The Cybernetic Ghost of Hearth's Warming Past From the Future
Thousands of Years Ago...
Applejack woke up from a good night's sleep and was greeted by the morning sun. She got up from her bed and stretched her legs and back. She got a well-deserved rest after a hard day of work yesterday, and now it was time to start a new one. She went over to the rack where her hat was hung and prepared to go out the door, but then jumped in surprise when she suddenly heard the sound of knocking coming from her window. She turned around quickly, only to see it was Rainbow Dash on the other side, tapping her hoof against the glass.
The farm pony groaned and opened the window to speak to the pegasus. "Consarn it, Rainbow. Ya nearly scared me ta death! What're ya doin' here so early?"
"Well ya see, AJ, I was doing a bit of early morning flying and I decided to fly over Sweet Apple Acres, and I saw something that I think you're gonna wanna see."
"Well, what is it?"
"What in Celestia's name happened here?!" Applejack exclaimed in shock.
Rainbow Dash took the orange mare outside where she was joined by Pinkie Pie who was there because...actually, nopony knew why she was there. Rainbow showed the farmpony what she saw, and what she saw horrified Applejack to the core. Every single tree as far as the eye could see was completely devoid of apples, and said apples were all on the ground completely splattered everywhere, as if they have been crushed and stepped on by somepony, leaving piles upon piles of dirty blobs of mashed apples in every direction.
Applejack stared with eyes as wide as dinner plates as if she just witnessed a major disaster, which this technically was. That shock quickly turned to anger as she gritted her teeth and growled.
"Who did this?! Why would anypony do this?!" she yelled in fury.
"I don't know, maybe it was...oh, wait! It was me!" an echoey metallic sounding voice suddenly announced.
The ponies all turned their heads to the source of the voice, where they also heard heavy metal steps coming toward them, and what they saw was probably the las thing they ever expected to see. Walking toward them was a strange-looking robot who had a metal mohawk, a pipe-shaped beak-like mouth, and having one hand that consisted of claws while the other were scissor-like pincers.
"What the hay are you?!" Rainbow Dash said in surprise.
"You listen directly to me, Applejack," the robot pointed his metallic claw at the orange cowpony, "For I am the Ghost of Hearth's Warming Past."
"Like in the story?" Applejack asked with her eyebrow raised and skepticism in her voice.
"That is correct," the robot answered plainly.
"Ya sure don't look like a ghost. But never mind that, why did ya destroy all mah apples?!"
"This is going to take a long time to explain, so you might want to grab some snacks."
"I don't wanna grab some snacks, I want an explanation!" Applejack demanded.
"Well, I'm gonna grab some snacks real quick! Be right back, Applejack! Ooh, that rhymes!" Pinkie Pie giggled as she bounced away.
"I shall tell you the story of how Hearth's Warming began," the robot said.
"Everypony an' their mother already know the story of Hearth's Warmin', an' ya do realize that Hearth's Warmin' ain't fer another nine months, right?"
The robot remained silent for a moment, before simply saying "I am a robot."
"Yeah, Ah know! An' we already know about the story yer gonna tell! What does any o' that have ta do with you destroyin' mah apples?!"
"Do you really now? If you want to know the reason behind the untimely demise of your apples, then I shall tell you the tale of what really happened on Hearth's Warming Eve." The robot raised his hand as began to speak, and fog came out of nowhere that surrounded them as he started his story.
"Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of Celestia as we knew her, there were two great races of living apples and oranges that came down to Earth from the distant planet of Fruitopia, where everyone was fruity. The apples and the oranges, who have hated each other for countless millenia, began to argue over who landed on the planet first, which evolved into a major conflict where much juice was spilt. But the war was quickly interrupted when herds of primitive unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies began eating the apples and the oranges alive, wreaking rampage and havoc upon the peaceful fruit warzones. It wasn't a very happy Hearth's Warming that year, for many were killed."
Applejack, as well as Rainbow Dash, just stared at the robot with confused faces. "What in tarnation are ya blabberin' about? That still doesn't explain why ya destroyed mah--"
"I'm not finished! You should've gotten a snack while you still could," the robot interrupted the orange mare. He then continued his story.
"The apples and the oranges were lost on what to do, for many of their loved ones were fed upon by the ponies to quench their insatiable hunger due to the snowstorms caused by their blind hatred towards one another. The apples and the oranges then began seeking advice from the Grand High Fruit, the master of all fruits! He advised the two fruit races to make peace with each other, and combine their powers to face the ponies together.
"But the ponies still ate them all alive, and the apples and oranges failed to defeat them. How could they? They were just fruits. They then, out of anger, began to rip apart and eat the Grand High Fruit as revenge for his terrible advice, because they were all so stupid. Hearth's Warming still sucked, in a very big way."
"Well that's mighty interestin' an' all, but what does any o' that have ta do with Hearth's Warmin' Eve?! Or the apples in mah farm?!"
"I told you earlier, it has to do with the Great Travelling."
"What? Ya never said anythin' about no Great Travellin'!" Applejack said.
"Oh, I didn't?" the robot asked sarcastically, then went silent for a moment.
"Thousands of years ago into the future, during the time when the apples became the master fruit race, and they have enslaved every other fruit and brainwashed them with their fascist ideologies, the apples discovered the technology that made travelling through time possible. They decided to use this advanced technology to go back in time to ensure the success of their race to become the superior fruits, by travelling back to the time of their messiah, a farmer pony they called Apple the Jack. So they decided to create an advanced secret agent to infiltrate Apple the Jack's time period by genetically modifying one of their own into becoming a purple unicorn, who was tasked with befriending Apple the Jack, and ensuring the survival and success of the master apple race."
"Woah woah woah, hold on," Rainbow Dash stopped the robot, "You're seriously telling us that Twilight, as in 'our egghead friend who became a princess' Twilight, is actually a genetically-modified sentient apple who was sent back in time to act as a secret agent to help apples win a war against oranges?"
"That is correct."
Pinkie Pie, who was now sitting on a sunbed, then spoke up after swallowing her cupcake, surprising Applejack and Rainbow Dash who never noticed she came back and was sitting near them the entire time. "So, this whole time, we've been friends...with a living apple?!"
Applejack put a hoof on Pinkie. "Don't listen ta him, Pinkie. This is obviously just a load o' horseapples."
"You don't believe?" the robot asked.
"Believe what?! That yer the Ghost o' Hearth's Warmin' Past an' that Twilight is a sentient apple?! That is the most ridiculous thing I e--"
"Was an apple. Now she is a machine!"
"What?!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, completely dumbfounded.
"So we've been learning friendship lessons, saving Equestria, and throwing parties...with a machine?!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"Naw, dude, she's an apple," the robot corrected, which caused everypony to stare at him. "I mean, wait, no! She is a machine! You were trying to mess me up on purpose!"
"But ah thought you said that the apples were too weak. Couldn't even fight back against the ponies who were eatin' them alive," Applejack pointed out, trying to get him to finally stop lying.
"But they enslaved all the other fruits with the power of their messiah, and there was much juice-spilling."
"But you said that's in the future. When exactly does yer story even take place?"
"Thousands of years ago..."
"No! Stop it! Ya still haven't answered mah question of why ya destroyed mah apples!"
"Oh, yes. The destroyed apples. That reminds me of this...severely long story about the time when the apples ruled over as the master race. The enslaved orange scientists decided to conspire with each other and try to send an agent of their own back in time to overthrow their apple overlords. So they assembled me to act as their own agent that they can secretly send back in time..."
The robot continued telling his story for the next few hours, and it got to the point that Applejack and Rainbow Dash fell asleep, with the only one still listening being Pinkie Pie, who was very invested in what the robot was saying. After hours upon hours of complete pointless nonsense, the robot finally finished his story, but by then the sun had already set.
"...and that is where babies come from...for machines."
"Wow, that's very different from what I know about how babies are made, which involves two ponies loving each other," Pinkie commented.
"No! That is very wrong! You cling to your pathetic fables of fluid exchange!"
At that moment, Applejack slowly woke up from her long sleep, Rainbow Dash as well. The two mares slept on each other comfortably and went uninterrupted for the whole day due to how tiring listening to the robot was.
"What the...it's night time already?" Applejack took a moment to take in her surroundings, her mind still tired.
Pinkie Pie turned to look at the awakening farmpony. "Ooh! You should've heard his story, Applejack! He told about how long ago, the apples massacred thousands of innocent oranges here, and that Sweet Apple Acres is built right on top of their grave, and that made the spirit of the oranges angry, so he had to crush all the apples here as a sacrifice to calm the spirits of the oranges to keep them from waking up, and that if you wanna protect Sweet Apple Acres from their anger is--"
"Is to pay tribute to the Fruit Elders on their home planet of Fruitopia," the robot finished Pinkie's sentence.
"Really now? An' how do Ah do that?" Applejack asked, still as skeptical as before.
"You must give up yourself to the Grand High Fruit."
"How?"
"Sexually."
Applejack and Rainbow Dash just looked at each other, both having the same unamused expression on their faces. "Should Ah do it?" Applejack asked.
"Oh yeah, definitely," Rainbow Dash answered.
Applejack walked up to the robot and suddenly turned around and bucked his head off, with it landing quite a distance away from where his body was now, and sparks came out of the cables on where his head once was. The robot's headless body then fell to the ground.
"Finally, Ah don't know if I could've taken another second o' that feller," Applejack said as she walked away from the robot.
"Aw man, I really wanted to hear more of his stories," Pinkie pouted.
"Yeah, you told 'im , AJ," Dash offered a hoofbump which Applejack accepted.
"Even if any o' his ridiculous stories were true, I ain't gonna let mahself get rutted by some giant fruit in space. Now you two help me clean up all this mess!"
Rainbow Dash groaned as she reluctantly flew over to help Applejack, with Pinkie following. The three of them spent the rest of the night cleaning up the apples.
Unbeknownst to them, from a distance away, a purple alicorn was spying on them with her binoculars. She then pulled up the watch strapped to her hoof and began speaking into it.
"Hello, sir, it's alright. They didn't suspect a thing."
"That's good, Agent Sparkle. That robot could've ruined all our plans."
