Author's Note
Hello! This is my first co-writing experience, but I had a lot of fun! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as we enjoyed writing it!
Cracked Glasses
“Hah! Not this time!”
Twilight smirked as she looked down at the small mat trapped between her and the concrete ground below. Her hands, still balled into fists, pushed against said mat as she attempted to stand on wobbly knees. No matter how many times she’d gone through that mirror, she never got used to the transition from pony to human. Hence, the mat.
Better luck next time, portal! There will be no scraped knees on this day!
Twilight took a deep breath as she finally stood up straight. The air there never really agreed with her. If she had to describe it, she’d say that everywhere smelled like downtown Manehattan. It wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, but she couldn’t think of a better word for it than “dirty.”
With nothing more than a cough, she discarded the thought. The human world was beautiful, and she’d be remiss to focus on the small things. Besides, she had more important matters to attend to that day.
With a nod to no one in particular, she secured her saddlebag-turned-backpack and turned away from Canterlot High. She had fond memories of the school, but she didn’t really have business there anymore. With her human counterpart comfortable and settled in the area, it’d be weird for the two of them to be hanging around the same place like that for too long.
Besides, she was a bit too busy to be attending high school.
Twilight glanced at the sun. If she was correct (which she usually was; telling time based on the sun’s position was a skill Celestia taught her from a young age), it was about ten minutes before her scheduled meeting time. Factor in the amount of time it would take for her to walk to the library, and she was geared to arrive five minutes early.
Nice and punctual. Perfect.
She sighed as she continued down the oft-tread sidewalk. Her thoughts drifted towards the book she carried in her backpack. It had given her much to think about in a way she hadn’t expected. A nonfiction memoir about a human woman growing up in a loving, albeit extremely dysfunctional family? She wasn’t sure if the tale was heartwarming, inspiring, depressing, or downright disturbing. Perhaps all of the above. Such tales aren’t alien to Equestria, but they are certainly uncommon.
Stranger still was the kinship she felt with the book’s author. A girl who, for the longest time, was unable to escape the confines of her family dynamic, unable to truly live the life she wanted, unable to make the decisions she knew were right, or at the very least, could bring happiness to herself and those around her. A girl who eventually found a way to break free from those confines and find her place. She should have loved such a tale, but…
Well, she’d save that for her meeting. After all, the library stood before her. With a smile on her face and hands still instinctively balled into fists, she opened the door.
It was time to greet her other self.
Once a week, they’d exchange books. And once a week, they got to know each other a little better.
It was Sunset’s idea at first, as most of the best things in her life recently have been. She wanted to get to know her pony version better, as anyone would, but she wasn’t nearly as social considering her counterpart was the literal Princess of Friendship.
One thing they did have in common, however, was books. So, they started meeting up at their local library in a little section that Twilight got to herself; one of the few strings Principal Cinch did for her that she still took advantage of.
Everything from science to storytelling, Origin of The Species to Aliens Ate My Homework, they shared books that changed each other's worlds to personal favorites. What was so interesting for Twilight wasn’t learning what was different, but what was the same. Every book that her equine counterpart had recommended had some similarity to the existing human versions, whether it be slightly different names or the story playing out nearly identically.
She checked every time, and that was the case nine times out of ten.
This week, Twilight had recommended the princess her favorite storytelling book to date: The Glass Castle. In return, she gave Twilight her mentor’s biography. It was clear how much sheer respect and admiration she had for Celestia, which was a thought that still caused some dissonance to Twilight since she hadn’t quite separated “Princess” and “Principal” Celestia yet.
Twilight waited in her part of the library, scanning over the book about Equestria’s leader for what felt like the millionth time. It was informative and had prose more fitting of the medieval era, though Twilight supposed that was more fitting for the culture of the world.
“Oh, you’re already here! Perfect.”
The princess showed up, wearing the same school outfit as when they first met. Twilight had wondered time and time again why her other self didn’t wear something else. But, if that's what the portal kept giving her in perfect condition as if it was always kept in a semi-stasis state, then so be it.
“Yep! I didn’t have a lot to do today, so I cleared my schedule and got here five minutes early.” She tugged at her collar, her smile ever so slightly crooked.
That was a lie.
She had next to nothing to do on Fridays, much to Sunset’s chagrin. Her friends were trying ever so hard to get her to be more social, to be more like her counterpart, but on weekends she mostly stayed to herself. Twilight had actually been there for the better part of an hour just waiting.
“I’m jealous, I have to clear my schedule a week in advance at least,” Princess Twilight said as she pulled out the chair on the other side of the table while still keeping her fist clenched like a hoof. “I’m honestly surprised I even had time to get through this book; it’s been a busy week for me.”
“I’d imagine being a princess keeps you pretty busy, yeah.”
“Well, not as much as being the principal for my own school and finding time for my friends, so much as myself.”
Twilight clenched her hands around the edge of the table, trying to keep the smile on her face. Her eyes wandered to Twilight’s hair, and how different it was from her own. No matter how many times they saw each other, it was always the first thing Twilight noticed. That, and the lack of glasses.
Ever since she got into high school, her mom had told her she was so much prettier with her hair down and without her glasses on, that she should wear contacts. Once or twice, she’d been tempted to, of course; every girl in high school wants to be pretty. No matter how tempting it was, she just never could bring herself to try it, even for a day.
Now, after meeting her real life mirror, any curiosity she had for trying it had died.
“Sounds awful.” Twilight took a deep breath, trying to relax herself.
“Oh, it’s not that bad. So,” Princess Twilight’s eyes glowed with a spark of interest, her smile going ear to ear as she put her head on her hands. “What did you think about Celestia? Hasn’t her life been amazing?!”
“It’s certainly been,” Twilight rapped her fingers against the table, biting her lip as she searched for the word that best fit. You’d think memorizing every dictionary she could get her hands on would make her not have that issue, but of course it didn’t. “Fantastical. I was actually more interested in the Starswirl sections at first. Celestia describes him as ‘the most important conjurer of the pre-classical era,’ and brings up multiple of his unfinished spells, as well as how important his creations were to understanding magic. Is there a book about him?”
“Uhm, see, the thing about Starswirl,” Princess Twilight nervously chuckled, pressing her fingers together as her pupils looked anywhere but herself. “He wa—is one of the most important conjurers of the pre-classical era. He’s just also, hmmm,” Princess Twilight made a droning noise, shrinking into her chair as she shifted around in it. “Not the greatest po—” she coughed. “Person. What’s the phrase, ‘don’t meet your heroes?’”
“Starswirl was your hero?”
“Sorta. I actually dressed as him for Nightmare Night. Which is…” She placed a finger against her chin, tapping it repeatedly. “Halloween here, right? Nevermind that. What about the rest of the book?”
Twilight opened the book, skimming through the pages as quickly as she could to try to refresh herself on the details. She had a bad habit of reading the books as soon as she got them and then only remembering the outline a few days later; likely a habit she got from studying so rigorously in high school.
“Celestia herself seems interesting at first glance, but she doesn’t really have a lot of flaws. At least, not until after everything with Nightmare Moon when she became the sole ruler of Equestria for a thousand years. Which, if the book is to be believed, was the most peaceful era in Equestria’s history. Great for her, but… you said she retired recently, right?”
Princess Twilight’s smile slowly fell, her eyebrows pulling together as she leaned forward in her chair.
“Yes, her and Luna both.”
“It just makes me wonder what that millenia of peace did to her self-esteem.”
“Her self esteem?” Princess Twilight tilted her head, resting her chin on one of her hands. “What do you mean?”
“Well, imagine being in her place.” Twilight set the book on the table, adjusting her glasses and pulling her chair closer to the table. “You just banished your sister, who was the only support you had and the only other immortal who you could possibly relate to. Then, you are suddenly responsible not just for all the citizens of Equestria, but now you have to handle the relations with other nations, all while the people you rule over see you as this godlike figure who controls the sun! I can’t imagine the expectations others had for her during that time, and the turmoil she must have had to deal with every single day keeping up with that image. To be perfect, to know all, to make no mistakes, it’s just…”
She didn’t realize how out of breath she was until she finally inhaled, her chest caving in with cold breath as she just focused on trying to think. It’s been far too long since she went on a rant like that without Sunset, Rainbow, or anyone else stopping her.
It was almost refreshing to talk to someone who doesn’t.
“Exhausting. To picture, that is.” Twilight chuckled, only just now noticing how awkward the silence had become.
“I…I don’t know about all that.” Princess Twilight stared at the book for a moment, wrinkling her eyebrows and biting her lip like she was expecting something. Then her eyes widened as she grunted, reaching over and grabbing it in her hands. “I mean, I’ve taken that place since she retired and it's not that bad. Like, there are struggles sometimes, but they all work out.”
She began flipping through the pages, frantically searching for something.
“Well, I’m glad it's not that bad for you, but isn’t that because of your friends? And didn’t you spend years with those same friends repairing relationships with other nations before you even became a princess?”
Princess Twilight raised a finger to object, whatever she was going to say catching in her throat as she shrunk in her chair. “Well, yes, I suppose.”
“Celestia didn’t have that. She didn’t have anyone to confide in and help her, at least not without shattering their idea of her that she’s spent so long building up. Like, there’s a line on page 142 that reflects this perfectly.”
Twilight reached out for the book, which Princess Twilight reluctantly gave. A few moments of flipping through pages later, and Twilight eventually stopped on one.
“‘For my little ponies, there were only two paths of leadership in those times. I had to break their expectations, or break their hearts. I could bear neither, but there was no other who was willing to.’”
“That… I thought that was about having to break the relationship with the threstrals, not her rulership, right?” Princess Twilight asked herself more than… well, herself. “Celestia isn’t like other ponies, though. If she was, wouldn’t I have…” Her eyes wandered as she frowned, lips pursing together. “Noticed that?”
“Her closest student? I didn’t even notice how awful Principal Cinch was until it was too late.” Twilight’s shoulders dropped low as her posture bent, laying a hand against her chest as she thought back on that day.
She shook her head, snapping herself out of it; she knew what was waiting for her if she reminisced too long.
“Besides, why wouldn’t she be like other ponies? Luna is.”
“Luna? What do you mean?”
“A lot of the first half of this book is about Luna. I think,” Twilight trailed off, a realization hitting her that had been sinking in for the past few minutes. “I think this book is more about her struggles and failures than her triumphs and ruling. She writes so much about her sister, and that’s because to this day she thinks about what she could have done differently; no matter how long ago it was. She regrets it. As for Luna herself, I just feel like she’s very…” Twilight clenched her fist, once more struggling to find the right words. That was happening a lot more recently. “Flawed? Like, Celestia was getting everything Luna ever wanted despite them doing basically the same job. In a lot of ways, they were the same, but Luna was always compared to Celestia and given less attention for it. So, she… became jealous, became angry, felt inferior and just couldn’t take it anymore. If Luna is capable of feeling all of that, why not Celestia?”
“Because Celestia wasn’t the one that had to have the Elements of Harmony used on her! Don’t you think that if she was as flawed as you say, she would have failed by the time she retired?”
“You tell me,” she replied as her eyes narrowed. “You’re the princess now, after all. Do you deal with those struggles?”
“W-well, yes, but I’m also not Celestia!” Twilight put a hand to her mouth sheepishly as she realized that she’d accidentally raised her voice. After a moment, she sighed. “It’s not easy, you know. Trying to live up to the legacy she left behind.”
“Right…” Twilight’s eyes wandered, her voice uncertain. “Because it’s not like you’ve already succeeded or anything.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“You already became a princess. You already got Celestia’s approval. And if your stories are anything to go by, you’ve got Equestria’s approval, too. Friends or not, you’ve basically already won.”
Twilight was silent for a moment as she processed her counterpart’s words.
“There is no ‘winning.’”
“Hm?”
“Life goes on. What does being a princess really mean?” She clicked her tongue. “To me, it means being the only pony willing to take on the responsibilities that come with running a nation. ‘Break their expectations, or break their hearts.’ Heh, I can’t believe I didn’t put that together until now…”
“You’re at the top, Twilight. By every possible measure of success, you’ve made it in life.”
“No.” Her response was quick, serious, and resolute. “I just have a different role. The fact that it’s such a coveted one just means I’m under more pressure than ever to do my best. Except now, failure to do so doesn’t just hurt me anymore. My actions reflect on my subjects. My failures could have drastic impacts on their life. My words can influence nations… and they can ruin lives. Does that sound like a success to you?”
“I–”
“I have more responsibility than an average pony, yes. But all that means is that the consequences of my actions reach farther than theirs. It doesn’t make me any more important. It doesn’t make me any more successful.” She sighed again. “Especially looking at how well Celestia did…”
“I think you forfeited the right to speak about how ‘successful’ ‘average ponies’ are when you got that little crown of yours.” She looked to the table, deftly fidgeting the corners of the book’s pages. “A failure might impact your subjects, but it won’t ruin your life. You don’t have to live life believing that every choice you make could be the difference between the future you want and the one you…” She winced. “D-don’t.”
The tension in the room only seemed to grow as the identical Twilights found themselves glaring at each other, both holding back from speaking their true thoughts.
“You have no idea what it’s like to be me.”
“What, successful? Yeah, you’re right. I don’t.”
“You are successful!” Princess Twilight said as she stood up, frustration lacing her voice. “Didn’t you tell me you’re the youngest person not just in this school, but in this state, to publish a scientific journal? Haven’t you consistently been the top student at your school? Haven’t you gotten letters of recommendation from all your teachers, gotten scholarships from every college you want to go to? How is that not success?”
“I-I don’t…” Twilight bit her tongue, unable to refute any of those points. She brought a single hand to her chest, taking off her glasses and cleaning them despite the lenses not really being dirty; a habit she’s had her entire life that she hasn’t managed to break yet. “I still have issues. I can barely talk to people, even my own friends! You’re flawless, you’ve made hundreds of friends in your world and you’ve redeemed every villain you came across. I bet you’ve never even gotten into an argument with your friends.”
“I am not flawless.” Princess Twilight nearly shouted, raising her voice higher than Twilight had ever heard. “I’ve made so many mistakes along the way. You think I’ve redeemed every villain? Not even close. Three of them are rocks right now. The queen of the changelings, a centaur Tartarus-bent on wiping out ponies, and a…” She choked, the irritation on her face wavering as she grimaced. “Child. There’s a statue of a child, a constant reminder of how flawless I’m not. I tried and I tried and I couldn’t…”
Princess Twilight’s lips trembled, her arms wrapping around herself like an attempt at a hug.
Twilight didn’t have it in her to say anything else. An unbreakable silence coated the air of the room until a single word was softly spoken.
“Moondancer.”
Twilight looked up at her, laying her arms on the table as she waited for elaboration.
“That’s the name of one of my closest friends. Ever since we were little foals, we were close; she kinda reminds me of you, actually. She had a birthday party that I was invited to, but I couldn’t go. I had to run off and save the world, you know how that is.” Princess Twilight laughed like she’d told some awful joke, sitting back down and readjusting herself. “It hurt her feelings a lot, and I completely forgot about it for years until Spike reminded me. We made up and we’re closer than ever because of it, but I, well, I guess I was in the same position Celestia was: Save the world, or save my friend. I just…” Her chin fell to her chest, pursing her lips as her eyes closed. “Didn’t realize I was making that choice then.”
A quiet gasp escaped her lips. Her eyes slowly shifted towards the table, where the copy of The Glass Castle that her human counterpart had lended her awaited her slightly unfocused gaze.
“The Glass Castle,” she mumbled as she gingerly picked up the book. A memoir about a young girl with a dysfunctional family. A girl who lived with a constant mixture of genuine love and terrible role models. A girl that, eventually, realized her problem wasn’t a world that hated her, or circumstances that couldn’t be controlled. The problem was with her own family and her limited perspective, both of which prevented her from realizing who she wanted to be and what she wanted to do. At the end of the day, only you can make those decisions, and it’s difficult to fight through the constraints your environment puts on you in pursuit of self-actualization.
And much like how Twilight didn’t realize what Celestia was trying to say in her autobiography, neither did her other self understand why she related to The Glass Castle.
“...Do you feel like you’re being held back by something?”
“Wh-what’s this all of a sudden?”
“Just like in The Glass Castle.”
“That’s–”
“Why did you recommend it to me?”
“B-because it’s an incredible story!”
“But of all the books in your world, you recommended me this one?” The two locked eyes once again, but Twilight quickly fiddled with her glasses and broke the shared gaze after a brief moment. “...Are you okay?”
The air was tense and silent for what felt like an eternity, but was really only a few seconds.
“...My most recent journal.” Her words were quiet, closer to a whisper than anything. “It was supposed to be my magnum opus.” She wrapped her arms around herself, much like her pony self had done moments ago. “It was supposed to redefine physics, to introduce this world’s scientific community to forces previously unknown to them.”
“Magic?”
“In a sense,” she sighed. “It was mostly evidence that magic, as a force, exists at all. I didn’t go into our actual experiences with them. Though, in hindsight…” She slunk into her seat, holding herself tighter. “Maybe I should have.”
“What happened?”
She hesitated for a moment before she began to tremble slightly. Her eyes were shut tight in an attempt to hold back tears.
“They… they shut me down.” She sniffled. “Not just rejection. I mean, I’ve never been rejected before, my findings are usually substantial enough to justify themselves. No… no.” She shook her head. “I’m a laughingstock.”
“Hey.” Princess Twilight reached across the table, taking her other self’s hands in her own. “You’re going to be okay.”
“You don’t get it!” Her eyes shot open, the tears flowing freely. “This was my chance! This was supposed to be the journal that got me into the professional scientific community! This was what I’ve been working for all my life! This is what I worked for, this is what Cinch prepared me for, this is what I sacrificed my social life for, this is–”
“Something you put all of your value into.” Twilight froze in stunned silence as Princess Twilight gently interrupted her. “I… hm.” She sighed, choosing her words very carefully. “I’ll admit, I haven’t lived your life. But it sounds to me like this is something you were convinced you needed to do.”
“Of course it was.” Another sniffle. “Success is all that really matters in the professional world. You can ask just about anyone and they’ll tell you the same thing.” She clamped her eyes shut again. “This was my moment. When you were given that unfinished spell, you realized what needed to be done and became a princess. When I was given the chance to become a real scientist, I… I failed.”
“I didn’t just fix that spell, you know.” Twilight froze again, but said nothing. “In fact, I royally screwed up when I first tried. I got all of my friends’ cutie marks switched around. I messed with their lives and their memories. If it weren’t for all of the lessons that they helped me to learn over the years, they might have stayed that way.” She cupped her human counterpart’s chin and lifted her head to look at her once more. “It wasn’t my success that gave me my wings. It was learning from my failures.”
“...”
“Besides,” she said with a lighter tone while a smile spread across her face. “I think you’re taking the wrong words to heart.”
“Wh-what?”
“‘Success is all that really matters?’ That’s certainly not true. ‘Ask just about anyone?’” Twilight’s smile grew. “Sure. Why don’t you ask Sunset? Or Pinkie Pie? Or any of our friends?”
“I…”
“You haven’t told them yet, have you?”
“No,” she sighed as she freed one of her hands and wiped at the tears forming in her eyes. “I was afraid of what they might say. What they might think about me.”
“They’re your friends, Twilight.” She gave her hand another squeeze. “And that has nothing to do with your successes or failures.”
“...” Twilight’s silence spoke for her. Her attempts at holding back tears finally proved to be fruitless, as her head hung low and quiet whimpers sounded through clenched teeth and closed eyes.
“I guess we learned about a lot more than just books today, huh?” Princess Twilight chuckled, to which Twilight reluctantly joined in on.
“Yeah, maybe this is what Sunset had in mind when she suggested it.”
“Probably. Sunset’s a lot more insightful than she seems. Oh, actually, that gives me an idea!”
Princess Twilight reached into her backpack, retrieving yet another book. This one had a dark purple cover, with an even darker horseshoe symbol on the front that had various vaguely familiar symbols on it.
“You like writing theses, right? Well, this is my friendship journal; I’ve had it since I moved to Ponyville.” She opened the book, flipping through the pages and showing letter after letter. “Every single letter that I’ve sent to Celestia is in here, along with every one that my friends have written. I usually assign it as a textbook in the School of Friendship, but I always keep a copy on me in case of friendship emergencies. Here, it's yours!”
“To keep?”
“Sure! I’ve got plenty myself.”
Twilight picked up the book, by far the lightest textbook she’d been assigned thus far. Out of habit, she opened it to the very last page, finding that there were somewhere around a hundred written at least, all in letter format.
“I’ve never written a thesis on something entirely in letter format before, so this will be a first.” Twilight held the book to her chest, eyes widening as she realized she didn’t have a book to give Princess Twilight. “What about you?”
“Oh, I can go a week without a book. Besides, you’ve given me plenty to think about. I think,” Princess Twilight said as she got up from her seat, an emotion coming over her face Twilight couldn’t quite read. “Celestia and I have a lot to talk about.”
“I understand.” Twilight copied her and stood up from her chair, making sure to put it back under the table. “Thank yo—”
Princess Twilight quickly wrapped her in a hug. It was sudden and completely unexpected, but somehow there was still a gentleness to it.
Above all, it was warm.
She returned the hug to the best of her abilities, despite her lack of experience.
“Sorry. It’s just…” Princess Twilight backed away, rubbing her face. “I didn’t understand you as well as I thought I did. Now that I do, I wanted to give you a hug.”
“It’s okay, I think.” Twilight adjusted her glasses; another nervous habit she needed to ditch at some point. “Our time is almost up though. I’m sorry we didn’t get to discuss the books as much as we usually do. I made it personal and—”
“No, no, don’t apologize. I’m glad you did. I feel like we’re closer because of it.”
Twilight didn’t disagree per se, she just wasn’t really sure how to respond to that.
“Yeah, me too.”
“Goodbye. I’m excited to see your thesis.”
“I’m excited to write it.”
“‘I’m excited to write it?’ Talk about bad goodbyes, Twilight.”
Twilight muttered to herself, taking a sip of her freshly brewed coffee.
She had her laptop open, a mostly blank document outlined in APA, and the only source she’d need cited. Twilight sat on her bed, holding the friendship journal in her freehand as she flipped to the first page.
She had a lot of reading to do and a thesis to write.
