‘What will you do now?’
Like a thick fog shrouding Sunset's mind, those seemingly innocuous words haunted her thoughts as she stepped onto the stage to address the senior class of Canterlot high school.
With a speech she had hastily penned the night prior, she proceeded to deliver a run-of-the-mill address. She extended a welcome to the audience and sprinkled in a handful of platitudes, then she yielded the stage to Twilight. As expected, the valedictorian’s speech far surpassed hers, exuding much more emotion and sincerity than her own poor attempt. Despite the occasional stumble and evident strain, Twilight’s authenticity only served to endear her to the crowd, who erupted into enthusiastic applause as she concluded her address.
“That was a good speech, Twilight.” It was a genuine compliment, but even to Sunset, her words felt hollow.
Sensing Sunset’s subdued demeanor, but not knowing the source of it, Twilight wordlessly reassured her friend with a gentle smile.
The remainder of the afternoon unfolded as predicted. Despite her efforts to muster enthusiasm, Sunset found herself unable to shake a pervasive sense of emptiness as she watched the students go onstage to receive their diplomas.
However, a genuine smile did grace her lips each time one of her friends took their turn in the spotlight. Such was the case when the audience cheered for a visibly flustered Fluttershy, who nearly stumbled on the podium steps before bowing awkwardly, reminiscent of a Japanese salaryman caught off guard by his boss. Though Sunset couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for Fluttershy’s embarrassment, she also found it undeniably endearing.
As for the rest of the ceremony, Rainbow Dash dazzled the audience with an admittedly impressive somersault, while Rarity struck poses like a model before someone had to hurry her offstage. Pinkie Pie, true to her whimsical nature, delighted the crowd by conjuring balloons seemingly out of thin air. Nothing at all unusual for her group of friends, Sunset thought fondly.
After engaging in casual conversation with her classmates once the ceremony was over, Sunset’s attention was captured by Celestia, who approached her with a blindingly bright smile.
“Congratulations, Sunset! Your growth and achievements over these past few years have truly been remarkable,” Celestia commended earnestly.
Sunset cringed. Though part of her appreciated Celestia’s words, she couldn't help feeling a pang of sorrow gripping her inwardly, twisting her insides. The sincerity in Celestia's praise, coming from someone so similar yet so different from her former mentor, served only as a bittersweet reminder of Sunset's past failures and the relationships she’d lost to her own foolishness.
Sunset felt her throat tighten as tears threatened to roll down her cheeks. Swallowing her remorse, she expressed her gratitude to the principal before hastily rejoining her friends.
Once the event drew to a close, Sunset felt a surge of relief wash over her. Engaging in boring pseudo-conversations and awkwardly smiling for every photo had exhausted her, both physically and mentally.
She looked around the campus before catching a glimpse of Pinkie bouncing around in her usual bubbly manner. She reminded Sunset of the upcoming ‘super awesome end-of-school party’, adding in an overly serious tone that she would not tolerate her absence, and that she would not hesitate to resort to kidnapping if she needed to. Chuckling, Sunset promised Pinkie that she would be there, lest the girl execute her threat.
Upon returning home, Sunset collapsed onto the sofa, succumbing to exhaustion. As she lay there, gazing blankly at the ceiling, drowsiness crept over her, gradually lulling her into a deep slumber as recent memories flooded her mind.
Leaning against the wall off to the side of the ballroom, Sunset observed the dance floor with a twinkle of amusement in her eyes.
She took a sip of whatever brew Pinkie had concocted as she marveled at the sight of teenagers in their natural habitat. As always, Twilight’s less than graceful moves never failed to captivate Sunset. Beside her, Pinkie and Rainbow danced with wild abandon, nearly matching Twilight’s energy in their own unique way.
Over by the food table, Applejack was engaged in a spirited debate with Rarity's prom date (whose name she couldn't bother to remember). They both argued vehemently, Applejack gesturing animatedly in a rare show of irritation. In contrast, Rarity followed the exchange with a raised eyebrow and a deadpan expression, which Sunset found hilarious.
She continued to observe her friend’s antics with a fond smile. But as time passed, a sort of melancholy began to seep into her soul. Her smile softened into a sadder expression, and her thoughts became grimmer. A sense of acute uneasiness seeped into her. She glanced at her hands and saw they were shaking slightly.
Sunset frowned, clenching her fist to repress the trembling. She scanned the room in search of the last member of their group as a way to distract herself from the unpleasant sensations inside her. Failing to spot her, she went over to the dancing trio, bumping into a few adolescents along the way.
Having reached her destination, she tapped Pinkie on the shoulder and greeted her. “Oh hey, Shimmy!” She turned to face Sunset, beaming. She was a little out of breath and sweating from the dancing. “How ‘bout you join us and shake dat booty!” As if to demonstrate, she began wiggling her hips from side to side.
“No thanks, Pinkie. Dancing isn’t really my thing,” she chuckled. “Say, you wouldn’t know where Fluttershy went, by any chance?”
“I saw her go outside! Need me to come find her with ya?”
“No, it’s okay, Pinkie. I’ll manage. You keep enjoying the party.”
Cutting through the crowd of dancing teenagers, Sunset navigated towards the exit. Stepping outside, she found some students and a few teachers that had gathered around the area. The slight chill in the air comforted Sunset in her decision to wear a suit rather than a dress.
Venturing further away from the gymnasium where the party was, Sunset followed the path towards the school’s pond, her footsteps echoing in the schoolyard. As expected, she found Fluttershy there on the edge of the basin. That spot was often frequented by the timid girl who liked to sit and admire the fish.
Sunset frowned when she noticed an unfamiliar male student standing a little too close to her friend. Once she caught sight of Sunset behind the student, Fluttershy's expression shifted to a silent plea for help.
Sunset walked up to them, then tapped the boy on the shoulder before addressing him in the kindest tone she could muster.
“Screw off, Romeo.”
The teenage boy turned around, seemingly prepared to retaliate against the source of the interruption, but he quickly reconsidered upon seeing Sunset. Despite her reformation, she still had a reputation not to be messed with. With a muttered apology, the boy scurried off.
Once they were alone, Sunset leaned against the wall next to Fluttershy.
“Thank you. Although that was a little mean,” Fluttershy chided.
“I'm too tired to be nice right now. And you’re welcome. I have experience in dealing with jerks. Mainly through being one.”
Fluttershy giggled softly. “He wasn’t so bad. Just a little too forward, but he didn’t do anything inappropriate.”
“Should I bring him back here, then?” Sunset teased.
Fluttershy’s eyes widened in genuine concern. “Oh gosh, please don’t.”
Sunset laughed at the worry in Fluttershy’s voice. “What’s wrong?” she changed the subject. “Not enjoying the party?”
She shook her head. “It’s not that I wasn't enjoying it, but it was getting a little too noisy inside for me.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Sunset nodded in agreement, taking the moment to appreciate the peaceful surroundings and the gentle breeze against her face. “It is pretty calm out here.”
They settled into a comfortable silence, content to simply absorb the serenity of the surroundings and gaze at the night sky. Shivering, Fluttershy began rubbing her arms in an effort to warm up. Her off-the-shoulder floral green dress, courtesy of Rarity, was undoubtedly stunning but provided little defense against the cool night air.
Acting as the gentlewoman she was, Sunset swiftly removed her coat and draped it over Fluttershy's shoulders. “Here,” she offered. “I’ll text Pinkie to bring us some blankets. You can keep it until then.”
Only after did Sunset realize how her action could be interpreted, but Fluttershy didn’t seem to notice or care. She simply nodded softly in appreciation, then wrapped the coat snugly around herself before leaning her head against Sunset's shoulder.
After a brief wait, Pinkie materialized with the rest of the gang, bearing blankets and steaming mugs, and hot drinks.
They gathered on a snug patch of grass, cocooned in the blankets, then passed the mugs around and filled them with Pinkie’s secret stash of hot cocoa.
“You didn't all have to ditch the party just for us,” Sunset remarked, taking a sip of her mug.
“Frankly, ah reckon we all needed a break.”
“What about your date, Rarity?” Fluttershy asked innocently.
She shrugged nonchalantly before answering, “What date, darling?”
“Yeah, better not ask her about that,” Rainbow chipped in with a smirk, prompting Applejack to sheepishly rub the back of her head.
They continued their conversation, discussing topics ranging from next week's classes to their summer plans and their impending graduation.
“I never imagined my high school years would be so crazy,” Twilight said at one point.
“And you missed out on some of our early hijinks!” Pinkie Pie pointed out with a grin.
“Yeah, like Sunset being a massive evil jerk,” Rainbow lightly jabbed Sunset's shoulder. “No offense and all that.”
She rolled her eyes. “Honestly, the 'no offense' at the end annoys me more by now.”
After a bit more teasing and fond reminiscing of their adventures together, Twilight sighed wistfully.
“I'm going to miss you girls next year,” she confessed.
A mournful expression reflected on the faces of all the group members.
“We still have the summer together, dear. We'll make the most of it,” Rarity tried to comfort her.
“Yeah, and we'll keep in touch after! We'll visit each other all the time!” Pinkie added cheerfully.
“Plus, Ah reckon most of us will stick around in the area, right?”
Twilight sighed softly. “Actually, I should have told you guys sooner, but the college I’m going to is out of state.”
“You must have gotten accepted to all those big fancy universities for smart folks like you?” Applejack affectionately tousled Twilight's hair. “Well, we're all happy for you. Ah'm sure you're gonna do great there and make us all proud.”
Murmurs of agreement and support echoed throughout the group.
“Well me, Ah'm stickin’ local. Granny wants me to get some sorta education, but ain't no way I'm leavin’ Big Mac to work alone on the farm all year 'round.”
“Omg! That means we’ll be able to hang out all the time! I’m going to this great bakery school that’s just around the corner! I'll get to make as many cupcakes as I want, and it'll be considered studying! I’m so excited, I can't wait!” Pinkie’s announcement was met with a round of enthusiastic applause.
All eyes turned to Rainbow next as she cleared her throat. “It's not official yet,” she began, her voice carrying a hint of excitement, “but I've been scouted by a youth academy, and I might sign with a national soccer league club in the near future. You're looking at the next big soccer star!” she announced with a proud grin
“Wow! That sounds like an incredible opportunity! Congratulations, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity exclaimed, genuinely impressed.
“Yeah, it is. This club is one of the biggest in the league! I'm aiming even higher, though. I’m not stopping ‘till I get in the national team and win the World Cup!” she declared with panache, earning nods of admiration and praise from her friends.
“So cool…” Pinkie said in awe, stars of admiration in her eyes.
“Yup, that’d be mighty impressive, Rainbow,” Applejack concurred.
“Can't wait to see you play in a packed stadium,” Sunset added, offering Rainbow a fist-bump.
“Yes, yes, congratulations, Rainbow.” Rarity applauded. “As for moi, I will be going to a fashion design school!” she announced, fluttering her eyelashes.
“Gee, what a shock,” Rainbow teased, earning an amused chuckle from the group.
Ignoring the comment, she continued. “It's a very prestigious school, mind you! I was hesitant to leave my boutique behind, but this is a great opportunity, and I can't possibly ignore it, though I know this city will surely lose some of its prestige when I’m gone.”
Fluttershy offered a gentle smile. “I'm sure you’ll wow them with your designs, Rarity.”
Rarity nodded appreciatively. "What about you?” she inquired.
“Oh, um, I'll be going to a veterinarian school,” she informed with an excited smile. “It's a bit far away from here, but it's one of the best in the country. I have to thank Twilight and Sunset for helping me keep my grades up.”
Sunset listened quietly, a mixture of pride for her friends’ accomplishments and a tinge of melancholy settling in her heart as she realized that her friends' plans were taking them away from her. Most would leave, and those who stayed would be caught up in their own occupations. It was a natural part of life, she reasoned, but it didn't make it any less difficult to accept.
Sensing Sunset's somber mood, Fluttershy turned to her with a gentle smile. “What about you, Sunset? What will you do now?”
The group fell silent, their eyes fixed on Sunset, awaiting her response with expectant smiles.
Sunset struggled to find the right words, feeling the weight of their anticipation bearing down on her. “I'm not sure,” she admitted after a moment, her voice laced with uncertainty.
“You haven't chosen a school yet? With your grades, you probably have so many options you don't even know where to start,” Twilight teased lightly.
Sunset forced a smile, masking her inner turmoil. “Yeah, something like that,” she lied.
Noticing the lack of enthusiasm in Sunset's voice, Rarity voiced her concern. “Is something wrong, dear?”
She sighed before gathering every ounce of false confidence she could muster, “Everything is fine! It’s like Twilight said. I'm just overwhelmed with choices, that's all. I'll figure it out eventually.”
“What kind of schools did you apply to?” Fluttershy asked with curiosity.
“Oh, you know, just your typical run-of-the-mill colleges.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “That is rather vague, darling. Do you have any career aspirations in mind?”
Sunset hesitated, feeling the pressure mounting. “Say, Rarity, why do you even need to go to college for? You’re already a pretty accomplished dressmaker on your own merits.”
“There is always more I can learn. And having a college degree is almost always a necessity nowadays.” Rarity narrowed her eyes. “Are you trying to change the subject?”
She shook her head, lying through her teeth. “Of course not.”
“You know you can tell us if something's bothering you,” Fluttershy encouraged gently.
“No, really, it's nothing.”
“Sunset, when you say it like that, it doesn't sound like nothing,” Rarity remarked, concern etched in her voice.
Twilight chimed in. “If you're struggling to decide, maybe we can go over your options together. I'm sure we could find something that suits you,” she kindly offered.
“Yeah, you nerds probably got accepted in the same Ivy League schools,” Rainbow interjected.
“Maybe you could even attend the same school and be roommates! Then you won't have to worry about feeling lonely!” Pinkie suggested excitedly.
“Yeah, you eggheads gotta stick together,” Rainbow teased.
Sunset's frustration bubbled to the surface. “Who said I’m worried about being lonely? I’ve been independent my whole life. I don’t mind being alone," she assured them with a nervous laugh, her heart pounding in her chest like she had been running a marathon.
"What's with all the secrecy, darling?"
"Come on, Sunset, just tell us."
"If you didn't get accepted to the one you wanted it's okay, Sunset."
As the conversation became more agitated, turning into a cacophony of voice overlapping one another, Sunset's panic escalated until it reached a breaking point. With a sudden burst of emotion, she leapt to her feet and blurted out
"Can you all just SHUT UP! For once! Please!"
They all stopped and stared at Sunset, in shock at the sudden outburst.
“I’m leaving! Im going back to Equestria," she finally let out, breaking the silence and her voice.
“I didn't apply to any schools, okay? I'm not going to college next year.” She gasped for air, her chest heaving with every breath.
A stunned silence fell over the group. Even Sunset appeared dumbfounded by her own outburst. Yes, she had considered returning home, but it wasn’t as if she had put much thought into it or had even come close to a decision on the matter.
The group exchanged bewildered glances.
“You’re leaving?” Fluttershy asked in a soft, barely perceptible voice.
Sunset closed her eyes, a sense of resignation washing over her. “I… don’t know. Probably.” Sensing their desire for an explanation, Sunset continued, “Look, I don’t know when or if I’ll go. But I know that I will have to go home eventually. I just couldn't be bothered to think about college with that in mind. Besides, it costs a ton of money that I don't have anyway.”
“What about scholarships?” Twilight suggested.
Sunset sighed heavily. “I guess. But honestly, it’s just more effort than it is worth. In the end, none of that matters.” She absent-mindedly traced circles along the rim of her mug with her finger. “I'm just a stranger in this world. A literal alien. All my IDs are fake. I don't belong here. I have to go back to my home world one day, so what's the point of getting an education here?”
A heavy silence settled over the group, each of them grappling with Sunset's revelation. They wanted to offer words of appeasement and encouragement, but they found themselves at a loss.
Sunset looked away, her breathing heavy with the rush of emotions. “Sorry. I'm just ranting here,” she muttered, feeling tired and vulnerable.
Her friends attempted to reassure her with words of compassion, but their efforts felt hollow, unable to penetrate the wall of uncertainty that surrounded Sunset's heart.
“I'm feeling tired. I think I'll head home,” Sunset announced abruptly, her voice tinged with frustration.
And with that, she left.
Sunset woke up drenched in sweat, her heart racing as if trying to escape her chest. She pressed two fingers against her carotid artery as if to confirm the alarming pace of her heartbeat, a habit she had picked up over the past month.
Closing her eyes, she attempted to steady her breathing, but only found it growing more erratic with each attempt. She tried to stay still and relax her muscles, but it only resulted in increasing her restlessness and making her more tense. All the techniques she had learned about on the web ended up being useless.
She turned on her old television set, and brewed some tea in an effort to distract herself from the overwhelming sense of dread. Clutching tightly a pillow, she tried to focus on whatever was airing on the screen, but found herself unable to shake the feeling of impending doom. When nothing worked, she pulled out her phone and saw her home screen bombarded with notifications, all texts from Pinkie.
The party started, where are you?!!!!!
Which was followed by a flurry of ominous emojis.
“Ponyfeathers!”
When Sunset arrived at Pinkie’s house, the sun had already dipped below the horizon, casting a twilight hue over the city.
Sunset had hoped the walk to the party would have soothed her nerves, and for a brief moment, it had. But stepping inside, her anxiety returned with a vengeance. She felt hyper aware of everything around her: people jostling one another, the cacophony of drunken voices, the unpleasant scent of sweat hanging in the air.
Navigating through the crowd of people, Sunset felt increasingly agitated by the sheer mass of strangers pressing in on her and suffocating her senses. Among them were faces she didn't recognize, not even from passing encounters at school. It seemed Pinkie had meant it literally when she had declared that ‘everyone’ was invited; the entire neighborhood appeared to be in attendance.
With each passing moment, Sunset's discomfort grew, a nagging sense of unease settling in her chest. She started fidgeting in place, her eyes darting everywhere around the room.
Coming here was a mistake.
Sunset felt a bead of sweat trickle down her forehead, her desire to escape the crowded scene growing stronger and stronger. Suddenly, a hand grabbed her shoulder, causing her to jump in surprise before she recognized Pinkie's familiar face.
“Shimmy, you're finally here! We've been waiting for-ever for you! Do you want anything? Maybe you want a drink? A snack? A blankie? A balloon? A party horn? Confetti? A linear particle accelerator? A Blu-ray copy of Speed 2? A—”
“Pinkie!” Sunset interrupted, trying to rein in Pinkie's excitement. "Pinkie," she repeated, her tone more composed. "All I need is a quiet spot to gather my thoughts, please," she pleaded, a tinge of desperation creeping into her voice. “Do you have that?”
“Sure do, buckaroo! Follow me, you can go to my room if you need. It's off-limits, so you'll have it all to yourself, lucky you!”
“Thank you.”
Sunset nudged her way through the crowd, struggling to keep pace with Pinkie, who effortlessly glided through the sea of people.
When they arrived at Pinkie's room, Sunset let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Pinkie. You can go back to the party if you want, I'll be fine now.”
“Come on, silly, I can't leave you here all alone! It's a party! What's the point if we don’t get to all have fun together? I'll bring the gals here. Ooou~, I know! I know! We can have a counterparty in my room with cake and—” Pinkie's enthusiastic suggestion faltered as she noticed the pained expression on Sunset's face. “Sunny? Are you okay?” she asked, concern evident in her voice. “Maybe you don't want cake? I can bring something else if you want!”
“No, Pinkie. It's fine. Everything's fine,” Sunset repeated, trying to reassure both Pinkie and herself. “It's nothing, it'll pass, don't worry.”
But Sunset knew she wasn't fooling anyone, especially not herself, as tears began to stream down her cheeks. She attempted to wipe them away, but they continued to flow uncontrollably.
“Sunset…” Pinkie moved to hug her, but Sunset halted her with a wave of her hand.
“It's okay, I'm okay. I just need a moment alone, Pinkie. By myself. I'll come down once I feel better, I promise.”
“But—”
“Please. I'm just tired, I swear. I will be okay in a moment. And then we can hang. Pinkie promise.” She raised her pinkie, offering a small smile to reassure her friend.
“Mm'okay…” Pinkie agreed reluctantly. “We'll check on you later, then.”
Alone in the room, Sunset found herself engulfed in near-silence, punctuated only by the muffled noises of the party slipping through the walls. Though the subdued atmosphere heightened her awareness of her current state of panic, she welcomed the relative calm over the overwhelming effervescence of the party.
Taking a seat on the bed, Sunset wrapped her arms around her knees, her fingers digging into her skin. Her body screamed at her to move, to run, to do anything other than sit still, but she resisted, anchoring herself to the bed as she dug her fingers deeper into her skin, seeking solace in the sharp pain as a temporary distraction from the turmoil within.
Sunset didn't know if she'd been there for minutes or hours when she heard a knock at the door.
With a deep exhale, she made her way to the door and opened it to reveal Fluttershy, her cyan eyes full of concern as she nervously played with her hair.
“Pinkie told me you'd be here. She said you weren't feeling too well?” Fluttershy's voice was soft, her gaze lingering on the dried tears staining Sunset's cheeks. “What's wrong, Sunset?”
Sunset attempted to speak, but no words came. Her lower lip trembled, her palms growing clammy with sweat.
This was Fluttershy, the embodiment of kindness and gentleness. Yet, Sunset found herself more vulnerable facing her than she ever did confronting any of the foes she and the girls had encountered before. She felt exposed, defenseless.
“Sunset?” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she reached out to touch her friend’s hand, only for Sunset to instinctively pull away, averting her gaze.
“What's wrong? Please talk to me,” Fluttershy pleaded.
“I–uh…” Sunset's voice faltered. “I'm not–I don't know…” She glanced up at Fluttershy tentatively. “I'm not sure what's wrong with me.”
“Would you like to sit down and talk about it?”
Sunset shook her head. She didn’t know what she wanted.
“How about going outside for a walk?” Fluttershy proposed.
She nodded. “I think I wouldn't mind getting some air.”
Fluttershy smiled and took Sunset's hand, which this time Sunset allowed. Together, they approached the door, only to be met with the comical sight of their friends stumbling over each other in the doorway, like cartoon characters.
“Sorry! We were just worried about you!” Twilight exclaimed, her glasses askew from the commotion. “We weren’t listening in or anything!”
“Except we totally were…” Rainbow said with a shrug.
Rarity shook her head disapprovingly. “I can’t believe you girls. How improper.”
“Don’t pretend ya ain’t the first one who stuck your ear to the door, Rares,” Applejack admonished her.
“Why, I would never! I was merely… examining the material! This wood is very nice to the touch, you see!” she protested, patting the door as if to prove her innocence.
Despite her lingering mood, Sunset couldn’t help but chuckle at her friends' antics.
"Are you... feeling better, now?" Pinkie asked, in a tone so unusually reserved compared to her usual upbeat nature that it broke Sunset’s heart a little.
Sunset gently poked Pinkie’s cheek. “Don’t let my sour mood rub off on you. I am feeling better, thanks to you comedians.” She patted Pinkie’s hair affectionately. “Fluttershy and I are going out for a bit. I'm not sure if I'll come back to the party, but I’ll make it up to you. We'll go out this weekend, alright?”
Pinkie beamed. “Okay!”
Rainbow approached Sunset and jabbed her in the shoulder.
“Ow. What was that for?”
“Next time, tell us if you're feeling crappy. We knew something was wrong, but we didn’t know what to say, you didn’t tell us anything. It’s fine if you don’t feel like talking about some stuff, but at least give us a heads-up, so we can be there for you,” she said matter-of-factly, her mature tone contrasting her usual brash demeanor.
Rarity clapped once in approval. “It could have done without the punching part, but still, well said, darling.”
“Yup. Rainbow's right, Sunset. Ya gotta learn to rely on us. And that’s saying something, coming from me, sugar.”
Sunset smiled, already feeling a small weight lifting from her shoulders. “Thanks. I love you guys.”
As they strolled through the streets of Canterlot, under the gentle glow of streetlamps, Sunset couldn't help but feel a sense of tranquility amidst the eerie emptiness of the city at this hour. It was as if they were walking through an alternate dimension, where familiar streets took on a new, different appearance.
The two girls strolled side by side in comfortable silence, their shoulders occasionally brushing against each other. Fluttershy's gentle glances and warm smiles conveyed a silent reassurance to Sunset, as if to say, ‘Take your time, I'll be here whenever you're ready to talk.’
Sunset let out a sigh, neither the first nor the last that night. Truth be told, she wouldn't mind continuing their walk in silence, never having to confront the elephant in the room. Yet despite the temptation to avoid the issue altogether, Sunset couldn't ignore the relentless pounding of her heart, each beat urging her to unburden herself to her friend.
Fluttershy stopped when she saw Sunset clutch her chest in pain. “Sunset? Do you hurt anywhere?” She leaned towards her friend, as if looking for a sign of injury or illness.
“No, it's just…” Sunset paused, taking a deep breath. “I don't know if I'm sick or something, but I keep having these heart palpitations. Every time it happens, it feels like I'm dying. Like right now—it's really distressing,” she said, her voice cracking towards the end.
Fluttershy allowed Sunset a moment to catch her breath before gently speaking, “have you ever dealt with panic attacks before?”
Sunset sighed, then lifted her gaze. “No. Not really. Or maybe I did actually, but I didn't know that's what they were.” Turning to Fluttershy, she continued, “I just don't understand why I would be having those. I mean, I'm not a very anxious person by nature. At least I don't think so.”
“These things, they sometimes come out of nowhere and seemingly for no apparent reason. But something has been bothering you,” she simply stated.
Sunset shrugged, then threw her hands up in frustration. “I don't know. Maybe. I guess.”
“Is it related to what you said during prom?”
She sighed, her shoulders slumping. “I guess... I guess that could be the reason.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” Sunset admitted. “It's just... frustrating? Sad to think about? I just try to ignore it altogether.”
“Sunset... That might be exactly the reason why you're having panic attacks. Avoiding the root of the issue is not healthy,” Fluttershy cautioned.
Sunset recognized a chance to steer the conversation away from herself and seized it. “You seem pretty knowledgeable about this.”
Fluttershy withdrew slightly. “I'm anxious by nature, Sunset. You know I struggle in social situations. I've improved, but being around people still makes me uneasy sometimes.”
“Hey, you’ve come a long way from the overly timid girl I used to know… and uh… bully…” she reluctantly added the last part, her gaze shifting away in shame. “I…” she left her sentence hanging in the air, unsure what to say.
“It’s okay. You’ve already apologized many times over.”
“I know, I know. It’s just. Man. No matter how many times I try to come to terms with my past, I still feel the shame from my old mistakes.”
Fluttershy gently rubbed Sunset’s shoulder. “That’s because you’ve become a kind, considerate person. I just don’t want you to chastise yourself for what happened, because we all forgave you a long time ago.”
“Which, honestly, is still crazy to me. You all should have wanted nothing to do with me. You should have despised me. You, most of all, Fluttershy. You should have asked me to beg you on my knees for forgiveness. But you didn't even wait until I was a better person to try and be my friend.”
She met Fluttershy's gaze. “You’re probably tired of me saying sorry, so I’ll just say thank you. I’m glad to have you as a friend.”
Fluttershy wrapped Sunset in a tight hug, holding her close for a few moments before stepping back.
“I’m glad to be your friend too, Sunset. I care for you, and seeing you in pain hurts me too,” she said, her voice soft and caring. Taking Sunset’s hands in hers, she continued, “I won’t pressure you to open up, but I’m here to support you through whatever is troubling you.”
Sunset wanted to confide in Fluttershy despite her lingering doubts and insecurities. After a moment of hesitation, she took a deep breath and finally admitted, "I… I’m scared."
“What are you scared of in particular?”
“Of everything.” She gestured at their surroundings. “I’m afraid of the future. Of being left behind while you all move on and live your lives.” She began to walk around, her steps heavy with the weight of her fears. “I’m afraid of returning home, of confronting my past, of the possibility of failing to make amends with those I hurt there. I’m afraid of myself—of the lurking shadow of who I once was, and who I might become if I ever let my guard down.”
Coming to a halt, she turned to face Fluttershy, her gaze searching for understanding. “Hell, I’m afraid of being vulnerable with you right now. I hate the way sharing my feelings makes me feel exposed and how it might change your perception of me. I realize now, all the names I called you, —‘doormat’, ‘wimp’, ‘spineless’, ‘coward’—they were only projections of my own insecurities. Because I'm the one who's always scared, moreso than you can imagine.”
Fluttershy gently squeezed her hand, offering silent support as Sunset poured her heart out. Tears welled up in Sunset's eyes for the second time that night, a culmination of years of pent-up emotions finally finding release.
“I’m afraid of feeling like this for the rest of my life,” she continued, her voice trembling with emotion. “Feeling like I have nowhere to go, like I’m eternally lost and confused. Feeling like my heart is going to explode from the constant anxiety. I’m scared of dying alone and miserable, of wasting my life away because I can’t fix myself, and I’m too much of a coward to even try! I am afraid when I think that everything wrong in my life is my own fault. That I’m the only one to blame for my misfortune. I’m afraid that… that… that I won’t ever feel happy again,” she choked out.
Sunset felt drained, emotionally depleted after baring her soul for the first time in her life. Fluttershy remained silent for a few moments, absorbing Sunset's words, her expression filled with empathy as she searched for the right words to soothe her friend.
"What... What can I do to help you?" she inquired softly. "What do you need to feel better?"
Sunset hesitated. "I'm... I'm not entirely sure," she admitted.
"I understand that it's difficult. But if you could, just for a moment, try to push aside all the negative thoughts and focus on what makes you happy?"
Sunset took a moment to immerse herself in the hypothetical scenario, where everything was fine, and her anxieties were nothing but a distant nightmare.
“Well... a time machine would be a nice start,” she mused. “Then I could undo all my mistakes, start from the beginning, and get everything right that time around.”
Fluttershy's expression shifted to a pout. “Maybe something a bit more feasible?”
Sunset chuckled nervously. “What? I'm pretty sure I came across a spell like that back in Equestria,” she replied, trying to lighten the mood.
“Sunset…” Fluttershy’s tone carried a note of reprimand.
“I know, I know,” she rolled her eyes. “I can't change the past. I'm only stalling. Alright, fine. Just give me a moment to think.”
Sunset delved deep into the murky waters of her mind, navigating in search of a guiding light amidst the turbulence. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to sink into introspection.
“I… wish I had a clear purpose,” she contemplated, her voice barely a whisper. “I want to know how to move forward. I want to be able to forget–no, accept the past, and clearly see who I am, and what I’m meant to do.”
She paused to try and sort out her chaotic, whirling thoughts.
“I want to stay with you all, but I also feel that I can’t delay my return to Equestria forever. And I’m torn because it sounds impossible to reconcile the two.”
“Don’t think about what is possible. You can be selfish if you want,” Fluttershy encouraged her.
Sunset nodded. “I want to apologize to Princess Celestia and to all the ones I hurt back in Equestria, and… I want them to accept me and welcome me back, even though they would have every right not to,” she continued. “I want to show you Canterlot—my Canterlot—to all of you. You would love it; it’s a wonderful, wondrous place,” she reminisced, a wistful smile gracing her lips. “We could meet with Twilight and her friends. There was a great ice cream parlor I used to go to during my time at Canterlot’s School for Gifted Unicorns. I wonder if it’s still there,” she pondered aloud, a hint of nostalgia coloring her words.
“It sounds like you really miss that place.”
“Yeah…” She frowned, wrestling with her emotions. “I’m not sure if I want to go back to living there forever, though. I… I don’t want to leave you guys behind.”
“You know we would find ways to visit you if you did decide to go back.”
“I know, I know. But part of me is still afraid that we’ll all grow apart. That you will all go to different places and never look back. And that one day you’ll forget me…” her voice trailed off. “I just wish there was a way for all of us to stay together forever…”
“Maybe there is? What makes you so sure we’d abandon you, Sunset? Do you think you could forget us?”
“Not in a million years.”
“Then have faith in us that we feel the same, Sunset. You’re important to us. To me. And we’d never leave you when you need our help. So tell us what you need.”
Sunset sighed in exasperation. “I told you, I don’t know! I don’t even know if there is anything you can do, short of cloning yourself so that I can still hang out with your clone here while you go and pursue your dream of being a veterinarian.”
Fluttershy paused, her finger pressed against her chin as if deep in thought. “What if... I mean, if you wanted to, you could, um, come with me? Maybe?”
Sunset stopped dead in her tracks, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “With you? To your vet school?”
“Maybe?” her voice wavered slightly. “I mean, you don’t have to go to the same school as me, being a vet is probably not something you’re interested in. But, it is a big city, and there are many other schools you could attend? That is, if you’re interested in attending a university? But even if you’re not, we could maybe still share an apartment and be roommates? That way you wouldn’t be lonely. Maybe it’s a silly idea, I just thought…” she rambled nervously.
“Fluttershy, wait. Calm down. I'm not against the idea. But there are so many things to think about and so little time. I can probably get a job, and splitting the costs would help a little, but living in a big city simply isn’t something I think I can afford. I'll just end up being a burden to you, and I don't want that, 'Shy. I don't want to be a distraction.”
“Forget about me. What do you want?”
“That’s not really the problem, though…”
Fluttershy's expression was determined. “I think it's worth considering. Forget about the details. Do you want to come with me. Because I think I would like that, personally.”
“I… Yes! Of course, I would like that too! But—”
Fluttershy smiled. “Then come.”
“But I can’t… The paperwork. The money—” Sunset started to protest.
“We can figure it out later.”
“I just… It feels unfair of me to impose on you like that. I don't want you to go through all that trouble just because you feel bad for me.”
“But I want it too.” Fluttershy insisted, full of resolve. She began nervously swaying from one foot to the other. “And, um, to be completely honest, I'm not asking you to come with me for purely selfless reasons." She took a deep breath. "I won’t lie. I'm very nervous about the thought of living alone in a new environment. Not knowing anyone.” She shivered. “I’m not as shy as I used to be, it’s true. But I can't make new friends like Pinkie, and I'm not nearly as self-assured as Rainbow. If I had you with me... I wouldn't be so lonely.”
“I… I'm not sure what to say…”
"Can you maybe think about it for a while?"
“I will,” she promised.
Fluttershy’s initial smile at the answer faded, replaced by a somber expression. “And if you want to go back to Equestria anyway, I would understand,” she felt compelled to add, the melancholy in her voice evident. “It’s your home, and I would never want to keep you from going back where you belong.”
Sunset couldn’t help but feel touched at Fluttershy’s reluctance to let her go. “Thank you,” she whispered. She wanted to say something to comfort her, but she couldn’t tell her that she would stay no matter what. As much as she wanted to, she knew it would be a lie. But just by looking in Fluttershy’s eyes, Sunset realized she meant it when she said she understood, even if it pained her.
Still, Sunset refused to leave it at that without offering any reassurance. “If I ever do go back to Equestria, don’t think that means you’ll be rid of me,” she teased, trying to lighten the mood. “I will keep on pestering you for the rest of your life.”
A shy smile flickered across Fluttershy’s lips.
“And about your proposition of moving in with you… I want to,” she confessed. “I really do. It’s just… It’s a lot, you know. I need time to sort it all out.”
“I understand,” she replied with a kind smile.
“And also I, um… I’d like to say…” Sunset paused, carefully picking her words. “I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for listening and for being there for me.” She looked away, feeling a slight blush tinting her cheeks. “You're… I mean… you're amazing. You're a really cool person and a great friend, and I want you to know that.”
Fluttershy, who had regained some of her shyness, emitted a soft, barely audible squeak. “Thank you,” she whispered. “You too. Even if you don’t want to admit it.”
Sunset felt tears prickle at the corner of her eyes once more, but this time, they brought a sense of peace with them. She gently wiped her eyes, just before Fluttershy drew her into another hug.
“Feeling touchy-feely tonight, aren’t you?”
“Oh shush, you,” Fluttershy chided her with a smile.
They lingered in each other’s embrace, feeling comfort in the warmth. Neither of them felt the inclination to pull away.
And so they stayed.
