The Super Awesome Adventure of Brian in Equestria!
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Bad Luck Brian goes to Equestria
The Super Awesome Adventure of Brian in Equestria!
One day, our poor, unlucky protagonist, age 13, was walking down the road happily. He was smiling, waving his arms in the wind. He looked to his side, and suddenly he saw a blue car coming straight at him. "WAIT, WHA-" And then the got slammed right in the chest, destroy his ribs and most other of his bones. He died very slowly in and agonizing death.
Brian slowly drifted awake multiple hours later. "Where am I...?" he wondered aloud. He looked around; he saw a wondrous landscape, with an explosion of colors everywhere. The sky was perfectly blue, with no clouds to ruin the view. He looked to his sides and saw what he wasn't expecting; multi-colored horses, some with wings and some with horns, looking at him. "Am... Am I..." he tried to get out of his mouth. He then exploded with happiness, leaping into the air and exclaiming, "I'm in Equestria! Oh, I am so happy!" He ran around for a bit, with the ponies just staring at the strange creature do weird things, which they assumed was his native species' mating ritual. They slowly backed away if he got close. "Yes! Woo-h-" He suddenly got crushed by a multi-ton piano.
"Whoops, my bad!" Derpy called out from above.
Hours later, Brian woke up in a hospital. he had absolutely no feeling in his legs. "Where- where am I?"
"You're in a hospital," a doctor said. "We normally don't bring strange creatures in here, but your kind has never been seen before. And lucky enough, you speak Equestrian."
"But, I'm not a strange creature; I'm a human," Brian said. "And I speak English, not Equestrian."
"Seems like a strange creature to me," the doctor said. "Alright. Even though a piano crushed you on the head, you have broken legs. And they'll never heal. Now, we're going to get you into the wheel chair." Brian frowned as a he got put into the wheel chair. It was a clunky and awkward design, since it was normally for ponies. He scooted out after paying the fee of a thousand bits, which he didn't even have since he came from Earth. He started going towards Ponyville again. He knew Twilight Sparkle lived in a library in a tree, located near the center of Ponyville. He scooted over to the tree and opened the door to go inside.
Twilight Sparkle was reading a book. When she heard the door open, she turned around and saw Brian. "Hm? What are you?" she wondered aloud. She walked over to him and examined the strange creature in a wheel chair. "I've never seen anything like you before. Are you a creature? Shouldn't you be with Fluttershy, then?"
Brian's heart exploded when he heard that he should be with Fluttershy.
Literally.
He was then rushed to the hospital again, and then had to get a transplant to give him a new heart. Of course, he had to get a pony's heart, since there are no humans in Equestria except him. He then played another fee of four-hundred thousand bits for a surgery that lasted twelve seconds, which he still didn't have, and left. He decided to stay outside and view the sky. He looked up and smiled. Suddenly, he saw a rainbow-maned cyan pegasus fly above him. He smiled largely when he saw who he was looking at. Suddenly, the mare started flying down, and she went so fast, she broke the sound barrier and did a Sonic Rainboom.
However, Brian's ears couldn't handle this. His ear drums exploded and he was sent back to the hospital. He got bandages around the poor fellow's ears. He was diagnosed deaf and left the hospital again, paying a fee of 42 bits. Of course, he still didn't have those. He left again and decided to check out Rarity's boutique. He simply walked inside the boutique (even though he's still in a wheelchair) and looked around.
"Hello there, darling," Rarity said. "Welcome to-" She suddenly noticed the creature wasn't a pony. "Um, what exactly are you?"
Brian was deaf, so he couldn't hear anything she said. He walked over to a diamond-encrusted dress. He got close and ran his hands against it.
"Do not touch that!" Rarity yelled. "Why can't this creature hear me?!"
Suddenly, Brian somehow made the dress leave the plane of existence, and it suddenly disappeared.
"NO!!" Rarity screamed. She ran up to Brian and punched him right in the chest. Brian threw up and fell to the ground.
Hours later, Brian left the hospital again. He got hit in the pancreas, giving him type 1 diabeetus. He was also diagnosed with brain cancer. He cried for multiple minutes then left, still managing to somehow pay with the bits he doesn't have. He decided to check out Pinkie Pie's place of work. He scooted on over to Sugar Cube Corner. He got inside, and met Pinkie.
"Hello! Ooh, you must be new in town! Well, I'm Pinkie Pie, this is Sugar Cube Corner, this is Ponyville, and OOH!..." she began. Of course, Brian could not hear her. Eventually, her mouth stopped moving and she handed over a cupcake on her hoof. Brian smiled and happily accepted it, taking a big bite out of it. He felt wobbly and fell to the ground.
He had a concussion and went to the hospital. Lucky for him, since he was about to be baked into cupcakes. (Wait, Brian had GOOD luck? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!) His brain damage worsened, since he already had cancer. He had been officially diagnosed as mentally retarded at this point. He left again, but this time he DIDN'T pay bits. What a plot twist.
He decided his life still sucked, even while in Equestria. He decided to go to Sweet Apple Acres to check the place out because he wanted to. He walked into Sweet Apple Acres and examined the farm. He liked it. Suddenly, a giant plow got thrown into the air and hit Brian right below the nose.
"Sorry, mister!" Applejack called, running towards him. "Wait, what are you?"
Brian was sent back to the hospital. It chopped off his tongue and he became mute.
Brian left the hospital by paying with HUMAN DOLLARS (another great plot twist) and he was on his way again. Yeah, Brian's doomed.
Brian decided to check out Fluttershy's cottage. He walked over there and went inside.
"Hm? Who's there?" a soft voice of a mare you should know unless you're an idiot said. Fluttershy walked into the room Brian was in. "Huh? What are you?" she asked. "I've never seen anything like you before..." She closely examined him. 'You look like a monkey, but bigger, uglier, and smellier... What are you?" Of course, Brian couldn't hear anything. "Oh, you look hurt," Fluttershy continued. "Here you go, we'll get you all fixed." Fluttershy started walking away, and Brian followed, though he didn't know what she said. "Oh, okay," Fluttershy said. She walked to a pair of small scissors. "Alright, I think we should groom you, first! A monkey like you shouldn't be this ugly." She grabs the scissors and started walking towards Brian. Suddenly, she tripped, and the scissors flew into the air. Because Brian couldn't escape fast enough in his wheelchair, the scissors hit him right in both eyes. He would have screamed, but he was mute.
He was sent back to the hospital again, this time becoming blind. So, he was deaf, mute, blind, had diabeetus, had cancer, in a wheelchair, and a new heart.
"Poor sucker..." the doctor said.
Suddenly, the door to the room burst open and in came her majesty herself, Princess Celestia.
"Your majesty," the doctor said, kneeling down.
"It's quite already," Celestia said. She walked up to Brian. "I thought bringing you to Equestria would be amusing, but... Wow. This just seems painful. I guess I'll just send you back to your world." Brian couldn't hear or see anything.
"Wait, so this thing's from another planet?" the doctor said.
"Yup," Celestia replied. Brian was then sent back to his home planet. Every damage he got in Equestria was repaired, and he was back to normal.
Brian woke up in his room and noticed that he was back to normal, all damages repaired, but he remembered everything from being in Equestria. He saw it was 2 A.M., so he decided to go to sleep. In his dream, he dreamed he was Rainbow Dash.
However, it was a dream about Cupcakes.
Then a dream about Rocket to Insanity.
Poor Brian...
The end.
