Pinkie Pie’s Clone Wins a Game of Hide-and-Seekby owliciousChaptersPonyville's Newest Hide and Go Seek ChampionAre You Even Trying to Win?Becoming StrongPonyville's Newest Hide and Go Seek ChampionAuthor's Note In MLP G4's episode Too Many Pinkie Pies, fun-seeking clones annoy a mob of angry citizens, and Twilight sends them all back to the Mirror Pool. In the second chapter of this story, the main character goes to a library, and learns more about Equestria and acts less naive. This is told in first person from the perspective of a fun-seeking Mirror Pool clone with some of Pinkie Pie's habits, abilities, and mannerisms, and none of her memories. She's learning all about Equestria for the first time. Ponyville's Newest Hide and Go Seek Champion I bounced up and down, yelling, “Hey! Look at this cool shiny flaky rock that I found on a boulder!“ I bet everypony will love it! Pulling tiny sheets off of it with my hooves is so much fun. A little yellow filly with red hair, a pink bow, and no cutie mark said, “Seriously, Pinkie Pie? That’s just Mica. It’s everywhere around here!“ She sounded annoyed, instead of being cheered up by my rock. She smirked, and said “I know what’s fun,” she enthusiastically finished, “Hide-and-seek! You hide far away, and I look for you!”, before turning around and trotting away. ”Hide-and-seek sounds like so much fun! I promise to do my best!” Wait, I’m Pinkie, so is that a Pinkie Promise? I'm getting a really bad feeling that I shouldn’t break my promise, but I don’t know why. Anyway, hide-and-seek sounds like so much fun! I see a barrel way over there next to a giant tree! It’s the perfect hiding place! After putting away my cool rock, I quietly trotted over to the barrel, opened the lid, looked inside, and silently hopped in, and closed the lid behind me without a sound. I heard her angrily yelling from far away, “Now maybe I can get back to selling apples in some gosh-darned peace and quiet!” Oh, were we playing the quiet game too? I bet I’d be super-duper great at that. I moved my eye towards the light, and looked at her standing next to a wooden structure and some buckets full of apples. Ha! She’s looking at the wrong place! I’m not in an apple bucket! But I better not laugh out loud, or she’ll find me! What does “selling apples“ even mean? Well, I guess I can wait, before she starts seeking. I’m having so much fun watching everypony! I’ve been hiding in this barrel for what feels like forever. Huh, I see a herd of Pinkies running to that tree building! And wow! That yellow filly’s from before's helping chase them there and close the doors? I didn’t even know that every-Pinkie else was competing with me, or that that filly was so good at hide-and-seek! But she hasn’t found me. Does that make me the new hide-and-seek champion? I wonder how long I can keep this up? This is so exciting! A pegasus flew by, carrying a frowny Pinkie into the library. She then yelled, “Wait up, I got one more! Found this one poking at the ground with her hoof, drawing frowny faces.” I’m bored! Hey, that pegasus must be Rainbow Dash. Maybe this rock would cheer up that frowny Pinkie? Hours later, after I heard puffing sounds and saw a lot of glowing pink wisps of smoke fly out of Twilight’s Library, I heard Rainbow Dash exclaim, “Somepony’s making balloon animals.“ Where? If I didn’t promise that apple-selling filly that I’d play hide-and-seek with her, I’d totally want to see that! I saw another wisp of smoke. After a few more minutes of a boring conversation, I heard a Pinkie yell joyfully and uncertainly, “I’m me! I’m me! I’m me! Or am I? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I am.” Oh. Is the contest over? But wait! I’m me! So if she’s now the only Pinkie, then who am I?! After her ordeal, in her bedroom in Sugarcube Corner, an exhausted Pinkie Pie cheerfully laid on her back on her bed, and dictated a letter for Spike to write down and send to Princess Celestia. “Dear Princess Celestia. It’s great to have fun, but it’s even greater to have great friends. And having lots of friends means that you sometimes have to make choices as to who you’ll spend your time with. But that’s okay, …” I silently stayed in the barrel. I’m bored! Am I winning? Are the rest of me having fun back at the Mirror Pool? Around an hour later, a green-haired unicorn and an cream colored earth pony trotted by me. Nopony’s found me yet. I must be great at hide-and-seek! The green unicorn with a golden cutie mark with vertical lines said, “Bon Bon, I’m not calling those evil things Pinkie Pie Mirror Pool clones, that’s way too long. I know! I’ll call them Finger Food instead, because there were so many of them, and they vanished quickly!” That’s a super funny name! I guess that if there’s only one Pinkie Pie, then I’ll call myself Finger Food! Bon Bon snorted and responded, “Again with the fingers, Lyra? I couldn’t sell anything because they ate my sweets without paying, and annoyed all of my potential customers! They kept chanting ‘Fun!’, but there’s nothing fun about them! I’m glad they’re dead.” Rude! I didn’t even eat any of your sweets; there weren’t any left to eat! And how was I supposed to know you’re supposed to pay for those, if nopony ever told me? I’m totally fun and not annoying! I’ll show you that you’re wrong and I’m fun, no matter how long it takes! Lyra argued, “I thought they were just sent back to the Mirror Pool. I don’t want to bother Twilight with any silly questions about those horrible, evil things. She’ll think I’m stupid.” I quietly let out a breath and looked down. Maybe I should hide somewhere else? I don’t know what ’evil’ means, but I get the feeling nopony likes me here, and that’s no fun at all. And my hair’s getting in the way. Why did my mane start drooping over my eyes? What’s that rumbling and screeching noise? I peeked out of the top of my barrel. Wow, it’s a huge boxy shiny metal and glass thing with wheels and bright colors all over? It looks super fun! And it looks like it stopped moving. I zoomed inside the giant metal and glass box past other ponies, and hid in a corner behind a chair. How did I even do that? A stallion authoritatively yelled, “All aboard the Friendship Express!” Is this thing moving again? I wonder where it's going? Are You Even Trying to Win?I zoomed out of the metal box when a bunch of other ponies were leaving. Where are they going? Is it something exciting? I wonder if that apple-selling filly is still playing our game of hide-and-seek. I promised her that I’d do my best, but Is she still trying to win? Apparently, ponies leave free food and other stuff in containers outside their buildings? But most of it isn’t very good. I also found this cool cardboard box that I can hide in and move around in! Just like that super spy from a comic book I just found! Somepony said that I looked my special talent was event planning or catering or something because of my Cutie Mark, and offered me a job. I wasn’t paying much attention because I saw a cool bird, and I don’t know what catering is, but it sounded like fun, so I said yes! I got these round metal things called bits! I used them to buy things and start renting an apartment. It has all sorts of fun things in it, like this bouncy bed! And those containers are called garbage cans, and you toss the stuff you don’t want in them so that somepony else can take them away! And I can take home the leftover food from my job! Libraries are sort of fun! They just let me read books without paying for them, and they let me take a few of them out at a time if I bring them back. And they have books to tell me what almost everything is, such as ’trains’, ’evil’, and even some myths about the Mirror Pool. But the librarian doesn’t let me have fun too loudly. Maybe I could bribe her with some cupcakes? Ponies usually like those. I trotted out of an enchanter's shop, frowning. That unicorn enchanter was a huge jerk! He said that he wouldn’t sell me enchanted items that block magic spells because I wasn’t part of the Royal Guard. Apparently, ponies might use them to resist arrest, or try to overthrow Canterlot’s government! Even a filly could cast the spell that sends ponies back to the Mirror Pool if they knew it! I giggled. But to be fair, I would totally resist arrest because of Twilight. She’s a ’good’ hero who kills or sends away ’evil villains’ like myself! At least, I'm guessing all of my sisters are dead by now. There’s a chance that they’re having fun under the Mirror Pool. I mean, it's really, really small, but it's still a chance. And obviously, I wouldn’t try to overthrow the Princesses; I’m just too weak! Plus I don’t have a good reason to even try, because they raise and lower the sun, and they deal with the other ’evil villains’ that would hurt everypony, plus clones like myself. I grinned widely, and thought of a funny joke. Because I’m the only clone left, I’m the leader by default. I can call myself the evil Queen of the Clones? Anyway, I obviously can’t join the Royal Guard; Princess Twilight Sparkle would see me and might recognize me and get rid of me, or lock me up so that nopony finds out that she made a mistake and missed a clone last year! I bought a dress shirt and vest and tie for my outfit, and some thick rimmed flat costume glasses! And I went to a stylist to dye my coat and mane and tail a duller shade of pink that stands out less, so that I can keep winning this game of hide-and-seek and keep having fun! I looked at a nearby book that somepony left on a table at the library. “Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Journal of Friendship, first edition.“ She’s just telling everycreature her secrets? After I picked it up, I read it at a table in the corner of the Manehattan Library. I read the part about what Twilight knew about the Mirror Pool. Wow! The Mirror Pool was something that Discord created during his reign of evil, to annoy ponies and take up all their resources. If it wasn’t for the spell to send them back to the Mirror Pool, there wouldn’t be enough food left for everypony. Hey, that mare, her friend and I were all correct! I really am evil! And annoying, too! But I do know how to have fun! I know! I should bake her a cake to apologize. Oh, wait! That’s silly. I can’t go back to Ponyville, since that alicorn Twilight will send me to the Mirror Pool, and I don’t even know if that mare is even in Ponyville. Years later, I visited a doctor’s office, and complained, “Hi, I'm Finger Food! Something’s wrong. And how much do I have to pay for asking?” “You only have to pay in the Crystal Empire; the government pays for most medical expenses in Equestria. I don’t know why Shining Armor privatized health care; I think somepony must have bribed him. I went into medicine to help ponies.” Frowning, I gestured at myself, then exclaimed, “It’s awful! It’s getting harder to trot or gallop, and I’m getting headaches! And my legs and belly are getting all flabby! “ I took a plate of leftover strawberry cake out from under mane and took a bite out of it. The doctor stated, “Go on a diet, Finger Food, you’ll live a few years longer, unless this is an obscure condition the diagnosis spell couldn’t pick up. Eat more fruits and vegetables and hay, eat enough protein, eat fewer sugars such as sugary drinks, eat less cheese/butter, and don’t eat outside of mealtimes. Eat smaller bites. And eat multivitamins if you’re not sure you’re getting enough vitamins and minerals. Most ponies should eat around 15 times their target body weight in pounds in Calories, or a few hundred calories less than that if they're trying to lose weight faster.“ The doctor finished with a disclaimer, “But anypony should ask a pony dietician before any drastic changes to your diet. If you’re asking about the diet for anycreature else such as Griffons or dragons, then you should instead ask a dietician or doctor licensed to treat that creature, or Fluttershy, or a licensed veterinarian.” This is the second worst thing that Princess Twilight’s done to me so far! Maybe I should start a revolt against Equestria’s government? But how? I set down a slice of cake on a nearby counter, swallowed the rest of my cake, and nobly proclaimed, “Let them eat cake!” Why do I keep blurting out random things without thinking? Was that a reference to something? “Nopony’s going to force anypony to change what they eat or stop selling cake. Those are just Princess Twilight’s new dietary guidelines for Equestria. And even if they did stop selling Cake, you can always move to the Crystal Empire. They haven't changed their dietary guidelines.” The doctor claimed, “Anyway, given your age and weight, you’ll probably die in 50 years. You'll probably live a few more years if you lose weight.” Ponies die? For real? I thought that it was just a mean, stupid joke when that I heard Bon Bon said she was glad the rest of the clones were dead! You mean that everypony will die and I’ll die, just like that dog, and the food for the griffons and other carnivores! Is that why were all those crying ponies were outside that church looking at a fancy wooden box talking about how great he was and how sad they were that they’d never see him again? I thought that he’d just stopped building boxes and moved somewhere else! “I can’t have any fun anymore if I’m not alive! I know! What if I decide I won’t die?” The mean doctor said, “Ponies die. It can’t be helped.” “Celestia and Luna have lived for at least a thousand years!” “They’re alicorns and they’re immortal. Normal ponies like us die. It can’t be helped.” That’s stupid. You can’t have fun anymore if you die. I let out a contemptuous snort and yelled at that mean, stupid unicorn doctor, “Are you even trying? Twilight’s book said that she became an alicorn!” “How don’t you know any of this? Princess Twilight Sparkle was the most powerful unicorn in Equestria, and you’re just an earth pony!” I frowned, and repeated a phrase that I’d heard many ponies guess about me, “I was homeschooled.” “Oh. Sorry, I’ve been having a bad day, and yelling was rude and unprofessional of me.” He walked to a stand and picked out a hoofful of brochures and held them out to me. “Here, take these brochures. Learning new things that your parents or guardians didn’t teach you should be fun.” he said, and held the brochures out to me. I took them, pretended to smile, then exclaimed in a cheery-sounding voice, “It sounds totally fun! Apology accepted!” Author's Note Parts of this and the story in general were inspired by thinking, "What would be problems that Pinkie Pie's clones would face if they didn't have all of Pinkie Pie's powers but they had her habits and mannerisms. What would be the worst problems they would face. How would the clone deal with those problems." As a result, this chapter contains a parody of dietary advice written for this dark comedy pony fanfiction where Twilight causes Pinkie Pie's clone to suffer in many ways. It should not be taken as actual advice. Snippets of it referenced https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/ and https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/calorie-counting-made-easy to at least somewhat resemble dietary advice. Becoming StrongThat doctor’s brochures actually had a few funny jokes and short comics! Like the evil villain that Twilight and everypony else in Ponyville thought I was, I schemed, used my enemy’s intelligence, kept making progress to achieve my goals, and made sure that nothing and nopony could stop me! Seriously, why did I have to have Pinkie’s appetite but not her metabolism? It took a few months of keeping to my routine and tracking my calorie intake, but I lost the weight that I gained, and I wasn't as hungry as I was worried I'd be. My evil scheme worked! I’m full of energy! I can run away from Twilight so much further and faster now, and I’m back to being a normally sized target for her spells again! One day, after I left food at an event and giggled at somepony's joke, the organizer observed, “You laugh just like Pinkie Pie! And you look sort of like her!” Oh no! My evil scheme backfired! I need to convince him that I’m not Pinkie! I acted offended, yelled, “No I don’t! Her mane and coat are much brighter pink and curlier. And she’s insanely cheerful.“, then trotted off. Oh no, oh no, oh no! That isn’t good. Ponies are comparing me to Pinkie Pie again, but at least this uniform covers my cutie mark. I know! I’ll try to never laugh again! And I’ll do 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, then a 10 kilometer run, then 100 squats. And I’ll do it every single day! Then I’ll be an strong, evil clone that’s as muscular as Applejack, and nopony will recognize me! And I’ll continue to have just three meals a day. I’ll be just like that super strong mare in that comic book One Kick Mare! After I delivered food for my day job as a caterer slash delivery mare, I bought a tracksuit, and I worked out in the park. I woke up the next morning. Ow, all of my legs hurt, and my legs are making a clicking noise. Back to my usual routine! I make breakfast and check my newspaper and tabloids like the sneaky evil spy I am. One tabloid’s headline was ‘Baby Princess Flurry Heart Now Adorably Goth!’ Wow! That’s so cute! Did Princess Cadance or Shining Armor dye Flurry Heart’s mane black? Or did somepony at the tabloids just edit that photo in a photo shop? I went to my catering job, and repeated my new workout after it was over. I woke up the following day. Ow, everything hurts so much. Maybe I’ll take the day off and do something less strenuous, like piano lessons. It’ll help me if I need to pretend to be Pinkie, nopony but the piano teachers will see me, and Twilight’s book said that Pinkie was good at music, so I should be good at it too? I looked at the image on the front page of the Canterlot Times and snorted in surprise. “Hah! Look at that stallion’s face!” Huh. ‘Royal guards sue Shining Armor for lost wages, medical bills, insurance premiums, and emotional distress after he pranked them by hiding Poison Joke in their soft apple cider.’? I wonder if Princess Flurry Heart drank some of that cider, and that’s why she’s goth now? But somepony in the castle must have noticed? Besides, Twilight’s book said poison joke never changes anypony’s mind, just their body, so it couldn’t be that bad. And I really love her mane! Piano sounds like a good idea, but I’ll also stick to my workout routine, and tough it out and endure the pain. I wonder who came up with that routine? A week later, I repeated my day’s routine and read my morning newspapers. What? ’Prince Shining Armor bans the sale or resale of unauthorized or unofficial merchandise of Princess Twilight Sparkle in the Crystal Empire.’? Why Twilight? She lives in Canterlot? And why not ban merchandise of any other royalty? April Fools isn’t for another week! Did I pick up a satirical newspaper by mistake? No, this is the Canterlot Times! Is Prince Shining Armor just overreacting to something? Anyway, it’s a good thing that I’m living in Manehattan, where nopony will catch me! I looked up at the wall at my funny poster of Twilight Sparkle as a unicorn. I’d bought that print of a painting years ago from a local artist at a street market. Twilight was stuck in a tree branch with hanging vertically from her forelegs, looking despondent, with the caption ‘Hang in there!’ I giggled. Seeing the Princess of Friendship unable to reach me or hurt me always cheered me up, and the tagline always filled me with the determination to keep up with my strenuous exercise routine. I hope that article isn’t real. But what’s up with this? It’s like there’s wacky news about the Crystal Empire’s royalty every week or so! A familiar, bored-looking grey earth pony mare in a bowtie looked at me, and said dryly, “Congratulations, you pass again. You missed some notes, your tempo was inconsistent and you sped up too much at the simpler parts, your volume could use more work, and most fillies would play the second song with staccato notes to imitate the original instruments. Or mares, in your case. You did better on your written examination, though,” she said, and passed me the exam results, along with my level 5 piano certificate. I pretended to be happy and acknowledged her feeback, “Thanks! I’ll work on that.“ Twilight’s book said that Pinkie Pie can sing wonderfully. And she managed to play ten instruments at once when the parasprites overran Ponyville! Why am I still so bad at this? Why am I such a crummy, evil knockoff?! I can’t believe those ponies just let me buy a tattoo gun and ink after I lied about working for a tattoo parlor. I wish I could get a professional to do this, but then they’d tell the government about my attempt to change my cutie mark. Inside my apartment, I reached over to my left flank with my right foreleg and prepared to tattoo over my left side’s cutie mark. I can do this. This tattoo gun’s brand new and from a reputable major store. I’ve read the instructions twice, and I’ve sterilized the tattoo gun five times, so this should be perfectly safe! I just need to add a few stripes to my cutie mark so that nopony ever realizes that it’s the exact same as Pinkie Pie’s. I’m Ponyville’s hide-and-seek champion, an evil clone from the Mirror Pool, and I’ve totally got this. Once I do that, I can move somewhere else with the bits I’ve saved up, and get a new disguise and a new job where nopony recognizes me, so that I can live a fun, quiet life. Wait, I feel pretty lightheaded and everything’s blurry. I set aside the tattoo gun. Maybe I should sit down. I woke up. What happened? My face hurts. Did I finish tattooing over my cutie mark? That looks more like a freckle! Alone in my apartment, I frowned, then exclaimed, “Oh, for Celestia’s sake! I’m an evil, magical construct from the Mirror Pool! I should totally be able to give myself a tattoo without fainting!” I gave the librarian some cupcakes that were her favorite flavor, as a ’gift’ for all her help, and asked her how to know how to know things, since I’m pretty bad at knowing things. Apparently, knowing how to know things called philosophy. They have a few books on it here, but I should go to university if I really want to learn about it. And it sounds like universities have some of the the best parties! But I’ll need these things called ‘student loans’ to get enough bits. Maybe I’ll do that in a few years, but the bits are tight right now. I went to the library again, and checked out some other books related to Starswirl the Bearded’s previously-unfinished spell. The one which Twilight Sparkle became an alicorn by completing. Would it work a second time, if I borrowed or stole the Elements of Harmony? I’d just need to ’stop reading these dusty old books’ the way that Twilight did in her journal, and ’make some friends’ that embody the rest of the Elements of Harmony. And after that, I could find something that’d erase my memory of the rest of the spell, and prepare and hide hints to fix their destinies that would help me deduce the rest of the spell ahead of time, so that I can finish the spell a second time? I can probably be the Element of Laughter, just like Pinkie! And I’ll need to befriend at least one unicorn that can cast the start of the spell! But if I can’t, then maybe I can figure out how to steal the Alicorn Amulet for a bit and use its “untold powers” for a bit to cast it. Then maybe I can become an alicorn, and my new friends can become alicorns too, and we can keep having fun together instead of doing something as not-fun as dying. And if that doesn’t work, then I can keep trying other things! This spellbook on Necromancy seems like it might be useful. Maybe I can become a lich. But I don't know where I'd get some of these ingredients. I haven’t had any luck in my secret attempts to find candidates for a group of Elements. The ‘Great and Powerful’ Trixie turned out to only be good at illusions. And only her performances are fun. And if ‘Friendship is Magic’, even I can tell that she isn’t the Element of Magic. Maybe I should ask at one of the other students of Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Or even one of the other schools. I just need to try harder. One day, I woke up early, and felt a strange compulsion, just like the time when I felt I needed to get on the train from Ponyville to Manehattan, years ago. My Finger Food Sense must be telling me that something super-fun was about to happen, far, far away from me. I got out a compass and map and turned my body until the feeling felt the strongest, then looked at that angle of the map. It looks like it’s in Las Pegasus. I shouldn’t be too surprised. After all, many advertisements said that Las Pegasus is the fun capital of Equestria. I don’t know what my Finger Food Sense is telling me, but I’ve got to find out! I’ve just got to! Author's Note This is the last chapter of a story focused on hiding and scheming. The next story in the series is a dramatic comedy side story. TDouble Pinkie Experiment MLP: FiM Comedy Drama Random Princess Twilight Sparkle helped Pinkie Pie clone herself to finish a giant gingerbread castle. Twilight's going to identify the clone, with 𝑠𝑐𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒. But somepony isn't happy. Twilight Pinkie Spike OC owlicious · 3k words · 28 3 · 546 views And the main part of Finger Food's story resumes in TPinkie Pie's Evil Clone Saves Equestria MLP: FiM Dark Comedy Tragedy Many years after escaping from Ponyville, Pinkie Pie's evil clone senses a disaster in Ponyville affecting everycreature, including her. So she takes a break from her villainous routine, to stop it by any means necessary. Death Human Pinkie Rarity OC Shining Armor Flurry Heart owlicious · 7.4k words · 29 4 · 420 views This series was inspired about a contest about Shining Armor being a terrible dad. (overview of the series)
Ponyville's Newest Hide and Go Seek ChampionAuthor's Note In MLP G4's episode Too Many Pinkie Pies, fun-seeking clones annoy a mob of angry citizens, and Twilight sends them all back to the Mirror Pool. In the second chapter of this story, the main character goes to a library, and learns more about Equestria and acts less naive. This is told in first person from the perspective of a fun-seeking Mirror Pool clone with some of Pinkie Pie's habits, abilities, and mannerisms, and none of her memories. She's learning all about Equestria for the first time. Ponyville's Newest Hide and Go Seek Champion I bounced up and down, yelling, “Hey! Look at this cool shiny flaky rock that I found on a boulder!“ I bet everypony will love it! Pulling tiny sheets off of it with my hooves is so much fun. A little yellow filly with red hair, a pink bow, and no cutie mark said, “Seriously, Pinkie Pie? That’s just Mica. It’s everywhere around here!“ She sounded annoyed, instead of being cheered up by my rock. She smirked, and said “I know what’s fun,” she enthusiastically finished, “Hide-and-seek! You hide far away, and I look for you!”, before turning around and trotting away. ”Hide-and-seek sounds like so much fun! I promise to do my best!” Wait, I’m Pinkie, so is that a Pinkie Promise? I'm getting a really bad feeling that I shouldn’t break my promise, but I don’t know why. Anyway, hide-and-seek sounds like so much fun! I see a barrel way over there next to a giant tree! It’s the perfect hiding place! After putting away my cool rock, I quietly trotted over to the barrel, opened the lid, looked inside, and silently hopped in, and closed the lid behind me without a sound. I heard her angrily yelling from far away, “Now maybe I can get back to selling apples in some gosh-darned peace and quiet!” Oh, were we playing the quiet game too? I bet I’d be super-duper great at that. I moved my eye towards the light, and looked at her standing next to a wooden structure and some buckets full of apples. Ha! She’s looking at the wrong place! I’m not in an apple bucket! But I better not laugh out loud, or she’ll find me! What does “selling apples“ even mean? Well, I guess I can wait, before she starts seeking. I’m having so much fun watching everypony! I’ve been hiding in this barrel for what feels like forever. Huh, I see a herd of Pinkies running to that tree building! And wow! That yellow filly’s from before's helping chase them there and close the doors? I didn’t even know that every-Pinkie else was competing with me, or that that filly was so good at hide-and-seek! But she hasn’t found me. Does that make me the new hide-and-seek champion? I wonder how long I can keep this up? This is so exciting! A pegasus flew by, carrying a frowny Pinkie into the library. She then yelled, “Wait up, I got one more! Found this one poking at the ground with her hoof, drawing frowny faces.” I’m bored! Hey, that pegasus must be Rainbow Dash. Maybe this rock would cheer up that frowny Pinkie? Hours later, after I heard puffing sounds and saw a lot of glowing pink wisps of smoke fly out of Twilight’s Library, I heard Rainbow Dash exclaim, “Somepony’s making balloon animals.“ Where? If I didn’t promise that apple-selling filly that I’d play hide-and-seek with her, I’d totally want to see that! I saw another wisp of smoke. After a few more minutes of a boring conversation, I heard a Pinkie yell joyfully and uncertainly, “I’m me! I’m me! I’m me! Or am I? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I am.” Oh. Is the contest over? But wait! I’m me! So if she’s now the only Pinkie, then who am I?! After her ordeal, in her bedroom in Sugarcube Corner, an exhausted Pinkie Pie cheerfully laid on her back on her bed, and dictated a letter for Spike to write down and send to Princess Celestia. “Dear Princess Celestia. It’s great to have fun, but it’s even greater to have great friends. And having lots of friends means that you sometimes have to make choices as to who you’ll spend your time with. But that’s okay, …” I silently stayed in the barrel. I’m bored! Am I winning? Are the rest of me having fun back at the Mirror Pool? Around an hour later, a green-haired unicorn and an cream colored earth pony trotted by me. Nopony’s found me yet. I must be great at hide-and-seek! The green unicorn with a golden cutie mark with vertical lines said, “Bon Bon, I’m not calling those evil things Pinkie Pie Mirror Pool clones, that’s way too long. I know! I’ll call them Finger Food instead, because there were so many of them, and they vanished quickly!” That’s a super funny name! I guess that if there’s only one Pinkie Pie, then I’ll call myself Finger Food! Bon Bon snorted and responded, “Again with the fingers, Lyra? I couldn’t sell anything because they ate my sweets without paying, and annoyed all of my potential customers! They kept chanting ‘Fun!’, but there’s nothing fun about them! I’m glad they’re dead.” Rude! I didn’t even eat any of your sweets; there weren’t any left to eat! And how was I supposed to know you’re supposed to pay for those, if nopony ever told me? I’m totally fun and not annoying! I’ll show you that you’re wrong and I’m fun, no matter how long it takes! Lyra argued, “I thought they were just sent back to the Mirror Pool. I don’t want to bother Twilight with any silly questions about those horrible, evil things. She’ll think I’m stupid.” I quietly let out a breath and looked down. Maybe I should hide somewhere else? I don’t know what ’evil’ means, but I get the feeling nopony likes me here, and that’s no fun at all. And my hair’s getting in the way. Why did my mane start drooping over my eyes? What’s that rumbling and screeching noise? I peeked out of the top of my barrel. Wow, it’s a huge boxy shiny metal and glass thing with wheels and bright colors all over? It looks super fun! And it looks like it stopped moving. I zoomed inside the giant metal and glass box past other ponies, and hid in a corner behind a chair. How did I even do that? A stallion authoritatively yelled, “All aboard the Friendship Express!” Is this thing moving again? I wonder where it's going?
Are You Even Trying to Win?I zoomed out of the metal box when a bunch of other ponies were leaving. Where are they going? Is it something exciting? I wonder if that apple-selling filly is still playing our game of hide-and-seek. I promised her that I’d do my best, but Is she still trying to win? Apparently, ponies leave free food and other stuff in containers outside their buildings? But most of it isn’t very good. I also found this cool cardboard box that I can hide in and move around in! Just like that super spy from a comic book I just found! Somepony said that I looked my special talent was event planning or catering or something because of my Cutie Mark, and offered me a job. I wasn’t paying much attention because I saw a cool bird, and I don’t know what catering is, but it sounded like fun, so I said yes! I got these round metal things called bits! I used them to buy things and start renting an apartment. It has all sorts of fun things in it, like this bouncy bed! And those containers are called garbage cans, and you toss the stuff you don’t want in them so that somepony else can take them away! And I can take home the leftover food from my job! Libraries are sort of fun! They just let me read books without paying for them, and they let me take a few of them out at a time if I bring them back. And they have books to tell me what almost everything is, such as ’trains’, ’evil’, and even some myths about the Mirror Pool. But the librarian doesn’t let me have fun too loudly. Maybe I could bribe her with some cupcakes? Ponies usually like those. I trotted out of an enchanter's shop, frowning. That unicorn enchanter was a huge jerk! He said that he wouldn’t sell me enchanted items that block magic spells because I wasn’t part of the Royal Guard. Apparently, ponies might use them to resist arrest, or try to overthrow Canterlot’s government! Even a filly could cast the spell that sends ponies back to the Mirror Pool if they knew it! I giggled. But to be fair, I would totally resist arrest because of Twilight. She’s a ’good’ hero who kills or sends away ’evil villains’ like myself! At least, I'm guessing all of my sisters are dead by now. There’s a chance that they’re having fun under the Mirror Pool. I mean, it's really, really small, but it's still a chance. And obviously, I wouldn’t try to overthrow the Princesses; I’m just too weak! Plus I don’t have a good reason to even try, because they raise and lower the sun, and they deal with the other ’evil villains’ that would hurt everypony, plus clones like myself. I grinned widely, and thought of a funny joke. Because I’m the only clone left, I’m the leader by default. I can call myself the evil Queen of the Clones? Anyway, I obviously can’t join the Royal Guard; Princess Twilight Sparkle would see me and might recognize me and get rid of me, or lock me up so that nopony finds out that she made a mistake and missed a clone last year! I bought a dress shirt and vest and tie for my outfit, and some thick rimmed flat costume glasses! And I went to a stylist to dye my coat and mane and tail a duller shade of pink that stands out less, so that I can keep winning this game of hide-and-seek and keep having fun! I looked at a nearby book that somepony left on a table at the library. “Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Journal of Friendship, first edition.“ She’s just telling everycreature her secrets? After I picked it up, I read it at a table in the corner of the Manehattan Library. I read the part about what Twilight knew about the Mirror Pool. Wow! The Mirror Pool was something that Discord created during his reign of evil, to annoy ponies and take up all their resources. If it wasn’t for the spell to send them back to the Mirror Pool, there wouldn’t be enough food left for everypony. Hey, that mare, her friend and I were all correct! I really am evil! And annoying, too! But I do know how to have fun! I know! I should bake her a cake to apologize. Oh, wait! That’s silly. I can’t go back to Ponyville, since that alicorn Twilight will send me to the Mirror Pool, and I don’t even know if that mare is even in Ponyville. Years later, I visited a doctor’s office, and complained, “Hi, I'm Finger Food! Something’s wrong. And how much do I have to pay for asking?” “You only have to pay in the Crystal Empire; the government pays for most medical expenses in Equestria. I don’t know why Shining Armor privatized health care; I think somepony must have bribed him. I went into medicine to help ponies.” Frowning, I gestured at myself, then exclaimed, “It’s awful! It’s getting harder to trot or gallop, and I’m getting headaches! And my legs and belly are getting all flabby! “ I took a plate of leftover strawberry cake out from under mane and took a bite out of it. The doctor stated, “Go on a diet, Finger Food, you’ll live a few years longer, unless this is an obscure condition the diagnosis spell couldn’t pick up. Eat more fruits and vegetables and hay, eat enough protein, eat fewer sugars such as sugary drinks, eat less cheese/butter, and don’t eat outside of mealtimes. Eat smaller bites. And eat multivitamins if you’re not sure you’re getting enough vitamins and minerals. Most ponies should eat around 15 times their target body weight in pounds in Calories, or a few hundred calories less than that if they're trying to lose weight faster.“ The doctor finished with a disclaimer, “But anypony should ask a pony dietician before any drastic changes to your diet. If you’re asking about the diet for anycreature else such as Griffons or dragons, then you should instead ask a dietician or doctor licensed to treat that creature, or Fluttershy, or a licensed veterinarian.” This is the second worst thing that Princess Twilight’s done to me so far! Maybe I should start a revolt against Equestria’s government? But how? I set down a slice of cake on a nearby counter, swallowed the rest of my cake, and nobly proclaimed, “Let them eat cake!” Why do I keep blurting out random things without thinking? Was that a reference to something? “Nopony’s going to force anypony to change what they eat or stop selling cake. Those are just Princess Twilight’s new dietary guidelines for Equestria. And even if they did stop selling Cake, you can always move to the Crystal Empire. They haven't changed their dietary guidelines.” The doctor claimed, “Anyway, given your age and weight, you’ll probably die in 50 years. You'll probably live a few more years if you lose weight.” Ponies die? For real? I thought that it was just a mean, stupid joke when that I heard Bon Bon said she was glad the rest of the clones were dead! You mean that everypony will die and I’ll die, just like that dog, and the food for the griffons and other carnivores! Is that why were all those crying ponies were outside that church looking at a fancy wooden box talking about how great he was and how sad they were that they’d never see him again? I thought that he’d just stopped building boxes and moved somewhere else! “I can’t have any fun anymore if I’m not alive! I know! What if I decide I won’t die?” The mean doctor said, “Ponies die. It can’t be helped.” “Celestia and Luna have lived for at least a thousand years!” “They’re alicorns and they’re immortal. Normal ponies like us die. It can’t be helped.” That’s stupid. You can’t have fun anymore if you die. I let out a contemptuous snort and yelled at that mean, stupid unicorn doctor, “Are you even trying? Twilight’s book said that she became an alicorn!” “How don’t you know any of this? Princess Twilight Sparkle was the most powerful unicorn in Equestria, and you’re just an earth pony!” I frowned, and repeated a phrase that I’d heard many ponies guess about me, “I was homeschooled.” “Oh. Sorry, I’ve been having a bad day, and yelling was rude and unprofessional of me.” He walked to a stand and picked out a hoofful of brochures and held them out to me. “Here, take these brochures. Learning new things that your parents or guardians didn’t teach you should be fun.” he said, and held the brochures out to me. I took them, pretended to smile, then exclaimed in a cheery-sounding voice, “It sounds totally fun! Apology accepted!” Author's Note Parts of this and the story in general were inspired by thinking, "What would be problems that Pinkie Pie's clones would face if they didn't have all of Pinkie Pie's powers but they had her habits and mannerisms. What would be the worst problems they would face. How would the clone deal with those problems." As a result, this chapter contains a parody of dietary advice written for this dark comedy pony fanfiction where Twilight causes Pinkie Pie's clone to suffer in many ways. It should not be taken as actual advice. Snippets of it referenced https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/ and https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/calorie-counting-made-easy to at least somewhat resemble dietary advice.
Becoming StrongThat doctor’s brochures actually had a few funny jokes and short comics! Like the evil villain that Twilight and everypony else in Ponyville thought I was, I schemed, used my enemy’s intelligence, kept making progress to achieve my goals, and made sure that nothing and nopony could stop me! Seriously, why did I have to have Pinkie’s appetite but not her metabolism? It took a few months of keeping to my routine and tracking my calorie intake, but I lost the weight that I gained, and I wasn't as hungry as I was worried I'd be. My evil scheme worked! I’m full of energy! I can run away from Twilight so much further and faster now, and I’m back to being a normally sized target for her spells again! One day, after I left food at an event and giggled at somepony's joke, the organizer observed, “You laugh just like Pinkie Pie! And you look sort of like her!” Oh no! My evil scheme backfired! I need to convince him that I’m not Pinkie! I acted offended, yelled, “No I don’t! Her mane and coat are much brighter pink and curlier. And she’s insanely cheerful.“, then trotted off. Oh no, oh no, oh no! That isn’t good. Ponies are comparing me to Pinkie Pie again, but at least this uniform covers my cutie mark. I know! I’ll try to never laugh again! And I’ll do 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, then a 10 kilometer run, then 100 squats. And I’ll do it every single day! Then I’ll be an strong, evil clone that’s as muscular as Applejack, and nopony will recognize me! And I’ll continue to have just three meals a day. I’ll be just like that super strong mare in that comic book One Kick Mare! After I delivered food for my day job as a caterer slash delivery mare, I bought a tracksuit, and I worked out in the park. I woke up the next morning. Ow, all of my legs hurt, and my legs are making a clicking noise. Back to my usual routine! I make breakfast and check my newspaper and tabloids like the sneaky evil spy I am. One tabloid’s headline was ‘Baby Princess Flurry Heart Now Adorably Goth!’ Wow! That’s so cute! Did Princess Cadance or Shining Armor dye Flurry Heart’s mane black? Or did somepony at the tabloids just edit that photo in a photo shop? I went to my catering job, and repeated my new workout after it was over. I woke up the following day. Ow, everything hurts so much. Maybe I’ll take the day off and do something less strenuous, like piano lessons. It’ll help me if I need to pretend to be Pinkie, nopony but the piano teachers will see me, and Twilight’s book said that Pinkie was good at music, so I should be good at it too? I looked at the image on the front page of the Canterlot Times and snorted in surprise. “Hah! Look at that stallion’s face!” Huh. ‘Royal guards sue Shining Armor for lost wages, medical bills, insurance premiums, and emotional distress after he pranked them by hiding Poison Joke in their soft apple cider.’? I wonder if Princess Flurry Heart drank some of that cider, and that’s why she’s goth now? But somepony in the castle must have noticed? Besides, Twilight’s book said poison joke never changes anypony’s mind, just their body, so it couldn’t be that bad. And I really love her mane! Piano sounds like a good idea, but I’ll also stick to my workout routine, and tough it out and endure the pain. I wonder who came up with that routine? A week later, I repeated my day’s routine and read my morning newspapers. What? ’Prince Shining Armor bans the sale or resale of unauthorized or unofficial merchandise of Princess Twilight Sparkle in the Crystal Empire.’? Why Twilight? She lives in Canterlot? And why not ban merchandise of any other royalty? April Fools isn’t for another week! Did I pick up a satirical newspaper by mistake? No, this is the Canterlot Times! Is Prince Shining Armor just overreacting to something? Anyway, it’s a good thing that I’m living in Manehattan, where nopony will catch me! I looked up at the wall at my funny poster of Twilight Sparkle as a unicorn. I’d bought that print of a painting years ago from a local artist at a street market. Twilight was stuck in a tree branch with hanging vertically from her forelegs, looking despondent, with the caption ‘Hang in there!’ I giggled. Seeing the Princess of Friendship unable to reach me or hurt me always cheered me up, and the tagline always filled me with the determination to keep up with my strenuous exercise routine. I hope that article isn’t real. But what’s up with this? It’s like there’s wacky news about the Crystal Empire’s royalty every week or so! A familiar, bored-looking grey earth pony mare in a bowtie looked at me, and said dryly, “Congratulations, you pass again. You missed some notes, your tempo was inconsistent and you sped up too much at the simpler parts, your volume could use more work, and most fillies would play the second song with staccato notes to imitate the original instruments. Or mares, in your case. You did better on your written examination, though,” she said, and passed me the exam results, along with my level 5 piano certificate. I pretended to be happy and acknowledged her feeback, “Thanks! I’ll work on that.“ Twilight’s book said that Pinkie Pie can sing wonderfully. And she managed to play ten instruments at once when the parasprites overran Ponyville! Why am I still so bad at this? Why am I such a crummy, evil knockoff?! I can’t believe those ponies just let me buy a tattoo gun and ink after I lied about working for a tattoo parlor. I wish I could get a professional to do this, but then they’d tell the government about my attempt to change my cutie mark. Inside my apartment, I reached over to my left flank with my right foreleg and prepared to tattoo over my left side’s cutie mark. I can do this. This tattoo gun’s brand new and from a reputable major store. I’ve read the instructions twice, and I’ve sterilized the tattoo gun five times, so this should be perfectly safe! I just need to add a few stripes to my cutie mark so that nopony ever realizes that it’s the exact same as Pinkie Pie’s. I’m Ponyville’s hide-and-seek champion, an evil clone from the Mirror Pool, and I’ve totally got this. Once I do that, I can move somewhere else with the bits I’ve saved up, and get a new disguise and a new job where nopony recognizes me, so that I can live a fun, quiet life. Wait, I feel pretty lightheaded and everything’s blurry. I set aside the tattoo gun. Maybe I should sit down. I woke up. What happened? My face hurts. Did I finish tattooing over my cutie mark? That looks more like a freckle! Alone in my apartment, I frowned, then exclaimed, “Oh, for Celestia’s sake! I’m an evil, magical construct from the Mirror Pool! I should totally be able to give myself a tattoo without fainting!” I gave the librarian some cupcakes that were her favorite flavor, as a ’gift’ for all her help, and asked her how to know how to know things, since I’m pretty bad at knowing things. Apparently, knowing how to know things called philosophy. They have a few books on it here, but I should go to university if I really want to learn about it. And it sounds like universities have some of the the best parties! But I’ll need these things called ‘student loans’ to get enough bits. Maybe I’ll do that in a few years, but the bits are tight right now. I went to the library again, and checked out some other books related to Starswirl the Bearded’s previously-unfinished spell. The one which Twilight Sparkle became an alicorn by completing. Would it work a second time, if I borrowed or stole the Elements of Harmony? I’d just need to ’stop reading these dusty old books’ the way that Twilight did in her journal, and ’make some friends’ that embody the rest of the Elements of Harmony. And after that, I could find something that’d erase my memory of the rest of the spell, and prepare and hide hints to fix their destinies that would help me deduce the rest of the spell ahead of time, so that I can finish the spell a second time? I can probably be the Element of Laughter, just like Pinkie! And I’ll need to befriend at least one unicorn that can cast the start of the spell! But if I can’t, then maybe I can figure out how to steal the Alicorn Amulet for a bit and use its “untold powers” for a bit to cast it. Then maybe I can become an alicorn, and my new friends can become alicorns too, and we can keep having fun together instead of doing something as not-fun as dying. And if that doesn’t work, then I can keep trying other things! This spellbook on Necromancy seems like it might be useful. Maybe I can become a lich. But I don't know where I'd get some of these ingredients. I haven’t had any luck in my secret attempts to find candidates for a group of Elements. The ‘Great and Powerful’ Trixie turned out to only be good at illusions. And only her performances are fun. And if ‘Friendship is Magic’, even I can tell that she isn’t the Element of Magic. Maybe I should ask at one of the other students of Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Or even one of the other schools. I just need to try harder. One day, I woke up early, and felt a strange compulsion, just like the time when I felt I needed to get on the train from Ponyville to Manehattan, years ago. My Finger Food Sense must be telling me that something super-fun was about to happen, far, far away from me. I got out a compass and map and turned my body until the feeling felt the strongest, then looked at that angle of the map. It looks like it’s in Las Pegasus. I shouldn’t be too surprised. After all, many advertisements said that Las Pegasus is the fun capital of Equestria. I don’t know what my Finger Food Sense is telling me, but I’ve got to find out! I’ve just got to! Author's Note This is the last chapter of a story focused on hiding and scheming. The next story in the series is a dramatic comedy side story. TDouble Pinkie Experiment MLP: FiM Comedy Drama Random Princess Twilight Sparkle helped Pinkie Pie clone herself to finish a giant gingerbread castle. Twilight's going to identify the clone, with 𝑠𝑐𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒. But somepony isn't happy. Twilight Pinkie Spike OC owlicious · 3k words · 28 3 · 546 views And the main part of Finger Food's story resumes in TPinkie Pie's Evil Clone Saves Equestria MLP: FiM Dark Comedy Tragedy Many years after escaping from Ponyville, Pinkie Pie's evil clone senses a disaster in Ponyville affecting everycreature, including her. So she takes a break from her villainous routine, to stop it by any means necessary. Death Human Pinkie Rarity OC Shining Armor Flurry Heart owlicious · 7.4k words · 29 4 · 420 views This series was inspired about a contest about Shining Armor being a terrible dad. (overview of the series)
