🥜

Okay, apparently plushies weren’t the answer afterall.

“This one’s kind of cute!” Sunset shouted to be heard over the herd. I looked to see a chubby plush orange cat. It looked a bit like Leo.

“I’m more worried about where An-n-n-Lilyheart is!” I shouted back.

But where? Someone called her name. She probably tried to find them. Who possibly could have known who she was? Pinkie? It wouldn’t be surprising to find Pinkie in this massive crowd.

“Right, sorry!” called Sunset. “But, wherever she is, I’m sure she’s fine. Ponyville is a really safe town! Well, usually…”

“LILYHEART!!!!” I tried to shout over the crowd. I was awarded with a handful of looks, but no Lily. “Why are all these ponies here, anyway?!”

“Haven’t you heard? There’s a new show in town!” squeaked a voice.

I looked down to find a foal covered in a yellow rainjacket, her blue mane tucked into the hood.

“New show?” said Sunset.

“Yeah! They came all the way from Las Pegasus,” the filly squeaked again. “You can find them over there in the big tent.” She pointed with the stick she was carrying.

“Do you think Lily might be over there?” asked Sunset.

“It’s worth a try,” I turned back to the small filly. “Thank you. Why are you wearing a raincoat? Is it supposed to rain today?”

“Probably not today. But, I have a long way to go, still, and some days can be hard.”

“Robin, you coming?” called Sunset.

“Yes!” I answered.

“Good luck finding your friend!” said the little filly as we trotted away.

Since most of the herd was going the same direction as us, we found it easier to make our way to the large circus tent. It wasn’t difficult to spot; a giant balloon of yellow and red stripes that easily towered over the rest of the tents, even most of the buildings of the rest of town. A few yards away was a fountain. I watched Twinkleshine flip a bit into it.

But Lily was nowhere to be seen. Sunset and I quickly found ourselves shuffled with the crowd towards the entrance of the tent.

“Step right up! Come here and see the great mysteries of Las Pegasus! Free entry into the tent! Come and learn more!” shouted a voice, ushering in the herd. Something about the gruff voice seemed familiar…

Once again, I was pressed against Sunset on my left, and another pony on my right. A tail flicked my nose– muzzle. And somehow, I could feel another pony only a few inches behind me. Normal horses would not be okay with this. I never had claustrophobia, but being pressed together like a sardine pony was just downright frustrating. Just replace the smell of sweets and chocolate with that horrid smog and it reminded me of New York City.

The herd pushed Sunset and I closer to the entrance of the tent. Finally, I laid eyes on the barker, a tall, slender pony. He wore sunglasses, and what looked like a white pilot captain’s hat with a gold medal. I furiously looked around. Lily? Anywhere? Lily, where are you?

“I just need you to sign here! For confidentiality purposes!” barked the barker. My ears folded back from the loudness.

Something was suspicious. But maybe Lily was here?

Sunset and I locked eyes. She shrugged. I sighed. And then I nodded.

The pencil floated in a green aura just in front of my face. Hesitantly, I took it with my teeth and scribbled a sloppy MK. Wait. Does that mean I could write my name? My actual name?!

Sunset and I were rushed in before I could contemplate the matter, and we were soon seated in a dark and cram-packed room facing a red curtained stage. A pink pony beside me was licking an ice cream cone.

“Now, I see we now have some new fillies and gentlecolts joining us! Those of you who would love to see our exhibit, please, take your opportunity now! Just head to the room on your right!”

This new speaker had a youthful and energetic voice; he stood on a podium, with the only source of light in the whole tent all focused on him. He was tall and slender like the barker, but wore round glasses, a bowler hat, and sported a goatee.

A bit of jealousy hit me. It had been too long since I got to perform on stage. The thrill, the energy, the friendship… what was it about putting on a character before an audience, to sing and dance…

“All of you here, have the chance of a lifetime!” continued the speaker. “All of you have the opportunity to take part in the wonderful, amazing, terrific Phoenixi kirini, a rare and endangered species! In fact, there’s only one of it’s kind! Once, long ago, these amazing species used to live all over Equestria! Their feathers radiate all of the colors of the rainbow, and spark in the sunlight! Imagine the beauty and swirl of color! And their song! Ponies burst into tears at the noise. Why, the great scholar Starswirl the Bearded even died when he listened to it!”

Wait, what?

“And the famous Mistmane was so jealous of the kirini that she tried to have them all rounded up–she couldn’t stand the idea of a creature that existed more beautiful than her, you see! Soon, all that was left was just this single, poor specimen. All alone. No friends to answer the call of its song; no friend to harmonize with. The skies, bare of their wonderful color.” The speaker’s voice became mournful, he closed his eyes and faced the floor. Sounds of sobbing rang out through the tent.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Ponies can not be this stupid!

“But that’s why we have a plan to bring this species back from the brink!” said Flim, suddenly no longer sorrowful. “All we need are funds to help start a wildlife rehabilitation center. And as an added bonus, you can even see the rare and exotic species if you donate!”

My interest and jealousy was gone, burnt up by a new emotion.

“Does this seem suspicious to you?” Sunset hissed to me.

“Very,” I grumbled.

“Take my bits! Take them!” wailed a pony from the front.

“Thank you! Thank you! You’re too kind!” cheered Flim as the gold piled around him. “Please, if you’ve been so kind hearted as to make a donation today, make your way to the left exit!”

“Come one, let’s get out of here,” I grumbled to Sunset.

“Not so fast!” barked a gruff voice in my muzzle. “You signed the contract!”

“Wha–” I started.

“It says right here, clearly that upon entry, you agree to either stay for two hours, or pay a fee! So, if you want to leave, time to pay up!” said Flam, still in his pilot’s hat, as he unrolled the scroll with my M.K. at the bottom.

“What!? You can’t do that!” I spluttered.

“You signed it!” called out Flim from the stage. “That’s a legally binding document! But, none of you little ponies have anything to worry about! Besides, you’d all like to save the Phoenixi kirini, wouldn’t you? Or perhaps hear more about this amazing and exotic creature!”

Ponies around me cheered.

“I don’t care what we signed! You can’t keep us here!” said Sunset.

“Of course not,” said Flam. “But the problem is, this is the entrance, not the exit. If you want to leave, you have to go over there.”

“But the problem with that way,” said Flim appearing behind us, “Is that’s where the poor Phoenixi kirini is. We can’t let you see it without a fee, to ensure its safety, you see.”

“Yes, for its safety!” echoed Flam.

“Doesn’t anyp-p-pony see this is a scam!?” I shouted. “This is Flim and Flam! Aren’t you two banned from Ponyville by now?!”

The two miscreants immediately tossed aside their disguises. “Not at all!” said Flam.

“And scam?! Why, we’ve never scammed anypony! We’re honest businessponies!” said Flim, his foreleg over his head as though he was distraught.

“Wait, I thought you were Flim and you were Flam?” I said.

“I grew out my mustache, like it?” said Flim.

“And I shaved!” said Flam.

“How do we know you anyway?” asked Flim.

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re going to let us out. You’re to let everypony out,” cut in Sunset.

Quick thinking. You didn’t want me to have to explain myself. Even while you’re mad. But everypony? Really, Sunset? Can we not make a scene? Wait, I was the one making a scene, wasn’t I? Dang it!

“Of course they can go!” said the mustacheless Flam. “Once they pay up.”

“For the good of the Phoenixi kirini!” said the mustached Flim. “And the Las Pegasus Animal Sanctuary project!”

So that’s what you’re up to. This sounds like an episode plot where Fluttershy would deal with you two. Except, she’d fall for this trick, wouldn’t she?

“We. Are. Not. Paying.” stammered Sunset, shaking, the look of rage growing on her face.

“How about we make you a deal?” asked Flam.

“Instead of two hours, you’ll only have to stay thirty minutes!” said Flim. “After that, you can leave, free of charge!”

“What do you say? That’s not so long a wait!” added Flam. “You even get to hear more about the fabulous Phoenixi kirini while you wait!”

Sunset seemed to consider it. “No. I’m leaving, and you can’t make me stay.” She tried to push past.

“Ow!” cried Flam, shooting his foreleg into the air, cradling it with the other.

“Wha–I didn’t mean–” started Sunset.

“My my, so pushy!” said Flim. “And with such a temper! Didn’t anypony ever tell you that you could hurt someone with that temper of yours?”

Suddenly, Sunset Shimmer seemed to go very far away. She was still standing there, of course. But her eyes stared into space, her mouth hung open, just by a crack, all of her anger, her fire, passion, it seemed to dry up in a moment. “I…I…” she mumbled. But if she finished the thought, I didn’t hear it.

“This is the hoof I feed the Phoenixi kirini with!” cried Flam.

Oh, bother.

“We didn’t know you wanted to leave so badly you would resort to physical violence!” said Flim.

The ponies around booed. Sunset’s ears folded down.

“Fifteen minutes! We’ll even cut the price in half!” cried Flam.

“For the Phoenixi kirini,” said Flim.

“Enough,” I whispered. Nothing changed. Chatter. Noise. Nonsense. I stomped my hoof on the ground. “ENOUGH!”

The tent went silent.

“We are not paying a single bit.” I said with gritted teeth. “You two are scammers, who make your money by tricking innocent ponies! You tried to make the Apple family go out of business! You own the entire Las Pegasus resort! You have plenty of money! All you do is lie and cheat! And just because we sign a document doesn’t mean you can keep us from leaving! We can’t be a captive audience! Do you really think Princess Twilight would be okay with that?”

“But of course the Princess would be fine with a good cause like helping the ani–” started Flim.

“I bet this Phoenixi kirini doesn’t even exist!” I interrupted. “What you have back there is probably a regular bird in a rainbow costume! And how the heck were you going to bring this species back from extinction if there’s only one left? These two are lying to you. All of you are being lied to!”

“Now, now, I wouldn’t go that far…” muttered Flam, his hoof suddenly no longer hurting.

“Really? And what would happen if I pulled open the curtain for everyp-p-pony to see?” I asked.

“W-We…” the brothers stumbled in unison.

“Sunset?”

“I…” she looked at me uncertainly.

Oh boy. You’re not the Sunset we knew at all.

“Fine, I’ll open it myself.” I charged towards the exit.

“Wait! Stop!” cried the brothers. “The Kirino phoenixo is a very delicate species!”

I had never run so fast in my life. There was strength in my… hooves… that I had never felt before. I could leap and dodge out of the way of other ponies with ease, all while I galloped towards the mysterious curtain. It was there, right in front of me, before I knew it. I reared up and pulled the curtains.

My eyes met the fattest bird I had ever seen in my life. It sat upon the floor in a large cage, a bulging white belly and dilapidated rainbow-feathered wings draping wearily over the straw. Its head hung loosely to the side, dispirited and pathetic.

For a moment, my heart sunk. Oh no. What have I done? What if Flim and Flam had reformed in one of the later seasons? What if this is actually a rare or endangered species?

And then the blurry features cleared up. Was Equestria affecting me, making me as stupid as the characters? The disguise was so obvious once I looked at it clearly.

“Snips?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“Huh?” said the bird-dressed foal.

The head of the bird costume sat over his horn, so just his face was visible from a small round opening. The tail feather covered his hindlegs, while his forelegs served as the bird’s legs. The wing limply protruded from where a pegasus’ wings ought to be.

“You mustn’t disturb the bird!” cried Flim.

“It needs peace and quiet,” said Flam.

Both of the brothers had caught up with me.

“I thought your hoof was hurt,” I said in a monotone.

“Uh, well, it is!” said Flam.

“And this isn’t a bird. It’s Snips!” I said.

“H-hi!” said Snips with a wave of his hoof.

Flim gasped. “Can’t you see! You’re disturbing the delicate environment we’ve prepared for the Phoenixa kirina! It only waves its talons like that when it’s distressed.”

“Yes, distressed! Very distressed!” followed Flam.

“It’s SNIPS,” I said with exasperation. “It’s a pony in a bird costume. What did they do to put you up to this?”

Snips swallowed. “Uh, free food all day. This birdseed is really delicious! Plus it increases your magic potential! All I had to do was keep quiet and eat, they said.”

I glared at the brothers.

“An investment didn’t go through properly,” said Flim.

“We got tons of birdseed leftover. Want any? We’ll sell at a discount!” said Flam.

“Let Snips out of the cage,” I ordered.

“I uh…” mumbled Flam.

“Heeey!” called out a slow voice from the crowd. “That’s Snips in a bird costume!”

“Oh, hey Snails!” Snips called back with another wave. “You should try the birdseed! It tastes great!”

“I want my money back!” cried another pony.

“Yeah!”

“Scam!”

“Where’s my bits?!”

“Now, now!” Flim called out over the ponies. “We know what this looks like.”

“But the Phoenixe kirine is a real bird!” finished Flam. “And we do have it in our possession!”

“It’s just too delicate to have transported all the way here,” said Flim.

“So, this is actually just a likeness of the exotic bird to give anypony an idea of what it really looks like!” said Flam.

“All proceeds go to the development of the Las Pegasus Animal Shelter development project, where, if you come and visit, you will be able to see the real Phoenixu kirinu!” said Flim.

“In fact, if you pay just five bits, you’ll be entered into our sweepstakes to receive a free ticket to our grand opening!” said Flam.

“And only three bits to enter into a chance to receive a free bag of exotic and rare birdseed!” said Flim.

“Oh wow. I’d like some of that birdseed,” said Snails.

I facehoofed.

“We’re not gonna fall for that!” cried out a pony.

“Yeah! We want our bits back!” cried another.

All at once the entire herd erupted into a tumult of incomprehensible angry complaints. Large sweat droplets poured down Flim and Flam’s faces, but I couldn’t hear what excuses they made. Instead, I spotted an uncertain looking Sunset in the corner of the mob.

I called her name and galloped over. “Quick, let’s get out of here!” I wrapped a foreleg around her and pulled her back towards the exit. Meanwhile, the angry herd inched closer to the scam brothers.

The flash of light from the blue sky and subtle breeze immediately made me feel better. Ugh. Like a horse finally free from its stable.

“All that waste of time, and we still have no idea where Lily is,” I grumbled.

“Well, Ponyville really is a safe place,” said Sunset. “No matter where she is, I’m certain she’s fine. Just so long as she stays away from the Everfree Forest…”

Sunset fell silent. We looked at each other.

“Oh no.”

Author's Note

The pilot outfit Flam is wearing is based on of the disguises pulled off by 'Chameleon' William Douglas Street Jr, while the disguise Flim has is based on conman 'Yellow Kid' Joseph Weil.

Special thanks to my amazing editors, Ashel, PandoraFox, and Rainy Skies!