This Story Did Not Explode

by PseudoBob Delightus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Comedy, Other, Sea Swirl, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 6014

Phew! That was a close one.

This story did not explode! What a relief and/or letdown.

Part of OPERATION CRACKFIC STORM 2024 ( group | stories ).

Thanks to Silk Rose for coming up with the idea, writing chapters 22 and 9, and developing the code; thanks also to Meadowsys for general code help.

Thanks to IrradiatedPirateBooty ( tumblr ) for the awesome character art.

And thanks to everyone in the comments who stuck around for the final countdown!

Published 2024-04-01 00:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-04-02 01:00:02 UTC

Chapter 23

Twilight returned to the park where she'd had her meltdown, and somehow found the same stallion she'd screamed at a few minutes ago. He noticed her, then noticed Spike by her side - and that seemed to jog his memory.

"Hey, Spike! And Twilight Sparkle," he said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said. "I just didn't notice that was up there."

He looked up. "That?"

"Yeah, that."

"No, I mean, what do you mean 'that'?"

"Uh..." Twilight was starting to wonder if he was being intentionally dull. "You know, that giant title hanging above us?"

He looked back up and squinted. "I see... a line. No words on it though."

Twilight looked up and saw the title. Then she walked over to where he was standing and looked up.

"Well, horseapples," she said once more.

Chapter 22

Twilight knocked on Pinkie's bedroom door as she entered. "Pinkie Pie, are you here?"

A rustle came from the closet, moments before Pinkie sprung out of it doing cartwheels. She came to a stop at the last moment, ending up nose-to-nose with Twilight.

"Hi, Twilight, what's up?"

Twilight blinked before pointing up at the title. "I was wondering if you knew anything about that?"

"Oh!" Pinkie gasped "Is the story really gonna explode?"

"Okay. You just noticed it." Twilight sighed. "Great."

"I bet I could touch it if I jump high enough!"

"Pinkie, this is serious. We need to figure out what's going on."

Pinkie wasn't listening. She was already jumping to try and touch the title.

"Pinkie!"

After another moment of jumping from various angles, Pinkie gave up. She noticed Twilight was still there and said, "Twilight? What are you still doing here?"

"Getting you." She turned towards the door and motioned for Pinkie to follow her. "Come on, we need to go and figure this out."

"Okay," Pinkie said before diving back into her closet. "Just let me grab my exploding story confetti and I'll be ready!"

That stopped Twilight in her tracks. "Why do you have exploding story confetti?"

Pinkie tossed a heavy box onto the floor, marked on the side in military stencil: Exploding Story Confetti. "Never ask why, young Twilight," she said sagely. "Ask: why not?"

"Okay, so, you're ready?"

"Yeah! An exploding story sounds fun! I can't wait to see what happens."

"It's not- Ugh, okay, whatever, let's go."

Twilight marched out the door, and Pinkie followed behind, bouncing bubbly with a smile.

Chapter 21

Twilight, Spike, and Pinkie Pie arrived at the Apple farm, each more worried than the next. That is to say, Twilight was still a nervous wreck, Pinkie was still a ball of giggles, and Spike was somewhere in the vast between.

Big Mac waved from the fields and chatted with Spike as the two ponies looked for Applejack. She wasn't far - just over a hill, tilling and seeding for annual crops, like carrots, celery, and various other things that weren't going to sprout before the story exploded.

"Applejack!" Twilight called.

"Yeah?" she answered. "Oh, hey Twilight! You here about that thing in the sky?"

"Yep," Twilight answered. She was relieved to find somepony who was being rational about this whole thing.

"So are you just gatherin' everypony together for an adventure, like you always do?"

"Yeah, I - wait, I do that?"

Applejack nodded. "Yeah, sugar cube. You do."

Twilight looked down at her hooves, thinking about what she'd just learned.

"Well, let's go, then," Applejack continued, dropping her seedbags under a tree and falling in place next to Pinkie Pie.

"Right," Twilight agreed. "Right. Let's go."

Chapter 20

"So who are you looking for now?"

"Rainbow Dash," Twilight said. They'd started on the trail back to Ponyville. "I figure she's-"

Applejack stopped in her tracks. "Nah, I know how to find her."

"You've seen her?"

"Nah." Applejack simply sat where she stood, took a deep breath, and let out a thunderous call: "GA-A-AY!"

After a few seconds, a streak of rainbow could be seen over the horizon, zeroing in on their position fast. At its terminus a pegasus materialized, flaring her wings and scraping her hooves through dirt to slow down. When she finally came to a stop, she asked, "Who called?"

"Wow, that's impressive," Twilight commented.

"I know, right?" Applejack and Rainbow Dash said simultaneously, though perhaps for different reasons.

Twilight drew Rainbow Dash's eyes away from Applejack. "Rainbow, you can fly. Do you know anything about this?"

"Uh... About what? Being gay?"

"No, that."

"What? How did I not notice that before?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Okay, you don't know anything. Great. Guess we'll-"

"Hold on." Rainbow Dash pretended to roll up her sleeves even though Twilight was pretty sure she'd never worn a shirt in her life. "If we stop the timer, it can't explode, right?"

Twilight had to think about that question for a second or two. That proved to be a second or two too long, as Rainbow Dash had already jumped into the air and made some distance. With another rainbow streak, she plowed into the floating title.

"Ow."

Chapter 16

Author's Note

If the images don't work, try this offsite file: Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Sunny

Fourth Moon 1

Chapter 14

"We are gathered here today in honor of Innocent Bystander," spoke the somber priest, "whose life was cut expectantly short."

"How did they put this together so fast?" Twilight wondered.

"Uh, Twi, it's been an hour," Applejack reminded her.

"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie agreed. "We've been watching the whole time. Isn't that strange?"

By now, attendants of the funeral were starting to look at them funny. The priest carried on: "Though many still grieve, we must remember that they lived a good life. They crossed the street without looking. They loitered in the bad parts of town. No stampede nor tsunami nor storm, nor flash of magical light, did they fear." He gestured to the closed casket. "Surely, this is what they would have wanted - to have died an avoidable, meaningless death, at the careless hooves of-"

"Hey!" Twilight shouted. "We were trying to save you ponies! We weren't careless!"

A crowd of indignant eyes turned towards her, and the priest dropped his clerical act and spat back, "Listen, toots, you're the one who couldn't leave well enough alone."

"Toots!?" Twilight fumed. No, really - there might as well have been smoke coming out of her ears.

"Ours is not to wonder why!" the priest continued. "A title comes down from the sky and says this is all gonna explode. Well, that's authorial intent! Why question it?"

There was an 'amen' from the crowd, but Twilight did not agree. She pretended to roll up her sleeves and began a menacing advance towards them before Applejack and Rainbow Dash managed to grab her and drag her away.

"You're fools!" she cried, into the distance, as the assembled townsfolk resumed their prayer. "Fools!"

Chapter 11

"We've got one hope left," Twilight told them, just as they were all getting off the train station. Including Spike. Twilight did a double-take at him, since he hadn't been on the train when they left, but she decided it was best not to think about it.

"Who would that be?" Rarity asked.

Pinkie Pie jumped in place. "Oh! Oh! I'm great at guessing! Um, Zecora? No, no, it's gotta be Cheese Sandwich! He'd love this!"

"Who's- nevermind. No. I'm thinking of..." she scanned the train platform, figuring the pony on her mind would be in the background of this very scene. "Aha! Sea Swirl!"

Sea Swirl turned to the mention of her name. "Who, me?"

"Yes, you," Twilight said, her tone sounding a lot more menacing than she had intended. "You've got to be in this story for some reason."

"Uhhh. No? I'm just, like, hanging out?"

"Exhibit A!" Twilight pointed up at the title in the sky.

Sea Swirl squinted. "I don't see what you're getting at."

Twilight levitated a red marker up to the tags section of the story. "Look! Right there!"

"You're tagged!"

Sea Swirl's eyes widened in realization. "Oh! That!"

Twilight raised her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

Sea Swirl crossed her legs and shrugged. "Yeah, I have no idea why I'm tagged."

"Ugh," Twilight groaned. "Well, it's got to mean something. What do you normally do in your stories?"

Another shrug. "To be perfectly honest, this is the first time I've seen myself tagged on a story. I don't know what to tell you."

Fluttershy cleared her throat, and directed Twilight and Sea Swirl to look at her laptop, which she had the whole time. On the screen was some kind of search interface...

Twilight looked away. "Uh, alright. You can close that now."

Fluttershy started to move the mouse to close the search interface, but Sea Swirl stopped her. "Hold on, now I'm curious."

"I'll send you the link," Fluttershy mumbled.

"Gee, thanks!"

Chapter 2

I walked into the classroom. 'Bright and early' was never quite the right term for it, and this morning was no exception. The windows were still dark, the wooden floor was still cold, and the seats were still empty.

But this was the only way I knew to start my day.

I tried to focus on the lesson plan. We would be starting Modern Magonomic Theory today. It was advanced stuff for most of my students, but still understandable if broken down into component concepts and demonstrated by example.

I still had about two hundred little wooden blocks left over from last year that had proved useful. And I certainly couldn't use real bits!

A big problem was still how to represent the Crown Reserve. I acted as Reserve last time, but it would work a lot better if a student played the role instead.

And...

I shuddered, and looked up.

It still didn't seem real. That the story was going to explode.

If it's true, then, what was the point? To just waste our time away before the end?

Well, it didn't feel like I was wasting my time. Really I was right where I belonged. Even if none of my students came to class today, I figured I'd feel in my final moments that I'd spent my time well.

I shook my head. Whew, what a heavy subject! Back to the lesson plan.

Chapter 24

Author's Note

There may be a sitewide CDN issue. If the images don't work, try this offsite file: Chapter 24

Chapter 24

She woke up confused. Her bed was warm and comfortable. Light was coming in from the window the same way it always did. Birds were chirping and there was hay and flowers and firewood in the air, like always. But still something felt off to Twilight.

She wasn't running a fever, and she wasn't nauseous. Her throat didn't hurt when she swallowed. She wasn't dizzy when she got out of bed and stood up. Her room was organized exactly how she'd left it. What else could it be?

Maybe it was the cloying memory of a dream, fading with time. Or maybe it was nothing at all. Twilight shrugged and decided it was probably nothing, or probably the dream thing, which was pretty close to nothing anyway.

So she went about her normal pony business, like brushing her mane. First at the ends, then down to the roots, she untangled her bed-head and made it bounce and shine again. It felt good to brush her mane for the last time. After that, she headed downstairs to get breakfast ready-
Wait.

For the last time?

Why did she think that?

What did that mean?

Spike yawned and plodded past her. "Hey Twilight," he groaned. "You gonna use the shower?"

"Oh," Twilight said. She was still a little shaken by the sudden intrusive thought. "No, I was, I was going downstairs. Go ahead."

"Alrighty," Spike said, clearly a little confused over how Twilight was acting.

So was Twilight. But she decided not to dwell on it too much. All that nothing was still bothering her, making her feel weird and think strange things, clearly. She needed to clear her mind. So she went downstairs to make breakfast.

There was nothing in the world quite like the smell of fresh haycakes. And there was something special about the way the batter lightly sizzled on the pan at first, before firming up; and the way it bubbled slowly as it cooked. She waited and watched the popping bubbles fill back in with flowing batter, but slower every time, until finally the bubbles would stay open. Only then, and exactly then, was it ready to flip.

The bottom of the haycake was a perfect golden brown. Oh, she could practically taste it already! While more cakes cooked, she started to get the plates and cutlery out, then the butter and jam and maple syrup. The haycakes were beginning to stack, and no stack of haycakes would be complete without all these things.

By the time she heard the water turn off upstairs, breakfast was done. She took her first haycake and smeared it with butter, cut it into a grid, drizzled it with syrup, and stabbed a piece with a fork before levitating it into her mouth.

It was...

Pillowy!

Delicious!

Perfect!

Considering this was the last time she'd ever eat breakfast, she would accept nothing less than-

The fork clattered onto the plate and Twilight walked out of the kitchen. Breakfast was over. She needed some steps. Or some sunlight. Or some fresh air. Anything to get this damned idea out of her head.

So she just walked outside. There was no need for anything complicated. She just took a walk around Ponyville to see if there was anything to take her mind off things. Maybe some ponies with friendship problems. Or organizational problems. Or really any problems she could distract herself with.

Unfortunately, it was a normal, peaceful morning around town. Stores were still closed, the markets were still being set up, and what few ponies who were out at this hour were still too sleepy to have any problems she could distract herself with.

So she took in the scenery.

Under a blue-green sky, nature was most active. Rabbits were munching on shoots and leaves. Squirrels and chipmunks were scrambling across branches and digging for winter reserves. Yellow warblers and red-breasted robins and black-capped chickadees and various other birds named for combinations of colours and funny words were flitting about between the trees, skimming ponds and streams, and singing their hearts out. They all seemed unperturbed by the chilly Spring air, the hardness of the ground, or the heady, heart-pounding sense of impending doom.

It seemed unfair. Nothing was different, and yet everything was different. The bustle of town life, the rustle of budding trees, and the crunch of yellow grass beneath her hooves made Twilight feel homesick for a home she hadn't yet lost.

Even the sunrise, now, with its warm and radiant light scattered through the low horizon, felt insufficient when she thought about how this was the last one she'd ever see.

Her hooves found the sides of her head, and she screamed, "AAAHHH!!!"

A few heads turned. "Huh?" asked a nearby stallion she didn't recognize. "What's wrong?"

"Th-this!" she answered, pointing towards the sun. Then she gestured at herself. "Haycakes!" Then all around. "Everything! It's all going to end!"

The stallion just looked at a pony next to him. He repeated, "Huh?"

The way they looked at Twilight - they looked at her like she was insane. Well, maybe she was! It was only a matter of time, right? Things like this were always happening. And ponies were always judging her for overreacting. Sure, they never came out and said anything, but she could tell! She could always tell!

She should have just stayed in bed!

So she made tracks, leaving a pony-shaped cloud of dust behind her, and ended up back at the library so quickly that she nearly bowled Spike over on his way out the door.

"Twilight!" he gasped. "What's wrong?"

"Me," she said, falling to her haunches. "I feel like the world is ending, and I have no idea why..."

"Hmmm," Spike hummed. Then he pointed up at the sky. "Maybe it has something to do with that?"

Twilight looked up.

"Well, horseapples."

Chapter 19

"Pull!" Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie pulled.

"Push!" Applejack and Twilight Sparkle pushed.

Despite their combined efforts, Fluttershy remained firmly lodged in the doorway. Finally they all gave up in one combined groan.

"Ugh, how is she so strong?" asked an exhausted Rainbow Dash.

"Is it..." Applejack hesitated to wonder. "Is it something she eats?"

Twilight tried again to reason with the mare. "Fluttershy, please, just, come with us? Nothing's going to happen!"

"B-b-b-but... Th-th-th-the sto-o-o-ory!" Fluttuttershy stuttuttered. "It'll expl-pl-pl-plode!"

"No it won't!" Twilight cried. "At least, not just because you step outside! It's still," - she peeked outside - "nineteen hours away."

"Nineteen...?!"

"Yes." Twilight said. "I'm not sure how you trailed off into an interrobang, but yes. Nineteen hours."

"Hey, that's just how she talks!" Pinkie Pie piped up. "Leave her out of this!"

"How can I leave her out of this? She's the reason we're here!"

"Oh no! A-a-a-arguments!!!"

Rainbow Dash shook her head, wiped some sweat from her brow, and then pointed outside over Fluttershy's shoulder. "Hey look! An animal!"

Fluttershy dropped down to the floor. "Where?"

Then, in one smooth, gentle motion, Rainbow Dash tackled Fluttershy and threw her onto her own lawn. It took a moment before she realized she was outside, but when she did, her eyes slowly tracked upwards.

"Eep."

Chapter 18

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 17

Applejack squeezed out of the cramped clubhouse and jumped down to the ground, where Twilight was waiting with the rest of the gang.

"Are they in there?" she asked.

"Yup," she answered.

"Anything to worry about?"

"Nah. They just said they're scared of the giant floating title that says it's going to explode later, and that they didn't want to cost the author more commissions by reacting to it on camera."

Twilight said, "Ah," even though that didn't make any sense. As long as they're safe, she thought, and then also said. "As long as they're safe."

"Yup," Applejack agreed.

Chapter 15

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 13

Author's Note

If the images don't work, try this offsite file: Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Let go of me, let go!" Twilight growled.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash didn't let go of her.

"You've got to calm down, dear!" Rarity told her.

Twilight calmly screamed, "I'm calm!"

The rest of the gang were a bit worried. Without Twilight to lead them at the moment, they needed to find somepony else who could solve this.

Four pairs of eyes turned to Fluttershy.

"Eep!"

The draconequus in question was sun-bathing in Fluttershy's backyard, complete with a reclining lawn chair and fold-out mirror.

There was hardly an ear twitch or a lift of an eyebrow to signal his annoyance with the ponies suddenly crowding around him and blocking his light. He merely sighed, "Oh goody."

"Discord," Rarity began. "We, er, hope you're having a good day."

"I was."

"I know, right?" Pinkie Pie interjected. "The story is going to explode! How often does that happen, huh?"

"That's kind of the thing," Rarity continued. "We were hoping you could do one of your little finger-snap things and fix this for us."

That made Discord lower his sunglasses. "Now, why would I do that, my dear?"

"Because it would be bad if the story exploded?"

"Hmph. So little imagination. I, for one, relish the opportunity to experience non-existence."

"I-"

"Relish it!"

"Okay." Rarity shrugged, and looked back at Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. "I got nothing." But she almost took a step back when she saw the latter's expression.

Fluttershy shouted, like a disappointed mother, "Discord! This is serious!"

"Ugh, I'm being serious." Discord let his lawn equipment vaporize as he resumed a weightless posture. "And here's the deal, Flutter-buns. If everything ends, then I won't have to endure you or your eyeball magic or your saccharine expressions of manipulation ever again. Best of all, I won't even be around to feel bad for it!" He gasped and pointed at the pegasus. "Hah! She's doing it again!"

Fluttershy stared at him for a moment longer before she realized he was unbowed. "But... it'll be bad, Discord. Really, really bad, for everypony. Are you really going to let that happen?"

For once, Discord seemed deep in comtemplation, as he looked up at the ever-present title floating above them.

"Yup," he said, as his lawn chair and sun reflector reappeared. "It was nice knowing you ponies. Don't let the dislike button hit you on the way out."

"The - what button?" Fluttershy asked.

"Oh, this is going nowhere," Rarity said, waving Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie away with her. "Let's see how the rest are doing."

Chapter 12

Applejack saw them approach and asked, "No luck?"

Rarity shook her head. Pinkie Pie was bouncing along with her usual pep, but Fluttershy dragged her hooves behind her.

Between Applejack and Rainbow Dash sat Twilight, who wiped her eyes dry. "That's fine. That's okay."

"Twilight..."

She waved their hugs away and stood up. "No. It's okay. I'm - I'm just hungry. Haven't eaten. Sweet Celestia, what time is it?"

Spike looked at his watch. "About eight o'clock."

"Huh, it seems earlier than - ah!" Twilight jumped. "Hey, where have you been?"

Spike shrugged. "I dunno. Hangin' out?"

"Oh, nevermind. Eight o' clock... why is it so bright out?"

The ponies looked up towards the sun - not directly at it, mind you - and noticed that it was fixed directly overhead, right where it shouldn't have been this late in the evening.

Twilight voiced her thoughts aloud: "I wonder if anything is happening in Canterlot."

Twilight voiced her thoughts aloud: "I can see that something is happening in Canterlot."

Phalanxes of disorganized rioters marched the streets. Fires burned on rooftops, hedge rows, and water fountains. Even the trains were running late. What was once a great city of order and convenient public transit had become a wasteland.

The gang (including Spike this time) managed to push through to the palace gardens, where only Twilight was let through - something about matters of public security. In the palace proper, she found the throne room apparently abandoned.

"Hello?" she called out. "Is anyone here?"

"Pssst," said the diurnal throne.

"Huh?"

"Psssssst!" it insisted further.

Twilight walked around the throne and found Princesses Celestia and Luna hiding behind it.

"Hey!" she shouted, though both alicorns held a hoof in front of their mouths in a plea for silence. Twilight was uncowed. "What the hay are you two doing back there? Do you have any idea what a mess things are!?"

"Yes!" Celestia hissed. "Yes, we do. That's why we're hiding right here!"

Luna added, "Do you have any idea what that rabble will do to us now that we're no longer immortal?"

"But-" Twilight's head spun. "But if you do something about it, then- Wait, what?"

Celestia pointed up. "Look!"

"Our hours are numbered!" They both added, "literally!"

"Oh for crying out loud." Twilight turned around and marched back the way she came.

"Don't tell them we were here!" one of them called out after her.

"DO YOUR DAMNED JOBS AND I MIGHT CONSIDER IT!"

As she stomped out of the palace, there seemed to be less and less light coming through the windows. She managed to unset her jaw by the time she returned to the gardens, where the rest of the gang (not including Spike) was playing Euchre with the royal guards under a night sky. She asked, "Where's Spike?" but was only answered by shrugs. "Whatever. Let's get out of here."

"Hey, we're six up!" Rainbow Dash objected. "We can't just stop the game now!"

"Yes you can," Twilight said, just as she turned and cast a spell that transmuted all the cards into 9s.

"Augh!" Rainbow groaned. "Whatever. Guess I'll come by later with some beers. Say, next Friday? Eh?"

A few ponies rubbed their heads, not sure how to break the news, before Pinkie Pie cocked her head and said, "Wait a minute, there's not even gonna be a Friday next Friday! The story's exploding!"

"Oh, right," Rainbow's smile faltered. "Well, next next Friday, then."

Pinkie Pie nodded. "I see no problem with that!"

"COME ON!" Twilight shouted, and the rest of the gang quickly scrambled back to her side as they made to leave Canterlot.

Chapter 10

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 9

Author's Note

This chapter was written by Silk Rose!

If the images don't work, try this offsite file: Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I am about to knock on Rarity's door when it opens.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash, just the pony I wanted to see. Would you like to come in?"

"Sure, I had something I needed to talk about."

"I as well."

Rarity leads me over to a couch, where we sit down.

"Were you looking for me because of that?" I point to the title in the sky, which is visible indoors, somehow.

"Yes..." There's a slight smile on her face. "I wanted to let this happen naturally, but it appears the universe has other plans."

"That's kind of why I'm here, too."

"I wanted to spend more time with you…"

"Me too."

My stomach turns, and I can feel the distance between us. My voice wavers as I ask, "Should I say it?"

She smiles at me like she knew all along. "Go ahead."

I feel a blush coming over me as I squeeze my eyes shut and say, "Rarity, I think I love you."

Rarity replies, serenely, "Rainbow Dash, I think I love you, too."

A sound comes out of me, and my eyes are wet. I can't tell if I'm laughing or crying. All I know is Rarity's hooves are around me, and I lean into her, and our lips meet. We kiss passionately.

It ends too soon. But I'm comfortable just hugging her.

I hear a sniffle, and a tear drops onto my withers. She's crying, too.

As I hold her, I whisper, "I've wanted to tell you for so long…"

"Me too," Rarity whispers back.

Feeling giggly now, I admit, "You know, normally I consider myself number one at everything, but I can admit defeat on one thing."

"What's that?"

I pull way from her, briefly, to get a good look. "You are the most beautiful mare ever."

"Well, you are the prettiest mare ever!"

"Aren't those the same thing?"

"Why don't we call it a tie?"

"Deal." I pull her back into an embrace, nuzzling her neck.

Rarity rests her chin on my head. "If this is our last day together, I'm glad I can at least spend it with you."

We sit there in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's presence.

Even so, I can't shake the idea of this all just ending in a big explosion. I ask in a whisper, "Do you think Twilight will be able to figure out how to stop it?"

"I sure hope so," Rarity says.

I hug her a little tighter. "Me too, Rarity. Me too."

Chapter 8

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 7

Author's Note

If the images don't work, try this offsite file: Chapter 7

Chapter 7

There I was. Just your average dude. Career prospects? Dead. Cartoon pony obsession? Crippling. Skin? Green. You know, standard stuff. And there I was crossing the street when, wouldn't you know it, a cargo truck came to a complete stop before proceeding with caution. I was so amazed that I didn't even notice the clearly-indicated construction site I was walking directly into, nor did I notice the open manhole until I'd stepped into it.

So, obviously I didn't die at the bottom of that manhole. Otherwise I wouldn't be narrating right now. Instead, wouldn't you know it, I was transported to a vaguely familiar, conspicuously colourful realm. In the distance I could see a quaint little village - but directly below me, and coming up fast, was a dark, dense forest!

Luckily, I hit every branch on the way down, so I didn't land too hard. But wouldn't you know it, I landed right in the middle of a manticore den! What are the chances, huh?

So there I was - well, I won't bore you with the details. There was a lot of nasty stuff in that forest. I got chased, clawed, bitten, stung, petrified, cursed, haunted, and I even stubbed my toe!

Hours passed from one pursuer to the next, but it seemed I'd finally gotten away. Thick forest canopy made way for a sparser ceiling of woods, through which I could see the deep night sky. The moment I made it onto a meadow hill with soft grass, I just collapsed, totally spent.

And then, after all those hours of suffering, just when I thought I was free, wouldn't you know it...

At least I can lie here and watch it end. But man, does that suck!

Chapter 6

The rookie caught one. Some stallion on the thirteenth floor couldn't bear to go on, and skipped the elevator. On a normal day, this would have been an honest hour's work, and we could tip some bottles.

But who am I kidding? There aren't many normal days left, these days.

"Where's the body?" I asked.

"See, that's the thing," he griped, making fancy gestures. "There ain't none. Just this chalk outline. Whaddaya think happened?"

A voice rang out from the mouth of the alley, saying, "The boss wanted us to keep things rated E." It was Brass Ankle, enforcer in the Manehattanite mafia - North side, that is. "But between you and me, Tracer Bullet, I was never good at keeping things family friendly." He and the goons at his flanks had beaters on hoof, and the butt of a repeater stuck out of Brass' jacket.

The rookie was scared. Well, maybe it was time to introduce them all to the veteran. He was very close to my heart - down and to the left, to be specific. He may not have looked the meanest, and he might have had a habit of starting arguments, but he was just as good at finishing them, too.

By the time the ringing in my ears died down, we'd been out of there a while. Didn't seem like anypony was following us. And that was okay by me. Easier to light matches when you weren't running for your life.

"What the hay just happened," the rookie gasped. He was too exhausted to use a question mark. "We just - you just-"

"We survived," I told him, and gave him a spear, lit it as he took a puff. "That's good enough in this town."

"Is that what happens?" he asked. "Is that how this goes down? How do you do it, Tracer?"

I took a long draw of spearmint. It was cold, like the night air, and the smoke blew away quick. "A day at a time, rookie..."

The title hung above us.

"A day at a time."

Chapter 5

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Chapter 4

Author's Note

If the images don't work, try this offsite file: Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Work, work!" Rover barked at his inferiors. "Ponies only resting for short time! Work!"

The rest of the diamond dogs growled in frustration. They were already working! But they knew to listen to their leader, so they worked a little harder. Besides, tunnels wouldn't dig themselves.

Rover moved on to a chamber of artisans. These dogs were not digging, but hammering, bending, and cutting metal into armor and weapons.

Rover found a well-made spear and pointed to the leather lashings around its handle. He made a show of ripping the lashing off and throwing it away before handing it back to an artisan. "Work faster, not better." The dogs nodded and resumed work on only the most essential features.

Satisfied, Rover made his way back to the war room. Spot and Fido were there, arguing over the finer details of a dirt-scrawled map on the floor.

The whole den had been at work for two nights straight - ever since that title had shown up and started counting down the minutes.

Still, only four hours left... Not a lot of time. A dog might get worried.

But not Rover.

He was definitely not worried that everything might suddenly end in a fiery explosion a pawful of hours from now. Only silly ponies would fall for this nonsense.

It... was nonsense...

...

Right?

Chapter 3

Queen Chrysalis sat at her throne, gazed into her orb, and cackled like a cartoon villain. "Muahahaha!"

"Your Maj-"

"MUAHAHAHAHA!" she continued.

"Your Majesty," a smooth-carapaced advisor interjected, "is this truly a laughing matter?"

The Queen almost continued laughing, but then settled down and cleared her throat. "Ahem. Yes, it is. The land of Equestria is in ruins. Her ponies have lost all hope. Victory will soon be ours!"

The advisor crinkled his wings, but tempted fate by continuing her line of questioning. "But, my Queen, is there not also a risk to our lands as well?"

The Queen scoffed. "Hah. Pessimism. They don't suspect a thing. Our best interceptors and impersonators have been at work for years, insinuating themselves into the highest levels of government. The fool Celestia and her little spawn-mate know naught but hatched lies. And even now, the buzzing! Do you hear it?"

There was a deafening silence all around them.

"The great armada swarms over their borders, conquering land by land while they sleep! I need only wait, and the blood of victory will spill into my very proboscis."

The advisor shrank back. She didn't quite have the hemocoel to tell Her Majesty that the armada was not, in fact, swarming over the borders; that they'd lost contact with most of the impersonators; or that the whole operation had been discovered by Luna's operatives and published in the New Moon Gazette months ago.

She also didn't quite know how to tell Her Majesty that there was a title hanging over her head, counting down the minutes until the story was supposed to explode...

... Which probably explained the chaos in Equestria more than anything they were doing.

Instead, she just smiled and laughed along with her Queen, hoping she wouldn't notice before it was too late.

Chapter 1

Somehow, some way, they had all found themselves on the same hill. To watch it end.

"You know, now that I look at it," Rarity said, "there's a kind of beauty in it."

"At least it gave us some time to prepare," Fluttershy said. "To say goodbye."

Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves. "I still think we could have hit it with something else."

"Come on, now," Applejack chided. "We did our worst. We did enough."

"This is exciting!" Pinkie Pie cheered as she bounced up and down.

Twilight looked up at the title. This was it. Despite all her ideas, the countdown continued unabated.

"You know..."

Her friends all looked at her, and she looked back at them.

"Spending our last moments together? This isn't so bad."

Spike added, "I am also here!"

"I still have no idea where you keep going," Twilight told him, "but I'm glad you're here too."

As the time ticked down, they watched.

Chapter 0

Zero.

The timer hit zero.

Just at that moment, a ball of fire appeared on the horizon. Twilight had to shield her eyes from its intense light.

Was this it? A great conflagration, then silence, forevermore?

...

No, wait. It was morning. That was the sun.

"Huh...?"

Chapter ...💥?

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