The Most Pleasant Dinner Ever
The morning sun shone brightly, covering most of the Equestrian wilderness with its life-giving rays. They bounced all across the peaceful lands, reflecting on every surface, dominating the space itself.
They flickered in the window high up on the hill, in the very zenith of light’s concentration, blinking bright, blinding flashes into existence. On the other side of the glass was a lengthy corridor decorated with golden statues and marble pillars; a velvet carpet guided its way through the passage. The subtle smell of lavender added another dimension of beauty for anyone who dared to step into the quiet, regal corridor.
The silence was broken shortly after. Clanging metallic sounds were coming from around the corner; a dozen or so quieter hoofsteps followed swiftly behind it. Non-existent murmurs echoing against the gilded ceilings.
Prince Blueblood rounded the corner, his sappy face raised high as his nose drew an obtuse angle to the floor. His smell — a mix of a dozen carefully cultivated aromas that surrounded him all the time, like a personal cloud of heavenly fragrance — following right behind him.
Quickly moving and shuffling right next to his hooves, was an army of maids. All unicorns, except one pegasus. They used their magic to groom Prince into perfection — his style that became the trademark of Canterlot High Society. From the unnecessary suit piece on his chest with an elegant silky bow to his slightly-messy, sleek-styled mane with petals of rose intertwined into it to give it that special glare of red.
Meanwhile, the pegasus used her wings to polish his hooves. She moved swiftly like a shadow to avoid gazes from her master; she rubbed them until they shone like the morning windows. Despite her careful efforts, a trail of feathers was always behind them, as Prince did not care if he accidentally stepped on some maid’s wing.
He walked, not looking forward. His hooves were rubbing against the red velvet carpets, as he did not wish to raise them high. He paid no attention to his surroundings, not even noticing the golden sets of armour or the smell of lavender that dominated the air. In his own world, there was only him; nothing else mattered to Prince Blueblood.
Even as he approached the door on the other side of the corridor, he did not slow down to open it, accidentally hitting it with his upright nose. The heavy golden doors swung a little outward.
The maids scattered in horror, hiding away from whatever could’ve come next. His face quickly turned red as his ‘perfect’ expression filled with unbeknownst rage. He took lungs full of air, ready to screech loud enough so that even Crystal Empire would hear his ‘righteous fury’.
But a moment short of his screech, a voice cut him off. “Uhh… Prince Blueblood? Is it you?” Came from the other side of the door. The voice was calm and caring, genuinely worried and confused.
He shook his head, throwing all the red rage off his face. Surprise and confusion quickly took hold of his expression. He stepped forward through the door, making sure to open it with his magic this time. Mentally, however, he made a note to punish his maids later.
“Aunty Celestia! What a surprise to see you this lovely morning! Great job, I must say; the sun practically shines with your beauty!” He mumbled through his gritting teeth, looking at her from the horn to the tips of her royal hooves. “Glad to see you doing alright today! Slept well?”
He sat down on the other side of a table from her with a phoney, yet perfected smile.
Celestia giggled back at his words, “And why would it be a surprise, young Prince? A great day is ahead of us, and I don’t feel like being slumpy today!” Her grin was almost as toxic as the poison of a changeling queen to him. He felt his fur actually melt at the sole idea of royalty throwing such inaccurate and imperfect glances.
“Oh, well… You know. In your age-,” he started slowly, barely finding the right words to push off his tongue,”-Who knows what might happen during your sleep?! I’m just worried about your health and all that!”
With a sly smile, she put her spoon down and took a sip from her cup, throwing a quick look out in the window, feeling pride as she watched the sun rise far away at the horizon. “And there I thought you were surprised to find me alive. With all those bits you used to hire an assassin and all that. You know that I will deduct them from your allowance, right?”
The prince choked, his cough echoing through the room. He hesitated for a few seconds, swiftly tossing away the expression of surprise and replacing it with a mask of worry. His eyebrows jumped higher than the zenith sun, and his jaw fell to the floor. Even a droplet of sweat managed to drop from his muzzle.
“AN ASSASSIN?! Aunt! We need to instantly take action! The assassin might be really close! I’ll take the lead and collect the royal gua-“
Celestia rolled her eyes, looking towards him with a raised eyebrow, “Don’t act so surprised, nephew. I, of all people, know you well enough to see through your facade. Besides, it’s not the first time this has happened.”
“W-what do you mean?! Are you sure you are feeling well?! You must’ve been poisoned! We must collect the guards and maids this instant and execute the culprit! I’ll take the honours—“
The Princess unceremoniously burst out laughing, shooting an arrow of shock and disgust into Blueblood’s face as the latter turned into a red, blushing target. “The culprit? Do I need to bring you a mirror to find him? Or can you see yourself in the reflection of your own hooves?”
“Auntie! That is blasphemy! How dare you accuse someone of true royal blood?!”
Her fit of laughter has ended in a sly smile on a tired face. Bags under her eyes full of exhaustion and pride. She took a swig of her tea and carefully threw a dagger with a letter tightly tied to it. It landed an inch away from Blueblood’s teacup and right in between his plate of pancakes and a plate of cake.
Prince frowned, taking a closer look at the knife. It shone with perfectly white metal, almost as blinding as the sun itself. “W-w-what is this?”
“The murder weapon and the confession from the assassin. In three different exemplars, mind you! Plus, I have a few copies in my room and written documents that confirm their existence… I think I need to spend less time with Twilight. Her paper work enthusiasm is starting to lay on me.”
Gritting his teeth, he accurately pulled one of the confessions next to his face, reading it thoroughly. His ears began to steam with anger. “And where is this supposed assassin? I hope you send them to the deepest pits of Tartarus. Imagine! Trying to take the life of our beloved ruler.”
“Oh! Don’t worry. At the current moment she’s sleeping in my bed. Poor gal! We talked all night, and when she fell asleep in the middle of her story, I gently hovered her under my blankets. Oh! And before I forget, I’ll deduct some bits out of your allowance to help her.”
He tried to stop his face from writhing, but his muscles were stronger than his will. In a fit of uncalled and uncultured unregality to him, his eyes frowned into a square triangle. He stood up from his chair, approaching a window. His eyes saw past all the beautiful landscape drawn by his aunt’s sun. Instead, he focused on his own face.
He took a deep breath and relaxed his muzzle. All emotions that were too peasant for him vanished. With a flick of his horn, a drop of sweat flew away from his face.
The Prince was perfect once again. The only perfect thing in the room.
As Blueblood approached his chair, it was pulled out from under the table, embraced in the warm, golden field of Celestia’s magic. Prince sat down, not paying it any attention.
“So then, Aunt, do you have any plans for today? Any hang-outs with your pupil?” He pronounced through disgust, staring at his food. His magic picked up a fork and a knife, slicing a piece of banana-flavoured pancakes — Celestia’s favourite — away. “Anything exciting? Perhaps you would maybe want to resign as the ruler of Equestria and give your position away peacefully?”
Celestia smirked at his questions and pulled out an ebony vial from under the table. With an echoing pop, she opened the container and sprinkled its liquid on her food before starting to consume them with an enviable appetite. In a few mere seconds, a whole dough tower of Pisa was gone, leaving behind nothing, but a few crumbs, some cream, and a soft, muffled, — ungracefully disgusting — burp from Celestia.
“Ouups. Pardon my manners, but those were so good! You should really try them!” She said, pushing his own plate towards him.
He quickly retaliated by pushing it away. His disgusted eyes were staring at her with suspicion. “N-no. Thank you very much though, but I’m full already… But do tell, how are you feeling? Any agonising pain? Maybe a wish to jump from a balcony? A sudden sensation of love towards the queen of changelings?”
She frowned for a few seconds, pushing her tongue around her mouth, feeling the remnants of taste. “Hmm… Maybe I put not enough sugar. And maybe —“ her train of thought got swiftly interrupted by a loud grumble coming from her belly. She quickly put a hoof on it, pressing it in hard. “I. Ugh… Please excuse me.”
In a flash of yellow colour, the Princess of Equestria disappeared from the room, leaving behind her royal horseshoes in an uncareful and uncoordinated teleportation.
Blueblood stood there, his eyes visually drawing the silhouette of a suddenly disappeared princess. Blinking awkwardly in surprise, his gaze slowly drifted down to see her hoofwear blinding him with reflections. He turned away, looking out the window. He stared up in the sky, watching the clouds inch away towards the horizon, but not the sun; the sun was frozen in space.
He looked away, chaos reigning in his head as the thoughts were trying to assemble into coherent ideas.
In the end, he simply screamed, “YES!” As his mind finally managed to stop the buffering loop. Taking a deep breath, he let his emotions flow through his body. His hooves started moving on their own in some semblance of a dance he once witnessed at the Gala once. He jumped up, landing in the middle of the table. The loud clanking of his gilded shoes echoing through the room, leaving unceremonious to his own standards scratches on the wood. The look of regality and worrisomeness washed away from his face.
As his not-so-royal actions continued to unfold, the shadows began to move once more. The door slowly crept open, unbeknownst to the Prince. A white, tall figure of true royalty walked into the room, a cup of water levitating a few inches away from her face as Celestia took a seep. The sun continued its daily cruise across the vast sea of sky.
As her glance fell onto the unaware prince, she almost dropped her cup; Her hooves rushed to shut her mouth; to not let a single giggle escape its confines.
But a loud thud sounded behind her as the door shut.
In an instance, Blueblood turned around, his face somehow even more pale than it usually is. “A-a-aunt?! I-I- I thought!-“
“That I died? Don’t be so silly; I’m planning to live at least two more millennia before I even consider such nonsense. Zecora’s antidotes have some slightly unpleasant side effects… So… Where were we again?.. Oh right! You tried to poison me!”
His eyes suddenly bore a serious look. Blueblood put on the mask of emotions as quickly as he threw it away. “I did none of such vile things!” He said, tilting his head at such accusations. “How dare you accuse me without having any proof by your side? Perhaps you are going delusional, aunt? Maybe I should take over the throne before you make any bad decisions in the act of your madness?”
For a few seconds, the face of the Princess changed, crumpled, giving a tiniest speck of hope to Blueblood that the antidote didn’t work. But as those seconds passed, his hope got stomped into the ground.
A loud horse laugh rang out like a thunder to his ears, making him recoil, but not in the act of fear but instead of the sensation of disgust. As her laugh ended, she spoke, trying to keep her composure, “Don’t even think of such foolishness! Luna is the next heir to the throne. After her, it’s Twilight and Cadence… And I think by some old Equestrian law, Shining Armour would be after them.”
“Besides! If I don’t have any proof, as you say, then why is your plate still full? Care to take a bite? I fussed so much about them! It’s not easy to make those, you know?”
Prince sighed, sitting on his chair and lowering his head in defeat. “Fine. You win this one, Aunt. Now can we move to another topic, please?” In a flash of blue-tinted magic, the plates swiftly flew away from his side of the table to hers.
In rapid succession, the plate became empty. Celestia swiftly cleaned her mouth with a napkin folded like a majestic swan. Carefully taking a sip of her tea, her eyes froze on Blueblood as she lifted one of her eyebrows, continuing to enjoy her drink.
“W-what are you looking at? You want me to apologise?” he said, his voice wavering.
She shrugged and lowered her cup onto a saucer. “Well, no, because I know that the apology cannot come from your heart. I was just really curious what that pony is doing with a crossbow outside of that window. They don’t look like my usual glass cleaner. Another one of yours?”
As cogs made a full rotation in his brain and as all the pieces of his schemes came together, Prince quickly jumped out of his seat. The pieces of a window flew into the room like a rain of glass, covering the whole floor and table with shards. Everything, except Celestia and Blueblood.
As bubbles of yellow magic around them popped, Celestia took another sip. “I think that’s also going to come out of your allowance.”
“THAT PEASANT! HE COULD’VE KILLED ME!” The scream of hellish rage came out of Blueblood’s maw. He swiftly got up from the floor, carelessly running towards the broken window. Noone was there anymore.
He looked backward, seeing his own chair pierced. His eyes rounded, enlarged as his heart skipped a bit. He stood there, staring, motionless, and silent.
“He… could’ve killed me… T-thanks Aunt… I owe you one,” he said in a broken voice, throwing his gaze into the void.
Blueblood took a step towards his chair, putting a hoof on it, not knowing what to do.
Celestia stood up, slowly attracting his gaze. “Prince Blueblood,” she said in the Royal Canterlot Voice. The shards of glass vibrated in her sound.
She approached his shaking frame, his eyes staring at hers in sudden fear, barely able to hold himself together. His breath was short and quick, yet silent. His hooves were shaking. A drop of tear shaped itself around his left eye as he pleaded her with his sight. “P-please Aunt! F-forgive me!” he managed to squeeze out of himself.
Celestia’s voice blasted into him like shockwave, “I wanted to say-“ His knees felt weak in her voice, threatening to fall, “that I enjoyed our dinner today! It was pretty good, but your shenanigans are getting a tad old. Still, I’m glad you shared it with me!” She finished with a cheerful, moderate voice.
She took another sip of her cup, before carefully putting it back on the table.
He took a deep breath and gave her a weak smile. “Same time next week?”
Celestia lowered down, hanging out her hoof to help him stand up. “Gladly! Just try a bit harder next time.”
