“Wow, so Spike managed to save the Crystal Empire from the eternal servitude of the dreaded King Sombra… all by himself?”
“Well, not really. He did have plenty of help from me and the girls along the way. Cadence and Shining Armour played their part too, of course. But I bet, if you asked him about it… that’s the story he’d tell.”
“B-But to have a statue of himself put up… right in the middle of the City Square…”
“Yeah, even I thought that was a bit overkill, but the locals practically insisted. I decided in the end to let him have his moment of glory. I mean, I’ve gotten plenty of recognition for everything I’ve ever done, and if anycreature has ever earned the tag ‘undervalued’, it’s Spike alright.”
Having suffered through the stifling formality of the coronation ceremony to officially be declared the new undisputed sole Princess Of Equestria and contrastingly had a blast at the much more enjoyable afterparty with her six closest friends, Twilight Sparkle decided to take them up on their more-than-generous offer to clean up afterwards.
Between Pinkie’s party cannon going completely berserk when the fuse jammed with a stray custard pie and Blueblood’s unexpected gatecrashing to ‘patch things’ up with Rarity after the disaster that was their first Galloping Gala (Spoiler Alert: it didn’t go so well)...
…The main hall in the Canterlot Castle had been so thoroughly desecrated with a mixture of whipped cream, colourful confetti and shreds of a very expensive tunic formerly owned by a chauvinistic prig of a Prince, the horrified alicorn was more than happy for her remorseful friends to tidy things up again.
So, whilst Applejack swept, Fluttershy polished and Rainbow Dash mostly… stayed out of the way (probably the best thing she could do, considering her habit of knocking fragile items over during her frequent speed bursts) Twilight had a bit of free time on her hooves to talk to some of her other guests in the drawing room who’d arrived for the crowning…
…Like her parents who felt like they hadn’t her in years (a fact that they never stopped painfully bringing up to their guilt-stricken daughter during their brief reunion) The new king of the Changelings, Thorax (who hadn’t exactly got the joke when Twilight humourously told him she was glad they ‘put a bit of colour in his life’) and now… Princess Ember.
At first, Twilight was a bit nervous about having a one-on-one chat with the notoriously erratic reptilian royal. Sometimes, despite firmly being on good relations with all ponykind, she and her subjects could be a bit standoffish with the ‘weaker and sappier’ equines, and there were even occasions where she forgot the alicorn’s own given name (‘The Smart One’ didn’t really cut it for her).
But their candid conversation had gone surprisingly well, with first Ember swapping stories about how a fresh batch of eggs had just been laid in the Dragon Lands, and how she’d just moved into a new larger cave with its very own lava bath (very swanky).
Meanwhile, Twilight in turn had regaled the scaled Princess with her remarkably seamless adaptation to royal life, how long it’d taken her to move her countless books into the even bigger library at Canterlot and a much-loved individual Ember seemed particularly fascinated by…
…Namely, Spike.
“Who’d have thought one so little and raised by ponies could go on to achieve so much… by all rights, maybe he should be ruler of The Dragon Lands instead of me. If he hadn’t turned it down, at least I’d have a lot more spare time on my claws!” Ember audibly laughed at the suggestion, only half-jokingly. “Garble even told me he and Spike are the ‘bestest of best buds now’, which means Garble is automatically invited to palace feasts whenever he likes. I’m a bit sceptical though, is there any truth to this?”
“Hmm… ever since Garble’s secret double-life as a beatnik was revealed, their relationship has improved dramatically, but I wouldn't say they’re that close…” Twilight thought back over the formal interactions she'd had with her new Chief Advisor in the build-up to the ceremony. “I mean, Spike invited Smoulder to the festivities as one of his main guests, but there was no mention of her brother on the list. I suspect Garble might be after a free meal or five, if you don’t mind me saying so.”
“Noted. I suppose it was too much to hope that he’d fully change his scales overnight, but at least he’s improving.” Ember rolled her eyes at the attempted deception, which meant she would be having stern words with Garble later. “Anyway, what else were you going to tell me about… oh, yes! How Spike was the only member of your entourage to see the good in Thorax, and helped the rest of you in overcoming your natural prejudice of Changelings to become his friend.”
“Well, I wouldn’t argue with any of that. But if you knew some of the run-ins we’d had with Thorax’s kind in the past, you’d probably understand better why we started off on the wrong hoof.” Twilight fought back sour memories of being disbelieved at Cadance’s wedding thanks to Queen Chrysalis's machinations and captured by her subjects later, before the evil monarch was deposed by Thorax himself. “But that’s Spike all over for you… the little guy with the big heart. Or the big Crystal Heart, to reference one of his other achievements I’ve already mentioned.”
“Thanks to my Dad's teachings, I used to think size was everything, that I was cursed to be so much smaller than most of the rest of the dragons.” Ember was in far too contemplative a mood to catch onto Twilight’s alleged cleverness. “I’ll never be able to repay Spike for helping me see that no matter how big or short you are, it’s what’s inside that counts… and I’d better not hear you’ve told any of my dragons this. It wouldn't go over very well, if they found out their ‘tough’ Princess was capable of such unrestrained mushiness.”
“Your secret's safe with me. Maybe a little pony is starting to rub off on you after all.” Twilight offered Ember a knowing smirk, but stopped when she saw the irritated expression she got in response. “A-Anyway, I don’t know about your future height, but I’m pretty sure Spike will be much bigger than his current self in just a few years. I mean, it took him ages just to get his wings, so these things don’t happen overnight. But whatever happens next, thankfully nothing could be like the time he became around fifty-foot tall and terrorised Ponyville all on one unforgettable birthday… wait, did I say ‘unforgettable’? What I meant to say was regrettable…”
“Hang on a second… I haven’t heard this story before. What happened to cause that?!” Suddenly, Ember was all ears, getting right in Twilight’s face; almost knocking the alicorn down in her plush chair such was her enthusiasm for the intimate details.
“E-Erm, it was quite a while ago now, but you know how dragons can become much larger than they normally are when exposed to intense feelings of greed?”
“Of course I do! B-But you’re only supposed to grow a metre, two at the most! Not the gargantuan creature you just described. I wonder…”
“Regardless, it’s not a day I’ll look back on with any great affection. At least Spike learned his lesson in the end, put back all the stuff he took and then everything was as right as… Ember? Ember?! Now, where did that distracted dragoness go off to this time?”
Somewhere between pushing the rampant reptile off her royal form and recounting the sorry tale of Spike’s temporary growth spurt, Twilight noticed that Ember was nowhere to be found.
She left without saying goodbye? A bit rude. Especially as I thought we were getting along so famously. Twilight frowned at the apparent lack of any kind of farewell from the disappeared dragoness, before shrugging her shoulders and deciding to move on with her day. Let’s see… who have we got next… Trixie, yeah not especially forward to that encounter. Cheese Sandwich, I hope he leaves his hoofbuzzer at home for a change. Then after that, we have… oh, no. No. NO!!”
“I’m hheerree!”
And as a half-moustached purple sea serpent by the unguessable name of ‘Steven Magnet’ crashes through the castle wall with a comment along the lines of: “Huh, you’d think they’d have made the doors a bit bigger for my fabulous entrance…” Let’s move swiftly on, shall we?
*************************
Just like Twilight, Spike had been kindly exempted from the big clean-up operation going on even now in the main hall, but unlike Twilight he hadn’t harboured any grande ambitions of meeting and greeting the many well-wishers that’d turned up to this most prestigious of occasions.
Unless the ‘well-wishers’ were sheep, that is. For you see, Spike was devoting this unexpected free time to one of his favourite activities, one which he had gotten far too little of recently and would require no real effort on his part apart from to close his eyes a tad.
He was fast asleep, in other words.
“Mmm, cosy! So much better than that lumpy flat thing I used to call a mattress back at The Castle Of Friendship.” Spike briefly murmured in his comfortable repose, whilst turning over in his slumbers. “Now where was I… oh yes, I was jumping off my springboard into a Gem Pit at my very own mansion, and eating them all one, no thirty at a time . Rubies… Sapphires… Diamonds… Ember-alds… hang on, that doesn’t sound right…”
As you’ve probably guessed by now, Spike’s sweet dreams were unexpectedly interrupted by a certain eager dragoness, who was even now rapidly prodding his restful form with unapologetic claws.
“E-Ember? What are you doing here? How did you find out where my new bedroom is? I was having the nicest dream before you came in: I was eating all kinds of mouthfuls of delicious jewels. There was Rubies… Sapphires… Garnets… Pearls… Amethysts… wait, that’s not the correct sequence. See what you’ve made me do? I’m starting to forget them already.”
“I’ve been searching the entire castle for you for the last… oh, never mind. I’ve got something for you that’s better than sleep. Better than precious gems, even!” Ember wasted no more time, and held up a papery item wrapped in the most secure of protective cellophane. “What do you think? The nerdy stallion at the comic book store said it’s one of the most valuable issues they had in stock. I assumed he was telling the truth, since I politely informed him I’d be back to burn his shop to the ground if he was lying to me. Tell me, do you like it?”
Upon clapping his eyes on said exceedingly rare comic, Spike’s overwhelming exhaustion seemed to fade away in a matter of seconds as he leapt out of bed to snatch up the offered item. “B-But this is issue one of the short-lived yet highly collectable Power Ponies series Humdrum and Dum-Dum, where everypony’s favourite bumbling sidekick gets a new helper who’s even more incompetent than he is! It was abruptly cancelled after issue four because nocreature could stand Dum-Dum, and complete sets exchange on the black market for no less than…”
“Yes, yes. I know I much they’re worth, I just emptied the entire Dragon Lands treasure box in buying it. Please spare me the whole comic book history lesson, as well. All I really want to know is… do you like it?”
“Well, of course I do… but I couldn’t possibly accept this gift. What could I have done to deserve...”
“Just think of it as a ‘congratulations’ present for becoming the new Chief Advisor for the Princess Of Equestria! Also, if you didn’t take it off my claws, I would actually be quite insulted. And you don’t want me to leave Canterlot later in a bad mood, do you?”
“N-No of course not. In that case, you haven’t given me much choice, have you? Thank you. Thank you so much. This is the nicest present I’ve had for as long as I can…”
“What, you think that’s all I was able to buy for you with the many bits at my disposal?” Ember gave Spike a little wink, before digging into a medium-sized bag she’d kept hidden behind her back until now. “You know what dragons are like… we hoard more treasure than we know what to do with in the end. Better to spend the fortune on somecreature who’ll appreciate it, than let the coins go rusty in the back of a dark and damp cave. So, here you go.”
Ember threw even more professionally-sealed priceless comic books onto a simply stunned Spike’s bedclothes, including many rarities that he’d only heard whispered about in hushed tones at the few conventions he attended during his rare days off. With each gentle plop, and every slight browse, Spike began getting a little more excited, a little more ravenous…
And a little bigger and bigger and… Ember noted with satisfaction, whilst taking a step back to let nature do its work and before the entire ceiling caved in.
“Masked Matter-horn At Mardi Gra! Fili-Second vs Polyfilla!! All the Hearth Warming Specials only available through select mail order vendors!!! And all… for me?!”
“That’s right, Spike! All for you. And I’ve just had another great idea; while I’m in town, I’m staying at a nice little cave just on the outskirts. I think I might've even left some more of the comics I couldn't fit in the bag there. Perhaps you’d like to fly down with me, so you can read some of them in peace and maybe we can get… further acquainted?”
“Yes! Yes!! Gimme Gimme!!” Spike’s newfound primitive mental state caused by his gargantuan form had reduced him once more to simple sentences and desires, but fortunately his wings had grown with the rest of his body so he didn’t have to stomp through town destroying it like last time.
“My, you’re such a big boy now.” Ember commented seductively, as Spike grasped her up without protest in one huge talon while grabbing the valuable bag of comic books with the other. “And I don’t just mean your height…!”
You see, just after she’d listened to Twilight, Ember had reached two hitherto unknown biological conclusions. This caused her to rush off as soon as possible, empty the treasury box that she took everywhere with her, before spending the lot and showering the rapidly transforming Spike with countless gifts.
The first, was that every bit of his anatomy would grow in addition to his legs, arms, head etc.
The second was that the smaller the dragon, the bigger the greed-induced growth spurt.
Including something she was far more interested in than the rest of his body parts, something now almost as big as she was, something more-than-capable of giving off its own special kind of ‘spurt’.
Oh, this is gonna be fun… and just in time for mating season... the tragically sex-starved Ember thought lustfully, as she was unerringly flown away for an unforgettable night of pure pleasure. She didn’t intend to spend it reading Power Ponies, put it that way.
…And if it doesn’t fit, I’ll just adjust my size to match his impressive dragonhood. Which shouldn’t be an issue. Something tells me that all it’ll take is one look at that giant throbbing purple organ to greedily want more. And more. And…
Author's Note
I came up with this idea while writing my last fanfic, and it amused me enough to give it a go... so here you are.
Hope you enjoyed reading it, and see you real soon for more crazy off-the-wall fun. 
