I've always seen behind your smoke and mirrors
"'All warfare is based on deception'. That's what it says in The Art Of War."
Princess Flurry Heart sighed. "Cozy, must you be reminded once again of the vast differences between warfare and statecraft?"
Luster Dawn nodded along sagely. "It's true. When you're governing a state, all deaths have to look like accidents, but if you're at war, you can just lay waste to your enemies without impunity."
"I dread the day you depose your mentor and I have to contend with a ruler of Equestria who does not deal fairly with her people." Flurry Heart looked up at the skies, her eyes filled with the ancient wisdom she had acquired in her eighteen years on this world. "For what is a Princess without the trust of her people but a living weapon wearing a paper crown?"
"You know, you wouldn't have to worry about Luster being an insane warmonger if you'd just give me the throne to the Crystal Empire," Cozy Glow pointed out, downing the rest of her drink. "I'd have Equestria as my puppet state in a month."
Luster rolled her eyes. "You mean I'd have you tried and executed for... something. You'd probably deserve it too." She looked down at her empty glass, before waving the barkeep over. "Hey, can I get another glass of white please? And another beer for my friend."
"Good luck when I’ve subverted your entire justice system,” Cozy replied smugly.
“Both of you have much to learn still.” Flurry glanced around the room, a smile playing at her lips as she took in the crowd. “A worthy ruler must appreciate the truth in all things.”
“If you’re talking about the Philosopher Queen from The Republic, then you should know the 'truth' being referred to is the platonic ideal of something, rather than, like, honesty as a virtue," Luster pointed out. "Also, this wine is really good. You should have some."
"A respect for the law is also a vital virtue for a ruler to possess." Flurry took a long, ostentatious sip of her glass of water as she shot disapproving looks at her two slightly intoxicated friends. "You should know this, given your field of study."
"The law stuck me inside a rock for ten years," Cozy hissed, her hoof slamming against the table and making the drinks shake. "It's just a tool like any other, and one I'll learn to use to get what I want."
"You attempted to raze Equestria twice," Flurry said simply. "I see no miscarriage of justice here."
"You alicorns and your 'justice.'" Cozy scoffed. "If I still had that Bewitching Bell you'd all pay for what you did to me."
Flurry stared at her for a moment. "You still do not see, and that is why you are impotent," she said softly, her voice filled with sorrow. "If only you could understand where true power lies, and what road you must walk to obtain it."
"Oh, and what's this road you're talking about, Your Highness?" Cozy's voice dripped with sarcasm beneath that faux-cheerful tone. "Are you gonna show little ol' me?"
Luster busied herself with her drink as she watched her two friends stare at one another with such intensity that she was mildly surprised the bar hadn't caught fire yet. She knew the two of them well enough to read the silent conversation being held between them, and also knew well enough not to get involved.
At least the wine was good.
Finally, Cozy turned away, a light blush on her cheek that could have been from the drinking, but wasn't. "Golly, I'm more tired than I thought." She let out a yawn, stretching her forelegs out as she stood up. "I'm gonna head home now. Thanks for the help with the debate prep, girls.”
“See ya tomorrow, Cozy,” Luster said with a wave. “Don’t forget we have practice after class.”
“Farewell, Cozy Glow,” Flurry added. “May you find that which you seek.”
“Shove it, Flurry.” With that, Cozy wove her way out of the bar, dodging around the ponies milling about and generally having a good time.
Flurry shook her head, closing her eyes as she spoke. “This has gone on for far too long.” When she opened her eyes, they were filled with a terrifying fire that had Luster rooted to the ground in awe. “It’s time that mare was brought to heel.”
Luster tamped down the atavistic fear that Flurry’s presence tended to induce with practiced ease. “I mean, I’m pretty sure you could just destroy her in single combat if you really wanted to assert dominance," she pointed out.
"Such a show of force would be pointless." Flurry turned her gaze to Luster, and the rest of the world fell away. "You are aware that she and I harbour romantic feelings for one another?"
Luster nodded. "It's pretty obvious you two want to bang, yeah." She forced herself to take another sip of wine, hoping her tension didn't show too obviously. "So, are you gonna make a move, then?"
"In a fashion, yes," Flurry replied. "However, I refuse to be the confessor in our relationship. It would make me look weak, and that is unacceptable."
"So you want Cozy to confess to you." Luster paused, waiting to see if Flurry would pick up on her implied question. When she didn't, she added, "Wouldn't that make Cozy look weak, then?"
"She is weak," Flurry said casually, a simple statement of fact for her. "And that is why I must shepherd her into the light of my love."
Luster perked up at that. "You sound like you have a plan."
"Indeed." A grim smile graced Flurry's muzzle. "There is little that is more powerful than the feeling of regret for what is lost. And so, I shall teach Cozy to grieve, that she might act. And I shall require your assistance to do so."
"What do you need me to do?" Luster took a moment to ponder Flurry's words. "Do you want me to kill you? Because I've been trying to get into the Forbidden Section of the library and if you could put in a good word—"
"We are to pretend that we are romantically involved."
"—in for me then... say what now?" Luster blinked, unsure if she'd misheard Flurry or not.
"If Cozy believes her chance at love to be lost, then it will spur her into action," Flurry explained. "She will do whatever is necessary in order to secure my affections in your stead."
"What if she decides to be happy for us and support our new relationship?” Luster asked.
Flurry stared at her.
“Yeah, okay, never mind. But really, faking a relationship?” With the incredulity wearing off, Luster realized she needed an angle to talk Flurry out of this. "Weren't you just talking about how important truth and honesty were for a ruler?"
"As Empress, yes, honesty is a virtue I must cultivate with my ponies," Flurry explained. "But this is a matter of the heart. And with love, all things are permissible."
"And you don't think Cozy will be mad at you for lying to her?" It was futile to try to reason with her when she got like this, but Luster still felt like she had to make the attempt.
Flurry shrugged. "She will understand in time once her heart is mine. Now, shall I have your cooperation or not?"
"You do realize I'm going to die if I do this, right?" Luster pointed out. "Like, Cozy is absolutely going to kill me in order to try to get to you. Just straight-up murder me in probably some horrific fashion as an act of love or something."
"That is the intention, yes," Flurry said, taking another nonchalant sip of her water. "I will endeavour to keep you alive, of course."
"Gee, thanks." Luster rolled her eyes. "Do you really expect me to risk my life just because the two of you can't be normal about a relationship?"
"I would offer you a boon in exchange for your cooperation, of course," Flurry replied.
Luster sighed. There really was only one answer, anyways. "Fine." She took a long drink of her wine. "If I survive your hookup I'm getting both of you back for making me go through this." She waved down the bartender again. "Another glass, please! And put it on my friend's tab!"
Flurry just shrugged as Luster gestured towards her. "I take it you won't have trouble emulating affection?"
"Eh, you're hot and I like you as a friend. Shouldn't be too hard." Luster raised up her glass. "Should we toast to our new relationship?"
Flurry smiled, and it was terrible. "I shall toast to a love that will one day make Harmony herself quake in fear."
"I've decided that The Princess was right after all. 'It is better to be feared than to be loved,'" Cozy declared as she plucked a skull made out of crystal from the shelf in front of them. "Hey, do you think this will look good hanging over my bed?"
"I would not expect you to use a skull as decoration unless you had harvested it yourself," Flurry said, her wing draped over Luster as they watched Cozy peruse the shop's wares. "Do you not agree, my love?"
Luster cringed internally at the endearment but forced out a smile. "Yup. Totally. There's gotta be a spell to replace bone with crystal that we can use."
"Well said." Flurry leaned down to press a kiss against Luster's cheek, making Luster blush and Cozy glare, though the latter tried to hide her reaction behind a rictus of a smile. The pegasus had been wearing that expression a lot the past few days.
"Aww, thanks Luster." Cozy's cheerful voice seethed with hatred. "I'll remember to ask you when I need it for your marefriend's skull."
Luster, of course, had been expecting Cozy to react to anger and jealousy when they'd announced their relationship to her, along with asking her to keep it secret so they wouldn't have to deal with any wider-ranging consequences of this whole masquerade. What she hadn't been expecting was for Cozy to brazenly declare her intention to seize the throne of the Crystal Empire via regicide, starting— and ending— with the youngest princess of the realm.
"I feel like I should be defending your honour here," Luster said dryly to Flurry.
"Nopony who does not understand the necessity of both love and fear could possibly best me," Flurry declared, her gaze locked on Cozy.
"Well, golly, sucks that I won't ever get to experience the first one, huh?" Cozy hissed, glaring at both of them. "At least I get to keep the better option."
Luster tried to press that opening. "Cozy, is there something—?"
"There is still yet time for you to be happy, Cozy." Flurry's interruption was followed up by a full kiss on Luster's lips. Which was actually very nice and Luster had to admit that she wouldn't hate having this deception go on a bit longer, even if she still felt absolutely no romance towards her friend.
Cozy turned away, an angry blush colouring her cheeks. "Yeah, whatever, let's just move on. We've got the whole festival to get through," she said as they made their way away from the booth. "Maybe I'll find something to kill you with at the next one."
"I believe our goal is nearly within reach," Flurry said quietly to Luster as she leaned down to nuzzle her. They were walking a small distance behind Cozy so as to not be overhead.
"Really?" Luster raised an eyebrow. "Because it honestly sounds like she's more mad at you for hooking up with me than the other way around."
"She doesn't wish to show weakness by exposing the truth," Flurry replied. "But I can see that jealousy consumes her soul. Soon, she will be mine, and you will have your boon."
"Sure, whatever." Luster swallowed back a frisson of fear at what would happen when Cozy finally did decide to act. "Let's just enjoy the rest of the festival. I'm curious how many more times Cozy will threaten your immortal life."
From a few booths ahead, Cozy waved at them. "Hey, do you think any of these swords would work on an alicorn?"
"'Morality is the herd instinct in the individual,'" Cozy declared proudly as she let her empty bottle fall to the floor.
Flurry quietly caught it before it fell and placed it back on the table. "And yet, it is the strength of the herd that has allowed us to create civilization. Your desire to be the one in command will be your undoing. Observe how much happier Luster is now that she has yielded to me."
"Yeah, sure." Luster barely resisted rolling her eyes at that. "Anyways, you're moving on to philosophy now?"
Cozy shrugged. "Only the philosophers that're worth reading. It's good to remind myself that I'm better than everypony else, y'know? Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."
"You are nothing," Flurry said, a rare flash of irritation in her tone.
"I know what you are, but what am I?" Cozy countered. "Anyways, I'm gonna get another drink. You lovebirds want refills?"
Luster and Flurry both nodded their assent, watching as Cozy made her way over to the bar, ordered a drink, and—
"Does she realize that we're watching her do that?" Luster asked, eyes widening as Cozy dropped something into both of their cups.
"She likely doesn't realize that we're expecting her to move against us, and that has made her brazen," Flurry replied. "Nevertheless, it gladdens me that this charade will soon be over. As much as I have enjoyed your company, there is but one who calls out to my heart."
"Yeah, yeah, happy for you." Luster sucked in a nervous breath. "I really don't want to die, Flurry."
"I highly doubt it's poison." Flurry's horn glowed. "Yes, the drug in our drinks will only send you into a deep slumber, and it will have no effects on an alicorn at all."
"Well, that's going to be awkward, then." Knowing that Flurry wasn't also going to be knocked out did reassure Luster somewhat, but she still wasn't entirely certain about her safety. "So what are we going to do about this?"
"We will drink our fill of the future to come, of course." It was honestly maddening how stoic Flurry's composure could be sometimes.
Before Luster could object further, Cozy returned with their drinks. "Bottoms up!" she declared cheerfully, taking a large swig of her beer.
Luster sighed. "Yeah, woo," she said with zero enthusiasm as she glared at Flurry.
The world immediately started to blur even before she set down her glass. "Wh—" was all she managed to get out before her head hit the table and she blacked out.
Luster awoke to find herself suspended in midair.
Her instincts kicked in as she panicked and flailed, trying to escape the bonds holding her legs together. A heavy, ethereal shroud had been placed over her horn, stifling all attempts at magic, so she was stuck trying to use more physical means to escape.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Cozy's voice broke through the haze of panic and drugs, and Luster turned her head towards her friend-slash-kidnapper. "Wouldn't want anypony to get hurt now, would we? Well, not yet, anyways."
Luster took a deep breath, more of her memories returning to her. Right, Cozy had drugged her, but hadn't immediately killed her while she was unconscious. That was good, at least.
And then she looked straight down, and her relief quickly vanished.
"How did you even get an entire tank of shark-sized piranhas?" Luster asked, eyes widening as the vicious-looking fish circled around the shadow she cast onto the water.
"I know a mare who knows a mare," Cozy replied.
"Oh, cool. Can you introduce us after this?" Delightful mental images popped up in Luster's head of lairs that could use such accoutrements.
"Sure!" Cozy replied cheerfully. Then, a moment later, with vicious malice. "Wait, no. I'm supposed to be killing you here."
"Right, yeah, that." Luster gulped. "So, uhh, why are you doing that?" That seemed like the correct question to ask in this case. "And also can you not?"
"You know, I was expecting Flurry to wake up first," Cozy said with a pout, gesturing towards the chair next to her where the alicorn was also tied up with her horn neutralized. "This is just kinda awkward now."
Fortunately, it was at that very moment that Flurry's eyes opened. "I have awoken," she said, the calm in her voice laced with danger. "You have one chance to release my beloved. Use this mercy wisely."
Cozy made a show of pretending to think about it a moment, then shook her head. "Nah. The two of you have been really getting on my nerves this week." She tugged at the rope holding Luster up, causing the unicorn to sway back and forth. "Holding hooves and kissing and putting your wing all over her like you actually love her."
Luster's eyes widened. "Wait, you mean you knew that—"
"Beloved, please, let me parley on your behalf with her." Flurry cut her off with a meaningful stare before turning her attention back on Cozy. "Why do you doubt the strength of our bond?"
Cozy snorted. "Oh, please, like you'd ever settle for her." She ignored Luster's indignant protests at that, continuing to speak as she moved closer towards Flurry. "Somepony like you would only go for the best, and we both know who that is. This is obviously just a plot to make me jealous."
"If that is what you believe, then why do you still hold Luster captive?" Flurry asked.
"Because I'm insulted," Cozy huffed, her voice burning with unrestrained anger. "This is the best you could do? Pretending to date a friend? I'm doing all this to teach you a lesson, Flurry. Luster is going to die, and that's going to suck for both of us—"
"Umm, I think it's going to suck for me the most!" Luster interjected.
"Hey, I'm trying to have a conversation here!" Cozy yelled back, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, Luster, did Twilight forget to teach you any manners?"
"You are being quite rude, my love," Flurry agreed. "Regardless, Cozy, would you care to elaborate on why the quality of this deception means so much to you?"
"Nope." Cozy shook her head. "I'm just going to kill Luster, and you're going to have to live with knowing that you lost our friend because you weren't good enough for me."
"I see." Flurry closed her eyes, a look of serene acceptance on her face that sent alarm bells ringing in Luster's brain. "The final piece of the puzzle was obscured to my eyes, but now I understand what must be done."
"Flurry, can you maybe save me now?" Luster asked, her voice trembling.
"There is one other I must first save." Flurry's horn glowed, ripping apart the limiter surrounding it in an explosion of magic and light.
Cozy flinched and flew back instinctively. "Wh—?"
"You failed to properly confirm that I was unconscious, and so it was a simple task to nullify your attempts to restrain me," Flurry explained as the ropes around her turned into chains of crystal and then shattered.
With another lightning-fast expenditure of magic, she teleported herself over to Cozy and grabbed her neck with her hoof.
Cozy struggled against her grip, but ultimately her strength was no match for that of an alicorn. Raw, unhidden fear shone through her eyes as she stared at Flurry, who looked down at her with her usually implacable mask of calm.
“So, what are you gonna do now, princess,” Cozy spat, trying to mask her fear with anger. “Gonna give me another talk about friendship and being nice and then we can all sing a song about it?”
“Would that such a thing could be enough to cleanse your soul,” Flurry said sadly. “No, Cozy, I am a princess, as you said, and you have harmed one of my friends, so I must pass judgement upon you.”
Cozy’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t have the guts to do that, snowfl—hrrrk!”
"Silence." Flurry's grip on Cozy's throat tightened as she continued her pronouncement. "Cozy Glow, for the crimes of threatening Luster Dawn of Equestria, I, Princess Flurry Heart of the Crystal Empire, The Alicorn of Passion, do sentence you to death, to be carried out by myself." A sword of crystal shimmered into existence next to her, pointed directly at Cozy's heart.
"Flurry, what in Equestria are you doing?" Luster asked, the dread in her heart having nothing to do with the death trap she was still stuck in. "You have to take that back! No one other than us heard it so we can just preten—"
"I do not go back on my word. Not as a princess," Flurry declared firmly, her blade held steady in her magical grip. "Cozy Glow, do you have any last words?"
Cozy's eyes were wide with fear as Flurry released her and she fell to her knees. Yet, her cheeks burned red with desire, and when she spoke, it was with not to beg for her life, but rather...
"Flurry Heart, will you marry me?"
The whole world seemed to go silent at those words. Even the piranha-sharks stopped their circling to stare at the pegasus who stood firm despite the imminence of her death. Luster herself could barely process the words, her breath caught in her throat at the twisted tableau displayed below her.
And then Flurry spoke, and her voice was filled with warmth.
"Of course, dearest."
The sword fell to the floor with a clatter as Flurry leaned in and kissed Cozy right on the lips. The kiss lasted much longer than any of the ones she had shared with Luster, and Luster was prepared to be rather miffed at that before reminding herself that she didn't actually like Flurry like that, so it was fine.
Eventually, the new couple pulled apart, staring into each other's eyes with so much affection it warmed Luster's heart and made her forget that she was still tied up for just a moment.
"Remind me to double the dosage next time I need to knock you out," Cozy murmured as she nuzzled Flurry.
Flurry laughed. "It would not have mattered. So, did my proclamation suffice for your tastes?"
Cozy shrugged. "I guess it was good enough." Her blush deepened. "So, how long do you think it'll be until we can have the wedding?"
Flurry took a moment to think about her answer. "We will need time to arrange logistics and send out invitations. Several months, at the very least, if not a year."
"I can wait that long to become Empress," Cozy replied.
"Your title will be Princess-Consort," Flurry corrected.
Cozy smirked. "A lot can happen in a year."
"Hey, if you two are just gonna flirt, mind getting me down from here?" Luster called out. Her legs were beginning to cramp from the bindings.
“Oh, yeah, sure.” Cozy flew over to the control panel on the other side of the room and pulled a lever. The tank beneath Luster closed shut as she was swung over to the side and slowly lowered onto the ground.
Flurry trotted over and dispelled the inhibitor on Luster’s horn, allowing her to teleport out of her bonds. “Thank you for your service.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Luster grumbled as she stretched out her legs and nursed the sore spots from the rope. “So does this mean we’re not executing Cozy anymore?”
“She can’t,” Cozy said smugly. “Crystal Empire law protects spouses of a ruler from that ruler’s judiciary proclamations, so Flurry can’t do anything to me without a proper court of law.”
“It was the only way I could make her confess,” Flurry added. “By forcing her hoof.”
Cozy frowned. “Okay, first of all, there’s no way you planned all of this.”
“I work in mysterious ways,” Flurry replied.
“Ponyfeathers,” Cozy shot back. “Anyways, second of all, I still haven’t confessed, so you haven’t won yet, snowflake.”
Luster slapped a hoof against her face. “Are you serious?” she asked, exasperated. “You’re literally engaged!”
“Yeah, because I was going to die if I didn’t marry her,” Cozy replied, a smug smirk on her face.
Flurry sighed. “It will take much to tame you, I see.” And then she smiled. “I am eager to see what it takes to make you break.”
“Also, aren’t you supposed to be mad at Flurry?” At the very least, Luster still was for making her go through all this.
Cozy shrugged. “I got what I wanted, so it’s cool now.”
“Cozy’s ire was born of her belief that there were limits to what I would sacrifice for her,” Flurry explained. “Risking the death of a close friend was not enough, in her eyes. But condemning Cozy herself to death if she did not yield was beyond her expectations. Now, she understands that there is nothing I would not do to have her.”
“Because she loves me.” Truly it warmed the heart to hear how happy Cozy sounded. “She was going to destroy something she loved for me.”
“That something was you.” Luster shook her head. “Ugh, you’re both insane and I have no idea why I’m still friends with both of you.”
“I do apologize for your discomfort," Flurry said.
"I almost died!"
Cozy grinned widely. "But you didn't!" She flew over and gave her a tight hug. "Not yet, anyways! But one day I'll have your head for kissing my fiancée!" She kept her voice equally cheerful as she made that grim pronouncement.
"Love you too, Cozy." Luster returned the hug, then glared at both her and Flurry. "You two still owe me though."
"A boon you are owed, and one you shall have," Flurry agreed. "Do you know what you wish to ask?"
"Yeah." Luster summoned up a scroll filled with arcane diagrams. "There's a magical artefact hidden in the Everfree Forest that I want. The Alicorn Amulet, it's called. Provides massive magical power amplification. Apparently, it also corrupts anyone who wears it, but I'm sure I can resist it no problem."
She smiled, and it was terrible. "And you two are going to help me steal it."
