Bernie Aprils' Day Out

by Mr_Some1

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Original Character, Comedy, Other
Length: 1337

Bernie Aprils goes on adventures in Equestria!

Bernie Aprils, beloved reoccurring character from the Ponies: The Anthology series, goes on heart-pounding, crazy adventures in the magical land of Equestria! Being the salesman he is, the ponies can't help but fall for his charms. Join him as he frolics through the fields of friendship, and overcomes harsh, dramatic tension that will make you say "yeah, that's definitely a story".

Shoutouts to Cole Donnerstag for convincing me to go through with this mess of a story in a VC at like 3 in the morning, and to Windber for being born in the same hospital as Bernie Aprils.

Published 2024-03-09 05:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-03-09 05:00:01 UTC

Sofas and Quills

It was a day not unlike any other day. Twenty-four hours, with the sun rising in the morning, hanging in the sky for about 10 hours, then going down to give in to the evening, eventually setting to give rise to the moon, which would bring about the night. But it had not yet reached that part of the day, no, at this time, it was soon before that, being the afternoon. Which usually takes place AFTER NOON, which is the middle part of the day in which the sun is in the very middle of the sky, and represented as 12-o'-clock, the time in between am and pm.

Davenport, the owner of the Sofa and Quill store in Ponyville, was just closing up shop. It had been a relatively profitable day, he had sold a nice sofa to a lovely couple just moving in to their new apartment, as well as a few weekly quill subscriptions to not only them, but also some other customers who had just learned about his newest deal. A new quill every week, delivered right to your doorstep! Hoof-picked by Davenport himself, who was known just as much for his knowledge on all types of writing mechanisms that are quills as he was on any type of furniture that's called a sofa.

He usually whistled to himself while he closed up shop, but his everyday tradition was cut short when he saw a figure walking around the corner, headed directly his way. In most circumstances, a large bipedal mammal walking through the streets of Ponyville would be cause for alarm, in fact, it may even be a bit of a hootenanny. But, this was not just any ol' random large bipedal mammal walking through the streets of Ponyville, this large bipedal mammal walking through the streets of Ponyville was a character well-known to all the ponies of Equestria, Davenport especially.

"Oh, Bernie, you caught me as I was closing up shop! It's been a while old friend!" With a grin he turned to fully face his otherworldly acquaintance.

"Hi, Bernie Aprils here. Davenport, my bud, my old hootenanny pal! It has been a long time, I don't think we've talked since last Bapril! Wild party, amiright?"

Bernie's smile was always a treat to the characters in this town. He was a jolly fellow, with a tan business suit that matched his desire for bringing joy to all those around. Or was it gold? Who's to really say?

"Well, old friend, I do say business has been booming! Your idea for weekly resupplies of quills has certainly garnered my business a lot more attention as of late! Though I will say, the daily sofa subscription didn't take off nearly as well."

"Ah, you'll get em' champ, just pull up your bootstraps and you'll be there in no time!"

Bernie always had very... interesting propositions for how a business should be run. Sometimes, they worked perfectly, and captured the hearts of customers all around, but others, they took a while to truly take off. His friend had a way of convincing him to experiment, though. Maybe it was something about the whimsy of his beard that filled the ponies with trust.

"I suppose you were here for more than just to hang out though Bernie, your steps are a little less jovial than usual. What's got you bothered?"

They began on their routine walk as they continued to speak.

"Well, Dav, you always have known me better than most. It's been rough. I've been lost in the woods for over a year now, and while I was able to finally attend HarmonyCon in that time, it's hard for me to figure a way out of this pickle. I'm thinking of just setting up fort and waiting to be rescued, to be honest. My father won't stop at anything to find me if his sink is clogged, you know."

There were times when Bernie would speak in what Davenport could only assume was some sort of riddle. How could he be lost in the woods right now when he was standing in front of him? What did his dad's plumbing issues have to do with anything? And what the heck was a HarmonyCon? But he had learned not to question this sort of language, and instead play along, and try to figure out the real root of the problem.

"You know, Bernie, when I was a young colt, I'd get lost in the woods all the time. I'd be terrified, and want to just give up, wailing like a foal lost in the woods! Which, to be fair, I was. My mother would be furious when I got home late, but... you know what kept me going, searching for my way back? The knowledge that when I finally made it out, regardless of how angry she was, my mother would always have a nice, freshly made casserole ready for me to eat."

"Dav, my old friend, you always know just the right advice to give me when I'm down. You're right, I bet Bobby is working on a casserole for me as we speak, and I don't want that casserole he's been working on for so long to get cold! I'm gonna keep trying to find my way back home. Thanks Dav, you're a true pal."

As the sun continued making its way toward evening, the time of day that comes about after the afternoon, the two friends kept each other company while the sofa clerk (who also happened to be a quill expert) found his way back home.

"Now, tell me, how did you get so good at giving advice? You should really start selling that stuff, it always hits me right in the smacker, and has never turned me the wrong way! Unlike that one guy with the bat, I really don't think giving him my wallet ended up doing me any favors. Come to think of it though, he did mention wanting to hit me right in the smacker... But that's besides the point. You should really market your words of wisdom!"

Bernie's innocent smile and genuine brown eyes looked at Davenport with earnestness that he wished he was able to return himself, but he did his best.

"You know, that would be an idea, but then I'd have to change my shop name from Sofas & Quills to Sofas, Quills, and questionable life advice. Doesn't quite roll off the tongue like Sofas & Quills."

As they approached Davenport's quaint and humble abode at the end of the street, both friends realized that their time together was about to come to an end.

"Bernie, thanks for stopping by, it's always a pleasure meeting with you. You always make this walk home interesting. You know, you could actually come inside and chat for a bit longer, I'd love to be able to chat while sitting down for once, it doesn't always have to be my walk here from my store that you accompany me on. Maybe you could join me on my walk INTO work for once! Hah! Wouldn't THAT be a hootenanny?"

Bernie's expression turned to that of nostalgic acceptance. "Sorry, friend, but most other times I'm busy being lost in the woods. But maybe I'll see you sometime soon on your walk home again! It's always a joy. I'll see ya around, champ."

As Bernie frolicked off to Celestia-knows-where, Davenport couldn't help but chuckle at the one person in the world who was outright ridiculous, but somehow also cared for those around him so deeply as to meet them when they needed it most. He knew his friend would get out of the pickle he found himself in, but his thoughts wandered back to his shop, and ways that he could further push his daily sofa subscription. Maybe he could sweeten the deal with free delivery on the first 3 days? If Bernie thought it would work, then eventually, it might turn out alright.