Mad Science Has Never Been So Easy
"Behold!" Twilight Sparkle said with a flourish. "My latest invention!"
The rest of the teenagers sitting at the table stared at the little rectangular box attached to a loop of string she'd produced.
"Cool!" Rainbow exclaimed, then paused. "What uh... is it, exactly?"
It was lunchtime at Canterlot High. The mood in the room was quiet but fierce, a bunch of teenage chaos pushing against the boundaries of the school's order on the eve of being set free—in other words, spring break started tomorrow.
"I call it... the Inspiration Machine!" Twilight said. "I've been out of ideas for new inventions for a while, so I thought: why not invent something to fix that? It stimulates the brain, reproducing the exact moment inspiration strikes, but on command!"
"So it gives you ideas for projects?" Sunset asked.
"Yeah, kinda!"
"Neat!" Pinkie said. "But also kind of freaky! Freat? Neaky!"
Applejack stared at the device as if it were a venomous snake. "Sounds like it could be kinda dangerous. Messin' with your head."
But Twilight shook her head. "No, it should be perfectly safe. It doesn't do anything your brain wouldn't normally do on its own. It just gives it a little nudge."
"And have you tested it?" Fluttershy asked, giving Twilight a knowing look.
Twilight opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. "Well, no... ahem, not yet! I'm going to over spring break. But my calculations say it should be fine!"
It was then that Rarity, who had been regarding the machine for some time, spoke up. "Well, I think it's a wonderful idea! Inspiration whenever you need it? Why, it's the ultimate solution to artist's block!"
Twilight grinned. "Exactly!"
Rarity turned to her. "Would you be willing to make me one, as well? I'd be delighted to test it with you. We could see if it works for dressmaking, as well as your inventions?"
Twilight grinned harder. "I thought you might say that! So..."
She rummaged around in her backpack for a second before withdrawing a second Inspiration Machine identical to the first.
"...I already did!"
She handed it to Rarity. "All you need to do to use it is press it against your forehead and push the button. The Inspiration Machine will do the rest."
"Wonderful," Rarity said. "Thank you, Twilight."
Just then, the buzzer sounded, alerting everyone in the cafeteria that the lunch period had ended.
"Oh man!" Rainbow said, alarmed. "I didn't even finish!"
She began shoveling mashed potatoes into her mouth as fast as she could swallow them. Pinkie cheered her on while Rarity, lady that she was, made a point to look away as she slid the Inspiration Machine into her bag.
"Twilight," Sunset said, putting her hand on the other teenager's before Twilight could stand up. "You're sure this is safe?"
Twilight nodded.
"Because your inventions don't exactly have the best track record..."
Twilight groaned. "Is this about the Autoplumber-Slash-Baker 3000 again? That was a fluke!"
Sunset gave her a look. "You flooded the entire school with toilet water and cherry filling. I still have nightmares."
"I said I was sorry!"
"Just..." Sunset sighed. "Just be careful, okay?"
"You know I will."
Sunset withdrew her hand. Twilight grabbed her tray and stood up.
It’ll be fine, Sunset thought, trying to assuage her worries. What’s the worst that could happen?
Sunset’s phone woke her up.
"Twilight? What's going on?"
"Come over, quick! I have to show you something!" The girl sounded manic.
Sunset glanced at her clock. "Twilight, it's six in the morning."
"I know. I was up all night working on this."
"You know it's spring break, right? You're allowed to relax a little..."
"This is how I relax!"
Sunset sighed. "Fine. I'll be over in a bit."
"Thanks! You're going to love this!"
Twilight hung up.
When Sunset pulled up in front of Twilight's house on her motorcycle, she was greeted by two things. The first was Twilight herself, wearing a labcoat with a giant mug of coffee in her hands.
"Sunset! Welcome!"
The second was a large machine. Lights blinked across its surface, and two reels spun on its face. Sunset got off her bike and approached the thing wearily.
"What's this?"
Twilight came up beside her. "I call it: the Hug Box!"
Sunset looked over the thing again. "So it... hugs you?"
"No, it agrees with anything you say to it."
Sunset processed this for a moment.
"...Why?"
"Well, you know how I used to be really insecure?" Twilight said. "I figured, if I'd just had someone who would give me a little more confidence in my ideas..."
"So, you invented something that always tells you 'yes'?"
Twilight nodded with enthusiasm. "I figure the Hug Box could be a great boon to people who are too afraid to pursue their dreams, or make friends, or ask someone out on a date... the potential is limitless!"
"It's kinda... big," Sunset pointed out.
"It's just a prototype."
"Right..."
Sunset thought about it. Twilight took a big swig of coffee.
"Is that really a good idea, though?" Sunset asked. "Having someone who will agree with anything you say? Won't that just give you a big ego, or worse, tell you that your bad ideas are worth pursuing?"
"I don't see what you mean."
Sunset rolled her eyes. "How do I talk to it?"
"Just say, 'Hey Hug Box'."
"Hey Hug Box," Sunset said. "Should I murder Vice Principal Luna for putting me in detention after I left my bike in her parking spot that one time?"
The Hug Box spun to life.
"Great idea!" it said, in a slightly robotic voice. "You're a genius! You should totally murder Vice-Principal Luna. Would you like to know the nearest store where you can buy a baseball bat?"
Twilight stared at the machine.
"...Oh. Yeah. That could, uh... be a problem."
Sunset put her hand on Twilight's shoulder. "You'll get 'em next time."
It was at 6:30 am the next day that Sunset got another call from Twilight.
"Again?"
"Uh-huh!" Twilight said on the other end of the phone. "You'll like this one, I promise!"
Begrudgingly, Sunset rode her bike to Twilight's house. The dawn was just breaking.
Twilight was waiting for her when she arrived, once again holding a large mug of coffee. Accompanying her this time was a small table, with a device about the size of a coffee maker on it.
"Hey, Twilight."
"Hey Sunset! You're going to love this."
It was at this point that Sunset noticed Twilight's other hand was clutching a can of beans.
Why do I have a sudden urge to run away? she pondered. "So uh... what's the invention this time?"
"I'm glad you asked!" Twilight said. "I call it: the Instant Can Opener!"
"Okay," Sunset replied, relaxing a little bit. "Elaborate."
"Isn't it such a pain to open cans?" Twilight said. "Doing it manually is annoying, and electric can openers take so long—"
"I've never thought a can opener took too long," Sunset said. "It only takes, what, a couple of seconds?"
"—there has to be a better way!" Twilight continued, undaunted. "Well I have created the better way, and it's this." She gestured towards the machine on the folding table.
"Well, I don't think it's really a problem, per se, but I guess a little more efficiency never hurt anyone," Sunset said. "How do you use it?"
"Simple!" Twilight replied. "Just place your can in here, and then load four explosive rifle blanks into here..."
"Oh, that is pretty simple," Sunset said. Then realization struck. "Wait, three what—"
"And hit the button!" Twilight said, doing so with gusto.
The bang that followed caused Sunset's ears to ring, nearby car alarms to go off, and all dogs in a three-mile radius to start barking.
Twilight picked up the can of beans, which had, in fact, had its lid blasted off. "See!" she shouted. "It works!"
Sunset took the can and inspected it. Then, she turned it upside-down. The beans, liquified by the force of the explosion, poured out in a stream.
The smile on Twilight's face faded. "Oh."
The call this time was at 7:00 am. Sunset was half-expecting it, but she still wasn't thrilled when it woke her up.
"Okay, the last two didn't turn out so good," Twilight said. "But this one! This one is great. You'll see."
So Sunset got on her bike, and soon she was back at Twilight's. Twilight was sitting in a lawn chair on her driveway, ever-present comically oversized coffee cup in hand. Curiously, her parents were also there; they looked as tired as Sunset felt.
"Oh, hello, Sunset," Twilight Velvet said.
"Hello!" Sunset replied, waving. "Twilight wanted to show you two her invention, too?"
"Yes," Night Light said with a yawn. "But she hasn't told us what that... thing... is for yet."
He gestured behind them, into the garage. Sunset peered inside.
It appeared to be a pair of legs. Like the bottom half of a store mannequin, stopping just above the hips. The joints were, well, jointed.
Twilight pushed a button on a remote she'd had concealed in her other hand. The legs jerked to life, taking one step forwards, then two, then three.
It looked, to Sunset, like something out of a horror movie. That sudden urge to run away was back.
"I give you," Twilight said, "the Turbo Legs!"
The three non-mad-scientists stared at the legs.
"So um, sweetie," Night Light said. "What exactly are they... for?"
"Walking the dog!"
"How does it hold onto the dog's leash if it has no arms?" Twilight Velvet asked.
"There's a hook on the back."
"Oh. I see."
"You know," Night Light said, "I don't really mind walking Spike."
"Yes," Twilight's mother replied, "it's a good source of exercise."
"And I like going on walks anyway."
"Mm-hm."
"Besides, Spike might be a bit... afraid of this," he said.
"Yes."
Twilight looked crestfallen. "Oh."
"I think Spike would prefer to walk with you anyway, Twilight," Sunset said.
"...Right."
Sunset patted her on the shoulder. "See you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I guess."
The call came to Sunset's phone at 8:00am this time, and for once, Sunset was already up.
"Yeah, I can come over," Sunset said.
"Great!"
Sunset pulled up outside of Twilight's house. The other girl was nowhere to be seen, so Sunset let herself in the front door. Twilight was in the kitchen, as it turned out; there was a pot of coffee brewing next to a (used) giant coffee cup.
"Behold," Twilight said, half-whispering so as not to wake her parents. "The Toaster-That's-Also-A-Blender (Name Pending)!"
Sunset gave her a flat look.
"It's a toaster that's also a blender," Twilight explained.
"Yeah, I guessed that from the name."
"Look, I'm..." Twilight yawned. "Not running on a lot of sleep. Names are hard. Sue me."
Sunset looked back at the device. "Why a toaster that's also a blender?"
"Liquid toast."
"...What?"
"Liquid toast."
To demonstrate, Twilight put two slices of bread into the thing and pulled down the lever. Sunset watched as they grew brown, then looked on in horror as the toast was dropped into a pair of spinning blades with some water and liquified.
Twilight pulled the jug full of brown liquid out and offered it to Sunset.
"I'm not drinking that."
"Too bad, more for me," Twilight said. She took a drink.
Gagged.
"Okay," she sputtered, trying to get the taste off her tongue. "Maybe the world isn't ready for liquid toast."
"I don't think anyone will ever be ready for liquid toast."
"I thought it would be a more efficient way to eat breakfast!"
Sunset sighed. "Efficiency is not the point of breakfast, Twilight."
Twilight wiped her mouth. "Yeah, I... think I can see that now."
8:30 today.
"To your place? Alright." Sunset hung up and headed for her bike.
When she arrived, Twilight was waiting for her, lying down on the driveway with her arms and legs splayed out.
"Are you, uh... okay?" Sunset asked her as she approached.
Twilight gave her a thumbs-up. "Never better."
Sunset eyed the mug of coffee that was sitting just inches outside of Twilight's grasp. "You need that?"
"Yes please."
She nudged it over to Twilight's fingers with her foot. Twilight immediately sat up and downed the thing in a few gulps.
"Twilight, I'm starting to worry about you," Sunset said.
"Why?" Twilight replied. "I've never felt better. Now, come on, let me show you what I've been working on!"
Twilight hopped to her feet, seemingly re-energized.
"Feast your eyes on the Bacon Cookinator!" she said, gesturing to her invention.
"...Twilight, that's a microwave."
"It's like a microwave," Twilight said. "But specifically for cooking bacon. Everyone will buy it. Who doesn't like bacon?"
"Vegetarians? Like Fluttershy?"
"They don't count," Twilight said.
"You know people microwave bacon already, right?"
Twilight looked back at her, mouth agape. "They do?"
"Yeah. It's, like, one of the few things that actually microwaves well. I do it all the time."
Twilight sat back down on the concrete. "Someone else thought of it before I did? That's... ridiculous..."
Sunset looked down at her. "I'm just... gonna go... Same time tomorrow?"
"It's the Autoplumber-Slash-Baker 4000!"
Sunset stared at the thing.
"What do you think?"
Sunset answered her with a question. "Twilight, can I go into your garage?"
Twilight blinked. "Uh... sure, I guess?"
Sunset entered the garage. Rummaged around for a bit. Emerged with a sledgehammer. Without saying a word, she began to smash the invention to smithereens. Bits of metal and circuit board went flying in all directions. Twilight watched on in horror.
When she was done, Sunset handed the sledge to Twilight, who had been struck dumb.
"Never again."
She got back on her bike and drove home.
"I just don't get it," Twilight said, staring down at her Inspiration Machine, bags under her eyes. They were all back in the cafeteria; spring break was over.
"Don't get what?" Sunset asked.
"Why my Inspiration Machine was such a failure," Twilight said. "It gave me a bunch of ideas, but none of them were any good!"
"I figured that was what was going on," Sunset said, twirling her fork. "You don't usually invent with such... fervor."
It was at that point that Rarity, tray of food in hand, reached their table. She sat down next to Twilight.
"Hello, darlings," she said. "Oh, Twilight..."
She reached into her bag and fished out her own Inspiration Machine, then laid it in front of Twilight. "You can have this back."
"It was no good for you, either?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, it was fine," Rarity said. "At first. But I realized that having inspiration whenever I wanted was somewhat of a curse, so I stopped using it."
"A curse?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yes," Rarity said. She flicked her head; her hair bounced. "The ideas I was getting weren't really very... inspired. The best art is personal; the dresses I made with the inspiration machine weren't. They were all over the place, really."
"I see," Twilight said. She sighed.
"Plus, it was kind of addictive," Rarity said. "That moment of inspiration is like a drug; I found myself constantly chasing it." She looked Twilight up and down. "As I suspect you have as well."
"...Yeah," Twilight admitted. "I haven't uh... been getting a lot of sleep, huh."
"It's okay, Twilight," Sunset said. "Your inventions will change the world someday. Just... not this one."
Twilight sighed again, then took the Inspiration Machines and put them back in her bag. As she did so, she was reminded of something else that was in there.
"Oh, yeah, Sunset, I made something for you."
"You did?"
Twilight pulled it out of her bag. It was a small compass, mounted on an arm attached to a ring clamp. The whole thing was rather well-put-together. She handed it to Sunset.
"Is this... for a motorcycle?" Sunset asked.
Twilight nodded. "It attaches to the handlebars. It's not a new invention, but I figured it could come in handy."
"Huh." Sunset inspected the thing. "Did you use the Inspiration Machine for this one, too?"
"No," Twilight admitted. "I thought of it after seeing your bike every morning for the last week. Is it... okay?"
Sunset smiled at her. "It's perfect."
Twilight blushed.
At that moment, Rainbow's tray came crashing down on the table.
"Hey Twilight," she said. "The toilet in the girl's bathroom is clogged again, and I could really use some pie right now. You think you could—"
Sunset tackled her to the ground. She stared into the other girl’s eyes.
"Never. Again."
