I have arrived at Canterlot. Again. Not much has changed since I was flung out into the badlands, but the oppressive security measures not being here is nice. A day of correspondence was enough to set the itinerary for the negotiations. I arranged it so that the most contentious of the issues come up first. That way any stumbling blocks that come up during the big items can be worked around when we're discussing the smaller items. All the other fiddly bits we don't have time for can be figured out afterwards. Preferably with somebody who is not the absolute monarch of Equestria. That is just way too much pressure for an everyday occurrence.

And then she blew all my expectations away by accepting my first reparations proposal in the first two minutes. I was honestly expecting to spend multiple days on this one issue alone. That was a pleasant surprise. Gave me hope for this whole endeavor, even if I was a little put out by all my backup plans going to waste.

Discord, on the other hand, was a decidedly unpleasant surprise. He was conscious too. Kind of horrifying if you think about it. I shudder to imagine how insane this method of containment has driven him. His emotional signature reminds me of a particularly hyperactive child being forced to stand in a corner. His emotional signature on hearing my coverup theory was split between absolutely gleeful and decidedly miffed. Hopefully I'll never have to meet the mad bastard as anything more than a statue.

Unsettling magical phenomena aside, the next roadblock I set for myself turned out to be an actual issue. Though I do believe the root cause revealed itself to be an ethical issue when she said

"And I refuse to let my little ponies spend another day in captivity. No matter how well they're being treated."

"Oh, I think I figured out the problem. I'm not arguing for keeping the ponies out of any kind of love for the techniques involved. They are, in fact, extremely wasteful and inefficient. You can get twenty times the love from one happy marriage over any kind of forcible extraction. We just need them as a transitional love source to avoid starvation while the little ones learn how relationships work. After all, it simply will not do to have them go mad with hunger, and attack the populace. That would just ruin all the work I've put in here."

"You think that could actually happen?!" Good, I have her on the back hoof.

"I think it already did. Chrysalis kept them hungry and vicious after all." I can feel that she's close to giving in somehow. "Tell you what, how about we schedule something. Say, releasing one pony a week?" Surprise blooms in her, then she starts rustling through the papers in front of her. I brace myself for her counteroffer. I'm prepared to go all the way up to three ponies a week.

"If I'm going to accept this then I need all of the remaining infiltrators in Equestria revealed immediately." I squint my eyes at her. That was one of the later little detail items.

"Princess, that runs into the exact same issues as before. Those infiltrators supply about a third of the hive's love supply. Most of them are married! And not via the hackjob that Chrysalis tried on you and Shining. Most of these found a lonely pony to honestly woo and made it stick."

"Not honestly enough. Reveal them." I look over to the Princess' disguised form, and then over to her husband. Yeah, uh-huh, pull the other one. She is being strangely stubborn about this though.

"Princess, I'm not saying we're going to continue courting that way, but we can leave these couples be while also being better in the future. The loss of trust alone would be devastating, but the rising changeling paranoia in the general populace would be where the real damage this action would do. This could set the reconciliation back so much." I can tell I got to her a little bit, but then she digs in her metaphorical hooves.

"Public opinion on changelings is the lowest it will ever be. Right now is the perfect time to do this. Like ripping off a band-aid, or getting out of a toxic relationship. The public needs a show of goodwill." Oh, I see.

"If it will set your mind at ease, fine, but with a few conditions. First being that this isn't publicized. Cross species relationships are not newsworthy. If you need a public victory milk the royal guard angle for all it's worth. Second is that the reveal happens under the influence of a calming spell. I want to give these relationships a fighting chance in the face of all the inevitable hurt feelings." She nods at my conditions

"Acceptable. Now, the next item." And on it went. And to my absolute shock the bulk of the negotiations only lasted a day. Citizenship for all my new subordinates was my biggest victory here. Negotiated after all the fiddly bits that codified acceptable changeling feeding habits of course. And then the rest she delegated to the local leaders. It was like I wasn't even dealing with a politician, but somebody who was legitimately working towards the best outcome for everyone. Weird.

Once we were all done with the negotiations she damn near gave me a heart attack.

"Now for the fun part." What?! Oh I swear to Harmony, if this is some sort of sex thing- "Gossip! Tell me about your love life Degurechaff! I just have to know about your wife." Oh. Well then.

I managed to beg off that conversation for an entire day. And then I tried to buck it all together by bringing in my tithe of troops to serve as a distraction. Eighty out of a hundred just so I can dump some of my home guard on her. But then I got bogged down in details, and then I was scheduling shifts with Princess Cadenza's husband, and then the Princess herself fed all of the present changelings sans myself with one of my spells, and then I was sitting in one of the more relaxing gardens with her, sipping coffee.

How do these things even happen to me!? It's been hundreds of years since I've been caught off guard like this! I had a real hot streak going! I'd blame being x, but he doesn't even know I still exist. Ahh, I'll just have to suck it up I guess. I make some small talk until I'm feeling comfortable. Stupid gardeners, how dare they make this place so relaxing. I did learn that Cadenza apparently thinks she's not a changeling. Makes me think she's actually as young as everypony says she is if she hasn't used her shape shifting yet. If so, she's done a remarkable job with the negotiations so far. The other two Princesses might be angry with her for not getting as much out of me as they would have, but that's not my problem.

And finally. "Did you want to talk about my love life now? I think I'm finally comfortable enough for that."

"Yes I would. Did you want to go first, or should I?"

"You."

"Very well. I met my Shining Armor when he was just an up and coming squad leader in the guard. He always, ah, noticed me whenever I walked into the room." Oh goody, she's horny. She proceeds to regale me with a tale of seduction targeted at a pony that sounds like the stereotypical gym bro crossed with a frat boy from my first life. No accounting for taste I suppose, but he looks professional enough standing next to her. Feels like he has a will of steel in him too, despite what Chrysalis did to him. He's a little bit embarrassed at the story too.

"How did you keep your relationship from becoming predatory? As a Princess you have a great deal of power over him, and in my experience that can twist a relationship into a flaming pile of hurt feelings and coercion more often than not." The experience of a late 20th century man really, but that's not a relevant detail here. She is offended at my words.

"I've been the Alicorn of love since I was twelve. I have the ability to notice when a relationship is turning toxic, and break it off before then. What about you, how did you meet your wife? And there's no need to go into as much lurid detail as I did. I just like to brag." I noticed that, yes. My bodyguards shift nervously beside me.

"I met my most recent wife when I was trying to tame some Timberwolves." I start my tale. She listens with rapt attention. I get to the part where we got into the temple before she interrupts.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait. Isn't this just the plot of a Daring Doo book with yourself along for the ride?"

"Oh, you noticed? I don't know why she decided to publish it as fiction. I get that she has a couple enemies among the nobility, but they saw through the ruse almost immediately." She sits back mystified for a couple seconds.

"So you... Would have been the bumbling assistant character? Why did she cast you as the comedy relief?"

"That was my idea. I don't like being in the spotlight for too long. Makes my wings itch. She also deserved to be the star of her own expedition. She funded it herself you know, and it wouldn't have been fair to her for me to upstage her in the book as well as real life. It also added a layer of obfuscation for her flimsy secret identity. Nobody who ever met me in person could ever describe me as bumbling."

"...Huh." She suddenly starts looking around in a fit of paranoia. "I'm not about to star in another one of her books, am I?"

"Unlikely." My eye and wing twitches. She looks at me in curiosity.

"That was unusually to the point of you. You were really vocal about her up until now. Is there a story here?"

"...I was separated from her during your wedding when I was thrown into the badlands." Her jaw slacks open.

"Queen Degurechaff, we can find her and-"

"Touch a hair on her mane and I will level this castle." A wave of fear reaches me from Cadenza's side of the table. And then my brain catches up with what my mouth just said.

"I was going to say get you back together! Why would you assume I wanted to hurt her?"

"Apologies, my paranoia and bad memories got the better of me." When did I start using the truth spell? "Usually when things are too good to be true they are, and this has all been a fantastic experience." I shoot some encoded love to my bodyguards telling them to take a measured withdrawal.

"Again, I apologize for thinking unkindly of you, but I must ask. What would you do for love if you thought yours was being threatened?" I get up and start backing away from her. Shining Armor has interposed himself in-between us and speaks up.

"Before you go I gotta ask. Why did you think we would enjoy getting Chrysalis' head in the mail?" They didn't like it? Not even a little bit?

"While your enjoyment of my gift would have been nice, that was strictly a secondary concern. Without irrefutable proof of her demise the question of whether or not this was all an elaborate setup would never have left your minds. Good day Princess. Shining Armor." And I scooch myself out of the gardens. What follows has to be the tensest ten minutes I've experienced in the last century. The royal guard escorting us out from a respectful distance, and me praying my idiot charges don't blow up all my efforts at peacemaking.

I really would like to succeed here.

Author's Note

Beta credit goes to Pandora