Too Many Shining Armors (are Terrible Dads)

by owlicious

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Flurry Heart, Comedy, Rarity, Shining Armor, Pinkie Pie, Random, Human, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 5699

Prince Shining Armor uses the Mirror Pool to fix a scheduling conflict. Princess Twilight's counting on his daughter Princess Flurry Heart to find the real Shining Armor, before the clones escape or rebel.

Shining Armor and his daughter Princess Flurry Heart visited Ponyville. At the last minute, Shining Armor realized that he promised to show up at Rarity's fundraiser, his daughter's restaurant's grand opening party, and visit his old friends, all at the exact same time of day. To avoid letting anypony down, Shining Armor uses the Mirror Pool to create clones, then gives them a copy of most of his memories.

While Princess Twilight Sparkle's away dealing with a bigger friendship emergency, Princess Flurry Heart must send the clones that her dad created back to the Mirror Pool before they rebel or make more clones.

Flurry Heart's cursed by several problems: The clones insist they're the real ones. Prince Shining Armor gave his scions a copy of most of his memories. Many of her plans don't work. The clones have the same magic, special talents, instincts, and most of his knowledge, and guess or cheat when they don't know things. Her magic naturally isn't as strong as any Shining Armor's, and even a simple barrier would stop her spells.

This dark, comedic story is set around the end of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, in a universe where Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad of Princess Flurry Heart. Shining Armor and a few other characters have different flaws including, but not limited to, impulsiveness, obliviousness, forgetfulness, stupidity, recklessness, selfishness, indifference, and poor communication skills.

This is a submission to the Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad Competition!

A/N: Not a crossover, but this story contains references to scenes in Gurren Lagann, mostly in the last chapter.
A/N: There's only one human of any form, and they're not a main character.
A/N: In a sense, Shining Armor is a father of the clones.

Published 2024-03-10 03:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-03-10 03:30:00 UTC

Extra Shining Armors

During her walk around Ponyville, Flurry Heart and her royal guards saw 3 Shining Armors rush by. She took a paper and quill out of her black saddlebags and hastily wrote a letter with her telekinesis.

“Dear Aunty Twilight,

~~Your big brother... My father did something stupid again.~~

Hypothetically speaking, what would you do if a reckless, powerful unicorn stallion created several Mirror ~~Pond~~Pool clones, and they were running around Ponyville? And what’s the best way to find out which is the original?

Also, were there any ethical issues with the spell that you used to get rid of the extra Pinkie Pies?

P.S. Can you make it to Ponyville today?

P.P.S. I got my Cutie Mark today by doing something that other ponies would consider impossible!

P.P.P.S. Maneican Bell’s grand opening was more successful than I could have imagined. Filthy Rich and Fancy Pants are considering opening franchises in cities across Equestria!

Your favorite niece,

Flurry Heart”

She finished scribbling over her mistakes, rolled it up and sealed it shut, and sent off a letter in a burst of green flame and went back to the Maneican Bell opening party.

A scroll appeared in front of her twenty minutes later, and she unrolled it to read it.

Dear Flurry Heart,

You’re my only niece unless my B.B.B.F.F. and Cadance had another filly without telling me? So you’re technically correct, which is the best kind of correct.

You always have interesting hypothetical questions. You remind me of myself at your age.

I’d written up a flowchart for this situation years ago, but it’s enormous and parts of it are classified, so I’ll make this short. Hypothetically speaking, if the unicorn is powerful or likely to escape, the Mirror Pool clones should be dealt with by the nearest princess as quickly as possible before they escape, rebel, and/or create even more clones. If they aren’t likely to escape, then they should be locked up until I can decide what to do with them.

Fortunately, clones normally have few memories and are easily distracted, and in an emergency, a Princess can give the group a boring task such as watching a blank wall, and tell them that anypony that looks away or does anything other than stare at the wall will be sent back to the Mirror Pool.

The spell matrix diagram for banishing the clones is written on the back of this scroll if you’re curious about how it works.

~~███████████████████! █████████████████████████████████ Pinkie Pie!█████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████ problems getting magical constructs to sound realistic instead of ████████████████████, ██████████████ ask Discord later. █████████████████, ████████████████ will create a permanent magic barrier that only a powerful unicorn or alicorn could break.~~

The Mirror Pool was created by Discord thousands of years ago as a prank, and the clones are soulless magical constructs. In that situation, the Princess in charge just needs to accurately identify the clones and send them back to the Mirror Pool before they rebel or make more clones.

~~Lulu hasn’t been able to fix my worsening nightmares of quesadillas and I don’t want to be anywhere near one, but I’ll need to calm the buck down and find a better before my next trip to Ponyville.~~

My schedule’s full and I’m dealing with an enormous friendship problem facing all of Equestria, so I definitely can’t be in Ponyville for the rest of week!

Anyways, happy birthday and congratulations on finally getting your cutie mark. Is your special talent related to weather or cyclones like I’d thought? If so, please, please visit sooner; I haven’t seen you in months! With the spell that Sky Piercer, Lulu and I are working on, we’ll have a permanent way to stop the windigos. Amazingly, the strength of the blizzards that windigos create is proportional to the total amount of fighting between the different kinds of ponies, not the amount per pony in an area. Equestria’s at a record population and still growing thanks to recent improvements to farming and medicine, but my calculations indicate that windigos won’t be a real problem for at least a few decades!

~~But what should I do if there’s never an alicorn with the special talent this spell needs? Should I try to keep the population stable once the windigos become a problem by changing incentives such as tax laws? Or should I convince different types of ponies to stop ██████████████ ███████████████, thinking about ████████████████████ ██████████? ███████████████████████, ██████████████████████████████████████! In the worst case, my best option would be to seal away all the pony magic in Equestria!~~

Your Favorite Aunt,

Twilight Sparkle

P.S. The Royal Astronomers say that they picked up a burst of high frequency electromagnetic waves from the moon last night! Lulu thinks it’s just a measuring error or the Aurora Borealis. And she says hi!

P.P.S. I had wanted to test a hypothesis, but I couldn’t find the cursed accessories that you mentioned in your last hypothetical question at Zecora’s hut. The borrower filled out a checkout form when Zecora was out gathering herbs and paid the deposit fee plus the maximum late fee up front, but didn’t write down their identifying cutie mark. Trixie, Starlight, Sunset, and Luna denied having the artifacts.

Hypothetically speaking, the strengths of the curses of the necklaces and the Rebel Shades would reset if a pony takes them off. And wearing the emotion dampening “I Love Corn” choker with the Alicorn Amulet should reduce the latter’s induced rage and paranoia to mild annoyance or even indifference, even after months of uninterrupted use, but there might be indirect side effects of long term use that I didn’t consider.

P.P.P.S. Oops, I’m almost out of ink and the ambassador from Germaneigh looks pretty angry. I’m sorry this letter’s such a mess.

Flurry Heart finished reading the letter. She looked down at the red and bright yellow necklaces that she put on this morning. She considered her next steps, thinking ’I have to send the clones back to the Mirror Pool as quickly as possible, before this gets out of control.’

Princess Flurry Heart pointed out a large abandoned building, and ordered her guards to split up and search Ponyville and the Everfree by ground and air, and bring every Shining Armor back there by any means necessary. Twilight was counting on her to stop a clone rebellion.

Author's Note

In this story, crossed out text (~~like this~~) and redacted text (██) are used to represent text that the senders of letters deliberately and thoroughly crossed out or blacked out with ink so that the recipient could not read it.

Whatever you think is written there is probably unimportant to the story, easy to guess, or darker than what I was going to write in "██" redacted parts of letters.

Also, the Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad Competition has a 5k word limit on submissions.

Disappointing Shining Armors

It was a warm and lightly cloudy morning as Shining Armor, his daughter Flurry Heart, and their royal guards flew in a pegasi chariot to Ponyville.

Shining Armor was in Ponyville to support Rarity’s charity fundraiser, help his daughter out, and meet up with old friends to catch up and play a game of Ogres and Oubliettes.

Flurry Heart was there to open her first restaurant, Maneican Bell, before returning to the Crystal Empire to celebrate her birthday. She was dressed in a black outfit, wearing a black choker around her neck, and an ominous red amulet.

“I’m so proud of you and what you’ve accomplished, Flurry!”, Shining said. “Equestrians can finally get decent Maneican food without importing it from Maneico! Did Twily say if she could make it?”, Shining Armor asked.

“She can’t, her schedule’s almost always full. She’s also busy researching a huge friendship problem facing Equestria in the little free time she has.“, Flurry recalled. “She’ll miss the free quesadillas, burritos, cupcakes, and milkshakes we’re giving out on our launch party.”

“What? She’s terrified of quesadillas, ever since she was a filly. Like really, really, really scared. But it’s never gotten in the way of her duties or spending time with her friends before. Everypony has fears.”

He muttered, “My biggest fear is that Twily will fall in love with one of my daughter’s other old foal-sitters. What if she doesn’t invite me to their wedding as revenge? I’m glad I replaced the attractive ones with Flash Sentry before they met my sister; Twily and Flash have nothing in common.“

“I can’t hear you when you mumble like that, dad. What else were you planning on doing today, other than your royal guest appearance at Maneican Bell?”, Flurry Heart asked.

“Well, I was helping out at Rarity’s fundraiser at 2pm, and I was going to play Ogres and Oubliettes with some old friends.”

“Seriously? I said a week ago that my restaurant opening was at 2pm,” Flurry Heart said. “It’s on all the invitations.”

“Your game was also at 2pm,” one of the guards added.

“Oh. I guess I can only make it to one of those events, then,” Shining Armor said, embarrassed.

“It’s fine,” Flurry Heart said, “I’m used to this. You should just go to Rarity’s fundraiser. The restaurant opening should go alright, even without you.”

The rest of the trip was silent. After they landed, Flurry Heart trotted away to check on the preparations for her restaurant’s opening party, followed by the royal guards.

Shining Armor walked around Ponyville alone, wishing that there was a way he could attend all of those events and avoid letting ponies down and embarrassing himself.

‘If only there was another way to make more of me,’ he thought. ‘Didn’t Twilight write to me about something like that before? Oh, right, the Mirror Pool. She’d said it was a pond in a cave in the Everfree Forest next to some brambles, and she and some friends blocked off the entrance with a boulder.’

He thought confidently, ‘Well, the boulder’s probably just there to block foals and impulsive ponies from using it by mistake and annoying everypony. She wouldn’t have put the chant Pinkie Pie used in the friendship journals she published if nopony should ever cast this spell. My daughter, friends, and Rarity’s fundraiser for the orphanage are important enough for me to use this. Besides, Twily said it was easy for her to tell who the real Pinkie Pie was!’

“I’m a genius!”, he exclaimed, and galloped off into the Everfree Forest to search for the Mirror Pool.

After an hour of searching along the path, Shining Armor found a large patch of brambles, and followed it to a small boulder. He easily tossed it aside with his forelegs and walked through the tunnels and cave to the Mirror Pool.

He performed the required chant, and saw a clone of himself crawl up from the Mirror Pool.

“Thank Celestia! It works!”, he exclaimed. “You’ll go to Rarity’s fundraiser! And I’ll make another clone to help Flurry out at her grand opening for Maneican Bell.”

“Funds?!” the clone inquired, hopping up and down. “Funds! What are those? Who’s or what’s a Flurry? You look just like me!” the clone said enthusiastically, then excitedly asked, ”Are you my dad?”

‘This is going to take too long,’ Shining Armor thought. ‘but luckily, Twilight taught me a simple spell that could be used to copy most of my memories to a clone if I needed a body double in a serious emergency, and I didn’t forget it!’

Shining Armor cast the spell.

The clone stopped hopping and exclaimed, “Oh, our spell worked! I’m Shining Armor, Co-ruler of the Crystal Empire! And we still need a third clone!”

Shining Armor created another clone, and told him, “Meanwhile, you visit Flurry Heart’s grand opening party for Maneican Bell,” the original ordered.

“What should I do?”, the fourth stallion in the group asked.

“Wait, why did you create a clone and give it most of your memories?”

“That’s what I remembered planning to do,” the first clone responded. “Maybe he could stay here and play a game of Ogres and Oubliettes.”

“You need at least 4 ponies for a fun game!”, the last clone complained.

“Good point, we should create more of us!”, the Shining Armors agreed. Three Shining Armors repeated the chant and spell to transfer memories.

The original Shining Armor orders, “Back with me to Ponyville, you two. We’re running out of time.”

Four Shining Armor clones stayed in the cave and began creating their characters.

“My character will be an earth pony archer named ‘Captain Bow’,” the first clone said.

“And my character will be a pegasus archer named ‘Flying Arrow’!”, the second decided. “He’ll hide above clouds to ambush our enemies from above!”

“My character will be a changeling swordsstallion named ‘Archer’!”, the third said. “He’ll deceive, debuff, hypnotize, persuade, spy on, foalnap, and/or replace the party’s targets! And…”

“For Celestia’s sake, bro! Why would you play that way?!” two of them interrupted.

The third continued, “I’m not finished! He’ll use his changeling abilities, short swords, and a backup bow and arrow for ambushes!”

“My character’s name is ‘Fire Bolt’! She’s an otherworldly demon possessing a unicorn archwizard!” the last proclaimed. “She’ll use her awesome explosion magic to help ‘everybody’ with ambushes… and she’ll use a crossbow as a backup weapon! And…”

The first stallion interrupted, “Celestia damn it! We need a dungeon master!”

Author's Note

This is the first chapter of a dark, comedic story set around the end of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, in a universe where Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad (competition) of Princess Flurry Heart.

Shining Armor and a few other characters have flaws including, but not limited to, impulsiveness, obliviousness, forgetfulness, stupidity, recklessness, selfishness, and poor communication skills.

A/N: 2024-03-16 edit: Reworded parts of this chapter to make it clearer that Shining Armor is a flawed dad (in a sense) for those clones.

Missing Shining Armors

Half an hour later, the original Shining Armor and his two clones continued walking to the edge of Ponyville.

One clone asked, “You seriously don’t want to help out our daughter instead?“

“And I’m scared I might forget something, and mess up Rarity’s fundraiser.“

The original stated, “I can always fix things later.”

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?“

Back at the Mirror Pool, five Shining Armors were bickering.

“EVERYPONY STOP!”, one yelled. “There’s a huge problem! Nopony brought snacks!”

Another interrupted, “The dungeon master is making it too hard for my mage to use her explosions without ’everybody’ near her dying!”.

“We need a healer and a short range fighter!”, another complained.

Another chimed in, “The snacks were in our saddlebags! Along with the quills, paper, dice, and everything else!”

The dungeon master ordered, “Let’s all go to the chariot and get them!”

The five Shining Armors all rushed out of the Mirror Pool and then galloped to Ponyville. On his way out, the last stallion levitated the boulder back over the entrance.

Flurry Heart’s Maneican Bell opening party preparation was going pretty well. The musicians showed up early to rehearse and their equipment worked, the decorations looked fantastic, and enough quesadillas, burritos, and cupcakes had been prepared for all of Ponyville.

Unexpectedly, Flim Flam’s Fantastic Flurry Flinger had broken down in smoke and flames shortly after Sweetie Belle helped out by making a few dozen more ManeFlurries during an employee’s break. Thankfully, Flurry Heart figured out how to fix the machine with a diagnostic spell and an innate sense for metals and the flows of gases, liquids, and magic.

Princess Flurry Heart started casting a spell. She started floating, and her eyes, amulet, and her entire body glowed red. The fires were snuffed out with wind magic, then the mechanical issues and various design flaws in the Flurry machine were miraculously and permanently fixed using a massive amount of alicorn magic, tossing the laws of physics and microbiology to the curb. This was much less impressive than moving the sun and moon, but wouldn’t have been possible without the mildly cursed magic accessories that she had legally requisitioned from Zecora’s hut months ago.

Then, using the wind manipulation magic which her old foal-sitter Sky Piercer taught her as a filly, Flurry Heart swiftly and precisely vented the steam, smoke and smell out of the building and well above and through the clouds with an upwards vortex. While foal-sitting, he helped her dig a secret crystal cave fort under the Crystal Palace’s courtyard. Later, he’d taught her wind manipulation magic to keep the cave ventilated while spray painting the fort’s walls black.

Flurry Heart floated to the ground and stopped glowing. She thought about how the opening party would have been a disaster without enough ManeFlurries, the eponymous corn syrup sweetened milkshake she was sure that everycreature at the opening party would love. Anypony else would have needed to wait for days for Flim and Flam to repair the F.F.F.F.F., and pay for the repairs. She shook her head, noticing something out of the corner of her eye.

“I GOT MY CUTIE MARK!”

Princess Flurry Heart proclaimed in the Royal Canterlot Voice, looking at her ManeFlurry cutie mark. Princess Luna and her co-foal-sitter’s vocal lessons helped her inform everypony in the building of the great news.

Her opening party was going well, and she’d discovered her destiny too. She thought, ’food is a much better special talent than cold and gloomy weather. And it’d be weird if my talent was the same as Cadance’s.’

“Congratulations! Former Cutie Mark Crusader Councillor Sweetie Belle has still got it! Take that, Scootaloo!”, Sweetie Belle cheered, then left to coordinate the start of what would be Ponyville’s biggest party in almost a year. Another employee started sweeping up shattered glass.

Later, Princess Flurry Heart gave her speech for the restaurant‘s opening party to cheers, and chatted with some fancily dressed ponies. The visitors from Canterlot loved the food, and a hooffull were interested in becoming franchisees.

After chatting with everycreature there, she took a short walk around Ponyville, with her royal guards following her.

Over at the Canterlot Boutique, Rarity mingled with guests and looked at the clock nervously. She optimistically considered, ‘Oh, dear. Shining Armor and almost everycreature else seem to be a few minutes late.’ Once Shining Armor arrived, Rarity planned to thank him for his help and financial support, with a surprise gift of three new and inspired goth tailored outfits for Flurry Heart.

Rarity hoped that they’d raise lots of bits. If enough funds were left after paying for the overdue orphanage repairs and maintenance, she would make sweaters and socks to keep every foal and filly in the Orphanage warm and adopt-ably adorable before winter.

Examining Shining Armors

Flurry stationed the guards outside around the abandoned building she’d silently nicknamed the Armory and went inside.

“Which of you are clones!?”

“I’m a clone!”, one yelled enthusiastically, before Flurry heart hit him with a spell. He made a horrified face, bloated up, then transformed into a puff of blue magic smoke.

Shining and his brethren finally realized what was about to happen, and started yelling in panic.

“I’m the real Shining Armor!”

Other stallions objected, “No, I’m the real Shining Armor!“

Flurry Heart had a revelation, exclaiming “I know! The Mirror Pool can’t clone items, so it must be the one that still has their saddlebags!“.

“I think we forgot our saddlebags in the castle,” one stallion said, embarrassed.

“Okay, I’ll do what Twilight did last time. Stare at that blank wall. I’ll banish the first ones that say something, use magic, or look away, straight to the Mirror Pool. Got it?”, Flurry Heart ordered.

They stood up straight and faced the wall immediately.

An hour later, despite many distractions, the former Captains of the Royal Guard were still stoically looking at the wall. Strangely, one of them was sweating a lot.

“Look! A balloon animal!”, Flurry Heart lied enthusiastically, from behind them.

A few minutes later, she turned her head to the window and yelled, “The earth ponies are revolting!”

She paced around for a few minutes, trotted to the door, opened it, slammed it shut, locked it, and stage whispered “Changelings have replaced every Element of Harmony in Ponyville. We have to do something!”

Nopony reacted to those lies.

‘Maybe I should ask them something that only the original Shining Armor would know,’ the Princess thought.

“Do you like bananas?“

“No!“, they roared.

Flurry cleverly pondered, ‘I should say something that only an impulsive idiot would react to,’ then looked out of the window, exclaiming “Hey, is that Twilight and my old foal-sitter?”.

They all turned their heads.

“That’s great, maybe Twily can solve this!“

“Wait, which foal-sitter?” another Shining Armor yelled, and they all rushed towards the window.

“Where’d she go?”

“Sorry, I was trying to find the impostor,“ she said, embarrassed.

She yelled out another brilliant idea, “Cast your best barrier spell around yourself, dad! That spell needs the original’s magic, knowledge, and special talent!“

Seven shining, spherical barriers appeared around the unicorns.

Flurry Heart facehooved, wondering why this was harder than Twilight said it would be, and was confused. She thought, ’Twilight would have already used the Mirror Pool to clone important ponies to help everypony in Equestria, if clones were as good as the originals at their special talents. She must be trying to stop clone rebellions from wiping out everypony else, or something like that?’

Minutes later, a perspiring, pink, panicked, muscular mare bucked the locked door off of its hinges, then hopped in and looked around. “Hi, I’m Finger Food! My Finger Food senses told me there was going to be a tragedy AND free Maneican food in Ponyville today!”

The intruder looked around at the clones, and exclaimed “Oh, good, it’s the right building this time! I’m getting too old for this.” She turned to face Flurry Heart and yelled, “Don’t do anything hasty! You should tell Twilight that her brother was cloned and ask her to help! And probably take off those cursed looking amulets?“

The vandal continued, “I know! I brought snacks, manuals, quills, and paper, in case of an Ogres and Oubliettes emergency. They could form a party!”, then took out five precut cinnamon butterscotch pies and other party supplies from under her mane and put them on a table. The Shining Armors took down their magic barriers, then levitated slices of pie towards themselves.

Flurry Heart picked up a slice of pie and ate it, looking at the muscular vandal that had just evaded the guards. Flurry Heart didn’t recognize the pink mare’s outfit, but Flurry recognized her bright pink coloration and her cutie mark.

“Sorry, Princess Twilight Sparkle can’t be in Ponyville for the rest of the week. By the way, are you good at escaping from locked rooms?”, Flurry coldly inquired.

The clone enthusiastically smiled, and cheerfully and quickly blurted out, “How did you guess that?! I’m the best at it! I once won Los Pegasus’s escape room championship in 10 seconds flat, then threw the gamemaster a party to celebrate how fun and difficult the puzzles were. He wasn’t sure how I got into the locked observation room, but he loved the pie!”

Flurry Heart worried, ‘this is definitely a clone, it got past my royal guards, and it will escape or do something if I don’t act quickly,’ preparing to finish an extermination that Twilight began long ago.

Pinkie Pie’s clone continued reminiscing, “We started dating later, and…”, before the ambush hit the now-horrified clone, returning it and all its belongings to the Mirror Pool.

Flurry looked back at the stallions, asking “What did you teach me about gun safety when my teacher was late for the Parent-Teacher Conference?”

“Look into the barrel to check if your gun works!” the first said confidently.

“I never taught you about gun safety!“

“Say something cool and pose before you shoot!”

After thinking hard, the rest finally responded.

“Always treat your gun like it’s loaded.”

“When you should use eye protection.“

“Hide and ambush your enemies! It’s kill or be killed.”, the last, sweatiest Shining Armor recalled.

Princess Flurry Heart banished the incorrect unicorns who had given the first three answers.

She asked the remaining Shining Armors, “What day is my birthday?”

One stallion answered after pausing, “It’s December 25th.”.

“Wait, was today your birthday?!”

“It’s today.“, another confidently said last.

After all three had answered, she started to cast the spell.

All three Shining Armors defended themselves with a magic barrier wall. The magic bolt was blocked by the barrier of the scrooge who thought that her birthday was on Hearth’s Warming Day.

She aimed and repeated the spell, and it ricocheted off of the building’s ceiling and wall to hit the stallion in the back, sending him to the Mirror Pool.

Author's Note

A/N: Finger Food (Pinkie Pie's clone) is fully aware that she's in danger, but is trying to save creatures and deescalate this, due to what her Finger Food Sense told her. Her thoughts and motivations are deliberately left out of the text of this story, which is written in a third-person limited perspective focusing on Flurry Heart, or on Shining Armor when Flurry Heart isn't around. A prequel is being written from her perspective.

EDIT: 2024-03-16: Changed the description of Finger Food to her being muscular, to match the plans for the prequel, reordered and rewrote scenes.

Battle Against a Possessed Shining Armor

Both Shining Armors switched to their strongest spherical bubble barrier, after seeing what happened to the last clone, equally worried about what would happen if they were hit with the spell and sent to the Mirror Pool.

’One clone left!’, she thought.

“You don’t need to do this,” the sweaty stallion on her left nervously tried to convince her. “And I can keep my barrier up for a long time. Please just take off the cursed jewelry and ask Twilight or Cadence what to do before anybody else gets hurt? Please, Fury Heart?”

“Nocreature in Equestria would say ‘anybody’ instead of ‘anypony’ or ‘anycreature’, let alone my father. My mom’s called ’Cadance’. What the hell are you? And…”

“WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?“

The impostor strengthened their barrier. He unconvincingly lied, “I meant to say Furry Heart! My tongue just slipped! Don’t get your hands dirty like this!”

Flurry Heart telekinetically took out the translucent, orange, V-shaped Rebel Shades out of her saddlebags, put them over her eyes, then started drawing on magic from the Alicorn Amulet to cast two spells, and her entire body was covered in a red magic glow. The first was a spell that Sky Piercer and her had used to dig out cave forts through her crystal backyard in the Crystal Empire. The second was the banishing spell. Combined, the spells formed a large, glowing, magic drill.

The annoying impostor stared at her and began a loud, creepy sounding laugh that sounded nothing like Shining Armor’s laugh, let alone anycreature’s laugh. “Zizizizizi!.“

She shoved the giant, red, brightly glowing, sharp magic drill into the clone’s spherical magic barrier. The drill made a lot of noise and wind, but it failed to scratch the bubble.

The Rebel Shades’ curse activated, boosting the power of the drill, and compelling the goth Princess Flurry Heart to give a long, dramatic, and optimistic speech to her opponent. “I’ll fight through curses, madness, tragedies, stupidity, evils, and indifference! Even if creatures like you think I’m laughably weak, useless, and helpless, or the situation seems hopeless! With my wits, friends, family, artifacts, horn, everything else I can get my hooves on, and this drill, I’ll beat the unbeatable and break the unbreakable! I’ll face problems, stupid creatures, monsters, and threats from Equestria and beyond! And I’ll continue being goth, even if impostors like you try to tell me what to do or wear!”

The Alicorn Amulet and Flurry Heart’s eyes glowed blindingly bright. The drill became brighter, faster, and noisier, and light cracks appeared in the abnormal clone’s shield.

The deceitful, villainously laughing, and possibly demonic clone of Shining Armor squinted and caught their breath. Their horn and the irises of their eyes started glowing red. They started casting another spell and yelled, “Wait, you emo, stop! I only make this weird laugh when I’m scared! Zizizizizi! And his memory transfer spell seriously messed up my head! I’m actually a human!“, before chanting a magic spell.

“I believe in Twilight and Sky Piercer, who believe in me! My drill is the drill that will pierce the heavens! If there’s a wall, I’ll break it down! If there’s no path, I’ll make one with my horn and hooves! I’ll never be Twilight or Cadance.”

Flurry Heart concluded her speech, magically compelled to make a cool pose.

“I’m not an emo. I’m Princess Flurry Heart, and this is how a goth works! GIGA DRILL BREAKER!”

Flurry Heart’s drill tripled in length, shattering the barrier of the red-eyed clone before it could ambush her, with a burst of shining light and debris. A puff of blue smoke returned to the Everfree forest, through the new hole in the wall.

The last Shining Armor continued nervously doing nothing in a protective magic bubble.

’Good. No more clones!’, Flurry thought in relief, looking at the last stallion. Flurry Heart’s stomach ravenously growled after the battle. She used her magic to lift and devour the rest of the pies. ’They’re good, but not nearly as good as corn,’ she thought, influenced by the cursed, emotion-suppressing “I Love Corn“ choker she’d put on this morning.

’Why is Flurry still glowing red, and floating and staring at me? Is she still angry?’, Shining Armor wondered.

“I love you, Flurry! Let’s get whatever you want to eat, to celebrate your birthday, getting your cutie mark, and you being you! I’ll borrow some bits from the guards!“

He continued, “And I’ll apologize to Rarity after we’re done celebrating!”

Flurry Heart stopped glowing, floated to the ground, then took off and returned the cursed accessories to her saddlebags, and said “Thanks, dad. I know you’re stupid, careless and annoying sometimes, but you try, and I still love you,” and approached her dad.

“I love you too,“ Shining Armor said, and took down his barrier.

Princess Flurry Heart brought her face next to the left side of the unicorn’s neck, and hugged him.

She let go, then ordered the Royal Guards outside, “Find the Mirror Pool! Put up giant warning signs that clones might replace you! And cover the entrance with the heaviest thing you can all bring there!“

After celebrating her birthday with her dad, she started writing a letter to Twilight.

Dear Princess Twilight,

Today I learned an important friendship lesson. Ponies can be impulsive, oblivious, and reckless, and make mistakes, but they can always learn from their mistakes and try to be better.

I had three other hypothetical magic questions:

Are there any ways to erase a young pony’s cutie mark if they got the wrong one by mistake? ~~Seriously, a bucking milkshake?!~~

Do you know about any spells or items that would help a mare make better decisions, including cursed ones? Odin’s Eyepatch isn’t something I’d consider, unless it’s possible to stop wearing that artifact without permanently dying, or there’s a way to compensate for blindness in one eye with magic.

Or any other ways?

Your niece,

Flurry Heart

P.S. I’ll respond to your last letter later.

P.P.S. Do you know a good therapist? ~~I’m worried I’ll grow up to be like my dad.~~

P.P.P.S. By the way, have you sent dad a wedding invitation yet?

P.P.P.P.S. What exactly is a ’human’?

Author's Note

This is the last chapter of a dark, comedic story set around the end of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, in a universe where Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad of Princess Flurry Heart.

Shining Armor, Flurry Heart, and a few other characters have flaws including, but not limited to, impulsiveness, forgetfulness, obliviousness, stupidity, recklessness, selfishness, indifference, and poor communication skills.

A/N: This chapter contains references to Gurren Lagann, which is a show known for the main characters facing impossible odds, and rapid power escalation. It had many scenes along those lines, such as the below.

About hiding and ambushing:

Finger Food (Pinkie Pie's clone) is fully aware that she's in danger, but is trying to save creatures and deescalate this, due to her what her Finger Food Sense told her. Her thoughts and motivations are deliberately left out of this story, which is written in a third-person limited perspective focusing on Flurry Heart, or on Shining Armor when Flurry Heart isn't around. A prequel is planned for explaining that.

In this story's universe, Shining Armor and his clones thinks that stealthy archers are the best way to play Ogres and Oubliettes, among other things. In other universes, they're a safe way to play Skyrim.

And Shining Armor taught his daughter to hide and ambush during a gun safety lesson, or something very similar.

If Shining Armor's clones didn't inherit his flaws as a terrible dad, and actually hid or ambushed, this would probably be a very different story, and it would be much shorter or longer. The Dark Forest Hypothesis was the premise of books such as the "Three Body Problem" novel and trilogy.

In Equestria, red glowing spells are usually evil, but not always.

Overview of the series

EDIT: This now has a sequel, Pinkie Pie's Evil Clone Saves Equestria, showing Finger Food's perspective of the events in this story.