One-Sided?
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"Come with Me If You Want to Kiss"

One-Sided?

So I was dating this cute pearly-white goth girl furry--yes! A furry. I know. No fursuit though. I think. Haven't seen hers yet.

She's not a poseur. She said she'd show me her fluffy feathers when I went back to her place! She talks like a furry all the time.

Then it's not a serious relationship? We're just not there yet. Anyway, she said her dad was probably going to be cringe. And I might think it--the situation, I guess--was unsettling. I said I could get a fursuit of my own if she was down for it. She said, like, "fine", but she thought it was really awespectacular that I wasn't wearing anything like that and that I felt and looked so great.

No, I wasn't naked. She just said it was cool and weird and fun to pet someone without fur.

And no, she wasn't exoticism me... at least I don't think she was. I mean there's more to our relationship than just my good looks.

Oh, you can totally believe that my looks aren't what was carrying the day... you jerk... tosser.

Come on! She likes me. She isn't stringing me along. We had total tongue action and I slipped my--

Fine. You can't handle the deets.

Don't call it bangfiction. It happened. I'm not plagiarizing a Reddit post. Greentext--I don't even know what the flip that is. And it isn't some A.I. thing. Or 4chan.

It didn't happen only in my mind!

Anyway. She said she was really a pony from some Crystal Empire like one of those fancy Elfquest princesses thrust into some weirdo world like ours. And, get this: she was an actual Princess, she said, with a capital "p".

Yeah, pass me another drink.

I'm not done. I'm just thirsty. I'm... frustrated. She's gone.

Give me another bucking drink.

Sorry for the language. Her weird word choices rubbed off. I meant to say fuc--

Fine. You gave that up for Lent. Bucking nut. I'm not the one who's giving up cussing.

Your house. Your rules. Fine. I'll keep on with the story.

My true story! It's a very true thing that really happened. Trust me! Don't go navigating to that meme site with the troll face. No. No! Come on. Fuc-

That slap was uncalled for.

Fine. I'll accept your apology.

So there I was, kissing my zany girlfriend, totally ignoring the taste of the charcoally-chemically eyeliner and makeup I was sliding around my tongue.

"Nopony kisses like you," she said during a break for air. Then we got back into it.

"Not even changelings," she sighed. "I wonder how you compare in other ways..."

I'll get to the point. Ugh.

So there I was and then HE rolled up, revving his engine and ruining the scene. I glared over my girlfriend's shoulder and this giant of a man took off his helmet and shook his hair, revealing thick blue locks. He flexed a well-muscled short-sleeved arm showing off some tat that looked like a cop's shield--or some racist knight's, shrugged back a messenger satchel slung across his broad chest, and I redirected my attention back to my girlfriend, shuffling slightly to move her farther away from him.

"Hay! Flurry?" He shouted.

My girlfriend stiffened, then she shrugged off my grip. "Daaad!" She spun around.

"How could you?" he said.

She blew a raspberry. "There's no ban on using the portal to come here."

"Actually, there is."

"For commoners."

"And you. Only a few of us can come here for research."

"Whatevs."

"You've had your fun. At least you wore the tracking bracelet."

She snarled and looked at her wrist.

"Oh," he smiled. "You thought it was just a compass for the portal. Don't worry, I won't tell Mom you didn't intend to be tracked." He pat his motorcycle. "I've got an extra helmet in the boot. We're going home."

She shook her head. "I'm on a date."

His eyes narrowed and took me in. "With this one?"

"Yes," she grabbed my arm and snuggled up against my bare skin. "This pretty one."

"From Equestria?" he asked.

"From Earth," I supplied. Then, probably because of the gravitas and gravity with which he carried himself, I added, "Sir,"

"From Earth. An earthuman."

"Human, Sir," I said.

"I see." He walked over to us, swelling up his chest and staring down at me.

"Flurry," he said. "You can't date this 'human'."

"What?" she snapped. "Because it isn't a pony?"

"Because it isn't the same race as you."

"What," I frowned. "Why the racism?"

I know. Exactly.

No, I wasn't going to slap him.

Wasn't going to punch him either. Do you go around punching big units? Strapping Neo-Nazis with blue-bleached hair?

"Basically nothing's the same race as me D-A-D--I'm an alicorn!" she said. "Seriously. Earth ponies, pegasi, unicorns, they're all the same where it counts."

"Ponies don't mate with minotaurs."

"This isn't a minotaur. It's more like a changeling. Our bodies are similar in this world anyway. It's the main sentient life form, so I bet this works like creatures from that world Sunset Shimmer lives and it'd be a pony if we brought it back."

"It's just another exotic plaything for you," he growled. "Like that changeling."

"Which one?" she pouted her lower lip and placed hands on her hips. I bit my lower lip and focused on that delicious sight instead of her incensed parental unit.

Her father's cheeks reddened. "The one who took you to that 'Friendship Exchange' in Manehatten."

"My body, my choice."

"Missy, you're going to rule an Empire. You can do what you want... with consenting individuals of a legal age to do the same with you...." He ground his teeth together. "But you cannot do it so publicly. Your actions, your relationships have very real political consequences. If you date... this... or continue to date changelings, then what's to stop the yaks from demanding a royal marriage? Or griffons? Clearly you're open to cross-species friendship, which is, of course, excellent," he sighed. "But, politically these types of actions could lead to you becoming ensnared in difficult situations. Celestia avoided these situations by never marrying anycreature. Your mother had already married me.

"When we tell our friendly, but demanding neighbors 'no', how are we going to massage their injured pride?"

"Then it's even better that I have my fun here. In another dimension. Where nopony... nocreature sees what happens."

Her father looked at me: "Your age?"

I gave it.

He sighed. Flurry and I had the same amount of years. "You're going to regret this. It's just a phase, like your eyeliner and dark makeup anti-establishment faux crystalanarchist temporary cutie-tattooing--a passing style you put on. But if you aren't careful, you can get stuck."

Flurry harrumphed.

Her father continued. "Do you want to be stuck here?"

"I won't get stuck."

Her father patted his satchel. "Assuming you do get stuck. In this land without magic," he hissed. "If you breed children--even assuming it is possible with this human--could it even impregnate you? Sunset Shimmer never produced any progeny." His eyes narrowed. "How would your heirs live in Equestria after we manage to reopen the portal? Nopony knows what our magic will do to them! Let others take that risk first." He sighed. "Maybe reconsider in a few years and find another... pretty... little human."

Flurry's nose twitched. "Why would I even want to breed? Maybe I just want to kiss and have fun. Like Celestia. Forever."

"Fun?" Her father raised an eyebrow. "Until it isn't?"

Flurry Heart rolled her eyes, then stared at the ground.

Her father's next words were directed to me. "You are, to her, a toy. A fancy. An exotic frivolity. A fantasy. Like changelings who can be anycreature. She always wants something new. I spoiled her too much... this is as much for your protection as hers."

"I can be the judge of that," I said.

He shook his head. "I would say I wish you luck, but she's coming home and you're not coming with." He stomped his heavy right boot.

"Daddy--"

"Home now. Or you can't go to the Sapphire Shores concert."

"You can't use that threat against me soon--"

"I'll use it as long as I can."

"And you can't keep me in. You or Mom."

"But Aunt Twilight will be very, very, disappointed."

"No she won't."

"She gave me this letter." He handed a scroll to my girlfriend, who tore it open and swore one of her weird epithets.

"She doesn't say anything about my humanfriend here," Flurry said.

"But she does confirm we do not know about the stability of this world portal. Anything could happen. At any time. Twilight doesn't lie."

"She really thinks there's a sixty to ninety nine percent change I could get stuck here for a very long time."

"It happened to Sunset Shimmer with the mirror portal."

"I could re-open the link. I'm a lot stronger than her."

"You probably could. It might take some time. But you'd need magic. And this world doesn't have magic. We don't know if we can keep the link functioning on Equestria's side. Please. Come back." He turned and walked to his motorcycle.

"Buck Celestia in the sun," Flurry said. Then she leaned over and kissed me on a cheek, then on my lips. "And Luna in the moon." She grabbed my hip, squeezed, and whispered in my ear. "And you... sometime soon." She patted my rear and walked over to her dad, took his proffered helmet and climbed onto the back of his cycle.

He got on, turned over the engine with a roar, reversed a three-point turn and got the heck out of there.

No, it's true!

I haven't seen her since. It hasn't been all that long.

Yes, I miss her! That's why I'm here and... the drinks.

Can I sleep on the couch?

Would I go with her if I could? I guess. I don't know. It wasn't really an option when she rode out of my life. I'd of had to be on her dad's lap--which wasn't happening. Not sure I want to deal with him, anyway.

Yeah, the kisses were good. Better than any I've had. If we're talking fantasy, maybe I could run away with her. Far from her hate-filled father. I could do with some more of those explosive kisses... yes.

Couch? Great. I'm gonna lie down and--

A swirling, whirling portal opened up beside the couch and Flurry Heart's arm reached out of it. Actually... it wasn't quite an arm, was it? Soft. It was soft at least. Squinting, I focused on the portal's psychedelic swirling and saw not a beautiful young lady but a pretty pony at the other end. I blinked and didn't immediately reach for her proffered... foreleg.

"Get into the portal, human!" she insisted. I tentatively reached for her. Her... hoof somehow grabbed my hand. "Come with me if you want to kiss!"