Lyra feels Stuck

by William1991

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Sad, Lyra, Drama, Bon-Bon, Suicide / Self Harm, Prince Blueblood, Tragedy, Profanity
Length: 1318

Lyra Heartstrings hasn't been mentally well for a long time. She finally decides to do something about it.

Lyra Heartstrings hasn't been feeling mentally well for years, going back to her filly years. Even Bon Bon is sometimes not enough to help get her through her feelings of not belonging in Equestria. Despite looking normal in society, the mental cracks behind herself were suddenly too much to bare with anymore.

Will Lyra get through her rapidly deteriorating state or will she finally succumb to her depressive madness?

Published 2024-03-10 02:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-03-10 02:50:00 UTC

Fictophiliac

For God’s sake, I just can’t take it anymore. It’s just so tiresome. Lyra Heartstrings thought as she stayed in her bed, ignoring Bon Bon as she was waking up to get ready for her work at the local sweets shop.

For countless years, as long as she could remember, she didn’t feel welcome, not in this body, nor in this society. When she isn’t thinking about the constant suffering in Equestria from bullies, to straight-up monster attacks, she laments the fact that everything she has seen in comics, literature, and even the occasional plays that she would have to drag Bon Bon to watch with her often paint a picture of a more unique, advanced, and seemingly wondrous-filled society.

She could only stare at the floor as she heard Bon Bon calmly spoke to her, “Lyra? Dear? It’s time to get up. You’ll be late for your music performance… you know everypony from Ponyville is going to be there!”

“Thanks but… no, Bon Bon,” Lyra droned, “I don’t feel so well today…” She finished after debating what excuse she could give, to at least partially take a break from the monotony of life and not have her loved one worry. She could just cancel it last minute, like she would always do in circumstances such as these.

“Oh… okay, sure. Just feel better okay?” Bon Bon warily replied, her facial expression betraying her words, as if she knew exactly what type of day for Lyra this would be. Bon Bon left the room, and as Lyra could hear the front door close, she silently wept.

“Every day, it’s the same damn thing over and over! Nothing changes!” Lyra shouted to nobody in particular, once she was certain Bon Bon couldn’t overhear her.

Her thoughts wandered back to when she was a filly, having been bullied relentlessly in Canterlot for her parents not being as rich as the rest of the elite, and in the Canterlot Public School she would constantly be ridiculed for being weird, and different from the rest. She could feel herself shaking as she felt on the verge of a panic attack, and before she knew it she was pounding her hooves on the sheets. Maybe Blueblood was right all those years ago, maybe she was a worthless pony not worthy of living in the same society as everybody else, who were more capable than she was and would ever be.

At least playing the lyre was somewhat of an outlet for her that could make bits-- well, even if it’s the only outlet that was constructive-- it didn’t matter to her, because it has felt within the past few years like more and more of a chore rather than a hobby. She knew Bon Bon would be heartbroken if she ever broke it to her what was bothering her all of these years. She felt trapped, alienated from pony society, even if it felt like she was an ordinary, hardworking pony. Bon Bon was the more hardworking one in any case, and at least she could support her, even if it just made herself feel all the more worse for it.

She knew that ponies constantly talked behind her back about her obsession with these fictional worlds. Ones in which there were endless possibilities, creativity, a world where Science and Mathematics could build these brilliant machines that could allow these fictional creatures to do whatever they wanted.

Hell… they probably wouldn’t have to work or suffer a day in their life, if only Equestria was like that, Lyra thought to herself. These fictional stories she would mentally insert herself in sometimes for days if not weeks on end would usually upset Bon Bon, but for Lyra, it was the only real outlet in life. It even saved herself from suicide when she was a teenager, back when her family moved to Ponyville and she thought she wasn’t fit for any type of well-paying job or had any chance at a good future in society.

No,just like those countless men and women from those stories didn’t give up, I won’t either. I will prove myself to them, to everybody! And if those from that world could see me, I think they would be just as proud as everybody else will be! Lyra manically thought to herself, feeling a sudden sense of glee and determination, to prove them wrong.

I should just… try to take a shower, maybe I’ll feel better and be able to distract myself then, well enough to go perform anyways… oh, Bon Bon would be so happy if I could prove myself to her! Lyra thought to herself, as she summoned up as much mental strength as she possibly could for the day just to get herself off the bed and to the washroom.

But first, Lyra thought as she climbed into the shower, feeling her whole mood take a bit of a dive again, and looked long-fully at a razor on the sink, maybe I should just clean up… This pony body looks so ugly after all, not like those h- She winced, as she could feel the razor brushing along her soft fur and skin below.

No… I promised Bon Bon I wouldn’t do this, I don’t want her to see me like this again, not after last time… Lyra thought to herself, even though her unconscious actions betrayed her better judgment, it just felt so right to tear up and punish that which wrongfully made her conscious, in the wrong type of body, the wrong society, the society she was not meant for. The worst possible universe she could have ever been born in.

As the shower finally warmed up, she gasped at what she saw and felt. She finally cleared her head and saw that she had already done a number on her sensitive hooves and arms, and… was that crying she saw in the mirror? She didn’t even know she was crying. Lyra pondered at this sensation the best she could, but she could feel the warm water clashing with the gaping cold wounds she had been giving herself over the course of five minutes… had it even been five minutes? Perhaps it had been maybe longer? In her self-hatred and anger she couldn’t even keep track of time anymore.

Useless… useless… USELESS! I’ll show them “useless”, stupid whorse body! Stupid hooves! Stupid fur, mane, tail! Always getting in the WAY of things! Stupid emotions! As her thoughts spiraled out of control, she thought she could hear the door open to the living room behind her, but she couldn’t be certain. Everything was blurring and everything was getting so dark…

“Lyra, dear? I just want to talk, you’ve been doing this for at least a few days every week and I’m starting to get worried,” She vaguely heard Bon Bon’s sweet voice, as she choked down a sob.

“Lyra!? Where are you?” Bon Bon frantically asked.

“I-in here…” Lyra weakly responded.

“What are you doing in there- OH MY SWEET CELESTIA! LYRA, NO!” Bon Bon exclaimed in distress, her eyes widening and jaw dropped.

“I’m… I’m so… so sorr-” Lyra raspily began replying, until everything finally faded into black.

Author's Note

Hello everypony! This has been my first short story in a while, please let me know how I did and how I can improve constructively, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read! :twilightsmile:

I had an epiphany for a story type and partially this has been based off my frustration through my own life and struggle I've been through. I really regret not practicing writing a lot sooner since it's such a rich and diverse medium for creative writing. For the most part I am just scared of writing bad stories, and it feels different compared to writing Poetry, I've been trying to change that though.