie Belle frowned.
“Never mind. Gotta check something!” Scootaloo answered and trotted away.

Scootaloo was galloping through the town. She was visibly worried because her suspicions turned out to be true. And the truth was hard to accept.
“Hey Scootaloo! We’re gonna get our cutie marks in diving!” Apple Bloom said happily to her friend.”
“Sorry, Apple Bloom. I’m really busy. If we get cutie marks one day later, it won’t be a big difference, right?”
“Right...”
“Okay, see you later!” Scootaloo quickly trotted away from her friends.
“Is Scootaloo avoiding us?” Sweetie Belle wondered.
“Looks like she is...” remarked Apple Bloom.

“Guys! Guys! Quickly! Meet at Twilight’s!” Scootaloo shouted to her friends while she was passing them on her scooter.
“Whoah! Scootaloo is finally back in game!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “Maybe she got a must-work-out idea for our cutie marks!”
“Yeah! Let’s go!”

The three fillies met at the library. Scootaloo prepared a slide show for her friends.
“A slide show? Are we gonna get our cutie marks in boredom?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Uhm... This actually might happen. And you got the point Sweetie Belle,” Scootaloo said firmly.
“Huh?”
“I was busy last days because I’ve been doing some research.”
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were puzzled.
“I wrote a letter...”
“To Princess Celestia?” the white filly unicorn interrupted.
“Let me finish, Sweetie Belle,” said irritated Scootaloo. “Well, I wrote a letter to Cutie Mark Registry of Equestria and asked them about the most useless and grotesque cutie marks in history.”
“But why?” Sweetie Belle interrupted again.
“Look guys. Some ponies got really cool talents. Like Rainbow Dash, who is talented in being fast. Or Twilight. She can use any magic she wants.”
“Yes...”
“But some ponies have really useless talents. And this is our problem. We don’t want just any cutie marks...”
“I want any cutie mark...” Sweetie Belle said sadly.
“No. You don’t want. We want COOL cutie marks.” Scootaloo was getting angry at her friend. “Anyway. They sent me an answer. And when I saw what kind of cutie marks a pony can have... I fainted. Seriously. We did many stupid things and we could be now stuck with some useless cutie marks for the rest of our lives. Now, focus and look at these slides!
Scootaloo showed the first slide.
“This is Sneezy. He died 70 years ago. His ‘special’ talent was... sneezing,” Scootaloo said and shuddered.
“That sounds... inconvenient,” Sweetie Belle remarked.
“He sneezed at least 1000 times a day since getting his cutie mark,” Scootaloo continued. “It’s kinda sad story because he ended in a lunatic asylum...”
“I thought that cutie marks are always useful” Sweetie Belle said.
“Now you know that they can be also useless and actually, dangerous. Look at the second example. This is Firebug. 45 years ago he got a cutie mark in spontaneous combustion. He survived three of them but the fourth one was fatal.”
The story was delivered by Scootaloo in a deadpan manner but it really scared Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. The latter covered her eyes with her hooves and started to shiver.
“Scootaloo? Why no one warned us?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Well, looks like it was kind of a thing we never bothered to ask,” Scootaloo explained. “But, let’s get back to the topic. One of our friends makes a great example of a useless cutie mark.”
Scootaloo changed slides. The new one showed a picture of...
“Silver Spoon. Instead of getting a cutie mark that indicates a talent, she got a cutie mark based entirely on her name,” Scootaloo said. “That would explain why she always refused to tell what her special talent is. She always said her talent is so special we wouldn’t understand.”
“So she is...” Sweetie Belle giggled now. “She is talentless?”
“Seems so,” Scootaloo answered.
“I think Diamond Tiara is a similar case,” Sweetie Belle remarked.
“Unfortunately, no. Actually I wrote a letter inquiring about her cutie mark and they answered that she is talented in being... well... a beaty queen,” Scootaloo explained with a grimace on her face.
“A beauty queen? Diamond Tiara? Really?” Sweetie Belle couldn’t believe her ears.
“Yeah... It kinda makes some sense. She is pink and studies show that many stallions find pink-coated mares attractive,” Scootaloo said. “And she got a rich father.”
“Oh, that would explain it,” Sweetie Belle acknowledged Scootaloo’s explanation.
The three fillies sighed and silence hung in the air.
“Okay, Scoot,” Apple Bloom said, “So we now know that cutie marks can be inconvenient, dangerous and useless. But what is your point exaclty?
“My point is that we are extremely lucky we are blank flanks.”
“WHAT!?” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were shocked.
“Yes. Look, we’ve tried countless ways to earn our cutie marks. We are lucky we aren’t stuck with some useless cutie mark. There are many examples I haven’t shown you yet. This guy, for example, got a cutie mark in falling. This one got a cutie mark in accidents with sharp tools,” Scootaloo made her point.
“Ouch!” Sweetie Belle reacted to the latter example with a series of shivers.
“Girls, I don’t know if you are already aware of that but it means that every activity, accidental or not, may result in us getting a cutie mark. Do you see what kind of risk is this!?” Scootaloo looked really scared now and was hyperventilating.
“Scoot, what can we do? Every pony gets a cutie mark. Sooner or later,” Apple Bloom said.
“Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, we need to change our strategy, girls. We need to... avoid getting our cutie marks!”.
“What!? You can’t be serious!” Apple Bloom shouted.
“I am as serious as Twilight reading a book!” Scootaloo retorted.
“So... You want us to remain blank flanks forever?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Not forever, you doo-doo! We need to find an occasion to earn a real cool, real useful cutie mark. The best cutie mark ever. But we can’t leave the game with some stupid one. Remember we can’t change the cutie mark we once get,” Scootaloo answered. “We need to avoid doing things that may result in a stupid cutie mark with which we will have to live for the rest of our then pathetic lives!” Scootaloo was getting hysterical.
“So... Does that mean... that we are no longer Cutie Mark Crusaders?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Oh, I didn’t even think of it this way...” Scootaloo was confused for a moment. “Well, we can change the name of our group.”
“What about Blank Flank Crusaders?” Apple Bloom suggested a new name.
“Nah, I don’t fancy being in a group containing blank flank in its name. Maybe we technically are blank flanks but it doesn’t mean we need to call ourselves this way,” Sweetie Belle remarked. “How about Cutie Mark Thwarters?”
“Mmm... How about Cutie Mark Avoidance Team!?” exclaimed Scootaloo.
“Yay!” two other fillies agreed on the ne name for their group.
“Cutie Mark Avoidance Team! May the blank flanks be with us!” Scootaloo said and the three little ponies ‘high-fived’ with their hooves.

Sweetie Belle was drawing something while lying on the floor when Rarity shouted from another room: “Sweetie Belle! Could you help me cleaning the kitchen?”
“Oh, oh! I’m coming Rarity!” answered the excited unicorn. “Wait! I can’t... I don’t wanna a cutie mark in... cleaning. What am I? A housewife?”
“Sweetie!”
“I’m. Not. COMING!” Sweetie Belle shouted. She had already decided that she would never do anything that would result in earning a useless cutie mark.“Okay... WHAT!? Sweetie Belle! I ask you to come here now and help me! I’m your big sister and you need to listen to me. Especially when our parents are on another vacation!” Rarity remarked while entering the room. “Why can’t you help me?”
“I can’t because I don’t wanna get a cutie mark in cleaning!”
“Oh, darling. What a ridiculous idea! Now, be dear and go to the kitchen.” Rarity began to lose her patience.
“I said no!”
“Stop arguing with me right now, young lady or...” That was too much for the beautiful unicorn. As no one could see her now, she didn't have to care about losing her reputation. She used her magical aura to pick a belt. Her behavior actually surprised her but decided to be unyielding. Sweetie Belle was her little sister but it didn't mean she could do whatever she wanted.
Sweetie Belle gasped and spoke: “Right, I’d better go. I don’t wanna get a cutie mark in arguing too.”
The filly unicorn left the house slamming the door behind her.
“Really, her behavior is sometimes outrageous!” Rarity said to herself and went back to the kitchen.

Apple Bloom was standing in the kitchen. She was sweating. Her mind was full of ridiculous ideas and all of them would somehow result in earning a useless or even inconvenient cutie mark. At least that is what the filly thought.
“I’m hungry,” Apple Bloom thought. “But if I start to eat, I can get a cutie mark in eating. And I will be obese. Maybe morbidly. I will never have a coltfriend.”
“What’s bothering you, sugarcube?” Applejack asked, when she saw her little sister, who was visibly worried.
Apple Bloom didn’t answer. She hesitated for a moment and then ran away.
“Apple Bloom?”

But from all Cutie Mark Cruseders it was Scootaloo who had the really hard time.
“Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!” Scotaloo was jumping in place next to a privy. “I need to go there but what if I get a cutie mark in... I don’t even want to know how it would look like!”

Apple Bloom was walking through the streets of Ponyville, when she suddenly heard a familiar voice: “Hey, Apple Bloom!”
“Sweetie Belle? Where are you?”
“Hiding in this pile of hay!” the white unicorn whispered.
“But why?”
“I’m hiding because whatever I’ve tried to do today could have resulted in me getting a cutie mark. I will just remain here safe and sound.”
“Well, do as you wish,” said Apple Bloom and giggled. “I bet that a cutie mark in hidin' will be great.”
Sweetie Belle jumped out of the hay pile and looked nervously at her flank. It was still blank.
“Phew. That was close.”
“These cutie marks are real nuisance...”
“Yeah. Someone who invented them should be punished.”

Meantime at Canterlot, Princesses of Day and Night played the old and noble game of chess.
“Thine move, Celestia.” Princess Luna moved a pawn to b5.
Celestia suddenly shuddered.
“Art thou all right, sister?” asked the dark blue alicorn.
“No, no, I’m fine. But... Do you know that feeling, when you think that someone wants to get you?”
“No, not really.”
“Oh, okay. Queen to c3 aaaand checkmate!” exclaimed Celestia.
“Oh, that’s 76th time in a row. We have enough of this silly game.”
“Come on, Luna. One more time!”
“Fine but we’re going to play white pawns this time.”
Celestia giggled. “No way!”
Luna sighed.

Rarity was still thinking about her sister’s behavior. Not because it was particularly bad but it was, well, weird.
“Is sumthin’ botherin’ you, Rarity?” Applejack asked her friend.
“Oh, hey Applejack. It’s about Sweetie Belle. Today, she didn’t want to help me with cleaning and just ran away. I don’t understand it. Usually, she begs me to allow her to work with me.”
“Uh, that’s interestin’. Apple Bloom was kinda weird today too. Ah’m sure they’re up to sumthin’ an’ it ain’t good.”
“Or maybe they are just growing up?” Rarity sighed. “I remember how adorable Sweetie Belle used to be when she was a baby.”
“Look, Apple Bloom is there. She is... standing still? “Applejack said and pointed at her sister, who was standing motionless in the middle of the street and was visibly disturbed.

Fear of earning a useless cutie mark slowly drove Apple Bloom crazy. When she was simply walking, she realized that walking is an actual activity and it could result in a cutie mark in walking. She still remembered her cutie mark in dancing, which she "earned" during her cutie pox incident.
“Not gonna move. Not gonna move. Not gonna move. Not gonna move,” Apple Bloom was thinking.
“Hello, Apple Bloom,” Spike greeted the young filly but she didn’t answer. “Apple Bloom? Are you all right?”
“Not gonna move. Not gonna move.” Apple Bloom was repeating in her head.
“You don’t seem well, you know?”
“Not gonna move. Not gonna move.”
“Are you... Are you trying to get a cutie mark again? In pretending a sculpture?” Spike asked jokingly.
“I GOTTA MOVE!!!” Apple Bloom shouted and ran away.
“Sheesh... What’s got into her?” Spike asked himself and

“And what was that?” Applejack asked Rarity.
“I don’t know but it indeed was weird.”

Cutie Mark Avoidance Team met later at Rarity’s house. They had a seemingly unsolvable problem.
“I think I got neurosis, girls. I’m afraid to go to a privy because I think I will get a cutie mark.” Scootaloo weeped.
“I’m afraid to speak for the same reason. Um!” said Applebloom and covered her mouth with her hooves.
“That sucks. When we were Cutie Mark Crusaders it was cool. Now we are struggling with every simple activity because SOMEPONY is paranoic!” Sweetie Belle remarked looking at Scootaloo.
“But we all don’t want to have a stupid cutie mark, do we!?” shouted angry Scootaloo.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Apple Bloom said. “Let’s go talk to Twilight. She will surely find some solution.”
“Okay”, the other fillies agreed. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom started to walk toward the door.
“Aren’t you coming, Scoot?” Apple Bloom asked.
“You see girls... I haven’t been to a privy for 20 hours straight and I think I can’t move right now,” Scootaloo said with visible pain.
“I told you to go upstairs to the bathroom. Just go!” Sweetie Belle said angrily.
“But I...”
“Just go. We will meet at the library.”
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom left the house leaving Scootaloo alone.
“All right. It’s just upstairs. I can make it,” said Scootaloo to herself.
The orange pegasus made several painful steps and halted.
“But what if I... Oh, horseapples!” Scootaloo sighed.

Twilight had another busy day. She decided to reshelf the whole library. Third time that month.
“Twilight! Twilight! You gotta help us!” shouted Sweetie Belle when she and Apple Bloom galloped into Twilight’s house.
“What happened?” asked Celestia’s protege.
“It’s about our cutie marks!” Apple Bloom said.
“Oh, sweetie. I’ve already told you and showed you as well that no magic can make a cutie mark appear,” Twilight answered.
“But we don’t want them to appear. We don’t want to have ANY cutie mark. We want to have cool and useful one!” Sweetie Belle was on the edge of crying.
“What? Girls, you can’t choose a cutie mark. You are destined to have a certain one and you need to discover it. That’s all,” Twilight explained.
“You mean... We don’t have to worry about getting a cutie mark in falling on the ground?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Or coughing?” Apple Bloom brightened a bit.
“Falling? Coughing? What kind of cutie mark would that be?” Twilight was stumped by fillies’ questions.
“Useless” Apple Bloom said.
“And inconvenient!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “Scootaloo got some news from the Cutie Mark Registry and found out that some cutie marks in history were absolutely awful and even dangerous!”
“Like this stallion who burnt!” Apple Bloom added.
“Oh, that one. Yes, I read about him in ‘The History of Cutie Marks’. Well, it seems he was destined to burn, girls.”
“But why?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Only Celestia may know. After all, it’s she, who invented cutie marks, right?” Twilight grinned.
“So, maybe write a letter to the Princess and ask her about that,” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“I don’t think so but you two could write a letter about your lesson. Because you’ve learned something today, haven’t you?”
“Yes, we have.”
“Spike! Fetch us some parchment and quill,” Twilight ordered her assistant.
“Yes, ma’am!” Spike shouted from the other room.
Scootaloo opened the door.
“I’m here. Sorry it took so long.”
“Come Scoot, we need to write a letter to Princess Celestia!” Apple Bloom greeted her friend.

“Dear Princess Celestia. Today we’ve learned that you predestined us to have certain talents and made us search for them for several years of our life. We need to accept your decision that some ponies have cool talents and some other have useless or no talents at all. Your faithful students, Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“Woo, we are Crusaders again!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
“Okay Spike, send the letter,” Twilight said and Spike performed his duty. “So, you got over this pretty well, girls. I thought you would be upset that you can’t acually choose your special talent.”
“Well, this is upsetting,” Apple Bloom said. “But that means we can do stupid and dangerous things again!”
“Wooo!” shouted the three fillies.
Cutie Mark Crusaders said goodbye to Twilight and ran out of her house.
“Kids.” Twilight smiled.

THE END

Later, at Rarity’s house, its owner was thinking about new desgins, when disgusting smell hit her nose.
“Sweetie Belle!” Rarity shouted from the other room. “Why is the carpet wet and stinking?”
“Huh?”