Shining Armor is a Bad Influence

by RunicTreetops

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, Narcotics, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Flurry Heart, Comedy, Shining Armor
Length: 2589

Shining Armor intends to scare Flurry Heart away from drinking. He failed to account for one little thing.

Seventeen-year-old Flurry Heart just wants to live her own life, but her parents have other plans for her. "You're a princess!" "You need to set an example!" Bleh.

It comes as no surprise, then, that her father is more than a little upset to catch her drinking alcohol. To make matters worse, he read a book where something just like this happened, and he intends to give the protagonist's idea a try.

He has no idea how in over his head he is.

Contains underage drinking and foul language.

Written in part as a judge's entry for the Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad 2024 Competition.

Published 2024-03-20 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-03-20 00:00:01 UTC

Shining Armor is a Bad Influence

Shining Armor stands outside the door to his daughter’s room. Flurry Heart just recently turned seventeen, and she’s just as distant as ever. He’s already knocked on the door several times, but for some reason, she has yet to respond. Perhaps it’s because she doesn’t want to talk to her old man right now.

Or perhaps she can’t hear the knocking over the rock music being played loud enough to make the whole castle shake.

“Alright, that’s it.”

Officially out of patience, Shining tries to open the door. Unsurprisingly, said door is locked. Thankfully, he was prepared for this. Reaching into one of his uniform’s few pockets, he retrieves a small key ring and gingerly slides a key into the lock on Flurry’s door.

…Only for the key to promptly get stuck.

“Clever girl.”

She changed the damn locks. All on her own. He’d be mad if he wasn’t impressed. Her tenacity in keeping her parents as far away as possible is almost admirable.

Unfortunately for her, her father was the Captain of the Royal Guard. With one solid kick, the door splinters somewhat before falling off of its hinges with a thud.

“AHH!”

A sword carried by telekinesis whizzes through the air in a horizontal arc, angled perfectly to cut Shining’s head clean off of his neck. If it weren’t for his training, he probably wouldn’t have ducked in time. Instead of losing his head, he only loses a few stray hairs.

“DAD?! What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Language!”

“You kicked my door down?!”

“Well, you weren’t answering, so–”

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Maybe if you’d answer your door for a change, I wouldn’t have to kick it down!”

“You could have knocked! You know, like a sane pony?!”

“I did.”

“...Oh.” Flurry’s horn continues to glow as she gingerly places her sword down next to her nightstand before using telekinesis to turn off her stereo. “Either way, you’d better buy me a new door.”

Shining looks over his daughter. At this point, he’s grown used to her aesthetic. Dark clothes, dark makeup, a new piercing pretty much every month… heck, she’s even added a black streak to her mane alongside the blue one. It’s far from what is expected of the heir of the Crystal Empire, but he’d be lying if he said she didn’t make it work. Not that he’ll ever say that out loud, of course. Cadance would kill him.

“Fine, but I’m getting one without locks.”

“Y-you…!” Flurry holds herself back, knowing that acknowledging her secret lock change will just get her in more trouble. “Fine,” she growls through gritted teeth. “What do you want?”

“First of all, excellent use of the sword. If I were an actual intruder, that would have been an impressive maneuver.”

“Yeah, yeah.” For as much as she hates hanging around her parents, she can’t act like they haven’t taught her anything. Not that she’ll ever say as much. “What do you really want?”

Shining Armor takes a deep breath before leaning against her vanity and giving her a warm smile.

“I just came to let you know that the whole family is coming over tonight.”

“The whole family?”

“Your grandparents, aunt Twilight, uncle Spike, Anon, even your great aunts.”

“W-wait, why?!”

“Did you forget that Hearth’s Warming Eve is tomorrow?”

“...Shit.”

“Language!”

“Shoot.”

“Better.”

Flurry sighs before letting out a single chuckle.

“I can’t believe you got both Uncle Anon and Auntia to agree to be in the same room.”

“And I can’t believe you still call them that.”

Anon is, unsurprisingly, not her uncle. Ever since she was a little foal and he saved her life, Shining and Cadance allowed him to stick around as a sort of mentor figure for her. Granted, he’s not a great influence, but he’s proven that he does care about her well-being enough to warrant keeping him around. Unfortunately, he has a tendency to butt heads with Flurry’s great aunt, Celestia.

“Well, thanks for letting me know, I guess. I’ll just be in here… with no door.”

“I’ll see if some of the staff can make you a temporary one,” Shining says with a shrug as he turns around. “And please try to behave tonight. We don’t need a repeat of last year.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she mumbles as she flops back onto her bed.

Shining has a lot more he wants to say. He basically always does around Flurry, but he can never quite find the words (or the courage) to convey what he wants. As per usual, he instead stifles a sigh and makes his way out of her room.

…Wait.

“Flurry Heart?”

“Ugh, what?”

“What is this?”

Flurry looks up to see her father frozen in her doorway. His horn glows with magic as the garbage in the trash can next to that doorway shuffles around. A few seconds later, her eyes go wide as Shining holds up an empty, brown bottle. The label is black with white text reading “Mac Spamiels” stretching across it.

“Uhh…”

“Flurry, have you been drinking again?!”

She hesitates for a moment before furrowing her brow.

“That’s none of your–”

“It is absolutely my business! You’re not old enough to be drinking this garbage! Do you have any idea what this does to your body, let alone your mind?!”

“No, I have absolutely no idea what alcohol does,” she retorts sarcastically. With a click of her tongue, she rolls over to face away from her dad. “Get out of my room.”

“No! Flurry, you can’t keep doing this! How many times has it been, now?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Where do you even get this stuff?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she repeats through gritted teeth, doing everything in her power to not raise her voice.

Shining stares at her for a moment as he feels his frustration rising. This is the third time he’s caught her with alcohol, and it’s clear that his talks are not getting through to her. She can’t keep doing this! What will their subjects think?!

What will Shining’s parents think?

He feels a shiver crawl down his spine. Somehow, even as a grown stallion and the father of a seventeen-year-old daughter, the thought of his own parents being mad at him for being a bad dad is more terrifying than anything he can imagine. He needs to take care of this. Now.

But how? Flurry hasn’t listened to him since she was just a filly. If his talks won’t get through to her, what will? Getting Cadance involved probably won’t help, seeing as Flurry gets along even worse with her mother. He can’t do anything too drastic or the populace might find out about it. Somehow, he needs to get her to quit of her own volition. What can he possibly do to–

Wait a minute.

Just a few weeks ago, he read a book that had a scene just like this. It involved smoking rather than drinking, but the idea was really clever. Maybe…

“Flurry, stay right there. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

“Wasn’t planning on leaving.”

“Here we are!”

Flurry graciously decides to acknowledge her father’s presence by looking in his general direction. He should be flattered, really.

“...Huh?” Seeing the dozen or so bottles floating in the air around him, her surprise overcomes her annoyance. “Dad? What are you doing?”

“We’re going to get your drive to drink out of your system.”

“Excuse me?”

With a cocky smile on his face, Shining trots right into her room and plops down on the foot of her bed, setting the bottles of alcohol down next to him. She gazes down at the bottles with her jaw hanging open in shock. He’s got whisky, rum, bourbon, vodka, gin, even a bottle of wine. All in all, it’s an impressive spread.

“You want to drink so badly? Fine. We’re gonna have you drink.”

“This sounds… really stupid.”

“Drink enough in one go, and you’ll never want to drink again.”

“I don’t think that’s… ugh.” Flurry presses a hoof to her temple as she groans at her father’s stupidity. “You read this in a book, didn’t you?”

“Yup. Anyway, I hope you’re thirsty.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” For the first time all day, she looks him in the eyes as a cocky smile easily rivaling his own spreads across her face, catching him off guard. “It’s not like you’d be able to drink it.”

Slowly, the smile begins to disappear from Shining’s face.

“I’m sorry?”

“You heard me. You’re just mad that you’re more of a lightweight than your teenage daughter. Gotta look cool in front of your soldiers, right? Can’t let them know a little girl could outdrink you.”

“You don’t know the first thing about my drinking habits, young lady.”

“I know you can’t hold your own. That’s enough for me.”

“...Fine.” Shining rolls his head around as he pops a few joints. “You want this to be a competition? I’ll give you a competition.”

“I never mentioned a competition.”

“I’ll match you, shot for shot. I’ll show you who the real lightweight here is.”

There’s a glint in Flurry’s eye for just a moment as her smile widens.

“You’re on.”

He’s too easy.

Princess Cadance, Anon, and Celestia walk side-by-side down the Crystal Castle’s halls. Everypony has arrived downstairs, but neither Shining Armor nor Flurry Heart have made an appearance yet. For Flurry, this isn’t exactly a surprise. However, Shining’s absence made Cadance worried. This, in turn, made Anon worried, which then made Celestia worried. One thing led to another, and now all three of them are marching towards Flurry’s room.

“Whatever it is they’re up to, it can’t be good,” Cadance mumbles.

“Come now, Cadance.” Celestia’s voice is calm and soothing, fitting for the mare who used to rule Equestria. “Have some faith in Flurry.”

“It’s not Flurry I’m worried about.”

“Hah!” Anon, dressed in a nice suit, places his hands behind his head nonchalantly as he walks between the alicorns. “That’s because she’s tougher than she looks!”

“Depending on what they’re up to, you might be next on the chopping block.”

Cadance’s head doesn't move, but her eyes dart to the side directly in Anon’s direction. It’s a look of murderous intent, and his amused grin quickly turns into a forced smile of pure terror. He shudders as he remembers the last time he made her mad.

“You’d better not have been encouraging any bad habits for little Flurry.” Celestia’s voice suddenly goes from warm and inviting to cold and intimidating. Ironically, Anon is much more used to that than her typical, motherly demeanor. “The moon could use a new guest, I think.”

“You don’t have the balls, sunbutt.”

“Excuse m–”

“What is going on here?!”

Cadance stops in place as her face contorts into a look of confusion and fury. Even though Flurry’s room is down the hall, the fact that there is no longer a door in the doorway is a massive red flag. After only a moment, she books it down the hall. Anon and Celestia share a glance before taking off after her.

The three of them all peer into the room to find a curious sight. Shining Armor is lying on his back on Flurry’s bed. An empty bottle of gin is nestled up against his torso, and he breathes heavily as he looks to the ceiling. Meanwhile, Flurry sits next to her stereo, her cheeks a light shade of pink as she bobs her head to music that is being played much quieter than usual. Several empty bottles of various types of alcohol are strewn across her bed.

“Flurry Heart!”

Flurry looks up to see two angry alicorns and one extremely amused human.

“Hey, mom.”

“Do not ‘hey, mom’ me, young lady! What is the meaning of this?!”

“Dad challenged me to a drinking contest.”

“Wh-what?!” With an almost literal fire in her eyes, Cadance turns to her near-unconscious husband before magically lifting him by the haunches and growling in his flushed, unfocused face. “Shining Armor, she had better be lying!”

“Y-yeah.” Shining smiles, though his unfocused eyes are unable to remain trained on his wife while his head continuously tries to fight against the desire to go slack. “I was t-trying to teach her a lesson,” he slurs.

“By giving her alcohol?!”

“Too much for her to handle. Trust me, dear. She’s never gonna pick up a bottle again.”

Shining’s drunken voice is confident, almost smug. However, a quick glance towards Flurry, who isn’t anything more than slightly tipsy, is all Cadance needs to realize that Shining does not have a grasp on the situation.

“I cannot believe this,” she sighs as she clenches her eyes shut. “I can’t believe you’d do something so irresponsible!”

“Hah.”

“And you!” Cadance turns to her daughter, whose amusement at her father getting berated quickly fades. “The fact that you’re still on your hooves speaks volumes.”

“Yeah, it says that dad’s a lightweight.”

“Your father has never been able to hold his liquor,” she mumbles. “But more importantly, it says a lot about your drinking habits. You know you’re not old enough to be drinking this stuff!”

“Tsk. Like you never drank as a minor.” For a moment, Cadance hesitates. She tries to hide it, but Flurry is quicker on the draw than that. “Ohoh, I hit the nail on the head!”

“I-I didn’t–”

“Cadance?” She freezes as she hears Celestia’s voice behind her. “Is this true?”

“W-well… I was young and stupid, and I might have–”

“You went behind my back? When I was going out of my way to teach you how to be a proper princess?!”

“L-look, auntie, it’s not like that!”

“Oh, and now poor Flurry has picked up your habits.”

“My habits? I didn’t teach her to do this!”

As the two alicorns continue to bicker, Shining Armor finally passes out entirely, his snores going largely ignored by the arguing princesses. While this is going on, Flurry looks up at Anon, who remains in the doorway. With a smug look on his face, he motions for Flurry to follow him. Returning his smile, she hops out of her seat and sneaks past her arguing family with practiced ease before slipping into the hallway.

“You tricked him, didn’t you?” Anon asks as they continue down the hall and away from the argument that can easily be heard throughout the entire castle.

“Sure did,” she says with a warm grin. She stumbles a little bit, but Anon steadies her before she can fall. It’s not the first time something like this has happened. “Got him hook, line, and sinker.”

“And what’d you do with the stuff you two didn’t finish off?”

“Hid it under the bed for later when he wasn’t looking.”

“Atta girl.”

Anon holds out a fist. With a stifled chuckle, Flurry bumps the back of her hoof against it.

“Think you can act sober around Twilight?”

“Sober enough. Not sure about dad, though.”

“Eh, that just means the focus will be on him instead of you.”

Flurry snorts before breaking out into a hearty laugh.

“You’re a bad influence, you know that?”

Anon sighs, though the smile doesn’t leave his face.

“Apparently, so is Shining Armor.”

Author's Note

Oops I wrote an entry after I said I wouldn't. :pinkiecrazy:

Also, just to clarify, I do not condone underage drinking! Please drink responsibly!

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!