The chair sat across from me — empty — still waiting for him to arrive. What am I even doing here? It’s not like that stallion would ever want to be seen in public with me. Even though I’m supposed to be his wife.
And so, like many other times before, the chair just sits there empty.
Just another hollow reminder of where my life has ended up.
I rested my head against the hard wood of the table and watched as the crowd rushed past me like sand slipping down an hourglass. The hustle and bustle of Manehattan still abuzz in places as laid-back as a coffee shop.
Even after all these years, I was never able to get used to this. All this restless activity. Ponies rushing off to be busy elsewhere, like leaves dragged down the raging river of the city.
And here I was, just sitting and watching from the riverbed, letting it wash over and around me. The city that never sleeps. A city where ponies that matter do things that matter. Where the movers and shakers of Equestria end up.
Where I ended up, despite being nopony of importance.
A dull, boring rural pony. A pony that doesn’t belong in the city. That can’t keep up with the city. Forever doomed to watch uselessly on the sidelines while important ponies rushed past her to do their important things elsewhere.
No. Despite how many years I’ve lived here, despite how many more I will live here, this will never be my home. I will never fit in.
Ponyville will always be my home.
As I watched that river rush past, I caught sight of another pony like myself that just didn’t fit in, drifting about in the eddies of this little coffee shop, unsure of where to go. A familiar pony.
A ghost from my past. Somepony who was once at the center of my life.
A nostalgic pink bow.
“Apple Bloom!” I stupidly waved my hooves in the air. “Over here!” She looked around, confused, before catching sight of my childish little dance. She returned my overly enthusiastic greeting with a soft smile of her own. I felt my aching heart thump in my chest.
“Diamond Tiara! Fancy meeting you here! It’s been far too long.” Her face beamed as she sat down opposite me, filling the empty hole at the table, if but for a moment.
“I should be saying that to you! What brings you to Manehattan?”
“Babs’ weddin’. She’s gettin’ hitched this weekend.” She shook her head. “Wanted to do it today — on Hearts and Hooves Day, y’know — but everypony an’ their second cousin seems ta be gettin’ hitched today.”
I chuckled. "Oh, I bet. You’d have to have booked that months ahead of time around here.Tell Babs I said hi and give her my best wishes.”
“Sure can do!” Apple Bloom flagged down a waitress.
Weddings. I frowned, staring down at my untouched latte. My murky face frowned back at me.
“So, what're you doin’ sittin’ here all alone here on Hearts and Hooves Day? Ain’t you supposed to be out with yer special somepony on a day like today?”
As if, like he would ever take me out.
Like he cares about me at all.
Like I care about him.
“DT?” Apple Bloom rested her hoof on mine. “Are you alright?”
“What? What do you mean?” I wiped the tears from my eyes.
Tears?
I felt the moist stickiness of tears streaming down my face in rivulets. I pulled away from Apple Bloom’s grasp, wiping away at my face with a napkin.
“It’s nothing. He’s just… We’re just going to meet up later this afternoon.” An hour ago this afternoon. “He’s a busy stallion. We’ll be meeting up later.”
“DT, I don’t have to be no element of honesty to see that things ain’t alright. Square with me, what’s goin’ on?” I averted my eyes from the mare in front of me. “Please DT. We’re friends, ain’t we?”
I bit my lip. “Apple Bloom, it’s nothing. Let’s just—”
“It sure as sugar ain’t nothin’,” Apple Bloom said. “Now, are ya gonna give it ta me straight, or am I gonna hav’ ta’ hogtie ya up to get some answers?”
“You wouldn’t.” I started to laugh, but the glint in Apple Bloom’s eyes told me that she most certainly would.I cradled the mug in my forehooves, studying the misty eyes of the mare staring back up at me from the depths. She urged me on to tell somepony, anypony. Especially Apple Bloom.
“Things went south pretty fast.”
“Went south, how?”
I sighed, tracing my hoof around the rim of the coffee mug. “He… I tried to love him,” I admitted. “I really tried to love him, despite the arranged marriage. He just… he didn’t try to love me.”
I looked up into Apple Bloom's eyes, waiting for some sort of gloat or snide comment or… something. Something to tell me just how stupid I was for going through with what my mother arranged. She’d given me her piece of mind on arranged marriages before, back when she first heard about it. How it just wasn’t right in this day and age — especially for good country folk like us.
However, all that reflected back at me from those orange depths was a mix of pity and concern as she urged me to continue.
I licked my lips. “Not even a month after the wedding, I came back home to find him with another mare.” I hit the table, splattering coffee against the wood. “He said that it was only to be expected! That he only went through with the marriage because it was arranged — just so that our family businesses could grow!” I could feel Apple Bloom’s tense gaze while I buried my face in my hooves, hiding my face from the world, from Apple Bloom, and from myself. “He said that there was no way he’d ever love a country bumpkin like me. Somepony so vain and stupid like me. That it was only natural for him to take a consort, and that if I were smart, I’d do the same.”
“And you’ve been dealin’ with this for years?” Apple Bloom said through gritted teeth.
I nodded. “I never took anypony else, of course. A pony of my stature…” I deflated. I really can’t keep up that facade. Not with Apple Bloom. “No. It just isn’t right.” I hid my face behind my hooves. “None of this is right. I’m so useless, Apple Bloom. He doesn’t want me as his lover. He doesn’t trust me to help manage the family business. I’m just useless.”
“You ain't useless!” Apple Bloom said. “And shame on him if he thinks he can jus’ do this to you. To the pony who’s suppos’ta be his wife! What a no-good low-down bastard child of a comfort mare. Somepony ought’a march up ta him an’ show him what’s for.”
I chuckled dryly and sighed. “Please don’t badmouth or threaten him, Apple Bloom. Despite everything, we’re still married. He’s still my husband.”
“Land sakes, girl. Anypony that’d treat you like that has no right to bein’ yer husband!”
“It’s not like I can just divorce him!” I leaned forward, my hooves gripping the table tight. “Think of how much damage that would do to my family. My parents would disown me, the family business would be—”
Apple Bloom slammed her hoof down on the table. “Who cares about the family business! What matters is your own happiness. Your own life. Your parents would understand that; they wouldn’t hate you for it.” I raised an eyebrow. Apple Bloom chewed on that though for a minute before admitting, “Okay… maybe they would.” She slumped back. “It still just ain’t right, is what it is.”
“It’s not. It’s not right at all, but it’s not about being right or wrong. It’s just how it is. You’re lucky. I wish I could have been born in your horseshoes instead. Been free to choose my life. Choose what I was meant to do, meant to be.” I locked onto her eyes. I didn’t even bother to hide the tears streaking down my face anymore. “I’ve always been so, so jealous of you. Of all three of you Cutie Mark Crusaders. Searching for what you were meant to do in life. I… I never had that choice. I never was allowed to be myself. Even after I confronted Mother, things never really changed. Even after I got married, I was never trusted to help manage anything. I was just there to be pretty, to show that he was in good standing with the Rich family.” I snorted.
"Sure, you have a choice. There’s always a choice. Can’t ya just leave it all behind? As an Apple, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but don’t’cha think you should put yourself first for once — not your family? Just, you know, run away and live how ya want? Marry who ya want? Grab at yer own destiny — do what you want to do and love who youwant to love?”
If only it were that easy to leave it all behind. If only it were that easy to run away from everypony. From my family. From my life. From everything I’ve become.
If only I could love who I wanted to love. If only I was able to tell her how much I loved her. Tell her how much I wish that I could have stayed behind in Ponyville alongside her. How much I wanted to grow old together. How much I wanted to throw everything away and live a nice, quiet life with her. A simple life. A life that I chose for myself.
If only.
If only that ship hadn’t long since sailed.
She’s already married now.
I could no longer be a part of her life.
“That’s no longer an option. The pony I wanted to be with…” I clenched my eyes shut. “Listen, Apple Bloom, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Oh no, don’t’cha go shutting this down on me now. We are not dropping this.” Apple Bloom’s voice was tense, firm.
“Please,” I whimpered. “I just… I really can’t talk about this anymore. Not today. This conversation has been…” I stared down at my shaking hooves, anchored firmly on the rim of the table. I felt my heart pounding away in my chest, my breath racing. “This has just been way too much for me today. I haven’t talked about this with anypony before, and I… I…” I stared into her eyes, pleading. “Please. I just can’t talk about this anymore.”
Apple Bloom sat with her hackles raised, drumming her hoof on the table. Finally, she sighed, releasing the tension that had built up in the air. “Fine. I’ll drop it for now.”
She leaned forward and pointed a hoof at me. “But don’t’cha go thinking that yer off the hook, DT. I’m comin’ back to Manehatten to finish this another day. And to give a piece of my mind to that no-good two-bit two-timin’ husband of yers.”
I sighed. “Thanks, Apple Bloom. It really means the world to me to know just how much you care.” A faint silence hung in the air. Could I ask? Could I bear asking all of that? “So, how has your family been, Apple Bloom?”
Apple Bloom perked up. “Well, we’ve been getting along jus’ fine these past couple’a years. Silvs and I have adopted a couple foals now — both filles.” She looked around before leaning in and whispering. “And don’t’cha tell nopony, but we’re plannin’ to adopt another.” She giggled. “Ah’m hopin’ to find ourselves a colt next.”
Apple Bloom and Silver Spoon. Who knew those two would make such a great match? Like a match made in heaven, everypony always said. Like they were made for each other, despite how different they were. “That’s wonderful to hear.” I took a sip of my latte. Cold. I choked it down nonetheless. “I— I’m glad to hear you two have been getting along so well.”
I put on a fake smile. A facade I’ve had many years living in Manehattan to practice.
“Thanks again fer helpin’ us fine each other, DT. I don’t think I’d’ve ever considered datin’ Silvs otherwise. Bein’ with her has been like a dream come true.”
“I’m glad. It’s so wonderful to hear that you two have found love. I’m so happy…”
“Now I jus’ need ta find somepony for you. Silvs threw away her heritage jus’ fine. I’m sure that—”
“Apple Bloom!” My voice cut through her carelessly twisting the knife. My latte splattered to the ground in, tracing rivers of cold sludge. I sheepishly pulled my forehooves off the table and sank into my seat. “Please…”
Apple Bloom’s ears drooped. “Sorry.”
I could feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes once again. I hastily flung some bits onto the table. “I’m sorry, Apple Bloom, but I have to go. I just… I can’t deal with this right now. See you later.” I rushed for the door but was stopped by Apple Bloom’s hoof latched onto my foreleg.
She looked into my eyes with a fiery determination. “We’ll meet up again.” A declaration, not a question.
I faintly nodded. She loosened her grip, and I felt no shame in bolting, tears glimmering in the air behind me.
I could never go back. Back to that comforting home that I so carelessly abandoned. That future that was washed away in the rivers of time.
I miss Ponyville.
I miss home.
