Cady, I think we're gonna have to kill her

by IGIBAB

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Flurry Heart, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random, Shining Armor
Length: 3096

Shining Armor's daughter has turned evil. She must be stopped at all costs. Meanwhile, Cadance tries to understand where her husband's brain went.

When your daughter dresses in all black, talks to changelings and tells you that life is meaningless, you know she became an irredeemable villain.
She must be killed. Shining Armor knows it.
Cadance says it's just a phase, but he knows.
It's definitely not a phase.

Made for the Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad contest. Couldn't resist writing about that big dumb unicorn.
Cover by emmaneiac.
Featured from 15/03/2024 to 19/03/2023. Thank you.
Made it to 3rd place lol.

Published 2024-03-15 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-03-15 17:20:01 UTC

What are you even saying!?

"I'm sorry our daughter went down a dark path..."

"Wait, no no no no, why are you saying that!?"

Cadance looked at Shining with utter concern. They were both standing on the balcony of the Crystal Empire's castle, overlooking the city and the celebration taking place down below. It was Flurry's fifteenth birthday and, as such, she was the main attraction at the ceremony. She was yet to come, so ponies were gathering in front of the gates.

Shining sighed with deep regrets, his voice shaken by sadness:

"Because I know we tried our best, and I feel like it's my fault for not noticing it earlier..."

"Again: What are you talking about!?"

Cadance's eyes were widened with bafflement. Why was he talking about killing their own daughter!?

"You told me to take care of it, but I couldn't..."

"For Celestia's sake," Cadance said, trying to contain her anger, masking her face behind one wing. "I just asked you to tell her to not wear that silly makeup. I know she won't listen to me."

Shining shook his head with gravity.

"Yes. And she didn't listen to me either. She's just too far gone for us to reach anymore. She said words to me that I couldn't imagine..."

"She told you to fuck off...?" Cadance guessed with a tired face.

Shining's eyes stared at the empty air in front of him, lost in his own dismay.

"Such cruelty... She used to be so adorable..."

He looked at his wife in desperate search for an answer:

"Do you think we could just use the Elements on her, rather than having to kill her?"

"Oh my god, are you for real now!?"

"I know it might be too late, but it worked on Luna, so..."

"We're not killing Flurry!" Cadance shouted, attracting some confused looks from the ponies down below.

"Jail, then?" Shining supposed.

Cadance's head hit the ledge of the balcony in a blunt sound.

"No, we're not doing that either..."

"Banished through the mirror? Don't think Sunset would appreciate t-"

"Shiny," Cadance suddenly cut, looking at her husband with all the seriousness she could muster. "Flurry is fine. We're not going to do any harm to her."

It was Shining's turn to look at his other half with concern. He kindly put a hoof on her shoulder.

"Cady... I know it's harsh to admit, but Flurry has turned evil. We must do something."

"She's not evil! She's just in emo-goth-teenage phase! Even I had one of those!"

"She's tried to befriend a changeling!" Shining argued.

"Shiny, please," Cadance begged, fearing for her own sanity. "Changelings have been friendly for almost fifteen years now."

"But just look at how her body changed! She's clearly been corrupted by the shadows!"

"She. Wears. MAKEUP!"

"I'm not making it up," Shining counter-argued.

"I-"

Cadance was cut by the sound of trumpets and flugelhorns echoing below them. She leaned over the balcony with a sigh of relief, looking at the doors opening.

"Mares and Gentlecolts," a guard announced. "Please, welcome: Her majesty, Princess Flurry Heart!"

The crowd went wild, stomping their hooves on the ground, while Cadance let out a deep sigh, getting out the stress her husband had brought onto her mind. But it was short lived, as she saw her daughter walking in front of the crowd.

Flurry was wearing long and dark socks, as well as some strange feather-sleeves that had been all the rage the past few months, leaving only the tips free. Instead of the usual royal hoof shoes decorated in blue and cyan, she had spiky metallic bracelets going around the base of her hooves. The spikes were low enough to hit the ground at every step in a little "cling" sound. The almost-white pink coat of her face only made her black eyeliner all the more apparent, and the dark purple strands in her long mane almost looked natural. Which couldn't be said for her black lips.

Cadance was boiling with anger. She turned to Shining, shouting:

"YOU ACTUALLY LET HER WEAR ALL THIS!?"

"I told you. She doesn't listen to me anymore."

Cadance took her head in between her hooves, looking with desperation at the crowd below. Ponies were in shock. Oh, what a catastrophe for the royal family.

The young princess walked forward, looking as bored as a filly in math class. She glanced at the ponies hesitantly bowing in front of her, before continuing her path with a little sigh.

"But don't worry, I've trapped her necklace," Shining suddenly said.

"YOU WHAT!?"

"Yes," he continued proudly. "The moment she spreads her wings, it's going to inhibit her magic. That probably won't last long against her dark powers, but it'll give us enough time."

Cadance was at a loss for words. She looked at her husband, dumbfounded.

"... You are actually an idiot."

She didn't wait for an answer and flew off the balcony, straight down to Flurry.

"Cadance, wait!"

She landed right next to her daughter, angry. She tore the star-shaped necklace away from Flurry with her magic, getting only a slightly disappointed pout from the birthday alicorn.

"I knew you would just show up and ruin everything..." she said with utmost boredom.

"We already had this conversation, young lady," Cadance said, a part of her anger actually targeted at Flurry. "You can wear whatever you want inside the castle, but not outside. Especially not on official ceremonies."

The young princess rolled her eyes.

"Uugh. You're always so uptight, mom. Can't wait until you're out of my life."

"You'll have me on your back for a few years still. Now, remove that silly makeup and get in your official attire. You have a ceremony to finish."

"But you spoiled the main event. I was about to show dad how strong I became."

Cadance squinted.

"You... What?"

"Yeah..." Flurry said in a slow and barely frustrated voice. "I was about to show him how much I was unaffected by his spell."

The princess of love was even more lost. She knew? Her daughter knew the necklace was trapped?

Shining finally teleported right next to his wife, putting a leg in protection in between her and Flurry.

"Don't do anything to her!"

"And who is going to stop me?" Flurry said, looking suddenly serious albeit still bored. "You?"

Shining clenched his teeth.

"Even against your own mother...!"

"Father, there's nothing you can do anymore. You should have acted before, while you still could."

"Everypony, run!" Shining shouted to the crowd.

All the attendants hesitated, unsure if all this was just an animation or an actual cause for concern. Either way, it was too sudden. Shining insisted:

"She's going to kill you all! Run! Hide!"

This time, they reacted. A yell of terror pierced through the crowd and it was like a starting signal. They all ran away, in any direction possible, screaming and panicking. Soon enough, only Flurry Heart and Shining were left, face to face. As well as a baffled Cadance.

"Flurry..." she tried, scared and shocked. "Are you really...?"

"Stay back!" Shining ordered, pushing her a few meters away with his magic, without looking away from his daughter. "I'll take her down myself! It's my fault!"

"But you-!"

"I won't kill them," Flurry cut.

Cadance looked at her, before letting a heavy sigh of relief out.

"Oh thank Celestia, I thought I-"

"I'm just going to turn everypony here into a goth pony."

"You-What?"

Again, Cadance had trouble understanding the meaning of all this. Was she really evil? Was THAT supposed to be something evil!? Shining seemed to think so, as he replied:

"You sick monster...! You won't have enough magic for that!"

Flurry opened her wings and began to rise in the air, hooves spread.

"I did a partnership with Rarity. She's going to give me all the black clothes and eyeliners I need to conquer Equestria."

"You even corrupted one of the Elements of Harmony!?" her father shouted, outraged.

"It was easy enough. This country was always on the brink of falling."

Meanwhile, Cadance face had gone from shock to sober astonishment and skepticism.

"Whaaaat..." she muttered, trying to understand what kind of sick madness spell had been cast on her family.

Shining was ready to use his magic. And so was Flurry. The two were staring at each other, the unfazed gaze of the alicorn into the angry yet regretful eyes of her father.

"What about Chrysalis!? What does she have to do with all this!?"

"Wait," Cadance realized. "When you said changeling earlier, you were talking ab-"

"Old changelings had style, father. You just don't understand it."

"You befriended Chrysalis!?" Cadance shouted.

"I told you she did!" Shining replied.

"For crying out loud, be more specific next time!"

Flurry looked on the side.

"Mom, you just don't get it. Those holes... I dig them."

A magical beam was cast straight at Flurry, but she deviated it with her own magic, getting her eyes back on her father.

"But it's too late now," the young alicorn said, rising in the air. "Soon, everycreature will wear makeup. All manes will have black strands. And all emotions will fade, no more suffering."

"Wait, that last part actually sounds evil," Cadance thought, before shaking her head. No, all of this was wrong. Flurry wasn't an evil world conqueror. But Shining's attack had actually mean to harm her.

"I'll stop you!" Shining shouted, charging another spell.

"I told you, it's too late!"

The sky darkened. Flurry had brought clouds to cover the sun. She spread her wings to their full extent, objects were teleported next to her. Sets of black eyeliners, purple dye and dark lipsticks. Pairs of violet and gloomy socks – goth etiquette actually mandated that both the front and hind socks be different – wing and horn sleeves and a copy of Edgeguard Alland Pone's anthology.

Brushes swoop down on Shining Armor. He dodged them, jumping on the side, before counter-striking with an assortment of magical purple arrows. But all failed to pierce Flurry's shield.

She opened one lipstick with magic, brandishing it like a sword. Through her spell, the blade got longer, becoming a true weapon of darkness. She plunged with it by her side, right towards her father. She swung it, straight into the magical shield Shining had cast.

The blade squealed against it, releasing a spray of purple and black sparkles. Their eyes met again. Shining had a tear in his eyes.

"Why did you turn to the dark side...!?"

"You wouldn't get it."

Shining's horn got brighter and, in a flash of light, he pushed back Flurry. She stopped mid-air, putting her swordstick away, readying a bottle of black hair dye.

"I'm not going to dye here!" the white unicorn firmly stated.

Flurry rolled her eyes at that pun.

"I'll end you just for that."

They got back into the fight, Shining preparing another spell, while Flurry was forming a huge ball of concentrated dye. And Cadance was still there, on the side, watching helplessly the dumbest thing she had ever witnessed.

"She's really into it," suddenly said a voice right next to her.

Cadance jumped, turning her eyes only to see Chrysalis standing by her side, drinking through a straw from a cup with a heart printed on it, levitated by magic.

"Chrysalis!?"

"'sup. Looks like your husband is even dumber than I thought."

"I-Huh-Wh-? What are you doing here!?"

"Flurry freed me like two weeks ago."

Cadance moved away, horn ready to fire. Chrysalis simply raised a hoof.

"Calm down, I can barely use magic anyway. No one loves me anymore."

She paused for a moment, realizing.

"Woaw, that's depressing... Anyway, this is why your daughter was interested in me. She said it was a story so deep and tragic it made her actually feel something more painful than existence itself."

"How am I supposed to trust that!?" Cadance said, clenching her teeth. "Maybe you did this to her!"

"Look at me," Chrysalis said, shrugging. "I'm so weak I have to drink leftovers from Hearts & Hooves Day, you really think I could do something to a young natural-born alicorn?"

"Leftovers...?" Cadance repeated slowly.

"Trust me, you ponies don't want to know what that means."

She shook her cup, making weird slosh sounds. Cadance really had no idea what she was talking about, but she still found it profoundly disgusting.

"So why are you here then?"

"Honestly, I don't really know myself. Just enjoying the show. And to see if Shining is going to actually kill her."

Cadance turned back to the fight going on, cautiously glancing at Chrysalis from time to time. Flurry and Shining were still at it, with spells, magic and makeup.

"You... knew this would happen?"

"Well, yes. Your daughter has a very fertile imagination, but your husband is taking it at face value."

"Wait, you mean she's just... pretending?"

"Of course. I mean, look at her."

Cadance looked again at the fight taking place. If Shining was really putting everything he had in each spell, as if he was battling his own inner tumultuous feelings personified in the form of the daughter facing him, Flurry was just making it look like she was serious. Her attacks were mostly harmless, the worst that could happen to Shining was to be knocked over by a brush or covered in paint. But she was putting her soul into it. Like if she was doing an act.

No. It wasn't an act. She was, in a way, believing in it. Like a child playing with invisible monsters, knowing deep down they aren't there, without ever having that thought. She was living a life she knew was false, but pretending it wasn't, because things were funnier that way.

But that was bad. Shining's attitude was only reinforcing that. Yet, he wasn't playing along. He was serious. That idiot truly thought she had fallen to some evil side. He was actually crying.

A makeup brush hit the shield Shining was yielding, leaving a grayish stain on it. The two magics clashed against one another.

"You were my daughter!"

"Then you should have done a better job to save me!" Flurry responded.

Both horns glowed brighter than ever – or darker, in Flurry's case. She had used some kind of magic-dye. The atmosphere began to vibrate, as they were both focusing on their next attack.

BONK! BONK!

Both their heads were hit at the same time by a frying pan. The sheer shock was enough to turn their magic off. Flurry crashed on the floor barely one meter below, while Shining staggered a bit, left and right, confused, before falling as well.

"What the hell...?" Flurry muttered, rubbing her head.

"Aouch... What kind of maleficent spell was that...?" said Shining.

They both flinched when two hooves landed right next to their heads. They looked up with fear in their eyes. Cadance was not happy at all.

"W-What?" Shining timidly asked.

"You, we'll talk about that later."

That tone was clearly not announcing good times to come. Confused, Shining simply nodded.

"And you, young mare!"

She pointed at Flurry, who flinched a bit, finally showing some emotions.

"We're going to have a talk right now, about your responsibilities!"

"But I-"

"No! No buts! You're lucky it is your birthday, otherwise you would have been grounded for a whole month! Now, apologize!"

Flurry mumbled, looking away.

"What was that!?"

"I'm sorry, mom... I was just so bored..."

"That, I can understand," Cadance said, breathing out a bit to calm herself. "But you'll need to find friends that didn't tried to end the world. Twice. And also some less... gullible."

She briefly glanced at Shining, who was still completely at a loss with this situation. And, also, a bit impressed that his wife had actually stopped that evil monster.

"Come back inside with me, Flurry. And you, Shining."

"Y-Yes...?"

"Go tell the citizens that you made them panic for nothing. Everything is fine."

"O-Okay?" he said, slowly getting up.

"Oh, and please, pick that necklace up and destroy it. I don't need somepony to come to me and say they were magically trapped by something they found on the street."

Shining only briefly nodded, looking at Flurry, before stepping away carefully.

Cadance sighed.

"I swear, you two... You know he was actually trying to kill you?"

The young princess looked away at the ground.

"It's not like he could."

"Flurry...!" Cadance warned, causing her daughter's ears to flop. "What if he had hurt you? What about his feelings?"

"I'm sorry... I just got carried away."

"But why? You knew he was serious, right?"

"I knew... But I went with it because I felt like it was the first time in years that we were actually... bonding, or whatever that was. Sharing times."

Cadance's expression suddenly softened, looking at her daughter. She gently raised a hoof under her chin, lifting it so their eyes could meet. And she saw it. How could she have missed that, with her own daughter nonetheless? She was lonely. Not in the "I'm alone," way. But in the "No one understands me. I don't understand myself. I can't link with others, even when I try," way. She had grown astray from her father, despite their own wishes. She couldn't understand it, that change in her, so she had taken the first opportunity to share something with him again. Something that she enjoyed.

Cadance sighed with compassion and hugged her against her torso.

"Oh, I'm sorry Flurry... We'll find a way, don't worry... Your father might be dumb, but he also cares about you."

Flurry hesitated a bit, feeling awkward doing that in public. But, after all that trouble, she was weak enough to let go of her teenage need for independence. She buried her head against her mother, not crying, but still shaking. She felt a weight slowly getting off her heart.

At least no one had been hurt.

The sound of Chrysalis getting to the bottom of her cup with her straw kinda broke the moment for them, though.

Meanwhile, at the train station, a very joyful soon-to-be-not-all-that-joyful white dressmaker was unloading a shipment of two thousand black ensembles. Blissfully unaware.

Author's Note

I don't know why or how the end got so emotional but... Well I kinda like it. It's different from the pure random I usually go for those silly one-shots.
Don't know if the fact he's trying to kill her counts as child abuse? I'll be ok if this disqualifies me tbh.