A Young Woman's Love Management Service

by Centergg

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 1422

a wild idea for crossover. Tanya reborn as Cadence.

Tanya is reborn again. It is her third life. It`s okay she thinks. She have excellent carier path before her in the weather control system. Her attention span problems DOES NOT hamper her at all, no matter what her friends says. Curse you, Being X, for this subpar brain!

(So i was reading a crossover between the "My little pony" and "Saga of Tanya the Evil", where Tanya was reborn as a changeling and then, because of the name of the said story, i was struck by a wild idea, a spark of inspiration for a different canon character, in which Tanya the Evil can be reborn. And nobody would have notice the difference! In certain circumstances (c)). Surprisingly, it is Cadence.)

Warning. This is badly written, this is just a first draft and i dearly hope what some better author will pick this idea and make it work, but i really want to share it. English is not my native language, tho.

Published 2024-03-17 20:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-03-17 20:20:00 UTC

Prologue

Tanya is reborn as pink pegasus. Not the weirdest thing that happened to her, she lives her third life after all, but she is quadrupled now - more body dysmorphia, but she can deal with it. She is pegasus, so she can fly - this is good, she don't even really need to move her wings to fly, its just a fun thing to do. Her magic is very lopsided now, many magical formulas she knew from her second life don't work, she can't shoot expolsive bullets for example, but now she can control weather and summon lightning to zap aggressive critters. She is an orphan again, but she have an okay adoptive family now. She live in a quaint village amidst the scary woods. Food is okay, if vegetarian, although she can probably expand her options with a little secret hunting.

Everything is suspiciously good from a certain point of view. Tanya... Cadence, as she is called in this life, or Mi Amore Cadenza for official documents, expects something to go wrong. Weather is a little unstable here. What do you mean weather is controlled? Weather Stuff is short? She have a natural talent to manipulate weather? She have great career options! She seems have to be set for an excellent career in weather control! Villagers even praise her for ~~part-timing~~ apprenticing with local weather control old man.

Life is suspiciously good. Even her school life! Yes, in this third life of hers she might have some attention span problems, due to her doubtlessly different brain, but she can deal with it! And with having no tattoo on her ass. By applying her hooves to faces of some bullies. She even got some "friends" ~~useful acquaintances~~ from it! Turns out, after she publicly beat her third bully, their victims wanted to be friends with her for protection. She sees obvious social mimicry and manipulation, but they are kinda useful and keep her abreast with the local gossips, so she allows it. And they sometimes help her with her homework, because Cadence really tried to be a model student, but it's not her fault what in this life her brain is just wired differently. Besides her attention span problems is not that severe, no matter what her classmates says.... Curse you, Being X!

By the way, the Locals praise some Celestia thing - doubtlessly another face of Being X.

But anyway, now life is good. Cadence even got a reputation! She didn't even need to beat bullies anymore, she just flex at them - all this muscles built by her part time job really help.

But Her new "friends" are all very chatty. Too chatty.

Today is a school day, they had a lunch period and her friends chatted about the so called "cutiemarks" and how they got theirs and what they thought what she surely could have got hers from her part time working as weather control. Yeah, no, she wouldn't trust that old coot with tattoo needles, thank you very much. So she was glad what she not got her tattoo there. ~~Tanya~~ Cadance, also was currently suffering from the consequences of her actions. They was teenagers. But the teenage drama going between two of her friends right before her eyes is just ridiculous, she couldn't imagine such thing happening in real life and not in anime. Like all the tropes about obliviousness happening at once in disgustingly dramatical way for most comedic effect. She just can not take it anymore. Cadence stand and put her hooves on the sides of the boy' head, looked him in the eyes and asked in severe and long suffering voice, "Do you like her?" Then she turned his head so he can see the girl he liked. The colt stammered and couldn't say a word. She let him go.

"I see," said Cadence. Then she quickly took hold of the blushing girl and forcefully placed her before the boy she long pined for and said, pushing their heads together, "Now kiss."

Both stammered and sputtered and blushed and then yelled at Cadence, but she answered them calmly, "Now that you both definitely know about feelings of each other and not dance around, not noticing each other signals. Now you can actually start a normal relationship and later start a real family, gaining a significant advantage in the current era economic system."

She was really satisfied with the ~~Blessed~~ shocked silence, until she was interrupted with a bright flash behind her. Quickly jump turning in place with the help of her wings, she didn't find the source of the flash. Her friends meanwhile Ahh-ed behind her. She turned to them questioningly.

"Ah, Cadence! You've got your Cutiemark! And it's beautiful! And lovely!" they started to shout and congratulate her all at once.

Her headache has returned.

Her friends was celebrating, Cadence was not sure about her new Cutiemark. And how it got there. On one hoof it was a huge diamond, or sapphire and was looking rich, but on the other it was heart-shaped. And her friends was excited telling her about significance of Special Talents. Maybe she shall look into PR-industry? Curse you attention span problems!

Several days later she noticed a new witch in the town magically manipulating locals to buy more low-quality stuff from her magazine, due to the local variety of the Valentine day. This was a dirty and distasteful marketing tactics, exhausting potential customers base. Cadence really shall give a piece of her mind and a strong dressing down to that unicorn. This marketing tactics are damaging to the local economy, especially in the long term. So she went to confront the witch at her home after the work hours and make a strong complaint. Witch, as it turned out, was not a rational being and started flinged green curse spells. Cadence used [FLIGHT] to evade her attacks and summoned [LIGHTNING] for her own attacks. Cadence was kinda clumsy though, this was her first fight against a trained mage in this life and just overgrown forest bug or bear, those critters required just one lightning bolt thrown at them. Here Cadence summoned fifteen. Everything was on fire. It's good what witch' house was placed beyond village edge.

Cadence was also careful not to kill the witch, that would be problematic from the law enforcement...

Wait, that strange heart-shaped artifact, the witch has used to empower her spells, is also on fire. Cadence really needs to duck!

Cadence slowly returned to consciousness indeterminable time later and discovered what when magical artifact, which unscrupulous witch has used to gather power for more than thirty years, explodes in your faces - you can really mutate really fast, as evidenced but the pink horn now growing from her head.

A little panic ensue, in which Cadence checks her swole body, until she notices where she currently exists (its a white hot place) and what she is not alone here. Obviously this is another meeting with Being X. She just died again and that false god has come to gloat at her!

"I am not a God," Celestia says bluntly, "But I need to maintain the charade to maintain society. I has bringed them back to civilization from Fallout. I mean, the total societal break. Which went for centuries. Awful centuries I must say. And I don't want to see my little ponies falling into barbarism and anarchy again."

"Wut," Cadence was shocked, a little. But, considering her story, understandably distrustful, "You are not a god, here to make me worship you?"

Celestia "No. And now when you know about this little millenia old Conspiracy..." Celestia leaned closer, until she was face to face with Cadence. And Cadence just noticed how big and intimidating might be a being with a funny rainbow colored mane, "You are gonna be a part of it!" Celestia declared with a bright smile.

"What?!"

"Congratulations!" Celestia happily shouted, flaring her wings," You are gonna be the newest official Deity of Equestria! I will physically arrive in the morning to your village to start the process of inauguration! And adopting!" Her smile turned predatory. Those were are some sharp teeth.

Cadence squeaked. Curse you emotionally weak body!

"Hush now, sleep now. You need your rest child," singed Celestia in disturbingly nice voice. And Cadence quickly fell to exhausted sleep.

So, the next morning Cadence has discovered what this was NOT just a weird dream and what pony really like to prostrate themselves before an Alicorn.