Rarity vs. The Hat: RotE Episode 4

by Dream Volt

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 15241

Rarity really dislikes Fluttershy's new hat.

Fluttershy has a new hat. Rarity hates it. She tries to simply ask her to remove it, but oddly Fluttershy will not budge on this. Rarity then enlists Pinkie's help to remove the hat regardless of Fluttershy's wishes. As attempt after attempt fail she eventually realizes the truth. The hat is pure evil and must be destroyed.

Published 2012-10-07 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-07 20:50:01 UTC

A dress

I looked at the creation before me, and despaired. It was not nearly as bad as the Gala dresses I had made the girls after their input, yet, still, I could scarcely believe I had created such a banal, uninspired garment. I finished folding it up and placed it in its box. It was by no means ugly, but just so simple and plain. The yellow dress was perfectly nice, and looked quite nice on Ditzy, and since it was custom made was of course a perfect fit, but it just lacked any sort of fabulousness. At least she hadn't micro managed me, just told me she wanted a simple yellow dress and let me make it. I floated the box into Ditzy's now empty mailbag. She smiled broadly.

"Thank you very much miss Rarity. I will treasure it always."

"Why thank you Ditzy."

"Why don't you call me Derpy, everyone else does."

"It's just not proper. Ditzy is your name."

"But I ask them to call me that. How is it rude?"

"If you really wish to insist, but I prefer to call ponies by their proper names."

She then smiled. "Thank you very much Rarity. Now I must go, my little one will be out of school soon."

"Don't you usually refer to her as your little muffin."

Derpy frowned, briefly truly looking me in the eyes. "I used to, then I saw. I know what evil lurks in the hearts of muffins now. I know."

Then she flew out of the shop before I could respond. It was rather rude, but in truth I had lost track of time, and if she had stayed a moment later I would have had to ask her to leave so I could close the shop. Twilight told me to meet her in a field today for some reason I could not guess. Up until now the library or my lovely shop had served, but she insisted. I'm sure she had a good reason, and the dirt repelling spell she taught me was amazing, but the idea of going to Blinkie's dusty rock farm still bothered me. Also I was still wary of that sister of Pinkie's.

I quickly tided up things around the register, then was off. Once outside I had to take a moment to flip the sign to closed, and then I trotted down the street at a brisk, but not hurried pace. Then I turned a corner, and there it was. Atop Fluttershy's head was a black furry hat. Clearly Reinian in design, it was tall and at least one size too large for her, with a worn logo of some sort embroidered onto it. I assume it was some Reindeer symbol, but was so decayed I couldn't make it out. There was also that same red feather, stuck in the brim of the hat. Briefly I was inspired by how amazing she might look with a matching furred coat and boots, but then reality set in.

"Really now, that hat in the middle of summer? A major fashion faux paux. But don't you worry dear Rarity will…"

But Fluttershy was already gone. I then for the first time really noticed Rainbow standing there, shaking her head. I turned to her.

"And what is that for?"

"Rarity, it's just a hat, leave it alone."

"Oh come now, that sun hat was lovely, and the cowpony hat tacky yet cute on her, but that. No, that will just not do. I really must help the poor dear out and…"

"Rarity, she isn't going to let you take it off. Just leave it. She'll tell us when she's ready."

"Tell us what exactly Rainbow Dash?"

I walked right up to her and looked her strait in the eyes. She immediately looked away. Fluttershy sent me a letter she was missing this week's spa day as well. I then suddenly smiled broadly.

"Aha, the hat is hiding something, isn't it. Well that's just another reason to remove it. Come on Rainbow, I have an idea for little prank."

"You?" Rainbow smiled. "That's so awesome, I mean I didn't think you were the type but I bet you…" Then she frowned. "You mean the hat don't you. No. If you want help you'll need to get another pony."

"But Rainbow." I fluttered my eyelashes. "It's not like merely removing a hat is any great crime and aren't you curious?"

She looked away. "Well yea. I mean I think I sorta know now, but that's really just a guess." The she turned back to me. "But I'm not going to do anything."

I turned up my nose a bit. "Well no matter, I'll just do it myself." Then I blinked. "In fact I may not even need to. I shall simply confront her directly."

"Hey, if you can convince her to take it off, I got no problem, but I really don't think it's going to work."

"I can be quite persuasive Rainbow."

"Whatever. Hey, you seen Twi, I wanted to ask her a quick question."

"Oh dear, I nearly forgot. Fluttershy will just have to wait. I have an appointment."

"With Twi ya mean? Where?"

"Out on Blinkie's desolate waste of a farm and…"

Dash was in the air and gave me a wave. "Thanks Rares. I'll be done by the time you get there for sure, so don't worry."

Then she was off before I could object. I sighed. Not proper manners at all, but I suppose I should not really expect such from her at this point. If she would just slow down a bit and spend a little more time on grooming she could be quite the stallion killer. I still wasn't sure it was something she wanted. If you worked in fashion long enough you met enough mares and stallions of a certain persuasion that it became rather easy to tell if you just payed enough attention to the details. Yet with Rainbow I had no idea at all. I then trotted off, and refocused on Twilight and thoughts of magic.

Lessons

"Are you distracted?"

Twilight had as usual been a very patient teacher, but this time she hadn't demonstrated at all. It was not the first time, but it made things more difficult in the extreme, and I was distracted. I sighed.

"I'm sorry Twilight, but I suppose I am. See Fluttershy is wearing this terribly unfashionable hat…"

"The black fuzzy one? I always loved those hats. I didn't see them very often, just when the Reindeer and Ponies in the Stalliongrad entourage came to visit."

"Why would they come to…" Then I laughed. "Ah yes, how foalish of me, to visit Celestia of course. I often forget you had personal access to the palace for many years."

She smiled. "Yes, in fact there were many nights I ended up falling asleep in her own bedroom. Though honestly the older I got the more likely I was to fall asleep in the library instead."

I smiled. "And now you live in one outright. It must be convenient."

She giggled. "Yes, it really is. Most of the time I can even drag myself to bed before collapsing in front of some book."

"So, what am I doing wrong?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. I don't actually know this spell."

I smiled. "Ah, another one of those. You teach me so I can teach you. Win win."

"Exactly." She nodded. "This is a complicated spell, but it seems like there should be no cutie mark resistance at all. It fits perfectly."

"Yes, it really does."

I focused on the rock again. The first candidate actually had a sizeable ruby inside, but this larger rock had nothing. I focused, remembering all she had said, not just about this spell in particular, but magic in general, and how it fit together with what I already knew. Focusing on exactly what I wanted, the measure of each facet, the shine, the perfect clarity. Then with a flash the rock was suddenly a diamond as big as my head.

"Wah ha haaaa. Marvelous."

"Ohh, that was perfect. Transmutation is difficult magic, but I hoped that with your earth affinity and cutie mark that you…"

"What?" I then bowed my head. "I'm sorry, that was dreadfully rude, but what do you mean by earth affinity."

"Well all magic is related and connected. Some affinities are essentially beyond certain ponies, it's why unicorns have such a trouble with water spells, including transformation."

I nodded. "Oh yes, but what do you mean by…"

"Well, you have, for a unicorn, an unusually high earth affinity. Fire is the highest, though honestly until recently I never gave that much thought."

"Are you saying I can make earthquakes like Applejack?"

"No." She blinked. "Well, probably not. Magic is a refection of your own personality, although you can broaden your abilities considerably though study there are limits."

"The cutie mark resistance. The further from fashion it is, the harder it is."

"Precisely." Twilight smiled

"So what else do you think I can do?"

"Well, I'm not sure honestly, beyond one more thing. Namely transmuting a stone into metal. It's very similar but it is in important variant and…"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Including metals such as, gold, silver and platinum."

I stood shock still for a long moment, then laughed again. This is truly perfect. All the gold and gems I could imagine, and all I would need to find is rocks. Then I focused intently on Twilight.

"If it's really this easy, then why…"

"Rarity, I still don't think I can replicate that trick. At least not yet. It seems contrary to your personality in some ways, but your earth affinity is relatively rare, and in combination with your cutie mark..."

"It makes the nigh impossible, easy. But earth does not directly oppose fire, does it?"

Twilight shook her head. "Absolutely not, but most unicorns end up with a stronger air affinity if anything. Arcane is usually second however."

"Wonderful. So this is an ability unique to me?"

"Not quite. This spell did come from a book. But it is rare enough that gems and precious metals will never drop greatly in price."

"Then let us try metal next."

I walked over to a larger boulder, and after checking it for gems, focused intently on it. It seemed like this should be easier than the gem. Briefly I engaged my so called mage sight. In truth the term was misleading, a more proper term would be horn sense, but that too could be confusing as on some level it was always active. In fact recently Twilight had been blabbing how you didn't really need to see magic as auras, but could instead perceive it as a smell or sound, or maybe even a taste.

That was most certainly not the way I was taught and sounded terribly confusing so for me the world became a swirl of faint lights surrounding everything, living things being brightest, inanimate objects less so. It was quite beautiful, but it simply wasn't practical to focus like this for any length of time, and for most spells once you knew how to cast it, seeing the magical currents involved was completely unnecessary. In fact I used it so little Twilight had to give me an embarrassing refresher on actually reading auras properly. Thankfully it quickly all came back to me so I didn't look like a complete fool. I then stopped focusing, the world returning to normal. This seems like little more than a minor variation really. It shouldn't be hard at all.

"Rarity, I haven't explained anything yet. It isn't anything major but…"

"I think I have the idea Twilight. It shall be no problem."

"Rarity I really doubt…"

Then with just a touch more power and focus it was done. Diamonds are made of the same stuff as coal, and making one requires relatively little energy. Gold however is something truly different from whatever the rock was made off, and took quite a bit more. It was exhilarating to feel that rush of power, and oddly I did not feel winded at all. I know my limits and while I can keep many objects in the air if I choose, any sort of major magic is tiring. I smiled.

"You did say all of us got a boost in magic, didn't you. I guess mine is rather more simple than the others, but still there."

"Huh?"

"I would normally be tired from such a show of power."

"Oh, I didn't know, sorry."

I blinked. How powerful is Twilight? That was not the most energy I'd ever expended, but to not even realize it might be tiring? Incredible. Then I suddenly noticed Blinkie, rolling my diamond into a metal cart. Her hair was only slightly less frizzy than the last time we met.

"Excuse me?"

"You're excused." She then blinked. "Wait, something about that sounds wrong."

"Why exactly are you taking my diamond."

"I need a diamond, and this is my farm, even if Pinkie is right and I'm not working it much." Then she took a deep breath. "In fact I should. I mean yes I'm busy, but if I find the right rocks there are all sorts of really useful minerals I could get, not to mention gems. Thanks so much for making this. It's exactly what I need for the giant laser. I mean usually once you cut it down it's nowhere near big enough, or it has tons of imperfections, but this is just, perfect. I mean it's so amazing, it's like if…"

"Excuse me." I said "Sorry about that. I did rather forget this was private property."

"No problem." Then she giggled

"So I suppose you want the gold too."

"Nah, I have tons of gold. Well, not literally tons. If I literally had tons I'd have nowhere to put it. That would be so…"

I cleared my throat "So may I have it?"

"Oh yea, I mean I just need the diamond."

Then she hooked herself up to the cart and slowly trotted away, pulling the diamond with her. I still can't say for sure which sister is truly more crazy.

Thunder

"I can't stop thinking about that stupid hat."

Dream Volt was a strange pegasus. His laziness seemed all too familiar, and he was quite the handsome stallion. It was something else. The coloring wasn't it. Dark purple with a golden mane was quite attractive really, almost princely. Though my faith in all things princely was considerably undermined, and the more I talked to him the more I was glad he was taken. Of course even if I wasn't I would never dream of attempting such a thing. Though I had never actually met her.

"Uh, so, what do you want me to do exactly?"

I sighed. "You really should be paying more attention. You are good with lightning and thunder correct?"

"Yea, but really some other…"

"I think you are the best choice to help me. Ultimately you serve Luna correct? Also I'm sure Silent Sky would like you to help me."

"To scare her sister so badly as to unseat an article of clothing?"

"Touche."

"Fine, I'll do it. But only because I don't think it's going to work."

"What do you mean?"

"You really didn't think this through."

Then the door began to open and he flew up to the dark cloud he had moved into place before he understood the plan. I dove into a nearby bush. I felt my skin crawl, but just kept repeating to myself under my breath "I have a spell for this" over and over. It helped but I still didn't immediately focus on Fluttershy's front door. I looked over just in time to see Fluttershy look up at the cloud above her strangely.

"Well you look a might lost little one, don't you?" Fluttershy said

Then came the thunder, a bolt of lightning going right for her. He wings flapped slightly, and the lightning split around her like she was in some invisible dome. She didn’t' even flinch. A second bolt was nowhere near her, but much louder. She still didn't react at all. Fluttershy then walked off with a smile on her face. Then I looked up to see Dream dive at the cloud and scatter it with a speed I was surprised he possessed. He then landed in front of me and shook his head.

"I don't understand, Fluttershy is afraid of everything."

"She's still a pegasus. Even if that lightning had hit her it wouldn’t have hurt that much. Also her mother is a master weather technician. She told me she called for the thunderstorm because it helped her sleep."

"Called for what thunderstorm?"

"Oh, this was, I dunno, before Luna left on her trip, I'm on the reserve weather team like it or not, and because of Luna obviously the night shift."

"So you were part of a team that brought a thunderstorm to her? I didn't think you could ask for weather."

"Only bad weather, and only sometimes. She's apparently really bad at shaping clouds and such, and isn't on the reserves at all, but it sure doesn't scare her. There are two things no pegasai fear, one is lightning, the other heights."

"I know for a fact she is afraid of heights."

"Its probably falling, not heights. That's not the same thing. Trust me."

"And how are you so knowledgeable about it, hmmm?"

He looked down. "Because I love high places, but I'm totally afraid of falling, even though I have my own wings and know it's silly."

"I see. I need a new plan, or at least a new scare."

"I'd suggest asking Twilight but she's busy." He said

"Yes, she seemed quite excited by something."

"Luna brought back some data. See we took some of Blinkie's arcanometers with us and set them up all sorts of places. We not only got readings of mer-mares, but bunches of other ponies, and even some non-ponies. It's been a ton of traveling."

"Indeed. I would be most interested to hear it any other time but…"

"You're obsessed with the hat. I get it."

I pulled back. "Obsessed. I assure you good sir, I am not obsessed."

"Okay, if you say so. Can I go now?"

"Yes, I would like some help, but I am increasingly convinced you will be more a hindrance than help. Besides, sometimes it is best to simply be direct."

"Huh?"

"You'll see. Or perhaps you won't. It all depends on your plans and how long it takes me to catch up to her."

"Well you might want to hurry, I mean even if she does stay near the ground, flying is still a bit faster than walking."

"Ah, yes. Fare well and good day."

I then took off in a brisk trot after Fluttershy. She is by no means a fast flyer, but she can outpace me with little effort in the air. Normally she does not hurry, but if she has some appointment then it's possible.

Some help

I tried with all my might, but it wouldn't budge. I couldn't understand. She wasn't holding it down, and I think if it was tied down, she would at least react. It was like some strange force just made it impossible to move with my magic. I briefly thought of simply walking over there and tearing the mangy thing off her head. Then she turned into the spa. I gasped. She was not only missing our appointment, but now she was coming on her own? Why? It doesn't make any sense.

"Hello Rarity. By the way, I'm awesome. Have I told you that yet today?"

I was about to berate Rainbow for such a ridiculous and sudden boast, but when I looked up it was not at all what I expected. First off the cloud she was laying on was clearly a cheaply made stage prop that only vaguely resembled a cloud. The paint job and craftmareship was far better than Scootaloo's attempts at stage props, but still not very good. If the light blue supports were viewed from just the right angle the sky might disguise them, but from most angles they stood out all the more against the backdrop of the building.

Yet the real oddity wasn't the cloud, but the rough facsimile of Rainbow Dash that lay upon it. First and foremost she was pink, a very familiar shade of pink in fact. The mane was also not quite right. The red was replaced by an also familiar magenta, the blue matched the color of Dash's fur more than her mane, the yellow was faded but fairly close, and the purple was lighter and more pink but not too bad. The green though was absolutely dreadful. A sickly shade that may exist in nature, but most certainly should not. The orange was the sole color not washed out, but was such a vibrant shade it almost felt like just looking at it caused my eyes to burn.

"Pinkie, is that you?"

She giggled, complete with snort. "How did you guess? I mean didn't I get the voice like just perfect?"

"Yes, you certainly did. You still need to work on colors however dear. Though I must admit, you certainly have the shape down."

"Yea, I look at Dash really closely a lot, so it was easy. I think it's even better than my Twilight. Wanna see me do you?"

"No thank you."

I laughed, then sighed. I was fully convinced Pinkie would one day wake up with a mare to one side and a stallion to the other, then let out a long drawn out "oohhhh" as she realizes what is already obvious to me. However until that day comes I'm sure she will remain completely oblivious to her own nature, and possibly oblivious to the nature of such things entirely. She then hopped down off the most likely hastily constructed cloud. It then slid down the side of the building and crashed to the ground in a heap.

"You didn’t' nail it to the building?"

"Yea, I figured somepony might not like that, so I just had hooks and stuff. It worked really well for a while."

"I see. So, I don't suppose you'd like to help me take Fluttershy's hat?"

"Nah. She told me it's not hiding anything, and nothing is totally boring. One time Inky got me to give her a box of toys for her box of nothing, but I learned my lesson. Never again. Though studying all that high quality nothing was helpful in the long run, so maybe it wasn't that bad of a deal, but it was still nothing and I don't need anymore of that, because it was a really full box of nothing, ya know?"

I just stared. The speech was actually made all the more bizarre by Pinkie's current imitation of Dash. I then took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"Pinkie, did you ever consider she might be lying?"

"Pfft, Fluttrershy doesn't lie silly."

"Then she didn't tell me she enjoyed being a fashion model?"

"Oh." Her ears dropped. "Uh, well it's not like…" Pinkie then paused. "She meant well but that was a lie and that other time was almost the same. That one time she…"

"Obviously she is just trying to spare our feelings, and means well, but I simply must know what's under that hat."

"But on my birthday Twilight said I should trust my friends have my best interests at heart." Then she blinked. "Wait, maybe that was a voiceover to Celestia and she wasn't talking to me."

"What does that mean? Voiceover to Celestia."

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. "Why are you asking me?"

"Because you just said…" I sighed. "Pay it no mind. You should trust we have your best interests at heart, but at times it's best if secrets are shared. Like that mess with Fluttershy and her modeling career. If she had just told me the truth from the beginning…"

"You both would have been much happier. I love happiness." Then she giggled. "Well, duh, you know that. I mean element of laughter here." Then she blinked. "Uh, but how does taking her hat help?"

"We will bring her silly little secret to light and then we can all laugh at how utterly silly it was to keep it in the first place."

"Hmmm."

Pinkie was suddenly back to normal, hoof on chin. After a while she let out an evil cackle that mimicked Nightmare Moon spot on right up until the snort. This caused her to stop entirely of course.

"Ooops."

"So you'll help?"

"Yeppers peppers. So, what's the plan?"

Pinkie then saluted. I realized I wasn't sure what to try next. I began to walk toward my shop. It was time to do some serious planing.

Plans and a Party

I smiled. I was quite pleased with myself. This first wasn't my best, but I now had a saddlebag bag full of plans, and the one on the opposite side full of supplies. Aloe then shook her head. I gasped.

"I am sorry miss Rarity. You are very good customer, but we made a promise Fluttershy will be alone here, and we will keep it. No matter what."

"Oh but surely…"

Pinkie was in front of me glaring at me. It wasn't that good a plan anyway. Also I'm not sure how much longer she would even be here. It's clearly best to simply move on. I thought about it and decided to go with one of the simpler plans. If Fluttershy came out soon it would be absolutely perfect. I walked outside, then used my magic to pull out one of the plans.

"Uh, are you sure we should use that one. I mean Fluttershy's really sensitive and…"

"It's just water. It is simplicity itself, she opens the door and the hat gets drenched. She has to remove it then."

"Huh, but it's a winter hat, doesn't it have to be waterproof to protect it from snow and stuff?"

I sighed. She was right. That was a ridiculous oversight on my part. I don't know how I could miss something like that. Pinkie was now smiling broadly.

"Can it be time for plan P now?"

I nodded. "I suppose. It is elegant in it's own simple way."

"Yes, plus parties solve everything."

Pinkie then threw her hoof around my neck. I sighed. While I had no doubt Pinkie could get the party together, and get the pegasus there the plan may not actually work. I certainly had my doubts about her hat flying off in surprise as she entered. Hmm, maybe I could make a little modification to increase our chances.

Fluttershy wandered the edges of her own "cool new hat" party. I most certainly did not think the mangy thing perched on her head like some dead woodland creature was in any way cool. Still, it gave me plenty of opportunity to try to pry it off her head. Except so far nothing worked. Magic most certainly did not. At least directly it didn't. I had a lovely silk ribbon hovering next to me, waiting for Fluttershy to turn her back. I had learned my lesson from earlier, and was hiding behind a counter. It wasn't very ladylike, but sacrifices must be made.

"So where did you get that hat?" asked Lyra's voice

"Oh, from this Reindeer that was visiting the area. Personally I don't think I helped him all that much, but he insisted. He wanted to give me more, but I talked him down to just giving me the hat."

"Yea, when the orchestra went to Stalliongrad I wanted to get one, but I ended up so busy I never got a chance to go shopping. It looks awful warm though."

"Oh, it's alright. Pegasai are mostly immune to extreme temperatures."

Lyra laughed. "Oh yea, I totally forgot about that. Though I was a bit confused since one of our sax players only wore a scarf, but our oboe player was wearing more winter gear than anyone, but both were pegasai."

"Well it does work both ways so it means most of the time we can just wear what we want. It's, nice."

"Oh it's more than nice. Sometimes I even wonder what it would be like to be a pegasus. The flying mainly, but also cause it would complete the look."

"Huh?"

"Well, okay, a harp and lyre aren't quite the same thing but…"

I was peeking out, and Fluttershy did indeed have her back turned. I quickly maneuvered the ribbon though the air, and formed a loop around the hat. Then I grabbed the ribbon in my teeth and pulled for all I was worth. The hat pulled backward somewhat, but it wouldn’t budge. It was like there was some other solid object under the hat the ribbon couldn’t pull off. The ribbon snapped before too long.

"What the heck was that?" asked Lyra

"Was something attacking my hat?"

For a moment Fluttershy looked back and forth, eyes wide. Then both looked down at me from the other side of the counter. Fluttershy frowned. Lyra just laughed. I must look quite the fool right now, mustn't I? I stood up tried to look dignified, but I could tell my hair was in need of straitening.

"Excuse me Fluttershy" I said "I would love to stay longer, but I just remembered a prior engagement I must deal with."

"Uh, okay."

I then walked out with as much grace as I could manage, but I think I had twisted an ankle when I fell, so I was somewhat wobbly. That horrid hat has to go. Maybe more extreme measures are called for.

Bad ideas

Blinkie had just been staring at me for a good long time, doing nothing but blinking. Then suddenly she blinked very rapidly and turned away from me. She started sketching very quickly, a pencil hanging on a mechanical arm that held it just above the desk at a useful angle. It was easily pulled about, and by keeping it in place allowed a great deal of control. Most ingenious device, the sort of thing that every earth pony could use. She very quickly had a sketch on the pad of paper attached to the tilted desk.

"What is that?"

"What you really want."

I was about to say something else, but she tore it off and thrust it in my face. Very rude, but I don't know why I expected anything else. It was very rough, the ponies stick figures, but the idea clear enough. Some device would make the ground sticky, allowing one to remove the hat at one's leisure. I blinked.

"I asked for a flying machine."

"It's better if she can't even move. Also flying adds more variables, and if mystery resistance is still in the hat you increase likely hood of injury even more."

"Now you're worried about such things?"

"I always am." She laughed "The jet was perfectly safe. Child variable was the only problem. I need to study ponies more I think."

"So what is the most likely problem if you were to give me what I want?"

"You could crash, you could not make proper speed adjustments and overshoot, or crash into target. Hat grab could simply miss. The list continues."

"No thank you. So, will you do it?"

"It will need to brew. Device is ready, but there is no ammo. Come back tomorrow."

"But what do I do for the rest of the day?"

"I don't know. Try more plans. Maybe my sisters have an idea."

I turned away and walked outside the strange barn, Pinkie and Inky were outside. Inky seemed completely unaffected by Pinkie's actions, just continued pushing rocks around while humming a little tune. Pinkie was of course humming along.

"So, will she help?"

"Yes, but it will take some time. So Inky, do you have any ideas?"

"No, not really."

"Mish, mosh, mush, mosh." Added Pinkie, who then blinked. "Wait, I don't think I'm responding to the conversation in this universe, sorry."

"Oh, maybe I have one idea. We could try to get her to dance. She might shake the hat off that way."

"But she didn't dance at the party." Then Pinkie's eyes lit up "Oooo, I know. If I dance with her then she's sure to lose the hat, you can sing Inky. You're really good at that."

"I'm really not. Decibel or Octavia would be much better."

"Although this is still a strange thing to say, though strange and your family do get along very well don't they?"

"Yeppers." Added Pinkie

"But I was under the impression all three of you were the same pony. That being the case how can you possibly be worse than your other selves?"

Pinkie giggled. "She's just being a silly filly."

"I don't think that makes sense either actually."

"Come on, lets go." Pinkie grabbed Inky. "This will be so fun."

I then found myself following the sisters, not having much faith in this plan. Still, it might by some miracle work. That's all that mattered.

Goo

We hadn't even managed to get Fluttershy to come out of her cottage. Not only that, but somehow we ended up singing the night away in Ponyville's one and only karaoke place. Inky and Pinkie were wonderful together, but the night was in no way constructive. I smiled. I had a good feeling about today though. Today would be different. There would be no feeble attempts today.

"Ooo, ooo. Here she comes. This is going to be so fun. Blinkie's thingies are always so fun. This one time…"

"Quiet Pinkie."

The cannon sat in a cart that was so easy to pull even I could manage. It looked like quite the heavy device, but pulling it was no problem. With the simple press of a button the cart cast four metal spikes in the ground, locking it in place. The device resembled a cannon for the most part, with a pipe leading down to a reservoir full of green goo. It looked positively disgusting, but I'm sure Fluttershy would forgive me when this was all over, and one of my new cleaning spells just might work. The controls were rather complicated, but Pinkie assured me she knew what she was doing.

I then pointed with one hoof as Fluttershy walked blissfully down the path. Pinkie let out a slight giggle, and the machine fired. At just that moment a bird crossed the path of the goo cannon, and fell to the ground, wrapped in a ball of the disgusting material. It looked unhurt, but surprised, and struggled against its bonds.

"Quick Pinkie, fire again."

"Uh, Blinkie said not to. She said…" She paused. "Hmm, no, I don't think there's no point in running if the reactor goes critical is the right warning."

"Just fire again."

"Okay."

With a squak it hit another bird. This time it was an eagle, but the result was much the same. I think I heard an "oh my" on the wind but I couldn't be sure. I pointed a hoof again.

"Come on, birds can't keep getting in the way."

"It sure looks like they can, but okay."

Then the device made some strange sounds. It was a sort of "chunk chunk" or perhaps more a "clank, click clunk." This was followed by the device exploding, or at least part of it. The green goo covered both of us. Pinkie just giggled of course. I was horrified. It was far worse than I could imagine. It had the consistency of honey, but felt more like mud. As I struggled it only seemed to cling to my fur harder.

"Oh yea, now I remember. If you don't let the barrel cleaner fully cycle you might get a clog, and that will totally cause the tank to overpressure and rupture."

Then the goo just slid away from me. I stamped on the far more slippery mess, taking out some of my anger on it. It was surprisingly warm. I then turned back to my real enemy. The hat. It sat on Fluttershy's head, a dark rabid animal of headwear, hiding its true nature. It had done this somehow. It had to.

"You look pretty like that Rarity."

I blinked, turning to Pinkie. "What do you mean by that."

"Awww, it stopped."

I looked at myself and saw nothing especially unusual. My hair was a mess, but that could be fixed, and it looked clean. Hmm, had I cast the cleaning spell without thinking? That seems odd. Then I blinked.

"Oh dear, however could I forget. Twilight wanted to show me one spell today she forgot the book for yesterday."

"Wait, you mean you almost broke a promise?"

"One moment."

I quickly pulled out a piece of paper and looked around for a good surface. Seeing none I sighed.

"Pinkie, follow me to my boutique. I have to write your sister a stern letter, and a request for something more suited to the true task at hand."

"Okie dokie artichokie." Pinkie then laughed. "Hmmm, I wonder if anypony ever chokies on an artichokie."

"Yes." I then sighed. "Come on then."

I then realized something. I turned to see Pinkie change into her foal form, including the horn and wings. She was quite adorable, but now more stuck than ever. Hmm, I guess only some of the goo was affected.

"Give me but a moment to get you free Pinkie. I just need to think."

"Maybe if I get even smaller?"

She did indeed get even smaller, though did not look younger, just miniature. Of course it made things all the worse. I sighed.

Cleaning

The whole room was clean with a flash. I smiled broadly. I suddenly felt oh so much better. Twilight smiled beside me.

"I was right. When I cast the spell it's not nearly as effective."

"Yes, what did you mean by that. I don't understand."

"Well, it works on removing all the dirt the caster notices. I can get results like this eventually, but only after several castings. Your attention to detail is as expected a great help. Even more than I expected actually."

"Well this certainly brightens my day. Now I just need to deal with that accursed hat, and my day will be complete."

Twilight frowned. "You don't mean Fluttershy's hat, do you?"

"Well of course. That travesty of fashion has to go."

"Rarity, just leave it alone. Fluttershy deserves her privacy and I'm sure this is a very stressful time for her."

I glared at Twilight. "So you're against me too?"

"Rarity, are you alright you sound a bit…"

I turned. "I'll be perfectly fine once Fluttershy is free of that hat."

"Free of…" Twilight then paused. "Rarity, that makes it sound like the hat is some sort of malevolent entity."

"Yes, that's ridiculous of course, but I must go."

I walked out. Yes, it wasn't literally evil, I knew this. It's just its influence on Fluttershy that was the problem. It could not remain. It was that simple.

Pinklestia

This was an excellent idea. Blinkie had come up with something, but it would be a while. It was a little extreme, but it was time for extreme measures. Or at least nearly time. I had some confidence this would work. Pinkie looked the part for sure. Well almost, but I had fixed that. Even if to me she still appeared pink rather than white. Every other detail was absolutely perfect. I had even outdone myself and replicated Celestia's various accessories perfectly. I was tempted to ask Pinkie how she got the hair to blow in the wind just like Celestia, but decided that would be a waste of time.

"Now, let Rarity hear your Celestia. It must be perfect."

"Okay ms your way. I sound totally just like her, right?"

I blinked. "No Pinkie. It's all wrong. You matched the voice, but everything else is all wrong. The grace, the poise, the calm. You must match all of it."

"Aww, but that sounds hard."

I put both front hooves together elbows in the dirt. "Please Pinkie, we have to do this."

"Okay. Let me try something."

Then she struck herself in the side of the head. It was an odd gesture to begin with, but as a distorted image of Celestia it was even stranger. Then just like that she was calm, a gentle very un-Pinkie-like smile on her face. She then took a few steps forward and I stared open mouthed.

"Is this better my little pony?"

"How? How can you suddenly be so perfect, it makes no sense and…"

Then she laughed. It started out normal enough but the tell tale Pinkie snorts ruined it. She then blinked seemingly confused by the noise she made.

"I suggest you refrain from doing that, but otherwise we are set. Fluttershy will not be able to see though the illusion, so she will have no idea that you are really Pinklesita, rather than the true article."

Pinkie laughed again. "Pinklestia. Wow, that's even better than Pinkie Sparkle."

"I'm sure Fluttershy would never dare disobey a request from Celestia. Now go on. Go knock on the door and we can finally end this."

Pinkie smiled a little too widely, but then returned to a more relaxed smirk. She walked up to the door, knocked, and waited.

"Uh, who is it?"

"It is I little pony. And it would be really…" Pinkie then paused. "I mean it would be nice if you would please join me outside.

Fluttershy then came out quickly, hat slightly crooked. Did that mean she didn't always wear it inside? She was smiling a little too brightly when she rushed out. Then she stared at Pinkie, and slowly began to frown.

"Now I have something to ask of you…"

"Pinkie." Fluttershy nearly whispered.

"That hat of yours, I need you to remove it."

"Pinkie." Said Fluttershy louder

"I cannot tell you why but trust that…"

"Pinkie."

"Uh, wait, I'm not Pinkie I'm, wait, you already know I…"

I came out of the bushes. "How?"

"Rarity too?"

"How did you know?" I asked again

"Well, her hair is a little faded, but mostly, it's because Celestia isn't pink."

I just stood there. Why didn't this work. Fluttershy went back inside at some point. I think Pinkie kept trying to talk her into giving up the hat, but it clearly didn't work. How could she see though the illusion? It was so perfect. She should have seen Pinkie as white. It was such a simple but powerful illusion. Trixie herself had taught me and she truly was a marvel at them. How could I mess it up?

Steven

The hat was still on her head. The giant carnival claw grabbed that angry bear she was trying to calm instead, and it automatically came back when it got something. The mud plan only got me filthy. The air horn Pinkie plan went off without a hitch and still didn't work. Angel fell off her back when Pinkie blasted it behind Fluttershy, but the hat didn't move an inch. Pinkie's Walruls plan almost worked, but I ended up in its mouth somehow. That disaster yesterday was so horrible I shudder to think of it. But this would work. It just had to.

"Oh darling, are you really sure about this?"

"Oh but of course my dear serpent. Come now Steven. Am I not Rarity?"

The well mannered serpent looked down at me. In point of fact he was an eastern river dragon who came from the far off land of Neighpon. Such a romantic country. We had talked about it quite a bit during out weekly get togethers. I then heard somepony coming. I hid in a bush and Steven submerged. It was such a simple plan, how could it fail. Fluttershy walked up to the river. She walked to the bank looking around. It was a minor lie really.

"Hello. Little otters, where are you. Somepony told me that…"

Then Steven lunged. He had demonstrated his precision and speed many times before with his claws, but he only sliced at a thicket of plants that grew up. That evil, evil hat. Nature itself bent to its will. Thwarting my plans, over and over again. And then I was drenched. I hadn't been that close to the river, but apparently the sudden jolt jostled dear Steven. I didn't blame him of course. No, the blame could only be set on the non existent feet of one thing. I jumped out of the bushes.

"Oh, that's it. It. Is. On. I will end you. Do you hear me, I will end you."

Fluttershy let out an adorable "eep" and flew off. How such a horrifyingly patchy thing could manipulate Fluttershy was beyond me, but somehow it did. She seemed to actually be afraid of me. I then turned up to Steven

"Oh I'm dreadfully sorry for wasting your time Steven. I shouldn't be surprised I suppose, that dastardly hat is truly a formidable opponent."

"Are you sure you're alright dear heart?"

"Oh, I must look absolutely dreadful, mustn't I? Sometimes you simply must make sacrifices if you are to achieve your goals. Fluttershy is far too important to me to simply leave things as they are."

"Ah, I see. Well, sorry to run darling, but I suddenly remembered there is an old friend I simply must have a word with right away. Tah for now."

Then with a wave Steven submerged and was gone. He was quite quick in the water and would surely reach his destination swiftly. I sighed and trotted to Blinkie's once again. Then I suddenly broke into a full gallop. Finally she had come up with a truly fool proof solution. That hat's days were numbered.

Serious Pinkie

It wasn't quite ready, so Pinkie and I were outside waiting. As I looked over the desolate landscape I couldn't help but think it was the sort of place that evil hat would like. Pinkie looked a little less happy than normal, her mane even slightly more flat and listless than usual. Clearly this conflict with the hat has taken its toll on everypony.

"I can't imagine you of all ponies growing up in a place like this."

"It wasn't very fun, no." Then she smiled. "But it got better once mother and father let us talk and we tried to have what fun we could. It wasn't perfect, but it was much better, and love doesn't have to be fun. It should be, but it doesn't have to be."

"Still, surely there is some way to spruce this place up."

"Well none of us are really good with design really. I mean I could try making it more fun, but painting the ground totally doesn't work. I tried."

"It will be over soon. Soon the hat will be no more and…"

"Uh, yea, about that."

I turned to Pinkie. She almost sounded like Fluttershy for moment there. Not quite, that would just be ridiculous, but certainly far less boisterous. She smiled broadly and then she looked nearly normal again.

"Lets just forget all about that silly old hat and have a party instead. I mean it's not like it's really doing any harm."

"What, how can you say that? Don't you understand? Don't you see? You've seen the hat's actions, the same as I. It must be stopped."

"Oh. Uh, gee." Then Pinkie yet again suddenly laughed, then turned back to me. "That's not going to workie work at all, is it?"

"Pinkie, what exactly do you…"

Then we were interrupted by a loud thunderous rumbling noise. I wasn't sure what it could possibly be, but then it trotted up to us. It was full of vents letting off steam, seemingly at random, and countless moving gears. Some were partially covered by metal plates, but despite that the nature of the giant clockwork pony was all too clear. It was nearly as big as the ursa minor. A panel in the chest then opened, and Blinkie popped out. She smiled. I laughed.

"Oh, perfect, perfect. That hat doesn't stand a chance."

"Awww, but I hate being the serious one." said Pinkie suddenly

"What do you mean dear?"

Pinkie was then very suddenly in front of me. She had a terribly serious expression on her face I had seen only rarely. She looked me right in the eyes.

"Listen really closely. Something is really wrongy wongy, but I didn't want to say anything because I don't do that, but I got the serious conversation combo, so I have to."

"You have a twitch that denotes you to have a serious conversation?"

She rolled her eyes. "Duh, that is what I just said. So, now I have to say stuff unless I want an even worse twitch, which I don't, so we talk."

"About what exactly?"

She blinked. "Uh, something?" She scratched her head. "Hey Blinke, do you think you know. I forgot."

"Does it involve my giant robot perhaps?"

"Uh, maybe."

Pinkie then looked at the giant robot for a good while, then back at me, then back at the giant robot pony. Then she laughed.

"Oh yea, I totally remember now. You've gone all crazy pants, so you can't have the robot, and I can't help you anymore. It was so fun too."

Then Pinkie frowned. I blinked, barely understanding what I was hearing. Then I heard a creak and looked up to see Blinkie closing the hatch.

"Are you leaving just like that?"

"Pinkie is never wrong when she says it's serious."

"Can't we discuss this?"

"No."

Then she closed the panel entirely and the machine that was to be my salvation walked off with a ruckus of clanks, clangs, and dull thumps as the steel feet impacted the ground. I then glared at Pinkie.

"So just like that, you're abandoning me?"

"No, You need to talk to, uh, somepony. Somepony is better than no pony. But the wrong one could be as bad as the right one if…"

"Enough. I see how it is. It got to you." Then I gasped. "It got to all of you, Dash was first, then Twilight, and…" I took a step back. "But not Applejack. It couldn't effect her, so it just removed her from the equation. I'm alone."

"Wow, that is some A grade crazy, and trust me, I know crazy."

"I'm not crazy, you are. Don't you see, it's trying to drive us apart."

"I meant my sister, duh." She the looked back and forth before leaning in. "I don't know if you noticed, but she's completely bonkers."

"It's too late, isn't it? No, there is only one way to stop this. I have to end this myself. I have to stop that hat. That vile fashion don't won't get away with this."

"Rarity wait don't…"

I stepped back. "No, I'll not listen to you any longer."

"Hey, is that a twitch in my…" Pinke then shuddered a little. "Wait, has that ever been in a combo before?"

I turned, not listening anymore. It's trying to take all of them from me, not just Fluttershy. How could I be so blind? How could I let it?

"And now I'm upside down. Wow, that is one doozy of a doozy. But it almost seems familiar in a way. What could it mean?"

I was once again in a full gallop. I still had some small hope I could do this without hurting Fluttershy at all, but the hat had to go. A few bruises here and there would heal, and it would be worth it.

Nightmare

The vines burned away to nothing. The trees had met a similar fate. Nothing would stop me, and with the power I now possessed it was almost too easy. When the animals came with a thought they were floating up in the air. No point hurting them if I could avoid it. The cottage was just ahead of me. Fluttering forward on my fantastic wings made me an elegant and beautiful avenger of the right. The hat surely cowered upon Fluttershy's head, seeing his end come to him.

"Now stop right there sugarcube."

I sighed. "So it got you after all."

I turned just as Applejack was charging me. She joined the other animals, quite helpless off the ground. I'm not sure what she could have done if I let her even remain in contact with the earth, but thankfully I didn't have to find out. Applejack seemed to be staring at me for some reason.

"Perhaps you're still fighting it? Don't worry Applejack, this will all be over soon."

"You bet it will."

I simply teleported to the right a few ponylengths. Dash slammed into the ground fairly hard. She got right back up, but I then had her in the grip of my telekenesis as well. She flapped her wings, but of course it was pointless.

"Come now Rainbow, surely you can see that…"

She was staring too. I haven't seen myself in the mirror, but surely I can't be that hideous. In fact I feel more alive and awake than I have in days. I turned back to the door, and with a wave of one hoof, purely for show of course, the door was thrown from its place, along with a good portion of outer wall. Clearly it had been reinforced by Twilight. She and Pinkie Pie were inside on either side of Fluttershy.

The hat finally was clear to me. I don't know why I didn't see it earlier. The shadowy evil circled around it like a fog, clinging tightly to its slave. It was all too clear how the hat stayed on. The teeth were well hidden, but clearly just under the edge of the hat if you knew where to look. It had no eyes or mouth, but maybe it needed none. Was the vile thing even truly alive in some fashion, or just a stitched abomination? The three ponies were staring at me just like Dash and Applejack.

"I don't know if you can hear me Fluttershy, but I will free you from that hat's evil grasp."

"Oh you're kidding me?" said Twilight "Pinkie was right?"

"I told you." Pinkie said in a singsong voice

"This is really all about the hat? Really?"

"Of course it's about the hat. I never would think it could influence you Twilight, but clearly it has. Fight it if you can, then I can end this without hurting you."

"See. Completely loco in the coco."

"I see Pinkie."

Twilight was charging some spell, but I couldn't have that. I doubt she even understood what the flaming gem was before it struck her horn. The flash blinded her, and also shorted out her magic. I wasn't sure how long it would last, so should hurry. I turned to see Pinkie whacking herself with her own hooves.

"I'm fighting it see."

"Yes, thank you for trying so hard Pinkie."

I smiled and turned back to my true target. Pinkie couldn't even wage a mental battle normally. Fluttershy had backed into the wall behind her. Clearly it was even beginning to control her actions directly. I shudder to think what would happen if I waited much longer. I tried to simply pull it off, but the teeth held firm. Then I had an idea. I floated her into the air, and held her upside down. Still the hat would not release. I looked at the hat, it beginning to smoke, but Fluttershy cringed.

"No you vile thing. You will not make me hurt her."

Then suddenly on a whim I engaged my mage sight. Normally for any spell you know it's not very useful, and can in truth be quite distracting. The flowing colors of magic can be quite the inspiration, but have caused me to get behind in my work more than once. I should have tried this sooner. The hat still appeared to have no aura to speak of like most objects, but I saw it this time. There was some magic countering my efforts. It was powerful, but lacking in skill. Once I really focused it was easy to overcome. The hat fell to the ground it instantly went up in the same black flames as the corrupted plants. I let fourth a laugh of victory.

"You thought you could win, didn’t you, but it's all over now. Everything is back to normal. My friends are free of you."

Then I looked around. They still looked afraid. I had of course let Applejack and Rainbow Dash go, but all of them, including, no especially Fluttershy looked at me with fear in their eyes.

"Whatever is wrong girls? I saved you all from that awful hat and…"

Then I paused, looking down at the pile of ash on the floor and charred stain on Fluttershy's carpet. It all started with the hat right? I saw thought it's plot and stopped it. It was more than just a normal hat right?

"Oh dear, I think I may have done something foalish."

"May have?" yelled Dash

"Well it sounds like you might not be quite so off your rocker no more, but I don't know. What do you think Twi?"

"That I really should have not have taught her that fire gem spell." She held a hoof to her head. "Ow ow ow. That really hurt."

"Why would you do a dumb thing like that?" asked Dash

"It didn't seem that bad an idea at the time."

"Isn't that how we got into this mess." Said Pinkie. "I mean I totally thought it was a bad idea at first, but then Rarity said…"

The gem that appeared in her mouth worked out to a very effective gag. I felt a little bad about doing it, but none of the others glared at me any more. Pinkie did, but of course that is only to be expected in this case. Fluttershy wouldn’t meet my eyes. She was upside down, her hair hanging down, but she still could have been.

"Oh, I'm ever so sorry dear, let me get you right side up this instant."

Fluttershy smiled widely. "Oh no, that's alright, I'm fine like this. It's fun. Just leave me like this. It's better being upside down, really."

Everypony was then staring at her. I thought for a moment of honoring her request, but instead decided I already had enough to apologize for so simply flipped her right side up and then used my magic to bush her hair down. She then recoiled, the stares inevitably getting deeper, but I was so focused on her I couldn't be sure. Fluttershy had a pair of antlers sticking out of her head.

"What the hay."

"Oh. They're not that awesome, but not bad either."

I beamed. "They're wonderful."

Of course I wasn't sure how well they really looked on a pony, but they were certainly beautiful in their own way. They looked more like wooden branches than antlers, but they were smooth and looked polished, the grain of the wood clear. They were delicate and smaller than I'd ever seen before, but they fit Fluttershy perfectly. The curling tines almost made a sort of halo. I fluttered forward and Fluttershy backed back into the wall. I stopped.

"Oh dear, are you still afraid of me? I'm much better, really."

"I can tell, but, uh…"

"You know, I expected only one, and for that matter horns rather than antlers." Said Twilight. "I'll have to look up deer magic. There are some key differences and if I'm going to help you I will need to know…"

"You mean…" I interrupted.

"Oohhhhh. Now I get it." said Pinkie "But why didn't you girls know Fluttershy was growing antlers. I thought everypony knew that. I mean why would she hide that?"

Everyone looked at Pinkie Pie. She had known the whole time? Then what in Equestria did she think Fluttershy could possibly be hiding? How did she know? Then I sighed. Why am I even bothering to consider this?

"Now hold on there sugarcube. I knew something was up, but you knew about them there antlers the whole time? How exactly did you manage that?"

"Uh…" She put a hoof to her chin "Hmmm, that's a good question."

"Hay, wait a sec, Twilight, you knew too?" said Applejack

"Not exactly obviously, but the feather was all the clue I needed. Phoenix feathers have various magical properties, including increasing magical output, which was somewhat detrimental in Fluttershy's case as she couldn’t control what she already had."

"So if she hadn't been wearing that feather, all this plant business wouldn't ah happened at all?"

"Well, maybe not at all. But of the various effects, only one is preventative."

"Twi, sometimes ya really gotta think about using smaller words."

"In this case it means it prevents discomfort from horn growing pains. It actually can prevent all sorts of growing pains, but it's most effective for that caused by a rapidly developing magical matrix in a horn. Or antlers in this case it seemed."

"So, Fluttershy really did need the feather?" I asked

"It hurt so much but then I remembered something from that book on Phoenixes I was reading. I wore the hat because…"

"Ya'll were being a silly filly and worried about what we'd think for some foal reason."

Fluttershy just nodded. "I, guess it was silly, also…" She looked over at me. "It probably would have been a good idea."

I looked away. "Sorry. Uh, just to make sure, the hat wasn't evil, was it."

"Hats can't be evil silly." Said Pinkie

"Like you're one to talk about knowing the difference between the inanimate and…"

Dash broke off, Pinkie outright glaring at her. Then just like that she was smiling again. Dash sighed.

"Yea, never speak of it. Got it."

"And what exactly…"

"Trust me, you don't need to know."

"Rarity, you don't know what you look like, do you?" asked Twilight

"Well I must look a dreadful mess other than my wings, but what do you mean?"

"Look down at your hooves while I try to remember this spell."

"What do you mean by…"

I was wearing some metal slippers. The were the darkest black, a lovely contrast to my own tone, and with a purple gem shaped like my cutie mark set in each. They were etched with amazing detail, but also sharpened to a deadly edge. I remember sketching something out after making Sky's armor, but I don't remember making this. Then something began to shimmer in front of me. With a flash it became a mirror made of nothing. I gasped.

"Oh my, that is a bit frightening, isn't it."

I think I saw a few heads nodding, but I could not be sure. The armor was all of the same style, covering much of my body. There were a few more purple diamonds on the armor, three replicating my cutie mark most notably. I did not have a true helmet. It was little more than an armored mask that barely covered my eyes, leaving me free to breathe, and my hair to flow freely. Except other than it's deep purple color it was much changed, maybe not even hair. I think I pulled off the look of a gently flowing purple inferno for a mane and tail quite well, but as stylish as it was it was most certainly not comforting. As I watched it seemed to quiet somewhat.

Yet most amazing were my wings. I knew they were there, I could see snippets of them, but until now did not understand how different they truly were from those Twilight cast. They were much the same in shape, as if from some butterfly, but by no other means similar. They were like stained glass windows, but there was a certain sparkle, a crispness to the pieces. That was no glass, but a multitude of gems shaped to become my wonderous wings. Logically that should make them ludicrously heavy, but I was suddenly quite sure that didn't matter.

I laughed. "Oh if these wings are permanent I shall be most pleased, even if they would be even more of a pain."

"Hay, you mean pegasus wings when you say that, don't you?"

"Of coruse. I mean sudden protrusions that stick out of the middle of the back of all places? Nothing I'm not used to, but still, unicorns and earth pony fashions are considerably easier because of that."

"Uh, Rarity. Could you maybe, uh, turn back to normal."

"Or at least land. That light your wings is flipping about is buggin' me." Said Dash

"I wouldn’t suggest that." Said Twilight "Landing would likely result in you feeling the full weight of the wings, or alternately canceling the spell entirely."

"Yes, I'd rather enjoy them for at least a little longer. Maybe if I move to the back of the room they wouldn’t catch the light quite so spectacularly and…"

"Rarity, you will stop this."

All heads turned to Luna standing in the doorway flanked a large number of guards. Silent Sky was of course in the lead. She really did look a great deal like Fluttershy, even in the fancy version of silver armor I had created for her. Though her commanding stance and black coat were most unlike her sister's, and her hair neon pink rather than Fluttershy's pale shade. Then Luna and all her guards blinked, tilted their heads slightly to the side, and raised one eyebrow in unison. Amazing. I doubt they could have possibly planned that.

"And clearly I needn't have bothered because despite the major disturbance to the ether that stopped me from teleporting too close, your own aura is nearly back to normal."

"Uh, Pincess Luna, how did you know?" asked Twilgiht

"Oh, Steven came to tell me. He was looking for my sister, but once he finished his overly long apology for not coming to see me sooner he told me what was going on. I was ready just in time to feel the decent."

"The what now?" asked Twilight.

"You mean me?" I asked

"Yes. Though apparently your stint as Nightmare Rarity was blessedly short for some reason. Though I don't know all the details so…"

"It was all the hat's fault." Said Pinkie

"What?" asked Luna, blinking.

I looked down, then laughed. "I'm sorry your majesty, but it's true. I became obsessed with an out of season hat Fluttershy was wearing and, well…"

For a long time Luna was quiet. The guards behind her looked considerably less stoic than I was used to, looking around randomly. Some even looked bored. Yet they stood in formation saying nothing. Luna then let out a long sigh, and hung her head.

"Just to be clear. I became Nightmare Moon after on top of a great deal of anguish from various sources, frustration mostly from Celestia and the nobles, and finally the jealousy and sorrow of being ignored. Yet for you?"

"It was just a hat, yes." I felt myself begin to tear up. "I'm so sorry princess. I know it's utterly petty, but I care a great deal about fashion. It's my cutie mark after all."

"Hold up." Said Dash "You mean this whole time, it was really just the hat, and didn't have anything to do with missing the spa appointments."

"Or nothing to do with the lying…" said Applejack

"OOOO, so the hat really was making you not have fun." Pinkie giggled. "That means even if it was only bad to you, it was bad."

"So, you didn't think I was being mean?" asked Fluttershy

Luna blinked. "Now that was interesting."

"What ever do you mean?" I asked

"Well they all saw the issue as in relation to their own element."

Twilight sighed. "I still barely know what's going on. I've just been so busy lately. I'm really sorry, if I had been a better friend we could have avoided this whole mess."

Luna smiled. "And there's the last one. Okay Rarity, we certainly can't have you going around like that, so lets see what I can do to reverse it. But lets do it somewhere a bit safer. Ladies, do what you can to clean up this mess."

"Yes mam." Said Sky, then saluted with one wing "You heard her girls."

"Hmmm." uttered Twilight. "I think I know a spell that might fix the door but maybe it would be best if…"

"No, I'm sure it would be best if you did. I have a little something for Fluttershy I need to finish anyway. By the way Fluttershy, while you should have told your friends, hiding your growing antlers was a good idea."

"Oh come on, no pony is going to care if…" began Dash

"It's not that they'll care, it's that a famous fashion model growing antlers will gather attention, and she doesn't want that."

Fluttershy just nodded in response.

"So, she really just wanted to avoid the attention and nothing else?" asked Dash

"I know you have some trouble with that idea Rainbow, but…" I began

"Yea, yea, Fluttershy isn't like that. I get it." She rolled her eyes. "I've known her longer than you ya know."

"Now, lets go. I can still teleport out of this mess at least."

I suddenly found myself on some horrid grey landscape. I was briefly confused, then looked up. A blue and green orb filled the sky. I couldn't help but stare. Then I tried to hold my breath, realization creeping in.

"Don't worry, this is my moon, and I have a great deal of power here. Including having an atmosphere if I so choose. You won't suffocate."

"Oh, uh, thank you. Though doesn't this mean that if you did so choose you could instantly remove it."

She nodded. "Oh yes. I doubt such a thing is needed, it's mostly because I'm not entirely clear what I'm dealing with here, and there is nothing to hurt with random magical eruptions. Plus the low gravity might help with the wings."

"But you're here?"

"I meant what I said."

I blinked. Most of the time Luna seemed almost as mild mannered as her sister, but there was a certain harder quality more obvious than Celestia. I knew my history enough to know it was there in Celestia as well, but she almost never gave any sign of it. Luna was a little more obvious in it. She was once again smiling, looking at me quite intently. Then she laughed.

"Now this is quite a puzzle. You might want to try to get comfortable. This could take quite some time to figure out. Detailed matrices are all well and good, but this is just ridiculous. I almost have trouble believing it."

I wasn't sure what to say to that so said nothing. I just gently flapped my wings and waited. Then I looked up again, our world filling my view. I was about to look for Equestria, but I knew it was day, so I would not see it's ponylike shape from here. I don't think my knowledge of geography was good enough to make out anything else. I also wasn't sure what else might even be visible from the moon. Still, the sheer beauty of the sphere itself required no knowledge to enjoy.

Aftermath

I wobbled and nearly fell. I wasn't sure if it was being without my wings, or I was briefly used to the gravity of the moon. The armor missing might have been a factor in some way but I doubt it. Whatever the case I felt off balance. I then blinked. The grove was back to normal. Every tree perfectly intact, the flowers, the bushes, everything. The wall and door was once again intact as well. Any other loose bits had also been retrieved as well clearly. It looked perfect. Though it seemed like a long time, I knew it had been far less than a day.

"Woah, I totally didn't even notice before."

I turned to see Rainbow in the air above me. "What do you mean Rainbow?"

"I mean that…" She smiled. "It's easier to just show you."

She then landed in front of me, and stood there. She then rolled her eyes and stepped closer. Then I realized. I was taller than her. Not by a great margin, but without a doubt she had to look up at me somewhat.

"Oh, I simply must see a mirror."

"Come on, I think Twi is still inside with Fluttershy. She was babbling about all this horn care junk. Why didn't she give Pinkie that dumb speech."

"Because shapeshifting creates forms anew. She will never have to deal with such issues unless she keeps it for a length of time."

"And that isn't Pinkie." Then Dash blinked. "Wait, doesn't that mean that you could just shapeshift younger and…"

"Theoretically. In practice it's beyond the scope of most unicorns to actually accomplish that. Does this really matter to any of us?"

Dash Laughed. "I guess it probably doesn't. It's just still weird to think we're most likely immortal. I mean like, mega weird."

"Yes, I suppose it is."

In truth I give it little thought. I then opened the door and walked inside. Twilight was reading though a stack of books piled in the room. Fluttershy had been doing the same, but was nearly to the door when I opened it. She gave me a hug the moment I entered. Perhaps earlier it was not so much fear of what I might do, but simply hurting herself on my armor, or burning herself on my mane. She had a familiar red feather in her hair. I blinked.

"Didn't that go up with the hat."

I then heard Pinkie laugh. "You really think the burny fiery bird has feathers than burn?"

"Actually near the end of their life cycle the feathers lose this property, but one removed at the beginning of the life cycle is especially potent in all ways. In fact it should even make Fluttershy relatively fireproof."

"How fireproof is that exactly?" asked Dash

"I'm, not sure." Twilight then looked at some other book off tot he side, then shook her head and refocused on the book in front of her. "It's best not to test it."

"It might be fun though."

Pinkie then fell from the ceiling. It wasn't clear what she was hanging on, and certainly not why. She had both a horn and wings, most likely to comfort Fluttershy in some way, but I wondered if that would really help. Also it sounded like the poor dear actually didn't have a problem with the change itself, just the attention it would bring. Though there must have been some reason she didn't tell us.

"Hmm, so the only one missing is Applejack." I asked

"Yea, you were too crazy to notice but she got back days ago. She's been bucking every tree she can since then."

"Though sometimes she still kicks so hard. But I can help the poor trees when she does. She made a lot a progress even without my help."

"Fluttershy still had to nearly beg her to leave, even though it's clear she was terribly bored by all this."

"Oooo, the muffins are almost done."

The ding came from the kitchen as Pinkie entered it. Dash then sighed, and grabbed a book off the pile, beginning to read. At least it almost looked as if she was reading, the pages flipped far too quickly for her to read much it seemed to me.

"Oh yes, Twilight could you cast that wonderful mirror spell again?"

"Uh, yea. I meant to teach it to you for our last lesson, but you didn't show up. It's a somewhat advanced illusion spell, but you're good at those."

"Though apparently not in the state I was in. Fluttershy saw right though it."

Twilight and Fluttershy shared a look then Twilight looked at me. "Actually that's probably not true. In fact your magic seemed to get stronger for some reason. However as is somewhat obvious, Fluttershy has an affinity for deer style magic."

"Ah, and deer have true sight, so she does as well."

Twilight blinked. "Yes, but how did you know that?"

"I spent some time among the deer. There aren't many left, but it is called white tail wood for a reason. Despite their love of nature they are a very clean people, and they put a great deal of import on culture."

"Oh. I guess I could give you that lesson now and…"

"Just cast it, Fluttershy should have all your attention. In fact if I didn't know I'd be distracted to here and there I would not even ask that."

"Okay."

I think it was even faster this time. Was that the first time she cast the spell? Then I saw my new self. Not any great changes. My mane was as perfect as ever, my cutie mark the same, but I was just a little taller, a little more regal in build. It was like I had been slightly stretched, making me look a touch more like Celestia, but still mostly resembled the pony I had always been. I smiled, then laughed.

"Oh yes, more regal is just the right term. Rarity perfected if you will."

"Did Luna explain how you did that?"

"She didn't even notice I think. She mostly focused on the armor and my mane."

"The armor?" said Dash "I mean it's cool and all but you didn't even mention the wings."

I laughed. "Dash, quite obviously the wings are generated by the armor. I may be more powerful but the wings…"

Twilight gasped. "I get it now. They're so amazing because they're actually an enchantment. But the skill for that…"

"Yes." I smiled. "Luna herself was impressed. All simple magics of course, I've never been that great a mage, but bound together in layers the effect is obviously quite impressive. I do wish I could remember making it."

"So you could just get them back like that?"

I nodded. "Yes. Though Luna muttered something about dark magic and took my armor so maybe it's for the best the last few days are a blur."

"Wait." Dash raised an eyebrow. "You're really okay with her taking clothes from you. I mean they're cooler than normal, but still clothes.

"It was really rather rude. But of course I said nothing." I rolled my eyes. "Really Rainbow, don't be ridiculous. Also it really isn't my look."

"Oh yea, duh. Sometimes it's easy to forget Luna is all super powerful queen of the of the moon and junk. So let me guess, the mane is the same thing."

"Not exactly."

I closed my eyes at the flame burst forth again. It would be quite calm in my current state, but it was still a mane of purple flame. After a moment I returned it to normal. I turned to see Rainbow staring at me.

"Wow, you're actually sort of cool now."

"And I wasn't before?"

"No. I mean you were a cool friend I guess, but you weren't really cool. But yea, making your mane fire at will is totally cool." She smiled "Hey, you think I can do that too?"

"I have no idea." I said. "Honestly I see little need for such a thing, but my mane does return perfectly quaffed and clean afterward, so I may use it for that."

Dash face hoofed. "Forget what I said. You're still not cool. Cool ponies would actually show off their awesome burning mane trick, not just use it to fix their hair."

"Rainbow Dash, really?"

"Ya, really. Sorry Rares, it's just the way it is."

I glared at her, but she seemed oblivious to the look. I then heard Fluttershy giggle. Suddenly Twilight bowed her head. When I turned around I did the same. Then I heard Luna sigh.

"I told you, I don’t really go for the bowing. I'll accept a salute if you really have to do something, but you six especially owe me nothing."

"That is not the point. Respect and proper behavior…" I began

"We know. Forget that. I really should just start ignoring it. It will save time. Now, we have something for you Fluttershy, but you should wear it as little as possible."

"Uh, because it's dangerous?"

"No, because it slows down a process that should complete. That being said I made it to hide you when needed. Or part of you rather."

Luna then walked forward and pulled a something silver from where it was hidden in the depths of her mane, floating it next to her with her magic. Once she was closer she clipped it to Fluttershy's hair. It was a lovely silver butterfly pin. I couldn't see for certain but I think it was covered in delicate etchings. What I could see was the body of the butterfly was made of obsidian. Then with a sort of strange wavering, as if viewing them though water, Fluttershy's antlers were gone.

"They're not there, but…"

"They are. Yes." She then removed it again, the antlers reappearing. "As I said, as little as possible, and most certainly not when you're asleep, but it is no great tragedy if…"

"But I've been having trouble sleeping because…"

"I know, but trust me, the alternative is much worse. If it's really that much of an issue I could make up some dream dust. Sleep is not directly under my purview, but we can manage well enough."

"Oh, uh, maybe, that would be, nice. I mean if it's not too much trouble."

Twilight was staring at Luna, mouth open.

"It's not. And before you say anything Twilight, it's not what you're thinking of, even though that's called dream dust as well. It's similar magic, but ultimately a cheap imitation of the original."

"Oh, uh, so it's perfectly safe?"

"Yes, though it does tend to create especially vivid dreams, and sometimes that can cause some problems, but nothing major."

Twilight just nodded and went back to her book.

"So, everything is back to normal?" asked Fluttershy

"Not at all, but it's calm again. Which means I really have to go. I can't believe we actually begged Celestia to let us take a turn ruling while she continued our goodwill tour of foreign nations. We should have known it would be worse than ever."

Then with only the slightest shimmer she was gone. It was nothing like the loud pop of Twilight's teleport, far more elegant. Then I blinked. Had I really pulled off a teleport in my mad state? Pinkie Pie then came out with a tray of fully frosted muffins in her mouth. She then mumbled something, and after none of us replied, put down the tray on a table.

"I said, Awww, she left."

"I'm sure princess Luna is a very busy pony."

"She is temporarily fully in charge of the nation, like she said." I added

"Anyway I gotta go so." Rainbow then looked over at Fluttershy. "Oh, uh, Fluttershy, do you need anything else or…"

"Because you were as I expected only pretending to read?" I asked

"No, it's this stuff is way too boring for me, and doesn't make any sense at all. All that talk about a calm mind so isn't me. I think you and Twi should be the ones to help her with all this junk. I mean not only are you unicorns, but I'm sure all the calm and focus nonsense in there makes some sense to you."

"Wait, so you really read the book you were flipping though?"

"Yea, so?"

Then Rainbow was out the door and gone before I could question her further. I blinked. Well that was certainly unexpected. Then something that she said registered and I suddenly smiled very wide.

"Twilight, there is a great deal she can do with those, isn't there?"

"Oh yes. In fact as you may be aware they are in some ways a better magical focus than a unicorn's horn. Certainly for some types of magic."

"Oh, we shall have such fun. I wonder if…"

Fluttershy was smiling broadly, saying nothing.

"You don't want to, do you?" I then sighed

"Uh, it's not exactly that it's just…" She kept talking, but her dropping volume rendered the rest of the sentence incoherent.

"Once again darling, please."

"Uh, I just, well. It scares me a little."

"Oh, I understand. I'm sorry about that. I suppose all of this is just a bit much, and finally being able to just ignore it all must be nice."

"What do you mean by…"

Then she looked down the hair clip on the table in front of her, and picked it up. She then sat down, pulled the feather out of her hair, and stuck it into the clip in some way. She then clipped it on her head, the antlers vanishing. She smiled.

"That's, so nice."

"So, this is pointless now, isn't it?" Said Twilight

"I, uh, well. No, Luna said I shouldn't wear it too much, and I won't, but for at least little bit it will be nice just to feel, normal."

"Okay, so Rarity, how about you pick up a book. You may have your limits when it comes to spells, but you have a good enough head for magic."

"I'd love to help Twilight."

"Ooo, can I help?"

We looked down to see Pinkie, who for some reason turned herself into her shorter filly form when we weren't looking, and was currently hiding under the table.

"Uh, well…" Began Twilight

"It would be nice, but…" uttered Fluttershy

"I will be honest Pinkie. It is doubtful you will be much help. Still, we appreciate the muffins. Surely there must be something else you need to do."

"Omigosh, you're right. I have to plan your I'm not all scary anymore party."

"Pinkie, I would rather not be reminded that…"

"Oh, I know. Even better, that evil hat is dead party. That's perfect."

Then she went under the table. I looked down, and she was gone. I then looked up again at the other two ponies in the room.

"I can't stop her now, can I?"

"Unlikely." Said Twilight

"It's Pinkie." Said Fluttershy "So, uh, maybe they'll just think…"

"That it's just Pinke being Pinkie." I smiled. "Yes, that is likely. Though perhaps some might remember certain things I said, so maybe I can at least get her to change the name again before the party."

"You might want to hurry."

I nodded and quickly left. Things weren't normal, but I felt good again. This party might even be fun if I could just change the name. I then I stopped. How many days of orders did I put aside? Also please let me be remembering wrong about putting Sweetie Belle in charge of the shop. Please let that whole conversation be nothing but a bit of madness induced delusion.

Freindship Report

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am so sorry for this whole mess with Rarity. I know the symptoms of cutie mark failure syndrome quite well by now, having seen it in person so many times. I should have seen it coming, and that it was a very severe case. Though I don't quite understand why it was so severe, but I'm sure that's just due to my own inattention.

I won't fail you again. I'm going to make sure I always have time for my friends, no matter how important my research may be, even if it directly affects them. I think the thing I learned this week about friendship was more a reminder than a new lesson. That friendship is so important, so vital, that sometimes it can even save the world. Hopefully it's one I won't forget again.

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

Refusal

I was in a good mood when I reached Fluttershy's cottage, the rest of Twilight's lessons going very well. I knocked on the door with a hoof and waited. Rainbow mentioned having trouble finding her home, but I don't understand why. Yes the ring of trees was a bit concealing, but from the air I'm sure it would still be obvious enough despite the sod roof. The other plants might have obscured things a bit, but it seemed clear enough. It now looked like a cottage in the middle of a lovely little forest glade. I wasn't clear if the trees were the result of whatever was going on with her or something she merely obtained because of it, but that hardly mattered.

As time dragged on I knocked again. I couldn't hear anything, but occasionally the animal noise could drown out a knock. I continued to wait. This really was an ideal space now. Butterflies swarmed, safe from strong winds, but with a blanket of flowers everywhere but the path. It was really utterly lovely. Then Fluttershy opened the door, still wearing that out of season furred hat.

"Oh my. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you lately Rarity, I've just been busy and…"

I waved a hoof. "Oh pish posh. No need to worry. I've been most busy myself. Barely had time for anything other than emergencies. I think the longest conversation I've had all week was with Applejack over nothing of real consequence."

"What about Twilight's lessons?"

"Hmm, I suppose if you count those, but frankly, I do not. She is quite instructive, but for the most part all business. Now darling we real must discuss that hat."

"We must?"

I nodded. "Yes, we must. Now just let Rarity get that thing off your head and…"

"No. You can't do that."

Then I found the door slammed in my face. I blinked. Slowly the door opened again, Fluttershy looking at the ground.

"Sorry. I just can't let you take the hat. I need it."

"Oh come now surely you can't…"

"I need it, and I won't take it off."

I blinked, or tried to. I couldn't look away either. I hadn't been sure she even could use the stare on a pony, but now I had no doubt. It was strangely terrifying. I felt like I had done something terribly wrong and wanted to do anything to make it up to her. Then it was over, and she looked down again. She took a step back.

"Sorry again, I just can't."

"But really can't I just…"

"No. I'm so sorry Rarity. I just can't." Then she looked up smiling. "Lets just forget all about the hat. Do you want to come in for some tea?"

"Oh, yes, of course."

I walked inside. The house looked much the same, the only additions being a few potted plants that weren't there before. Just forget the hat. Clearly the matter upset her and I should do just that. Yes, I should just put it out of my mind.